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[dramatic orchestral music]
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00:00:13,062 --> 00:00:20,064
♪ ♪
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[choir vocalizing]
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♪ ♪
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- Tonight, there was
a royal throwdown
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between the Queen of England
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and the Queen of QVC herself,
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Lisa Rinna.
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So, Lisa, where did you
leave it with the Queen?
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Are you banned from England?
- No.
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The queen and I
are totally fine.
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We talked it over,
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and it was honestly
just a misunderstanding.
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We're getting tea next week.
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- All right.
Good to hear.
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Meghan, you seem
pretty angry with Dorit
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over her behavior
with the Queen's guards.
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- I just thought it was
completely inappropriate
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and I just think
if you're gonna pretend
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to have a British accent,
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maybe you can pretend to know
the British customs too.
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[audience oohing]
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- Okay, we're gonna go
to the phones.
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Caller, what's your question?
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- Hey, Andy, big fan.
- Aww, thanks.
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- I love everything you do,
and I've been watching you
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since I was three and I--
- Thanks, caller.
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What's your question?
- Sorry.
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My question is for Meghan.
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Meghan, besides
"Holder of Briefcase 24"
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on "Deal or No Deal,"
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what do you think
your most impactful role was?
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- Is this George?
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- I thought
I made my voice
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sound different enough
when I called in, but nuh-uh.
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- It was a very good effort,
your Royal Highness.
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- Thanks, O.
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Ooh, put in my diary that
I have a microcurrent facial
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with Joanna Vargas
at 5:00 Monday.
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- Sir, I believe you have
the Queen's charity event
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for Gorgensteins then.
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- With the fuck
is Gorgensteins?
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I've never even heard of that.
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- I'm not actually
sure myself, sir.
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- Ugh.
So what am I wearing
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to this event
I just found out about?
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- I took the liberty of
setting something aside, sir.
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- Ooh.
Who would have fucking guessed?
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A Peter Pan collared shirt
with blue shorts.
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The same outfit
you suggest every event.
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- I think you look very nice
in this outfit, sir.
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- You know,
maybe it's my fault,
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taking fashion advice
from someone
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who's worn the same uniform
every day for 55 years.
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- It's practical, sir.
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- You know, I have
a uniform too,
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but I accessorize it.
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I wore a scarf with it
just the other day.
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Burberry tartan
will never go out of style.
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But you wouldn't know
anything about that.
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- I feel very inadequate.
I am very stupid, sir.
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- O, O!
It's all right.
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Don't cry.
Jesus.
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I'm just stressed, okay?
Give yourself a hug for me.
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Go on.
Do it.
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Did my hug
make you feel better?
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Good.
Now, I don't want to look nice.
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I want to look iconic.
I need a stylist.
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Who dresses Kaley Cuoco?
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She always looks
cute and fresh.
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- I don't know who that
is, sir.
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- You don't know who anyone is.
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Brad Goreski styles her.
I'm gonna DM him.
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I don't blame you, Owen.
You just don't know any better.
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Give yourself a little playful
punch on the shoulder.
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There you go.
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- I'll get you the documents,
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but I'm going
to need more time.
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Hi, George.
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- What--were you just--
never mind.
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- [groaning]
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Spot me, boy.
Spot me, son.
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Georgie.
[huffing]
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Georgie.
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Get 'ere, now.
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[dramatic music]
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- Hey, who do you have to fuck
to get a mimosa around here?
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- I apologize,
your Royal Highness.
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Right away.
- [babbling]
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- Make it two, Mary.
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- I'll have another as well.
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- Maybe just orange juice
for Kate.
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- Maybe just champagne.
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- Yay, yay, yay, yay.
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- A little buzzy buzzy
for my good boy, hmm?
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- Mummy, Camilla had
a smashing idea.
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Yes, darling.
We decided.
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She's going to cohost
the Gorgensteins charity event
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with you, Mummy.
- She couldn't cohost a shit.
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- That's hilarious, Gan Gan.
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I-I don't really get it,
but it's still hilarious.
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- Get him a bib, you half-wit.
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- Mummy and Camilla!
Camilla and Mummy!
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You two are going to smash it.
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- The only thing I'm gonna
smash right now
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is your thick head.
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And what the bloody hell
is Gorgensteins?
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- It's that disease, right?
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- I thought it was
a type of plant.
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- Could it be both?
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- I'm warning you
all right now, though,
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Camilla is an amazing speaker,
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and she has a barnburner
of a speech
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all locked and loaded.
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Care to give us a little
sneak preview, Camilla?
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Ooh, she's saving it all
for the big night.
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- Yeah, I don't really get her
appeal yet, to be honest.
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- Can you stop
with the fucking gum?
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- All right, I know we've been
short staffed lately,
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so I think
you'll be excited to hear
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I'm interviewing
a young lad later today.
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Please make him feel at home
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as he'll most likely die here
along with the rest of us.
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- I hope the new guy's hot.
- Stop.
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You think?
He could be our third.
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- I thought we were
just joking about that.
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- Oh, yeah.
We totally were.
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I was just doing
a joke off of that.
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- Oh.
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Look, if you're bored--
- I'm not!
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- So here's the deal, Brad.
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I have a big charity event
this Monday for Gorgensteins.
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You're familiar?
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- Of course, so sad.
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- Right.
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So I wanna look chic,
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but I don't wanna look like
I'm trying too hard.
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What's on trend right now?
What do you love?
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- Well, I love what Balmain
is doing
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with their summer collection,
Balenciaga sneakers.
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I think crossbody bags are--
- Stop right there.
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I love everything
you're saying.
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I think we're gonna be
best friends.
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See, Owen?
Brad gets fashion
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like I get fashion.
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What do you think
of Burberry tartan?
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- Oh, God, it's so tired.
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- [laughs]
Totally.
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[knock at door]
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- Ah, you must be here
for the job interview.
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Well, come in.
Come in, sit.
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So we're looking
for a rock star--
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an all-round team player
with a high degree
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of coordination,
mental fortitude,
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00:07:02,060 --> 00:07:06,047
and, most importantly,
thick skin.
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Turnover can be high,
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but if you can get through
the first couple of years,
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it's the best job in the world.
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- Hey, Philip shit
all over the stairs again.
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I'd go up, but I'm on break.
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- Exciting stuff happening
all the time here.
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Let's see your CV.
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Hmm.
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Not much
hospitality experience,
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and I don't see a name on here.
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I think this is just a napkin.
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- Keebeen.
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- I...
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I don't know what that means.
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Is that your name?
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- Keeebeeen.
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- Kevin?
Your name's Kevin?
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- Keebeen.
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- Kevin, you're hired.
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And if you have any friends
who you think might be up
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to the task, let us know.
Or any family.
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[mysterious music]
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♪ ♪
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- No...family.
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00:08:10,063 --> 00:08:12,062
[flames crackling,
faint shrieking]
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- All right, lad.
Here's an apron
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00:08:14,057 --> 00:08:17,059
and a shit bucket.
Welcome aboard.
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- This seems so boring.
Too safe.
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Ugh, and it feels cheap.
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- It's Armani.
- Armani Exchange?
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- Armani.
But I totally get it.
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Don't worry.
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Why don't we try
the next look?
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I have a feeling you love it.
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- [sighs]
Fine.
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None of these outfits
are even worth doing a montage.
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- You look amazing,
and it's definitely not boring.
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00:08:46,057 --> 00:08:48,064
- I look like a chubby
little Lorax.
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- No way.
I think you look great,
195
00:08:51,054 --> 00:08:53,052
and it really brings out
your eyes.
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- I look like I should be
directing air traffic
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at Heathrow.
198
00:08:56,056 --> 00:08:57,064
- Are there a lot more
of these?
199
00:08:57,066 --> 00:08:59,049
- Just the two.
200
00:08:59,051 --> 00:09:01,052
Why would you even
fucking suggest this?
201
00:09:01,054 --> 00:09:04,052
- But you asked for this suit
to be shipped from Milan.
202
00:09:04,054 --> 00:09:06,046
- Yeah, well, I didn't ask
for your attitude.
203
00:09:06,048 --> 00:09:08,060
Does that come complementary
with your shit service?
204
00:09:08,062 --> 00:09:12,044
Owen, see this man out.
205
00:09:12,046 --> 00:09:14,061
- I'm sorry, Mr. Goreski.
- It's all right.
206
00:09:14,063 --> 00:09:16,062
I used to dress Anne Hathaway.
207
00:09:18,044 --> 00:09:20,065
- Thank you for all you're
doing with Gorgensteins.
208
00:09:21,043 --> 00:09:22,058
- No, thank you.
209
00:09:22,060 --> 00:09:24,056
We couldn't do it
without your help.
210
00:09:24,058 --> 00:09:26,065
- We met at last year's
garden party.
211
00:09:27,043 --> 00:09:30,045
Do you remember me?
Patsy.
212
00:09:30,047 --> 00:09:33,059
- Yes, of course!
Patsy.
213
00:09:33,061 --> 00:09:35,051
I saw you the second
you walked in
214
00:09:35,053 --> 00:09:39,055
and I said,
"There's dear Patsy."
215
00:09:39,057 --> 00:09:41,064
Kill me.
216
00:09:41,066 --> 00:09:44,057
- You never should have told me
to get a stylist, Owen.
217
00:09:44,059 --> 00:09:47,045
Brad stunk.
- I apologize, sir.
218
00:09:47,047 --> 00:09:49,046
- Stop trying to change me.
219
00:09:49,048 --> 00:09:51,066
I'm iconic.
I always have been.
220
00:09:52,044 --> 00:09:54,048
Right?
- Quite right, sir.
221
00:09:54,050 --> 00:09:56,050
- I'll take one of those.
222
00:09:56,052 --> 00:10:00,050
Ugh.
Never mind.
223
00:10:00,052 --> 00:10:02,047
Does he have Gorgensteins?
224
00:10:02,049 --> 00:10:04,052
- Everyone, everyone,
gather round.
225
00:10:04,054 --> 00:10:07,047
As you all know,
my two favorite girls
226
00:10:07,049 --> 00:10:10,047
put together this brilliant
event for Gorgensteins.
227
00:10:10,049 --> 00:10:13,048
Mummy, you're always
talking about charity.
228
00:10:13,050 --> 00:10:16,044
Why, I remember you mentioning
it the first time we met.
229
00:10:16,046 --> 00:10:19,063
I was seven, I believe,
and you looked at me and said,
230
00:10:19,065 --> 00:10:22,052
"Who is this charity case?"
231
00:10:22,054 --> 00:10:25,054
So inspiring.
Now to the main event.
232
00:10:25,056 --> 00:10:27,055
Camilla has a little speech
prepared
233
00:10:27,057 --> 00:10:30,058
that's going
to knock your socks off.
234
00:10:30,060 --> 00:10:33,044
Come on, darling.
You can do it.
235
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Sugar cube?
236
00:10:35,056 --> 00:10:38,048
There we go.
237
00:10:38,050 --> 00:10:40,057
[microphone feedback whining]
238
00:10:44,047 --> 00:10:45,052
[thunder crashes]
239
00:10:45,054 --> 00:10:47,064
[all exclaiming]
240
00:10:47,066 --> 00:10:49,062
- [groans]
241
00:10:49,064 --> 00:10:52,061
[dramatic music]
242
00:10:52,063 --> 00:10:56,058
♪ ♪
243
00:10:59,061 --> 00:11:03,059
- Now that we're finally alone,
William, we need to talk.
244
00:11:03,061 --> 00:11:06,043
- About what?
- Us.
245
00:11:06,045 --> 00:11:08,045
I'm not sure if you don't care
about me
246
00:11:08,047 --> 00:11:10,060
or if it's that you don't care
about anything at all.
247
00:11:10,062 --> 00:11:12,043
- That's not fair.
248
00:11:12,045 --> 00:11:13,054
- I don't know
when you stopped trying,
249
00:11:13,056 --> 00:11:15,059
but it's like
you're on autopilot.
250
00:11:15,061 --> 00:11:17,066
- That's not fair.
- See?
251
00:11:18,044 --> 00:11:21,062
I can't take it any longer!
252
00:11:21,064 --> 00:11:24,044
Smash a vase.
253
00:11:24,046 --> 00:11:25,063
- You're being unreasonable.
254
00:11:25,065 --> 00:11:27,056
Stomp your foot.
255
00:11:27,058 --> 00:11:31,044
- And I'm trapped in monotony.
256
00:11:31,046 --> 00:11:34,050
Charity event today,
an award ceremony tomorrow.
257
00:11:34,052 --> 00:11:37,062
Fund-raisers, dinners,
over and over and over.
258
00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:40,048
I can't live like this.
259
00:11:40,050 --> 00:11:43,061
I married you
because I loved you,
260
00:11:43,063 --> 00:11:48,055
and now I'm not sure
I love anything at all.
261
00:11:48,057 --> 00:11:50,063
I'm unhappy, William.
262
00:11:50,065 --> 00:11:52,048
- Who isn't?
263
00:11:52,050 --> 00:11:53,052
- Scream.
264
00:11:53,054 --> 00:11:55,049
- [shrieking]
265
00:11:55,051 --> 00:11:57,057
- Get ahold of yourself.
266
00:11:57,059 --> 00:12:00,047
[gasps]
How dare you.
267
00:12:00,049 --> 00:12:03,055
I'll sleep in the guest palace
tonight.
268
00:12:03,057 --> 00:12:05,051
Slam the door behind me.
269
00:12:06,065 --> 00:12:09,046
- Shall I cry, Ma'am?
- Oh, no, thank you.
270
00:12:09,048 --> 00:12:11,058
I'll do it myself.
271
00:12:11,060 --> 00:12:14,051
[door opens and shuts]
272
00:12:14,053 --> 00:12:16,066
[crying]
273
00:12:18,064 --> 00:12:20,066
[thunder crashes]
274
00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:27,055
I have got to get out of here.
275
00:12:27,057 --> 00:12:30,057
[dramatic orchestral music]
276
00:12:30,059 --> 00:12:37,062
♪ ♪