[dramatic orchestral music]
♪ ♪
[choir vocalizing]
♪ ♪
- Christie Brinkley swears by this thing.
She put her whole skin care routine on Instagram.
Oh, and I practiced my audition song
for the first time last night,
and I have to tell you,
I think it sounded better than the original cast recording.
- I'm sure you're going to get a very good part
in the school musical, sir.
- Good part?
What the fuck are you talking about?
I'm gonna get the best part, Owen.
I'm gonna get the lead.
These kids don't stand a chance.
Okay, keep going. I need a good contour.
- My apologies, sir. That's what I meant.
And what musical are you all putting on?
- We're doing "Oliver!"
I mean, how perfect is that?
- All set, sir.
- Ugh! [skin slaps]
Thanks for nothing, Christie Brinkley.
- I'm so sorry.
I really thought I plugged him in last night.
- Well, you didn't, and now he's dead.
They're going to notice.
- Notice what? He's a fucking sock puppet.
- A scream here, a drool there.
It's the little things.
- It's fine. It's fine.
We just have to get through breakfast.
[door creaks]
"Well, hello, everyone!"
- You're being too obvious.
- [whispers] Relax.
- Morning, Grandpa.
- Hi, baby. Someone sounds chipper.
- See?
[butter knife scrapes]
- Could you be any louder?
[butter knife scrapes loudly] - Yes.
- Philip, you have to eat something.
We have audiences later today.
[thud]
- Speaking of audiences, Mummy,
I was hoping we could have a little audience of our own.
- No. - But Mummy, it would be good--
- Move him.
- So, George, I heard
you're auditioning for "Oliver!" today.
- Ugh. [silverware clatters]
[thud]
- Why are there so many people in our car?
And why does it smell?
- It's not a car, Harry. It's a bus.
And it's not ours. This is public transportation.
- Right. And we're going to?
- [sighs] Work.
We're going to work, Harry, because
HGTV cancelled our show and we need money,
so now, I'm going to my class, and you're--
- Yes, yes. Going to my new job.
And you can't get work acting, so now you're teaching it,
which kind of makes sense and kind of doesn't.
[bus doors hiss]
Well, this is me.
Good luck. - You too.
- Hi, Harry. I'm Robert.
I'm a screenwriter.
And I'm also the shift manager here,
and I'll be training you today.
- I'm very excited!
- Okay, let's just get into it.
What's your favorite drink? We'll make that first.
- I really love tea.
I've always wanted to know how to make it.
Is that too advanced?
- Tea is probably
our most basic drink, other than water.
- I'd love to know how to make that one too.
- You'd love to know how to make water?
- Yes.
Why? Is that like a week two thing?
- I don't even know why I'm auditioning with you guys.
I mean, I'm obviously a lock for Oliver.
I doubt anyone else here is even a tenor.
- I--I mean, we're all tenors.
We're seven.
- Hello, children!
Welcome to auditions.
I'm very excited to be directing
this year's musical.
Now, let's get started.
First up, we have...
Sebastian.
- Uh, excuse me, Miss Kathy?
Yeah, hi. Sorry.
I'm actually on a super tight schedule, everyone,
so I'm just gonna go right now,
if you all don't mind.
Thanks.
- Oh, of course, sir.
We know you're very busy.
- Hi. This is from "Dear Evan Hansen."
It's about a kid who's a real nobody,
like most of you.
Hit it!
["Waving Through a Window" playing]
♪ On the outside, always looking in ♪
♪ Will I ever be more than I've always been ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass ♪
[voice cracks] ♪ Waving through a window ♪
♪ I try to speak, but nobody can hear ♪
♪ So I ♪
[hums with uncertainty]
♪ While I'm watch, watch, watching people pass ♪
[voice cracks] ♪ Waving through a window ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Can anybody see? ♪
♪ Is anybody waving ♪ [music stops]
♪ Back at me? ♪
- That was brilliant, George!
[applause]
- Aw, thank you, guys.
Wow! Standing ovation.
I mean, I was pretty amazing. [chuckles haughtily]
Well, I think you found your Oliver, Miss Kathy.
- I think you're right.
- Everyone else can just be an urchin.
And I'm gonna need an understudy
to cover for me in rehearsals, so...
how about you do that too, Sebastian?
- But, George, you haven't even heard me audition yet.
I was going to sing something from "Spring Awakening."
- Aw, why don't you sing it tomorrow, dear?
I think that was a pretty tough act to follow.
- It was also a tough act to listen to.
- Shh, you're gonna get us both killed.
- It's all right, Greg. It happens.
We've all forgotten to charge him.
Let's fire it up.
- Can I do it this time?
[whirring, zapping]
[powers down]
- [grunting and babbling]
- Well, the good news is, it worked.
- Someone needs to reset the circuit breaker.
- I'll do it.
- oh, Kevin. Thank you.
- Pleasure.
Delighted to help.
[knocks loudly]
- [grunting and babbling]
- Let's get him out.
[eerie music]
♪ ♪
[music swells]
♪ ♪
[choir vocalizing]
♪ ♪
- Thanks for coming, O.
I'm gonna need all the help I can get
now that I have to carry this fucking show
on my back.
- Of course, sir.
Hey, guys.
Hey. Bad news.
You're actually in my dressing room.
Oh, yeah.
Miss, can you start
moving your kids out of here?
I think there's space in the hallway.
And take all your shit.
[doorknob clicks] Great.
Now that that's taken care of,
let's do a mirror here,
a couch here, and vanity there.
What else?
Oh, let's see. Let's see.
-Oh, maybe get me J. -Lo and Mariah's riders
and just add what they have too.
- I can't take anymore of this, Camilla.
How do I let her know?
How do I let Mummy know that I wanna be king
if I can't even get a word in?
Oh,
I want to be king! I want to be--
[gasps]
You're right.
I'm going into that office
and I'm going to get my audience
whether she likes it or not.
Slap me again.
[sighs] Again.
Harder.
[grunts]
- [raspingly] Oi.
Keep it moving!
- Who's next?
- I am, Mummy. [grunts]
- Don't let him in!
- [panting]
- Oh, hey. I didn't know you were here.
- Hello, Mummy.
- So what can I do for you, Charles?
- Too long have I gone without an answer
to the one question so dear to my heart.
- And what the fuck would that be?
- I, uh...
I just wanted to, uh...
I wanted to know when--
- Well, what is it?
- When you wanted to have dinner this evening.
- Get him out.
- Did you hear her?
Hey, keep it moving, bitch!
Next lad!
- Wow, look at all these people.
You weren't kidding when you said "Suits"
was a global and cultural phenomenon.
- That's not my class. It's an AA meeting.
- Oh. Where's your class?
- Right there. Bye, guys!
Remember, listening is key.
- At least you had people.
- They showed up for marriage counseling,
so I kind of made it that.
How was your first day? - I was fired.
It was so hard,
but they did let me take some expired cake pops home.
Want one?
- Yes.
[ambient music]
♪ ♪
- Is my tea ready? - Almost, sir.
- And you got the manuka honey? - I did, sir.
- And you're stirring it counterclockwise?
- Just like Mariah likes it.
- This tastes like it was stirred clockwise,
but I'll let it go.
I wonder how Sebastian's doing.
Poor thing is probably a ball of nerves.
It's not easy being an understudy,
especially for me.
Oh, I wish you could've seen my audition, O.
"I'll take that Tony, Ben Platt."
[chuckles]
-["Don't Do Sadness/ -Blue Wind" playing]
- ♪ Just winging over things ♪
- Owen, do you hear that? What is that?
- I think it's coming from the auditorium, sir.
- ♪ Nothing going ♪
♪ Going wild in you ♪
♪ You know ♪
♪ You're slowing by the riverside ♪
♪ Or floating high and blue ♪
♪ Or maybe cool to be a little ♪
♪ Summer wind ♪
♪ Like once through everything ♪
♪ And then away again ♪
♪ With the taste of dust ♪
♪ In your mouth all day ♪
♪ But no need to know ♪
♪ Like sadness ♪
♪ You just sail away ♪
♪ 'Cause you know ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I don't do sadness ♪
♪ Not even a little bit ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Just don't need it in my life ♪
♪ Don't want any part of it ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I don't do sadness ♪
♪ Hey, I've done my time ♪
♪ Looking back on it all ♪
♪ Man, it blows my mind ♪
♪ I don't do sadness ♪
♪ So been there ♪
♪ Don't do sadness ♪
♪ Just don't care ♪
- Yay! Whoo-hoo! [applause]
[giggles]
Yeah!
Wow! Yay!
Well done, Sebastian!
Whoo-hoo!
- [gulps loudly]
[dramatic orchestral music]
♪ ♪
[choir vocalizing]
♪ ♪
[trumpets toot]