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Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
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(JOHNNY KNOXVILLE READING)
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Did your brother say he was
joining us for lunch?
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Yeah.
He said maybe.
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(THUNDEROUS THUMP)
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(DOG WHINES)
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- What is that?
- What?
8
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- What is going on?
- Do you feel that?
9
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I feel shaky.
10
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- (THUNDEROUS THUMPS)
- (CAR ALARM)
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(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
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(THUNDEROUS THUMPING
CONTINUES)
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(PHONE RINGING)
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Headquarters.
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A what?
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(THUNDEROUS THUMPING)
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(CREATURE ROARS)
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(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
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(FRANTIC BREATHING)
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Come in here.
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(SCREAMING)
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(GROANING)
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(GRUNTS)
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(EXHAUSTED GROAN)
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MAN: All right. How's that smoke?
Good? All right.
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Here we go.
Full tight on the monster. Rolling.
27
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CHRIS PONTIUS: Is me being pulled in
only that much to the table, it's fine?
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MAN 3: But the main thing is
we need to hide your body more.
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(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
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(SCREAMING)
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Wee Man! Whoa!
Wee Man!
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(MUSIC IN HEADPHONES)
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(NO SOUND)
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Fucking look!
Wee Man, right there!
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(MAN SCREAMING)
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(SCREAMING)
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(SCREAMING)
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Ow!
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(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
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(SCREAMING)
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(SCREAMING)
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Oh!
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(GROANS)
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There! Fire!
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(MEN SCREAMING)
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What?
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Whoo!
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Fire this way!
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(YELLING)
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JOHNNY: Fire! Shoot it!
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(GRUNTS)
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(SCREAMS)
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(CREATURE ROARING)
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Oh... settle down, big fella.
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This is all just a big
misunderstanding.
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We can work this out
like pals.
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Settle! Settle! Set...
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(ROARING)
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(GROWLING)
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- JOHNNY: Oh, no! Oh, no!
- (SCREAMING)
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(CREW LAUGHING)
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Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville!
Welcome to Jackass!
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(LAUGHING, GIGGLING)
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MAN: Hey. Steve-O, how does it
feel to be on set 20 years later?
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Man, it's uh...
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(CREW CHATTERING)
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...it's pretty heavy, dude.
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You think about how the last movie
had, like, the credits,
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which showed us when we first
started and it was ten years later...
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- MAN: Yeah.
- And now it's another ten years.
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I gotta say, I look great,
though.
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MAN: You look 20 millions...
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(LAUGHS) Yeah.
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That's how my dogs
jumped up on the...
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The big one lays down and the
little one gets on top there.
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MAN: Lance.
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- (FARTING)
- (LAUGHING)
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Oh, my God!
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Yeah!
Poopies! Poopies!
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That was really uncool.
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Do you feel the vibration?
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- Wow!
- MAN: Oh, shit!
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Hi, I'm Preston Lacy.
This is a human ramp.
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(LAUGHING)
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That's Dave Gravette.
Come on, we gotta go.
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Fuck, we gotta go.
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Someone's being
a little dramatic.
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PRESTON: Come on.
Oh, my God, we gotta go.
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- (INAUDIBLE)
- MAN: Here he goes.
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He's coming!
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- MAN: Here, watch this.
- MAN 2: There he is.
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MAN: Brace yourselves.
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- (GROANING)
- Oh, my goodness!
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(LAUGHING)
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Oh, God!
You all right?
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Yeah!
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Wow!
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You're not filming
my bald spot are you?
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MAN: No, no, no.
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- (LAUGHING)
- You all right?
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God damn it,
is that why you put that camera...?
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(LAUGHING)
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No more bald spot!
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MAN: All right, here we go!
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(GRUNTS)
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ALL: Oh!
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Shit!
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Oh, my...
Oh, what happened?
109
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Oh, man, fuck this.
I gotta just get up and walk this off.
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ALL: Yeah!
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Oh!
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(LAUGHING)
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Backfire!
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(LAUGHING)
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You look like
the Kool-Aid man.
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It's time to introduce Zach Holmes
and say goodbye to the human ramp.
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Goodbye, human ramp!
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Oh, fuck!
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We're gonna fuckin' die!
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MAN: Two, one...
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Whoa!
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- (GRUNTS)
- Oh!
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- All right!
- Oh, my God.
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Man falling.
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Holy shit! Yes! Fuck yes!
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- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God, yes!
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I'm so glad I put this...
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- (GRUNTS)
- Oh!
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(LAUGHTER)
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MAN: That was awesome.
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I don't think Preston's okay.
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Motherfucker!
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MAN: Oh, dude, my back.
That hurt so bad.
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MAN: Oh, my God.
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MAN: Well done, Preston.
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All right,
my name's Johnny Knoxville.
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Welcome to the dum dum game.
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Oh! I'm... I'm sorry, dude.
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Are you fucking kidding me?
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- I...
- (LAUGHING)
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JOHNNY: My hand
hit the button!
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MAN: Oh, my God!
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Oh!
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- JOHNNY: Is that...
- (LAUGHTER)
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Fuck!
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MAN: God!
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MAN: Dick pain hurts.
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All right,
let's play this game.
149
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Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville,
welcome to the dum dum game.
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Our lucky contestants are going
to be answering trivia questions.
151
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All these questions are on
a fourth-grade level.
152
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If you get them right,
you're safe and in the clear,
153
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- and if you get them wrong...
- (MACHINE CLICKS)
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Oh, boy!
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Last man standing
is the winner.
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Okay, first question.
Poopies.
157
00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:03,153
"Jenny has two plates
of 12 cookies.
158
00:10:03,187 --> 00:10:05,824
Frank has four plates
of six cookies.
159
00:10:05,856 --> 00:10:07,591
Who has more cookies?"
160
00:10:07,624 --> 00:10:08,692
Jen!
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00:10:08,726 --> 00:10:10,728
(LAUGHS) Jesus Christ!
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00:10:10,762 --> 00:10:12,129
(SCREAMS)
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00:10:12,162 --> 00:10:13,263
(LAUGHING)
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00:10:14,932 --> 00:10:16,633
I can't do math!
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00:10:16,667 --> 00:10:18,469
(LAUGHING)
166
00:10:20,170 --> 00:10:23,941
I'll remember that on my next
question, Poopies.
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- I won't...
- Yeah, thanks, Johnny.
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(LAUGHING)
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00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:28,312
MAN: Dude!
170
00:10:28,345 --> 00:10:29,781
Okay, Ehren!
171
00:10:29,814 --> 00:10:32,883
Please spell the word
"dumbbell".
172
00:10:33,350 --> 00:10:34,718
EHREN: "Dumbbell".
173
00:10:34,753 --> 00:10:36,220
D-u-m-b...
174
00:10:40,524 --> 00:10:41,592
What is it?
175
00:10:42,761 --> 00:10:44,328
D-u-m...
176
00:10:45,529 --> 00:10:47,231
b-e-l-l?
177
00:10:48,465 --> 00:10:50,567
(SCREAMS)
178
00:10:50,601 --> 00:10:52,002
Oh, God!
179
00:10:54,705 --> 00:10:56,106
JOHNNY:
Sorry, that was wrong.
180
00:10:56,140 --> 00:10:58,542
- (GROANING)
- MAN: Don't be a dumbbell!
181
00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:04,448
Poopies. Who played the piano on Elton
John's album Madman Across the Water?
182
00:11:07,718 --> 00:11:08,986
Um...
183
00:11:09,319 --> 00:11:10,454
(LAUGHS)
184
00:11:10,487 --> 00:11:11,488
What's his name?
185
00:11:11,856 --> 00:11:12,990
Elton.
186
00:11:13,023 --> 00:11:14,425
Elton John!
187
00:11:14,458 --> 00:11:16,795
Oh, that is correct!
188
00:11:16,828 --> 00:11:19,663
- That is correct, Poopies.
- (APPLAUDING)
189
00:11:19,696 --> 00:11:22,166
MAN: I didn't think
you were gonna get that one.
190
00:11:22,199 --> 00:11:23,967
MAN: At last,
see, you're doin' good!
191
00:11:24,001 --> 00:11:26,270
- MAN: Yes!
- MAN 2: Way to go!
192
00:11:26,303 --> 00:11:27,137
Fuck, yeah.
193
00:11:27,171 --> 00:11:28,505
JOHNNY: Wee Man, question:
194
00:11:28,539 --> 00:11:32,276
"What family of instruments
does the piano belong to?"
195
00:11:34,278 --> 00:11:35,279
S...
196
00:11:35,780 --> 00:11:37,347
(GIGGLING)
197
00:11:38,582 --> 00:11:39,716
Strings.
198
00:11:39,751 --> 00:11:40,885
It's a percussion instrument!
199
00:11:40,919 --> 00:11:42,519
I was gonna say that!
(GROANS)
200
00:11:42,553 --> 00:11:44,221
(LAUGHING)
201
00:11:45,389 --> 00:11:47,558
JOHNNY: I'm sorry, Wee Man,
but you're out.
202
00:11:47,591 --> 00:11:51,295
- WEE MAN: All right. Good for me.
- MAN: Some integrity on that.
203
00:11:51,328 --> 00:11:55,867
JOHNNY: Poopies, if you get this next
question wrong Ehren, unfortunately, wins.
204
00:11:55,900 --> 00:12:00,137
"If a square is five inches
tall and five inches wide,
205
00:12:00,170 --> 00:12:02,272
what is the area?"
206
00:12:04,943 --> 00:12:08,445
Ten inches direct... around.
207
00:12:08,479 --> 00:12:10,681
I'm sorry, Poopies,
but that is wrong!
208
00:12:10,714 --> 00:12:11,950
(GROANS)
209
00:12:11,982 --> 00:12:14,017
(LAUGHING)
210
00:12:17,187 --> 00:12:21,759
Ehren, I'm sorry,
I hit the wrong button.
211
00:12:21,793 --> 00:12:23,527
(LAUGHS)
212
00:12:24,294 --> 00:12:26,430
But Poopies, that was wrong.
213
00:12:26,463 --> 00:12:28,967
(ALL LAUGHING)
214
00:12:28,999 --> 00:12:31,468
Fuck this shit.
I'm outta here! Fuck it!
215
00:12:31,502 --> 00:12:35,439
- JOHNNY: Ehren! Ehren is the winner!
- Ehren won!
216
00:12:35,472 --> 00:12:36,673
Yeah!
217
00:12:36,707 --> 00:12:38,342
Ehren is the winner!
218
00:12:43,848 --> 00:12:45,415
(WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY)
219
00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:57,060
- (GROANS)
- (LAUGHING)
220
00:12:57,094 --> 00:12:58,462
MAN: Oh, yes!
221
00:13:08,806 --> 00:13:10,541
Oh, my God.
222
00:13:10,574 --> 00:13:12,010
Yeah, that rang my bell!
223
00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:14,311
I took a huge shit
in there too.
224
00:13:14,344 --> 00:13:17,015
- MAN: Oh, my...
- Whoo!
225
00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:21,019
So today we're gonna bring the
cast into this room two at a time
226
00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:23,420
because they think I'm doing
a rattlesnake stunt.
227
00:13:23,453 --> 00:13:27,391
But that's just a ruse to get them
in here so we can lock the door,
228
00:13:27,424 --> 00:13:30,160
turn out the lights,
and make their life a living hell.
229
00:13:30,193 --> 00:13:32,797
This is silence of the lambs.
230
00:13:33,898 --> 00:13:37,267
Dave England,
Ehren McGhehey...
231
00:13:37,301 --> 00:13:40,404
- We have Jules here. Are you excited?
- Jules, the snake guy.
232
00:13:40,437 --> 00:13:42,040
- I'm out. See you guys.
- JOHNNY: Come on, Ehren!
233
00:13:42,072 --> 00:13:44,274
You guys are just
peanut gallery for this.
234
00:13:44,308 --> 00:13:45,977
He's got a western
diamondback rattlesnake.
235
00:13:46,010 --> 00:13:47,377
He's going to release it
on the ground.
236
00:13:47,411 --> 00:13:49,881
Pontius is gonna take a cookie
and set in on its head.
237
00:13:49,914 --> 00:13:53,918
And then, I'm going to try and
take the cookie off its head.
238
00:13:53,952 --> 00:13:57,789
This western diamondback
rattlesnake is very, very venomous.
239
00:13:57,822 --> 00:14:01,224
He will bite you if you get too close
to him and he will kill you, or try to.
240
00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:03,293
- I'm not kidding.
- MAN: Well, let's look at it.
241
00:14:03,327 --> 00:14:04,428
(SNAKES HISSING AND RATTLING)
242
00:14:04,461 --> 00:14:07,799
- MAN 1: Oh, my God!
- Oh, shit!
243
00:14:08,833 --> 00:14:10,500
MAN 1: Oh, my God.
244
00:14:10,534 --> 00:14:11,903
Fuck this, man.
245
00:14:11,936 --> 00:14:13,637
(ALL LAUGHING)
246
00:14:14,304 --> 00:14:15,672
Can you feel my heart?
247
00:14:16,808 --> 00:14:18,977
- Wow, dude!
- MAN: All right.
248
00:14:19,010 --> 00:14:20,812
It's going as fast
as that rattlesnake.
249
00:14:20,845 --> 00:14:22,947
- POOPIES: That's why I won't do this.
- I did your part.
250
00:14:22,981 --> 00:14:25,083
I'm really scared for Johnny
right now.
251
00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:27,150
MAN: All right. Let's put the snake
away and get these guys mic'd.
252
00:14:27,184 --> 00:14:28,285
It's time to do this.
253
00:14:28,318 --> 00:14:30,454
- (CHATTERING)
- Big ass snake.
254
00:14:30,487 --> 00:14:31,923
MAN: Oh, I know.
255
00:14:31,956 --> 00:14:33,123
All right, switch the bucket.
256
00:14:33,156 --> 00:14:34,625
Let's get the snake
out of the room.
257
00:14:41,164 --> 00:14:42,599
Is there an "antidope" here?
258
00:14:42,633 --> 00:14:45,335
MAN: It's getting Knoxville
for me.
259
00:14:45,369 --> 00:14:48,072
That's what it's called,
anti-venom, not "antidope".
260
00:14:48,106 --> 00:14:50,207
What's "antidope" mean?
I don't even know.
261
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:52,209
- Johnny Knoxville.
- They're coming in right now.
262
00:14:52,242 --> 00:14:53,276
All right. You guys ready?
263
00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:54,846
What's "antidope"?
264
00:14:54,879 --> 00:14:56,814
- That's like...
- (DOOR SLAMS)
265
00:14:56,848 --> 00:14:57,949
Oh, my fucking God!
266
00:14:57,982 --> 00:14:59,182
- MAN: No!
- MAN: No!
267
00:14:59,216 --> 00:15:02,754
- MAN: God damn!
- MAN: Oh, fuck you guys!
268
00:15:02,787 --> 00:15:05,222
How... why are we the only ones
in here now?
269
00:15:05,255 --> 00:15:06,758
DAVE: I don't know, dude.
270
00:15:10,427 --> 00:15:12,329
- MAN: Doggone it!
- MAN: What?
271
00:15:12,362 --> 00:15:14,731
- MAN: Shit!
- Hello, my name is Johnny Knoxville.
272
00:15:14,766 --> 00:15:16,433
Welcome to hell!
273
00:15:16,466 --> 00:15:18,936
EHREN: Oh, fuck. Fucking
rattlesnake in here.
274
00:15:18,970 --> 00:15:21,171
DAVE: Ehren, what are you doing?
Don't use me as a human shield!
275
00:15:21,738 --> 00:15:23,107
So if we get bit we die.
276
00:15:23,141 --> 00:15:25,877
- (MAN LAUGHING)
- Are you serious?
277
00:15:25,910 --> 00:15:28,478
This is so fucked up!
I knew this was going to fucking happen.
278
00:15:28,512 --> 00:15:30,380
Why the fuck did we go down
to the basement?
279
00:15:30,882 --> 00:15:32,249
Come on!
280
00:15:34,919 --> 00:15:36,954
Knox, what the fuck? Come on.
281
00:15:40,357 --> 00:15:42,325
Come on!
(SCREAMS)
282
00:15:42,359 --> 00:15:43,895
WEE MAN: What the fuck!
283
00:15:43,928 --> 00:15:45,562
POOPIES:
Dude, what the hell?
284
00:15:45,595 --> 00:15:47,664
- What the fuck! No, stop!
- I knew this was going to happen!
285
00:15:47,698 --> 00:15:50,968
Stop! Stop! Oh!
Fuck, you guys, dude!
286
00:15:53,104 --> 00:15:54,438
MAN: P, where are you?
287
00:15:56,306 --> 00:15:57,909
EHREN: I'm gonna break
that fucking door down.
288
00:15:57,942 --> 00:15:58,943
MAN: Do it, Ehren.
289
00:16:00,544 --> 00:16:02,479
Did they just...
(SCREAMING)
290
00:16:02,512 --> 00:16:05,449
EHREN: Fuck this shit!
Ah, fuck you guys!
291
00:16:07,752 --> 00:16:09,954
Fuck it, get the fuck
outta here!
292
00:16:09,987 --> 00:16:12,824
All right, now go for the
bucket and cue the snake sound.
293
00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:16,626
Oh, shit!
294
00:16:17,461 --> 00:16:18,328
Ahh!
295
00:16:18,361 --> 00:16:20,098
- Oh, oh, shit.
- Oh, my God!
296
00:16:20,131 --> 00:16:22,232
JOHNNY: It might...
Guys, stay on the couch.
297
00:16:22,265 --> 00:16:24,135
The fuckin' snake.
Stay still.
298
00:16:24,168 --> 00:16:27,004
- MAN: Oh, my fucking God.
- JOHNNY: Hey, guys, honestly, be fuckin' chill.
299
00:16:27,038 --> 00:16:31,308
- Holy shit.
- This is not cool, seriously, get me the fuck out of here.
300
00:16:31,776 --> 00:16:33,878
Oh, fuck off!
301
00:16:33,911 --> 00:16:35,378
There's the snake, Dave.
302
00:16:36,246 --> 00:16:38,381
Where are you, Ehren?
Ehren? Ehren?
303
00:16:38,415 --> 00:16:40,417
What the fuck! Ehren!
304
00:16:40,450 --> 00:16:42,352
EHREN: How am I supposed to
even help you, Dave?
305
00:16:42,385 --> 00:16:43,988
DAVE: I just need to know
you're there.
306
00:16:44,021 --> 00:16:45,489
(SCREAMS)
307
00:16:45,522 --> 00:16:47,491
- Fuck this!
- DAVE: Ehren!
308
00:16:47,524 --> 00:16:50,795
Oh, I got a weapon now, motherfuckers.
I got a weapon.
309
00:16:50,828 --> 00:16:52,897
- DAVE: Don't hit me, Ehren. Ehren!
- EHREN: No, I got a weapon!
310
00:16:52,930 --> 00:16:55,099
- Don't hit me!
- You fuckin'...
311
00:16:55,133 --> 00:16:57,068
Ehren, don't fuckin'
not answer me.
312
00:16:57,101 --> 00:16:58,401
They're knifin' me.
313
00:16:58,435 --> 00:16:59,837
(EHREN SCREAMING)
314
00:17:00,905 --> 00:17:03,440
Fuck, there's the door.
Dave over here!
315
00:17:03,473 --> 00:17:05,109
- Dave, this way!
- DAVE: Yeah, right!
316
00:17:05,143 --> 00:17:06,476
- Dave, this way!
- Fuck that door.
317
00:17:06,510 --> 00:17:07,845
Fuck that. There's something
bad over there, probably!
318
00:17:07,879 --> 00:17:08,712
EHREN: No, I promise!
319
00:17:08,745 --> 00:17:10,547
DAVE: No,
you don't know shit!
320
00:17:10,580 --> 00:17:12,917
EHREN: There's a door.
I just opened it. I swear to God!
321
00:17:12,950 --> 00:17:15,352
Oh, wow, how convenient.
322
00:17:15,385 --> 00:17:17,621
Come this way, I swear to God,
I'm not lying to you.
323
00:17:17,654 --> 00:17:19,689
- DAVE: Fuck that door.
- You're on your own then, fucker!
324
00:17:19,723 --> 00:17:21,993
Ahh, shit! Ahh!
325
00:17:22,026 --> 00:17:24,494
(LAUGHING)
326
00:17:25,897 --> 00:17:26,964
DAVE: Ehren!
327
00:17:27,865 --> 00:17:31,701
What the fuck is going on?
328
00:17:31,735 --> 00:17:34,571
JOHNNY: I can't even...
I can't even fucking do it.
329
00:17:34,604 --> 00:17:37,440
This is fucking scary.
Seriously, this is fucked up.
330
00:17:38,276 --> 00:17:40,011
This is not cool, dude.
331
00:17:40,044 --> 00:17:41,946
(SCREAMING)
332
00:17:41,979 --> 00:17:43,513
Fuck! What the fuck! His head!
333
00:17:43,547 --> 00:17:45,883
- Oh, my God! Fuck! Oh, fuck.
- What?
334
00:17:45,917 --> 00:17:47,752
- Did I just get bit?
- JOHNNY: Did you get bit?
335
00:17:47,785 --> 00:17:49,887
Dude, I got bit by something!
What the fuck was that?
336
00:17:49,921 --> 00:17:52,857
- JOHNNY: Fuck! Jeff! He got fuckin' bit!
- No way!
337
00:17:52,890 --> 00:17:56,260
- Jeff, this is fuckin' unsafe.
- What the fuck, there's no lights!
338
00:17:56,294 --> 00:17:57,829
Oh, my God, dude,
this is so fucked up.
339
00:17:57,862 --> 00:17:59,964
You got snake bit.
We got to get you medical attention.
340
00:17:59,997 --> 00:18:01,265
Here. come here.
341
00:18:01,299 --> 00:18:02,867
We got to get him
to the fucking medic.
342
00:18:02,900 --> 00:18:04,802
ZACH: I'm gonna have a
fuckin' heart attack, dude.
343
00:18:04,836 --> 00:18:07,872
JOHNNY: Just, okay?
Just go straight.
344
00:18:07,905 --> 00:18:09,240
- Okay?
- ZACH: Okay.
345
00:18:09,273 --> 00:18:12,375
Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck!
346
00:18:12,409 --> 00:18:14,078
Motherfucker!
347
00:18:14,111 --> 00:18:16,948
Oh, I don't even know where my glasses are.
What the fuck!
348
00:18:18,381 --> 00:18:20,517
Oh, great! Fucking awesome!
349
00:18:22,253 --> 00:18:23,453
(GRUNTS)
350
00:18:24,322 --> 00:18:25,689
What the fuck is this?
351
00:18:26,623 --> 00:18:27,959
Ah!
352
00:18:28,759 --> 00:18:30,928
Oh, holy shit!
353
00:18:31,829 --> 00:18:33,164
Motherfuckin...
354
00:18:33,197 --> 00:18:36,366
(SCREAMS)
355
00:18:36,399 --> 00:18:39,402
- JOHNNY: Oh, my God!
- Ow! Fucking bitch!
356
00:18:39,436 --> 00:18:42,139
(LAUGHING)
357
00:18:42,173 --> 00:18:44,175
MAN: Lights on. Lights on.
Come on.
358
00:18:44,208 --> 00:18:45,675
Zach, you all right?
359
00:18:45,709 --> 00:18:47,178
- Holy shit...
- ZACH: I cleared the fucking thing!
360
00:18:47,211 --> 00:18:49,847
I heard Zach, it sounded like
he's getting murdered in here.
361
00:18:49,881 --> 00:18:50,982
(ALL LAUGHING)
362
00:18:51,015 --> 00:18:53,117
I thought this was like
the only way to get out.
363
00:18:53,150 --> 00:18:54,551
So I just climbed over it.
364
00:18:54,584 --> 00:18:55,920
And then, it broke.
365
00:18:57,221 --> 00:18:58,289
JOHNNY: Let Ehren out.
366
00:18:58,322 --> 00:18:59,522
Let me out.
367
00:19:00,224 --> 00:19:02,793
(ALL LAUGHING)
368
00:19:06,898 --> 00:19:09,267
- Can we go outside now?
- No, we're done, we're done. We're done.
369
00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:11,434
- No, we're not.
- JOHNNY: God.
370
00:19:11,468 --> 00:19:13,737
The rest of my life I'm gonna
have nightmares, dude.
371
00:19:13,771 --> 00:19:16,307
I wanna go now.
Open that fuckin' door.
372
00:19:16,340 --> 00:19:17,875
Go out that one.
This one is locked.
373
00:19:17,909 --> 00:19:18,976
No, fuck you!
374
00:19:20,111 --> 00:19:22,380
I'll start a new life in here.
375
00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:24,048
- I will start...
- (LAUGHING)
376
00:19:24,081 --> 00:19:25,816
I will fuckin' live here.
377
00:19:25,850 --> 00:19:27,717
(LAUGHING)
378
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:31,721
MAN: How does this look?
379
00:19:32,455 --> 00:19:34,524
It's fuckin'... lubed up.
380
00:19:34,557 --> 00:19:36,093
STEVE-O:
Are we sponsored by Glide?
381
00:19:36,127 --> 00:19:37,494
MAN 2: No. Not yet.
382
00:19:37,527 --> 00:19:38,930
MAN 1: Just say, "This is body
surfing", we don't need an intro.
383
00:19:38,963 --> 00:19:40,530
- Do you guys agree?
- I wanna say my name.
384
00:19:40,563 --> 00:19:41,999
- MAN 1: All right, say your name.
- This is Zach.
385
00:19:42,033 --> 00:19:44,501
I'm Jasper. And this is
bodysurfing, motherfucker.
386
00:19:44,534 --> 00:19:46,871
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
387
00:19:46,904 --> 00:19:47,905
Fuck, fuck!
388
00:19:47,939 --> 00:19:50,808
No, no, no!
No, Jasper, no, no!
389
00:19:50,841 --> 00:19:53,677
No! No!
390
00:19:53,710 --> 00:19:56,680
- MAN: Bye-bye, Jasper!
- MAN 2: Oh, shit, he's hauling ass!
391
00:20:00,284 --> 00:20:02,787
- MAN 1: That was great.
- The rocks hurt.
392
00:20:02,820 --> 00:20:05,990
I am Poopies.
Big time movie star.
393
00:20:06,023 --> 00:20:07,524
(LAUGHING)
394
00:20:07,557 --> 00:20:10,194
And today,
we're big wave surfing.
395
00:20:11,095 --> 00:20:12,863
(CHEERING)
396
00:20:15,967 --> 00:20:19,003
- (GROANING)
- Oh, he got knocked off.
397
00:20:20,137 --> 00:20:21,339
He has no arms.
398
00:20:21,372 --> 00:20:23,140
- Dude, you have no arms?
- Shit.
399
00:20:23,174 --> 00:20:24,342
Oh, that sucks.
400
00:20:24,375 --> 00:20:26,143
And then came the
heartbreaking news
401
00:20:26,177 --> 00:20:28,312
that horses don't have arms.
402
00:20:28,346 --> 00:20:30,948
(LAUGHING)
403
00:20:30,982 --> 00:20:33,483
I am Eric Manaka,
and this is a horse race.
404
00:20:34,385 --> 00:20:36,988
(LAUGHING)
405
00:20:37,021 --> 00:20:38,923
- MAN: Put your hat on and go, man.
- My eyes!
406
00:20:40,191 --> 00:20:41,624
MAN 1: Oh, God.
407
00:20:42,393 --> 00:20:44,261
Run, run.
408
00:20:44,295 --> 00:20:45,963
MAN: Oh, Jesus Christ.
409
00:20:47,031 --> 00:20:48,598
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
410
00:20:48,631 --> 00:20:50,234
- MAN: This is perfect.
- MAN 1: Oh, God.
411
00:20:50,267 --> 00:20:51,802
MAN 2: Oh! Eric, all back.
412
00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:54,872
Is he okay?
He's not moving.
413
00:20:54,905 --> 00:20:56,974
MAN: Well, he can't.
His arms are trapped.
414
00:20:57,008 --> 00:20:58,242
(LAUGHING)
415
00:20:59,243 --> 00:21:00,277
That fucking hurt.
416
00:21:01,345 --> 00:21:03,848
Two, one, go!
417
00:21:03,881 --> 00:21:05,349
- We're going the wrong way.
- (SCREAMS)
418
00:21:05,383 --> 00:21:06,417
We're going the wrong...
419
00:21:06,450 --> 00:21:08,052
MAN: Oh, Jesus Christ.
420
00:21:08,853 --> 00:21:09,854
Oh, shit.
421
00:21:10,221 --> 00:21:12,655
Oh, my God.
422
00:21:12,689 --> 00:21:14,058
MAN 1: Oh, he's nuts!
423
00:21:15,259 --> 00:21:16,726
Oh!
424
00:21:16,761 --> 00:21:18,229
- (LAUGHS)
- MAN 2: Oh, my God.
425
00:21:20,364 --> 00:21:22,133
- MAN: Holy shit!
- MAN 2: Dude!
426
00:21:22,166 --> 00:21:23,167
MAN: That's crazy.
427
00:21:28,839 --> 00:21:31,574
ZACH: Oh, my God.
I'm not doing that again.
428
00:21:31,608 --> 00:21:33,944
This guy's one
badass dude right here.
429
00:21:33,978 --> 00:21:35,346
I love you, dude.
430
00:21:35,379 --> 00:21:37,448
- That is sick.
- (LAUGHS)
431
00:21:37,481 --> 00:21:39,250
- You showed us how to surf.
- (LAUGHS)
432
00:21:40,985 --> 00:21:41,852
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
433
00:21:41,886 --> 00:21:43,586
Dude, I don't look
that good, man.
434
00:21:45,456 --> 00:21:48,225
- JASPER: Oh, shit.
- (LAUGHING)
435
00:21:48,259 --> 00:21:50,094
MAN: All right,
take off the lid.
436
00:21:50,127 --> 00:21:52,496
MAN 2: Tap that right
over the top of it.
437
00:21:52,530 --> 00:21:55,966
Ooh!
Ow! One got me already!
438
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,035
Ah, ah!
439
00:21:58,069 --> 00:22:01,038
Ow! Gosh damn!
440
00:22:01,072 --> 00:22:03,007
JOHNNY: Oh.
Here comes the queen.
441
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:06,510
Oh, yeah.
Looking for her king.
442
00:22:06,544 --> 00:22:09,646
Jesus Christ, dude.
This is fucking wild.
443
00:22:09,679 --> 00:22:11,549
I was like, "Yeah, cool,
let's do this."
444
00:22:11,581 --> 00:22:13,716
(LAUGHING)
445
00:22:13,751 --> 00:22:17,455
This little brown box
has the Queen Bee in it.
446
00:22:17,488 --> 00:22:20,458
Apparently,
she's pretty important.
447
00:22:20,491 --> 00:22:23,761
And that's going to attract the
other bees to the Queen, right?
448
00:22:23,794 --> 00:22:25,763
- MAN: Yes.
- Oh, boy.
449
00:22:25,796 --> 00:22:28,466
JOHNNY: There's a lot of
bees, Steve-O.
450
00:22:28,499 --> 00:22:32,269
MAN: Just remember, don't pinch between
his balls and those bees, 'cause...
451
00:22:32,303 --> 00:22:33,904
he'll feel it real quickly.
452
00:22:33,938 --> 00:22:36,774
Dude, relax. Poopies relax, dog.
Relax, man.
453
00:22:36,807 --> 00:22:38,641
JOHNNY:
Poopies just got stung.
454
00:22:39,676 --> 00:22:41,744
Can we add all the bees
or is it better to go...
455
00:22:41,779 --> 00:22:43,848
You gotta kinda gently
put 'em up.
456
00:22:44,714 --> 00:22:45,983
Watch out. Move your
hands, Steve-O.
457
00:22:47,184 --> 00:22:48,219
STEVE-O: Oh, shit.
458
00:22:48,252 --> 00:22:51,122
Ah. Aaaah! Ooooh!
459
00:22:51,155 --> 00:22:52,189
MAN 1: What? What?
460
00:22:52,223 --> 00:22:55,658
God, my fucking dick got one.
Oooooh!
461
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:57,761
Oooooh!
462
00:22:57,795 --> 00:23:01,165
Oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus.
463
00:23:01,198 --> 00:23:03,267
MAN: Put 'em right up there
on top of it.
464
00:23:06,137 --> 00:23:08,572
JOHNNY: They're really
latching on now, Steve-O.
465
00:23:08,606 --> 00:23:09,940
MAN: It's working,
it's working.
466
00:23:09,974 --> 00:23:11,842
JOHNNY: It's going good,
Steve-O.
467
00:23:13,511 --> 00:23:15,312
Oh, boy, that...
they're really...
468
00:23:15,346 --> 00:23:16,713
STEVE-O: Oh, goddamn it.
469
00:23:18,616 --> 00:23:20,117
JOHNNY:
Give them a little bridge.
470
00:23:21,585 --> 00:23:23,154
There you go,
find your mommy.
471
00:23:23,187 --> 00:23:25,523
There's a lot of them right
in like the taint area.
472
00:23:25,556 --> 00:23:27,158
(STEVE-O SCREAMS)
473
00:23:28,893 --> 00:23:30,761
JOHNNY: Your whole Zen
approach to staying calm
474
00:23:30,794 --> 00:23:32,429
is really working, Steve-O.
475
00:23:32,463 --> 00:23:34,298
That yoga's
really been helping.
476
00:23:35,132 --> 00:23:36,133
Meditating.
477
00:23:36,967 --> 00:23:39,236
- Ooh!
- MAN 2: Around the table.
478
00:23:39,270 --> 00:23:41,138
MAN: It's gonna make you
look good, Steve-O.
479
00:23:41,172 --> 00:23:42,806
MAN 2: Yeah,
it's adding length.
480
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:45,476
JOHNNY: It's kinda like
Mr. Snuffleupagus. Okay.
481
00:23:45,509 --> 00:23:48,312
Ow! Ow!
482
00:23:48,345 --> 00:23:50,713
Oooh. Oooh.
483
00:23:50,747 --> 00:23:53,784
- Are you good, O?
- Ahhh!
484
00:23:54,985 --> 00:23:56,921
It moves when you move.
485
00:23:58,556 --> 00:24:00,624
MAN: It's wiggling.
It's wiggling.
486
00:24:00,658 --> 00:24:03,360
- Wiggle!
- JOHNNY: The best thing to do is take off running, Steve-O.
487
00:24:03,394 --> 00:24:05,196
- MAN: Lay down, Steve-O.
- JOHNNY: Just take off running.
488
00:24:05,229 --> 00:24:09,400
Run, Steve-O. That's the only
way the bees won't sting you.
489
00:24:09,433 --> 00:24:11,268
(LAUGHING)
490
00:24:14,171 --> 00:24:17,408
STEVE-O: I got a fucking ballsack
full of bee stingers, dude.
491
00:24:19,109 --> 00:24:20,945
Yeah, I got a fucking
bunch of them.
492
00:24:20,978 --> 00:24:22,880
- MAN: Oh, Jesus.
- Oh.
493
00:24:22,913 --> 00:24:26,016
- (SCREAMS)
- (LAUGHING)
494
00:24:28,619 --> 00:24:30,720
Hello, my name
is Irving Zisman,
495
00:24:30,754 --> 00:24:32,722
and this is my
good-for-nothing granddaughter
496
00:24:32,756 --> 00:24:36,026
and our not-so-handy
handyman, Zach.
497
00:24:36,060 --> 00:24:38,495
Today we're gonna do a little
furniture shopping.
498
00:24:38,529 --> 00:24:41,031
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
499
00:24:44,802 --> 00:24:47,404
ZACH: Hey, do you guys think this
looks straight, or is it sorta,
500
00:24:47,438 --> 00:24:49,039
- it's like if it was...
- I think you would have to...
501
00:24:49,073 --> 00:24:51,675
if you would hang the top
left side,
502
00:24:51,709 --> 00:24:52,943
I could tell if it's straight
or not 'cause...
503
00:24:52,977 --> 00:24:54,345
ZACH: Oh, okay,
for sure.
504
00:24:54,378 --> 00:24:55,813
Is everything on sale?
505
00:24:55,846 --> 00:24:58,515
Right now, I'm just doing the pillows.
They're half price, but...
506
00:24:58,549 --> 00:25:01,352
- JOHNNY: Oh, okay, thank you.
- But I'm sure everything might be on sale.
507
00:25:01,385 --> 00:25:02,453
JOHNNY: Okay.
508
00:25:05,522 --> 00:25:07,191
What is this over here?
509
00:25:10,561 --> 00:25:13,964
Oh. This is pretty good.
510
00:25:13,998 --> 00:25:17,101
A fella could have a pretty
good time on this.
511
00:25:17,134 --> 00:25:19,570
Hey, can you hand me
the black tape over there?
512
00:25:19,603 --> 00:25:21,138
(GRUNTING)
513
00:25:22,339 --> 00:25:23,974
(SCREAMING)
514
00:25:24,008 --> 00:25:25,509
- MAN 1: Oh, my God.
- (SCREAMING)
515
00:25:27,478 --> 00:25:28,879
Oh, my God.
516
00:25:28,912 --> 00:25:30,514
MAN: What the hell happened?
517
00:25:30,547 --> 00:25:34,852
- JOHNNY: Ow!
- ZACH: Are you okay?
518
00:25:34,885 --> 00:25:37,354
JOHNNY: I went up high
as a moose's caboose.
519
00:25:38,222 --> 00:25:39,923
Oh, my God.
520
00:25:39,957 --> 00:25:41,659
- ZACH: Oh, my God.
- JOHNNY: Did you do that?
521
00:25:41,692 --> 00:25:45,362
I am so sorry. It's literally my
second day on the job. I fell off.
522
00:25:45,396 --> 00:25:48,565
JOHNNY: You tried to take
advantage of a defenseless old man?
523
00:25:49,300 --> 00:25:51,001
Grandpa, are you okay?
524
00:25:51,035 --> 00:25:52,569
JOHNNY: I was attacked.
525
00:25:52,603 --> 00:25:55,873
He went higher than that roof.
He went all the way up in there.
526
00:25:55,906 --> 00:25:57,975
- What?
- STORE CLERK: See this thing right here.
527
00:25:58,008 --> 00:26:03,080
Your grandfather just sat on it and
laid back. This guy, he fell down,
528
00:26:03,113 --> 00:26:05,416
and he knocked your
grandfather through the roof.
529
00:26:05,449 --> 00:26:08,018
RACHEL: Jesus,
he does this shit all the time.
530
00:26:10,321 --> 00:26:13,490
I am Rob Dyrdek, and this
is musical chair bags.
531
00:26:13,524 --> 00:26:17,928
Incredible fine young men,
new talent, war dogs.
532
00:26:17,961 --> 00:26:23,233
War dogs, new talent. One of them
is about to get blown sky high.
533
00:26:23,267 --> 00:26:26,103
The rest are gonna get really
lucky and just sit comfortably.
534
00:26:26,136 --> 00:26:29,373
Our DJ for the day is
Miss Rachel Wolfson.
535
00:26:29,406 --> 00:26:32,643
- Wee Man's going to space.
- (LAUGHING)
536
00:26:32,676 --> 00:26:34,044
- Ah, shit.
- Wow.
537
00:26:34,078 --> 00:26:36,013
Man, Wee Man. I am sorry, man.
538
00:26:36,046 --> 00:26:37,981
How many times
do we get to play?
539
00:26:39,083 --> 00:26:41,485
- Oh, this is probably a one'r.
- Oh, it is.
540
00:26:41,518 --> 00:26:43,822
(LAUGHING) Shit.
541
00:26:43,854 --> 00:26:46,957
("POP GOES THE WEASEL"
PLAYING)
542
00:26:49,093 --> 00:26:51,061
ROB: I am loving
the energy, fellas.
543
00:26:51,095 --> 00:26:54,565
- MAN: Keep it up, nice twirl.
- MAN 2: The happiness.
544
00:26:56,567 --> 00:26:57,568
MAN: Oh, shit. Get in it.
545
00:27:01,872 --> 00:27:03,808
JOHNNY: And let's keep going.
546
00:27:03,842 --> 00:27:07,644
(INDISTINCT CHATTER
AND LAUGHING)
547
00:27:12,751 --> 00:27:14,418
JOHNNY: Oh, find your chairs!
548
00:27:16,620 --> 00:27:18,956
One more time!
549
00:27:18,989 --> 00:27:20,891
(INDISTINCT CHATTER
AND LAUGHING)
550
00:27:23,394 --> 00:27:25,396
JOHNNY: What happened
to the dance?
551
00:27:25,429 --> 00:27:29,533
- MAN: Just do it already.
- Wee Man is not happy.
552
00:27:29,566 --> 00:27:31,068
JOHNNY: He's not happy.
553
00:27:31,101 --> 00:27:33,772
- Wee Man, come on!
- Put some spirit in it.
554
00:27:33,805 --> 00:27:35,472
- WEE MAN: I'm spiriting it.
- MAN 2: Yeah.
555
00:27:35,506 --> 00:27:36,673
MAN: Fuck it.
556
00:27:36,707 --> 00:27:38,275
- (EXPLOSION)
- Oh!
557
00:27:38,308 --> 00:27:39,943
(LAUGHING)
558
00:27:39,977 --> 00:27:42,012
(INDISTINCT CHATTER
AND LAUGHING)
559
00:27:42,045 --> 00:27:43,380
RACHEL: Oh, my God.
560
00:27:44,748 --> 00:27:46,216
MAN: Holy fuck.
561
00:27:46,885 --> 00:27:48,753
(LAUGHS) Oh, God.
562
00:27:48,787 --> 00:27:51,321
- Oh, man.
- JOHNNY: What happened to you?
563
00:27:51,355 --> 00:27:55,459
I believe he shot up
and into the hole.
564
00:27:55,492 --> 00:28:01,231
JOHNNY: (LAUGHS) Wee Man flipped.
How did you go backwards?
565
00:28:01,265 --> 00:28:03,967
JOHNNY:
We have our champion.
566
00:28:04,001 --> 00:28:05,736
WEE MAN:
I landed on all that shit.
567
00:28:05,770 --> 00:28:08,505
JOHNNY: Look at the safety
precautions.
568
00:28:08,539 --> 00:28:12,276
I thought we were supposed to have
pads on the tubes and the metal.
569
00:28:12,309 --> 00:28:13,677
MAN: We forgot that detail.
570
00:28:16,146 --> 00:28:18,649
Once upon a time,
lived a father and son
571
00:28:18,682 --> 00:28:20,584
imprisoned on the
island of Crete.
572
00:28:20,617 --> 00:28:23,720
Tired of life in the joint,
the father had the son gather up feathers
573
00:28:23,755 --> 00:28:26,156
that were lying around the cell
and he made them both wings.
574
00:28:26,190 --> 00:28:29,660
And they went off to escape
the island of Crete forever.
575
00:28:29,693 --> 00:28:33,497
But there's that one thing they
left out of the ancient myth.
576
00:28:33,898 --> 00:28:35,232
The cannon.
577
00:28:35,265 --> 00:28:37,301
(LAUGHING)
578
00:28:37,334 --> 00:28:41,505
Hello, I am Johnny Knoxville and
this is the flight of Icarus.
579
00:28:41,538 --> 00:28:44,308
And if you think we're wearing
underpants under these tunics,
580
00:28:44,341 --> 00:28:46,677
you're sadly mistaken,
my friend.
581
00:28:48,178 --> 00:28:50,247
Mmm, mmm.
A little something for ya?
582
00:28:52,483 --> 00:28:53,984
They should just point it
straight up.
583
00:28:54,017 --> 00:28:56,487
Either way it goes,
he's gonna land in this lake.
584
00:28:56,520 --> 00:29:00,190
How big of an angle is
it gonna be?
585
00:29:00,224 --> 00:29:02,927
STEVE-O: Oh, God,
they're going to make it bad.
586
00:29:02,961 --> 00:29:06,096
- Oh, God, I can't take it!
- Shit, man.
587
00:29:06,129 --> 00:29:08,967
- STEVE-O: Man, that's steep.
- MAN: Holy shit, Knox.
588
00:29:08,999 --> 00:29:13,604
EVERYONE:
In ten, nine, eight,
589
00:29:13,637 --> 00:29:17,608
seven, six, five, four,
590
00:29:17,641 --> 00:29:21,645
three, two, one. Whooo!
591
00:29:22,045 --> 00:29:24,448
MAN: Yes!
592
00:29:25,783 --> 00:29:28,051
(INDISTINCT CHATTER
AND LAUGHING)
593
00:29:30,053 --> 00:29:34,291
- I felt like I got a 200-pound colonic up my ass.
- MAN: Oh, my God.
594
00:29:35,793 --> 00:29:38,729
(INDISTINCT CHATTER
AND LAUGHING)
595
00:29:38,763 --> 00:29:41,665
JASPER:
You flew like an angel.
596
00:29:41,698 --> 00:29:44,468
CHRIS: Unfortunately,
young Icarus got a little bit cocky,
597
00:29:44,501 --> 00:29:46,871
and sure enough flew
too close to the sun.
598
00:29:46,905 --> 00:29:48,773
And fell to his doom.
599
00:29:56,848 --> 00:29:58,549
EVERYONE: Ooooh!
600
00:30:00,752 --> 00:30:04,254
(LAUGHING)
601
00:30:04,288 --> 00:30:06,590
- MAN: That was rad, dude.
- MAN 2: There's blood on the elbows.
602
00:30:06,623 --> 00:30:07,892
STEVE-O: Yeah, attaboy.
603
00:30:07,926 --> 00:30:10,394
Good job, man.
Fucking right on, dude.
604
00:30:10,427 --> 00:30:11,896
- MAN: Your legs okay?
- ERIC: Yeah.
605
00:30:11,930 --> 00:30:13,730
Good job.
606
00:30:16,166 --> 00:30:17,734
This is the quiet game.
607
00:30:17,769 --> 00:30:23,041
The object of this game is to remain
completely silent. How was that?
608
00:30:23,073 --> 00:30:27,177
Do we all understand the rules and
we're not gonna make any noise?
609
00:30:28,478 --> 00:30:30,614
All right,
well, let's get started.
610
00:30:30,647 --> 00:30:34,919
Rachel, your challenge in the quiet
game is to lick the electric lollipop.
611
00:30:34,953 --> 00:30:36,486
Are you ready?
612
00:30:37,354 --> 00:30:39,289
(EXHALES SHARPLY) Jesus.
613
00:30:39,757 --> 00:30:40,792
(CRACKLING)
614
00:30:46,764 --> 00:30:50,467
(LAUGHING) Whooooaaah!
615
00:30:51,168 --> 00:30:54,304
Our first mime
did really well.
616
00:30:54,338 --> 00:30:56,808
- Oh, yeah.
- Way to go.
617
00:30:57,708 --> 00:30:59,610
WEE MAN: Yeah!
618
00:30:59,643 --> 00:31:02,579
- MAN: Bar's been set. You'll be hard to beat.
- MAN 2: Damn!
619
00:31:04,581 --> 00:31:07,417
For our next challenge,
our friend Jules here
620
00:31:07,451 --> 00:31:10,520
is going to help Poopies
kiss this deadly viper.
621
00:31:12,289 --> 00:31:13,390
JOHNNY:
What kind of snake is it?
622
00:31:13,423 --> 00:31:15,359
JULES:
It's a Texas Rat Snake.
623
00:31:15,392 --> 00:31:18,362
JOHNNY: He's a feisty little bugger.
How you feeling, Poopies?
624
00:31:19,529 --> 00:31:21,131
(LAUGHING)
625
00:31:21,164 --> 00:31:22,733
Is that venomous?
626
00:31:22,767 --> 00:31:25,702
- Eh.
- (LAUGHS)
627
00:31:27,170 --> 00:31:28,438
We ready?
628
00:31:30,607 --> 00:31:32,175
- JULES: Go, go, go.
- JOHNNY: Go in for the kiss.
629
00:31:32,209 --> 00:31:33,243
JULES: You have to get in
closer.
630
00:31:33,276 --> 00:31:34,645
- Closer.
- Closer, closer.
631
00:31:34,678 --> 00:31:37,581
JULES: Up and down,
up and down. Up and down.
632
00:31:37,614 --> 00:31:39,884
JOHNNY: You know you don't...
You need to stay. Stay!
633
00:31:39,917 --> 00:31:41,251
MAN: Give him a kiss.
634
00:31:41,284 --> 00:31:42,486
- JULES: Move your head.
- JOHNNY: Closer.
635
00:31:42,519 --> 00:31:44,488
- JULES: Move your head.
- JOHNNY: Closer.
636
00:31:44,521 --> 00:31:45,890
MAN: Here it comes,
here it comes.
637
00:31:45,923 --> 00:31:48,225
- JOHNNY: Oh, my God.
- One more.
638
00:31:48,258 --> 00:31:49,526
Get another one,
get another one.
639
00:31:49,559 --> 00:31:51,461
- MAN: Go again.
- We didn't get it.
640
00:31:51,495 --> 00:31:53,163
Come on, Poopies,
you need to go again, dude.
641
00:31:53,196 --> 00:31:55,332
MAN: Oh, my God.
642
00:31:55,365 --> 00:31:58,002
- MAN: Work, work. You got this.
- JULES: You can do it.
643
00:31:58,036 --> 00:31:59,871
Right there.
Touch his tail.
644
00:31:59,904 --> 00:32:01,438
Do it, come on, man.
645
00:32:01,471 --> 00:32:04,708
- Come on, man.
- MAN: Oh, my goodness.
646
00:32:04,741 --> 00:32:05,843
MAN: A little kissy.
647
00:32:05,877 --> 00:32:06,978
MAN 2: Here it goes.
648
00:32:07,011 --> 00:32:09,646
- ALL: Oh!
- (LAUGHING)
649
00:32:11,015 --> 00:32:13,051
JOHNNY: Oh, my goodness.
650
00:32:13,084 --> 00:32:17,187
JOHNNY: Rachel and Poopies laying
down the gauntlet on Steve-O.
651
00:32:18,056 --> 00:32:19,123
I gotta save you!
652
00:32:19,157 --> 00:32:20,590
(CRACKLING)
653
00:32:23,660 --> 00:32:24,996
I am saving you.
654
00:32:25,029 --> 00:32:26,730
(LAUGHING)
655
00:32:27,364 --> 00:32:29,000
JOHNNY: I gotta save Jeff.
656
00:32:29,033 --> 00:32:31,135
(LAUGHING)
657
00:32:31,169 --> 00:32:32,436
(CRACKLING)
658
00:32:32,469 --> 00:32:35,940
Oh! Ow!
659
00:32:35,973 --> 00:32:37,274
MAN: Oh, fuck.
660
00:32:38,176 --> 00:32:39,509
I have one on me.
661
00:32:39,543 --> 00:32:41,112
(LAUGHING)
I couldn't get it out.
662
00:32:41,145 --> 00:32:42,345
(LAUGHING)
663
00:32:42,379 --> 00:32:45,515
So, confidence
is very, very high
664
00:32:45,549 --> 00:32:47,919
with our third contestant,
Steve-O,
665
00:32:47,952 --> 00:32:50,253
for the skateboard guillotine.
666
00:32:51,022 --> 00:32:52,656
(LAUGHING)
667
00:32:53,124 --> 00:32:54,992
Wow.
668
00:32:55,026 --> 00:32:56,259
He's talking smack.
669
00:32:56,293 --> 00:32:58,029
Some mime shit talking
over there.
670
00:32:58,062 --> 00:32:59,362
(LAUGHING)
671
00:33:01,732 --> 00:33:02,733
Huh?
672
00:33:03,201 --> 00:33:04,401
MAN: All the way.
673
00:33:06,804 --> 00:33:07,905
All the way?
674
00:33:11,175 --> 00:33:13,543
(LAUGHING)
675
00:33:13,577 --> 00:33:15,746
- MAN: He's bold.
- MAN 2: Wow.
676
00:33:15,780 --> 00:33:18,281
- JOHNNY: He's very cocky, this guy.
- MAN: Get your feet up.
677
00:33:18,315 --> 00:33:20,952
JOHNNY: All right, on three!
678
00:33:21,886 --> 00:33:23,154
Aaaaah!
679
00:33:23,187 --> 00:33:25,589
(LAUGHING)
680
00:33:27,591 --> 00:33:30,762
STEVE-O: I forgot to
be fucking quiet, dude.
681
00:33:30,795 --> 00:33:32,562
Aaaaah!
682
00:33:32,596 --> 00:33:36,600
Well, we have our winners,
and we have Steve-O.
683
00:33:36,633 --> 00:33:38,970
(LAUGHING)
684
00:33:42,739 --> 00:33:45,877
JEFF: (SINGSONG) Zackass,
he's a real wild, crazy guy.
685
00:33:45,910 --> 00:33:48,445
He's a gnarly superstar.
686
00:33:48,478 --> 00:33:50,580
- Zackass.
- (LAUGHING)
687
00:33:50,614 --> 00:33:54,252
(SINGSONG) There's nothing
he won't do. Zackass.
688
00:33:54,284 --> 00:33:56,386
He'll jump in cactus for you.
689
00:33:56,419 --> 00:33:59,422
Oh! (GROANING)
690
00:33:59,891 --> 00:34:01,324
(LAUGHING)
691
00:34:01,358 --> 00:34:04,862
CHRIS: (SINGSONG) While we all
stand and laugh. Go, go, Zach!
692
00:34:04,896 --> 00:34:06,563
(LAUGHING)
693
00:34:06,596 --> 00:34:08,665
(SINGSONG) The Jackass guys are
getting old, we paid our dues,
694
00:34:08,698 --> 00:34:10,734
so we're handing the torch
to you.
695
00:34:10,768 --> 00:34:12,870
(LAUGHING)
696
00:34:12,904 --> 00:34:14,071
All right.
697
00:34:16,373 --> 00:34:17,574
MAN: Man, that was good.
698
00:34:22,512 --> 00:34:24,081
MAN: What are you going to be
doing today?
699
00:34:24,949 --> 00:34:27,885
Hit somebody in the nuts.
700
00:34:27,919 --> 00:34:32,622
Francis hits harder than any
heavyweight in the MMA. It's insane.
701
00:34:32,656 --> 00:34:33,991
MAN: Does Ehren know this?
702
00:34:34,025 --> 00:34:36,961
No, I told Ehren it was
a lightweight. (LAUGHING)
703
00:34:36,994 --> 00:34:40,397
I didn't tell him it was a heavyweight.
Jeff and I forgot to mention that.
704
00:34:42,834 --> 00:34:44,534
MAN: All right,
he's coming, guys.
705
00:34:47,370 --> 00:34:52,176
That's not a fucking lightweight.
What are you guys talking about? What? No!
706
00:34:52,210 --> 00:34:56,013
What's going on here?
You guys can't...
707
00:34:56,047 --> 00:35:00,383
Almost 20 years ago today we
filmed the original cup test.
708
00:35:00,417 --> 00:35:03,453
Hi, I am Johnny Knoxville,
and this is the cup test.
709
00:35:03,486 --> 00:35:05,056
Oh! (LAUGHING)
710
00:35:05,089 --> 00:35:06,690
Oh! (LAUGHING)
711
00:35:06,723 --> 00:35:08,292
Oh! (LAUGHING)
712
00:35:08,326 --> 00:35:13,463
And now, 20 years later,
we're still doing the same stupid shit.
713
00:35:13,496 --> 00:35:15,498
This is the cup test.
714
00:35:16,968 --> 00:35:18,735
Ah! (LAUGHING)
715
00:35:18,769 --> 00:35:20,670
I love how you're just
smiling at him.
716
00:35:20,704 --> 00:35:22,139
(LAUGHING)
717
00:35:24,474 --> 00:35:27,778
I just Googled the hardest
punch ever recorded.
718
00:35:27,812 --> 00:35:29,379
STEVE-O: Francis
Ngannou's punch is
719
00:35:29,412 --> 00:35:33,818
the equivalent of being hit
by a Ford Escort at top speed.
720
00:35:33,851 --> 00:35:38,022
- His punch is the equivalent...
- Wait. You don't need to read that now.
721
00:35:38,055 --> 00:35:41,092
(LAUGHING)
722
00:35:41,125 --> 00:35:43,895
STEVE-O: You're about to
be hit by a car, Ehren.
723
00:35:43,928 --> 00:35:45,096
(LAUGHING)
724
00:35:45,129 --> 00:35:46,396
MAN: All right, fight fans.
725
00:35:50,067 --> 00:35:51,701
Oh!
726
00:35:53,503 --> 00:35:56,539
- (EHREN SCREAMS)
- (LAUGHING)
727
00:35:56,573 --> 00:36:04,115
- Did you hear something break?
- Yeah, I heard this crack. I thought it was the cup.
728
00:36:04,148 --> 00:36:06,650
JOHNNY: Is that the hardest you've
ever hit someone in the ding ding?
729
00:36:06,683 --> 00:36:12,522
FRANCIS: Oh, yeah. Because I've never
hit somebody in the ding ding on purpose.
730
00:36:13,723 --> 00:36:15,293
MAN: Eric, what's about to
go down here?
731
00:36:15,326 --> 00:36:19,797
Ehren's gonna get the world's
fastest softball pitcher.
732
00:36:19,830 --> 00:36:22,133
She's gonna like,
pitch a softball at his balls.
733
00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:26,304
Oh! (LAUGHING)
734
00:36:26,337 --> 00:36:29,739
We ain't a fucking bunch of NASA
scientists over here, you know what I mean?
735
00:36:29,774 --> 00:36:32,676
This ain't a Mensa convention.
We're getting down and dirty!
736
00:36:32,709 --> 00:36:35,745
I am Danger Ehren,
and this is the softball test.
737
00:36:35,780 --> 00:36:36,914
Let's do it.
738
00:36:36,948 --> 00:36:38,149
EHREN: Play ball!
739
00:36:40,351 --> 00:36:42,552
She can't wait to hit him
in the dick.
740
00:36:46,324 --> 00:36:48,159
ALL: Oh!
741
00:36:48,192 --> 00:36:49,726
That was all thigh.
742
00:36:50,727 --> 00:36:52,863
DANIELLE: Don't turn!
That would have hit him!
743
00:36:52,897 --> 00:36:54,231
You turned into...
744
00:36:54,265 --> 00:36:56,334
MAN: What, you can't quit
already!
745
00:36:56,367 --> 00:36:57,734
DANIELLE: That would have
hit him!
746
00:36:57,768 --> 00:36:59,036
That would have hit you
in the ding-ding
747
00:36:59,070 --> 00:37:00,905
and you would have been done
for the day.
748
00:37:00,938 --> 00:37:01,973
It's a softball.
749
00:37:02,006 --> 00:37:04,241
There's nothing soft
about this fucking ball,
750
00:37:04,275 --> 00:37:05,475
it's just bigger.
751
00:37:07,011 --> 00:37:09,146
(ALL GROAN)
752
00:37:11,248 --> 00:37:14,285
MAN: She keeps hitting him
in the same exact spot.
753
00:37:14,318 --> 00:37:16,988
- You're moving, dude!
- Why'd you move?
754
00:37:17,021 --> 00:37:18,122
I don't know!
755
00:37:18,155 --> 00:37:20,024
(ALL LAUGH)
756
00:37:20,958 --> 00:37:22,226
MAN: Don't hang brains out
of the side...
757
00:37:22,259 --> 00:37:25,562
I'm not trying to,
but it keeps slipping around.
758
00:37:25,595 --> 00:37:27,765
Well, you're wearing it
backwards, or upside-down.
759
00:37:27,798 --> 00:37:30,301
I don't need physics
from you guys right now.
760
00:37:30,334 --> 00:37:32,635
- Physics.
- (ALL LAUGH)
761
00:37:36,207 --> 00:37:37,241
(ALL SHOUTING)
762
00:37:37,274 --> 00:37:38,776
Fuck, yeah! Let's go!
763
00:37:39,509 --> 00:37:40,845
Oh, God!
764
00:37:41,412 --> 00:37:43,580
(CHEERING)
765
00:37:45,349 --> 00:37:46,549
JOHNNY: Ehren!
766
00:37:46,583 --> 00:37:48,285
What the fuck, dude!
767
00:37:49,286 --> 00:37:50,720
No, no, no, time out!
768
00:37:50,755 --> 00:37:54,025
Hey, Ehren, no joke,
you're fucked.
769
00:37:54,058 --> 00:37:55,059
You're done.
770
00:37:56,927 --> 00:37:59,696
I'm here with professional
hockey player P.K. Subban.
771
00:37:59,729 --> 00:38:01,932
This is the hockey cup test.
772
00:38:03,100 --> 00:38:05,836
- (ALL HOOTING)
- Yeah!
773
00:38:06,937 --> 00:38:08,005
EHREN: Come on!
774
00:38:08,039 --> 00:38:09,907
(ALL LAUGHING)
775
00:38:18,349 --> 00:38:20,583
(ALL LAUGHING AND GROANING)
776
00:38:23,586 --> 00:38:25,356
P.K. SUBBAN: That was about
85 miles per hour.
777
00:38:25,389 --> 00:38:27,958
EHREN: Oh, shit, man.
That fucking knocked me out.
778
00:38:28,793 --> 00:38:31,694
What the fuck, man.
That was insane.
779
00:38:31,728 --> 00:38:33,464
P.K. SUBBAN: Now I'm gonna go
for your nuts.
780
00:38:33,497 --> 00:38:34,697
EHREN: Oh, God.
781
00:38:36,233 --> 00:38:37,768
Fuck you, Ehren!
782
00:38:39,236 --> 00:38:41,105
- (GROANING)
- (HORN SOUNDING)
783
00:38:44,075 --> 00:38:46,143
(GROANING)
784
00:38:47,644 --> 00:38:49,947
(LAUGHING)
785
00:38:50,448 --> 00:38:51,748
We got him!
786
00:38:52,249 --> 00:38:53,583
That a boy!
787
00:38:57,188 --> 00:39:01,125
We got the "whambulance" coming for
you if you don't get to this next bit.
788
00:39:01,158 --> 00:39:04,295
Hey, I'll tell you right now,
if the jokes continue
789
00:39:04,328 --> 00:39:05,896
I will stand up
and walk away.
790
00:39:05,930 --> 00:39:08,099
JOHNNY: He's going to
take his nuts and go home?
791
00:39:08,132 --> 00:39:09,934
(LAUGHING)
792
00:39:13,270 --> 00:39:16,240
- MAN: Sneak up on it.
- Teasing. He's teasing.
793
00:39:16,273 --> 00:39:18,342
- (YELPS)
- (ALL LAUGH)
794
00:39:18,375 --> 00:39:19,609
MAN: Whoa!
795
00:39:22,179 --> 00:39:23,447
MAN: Perfect!
796
00:39:23,481 --> 00:39:25,249
- MAN: Oh! (LAUGHS)
- MAN 2: Oh, my goodness.
797
00:39:26,283 --> 00:39:29,086
- (GROANS)
- (LAUGHING)
798
00:39:29,652 --> 00:39:30,921
Oh, dude!
799
00:39:31,755 --> 00:39:34,825
His nuts are bleeding.
We got blood.
800
00:39:34,859 --> 00:39:37,161
Dude. I'm sorry, dude.
801
00:39:37,194 --> 00:39:39,396
Fuck, this cup sucked.
802
00:39:40,931 --> 00:39:43,901
This is the worst
cup of them all.
803
00:39:43,934 --> 00:39:46,303
I'm starting to think
those cups don't work, dude.
804
00:39:46,337 --> 00:39:48,172
(LAUGHING)
805
00:39:48,205 --> 00:39:50,107
MAN: That cup sucks.
806
00:39:50,141 --> 00:39:52,610
MAN 2: Yeah, it slipped down and
pinned your nuts to the ground.
807
00:39:52,642 --> 00:39:54,879
Oh, my God!
808
00:39:55,745 --> 00:39:57,314
Fuck, dude.
809
00:39:58,115 --> 00:40:00,084
MAN: Oh. Ooh!
810
00:40:00,117 --> 00:40:02,453
- (GAGGING, RETCHING)
- MAN 2: Lance?
811
00:40:02,486 --> 00:40:03,720
How you doing, Lance?
812
00:40:04,455 --> 00:40:05,923
(GURGLING)
813
00:40:06,790 --> 00:40:08,325
Let me have your
camera, Lance.
814
00:40:08,993 --> 00:40:11,128
(GAGGING)
815
00:40:12,296 --> 00:40:14,465
Can I get another mask?
816
00:40:14,498 --> 00:40:16,367
JOHNNY: Can Lance
get another mask?
817
00:40:19,036 --> 00:40:22,206
You guys got any predictions who
we might get today with this?
818
00:40:22,239 --> 00:40:24,775
I'm worried, like we've
been hitting the guys
819
00:40:24,808 --> 00:40:26,443
pretty hard all week so...
820
00:40:27,912 --> 00:40:30,414
their nerves are
pretty well shot.
821
00:40:30,447 --> 00:40:33,683
If they do trust us
to go to the bathroom today,
822
00:40:33,716 --> 00:40:34,919
they're pretty...
823
00:40:36,287 --> 00:40:39,990
They're pretty less
intelligent than I thought.
824
00:40:40,024 --> 00:40:41,926
We're gonna build
Cobra Kai Dojos
825
00:40:41,959 --> 00:40:43,761
- all over this valley.
- Hell yeah, we are.
826
00:40:43,794 --> 00:40:46,363
- MAN: I haven't seen it yet. I haven't seen...
- MAN 2: I'm gonna watch it.
827
00:40:46,397 --> 00:40:47,631
Miyagi, Miyagi's Dojo...
828
00:40:47,665 --> 00:40:49,633
Wee Man would totally
be a Cobra Kai.
829
00:40:49,667 --> 00:40:52,236
MAN 1: He's not even
worried about it.
830
00:40:52,269 --> 00:40:53,771
Cobra Kai rules.
831
00:40:53,804 --> 00:40:55,339
(EXPLOSION)
832
00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:58,342
(LAUGHING)
833
00:40:58,375 --> 00:41:00,578
MAN: Oh, yeah!
834
00:41:00,611 --> 00:41:03,247
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
835
00:41:08,185 --> 00:41:09,887
- Oh.
- MAN 2: Wow!
836
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:12,923
- JOHNNY: What happened?
- I don't know, dude.
837
00:41:12,957 --> 00:41:15,593
- Oh, my God.
- I was trying to take a shit.
838
00:41:15,626 --> 00:41:17,261
(LAUGHING)
839
00:41:17,294 --> 00:41:20,197
Even with an outbreak you're
still blowing people up.
840
00:41:21,432 --> 00:41:23,133
As if life
is not hard enough.
841
00:41:27,004 --> 00:41:29,907
To fart or not to fart.
That is the question.
842
00:41:29,940 --> 00:41:32,276
Well, I hope to...
843
00:41:32,309 --> 00:41:35,913
'cause we've been trying
to get this bit for 14 years,
844
00:41:35,946 --> 00:41:37,948
trying to light
a fart underwater.
845
00:41:38,616 --> 00:41:40,651
Since Jackass Number Two.
846
00:41:40,684 --> 00:41:42,486
Get your fucking
ass up there.
847
00:41:42,519 --> 00:41:44,021
Just let me do it, okay?
848
00:41:45,689 --> 00:41:46,890
(YELLING)
849
00:41:47,625 --> 00:41:50,094
(LAUGHING)
850
00:41:51,595 --> 00:41:54,131
Oh, God.
I didn't mean to do that.
851
00:41:54,164 --> 00:41:56,267
Who didn't see
that coming?
852
00:41:56,300 --> 00:41:59,403
I'm very excited
because we are lighting
853
00:41:59,436 --> 00:42:01,972
the first ever
fart underwater.
854
00:42:02,006 --> 00:42:04,108
And Tory Belleci
is here today
855
00:42:04,141 --> 00:42:05,843
to help us achieve our dream.
856
00:42:05,876 --> 00:42:07,845
It's good to have dreams.
857
00:42:07,878 --> 00:42:10,447
All right, so, somebody
is going to sit in the tank
858
00:42:10,481 --> 00:42:11,882
and when they fart,
859
00:42:11,915 --> 00:42:14,885
that glass dome is our
fart catcher, inside there,
860
00:42:14,918 --> 00:42:17,888
we have a little
bit of oxygen and a spark.
861
00:42:17,921 --> 00:42:19,690
And so hopefully,
once that methane gas
862
00:42:19,723 --> 00:42:21,825
gets caught in there,
it will ignite,
863
00:42:21,859 --> 00:42:25,396
and we'll get the underwater
exploding fart.
864
00:42:25,429 --> 00:42:27,364
- Yo, Steve-O, are you ready?
- You ready to make history?
865
00:42:27,398 --> 00:42:29,333
I'm ready to get in there
and just see what happens.
866
00:42:29,366 --> 00:42:31,702
Oh, my goodness,
we're about to make history
867
00:42:31,735 --> 00:42:32,870
with Steve-O.
868
00:42:32,903 --> 00:42:36,507
Okay, make sure
his feet look good.
869
00:42:36,540 --> 00:42:38,275
- Ready?
- STEVE-O: Yeah, I'm ready.
870
00:42:38,309 --> 00:42:40,744
- It's in there, man.
- Remember to give us a countdown.
871
00:42:40,779 --> 00:42:41,979
It's in there.
872
00:42:42,713 --> 00:42:44,515
How was work today, honey?
873
00:42:44,548 --> 00:42:46,550
(LAUGHING)
874
00:42:47,284 --> 00:42:48,485
(GROANING)
875
00:42:50,187 --> 00:42:51,588
STEVE-O: I know
I'm gonna get it.
876
00:42:51,622 --> 00:42:52,656
Just relax.
877
00:42:52,690 --> 00:42:54,759
ALL: Ooooh!
878
00:42:54,793 --> 00:42:56,226
We got a fart!
879
00:42:56,260 --> 00:42:57,895
(GROANING)
880
00:42:57,928 --> 00:43:01,098
Oh, that was a huge one.
881
00:43:01,131 --> 00:43:03,200
- Wow. They're like ten, dude.
- They're perfect bombs.
882
00:43:03,233 --> 00:43:05,936
There's not enough
methane in his fart.
883
00:43:05,969 --> 00:43:08,105
The spark in that bowl
is going nonstop though,
884
00:43:08,138 --> 00:43:10,240
so we just need to catch
enough farts.
885
00:43:11,308 --> 00:43:12,811
ALL: Oooh!
886
00:43:12,843 --> 00:43:14,211
TORY: The farts
aren't igniting.
887
00:43:14,244 --> 00:43:16,880
- We need an open flame.
- STEVE-O: Yeah, bring it in.
888
00:43:21,719 --> 00:43:23,187
This won't hurt a bit.
889
00:43:27,524 --> 00:43:29,560
(BUBBLING)
890
00:43:31,261 --> 00:43:32,329
Come on, O.
891
00:43:34,631 --> 00:43:35,699
(YELLING)
892
00:43:35,733 --> 00:43:36,801
MAN: There it goes. Catch it.
893
00:43:36,835 --> 00:43:38,535
Yeah. Get it. Get it!
894
00:43:38,569 --> 00:43:40,104
(LAUGHING)
895
00:43:40,137 --> 00:43:41,538
- (EXPLOSION)
- (LAUGHING)
896
00:43:42,373 --> 00:43:44,274
(CHEERING)
897
00:43:45,743 --> 00:43:48,645
What was that?
Was that it? Was that it?
898
00:43:49,246 --> 00:43:50,147
- Yes!
- Dude!
899
00:43:50,180 --> 00:43:52,049
I'm not a fucking
scientist, man,
900
00:43:52,082 --> 00:43:54,084
but that sounded pretty sweet.
901
00:43:55,953 --> 00:43:57,187
How did that explode?
902
00:43:57,221 --> 00:43:59,423
The spark in the fart
catcher exploded it.
903
00:43:59,456 --> 00:44:01,425
- (EXPLOSION)
- (LAUGHING)
904
00:44:01,458 --> 00:44:04,595
STEVE-O: That fucking really
rocked my balls. That's for sure.
905
00:44:04,628 --> 00:44:06,263
(LAUGHING)
906
00:44:08,499 --> 00:44:09,900
All right, Jaws, you ready?
907
00:44:10,501 --> 00:44:11,502
Three.
908
00:44:12,503 --> 00:44:13,570
Two.
909
00:44:15,105 --> 00:44:16,340
One.
910
00:44:19,610 --> 00:44:21,678
(YELLING)
911
00:44:21,712 --> 00:44:23,414
- JAWS: Jesus Christ!
- I got you.
912
00:44:23,447 --> 00:44:25,215
JAWS: What the fuck!
913
00:44:25,249 --> 00:44:26,785
JOHNNY: Dude, I was like,
"Catch him."
914
00:44:26,818 --> 00:44:29,086
(MOANING)
915
00:44:29,119 --> 00:44:30,587
- Wow.
- Are you okay?
916
00:44:30,621 --> 00:44:31,756
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
917
00:44:31,790 --> 00:44:33,724
Dude... Where were you?
918
00:44:33,758 --> 00:44:35,092
- I'm just... I...
- (LAUGHING)
919
00:44:35,125 --> 00:44:36,927
(LAUGHS) Where were you?
920
00:44:39,329 --> 00:44:40,697
MAN: What's going on, Jasper?
921
00:44:40,731 --> 00:44:43,367
So today we got my dad,
Dark Shark on set and honestly
922
00:44:43,400 --> 00:44:45,569
- I don't think he's gonna like it.
- MAN: Why not?
923
00:44:45,602 --> 00:44:48,472
So you know my dad,
ex-convict, ex-gang banger,
924
00:44:48,505 --> 00:44:50,507
doesn't fear anything
except for like,
925
00:44:50,541 --> 00:44:53,143
he kinda doesn't
like bugs or spiders,
926
00:44:53,177 --> 00:44:55,746
cats, dogs, basically anything
that's not normal to the hood.
927
00:44:55,780 --> 00:44:57,181
So we're gonna fuck
with him today
928
00:44:57,214 --> 00:44:59,216
and it should be good.
929
00:44:59,249 --> 00:45:03,654
All right, this is Dark Shark,
our newest star, Jasper's dad.
930
00:45:03,687 --> 00:45:06,957
He's going to battle Ehren
in the spider helmet.
931
00:45:06,990 --> 00:45:10,093
You look scareder than me
and this is your shit.
932
00:45:10,127 --> 00:45:11,728
JOHNNY:
Shall we begin taping, fellas?
933
00:45:11,763 --> 00:45:14,131
I'm gonna fuck you up, man.
You supposed to be having my back.
934
00:45:14,164 --> 00:45:16,400
- JOHNNY: Not too tight.
- JASPER: I got you a job!
935
00:45:16,433 --> 00:45:18,702
Don't do it. I'm telling you.
I'm gonna flip this chair over.
936
00:45:18,735 --> 00:45:20,070
I got you a job!
937
00:45:20,103 --> 00:45:21,672
If I flip the chair over,
that thing gonna bite me
938
00:45:21,705 --> 00:45:23,006
- if I flip the chair over?
- No.
939
00:45:23,040 --> 00:45:24,975
No, you gotta be careful
with the spider.
940
00:45:25,008 --> 00:45:27,010
- Can't hurt the spider.
- I'm just worried about breathing, man.
941
00:45:27,044 --> 00:45:28,847
I don't even like
handcuffs on me no more.
942
00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:30,047
JASPER: Dude, I don't think
we gotta...
943
00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:31,748
JOHNNY: Okay.
We're gonna leave the tape.
944
00:45:31,783 --> 00:45:32,951
JASPER: You got it, dog.
945
00:45:32,983 --> 00:45:35,385
JOHNNY: All right,
here we go, fellas.
946
00:45:36,687 --> 00:45:38,823
- JASPER: How is that?
- DARK SHARK: Oh shit, hell, nah.
947
00:45:38,857 --> 00:45:41,225
JOHNNY: Okay. Oh, and by the
way, the loser has to take
948
00:45:41,258 --> 00:45:43,060
- the bite from the spider.
- DARK SHARK: What?
949
00:45:43,093 --> 00:45:44,695
JOHNNY: Yeah.
950
00:45:44,728 --> 00:45:47,531
- Jules, can you bring in the spider?
- Love to.
951
00:45:47,564 --> 00:45:49,801
You got it, Dark Shark.
You got it, man.
952
00:45:49,834 --> 00:45:52,102
JULES: This one is
an absolute bastard.
953
00:45:52,135 --> 00:45:53,704
Oh, hell, nah.
954
00:45:53,737 --> 00:45:56,173
JOHNNY: All right. Let's go.
955
00:45:56,206 --> 00:45:58,575
JULES: On the count of three.
One, two, three.
956
00:45:59,878 --> 00:46:03,180
(YELLING, LAUGHTER)
957
00:46:05,817 --> 00:46:07,651
JOHNNY: Don't move,
Dark Shark.
958
00:46:09,052 --> 00:46:10,822
Dark Shark, stay down.
959
00:46:10,855 --> 00:46:13,557
(SCREAMING)
960
00:46:14,591 --> 00:46:16,159
Oh, shit!
961
00:46:16,928 --> 00:46:18,462
JASPER: Chill, chill, chill!
962
00:46:19,864 --> 00:46:22,399
You got it, chill!
963
00:46:24,601 --> 00:46:26,136
It's not goin' touch you.
964
00:46:26,703 --> 00:46:28,272
(LAUGHING)
965
00:46:28,639 --> 00:46:31,041
Ow! Ow!
966
00:46:31,408 --> 00:46:34,444
(LAUGHING)
967
00:46:36,346 --> 00:46:39,249
Dark Shark,
why are you pulling on me?
968
00:46:39,283 --> 00:46:40,417
I think he passed out.
969
00:46:40,450 --> 00:46:42,519
MAN: Dark Shark,
you gotta let go!
970
00:46:42,553 --> 00:46:46,089
- You gotta let go! Sit down. Calm down.
- There you go.
971
00:46:46,123 --> 00:46:48,392
- Oh, my God.
- Don't hurt the spider.
972
00:46:48,425 --> 00:46:50,962
JOHNNY: Dark Shark, if you let go
of me I will get the spider out.
973
00:46:50,995 --> 00:46:53,130
- DARK SHARK: Who is that?
- JASPER: It's Johnny.
974
00:46:53,163 --> 00:46:55,265
- There you go.
- We all day. Guess what?
975
00:46:55,299 --> 00:46:57,134
JOHNNY: Okay, I'll get it.
976
00:46:57,167 --> 00:46:58,535
I'm gonna pull him out.
977
00:46:59,536 --> 00:47:02,172
- He's out, he's out, he's out.
- He's out!
978
00:47:02,874 --> 00:47:06,076
All right, we have our winner.
979
00:47:06,109 --> 00:47:08,245
- Dark Shark!
- (CHEERING)
980
00:47:08,278 --> 00:47:10,714
How the fuck
is he gonna be the winner?
981
00:47:10,747 --> 00:47:12,082
- Oh, no.
- Get it off me.
982
00:47:12,115 --> 00:47:13,483
How is he the winner?
983
00:47:13,517 --> 00:47:15,218
Ehren has to take
a bite from the spider.
984
00:47:15,252 --> 00:47:17,454
- I didn't do anything. Jesus.
- This man was brave.
985
00:47:17,487 --> 00:47:21,926
- Brave? The spider went in his helmet!
- Great job, Dark Shark.
986
00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:23,761
(APPLAUSE)
987
00:47:25,596 --> 00:47:27,598
And I was like,
it was either my life or yours.
988
00:47:27,631 --> 00:47:30,334
I was like, fuck your life.
I was like, man.
989
00:47:30,367 --> 00:47:32,736
I'm tapped out, out here
and still I was like,
990
00:47:32,770 --> 00:47:34,237
I feel like grabbing his ass.
991
00:47:34,271 --> 00:47:35,873
(LAUGHS) The bastard.
992
00:47:35,907 --> 00:47:37,474
JOHNNY: So where should
it bite him?
993
00:47:37,507 --> 00:47:39,576
Just do it on my arm.
It's fine.
994
00:47:39,610 --> 00:47:41,879
- Well...
- Have it crawl onto my arm.
995
00:47:41,913 --> 00:47:43,180
- Nipples!
- I just won't do it.
996
00:47:43,213 --> 00:47:45,716
Nipple. I like nipple.
Nipple.
997
00:47:45,749 --> 00:47:47,651
Just give it, just do a boob.
998
00:47:47,684 --> 00:47:48,886
All right. Fine.
999
00:47:48,920 --> 00:47:50,287
(LAUGHING)
1000
00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:52,322
Nipple, no.
Boob, sure.
1001
00:47:53,724 --> 00:47:55,659
DARK SHARK: Is he
gonna bite him for real?
1002
00:47:55,692 --> 00:47:58,763
- EHREN: Oh, my God.
- Oh, yeah, your man titties are looking dope.
1003
00:47:58,796 --> 00:47:59,897
Oh, man.
1004
00:47:59,931 --> 00:48:01,966
MAN: Oh, my God.
Look at his fangs.
1005
00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:03,433
I don't wanna see the fangs.
1006
00:48:03,467 --> 00:48:05,135
JOHNNY: Make sure Ehren
sees the fangs.
1007
00:48:05,168 --> 00:48:06,536
EHREN: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Wait a minute!
1008
00:48:06,570 --> 00:48:09,040
JOHNNY: No, you, no.
Ehren lay down.
1009
00:48:09,073 --> 00:48:11,042
- Wait a minute.
- Oh, look at the venom!
1010
00:48:11,075 --> 00:48:13,011
- JULES: I'll show you the venom while it's there.
- JASPER: Yeah.
1011
00:48:13,044 --> 00:48:14,611
JOHNNY: Oh, my God.
1012
00:48:14,645 --> 00:48:16,513
EHREN: Here, hold my hand,
Steve-O. Hold my hand.
1013
00:48:16,546 --> 00:48:19,282
- MAN: Hold my hand, Steve-O.
- WEE MAN: Hold his hand, Steve-O.
1014
00:48:19,316 --> 00:48:22,686
- STEVE-O: Pierce that nipple.
- JULES: One, two, three.
1015
00:48:22,719 --> 00:48:23,955
(EHREN SCREAMS)
1016
00:48:23,988 --> 00:48:25,656
- (GROANING)
- MAN: Shit!
1017
00:48:26,289 --> 00:48:28,291
(SCREAMS CONTINUE)
1018
00:48:28,325 --> 00:48:30,895
- Oh, shit!
- JOHNNY: Stay, stay.
1019
00:48:30,928 --> 00:48:32,162
STEVE-O: Did it go in or no?
1020
00:48:32,195 --> 00:48:33,765
- JULES: Oh, yeah.
- STEVE-O: Fuckin' went in.
1021
00:48:33,798 --> 00:48:36,366
JOHNNY: You went from a
triple A to a B on this side.
1022
00:48:36,400 --> 00:48:38,201
- (LAUGHING)
- MAN: Yeah, Ehren.
1023
00:48:39,269 --> 00:48:41,471
- Watch out, Ehren!
- (EHREN SCREAMS)
1024
00:48:41,505 --> 00:48:43,407
MAN: Oh, my God,
I thought it was the real thing.
1025
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:45,308
EHREN: I'm done!
I'm done! I can't.
1026
00:48:45,843 --> 00:48:46,978
I'm outta here.
1027
00:48:47,011 --> 00:48:48,880
No more of this spider crap.
I'm out.
1028
00:48:48,913 --> 00:48:50,447
(EHREN SCREAMS)
1029
00:48:56,788 --> 00:48:58,255
JOHNNY: Excuse me, ma'am?
1030
00:48:58,288 --> 00:49:01,258
I need to get my basket
closer to this pole.
1031
00:49:01,291 --> 00:49:02,726
Do you think
you can help me, ma'am?
1032
00:49:02,760 --> 00:49:07,065
- Sure.
- There's a red handle at the back of this truck.
1033
00:49:07,098 --> 00:49:08,900
It's more
of a pinky orange.
1034
00:49:08,933 --> 00:49:11,936
- This one?
- Yeah, just pull back on it just a little.
1035
00:49:11,969 --> 00:49:13,838
Wait, should I do reverse?
1036
00:49:13,871 --> 00:49:16,074
Yeah, do the reverse.
1037
00:49:16,107 --> 00:49:18,475
Yeah, no, no!
Oh, that was... Noooo!
1038
00:49:18,508 --> 00:49:20,210
Oh, why did you hit
the red one?
1039
00:49:20,243 --> 00:49:22,046
Ow! Ow!
1040
00:49:22,080 --> 00:49:23,114
Help!
1041
00:49:23,147 --> 00:49:24,849
- Help!
- Help me!
1042
00:49:24,882 --> 00:49:26,349
Hit the lever!
Hit the lever!
1043
00:49:26,383 --> 00:49:27,952
Hit the blue!
Hit the override!
1044
00:49:27,985 --> 00:49:29,821
I don't know
where the blue is?
1045
00:49:29,854 --> 00:49:31,122
Are you color blind?
1046
00:49:31,155 --> 00:49:34,125
- Please, help me!
- I'm trying to help you, sir!
1047
00:49:34,158 --> 00:49:36,226
Just do the override
like it says!
1048
00:49:36,259 --> 00:49:38,162
It doesn't say shit here!
1049
00:49:38,196 --> 00:49:40,798
Pop to the right, then slide!
1050
00:49:40,832 --> 00:49:42,399
Pop and slide!
1051
00:49:42,432 --> 00:49:44,501
- (EXPLOSION)
- (SCREAMING)
1052
00:49:44,534 --> 00:49:46,737
You just got me electrocuted!
1053
00:49:46,771 --> 00:49:49,040
Oh, my ass!
1054
00:49:49,073 --> 00:49:51,675
- You forgot the slide.
- God, bless!
1055
00:49:51,708 --> 00:49:53,878
I don't want to touch anything
because I don't know...
1056
00:49:53,911 --> 00:49:56,580
You gotta touch something!
I gotta get down from here!
1057
00:49:56,613 --> 00:49:59,349
- Which one?
- Well, don't hit the ones you been hitting!
1058
00:49:59,382 --> 00:50:01,618
'Cause you've been
hitting the wrong ones!
1059
00:50:01,651 --> 00:50:04,654
- I don't know what I'm doing.
- JOHNNY: Well, clearly!
1060
00:50:06,289 --> 00:50:08,793
Did you see Dirty Dancing?
1061
00:50:08,826 --> 00:50:11,495
No. The old one,
you mean with the chair?
1062
00:50:11,528 --> 00:50:12,897
- The only one.
- Yeah.
1063
00:50:12,930 --> 00:50:13,965
- (LAUGHING)
- Yeah.
1064
00:50:13,998 --> 00:50:15,066
That's Flashdance.
1065
00:50:15,099 --> 00:50:16,500
Oh, Flashdance
is what I'm thinking.
1066
00:50:16,533 --> 00:50:18,535
Dirty Dancing with Jennifer
Grey and Patrick Swayze.
1067
00:50:18,568 --> 00:50:21,505
For the final dance
she runs at them.
1068
00:50:21,538 --> 00:50:23,007
She runs to Patrick Swayze
1069
00:50:23,040 --> 00:50:26,676
- and he catches her and he lifts her off the ground.
- Okay.
1070
00:50:26,710 --> 00:50:28,980
- Can you do that with Preston?
- I think I could do it with Preston.
1071
00:50:29,013 --> 00:50:32,282
MAN: Yeah, work it out a little bit.
I want more than just a big jump.
1072
00:50:35,987 --> 00:50:38,555
- (LOUD FART)
- Oh, my God. I just shit my pants.
1073
00:50:38,588 --> 00:50:41,525
- Shut up.
- You're joking, right?
1074
00:50:42,559 --> 00:50:44,594
- (LAUGHING)
- JOHNNY: Did you really?
1075
00:50:44,628 --> 00:50:47,765
I just shit my pants.
I just shit my fucking pants.
1076
00:50:47,799 --> 00:50:50,433
- MAN: He did. He really did.
- I just shit my pants.
1077
00:50:50,467 --> 00:50:51,969
I fucking shit my pants.
1078
00:50:52,003 --> 00:50:53,503
- Why did you?
- Oh, my God.
1079
00:50:53,537 --> 00:50:55,672
- Why did you shit your...
- I didn't mean to.
1080
00:50:56,673 --> 00:50:57,809
Oh, man.
1081
00:50:58,776 --> 00:51:00,477
Technically,
you shit our pants.
1082
00:51:00,510 --> 00:51:03,915
The show must go on.
I don't see how that stops this.
1083
00:51:03,948 --> 00:51:06,150
- (LAUGHING)
- Let's go on.
1084
00:51:06,184 --> 00:51:07,651
- PRESTON: Ah, it's so gross.
- (COUGHING)
1085
00:51:07,684 --> 00:51:10,520
- Ah, dude.
- It's so fucking gross.
1086
00:51:10,554 --> 00:51:14,724
- MAN: You're full of shit.
- (GAGGING)
1087
00:51:14,759 --> 00:51:17,727
PRESTON: I should not have ate Indian
and Cuban food in the same day.
1088
00:51:17,762 --> 00:51:19,462
(LAUGHING)
1089
00:51:19,496 --> 00:51:23,000
- (RETCHING)
- JOHNNY: We might be losing Lance again.
1090
00:51:23,034 --> 00:51:25,402
- (LAUGHING)
- (GAGGING)
1091
00:51:26,237 --> 00:51:27,437
MAN 2: Oh, my goodness.
1092
00:51:27,470 --> 00:51:28,973
WEE MAN: Oh, yuck.
1093
00:51:29,841 --> 00:51:31,809
JOHNNY: Oh, my God!
1094
00:51:32,342 --> 00:51:34,344
I'm a grown man.
1095
00:51:34,377 --> 00:51:36,413
I'm fucking 51 years old.
1096
00:51:36,446 --> 00:51:38,448
Lance, we need
a closer shot of it.
1097
00:51:39,083 --> 00:51:41,384
MAN: Oh! Oh, yuck.
1098
00:51:43,420 --> 00:51:46,556
CHRIS: Preston should have pooped
before he came to work today.
1099
00:51:46,590 --> 00:51:49,593
Fail to prepare.
Prepare to fail. Hmm.
1100
00:51:51,028 --> 00:51:52,029
Marker.
1101
00:51:54,031 --> 00:51:55,665
Hello, my name's
Johnny Knoxville
1102
00:51:55,699 --> 00:51:57,400
and this is the marching band.
1103
00:51:58,102 --> 00:52:00,238
(HYDRAULIC WHIRRING)
1104
00:52:00,271 --> 00:52:02,372
Ladies!
1105
00:52:02,405 --> 00:52:05,877
(BRASS BAND PLAYS
OFF-BEAT AND OFF-KEY)
1106
00:52:14,718 --> 00:52:15,953
(GRUNTS)
1107
00:52:17,687 --> 00:52:19,056
(GROANS)
1108
00:52:19,090 --> 00:52:20,324
(YELPS)
1109
00:52:20,358 --> 00:52:21,725
(GRUNTS)
1110
00:52:22,193 --> 00:52:23,526
Ugh!
1111
00:52:24,394 --> 00:52:26,163
That happened so fast!
1112
00:52:26,197 --> 00:52:27,899
(GROANING)
1113
00:52:29,100 --> 00:52:30,567
Damn, I got a hard head.
1114
00:52:32,103 --> 00:52:33,503
Oh, my God.
You all right?
1115
00:52:33,536 --> 00:52:36,439
- Yeah, I'm fine.
- CHRIS: Oh, my God. He's bleeding.
1116
00:52:36,473 --> 00:52:38,309
My hair line is receding.
1117
00:52:38,342 --> 00:52:39,609
Steve-O, are you okay?
1118
00:52:40,710 --> 00:52:42,179
You all right, Steve-O?
1119
00:52:42,213 --> 00:52:43,314
- MAN 1: Oh, dude.
- MAN 2: Yo, you okay?
1120
00:52:43,347 --> 00:52:44,614
Holy shit.
1121
00:52:47,318 --> 00:52:49,854
JOHNNY: Man, that happened
fast.
1122
00:52:52,924 --> 00:52:56,394
All that practicing,
right out the window.
1123
00:52:56,426 --> 00:52:59,931
I feel like I'm coming back to myself.
I can't remember nothing.
1124
00:53:01,032 --> 00:53:03,267
- I didn't wimp out, did I?
- MAN: No, you didn't.
1125
00:53:03,301 --> 00:53:05,937
You still got those million
dollar teeth, that's for sure.
1126
00:53:07,171 --> 00:53:09,439
(LAUGHING)
1127
00:53:10,374 --> 00:53:12,442
They're dropping like flies.
1128
00:53:15,478 --> 00:53:17,081
I never know what to say
to Rick's camera.
1129
00:53:17,114 --> 00:53:20,351
I feel like, I'm just like,
ah ha, man, I'm on Jackass.
1130
00:53:20,384 --> 00:53:21,886
This is sick.
1131
00:53:21,919 --> 00:53:25,790
I'm in the TV show
I used to watch, man.
1132
00:53:25,823 --> 00:53:28,491
Everything I say is gonna end up
on the cutting room floor anyways.
1133
00:53:28,525 --> 00:53:29,994
So it doesn't matter.
1134
00:53:33,264 --> 00:53:34,932
- Hey, how you doin'?
- WOMAN: Hi.
1135
00:53:34,966 --> 00:53:36,801
- Can I get a cold brew?
- Yeah, of course.
1136
00:53:36,834 --> 00:53:37,935
Thanks.
1137
00:53:42,206 --> 00:53:43,740
Do you mind if I get a photo?
1138
00:53:43,774 --> 00:53:45,943
- Sure.
- I'm a big fan.
1139
00:53:48,245 --> 00:53:49,313
(EXPLOSION)
1140
00:53:49,347 --> 00:53:51,849
(LAUGHING)
1141
00:53:54,852 --> 00:53:56,053
Oh, my God!
1142
00:53:56,387 --> 00:53:58,756
(LAUGHING)
1143
00:54:01,392 --> 00:54:02,994
What did you guys do to Eric?
1144
00:54:03,027 --> 00:54:06,663
Fuck, everything was perfect.
I was like,
1145
00:54:06,696 --> 00:54:08,698
cold brew coffee, all right.
1146
00:54:09,967 --> 00:54:11,634
Yes, please.
1147
00:54:11,668 --> 00:54:14,038
"A picture? Okay, yeah, sure."
1148
00:54:14,071 --> 00:54:15,773
Motherfucker.
1149
00:54:17,174 --> 00:54:19,709
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
1150
00:54:29,086 --> 00:54:31,856
(WHIRRING)
1151
00:54:32,522 --> 00:54:34,759
(SCREAMING)
1152
00:54:35,359 --> 00:54:37,161
(LAUGHING)
1153
00:54:40,231 --> 00:54:42,199
- What happened?
- What do you mean?
1154
00:54:42,233 --> 00:54:43,968
He just got his nuts beat up.
1155
00:54:44,869 --> 00:54:46,569
His balls are in his tummy.
1156
00:54:46,603 --> 00:54:50,307
Oh. Ah, God damn it hurts.
1157
00:54:50,341 --> 00:54:51,809
I think we gotta go one more.
1158
00:54:55,046 --> 00:54:56,347
Can you do one more?
1159
00:54:56,380 --> 00:54:58,215
Jeff said he needs one more.
1160
00:55:00,751 --> 00:55:02,820
Hey, Wee Man,
help him get through that hole.
1161
00:55:03,954 --> 00:55:05,423
I'll guide.
1162
00:55:05,456 --> 00:55:07,425
They're not hanging as low as
they were.
1163
00:55:07,458 --> 00:55:08,926
- MAN 1: Can you blame him?
- JOHNNY: No.
1164
00:55:08,959 --> 00:55:10,428
EHREN: I'm getting 'em
right now.
1165
00:55:10,461 --> 00:55:12,695
Ehren "Fluffer" McGhehey.
1166
00:55:13,097 --> 00:55:15,232
Oh, my God.
1167
00:55:16,666 --> 00:55:19,602
- Oh, fuck, it hurts.
- Hold on, get ready.
1168
00:55:20,703 --> 00:55:23,074
- EHREN: Okay, there.
- MAN: Here we go. Here we go.
1169
00:55:24,508 --> 00:55:26,043
- MAN 1: Now we're primed.
- MAN 2: One more time.
1170
00:55:26,077 --> 00:55:28,279
Ah, fuck you.
1171
00:55:28,312 --> 00:55:30,214
(LAUGHING)
1172
00:55:31,015 --> 00:55:32,582
You ready? Action.
1173
00:55:33,284 --> 00:55:34,318
Everybody shut up!
1174
00:55:35,119 --> 00:55:36,153
Boxer.
1175
00:55:36,187 --> 00:55:38,688
(LOUD WHIRRING)
1176
00:55:40,690 --> 00:55:42,326
MAN: Oh, Preston.
1177
00:55:43,160 --> 00:55:44,795
(LAUGHING)
1178
00:55:47,832 --> 00:55:51,268
Here with Steve-O and our
special handsome guest star,
1179
00:55:51,302 --> 00:55:52,635
Machine Gun Kelly.
1180
00:55:52,669 --> 00:55:54,704
This is the bicycle backhand
1181
00:55:54,737 --> 00:55:56,606
and it's a competition.
1182
00:55:56,639 --> 00:55:59,543
The faster you pedal your bike
1183
00:55:59,577 --> 00:56:02,546
the faster the other guy's
hand goes back.
1184
00:56:02,580 --> 00:56:04,014
And when it gets
to a certain point,
1185
00:56:04,048 --> 00:56:06,016
boom, someone's gonna
get launched.
1186
00:56:06,584 --> 00:56:08,519
You might be younger,
1187
00:56:08,552 --> 00:56:10,921
taller, better looking,
richer,
1188
00:56:10,955 --> 00:56:13,190
more talented,
but, motherfucker,
1189
00:56:13,224 --> 00:56:14,325
I can ride.
1190
00:56:15,392 --> 00:56:17,294
Steve-O's just eat up
with envy.
1191
00:56:17,328 --> 00:56:19,063
(LAUGHING)
1192
00:56:20,297 --> 00:56:22,632
Charlie, can you push that
hand in a little closer?
1193
00:56:22,665 --> 00:56:25,069
Okay, I'm gonna push this
forward a little.
1194
00:56:25,102 --> 00:56:27,538
Oh, shit!
1195
00:56:27,571 --> 00:56:30,141
- (LAUGHING)
- What the fuck?
1196
00:56:30,174 --> 00:56:32,675
- No one fucking even touched it.
- (LAUGHING)
1197
00:56:33,110 --> 00:56:34,945
MAN: Oops. Oops.
1198
00:56:34,979 --> 00:56:36,947
(LAUGHING)
1199
00:56:36,981 --> 00:56:38,983
JOHNNY:
It happened so fast.
1200
00:56:39,617 --> 00:56:41,051
Holy shit.
1201
00:56:42,652 --> 00:56:44,255
Oh, my God, dude.
1202
00:56:46,757 --> 00:56:48,392
Dry off, Steve-O,
it's going again.
1203
00:56:51,028 --> 00:56:52,997
JOHNNY: Charlie just
touched it, it went boom.
1204
00:56:54,731 --> 00:56:57,067
And now Steve-O
has to do it twice.
1205
00:56:58,469 --> 00:56:59,904
Um, we ready?
1206
00:57:01,205 --> 00:57:02,506
On your marks...
1207
00:57:02,540 --> 00:57:03,574
get set...
1208
00:57:03,607 --> 00:57:04,875
Go!
1209
00:57:04,909 --> 00:57:06,544
Pedal! Pedal! Pedal!
1210
00:57:06,577 --> 00:57:08,612
Oh, you got this!
1211
00:57:08,646 --> 00:57:10,181
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
1212
00:57:12,249 --> 00:57:14,118
Keep going! Keep going!
1213
00:57:14,151 --> 00:57:15,152
Pedal!
1214
00:57:17,555 --> 00:57:18,989
MAN: He's got 'em!
1215
00:57:20,591 --> 00:57:24,028
MAN 2: Steve-O's winning.
1216
00:57:24,061 --> 00:57:25,563
STEVE-O: I don't know.
I don't know!
1217
00:57:25,596 --> 00:57:26,931
MAN: Head up! Head up!
1218
00:57:26,964 --> 00:57:28,265
JOHNNY:
Don't gas out, Steve-O.
1219
00:57:28,299 --> 00:57:30,733
- MAN 1: Steve-O, you got it.
- MAN 2: You got it!
1220
00:57:32,236 --> 00:57:34,438
(LAUGHING)
1221
00:57:34,471 --> 00:57:36,473
Oh, God. It's so cold!
1222
00:57:39,843 --> 00:57:41,345
Bunny, help him.
1223
00:57:42,313 --> 00:57:43,881
The water's so fucking cold.
1224
00:57:43,914 --> 00:57:45,583
Save me motherfucker, fuck.
1225
00:57:45,616 --> 00:57:47,151
I need a towel.
1226
00:57:48,552 --> 00:57:50,988
I totally forgot
I was a lifeguard.
1227
00:57:51,021 --> 00:57:53,023
Dude, it's so cold.
That hurt so bad.
1228
00:57:53,591 --> 00:57:54,892
You got towels? Okay.
1229
00:57:54,925 --> 00:57:57,061
MAN: He's in shock right now,
look at his face.
1230
00:57:57,094 --> 00:57:58,028
Yeah, dude.
1231
00:57:58,062 --> 00:58:00,197
I thought my hand
was your hand.
1232
00:58:00,231 --> 00:58:01,731
(LAUGHING)
1233
00:58:04,068 --> 00:58:06,003
Maybe I didn't
explain it right.
1234
00:58:06,036 --> 00:58:09,106
Dude, you said it wasn't gonna
feel like anything.
1235
00:58:09,139 --> 00:58:10,774
What hurt worse,
the cold water or the hand?
1236
00:58:10,808 --> 00:58:12,742
MACHINE GUN: It was the hand.
That was harsh.
1237
00:58:13,711 --> 00:58:14,979
I was in the water like...
1238
00:58:15,479 --> 00:58:16,547
Oh, I'm dead.
1239
00:58:16,580 --> 00:58:17,982
That really worked.
1240
00:58:18,315 --> 00:58:19,984
(LAUGHING)
1241
00:58:21,385 --> 00:58:22,586
How did you beat me?
1242
00:58:22,620 --> 00:58:24,288
I don't know, dude.
I don't know, man.
1243
00:58:24,321 --> 00:58:28,359
I was coming off my pedals,
it was not my strongest performance.
1244
00:58:28,392 --> 00:58:29,593
Yours was really bad.
1245
00:58:29,627 --> 00:58:31,395
(LAUGHING)
1246
00:58:36,000 --> 00:58:38,969
JOHNNY: I don't know what's
worse, the wedgie or these
1247
00:58:39,003 --> 00:58:42,106
junkyard mattresses
you gotta land on?
1248
00:58:42,139 --> 00:58:44,375
MAN: Look at that
pee-stained one right there.
1249
00:58:44,408 --> 00:58:45,876
MAN 2: Ew, dude.
1250
00:58:45,909 --> 00:58:48,445
STEVE-O: Who do you think's more
afraid of being at that height?
1251
00:58:49,179 --> 00:58:50,281
Preston or Zach?
1252
00:58:50,314 --> 00:58:51,982
JOHNNY: How are you with
heights, Zach?
1253
00:58:52,016 --> 00:58:55,953
- I already hate this.
- (LAUGHING)
1254
00:58:55,986 --> 00:58:59,758
I'm Wee Man, and this
is the triple wedgie.
1255
00:58:59,790 --> 00:59:05,062
JOHNNY: All right.
Three, two, one. Jump!
1256
00:59:05,095 --> 00:59:06,563
(SHOUTS)
1257
00:59:08,132 --> 00:59:10,367
(LAUGHING)
1258
00:59:13,237 --> 00:59:15,572
Okay! Put me down!
1259
00:59:15,606 --> 00:59:17,207
Shit, put me down!
1260
00:59:18,609 --> 00:59:20,377
(LAUGHING)
1261
00:59:21,578 --> 00:59:24,048
(GROANING) My nuts!
1262
00:59:24,448 --> 00:59:26,850
(LAUGHING)
1263
00:59:27,752 --> 00:59:29,353
MAN: Well, that went well.
1264
00:59:30,454 --> 00:59:32,791
(LAUGHING)
1265
00:59:32,823 --> 00:59:35,125
JOHNNY: A little angel
hanging in the air.
1266
00:59:38,962 --> 00:59:41,598
Hollywood has long put
tremendous pressure on women
1267
00:59:41,632 --> 00:59:43,167
to look youthful and sexy.
1268
00:59:43,200 --> 00:59:45,436
And sometimes, the only way
to do that is with a team
1269
00:59:45,469 --> 00:59:50,374
of medical professionals
and venomous insects.
1270
00:59:51,909 --> 00:59:54,845
I'm Rachel,
and this is scorpion botox.
1271
00:59:56,914 --> 00:59:59,016
CHRIS: This is actually
my first time performing
1272
00:59:59,049 --> 01:00:01,051
this procedure.
To be honest with you.
1273
01:00:01,085 --> 01:00:03,153
RACHEL: Oh, my God.
That stinger is huge.
1274
01:00:04,288 --> 01:00:06,825
Pontius, I'm trusting you
with my lips.
1275
01:00:06,857 --> 01:00:08,292
CHRIS: You can trust me,
I'm a doctor.
1276
01:00:08,325 --> 01:00:09,960
(LAUGHS)
1277
01:00:09,993 --> 01:00:12,396
You want to just put him
on my mouth
1278
01:00:12,429 --> 01:00:13,597
and then fuck with him?
1279
01:00:14,799 --> 01:00:16,801
- MAN 1: Past her lip.
- MAN 2: Ooh!
1280
01:00:16,835 --> 01:00:18,435
Unh-unh. Unh-unh.
1281
01:00:18,469 --> 01:00:21,105
CHRIS: Just relax
and enjoy the procedure.
1282
01:00:22,039 --> 01:00:24,508
- MAN 1: Oh, he's on.
- MAN 2: Oh, no.
1283
01:00:25,576 --> 01:00:27,878
- (MOANING)
- (LAUGHING)
1284
01:00:28,879 --> 01:00:29,913
- MAN 1: Oh, shit.
- MAN 2: Oh, my...
1285
01:00:29,947 --> 01:00:32,116
- MAN 1: Ow!
- (SHOUTING)
1286
01:00:32,149 --> 01:00:34,051
- MAN: Boob job!
- I don't want it on my boobs!
1287
01:00:34,084 --> 01:00:36,120
I can't take him off your boob
unless you give me permission.
1288
01:00:36,153 --> 01:00:37,856
- Permission!
- (ALL LAUGH)
1289
01:00:37,888 --> 01:00:39,824
Consent!
1290
01:00:39,858 --> 01:00:41,525
I'm giving you consent!
1291
01:00:42,993 --> 01:00:45,429
- ERIC: 21st Century, people.
- MAN: Yeah.
1292
01:00:45,462 --> 01:00:47,064
CHRIS: All right,
time to get stung in the face.
1293
01:00:47,097 --> 01:00:49,666
- RACHEL: Whoa.
- MAN: This is intense.
1294
01:00:49,700 --> 01:00:50,901
(CHRIS MUMBLING)
1295
01:00:50,934 --> 01:00:52,970
(SHOUTING)
1296
01:00:53,003 --> 01:00:55,239
- MAN: Good job. Good job.
- RACHEL: He got it on my lip.
1297
01:00:55,272 --> 01:00:58,375
ERIC: You're ready
for the red carpet. (LAUGHS)
1298
01:00:58,409 --> 01:01:01,813
Oh, shit. He's angry.
1299
01:01:01,846 --> 01:01:04,448
- MAN 1: Oh, shit!
- MAN 2: Whoa!
1300
01:01:04,481 --> 01:01:05,983
ERIC: God dammit, doctor.
1301
01:01:08,385 --> 01:01:10,254
(SHOUTING)
1302
01:01:11,288 --> 01:01:13,257
RACHEL:
He definitely stung my chin.
1303
01:01:13,290 --> 01:01:15,894
JASPER: Came for lips
and left with a new chin.
1304
01:01:15,926 --> 01:01:17,394
CHRIS: Do you feel sexier?
1305
01:01:17,428 --> 01:01:20,264
- RACHEL: I'm feeling sexier by the minute.
- (ALL LAUGH)
1306
01:01:20,297 --> 01:01:22,132
- Do you have one more in you?
- Yeah, sure.
1307
01:01:22,166 --> 01:01:23,902
ERIC: Let's make it count.
1308
01:01:23,934 --> 01:01:26,236
- RACHEL: He's coming.
- ERIC: You got it, Doc.
1309
01:01:26,270 --> 01:01:28,038
(SHOUTING)
1310
01:01:28,439 --> 01:01:31,008
(LAUGHING)
1311
01:01:31,041 --> 01:01:33,878
Oh, my God,
that hurt so fucking bad.
1312
01:01:33,912 --> 01:01:36,980
- Oh, my God, that hurt so bad.
- MAN 1: It's true, it got her good.
1313
01:01:37,014 --> 01:01:39,283
- (ALL CHATTERING)
- RACHEL: That hurt bad.
1314
01:01:39,316 --> 01:01:41,786
- MAN: Oh, shit.
- (LAUGHING)
1315
01:01:41,820 --> 01:01:44,321
MAN: Her lips are really
swollen now. That shit worked.
1316
01:01:44,354 --> 01:01:47,057
Oh, my lip is so fucked up,
you guys.
1317
01:01:47,090 --> 01:01:48,258
I feel fucked up.
1318
01:01:48,292 --> 01:01:50,027
ERIC: But she looks great.
1319
01:01:50,060 --> 01:01:51,562
(EVERYONE LAUGHS)
1320
01:01:56,099 --> 01:01:58,368
- MAN: Whoa, a VCR.
- WOMAN: Huh?
1321
01:01:58,402 --> 01:01:59,871
MAN: A VCR.
1322
01:01:59,904 --> 01:02:02,206
MAN 2: So that's
a blast from the past, huh?
1323
01:02:02,506 --> 01:02:03,507
Bam!
1324
01:02:06,743 --> 01:02:09,246
DAVE: Ah, that will work.
1325
01:02:14,051 --> 01:02:15,319
(DAVE GRUNTS)
1326
01:02:16,653 --> 01:02:18,722
(GRUNTS) Dang.
1327
01:02:21,558 --> 01:02:24,328
DAVE: Oh. Oh, my God.
1328
01:02:24,361 --> 01:02:25,496
(DAVE SHOUTS)
1329
01:02:27,064 --> 01:02:28,499
Whoa! What?
1330
01:02:29,600 --> 01:02:32,837
- MAN 1: What the hell?
- MAN 2: What the fuck!
1331
01:02:32,871 --> 01:02:34,304
DAVE: What happened?
1332
01:02:35,405 --> 01:02:38,509
Holy crap, I fell on my face.
1333
01:02:38,542 --> 01:02:41,078
- MAN: Are you okay?
- DAVE: I'm okay, I just don't understand.
1334
01:02:41,111 --> 01:02:43,380
I don't understand why
you were using the toilet.
1335
01:02:43,413 --> 01:02:47,785
How did you end up here?
And you just took a shit...
1336
01:02:47,819 --> 01:02:50,287
- DAVE: I didn't take anything.
- MAN: That was insane.
1337
01:02:50,320 --> 01:02:52,089
WOMAN: What kind of person
are you?
1338
01:02:54,358 --> 01:02:58,061
We have every available fan
in Los Angeles on set today.
1339
01:02:58,095 --> 01:03:00,798
The two in the middle
go 100 miles an hour.
1340
01:03:00,832 --> 01:03:05,302
I'm Jasper, and I'm about to take
this gold chair to the fucking moon.
1341
01:03:07,805 --> 01:03:10,073
(CHEERING)
1342
01:03:13,912 --> 01:03:15,412
JASPER: Oh!
1343
01:03:16,046 --> 01:03:17,949
(SQUEALS)
1344
01:03:17,982 --> 01:03:20,584
JASPER: Oh! Oh! Oh!
1345
01:03:22,820 --> 01:03:24,121
(CHEERING)
1346
01:03:24,756 --> 01:03:26,456
MAN: Oh, my God!
1347
01:03:27,691 --> 01:03:29,226
MAN 2: Oh, my God!
1348
01:03:32,095 --> 01:03:34,131
JOHNNY: We have a winner!
1349
01:03:34,799 --> 01:03:37,401
(LAUGHING AND CHATTERING)
1350
01:03:38,168 --> 01:03:39,536
PRESTON: Holy shit.
1351
01:03:39,570 --> 01:03:41,738
JASPER: Oh, fuck.
I want to go again.
1352
01:03:41,773 --> 01:03:43,574
(LAUGHING)
1353
01:03:43,607 --> 01:03:47,678
Now it's time for some
hot-shit water-skiing. Brah!
1354
01:03:54,151 --> 01:03:56,153
(SHOUTING)
1355
01:04:00,223 --> 01:04:02,693
EHREN: We need a medic.
Medic!
1356
01:04:04,428 --> 01:04:08,365
- JOHNNY: Poops, you launched.
- POOPIES: Shit!
1357
01:04:08,398 --> 01:04:12,436
- Fuck, dude.
- EHREN: Dude. Poopies! Poopies!
1358
01:04:12,703 --> 01:04:14,072
Poopies!
1359
01:04:14,104 --> 01:04:16,106
(CHEERING)
1360
01:04:16,139 --> 01:04:18,542
- MAN 1: Yeah.
- MAN 2: Yeah, Poopies!
1361
01:04:19,142 --> 01:04:20,377
It worked!
1362
01:04:28,251 --> 01:04:30,420
MAN: Oh, shit!
1363
01:04:31,055 --> 01:04:32,689
- (LAUGHING)
- MAN: Dude.
1364
01:04:36,861 --> 01:04:38,295
MAN: Quiet, please! Filming.
1365
01:04:38,328 --> 01:04:41,899
CHRIS: Milk, milk, lemonade,
turn the corner and fudge is made.
1366
01:04:41,933 --> 01:04:45,103
Stick your finger in the hole.
Now you've got a Tootsie...
1367
01:04:45,135 --> 01:04:47,071
(LAUGHING)
1368
01:04:47,105 --> 01:04:49,040
MAN: Hey, quiet please,
quiet please.
1369
01:04:49,073 --> 01:04:54,277
JOHNNY: Everybody quiet.
So he can sing "Milk, Milk, Lemonade."
1370
01:04:56,080 --> 01:04:57,915
Okay this is serious.
Everybody shut up.
1371
01:04:59,182 --> 01:05:00,885
MAN: All right,
let's get some smoke.
1372
01:05:01,451 --> 01:05:03,353
(LAUGHING)
1373
01:05:07,157 --> 01:05:12,396
Behold, our twisted souls have come to the
garden of death to dine with the devil.
1374
01:05:12,429 --> 01:05:17,267
CHRIS: It's time to sacrifice Wee Man's
juicy ass to the raptor from hell.
1375
01:05:18,669 --> 01:05:20,872
- CHRIS: Oh.
- STEVE-O: Looking good.
1376
01:05:22,172 --> 01:05:26,576
- Assume the position.
- Which way? This way?
1377
01:05:28,512 --> 01:05:30,081
CHRIS: Just have fun with it.
1378
01:05:30,114 --> 01:05:32,315
(LAUGHING)
1379
01:05:33,583 --> 01:05:35,086
JOHNNY: What do you have
in there?
1380
01:05:35,119 --> 01:05:37,621
- Just me!
- That's not just you.
1381
01:05:37,654 --> 01:05:38,722
WEE MAN: Go ahead.
1382
01:05:39,556 --> 01:05:41,793
JOHNNY: Is that?
Wait, I'm not...
1383
01:05:41,826 --> 01:05:44,261
- That's him!
- (LAUGHING)
1384
01:05:44,294 --> 01:05:47,731
CHRIS: When the beast
awakens, the monster arises.
1385
01:05:47,765 --> 01:05:49,566
(LAUGHING)
1386
01:05:50,567 --> 01:05:51,468
Touche.
1387
01:05:51,501 --> 01:05:54,471
All right, whoa, dude, whoa!
1388
01:05:54,504 --> 01:05:56,174
JOHNNY: Stuff it in his butt
and let's go.
1389
01:05:56,206 --> 01:05:58,308
(LAUGHING)
1390
01:06:00,644 --> 01:06:03,981
Okay, there's enough
meat there.
1391
01:06:04,548 --> 01:06:06,249
(LAUGHING)
1392
01:06:09,352 --> 01:06:11,055
STEVE-O: And a cherry on top.
1393
01:06:11,089 --> 01:06:13,223
(LAUGHING)
1394
01:06:14,125 --> 01:06:16,560
CHRIS: Let the unholy
sacrament begin.
1395
01:06:16,593 --> 01:06:19,831
- MAN 1: Oh, shit!
- MAN 2: Oh, my God!
1396
01:06:19,864 --> 01:06:21,665
Ah, fuck!
1397
01:06:22,332 --> 01:06:23,633
STEVE-O: Come.
1398
01:06:26,204 --> 01:06:28,705
WEE MAN: Oh, okay!
1399
01:06:28,739 --> 01:06:31,475
- MAN 1: You got this.
- WEE MAN: Oh, no!
1400
01:06:31,843 --> 01:06:33,343
Oh, shit!
1401
01:06:34,178 --> 01:06:36,114
CHRIS: Feast on his cock.
1402
01:06:36,147 --> 01:06:37,681
(SHOUTING)
1403
01:06:42,153 --> 01:06:44,621
WEE MAN: All right!
All right!
1404
01:06:46,523 --> 01:06:49,493
Stop, man.
Stop, don't do that.
1405
01:06:49,526 --> 01:06:53,998
CHRIS: As the blood rushes to the mast,
the beast awakens from his ancient slumber.
1406
01:06:54,564 --> 01:06:56,633
(LAUGHING)
1407
01:06:56,666 --> 01:06:58,870
(WEE MAN SHOUTS)
1408
01:07:02,840 --> 01:07:05,176
- CHRIS: He's bleeding.
- WEE MAN: Fuck. Come on.
1409
01:07:05,209 --> 01:07:06,878
CHRIS: The beast
has drawn blood.
1410
01:07:06,911 --> 01:07:10,114
Jeff. Jeff, can I get out?
1411
01:07:10,148 --> 01:07:11,681
JEFF: In a second.
In a second.
1412
01:07:11,715 --> 01:07:14,651
- Jeff.
- JEFF: I would, but the bird's right here.
1413
01:07:14,684 --> 01:07:17,387
We're trying to get you
untied but the bird's here.
1414
01:07:17,420 --> 01:07:20,357
CHRIS: Before he returns to
hell, it's time for dessert.
1415
01:07:20,390 --> 01:07:21,691
WEE MAN: Come on, let's go.
1416
01:07:23,194 --> 01:07:25,362
(WEE MAN SHOUTS)
1417
01:07:25,395 --> 01:07:27,865
- WEE MAN: Fuck!
- JOHNNY: Don't kick the bird, Wee Man.
1418
01:07:27,899 --> 01:07:29,299
I didn't kick the bird!
1419
01:07:29,332 --> 01:07:30,835
CHRIS: It was the bird.
1420
01:07:30,868 --> 01:07:33,871
- WEE MAN: Okay, let me out.
- JEFF: Let him out.
1421
01:07:37,340 --> 01:07:40,278
STEVE-O: Well, let's not let
this meat go to waste.
1422
01:07:40,310 --> 01:07:42,079
- Dark Shark?
- Shut up.
1423
01:07:42,113 --> 01:07:46,117
Hell, no, I ain't going near
none of that. Hell, nah.
1424
01:07:46,150 --> 01:07:47,717
Look at that motherfucker.
1425
01:07:47,752 --> 01:07:49,719
JOHNNY: Dark Shark, come on,
just put it on your arm.
1426
01:07:49,754 --> 01:07:51,688
DARK SHARK: Hell, nah,
are you crazy?
1427
01:07:51,721 --> 01:07:53,557
- JOHNNY: Yeah, Dark Shark.
- Come on!
1428
01:07:53,590 --> 01:07:55,960
- MAN: Dark Shark!
- MAN: Yeah!
1429
01:07:55,993 --> 01:07:58,628
(CHEERING)
1430
01:08:02,233 --> 01:08:05,937
- MAN 1: Hold your arm straight.
- MAN 2: Look at the camera.
1431
01:08:08,638 --> 01:08:10,808
- (DARK SHARK SCREAMS)
- MAN: Don't move. Don't move.
1432
01:08:10,842 --> 01:08:12,642
- MAN 2: Don't move.
- MAN 3: Stand still.
1433
01:08:12,676 --> 01:08:14,111
DARK SHARK: Ow!
He's biting my arm!
1434
01:08:14,145 --> 01:08:15,847
- MAN 1: No, he's not.
- MAN 2: He's clasping your arm.
1435
01:08:15,880 --> 01:08:19,817
- Look at Rick! Look at Rick!
- He's too heavy! Get him off me!
1436
01:08:19,851 --> 01:08:21,685
(CHEERING)
1437
01:08:32,129 --> 01:08:35,565
Hey. Feel that shit, man. That
motherfucker was trying to hurt me, man.
1438
01:08:36,733 --> 01:08:39,703
I'm kind of embarrassed
right now. Like...
1439
01:08:40,838 --> 01:08:43,673
I came out of his penis, man.
That's how he acting?
1440
01:08:45,442 --> 01:08:47,044
Hood card taken away.
1441
01:08:50,413 --> 01:08:53,851
We have 15 gallons
of pig semen.
1442
01:08:53,885 --> 01:08:57,420
Turns out, pigs produce the
most semen of any animal.
1443
01:08:57,454 --> 01:09:00,557
Up to 17 ounces a load.
1444
01:09:00,590 --> 01:09:05,162
And the guys are going to think they
are getting interviewed about the movie.
1445
01:09:05,196 --> 01:09:08,933
And while they're sitting
there, something may happen.
1446
01:09:10,801 --> 01:09:13,603
- (COUGHING)
- There's crust on top of it.
1447
01:09:13,637 --> 01:09:17,775
JOHNNY: Harvested gallons and gallons
of this. Does it smell like pig semen?
1448
01:09:17,808 --> 01:09:18,809
Does it smell?
1449
01:09:19,609 --> 01:09:21,112
Why are you looking at me
like that?
1450
01:09:21,145 --> 01:09:23,014
(JOHNNY LAUGHS)
1451
01:09:23,047 --> 01:09:25,482
JOHNNY: Oh, no!
1452
01:09:26,851 --> 01:09:28,886
- (JOHNNY GAGS)
- CHRIS: It's semen all right.
1453
01:09:28,920 --> 01:09:31,554
(LAUGHS)
1454
01:09:32,390 --> 01:09:34,591
Why am I the one to puke?
I don't puke.
1455
01:09:34,624 --> 01:09:36,193
JOHNNY: I just wanted you
to smell it.
1456
01:09:36,227 --> 01:09:37,594
CHRIS: I wanted
to surprise you.
1457
01:09:37,627 --> 01:09:39,797
It's been a while since I ate
the horse semen but...
1458
01:09:40,430 --> 01:09:42,099
I think I prefer the pig.
1459
01:09:43,433 --> 01:09:45,502
Bacon's better than horse
meat, right?
1460
01:09:47,939 --> 01:09:51,876
I'm Tyler. And this is
the electric tap dance.
1461
01:09:51,909 --> 01:09:54,611
While these beautiful men
dance away,
1462
01:09:54,644 --> 01:09:56,613
I'm going to give my guy
Johnny Knoxville a look,
1463
01:09:56,646 --> 01:09:59,216
and he's going to put
some pep in their step.
1464
01:09:59,250 --> 01:10:02,119
JOHNNY: It's going to shock
the shit out of them.
1465
01:10:02,153 --> 01:10:04,922
And if you're wondering if
the curtains match the drapes,
1466
01:10:04,956 --> 01:10:08,259
let me tell you, I tore those
drapes out a long time ago.
1467
01:10:08,292 --> 01:10:11,128
(LAUGHING)
1468
01:10:11,162 --> 01:10:12,529
JASPER: This is fucked.
1469
01:10:12,562 --> 01:10:14,098
(PIANO PLAYING)
1470
01:10:15,498 --> 01:10:17,802
MAN: Five, six, seven, eight.
1471
01:10:22,472 --> 01:10:24,942
- (ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)
- (SHOUTING)
1472
01:10:26,010 --> 01:10:29,213
- (LAUGHING)
- JASPER: That one hurt.
1473
01:10:29,246 --> 01:10:31,514
TYLER: Shanna, what the fuck
is this under the seat?
1474
01:10:31,548 --> 01:10:32,716
What is this?
1475
01:10:32,749 --> 01:10:33,951
What the fuck is that?
1476
01:10:33,985 --> 01:10:36,153
- JOHNNY: What?
- TYLER: What is that?
1477
01:10:36,187 --> 01:10:37,355
What is that?
1478
01:10:37,388 --> 01:10:39,689
WOMAN: It's how they work,
look. This...
1479
01:10:39,723 --> 01:10:41,993
TYLER: In tune? It's a piano.
1480
01:10:42,026 --> 01:10:44,661
No, it's metal right here.
I'm not fucking stupid.
1481
01:10:44,694 --> 01:10:47,965
MAN: All right, let's go.
Quiet!
1482
01:10:53,871 --> 01:10:56,506
MAN: Five, six, seven, eight.
1483
01:10:57,975 --> 01:10:59,609
Step and step.
1484
01:11:00,643 --> 01:11:01,979
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
1485
01:11:02,013 --> 01:11:03,580
JASPER: Fuck!
1486
01:11:03,613 --> 01:11:06,083
(SCREAMING)
1487
01:11:08,219 --> 01:11:09,552
Oh, shit!
1488
01:11:10,221 --> 01:11:11,789
(SHOUTING)
1489
01:11:11,822 --> 01:11:13,290
Oh! Oh!
1490
01:11:18,996 --> 01:11:20,663
(LAUGHS)
1491
01:11:26,103 --> 01:11:27,805
(ALL SCREAMING)
1492
01:11:32,176 --> 01:11:33,576
(LAUGHS)
1493
01:11:36,447 --> 01:11:39,083
(APPLAUSE)
1494
01:11:39,749 --> 01:11:41,752
I still feel it in my ass.
1495
01:11:41,786 --> 01:11:44,789
- Yeah, Tyler.
- Those shits hit hard, man.
1496
01:11:44,822 --> 01:11:47,224
How about a hand
for our dancers?
1497
01:11:48,459 --> 01:11:50,127
Our showgirl!
1498
01:11:51,862 --> 01:11:54,098
And our choreographer,
Michael Rooney.
1499
01:11:54,131 --> 01:11:55,332
(APPLAUSE)
1500
01:11:55,366 --> 01:11:56,967
And Jeff Tremaine!
1501
01:11:57,268 --> 01:11:59,203
(BOOING)
1502
01:12:00,471 --> 01:12:02,506
Jeff should sit on that.
1503
01:12:02,540 --> 01:12:04,975
Jeff, sit on that just once,
bro.
1504
01:12:05,009 --> 01:12:07,311
Who got that remote?
I fucking hate Jeff.
1505
01:12:10,414 --> 01:12:11,681
TYLER: Wait, are you on it?
1506
01:12:11,714 --> 01:12:14,151
- (JEFF SCREAMS)
- (LAUGHING)
1507
01:12:22,359 --> 01:12:23,961
Holy shit!
1508
01:12:26,764 --> 01:12:29,100
MAN: All right, thanks man.
We'll do this real fast.
1509
01:12:30,301 --> 01:12:32,903
So we're going to go
from that to this. I just...
1510
01:12:32,937 --> 01:12:34,839
I got shocked so bad
so many times.
1511
01:12:34,872 --> 01:12:36,273
MAN: Are we rolling, guys?
1512
01:12:38,509 --> 01:12:42,645
He's about to have five gallons
of pig cum dumped on him.
1513
01:12:42,679 --> 01:12:44,681
Damn, that sounds like me
in London.
1514
01:12:46,217 --> 01:12:47,585
JOHNNY: Oh, my God.
1515
01:12:47,617 --> 01:12:50,154
But how did he fucking
fall for this?
1516
01:12:50,821 --> 01:12:52,189
We don't question it.
1517
01:12:52,223 --> 01:12:55,259
My favorite Jackass stunt
of all time with me in it
1518
01:12:55,292 --> 01:12:57,660
is the firehose rodeo.
1519
01:12:57,694 --> 01:13:00,630
To be honest,
I drank late into the night,
1520
01:13:00,663 --> 01:13:02,333
woke up still drunk.
1521
01:13:04,135 --> 01:13:05,903
JOHNNY: Oh, that's cum!
1522
01:13:05,936 --> 01:13:07,404
(LAUGHING)
1523
01:13:07,438 --> 01:13:08,973
(DAVE PANTING)
1524
01:13:10,407 --> 01:13:12,977
(LAUGHING)
1525
01:13:15,880 --> 01:13:18,015
That's five gallons
of pig cum.
1526
01:13:18,048 --> 01:13:20,584
- You just got cummed on, dude!
- That's pig cum.
1527
01:13:20,618 --> 01:13:22,286
- MAN: Oh!
- What is it?
1528
01:13:22,620 --> 01:13:24,121
Pig cum.
1529
01:13:24,155 --> 01:13:25,256
MAN: Pig cum.
1530
01:13:27,525 --> 01:13:28,959
- MAN: Pig cum.
- DAVE: That's pig cum?
1531
01:13:28,993 --> 01:13:31,095
CHRIS: That's pig cum.
Five gallons.
1532
01:13:31,128 --> 01:13:33,164
Honestly, I think
it tastes good.
1533
01:13:33,197 --> 01:13:34,697
DAVE: I'm a vegetarian!
1534
01:13:34,731 --> 01:13:36,133
(LAUGHING)
1535
01:13:38,701 --> 01:13:39,803
Watch the replay.
1536
01:13:39,837 --> 01:13:41,105
Watch, watch, watch.
1537
01:13:42,473 --> 01:13:44,775
Wait, wait, wait.
Watch his mouth.
1538
01:13:45,242 --> 01:13:46,310
Stay on his mouth.
1539
01:13:46,844 --> 01:13:49,046
Ready? And...
1540
01:13:49,547 --> 01:13:51,081
Poof.
1541
01:13:51,115 --> 01:13:52,883
(LAUGHING)
1542
01:13:52,917 --> 01:13:55,352
- It went in his mouth.
- Right in his fucking mouth.
1543
01:13:55,386 --> 01:13:56,554
MAN: You look great.
1544
01:13:56,587 --> 01:13:58,255
I just said why can't I wear
my cool hat?
1545
01:13:58,289 --> 01:13:59,290
Now I know why.
1546
01:13:59,657 --> 01:14:01,425
(LAUGHING)
1547
01:14:02,426 --> 01:14:03,761
(BUZZING)
1548
01:14:05,629 --> 01:14:07,264
EHREN: Oh, God!
1549
01:14:07,298 --> 01:14:10,234
Oh, my God, dude!
1550
01:14:12,269 --> 01:14:15,172
So today, Ehren's going
to be wearing a shock collar.
1551
01:14:15,206 --> 01:14:18,676
And I'm going to administer
a lie detector test.
1552
01:14:18,708 --> 01:14:22,246
And if he's not truthful,
he's going to get stung.
1553
01:14:22,279 --> 01:14:23,914
(EHREN SCREAMS)
1554
01:14:25,216 --> 01:14:26,417
Jesus, man!
1555
01:14:26,450 --> 01:14:27,618
You don't have to
feel that again
1556
01:14:27,651 --> 01:14:29,486
as long as you
tell the truth.
1557
01:14:29,520 --> 01:14:31,455
- Okay, but...
- JOHNNY: Come on.
1558
01:14:31,488 --> 01:14:32,489
All right.
1559
01:14:35,392 --> 01:14:37,428
What is your name?
1560
01:14:37,461 --> 01:14:38,929
Kenneth Ehren McGhehey.
1561
01:14:39,863 --> 01:14:42,866
Okay, next question, Ehren.
1562
01:14:42,900 --> 01:14:45,803
Are you really allergic
to bees?
1563
01:14:46,503 --> 01:14:47,838
Yes.
1564
01:14:47,871 --> 01:14:51,375
JOHNNY: Oh, boy,
I think he told a porky.
1565
01:14:51,408 --> 01:14:57,514
Ow! I'm fucking allergic to bees, man.
I got tested by doctors!
1566
01:14:58,515 --> 01:15:01,018
EHREN: (GRUNTS)
Stop it!
1567
01:15:01,051 --> 01:15:02,219
- What?
- EHREN: Just for a second.
1568
01:15:02,253 --> 01:15:04,488
Just let me figure
some things out. Okay?
1569
01:15:04,521 --> 01:15:05,522
JOHNNY: Okay.
1570
01:15:06,590 --> 01:15:08,158
EHREN: I got to get out
of this thing.
1571
01:15:08,192 --> 01:15:11,562
- JOHNNY: This will keep you immune to the bees.
- Oh, come on.
1572
01:15:11,595 --> 01:15:13,097
Are you fucking kidding me
right now?
1573
01:15:13,130 --> 01:15:14,498
I am trapped.
1574
01:15:14,531 --> 01:15:16,367
And you are putting honey
on me.
1575
01:15:16,400 --> 01:15:19,236
- And salmon?
- JOHNNY: Yeah.
1576
01:15:19,270 --> 01:15:20,638
What are you doing?
1577
01:15:20,671 --> 01:15:22,306
JOHNNY: Ehren, please relax.
1578
01:15:22,339 --> 01:15:23,574
(EHREN SHOUTS)
1579
01:15:23,607 --> 01:15:25,009
JOHNNY: You're making this
much worse
1580
01:15:25,042 --> 01:15:26,277
on yourself
than it needs to be.
1581
01:15:26,310 --> 01:15:28,345
No, it's not much worse,
it is that worse.
1582
01:15:28,379 --> 01:15:29,446
- No.
- Please.
1583
01:15:29,480 --> 01:15:30,714
EHREN:
Now I'm stuck in a room.
1584
01:15:30,748 --> 01:15:33,417
Everyone's going to leave.
Lights out.
1585
01:15:33,450 --> 01:15:36,053
The fucking honey
is in my eye!
1586
01:15:36,720 --> 01:15:38,322
Oh, shit.
1587
01:15:40,324 --> 01:15:42,393
(BEAR GRUNTS)
1588
01:15:46,430 --> 01:15:47,665
Oh, my God.
1589
01:15:47,698 --> 01:15:49,099
(MUFFLED LAUGHING)
1590
01:15:49,133 --> 01:15:50,801
- MAN 1: I can't believe it.
- MAN 2: No fucking way.
1591
01:15:50,834 --> 01:15:52,369
JOHNNY: Look at his face!
1592
01:15:52,403 --> 01:15:54,872
Ehren, remain calm.
1593
01:15:57,574 --> 01:15:59,843
(LAUGHING)
1594
01:16:03,414 --> 01:16:05,015
- (BEAR GRUNTS)
- JOHNNY: Talk to it, Ehren.
1595
01:16:05,049 --> 01:16:06,116
Try to calm it down.
1596
01:16:06,150 --> 01:16:07,551
Oh, no.
He's going for the salmon.
1597
01:16:08,485 --> 01:16:11,288
- JOHNNY: Oh, no.
- Hi, bear.
1598
01:16:11,322 --> 01:16:13,957
JOHNNY: Are you really
allergic to bees, Ehren?
1599
01:16:14,658 --> 01:16:17,127
(ELECTRIC SHOCK)
1600
01:16:18,862 --> 01:16:20,799
- Fuck!
- You're telling a porky!
1601
01:16:20,831 --> 01:16:22,566
I didn't even get to answer.
1602
01:16:24,902 --> 01:16:27,806
- No, no.
- JOHNNY: Ooh!
1603
01:16:27,838 --> 01:16:31,375
(LAUGHING)
1604
01:16:31,408 --> 01:16:33,610
JOHNNY: Ehren, don't make
any sudden movements.
1605
01:16:33,644 --> 01:16:35,846
(ELECTRIC SHOCK)
1606
01:16:38,482 --> 01:16:40,551
- Oh.
- (LAUGHING)
1607
01:16:40,584 --> 01:16:42,821
There's nothing
more in there!
1608
01:16:42,853 --> 01:16:44,321
There's nothing more
in there!
1609
01:16:44,355 --> 01:16:46,490
JOHNNY: Mr. Bear,
eat that dick.
1610
01:16:46,523 --> 01:16:48,325
(ALL LAUGHING)
1611
01:16:48,359 --> 01:16:51,028
I'm ready to come out
of this. I...
1612
01:16:51,628 --> 01:16:53,097
JOHNNY: Uh-oh.
1613
01:16:53,130 --> 01:16:54,732
Fuck, dude,
he tried to bite my hand.
1614
01:16:54,766 --> 01:16:57,668
He's trying to bite my hand.
He's trying to bite my hand.
1615
01:16:57,701 --> 01:16:59,303
He's trying to bite my hand.
1616
01:17:00,671 --> 01:17:02,673
I don't know what...
Oh, my God!
1617
01:17:02,706 --> 01:17:04,007
Oh, my God!
1618
01:17:04,475 --> 01:17:05,943
Oh, God!
1619
01:17:06,610 --> 01:17:07,812
Oh, God!
1620
01:17:07,846 --> 01:17:10,481
Ow! Oh, my God,
he's going for my dick.
1621
01:17:10,514 --> 01:17:12,983
- I gotta go in.
- EHREN: He's going for my dick, dude.
1622
01:17:13,016 --> 01:17:16,253
I wanna get outta here, man,
like I'm serious.
1623
01:17:16,887 --> 01:17:18,155
Please.
1624
01:17:18,823 --> 01:17:20,023
Please!
1625
01:17:21,492 --> 01:17:24,395
Yeah, Ehren!
1626
01:17:26,865 --> 01:17:28,800
JOHNNY:
Yeah, get him out of it.
1627
01:17:28,833 --> 01:17:31,135
MAN: I feel for you, bro.
1628
01:17:31,168 --> 01:17:32,871
- I feel for you.
- You're good, you're done.
1629
01:17:32,903 --> 01:17:34,004
You're done.
1630
01:17:34,037 --> 01:17:35,506
Is it... Is it actually over?
1631
01:17:35,539 --> 01:17:38,810
(ALL LAUGHING)
1632
01:17:38,843 --> 01:17:40,644
JOHNNY: Yeah, buddy.
1633
01:17:41,512 --> 01:17:42,546
Oh, my God.
1634
01:17:44,381 --> 01:17:47,651
All right. I think this is
a perfect amount of "in it".
1635
01:17:47,684 --> 01:17:48,952
MAN: All right, let me...
1636
01:17:48,986 --> 01:17:50,087
MAN: Who's got it?
1637
01:17:50,120 --> 01:17:51,155
- I thought I had it.
- MAN: I got it.
1638
01:17:51,188 --> 01:17:52,689
All right.
This is gnarly.
1639
01:17:53,323 --> 01:17:54,925
This is a trip.
1640
01:17:54,958 --> 01:17:57,661
While you guys are tightening,
I'm going to have to hold the tip of it
1641
01:17:57,694 --> 01:17:59,930
just to keep it steady, huh?
1642
01:17:59,963 --> 01:18:02,666
Ooh, it's starting to take
a firm grip.
1643
01:18:02,699 --> 01:18:03,967
MAN: Look at it!
1644
01:18:05,135 --> 01:18:07,204
This is some medieval shit.
1645
01:18:07,237 --> 01:18:10,107
- This is all the way clear.
- No thanks, bro.
1646
01:18:10,140 --> 01:18:12,176
- Watch it, man.
- It's tight, man.
1647
01:18:12,877 --> 01:18:13,977
Oooh.
1648
01:18:14,011 --> 01:18:15,012
JASPER: That don't hurt?
1649
01:18:15,045 --> 01:18:16,079
CHRIS: That's the weird part,
1650
01:18:16,113 --> 01:18:17,347
it doesn't really hurt.
1651
01:18:17,381 --> 01:18:18,348
Oh, my God.
1652
01:18:18,382 --> 01:18:21,385
Don't look now,
but it's flat as a pancake.
1653
01:18:21,418 --> 01:18:24,923
A lot of people ask, "What will
Jackass be like once we're older?"
1654
01:18:24,955 --> 01:18:27,291
Well, it'll get more mature.
1655
01:18:28,358 --> 01:18:30,461
(ALL LAUGHING)
1656
01:18:30,494 --> 01:18:32,229
Me and the homie be Googling
weird shit,
1657
01:18:32,262 --> 01:18:34,799
but like this would never
pop in their head.
1658
01:18:34,833 --> 01:18:36,400
This is brand new.
1659
01:18:36,433 --> 01:18:38,669
Yeah, you're for sure never
gonna be president.
1660
01:18:38,702 --> 01:18:40,237
(LAUGHING)
1661
01:18:40,270 --> 01:18:41,873
You never know.
I'd vote for him.
1662
01:18:41,906 --> 01:18:44,007
RACHEL: Yeah!
(LAUGHING)
1663
01:18:45,742 --> 01:18:47,144
The ball flap.
1664
01:18:47,177 --> 01:18:48,479
Wow!
1665
01:18:52,249 --> 01:18:54,251
MAN: Yes! Oh, my God!
1666
01:18:54,284 --> 01:18:55,586
(LAUGHING)
1667
01:18:56,453 --> 01:18:57,287
RACHEL: Wow!
1668
01:18:57,321 --> 01:18:58,989
Now we know
what that's all about.
1669
01:18:59,256 --> 01:19:00,390
(LAUGHS)
1670
01:19:03,427 --> 01:19:06,931
STEVE-O: So, here we are
back at the bullring.
1671
01:19:06,965 --> 01:19:11,268
Even at a time when I wanted to
die, I wouldn't get in the bullring.
1672
01:19:11,301 --> 01:19:13,972
You know, when life
was its least valuable
1673
01:19:14,004 --> 01:19:15,974
I would have no part
in this bullshit.
1674
01:19:16,006 --> 01:19:17,641
And it's my
least favorite thing.
1675
01:19:17,674 --> 01:19:19,343
The movie's going so well.
1676
01:19:19,376 --> 01:19:21,378
Why the fuck
are we doing this?
1677
01:19:22,045 --> 01:19:23,313
(BULL GRUNTS)
1678
01:19:27,752 --> 01:19:29,486
God, dude!
1679
01:19:29,520 --> 01:19:31,923
- I don't think he's very happy.
- No.
1680
01:19:31,956 --> 01:19:33,056
- Have you been around bulls before?
- No.
1681
01:19:33,090 --> 01:19:34,124
I've never been around
a bull
1682
01:19:34,157 --> 01:19:35,592
in my whole entire life.
1683
01:19:35,626 --> 01:19:36,627
Not a real one.
1684
01:19:37,862 --> 01:19:39,062
Oh, shit.
1685
01:19:39,363 --> 01:19:40,397
Oh, shit.
1686
01:19:42,901 --> 01:19:45,870
Hello,
I am Johnny the Magnificent.
1687
01:19:45,904 --> 01:19:51,308
Today, I am going to wow you with my
supreme skills of prestidigitation.
1688
01:19:53,011 --> 01:19:55,479
Oh, fuck! Oh, God! Oh, shit!
1689
01:19:55,914 --> 01:19:57,147
Woo-hoo-hoo!
1690
01:19:57,180 --> 01:19:58,682
(BULL ROARING)
1691
01:20:01,051 --> 01:20:03,086
Oh, no! Oh, shit!
1692
01:20:04,187 --> 01:20:06,123
Oh, no. (GRUNTS)
1693
01:20:06,156 --> 01:20:07,591
- (ALL GROAN)
- MAN: Jesus.
1694
01:20:07,624 --> 01:20:08,760
MAN: There we go.
1695
01:20:15,033 --> 01:20:16,099
MAN: He's okay.
1696
01:20:16,133 --> 01:20:17,734
Hey, J, talk to me. You okay?
1697
01:20:17,769 --> 01:20:19,369
- MAN: You all right?
- (SNORING)
1698
01:20:20,170 --> 01:20:22,139
MAN: You doing okay?
Johnny?
1699
01:20:23,473 --> 01:20:24,976
MAN: He's gettin' back,
he's coming to.
1700
01:20:25,009 --> 01:20:26,276
MAN 2:
He's coming back, yeah.
1701
01:20:26,310 --> 01:20:27,711
- (GROANING)
- MAN: You all right?
1702
01:20:27,744 --> 01:20:29,047
That was a violent brawl.
1703
01:20:29,079 --> 01:20:30,581
One-sided to be sure.
1704
01:20:30,949 --> 01:20:32,316
(LAUGHS)
1705
01:20:32,850 --> 01:20:33,885
MAN: Gnarly.
1706
01:20:33,918 --> 01:20:35,252
So we good, Jeff?
1707
01:20:35,285 --> 01:20:36,888
JEFF: You got exactly
what you wanted.
1708
01:20:36,921 --> 01:20:38,589
- Yeah, Knox.
- Yeah, Knox.
1709
01:20:38,622 --> 01:20:40,157
Oh, fuck.
1710
01:20:40,190 --> 01:20:41,893
So what happened
after it hit me?
1711
01:20:41,926 --> 01:20:43,795
Dude, it's gnarly.
1712
01:20:43,828 --> 01:20:45,395
This is you, this is the bull.
1713
01:20:46,396 --> 01:20:48,866
(LAUGHING)
1714
01:20:48,900 --> 01:20:50,434
MAN: He didn't
mess around, dude.
1715
01:20:50,467 --> 01:20:52,436
He turned around
and just nailed him.
1716
01:20:52,469 --> 01:20:54,404
- STEVE-O: That was insane.
- MAN: Yeah, Knox!
1717
01:20:54,438 --> 01:20:57,240
MAN: It's probably the
biggest hit you've ever taken.
1718
01:20:58,141 --> 01:21:00,243
MAN 2: And that's why
he is the captain.
1719
01:21:00,277 --> 01:21:02,713
That bull didn't like
fucking magic.
1720
01:21:02,746 --> 01:21:04,715
(LAUGHING)
1721
01:21:04,748 --> 01:21:06,249
MAN: Yeah, Knox, we love you!
1722
01:21:06,283 --> 01:21:07,484
JOHNNY: Love you!
1723
01:21:08,019 --> 01:21:09,152
MAN: Captain!
1724
01:21:09,186 --> 01:21:10,554
(ALL CLAPPING)
1725
01:21:12,790 --> 01:21:13,791
Hello, Lance.
1726
01:21:14,993 --> 01:21:16,828
- LANCE: Hello there.
- How are you?
1727
01:21:16,861 --> 01:21:18,195
Good. What's new?
1728
01:21:18,228 --> 01:21:22,800
Ah, I got a broken wrist,
broken rib, concussion.
1729
01:21:22,834 --> 01:21:25,469
But I was supposed to
pour the milk in the hat,
1730
01:21:25,502 --> 01:21:29,874
and then put the hat back on,
and no milk come out.
1731
01:21:29,907 --> 01:21:31,109
Did milk come out?
1732
01:21:31,141 --> 01:21:32,476
LANCE: There was some milk
on the...
1733
01:21:32,509 --> 01:21:33,677
Oh, shit!
1734
01:21:36,279 --> 01:21:39,083
These guys are gonna get
on that centrifuge back there,
1735
01:21:39,117 --> 01:21:41,853
drink as much milk
as they can.
1736
01:21:41,886 --> 01:21:43,253
We're gonna see what happens.
1737
01:21:43,286 --> 01:21:45,722
This is the vomitron.
1738
01:21:45,757 --> 01:21:46,891
- Woo!
- Yeah!
1739
01:21:46,924 --> 01:21:48,525
Taste the rainbow.
1740
01:21:48,558 --> 01:21:51,261
- Taste the rainbow.
- Come on, guys.
1741
01:21:51,294 --> 01:21:54,464
If this is a race to see
who vomits first,
1742
01:21:54,498 --> 01:21:57,501
I think I might have it.
(LAUGHS)
1743
01:21:58,702 --> 01:22:01,105
Zach, aim your head down
when you throw up.
1744
01:22:01,139 --> 01:22:03,373
- (LAUGHS)
- It's comin' right at me.
1745
01:22:03,407 --> 01:22:04,608
Oh, God.
1746
01:22:04,641 --> 01:22:07,145
I can barely taste
the pig cum in this.
1747
01:22:07,210 --> 01:22:09,947
- (LAUGHING)
- Right?
1748
01:22:09,981 --> 01:22:11,916
MAN: All right, chug, chug.
1749
01:22:11,949 --> 01:22:13,183
Oh, shit.
1750
01:22:13,684 --> 01:22:15,185
Here we go! Fuck me!
1751
01:22:15,218 --> 01:22:16,386
EHREN: Just look at me, Eric.
1752
01:22:16,420 --> 01:22:18,588
- MAN: Pound that milk!
- Yeah, chug it!
1753
01:22:19,556 --> 01:22:20,590
- Oh.
- (GAGGING)
1754
01:22:20,624 --> 01:22:22,126
- Fuck it.
- MAN: Is he already puking?
1755
01:22:22,160 --> 01:22:23,593
Jasper!
1756
01:22:23,627 --> 01:22:26,363
- Drink your fucking milk!
- I'm trying! I'm fuckin' trying!
1757
01:22:26,396 --> 01:22:29,067
Let's pick up the speed!
Pick up the speed!
1758
01:22:29,100 --> 01:22:30,734
Whoo! It's pickin' up!
1759
01:22:31,601 --> 01:22:34,638
Ah! Ahh!
1760
01:22:36,974 --> 01:22:38,642
ZACH: What the fuck
did you eat?
1761
01:22:39,209 --> 01:22:40,544
What did he eat?
1762
01:22:42,679 --> 01:22:43,680
Go, go, go!
1763
01:22:44,982 --> 01:22:46,450
(SCREAMING)
1764
01:22:48,251 --> 01:22:50,353
("RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES"
PLAYING)
1765
01:22:51,923 --> 01:22:53,758
MAN: Oh, shit!
1766
01:22:53,791 --> 01:22:55,827
What's happening now?
1767
01:22:55,860 --> 01:22:57,227
There's an army truck.
1768
01:22:58,029 --> 01:22:59,463
Holy shit.
1769
01:23:00,198 --> 01:23:01,866
Oh, shit, Imma pass out!
1770
01:23:02,299 --> 01:23:03,366
I'm passing out!
1771
01:23:03,400 --> 01:23:05,169
Zach's passing out?
1772
01:23:05,203 --> 01:23:06,804
ZACH: I'm passing out.
1773
01:23:06,838 --> 01:23:10,307
I can't drink the milk.
I'm going too fast.
1774
01:23:10,340 --> 01:23:13,845
Red Robin Three.
This is Big Hank Two.
1775
01:23:13,878 --> 01:23:16,379
I want the perimeter bombed,
God damn it!
1776
01:23:16,413 --> 01:23:18,582
Bomb them into the stone age,
son!
1777
01:23:19,016 --> 01:23:20,717
(SCREAMING)
1778
01:23:22,053 --> 01:23:23,620
Stop!
1779
01:23:24,122 --> 01:23:26,323
(SCREAMING)
1780
01:23:26,356 --> 01:23:28,592
MAN: Stop! Stop!
1781
01:23:30,128 --> 01:23:33,164
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
1782
01:23:33,197 --> 01:23:34,397
What the fuck?
1783
01:23:42,672 --> 01:23:44,274
Oh, no!
1784
01:23:44,976 --> 01:23:46,811
It's a paintball time!
1785
01:23:47,544 --> 01:23:48,880
Fire!
1786
01:23:48,913 --> 01:23:51,215
(PAINTBALLS SPUTTERING)
1787
01:23:51,249 --> 01:23:53,184
(SCREAMING)
1788
01:23:53,217 --> 01:23:55,787
Stop! Stop!
1789
01:23:56,386 --> 01:23:59,389
No more! Oh!
1790
01:23:59,422 --> 01:24:01,491
I got shot
in the fuckin' mouth.
1791
01:24:05,897 --> 01:24:07,965
MAN: Ah! Dave! Dave!
1792
01:24:07,999 --> 01:24:09,967
Get on the stretcher!
1793
01:24:10,001 --> 01:24:11,368
Get on the stretcher.
1794
01:24:14,504 --> 01:24:16,841
Don't get me! Ah! Fuck!
1795
01:24:21,078 --> 01:24:23,413
(SCREAMING)
1796
01:24:25,149 --> 01:24:26,716
(PAINTBALLS SPUTTERING)
1797
01:24:27,450 --> 01:24:29,719
Someday this war is gonna end.
1798
01:24:32,824 --> 01:24:33,825
(SCREAMS)
1799
01:24:34,926 --> 01:24:36,393
I don't know how to get out.
1800
01:24:37,028 --> 01:24:39,362
Help me, Eric! Help me!
1801
01:24:39,764 --> 01:24:41,464
(SCREAMING)
1802
01:24:42,834 --> 01:24:45,970
I love the smell of paintballs
in the morning!
1803
01:24:47,972 --> 01:24:49,406
(PAINTBALLS SPUTTERING)
1804
01:24:55,412 --> 01:24:56,914
(EXPLOSIONS)
1805
01:24:58,548 --> 01:24:59,549
Ow!
1806
01:25:01,185 --> 01:25:04,856
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
1807
01:25:05,488 --> 01:25:07,792
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
1808
01:25:11,028 --> 01:25:12,362
Ow! Oh!
1809
01:25:12,395 --> 01:25:15,766
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
1810
01:25:16,399 --> 01:25:17,869
Fuck, Jeff!
1811
01:25:19,303 --> 01:25:20,838
Look at Dave's face!
1812
01:25:20,872 --> 01:25:22,106
Look at...
1813
01:25:22,139 --> 01:25:26,710
- Oh, my God!
- Fuck off! Fuck all the way off!
1814
01:25:27,345 --> 01:25:30,214
Dude, what the fuck?
1815
01:25:30,248 --> 01:25:32,649
- I'm sorry, bro.
- That fuckin' hurt!
1816
01:25:33,516 --> 01:25:35,485
Get out there, get out there.
1817
01:25:35,518 --> 01:25:37,255
Poopies... Poopies is hurt.
1818
01:25:37,288 --> 01:25:39,323
- Are we done?
- Let me see.
1819
01:25:39,357 --> 01:25:43,261
- Oh, my God.
- POOPIES: Oh my God, damn!
1820
01:25:43,294 --> 01:25:44,628
My dick really hurts, man.
1821
01:25:44,661 --> 01:25:46,063
He got shot in the dick.
1822
01:25:46,964 --> 01:25:47,999
MAN: That was fucked!
1823
01:25:50,234 --> 01:25:51,668
Oh, God. Look at that.
1824
01:25:51,701 --> 01:25:52,702
(LAUGHING)
1825
01:25:52,736 --> 01:25:54,171
DAVE: It's gotta be
over, dude.
1826
01:25:54,205 --> 01:25:55,773
I can't get any more hurt.
1827
01:25:55,806 --> 01:25:57,875
I think we're all the way
finished, we're through.
1828
01:25:58,376 --> 01:25:59,777
Stick a fork in it.
1829
01:26:00,510 --> 01:26:01,812
We're done.
1830
01:26:05,082 --> 01:26:06,784
Oooh, is that
your tooth, dude?
1831
01:26:07,318 --> 01:26:08,518
Wow!
1832
01:26:08,551 --> 01:26:10,354
That's a wrap on the movie.
1833
01:26:10,388 --> 01:26:11,756
(EXPLOSION)
1834
01:26:13,157 --> 01:26:16,894
(LAUGHING AND CHATTERING)
1835
01:26:22,166 --> 01:26:23,768
(CHEERING)
1836
01:26:25,770 --> 01:26:26,871
(LAUGHING)
1837
01:26:28,505 --> 01:26:29,739
Oh!
(LAUGHING)
1838
01:26:30,473 --> 01:26:32,910
- Huh?
- (CHEERING)
1839
01:26:34,011 --> 01:26:35,445
(LAUGHING)
1840
01:26:38,983 --> 01:26:39,984
MAN: Oh, my God!
1841
01:26:42,253 --> 01:26:43,453
MAN: Oh, shit!
1842
01:26:43,486 --> 01:26:45,655
- Watch him get hit in the nuts!
- MAN: Oh, no!
1843
01:26:46,489 --> 01:26:47,758
Oh, fuck!
1844
01:26:48,692 --> 01:26:50,727
Did anyone even film that?
1845
01:26:50,761 --> 01:26:51,929
He was.
1846
01:26:51,963 --> 01:26:53,730
(LAUGHING)
1847
01:26:55,900 --> 01:26:57,534
(SCREAMING)
1848
01:26:57,567 --> 01:27:00,404
- MAN: Oh, shit!
- (LAUGHING)
1849
01:27:00,438 --> 01:27:05,076
This is the cup that we used for P.K.
to hit me in the dick.
1850
01:27:05,109 --> 01:27:06,543
And apparently it worked.
1851
01:27:07,111 --> 01:27:09,413
(MEN LAUGHING)
1852
01:27:09,447 --> 01:27:11,648
But there's a big giant
dent in it.
1853
01:27:17,989 --> 01:27:19,123
Are you kidding me?
1854
01:27:19,622 --> 01:27:20,825
MAN: Flamingo.
1855
01:27:21,691 --> 01:27:23,660
Flamingo, pelican, eh!
1856
01:27:23,693 --> 01:27:24,795
MAN: Give that a whirl, yeah.
1857
01:27:24,829 --> 01:27:26,563
Probably, like,
her least concern.
1858
01:27:28,332 --> 01:27:29,800
RACHEL: That's awesome.
1859
01:27:29,834 --> 01:27:31,802
I didn't even know he could go
that fast.
1860
01:27:33,204 --> 01:27:35,272
(LAUGHING)
1861
01:27:36,240 --> 01:27:38,909
MAN: Oh, my God!
1862
01:27:38,943 --> 01:27:41,045
I got shot with the
elephant gun yesterday.
1863
01:27:41,879 --> 01:27:43,513
Yeah, Parks!
1864
01:27:43,546 --> 01:27:46,884
Good job, dude!
You launched!
1865
01:27:46,917 --> 01:27:49,253
That was crazy.
1866
01:27:49,286 --> 01:27:53,090
Oh, fuck, yeah, you the main one
talkin' shit. Motherfucker, do it!
1867
01:27:53,124 --> 01:27:54,925
That's a hot mama.
1868
01:27:54,959 --> 01:27:55,793
MAN: Who's this?
1869
01:27:55,826 --> 01:27:57,361
CHRIS: He's my offspring.
1870
01:27:57,395 --> 01:27:59,263
For real, like, I've been
watching Jackass
1871
01:27:59,296 --> 01:28:03,067
- since I was like 12 years old, 10 years old.
- Right.
1872
01:28:03,100 --> 01:28:06,303
But it's definitely a big impact
on life and guess what? We're here.
1873
01:28:06,337 --> 01:28:07,938
We're here, baby!
1874
01:28:07,972 --> 01:28:10,207
Poopies doesn't have the
biggest penis in the world,
1875
01:28:10,241 --> 01:28:12,777
not the second biggest either.
1876
01:28:12,810 --> 01:28:15,645
I think I have the smallest
one out of the whole group.
1877
01:28:15,678 --> 01:28:21,152
That was what... That was what I was
most nervous about is showing it on...
1878
01:28:21,185 --> 01:28:22,453
to the whole world.
1879
01:28:22,486 --> 01:28:25,322
- Yeah.
- But that's what we're here for.
1880
01:28:25,356 --> 01:28:27,590
- (LAUGHING)
- (GROANING)
1881
01:28:30,727 --> 01:28:33,630
My name's Irving Zissman,
and I'm a prick.
1882
01:28:35,732 --> 01:28:37,234
And that's the truth.
1883
01:28:38,169 --> 01:28:40,703
I kind of feel like praying
right now.
1884
01:28:40,737 --> 01:28:42,907
Boom, boom. boom, boom.
1885
01:28:43,441 --> 01:28:45,209
(CHEERING)
1886
01:28:46,277 --> 01:28:47,610
Was that a prank?
1887
01:28:48,245 --> 01:28:50,747
(LAUGHING)
1888
01:28:52,416 --> 01:28:54,385
Y'all ain't right, man.
1889
01:28:54,418 --> 01:28:57,354
That was beautiful.
1890
01:28:57,388 --> 01:28:58,956
I love you guys, man,
for that.
1891
01:28:58,989 --> 01:29:01,459
Did they put that goofy-ass
beard on in makeup?
1892
01:29:01,492 --> 01:29:02,827
You a hater.
I knew he was gonna come over
1893
01:29:02,860 --> 01:29:05,563
and say some fuck shit
about my nice-ass beard.
1894
01:29:05,595 --> 01:29:07,965
- Yeah, 'cause that's...
- (SCREAMS)
1895
01:29:07,998 --> 01:29:09,699
(ALL LAUGHING)
1896
01:29:11,268 --> 01:29:12,937
Oh, my God!
1897
01:29:12,970 --> 01:29:14,371
Holy fuck.
1898
01:29:18,542 --> 01:29:20,945
Oh, my God, dude.
1899
01:29:21,345 --> 01:29:22,913
Come on, Zach!
1900
01:29:26,517 --> 01:29:27,751
Oh, God!
1901
01:29:29,587 --> 01:29:32,156
Oh, my, you missed the bucket.
1902
01:29:34,925 --> 01:29:37,194
I'm in the weirdest position.
1903
01:29:37,228 --> 01:29:40,264
SPIKE: All right, let's get that
camera ready with the 16 mil,
1904
01:29:40,297 --> 01:29:41,932
right down Main Street.
1905
01:29:41,966 --> 01:29:44,902
(CHATTERING)
1906
01:29:46,736 --> 01:29:48,172
- Hey, Rick.
- Hey!
1907
01:29:49,206 --> 01:29:51,175
(SCREAMING)
1908
01:29:58,415 --> 01:29:59,884
I was trying to look stoked.
1909
01:30:03,354 --> 01:30:05,256
MAN: There it is!
1910
01:30:05,289 --> 01:30:07,024
First time you got cummed on?
1911
01:30:07,057 --> 01:30:08,626
Yeah. For sure.
1912
01:30:08,658 --> 01:30:09,960
Or the second.
1913
01:30:14,664 --> 01:30:17,301
- I am, I have no...
- Okay, listen.
1914
01:30:17,334 --> 01:30:18,701
Did we get it?
1915
01:30:20,171 --> 01:30:22,306
- You just gotta take it.
- You just gotta go.
1916
01:30:22,339 --> 01:30:24,308
- MAN: Take it like a man.
- You just gotta take it.
1917
01:30:25,042 --> 01:30:27,011
(SCREAMING)
1918
01:30:29,079 --> 01:30:30,080
MAN: Cut! Cut!
1919
01:30:30,713 --> 01:30:32,316
That's good.
1920
01:30:32,349 --> 01:30:34,285
MAN: Three, two, one!
1921
01:30:36,887 --> 01:30:40,324
- Ow, ow, ow!
- Ow, my hand's burned.
1922
01:30:40,357 --> 01:30:41,992
Ow, my hand's burning!
1923
01:30:42,026 --> 01:30:43,427
Hey, Dave.
1924
01:30:43,460 --> 01:30:44,762
- Dave, you good, bro?
- Yeah.
1925
01:30:44,795 --> 01:30:45,896
I'm all right,
I'll be all right.
1926
01:30:45,930 --> 01:30:47,198
I'm just going... I am burned.
1927
01:30:48,698 --> 01:30:49,934
(CRACKLING)
1928
01:30:49,967 --> 01:30:50,968
Oh, God!
1929
01:30:51,235 --> 01:30:52,236
Fuck!
1930
01:30:53,703 --> 01:30:55,039
(SCREAMS)
1931
01:30:55,940 --> 01:30:57,274
MAN: How's his head?
1932
01:31:01,445 --> 01:31:03,080
Can't have nothin' nice,
can I?
1933
01:31:06,217 --> 01:31:08,886
Will you make him an actual
coffee, Stephanie, thank you.
1934
01:31:08,919 --> 01:31:11,288
- Oh, dude.
- STEPHANIE: Here, I made you another one.
1935
01:31:11,322 --> 01:31:12,323
Awesome.
1936
01:31:13,524 --> 01:31:14,858
(ALL LAUGHING)
1937
01:31:22,700 --> 01:31:24,235
(ALL LAUGHING)
1938
01:31:30,007 --> 01:31:31,675
That's actually
not the milkshake.
1939
01:31:31,709 --> 01:31:32,910
All right!
1940
01:31:33,711 --> 01:31:35,479
Dude wanted to be
just like me.
1941
01:31:36,547 --> 01:31:38,549
What? Dude, that's sick.
1942
01:31:38,582 --> 01:31:41,619
Trailer moment.
Don't move.
1943
01:31:41,652 --> 01:31:43,954
(IMITATING GUITAR)
1944
01:31:46,090 --> 01:31:47,091
We ready?
1945
01:31:49,260 --> 01:31:50,261
Huh?
1946
01:31:50,628 --> 01:31:52,129
He's ready.
1947
01:31:52,162 --> 01:31:54,265
So we're all ready to do this?
1948
01:31:54,298 --> 01:31:55,366
MAN: We're ready.
1949
01:31:55,399 --> 01:31:57,134
MAN: Everyone rolling?
1950
01:31:57,167 --> 01:31:59,303
Oh, no! Oh, no!
1951
01:32:01,538 --> 01:32:03,207
(ALL GROANING)
1952
01:32:03,240 --> 01:32:04,875
MAN: Oh, my God!
1953
01:32:04,908 --> 01:32:07,878
- Wow!
- That is legit right there.
1954
01:32:07,911 --> 01:32:10,314
Let me get in on that one.
1955
01:32:10,347 --> 01:32:12,850
I'm running around in a
G-string for a living.
1956
01:32:12,883 --> 01:32:14,652
MAN: You are making a living
at that right now.
1957
01:32:14,685 --> 01:32:15,719
Yeah.
1958
01:32:15,754 --> 01:32:16,954
It looked good on you.
1959
01:32:18,757 --> 01:32:22,426
I summon Sarcophilus Satanicus
1960
01:32:22,459 --> 01:32:26,997
to come and eat the flesh
of the wallaby.
1961
01:32:27,031 --> 01:32:29,099
I can totally see through
Steve-O's.
1962
01:32:29,566 --> 01:32:31,902
(LAUGHING)
1963
01:32:34,905 --> 01:32:37,975
This is so gross, man.
1964
01:32:38,008 --> 01:32:40,044
Can we get one with the finger
in your mouth?
1965
01:32:43,213 --> 01:32:46,317
I'm gonna shit my pants before
we get to that fuckin' place.
1966
01:32:46,350 --> 01:32:49,019
I'm Dave England
and I got to take a shit.
1967
01:32:51,088 --> 01:32:53,223
(GRUNTS)
1968
01:32:53,257 --> 01:32:55,492
MAN: I hope you're gonna
get that son of a bitch.
1969
01:32:55,526 --> 01:32:59,129
DAVE: I took a huge coil in
there and it stunk so bad.
1970
01:32:59,163 --> 01:33:02,833
Weren't you on 90210 not too long ago...
(SCREAMS)
1971
01:33:10,040 --> 01:33:11,275
MAN: Hey, come here. Jump...
1972
01:33:11,308 --> 01:33:12,509
(SCREAMS)
1973
01:33:13,778 --> 01:33:16,113
Get it off!
Get it off!
1974
01:33:16,146 --> 01:33:18,048
Hold the collar up
so I can see it.
1975
01:33:21,618 --> 01:33:23,554
JOHNNY: Did I get you?
1976
01:33:23,587 --> 01:33:28,827
We're going to convince Kosick that
this is a piece of audio equipment.
1977
01:33:28,859 --> 01:33:30,961
Unbeknownst to him,
he's gonna be shocked.
1978
01:33:30,994 --> 01:33:32,363
Yeah, it's a microphone.
1979
01:33:32,396 --> 01:33:33,397
I don't hear nothing.
1980
01:33:34,732 --> 01:33:36,266
(BUZZING)
1981
01:33:40,371 --> 01:33:41,605
Stop it now. Stop it.
1982
01:33:41,638 --> 01:33:43,140
(CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
1983
01:33:44,608 --> 01:33:46,009
MAN: Hey, let's eat.
1984
01:33:46,043 --> 01:33:47,678
Who wants some?
1985
01:33:47,711 --> 01:33:48,912
MAN: Face your fears.
1986
01:33:50,881 --> 01:33:55,185
He put his hands down!
What a pussy. Don't look.
1987
01:33:55,219 --> 01:33:58,255
MAN: Dude, just kick back.
It's not like we really care.
1988
01:33:59,456 --> 01:34:00,657
Dude, dude!
1989
01:34:00,691 --> 01:34:02,226
(LAUGHING)
1990
01:34:03,394 --> 01:34:04,695
Ow, ow! Dude!
1991
01:34:04,728 --> 01:34:06,430
Dude! Chill!
1992
01:34:06,463 --> 01:34:07,965
Chill, dude!
1993
01:34:07,998 --> 01:34:09,433
It's for the movie, dude.
1994
01:34:10,033 --> 01:34:12,469
He kicked your ass, dude.
1995
01:34:16,740 --> 01:34:18,542
How's Raab not in this?
1996
01:34:18,575 --> 01:34:20,477
I'm the smart one.
I already know what's going to happen.
1997
01:34:20,511 --> 01:34:23,313
Hey, I'm Raab Himself
and this is Bungy-Wedgie.
1998
01:34:24,681 --> 01:34:27,184
- (SCREAMING)
- (LAUGHING)
1999
01:34:29,754 --> 01:34:31,455
(LAUGHING)
2000
01:34:32,956 --> 01:34:34,358
JOHNNY: Watch out.
2001
01:34:35,058 --> 01:34:38,629
- (SCREAMING)
- (LAUGHING)
2002
01:34:39,663 --> 01:34:40,697
Stop it!
2003
01:34:44,769 --> 01:34:46,136
Oh! You got my nuts!
2004
01:34:47,004 --> 01:34:48,605
Oh, man, I'm stuck.
2005
01:34:49,573 --> 01:34:51,008
(SCREAMS)
2006
01:34:54,478 --> 01:34:57,347
(LAUGHING)
2007
01:35:07,090 --> 01:35:09,359
MAN: And cut.
2008
01:35:11,328 --> 01:35:13,130
(JOHNNY READING)
2009
01:35:54,901 --> 01:35:59,901
Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull