[Oliver Putnam] "This dusty old chestnut has been Botoxed,
bedazzled, and brought back to life!"
[all cheering]
[Ben Glenroy] Holy shit! Your mom poisoned me.
- I'm telling the cops. - [yells]
Your mom confessed to killing Ben.
I know.
But it wasn't her.
It was you at the elevator with Ben.
- [sirens blaring] - [police radio chatter]
What'd you wish for?
Uh, that was Grey's New Orleans Family Burn Unit.
They say they're willing to wait for you.
[all] Sazz!
Something I need to talk to you about when you get a sec, huh?
- It's a little sensitive? - Yeah, sure.
Since we're celebrating, I'm gonna go upstairs, and I'm gonna get a bottle
of 1966 Argentinian Malbec I've been saving.
[whistling]
- [gunshot, glass shatters] - [body thuds]
Hey, what's taking her so long?
Sazz better not be drinking our Malbecita del Cielo without us.
[gasps]
[gasping breaths]
- [♪ soft, bright music playing] - [clicking]
[film projector whirring]
[Charles-Haden Savage] Motion pictures were created over 100 years ago
and ever since then, we've had countless moving images
emblazoned in our memories.
And ever since then, we've had a chance to ask,
"Is that how I look when I run?"
Teacher said I gotta do it!
I'm gonna be crazy. You gotta help me over here.
You better, girl!
[Charles] If you have old home movies of yourself,
it can be hard to relate to the person you're watching.
"Is that really me
"or just who I used to be?
And is that how I want to be remembered?"
But at least we have those images on screen.
In that way, Ben Glenroy lives on,
in his films, his TV shows,
and a Super Bowl commercial
where a baby stole his chili bowl.
Only hours ago, we solved his murder
and closed the curtain on not one,
but two criminal Broadway producers.
So, with that, friends in podcast land,
we conclude yet another season of
Only Murders in the Building.
Until next time,
- I'm Charles-Ha-- Hm? - [electricity buzzes]
- [Mabel Mora] What the hell?! - [Oliver] Jesus.
[electricity whirring]
Power surge. That hasn't happened in a while.
Not since they banned the old incinerator.
Should I redo that last speech? Maybe just the end?
And we're back up.
I need a... you know.
And... action!
...den Savage!
You can just splice that onto the "Charles-Ha--"
Yeah, I'll get out the splicer.
What a night, huh?
Hey, why don't we head up to my place for a-a proper nightcap?
Maybe a, a little quick toast to the miracles we pulled off together.
I do like a sentimental moment, especially if the liquor is good.
- Ha! - I don't, but I like liquor.
- And away we go. - [Oliver sighs]
[♪ soft, tense music playing]
[elevator dings]
- Good. - [Oliver sighs, sniffs]
[clicks button]
I've been saving that Malbec.
Weird Sazz never came back with it.
Oh yeah, whatever happened to her?
Who knows? Typical Sazz. Here one minute, gone the next.
- [Mabel/Oliver] Hm. - [doors bang]
Hey, did you guys see this email from a "Bev Melon" about our podcast?
Bev Melon? Must be tough to have a last name that's a fruit.
- [Oliver] Hm. - Fiona Apple. Darryl Strawberry.
Gilbert Grape.
Something was always eating him.
- [Charles and Oliver chuckling] - [elevator dings]
So, what's next, podcast-wise?
Charles, you mentioned a cold case?
Oh, please. If it was interesting, it wouldn't be cold.
No, what we need is a hot, fresh dead body,
preferably right here or very near to here.
[Charles] It's true. We've been very lucky with people dying in our building.
Yeah, but it is kind of a flaw in our business model.
[Oliver] Mm-hmm.
[Charles] Oh, my God! There she is!
- [Mabel] What? - [Oliver] Who?
[Charles] Heh.
My Malbecita.
- So, Sazz never even made it up here? - [Oliver] That's odd.
- [Oliver clears throat] - Okay, watch this.
- [clank] - [bottle opener whirring]
- [Oliver] Mm. - Wow, so cool.
Like stepping into a Sharper Image catalog.
[cork pops]
See? And what's cool, the cork...
- [whirring, bouncing] - [startled yelling]
- [sighs] I've got it. - [Oliver] [chuckles] Oh, my God.
- What a stupid-- - Oh shit!
- [♪ suspenseful music playing] - I hope these spots don't stain.
[glasses clink]
[Charles] Mabel, it's fine. Maybe a little time off is a good thing.
I mean, it's always a good thing when someone doesn't get murdered, right?
- [Mabel] Yeah, always. - [Oliver] Oh, absolutely.
But if someone had to get murdered,
let's all say who we hope it would be.
- [Mabel] That's in poor taste. - [Oliver] Oh, no, no, it's fine.
Count of three. One, two...
- [Charles/Mabel] Oliver. - [Oliver] Me?
[indistinct chatter, laughter]
[♪ lively theme song playing]
[♪ vocalizing]
[♪ theme fades out]
- [wind blowing] - [crow cawing]
[eerie creaking]
[boot steps on TV]
[creaking]
[windmill creaking]
- [distant train whistling] - [fly buzzing]
- [screeching train whistling] - [train wheels clacking]
[anachronistic train whistle blaring]
[soft wind blowing]
[faint street noise]
[wind continues]
[kettle whistling]
- [click, kettle stops] - [wind whistling]
- [banging on door] - [Oliver] Charles! Open up!
Charles!
Dead! They've closed us!
Death Rattle Dazzle, it's over!
- It's all over! - [Mabel] Help.
- [♪ upbeat music playing] - Yes, I crashed at Oliver's.
Yes, I'm still homeless. Yes, this is his least offensive robe.
I've been on the phone all morning.
Donna and Cliff have pulled their financing!
[door slams]
For "bail" and "defense attorneys,"
some stupid shit like that!
- What about our great reviews? - [Oliver] One!
One great review. Maxine. The rest were middling, at best.
- So we don't have to do it again? - Charles, not helping.
Last night, I was King of Broadway.
A-And now, I'm in God's toilet!
I wish I could drop dead right here!
Oh, oh, and get this.
I told my sweet Loretta the show's over,
she's already flying off to LA tonight.
She's got a TV gig lined up.
Didn't you tell her to take that?
I didn't think she would!
[whines] Oh, I'm dizzy.
The room is spinning.
[panting] This is it.
Th-The end of the road.
[in baby voice] [panting] Mama?
Mama, I'm cold!
Hey, I'm sorry about all this, but it could be worse.
All morning, I have been hearing this whistling sound.
I might have a brain tumor!
- [normal] Look, don't try to cheer me up. - [door opens]
[Howard Morris] Guess who got a new puppy!
- [paws tapping] - Everybody, say hello to Gravey.
[Charles/Oliver/Mabel] Gravy?
I just adopted her.
I went looking for a cat, and I came home with Gravey.
The shelter won't let me adopt any more cats.
Apparently, I'm on a list. I've hired a lawyer.
Anyway, Sevelyn loves her.
They sleep in the same bed right on top of each other.
So, Sevelyn's covered in Gravy?
Yes, and I eat 'em both up.
[giggles] Don't I eat you up, Gravey?
Yes, I do! Yes, I do! I lap up all my Gravey!
You know, Mabel, Gravey is retired. She used to be a working girl.
- Really? What did she do? - [Howard] They didn't tell me.
But it got me thinking, we should do a podcast about animals and their jobs.
[Gravey panting]
A-Are you pitching me right now?
The world craves your content. You need to be thinking about this.
Uh, what I need is a place to live and a real job.
Oh! That's what it could be called. "Animal Jobs."
- [growling, barking] - [Oliver] Oh my...
- Ah! - Uh, down! Down! Down, Gravey!
- I-I've never seen her like this. - In the two hours you've had her?
- [growling] - I-I'm gonna take her for a walk.
- Mabel, think about that podcast. - [barking]
- I'm pretty sure I won't. - [whines]
- Come on, Gravey... - [phone notification chimes]
Come on, girl. You're a good girl.
I got another email from that Bev Melon.
- I did, too. - [Mabel] Do you think it's real?
- Is what real? - It looks kinda real.
Yeah, but, like, the Paramount Studios?
What are you talking about?
They wanna make a movie of our podcast.
They? Paramount? The pictures?
They wanna fly us all out to LA for some meeting next week.
Hoe-dee-doe, I am back, baby!
Fuck the theater! [sighs]
- I-I don't think I can go. - What?
Well, I'm worried about Sazz.
Last night at the party, she had something "sensitive"
to discuss with me.
And I keep hearing this whistling noise.
Sazz is a whistler. Did I ever tell you that?
Sazz is a whistler? Wow, Charles.
How did you manage to keep that riveting morsel to yourself?
[text whooshes]
Hey.
It's from Sazz.
"Sorry, I had to jet off last minute
"to cover Bakula on set...
in LA."
Well, isn't that rich?
The best coast is calling all of us, Charles, clearly.
Pack your bags, bitches!
- We're going to Hollywood. - [Mabel] Oh no...
[♪ "Times Square 1989" by Hip Hop Hoodíos playing]
[kids cheering]
♪ 1989, that was the year ♪
♪ Eight for the kick, nine for the snare, parachute pants ♪
- [car horn blaring] - [thick NY accent] Yo, yo, yo, taxi!
Hey! Come on! What's a guy gotta do, huh?
- Hot dogs! - [♪ rapping continues]
Knishes!
Polish sausage!
Anthony! You get your butt back in here, you!
Your grandpa needs your help with the microwave!
Ma, come on! I'm late already!
[Ma] The Knicks can wait! Your grandpa needs his Anthony!
- [♪ hip-hop music continues] - [loud overlapping chatter]
- [distant siren wails] - [sighs]
[thick NY accent] How can you not love New York?
[thick NY accent] I don't wanna know nobody who don't love New York City.
- [car horns blaring] - [people shouting]
[director] Look up.
Look up!
- Cut! - [crew members yell]
You need to look up at the sky and pretend you see Godzilla.
- [Mabel] Boy, they really nailed New York. - [Charles] Godzilla?
That lizard gets a lot of work.
Okay, let's not get our hopes up about this meeting.
Bev Melon probably got handed this project five minutes ago.
Some higher-up at the studio heard our podcast,
- and now they wanna hear a pitch. - Exactly.
You better let us take the lead on this, Mabel,
'cause we have experience of, you know, royalties and back-ends.
I once had a hot minute around Julie Andrews' backend. [chuckles]
Julie Andrews is a goddess.
[Oliver] I went too far.
[♪ song fades out]
[phones ringing, office chatter]
[applause, cheering]
And here they are!
Putting bodies to the voices in our AirPods.
I'm Bev Melon, your persistent emailing maven.
- So nice to meet all of you! - Hello.
Hi, I'm Monica Bernstein-D'Angelo, VP of Marketing.
Todd Shettinger, EVP International.
- I love you guys. - [laughter]
Hey, Sal Snyder-Bernsdorf,
Prez of Social. Obsessed.
[laughter]
Okay, podcasters.
Let's... talk... movies!
[♪ gentle plucky music playing]
This feels much further along than we thought.
When I see a hot piece of adaptable IP
getting circled by a bunch of horny rival studios,
I go in hard,
and I always finish first. Plus,
we just landed the most brilliant directing team.
Hot off their big Grand Prix win at Cannes
and their heart-wrenching,
deeply, deeply viral Walmart ad campaign,
I present to you the Brothers!
[quiet clapping]
I'm s-- I'm sorry. You're brothers?
We're sisters.
Oh, I-I thought I heard brothers.
- We're the Brothers sisters. - [Bev Melon] Mm-hmm.
Trina and Tawny Brothers.
And they're identical twins, which is so neat.
And when these gals read
the fabulous script that Marshall Peepope wrote...
I-I was just trying to get you all down in the right way.
You know, just at least how I pictured you.
Oh, you are all so distinctive on the page.
Oliver, who we all want to strangle
and cuddle at the same time.
And Charles, everyone's un-fun uncle
with his grouchy, little turtle face.
And Mabel, with your traumatized, homeless,
jobless, mumbling millennial charm
stuck between these two old dudes.
[Bev laughs]
It's so funny.
I don't need an algorithm to tell me that this is box office gold.
But our algorithm confirms
that it will be as long as it comes out before Christmas.
So, you're really making this film?
Oh yes. We have a soft greenlight,
and we're looking to harden that up today.
The cast that has come together for this film--
You have a cast already?
Oh, yes, ma'am. We have a fabulous cast,
and we'll get to that later tonight at a big party for you all.
But, first, I need you
to officially hop aboard with us. Guys?
We wanna start shooting in three weeks,
and your life rights are the last thing we need, so...
Gonna stop you right there, Bev.
I think we understand the situation. Uh, without us
and our life rights, there's no film.
So, what we need
is a number that is fair--
Oh, we don't need to do numbers.
You can just have your lawyers call business affairs.
[chair creaks]
[table surface squeaking]
[squeaking]
[blows sharply]
- [Charles clumsily sits] - [Oliver] Okay, there we go.
[softly] There we go, okay, there we go.
[unfolds paper]
It's just a four.
- Four. - [Charles] Four.
That's right. Four.
Four. Four...
Four what? Four...
- thousand. Four... - [Oliver sighs awkwardly]
Four hundred. Four hundred...
Four thousand...
hundred.
Forty-four hundred...
million?
Four million hundred?
Or...
Or five.
- Five-- - Guys, whatever the number,
we're gonna make it work.
Uh, I'm sorry, can you excuse me?
Wh-What's the matter, Mabel?
I think, um, I just need a moment.
[♪ gentle music playing]
- [retreating footsteps] - [door opens]
- [Oliver clears throat] - [door shuts]
- She may want a six. - Uh-huh.
- [Charles] Mabel? - [studio lot chatter]
[♪ gentle music playing]
[water gently splashing]
[Oliver] Howdy!
There she is.
[Charles] Hey, Mabel!
- [sighs] Hey. - Are you okay?
Oh, uh, just a little overwhelmed.
This lot can do that, you know?
The magic. The genius.
I remember having a meeting right over there with the great Robert Evans.
He was filled with energy and ideas.
And also cocaine,
much of which was in a condom he'd swallowed
to get past airport security.
Uh, no, it's not that.
Just, did you hear how they described me in there?
Like, homeless, jobless, mumbling...
- Speak up, dear, I can't hear you. - I missed that last part.
I'm not saying it's completely inaccurate.
But, if they make a big movie about that Mabel,
what if...
I don't wanna be that person forever?
[Charles] I know what you mean.
Bev Melon called me an un-fun turtle.
- Well-- - Un-fun. I mean,
I'm fun! Right?
Yeah.
Sure...
I mean, y-you're not fun for everyone,
- but you-- but you are to us. - No, no, no.
Uh-huh! Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look, I'm... I'm not saying no.
I just, I need to think about this big movie deal.
Is that okay?
Whatever you decide, we'll stand behind you. Right, Oliver?
Uh-huh...
The studio is throwing us a huge party tonight.
I texted Loretta. She's coming.
[emphatically] I need this.
But, no pressure.
Oliver, you're crushing me.
- No pressure. - Okay.
[Charles] I invited Sazz to the party,
but she's back to not responding, and she usually gets right back to me.
Oh Jesus, Charles,
- enough with the boo-hoo-hoo, Mr. Un-fun. - [car honking]
[Charles] Oh, look!
Hey, look, here comes fun!
This is Sidney. He was my driver during the old Brazzos days.
He's gonna give us a big tour of Hollywood.
- [Sidney coughing] - [honks]
Hey, Sidney!
- [Sidney hacking] - Is Sidney alive?
[hacking]
Hey, if you're worried about Sazz,
why don't we just skip the tour and stop by her place?
Well, actually, Sazz's apartment complex
belongs on a Hollywood tour.
- Come on! - And, frankly,
the less stops for Sidney, the better.
You know, he looks like he's driving his own hearse.
Although, I do have one place I wanna go first.
Well, let's get in this gas guzzler.
[♪ "Goin' To California" by Irene Kral playing]
♪ Well, I'm goin' to California ♪
♪ To stay in New York, got to be right out your mind ♪
♪ Yes, I'm headin' for California ♪
♪ I'm leavin' 9-to-5 and all that jive behind ♪
Ha! Come on!
- ♪ Now, when I get to California ♪ - [laughing]
♪ I'll see those cable cars ♪
- ♪ And movie stars and such ♪ - Brazzos! Yeah!
They don't recognize you.
- Don't think they know you. - No, they don't know you.
♪ Livin' in California ♪
♪ Because the sunny sky's a bigger prize ♪
♪ Than gold ♪
[Charles] The Sunset Swan. This place is legend.
♪ ...so nice in California ♪
I lived here during season one of Brazzos,
before Sazz took over my lease.
♪
[♪ "Goin To California" slowly fades out]
This is the kind of place that can only exist in Hollywood.
Where celebrities take short-term leases
next door to eccentrics who've lived here for decades.
Everyone from Scarlett Johansson to the Black Dahlia.
If these walls could talk, wow.
[fountain trickling]
Uh, when can I move in?
- [birds chirping] - [dogs barking]
This is it, Sazz's apartment.
- [repeatedly ringing doorbell] - Sazz! Sazz!
[air whistling]
[♪ suspenseful music playing]
[shuts mail slot]
You know, maybe she's just away, shooting on location with Bakula.
That's right.
No more worrying.
No more un-fun turtle.
[drops mail]
- [wind blowing] - Let's party.
[♪ "Spaghetti Western" by STAXX OMNI playing]
[party chatter]
[applause, cheering]
[clears throat] Wow, they're laying it on thick.
Really trying to pressure you to take that deal.
[cheering continues]
- [speaker 1] Dude, they're here! - [speaker 2] Where?
Holy shit.
[excited overlapping chatter]
- [paparazzi shouting stars names] - [camera shutters snapping]
- [speaker 1] Eugene! Zach! - [Eva laughs]
- [speaker 1] Zach! - [speaker 2] Eva, over here!
- [paparazzi shouting requests] - [cheering continues]
Pew! [laughs]
Charles, Oliver, and Mabel,
this is, well,
Charles, Oliver, and Mabel!
I'm Eugene Levy?
I'm Eva Longoria.
Yeah.
I'm...
I wanna say Tim.
- I'm Jack Black. - Ah, that's it. Yeah.
I'm not Jack Black.
- Oliver, this is Zach Galifi-- - Oh, yes!
Zach Galifragilistic, of course.
Ha! I see what you're doing.
People do this. You're trying to Between Two Ferns me.
Uh, between the whats?
Okay, look. I might not be a Desperate Housewife
or Mr. Schitt's over here,
but I happen to have starred in the second-highest-grossing comedy
of all freaking time!
[gasps]
Are you the little boy from Home Alone? What did they do to you!?
I'm out. I'm done.
- That is... - What?
Listen, I will greenlight your dream project.
- Erin Brockovich, but it's me. - No.
- Legally Blonde, but it's me. - No.
- Spider-Man, but it's me. - Alright, fine.
- The Erin Brockovich one. - And I'm back.
So, what kind of big names were you hoping for?
Okay, I'll let you all get acquainted with one another.
And, Mabel, I am here to talk to you whenever you're ready.
But first, tell me about all these piercings! Oh, my gosh!
I got a thousand questions
- I would love to ask you. - Sure.
- [♪ upbeat piano music playing] - [party chatter]
This is so flattering! I mean,
the fact that anybody would look at me
- and think of Eva Longoria. - [giggles]
Can I just ask you a question though?
Oh, why they aged you up?
Yeah, is that 'cause I-I'm an old soul?
No. No, no. They did a focus group
on the age gap between you and the guys,
and the word that kept coming up was "creepy."
Plus, we're basically the same age. I mean, look at us.
[both laugh]
[Oliver] And he was such an unpredictable spirit.
And you know who found him dead was Candy Bergen.
- Who's a chum, you know. - Can I run something by you?
I kind of have a risky take on your character.
I was thinking about maybe playing him
talented, successful,
completely aware that it's the year 2024.
Oh. [chuckles]
[Eugene Levy] Well, I'm so excited.
This is gonna be an amazing project,
and I still can't believe I'm playing you.
- Yeah. - 'Cause Brazzos was huge in Canada.
I actually dubbed your voice for the French version in Quebec.
[speaking French]
You know-- You know what? I'm sorry. I'm a little bit distracted.
I haven't heard from a good friend in a few days,
and I'm a little worried.
I'm sorry, I'm just a little distracted right now.
I haven't heard from a good friend of mine in a few days,
just a little worried. [laughs] Nobody...
does "a little worried" like you.
Oh, no. That's not me.
I'm usually way more fun! I'm more like,
"Hey! I haven't heard from my good friend for a few days,
but you know what? Everything's gonna be totally fine! Woo!"
[laughs]
Well, at our age,
no one's ever really totally fine, are we?
You know what everyone's got now?
Sepsis.
Oh, excuse-- Oh, my God, there's my old friend
Bill [gibberish].
- [♪ upbeat piano music continues] - [indistinct chatter, laughter]
[Oliver] My brain cannot get around what you are delaying about this for.
Why is this not the greatest opportunity in the world?
[Loretta Durkin] Woo-hoo!
Hi!
- [Oliver] Oh, my God. - Hi...
[Mabel] Hi.
- [Oliver] Look at you! - Hi. Oh.
You're a vision! Mwah! Oh, my God, I missed you. Look at you!
[overlapping greetings]
What a long cold winter it's been without you.
- [laughs] - Oliver, it's been, like, five days.
And, you know, I texted you about five times in the last week.
Oh, yeah. I'm so sorry. I texted you twice,
- but I'm so sorry... - Well, I didn't get--
...because I've been just crazed, you know?
Okay, well, just [stammering] tell me everything.
- Yeah. - How's work? How's life? How's...
- the constant sunshine? - [laughs]
- Well, work is a dream, of course. - Yeah.
Because I love everybody at Gnorfbun so much.
- I'm sorry? What's Gnorfbun? - No--
That's what we call Grey's New Orleans Family Burn Unit for short.
- [Oliver] Oh, yeah. - Except we have to explain it
every time we say it.
But [sighs], they've all been so welcoming to me.
[chuckles] But tonight isn't about me!
- [laughs] - Oh, my God, a film?
- Congratulations. - Yeah.
Who could've imagined, a week ago,
we would all be Hollywood-bound?
- [laughs] Yeah. Isn't that wild, Mabel? - [barely audible] Yeah.
You okay? Is everything--
- I'm gonna go to the bar. - [Loretta] Oh.
You know, if you have trouble deciding what you want,
uh, just remember my life depends on it.
[♪ piano continues]
Um, I'll have a--
[Eva Longoria] We'll have two tequilas on ice,
hold the lime, and put some of those cute, tiny umbrellas in.
So, studio says you're holding out.
Oh... No, I just needed some time
to think about the whole life rights thing. I'm sorry.
Don't apologize.
The script makes you sound like a sad sack,
and here you are, squeezing the studio.
I'm just trying to learn your character.
[Mabel laughs quietly]
Believe me, so am I.
Anyway, I don't even know what I've done
to become a character in a movie.
Look, honey, when I was your age,
a couple years ago,
I found myself at a crossroads.
You know, I was making great money acting,
but I knew I wanted to do more.
I wanted to produce, I wanted to direct,
I wanted to sell skin cream, and ice cream,
and underwear, and sportswear,
beer, computers, tequila,
and gin.
And I did.
I'm not telling you to sell your life rights. But, if you do,
ask them for a shit-ton of money
and then build something with it.
Just not tequila 'cause that's mine.
So sorry about Death Rattle.
Oh, Broadway.
Stupid racket.
Now, Hollywood...
Hollywood has never let me down.
- [giggles] - Except for the time when they removed
my star from the Walk of Fame
because they said I had no right to just put it there, you know.
[both laugh]
- Yeah. [laughs] - Bastards, yeah.
- [♪ upbeat piano music playing] - [air whistling]
[bottle whistling]
- [party chatter] - [cameras clicking]
[Charles] Sazz?
[Loretta] Since the podcast is on hiatus,
and the musical is...
well, dead,
would you consider maybe coming... out here?
- Um-- - [Oliver] Uh, I mean...
- [stammering] No, I mean-- - [Loretta] But, honestly, with my hours,
we'd probably hardly ever see each other, so...
No, no, no, I would. I would. I-I could definitely consider that. I-I--
I ju--
I just feel like I'm...
watching you...
take off and fly away, and I just...
I hope I can keep up with you.
Oh. I'm so in love with you.
- [♪ romantic music playing] - Oliver...
Loretta, will you...
Will what? Would I what?
[stammering] Just give me time to think about...
LA? Coming to LA? I just--
- Oh, sure. - I-It's a huge decision.
- Yeah, of course. Yeah. - But, I-I'm-- I'm not against it.
- You know, I'm just-- just-- I'm just-- - Well, I mean, we have loads of time.
- Yeah, yeah. So, just... - So...
Yeah, we'll figure something out.
And I love you, too.
♪
[fire crackling]
[footsteps approach]
Do you have a minute?
Ah!
I have been waiting to have a minute with you all day!
Do you-- Do you mind if I observe?
Research. I'm just-- I'm just a fly on the wall.
Look, I know you thought you could wow me
with your presentation and your stars,
and I would just agree to whatever deal you put in front of me,
but that's not how I do things.
Jesus, that's going in the script.
Shit, sorry. Fly, wall.
What's it gonna take, Mabel?
Oh, fuck.
Hey, Sazz!
Oh.
Bakula.
Hey, Charles.
- [elevator whirring] - Congratulations.
It was nice to see another white-haired white guy beat the odds.
[elevator dings]
Well, thanks. I mean, kind of.
- Um, hey, how's Joy? - [Scott Bakula] Great.
She actually just sent me a photo,
and--
But I can't show it to you.
[giggles]
- Hey, uh, Scott, I'm glad you're here. - [♪ soft music playing]
Have you seen Sazz?
I was gonna ask you the same thing.
She was supposed to double me on this pilot
we shot last week, but she never showed.
- [♪ music turns ominous] - That's not like her.
[exhales heavily]
[party chatter]
No pressure!
[glasses clanking]
Oh, thank God.
[chuckles]
I never doubted you for a second.
Let's go find Charles.
I have some news.
[♪ ominous sting]
[♪ dramatic music playing]
Not the fun kind.
[♪ dramatic music playing]
- [unzips kit] - [lock pick tools jingle]
[click, door opens]
[door shuts]
[Charles] Sazz?
Don't hit the--
[electricity buzzing]
[Mabel] Hey, what are these?
[Charles] Sazz's pride and joy.
It's a shrine to all the bones she's broken on the job.
[Mabel] "My First Big Break."
[Charles] She's had so many joints replaced by metal.
Apparently, the best ones come from Bulgaria.
- She only gets 'em from there. - [Oliver] Bulgaria.
I once spent a week in Bulgaria with Twiggy and Tommy Tune.
I've never felt both so fat and short.
- [thud, glass shatters] - Sazz!
- You there? - [♪ suspenseful music playing]
[distant siren blaring]
- [text notification dings] - It's Howard.
[texts whooshing]
[distant sirens blaring]
[keypad clacking]
The hell? What's all this?
[♪ suspenseful music continues]
[Oliver] "Looking at Charles."
♪
Where is she?
[♪ "Angel in Flip-Flops" ringtone playing]
Yeah?
[Lester] [on phone] Hey, Charles, it's Lester.
I got your note here about changing out your glass.
But, I-I couldn't get it done today. First thing tomorrow.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- What note? - [Lester] A note.
I got it today at the desk,
[over phone] saying you need your kitchen window replaced.
Maybe a bird hit it
or something left a little hole.
- [wind whistling] - Hear that whistling?
[whistling continues]
Hold on. How small was that hole?
Like a bullet hole?
Nah, i-it can't be.
Well...
Lester, don't touch that window.
[notification dings]
[text whooshes]
[♪ music building]
- [barking] - Ah! [whimpers]
- Oh, my God, you guys. - What?
We need to get back to New York.
♪
A great movie moment can live in your head forever.
The opening of Once Upon a Time in the West
is seven minutes of nothing but sounds and images.
But once you see it,
you never forget it.
♪
[wind blowing]
[fly buzzing]
[♪ dramatic music playing]
[knocking at door]
[keypad clacking]
[dog whimpers]
[sniffing]
[Gravey whimpers]
[♪ dramatic music builds]
[fly buzzing]
♪
[Gravey growling]
[sniffs, whining]
[Gravey barking]
♪
- [brakes squealing] - [♪ dramatic music continues]
[rumbling]
[♪ music softens, fades out]
- [♪ curious music playing] - [Oliver clears throat]
[incinerator door clicking]
[♪ suspenseful music playing]
[text chimes, phone buzzes]
[mumbling]
[opens phone]
[♪ persistent piano note plays]
[♪ solemn version of theme music playing]
♪
[♪ music ends]
[♪ fanfare playing]