1
00:00:02,235 --> 00:00:03,503
[male weatherman] Good morning, Chicago.

2
00:00:03,570 --> 00:00:05,005
The big question for Santa

3
00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:07,407
is can he handle the Chicago weather.

4
00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:09,142
[man]  What do I want for Christmas?

5
00:00:09,209 --> 00:00:10,643
how about a winning team?

6
00:00:10,710 --> 00:00:12,245
Any Chicago team.

7
00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:14,381
[woman 1]  You've already put your wish in for Santa, right?

8
00:00:14,481 --> 00:00:16,883
[woman 2]  I sure have. I wrote a list, I checked it twice.

9
00:00:16,983 --> 00:00:19,152
[male reporter]  Blackhawk fans around the world,

10
00:00:19,219 --> 00:00:20,687
fans everywhere have had...

11
00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:22,188
[woman 3]  And I love this time of year.

12
00:00:46,012 --> 00:00:47,447
[adult Jake] We gotta hustle, Annie.

13
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:48,948
-Come on. Let's go, go, go! -[phone chimes]

14
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,351
That's my friends trying to reach me, isn't it?

15
00:00:51,418 --> 00:00:53,219
You know, if I had my own phone...

16
00:00:53,286 --> 00:00:57,457
Um, there's no quit in you, and it's inspiring. Still a hard no.

17
00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:59,726
Okay, let's say I'm in a burning building.

18
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,694
No. A burning pet store.

19
00:01:01,761 --> 00:01:04,397
No. A burning orphanage,

20
00:01:04,464 --> 00:01:06,366
and I need to make a phone call.

21
00:01:06,433 --> 00:01:08,134
-You'd feel so terrible. -[phone chimes]

22
00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:09,536
Lives are at stake!

23
00:01:09,602 --> 00:01:11,037
You're not getting a phone, Annie. I'm sorry.

24
00:01:11,104 --> 00:01:12,972
I get more calls on your phone than you do.

25
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,441
That's not true.

26
00:01:14,541 --> 00:01:17,243
My friends have to text you just to talk to me.

27
00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:18,711
It's embarrassing.

28
00:01:18,778 --> 00:01:20,880
I'm not embarrassing. Maeve's dad is embarrassing.

29
00:01:20,947 --> 00:01:22,749
Whoa! [grunts]

30
00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:24,617
Ow!

31
00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:27,720
Still? The ice?

32
00:01:27,787 --> 00:01:29,823
-[Santa] I told them to salt it. -[adult Jake] Ow.

33
00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,891
-[Annie] You were saying? -[phone ringing]

34
00:01:31,958 --> 00:01:33,593
[groaning] One second.

35
00:01:34,894 --> 00:01:35,795
Jake Doyle.

36
00:01:37,997 --> 00:01:40,133
It's for you.

37
00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:44,270
[adult Jake] Fifty-eight minutes to Grandpa and Grandma's. With traffic.

38
00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:45,805
Boom!

39
00:01:45,905 --> 00:01:48,108
Hey, you wanna shoot pucks in the driveway later?

40
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,343
No, thanks.

41
00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:52,412
Why not? I thought you liked it. It's kind of our thing.

42
00:01:52,479 --> 00:01:53,780
I don't like hockey anymore.

43
00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:56,783
Oh, okay, well...

44
00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:59,319
maybe we can build a snowman with Mom and your brother?

45
00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:00,787
Dad.

46
00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:02,322
We could...

47
00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:05,358
Hey, hold up, hold up, hold up.

48
00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:09,195
Listen, kiddo, I'm sorry about the phone. It's not gonna happen.

49
00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:10,830
I hate to see you disappointed.

50
00:02:10,930 --> 00:02:13,833
Look, I know that this year is a little bit different,

51
00:02:13,933 --> 00:02:16,136
but you can still have a good Christmas.

52
00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:17,270
What about you?

53
00:02:19,839 --> 00:02:21,708
I always have a good Christmas.

54
00:02:23,042 --> 00:02:24,144
[adult Jake] Hello?

55
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,613
Mom?

56
00:02:26,679 --> 00:02:27,814
Must be out running errands.

57
00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,552
[adult Jake] Katie? Charlie?

58
00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:34,220
[Annie] I'm bored.

59
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,389
Why couldn't we visit Aunt Lizzy in Australia instead?

60
00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:38,892
Those flights are crazy expensive.

61
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,727
[Annie] Well...

62
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,462
what am I supposed to do here?

63
00:02:44,197 --> 00:02:45,131
I...

64
00:02:49,869 --> 00:02:51,037
[adult Jake] Come on, come on.

65
00:02:52,405 --> 00:02:54,007
Ta-da!

66
00:02:54,073 --> 00:02:57,343
-What is that? -That's my Nintendo from when I was a kid.

67
00:02:57,410 --> 00:02:59,712
[Annie] Hmm. It looks like Tupperware.

68
00:02:59,812 --> 00:03:00,680
Tupperware?

69
00:03:01,581 --> 00:03:02,515
Come on, let's play.

70
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,186
Can I text Maeve from your phone after?

71
00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:08,388
Can you...

72
00:03:08,488 --> 00:03:10,857
Yes, but can I show you how this works first, please?

73
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:11,891
-[Annie] Yeah. -Thank you.

74
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,163
Oh, first you have to do this. [blows]

75
00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:18,264
Why?

76
00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:19,766
I don't know, just how it works.

77
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,035
-[blowing] -Nice. Maybe dust?

78
00:03:25,572 --> 00:03:26,573
[laughs]

79
00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:30,176
I thought you said Grandma and Grandpa

80
00:03:30,243 --> 00:03:32,445
didn't let you have video games when you were little.

81
00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:33,446
They didn't.

82
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,783
Then how'd you get it?

83
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:40,220
When I was a kid, I wanted a Nintendo worse than you want a phone.

84
00:03:40,286 --> 00:03:41,387
That's not possible.

85
00:03:42,755 --> 00:03:45,024
You know what? Today is your lucky day.

86
00:03:45,091 --> 00:03:49,462
Because I am now going to tell you the story about how I got my Nintendo.

87
00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:53,766
But it is possibly the most amazing, dangerous,

88
00:03:53,866 --> 00:03:56,302
awesome story of all time.

89
00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:59,239
So... can you handle it?

90
00:03:59,305 --> 00:04:02,242
Is it dangerous because I might die from boredom?

91
00:04:02,308 --> 00:04:03,743
That's a good point.

92
00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:07,580
The year was 1987. Or was it '88?

93
00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:09,282
No. '85, Bears.

94
00:04:09,382 --> 00:04:11,384
-Super Bowl was in '86... -Okay, does it really matter, Dad?

95
00:04:12,285 --> 00:04:13,386
Okay, okay.

96
00:04:13,453 --> 00:04:17,123
The year was the late '80s.

97
00:04:17,223 --> 00:04:18,324
We'll call it December.

98
00:04:19,158 --> 00:04:22,562
I was 11 years old.

99
00:04:22,629 --> 00:04:25,098
In the winter, if the streets were plowed,

100
00:04:25,164 --> 00:04:29,636
I could make it to Timmy Keane's house in just under eight minutes.

101
00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:33,640
[Annie]  On a bike? How fast were you going?

102
00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:34,774
[adult Jake]  Super fast.

103
00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:35,908
[Annie]  Did you wear a helmet?

104
00:04:35,975 --> 00:04:38,011
[adult Jake]  Yeah, of course.

105
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,146
We always wore helmets in the '80s.

106
00:04:40,913 --> 00:04:42,348
Was it green?

107
00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:44,684
Um, yeah. It was green.

108
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,185
[adult Jake]  Could I just tell the story?

109
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,086
-[Annie]  Yeah. -[adult Jake]  Thanks.

110
00:04:57,363 --> 00:04:58,665
[panting]

111
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:04,203
[children chanting] Nintendo! Nintendo! Nintendo!

112
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,439
Nintendo! Nintendo!

113
00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:08,541
[adult Jake]  The rule at Keane's was simple.

114
00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:11,811
The first ten kids to get through his door got to play Nintendo.

115
00:05:11,878 --> 00:05:13,613
You know how you meet some people,

116
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,381
and you have no idea that they have a lot of money?

117
00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:18,017
Yeah. Timmy Keane was the opposite of that.

118
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:20,687
A known psycho,

119
00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:22,722
he had the tendency to lose his mind on a regular basis.

120
00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:25,958
-[umpire] You're out! -You! You! You!

121
00:05:26,025 --> 00:05:27,293
Stupid!

122
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:29,162
Idiot Grandma!

123
00:05:30,963 --> 00:05:33,499
[adult Jake]  It was an early lesson in God's cruelty...

124
00:05:33,566 --> 00:05:38,504
giving the only Nintendo in town to a rich kid like Timmy Keane.

125
00:05:38,571 --> 00:05:42,508
And every kid at Mary Todd Lincoln Elementary was at his mercy...

126
00:05:42,575 --> 00:05:43,843
including my best friends.

127
00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:46,679
Oh, another Saturday in the trenches.

128
00:05:46,746 --> 00:05:48,247
[inhales]

129
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,316
[adult Jake]  Mikey Trotter.

130
00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:54,721
Tough, tenacious. Was allowed to watch R-rated movies, and it showed.

131
00:05:54,821 --> 00:05:56,823
I wanna set land mines in this yard.

132
00:05:56,889 --> 00:06:00,059
Like in  Platoon, blow everyone up.

133
00:06:00,159 --> 00:06:01,694
Sounds dangerous.

134
00:06:01,761 --> 00:06:03,229
[adult Jake]  Evan Olsen.

135
00:06:03,329 --> 00:06:06,432
Nervous, allergic to bees and SpaghettiOs.

136
00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:08,201
Probably has to go home soon.

137
00:06:08,267 --> 00:06:10,069
I probably gotta go home soon.

138
00:06:10,169 --> 00:06:11,437
More Nintendo for us.

139
00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:12,939
[adult Jake]  Tammy Hodges.

140
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:15,274
Smart, confident, baseball card genius

141
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:18,177
and future CEO of Hodges Industries.

142
00:06:18,244 --> 00:06:19,779
My Canseco rookie went up two bucks!

143
00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:21,714
Yeah, that used to be my Canseco.

144
00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:22,749
[adult Jake]  Teddy Hodges.

145
00:06:22,849 --> 00:06:24,417
Tammy's twin brother.

146
00:06:24,517 --> 00:06:27,620
Future assistant to the CEO of Hodges Industries.

147
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,021
Hey, guys. What's up?

148
00:06:29,088 --> 00:06:30,757
[adult Jake]  Oh, yeah, and this kid.

149
00:06:30,857 --> 00:06:32,458
Sorry I'm late. I was on the phone with Bon Jovi.

150
00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:33,693
[adult Jake]  Jeff Farmer.

151
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:35,094
Pathological liar.

152
00:06:35,194 --> 00:06:37,430
Not really our friend, but always around.

153
00:06:37,530 --> 00:06:39,065
And you left school early yesterday

154
00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:41,234
because Tom Cruise needed you to stunt double for him?

155
00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:43,636
He knows I too have a need for speed.

156
00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:45,405
So, you didn't have diarrhea?

157
00:06:45,471 --> 00:06:47,039
It was both. Tom Cruise and diarrhea.

158
00:06:47,106 --> 00:06:49,108
The two are not mutually exclusive.

159
00:06:49,208 --> 00:06:50,810
Shut up. He's coming out.

160
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,979
[children chanting] Nintendo! Nintendo!

161
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,881
[children screaming]

162
00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:00,953
Nintendo!

163
00:07:01,053 --> 00:07:02,221
Nintendo!

164
00:07:02,288 --> 00:07:04,157
-Nintendo! -Silence!

165
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,558
[adult Jake]  8:00 a.m.

166
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:07,160
Game time.

167
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:10,062
Any of you huddled masses care for some Nintendo?

168
00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:11,764
[all] Yeah!

169
00:07:11,831 --> 00:07:13,299
Pick me! Pick me!

170
00:07:13,399 --> 00:07:15,935
You. You. You.

171
00:07:16,636 --> 00:07:18,237
You're good.

172
00:07:18,971 --> 00:07:20,640
Yes! I got in!

173
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,676
[Mikey] We're in!

174
00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:25,278
I love this place.

175
00:07:25,344 --> 00:07:27,513
-[Mikey] Whoa! -[Tammy] Awesome.

176
00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:31,184
[adult Jake]  And there she was, glistening in all her gray plastic glory,

177
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:35,755
a maze of rubber wiring and electronic intelligence so advanced

178
00:07:35,822 --> 00:07:37,590
it was deemed not a video game,

179
00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:41,461
but an 8-bit entertainment system.

180
00:07:41,527 --> 00:07:43,196
Say hello to my little friend.

181
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:45,698
Hey, boots off!

182
00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:47,700
There's tape over there if you have holes in your socks.

183
00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:51,771
Don't touch the wall! It's French.

184
00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:55,708
-Wait, my brother's still outside. -[Teddy] Let me in!

185
00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:56,776
[Timmy] You know the rules.

186
00:07:56,843 --> 00:07:58,311
First ten, that's it.

187
00:07:58,377 --> 00:07:59,278
But it's Teddy.

188
00:07:59,345 --> 00:08:00,680
[mocking] "But it's Teddy."

189
00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:01,647
[Teddy] Jerk!

190
00:08:02,615 --> 00:08:04,116
Too bad, so sad.

191
00:08:04,183 --> 00:08:06,052
[adult Jake]  There was no denying he was a jerk.

192
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,621
There was also no denying he had the coolest basement

193
00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:10,957
in the entire Central Time Zone.

194
00:08:11,023 --> 00:08:13,960
A pool table, shuffle board, pinball machine,

195
00:08:14,026 --> 00:08:16,629
pop machine, movie-style popcorn-maker.

196
00:08:16,696 --> 00:08:18,231
[Timmy] Hey, no sucking on the soda pop.

197
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,333
[adult Jake]  And a snack drawer better stocked

198
00:08:20,399 --> 00:08:22,702
than most supermarkets in the greater Chicago area.

199
00:08:22,802 --> 00:08:25,071
You guys hungry? You want some Pop-Tarts or something?

200
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,340
-Yeah. That'd be great. -[Jake] Sure.

201
00:08:27,406 --> 00:08:28,875
-[beeping] -Mom.

202
00:08:30,476 --> 00:08:32,211
Mom!

203
00:08:32,311 --> 00:08:34,380
-Mom, wake up! -[Mrs. Keane]  What?

204
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:35,414
Get me a Pop-Tart!

205
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,749
[Mrs. Keane]  Uh, how many?

206
00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:41,354
-Just one. -[Mrs. Keane]  Does anybody--

207
00:08:42,421 --> 00:08:43,422
[sighing]

208
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,423
[yaps]

209
00:08:48,594 --> 00:08:49,662
Winner stays.

210
00:08:50,997 --> 00:08:51,998
Die, die!

211
00:08:52,064 --> 00:08:53,933
You're dead. You're dead.

212
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:56,269
You're dead. [laughs]

213
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,403
Hey, you guys wanna play?

214
00:08:58,070 --> 00:08:59,338
Psych! Boom!

215
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:01,774
I can do this all day.

216
00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:04,076
[adult Jake]  As I sat there and watched Timmy Keane

217
00:09:04,176 --> 00:09:08,214
blast away an inch from the screen to his evil heart's content,

218
00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:09,749
one thing became clear.

219
00:09:09,849 --> 00:09:11,918
I needed to get my own Nintendo.

220
00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:13,219
Fast.

221
00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:14,554
[festive music playing]

222
00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:20,393
[Kathy] Oh, gee!

223
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:23,896
Y-O-U-R is possessive.

224
00:09:23,963 --> 00:09:25,965
[adult Jake]  For weeks, I'd been plotting

225
00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:29,035
how to get my parents to say "yes" to a Nintendo for Christmas.

226
00:09:29,101 --> 00:09:31,270
[Kathy] "Scout" is misspelled.

227
00:09:31,370 --> 00:09:34,440
[adult Jake]  Tonight was the night I'd finally put my plan into action.

228
00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:37,310
-[Kathy] "Atticus" is misspelled. -[Jake] Mom.

229
00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:39,245
Uh, hey, Mom.

230
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:41,314
I'm so sorry, Mom,

231
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,249
but I got some ketchup on my sweatshirt.

232
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:46,319
Oh, gosh. All right, let's get that out before it sets in.

233
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,454
You know, we bought that sweatshirt two sizes too big.

234
00:09:48,554 --> 00:09:50,156
-I know. -It's gotta last you another year.

235
00:09:51,223 --> 00:09:54,327
I don't know. Wow! Jesus!

236
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,662
[adult Jake]  My mom was always multi-tasking.

237
00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:58,130
She thrived on the chaos.

238
00:09:58,230 --> 00:10:00,232
Two things at once, she was golden.

239
00:10:00,299 --> 00:10:04,170
But if you gave her a third task to juggle, things got dicey,

240
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:07,340
and you could get her to agree to stuff she wouldn't normally agree to.

241
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,409
Hey, so, Mom, I was thinking, for Christmas...

242
00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:12,578
A kid who thinks. How refreshing.

243
00:10:12,645 --> 00:10:14,847
Maybe you could teach my students that.

244
00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:16,349
Sure?

245
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,250
But just to make Christmas shopping

246
00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:20,586
a little easier for me this year...

247
00:10:20,653 --> 00:10:22,488
how about getting me a Nintendo?

248
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,358
Sure. That sounds great.

249
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:27,360
[adult Jake] Mom gauntlet passed.

250
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,594
[John] God bless it!

251
00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:30,196
Is everything all right in there?

252
00:10:31,263 --> 00:10:34,033
Has anyone seen my SKIL saw?

253
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:36,202
I think it's in the shower.

254
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:40,206
No, that's my jigsaw. I need my SKIL saw.

255
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,875
John, the SKIL saw is underneath the jigsaw.

256
00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:45,277
You have to look harder.

257
00:10:45,344 --> 00:10:48,481
-Those are for the Muellers. -[stammers]

258
00:10:48,547 --> 00:10:50,683
[adult Jake]  Of the 6,000 Christmas cookies

259
00:10:50,783 --> 00:10:52,385
my mom had baked over the years,

260
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:55,221
no one in my family had ever actually eaten one.

261
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,722
Hey, the milk is expired.

262
00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:58,557
No. That's a suggestion. It's fine.

263
00:10:58,658 --> 00:10:59,792
Jake! Where...

264
00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:01,293
-Oh. -What?

265
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:03,562
Come on in here and help me.

266
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,631
[adult Jake]  Normally, helping my dad with whatever half-baked renovation

267
00:11:05,698 --> 00:11:07,667
he was doing would be the last thing I wanted to do,

268
00:11:07,733 --> 00:11:10,736
but tonight, I was a man on a mission.

269
00:11:11,537 --> 00:11:13,005
I'll be right in, Dad.

270
00:11:13,072 --> 00:11:14,340
[Kathy] Wow, look at that.

271
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:16,575
He finally wore you down.

272
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:20,479
[adult Jake]  My dad was something of a dyslexic Bob Vila.

273
00:11:20,546 --> 00:11:23,816
It was well-known up and down Linwood Avenue that in 1978

274
00:11:23,883 --> 00:11:28,320
my father went to install a kitchen cabinet and had not stopped since.

275
00:11:28,387 --> 00:11:30,690
[Kathy] Please wear your safety glasses this time.

276
00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:32,358
[Annie]  Did you wear the safety glasses?

277
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:33,426
[adult Jake]  Absolutely.

278
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,362
Really?

279
00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:38,698
Kind of.

280
00:11:43,002 --> 00:11:45,538
All right, you can take that off now.

281
00:11:45,604 --> 00:11:47,406
-[Jake] What? -[John] Take it off.

282
00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:48,574
Oh.

283
00:11:48,674 --> 00:11:50,176
We'll look for the glasses later.

284
00:11:50,242 --> 00:11:52,878
It's really more of a suggestion.

285
00:11:56,348 --> 00:11:57,416
[Jake] Wow.

286
00:11:57,516 --> 00:11:59,251
How'd you get your hands so strong?

287
00:11:59,351 --> 00:12:02,288
I've been working with them for over 30 years, that's how.

288
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,190
-That's so cool. -Yeah?

289
00:12:04,256 --> 00:12:06,125
Maybe you guys could get me something for Christmas

290
00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:08,928
that builds up my hand strength, so I could help you out better.

291
00:12:11,363 --> 00:12:14,133
You know, I like the sound of that.

292
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:15,201
Like a Nintendo?

293
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:17,303
Yeah.

294
00:12:18,704 --> 00:12:20,806
Done. [chuckles]

295
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:22,708
All right. Let's go clean up. Come on.

296
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:24,477
[Annie] You did it, Dad!

297
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:25,578
They said yes.

298
00:12:25,644 --> 00:12:27,313
I was on cloud nine.

299
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:29,982
So the story's over, right?

300
00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:31,383
Cool. Can I text Maeve now?

301
00:12:32,384 --> 00:12:33,252
Uh-uh.

302
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,655
[Kathy] John, that cup is disgusting.

303
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,225
This is the exact cup I was drinking out of when...

304
00:12:39,291 --> 00:12:40,760
When they beat the North Stars

305
00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:43,162
-in the Conference semis in '85. -Fine. Yep.

306
00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:46,065
It's a beautiful memory and a gross cup.

307
00:12:46,632 --> 00:12:47,933
Totally.

308
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,935
Stop saying "totally." You sound like a moron.

309
00:12:50,002 --> 00:12:51,837
[John] And what's your retainer doing out of your mouth?

310
00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:53,339
But we're eating.

311
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,407
Do you know how expensive that thing is? Put it back in.

312
00:12:55,474 --> 00:12:58,744
John, he really can't eat with it in. It doesn't work that way.

313
00:12:58,811 --> 00:13:01,347
Well, it won't work at all if he loses it.

314
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,783
I mean, orthodontistry is the biggest racket.

315
00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:05,484
I could make one of those. Easy.

316
00:13:05,584 --> 00:13:08,320
Couple of paper clips, mouth guard... [whistles] Done.

317
00:13:08,420 --> 00:13:10,689
I'd like you to finish the living room and the dining room

318
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,625
before you start work on their retainers.

319
00:13:12,691 --> 00:13:15,694
If I had a retainer, I'd wear it all the time, no matter what.

320
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,297
I know you would, honey. You're such a sweetheart.

321
00:13:19,698 --> 00:13:21,867
Hey, you haven't seen my air compressor, have you?

322
00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,435
It's in the backyard,

323
00:13:23,502 --> 00:13:25,204
right next to all the dog poop that Jake didn't pick up.

324
00:13:26,038 --> 00:13:26,972
Hey.

325
00:13:27,039 --> 00:13:28,440
You haven't picked that up yet?

326
00:13:28,507 --> 00:13:29,675
Cry in a bucket, Jake.

327
00:13:29,775 --> 00:13:31,177
What have you been doing all day?

328
00:13:31,277 --> 00:13:32,711
I was in Timmy Keane's basement.

329
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,213
What, you can't play outside?

330
00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:35,214
It's cold.

331
00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:36,949
It's not even below zero out.

332
00:13:37,016 --> 00:13:38,384
What've you been doing inside all day?

333
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,820
Probably playing the Mimtendo?

334
00:13:40,886 --> 00:13:41,987
"Nintendo."

335
00:13:42,054 --> 00:13:43,722
That's what I just said. "Intendo," John.

336
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:46,358
You know, I ran into Mrs. Trotter at the Jewel today.

337
00:13:46,458 --> 00:13:49,061
Apparently, video games have been doing

338
00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:51,897
all kinds of strange things to children in Japan.

339
00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:53,732
Like what?

340
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,702
They get so involved, they completely forget about everything else.

341
00:13:56,802 --> 00:13:57,903
School, friends.

342
00:13:58,003 --> 00:14:00,406
One little boy had a brain aneurysm

343
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,908
and stuff oozed out of his nose.

344
00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:05,744
I'm very glad that we do not have one. [chuckles]

345
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,547
But you said I could get one for Christmas.

346
00:14:08,647 --> 00:14:11,584
I said nothing of the sort.

347
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,253
Video games make you fat, Jake. It's a fact.

348
00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:16,722
Cabbage Patch Kids don't make you fat.

349
00:14:16,822 --> 00:14:18,090
[Jake] No, no, no.

350
00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:20,025
Dad, you said I could have one, too.

351
00:14:20,092 --> 00:14:21,894
No, I didn't. Well, okay, I did.

352
00:14:21,994 --> 00:14:24,663
But I thought that it was an Asian tool brand, like Makita.

353
00:14:24,730 --> 00:14:27,032
You know what? You should be playing outside.

354
00:14:27,099 --> 00:14:30,002
Evan Olsen almost got frostbite from playing outside.

355
00:14:30,069 --> 00:14:31,904
He almost lost his pinkie toe.

356
00:14:32,004 --> 00:14:33,839
The Olsens are weak stock.

357
00:14:33,906 --> 00:14:35,374
No Nintendo in my house.

358
00:14:36,108 --> 00:14:37,209
I second that.

359
00:14:37,276 --> 00:14:38,844
Me three, and that makes a majority.

360
00:14:41,013 --> 00:14:43,616
Looks like a no-go on the 'Tendo.

361
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,851
[laughs]

362
00:14:45,918 --> 00:14:47,853
She's funny, John.

363
00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:50,756
[John] Best kid ever.

364
00:14:50,856 --> 00:14:52,958
[adult Jake]  And just like that, it was gone.

365
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:55,060
I was never getting my own Nintendo.

366
00:14:55,127 --> 00:14:56,629
My life was over.

367
00:15:00,432 --> 00:15:02,401
Jake. Jake.

368
00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:04,370
Come on. You gotta focus, man.

369
00:15:04,436 --> 00:15:06,872
[Evan] His parents said he couldn't get a Nintendo last night.

370
00:15:06,939 --> 00:15:08,407
When my parents said no, I was so mad,

371
00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:10,609
I started calling them by their first names.

372
00:15:10,709 --> 00:15:14,046
Okay, well, channel that anger into taking down Jagorski.

373
00:15:14,113 --> 00:15:15,447
[grunting]

374
00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:17,750
[Josh] Yeah!

375
00:15:17,816 --> 00:15:19,251
Yeah!

376
00:15:19,318 --> 00:15:20,586
Let's go!

377
00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:23,088
[growling]

378
00:15:23,155 --> 00:15:25,591
[adult Jake] Every day before school, we would gather,

379
00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:28,494
for reasons unknown, to get pummeled by Jagorski

380
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,429
in the game King of the Mountain.

381
00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:32,798
[all screaming]

382
00:15:32,898 --> 00:15:35,935
My mountain! Mine!

383
00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:39,838
[adult Jake]  It was never quite certain what grade Josh "King of the Mountain" Jagorski

384
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,240
was actually enrolled in,

385
00:15:41,307 --> 00:15:43,409
as the vast majority of his time

386
00:15:43,475 --> 00:15:45,644
was spent in such foreign districts as the principal's office,

387
00:15:45,744 --> 00:15:48,814
and the adult beverage refrigerator case at the gas station.

388
00:15:48,914 --> 00:15:51,850
[growling]

389
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,919
[Josh] Bye and bye.

390
00:15:53,986 --> 00:15:57,323
Yeah! Come on!

391
00:15:57,423 --> 00:16:00,659
He smells like my dad after he practices guitar in the garage.

392
00:16:00,759 --> 00:16:01,860
Who wants a piece

393
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:05,597
of this delicious strawberry cake?

394
00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:08,033
This is it. Let's go!

395
00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:10,035
-Why now? -Do we have to?

396
00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:11,036
Come on!

397
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:12,504
Come here!

398
00:16:12,604 --> 00:16:13,872
[screaming]

399
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,976
Let's go! Let's go! Go, go, go!

400
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:22,982
Come on!

401
00:16:23,048 --> 00:16:24,616
[Mikey] Oh, no!

402
00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:26,552
Yeah!

403
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:27,619
Come on.

404
00:16:29,221 --> 00:16:31,890
How about a nice face wash, Doyle?

405
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:36,028
[screams]

406
00:16:36,128 --> 00:16:37,129
Yeah!

407
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:40,232
[Jake] I hate that guy!

408
00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:41,400
Me too.

409
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:42,868
Just think about the Power Glove, man.

410
00:16:42,968 --> 00:16:45,237
What? What Power Glove?

411
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:46,405
Yo, you didn't tell him?

412
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,173
-I thought you told him. -[Mikey] No.

413
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:51,510
The Power Glove. Keane got one last night.

414
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:53,912
No way!

415
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,381
-Yes, way. -[Jake] For real.

416
00:16:55,481 --> 00:16:57,850
-[Jake] Awesome! -Look, he's already practicing.

417
00:17:00,319 --> 00:17:01,520
[Tammy] Nice!

418
00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:03,188
[Timmy] Psych!

419
00:17:03,255 --> 00:17:05,224
We're all going over to his house after school to play it.

420
00:17:05,324 --> 00:17:06,525
He's gonna let us in?

421
00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:08,360
We gotta bribe him with gifts, but yeah.

422
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:10,429
Who else knows?

423
00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:11,397
Just us.

424
00:17:11,997 --> 00:17:12,898
Well...

425
00:17:14,032 --> 00:17:15,167
and Farmer.

426
00:17:15,234 --> 00:17:17,770
Great. Farmer knows. Secret's safe.

427
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,539
[children chanting] Power Glove! Power Glove!

428
00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:23,842
I didn't say anything to anyone, I swear to God.

429
00:17:23,909 --> 00:17:26,445
All right, fine. Maybe Meg Platt, Steve Dybsky,

430
00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:29,615
my second-period gym class, Coach Wallach, but that's it.

431
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:31,450
Come on, Farmer. Now we're never gonna get in.

432
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:33,452
I have a Power Glove at my house.

433
00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:35,120
My uncle works at the cardboard company--

434
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:37,389
You don't have one, Farmer.

435
00:17:38,257 --> 00:17:39,925
No, I do not.

436
00:17:40,025 --> 00:17:42,628
I don't think anybody in Chicago has one yet besides Keane.

437
00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:44,296
He's coming out!

438
00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:47,900
[children chanting] Power Glove! Power Glove! Power Glove!

439
00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:51,437
This is so dumb.

440
00:17:51,537 --> 00:17:53,138
Just do it.

441
00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:55,808
[children chanting] Power Glove! Power Glove! Power Glove!

442
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,277
[boom box playing]

443
00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:02,214
♪ I'm holding out for a hero Till the end of the night ♪

444
00:18:02,281 --> 00:18:05,584
♪ He's gotta be strong And he's gotta be fast ♪

445
00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:08,720
♪ And he's gotta be fresh From the fight ♪

446
00:18:08,787 --> 00:18:11,290
-[mouthing] -♪ I need a hero ♪

447
00:18:11,390 --> 00:18:13,158
[all cheering]

448
00:18:17,062 --> 00:18:18,730
Yeah, Keane, yeah!

449
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:26,572
[adult Jake]  It was the most beautiful piece of machinery

450
00:18:26,638 --> 00:18:28,507
I'd ever laid eyes on.

451
00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:32,244
The thing made Luke Skywalker's robot hand look like a Tinker toy.

452
00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:34,613
Silence, children of Batavia.

453
00:18:35,814 --> 00:18:36,682
And Coach.

454
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:39,751
What have you brought me?

455
00:18:39,818 --> 00:18:41,186
[all] Me! Me! Me!

456
00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:43,989
I got a goldfish! I got a goldfish!

457
00:18:44,089 --> 00:18:47,426
Untraceable cash money!

458
00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:49,194
You're not getting in with that, dude.

459
00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:51,697
It's a summer sausage. It's gourmet.

460
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,632
It's the best I could find.

461
00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:54,666
[boy] Gimme! Gimme!

462
00:18:54,766 --> 00:18:55,701
One!

463
00:18:56,435 --> 00:18:57,669
Two! Three!

464
00:18:57,769 --> 00:18:59,638
Hey, I got my dad's Sports Illustrated.

465
00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:01,173
Yeah. Four. Yeah.

466
00:19:01,273 --> 00:19:02,641
NASA moon rocks?

467
00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:04,176
Moon rocks? No.

468
00:19:04,276 --> 00:19:05,377
Summer sausage!

469
00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,446
-It's my dad's. It's gourmet. -No.

470
00:19:09,348 --> 00:19:13,685
[Connor] I got a goldfish, Keane! You want it?

471
00:19:13,785 --> 00:19:16,455
-But it's a good pet. It's a fish. -[Timmy] No.

472
00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:30,169
Good girl, good girl.

473
00:19:30,235 --> 00:19:31,637
[dog growling]

474
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:40,078
Fetch! Go!

475
00:19:43,982 --> 00:19:45,184
[Timmy] Settle down, peons.

476
00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:49,354
-Gentlemen. -[clears throat]

477
00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:52,424
Gentlemen and the Hodges girl.

478
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:54,393
Behold the Power Glove...

479
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:56,061
in all of its...

480
00:19:57,429 --> 00:19:58,363
power.

481
00:19:59,898 --> 00:20:01,934
Timmy Keane, dream journal.

482
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,102
I had the dream about Tammy Hodges again.

483
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,505
She was on a white horse, I was on a beach.

484
00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:08,941
-I don't know what that means. -Turn it off!

485
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:10,676
-[Mrs. Keane]  Timmy, do you have your jammies on? -[Timmy]  Mom, get out of here!

486
00:20:10,742 --> 00:20:12,277
[Mrs. Keane]  Okay.

487
00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:15,180
-No one heard that. Understand? -Yeah.

488
00:20:16,415 --> 00:20:17,282
[exhaling]

489
00:20:18,183 --> 00:20:19,618
Behold...

490
00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:22,421
the power of the Power Glove.

491
00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:25,958
[Timmy] You ready, Hodges?

492
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,793
Not everyone can use these things, by the way.

493
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:30,295
You have to be specially trained in Taekwondo

494
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:33,298
which is like karate, but just more expensive.

495
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:35,434
[Jake] What a tool.

496
00:20:35,534 --> 00:20:37,703
[adult Jake] Oh, man. This was it.

497
00:20:37,769 --> 00:20:39,938
The Power Glove. At last.

498
00:20:40,038 --> 00:20:43,742
Each one of us in that basement knew we were about to witness history.

499
00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:49,915
Feel the Glove.

500
00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:51,450
Felt like an Isotoner.

501
00:20:51,550 --> 00:20:53,452
This is how you really punch with power.

502
00:20:55,487 --> 00:20:57,923
-[Timmy] Come on. -[all] Oh!

503
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,094
-[Mikey] Go, Tammy! -[Teddy] Go, Tammy, get him, get him!

504
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:03,996
Boom! You can give up now.

505
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,832
Nah. I think I'll win instead.

506
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:08,634
[Mikey] Yeah, Tammy!

507
00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:11,236
Get him, Tammy! Get him!

508
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:13,772
[all] Whoa!

509
00:21:13,839 --> 00:21:14,773
Come on!

510
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,842
Work!

511
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:19,111
[adult Jake]  We thought he was just making excuses, being a sore loser.

512
00:21:19,177 --> 00:21:22,581
But we'd later realized a horror that defined our generation.

513
00:21:22,648 --> 00:21:24,816
The Power Glove sucked.

514
00:21:24,916 --> 00:21:26,184
This glove sucks!

515
00:21:27,319 --> 00:21:28,787
Hi-ya! Hi-ya!

516
00:21:30,989 --> 00:21:32,824
Come on, unleash your power!

517
00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:36,828
[Jake] Yeah, yeah!

518
00:21:36,928 --> 00:21:38,997
It's not working! Come on!

519
00:21:39,097 --> 00:21:41,199
[man in game]  Silence him!

520
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:42,968
[all cheering] Yeah!

521
00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:46,038
Mommy, Tammy cheated!

522
00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:49,274
Sucks to lose... to a girl.

523
00:21:49,341 --> 00:21:51,043
-[all] Ooh! -[screams]

524
00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:53,045
[adult Jake] Maybe it was the glove.

525
00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:54,313
You tell 'em, Keane!

526
00:21:54,379 --> 00:21:55,714
[adult Jake] Maybe it was the song.

527
00:21:56,381 --> 00:21:57,783
Chop, chop, chop!

528
00:21:57,849 --> 00:21:59,685
Hai karate, Keane!

529
00:21:59,785 --> 00:22:02,954
[adult Jake] Maybe it was because he was just such an idiot.

530
00:22:03,021 --> 00:22:07,025
But Timmy Keane lost his dang mind that day.

531
00:22:07,125 --> 00:22:09,828
Go, Keane, go! Taekwondo!

532
00:22:09,895 --> 00:22:12,731
[all] Go, Keane, go! Taekwondo!

533
00:22:12,831 --> 00:22:15,400
[all] Go, Keane, go! Taekwondo!

534
00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:16,368
[screams]

535
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:20,339
[kids screaming in horror]

536
00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:23,742
[all gasp]

537
00:22:23,842 --> 00:22:25,811
[Mrs. Keane over intercom] Does anybody want some Tang?

538
00:22:25,877 --> 00:22:27,713
I just made a batch.

539
00:22:27,813 --> 00:22:30,182
[adult Jake]  A marble stuck in a nostril...

540
00:22:30,248 --> 00:22:31,750
shattering Mom's antique vase.

541
00:22:31,850 --> 00:22:34,653
Picnics in the fricking park compared to this.

542
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:36,888
For there, lying under the weight

543
00:22:36,988 --> 00:22:40,425
of a smashed 42-inch television set...

544
00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:42,361
was a dead dog.

545
00:22:42,427 --> 00:22:43,662
What?

546
00:22:43,729 --> 00:22:45,097
The dog dies?

547
00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:47,265
There's a dead dog in this story?

548
00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:50,268
Hey, what can I tell ya? It was the '80s.

549
00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:51,937
Stuff got real.

550
00:22:52,037 --> 00:22:54,005
I thought you said you were super safe in the '80s?

551
00:22:54,072 --> 00:22:55,907
It was a complicated decade.

552
00:22:56,007 --> 00:22:57,342
Are you making all this up?

553
00:22:57,409 --> 00:22:58,777
No. No. No way.

554
00:22:59,745 --> 00:23:01,613
Okay, well...

555
00:23:01,713 --> 00:23:03,382
what happened next in the basement?

556
00:23:03,448 --> 00:23:06,017
I mean, I don't really care. But...

557
00:23:08,420 --> 00:23:09,788
What did you do?

558
00:23:09,888 --> 00:23:13,058
We did what any rational, thoughtful, responsible kids

559
00:23:13,125 --> 00:23:14,960
would've done in our position.

560
00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:16,027
[all exclaiming] Run!

561
00:23:19,231 --> 00:23:20,465
[Evan] Why is everyone running?

562
00:23:20,565 --> 00:23:23,135
[Tammy] Go, go, go!

563
00:23:23,235 --> 00:23:25,637
-[Evan] What's happening? -We gotta get outta here!

564
00:23:25,737 --> 00:23:28,073
[Evan] What's going on? What's going on?

565
00:23:28,140 --> 00:23:30,609
-The sound of all those bones breaking... -What do you mean, "bones"?

566
00:23:30,709 --> 00:23:34,112
It's game over at Keane's! Just go! Go! Go! Go!

567
00:23:34,646 --> 00:23:36,481
Go!

568
00:23:36,581 --> 00:23:38,984
[yells indistinctly]

569
00:23:39,084 --> 00:23:42,988
[adult Jake]  It was the end-o of Nintendo at Keane's as we knew it.

570
00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:44,623
So many thoughts raced through my head.

571
00:23:44,723 --> 00:23:46,825
Would I be arrested? Would I go to jail?

572
00:23:46,925 --> 00:23:49,261
Or worse, would I ever play Nintendo again?

573
00:23:57,436 --> 00:24:00,138
It's gonna be snow, snow, snow.

574
00:24:00,238 --> 00:24:01,973
[Lizzy] Snow!

575
00:24:02,073 --> 00:24:03,842
[weatherman]  We have a northwest clipper coming off

576
00:24:03,942 --> 00:24:05,177
-of the south side of Lake Michigan. -Yes!

577
00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:07,512
God bless it.

578
00:24:07,612 --> 00:24:09,181
[weatherman] And at Christmas time that's just perfect.

579
00:24:11,450 --> 00:24:14,085
Can't read Jenny Jablecki's handwriting on this, Mom.

580
00:24:14,152 --> 00:24:16,455
[Kathy] If there is a heart over the "I"...

581
00:24:16,521 --> 00:24:17,789
mark it wrong and move on.

582
00:24:19,090 --> 00:24:20,525
Are we gonna have a snow day today?

583
00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:23,695
I don't want anyone here getting their hopes up.

584
00:24:23,795 --> 00:24:25,096
It's probably not gonna happen.

585
00:24:25,163 --> 00:24:27,299
I don't want anyone getting upset, okay?

586
00:24:27,365 --> 00:24:30,035
[adult Jake]  In the history of Batavia, Illinois,

587
00:24:30,135 --> 00:24:32,103
there had never been a snow day.

588
00:24:32,170 --> 00:24:33,939
Not a single one.

589
00:24:34,005 --> 00:24:36,374
It could be 20 below with a Soviet attack on the way

590
00:24:36,475 --> 00:24:38,543
-and we'd still have school. -[reporter]  We just got this in.

591
00:24:38,643 --> 00:24:41,346
In Kane County, the school closures are as follows...

592
00:24:41,446 --> 00:24:43,014
-[Lizzy] Come on! -[reporter]  Geneva,

593
00:24:43,114 --> 00:24:44,349
-Come on! -[reporter]  Elburn...

594
00:24:44,449 --> 00:24:45,884
-[Jake] Come on! -[reporter]  South Elgin,

595
00:24:45,984 --> 00:24:48,720
[reporter]  North Aurora, and...that's it.

596
00:24:48,820 --> 00:24:50,889
-Stupid! -Oh, no!

597
00:24:50,989 --> 00:24:52,824
Mary of God!

598
00:24:54,226 --> 00:24:56,795
I told you guys not to get your hopes up.

599
00:24:56,862 --> 00:24:59,130
-[Jake] You okay, Mom? -[Kathy] All right. You have to eat something.

600
00:25:00,799 --> 00:25:02,501
-Here. -This is frozen.

601
00:25:02,567 --> 00:25:04,836
Yes, put it under your armpits for two minutes, it'll thaw out.

602
00:25:04,903 --> 00:25:06,738
Guys, coats, gloves. What are we doing?

603
00:25:06,838 --> 00:25:07,973
Jake, don't forget your boots.

604
00:25:08,039 --> 00:25:10,075
Yeah. Don't forget your boots, Jake.

605
00:25:10,175 --> 00:25:13,311
-[Lizzy laughs] -[sighs]

606
00:25:13,378 --> 00:25:18,083
[adult Jake]  My mother, in a multi-tasking, cold, coupon-induced bout of madness,

607
00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:20,919
had accidentally bought me girl's boots.

608
00:25:30,829 --> 00:25:33,331
Back then, they were a death sentence.

609
00:25:33,398 --> 00:25:36,501
I should note, they were also flowered and French.

610
00:25:36,568 --> 00:25:38,270
What do you mean, "girl's boots"?

611
00:25:38,370 --> 00:25:40,772
Like they only fit girl's feet?

612
00:25:40,872 --> 00:25:43,508
No, they were just purple.

613
00:25:43,575 --> 00:25:45,076
So?

614
00:25:45,176 --> 00:25:48,280
Back then, people were more close-minded about fashion.

615
00:25:48,380 --> 00:25:50,782
And everything else.

616
00:25:50,882 --> 00:25:52,217
Ooh, pretty.

617
00:25:53,618 --> 00:25:56,621
Did you know that Esprit is French for "cool"?

618
00:25:56,721 --> 00:25:58,223
-Really? -No.

619
00:25:58,290 --> 00:25:59,457
Just go ahead, I'll catch up.

620
00:25:59,558 --> 00:26:00,892
What if someone kidnaps me?

621
00:26:00,959 --> 00:26:03,261
They'll return you in, like, five minutes.

622
00:26:03,361 --> 00:26:04,763
You shouldn't be doing that.

623
00:26:04,863 --> 00:26:06,598
Wait a second and shut up.

624
00:26:06,698 --> 00:26:08,133
You said a swear.

625
00:26:08,233 --> 00:26:09,601
I got a lot on my mind, Lizzy.

626
00:26:09,701 --> 00:26:11,436
I got a lot on my mind too.

627
00:26:12,237 --> 00:26:13,972
Come on. Let's go.

628
00:26:14,072 --> 00:26:15,140
Let's go.

629
00:26:20,979 --> 00:26:22,047
[sneezes]

630
00:26:26,785 --> 00:26:30,555
[Mrs. Hugo] It's called the Dewey Decimal System.

631
00:26:30,622 --> 00:26:34,292
Right. This is a life skill, people, like cursive.

632
00:26:34,392 --> 00:26:37,796
When you're an adult, and you wanna look something up really quickly,

633
00:26:37,896 --> 00:26:41,166
you're gonna be very happy that you learned this today. Okay.

634
00:26:41,266 --> 00:26:44,102
All you're gonna have to do is go to the library.

635
00:26:44,169 --> 00:26:45,670
Get your coats and boots on, head on over...

636
00:26:45,770 --> 00:26:48,006
We talked to Keane. The dog's not dead.

637
00:26:48,106 --> 00:26:49,941
The dog's not dead?

638
00:26:50,008 --> 00:26:52,444
No, it just broke three legs and a few ribs. It's on life support.

639
00:26:52,510 --> 00:26:55,413
It's gonna make a full recovery though. Right?

640
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:56,781
I wouldn't count on it.

641
00:26:56,848 --> 00:26:59,317
That TV landed on her like a house on a witch.

642
00:26:59,417 --> 00:27:01,920
But eventually it'll be like nothing happened.

643
00:27:01,987 --> 00:27:06,124
Physically, maybe. But mentally, she'll never be the same.

644
00:27:06,191 --> 00:27:08,693
You're lucky you didn't see it, Olsen. You would have thrown up.

645
00:27:08,793 --> 00:27:11,596
I only throw up from SpaghettiOs. It's a medical condition.

646
00:27:11,663 --> 00:27:14,032
He's really the Shackleton of the librarians.

647
00:27:14,132 --> 00:27:16,434
-And I'm not the only one who thinks that, by the way. -[snoring]

648
00:27:16,501 --> 00:27:18,870
Wait, so does this mean Nintendo's back on?

649
00:27:18,970 --> 00:27:20,271
-It gets a little more specific. -No.

650
00:27:20,338 --> 00:27:23,642
Keane's dad took it away. It's really over.

651
00:27:23,708 --> 00:27:25,377
[Jeff] Did you guys hear?

652
00:27:25,477 --> 00:27:27,512
The Loyal Ranger Scouts are giving out a Nintendo this year.

653
00:27:27,612 --> 00:27:31,216
Whoever sells the most wreaths in the wreath-selling contest gets one.

654
00:27:31,316 --> 00:27:34,219
-No way. -Yes, way. A sixth-grader told me.

655
00:27:34,319 --> 00:27:36,454
The same sixth-grader who told you that there were tryouts

656
00:27:36,521 --> 00:27:38,289
for the A-Team? Yeah, right.

657
00:27:38,356 --> 00:27:41,026
Nope. That was a lie. This one's real.

658
00:27:41,126 --> 00:27:43,528
We're gonna need some solid proof, Farmer.

659
00:27:43,628 --> 00:27:45,664
-Jake Doyle. -Huh?

660
00:27:45,730 --> 00:27:48,466
Do you have something that you'd like to share with the rest of the class?

661
00:27:48,533 --> 00:27:49,801
Uh, no.

662
00:27:49,868 --> 00:27:51,336
Don't think I haven't been watching you, Jake.

663
00:27:51,403 --> 00:27:52,804
You're the only one in here with wet shoes.

664
00:27:52,871 --> 00:27:55,840
Now, you know the rules. No boots, no recess.

665
00:27:55,907 --> 00:27:58,410
-But... -I expect to see you in boots at recess,

666
00:27:58,510 --> 00:28:00,478
or your name goes on the board...

667
00:28:00,545 --> 00:28:01,646
with a check.

668
00:28:01,713 --> 00:28:03,682
So what's it going to be, Mr. Doyle?

669
00:28:04,315 --> 00:28:05,250
Boots...

670
00:28:06,017 --> 00:28:07,085
or a check?

671
00:28:08,353 --> 00:28:09,688
[Josh] Go, go, go!

672
00:28:13,158 --> 00:28:15,927
-[Josh] Catch it. Get out there. Catch it. -No.

673
00:28:16,027 --> 00:28:17,562
It changes colors when I lick it.

674
00:28:19,097 --> 00:28:20,498
[adult Jake]  Connor Stump

675
00:28:20,565 --> 00:28:23,101
was by far the weirdest kid in school.

676
00:28:23,201 --> 00:28:24,736
He always carried around a recorder

677
00:28:24,836 --> 00:28:27,005
and his lunch was almost exclusively tuna.

678
00:28:27,072 --> 00:28:31,543
You ever put socks and shoes on your hands and just crawl around?

679
00:28:31,609 --> 00:28:33,011
[growling]

680
00:28:33,078 --> 00:28:35,613
It's just me, Connor. I'm not really a lion.

681
00:28:35,714 --> 00:28:37,849
-Jake, come on, you're on our team. -[Josh] Let's go. Line up.

682
00:28:37,916 --> 00:28:40,218
Just play without me.

683
00:28:40,285 --> 00:28:42,353
What're you doing back there?

684
00:28:42,420 --> 00:28:44,422
Ooh, is there a dead squirrel again?

685
00:28:44,522 --> 00:28:46,191
Is it all furry and frozen?

686
00:28:47,225 --> 00:28:48,359
Dude.

687
00:28:48,426 --> 00:28:49,794
You're wearing Katie Sorrentino's boots.

688
00:28:49,894 --> 00:28:50,795
They're mine.

689
00:28:50,895 --> 00:28:52,230
Your mom use a coupon again?

690
00:28:53,198 --> 00:28:55,200
Let's go, Trotter, you baby.

691
00:28:55,266 --> 00:28:56,601
Yeah, we gotta get you outta here.

692
00:28:56,701 --> 00:28:59,037
If Jagorski sees you, he'll kill you.

693
00:28:59,871 --> 00:29:01,539
Hey. What're you...

694
00:29:01,606 --> 00:29:03,908
You're wearing Katie Sorrentino's boots.

695
00:29:03,975 --> 00:29:05,143
They're mine.

696
00:29:05,243 --> 00:29:07,445
That's it! I'm coming over there.

697
00:29:07,545 --> 00:29:09,414
No, no! What do I do? What do I do?

698
00:29:09,481 --> 00:29:12,484
Does anybody have some candy or a nudie magazine or something?

699
00:29:12,584 --> 00:29:15,253
I call dibs if there's a dead squirrel back there again.

700
00:29:17,889 --> 00:29:19,257
[Josh laughs]

701
00:29:19,324 --> 00:29:23,828
I think we got ourselves a pair of girl's boots here.

702
00:29:23,928 --> 00:29:25,663
[adult Jake]  Painfully, my mind flipped through

703
00:29:25,764 --> 00:29:28,767
the Rolodex of punishment I was about to endure.

704
00:29:28,833 --> 00:29:32,337
Weeks of wedgies, swirlies, dead legs.

705
00:29:32,437 --> 00:29:37,175
I wanted to punch a kid's face until it turned into Kool-Aid so bad

706
00:29:37,275 --> 00:29:40,512
and I didn't get the chance... until now.

707
00:29:40,612 --> 00:29:41,846
-What's up, dork? -Hi!

708
00:29:41,946 --> 00:29:43,982
How's Four Eyes?

709
00:29:44,082 --> 00:29:46,851
-[adult Jake]  But then, I heard the voice of an angel. -[Jeff] Guys, I got proof!

710
00:29:47,786 --> 00:29:49,087
[Jeff] Guys! Guys!

711
00:29:49,154 --> 00:29:50,789
It says it right here! It really is a Nintendo!

712
00:29:53,825 --> 00:29:55,760
It's just a picture of a dumb wreath.

713
00:29:55,827 --> 00:29:57,662
You gotta read it.

714
00:29:57,762 --> 00:30:01,866
"This year's first prize is a brand-new Nintendo Entertainment System."

715
00:30:02,634 --> 00:30:04,969
[all exclaiming]

716
00:30:12,844 --> 00:30:14,012
I'm gonna kill you.

717
00:30:14,112 --> 00:30:16,815
[all cheering]

718
00:30:16,881 --> 00:30:19,717
[adult Jake]  Less than 30 minutes after the final school bell

719
00:30:19,818 --> 00:30:22,687
I was fitted in my dress greens and on my way...

720
00:30:22,787 --> 00:30:25,323
envisioning the acres of Alaskan pine forest

721
00:30:25,390 --> 00:30:28,493
needed to cover the amount of wreaths I was about to sell.

722
00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:31,529
And I had my sales pitch all planned out.

723
00:30:31,629 --> 00:30:32,730
[clears throat]

724
00:30:32,831 --> 00:30:34,532
[knocking]

725
00:30:34,632 --> 00:30:36,634
"I'm with the Loyal Ranger Scouts, ma'am, and without your help

726
00:30:36,701 --> 00:30:40,004
thousands of boys may become drug addicts and communists."

727
00:30:40,071 --> 00:30:41,739
-What? -What?

728
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:42,874
What? What do you want?

729
00:30:42,974 --> 00:30:45,243
Hi. My name is...

730
00:30:45,343 --> 00:30:47,745
Wait. You're not trying to sell me something, are you?

731
00:30:49,013 --> 00:30:50,048
Wanna buy a wreath?

732
00:30:52,750 --> 00:30:56,387
What, do you got a learning disability or something?

733
00:30:56,487 --> 00:30:59,724
Wait, you don't really got a learning disability, do you?

734
00:30:59,824 --> 00:31:03,194
Good. Ma, this kid thinks your wreath sucks!

735
00:31:05,530 --> 00:31:06,598
-[door slams] -Oh.

736
00:31:09,534 --> 00:31:12,937
[Jeff] Hey, Doyle. Gotta look out for those "no solicitor" signs.

737
00:31:14,505 --> 00:31:16,441
What're you doing here, Farmer?

738
00:31:16,541 --> 00:31:17,609
-[doorbell chiming] -Ruining your life.

739
00:31:17,709 --> 00:31:19,277
You can't sell wreaths here.

740
00:31:19,377 --> 00:31:22,247
You think there are rules here, Doyle? There are no rules.

741
00:31:22,347 --> 00:31:23,715
That Nintendo's mine.

742
00:31:23,781 --> 00:31:27,051
-I've already sold 67 wreaths. -To who?

743
00:31:27,118 --> 00:31:29,287
People. Your mom.

744
00:31:29,387 --> 00:31:31,789
You're full of it, Farmer.

745
00:31:31,890 --> 00:31:34,192
Hello, young lady. I was hoping your mother was home.

746
00:31:34,259 --> 00:31:36,761
I need to speak to an adult in the house.

747
00:31:36,861 --> 00:31:40,265
And did I mention how much I like your sweater?

748
00:31:40,365 --> 00:31:43,534
[adult Jake]  All over town, the boys in green pounded the pavements

749
00:31:43,601 --> 00:31:44,802
in record numbers,

750
00:31:44,903 --> 00:31:46,471
all in the name of Nintendo.

751
00:31:46,571 --> 00:31:51,075
A swarm of snot-nosed Gordon Gekkos had been born.

752
00:31:51,142 --> 00:31:53,978
Merry Christmas, ma'am. Would you like to buy a wreath?

753
00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:57,215
Hello, ma'am. 'Tis the season.

754
00:31:57,282 --> 00:32:00,919
Merry Christmas, sir. Do you think  Die Hard is a Christmas movie?

755
00:32:00,985 --> 00:32:03,655
Look at that, it's already wreath-thirty?

756
00:32:04,756 --> 00:32:06,391
Um...

757
00:32:06,457 --> 00:32:09,093
"Douglas fir Christmas wreaths." Just say it!

758
00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:10,995
Why don't you just say it?

759
00:32:11,095 --> 00:32:14,599
'Cause I'm not in stupid Ranger Scouts, 'cause I'm not a stupid boy.

760
00:32:14,666 --> 00:32:16,668
[adult Jake]  And it was every kid for themselves.

761
00:32:19,437 --> 00:32:22,674
Kids who weren't even in Ranger Scouts were getting in on the action.

762
00:32:22,774 --> 00:32:24,475
I will not take no for an answer!

763
00:32:24,575 --> 00:32:28,579
That is the first rule of salesmanship! The first rule!

764
00:32:28,646 --> 00:32:30,014
[knocking]

765
00:32:30,114 --> 00:32:31,649
[adult Jake]  Even I was getting the hang of it.

766
00:32:33,785 --> 00:32:36,521
Oh, are you here to shovel my walk?

767
00:32:36,621 --> 00:32:38,690
No, I'm here to sell Christmas wreaths.

768
00:32:38,790 --> 00:32:41,125
Okay. Um, let me see.

769
00:32:41,192 --> 00:32:42,927
My wallet's in my car.

770
00:32:42,994 --> 00:32:44,662
You want me to...

771
00:32:44,762 --> 00:32:47,332
Shovel my car out, so I can get to it. That would be great.

772
00:32:47,432 --> 00:32:48,933
Oh, I'll get the shovel.

773
00:32:54,439 --> 00:32:55,974
[panting]

774
00:33:00,645 --> 00:33:03,214
[Kathy laughing]

775
00:33:03,314 --> 00:33:07,218
[Jeff] The Tevatron particle accelerator at Fermilabs, they get more headlines.

776
00:33:07,318 --> 00:33:08,820
But if you ask me...

777
00:33:08,886 --> 00:33:10,822
the most valuable local resource we still have today

778
00:33:10,888 --> 00:33:12,190
are our teachers.

779
00:33:12,290 --> 00:33:14,392
Merry Christmas, Mrs. Doyle.

780
00:33:14,492 --> 00:33:16,627
Merry Christmas, Jeff.

781
00:33:16,694 --> 00:33:17,829
Stay beautiful, Kath.

782
00:33:19,964 --> 00:33:21,399
She said I reminded her of you.

783
00:33:23,334 --> 00:33:24,569
See you later, Jake.

784
00:33:26,971 --> 00:33:28,706
Did it have to be Farmer?

785
00:33:28,806 --> 00:33:31,075
He offered me an honest deal at an honest price.

786
00:33:31,175 --> 00:33:33,011
There's nothing honest about him!

787
00:33:33,077 --> 00:33:34,579
He's a pathological liar!

788
00:33:34,679 --> 00:33:39,083
Oh, I thought he was a really nice boy.

789
00:33:39,183 --> 00:33:41,352
Those are for your mother.

790
00:33:41,419 --> 00:33:43,421
My mom would want me to have one.

791
00:33:43,521 --> 00:33:47,225
I didn't even know that you were selling wreaths this year.

792
00:33:47,325 --> 00:33:51,095
He only cares about it now because they're giving away a Nin--

793
00:33:51,195 --> 00:33:52,597
Night in Chicago.

794
00:33:52,697 --> 00:33:54,699
Yep. That's a new prize.

795
00:33:54,766 --> 00:33:58,336
At a hotel, I think, in downtown?

796
00:33:58,403 --> 00:34:00,505
[Kathy] That's a peculiar prize for an 11-year-old.

797
00:34:00,571 --> 00:34:02,607
That is a peculiar prize.

798
00:34:02,707 --> 00:34:04,575
Don't you think that's peculiar, Dad?

799
00:34:04,675 --> 00:34:06,511
God bless it. Where the hell is it?

800
00:34:06,577 --> 00:34:08,446
The Phillips head is in the butter dish.

801
00:34:10,081 --> 00:34:11,449
[John] No, that's not it.

802
00:34:11,549 --> 00:34:13,351
You know what, Jake? If you wanna win that prize,

803
00:34:13,418 --> 00:34:15,953
you have to do what I tell my kids in class every day.

804
00:34:16,054 --> 00:34:17,622
Make like a vacuum cleaner.

805
00:34:17,722 --> 00:34:20,091
Suck it up and do the work.

806
00:34:20,191 --> 00:34:22,693
-[John groans] -What are you looking for?

807
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:23,928
My gourmet sausage.

808
00:34:24,028 --> 00:34:25,863
How the hell do you lose a sausage?

809
00:34:25,930 --> 00:34:27,065
[Kathy] Dinner is served.

810
00:34:28,866 --> 00:34:31,369
I wanted to eat it with dinner.

811
00:34:31,436 --> 00:34:32,637
We're having salads.

812
00:34:32,737 --> 00:34:35,573
That's why I wanted to eat the sausage.

813
00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:37,208
Well, maybe Elwood ate it, Dad.

814
00:34:37,275 --> 00:34:40,044
'Cause, I mean, he's been pooping so much lately.

815
00:34:40,111 --> 00:34:41,312
He has, hasn't he?

816
00:34:41,412 --> 00:34:42,580
You know how I know that?

817
00:34:42,647 --> 00:34:45,083
Because it still hasn't been picked up.

818
00:34:45,149 --> 00:34:47,285
Uh, it snowed.

819
00:34:47,385 --> 00:34:49,320
Hey, that's no excuse, okay?

820
00:34:49,420 --> 00:34:52,924
Tomorrow morning, you, that shovel, backyard.

821
00:34:52,990 --> 00:34:55,993
No, I'm totally supposed to sell wreaths all day tomorrow.

822
00:34:56,094 --> 00:34:58,096
Well, too bad. And stop saying "totally."

823
00:34:58,162 --> 00:34:59,097
It's not fair.

824
00:34:59,163 --> 00:35:01,232
Hey, if life was fair,

825
00:35:01,299 --> 00:35:04,001
it would be... a fair.

826
00:35:04,102 --> 00:35:06,170
Okay? But I don't...

827
00:35:06,270 --> 00:35:08,940
I don't see any carnival rides around here, do you?

828
00:35:09,807 --> 00:35:10,675
Hmm.

829
00:35:11,909 --> 00:35:13,678
You just made that up, didn't you?

830
00:35:13,778 --> 00:35:15,947
No, I didn't.

831
00:35:16,013 --> 00:35:17,482
It's an old saying.

832
00:35:18,282 --> 00:35:20,017
Listen!

833
00:35:20,118 --> 00:35:25,690
In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit...

834
00:35:25,790 --> 00:35:29,660
from thou thy bounty, to Jesus Christ's name...

835
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:31,963
-he is great. -Amen.

836
00:35:32,029 --> 00:35:35,967
[adult Jake]  I was convinced Elwood had pooped more times than any other dog

837
00:35:36,033 --> 00:35:38,536
in the history of the world.

838
00:35:38,636 --> 00:35:40,605
Our yard looked like a vanilla cake

839
00:35:40,671 --> 00:35:43,541
that someone dumped an entire bag of chocolate chips onto.

840
00:35:45,710 --> 00:35:48,613
What's Lizzy doing? She can't help?

841
00:35:48,679 --> 00:35:52,216
You wanted the dog, you pick up after it.

842
00:35:52,316 --> 00:35:54,218
You got the dog before I was born.

843
00:35:54,318 --> 00:35:57,388
Who wanted the dog is irrelevant, Jake. Just pick up the dang poop.

844
00:35:59,857 --> 00:36:00,858
Come here.

845
00:36:02,493 --> 00:36:03,461
Come here.

846
00:36:05,530 --> 00:36:07,465
All right. Take a deep breath.

847
00:36:09,634 --> 00:36:10,535
Go ahead.

848
00:36:12,837 --> 00:36:13,804
You smell that?

849
00:36:13,871 --> 00:36:15,573
-Poo? -No!

850
00:36:15,673 --> 00:36:16,674
Fresh air!

851
00:36:18,543 --> 00:36:20,311
That's all we had, and we loved it.

852
00:36:20,378 --> 00:36:22,313
When I was your age, we didn't have Nintendos.

853
00:36:22,380 --> 00:36:23,514
You know what we did?

854
00:36:24,348 --> 00:36:26,350
Built forts in the woods.

855
00:36:26,417 --> 00:36:28,586
We'd gather up old lumber and siding

856
00:36:28,686 --> 00:36:31,055
and whatever we could find we'd build, like,

857
00:36:31,155 --> 00:36:33,558
watchtowers and rope ladders...

858
00:36:33,658 --> 00:36:34,892
Trapdoors?

859
00:36:34,992 --> 00:36:36,894
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we built trapdoors, too.

860
00:36:37,895 --> 00:36:39,931
-Cool. -Yeah, it was cool.

861
00:36:40,031 --> 00:36:42,366
Yeah, we'd work on it all year round, too.

862
00:36:42,433 --> 00:36:43,668
Kinda like the house?

863
00:36:45,703 --> 00:36:48,406
[laughing] Yeah. Kinda like the house.

864
00:36:49,340 --> 00:36:50,208
Yeah.

865
00:36:52,877 --> 00:36:55,613
Cry in a bucket, that dog poops a lot.

866
00:36:55,713 --> 00:36:56,714
Yeah.

867
00:36:56,781 --> 00:36:57,615
Hey.

868
00:36:59,183 --> 00:37:00,718
Don't worry about behind the shed.

869
00:37:00,785 --> 00:37:02,787
Just get the ones around the house, okay?

870
00:37:03,888 --> 00:37:06,290
And then when you're done...

871
00:37:06,390 --> 00:37:08,559
you can varnish these old hockey sticks.

872
00:37:08,626 --> 00:37:09,860
Why?

873
00:37:09,927 --> 00:37:11,729
Because they need to get done, that's why.

874
00:37:11,796 --> 00:37:13,364
Come on, Dad.

875
00:37:13,431 --> 00:37:15,633
You think I like paying taxes and talking to our neighbors?

876
00:37:15,733 --> 00:37:17,235
No. But you gotta do it.

877
00:37:17,301 --> 00:37:18,936
I don't like doing that stuff!

878
00:37:22,373 --> 00:37:23,608
Careful with the varnish.

879
00:37:27,478 --> 00:37:30,748
[Jake] "Careful with the varnish." What am I gonna do? Drink it?

880
00:37:30,815 --> 00:37:32,049
I know how to be careful.

881
00:37:40,658 --> 00:37:41,592
We need to talk.

882
00:37:41,659 --> 00:37:42,994
What are you doing in my room?

883
00:37:43,094 --> 00:37:44,095
I need...

884
00:37:45,296 --> 00:37:46,897
Did Elwood diarrhea on you?

885
00:37:46,964 --> 00:37:48,933
It's varnish. What do you want?

886
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:50,067
I need your help.

887
00:37:50,134 --> 00:37:51,002
With what?

888
00:37:51,102 --> 00:37:52,903
Getting a Cabbage Patch Kid.

889
00:37:52,970 --> 00:37:56,307
Santa didn't get me a She-Ra last year, so I can't trust him.

890
00:37:56,407 --> 00:37:58,009
I gotta go through Mom and Dad.

891
00:37:58,109 --> 00:37:59,443
So what do you need me for?

892
00:37:59,510 --> 00:38:02,146
I need you to drop hints for them to get me one.

893
00:38:02,246 --> 00:38:04,615
No way. Why would I wanna help you?

894
00:38:04,682 --> 00:38:07,918
Now, I want a redhead named Abrona Fiona with freckles and a...

895
00:38:07,985 --> 00:38:09,687
Why do you want a dumb doll so bad?

896
00:38:09,787 --> 00:38:13,090
Because I've always wanted a sister. Stop interrupting me.

897
00:38:13,157 --> 00:38:16,193
It looks bad if I'm talking about it all the time to Mom and Dad.

898
00:38:16,294 --> 00:38:19,363
We need a subtle attack, and we gotta act fast.

899
00:38:19,463 --> 00:38:20,931
What are you gonna do for me?

900
00:38:20,998 --> 00:38:23,134
-Tell you how to win a Nintendo. -[chuckles]

901
00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:25,169
You don't know how to win a Nintendo.

902
00:38:25,269 --> 00:38:26,604
Okay, never mind.

903
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:30,808
Wait.

904
00:38:31,942 --> 00:38:33,210
How can I win it?

905
00:38:33,311 --> 00:38:36,614
You promise to help me get a Cabbage Patch Kid?

906
00:38:36,681 --> 00:38:38,149
Yeah, sure.

907
00:38:38,215 --> 00:38:39,050
Promise?

908
00:38:39,150 --> 00:38:40,818
Yes, I promise already.

909
00:38:40,885 --> 00:38:44,221
Okay. You sold two wreaths to Miss Sherman yesterday, right?

910
00:38:46,023 --> 00:38:46,891
How do you know that?

911
00:38:46,991 --> 00:38:48,159
Don't worry about it.

912
00:38:48,225 --> 00:38:50,561
She bought a lot because she's old, right?

913
00:38:50,661 --> 00:38:52,730
Old people buy stuff from kids.

914
00:38:52,830 --> 00:38:56,300
So what you need are a bunch of old people all in one place

915
00:38:56,367 --> 00:38:58,402
so you don't have to track them all down.

916
00:38:58,502 --> 00:38:59,737
What's your point?

917
00:38:59,837 --> 00:39:02,506
Prairie Pines, the nursing home.

918
00:39:02,573 --> 00:39:04,175
Two hundred old people,

919
00:39:04,241 --> 00:39:05,476
each with their own door,

920
00:39:05,543 --> 00:39:07,178
perfect for wreath-hanging.

921
00:39:07,978 --> 00:39:09,080
Wow.

922
00:39:11,515 --> 00:39:13,050
That's...

923
00:39:13,150 --> 00:39:14,652
That's a really good idea.

924
00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:16,854
I know. So we got a deal, or what?

925
00:39:16,921 --> 00:39:18,022
Yeah.

926
00:39:18,089 --> 00:39:20,925
A redhead with freckles. Don't mess it up.

927
00:39:22,026 --> 00:39:23,394
I'll be watching you.

928
00:39:25,596 --> 00:39:29,600
[adult Jake]  Prairie Pines nursing home didn't know what was about to hit them.

929
00:39:31,001 --> 00:39:32,870
[exhaling] "Suck it up. Do the work."

930
00:39:37,408 --> 00:39:39,410
Hi, everybody.

931
00:39:40,511 --> 00:39:43,114
-Hi. -Do you like blues?

932
00:39:43,214 --> 00:39:45,783
Hi! You look just like my grandson.

933
00:39:45,883 --> 00:39:47,918
Oh, let me see those cheeks.

934
00:39:48,018 --> 00:39:51,021
[adult Jake]  But it turned out, I didn't know what was about to hit me.

935
00:39:51,088 --> 00:39:53,290
Because the World's Fair was here...

936
00:39:53,391 --> 00:39:56,627
and we were celebrating the city's centennial.

937
00:39:56,727 --> 00:40:01,298
You see, Chicago was founded in 1833.

938
00:40:01,399 --> 00:40:05,603
That makes it 100 years to 1933.

939
00:40:08,305 --> 00:40:09,306
Hold on.

940
00:40:29,994 --> 00:40:31,495
It's what he would've wanted.

941
00:40:43,174 --> 00:40:46,076
[adult Jake]  It took six hours and ten cups of pudding,

942
00:40:46,143 --> 00:40:50,815
but I managed to sell a whopping 47 wreaths to the nursing home.

943
00:40:50,915 --> 00:40:52,149
All thanks to Lizzy.

944
00:40:53,083 --> 00:40:54,452
Hey, Mom.

945
00:40:54,518 --> 00:40:56,854
Did you know that this mall has the largest selection

946
00:40:56,954 --> 00:40:59,924
of Cabbage Patch Kids in all of Chicago?

947
00:41:00,991 --> 00:41:02,693
I didn't know that, no.

948
00:41:02,793 --> 00:41:05,262
Which is good, 'cause they're really flying off the shelves.

949
00:41:09,166 --> 00:41:12,269
He doesn't want a Cabbage Patch Kid now, does he?

950
00:41:12,336 --> 00:41:14,205
-No idea. -Odd. But who knows with these two?

951
00:41:14,305 --> 00:41:16,474
-Hey! What're you doing? -[horn blaring]

952
00:41:16,540 --> 00:41:18,676
Yeah, Wisconsin plates. Shocker.

953
00:41:18,776 --> 00:41:20,845
-Look at him. Look at him. Look at him. -Okay. All right, John...

954
00:41:20,945 --> 00:41:22,813
He's jerking the wheel like he's milking a cow.

955
00:41:24,648 --> 00:41:28,619
[adult Jake]  Ah, yes. The annual Doyle Chicago shopping trip.

956
00:41:28,686 --> 00:41:30,221
Also known as my dad's least favorite

957
00:41:30,321 --> 00:41:31,956
and most expensive day of the year.

958
00:41:32,022 --> 00:41:33,557
You know what I love when you wear?

959
00:41:33,657 --> 00:41:35,159
-What? -Turtlenecks.

960
00:41:35,226 --> 00:41:36,961
Ah.

961
00:41:37,027 --> 00:41:38,729
It's gonna be so cold in Minnesota when we get to my parents' house,

962
00:41:38,829 --> 00:41:40,965
I feel like we should definitely try on a few today.

963
00:41:41,031 --> 00:41:44,568
Yeah, well, turtlenecks, your parents, it's great.

964
00:41:44,668 --> 00:41:45,569
So, yes?

965
00:41:45,669 --> 00:41:46,737
Look at this idiot.

966
00:41:46,837 --> 00:41:47,905
What're you doing?

967
00:41:48,005 --> 00:41:50,307
Hey! You beeping at me?

968
00:41:50,374 --> 00:41:51,342
[horn honking]

969
00:41:51,408 --> 00:41:52,877
Yeah, I got a horn, too, Miles.

970
00:41:52,977 --> 00:41:54,578
Miles Davis, ladies and gentlemen.

971
00:41:55,179 --> 00:41:56,247
Sorry.

972
00:41:56,347 --> 00:41:57,848
Can we turn on the Christmas carols?

973
00:41:57,915 --> 00:42:00,217
No! No Christmas carols.

974
00:42:00,317 --> 00:42:03,988
Steely Dan. Listen to this. This is good stuff.

975
00:42:05,856 --> 00:42:06,924
Year-round.

976
00:42:09,860 --> 00:42:13,931
[carolers singing] ♪  We wish you a Merry Christmas We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪

977
00:42:14,031 --> 00:42:15,766
♪  We wish you a Merry Christmas

978
00:42:15,866 --> 00:42:17,668
-♪ And a happy New Year ♪ -[John] Elves!

979
00:42:17,735 --> 00:42:19,770
-Hey. Creep me out. -Breathe, John. You have to breathe.

980
00:42:19,870 --> 00:42:23,274
No, it's like a grown man acting that chipper, it's not natural.

981
00:42:23,374 --> 00:42:26,176
-♪  And a happy New...♪ -Back off, Jack!

982
00:42:26,243 --> 00:42:27,745
[Kathy] Sorry.

983
00:42:27,845 --> 00:42:30,581
-Have some self-respect. Jesus. -You have to calm down.

984
00:42:30,681 --> 00:42:31,949
[John] Why are we walking so fast?

985
00:42:32,049 --> 00:42:34,184
[Kathy] Everybody, no bathroom breaks, okay?

986
00:42:34,251 --> 00:42:36,453
You had your chance at home. Do not test me.

987
00:42:36,554 --> 00:42:38,188
God, why is it so hot in here?

988
00:42:38,255 --> 00:42:40,124
We're not stopping for Santa yet, guys, okay?

989
00:42:40,224 --> 00:42:43,360
Hey, is there a bar at the food court?

990
00:42:43,427 --> 00:42:46,864
John, it's barely noon.

991
00:42:46,931 --> 00:42:51,969
Okay, we got Barb her candles, we got the two-for-one turtlenecks...

992
00:42:52,069 --> 00:42:54,305
-Mom, look, there's the Cabbage Patch store. -What are we missing?

993
00:42:54,405 --> 00:42:55,639
-Can we go, Mom? -Yes,

994
00:42:55,739 --> 00:42:58,108
honey, go on. Lead the way.

995
00:42:58,208 --> 00:43:00,044
[Jake] Hey, Mom. Did you know

996
00:43:00,110 --> 00:43:03,480
that Cabbage Patch Kids come with their own birth certificates?

997
00:43:03,581 --> 00:43:05,316
Thought all you cared about was selling wreaths.

998
00:43:05,416 --> 00:43:07,818
Since when are you so interested in Cabbage Patch Kids?

999
00:43:07,918 --> 00:43:09,653
Lizzy really wants one.

1000
00:43:09,753 --> 00:43:12,456
Well, they're very expensive, honey, and they're very hard to find.

1001
00:43:26,670 --> 00:43:28,572
Sold out in 20 minutes.

1002
00:43:28,639 --> 00:43:31,175
Last Patch in all of Chicago.

1003
00:43:31,275 --> 00:43:33,777
You should've seen it. It was ugly.

1004
00:43:33,844 --> 00:43:36,814
One woman punched a grandma right in the throat.

1005
00:43:37,615 --> 00:43:38,782
Same family, too.

1006
00:43:39,783 --> 00:43:42,753
Oh, Lizzy. Hey, it's okay.

1007
00:43:42,820 --> 00:43:46,457
You know, I saw some really nice Care Bears on the way in.

1008
00:43:46,523 --> 00:43:48,258
Care Bears are for babies.

1009
00:43:48,325 --> 00:43:49,693
-[sobbing] -Oh.

1010
00:43:49,793 --> 00:43:51,695
[adult Jake]  Poor little Lizzy.

1011
00:43:51,795 --> 00:43:54,131
It kinda made you wanna go over there and wipe her tears

1012
00:43:54,198 --> 00:43:55,366
and give her a big...

1013
00:43:55,466 --> 00:43:58,469
Hold on a second.

1014
00:43:58,535 --> 00:43:59,837
[Nintendo] Hello, Jake.

1015
00:44:00,771 --> 00:44:01,705
Who said that?

1016
00:44:01,805 --> 00:44:03,307
[Nintendo] You know who.

1017
00:44:03,374 --> 00:44:04,508
Nintendo?

1018
00:44:04,608 --> 00:44:06,877
[Nintendo] That's right. Come over here.

1019
00:44:06,977 --> 00:44:08,545
I've missed you, Jake.

1020
00:44:08,646 --> 00:44:10,614
[Kathy] Hey, Jake. Your dad and I are gonna go upstairs

1021
00:44:10,681 --> 00:44:12,182
to get the Fenelons a gift.

1022
00:44:12,282 --> 00:44:15,352
[John] Why? They haven't given us anything.

1023
00:44:15,452 --> 00:44:18,288
[Kathy] Stay down here with the toys and watch your sister, okay?

1024
00:44:19,189 --> 00:44:20,290
[John] Jake.

1025
00:44:21,625 --> 00:44:23,060
-Jake. -Huh?

1026
00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:24,461
Watch your sister.

1027
00:44:25,229 --> 00:44:26,697
Yeah.

1028
00:44:26,797 --> 00:44:29,199
[Nintendo] That's it. Come over here, Jake.

1029
00:44:29,299 --> 00:44:30,968
You know you want to.

1030
00:44:31,035 --> 00:44:34,238
What am I gonna do about my Cabbage Patch Kid now, Jake?

1031
00:44:34,338 --> 00:44:36,707
[Nintendo] Forget your sister, Jake. She's useless.

1032
00:44:36,807 --> 00:44:38,742
You should be worried about the wreaths.

1033
00:44:38,842 --> 00:44:40,544
Have you sold enough wreaths?

1034
00:44:40,644 --> 00:44:42,179
I'll do anything to be with you.

1035
00:44:42,246 --> 00:44:43,814
Who're you talking to?

1036
00:44:43,881 --> 00:44:45,649
We need a new plan.

1037
00:44:45,716 --> 00:44:47,918
Jake? Jake?

1038
00:44:48,018 --> 00:44:50,721
[Nintendo] Do you know how many games I have here, Jake?

1039
00:44:50,821 --> 00:44:52,856
I have all the games.

1040
00:44:52,923 --> 00:44:54,758
Way more than Timmy Keane.

1041
00:44:54,858 --> 00:44:56,927
What game would you like to play?

1042
00:44:57,027 --> 00:44:58,195
Joust.

1043
00:44:58,262 --> 00:45:00,164
Pick another one. I don't have that one.

1044
00:45:00,230 --> 00:45:01,598
[Jake]  Super Mario Bros.

1045
00:45:01,699 --> 00:45:03,400
-Pick another one. -Defender.

1046
00:45:03,500 --> 00:45:05,869
Hmm, how about  Rampage?

1047
00:45:05,936 --> 00:45:07,171
It's loaded up right now.

1048
00:45:07,237 --> 00:45:09,773
Cool. I'll do anything you say.

1049
00:45:20,384 --> 00:45:22,386
[Nintendo] Very good. Yes.

1050
00:45:22,453 --> 00:45:23,921
You're such a good boy, Jake.

1051
00:45:24,021 --> 00:45:26,623
I can tell, you've got what it takes.

1052
00:45:26,724 --> 00:45:27,758
You really think so?

1053
00:45:27,858 --> 00:45:29,727
[Nintendo] No. I know so.

1054
00:45:32,062 --> 00:45:33,964
[adult Jake]  Maybe it was the excitement of the display,

1055
00:45:34,064 --> 00:45:36,100
or just the thrill of playing in public,

1056
00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:40,070
but for some reason, I started playing the game of my life.

1057
00:45:40,137 --> 00:45:42,072
Dude, you're on fire.

1058
00:45:42,139 --> 00:45:45,309
[adult Jake] All other distractions became irrelevant.

1059
00:45:45,409 --> 00:45:47,578
My senses had reached a higher state.

1060
00:45:47,644 --> 00:45:50,748
I'd become one with Nintendo.

1061
00:45:54,752 --> 00:45:57,154
Yeah!

1062
00:45:57,254 --> 00:46:00,324
[Nintendo] Yes, yes. You were born for this moment.

1063
00:46:02,993 --> 00:46:05,395
Whoa! You're amazing!

1064
00:46:05,462 --> 00:46:07,064
What's your name, man?

1065
00:46:07,131 --> 00:46:10,000
[Nintendo] Go ahead. Tell them your name, Jake.

1066
00:46:10,100 --> 00:46:11,168
Say it.

1067
00:46:11,268 --> 00:46:12,402
Jake Doyle!

1068
00:46:12,469 --> 00:46:14,805
[Nintendo] Jake Doyle. Nintendo master.

1069
00:46:14,905 --> 00:46:15,973
[crowd] Jake! Jake! Jake!

1070
00:46:16,073 --> 00:46:17,441
Jake! Jake! Jake!

1071
00:46:17,508 --> 00:46:18,642
Jake! Jake! Jake!

1072
00:46:18,742 --> 00:46:20,778
[all chanting]

1073
00:46:20,844 --> 00:46:22,946
[adult Jake]  Before I knew it, the entire mall was chanting my name.

1074
00:46:23,013 --> 00:46:25,415
This was why I needed a Nintendo.

1075
00:46:25,482 --> 00:46:27,284
This was my destiny.

1076
00:46:27,351 --> 00:46:29,353
Nothing could stop me now.

1077
00:46:29,453 --> 00:46:31,789
[Kathy] Jake! Jake!

1078
00:46:31,855 --> 00:46:33,791
[John] Jake Stephan Doyle!

1079
00:46:33,857 --> 00:46:35,425
Where is your sister?

1080
00:46:35,492 --> 00:46:37,161
[stammering]

1081
00:46:37,261 --> 00:46:38,695
What's wrong with you?

1082
00:46:38,796 --> 00:46:40,964
-[Kathy] Lizzy! -[John] Elizabeth!

1083
00:46:41,031 --> 00:46:42,533
You're a dead man, bro.

1084
00:46:42,633 --> 00:46:44,635
Lizzy!

1085
00:46:44,701 --> 00:46:46,804
Lizzy! Lizzy!

1086
00:46:46,870 --> 00:46:48,005
Lizzy!

1087
00:46:48,105 --> 00:46:50,541
Forget about her, Jake. She's gone.

1088
00:46:50,641 --> 00:46:54,111
Shut up, Nintendo! This is your fault!

1089
00:46:54,178 --> 00:46:57,214
How do you get into homes that don't have chimneys?

1090
00:46:57,314 --> 00:46:58,549
The back door.

1091
00:46:58,649 --> 00:47:01,318
What if it's an apartment with no back door?

1092
00:47:01,385 --> 00:47:02,319
The front door.

1093
00:47:02,386 --> 00:47:04,221
So you know how to pick locks?

1094
00:47:04,321 --> 00:47:05,222
That's me.

1095
00:47:05,322 --> 00:47:06,623
Do you know that's a felony?

1096
00:47:06,690 --> 00:47:09,226
Mom! She's over here! I found her!

1097
00:47:09,326 --> 00:47:10,861
[Kathy] God, Lizzy!

1098
00:47:12,029 --> 00:47:13,730
Oh, my God!

1099
00:47:13,831 --> 00:47:16,567
Mom, they might still have Cabbage Patch Kids at the North Pole.

1100
00:47:16,667 --> 00:47:17,835
Even ones with red hair.

1101
00:47:17,901 --> 00:47:19,736
Lizzy, we told you to stay with Jake.

1102
00:47:19,837 --> 00:47:21,238
He was playing the Nintendo.

1103
00:47:21,338 --> 00:47:23,340
[John screaming] God bless it, Jake!

1104
00:47:25,342 --> 00:47:26,310
Are you okay?

1105
00:47:27,477 --> 00:47:28,745
You start playing those games

1106
00:47:28,846 --> 00:47:31,815
your brains turn to mush in, like, three minutes.

1107
00:47:31,882 --> 00:47:33,350
That's your sister!

1108
00:47:33,417 --> 00:47:36,019
It's not like losing your retainer!

1109
00:47:37,254 --> 00:47:38,322
[Kathy] Hold on.

1110
00:47:38,388 --> 00:47:40,357
Five bags here, John. Hold on.

1111
00:47:43,260 --> 00:47:44,661
Open your mouth.

1112
00:47:47,598 --> 00:47:49,099
Open your mouth.

1113
00:47:49,199 --> 00:47:50,601
-John. -What?

1114
00:47:50,701 --> 00:47:52,436
-Where's the Marshall Field's bag? -Hey!

1115
00:47:52,536 --> 00:47:54,271
-Jake! -[Kathy] Your turtleneck's in it, John!

1116
00:47:54,371 --> 00:47:56,273
Jake!

1117
00:47:56,373 --> 00:47:58,609
[adult Jake]  The actual cost of my retainer had been explained to me

1118
00:47:58,709 --> 00:48:01,445
in the simple terms of, "If you lose it, don't bother coming home."

1119
00:48:03,447 --> 00:48:04,281
Jake!

1120
00:48:05,115 --> 00:48:06,216
Jake!

1121
00:48:06,283 --> 00:48:07,951
-Hey! -Jake!

1122
00:48:08,051 --> 00:48:09,887
Move! Jake!

1123
00:48:09,953 --> 00:48:12,389
[adult Jake] I figured it cost roughly as much as a new car.

1124
00:48:12,456 --> 00:48:14,057
Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?

1125
00:48:15,392 --> 00:48:16,260
Jake!

1126
00:48:17,895 --> 00:48:19,029
Jake!

1127
00:48:19,863 --> 00:48:20,864
Jake!

1128
00:48:21,732 --> 00:48:22,699
[man] Whoa!

1129
00:48:29,373 --> 00:48:30,874
Jake! Ha!

1130
00:48:35,746 --> 00:48:36,813
[John sniggering]

1131
00:48:36,914 --> 00:48:37,981
[elf] ♪  Six geese a-laying ♪

1132
00:48:38,081 --> 00:48:39,082
♪ Five... ♪

1133
00:48:39,149 --> 00:48:40,384
♪  Golden...♪

1134
00:48:40,450 --> 00:48:42,219
[elf] No, wait! What... [screaming]

1135
00:48:42,286 --> 00:48:43,287
-[John screaming] -[glass shattering]

1136
00:48:44,488 --> 00:48:46,556
Of course! Packer fans.

1137
00:48:47,491 --> 00:48:49,126
[panting]

1138
00:49:05,776 --> 00:49:06,643
[John struggling]

1139
00:49:10,247 --> 00:49:11,515
Oh, my God.

1140
00:49:14,584 --> 00:49:16,353
Hey!

1141
00:49:17,821 --> 00:49:20,857
[adult Jake]  Safe. Retainer retained.

1142
00:49:22,793 --> 00:49:24,628
[breathlessly] Okay.

1143
00:49:26,196 --> 00:49:27,631
[exhales]

1144
00:49:27,698 --> 00:49:28,699
[softly] Okay.

1145
00:49:35,639 --> 00:49:37,541
[kids chattering indistinctly]

1146
00:49:37,641 --> 00:49:38,942
[Josh] You let the girls get punched!

1147
00:49:42,179 --> 00:49:43,814
[adult Jake]  The best part of the shopping trip

1148
00:49:43,880 --> 00:49:46,316
besides not losing my retainer or my sister

1149
00:49:46,383 --> 00:49:48,952
was that it turns out there's a secret part of the mall

1150
00:49:49,019 --> 00:49:51,455
where old people sit by the piano.

1151
00:49:51,521 --> 00:49:53,957
I sold 22 more wreaths that day.

1152
00:49:54,024 --> 00:49:55,325
How many you got, Jake?

1153
00:49:56,026 --> 00:49:58,295
Um, 93.

1154
00:49:58,362 --> 00:50:00,030
You're selling wreaths, too?

1155
00:50:00,130 --> 00:50:01,465
What's a wreath?

1156
00:50:04,868 --> 00:50:06,470
[radio playing]

1157
00:50:07,237 --> 00:50:08,805
[train chugging]

1158
00:50:09,706 --> 00:50:11,308
[John humming]

1159
00:50:15,178 --> 00:50:17,814
-[Jake humming] -Enough with the dee-doos, for crying out loud,

1160
00:50:17,881 --> 00:50:19,082
I'm trying to listen to this.

1161
00:50:19,182 --> 00:50:20,650
And stop fiddling with the hand plane.

1162
00:50:20,717 --> 00:50:21,985
This is not a toy. See?

1163
00:50:22,753 --> 00:50:23,987
It's sharp.

1164
00:50:25,322 --> 00:50:27,824
[clanking]

1165
00:50:27,891 --> 00:50:31,762
[man on radio] Konroyd over to Larmer. Larmer circling.

1166
00:50:31,862 --> 00:50:33,730
And has his pocket picked by Shane Corson...

1167
00:50:33,830 --> 00:50:34,998
You know...

1168
00:50:35,065 --> 00:50:37,000
If you want, sometime, maybe I can...

1169
00:50:38,268 --> 00:50:40,670
teach you how to use some of those.

1170
00:50:40,737 --> 00:50:42,839
I kinda got a lot going on, Dad.

1171
00:50:42,906 --> 00:50:45,509
Ah... right.

1172
00:50:45,575 --> 00:50:48,345
[man on radio] He dishes back to Larmer. Larmer down the near side,

1173
00:50:48,412 --> 00:50:49,446
over to Savard...

1174
00:50:49,546 --> 00:50:52,182
[louder]  He shoots, he scores!

1175
00:50:52,249 --> 00:50:54,284
-Yes! -Denis Savard!

1176
00:50:54,384 --> 00:50:56,386
-Hawks now leading with one! -Yeah, baby!

1177
00:50:56,453 --> 00:50:59,923
-[exclaiming] -And Claude Lemieux is still jawing away.

1178
00:51:00,023 --> 00:51:01,691
Quit your crying, Claude.

1179
00:51:01,758 --> 00:51:03,794
Yeah, you're all talk, no walk.

1180
00:51:03,894 --> 00:51:05,462
Remember that, Jake. Okay?

1181
00:51:05,562 --> 00:51:09,299
A bully like Claude Lemieux is not worth a hill of beans.

1182
00:51:09,399 --> 00:51:11,301
He's all talk, no walk.

1183
00:51:11,401 --> 00:51:13,370
Why are we under this bridge, Dad?

1184
00:51:13,437 --> 00:51:15,806
Talk to a guy about the Cabbage Patch Kids.

1185
00:51:15,906 --> 00:51:17,641
You know what they look like, right?

1186
00:51:17,741 --> 00:51:19,376
Why does Lizzy get to get what she wants,

1187
00:51:19,443 --> 00:51:20,911
but I can't get what I want?

1188
00:51:20,977 --> 00:51:22,379
Do you wanna deal with your sister

1189
00:51:22,446 --> 00:51:24,314
if she doesn't get what she wants?

1190
00:51:24,414 --> 00:51:25,715
-No. -Exactly.

1191
00:51:25,782 --> 00:51:27,984
I don't negotiate with terrorists.

1192
00:51:28,085 --> 00:51:29,653
So you just give them what they want?

1193
00:51:29,753 --> 00:51:31,555
-Yeah. You kidding? -[engine revving]

1194
00:51:35,058 --> 00:51:37,060
Okay. That's him.

1195
00:51:37,127 --> 00:51:39,663
Let me do all the talking. Okay?

1196
00:51:39,763 --> 00:51:41,398
This feels kinda scary, Dad.

1197
00:51:41,465 --> 00:51:43,667
Here, I'll take the handsaw.

1198
00:51:43,767 --> 00:51:45,602
Come on. Come on!

1199
00:51:50,974 --> 00:51:52,342
Can I help you boys?

1200
00:51:52,442 --> 00:51:53,410
[John] Yeah.

1201
00:51:54,311 --> 00:51:56,680
Word is that you've...

1202
00:51:56,780 --> 00:51:58,315
come into a little cabbage?

1203
00:51:58,415 --> 00:52:00,250
Officer, please. I'm just standing here.

1204
00:52:00,317 --> 00:52:02,619
I thought maybe you two needed directions, so...

1205
00:52:02,686 --> 00:52:03,954
Relax, I'm not a cop.

1206
00:52:04,020 --> 00:52:06,289
What about  21 Jump Street over here?

1207
00:52:06,356 --> 00:52:07,424
He's not a cop.

1208
00:52:07,491 --> 00:52:08,692
Come on, man. He's 11.

1209
00:52:08,792 --> 00:52:10,160
Yeah, I don't know that.

1210
00:52:10,260 --> 00:52:12,295
I mean, cops are crazy. You ever see  RoboCop?

1211
00:52:12,362 --> 00:52:14,364
That dude's half cop and half robot.

1212
00:52:14,464 --> 00:52:15,365
You ever see that movie?

1213
00:52:15,465 --> 00:52:17,000
My mom wouldn't let me.

1214
00:52:17,100 --> 00:52:18,768
But my friend, Mikey Trotter, saw it.

1215
00:52:18,835 --> 00:52:19,769
Oh...

1216
00:52:19,836 --> 00:52:21,705
Yeah. He's good. You're good.

1217
00:52:21,805 --> 00:52:23,773
He's not a cop, all right? Now, come on.

1218
00:52:23,840 --> 00:52:27,144
Are you gonna sell us a black-market Cabbage Patch Kid, or what?

1219
00:52:27,210 --> 00:52:29,012
Step into my office.

1220
00:52:29,112 --> 00:52:30,881
You boys need anything else while you're here?

1221
00:52:30,981 --> 00:52:34,451
Some Pound Puppies? Kidney? Nintendo?

1222
00:52:34,518 --> 00:52:36,386
-[Jake gasping] -[John] No, just the doll.

1223
00:52:36,486 --> 00:52:38,455
We're gonna need a girl one.

1224
00:52:38,522 --> 00:52:40,690
A redhead with freckles.

1225
00:52:40,790 --> 00:52:42,826
Best Patch in the Tri-City.

1226
00:52:44,895 --> 00:52:46,129
Yeah, that looks good.

1227
00:52:46,196 --> 00:52:47,631
Yeah, does look good.

1228
00:52:47,697 --> 00:52:50,400
So what, are you two having a father-son day? Yeah?

1229
00:52:50,500 --> 00:52:51,668
Something like that? Yeah?

1230
00:52:51,735 --> 00:52:52,736
Need a third?

1231
00:52:52,836 --> 00:52:53,904
Nah, I'm kidding.

1232
00:52:54,004 --> 00:52:56,406
I do miss my dad... A lot.

1233
00:52:56,506 --> 00:52:59,009
[John] Hey, this redhead doesn't have any freckles.

1234
00:52:59,075 --> 00:53:01,044
Yeah, no, the blond one's got freckles.

1235
00:53:02,145 --> 00:53:03,680
-All right, how much? -$100.

1236
00:53:03,747 --> 00:53:05,649
One hundred? No.

1237
00:53:05,715 --> 00:53:07,017
Yeah, where else you gonna go?

1238
00:53:07,083 --> 00:53:09,019
Every store from Wheaton to Winnetka's out.

1239
00:53:09,085 --> 00:53:10,854
Sixty bucks.

1240
00:53:10,921 --> 00:53:13,890
I got the name of two brothers up in Villa Park selling them for $50.

1241
00:53:13,990 --> 00:53:15,659
You know what? We can go up there right now.

1242
00:53:15,725 --> 00:53:18,094
Yeah, yeah. The Diaz brothers. No, no, no.

1243
00:53:18,195 --> 00:53:20,664
You do not want any of their bald-headed junk.

1244
00:53:20,730 --> 00:53:22,332
Seventy. Last offer.

1245
00:53:24,167 --> 00:53:25,936
Oh, I can't say no to that face.

1246
00:53:26,036 --> 00:53:27,237
All right. $70.

1247
00:53:29,606 --> 00:53:31,174
-Comes with a birth certificate. -[Jake] Wow!

1248
00:53:31,241 --> 00:53:33,443
-Dad, that's... -Signed right on the derriere.

1249
00:53:34,911 --> 00:53:35,879
[dealer] Thanks.

1250
00:53:38,381 --> 00:53:39,549
[John snickering]

1251
00:53:39,616 --> 00:53:41,017
Can we ask about the Nintendo?

1252
00:53:41,084 --> 00:53:43,386
I got him down from $100. Can you believe that?

1253
00:53:43,453 --> 00:53:45,222
[chuckles] Lizzy's gonna love it.

1254
00:53:45,288 --> 00:53:47,023
[adult Jake] Did it bother me that my dad went to

1255
00:53:47,090 --> 00:53:49,292
Herculean lengths to get my sister a present?

1256
00:53:49,392 --> 00:53:50,560
Sorta.

1257
00:53:50,627 --> 00:53:53,196
But I was gonna get one on my own.

1258
00:53:53,263 --> 00:53:55,198
[Mr. Halberg] Gentlemen.

1259
00:53:55,265 --> 00:53:58,535
Look deeply into your candle's flame.

1260
00:53:58,602 --> 00:54:01,438
Stare at its dancing light.

1261
00:54:02,739 --> 00:54:05,442
Now, close your eyes.

1262
00:54:06,710 --> 00:54:07,944
What do you see?

1263
00:54:09,145 --> 00:54:12,415
You see the flame, gentlemen.

1264
00:54:12,482 --> 00:54:14,317
It burns even when your eyes are closed

1265
00:54:14,417 --> 00:54:18,221
because we know that even when we blow these candles out...

1266
00:54:18,288 --> 00:54:22,058
the Loyal Ranger Scout flame will never fade.

1267
00:54:22,125 --> 00:54:24,327
-[kid farting] -[children giggling]

1268
00:54:24,427 --> 00:54:25,595
[Mr. Halberg clears throat]

1269
00:54:26,463 --> 00:54:27,631
[sizzling]

1270
00:54:30,100 --> 00:54:31,568
Okay.

1271
00:54:31,635 --> 00:54:33,470
But I thought Loyal Ranger Scouts were for boys.

1272
00:54:33,570 --> 00:54:35,105
And scouts are supposed to have honor,

1273
00:54:35,171 --> 00:54:36,773
yet you're still here.

1274
00:54:36,840 --> 00:54:38,008
[Mr. Halberg] Lots to get through tonight, gents.

1275
00:54:38,108 --> 00:54:39,909
We've got the Pinewood Derby,

1276
00:54:39,976 --> 00:54:41,678
the Loyalty Day parade... Oh...

1277
00:54:41,778 --> 00:54:45,515
I got another 'Nam poem for you entitled "A Tie is Not a Loss."

1278
00:54:45,615 --> 00:54:47,684
Get to the wreaths, Halberg!

1279
00:54:47,784 --> 00:54:50,487
-I'm sorry? -The door necklaces.

1280
00:54:50,587 --> 00:54:51,855
Are you even in this troop?

1281
00:54:51,955 --> 00:54:56,693
[chanting] Wreaths! Wreaths! Wreaths!

1282
00:54:56,793 --> 00:54:58,028
Wreaths! Wreaths! Wreaths!

1283
00:54:59,863 --> 00:55:02,532
Okay. Okay! We'll do the wreaths!

1284
00:55:02,632 --> 00:55:05,268
[children cheering]

1285
00:55:05,335 --> 00:55:06,703
Okay. Calm down.

1286
00:55:06,803 --> 00:55:08,371
Now...

1287
00:55:08,471 --> 00:55:10,540
I know you've all been selling very hard this year

1288
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:13,843
so we've done our best to make sure that these prizes...

1289
00:55:13,943 --> 00:55:15,011
are special.

1290
00:55:16,813 --> 00:55:18,848
[adult Jake]  Oh-ho! Look at that!

1291
00:55:18,948 --> 00:55:22,285
First prize looked even bigger than a normal NES system.

1292
00:55:22,352 --> 00:55:25,989
Who knew what other Nintendo treasures were under there?

1293
00:55:26,056 --> 00:55:28,224
Told you it came with a free Power Pad.

1294
00:55:29,626 --> 00:55:31,061
Okay. [clears throat]

1295
00:55:31,161 --> 00:55:33,730
In third place...

1296
00:55:36,166 --> 00:55:37,734
Jeffery Farmer!

1297
00:55:37,834 --> 00:55:38,802
[kids cheering]

1298
00:55:38,868 --> 00:55:41,071
Nobody cares about third place.

1299
00:55:41,171 --> 00:55:43,873
[adult Jake] Considering Farmer's constant claims to victory,

1300
00:55:43,973 --> 00:55:45,975
this was a delight to us all.

1301
00:55:46,042 --> 00:55:47,844
Anybody had a chance now.

1302
00:55:51,181 --> 00:55:52,649
"Subscription to  Boys' Life."

1303
00:55:52,716 --> 00:55:54,417
-[children laughing] -Yes!

1304
00:55:54,517 --> 00:55:55,752
I grew up on that magazine.

1305
00:55:55,852 --> 00:55:57,654
[Mr. Halberg] Great articles.

1306
00:55:57,721 --> 00:55:59,723
And in second place...

1307
00:56:00,724 --> 00:56:02,726
an amazing showing...

1308
00:56:04,728 --> 00:56:05,929
Teddy Hodges!

1309
00:56:06,029 --> 00:56:07,764
No!

1310
00:56:07,864 --> 00:56:09,666
[adult Jake] Sadly, the combined totals of the Hodges twins

1311
00:56:09,733 --> 00:56:11,768
were only good enough for silver.

1312
00:56:13,903 --> 00:56:16,673
It's a globe of the whole world!

1313
00:56:16,740 --> 00:56:17,774
All of it!

1314
00:56:21,044 --> 00:56:22,946
[clanging]

1315
00:56:23,046 --> 00:56:25,215
[adult Jake]  There was no second place when it came to Nintendo.

1316
00:56:27,784 --> 00:56:29,586
And now...

1317
00:56:29,686 --> 00:56:32,355
-[Evan] This is it, this is it! -...this year's first prize winner

1318
00:56:32,422 --> 00:56:34,691
of the wreath-selling contest.

1319
00:56:34,758 --> 00:56:39,262
The highest sales total in troop history...

1320
00:56:42,632 --> 00:56:44,200
Jake Doyle!

1321
00:56:44,267 --> 00:56:45,435
[all cheering]

1322
00:56:51,074 --> 00:56:52,475
I won!

1323
00:56:52,575 --> 00:56:55,278
[adult Jake]  You can put it on the board! Yes!

1324
00:56:55,378 --> 00:56:56,980
Oh, so many people to thank.

1325
00:56:57,080 --> 00:57:00,283
My friends, my family, the Nintendo Corporation...

1326
00:57:00,383 --> 00:57:01,584
Yes!

1327
00:57:01,651 --> 00:57:03,820
[Mr. Halberg] This year's first prize...

1328
00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:06,156
the best we've had in years...

1329
00:57:07,590 --> 00:57:09,392
-Are you ready, Jake? -Yeah.

1330
00:57:10,994 --> 00:57:13,630
A brand-new set of World Book encyclopedias!

1331
00:57:14,264 --> 00:57:15,799
What?

1332
00:57:15,899 --> 00:57:18,067
[adult Jake] It was like winning more school.

1333
00:57:18,134 --> 00:57:20,103
No!

1334
00:57:20,170 --> 00:57:23,506
Where is it? [screaming]

1335
00:57:23,606 --> 00:57:26,609
-I hate you, Halberg! -[Mr. Halberg exclaiming] God.

1336
00:57:29,412 --> 00:57:31,514
[adult Jake] It didn't make any sense. Why?

1337
00:57:31,614 --> 00:57:35,251
Why had the troop leaders promised us toys, and then give us books?

1338
00:57:35,318 --> 00:57:38,087
Who could possibly be behind something so terrible?

1339
00:57:38,154 --> 00:57:40,089
So awful, so villainous?

1340
00:57:40,156 --> 00:57:44,427
Dr. Timothy Keane Senior, that's who.

1341
00:57:44,494 --> 00:57:47,664
Parents of Batavia, good evening.

1342
00:57:47,764 --> 00:57:49,332
-Hi. -[adult Jake] Little did we know,

1343
00:57:49,432 --> 00:57:51,701
the night before the wreath award ceremony,

1344
00:57:51,801 --> 00:57:53,369
Dr. Keane had assembled a meeting

1345
00:57:53,470 --> 00:57:56,372
with the express purpose of ruining our lives.

1346
00:57:56,473 --> 00:57:59,476
There was an incident in my home recently.

1347
00:57:59,542 --> 00:58:03,279
A member of the Keane family, Lacy Dog Keane...

1348
00:58:03,346 --> 00:58:07,050
was crushed to near death by our 42-inch television set.

1349
00:58:07,150 --> 00:58:10,186
[whispering] 42-inch, that's a really nice television set.

1350
00:58:10,286 --> 00:58:11,554
[whispering] John.

1351
00:58:11,654 --> 00:58:15,058
Now I certainly do not blame my boy, Timmy,

1352
00:58:15,158 --> 00:58:17,961
who is a gifted, generous young man,

1353
00:58:18,027 --> 00:58:22,665
who has recently been diagnosed with something called...

1354
00:58:22,732 --> 00:58:24,400
"Attention Deficit..."

1355
00:58:24,501 --> 00:58:25,902
Blah, blah, blah. Whatever.

1356
00:58:26,002 --> 00:58:29,239
It's very serious... [sighs]

1357
00:58:29,339 --> 00:58:31,708
and it's extremely rare.

1358
00:58:31,808 --> 00:58:33,009
[crying] So rare.

1359
00:58:33,076 --> 00:58:34,310
[kisses and blows]

1360
00:58:34,377 --> 00:58:35,845
[kisses] I love you.

1361
00:58:35,912 --> 00:58:37,146
Could I have the lights, please?

1362
00:58:37,213 --> 00:58:38,147
[clicking]

1363
00:58:40,683 --> 00:58:42,085
Ladies and gentlemen...

1364
00:58:42,185 --> 00:58:45,255
the real culprit of this dog-crippling crime...

1365
00:58:45,355 --> 00:58:46,990
is video games.

1366
00:58:47,056 --> 00:58:49,659
Video games did this.

1367
00:58:49,726 --> 00:58:51,060
-[crowd gasping] -[Mrs. Keane whimpers]

1368
00:58:51,160 --> 00:58:52,595
And this.

1369
00:58:52,695 --> 00:58:53,763
[crowd gasping loudly]

1370
00:58:54,364 --> 00:58:55,265
And this.

1371
00:58:56,199 --> 00:58:57,267
[gasping]

1372
00:58:57,367 --> 00:58:58,935
And this.

1373
00:59:00,703 --> 00:59:01,538
Oh.

1374
00:59:01,604 --> 00:59:03,006
It's the same slide.

1375
00:59:04,007 --> 00:59:07,110
I meant, and this.

1376
00:59:07,210 --> 00:59:09,212
-[John] Still same slide. -God damn it!

1377
00:59:11,014 --> 00:59:12,949
Timmy dumped cheese in here again.

1378
00:59:13,049 --> 00:59:15,685
You know you can't give him cheese, Janice. You know this.

1379
00:59:15,752 --> 00:59:17,120
Pookie.

1380
00:59:19,188 --> 00:59:20,089
[sighs]

1381
00:59:20,723 --> 00:59:22,025
And this.

1382
00:59:22,091 --> 00:59:24,561
[crowd exclaiming]

1383
00:59:24,627 --> 00:59:26,396
-The question is, ladies and gentlemen... -[Mrs. Keane crying]

1384
00:59:26,462 --> 00:59:27,764
[man] Is that a dog?

1385
00:59:27,864 --> 00:59:29,132
...what are we prepared to do about it?

1386
00:59:29,232 --> 00:59:30,300
We should ban it!

1387
00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:32,201
-Ban it! -Ban it! Ban it!

1388
00:59:32,268 --> 00:59:35,138
-No more dogs are getting crushed in my town! -No more.

1389
00:59:35,238 --> 00:59:36,973
-We must protect our dogs. -Yes.

1390
00:59:37,073 --> 00:59:39,442
We must protect our community!

1391
00:59:39,542 --> 00:59:41,144
Yes!

1392
00:59:41,244 --> 00:59:43,146
[Mr. Keane] It's modern technology taking over our lives.

1393
00:59:43,246 --> 00:59:45,315
It's only gonna get worse. It's all gonna go downhill from here!

1394
00:59:45,415 --> 00:59:46,950
-[Mrs. Trotter] That's right. -We've gotta stop it!

1395
00:59:47,050 --> 00:59:48,785
We've gotta burn it all, burn it all to the ground.

1396
00:59:48,885 --> 00:59:50,153
-Burn it. -Yeah.

1397
00:59:50,253 --> 00:59:52,922
Video game over! Video game over!

1398
00:59:52,989 --> 00:59:54,924
Let me hear you. Video game over! Louder.

1399
00:59:54,991 --> 00:59:57,994
[all chanting] Video game over! Video game over!

1400
00:59:58,094 --> 00:59:59,495
-Let me hear you. -[chanting continues]

1401
00:59:59,596 --> 01:00:01,264
[softly] Bring it down now. Video game over.

1402
01:00:01,331 --> 01:00:03,499
[adult Jake]  Keane's panicked propaganda continued on

1403
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:04,901
well into the night.

1404
01:00:04,968 --> 01:00:07,437
It was a virtual video game Armageddon.

1405
01:00:07,503 --> 01:00:09,806
-[Mr. Halberg] I can feel it! We're so close! -[crowd] Video game over!

1406
01:00:09,906 --> 01:00:11,674
Video game over!

1407
01:00:11,774 --> 01:00:13,743
[adult Jake] And there was nothing we could do about it.

1408
01:00:13,810 --> 01:00:14,978
[Bugs Bunny on TV] No rabbit.

1409
01:00:18,648 --> 01:00:21,517
All those wreaths for nothing.

1410
01:00:21,618 --> 01:00:25,421
Did you know that Australia's chief export is coal briquettes?

1411
01:00:26,289 --> 01:00:28,324
[sighs]

1412
01:00:28,424 --> 01:00:31,361
We interrupt this program to bring you a special news bulletin from Kane County.

1413
01:00:31,461 --> 01:00:33,329
Thank you, Walter. We're here live in Geneva

1414
01:00:33,429 --> 01:00:36,599
with video game violence activist Dr. Timothy Keane.

1415
01:00:36,666 --> 01:00:39,202
Dr. Keane, it's only eight shopping days now

1416
01:00:39,302 --> 01:00:41,037
until Christmas, and you've managed to pass

1417
01:00:41,137 --> 01:00:44,807
a county-wide ban on selling video game systems.

1418
01:00:44,874 --> 01:00:46,476
-Is that correct? -That is correct.

1419
01:00:46,542 --> 01:00:48,611
Every store in Kane County has agreed to it.

1420
01:00:48,678 --> 01:00:52,348
And you really feel that video games promote violence enough

1421
01:00:52,448 --> 01:00:54,217
to make them illegal?

1422
01:00:54,317 --> 01:00:56,052
Has your dog ever been crushed to near death by your TV?

1423
01:00:56,152 --> 01:00:58,054
No, she has not.

1424
01:00:58,154 --> 01:00:59,956
[Dr. Keane on TV] It's not a pretty sight. Parents need to know the truth.

1425
01:01:00,023 --> 01:01:04,227
These games are pure evil, and they've got to be stopped.

1426
01:01:04,327 --> 01:01:07,030
Video game over! Video game over!

1427
01:01:07,130 --> 01:01:08,898
-Video game over! -[crowd chanting on TV] Video game over!

1428
01:01:08,998 --> 01:01:10,500
He's a podiatrist.

1429
01:01:11,167 --> 01:01:12,168
Sorry, Jake.

1430
01:01:12,235 --> 01:01:13,736
Knock it off, Lizzy.

1431
01:01:13,836 --> 01:01:17,040
No, I was being serious. I know how much you wanted one.

1432
01:01:18,675 --> 01:01:19,742
I had it.

1433
01:01:20,576 --> 01:01:21,577
It was mine.

1434
01:01:23,346 --> 01:01:24,347
But now...

1435
01:01:25,882 --> 01:01:27,216
I'll never get one.

1436
01:01:29,352 --> 01:01:31,421
Here. You can have the remote.

1437
01:01:33,723 --> 01:01:35,024
Thanks, Lizzy.

1438
01:01:40,863 --> 01:01:42,732
She gave you the remote?

1439
01:01:42,832 --> 01:01:46,002
I would never give Charlie the remote.

1440
01:01:46,069 --> 01:01:47,603
You must've been a wreck.

1441
01:01:47,704 --> 01:01:50,339
Duh. They banned Nintendo.

1442
01:01:50,406 --> 01:01:53,109
So, if Batavia banned Nintendo

1443
01:01:53,209 --> 01:01:55,578
and Grandma and Grandpa won't get you one...

1444
01:01:55,678 --> 01:01:58,181
and you're doing all these bad things, all the time...

1445
01:01:58,247 --> 01:02:00,950
-Not all the time. -Yes, all the time.

1446
01:02:01,050 --> 01:02:03,453
You're doing all these things, and no one will get it for you,

1447
01:02:03,553 --> 01:02:04,887
then how did you get it?

1448
01:02:04,954 --> 01:02:06,689
How did you get the Nintendo?

1449
01:02:06,756 --> 01:02:09,225
Okay, calm down.

1450
01:02:09,292 --> 01:02:10,960
Should we take a break? You wanna text Maeve--

1451
01:02:11,060 --> 01:02:12,228
No!

1452
01:02:12,295 --> 01:02:14,363
I wanna know what happens in the story.

1453
01:02:14,430 --> 01:02:15,364
[sighs]

1454
01:02:17,133 --> 01:02:18,801
You see, Annie...

1455
01:02:18,901 --> 01:02:21,304
sometimes during Christmas...

1456
01:02:21,404 --> 01:02:24,140
just when you think that all hope is lost...

1457
01:02:25,374 --> 01:02:26,976
something magical happens.

1458
01:02:28,277 --> 01:02:31,647
Some people call it a Christmas miracle.

1459
01:02:31,748 --> 01:02:35,118
Well, this miracle happened at the roller rink.

1460
01:02:36,452 --> 01:02:37,887
What's a roller rink?

1461
01:02:38,921 --> 01:02:39,822
[sighs]

1462
01:02:43,993 --> 01:02:47,830
[adult Jake] Six days until Christmas and it was officially official.

1463
01:02:47,930 --> 01:02:50,399
None of us were getting a Nintendo.

1464
01:02:56,072 --> 01:02:58,407
[Evan] My cousin in Elmhurst might get one still.

1465
01:02:58,474 --> 01:03:00,143
That's in Cook County.

1466
01:03:00,243 --> 01:03:01,410
DuPage County.

1467
01:03:01,477 --> 01:03:03,446
-How do you know? -I got encyclopedias.

1468
01:03:03,513 --> 01:03:05,515
[Jeff] Come on, guys. We still got each other.

1469
01:03:05,615 --> 01:03:06,816
-[boy] Watch out! -[gasps]

1470
01:03:06,916 --> 01:03:08,484
[glass breaking]

1471
01:03:08,584 --> 01:03:11,320
-[Jeff] Sorry. -Objectively, I know that's hilarious

1472
01:03:11,420 --> 01:03:15,124
but I just don't have it in me to laugh right now.

1473
01:03:15,191 --> 01:03:17,693
[adult Jake]  It was the Hodges' birthday party.

1474
01:03:17,794 --> 01:03:19,595
The dreaded Christmas birthday.

1475
01:03:19,662 --> 01:03:22,498
Not only did the twins have to share a birthday between them,

1476
01:03:22,598 --> 01:03:25,001
they had to share it with Christmas to boot.

1477
01:03:25,101 --> 01:03:28,871
"Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas. Love, Grandma."

1478
01:03:28,971 --> 01:03:30,173
What a rip-off.

1479
01:03:30,273 --> 01:03:33,009
"P.S. This gift is for you two to share."

1480
01:03:34,811 --> 01:03:37,113
-Fresh packs. Who wants to open? -[all] Me!

1481
01:03:40,349 --> 01:03:41,617
-You got Chris Sabo. -Need it.

1482
01:03:41,684 --> 01:03:44,654
Need it. Got it. Need it.

1483
01:03:44,720 --> 01:03:45,955
You gonna eat your gum?

1484
01:03:48,691 --> 01:03:49,625
Ow!

1485
01:03:50,393 --> 01:03:51,494
Mmm...

1486
01:03:51,561 --> 01:03:54,030
Uh, I got a Ripken. Billy Ripken.

1487
01:03:54,130 --> 01:03:55,965
[Tammy] Who cares about Billy Ripken?

1488
01:03:56,032 --> 01:03:57,033
[chuckles in disbelief]

1489
01:03:57,133 --> 01:03:58,201
What?

1490
01:03:58,301 --> 01:03:59,468
What? What is it?

1491
01:03:59,535 --> 01:04:00,903
You guys are not gonna believe this.

1492
01:04:01,003 --> 01:04:03,072
Look! Right there! On his bat!

1493
01:04:03,172 --> 01:04:05,541
-[Jake] Oh, my gosh! -[Evan] A swear word.

1494
01:04:06,309 --> 01:04:07,710
That's a bad one.

1495
01:04:07,810 --> 01:04:09,412
-What does it say? -[Evan] Don't read it out loud.

1496
01:04:09,512 --> 01:04:11,347
I'm not allowed to hear swear words.

1497
01:04:11,414 --> 01:04:13,216
"Swear word dash face."

1498
01:04:13,316 --> 01:04:15,251
Which swear word? A-face?

1499
01:04:15,351 --> 01:04:16,152
Mmm-mmm.

1500
01:04:16,219 --> 01:04:18,221
-S-face? -Mmm-mmm.

1501
01:04:18,321 --> 01:04:20,489
Wait. F-face?

1502
01:04:20,556 --> 01:04:21,324
Bingo.

1503
01:04:21,390 --> 01:04:22,658
It's an error card.

1504
01:04:22,725 --> 01:04:25,428
It's the greatest error card of all time!

1505
01:04:25,528 --> 01:04:26,896
Billy Ripken.

1506
01:04:29,198 --> 01:04:30,700
Ninety-five bucks!

1507
01:04:30,766 --> 01:04:32,034
[cheering]

1508
01:04:32,101 --> 01:04:34,003
Ninety-five dollars? You're a millionaire!

1509
01:04:34,070 --> 01:04:36,873
Yeah, Couple more of those, and you can buy your own Nintendo.

1510
01:04:39,041 --> 01:04:40,209
Guys...

1511
01:04:41,377 --> 01:04:42,778
I got it.

1512
01:04:42,879 --> 01:04:44,046
[Jeff] I don't get it.

1513
01:04:44,113 --> 01:04:45,281
[Jake] What do you mean, you don't get it?

1514
01:04:45,381 --> 01:04:47,083
It's a very clear 15-point plan.

1515
01:04:47,183 --> 01:04:50,086
-I think you spelled "covert" wrong. -[Mikey] Okay.

1516
01:04:50,186 --> 01:04:53,789
The field trip is Monday at 0900 hours to Chicago.

1517
01:04:53,890 --> 01:04:56,926
-So? -So, they still sell Nintendos there.

1518
01:04:57,026 --> 01:04:58,094
So?

1519
01:04:58,194 --> 01:04:59,929
So, we sell some baseball cards,

1520
01:05:00,029 --> 01:05:01,464
get some money...

1521
01:05:01,564 --> 01:05:03,599
we sneak out of the field trip and buy our own Nintendo.

1522
01:05:03,699 --> 01:05:06,469
Oh, now I get it. But wait, how's that 15 steps?

1523
01:05:06,569 --> 01:05:08,571
That's like... three.

1524
01:05:08,638 --> 01:05:10,306
I don't know. We could get in trouble.

1525
01:05:10,406 --> 01:05:13,376
I can't get in trouble now. It's almost Christmas.

1526
01:05:13,442 --> 01:05:14,810
Forget Christmas.

1527
01:05:14,911 --> 01:05:17,713
This is bigger than Christmas.

1528
01:05:17,780 --> 01:05:23,052
[Jake]  This is our one and only chance to get a Nintendo.

1529
01:05:23,119 --> 01:05:25,454
One that we can play on our own.

1530
01:05:25,554 --> 01:05:27,823
We don't have to worry about taking our boots off,

1531
01:05:27,924 --> 01:05:29,258
or getting in line...

1532
01:05:29,325 --> 01:05:31,227
or any of that stuff.

1533
01:05:31,294 --> 01:05:33,329
We can totally do this!

1534
01:05:34,830 --> 01:05:38,000
-This is our Vietnam. -[Mikey] Yeah.

1535
01:05:38,100 --> 01:05:41,003
I don't think that means what you think it means.

1536
01:05:41,103 --> 01:05:43,406
I have no idea what it means.

1537
01:05:43,472 --> 01:05:45,007
But who's with me?

1538
01:05:45,107 --> 01:05:46,075
I'm in.

1539
01:05:50,479 --> 01:05:52,281
Check, check. Over.

1540
01:05:52,348 --> 01:05:53,683
Check, check. Over.

1541
01:05:54,417 --> 01:05:55,651
[both] We're in.

1542
01:06:12,468 --> 01:06:13,636
I'm in.

1543
01:06:13,703 --> 01:06:15,104
Nope.

1544
01:06:15,171 --> 01:06:16,305
-[Tammy] Forget it. -What?

1545
01:06:16,372 --> 01:06:17,773
Baseball cards, Farmer.

1546
01:06:17,840 --> 01:06:20,109
Come on! What's a guy gotta do?

1547
01:06:20,810 --> 01:06:21,877
Olsen?

1548
01:06:33,622 --> 01:06:34,824
[sighs]

1549
01:06:36,325 --> 01:06:38,661
We're gonna get in so much trouble.

1550
01:06:38,728 --> 01:06:39,862
[all cheering]

1551
01:06:41,831 --> 01:06:45,167
[all] One, two, three, Nintendo!

1552
01:06:45,234 --> 01:06:48,537
[all cheering]

1553
01:06:49,839 --> 01:06:51,340
[all cheering]

1554
01:06:51,407 --> 01:06:52,508
[Jake] Got it!

1555
01:06:52,575 --> 01:06:53,576
Nice, Tammy.

1556
01:06:53,676 --> 01:06:55,211
[Evan] Safe and secure.

1557
01:06:55,311 --> 01:06:56,812
Here we go!

1558
01:07:22,905 --> 01:07:25,775
[Annie]  Oh, no! Not Jagorski.

1559
01:07:25,875 --> 01:07:27,243
What's he gonna do?

1560
01:07:27,343 --> 01:07:28,944
I'll give you a hint.

1561
01:07:29,045 --> 01:07:30,780
Nothing good.

1562
01:07:30,880 --> 01:07:33,616
[Mrs. Hugo] It's my favorite field trip. Off to the Art Institute.

1563
01:07:33,716 --> 01:07:35,284
-Duffle bag? -Check.

1564
01:07:35,384 --> 01:07:37,086
-Blanket? -Check. In the bag.

1565
01:07:37,186 --> 01:07:38,454
-Walkie-talkies? -Check.

1566
01:07:38,554 --> 01:07:39,889
Camouflage, check.

1567
01:07:39,955 --> 01:07:42,358
Not necessary, Farmer. But I like the spirit.

1568
01:07:42,425 --> 01:07:44,360
Personally, I prefer a woodland pattern,

1569
01:07:44,427 --> 01:07:45,895
you know, for urban combat.

1570
01:07:45,961 --> 01:07:47,463
[Jeff] I agree.

1571
01:07:47,563 --> 01:07:48,798
How are you feeling, Olsen?

1572
01:07:48,898 --> 01:07:50,599
Not good. [gags]

1573
01:07:50,699 --> 01:07:51,567
Perfect.

1574
01:07:54,103 --> 01:07:56,305
Nice Trapper Keeper, Doyle.

1575
01:07:56,405 --> 01:07:58,474
I heard it's good for money management.

1576
01:07:59,241 --> 01:08:01,143
[Jake struggling]

1577
01:08:01,243 --> 01:08:02,745
[Josh growls]

1578
01:08:02,812 --> 01:08:04,547
-That's ours! -Not anymore.

1579
01:08:04,613 --> 01:08:06,115
You can't do that!

1580
01:08:06,215 --> 01:08:08,984
Oh, yeah? And what are you gonna do about it?

1581
01:08:09,085 --> 01:08:11,620
Yeah. That's what I thought.

1582
01:08:11,720 --> 01:08:14,123
Your Nintendo's mine. [grunts]

1583
01:08:14,223 --> 01:08:16,091
[laughs wickedly]

1584
01:08:16,158 --> 01:08:17,259
[Josh] What up, Miss Hugo?

1585
01:08:17,326 --> 01:08:18,561
Oh, man. This is so bad.

1586
01:08:18,627 --> 01:08:20,496
I don't think it could get any worse.

1587
01:08:20,596 --> 01:08:22,565
Jake Doyle.

1588
01:08:22,631 --> 01:08:23,933
Where do you think you're going?

1589
01:08:23,999 --> 01:08:25,601
On the bus to the Art Institute?

1590
01:08:25,668 --> 01:08:26,902
Not like that.

1591
01:08:27,670 --> 01:08:29,738
No boots, no field trip.

1592
01:08:33,309 --> 01:08:37,012
[adult Jake] At first, I thought, "Maybe no one will notice."

1593
01:08:37,113 --> 01:08:41,117
Hey, everybody! Jake Doyle's wearing girls' boots!

1594
01:08:41,183 --> 01:08:43,018
[children laughing]

1595
01:08:46,288 --> 01:08:47,590
[mockingly] They're so pretty.

1596
01:08:48,457 --> 01:08:50,192
I have the same kind.

1597
01:08:50,292 --> 01:08:53,596
Reoccurring nightmares of Freddy Krueger and the '84 Cubs

1598
01:08:53,662 --> 01:08:55,264
quickly fell to the wayside.

1599
01:08:55,331 --> 01:08:57,500
It was a bad dream come to life.

1600
01:08:57,600 --> 01:09:01,537
Wow! Nice boots, Doyle.

1601
01:09:01,637 --> 01:09:04,974
Hey, why don't you come back and have a seat?

1602
01:09:07,309 --> 01:09:09,478
Hey, you wanna hear about my ant farm?

1603
01:09:09,545 --> 01:09:12,381
They're all dead. The uncles are still alive, though.

1604
01:09:12,481 --> 01:09:13,883
[knuckles thumping]

1605
01:09:17,353 --> 01:09:19,522
[adult Jake]  The entire plan hung in the balance.

1606
01:09:19,622 --> 01:09:23,526
And I was stuck next to a kid eating erasers like Tic Tacs.

1607
01:09:23,626 --> 01:09:25,561
Erasers are good. Do you want one?

1608
01:09:25,661 --> 01:09:27,229
-No. -All right.

1609
01:09:32,801 --> 01:09:36,138
♪  When you're Runnin' into first Then you feel a juicy burst♪

1610
01:09:36,205 --> 01:09:38,974
♪  Diarrhea, diarrhea ♪

1611
01:09:39,041 --> 01:09:42,411
♪  When you're Sliding into third And you feel a juicy turd♪

1612
01:09:42,511 --> 01:09:45,314
♪  Diarrhea, diarrhea♪

1613
01:09:45,381 --> 01:09:48,918
♪  When you're sliding into home And your pants Are full of foam♪

1614
01:09:49,018 --> 01:09:51,387
♪  Diarrhea, diarrhea♪

1615
01:09:53,556 --> 01:09:54,723
We're almost to the spot.

1616
01:09:54,823 --> 01:09:56,659
Olsen's getting nervous. What do we do?

1617
01:09:56,725 --> 01:09:58,160
I don't know.

1618
01:09:58,227 --> 01:09:59,428
Just initiate phase one and I'll think of something.

1619
01:09:59,528 --> 01:10:00,529
Okay.

1620
01:10:05,501 --> 01:10:07,269
[whispering] What about the money?

1621
01:10:08,204 --> 01:10:09,605
[exhales]

1622
01:10:09,705 --> 01:10:11,273
Mrs. Hugo.

1623
01:10:11,373 --> 01:10:13,242
-Evan, what are you doing out of your seat? -I don't feel good.

1624
01:10:13,342 --> 01:10:14,777
Okay, I... We're gonna be...

1625
01:10:14,877 --> 01:10:17,046
Don't be scared of Jagorski, he's only big in size.

1626
01:10:17,112 --> 01:10:18,514
Think of something happy.

1627
01:10:18,581 --> 01:10:21,750
Tell me your favorite letters of the alphabet.

1628
01:10:21,850 --> 01:10:25,054
In order, mine are T, K, A, I, E...

1629
01:10:25,120 --> 01:10:27,690
O, U, Q, X.

1630
01:10:29,725 --> 01:10:33,395
Well, well, look at what we got here.

1631
01:10:33,462 --> 01:10:35,798
We gotta get the Nintendo now. I can--

1632
01:10:35,898 --> 01:10:39,101
Not listening to you, Doyle. The money's mine.

1633
01:10:39,201 --> 01:10:41,136
-We gotta go now, or-- -Or else?

1634
01:10:42,805 --> 01:10:44,273
Are you gonna make me?

1635
01:10:44,373 --> 01:10:48,277
Go back and sit with your dork girlfriend

1636
01:10:48,377 --> 01:10:50,145
in your girl boots!

1637
01:10:50,246 --> 01:10:50,980
[thudding]

1638
01:10:51,080 --> 01:10:52,815
Are you gonna cry now?

1639
01:10:52,915 --> 01:10:54,083
[Josh crying mockingly]

1640
01:10:56,752 --> 01:10:58,654
[adult Jake] And that's when it hit me.

1641
01:10:58,754 --> 01:11:02,591
Connor Stump wasn't a weirdo. He was a rebel.

1642
01:11:02,658 --> 01:11:04,493
He didn't care about being called names.

1643
01:11:04,593 --> 01:11:06,929
He didn't care about bullies, so why should I?

1644
01:11:06,996 --> 01:11:08,831
Nintendo or not,

1645
01:11:08,931 --> 01:11:11,500
Jagorski had been King of the Mountain for too long.

1646
01:11:11,600 --> 01:11:14,270
[Josh mockingly] "I'm wearing feminine footwear.

1647
01:11:14,336 --> 01:11:16,071
"Why did I bring it to school?

1648
01:11:16,138 --> 01:11:18,907
"My little mommy put flowers on my shoes!"

1649
01:11:18,974 --> 01:11:21,677
You're all talk, no walk, Jagorski.

1650
01:11:21,777 --> 01:11:24,013
You're not worth a hill of beans.

1651
01:11:24,113 --> 01:11:26,649
Wha... What does that mean?

1652
01:11:26,749 --> 01:11:28,651
It means you're just a sad little bully.

1653
01:11:28,751 --> 01:11:31,687
And if you don't give me back my Trapper Keeper right now

1654
01:11:31,787 --> 01:11:33,956
the only one crying is gonna be you,

1655
01:11:34,023 --> 01:11:35,591
buttface!

1656
01:11:36,592 --> 01:11:37,693
Now!

1657
01:11:38,694 --> 01:11:40,095
Okay, okay.

1658
01:11:40,829 --> 01:11:42,264
[timidly] Okay.

1659
01:11:42,331 --> 01:11:45,868
And my mom got me these boots. And I hate them, too!

1660
01:11:45,968 --> 01:11:47,770
But I love my mom.

1661
01:11:55,044 --> 01:11:56,679
-[Evan] I know, I... -Sit down.

1662
01:11:56,779 --> 01:11:59,882
Just tell me what it is. I mean, is it your stomach?

1663
01:11:59,982 --> 01:12:01,717
Do you actually think that maybe you could have...

1664
01:12:01,817 --> 01:12:03,552
[children screaming]

1665
01:12:03,652 --> 01:12:04,953
[school bus braking]

1666
01:12:05,020 --> 01:12:06,955
[children clamoring]

1667
01:12:07,022 --> 01:12:10,392
Just sit down! Sit down, everybody, okay?

1668
01:12:10,492 --> 01:12:13,062
[Mrs. Hugo] Oh, my gosh! Are you okay?

1669
01:12:14,830 --> 01:12:16,699
[Jake] Get the alarm! Get the alarm!

1670
01:12:16,799 --> 01:12:17,900
[Mikey] Walkies.

1671
01:12:19,301 --> 01:12:20,736
Open the door!

1672
01:12:20,836 --> 01:12:22,571
All right, go, go, go!

1673
01:12:22,671 --> 01:12:24,006
[alarm ringing]

1674
01:12:25,007 --> 01:12:26,709
Yippee-ki-yay, Doyle!

1675
01:12:26,809 --> 01:12:29,745
Red Dog, this is Blue Bird. Approaching the mall. Over.

1676
01:12:29,845 --> 01:12:31,080
Blue Bird, this is Rambo One.

1677
01:12:31,180 --> 01:12:33,048
-What happened to Red Dog? -I changed it.

1678
01:12:33,148 --> 01:12:34,817
We're allowed to change names now?

1679
01:12:34,883 --> 01:12:36,919
Let's just start over.

1680
01:12:37,019 --> 01:12:40,422
Rambo One, this is Millennium Falcon Super Cool.

1681
01:12:40,522 --> 01:12:42,057
[whooping] Love it!

1682
01:12:42,157 --> 01:12:43,592
Approaching Michigan Avenue.

1683
01:12:47,229 --> 01:12:49,498
-Careful there, kid. It's slippery. -Thanks.

1684
01:12:50,199 --> 01:12:51,767
Sorry. Excuse me.

1685
01:12:53,702 --> 01:12:56,105
Coming through. Sorry.

1686
01:12:56,205 --> 01:12:57,873
[adult Jake] Our testing had made it clear.

1687
01:12:57,940 --> 01:13:00,275
Two cans of SpaghettiOs in Olsen's stomach

1688
01:13:00,376 --> 01:13:02,745
equaled roughly nine minutes of vomit.

1689
01:13:02,845 --> 01:13:04,780
That was our window to buy a Nintendo

1690
01:13:04,880 --> 01:13:08,183
and make it back to the bus before Olsen ran out of puke.

1691
01:13:11,720 --> 01:13:13,789
Excuse me.

1692
01:13:13,889 --> 01:13:16,258
As long as I didn't run into any major obstacles

1693
01:13:16,358 --> 01:13:18,460
I figured I'd be good to go-- Oh, God!

1694
01:13:18,560 --> 01:13:21,697
Video game over! Video game over!

1695
01:13:21,764 --> 01:13:23,098
Are you kidding me?

1696
01:13:25,234 --> 01:13:27,436
Rambo One, we have a problem.

1697
01:13:27,536 --> 01:13:29,471
What's the problem, Millennium Super whatever?

1698
01:13:29,571 --> 01:13:31,907
Your mom and Mrs. Keane are here.

1699
01:13:31,974 --> 01:13:33,375
-What? -[Jake over radio] I repeat, your mom

1700
01:13:33,442 --> 01:13:34,910
and Mrs. Keane are outside the store.

1701
01:13:34,977 --> 01:13:36,578
I can't get past them without them seeing me.

1702
01:13:36,645 --> 01:13:38,046
-Don't go in there. D -Don't go in that store.

1703
01:13:38,113 --> 01:13:40,082
Don't spend your money. Stay in school!

1704
01:13:40,149 --> 01:13:42,251
Get your mom under control, Trotter!

1705
01:13:42,317 --> 01:13:43,886
[groans] Darn it!

1706
01:13:43,952 --> 01:13:45,320
Jake, what are we gonna do?

1707
01:13:45,421 --> 01:13:47,122
I don't know. That's why I'm calling you.

1708
01:13:47,222 --> 01:13:48,457
Abort! Abort!

1709
01:13:48,557 --> 01:13:49,825
-[both] No! -No.

1710
01:13:49,925 --> 01:13:52,060
No abort. We just need to get them out of the way.

1711
01:13:54,930 --> 01:13:58,167
Maybe we could page them over the intercom?

1712
01:13:58,267 --> 01:14:00,135
Tell them they have a call.

1713
01:14:00,235 --> 01:14:02,070
Guys, there's a payphone across the street.

1714
01:14:02,137 --> 01:14:06,575
Yes! Okay. How's Olsen? Give me a puke check.

1715
01:14:06,642 --> 01:14:08,177
[Mrs. Hugo] Your poor little tummy--

1716
01:14:10,946 --> 01:14:13,982
Okay, feeling bad for you. I'm feeling very bad.

1717
01:14:14,082 --> 01:14:15,017
Okay!

1718
01:14:15,117 --> 01:14:16,618
Could I get some help here?

1719
01:14:16,685 --> 01:14:19,988
I knew I should've kept dancing in Vegas. Knew it.

1720
01:14:20,088 --> 01:14:22,024
He ate a whole bag of candy corn for breakfast.

1721
01:14:22,124 --> 01:14:24,259
-We should be good. -Okay, we can make it to the payphone, Jake.

1722
01:14:24,326 --> 01:14:25,427
But what do we say?

1723
01:14:25,494 --> 01:14:28,096
I don't know. Something good.

1724
01:14:28,163 --> 01:14:29,531
Something good like what?

1725
01:14:29,631 --> 01:14:31,700
-I don't know! Make something up. -[groans]

1726
01:14:31,800 --> 01:14:34,536
Did someone say "make something up"?

1727
01:14:39,875 --> 01:14:42,878
[woman over PA system] Paging Mrs. Trotter and Mrs. Keane

1728
01:14:42,978 --> 01:14:44,847
please come to the white courtesy phone.

1729
01:14:44,947 --> 01:14:46,849
You have an emergency phone call.

1730
01:14:46,949 --> 01:14:48,684
-I'm Mrs. Keane. -What's going on?

1731
01:14:48,784 --> 01:14:49,885
Oh, my gosh! An emergency?

1732
01:14:50,819 --> 01:14:51,887
Let's go.

1733
01:14:51,987 --> 01:14:53,822
[Mrs. Keane] I hope it's not Timmy.

1734
01:14:53,889 --> 01:14:54,990
He said something about stabbing our water bed this morning.

1735
01:14:55,057 --> 01:14:56,124
It worked!

1736
01:14:57,493 --> 01:15:00,295
Okay, I'm going in. Keep them on the phone.

1737
01:15:00,996 --> 01:15:01,997
Copy that.

1738
01:15:02,064 --> 01:15:03,198
Doing good.

1739
01:15:04,666 --> 01:15:06,001
Oh, hey, here it is.

1740
01:15:09,004 --> 01:15:10,739
-Hello? -Hello, Mrs. Trotter.

1741
01:15:10,839 --> 01:15:13,375
-[Mrs. Keane over phone]  No. -I mean, Mrs. Keane. Right.

1742
01:15:13,475 --> 01:15:15,477
-Who is this? -This is your nephew.

1743
01:15:15,544 --> 01:15:17,646
I don't have a nephew.

1744
01:15:17,713 --> 01:15:21,850
I know you don't have a nephew. That's exactly why I'm calling.

1745
01:15:21,917 --> 01:15:24,319
I'm with the International Nieces and Nephews Collective.

1746
01:15:24,386 --> 01:15:26,555
The International Nieces and Nephews Collective?

1747
01:15:26,655 --> 01:15:28,257
-That's right. -What's that?

1748
01:15:28,357 --> 01:15:29,892
Well, we're based in Canada.

1749
01:15:29,992 --> 01:15:32,895
-[in Canadian accent] Oh, you are, eh? Hi. -Canada.

1750
01:15:35,197 --> 01:15:37,933
Four minutes, Super Falcon. You got this.

1751
01:15:38,033 --> 01:15:41,069
-That doesn't make any sense. -Makes perfect sense if you think about it.

1752
01:15:41,169 --> 01:15:43,372
You don't have a nephew, you would like a nephew,

1753
01:15:43,438 --> 01:15:44,873
the Collective is here to help.

1754
01:15:44,940 --> 01:15:46,074
-Can you make any sense of this? -Sure.

1755
01:15:46,174 --> 01:15:47,776
-Uh, hello? -Hello?

1756
01:15:47,876 --> 01:15:49,778
I just wanted you to know making prank calls is very wrong.

1757
01:15:49,878 --> 01:15:51,947
Super Cool, come in. Farmer's losing them.

1758
01:15:52,047 --> 01:15:53,749
You've gotta hurry.

1759
01:15:53,849 --> 01:15:55,450
-[Nintendo] Where's your sister, Jake? -Shut up, Nintendo.

1760
01:15:55,551 --> 01:15:57,719
And it's also against the law.

1761
01:15:57,786 --> 01:15:59,521
You wanna know what else would be criminal?

1762
01:15:59,588 --> 01:16:01,456
Letting your son go another holiday season

1763
01:16:01,557 --> 01:16:05,360
without experiencing the joys of sponsoring an adopted cousin.

1764
01:16:05,427 --> 01:16:07,563
We're just trying to spread joy to the world.

1765
01:16:07,629 --> 01:16:08,530
[both] Aw.

1766
01:16:08,597 --> 01:16:09,464
That makes sense.

1767
01:16:09,565 --> 01:16:10,766
-That's nice. -Yeah.

1768
01:16:10,866 --> 01:16:13,101
She bought it. Someone believed me.

1769
01:16:13,201 --> 01:16:15,137
[Mrs. Trotter over phone] I can hear you.

1770
01:16:15,237 --> 01:16:18,740
Sorry, ma'am, but this is a matter of national security.

1771
01:16:18,807 --> 01:16:20,208
All right. You're feeling better?

1772
01:16:20,275 --> 01:16:21,977
Can we go back in the bus now?

1773
01:16:22,077 --> 01:16:24,146
Yeah, he's dry heaving. You're good.

1774
01:16:25,814 --> 01:16:28,650
Olsen is dry! Repeat! We are out of puke!

1775
01:16:28,750 --> 01:16:30,652
-And I'm your nephew. -Okay. You know what?

1776
01:16:30,752 --> 01:16:33,155
I think now you're starting to mock me and this is harassment.

1777
01:16:33,255 --> 01:16:34,323
-Good bye. -Hello?

1778
01:16:34,423 --> 01:16:35,791
-Hello? -[dial tone beeping]

1779
01:16:35,891 --> 01:16:36,959
Drat!

1780
01:16:41,830 --> 01:16:44,333
I lost them, I lost them, I lost them.

1781
01:16:44,433 --> 01:16:45,734
And Farmer is off the phone.

1782
01:16:45,801 --> 01:16:47,836
[Mikey over comms] Repeat. Farmer's off the phone.

1783
01:16:47,936 --> 01:16:51,340
Look out for Keane and my mom.

1784
01:16:51,440 --> 01:16:54,176
-[Mrs. Trotter] I don't understand either. -[Mrs. Keane] Was it a survey?

1785
01:16:54,276 --> 01:16:56,178
[both continue indistinctly]

1786
01:16:56,278 --> 01:16:57,512
[Jake] Excuse me.

1787
01:17:02,451 --> 01:17:04,353
Oh, God.

1788
01:17:04,453 --> 01:17:06,121
I got past them, I'm in the clear!

1789
01:17:06,188 --> 01:17:08,023
[Mikey over comms] The bus is moving, Jake.

1790
01:17:08,123 --> 01:17:10,092
The stoplight is still the rendezvous. You're gonna make it.

1791
01:17:10,158 --> 01:17:11,660
[adult Jake] This was it. This was it.

1792
01:17:11,760 --> 01:17:14,363
Victory was mine. I could taste it.

1793
01:17:15,097 --> 01:17:16,465
Yes. Yes.

1794
01:17:17,032 --> 01:17:18,367
No!

1795
01:17:27,142 --> 01:17:28,110
[slow motion screaming] No!

1796
01:17:29,945 --> 01:17:31,713
[all] No!

1797
01:17:43,025 --> 01:17:44,192
That can't be good.

1798
01:17:47,696 --> 01:17:49,498
-[thumps] -Damn.

1799
01:17:51,800 --> 01:17:55,637
So, you're not gonna get what you wanted for Christmas.

1800
01:17:55,704 --> 01:17:58,740
Ain't gonna lie. That's a tough one, kid.

1801
01:17:58,840 --> 01:18:01,076
You could give me the Nintendo you have in your trunk.

1802
01:18:01,176 --> 01:18:04,212
I said you're not gonna get what you wanted for Christmas this year.

1803
01:18:04,312 --> 01:18:07,082
One year, for Christmas, when I was a kid,

1804
01:18:07,182 --> 01:18:09,418
know what I wanted? I wanted a donkey.

1805
01:18:09,518 --> 01:18:11,853
A donkey. Can you believe that?

1806
01:18:11,920 --> 01:18:14,923
Yeah. Be kind of a weird thing to make up.

1807
01:18:15,724 --> 01:18:17,259
Well, I did.

1808
01:18:17,359 --> 01:18:20,429
All November, all December, that's all I could think about.

1809
01:18:20,529 --> 01:18:22,197
All I could talk about.

1810
01:18:22,264 --> 01:18:25,033
Donkey this, donkey that. How am I gonna get this donkey?

1811
01:18:26,368 --> 01:18:28,336
And guess what happened Christmas morning?

1812
01:18:28,403 --> 01:18:30,772
-You got a donkey? -No.

1813
01:18:30,872 --> 01:18:32,174
Who gets a donkey?

1814
01:18:32,240 --> 01:18:33,675
No. I...

1815
01:18:33,742 --> 01:18:37,446
No. I realized that I spent the whole Christmas season

1816
01:18:37,546 --> 01:18:39,448
worrying about something I wanted

1817
01:18:39,548 --> 01:18:42,851
and I stopped appreciating what I already had.

1818
01:18:42,918 --> 01:18:45,087
Was it like a hamster or dog or something?

1819
01:18:45,187 --> 01:18:48,523
No, my family. My life.

1820
01:18:48,590 --> 01:18:50,792
You know, you only get so many Christmases, kid.

1821
01:18:50,892 --> 01:18:52,961
You gotta make them count.

1822
01:18:53,061 --> 01:18:57,065
Hey, I bet you haven't even told somebody "Merry Christmas" this year, have you?

1823
01:19:01,303 --> 01:19:03,572
All right, come on, get up. I'll get you a cab. Come on.

1824
01:19:04,106 --> 01:19:05,741
Yo! Taxi!

1825
01:19:11,279 --> 01:19:13,281
Let's get you back with your field trip.

1826
01:19:16,251 --> 01:19:17,886
-Where's you headed? -Art Institute.

1827
01:19:17,953 --> 01:19:20,455
Drop him off at the side door on Monroe.

1828
01:19:20,555 --> 01:19:22,090
-Okay? -Got it.

1829
01:19:22,157 --> 01:19:24,126
Tell security you got lost.

1830
01:19:24,226 --> 01:19:26,795
Is there any way I can pay you back somehow?

1831
01:19:26,895 --> 01:19:29,397
Nah. I fleeced your dad for that Patch.

1832
01:19:29,464 --> 01:19:30,665
You gotta do me a favor, though.

1833
01:19:30,766 --> 01:19:32,834
-What's that? -Have a Merry Christmas.

1834
01:19:38,440 --> 01:19:41,076
-[Christmas bells jingling] -[horse neighing]

1835
01:19:50,685 --> 01:19:53,288
Wake up, wake up. Is it time yet?

1836
01:19:53,355 --> 01:19:54,623
Is it time yet, Jake?

1837
01:19:57,926 --> 01:19:58,927
Let's go!

1838
01:19:58,994 --> 01:19:59,961
[festive music playing]

1839
01:20:04,166 --> 01:20:05,167
[whispering] Wow!

1840
01:20:07,602 --> 01:20:10,105
[adult Jake] Ten years of visual unwrapping experience

1841
01:20:10,172 --> 01:20:14,209
I could tell right away there was no Nintendo under that tree.

1842
01:20:14,309 --> 01:20:18,180
Fat ladies standing by quietly warmed their vocal chords.

1843
01:20:18,280 --> 01:20:21,850
Lizzy, no opening the presents until we pass them out.

1844
01:20:21,950 --> 01:20:23,852
You know the rules.

1845
01:20:23,952 --> 01:20:25,287
[rattling]

1846
01:20:26,121 --> 01:20:27,055
Legos?

1847
01:20:27,155 --> 01:20:28,690
Let's just get this over with.

1848
01:20:29,825 --> 01:20:30,959
Okay...

1849
01:20:31,993 --> 01:20:33,328
Let's have some Christmas.

1850
01:20:35,463 --> 01:20:36,865
And...

1851
01:20:36,965 --> 01:20:40,302
-[John]  three, two, one... -Merry Christmas!

1852
01:20:40,368 --> 01:20:43,004
It's Christmas morning, 1988.

1853
01:20:43,071 --> 01:20:44,372
Opening our presents!

1854
01:20:44,472 --> 01:20:47,042
-Looking good. -Merry Christmas.

1855
01:20:47,142 --> 01:20:48,577
[Kathy]  Merry Christmas.

1856
01:20:48,677 --> 01:20:50,712
-Okay, hold on. -Cheese.

1857
01:20:53,048 --> 01:20:54,149
[Lizzy giggling]

1858
01:20:54,216 --> 01:20:55,650
[Kathy]  Boop. Boop.

1859
01:20:55,717 --> 01:20:57,419
-[John]  How are you, Jake? -Boop.

1860
01:20:57,519 --> 01:20:58,920
[John]  Cheer up!

1861
01:20:59,020 --> 01:21:00,689
[Kathy] Merry Christmas.

1862
01:21:00,755 --> 01:21:01,857
[John]  Thank you, honey.

1863
01:21:03,525 --> 01:21:05,994
[John]  Come on, buddy. Thumbs up.

1864
01:21:06,061 --> 01:21:07,362
Great, all right, cool.

1865
01:21:14,736 --> 01:21:17,339
[gasping] Leg warmers.

1866
01:21:17,405 --> 01:21:23,245
[exclaiming] What? I got a sander.

1867
01:21:24,546 --> 01:21:25,447
Bookends?

1868
01:21:25,547 --> 01:21:27,749
For your encyclopedia set.

1869
01:21:27,849 --> 01:21:29,618
Great.

1870
01:21:29,718 --> 01:21:31,686
And they have baseballs on them.

1871
01:21:31,753 --> 01:21:32,621
I see that.

1872
01:21:34,589 --> 01:21:36,691
A Cabbage Patch Kid!

1873
01:21:39,394 --> 01:21:41,463
Wow! Freckles!

1874
01:21:43,098 --> 01:21:45,233
I'm sorry it's not a redhead.

1875
01:21:47,936 --> 01:21:50,772
Thank you so much. I love you.

1876
01:21:50,872 --> 01:21:51,940
I love you, too.

1877
01:21:53,441 --> 01:21:54,809
[loud buzzing]

1878
01:21:54,910 --> 01:21:56,711
Another great Christmas.

1879
01:21:56,778 --> 01:22:00,415
You know, every holiday that I spend with you guys

1880
01:22:00,482 --> 01:22:02,484
is a real blessing.

1881
01:22:02,584 --> 01:22:04,119
[shouting] What?

1882
01:22:04,219 --> 01:22:07,055
I said, "Every holiday that I spend with you guys..."

1883
01:22:07,122 --> 01:22:08,623
John. John!

1884
01:22:09,591 --> 01:22:10,992
John.

1885
01:22:11,092 --> 01:22:12,160
[sander stopping]

1886
01:22:12,260 --> 01:22:13,561
Do you have to do that right now?

1887
01:22:14,930 --> 01:22:16,498
Yeah, but... You gave it to me.

1888
01:22:17,766 --> 01:22:19,167
Okay.

1889
01:22:19,267 --> 01:22:21,569
Never mind, honey. I feel like the moment just passed.

1890
01:22:23,605 --> 01:22:25,440
[thudding]

1891
01:22:25,507 --> 01:22:28,009
-[gasps] -[adult Jake] And that's when I saw it.

1892
01:22:28,109 --> 01:22:29,577
[barks]

1893
01:22:29,644 --> 01:22:32,781
It was the exact size and shape of the box I'd held in my hands

1894
01:22:32,847 --> 01:22:34,149
not three days before.

1895
01:22:37,786 --> 01:22:42,290
"To Jake. From Uncle Dan."

1896
01:22:42,357 --> 01:22:45,927
Of course. Crazy rich Uncle Dan.

1897
01:22:45,994 --> 01:22:49,297
Huh. A gift from Uncle Dan.

1898
01:22:49,364 --> 01:22:51,866
You haven't gotten as much as a postcard in the last three years.

1899
01:22:51,967 --> 01:22:53,868
Where's he living again now?

1900
01:22:53,969 --> 01:22:55,036
Japan.

1901
01:22:55,136 --> 01:22:56,838
[adult Jake] Japan. Japan.

1902
01:22:56,938 --> 01:22:58,306
Home of Nintendo.

1903
01:22:58,373 --> 01:23:00,475
The land where dreams come true.

1904
01:23:00,542 --> 01:23:02,811
Oh, God, don't mess with me now.

1905
01:23:04,145 --> 01:23:05,847
It's got your name on it, Jake.

1906
01:23:07,382 --> 01:23:09,184
[John] What'd he say he was sending?

1907
01:23:09,284 --> 01:23:10,485
I have no idea.

1908
01:23:14,289 --> 01:23:16,157
Come on, come on.

1909
01:23:16,224 --> 01:23:18,026
It has to be. It has to be.

1910
01:23:19,361 --> 01:23:20,829
[adult Jake]  Lite-Brite?

1911
01:23:20,895 --> 01:23:21,896
Lite-Brite?

1912
01:23:21,997 --> 01:23:23,298
Lite-Brite.

1913
01:23:23,365 --> 01:23:25,734
Japanese Lite-Brite.

1914
01:23:25,834 --> 01:23:28,536
Wow! Lite-Brite!

1915
01:23:28,636 --> 01:23:30,238
-Yeah. -Jake, that's fun.

1916
01:23:30,338 --> 01:23:34,409
You know, for a second there, I thought it was a Nintendo.

1917
01:23:34,509 --> 01:23:36,044
[laughs]

1918
01:23:36,144 --> 01:23:38,913
[adult Jake]  As I slowly tried to grasp the situation

1919
01:23:39,014 --> 01:23:42,417
I began to fear that I might never recover from this.

1920
01:23:42,517 --> 01:23:46,755
This was a tragedy so great that I'd never go to prom,

1921
01:23:46,855 --> 01:23:49,758
never go to college, never leave the house.

1922
01:23:49,858 --> 01:23:53,528
I'd become a 30-year-old balding man in his parents' basement

1923
01:23:53,595 --> 01:23:57,532
making elaborate pictures of Zelda on his Lite-Brite.

1924
01:23:57,599 --> 01:24:00,268
Christmas was dead to me now.

1925
01:24:00,368 --> 01:24:01,736
-Hello? -Hey, Trotter.

1926
01:24:01,836 --> 01:24:03,371
-Hey. -You didn't get one either?

1927
01:24:03,438 --> 01:24:06,174
-Nah, I got a Chia Pet. -You got a Chia Pet?

1928
01:24:06,241 --> 01:24:07,442
The Hodges struck out, too.

1929
01:24:07,542 --> 01:24:10,245
Yeah, yeah. I heard about the Hodges.

1930
01:24:10,345 --> 01:24:13,715
They just got a new bike... to share.

1931
01:24:13,782 --> 01:24:15,450
Yep.

1932
01:24:15,550 --> 01:24:17,452
Farmer says he got one, but he also says he got a jetpack. So...

1933
01:24:17,552 --> 01:24:18,586
Yeah, right.

1934
01:24:18,686 --> 01:24:20,789
I guess we all struck out.

1935
01:24:20,889 --> 01:24:21,890
Well, I gotta go.

1936
01:24:21,956 --> 01:24:23,024
-See ya. -See ya, man.

1937
01:24:23,091 --> 01:24:24,059
[line disconnects]

1938
01:24:24,893 --> 01:24:26,094
[sighs]

1939
01:24:27,896 --> 01:24:30,865
[Annie] Wait a second. So, you didn't get one?

1940
01:24:30,932 --> 01:24:32,901
None of your friends got one?

1941
01:24:32,967 --> 01:24:35,103
What kind of a story is this?

1942
01:24:35,203 --> 01:24:37,305
Whose Nintendo were we even playing?

1943
01:24:39,307 --> 01:24:41,443
Here, come with me.

1944
01:24:44,112 --> 01:24:46,815
[Kathy] ...gifts for Granny and Grandpa are in the blue bag.

1945
01:24:46,915 --> 01:24:48,650
[Kathy speaking indistinctly]

1946
01:24:50,251 --> 01:24:52,754
We're going to Minnesota for three days, Kathy.

1947
01:24:52,821 --> 01:24:54,722
You've been in our car. I've seen you in it.

1948
01:24:54,789 --> 01:24:56,124
You know how big it is.

1949
01:24:56,224 --> 01:24:58,226
John, you're getting a little bit of a tone.

1950
01:24:58,293 --> 01:25:00,328
I feel like maybe we should leave tomorrow morning.

1951
01:25:00,428 --> 01:25:02,497
No. I'm not hitting traffic.

1952
01:25:02,597 --> 01:25:04,099
-Jake! -What?

1953
01:25:04,165 --> 01:25:05,500
Oh.

1954
01:25:05,600 --> 01:25:08,169
Hey, there's still a ton of poop in the backyard. Okay?

1955
01:25:08,269 --> 01:25:10,171
So, get a shovel and pick it up.

1956
01:25:10,271 --> 01:25:12,173
Why? I mean, come on. Please?

1957
01:25:12,273 --> 01:25:13,508
It's Christmas.

1958
01:25:17,278 --> 01:25:18,146
Fine.

1959
01:25:23,952 --> 01:25:27,188
Come on. Pick them up and put them down, buddy.

1960
01:25:27,288 --> 01:25:29,257
-We gotta go. -Yep.

1961
01:25:29,324 --> 01:25:31,593
[John] Hey, start with the ones behind the shed.

1962
01:25:41,836 --> 01:25:44,873
Dad! The floodlights!

1963
01:25:46,641 --> 01:25:50,011
[adult Jake] And there, high above the frozen dog poo

1964
01:25:50,111 --> 01:25:52,180
that had become the bane of my existence

1965
01:25:52,280 --> 01:25:56,618
was the most beautiful structure I had ever laid my eyes on.

1966
01:25:56,684 --> 01:25:57,886
Whoa!

1967
01:25:57,986 --> 01:25:59,354
A tree fort.

1968
01:25:59,454 --> 01:26:03,291
A spectacular, solid-wood tree fort.

1969
01:26:05,293 --> 01:26:07,962
Oh, it was breathtaking.

1970
01:26:19,908 --> 01:26:21,209
Wow.

1971
01:26:22,677 --> 01:26:24,579
Wowee.

1972
01:26:26,481 --> 01:26:28,316
It has a trapdoor!

1973
01:26:28,383 --> 01:26:33,087
Your dad was up all night finishing it.

1974
01:26:35,990 --> 01:26:38,092
No, careful by the paint!

1975
01:26:38,193 --> 01:26:39,227
It still looks wet.

1976
01:26:45,233 --> 01:26:48,036
Dad! It's awesome!

1977
01:26:49,437 --> 01:26:51,172
I'm gonna get the video camera.

1978
01:26:51,940 --> 01:26:53,741
Nah, nah.

1979
01:26:53,841 --> 01:26:55,376
-No? -Nah.

1980
01:26:56,778 --> 01:26:58,046
Let him be.

1981
01:27:07,522 --> 01:27:08,389
[sighs]

1982
01:27:09,757 --> 01:27:10,892
[chuckles]

1983
01:27:10,959 --> 01:27:12,627
So, Dad...

1984
01:27:12,727 --> 01:27:15,797
the Nintendo was here in the fort, right?

1985
01:27:15,897 --> 01:27:18,433
It was somewhere hidden in here?

1986
01:27:18,533 --> 01:27:19,801
Nope.

1987
01:27:19,901 --> 01:27:21,302
Then how'd you get it?

1988
01:27:21,402 --> 01:27:24,439
I never got it as a present. I had to work for it.

1989
01:27:24,539 --> 01:27:27,809
Spent a whole summer caddying at Prairie Pines Golf Course.

1990
01:27:27,909 --> 01:27:31,446
Then Grandpa said I could buy my own.

1991
01:27:31,546 --> 01:27:35,483
But I'll tell you what, this tree fort turned out to be a pretty great present.

1992
01:27:37,051 --> 01:27:38,319
Mmm-hmm.

1993
01:27:38,419 --> 01:27:40,622
It's my favorite place at Grandma and Grandpa's.

1994
01:27:41,589 --> 01:27:42,590
Me, too.

1995
01:27:44,592 --> 01:27:46,995
[Kathy] Dinner's ready! Come on in!

1996
01:27:47,095 --> 01:27:49,764
Grandma! Hi, Grandma!

1997
01:27:49,831 --> 01:27:52,100
Hey, Mom! Didn't know you guys were back.

1998
01:27:52,166 --> 01:27:53,401
Well, we are.

1999
01:27:53,468 --> 01:27:55,069
Now get your buns in here and give me a hug.

2000
01:28:18,459 --> 01:28:19,360
Phew.

2001
01:28:22,964 --> 01:28:24,032
[sniffing]

2002
01:28:25,333 --> 01:28:26,768
Smell that?

2003
01:28:26,834 --> 01:28:28,269
[inhaling deeply]

2004
01:28:28,336 --> 01:28:29,470
Fresh air?

2005
01:28:30,538 --> 01:28:32,373
Fresh air.

2006
01:28:32,473 --> 01:28:35,043
Hockey stick slats turned out okay, huh?

2007
01:28:37,845 --> 01:28:39,314
Thanks for your help.

2008
01:28:40,481 --> 01:28:41,616
[clicking]

2009
01:28:41,683 --> 01:28:44,018
Here. Carve your initial.

2010
01:28:44,118 --> 01:28:47,021
Every good craftsman leaves their mark.

2011
01:28:47,121 --> 01:28:48,823
That's a good spot.

2012
01:28:50,358 --> 01:28:51,359
There you go.

2013
01:28:52,493 --> 01:28:54,729
[John] There, you got it. Yeah.

2014
01:28:55,663 --> 01:28:57,632
Not bad.

2015
01:28:57,699 --> 01:29:02,136
Maybe this summer we could add a lookout tower.

2016
01:29:02,970 --> 01:29:03,971
Totally.

2017
01:29:04,505 --> 01:29:05,573
Totally.

2018
01:29:07,809 --> 01:29:11,245
[adult Jake] Peacefully, my mind unfolded all the tree fort adventures

2019
01:29:11,346 --> 01:29:13,014
that undoubtedly lay ahead.

2020
01:29:13,081 --> 01:29:15,750
Flashlight campouts with Olsen and the Hodges

2021
01:29:15,850 --> 01:29:18,186
ridiculous ghost stories from Farmer

2022
01:29:18,252 --> 01:29:22,156
and late-night skygazing with Trotter for Soviet spy planes.

2023
01:29:25,360 --> 01:29:27,528
And then a dog was crushed by a TV.

2024
01:29:27,595 --> 01:29:30,431
Oh, and Mom, Dad skipped out on a field trip.

2025
01:29:30,531 --> 01:29:32,433
It was the most crazy story I've ever heard.

2026
01:29:32,533 --> 01:29:34,502
Thank you. Crazy and exciting and amazing.

2027
01:29:34,569 --> 01:29:38,339
So, that was the first thing you and Grandpa built together, right?

2028
01:29:38,406 --> 01:29:40,074
Yes, Annie, but I had a point.

2029
01:29:40,174 --> 01:29:41,943
I know your point, Dad.

2030
01:29:42,043 --> 01:29:44,045
I'm not getting a phone,

2031
01:29:44,112 --> 01:29:45,947
but Christmas can still be great.

2032
01:29:46,848 --> 01:29:49,717
That... Yeah, pretty much.

2033
01:29:49,784 --> 01:29:51,419
But you left out the best part.

2034
01:29:51,519 --> 01:29:53,888
Yes. Our matching purple floral boots.

2035
01:29:53,955 --> 01:29:56,290
Katie Sorrentino, I would never.

2036
01:29:56,391 --> 01:29:57,959
-[Kathy] Okay. -Really?

2037
01:29:58,059 --> 01:30:01,763
Those boots were $11.99, and I thought they looked great.

2038
01:30:01,863 --> 01:30:03,431
[Annie] No, Dad.

2039
01:30:03,531 --> 01:30:05,733
That was the Christmas you and Grandpa found your thing.

2040
01:30:14,942 --> 01:30:18,045
Which is a miracle, too, 'cause that man could not find anything.

2041
01:30:18,112 --> 01:30:19,147
[both chuckle]

2042
01:30:37,565 --> 01:30:38,666
[sighs]

2043
01:30:41,135 --> 01:30:42,637
Thanks, kiddo.

2044
01:30:42,737 --> 01:30:44,906
You think maybe we could borrow some of his tools

2045
01:30:44,972 --> 01:30:46,507
and work on the fort tomorrow?

2046
01:30:48,109 --> 01:30:49,143
Yeah.

2047
01:30:50,411 --> 01:30:51,813
I think he'd like that.

2048
01:30:54,682 --> 01:30:58,019
[adult Jake]  Turns out John Doyle was more than just a guy who yelled a lot

2049
01:30:58,119 --> 01:31:00,421
and could never quite finish the kitchen.

2050
01:31:00,488 --> 01:31:02,156
He was a magician.

2051
01:31:02,824 --> 01:31:03,991
He was a hero.

2052
01:31:04,992 --> 01:31:07,328
He was my dad.

2053
01:31:09,764 --> 01:31:11,265
Come on.

2054
01:31:11,332 --> 01:31:12,500
Gotta hit the road.

2055
01:31:13,668 --> 01:31:15,269
Don't wanna hit any traffic.

2056
01:31:16,304 --> 01:31:17,305
Okay.

2057
01:31:20,341 --> 01:31:21,442
[groans]

2058
01:31:25,480 --> 01:31:26,514
All right.

2059
01:31:31,853 --> 01:31:33,454
-Hey, Dad? -Yeah?

2060
01:31:35,189 --> 01:31:37,158
Merry Christmas.

2061
01:31:37,225 --> 01:31:38,960
Merry Christmas, Jake.