♪ ♪
- Christie Brinkley swears by this thing.
She put her whole skin care routine on Instagram.
Oh, and I practiced my audition song
for the first time last night,
and I have to tell you,
I think it sounded better than the original cast recording.
- I'm sure you're going to get a very good part
in the school musical, sir.
- Good part?
What the fuck are you talking about?
I'm gonna get the best part, Owen.
I'm gonna get the lead.
These kids don't stand a chance.
Okay, keep going. I need a good contour.
- My apologies, sir. That's what I meant.
And what musical are you all putting on?
- We're doing "Oliver!"
I mean, how perfect is that?
- All set, sir.
- Ugh!
Thanks for nothing, Christie Brinkley.
- I'm so sorry.
I really thought I plugged him in last night.
- Well, you didn't, and now he's dead.
They're going to notice.
- Notice what? He's a fucking sock puppet.
- A scream here, a drool there.
It's the little things.
- It's fine. It's fine.
We just have to get through breakfast.
"Well, hello, everyone!"
- You're being too obvious.
- Relax.
- Morning, Grandpa.
- Hi, baby. Someone sounds chipper.
- See?
- Could you be any louder?
- Yes.
- Philip, you have to eat something.
We have audiences later today.
- Speaking of audiences, Mummy,
I was hoping we could have a little audience of our own.
- No. - But Mummy, it would be good--
- Move him.
- So, George, I heard
you're auditioning for "Oliver!" today.
- Ugh.
- Why are there so many people in our car?
And why does it smell?
- It's not a car, Harry. It's a bus.
And it's not ours. This is public transportation.
- Right. And we're going to?
- Work.
We're going to work, Harry, because
HGTV cancelled our show and we need money,
so now, I'm going to my class, and you're--
- Yes, yes. Going to my new job.
And you can't get work acting, so now you're teaching it,
which kind of makes sense and kind of doesn't.
Well, this is me.
Good luck. - You too.
- Hi, Harry. I'm Robert.
I'm a screenwriter.
And I'm also the shift manager here,
and I'll be training you today.
- I'm very excited!
- Okay, let's just get into it.
What's your favorite drink? We'll make that first.
- I really love tea.
I've always wanted to know how to make it.
Is that too advanced?
- Tea is probably
our most basic drink, other than water.
- I'd love to know how to make that one too.
- You'd love to know how to make water?
- Yes.
Why? Is that like a week two thing?
- I don't even know why I'm auditioning with you guys.
I mean, I'm obviously a lock for Oliver.
I doubt anyone else here is even a tenor.
- I--I mean, we're all tenors.
We're seven.
- Hello, children!
Welcome to auditions.
I'm very excited to be directing
this year's musical.
Now, let's get started.
First up, we have...
Sebastian.
- Uh, excuse me, Miss Kathy?
Yeah, hi. Sorry.
I'm actually on a super tight schedule, everyone,
so I'm just gonna go right now,
if you all don't mind.
Thanks.
- Oh, of course, sir.
We know you're very busy.
- Hi. This is from "Dear Evan Hansen."
It's about a kid who's a real nobody,
like most of you.
Hit it!
♪ On the outside, always looking in ♪
♪ Will I ever be more than I've always been ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass ♪
♪ Waving through a window ♪
♪ I try to speak, but nobody can hear ♪
♪ So I ♪
♪ While I'm watch, watch, watching people pass ♪
♪ Waving through a window ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Can anybody see? ♪
♪ Is anybody waving ♪
♪ Back at me? ♪
- That was brilliant, George!
- Aw, thank you, guys.
Wow! Standing ovation.
I mean, I was pretty amazing.
Well, I think you found your Oliver, Miss Kathy.
- I think you're right.
- Everyone else can just be an urchin.
And I'm gonna need an understudy
to cover for me in rehearsals, so...
how about you do that too, Sebastian?
- But, George, you haven't even heard me audition yet.
I was going to sing something from "Spring Awakening."
- Aw, why don't you sing it tomorrow, dear?
I think that was a pretty tough act to follow.
- It was also a tough act to listen to.
- Shh, you're gonna get us both killed.
- It's all right, Greg. It happens.
We've all forgotten to charge him.
Let's fire it up.
- Can I do it this time?
- Well, the good news is, it worked.
- Someone needs to reset the circuit breaker.
- I'll do it.
- oh, Kevin. Thank you.
- Pleasure.
Delighted to help.
- Let's get him out.
♪ ♪
- Thanks for coming, O.
I'm gonna need all the help I can get
now that I have to carry this fucking show
on my back.
- Of course, sir.
Hey, guys.
Hey. Bad news.
You're actually in my dressing room.
Oh, yeah.
Miss, can you start
moving your kids out of here?
I think there's space in the hallway.
And take all your shit.
Great.
Now that that's taken care of,
let's do a mirror here,
a couch here, and vanity there.
What else?
Oh, let's see. Let's see.
-Oh, maybe get me J. -Lo and Mariah's riders
and just add what they have too.
- I can't take anymore of this, Camilla.
How do I let her know?
How do I let Mummy know that I wanna be king
if I can't even get a word in?
Oh,
I want to be king! I want to be--
You're right.
I'm going into that office
and I'm going to get my audience
whether she likes it or not.
Slap me again.
Again.
Harder.
- Oi.
Keep it moving!
- Who's next?
- I am, Mummy.
- Don't let him in!
- Oh, hey. I didn't know you were here.
- Hello, Mummy.
- So what can I do for you, Charles?
- Too long have I gone without an answer
to the one question so dear to my heart.
- And what the fuck would that be?
- I, uh...
I just wanted to, uh...
I wanted to know when--
- Well, what is it?
- When you wanted to have dinner this evening.
- Get him out.
- Did you hear her?
Hey, keep it moving, bitch!
Next lad!
- Wow, look at all these people.
You weren't kidding when you said "Suits"
was a global and cultural phenomenon.
- That's not my class. It's an AA meeting.
- Oh. Where's your class?
- Right there. Bye, guys!
Remember, listening is key.
- At least you had people.
- They showed up for marriage counseling,
so I kind of made it that.
How was your first day? - I was fired.
It was so hard,
but they did let me take some expired cake pops home.
Want one?
- Yes.
♪ ♪
- Is my tea ready? - Almost, sir.
- And you got the manuka honey? - I did, sir.
- And you're stirring it counterclockwise?
- Just like Mariah likes it.
- This tastes like it was stirred clockwise,
but I'll let it go.
I wonder how Sebastian's doing.
Poor thing is probably a ball of nerves.
It's not easy being an understudy,
especially for me.
Oh, I wish you could've seen my audition, O.
"I'll take that Tony, Ben Platt."
-["Don't Do Sadness/ -Blue Wind" playing]
- ♪ Just winging over things ♪
- Owen, do you hear that? What is that?
- I think it's coming from the auditorium, sir.
- ♪ Nothing going ♪
♪ Going wild in you ♪
♪ You know ♪
♪ You're slowing by the riverside ♪
♪ Or floating high and blue ♪
♪ Or maybe cool to be a little ♪
♪ Summer wind ♪
♪ Like once through everything ♪
♪ And then away again ♪
♪ With the taste of dust ♪
♪ In your mouth all day ♪
♪ But no need to know ♪
♪ Like sadness ♪
♪ You just sail away ♪
♪ 'Cause you know ♪
♪ I don't do sadness ♪
♪ Not even a little bit ♪
♪ Just don't need it in my life ♪
♪ Don't want any part of it ♪
♪ I don't do sadness ♪
♪ Hey, I've done my time ♪
♪ Looking back on it all ♪
♪ Man, it blows my mind ♪
♪ I don't do sadness ♪
♪ So been there ♪
♪ Don't do sadness ♪
♪ Just don't care ♪
- Yay! Whoo-hoo!
Yeah!
Wow! Yay!
Well done, Sebastian!
Whoo-hoo!
♪ ♪