Yeah, quiet today. Quiet day.
Evening, guys. Be a force for good. Join the police.
This programme contains strong language and adult humour
Is joining the police force a job for you?
Do you like racially profiling people?
Are you a fan of frisking young black men for no reason?
Do you like beating confessions from the innocent?
Or, being photographed break dancing at carnival
when you should be doing your job? If so, join the police today!
Shopping in central Bristol was brought to a standstill today
as a woman, working alone,
hijacked a police recruitment stall in Broadmead Plaza.
Police took 40 minutes to seize the vehicle and arrest the driver,
who has been named as Myrna Okeke.
Rose, look, more leftie liberal terror on our streets.
..her car and drove through the busy shopping district...
John, I think there's someone in the house.
Probably the foxes at the bins again.
Hey!
Hey! Hey!
HE GROANS
John! No!
No!
I'd just be happier if you call it a shovel.
Right. OK. And what time is the, uh, garden tool protest?
Guys.
I gave you a full 48 hours. What's your decision?
We're taking the money to the police.
I rushed you. Take more time.
No, we've made up our minds, Frank. No!
You've gone out of them.
Fine. Take your cut to the Dibbles if you want
but one third is mine and I'm keeping it.
No. It's all of us or none of us.
What are we, the Three Musketeers?
Listen, if you keep the money and the police come knocking,
we are all incriminated. OK?
So, we're going to collect it from you tonight and we will turn it in.
Guys!
Guys, we're standing here in a moment where everything
about our lives could change.
Let's just feel that. For a moment. Huh?
Group hug.
You touch me and I will beat you to death with this shovel
and then bury you with it.
Group hug.
Oh, my God.
Let's do porn star names.
So, it's the name of your first pet and the street that you grew up on.
So, mine is Flopsy Claypool.
Myrna? Misty Jutland.
Oh, I love it. John, first pet, street you grew up on.
No, you'll never know. They're my bank security questions.
You are no fun. Chris?
Never had a pet growing up. Then a neighbour's pet?
Fluffy Lambs Bottom.
Oh, amazing. What's going on?
We're doing porn star names.
So, it's the name of your first pet and the street that you grew up on.
Hamster High Street.
Sexy. Yeah. Rani? Rani?
Um. Eh, Tiddles Pendennis.
Yay. Greg! We're working out everyone's porn star name.
Oh, um,
I've always assumed I'd be called Long Dong Silver.
You know, if I had to go into porn. Great.
Well, that filled two minutes.
Hey. Everything OK?
Rani, what's going on?
Some men came to my house last night
And they said they'd kill my family.
Did they say who they were?
I know I involved myself in this, I do. I understand that. But...
..the moment when he, he grabbed me... Rani. Rani.
Did they say who they were? They, they were from the drug house.
They just, they wanted to know who robbed them. What did you say?
Nothing. I, I made something up about the van being stolen,
then they left. And your parents?
They weren't there. I, I was alone. OK, and did you tell them?
Did you, did you go to the filth? I didn't snitch on anyone.
Don't worry. Look, I just need to know everything.
It was fucking terrifying. They had masks on.
I, I couldn't see their faces.
So, there's not a lot I can tell you, OK?
I'm gutted you went through that. I really am.
Look, I just need to know what was said.
They said that they would come back.
They're from London, all right.
They won't stick around for long. It's way too risky.
They won't be back. I promise.
We're protesting tonight outside City Hall.
It's about the rise in hate crime. Totally ignored by the police.
Oh. Not just hate crimes though, is it?
People keep fly-tipping in the woodland behind my house
and the police just don't want to know.
We'd appreciate your support. Who's we, lovely?
Bristol Justice Collective. Who are they?
Social activism group I set up in 1980 after the St Paul's uprising.
Ooh! By uprising she means riots, of course.
It wasn't a riot, it was a spontaneous protest
against police racism.
With a bit of spontaneous looting thrown in.
So, kind of like the Black Lives Matter marches.
Yeah, that's the tragedy.
40 years later, we're still fighting. And looting.
You can't disenfranchise an entire underclass
and expect them not to revolt against the capitalist system.
It's just funny though, isn't it, how these, uh, revolutionaries
always seem to target JD Sports and the Apple store.
Books Etc never gets a look in.
I guess they have all the reading material they need
for the revolution. They're just running low on phones and trainers.
Just look at it as a corporation tax half of these companies don't pay.
You've been doing this since 1980?
I really struggle committing to a hair colour.
Well, we have limited time on this Earth.
I just feel like I should, you know, do everything I can to try
and make an impact.
Come along. We start at six. And what time's the looting?
I could just do with a new iPad.
Is your name John Halloran?
No, that's John Halloran.
Mr John Halloran, these belong to you.
What's this? This is notice that you've been served.
Mr Daryl Kennedy is suing you for damages and loss of earnings.
Are you joking? Loss of earnings? The guy's a thief.
He broke into my house!
Who are... Hey! WHISTLE BLOWS
No social visits.
What does it say? That you beat up a youth.
He's suing you for racially aggravated assault. Oh, my God!
Don't. Listen, racism has got nothing to do with this.
There were two of them. Only reason I beat up the black guy
is because the white guy could run faster.
Which I wasn't expecting.
What? So, all black guys can run fast, yeah? Why's that?
So they can outrun cheetahs. Absolutely not what I'm saying.
Racially aggravated assault. You are a disgrace!
Do you have kids? No. No.
I wanted to change the world, not nappies.
So you don't know what it feels like
when you'll do anything to keep them safe.
I can imagine.
What does this mean legally?
Uh, best case it gets thrown out.
And worst case?
He takes you for everything.
Wow, guys. You really nailed that one. I'm blown away here.
Yo, we'll find him.
KNOCKING
All right. I'm off out in a minute, actually.
I'm not staying. I just brought you some casserole.
With dairy in it? Does chicken count as dairy?
No need for sarcasm. I'm lactose intolerant.
Since when? Have you been reading the leaflets
in the doctor's waiting room again?
You know I have a problem with chronic wind.
No, we've been sisters half a century.
This is the first I've heard of your extreme farting.
Are you OK otherwise? Yep, I'm fine.
Don't need to keep popping around and feeding me.
I'm not your next door neighbour's cat.
I just worry about you all alone. I'm not alone.
I've got my group.
Speaking of which, I joined a group you might like.
We go on hikes. Although they're not really hikes.
They're more like long walks.
The guy who runs it spent time in Los Angeles
and apparently hikes are a big thing in Hollywood.
So was Harvey Weinstein. It's a lovely bunch of people.
There's an architect, two accountants
and a woman who once met Tony Hadley from Spandau Ballet.
Oh, I bet that was a thrill.
Also, the guy that set up the group, Marcus, is single,
has all his own hair and teeth...
Yvonne, how many times?
I don't want to be fixed up.
You need to meet people, Myrna.
You literally have no friends.
My group are my friends.
Just come along today. I can't today.
I'm trying to end racism.
Well, if you get that done by five give me a ring.
Well, look, you've come all this way now,
you might as well leave the casserole.
Bye, then.
See ya.
Your dad told me in no uncertain terms
to stick my offer up my feckin' arse. Hmm.
Well, that was before my turn.
Does he know about this meeting?
I don't need permission from my father, Graham.
Oh. I run things now.
And how bad are things?
Oh, no, it's nothing like that.
Dad's retired, you know. I want to spend more time with the kids.
Oh, don't bullshit a bullshitter.
I heard you had some Chinese company sniffing around.
That's absolutely true.
But, I'm not going to do business, uh, with the,
with the Chinese.
I mean, I still haven't forgiven them for Coronavirus, hmm?
Listen, Graham, we both know that 40% is a very
generous offer but I am going to need a quick answer on this.
Well, I would say I am feeling very positive... Good.
..about this idea. Good. Good. That's great.
But, the question is, is your dad?
Let me worry about my dad.
What are you doing here, Myrna?
There's a demonstration tonight, Claire.
I'm here to demonstrate.
You're not part of the group any more. It's my group.
I started the group. Myrna, there was a vote.
Oh, yeah. The vote.
Two summers ago we were tearing down statues!
10,000 of us marched through town. What happened to you all?
What happened is we all vetoed your plan
and you did it anyway.
Someone needed to do something.
And what did stealing a police caravan do
except cause a tailback on the A38?
Oh, so what is your plan? You really think that you're going to get rid
of centuries of discrimination
by standing on a street corner holding that?
We got a lot of honks at the last demo.
Activism means being active.
It's what gets you noticed.
The marches got us noticed.
That's why we are this close to getting a council grant,
which means an actual seat at the table.
Where you will have to sit up straight, eat your greens
and only speak when you're spoken to.
No, where we will be able to make real systemic change.
I know this is a new idea to you but it's called cooperation.
It's called collaboration.
Trashing council offices and throwing paint over cops
and all your other stunts aren't changing anything.
That's what we did in the '80s, love.
It's not the '80s any more.
But the problems are still the same!
Because you didn't change anything!
You're not part of this group any more. Please leave.
People! It is happening!
After all the talk, finally getting the ball rolling on my fest-i-val.
SHE MIMICS DRUMBEATS
Got the G-man here, my legal brainiac,
helping me with the paperwork.
Say what's up, G.
Hello. Yeaaah!
You know, a wise woman once said to me
we only get one chance to make as big an impact as we can in life.
But that's why this festival is so important.
Cos for me it's a chance to, well, raise some money for charity
but also to put out something positive,
instead of negative, into the world.
To create a space where we can connect and spread love.
And hope.
How does that sound, G?
Sick.
Yeahhh. Love you, bye!
Have you read this?
Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't say in full.
You know we've got to fill in forms on, on premises licenses,
alcohol and beverage licences, PRS and PPL licences.
Mm, God, so many licences. Yeah, but the deadline's tomorrow.
Well, then we're just in the nick of time. Hashtag blessed.
I wouldn't say "hashtag blessed" is the hashtag.
Well, then we'll have to pull an all-nighter. You got any cocaine?
No.
Joke.
Unless you've got some? No, I haven't got any cocaine.
No, good. Good, right.
So, what can I do to help?
Why don't you start with health and safety.
What, like, pill testing? Make sure it's legit before you drop it.
No, no. Why don't you just make a list of all the health
and safety dangers that you can anticipate at the festival.
Kate Moss falling in the koi carp pond? That sort of thing?
Sure. Start with Mossy in the pond and we'll go from there.
OK.
Mr Halloran, can we speak to you? Yes, um...Rachel.
What's, uh, is there a problem?
There's been rumours that the Chinese deal isn't happening
and now Graham Hilgard was here.
Yes, no, he, that's a... Yeah. Are our jobs safe?
Yes. Everything is fine.
You know we have to pay four grand for the urinal troughs?
I'm not paying four grand for a band I've never heard of.
No, the urinal troughs are not a band. It's the men's lavatories.
The men can just piss in the woods.
Not according to the regulations they can't.
So much for Brexit taking back control.
How long have you worked here? Uh, 11 years.
Fuck. Seriously?
Yeah. Jesus. That would do my head in.
It does my head in. Why don't you quit? Set up on your own.
No, I don't think that's really feasible.
Darling, organising my dream festival
shouldn't be feasible, but I'm doing it.
Feel like I'm doing most of it. What are your dreams?
Oh, I've got loads of 'em. I keep a list actually on my computer.
Come on, then. Let's see them.
No. Please.
No, you'll just laugh at it or something.
Greg, I'll never laugh.
Come on.
"Greg Dillard Bucket List Dreams. Travel on a private plane."
Yes, please. "Stay calm during turbulence."
If possible. "Join the mile high club."
Brackets - "find out if that's a real club."
Is it? Are all of your dreams about planes?
A lot of them are about planes, yeah.
But there's all sorts on there.
"Have one of those kitchen taps that produces permanently hot water."
Have you seen them? Amazing.
"Become really good at paintball and have a paintball nickname,
"ie, The Punisher." The Punisher.
"Have a fling with a supermodel.
"Take her to a wedding or funeral where ex-wife will see her."
Ohh!
Darling, why didn't you just say you want to make your ex jealous?
I can introduce you to supermodels.
Can you? Oh, hell yeah!
Models are all over music festivals like flies on shit. Are they?
You stick with me and I will reduce your ex-wife to tears.
And then you will meet musicians and you'll go on private planes
with hot taps and then you'll have amazing anecdotes.
"Forever is composed of nows." Ooh, who said that?
Allison in accounts has got it on a mug. I love it.
It's good, isn't it? Yeah.
I'm excited about this. Me too!
They always add up to 360 or 180
depending on how many sides there are?
Yeah, exactly. You're going to smash this.
You think?
So, we can... He's nice.
Him. Peng or what?
Um... Not your type?
Yes, I know your type. I don't have a type.
What are you like? You're lusting after my brother.
No, I'm not.
So, do you want to know this, um, really cool maths trick?
You get your shoe size and then you multiply that by five...
How's it going? Hi.
Yeah, it's good. It's, it's going really good.
Your sister, she, she's brilliant. So... What are you doing here?
I came to walk you home. Since when?
Since now. Well, I want to study a bit longer.
But, uh, Rani's got to get the bus. Don't you? No, I don't.
I'm fine. No, no, no. You've got that thing.
Why don't you walk her to the bus stop?
You don't have to do that. Yes, he does.
A lot of flashers and pervs hang around outside the library.
Famous for it. I mean, I could walk you.
What a gentleman.
I'll come back and pick you up after, Es.
Oh, hey, Sophie. This is my ex-wife Sophie.
Have you met my new girlfriend, Allegra?
Where did we meet? Oh, at a music festival I organised.
She's a model. Professional model. And human rights lawyer.
Don't cry, Sophie, come on. You knew it was over between us.
QUIET CONVERSATION
I love it. So insane. Yeah.
What're we talking about? Oh, G, you wouldn't believe this but Spencer
here has been to the Festival of Music and Light.
As in, the original one in India that inspired me.
Has he? Changed my life, mate.
Oh, yeah? You ever been to India, G-spot?
I haven't yet, no. But, you know, planning to.
Yeah, not really into travelling, are you? Although I see
you do want to join the mile high club.
You know that takes more than a toilet wank on Ryanair?
Yeah, otherwise I'd already be a member. That's private.
Speaking of music and light, right,
my friend Edgar has hired a party boat.
I'm heading down there now if you want to come. Really?
We're a bit busy. Surely you can man the fort, can't you, mate?
Oh, I can man a fort, mate, if you need a fort manned.
What's the issue then, mate?
The issue, mate, is we're on a deadline, mate.
Edgar's brother is a serious mixologist.
He does the best pomegranate martinis.
Oh, well pomegranates are full of antioxidants so maybe we should go for one.
Well, we could, but we do have to organise a music festival by tomorrow.
And, you know, remember the supermodels and the private planes and everything?
Yeah, but that'll get done. I mean, boat parties are so much fun, Greg.
And, come on, who was it that said "Forever is composed of nows"?
It was a mug. Let's not take advice from crockery.
I really could just do with a breath of fresh air.
I mean, I just, I feel like I'm slowing us both down.
My head is just so...fuzzy. Oh, no, fuzzy heads are the worst.
Can I suggest a notion, mate? We're good for notions, mate.
G-Force, why don't you crack on, right, keep the pace up.
Let her Ladyship pop out for a breath of air,
couple of pomegranatinis, clears her head, OK?
She comes back here twice as focused.
Is that all right, darling? You're the boss.
I know this tiny little speakeasy where we could go and get..
Claire.
Let me be a part of this.
Myrna, no-one respects you more than me.
Everything that you've done and sacrificed.
But you've been shouting for too long. People stopped listening.
I can just stay in the back. You've played your part.
It's time to step aside now. And do what?
Enjoy the other things in your life.
Please.
I don't have anything else.
Sorry.
Do you know this guy, uh, Ram Mohan Roy?
He campaigned for women's rights in India around 200 years ago.
He was a pretty cool dude.
It still don't make no sense to me, you know?
Why would somebody like you, who must be at least 15 people's
phone-a-friend, steal stuff for no reason?
I don't know. Just trying to fuck things up. I guess.
Yeah, but why would you want to fuck things up on purpose?
Sometimes... Sometimes it just feels
like I'm living my life behind a glass wall.
And I can see the real world but I can't, can't touch it. You know?
No, not really.
It's like a bad version of Catcher in the Rye.
I heard about that book. Is that worth a read, yeah?
Definitely. So, why, uh, why are you doing community service?
Well, uh...
Are those the men from my house?
No, different.
CLAIRE: Stop stop-and-search! PROTESTERS: Stop stop-and-search!
Just because he's a young black man!
Doesn't mean he's in a gang!
Why is the myth always replayed...
That every young black man carries a blade?!
Stop stop-and-search! Stop stop-and-search!
Just because he's a young black man...
Doesn't mean he's in a gang!
Why is the myth always replayed...
That every young black man carries a blade?
Stop stop-and-search!
You OK?
What did those men want?
It's complicated.
Don't worry. They won't trouble you. Oh, my God. Guys!
What are the chances?
I knew I was right. About what? Come on!
You're riding the waves together. That's sexy time vibes!
No, that's just friend vibes.
Friends with bennies vibes.
No, like, like, normal friend vibes.
OK, OK, OK, I get it. I'll go.
Leave you guys to splice the main brace, as they say.
No-one says that. And, and, and we're not splicing any braces!
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
I wonder what this is, eh?
Oh, that is fantastic.
The same one Ernie Els is paid to use. Wow.
And it's engraved. Oh, yeah.
"To Grandda.
"Fore!"
That is beautiful.
Thank you, my darlings.
Well, I think you'd better hang on to this.
In case you have any more intruders.
John! I'm joking.
I know, but he's still a person.
Don't feel sorry for him, Ruth. He broke into your home.
Yes, but...we, we don't know his circumstances.
Let me tell you about these people, Ruth.
Yes, some of them have had it tough, I'm sure.
But that does not give them the right to whine and belly-ache
and take what they want from the rest of us who have worked for it.
You know, Dad came from nothing. Never stole a penny.
Hm. I know. I'm just saying
you didn't have to beat the boy half to death.
He was defending his home. Like I raised him to.
I just think there are other ways than violence.
Like what? What do you want your husband to do the next time?
Just so he knows. I think what dad's saying is sometimes...
You don't need to speak for me.
What if one of these sort broke in right now, what should he do?
Stand back, let you and the girls be raped or murdered.
Dad. Should he stand back and do nothing?
No. Of course not.
No. Well then. We agree he did the right thing.
It's your birthday cake.
Is that for me?
Oh, that is beautiful.
You made that? Yes.
You didn't.
No way.
No way!
Uh, everyone, this is Myrna, my big sister.
Hi, Myrna. All right.
Oh, this is Marcus. It's his group. Nice to meet you.
And you. Your sister says nothing but lovely things about you.
She says the same about you.
So, you all drove here to then go for a walk?
That's right.
You coming or what? I'm coming.
Uh, listen, Dad, have you, uh...
..given any thought to contingencies?
Contingencies? Yeah, you know.
If for any reason the Chinese deal went south or...
Why would the Chinese deal go south? Have they said something?
No. No, but, you know.
I mean, Christ, we're dealing with Communists...
You know? Chairman Yang forgets to curtsy in front of a portrait
of Chairman Mao, he's off to the re-education camps just like that.
Listen, you've, you've always told me to have a contingency.
No, not with the Chinese. Too risky.
They could be tapping our phones as it is.
If they get wind we're trying to dance with other girls
they won't come to the hop at all.
Yep. It's just, you know, if we did want another girl's phone number
in our back pocket we have, uh, we've had interest.
From who?
Graham Hilgard.
Away and shite with your Graham Hilgard.
Dad, no, listen. He has the capital.
I'll be gang-banged by the Chinese before Hilgard
sticks his todger in my business.
Our business, Dad. Sticks his todger in our business, OK?
You retired. I haven't retired!
Well, whatever you want to call it. You know, I run things.
You couldn't run a fucking bath.
You know, Dad, for once in my life it would be nice
if I got a little bit of credit for the work that I do.
You haven't had to do a day's work in your life.
How did I earn all of this!? I earned all this!
You're welcome!
Hilgard is not a conversation.
Handle this one.
Right. Follow that.
The thing about Tony Hadley is, he's not just a great singer,
he's also a bloody nice bloke.
And I like the message in Gold. Yeah.
# Always believe in your soul. #
My friends fancied the Kemp Brothers
but I always thought Tony Hadley was the sexy one.
Oh, yeah. I wouldn't mind getting a bit New Romantic with Tony!
Shame he's a bloody Tory!
Why, are Tories supposed to be bad in bed? Probably.
The only thing they know how to fuck is this country.
Myrna.
Where are we walking to exactly?
Just back to where we started.
Right. You know, if you're doing a lot of walking you should get
a sponsorship. Or, walk to Downing Street and hand in a petition.
Ah... The group's just meant to be a bit of fun, really.
But, what's the point?
Life is heavy enough as it is.
What I love about walking is it doesn't need a point.
It's a pleasure in itself.
Yeah, but, if something has no point then it is pointless.
I mean, do you want to waste your life
literally walking around in circles?
You might as well already be dead. Myrna.
No, no, I'm not having a go.
I'm just saying, we could be using this time to do something real.
Why can't we just enjoy a quiet stroll?
Because while you're having a nice stroll,
35% of ethnic minorities are living in poverty.
I'd have thought it would be much higher.
The group is not really political, Myrna.
Everything is political, love.
Primo banger. How are things going with Greggy?
Oh, he is so sweet. Such a sweet guy. Deffo.
Yeah, I think he's lived quite a sheltered life.
He thought MDMA was a mixed martial art. I know. He's so out of touch.
He thinks Cardi B is his second favourite cardigan. Oh.
Mm-mm, yes! Uh, I think that's why Greg Foo-Yung's never been promoted.
How do you mean? Well, my flaw is that I'm too aggressive in getting
the very best for my client.
But I watch Greg at work, he's just out of his depth.
Yeah. He has told us about the Cupboard of Chaos.
What's the Cupboard of Chaos?
Oh, God. That is savage! Where did you get this?
It's just my usual... Ah, oh, darling, it's rough, like pub dust.
Is it the only shit on board? Yeah.
Oh, no. No way.
We can do better than that. I have a guy. I met him at a club.
He has this, um, this spider tattoo across half his face.
Such a sweet guy.
Amazing.
PHONE RINGS
Hello?
Hi, lovely, how's it going? Slowly. Are you on the way back?
Darling, why don't you take a break?
Come on. Just hop in an Uber and get down here.
We don't have time. Yes, we do, Greg.
I am the boss and I want you to come down here. We'll have one drink
and then we'll both get back to it recharged. OK?
OK, fine. Yay! All right, darling.
Ooh, can I ask you a favour?
Could you pick something up for me on the way?
Hi, chaps. Look, I don't want seem like Adolph Fun Sponge,
but this is my friend Edgar's party and no-one recognises you.
Oh, well, we're friends with Lady Gabby. Oh, oh, oh, cool, cool.
Well, right, I'm Spencer. What are your names?
My name is Yolanda and this is...Rafe.
Rafe. Your face rings a bell, Rafe. How do you know, uh, Lady Gabby?
Oh, I... Rafe, you know, he's her interior designer.
That's a fucking coincidence, that,
because I just bought my own place... Oh.
I'm really looking to stamp my own mark on it. What's hot this season?
Rafe, what is hot this season? Uh, what, this season? Mm-hm.
This season, yeah. This season's all about leather wallpaper.
Really? Yeah.
Well, make a note, this season's all about leather wallpaper.
What do you do, Yolanda? Yo-Yo, she's, uh, she's in porn.
Porn? Yes, she goes by Misty Jutland.
Hm, don't you? Yeah. Yeah. You might have heard of her.
I've done a lot of work with Long Dong Silver.
You don't really work in porn.
Oh, my God! We have to go and dance. Come on, Rafe.
You bloody love Abba, don't you?
Do I? Yeah, yeah. You've seen Mamma Mia nine times.
Enjoy.
Rafe.
Can I, uh, can I have a word? What's up?
The group have asked me to ask you to leave.
Leave? Why?
You told Marcus he was a race traitor because he liked the music of Michael Bolton.
Michael Bolton stole his entire singing style from black R&B.
You called Susan a puppet of capitalism. She is.
She works part time at Ikea.
Why do you have to do this all of the time?
Do what?
Act like the angry black woman. It's not an act.
I've got a lot to be angry about. So do I. We grew up together.
We took the same shit. I worked things through. I let things go.
Yeah, well, maybe you shouldn't. I have to.
I don't want to end up like you. Which is like what?
A lonely balled up fist of fossilised rage.
I quite like that. I'll put it on a T-shirt.
I'm sorry, but can you leave the group, please? How?
I've got to walk this way to get back.
Yo. Hi, hiya.
West side.
Sorry to, uh, interrupt.
I'm sure you're absolutely snowed under.
Friend of mind said, uh, that she called ahead.
I was supposed to pick up a prescription.
Which I'm beginning to realise is not for Gaviscon Extra.
You undy? Am I what, sorry? Undy.
Undercover police. Oh, me, no. No, I'm a, I'm a lawyer.
Civil litigation mainly. But, uh, some contract law.
Prescriptions are 80 quid.
Oh, my friend didn't say anything about money.
Oh, then, why don't you take the product then, like,
come back with the money when, when it's convenient.
Oh, great, thank you. Brilliant. I appreciate that.
I'm not playing, bruv. You got the Ps?
By Ps you mean...?
Ps. Paper. Cheddar. Folding.
Yeah, that's not helping. If anything, that's muddying the water.
The money. The money.
OK. Slang.
Give me one second.
Uh, I can do 60.
Don't give it to me. No, OK.
I'm very confused, cos just now you, you were talking about money.
You seemed like you wanted some for the product.
And, there it is and now you don't want it.
Give it to him.
Who's he? The work experience kid?
Oh, uh, you should've said, um, say hello to my little friend!
Have you seen that film? Scarface? No?
You'd like it. It's about drug deal...
About, um, what is it about? I can't even remember.
Excuse me. I was told to give you this money.
Wait here. Yeah.
He's not coming back, is he?
MUSIC: Acceptable In The 80s by Calvin Harris
MUSIC: Young Dumb & Broke by Khalid
# So you're still thinking of me
# Just like I know you should
# I can not give you everything
# You know I wish I could
# I'm so high at the moment
# I'm so caught up in this
# Yeah, we're just young, dumb and broke
# But we still got love to give
# While we're young, dumb
# Young, young, dumb and broke
# Young, dumb
# Young, young, dumb and broke... #
We have to use the photo booth. Yeah.
BUZZER
I'll just get my shoes. Yeah, no, er, listen.
I've, um, I've changed my mind. No.
I need the money. No.
It's all of us or none of us.
You know, my dad came to this country with, uh,
five bob in his pocket.
Back when there were signs everywhere that said,
"No blacks, no dogs, no Irish." You don't have to remind me.
Well, he worked the roads, the building sites, the gaslight.
He grafted every day God gave him to make something of himself.
If I don't take this money, everything he ever worked for...
Everything he ever worked for is gone.
It's a crime. What's the crime?
Keeping people in work?
You ignore the law when it suits you, don't you?
Not when it comes to stealing money.
You know everyone steals these days, yeah?
That's why small businesses like mine
pay more tax than these giant tech companies.
Look, you're just bitter that you don't have the same accountant!
Oh, no, no, no, excuse me.
If I'm bitter it's because we have a Government that gives aid money
to third world countries to build new factories
while mine can barely stay open.
Here we go. Yeah, here we go!
You know we give millions of pounds to India? India!
India has a space programme. We don't.
India is the world's fastest growing economy. They don't need our help!
It's ridiculous.
It's like giving Mick Jagger the winter fuel allowance.
You are a capitalist. You know the game and so does your father!
Yeah, well, my father doesn't know that his business is about to fold.
Well, then, you'd better tell him. I can't tell him.
Why can't you? Because all my life he told me I was nothing
and I'm not about to prove him right!
Just take the money.
Go buy your collective some, uh, T-shirts and vegan sausage rolls.
My collective and I have...parted ways.
What, since this morning?
Fine, I don't care.
Take the money and go Mother Teresa it up in the slums of Calcutta.
No. I am not taking the money. What else are you going to do?
When's that phone ever going to ring? Huh?
You're just going to sit here every day eating fair trade falafel
until you just keel over and die.
You better hope the police find your body before your cat does, eh?
You should go now. I heard myself say that.
I'm going to apologise right there. I think you should go.
No, I hear you and I'm saying sorry, right? Go!
Fuck's sake.
Fuck.
G, you made it!
Did you manage to pick up my prescription?
Sorry, no. A nine-year-old kid stole all of my money.
Well, you're an angel for trying. Gregs Benedict!
Spencer.
Darling, can you ask your friend to pull in so Greg can get on, please?
Yeah. Oh, God, yeah, bit of rotten news about that I'm afraid, mate.
I just spoke to the skipper and we're full to bursting, mate.
I can't let you on board. Oh, no, you're joking.
No, I'm gutted, mate. I'm absolutely gutted.
But it's a, it's a health and safety issue. Oh, my God.
Well, look, Greg, you can put that on the list. I'm so sorry, darling.
What a nightmare. Sorry, mate.
Bye.
What?
That was cold.
What was cold? You ever heard "no man left behind"?
Wait. You're not an interior designer. You're a doorman at Ergo.
I was at the "Golf Pros and Tennis Hoes Night"
and you confiscated my chang!
Oi, Nadger! Nadger, we need to pull the boat in!
We've got a couple of stowaways that need to be thrown off!
Delete last note.
Leather wallpaper deleted.
Did Greggers come through with the ol' marching powder?
No, a little kid stole his money. Oh, my God.
He's such a loser.
You know, you know he hired a prostitute, right?
And he's still never had a blowjob.
So, look, you should swap lawyers, right? So, we should swap numbers.
Why don't you put deets in and I'll call you tomorrow to arrange?
Yeah, sure, absolutely.
What are you... Wha...? That was my phone!
What the fuck!?
Nadger! Nadger!
Pull the boat in, mate!
Or, just, have you got a net?
# So you're still thinking of me
# Just like I know you should
# I can not give you everything
# You know I wish I could
# I'm so high at the moment
# I'm so caught up in this
# Yeah, we're just young, dumb and broke
# But we still got love to give... #
I'm sorry.
It's fine.
I mean it, Greg. I really am sorry.
What do you need me to do?
Just finish the health and safety list. Absolutely.
So, how'd it go with Rani? How did what go with Rani?
Come on, I'm walking you home.
Since when? Since now! Come on, let's go.
How do I find a particular book?
Since when do you read?
Since when were you so nosy?
Which book?
Catcher in the Rye.
I want another vote.
Myrna.
I didn't start to see it weakened by compromise.
Real power comes from the collective fight for liberation,
not from jumping into bed with the very people who want to keep us down.
How many times do I have to explain?
Without the council grant there will be no group.
I can get us money. What? I can get us enough money to keep this group
true to the principles I founded it on.
But I want another vote. Right now.
If you win I will leave and you'll never hear from me again.
But if I win we go back to doing things my way.
It's still a democracy, isn't it?
Or did you vote that out when you got rid of me?
12 to ten.
In favour of?
You.
Thank you.
Stop that game, you two. I'm watching.
Stop the game.
Don't speak to me like that...
We're in the living room.
Hi. You must be Rani? Yeah.
I'm Detective Sergeant Lucy Haines from the Bristol and Avon Constabulary.
And this is Detective Sergeant Selforth.
Would you sit down, please?
You ever watch snooker? Most racist thing on TV.
I've been watching all tournament. Never seen a brother playing.
Not in the crowd. Not even the weird butler who polishes the ball.
White ball has no value. Black ball has all the value.
White keeps knocking black down.
But, black keeps getting back up again.
You said you wanted to talk? Well, was it about snooker?
Cos I've got to get home and cook my sister's dinner.
It's curry goat tonight.
You can't rush that, so... I'm checking on a rumour I heard.
See if it rings a bell, yeah.
I sent this bredrin of mine to stick up a crib in Lawrence Hill.
He walks out with a mobile phone as requested.
But also a big blood-cut bag filled with stacks.
I mean, life-changing sums.
But instead of sharing the wealth,
greedy little bitch keeps it for himself. Does it ring any bells?
No. Where'd you hear that?
I got my sources.
Well, they're wrong.
Why would they lie?
Because they're trying to play you. I don't know.
You saying I don't know when someone's playing me?
No, I ain't saying you're being played. Just someone's trying.
Where's the money?
Can you confirm this is your van, Mr Rekowski?
It looks like it, yes.
Can you explain why in the early hours of May 14th
it was present at a drug house robbery?
I had a call-out.
A family with a young baby.
Their boiler went down, they had no hot water.
You can confirm this? Oh, yes.
I will fucking shoot you.
Where's the money?
Look, I don't know who's giving you your information
but they're lying to you.
There was no money.
You didn't think to report this incident?
Well, I just thought it was kids misbehaving.
A man with a gun being chased by two men with knives?
That's not something to call the police about?
You said this money's life-changing.
How's my life changed? You see any new jewellery on me? New clothes?
Look, you know me. You know where I live.
Come to my house and search it if you want.
I didn't want to get involved.
Jerzy is nervous about the authorities
because he grew up under communism.
Every time there's a knock at the door he goes
and hides his Rolling Stones records.
I swear down on my eyes, man.
There was no money.
Enjoy your curry goat.
I know it's late, but you've been very helpful. Thank you.
We can see ourselves out.
Why was my van at the scene of a crime?
I don't know.
Don't!
We just lied to the police for you.
The least you can do is to tell us the truth.
You believe him? I don't know what to believe.
London tells me he stole the money.
But did he? Or is London just saying that so I owe London money?
I don't know who's doing what to me.
I feel like a blind man at a gang-bang.
I don't know what you're getting your panties in a twist for.
Because if a bag of money did go missing on my watch
London puts a bullet in all our heads.
And I've got a fucking family to feed.
If you die the only other things that die are your goldfish
and your hydroponic weed plant. If I die so do five other people.
So, what do we do then? That's what I'm saying. I don't know.
What if we focus on the sister, yeah?
If he's got the money, she'll lead us to it.
OK.
Let's get this madness over with.
Change of plan.
We want our cut.
OK.