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♪ ♪
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♪ ♪
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- Can you hand me
my iced mocha, Owen?
4
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- Of course,
Your Royal Highness.
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- Uh, shake it.
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Jesus.
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They made it wrong today.
8
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Was it the guy
with the lightning bolt tattoo
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across his face again?
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- I believe so.
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- I told you to have them
make it again if he makes it.
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And, also, how about if you've
got a lightning bolt tattoo
13
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across your face,
don't be a fucking barista?
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Am I right, O?
- Course you are, sir.
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-
Of course you are, sir.
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That's what you sound like.
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Holy shit, O,
listen to this.
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"Meghan Markle to join
the 11th season
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of 'The Real Housewives
of Beverly Hills.'"
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She doesn't even live
in Beverly Hills.
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She lives off Fairfax,
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and that's like
the least of it.
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A reality show?
Can you imagine, O?
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Oh, so thirsty
for any kind of attention.
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I would die before I would be
on her reality show.
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I don't care how many times
they ask me to star in it.
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I mean, kill me now,
am I right, O?
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- Yes.
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Kill me now.
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- And what are you doing
to my hair, Owen?
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I told you I wanted
to look like Chris Hemsworth
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not Kris Jenner.
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- It looks very smart, sir.
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Why, you look even more
handsome than Chris Hemsworth.
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- Really?
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Aw, thanks, O.
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I fucking love you today.
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Hug?
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- Just follow my lead, Harry.
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I've been on TV for years,
so I'm kind of a pro.
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- Yes, the very famous show
"Suits."
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- Yeah.
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And everyone does
reality TV now,
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so don't worry about this
being a step down for me
45
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because it's not.
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- I wasn't
until you just said it.
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- Plus, it's a really good
platform to promote my brand.
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- What is your brand?
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- Oh, I don't know.
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I'll think of
some piece of crap.
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Let's just start filming.
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- We've been filming.
- Oh, fuck.
53
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Okay, just be natural.
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Whatever you would
normally say, but make sure
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you ask me about my lunch
with the girls yesterday.
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Specifically Dorit.
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- Hello, Meghan.
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How was your lunch
with the girls yesterday?
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Specifically Delete?
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- Dorit.
Yeah, I don't know.
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I'm just not feeling her,
I guess.
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But I hope we can move forward.
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- Well, I'm gonna go give
a massage
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to someone I met at Costco.
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- Oh, right.
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That's your job.
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And I'm gonna have a drink
with Lisa Rinna
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and Erika Jayne to talk about
why I wasn't feeling Dorit
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at lunch yesterday and how
I hope we can move forward.
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- Is it my line now?
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- No, it's not anybody's line.
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It's reality, Harry.
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- Got it.
So whose baby is that?
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- This is our baby, Harry.
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- Oh.
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Hello, you.
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All right, well, I'm off to...
Echo Park.
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Sounds posh.
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Was that okay?
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- Maybe let's just do
the whole thing again.
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♪ ♪
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- Don't you just love Meghan?
- Oh, she's great.
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It's so refreshing to meet
someone who's actually sweet.
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It's like, thank you, God.
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People are so awful now.
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- I know.
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People need to be kinder
to each other.
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- Excuse me,
I'm visiting from the Midwest,
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and can I get a photo?
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- No, you can't get a photo.
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We're filming a goddamn show.
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- Yeah, get the fuck
out of here, Ohio.
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- Oh, my God,
you look gorgeous.
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- You look fabulous.
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- Hey, Meghan.
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- I love what
you're wearing, Erika.
97
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- And your whole look
is so cute.
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- Thanks. Zara.
99
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So... I have an idea.
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I was thinking of maybe hosting
a little group trip.
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- We love a trip!
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- What would you think of about
going to London
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to visit my in-laws?
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They have a ton of guest rooms.
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- Uh, at Buckingham Palace?
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Yes, please.
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- And I promise
we will be nothing
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but refined and gracious.
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You need to get this woman
the fuck away from me.
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- Camilla,
knock off the farting.
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- She's sorry, Mummy,
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Something must have upset
her tummy.
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I love your farts, darling.
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- So Meghan texted me to a--
oh, Jesus,
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I can smell it all the way
over here, Camilla--
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to ask if she could film
her show here.
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I'd die of embarrassment
if I were on that show.
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Could you imagine?
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I mean, I told her yes but,
like, I don't want to be on it.
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I can't think
of anything worse.
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Excuse me, do you have any tea
that doesn't take like piss?
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Thanks.
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I mean, I'll probably
have to be on it a little.
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You know, I am her nephew,
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and Bravo is always looking
for new Bravolebrity to pop.
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Anyway, whatever.
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It's gonna suck.
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Ooh, that's hilarious, Ganpa.
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Bravo loves a pratfall.
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Very LuAnn in the bushes.
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Yeah.
You'll be good on the show.
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- You guys! You guys!
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They're going to be filming
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"The Real Housewives
of Beverly Hills" here.
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- No way, dude.
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- We're going to be on TV,
bitches.
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- This is a dream, Douglas.
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- I know.
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We could be a spin-off, Greg.
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They love gay people
in the States.
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- A spin-off!
- Totally.
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And they're going to be
so much nicer to serve.
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They're Americans.
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They're friendly
and down-to-earth.
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- They'll probably treat us
like we're one of them.
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- Yes, finally.
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There's no class system
in America.
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We'll become friends.
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They might invite us
for dinner.
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- It's going to be heaven.
Sheer heaven!
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00:05:59,062 --> 00:06:03,064
- We'll be laughing
and joking and having fun.
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It'll be like
we're not working at all.
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- I wonder
if I could fuck one of them.
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Yeah, I'm gonna fuck
one of them.
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- Oh, my God,
the guys with the hats.
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Look, girls.
The guys with hats.
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- All right, calm down.
- Oh, my God, Kyle, look.
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They're so adorable.
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Let's see
if we can make one smile.
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- Fuck off.
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No way you get me--
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- Oh, shit. You smiled.
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- Please don't tell.
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- You're not supposed
to tickle them, Dorit.
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- Okay, Meghan, relax.
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I didn't know there were rules.
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- Of course there are rules.
That's their whole thing.
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This is how she was
with me at lunch. I can't.
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- This is cool and all,
but, honestly,
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00:06:48,052 --> 00:06:50,046
Turks and Caicos
would've been more fun.
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00:06:50,048 --> 00:06:52,055
- Yeah, is there
even a pool here?
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- Why did you bring that
with you again, Harry?
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- You know, in case
someone wants a massage.
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I'll do a few out calls.
Make some pin money.
175
00:07:02,064 --> 00:07:05,044
- Auntie Meghan, hello!
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00:07:05,046 --> 00:07:07,043
Oh, I've missed you.
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00:07:07,045 --> 00:07:09,049
- Uh...hi.
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00:07:09,051 --> 00:07:11,058
- I heard you weren't
getting along with Dorit.
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I feel terrible.
- What?
180
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Where did you hear that?
181
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- Come, come inside, everyone.
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00:07:17,044 --> 00:07:18,051
I am so thrilled
183
00:07:18,053 --> 00:07:20,063
to be cohosting this trip
with Meghan.
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00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:22,046
Hey, Lisa,
185
00:07:22,048 --> 00:07:24,051
we know
each other from Instagram.
186
00:07:24,053 --> 00:07:25,057
- Do we?
- We do.
187
00:07:25,059 --> 00:07:27,065
- I don't remember.
- Well, we do.
188
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I'm George, by the way.
189
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Love the show.
190
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Just tell me if you want me
191
00:07:31,062 --> 00:07:32,063
to do anything again.
192
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I'm great at improv.
193
00:07:34,053 --> 00:07:36,064
- Hello.
Welcome to Buckingham Palace.
194
00:07:36,066 --> 00:07:38,059
May I take your bag?
195
00:07:38,061 --> 00:07:40,059
- Yeah, you can take
my fucking bags.
196
00:07:40,061 --> 00:07:42,051
What am I gonna do,
take them myself?
197
00:07:42,053 --> 00:07:45,047
- Oh, I'm sorry. I just--
- I don't care.
198
00:07:46,058 --> 00:07:48,059
- I might have misjudged this.
199
00:07:48,061 --> 00:07:50,050
♪ ♪
200
00:07:52,045 --> 00:07:53,046
- Girls,
this is like that villa
201
00:07:53,048 --> 00:07:54,060
we stayed at in France.
202
00:07:54,062 --> 00:07:57,056
- Um, it's not, Kyle,
but okay.
203
00:07:57,058 --> 00:07:59,051
Charlotte, get out of here.
204
00:07:59,053 --> 00:08:00,062
Get out of here.
205
00:08:00,064 --> 00:08:02,048
Sorry. Nobody.
206
00:08:02,050 --> 00:08:04,055
Anyway, Meghan, you were saying
Dorit's such a what?
207
00:08:04,057 --> 00:08:06,049
- What?
No, I didn't say anything.
208
00:08:06,051 --> 00:08:07,062
I didn't say anything, Dorit.
209
00:08:07,064 --> 00:08:09,052
- Well, I heard it somewhere.
210
00:08:09,054 --> 00:08:12,043
- She hates Delete.
211
00:08:12,045 --> 00:08:13,048
- You need to knock it off
212
00:08:13,050 --> 00:08:14,063
and you're hitting
everyone with that table.
213
00:08:14,065 --> 00:08:16,062
- Did you--did you see
what I did?
214
00:08:16,064 --> 00:08:18,054
I just stirred the pot.
215
00:08:18,056 --> 00:08:22,048
Well, you'll tell me if you
want me to do anything again.
216
00:08:22,050 --> 00:08:25,050
So, yeah,
I think it's going well.
217
00:08:25,052 --> 00:08:27,050
I mean, I had this really
funny bit with Lisa Rinna
218
00:08:27,052 --> 00:08:28,066
that I'm sure they'll keep in.
219
00:08:29,044 --> 00:08:30,049
I'm just keeping it real,
though.
220
00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:31,060
That's what works.
221
00:08:31,062 --> 00:08:34,053
Pushing doesn't work, Owen.
That's not what they want.
222
00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:36,043
Andy gets mad when you push.
223
00:08:36,045 --> 00:08:38,061
- I'm sure you're
extraordinarily charming.
224
00:08:38,063 --> 00:08:40,063
And you're very telegenic.
225
00:08:40,065 --> 00:08:42,061
- Is not--is that coming
from Bravo?
226
00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:43,066
What did you hear?
227
00:08:44,044 --> 00:08:46,046
- No.
Is just coming from me, sir.
228
00:08:46,048 --> 00:08:47,064
- I don't care about you.
229
00:08:47,066 --> 00:08:50,047
I can't get a read
on this producer at all,
230
00:08:50,049 --> 00:08:51,058
but I guess
they only say something
231
00:08:51,060 --> 00:08:53,065
if you're not doing
a great job, right?
232
00:08:54,043 --> 00:08:56,061
More powder.
I'll tell you when to stop.
233
00:08:56,063 --> 00:08:58,063
Ugh, do I even look handsome?
234
00:08:58,065 --> 00:09:00,057
- Of source you do, sir.
235
00:09:00,059 --> 00:09:02,048
- Well, say that!
236
00:09:02,050 --> 00:09:03,062
♪ ♪
237
00:09:06,057 --> 00:09:10,052
- Meghan, your friends
are so interesting.
238
00:09:10,054 --> 00:09:13,059
And I thought everyone in L.A.
was just a vapid alcoholic.
239
00:09:13,061 --> 00:09:15,057
- No, that's just you.
240
00:09:15,059 --> 00:09:17,054
- There's enough liquor
in the world
241
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:19,044
to make you tolerable.
242
00:09:19,046 --> 00:09:21,054
- You have a lovely home.
- Yes.
243
00:09:21,056 --> 00:09:24,055
It's Buckingham Palace,
you fucking idiot.
244
00:09:24,057 --> 00:09:28,056
What a stupid thing to say.
Who are these people?
245
00:09:28,058 --> 00:09:31,045
- Jesus.
- These are my girlfriends.
246
00:09:31,047 --> 00:09:34,060
- Your girlfriends?
What are you, in high school?
247
00:09:34,062 --> 00:09:36,047
Camilla, stop slurping.
248
00:09:36,049 --> 00:09:38,051
- She's sorry, Mummy.
She knows she slurps.
249
00:09:38,053 --> 00:09:41,044
We've talked about it.
She's seeing someone.
250
00:09:41,046 --> 00:09:43,046
- The camera loves you,
darling.
251
00:09:43,048 --> 00:09:45,050
- I think you're
fucking fabulous, by the way.
252
00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:48,054
- Oh, thank you, baby doll.
- I could be a friend.
253
00:09:48,056 --> 00:09:50,043
Just putting it out there.
254
00:09:50,045 --> 00:09:52,051
You know, like "friend of
Erika" when they show me.
255
00:09:52,053 --> 00:09:54,055
Talk to the producers.
See what they say.
256
00:09:54,057 --> 00:09:55,059
I'm in L.A. a lot.
257
00:09:55,061 --> 00:10:01,044
- Oh, where do you stay?
- I stay in the--
258
00:10:01,046 --> 00:10:03,051
I don't--stop grilling me,
Teddy.
259
00:10:03,053 --> 00:10:04,055
And why are you here?
260
00:10:04,057 --> 00:10:06,058
Weren't you fired?
261
00:10:06,060 --> 00:10:09,047
I swear,
I'm in L.A. all the time.
262
00:10:09,049 --> 00:10:10,065
And if I really pull
my weight, who knows?
263
00:10:11,043 --> 00:10:13,057
Maybe I get to hold
a diamond next season.
264
00:10:13,059 --> 00:10:14,066
You'll talk with Andy.
265
00:10:15,044 --> 00:10:16,047
- So I'm curious.
266
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:18,052
What do you guys think
about Brexit?
267
00:10:18,054 --> 00:10:20,045
- You think we care?
268
00:10:20,047 --> 00:10:23,043
You, Mary, I don't like this.
269
00:10:23,045 --> 00:10:24,049
- Of course,
Your Royal Highness.
270
00:10:24,051 --> 00:10:26,057
I'll have something else
prepared for you.
271
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:29,048
- I don't like mine either.
272
00:10:29,050 --> 00:10:31,056
- Yeah, no one's
inviting us to dinner.
273
00:10:31,058 --> 00:10:33,063
- That's not cool, Dorit.
274
00:10:33,065 --> 00:10:34,066
- She did it.
275
00:10:35,044 --> 00:10:36,052
- You know,
I've had enough of you.
276
00:10:36,054 --> 00:10:38,048
First that thing at lunch,
and now this?
277
00:10:38,050 --> 00:10:39,065
- What happened at lunch?
278
00:10:40,043 --> 00:10:41,049
- Shouldn't you know?
279
00:10:41,051 --> 00:10:43,056
- I thought we were
moving forward, Meghan.
280
00:10:43,058 --> 00:10:45,056
- Well, we're not.
281
00:10:45,058 --> 00:10:47,052
- Yeah, she hates you, Dorit.
282
00:10:47,054 --> 00:10:49,047
- Hates.
283
00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:50,060
- Okay, enough!
284
00:10:50,062 --> 00:10:52,066
- Do you see
what a pot-stirrer I am?
285
00:10:53,044 --> 00:10:55,051
Tell that producer
I know how to bring it.
286
00:10:55,053 --> 00:10:57,060
Oh, and I have no filter.
287
00:10:57,062 --> 00:10:59,047
- Can I keep this?
288
00:10:59,049 --> 00:11:01,056
- Uh, it's like solid gold
289
00:11:01,058 --> 00:11:04,056
from the 1500s,
but sure.
290
00:11:04,058 --> 00:11:07,061
- Sorry, I've got an out call
in Shoreditch at 9:00.
291
00:11:07,063 --> 00:11:09,061
Excuse me. Excuse me.
292
00:11:09,063 --> 00:11:12,057
Sorry. Sorry.
Can someone call me a cab?
293
00:11:12,059 --> 00:11:14,044
- He seems to be doing well.
294
00:11:14,046 --> 00:11:17,048
- What the fuck is going on
with Harry?
295
00:11:17,050 --> 00:11:19,066
- How dare you
talk about Harry?
296
00:11:20,044 --> 00:11:22,049
- I'll say whatever I want,
bitch.
297
00:11:22,051 --> 00:11:23,060
You're in my house now.
298
00:11:23,062 --> 00:11:26,057
- I like her.
- She's good, right?
299
00:11:26,059 --> 00:11:28,061
- Come on.
You want a piece of me?
300
00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:30,064
- I will fuck you up, girly!
301
00:11:30,066 --> 00:11:35,050
- Uh, I feel like the focus is
starting to shift off of me.
302
00:11:35,052 --> 00:11:37,051
Maybe in editing you'll fix it?
303
00:11:37,053 --> 00:11:39,060
- Let me go. Let me go!
304
00:11:39,062 --> 00:11:41,045
- She's not worth it.
305
00:11:41,047 --> 00:11:42,064
- Let her go!
I can take her!
306
00:11:42,066 --> 00:11:45,063
Come on, you want to talk
about my husband, lady?
307
00:11:45,065 --> 00:11:49,045
- Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, she's not
talking about Harry Hamlin.
308
00:11:49,047 --> 00:11:51,049
That is such a trigger for her.
309
00:11:51,051 --> 00:11:52,062
This is good stuff though.
310
00:11:52,064 --> 00:11:55,051
I mean, this is the trailer,
am I right?
311
00:11:55,053 --> 00:11:57,045
He doesn't say much, does he?
312
00:11:57,047 --> 00:11:59,061
Well, I'm definitely in the
show if I'm in the trailer.
313
00:11:59,063 --> 00:12:01,065
- Dad, do you have any cash
for a cab?
314
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,065
- Oh look,
Grandma's on the money.
315
00:12:06,043 --> 00:12:07,059
I never noticed that before.
316
00:12:07,061 --> 00:12:10,044
- Yeah, can we do
this whole dinner again?
317
00:12:10,046 --> 00:12:12,044
- Let me at her!
318
00:12:12,046 --> 00:12:14,062
♪ ♪
319
00:12:14,064 --> 00:12:16,049
- Yeah, I'm in the show.
320
00:12:21,052 --> 00:12:23,043
- Is this when we get
our spin-off?
321
00:12:23,045 --> 00:12:25,046
- All right, shut up.
322
00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:35,048
♪ ♪