1 00:00:00,303 --> 00:00:02,764 I remember when I first started doing stand-up comedy 2 00:00:02,847 --> 00:00:04,975 on the "Uptown Comedy Club" in Harlem. 3 00:00:05,975 --> 00:00:09,479 Four months later, I was on TV with my boy Martin Lawrence 4 00:00:09,562 --> 00:00:11,273 doing "Def Jam" on HBO. 5 00:00:11,356 --> 00:00:12,732 Word is bond. 6 00:00:12,815 --> 00:00:16,861 That led me to "Saturday Night Live," where I met Lorne Michaels. 7 00:00:16,945 --> 00:00:20,157 I was instantly famous, and I ain't even know how to handle it. 8 00:00:20,240 --> 00:00:22,242 I would dance on tabletops at the best nightclubs 9 00:00:22,325 --> 00:00:24,661 like a ghetto superstar. 10 00:00:24,744 --> 00:00:28,540 I would drink champagne from a strange chick's shoe. 11 00:00:28,623 --> 00:00:32,079 I once shitted in my boy's limousine for no reason. 12 00:00:32,169 --> 00:00:34,129 I was wild. 13 00:00:34,212 --> 00:00:35,463 That was then. 14 00:00:35,547 --> 00:00:37,882 Now I'm a father of four, a celebrity, 15 00:00:37,966 --> 00:00:40,760 a man that was married for over 20 years, 16 00:00:40,843 --> 00:00:43,972 give out food to the people in the projects where I grew up. 17 00:00:44,056 --> 00:00:47,809 Since I almost got killed by that truck, I'm a new man. 18 00:00:49,811 --> 00:00:53,065 Fuck that! I'm the same old Tray-Bags, 19 00:00:53,148 --> 00:00:54,983 and I'm taking it too far. 20 00:00:55,067 --> 00:00:57,360 He is the last OG. 21 00:00:57,444 --> 00:01:04,034 Put your hands together for Tracy Morgan! 22 00:01:24,804 --> 00:01:27,557 Y'all don't even know. I needed that, man. 23 00:01:28,135 --> 00:01:30,643 I was neglected as a child. 24 00:01:31,853 --> 00:01:33,646 Real talk, man. 25 00:01:33,730 --> 00:01:36,143 2022, man, a lot of shit went down 26 00:01:36,233 --> 00:01:38,776 between the audience members and comedians, man. 27 00:01:38,860 --> 00:01:39,777 You all saw it-- 28 00:01:39,861 --> 00:01:43,991 Will Smith, Chris Rock, 29 00:01:44,074 --> 00:01:45,533 Dave Chappelle, 30 00:01:45,617 --> 00:01:48,370 Craig Robinson, North Carolina. Y'all saw it. 31 00:01:48,453 --> 00:01:51,414 Now, you know what? I know why all that shit went down. 32 00:01:51,498 --> 00:01:53,791 'Cause there's a lack of love. 33 00:01:53,875 --> 00:01:57,087 And I'm just here to tell all of y'all, I love you. 34 00:02:02,842 --> 00:02:06,173 But this is 2023 now. 35 00:02:06,263 --> 00:02:09,391 And if one of you motherfuckers decide to come up here, 36 00:02:09,474 --> 00:02:12,179 I'ma beat the shit out of you. 37 00:02:12,269 --> 00:02:14,812 Then I'm gonna cut you to the fucking white meat. 38 00:02:17,357 --> 00:02:19,359 Is that clear? 39 00:02:19,442 --> 00:02:21,278 Is that clear? 40 00:02:23,446 --> 00:02:25,407 You can go now. 41 00:02:25,490 --> 00:02:27,284 Just don't go far. 42 00:02:28,368 --> 00:02:30,162 God damn it. 43 00:02:30,245 --> 00:02:31,413 Let me tell you something. 44 00:02:31,496 --> 00:02:35,292 If Will Smith were to smack me, ain't no fucking award show tonight. 45 00:02:36,543 --> 00:02:39,379 You want to get your trophy, Will Smith? You got to come to me. 46 00:02:39,462 --> 00:02:42,382 Pull up. I'm in Brooklyn, Murder Avenue. 47 00:02:42,465 --> 00:02:44,301 I'm outside. 48 00:02:45,135 --> 00:02:48,888 'Cause you know if you're a man and you let another man smack you, 49 00:02:48,972 --> 00:02:50,390 you know what's next. 50 00:02:50,473 --> 00:02:52,767 He gonna ask you to suck his dick. 51 00:02:55,437 --> 00:02:56,854 Point blank. 52 00:02:56,938 --> 00:03:00,150 You know that smacking shit is a gateway to sucking dick. 53 00:03:04,737 --> 00:03:07,157 Come on, man, that was the smack heard around the world. 54 00:03:07,234 --> 00:03:09,451 Everybody's talking about the smack. 55 00:03:09,534 --> 00:03:11,661 Even motherfuckers fighting the Ukraine War 56 00:03:11,744 --> 00:03:13,330 was talking about the smack. 57 00:03:14,539 --> 00:03:15,958 I blame Jada. 58 00:03:17,334 --> 00:03:18,668 Come on, man. 59 00:03:18,751 --> 00:03:21,879 Everybody know he wanted to smack Chris Rock for years. 60 00:03:21,964 --> 00:03:23,590 Everybody in Hollywood know that shit. 61 00:03:23,673 --> 00:03:25,383 I remember when I was having tax problems, 62 00:03:25,467 --> 00:03:28,386 I called Will up, and I said, "Will, I'm having problems with my money. 63 00:03:28,470 --> 00:03:29,471 Could you help me out?" 64 00:03:29,554 --> 00:03:31,514 He said, "Yes, this is what you do, Tracy. 65 00:03:31,598 --> 00:03:33,558 First you get an LLC. 66 00:03:33,641 --> 00:03:35,435 Then you get an S Corp to cover your LLC. 67 00:03:35,518 --> 00:03:37,104 That's gonna bring your private trust. 68 00:03:37,187 --> 00:03:40,983 Most importantly of all, you smack the shit out of Chris Rock." 69 00:03:43,026 --> 00:03:44,902 He smacked Chris Rock so fucking hard, 70 00:03:44,987 --> 00:03:47,572 Chris Rock had to start dating white women. 71 00:03:48,656 --> 00:03:51,326 White woman ain't gonna bring it up. She ain't gonna say shit. 72 00:03:51,409 --> 00:03:53,996 But the first argument with a Black woman, she gonna be like... 73 00:03:55,788 --> 00:03:59,001 "You Mr. Fucking Tough Guy now? 74 00:03:59,084 --> 00:04:01,044 You gonna talk that shit to me, 75 00:04:01,128 --> 00:04:03,171 but you ain't said shit 76 00:04:03,255 --> 00:04:06,258 when Fresh Prince of fucking Bel-Air 77 00:04:06,341 --> 00:04:08,926 smacked the shit out your ass, nigga." 78 00:04:12,097 --> 00:04:14,432 "Where was Mr. Tough Guy at the fucking Oscars, huh? 79 00:04:14,516 --> 00:04:16,934 Where was Mr. Tough Guy at the fucking Oscars, huh? 80 00:04:17,019 --> 00:04:19,354 Where was Mr. Tough Guy at the fucking Oscars, huh? 81 00:04:19,437 --> 00:04:21,439 Where was Mr. Tough Guy at the fucking Oscars, huh? 82 00:04:21,523 --> 00:04:23,733 Where was Mr. Tough Guy at the fucking Oscars, huh? 83 00:04:23,816 --> 00:04:25,735 Where was Mr. Fucking Tough Guy at the fucking Oscars?" 84 00:04:25,818 --> 00:04:28,405 "Shut the fuck up before I kick your ass." 85 00:04:30,615 --> 00:04:32,492 "You gonna kick my ass? 86 00:04:32,575 --> 00:04:35,245 You're gonna ball your fucking fist up at me?" 87 00:04:37,497 --> 00:04:39,326 I'm serious, man. 88 00:04:39,416 --> 00:04:42,544 When I got hit by that fucking truck, I was all fucked up. 89 00:04:42,627 --> 00:04:43,753 I was all fucked-- 90 00:04:43,836 --> 00:04:46,631 I had to learn how to walk again, talk again, eat again, everything. 91 00:04:46,714 --> 00:04:49,467 And I realized that if I could survive that, 92 00:04:49,551 --> 00:04:51,428 I could survive anything. 93 00:04:58,101 --> 00:05:01,348 Boy, was I fucking wrong! 94 00:05:01,438 --> 00:05:03,690 'Cause after that, I got hit by a pandemic, 95 00:05:03,773 --> 00:05:06,068 divorce papers, and child support. 96 00:05:07,194 --> 00:05:09,862 And all three of them shits is worse. 97 00:05:09,947 --> 00:05:12,074 I pay a good penny in child support. 98 00:05:12,157 --> 00:05:15,035 I feel I pay a good penny in child support. 99 00:05:15,118 --> 00:05:18,080 Kanye West paid $200,000 a month. 100 00:05:18,163 --> 00:05:22,459 If I got to give a woman $200,000 a month, you giving me more kids, nigga. 101 00:05:23,668 --> 00:05:25,295 I don't pull out. 102 00:05:26,004 --> 00:05:28,090 Pulling out is for college kids. 103 00:05:28,173 --> 00:05:30,300 I ain't got shit to lose. 104 00:05:30,968 --> 00:05:32,469 I'm not pulling out, man. 105 00:05:32,552 --> 00:05:35,097 That's what you get, 'cause me and Kanye West, 106 00:05:35,180 --> 00:05:37,557 our marriages didn't survive COVID. 107 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:40,727 You know, that's what you get when you fuck with them Kardashians. 108 00:05:40,810 --> 00:05:43,480 Them bitches is a group of demons, man. 109 00:05:44,064 --> 00:05:46,774 You see Lamar Odom, right? He almost went. 110 00:05:46,858 --> 00:05:48,860 Kanye West is going. 111 00:05:48,944 --> 00:05:50,612 Bruce Jenner's gone. 112 00:05:52,322 --> 00:05:55,033 That nigga paid $2 million for that fucking operation, 113 00:05:55,117 --> 00:05:58,328 and he's still just the fifth biggest bitch in the house. 114 00:06:00,497 --> 00:06:04,917 Now, I'm not cutting my fucking dick off for nobody, not even you, Jim. 115 00:06:05,877 --> 00:06:08,505 If my dick is this big, it's mines. 116 00:06:10,090 --> 00:06:11,967 And by the way, fellas, if your dick is this big, 117 00:06:12,050 --> 00:06:14,136 you should register as a disability. 118 00:06:15,303 --> 00:06:17,680 You should be getting SSI, nigga. 119 00:06:18,806 --> 00:06:21,143 Fucking ding-a-ling. Come on, man. 120 00:06:23,311 --> 00:06:25,272 I ain't believe in that fucking COVID shit. 121 00:06:25,355 --> 00:06:29,067 My new girl, she took that social-distancing shit too far. 122 00:06:29,151 --> 00:06:32,195 This chick left my crib, and I ain't seen her since. 123 00:06:33,113 --> 00:06:34,441 I call her and said, "Baby, what you doing? 124 00:06:34,531 --> 00:06:35,657 You quarantining?" 125 00:06:35,740 --> 00:06:38,445 She said, "Call it what the fuck you want to call it. 126 00:06:38,535 --> 00:06:41,079 I ain't never coming back to you, nigga." 127 00:06:41,163 --> 00:06:42,789 'Cause I ain't believe in that COVID shit. 128 00:06:42,872 --> 00:06:46,453 I ain't believe it until Idris Elba, the Black actor Idris Elba, got it. 129 00:06:46,543 --> 00:06:48,753 I said, "Shit, that hit the fucking fan." 130 00:06:49,629 --> 00:06:52,340 My aunt says, "I'd still suck his COVID dick. 131 00:06:52,424 --> 00:06:53,758 I'd suck that COVID dick." 132 00:06:53,841 --> 00:06:55,510 She just kept saying it like she was proud of it. 133 00:06:55,593 --> 00:06:57,429 "I'd suck that COVID dick." 134 00:06:57,512 --> 00:07:00,223 I said, "Shut the fuck up, Lorraine! 135 00:07:00,307 --> 00:07:02,559 You see these fucking kids sitting right here?" 136 00:07:02,642 --> 00:07:06,354 She said, "So? So? They know I suck infected dick." 137 00:07:06,438 --> 00:07:08,023 Nasty bitch. 138 00:07:09,399 --> 00:07:12,694 My fucking cousin was paranoid. That nigga was paranoid of COVID. 139 00:07:12,777 --> 00:07:16,156 He had his gloves. He had his mask. He got the shield for extra protection. 140 00:07:16,239 --> 00:07:18,700 Then he started fucking with this chick, and she gave him gonorrhea 141 00:07:18,783 --> 00:07:20,577 'cause he ain't put the condom on. 142 00:07:22,996 --> 00:07:24,998 He has a preexisting medical condition. 143 00:07:25,082 --> 00:07:28,001 Know what it is? He's a stupid motherfucker. 144 00:07:29,377 --> 00:07:32,005 Protect every part of your body but your cock. 145 00:07:33,048 --> 00:07:34,799 Stupid motherfucker. 146 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:37,927 Walmart took care of me. 147 00:07:38,011 --> 00:07:40,347 I ain't gonna front. Walmart gave me a grip. 148 00:07:40,430 --> 00:07:44,226 They gave me so much money, I can roll my eyes at white people. 149 00:07:52,025 --> 00:07:55,445 I mean, I made them motherfuckers change they whole fleet of trucks. 150 00:07:55,522 --> 00:07:59,699 They side-view mirror now says, "Nigga may appear closer than it seems." 151 00:08:02,244 --> 00:08:04,787 They think they done paying me, but we'll see. 152 00:08:05,413 --> 00:08:08,959 I'll start acting fucked up in four years. They gonna hear from my attorney. 153 00:08:09,042 --> 00:08:13,088 Tracy tried to fuck his Doberman pinscher, and we won $5 million. 154 00:08:13,171 --> 00:08:15,507 The dog won $2 million for pain and suffering. 155 00:08:18,260 --> 00:08:19,970 I don't give a fuck, man. 156 00:08:20,678 --> 00:08:23,390 We all got problems. Everybody in this room got trauma. 157 00:08:23,473 --> 00:08:25,683 Everybody in this fucking room got trauma. 158 00:08:25,767 --> 00:08:27,519 Something happened to everybody in this room. 159 00:08:27,602 --> 00:08:28,811 Everybody in this fucking room, 160 00:08:28,895 --> 00:08:31,523 I don't care how cool you look, you got trauma in your life. 161 00:08:31,606 --> 00:08:33,233 You went to camp when you was little? 162 00:08:33,316 --> 00:08:34,776 Did you go to camp? 163 00:08:34,859 --> 00:08:36,903 You went to camp? You got finger popped? 164 00:08:38,821 --> 00:08:41,158 Now every time you see a tree, you get triggered? 165 00:08:42,534 --> 00:08:44,744 We all got fucking baggage! 166 00:08:44,827 --> 00:08:47,164 Everybody in this fucking room got baggage. 167 00:08:47,247 --> 00:08:49,874 Mines just happen to be Louis Vuitton. 168 00:08:52,460 --> 00:08:55,582 Speaking of Louis Vuitton, see, it's hard for me to date women now 169 00:08:55,672 --> 00:08:57,507 'cause they all know I got money. 170 00:08:57,584 --> 00:09:00,052 Everybody know I got hit by the truck. Everybody know that. 171 00:09:01,511 --> 00:09:04,681 I thank the Lord it was Walmart, not Walgreens. 172 00:09:09,852 --> 00:09:13,440 I had one chick go and text me in Cash App, talking about-- 173 00:09:13,523 --> 00:09:16,901 she just said, "$3,000, help." 174 00:09:18,278 --> 00:09:19,947 Now, I'm a generous man. 175 00:09:20,030 --> 00:09:21,781 You can't just fucking call me and ask for money. 176 00:09:21,864 --> 00:09:23,951 You must have a good story. 177 00:09:24,034 --> 00:09:26,161 I had one fucking chick called me up and said, 178 00:09:26,244 --> 00:09:30,498 "Listen, my son Craigo just shot a cop in Paterson, New Jersey. 179 00:09:30,582 --> 00:09:33,710 He's on the run. He's coming straight to you." 180 00:09:35,212 --> 00:09:38,048 I gave her $4,000 immediately. 181 00:09:38,131 --> 00:09:40,592 It was a great story. 182 00:09:41,134 --> 00:09:43,136 She had a great story to it. 183 00:09:44,137 --> 00:09:47,265 I remember one time, my fucking business manager call me and say, 184 00:09:47,349 --> 00:09:50,685 "Tracy, did you just give a random woman $4,000?" 185 00:09:50,768 --> 00:09:53,355 I texted him back the emoji like this. 186 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:01,947 I don't care, man. 187 00:10:02,780 --> 00:10:05,117 I've been fucking divorced twice. 188 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:06,368 My business manager said, 189 00:10:06,451 --> 00:10:10,455 "If you get married three more times, the fifth divorce is free." 190 00:10:11,081 --> 00:10:12,582 So we working that out. 191 00:10:13,660 --> 00:10:15,627 It's just hard on the streets. 192 00:10:16,336 --> 00:10:18,546 It's hard to be sexy in your 50s. 193 00:10:19,381 --> 00:10:20,298 It's hard! 194 00:10:20,382 --> 00:10:23,885 If you're in your 50s, you know it's hard 'cause shit starts to change. 195 00:10:23,969 --> 00:10:26,304 You develop that fucking gut. 196 00:10:26,388 --> 00:10:28,390 She gonna develop that FUPA. 197 00:10:29,224 --> 00:10:31,768 She's gonna get that fat over pussy, that girth, 198 00:10:31,851 --> 00:10:33,561 that grandmother girth. 199 00:10:33,645 --> 00:10:36,606 She got to sit with her legs open because she got that girth. 200 00:10:38,150 --> 00:10:40,110 She an old woman now. She got that fucking girth. 201 00:10:40,193 --> 00:10:41,778 She got to sit like this. 202 00:10:45,692 --> 00:10:47,325 Pregnant women, you know, they get up. 203 00:10:47,409 --> 00:10:49,119 When they get up, they put their pussy first. 204 00:10:49,202 --> 00:10:50,203 They go... 205 00:10:52,539 --> 00:10:54,207 Get that girth. It's hard. 206 00:10:55,959 --> 00:10:57,294 I'm out there. I know. 207 00:10:57,377 --> 00:11:01,798 And if you don't believe how hard it is to be sexy in your 50s, ask Bobby Brown... 208 00:11:03,175 --> 00:11:04,301 ...'cause Bobby Brown, 209 00:11:04,384 --> 00:11:08,346 he one of the sexiest motherfuckers in the world one time, right? 210 00:11:08,430 --> 00:11:09,556 Bobby started singing. 211 00:11:09,639 --> 00:11:12,017 White women, Black women, Latin women, they love Bobby. 212 00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:14,311 The truth about a Roni 213 00:11:14,394 --> 00:11:17,724 She's a sweet little girl 214 00:11:17,814 --> 00:11:21,985 You could treat her right, real nice, and hold her tight 215 00:11:22,069 --> 00:11:23,236 Women went crazy. 216 00:11:24,612 --> 00:11:26,656 Now that nigga look fucked up. 217 00:11:27,734 --> 00:11:30,493 He from out here. He look busted. 218 00:11:30,577 --> 00:11:32,662 That nigga look like Buster Douglas. 219 00:11:33,455 --> 00:11:36,458 That nigga look like Reverend TD Jakes in the group. 220 00:11:37,834 --> 00:11:39,502 That nigga look fucked up. 221 00:11:39,586 --> 00:11:41,879 I mean, New Edition was doing they shit at the concert. 222 00:11:41,964 --> 00:11:44,341 That nigga Bobby looked fucked up. 223 00:11:44,424 --> 00:11:45,842 He was struggling. 224 00:11:46,753 --> 00:11:49,054 That nigga's stomach was all big. 225 00:11:50,138 --> 00:11:52,759 Nigga was breathing heavy, out of shape. 226 00:11:52,849 --> 00:11:54,017 Nigga's clothes didn't fit. 227 00:11:54,101 --> 00:11:56,394 This nigga thought he was young Bobby on the stage talking about-- 228 00:11:56,478 --> 00:11:59,439 They say I'm crazy 229 00:11:59,522 --> 00:12:01,524 I really don't care 230 00:12:01,608 --> 00:12:04,945 That's my prerogative 231 00:12:05,028 --> 00:12:07,572 They say I'm crazy 232 00:12:07,655 --> 00:12:10,075 I really don't care 233 00:12:13,703 --> 00:12:15,998 New Edition was doing they shit! 234 00:12:16,081 --> 00:12:18,333 This nigga Bobby was all out of shape, 235 00:12:18,416 --> 00:12:22,295 all fucked up, breathing heavy, leaning on a drum set. 236 00:12:23,713 --> 00:12:25,507 They say I'm crazy 237 00:12:27,717 --> 00:12:30,345 I really don't care 238 00:12:30,428 --> 00:12:32,722 Nigga was fucked up. 239 00:12:39,437 --> 00:12:41,023 Y'all women hear that shit? 240 00:12:41,106 --> 00:12:44,651 That's a aphrodisiac, like oysters. 241 00:12:46,111 --> 00:12:47,814 Nigga was fucked up. 242 00:12:47,904 --> 00:12:51,116 I ain't never seen a belly button that fucking deep. 243 00:12:52,659 --> 00:12:54,911 This nigga belly button was deep. 244 00:12:54,995 --> 00:12:59,041 You could get discharge on your arm fucking this nigga in the stomach. 245 00:12:59,124 --> 00:13:01,334 You find all kind of shit in his belly button-- 246 00:13:01,418 --> 00:13:04,754 dice, change, old pictures of Whitney. 247 00:13:09,968 --> 00:13:12,554 This nigga belly button was fucking deep. 248 00:13:13,805 --> 00:13:16,349 Fuck that. I love discharge. 249 00:13:17,309 --> 00:13:19,186 I like when that shit drop in your panties. 250 00:13:19,269 --> 00:13:20,937 I put that shit on my salad. 251 00:13:21,848 --> 00:13:24,149 It look just like Parmesan. 252 00:13:25,943 --> 00:13:29,487 Al Green was at the concert, y'all. Al Green showed up. 253 00:13:29,571 --> 00:13:32,532 That nigga Al Green was sexy back in the day. 254 00:13:32,615 --> 00:13:34,861 Love and happiness 255 00:13:34,952 --> 00:13:38,705 Something that can make you do wrong, make you do right 256 00:13:38,788 --> 00:13:41,583 That nigga was singing, but he had hernia balls. 257 00:13:42,375 --> 00:13:46,171 Hey had my grandfather-- How the fuck your scrotum get that big? 258 00:13:47,214 --> 00:13:50,633 The balls was little, but the scrotum was huge. 259 00:13:50,717 --> 00:13:51,969 What the fuck? 260 00:13:52,052 --> 00:13:55,138 My grandfather balls. I never want my grandfather balls. 261 00:13:55,222 --> 00:13:57,265 I don't want that shit. I want my shit. 262 00:13:57,349 --> 00:14:00,185 That's why I soak my balls in olive oil every night. 263 00:14:02,812 --> 00:14:05,565 Get that inflammation out of there. 264 00:14:05,648 --> 00:14:08,610 Got to get that inflammation out of there, goddammit! 265 00:14:09,611 --> 00:14:13,365 Yeah, my grandmother, she talked about my grandfather balls all the time. 266 00:14:13,900 --> 00:14:16,618 "Your grandfather had some big-ass balls." 267 00:14:16,701 --> 00:14:19,537 "Grandma, I don't want to talk about grandpa balls. Oh, fuck." 268 00:14:19,621 --> 00:14:22,832 "I thought you said you wanted to know your family tree, where you come from." 269 00:14:22,909 --> 00:14:24,911 "Yes, I want to know where I come from." 270 00:14:25,002 --> 00:14:27,379 "You come from your grandfather's big-ass balls." 271 00:14:30,423 --> 00:14:31,918 I don't want to do that shit. 272 00:14:32,009 --> 00:14:35,637 I want my balls to look right, tight like I'm 16. 273 00:14:36,888 --> 00:14:39,557 I mean, I got a pretty dick, too. You know, I got a pretty dick. 274 00:14:39,641 --> 00:14:42,019 The shaft is skinny, but the head is bulbous. 275 00:14:43,770 --> 00:14:45,932 Big, bulbous dickhead. 276 00:14:46,023 --> 00:14:48,150 I got some mean dick. 277 00:14:48,233 --> 00:14:50,443 The mouth on my dick look like this. 278 00:14:52,612 --> 00:14:56,074 Mean dick, hit you with the mean dick, God damn it. 279 00:14:56,658 --> 00:14:59,869 You want some mean dick? 280 00:14:59,947 --> 00:15:02,205 I don't fuck around. 281 00:15:02,289 --> 00:15:05,708 I don't fucking pull out, God damn it. I told y'all that. 282 00:15:08,253 --> 00:15:12,382 My grandfather teabagged my grandmother one time 283 00:15:12,465 --> 00:15:15,677 and put her in a fucking coma for six months. 284 00:15:18,055 --> 00:15:19,597 She came out the coma. 285 00:15:19,681 --> 00:15:22,475 He went over to the hospital and teabagged her again. 286 00:15:23,268 --> 00:15:25,728 Put her in another fucking coma. 287 00:15:25,812 --> 00:15:28,565 The doctor said, "Down goes Frazier." 288 00:15:30,978 --> 00:15:33,195 Hey, I'm from Brooklyn. 289 00:15:33,278 --> 00:15:34,821 I'm from Brooklyn, 290 00:15:34,904 --> 00:15:36,949 but it ain't where you from, it's where you're at. 291 00:15:37,032 --> 00:15:39,576 I'm out here bossin' with y'all. I love y'all, man. 292 00:15:39,659 --> 00:15:41,703 I'm from Brooklyn, man. 293 00:15:41,786 --> 00:15:43,288 Brooklyn in the house. 294 00:15:44,289 --> 00:15:47,667 You could go to Russia. They know about Brooklyn, nigga. 295 00:15:47,750 --> 00:15:49,752 Motherfuckers from Brooklyn. Brooklyn is changing. 296 00:15:49,836 --> 00:15:51,879 Brooklyn is becoming gentrified. 297 00:15:51,964 --> 00:15:53,215 Brooklyn is becoming-- 298 00:15:53,298 --> 00:15:55,592 If you in this room and you don't know what gentrification is, 299 00:15:55,675 --> 00:15:58,845 gentrification is when white people move into your neighborhood, 300 00:15:58,928 --> 00:16:02,515 the property value goes through the roof, and niggas got to move out. 301 00:16:03,475 --> 00:16:06,186 I'm sorry, that's just the way the fuck it is. 302 00:16:06,269 --> 00:16:10,107 But since I got hit by that truck, I'm doing something I never did before. 303 00:16:10,190 --> 00:16:13,068 I'm moving into your fucking neighborhood. 304 00:16:13,151 --> 00:16:15,320 And the property value gonna plummet. 305 00:16:15,988 --> 00:16:17,948 Rock fucking bottom. 306 00:16:20,027 --> 00:16:22,327 And I'm getting all y'all daughters pregnant. 307 00:16:23,286 --> 00:16:26,123 Gonna be a lot of mulatto kids running around this fucking neighborhood. 308 00:16:26,206 --> 00:16:27,374 And I'm a good daddy. 309 00:16:27,457 --> 00:16:30,460 I'll come back every ten years and say, "I'm your fucking daddy, nigga. 310 00:16:30,543 --> 00:16:32,337 Your mama upstairs?" 311 00:16:34,965 --> 00:16:38,010 I'm in my neighborhood. My fucking white neighbors are heated. 312 00:16:38,093 --> 00:16:42,049 Why the nigga moving next door to me, bringing my property value down? 313 00:16:42,139 --> 00:16:43,681 One of them gonna knock on my door the other day, 314 00:16:43,765 --> 00:16:45,308 talking about, "So what do you do?" 315 00:16:45,392 --> 00:16:46,768 I said, "About what?" 316 00:16:49,146 --> 00:16:50,688 I know the nigga ain't know who I was. 317 00:16:50,772 --> 00:16:54,109 So I said, "You know the straws you drink your Coca-Cola with at McDonald's?" 318 00:16:54,192 --> 00:16:56,278 He said, "Yeah." I said, "I make those." 319 00:16:57,570 --> 00:16:59,489 He said, "Great, I make the lids. We should hook up." 320 00:16:59,572 --> 00:17:01,241 I said, "Fuck you. 321 00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:03,576 Tray don't hang out with lid makers." 322 00:17:05,578 --> 00:17:07,372 I'm serious, man. 323 00:17:08,748 --> 00:17:10,292 My fucking-- 324 00:17:10,375 --> 00:17:13,080 As we speak right now, I don't got a GED. 325 00:17:13,170 --> 00:17:15,922 But you know who I just found out I live right next door to? 326 00:17:16,006 --> 00:17:19,259 I live right next door to the CEO of Pepsi. 327 00:17:19,342 --> 00:17:21,678 The CEO of Pepsi, she's an Asian woman, 328 00:17:21,761 --> 00:17:24,889 and she came over to my house with a housewarming gift. 329 00:17:24,973 --> 00:17:27,309 And I was thrown 'cause it was one of the most kindest things 330 00:17:27,392 --> 00:17:29,019 anyone has ever done for me. 331 00:17:29,096 --> 00:17:31,313 And I told her, "First off, I love you. 332 00:17:31,396 --> 00:17:34,691 I wish to be a good neighbor to you. I won't start no trouble. 333 00:17:34,774 --> 00:17:37,694 And if you ever need to borrow a cup of sugar 334 00:17:37,777 --> 00:17:39,612 and your husband is not home"... 335 00:17:41,198 --> 00:17:43,741 ..."please don't hesitate to knock on my door, 336 00:17:43,825 --> 00:17:46,619 because you can get some sugar and some mean dick." 337 00:17:50,415 --> 00:17:53,293 And then I told her, "It would be an honor 338 00:17:53,376 --> 00:17:56,838 for me to one day get hit by one of your trucks." 339 00:17:58,381 --> 00:18:01,051 Fuck that, Walmart. Pepsi, nigga, I'm paid. 340 00:18:01,759 --> 00:18:04,346 Walmart and Pepsi? I'm paid. 341 00:18:04,429 --> 00:18:06,098 Paid in full. 342 00:18:06,181 --> 00:18:08,850 Or to the beat, beat, check it out. 343 00:18:11,228 --> 00:18:15,142 I come from a great, great family, but they were a little dysfunctional. 344 00:18:15,232 --> 00:18:17,109 My family was crazy. 345 00:18:17,192 --> 00:18:18,610 My fucking Aunt Lorraine-- 346 00:18:18,693 --> 00:18:20,778 Like I told you, it was hard to date in your 50s. 347 00:18:20,862 --> 00:18:24,282 My Aunt Lorraine, she's 54 years old, can't get a man, can't keep a man. 348 00:18:24,366 --> 00:18:27,369 So she's gonna start watching that "Life After Lockup" shit. 349 00:18:27,452 --> 00:18:28,870 She start watching that "Life"-- 350 00:18:28,954 --> 00:18:31,206 So now she only fuck with men in prison. 351 00:18:31,289 --> 00:18:33,333 I said, "What the fuck is wrong with you, Lorraine? 352 00:18:33,416 --> 00:18:36,163 All these free men out here-- why don't you date one of them?" 353 00:18:36,253 --> 00:18:38,755 She gonna tell me, "At least I know where mines is at." 354 00:18:41,168 --> 00:18:43,593 "Lights out at 9:00 for mine. 355 00:18:43,676 --> 00:18:46,263 He might be cheating, but it ain't with no woman." 356 00:18:49,266 --> 00:18:50,976 Fucked-up family! 357 00:18:51,059 --> 00:18:52,269 Then there's my Uncle Clyde. 358 00:18:52,352 --> 00:18:54,896 This motherfucker been in prison for 38 years. 359 00:18:54,980 --> 00:18:57,524 Who the fuck does that? 360 00:18:57,607 --> 00:18:59,186 38 years? 361 00:18:59,276 --> 00:19:00,402 Come on, 38 years. 362 00:19:00,485 --> 00:19:01,611 And he wrote me a letter, 363 00:19:01,694 --> 00:19:03,190 and I received it when I was in the hospital. 364 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:05,323 It said, "Dear Tracy, you're a prince. 365 00:19:05,407 --> 00:19:07,742 My brother Jimmy did a great job with you. 366 00:19:07,825 --> 00:19:10,120 I'm glad you're healing and you're getting well. 367 00:19:10,197 --> 00:19:13,290 And when I find out which truck driver hit you, I will kill him." 368 00:19:15,042 --> 00:19:18,836 Now we know why you doing 38 years, you son of a bitch. 369 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:22,299 "P.S., I'm graduating high school. Come see me." 370 00:19:24,009 --> 00:19:27,054 You did 38 years in prison and you're just getting your GED? 371 00:19:27,137 --> 00:19:28,513 Come on. 372 00:19:30,723 --> 00:19:32,517 So I drove up to see the nigga. 373 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:34,019 I'm gonna make a connection with him. 374 00:19:34,102 --> 00:19:36,854 I don't know him. 38 years in prison. I don't know who the fuck you are. 375 00:19:36,938 --> 00:19:38,648 You ain't been a part of my life. 376 00:19:38,731 --> 00:19:40,358 So let me go up there and see this nigga. 377 00:19:40,442 --> 00:19:43,778 So I drove over to the prison, Elmira State Penitentiary. 378 00:19:43,861 --> 00:19:45,447 I went up there to see the nigga. 379 00:19:45,530 --> 00:19:47,490 I get up there, and the prison system got these niggas 380 00:19:47,574 --> 00:19:49,284 so programmed and fucked up. 381 00:19:49,367 --> 00:19:50,743 They got them actually thinking 382 00:19:50,827 --> 00:19:54,081 they gonna get their diploma and go off to college. 383 00:19:54,164 --> 00:19:55,748 That's not gonna happen. 384 00:19:55,832 --> 00:19:57,584 You gonna get this fucking piece of paper, 385 00:19:57,667 --> 00:19:59,962 and you gonna take yours back to your cell. 386 00:20:01,754 --> 00:20:04,632 It's fucked up! It got weirder and weirder as I was there. 387 00:20:04,716 --> 00:20:06,426 You know you graduate high school. 388 00:20:06,509 --> 00:20:08,428 You got your cap and gown on, right? 389 00:20:08,511 --> 00:20:11,223 But underneath, these niggas got the state-issued greens. 390 00:20:11,974 --> 00:20:14,142 And you graduate. You throw your cap up in the air. 391 00:20:14,226 --> 00:20:15,227 Yeah, I graduated! 392 00:20:15,310 --> 00:20:17,354 One nigga got stabbed to death. 393 00:20:19,189 --> 00:20:20,267 It's fucked up! 394 00:20:20,357 --> 00:20:23,901 They got these niggas. They murderers. They kidnappers. They rapists. 395 00:20:23,986 --> 00:20:26,113 They fucking extortion-- all these motherfuckers 396 00:20:26,196 --> 00:20:30,533 on a stage singing a graduation song, crying. 397 00:20:30,617 --> 00:20:33,203 These fucking killers is crying. They up there... 398 00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:36,283 How do I 399 00:20:36,373 --> 00:20:39,501 Say goodbye 400 00:20:39,584 --> 00:20:43,671 To what we had? 401 00:20:43,755 --> 00:20:45,715 I said, "Let me get the fuck out of here, 402 00:20:45,798 --> 00:20:49,802 'cause one of these murderers is off key, and he's fucking up the song." 403 00:20:56,768 --> 00:20:59,646 I feel like I'm in my living room with my family, y'all. 404 00:21:01,231 --> 00:21:03,108 Word up, being funny. 405 00:21:04,609 --> 00:21:06,486 We got '80s babies in here? 406 00:21:06,569 --> 00:21:10,317 We got anybody born in the '80s in here? Make some noise! 407 00:21:11,033 --> 00:21:12,784 You was born in the '80s. 408 00:21:12,867 --> 00:21:14,827 The '80s. 409 00:21:15,578 --> 00:21:19,416 If you was born in the '80s, you are a fucking crack baby. 410 00:21:21,251 --> 00:21:23,670 You fucking crack babies. 411 00:21:23,753 --> 00:21:26,131 You know you're a crack baby. 412 00:21:26,214 --> 00:21:29,051 Look in the mirror, say, "I'm a crack baby." 413 00:21:30,885 --> 00:21:31,970 Fucking crack baby. 414 00:21:32,054 --> 00:21:34,222 Everybody in this room got a crackhead in they family. 415 00:21:34,306 --> 00:21:38,643 I don't give a fuck what color you are, what class you are, or nothing. 416 00:21:38,726 --> 00:21:40,228 You got a crackhead in your family. 417 00:21:40,312 --> 00:21:42,647 What happened to your ColecoVision? 418 00:21:44,232 --> 00:21:46,693 You know exactly what happened to that microwave. 419 00:21:46,776 --> 00:21:47,860 Gone! 420 00:21:49,487 --> 00:21:53,283 You know crackheads steal shit, anything that ain't nailed down. 421 00:21:54,242 --> 00:21:57,287 I had a crackhead in my family. His name was DeAndre. 422 00:21:58,621 --> 00:22:00,790 You know you're a crackhead when it's an announcement 423 00:22:00,873 --> 00:22:01,791 you come to the house. 424 00:22:01,874 --> 00:22:04,419 My aunt was like, "Everybody, DeAndre's in the driveway." 425 00:22:04,502 --> 00:22:06,296 My other aunt said, "Let me get my purse." 426 00:22:07,922 --> 00:22:10,633 "He ain't gonna get me again. He ain't gonna get me again. 427 00:22:10,717 --> 00:22:14,304 He got me for 40 fucking dollars. He ain't gonna get me again." 428 00:22:14,381 --> 00:22:16,473 My other aunt was like, "Give him a second chance." 429 00:22:16,556 --> 00:22:19,226 "Bitch, I gave him five second chances. 430 00:22:19,309 --> 00:22:22,312 He stole my son's Tyco Nite Glow racetrack." 431 00:22:23,981 --> 00:22:26,984 My other aunt was, "He ain't gonna change." 432 00:22:27,067 --> 00:22:30,112 You always got that aunt that say, "He ain't gonna change." 433 00:22:30,195 --> 00:22:33,240 He ain't gonna change. He ain't gonna change. 434 00:22:33,323 --> 00:22:35,242 He ain't gonna change." 435 00:22:35,325 --> 00:22:36,576 She made a song of that shit. 436 00:22:36,659 --> 00:22:37,995 He ain't gonna change 437 00:22:38,078 --> 00:22:40,038 He ain't gonna change He ain't gonna change 438 00:22:40,122 --> 00:22:42,374 I said bitch, please. 439 00:22:42,457 --> 00:22:44,376 Tracy, tell 'em about your gay boy. 440 00:22:44,459 --> 00:22:46,586 Nigga, shut the fuck up! 441 00:22:48,046 --> 00:22:49,672 Fucking tell me what to say up here, nigga. 442 00:22:49,756 --> 00:22:50,966 Shut the fuck up. 443 00:22:51,049 --> 00:22:52,842 Be happy you in the front, nigga. 444 00:22:54,421 --> 00:22:56,929 Yell out at a fucking taping, nigga. 445 00:22:58,598 --> 00:23:00,767 Nigga waiting for that moment. "Tray, tell them about"-- 446 00:23:00,850 --> 00:23:02,227 Shut the fuck up. 447 00:23:02,310 --> 00:23:04,062 Stop looking at my shit. 448 00:23:04,146 --> 00:23:05,605 This is something new. 449 00:23:07,732 --> 00:23:11,861 You know, white America is losing they fucking mind again. 450 00:23:11,945 --> 00:23:14,948 Y'all losing your mind 'cause the Little Mermaid is Black. 451 00:23:15,907 --> 00:23:17,784 You saw the fucking commercial. 452 00:23:17,867 --> 00:23:20,162 The Little Mermaid is a nigga. 453 00:23:21,163 --> 00:23:22,830 The Little Mermaid is Black. 454 00:23:22,914 --> 00:23:25,708 It's racist to think that we can't do what you do. 455 00:23:25,792 --> 00:23:28,086 It ain't like she's gonna jump in the water and save nobody. 456 00:23:28,170 --> 00:23:29,963 She just got her hair done. 457 00:23:30,713 --> 00:23:33,133 And she is not fucking up her perm. 458 00:23:33,216 --> 00:23:35,260 What she will be doing is sitting on the rock, 459 00:23:35,343 --> 00:23:37,804 arguing with Aquaman over child support. 460 00:23:37,887 --> 00:23:40,890 You need to come see your fucking daughters, Aquaman, 461 00:23:40,974 --> 00:23:42,976 Mr. Fucking Aquaman. 462 00:23:43,060 --> 00:23:45,228 You swimming around with sharks and dolphins and shit. 463 00:23:45,312 --> 00:23:47,730 You need to come see your fucking daughter, Aquaman. 464 00:23:47,814 --> 00:23:49,983 Batman been wanting my fucking phone number. 465 00:23:50,067 --> 00:23:52,235 I know I should've gave this pussy to Shazam. 466 00:23:56,156 --> 00:23:58,033 Cinderella's next. 467 00:23:58,116 --> 00:24:00,785 Cinderella gonna be wearing box braids. 468 00:24:01,619 --> 00:24:03,997 Some nigga named Leon gonna pick her up in a Cadillac 469 00:24:04,081 --> 00:24:05,582 and take her up to the rib shack. 470 00:24:07,209 --> 00:24:10,253 White people call her Cinderella. We call her Peaches. 471 00:24:14,132 --> 00:24:16,134 I'm just glad the holidays are over. 472 00:24:16,218 --> 00:24:19,346 I get stressed out with the fucking holidays. 473 00:24:19,429 --> 00:24:21,306 I don't celebrate Christmas. 474 00:24:21,389 --> 00:24:23,183 Santa Claus real name is Kurt. 475 00:24:23,266 --> 00:24:27,229 He's a registered sex offender out of Salt Lake City, Utah. 476 00:24:28,105 --> 00:24:29,106 Fucking pervert. 477 00:24:29,189 --> 00:24:31,816 That's why he hang out in malls with kids on his lap. 478 00:24:32,817 --> 00:24:34,402 His wife's name is Yvette. 479 00:24:34,486 --> 00:24:36,696 She sucked my dick in Queens. 480 00:24:37,614 --> 00:24:40,408 She used to be a stripper. Fuck that bitch, man. 481 00:24:40,492 --> 00:24:42,619 Fucking Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. 482 00:24:42,702 --> 00:24:44,704 Everybody here know why his fucking nose was red. 483 00:24:44,787 --> 00:24:46,914 That's that cocaine. 484 00:24:46,999 --> 00:24:49,834 Straight from fucking Bolivia, ain't even been stepped on. 485 00:24:50,710 --> 00:24:51,919 Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. 486 00:24:52,004 --> 00:24:54,047 That's why they don't let him play in those little reindeer games-- 487 00:24:54,131 --> 00:24:56,591 'cause he gonna fucking hurt somebody out there. 488 00:24:56,674 --> 00:24:58,843 He's coked out his fucking mind. 489 00:25:00,012 --> 00:25:02,389 He gonna hurt somebody out there. 490 00:25:02,472 --> 00:25:04,975 Certain holidays should be outlawed. 491 00:25:05,850 --> 00:25:07,227 Like Halloween. 492 00:25:07,310 --> 00:25:10,730 Just recently, it was in YouTube. It was all over Instagram. 493 00:25:10,813 --> 00:25:13,775 A six-year-old child shot a teacher. 494 00:25:13,858 --> 00:25:16,028 A six-year-old child shot a teacher. 495 00:25:16,111 --> 00:25:17,779 What fucking kind of world are we living in? 496 00:25:17,862 --> 00:25:20,615 And you want these motherfuckers to trick-or-treat at your house? 497 00:25:22,492 --> 00:25:25,572 This past October, one came and trick-or-treated at my house. 498 00:25:25,662 --> 00:25:27,747 He ain't even say trick or treat. 499 00:25:27,830 --> 00:25:30,000 He's supposed to be a ghost, but his sheet was black. 500 00:25:30,083 --> 00:25:32,002 I said, "Who the fuck is you?" He said, "I'm a ghost." 501 00:25:32,085 --> 00:25:34,796 I said, "Why your sheet is black?" He said, "I'm keeping it real." 502 00:25:37,382 --> 00:25:38,800 This nigga ain't even say "trick or treat." 503 00:25:38,883 --> 00:25:40,677 He just show me the gun. "The bag, nigga." 504 00:25:41,553 --> 00:25:44,097 "Put the candy in the bag, nigga, before I blow your fucking"... 505 00:25:46,308 --> 00:25:48,101 Can't do that shit. 506 00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:53,481 I got to let my ladies know that I'm dating again. 507 00:25:53,565 --> 00:25:55,400 I'm dating again. 508 00:25:55,483 --> 00:25:58,605 I'm dating again, man. My divorce is finalized. 509 00:25:58,695 --> 00:26:02,115 I don't know what y'all females gonna do with all this dick back out on the market. 510 00:26:04,534 --> 00:26:06,703 I'm dating again. I'm on Tinder. 511 00:26:07,579 --> 00:26:09,789 My Tinder profile is a Walmart truck 512 00:26:09,872 --> 00:26:12,334 dropping off a bag of money on my front lawn. 513 00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:17,714 That's the profile. 514 00:26:18,465 --> 00:26:21,843 I'm a grown man now. I know what I want in a woman. 515 00:26:21,926 --> 00:26:24,471 I see all the beautiful ladies. I know what I want in a woman. 516 00:26:24,554 --> 00:26:26,931 My woman has to have low integrity. 517 00:26:28,475 --> 00:26:29,392 Low integrity. 518 00:26:29,476 --> 00:26:33,521 I once dated a woman with integrity, and she was nothing but fucking trouble. 519 00:26:33,605 --> 00:26:36,149 Always had to fucking answer to shit. 520 00:26:36,233 --> 00:26:39,027 She got to have the low self-esteem. My lady need low self-esteem. 521 00:26:39,111 --> 00:26:40,570 Her shit got to be down. 522 00:26:41,738 --> 00:26:44,074 She got to have serious daddy issues. 523 00:26:44,157 --> 00:26:46,368 She got to have a strong fucking neck... 524 00:26:48,078 --> 00:26:49,287 ...good knees. 525 00:26:49,371 --> 00:26:51,373 She need good knees. 526 00:26:51,456 --> 00:26:53,959 She gonna be down there, so she need them good knees. 527 00:26:54,042 --> 00:26:56,169 Strong knees, you know what I mean? 528 00:26:57,587 --> 00:26:59,172 Good fucking knees. 529 00:27:00,173 --> 00:27:01,841 Take a long time for me to come. 530 00:27:03,093 --> 00:27:05,178 You gonna be down there for a minute. 531 00:27:05,971 --> 00:27:07,973 Pack your lunch and all of that. 532 00:27:11,643 --> 00:27:14,604 You gonna suck this dick. Your jawbone gonna swell up. 533 00:27:17,774 --> 00:27:21,528 I'm just tired of women telling me about all of their accomplishments. 534 00:27:21,611 --> 00:27:23,821 "I have an associate's. I have a bachelor." 535 00:27:23,905 --> 00:27:25,407 I be like, "Bitch, are we fucking?" 536 00:27:26,449 --> 00:27:29,202 "I ain't getting in bed with you to get no knowledge." 537 00:27:30,203 --> 00:27:32,998 "Trying to get this dick sucked, and I got a pretty dick." 538 00:27:37,835 --> 00:27:40,088 I mean, I appreciate it. 539 00:27:40,172 --> 00:27:43,591 There are women in the world that broke the glass ceiling. 540 00:27:43,675 --> 00:27:45,677 They want equal pay. 541 00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:48,221 They want equal rights. They want equal respect. 542 00:27:48,305 --> 00:27:50,390 And I applaud you. 543 00:27:50,473 --> 00:27:51,975 I applaud you. 544 00:27:52,059 --> 00:27:54,019 But that's not the chick I want. 545 00:27:55,562 --> 00:27:58,190 I'm looking for that gold-digging bitch in the club. 546 00:27:58,273 --> 00:28:01,776 She missing an eyelash, a fucking broken wing, 547 00:28:01,859 --> 00:28:03,695 missing a stiletto. 548 00:28:03,778 --> 00:28:05,948 She got dry vomit on her halter top. 549 00:28:06,031 --> 00:28:07,734 That's the bitch I'm trying to get to the car. 550 00:28:07,824 --> 00:28:09,534 Come on, baby, I got you. Let's go. 551 00:28:09,617 --> 00:28:12,370 Come on, now. Come on. I got you. I got that. 552 00:28:12,454 --> 00:28:13,371 That's the bitch. 553 00:28:13,455 --> 00:28:16,541 If you're looking for a Birkin life with no self-respect, 554 00:28:16,624 --> 00:28:18,251 I'm your one-stop shop. 555 00:28:21,671 --> 00:28:23,048 That's me. 556 00:28:24,007 --> 00:28:26,009 I see a lot of couples in here. 557 00:28:26,093 --> 00:28:29,137 I see a lot of couples here. Y'all look beautiful. 558 00:28:29,221 --> 00:28:31,014 Stay that way, you know? 559 00:28:31,098 --> 00:28:32,724 Stay that way, you know I mean? 560 00:28:32,807 --> 00:28:36,979 My Black girls, my Latin girls, my Asian girls, my white girls. 561 00:28:37,062 --> 00:28:39,606 Freaks all over the world 562 00:28:40,523 --> 00:28:43,068 I love my freaks, man. Y'all look good together. 563 00:28:43,151 --> 00:28:44,611 Couples, man. 564 00:28:44,694 --> 00:28:46,613 I remember... 565 00:28:46,696 --> 00:28:47,948 had my first girlfriend. 566 00:28:48,031 --> 00:28:49,532 I was about 18, 19 years old. 567 00:28:49,616 --> 00:28:51,618 My first girlfriend, she was a little cutie, 568 00:28:51,701 --> 00:28:55,330 little redbone, had deep, fucking dimples, had long black hair. 569 00:28:55,413 --> 00:28:56,783 She had green eyes. 570 00:28:56,873 --> 00:28:59,501 She had green fucking eyes. 571 00:28:59,584 --> 00:29:03,296 Only thing fucked up with Dawn was that she had a wooden arm. 572 00:29:04,922 --> 00:29:07,175 Her hand looked like she was holding a cart. 573 00:29:07,259 --> 00:29:10,095 Boy, that was my fucking baby girl. 574 00:29:10,637 --> 00:29:13,890 I remember one time I was caressing her shoulders, and I got a splinter. 575 00:29:15,100 --> 00:29:16,726 Fucking wooden arm. 576 00:29:17,727 --> 00:29:20,272 Her moms go to work at night. Me and her jump right in the shower. 577 00:29:20,355 --> 00:29:23,400 We get out of the shower. I put lotion all over my body for her. 578 00:29:23,483 --> 00:29:24,651 I was being sexy, put lotion-- 579 00:29:24,734 --> 00:29:26,903 This bitch was over there spraying Pledge. 580 00:29:37,330 --> 00:29:41,626 Went through two cans spraying that Pledge. 581 00:29:41,709 --> 00:29:44,462 That was my baby girl. We used to go out to party. 582 00:29:44,546 --> 00:29:46,423 We used to party hearty. 583 00:29:46,506 --> 00:29:48,675 DJ be like, "Throw your hands in the air." 584 00:29:48,758 --> 00:29:49,926 This bitch be like, "Hey." 585 00:29:51,178 --> 00:29:53,346 "Wave it like you just don't care." 586 00:30:09,487 --> 00:30:11,239 You know when Black girls get the weave in they hair, 587 00:30:11,323 --> 00:30:12,282 they get the weave pat, right? 588 00:30:12,365 --> 00:30:14,284 This bitch almost knocked herself out... 589 00:30:15,035 --> 00:30:16,494 ...with that weave pat. 590 00:30:16,578 --> 00:30:18,038 We had a bad breakup. 591 00:30:18,121 --> 00:30:20,958 I took my wooden arm back and made a coffee table. 592 00:30:26,171 --> 00:30:28,798 I see a lot of couples in here. Y'all look good! 593 00:30:30,050 --> 00:30:32,135 Hey, everybody got they preference. 594 00:30:32,219 --> 00:30:34,512 Everybody got they preference. 595 00:30:34,596 --> 00:30:38,850 I see all y'all. Everybody got they preference, you know? 596 00:30:38,933 --> 00:30:41,728 I got my own. I love Dominican women. 597 00:30:41,811 --> 00:30:42,889 I love-- 598 00:30:42,980 --> 00:30:44,856 See, they all around. 599 00:30:44,939 --> 00:30:47,234 The DR right here. That's DR. 600 00:30:47,317 --> 00:30:48,986 You from Sosúa? 601 00:30:50,195 --> 00:30:52,280 That's DR. I love DR. 602 00:30:52,364 --> 00:30:57,202 It's something about a Dominican woman when they go, "Ay, papi." 603 00:30:58,370 --> 00:31:01,908 "Ay, papi." That get my dick so fucking hard. 604 00:31:01,999 --> 00:31:03,875 She like, "Ay, papi." 605 00:31:03,959 --> 00:31:06,336 I'm remember one time, I was having dinner with this Dominican woman, 606 00:31:06,419 --> 00:31:09,547 and she ain't appreciate the fact that she was having dinner with Tracy Morgan. 607 00:31:09,631 --> 00:31:11,133 She's gonna say to me, 608 00:31:11,216 --> 00:31:14,761 "Papi, I need $1,080 to pay my rent." 609 00:31:14,844 --> 00:31:17,014 I said, "That's where you fucked up from the gate." 610 00:31:17,639 --> 00:31:22,227 "You fucking the wrong nigga. You should be fucking your landlord." 611 00:31:24,146 --> 00:31:25,688 She said, "Ay, papi." 612 00:31:25,772 --> 00:31:27,983 I said, "Let me pay this bitch rent. 613 00:31:28,066 --> 00:31:29,817 Fucking around with this shit. 614 00:31:29,901 --> 00:31:32,237 God damn it. What you need, two months?" 615 00:31:34,864 --> 00:31:37,117 One time, I met this fucking Dominican woman. 616 00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:40,745 Just got off the boat, ain't speak no fucking English, not a drop. 617 00:31:40,828 --> 00:31:42,789 So, in my mind, I said, 618 00:31:42,872 --> 00:31:46,251 "I could talk nasty to this chick, and she won't even understand." 619 00:31:46,334 --> 00:31:50,255 So I said to her, "I'ma eat your pussy till I burp." 620 00:31:50,338 --> 00:31:53,008 She said, "Sí, sí, sí, sí." 621 00:31:53,091 --> 00:31:56,011 I said, "Then I'ma make you suck this big bulbous dickhead." 622 00:31:56,094 --> 00:31:58,846 She said, "Sí, sí, sí, sí." 623 00:31:58,930 --> 00:32:00,807 I said, "Then I'ma fuck the shit out of you." 624 00:32:00,890 --> 00:32:02,767 She said, "Sí, sí, sí." 625 00:32:02,850 --> 00:32:06,396 And then she said, "Then you gonna give me $1,080 to pay my rent." 626 00:32:06,479 --> 00:32:08,190 I go "Oh, shit! 627 00:32:08,273 --> 00:32:10,317 She know how to talk English quick." 628 00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:13,278 She said, "Sí, sí, sí, sí." 629 00:32:14,487 --> 00:32:16,698 I love Dominicans, man. 630 00:32:16,781 --> 00:32:20,660 I spend more money on Dominicans than the Yankees spend on their farm team. 631 00:32:24,914 --> 00:32:27,417 I love them from DR. 632 00:32:27,500 --> 00:32:29,377 I'm divorced now, so I'm free. 633 00:32:29,461 --> 00:32:31,213 I got two women in my life that I'm dealing with, 634 00:32:31,296 --> 00:32:32,422 one Black and one Dominican. 635 00:32:32,505 --> 00:32:35,842 My Latin lover, she calls me her mi amor. 636 00:32:35,925 --> 00:32:37,970 She says, you are my mi amor. 637 00:32:38,053 --> 00:32:40,097 My Black woman goes, "This nigga!" 638 00:32:43,058 --> 00:32:44,434 I'm telling you, I had to let one-- 639 00:32:44,517 --> 00:32:46,603 one time, I had to let a Dominican woman go. 640 00:32:47,145 --> 00:32:50,732 She reprogrammed my fucking remote control to all Spanish. 641 00:32:51,649 --> 00:32:55,022 I don't want to look at "The First 48" in subtitles. 642 00:32:56,446 --> 00:32:59,782 How the fuck I'ma know who shot Trayvon seven times 643 00:32:59,866 --> 00:33:02,369 in front of the 7-Eleven in Memphis? 644 00:33:03,954 --> 00:33:07,624 Fucking want to read. That's why I dropped out of high school. 645 00:33:07,707 --> 00:33:09,751 I ain't feel like reading. 646 00:33:11,294 --> 00:33:15,757 I'm telling you, man, Dominican women. I love a Domi-- 647 00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:17,134 But no more young girls. 648 00:33:17,217 --> 00:33:18,635 - Papi! - No more young girls. 649 00:33:18,718 --> 00:33:22,049 No more. They wilin' out back there. 650 00:33:22,139 --> 00:33:23,765 Fucking young girls. 651 00:33:25,017 --> 00:33:27,352 Young girls, they want too much for $2. 652 00:33:29,021 --> 00:33:30,855 $2. Come on, man. 653 00:33:31,731 --> 00:33:33,900 Young girls is aggressive, and they know what the fuck they want. 654 00:33:33,984 --> 00:33:37,529 I had one say, "I'm not fucking around, okay? 655 00:33:37,612 --> 00:33:40,490 I want my eggs cracked, meaning I want a child. 656 00:33:40,573 --> 00:33:43,701 I want my name dropped, meaning I want to be married. 657 00:33:43,785 --> 00:33:45,703 I'm not fucking with you, okay? 658 00:33:45,787 --> 00:33:46,997 I'm not your bed maiden. 659 00:33:47,074 --> 00:33:49,124 I'm not your maid. I'm not your floozy. 660 00:33:49,207 --> 00:33:50,708 I'm not your other bitch. 661 00:33:50,792 --> 00:33:53,080 I'm gonna need something a little bit more substantial from you. 662 00:33:53,170 --> 00:33:55,922 Now, I know I'm not all there. Sometimes I wig out. 663 00:33:56,006 --> 00:34:00,010 But I know one thing--I am good to you." 664 00:34:00,087 --> 00:34:01,219 And then I told her, 665 00:34:01,303 --> 00:34:04,181 "I just want a Big Mac, small fries, and a Coke." 666 00:34:04,931 --> 00:34:07,350 "I don't know you. I don't know your life. 667 00:34:07,434 --> 00:34:10,020 I just would like a Big Mac, small fries, and a Coke. 668 00:34:10,097 --> 00:34:14,101 Please put napkins in the bag and give me six extra barbecue sauces 669 00:34:14,191 --> 00:34:16,818 'cause my daughter just ordered some chicken nuggets." 670 00:34:18,403 --> 00:34:19,821 "That's all I want." 671 00:34:22,615 --> 00:34:24,826 No more fucking young girls. 672 00:34:24,909 --> 00:34:26,203 Young girls is crazy. 673 00:34:26,286 --> 00:34:28,413 They either want to go to the club and dance all night, 674 00:34:28,496 --> 00:34:30,040 or they want to go home and fuck. 675 00:34:30,117 --> 00:34:32,875 Now, I'm 54 years old. I ain't got the energy for that shit. 676 00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:34,836 It's either one or the other. 677 00:34:35,878 --> 00:34:37,755 You want to go to the club and dance all night? 678 00:34:37,839 --> 00:34:40,968 Cool. You get two songs, and one of them better be slow. 679 00:34:42,344 --> 00:34:46,514 You want to go home and fuck, you get six strokes and a bullshit excuse. 680 00:34:46,598 --> 00:34:49,392 You know I got shit to do the morning. 681 00:34:49,476 --> 00:34:51,061 Craig and them bringing that truck down, 682 00:34:51,138 --> 00:34:53,438 and we got to move all that furniture off the block. 683 00:34:54,564 --> 00:34:56,649 I don't fuck with no more young girls. 684 00:34:57,442 --> 00:35:00,487 I don't even go to strip clubs no fucking more. 685 00:35:00,570 --> 00:35:03,448 I'll be in the strip club pushing females off my fucking lap. 686 00:35:03,531 --> 00:35:05,742 Get the fuck off my lap! 687 00:35:05,825 --> 00:35:08,155 You know my sciatica is acting up. 688 00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:12,665 Told you last night it was gonna flare up. 689 00:35:13,416 --> 00:35:15,668 God damn it, don't fucking play with me. 690 00:35:16,962 --> 00:35:19,631 But I must say, some of y'all look good in them fucking-- 691 00:35:19,714 --> 00:35:23,170 them jogging pants, them yoga-- them fucking tight and-- 692 00:35:23,260 --> 00:35:25,220 Some of y'all look good. 693 00:35:25,303 --> 00:35:27,264 Some of y'all good in them yoga pants. 694 00:35:27,347 --> 00:35:30,600 I'ma tell you, man, with the hips and the thighs and the ass 695 00:35:30,683 --> 00:35:32,019 and fucking camel toe. 696 00:35:32,102 --> 00:35:33,811 I don't want a camel toe. 697 00:35:33,895 --> 00:35:35,355 I want a elephant foot. 698 00:35:37,482 --> 00:35:39,692 I want a wildebeest hoof. 699 00:35:42,070 --> 00:35:43,905 I want a alligator paw. 700 00:35:45,907 --> 00:35:48,826 I had one girl, her feet was bad. You got to have pretty feet for me. 701 00:35:48,910 --> 00:35:51,663 As a woman, your feet got to be impeccable. 702 00:35:51,746 --> 00:35:54,041 You can't come in and take your shoes off in my house, 703 00:35:54,124 --> 00:35:56,834 and your fucking feet look like fucking monkey hands. 704 00:35:56,918 --> 00:35:58,628 I don't want that. 705 00:35:58,711 --> 00:36:00,713 Chimpanzee hands. 706 00:36:02,132 --> 00:36:03,300 And if your feet is pretty, 707 00:36:03,383 --> 00:36:05,385 I'm gonna fuck the shit out of you doggy style. 708 00:36:05,468 --> 00:36:07,720 I'ma give you the baboon ass. 709 00:36:08,513 --> 00:36:11,058 That shit go into that big pink baboon ass. 710 00:36:17,730 --> 00:36:20,192 I'm changing over a new leaf. 711 00:36:20,275 --> 00:36:23,195 I'm changing over a new leaf now, man. No more young girls. 712 00:36:23,278 --> 00:36:25,989 I only want to fuck with old broads, 713 00:36:26,073 --> 00:36:27,950 75, 80. 714 00:36:28,951 --> 00:36:32,454 Old broad--she takes her teeth out before she suck your dick. 715 00:36:32,537 --> 00:36:33,913 That's what I want. 716 00:36:33,997 --> 00:36:35,748 I love an old fucking broad. 717 00:36:36,541 --> 00:36:37,792 Old broads. 718 00:36:38,626 --> 00:36:42,464 Oh, my God, she smoke Pall Mall cigarettes, no filter. 719 00:36:42,547 --> 00:36:44,132 Old school. 720 00:36:44,216 --> 00:36:47,469 She got an old broad name like Blanche or Beatrice. 721 00:36:49,137 --> 00:36:50,763 Old broad. 722 00:36:50,847 --> 00:36:53,350 She got that fucking Louis Armstrong cough. 723 00:36:53,433 --> 00:36:54,684 Her voice, she talk like... 724 00:36:54,767 --> 00:36:56,979 "How you doing, Tracy? I love you, baby. 725 00:36:57,062 --> 00:37:00,898 Let me get my cigarettes, please. I love you, baby." 726 00:37:00,983 --> 00:37:02,269 She got that old-woman voice. 727 00:37:02,359 --> 00:37:03,735 "I love you, baby." 728 00:37:03,818 --> 00:37:06,571 I say some funny shit, she started laughing. 729 00:37:12,494 --> 00:37:15,872 I see trees of green 730 00:37:15,956 --> 00:37:19,334 Red roses, too 731 00:37:19,417 --> 00:37:24,131 Sky's got a bloom for me and you 732 00:37:24,214 --> 00:37:29,136 And I think to myself, what a wonderful world 733 00:37:29,219 --> 00:37:32,299 Old fucking broad, that's my shit. 734 00:37:32,389 --> 00:37:36,809 She got them fucking varicose veins everywhere, blue veins. 735 00:37:36,893 --> 00:37:39,271 I love white titties and blue veins. 736 00:37:39,354 --> 00:37:42,399 I love white titties 'cause they look like lunch meat. 737 00:37:46,028 --> 00:37:49,316 Got fucking varicose veins everywhere, even the back of her legs. 738 00:37:49,406 --> 00:37:51,074 I was fucking this old broad one time. 739 00:37:51,158 --> 00:37:54,827 The back of her legs looked like a map of the 1700s. 740 00:37:57,622 --> 00:37:59,249 I love that shit. 741 00:38:00,792 --> 00:38:02,627 I love a old broad. 742 00:38:03,420 --> 00:38:04,629 I told my brother the other day, 743 00:38:04,712 --> 00:38:07,174 I fucked this old broad so hard one time, I put her to sleep. 744 00:38:07,257 --> 00:38:10,093 My brother said, "Nigga, she was asleep before y'all started." 745 00:38:11,053 --> 00:38:12,971 "She was just taking a nap, nigga." 746 00:38:16,266 --> 00:38:17,475 I love a old broad. 747 00:38:17,559 --> 00:38:19,686 She suffers from emphysema, 748 00:38:19,769 --> 00:38:22,772 pushing that fucking oxygen tank around all fucking day. 749 00:38:22,855 --> 00:38:24,857 She wear one of these shits right here. 750 00:38:42,459 --> 00:38:44,544 Love a old fucking broad. 751 00:38:46,964 --> 00:38:50,008 Old broad got big clits. 752 00:38:50,092 --> 00:38:51,718 You ever seen an old-broad clit? 753 00:38:51,801 --> 00:38:54,471 Look like a little ding-a-ling down there. 754 00:38:54,554 --> 00:38:56,473 Her clit look like steak. 755 00:38:58,308 --> 00:38:59,851 That's that gravity pulling on-- 756 00:38:59,934 --> 00:39:02,312 Used to be innie, now it's an outie. 757 00:39:02,389 --> 00:39:04,106 Big clit. 758 00:39:04,189 --> 00:39:05,898 Big clit. 759 00:39:07,067 --> 00:39:09,611 The gravity pulling it down on it, 'cause it's just like dick. 760 00:39:09,694 --> 00:39:11,529 When you was in high school, that dick get hard. 761 00:39:11,613 --> 00:39:13,490 Remember when your dick used to get hard? 762 00:39:13,573 --> 00:39:17,202 You faint off the rope in gym because your dick get hard. 763 00:39:17,285 --> 00:39:20,705 But then you get in your 50s, your shit get flaccid. 764 00:39:20,788 --> 00:39:24,126 It still get thick, but it don't get hard. It just be flaccid. 765 00:39:25,918 --> 00:39:27,629 And old broads, they freaks. 766 00:39:27,712 --> 00:39:29,922 Wheaty beaty bing-bong freaks. 767 00:39:30,007 --> 00:39:32,092 They love the 69. 768 00:39:32,175 --> 00:39:36,423 Old broad sit on your face, and she put that big clit down your throat. 769 00:39:36,513 --> 00:39:37,930 You gonna be gagging. 770 00:39:42,144 --> 00:39:44,521 Every time you gag, your butthole close. 771 00:39:47,524 --> 00:39:49,401 Your mascara run. 772 00:39:51,194 --> 00:39:52,946 Your eyes get watery. 773 00:39:56,533 --> 00:39:58,201 You take that clit out your mouth. 774 00:39:58,285 --> 00:40:00,703 You got that long spit chain connected to it. 775 00:40:04,541 --> 00:40:07,454 She at the other end, sucking on your big flaccid dick. 776 00:40:07,544 --> 00:40:10,380 Look like she got a mouth full of Laffy Taffy. 777 00:40:10,964 --> 00:40:13,175 Mouth full of bubble gum. 778 00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:18,680 I fucked a old broad so hard one time, 779 00:40:18,763 --> 00:40:21,641 her Apple Watch detected a car crash. 780 00:40:26,646 --> 00:40:31,109 Old broads got big pussy lips, big pussy lips. 781 00:40:31,193 --> 00:40:33,278 Old broad got them big pussy lips. 782 00:40:33,361 --> 00:40:35,738 She got them old-broad pussy lips. 783 00:40:35,822 --> 00:40:38,783 Her pussy lips look like the sleeve of a wizard. 784 00:40:41,703 --> 00:40:44,081 Look like Merlin's sleeve. 785 00:40:44,164 --> 00:40:45,492 You gag. 786 00:40:45,582 --> 00:40:47,834 What is this sorcery? 787 00:40:49,586 --> 00:40:52,422 There's something magical happening here. 788 00:40:57,802 --> 00:41:00,763 Old broads got deep pussy queefs. 789 00:41:00,847 --> 00:41:03,141 Some of y'all know. Y'all know what a queef is. 790 00:41:03,225 --> 00:41:04,434 Y'all heard it. 791 00:41:04,511 --> 00:41:07,645 We love that queef. We like, yeah, talk to me, God damn it. 792 00:41:07,729 --> 00:41:10,815 That old broad sit on your big, flaccid dick. 793 00:41:10,898 --> 00:41:12,234 All you gonna hear is... 794 00:41:14,444 --> 00:41:17,524 She too old to bounce on it, so she gonna rock on it. 795 00:41:22,827 --> 00:41:26,248 Sound like a Saint Bernard sleeping by the fireplace. 796 00:41:36,049 --> 00:41:38,051 Long, deep queef. 797 00:41:45,642 --> 00:41:47,727 A old broad can multitask. 798 00:41:47,810 --> 00:41:50,188 Old broads can multitask. She be riding that dick. 799 00:41:51,856 --> 00:41:54,067 I got a brisket in the oven. 800 00:41:55,152 --> 00:41:58,280 She baste that brisket, then sit back on that flaccid dick. 801 00:42:00,698 --> 00:42:03,493 Remind me to turn that off in 20 minutes. 802 00:42:08,706 --> 00:42:11,876 I fucked a old broad wearing a Life Alert one time. 803 00:42:13,045 --> 00:42:15,088 "What is your emergency? This is Life Alert." 804 00:42:15,172 --> 00:42:18,050 "Yeah, I just sat on a big black flaccid dick, 805 00:42:18,133 --> 00:42:19,884 and I can't get up." 806 00:42:28,143 --> 00:42:30,312 You sick son of a bitches. 807 00:42:34,649 --> 00:42:37,110 I know what my calling is. 808 00:42:37,902 --> 00:42:40,655 I know what I'm supposed to be doing on this Earth. 809 00:42:40,738 --> 00:42:42,824 I know why he spared my life in that accident 810 00:42:42,907 --> 00:42:44,534 'cause I'm supposed to be here making y'all laugh. 811 00:42:44,611 --> 00:42:45,660 Let's share a laugh. 812 00:42:46,911 --> 00:42:48,455 Let's share a laugh. 813 00:42:48,538 --> 00:42:51,124 Before we leave this motherfucker, let's laugh. 814 00:43:02,677 --> 00:43:06,473 Who the fuck want to live in a world without Tracy Morgan? 815 00:43:07,140 --> 00:43:08,600 Who want to do that? 816 00:43:08,683 --> 00:43:10,685 Could you imagine me doing anything else? 817 00:43:10,768 --> 00:43:11,853 No. 818 00:43:11,936 --> 00:43:14,856 Could you imagine me working in an emergency room in a hospital? 819 00:43:14,939 --> 00:43:16,191 Hell, no! 820 00:43:16,274 --> 00:43:19,277 Doctor be like, "Tracy, we have to get this patient into emergency, stat." 821 00:43:19,361 --> 00:43:21,363 "Man, don't fucking yell at me. 822 00:43:22,197 --> 00:43:23,650 "I don't give a fuck about that doctor shit. 823 00:43:23,740 --> 00:43:27,654 Don't be fucking yelling at me, man. I got 15 more minutes on my lunch break. 824 00:43:27,744 --> 00:43:31,248 That nigga broke both his legs. Where the fuck he going? 825 00:43:31,331 --> 00:43:33,500 Fucking yell at me. That's that bullshit. 826 00:43:33,583 --> 00:43:35,585 It's the same reason why I left Foot Locker." 827 00:43:40,048 --> 00:43:42,009 This is not my first job. 828 00:43:42,592 --> 00:43:44,886 I used to work at McDonald's just like y'all. 829 00:43:44,970 --> 00:43:47,930 Young nigga trying to earn money. Worked right at McDonald's. 830 00:43:48,015 --> 00:43:50,517 Let me tell you something, my manager was pussy. 831 00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:52,769 I had that nigga under pressure, Brooklyn style. 832 00:43:52,852 --> 00:43:54,681 I had him under pressure. 833 00:43:54,771 --> 00:43:56,106 I was filling out the application. 834 00:43:56,189 --> 00:43:59,686 "Tracy, do you want to drop fries, do you want to make Big Macs, 835 00:43:59,776 --> 00:44:01,111 or do you want to take out garbage?" 836 00:44:01,194 --> 00:44:03,690 I said, "Nigga, I need to be on the cash register. 837 00:44:03,780 --> 00:44:06,533 How the fuck else I'ma get paid?" 838 00:44:06,616 --> 00:44:11,454 My cash register came up short $76 every fucking day. 839 00:44:12,497 --> 00:44:14,124 He gonna say, "Tracy, you're short again." 840 00:44:14,207 --> 00:44:16,001 I said, "Are you trying to say I'm stealing, nigga? 841 00:44:16,084 --> 00:44:18,045 Huh, huh, huh, huh?" 842 00:44:18,128 --> 00:44:20,922 Said, "No, but you're making the same mistake every day." 843 00:44:21,006 --> 00:44:23,883 Just like Red Lobster. Fuck Red Lobster. 844 00:44:23,967 --> 00:44:27,345 Try to get me to sing "Happy Birthday" to niggas I don't know. 845 00:44:28,430 --> 00:44:29,556 I don't even know these niggas. 846 00:44:29,639 --> 00:44:31,808 I ain't signing no fucking "Happy Birthday" to these niggas, man. 847 00:44:31,891 --> 00:44:33,226 I ain't no singer. 848 00:44:33,310 --> 00:44:36,563 You want to singer, hire one of the Temptations, nigga. 849 00:44:36,646 --> 00:44:38,440 What? I must sing? 850 00:44:38,523 --> 00:44:40,150 I must sing? 851 00:44:40,233 --> 00:44:42,152 I must sing? 852 00:44:42,235 --> 00:44:44,731 They say I'm crazy 853 00:44:44,821 --> 00:44:46,949 I really don't care 854 00:44:47,032 --> 00:44:49,242 Happy birthday, motherfucker. 855 00:44:55,623 --> 00:44:57,250 Tell y'all something, man. 856 00:44:57,917 --> 00:45:01,379 If y'all niggas see me dancing in my drawers in my kitchen on TikTok, 857 00:45:01,463 --> 00:45:04,049 all that Walmart money is gone. 858 00:45:06,676 --> 00:45:09,054 I tricked all of that shit up. 859 00:45:11,223 --> 00:45:14,184 Y'all remember when Dave, my man-- 860 00:45:14,267 --> 00:45:16,979 my main man Dave Chappelle got attacked 861 00:45:17,062 --> 00:45:19,564 while he was performing onstage? 862 00:45:19,647 --> 00:45:22,400 And everybody said that dude went crazy. 863 00:45:22,484 --> 00:45:24,402 Yeah, I get it. I went crazy, too. 864 00:45:24,486 --> 00:45:27,489 I just did 12 minutes on fucking an elderly woman. 865 00:45:29,241 --> 00:45:31,701 And I wrote that shit when I was quarantining. 866 00:45:34,871 --> 00:45:36,783 Listen, COVID did a number on all of us. 867 00:45:36,873 --> 00:45:38,625 Thank the Lord we outside now. 868 00:45:38,708 --> 00:45:40,668 Niggas ain't got no mask on. We doing it. 869 00:45:41,586 --> 00:45:43,713 To me, shit is normal again. 870 00:45:44,756 --> 00:45:47,300 You can eat pussy without getting sick. 871 00:45:49,677 --> 00:45:51,638 Left that nigga in the house for three years 872 00:45:51,721 --> 00:45:55,017 looking at Instagram, looking at Instagram. 873 00:45:55,100 --> 00:45:57,685 Everything on Instagram is a fucking lie. 874 00:45:57,769 --> 00:45:59,806 If you in here right now and you looking at Instagram 875 00:45:59,896 --> 00:46:03,025 and you fucking glued to that shit, you're watching a lie. 876 00:46:03,108 --> 00:46:04,734 That shit is a lie. 877 00:46:08,238 --> 00:46:11,116 DJ Khaled is not that fucking happy. 878 00:46:12,819 --> 00:46:15,703 That nigga is just as miserable as all of us. 879 00:46:15,787 --> 00:46:16,997 He's not. 880 00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:19,041 Everybody on Instagram act like they could tell you 881 00:46:19,124 --> 00:46:21,168 some shit that can make your life more successful. 882 00:46:21,251 --> 00:46:23,670 Bullshit. Look at me. 883 00:46:23,753 --> 00:46:27,174 Look at me. I had my first son at 17, okay? 884 00:46:27,257 --> 00:46:29,836 I dropped out of high school. My father died of AIDS. 885 00:46:29,926 --> 00:46:32,720 I sold crack. I got arrested a few times. 886 00:46:32,804 --> 00:46:36,891 And on top of all of that shit, I got hit by a fucking Walmart truck. 887 00:46:38,143 --> 00:46:39,846 Now, I'm not in here telling nobody 888 00:46:39,936 --> 00:46:42,355 to drop out of high school and not get their education 889 00:46:42,439 --> 00:46:44,691 and get hit by Walmart truck. 890 00:46:44,774 --> 00:46:46,776 But look how your boy turned out. 891 00:46:49,154 --> 00:46:50,822 I love you. My name is Tracy Morgan. 892 00:46:50,905 --> 00:46:52,657 Please give my love. Thanks for coming out. 893 00:46:52,740 --> 00:46:54,576 And thank you for letting me be me.