Previously on "The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City"...
Okay, listen, I don't ever wanna----ing
talk about you again or to you. Stop talking to me.
- Stop talking to me. - You put hands on people.
It's not that----ing deep, Monica.
May they find peace.
Seth and I have been through a lot of ups and downs,
so we've decided to start a podcast
about relationships.
If you were to go get a divorce,
it is not favorable for women in Utah.
I was worried that I would lose my children
and that he would leave me.
I am so focused on my daughter
that sometimes I forget that I'm a wife.
I know my husband feels neglected.
Maybe I should add intimacy to my to-do list.
I enjoyed tonight so much.
Like, you're still figuring out where you are in the journey.
This is definitely a big breakthrough for me and Lisa.
I need to be more open to your experience
and the fact that, like, instead of just being like,
it's not fair.
You can't wear strapless dresses and drink tequila.
I think it's okay to have both.
Hi, Mommy!
Hi. To what do I owe this wonderful surprise?
I just miss you so much,
and I feel like there's so much going on. I need some updates.
Uh, there is a lot going on.
It's so good to see you. You look so good.
Sunkissed.
Life is so good over here, but I...
am sad I missed the book signing
'cause I was talking to the girls about it,
and I just want to hear, like, who ca--
Like, was it, like, a good turnout?
It was really, really cool. Like, everyone came.
Lisa came. Lisa--
Lisa wrote, like, a custom rap to introduce me.
♪ Away in SLC in her new crib in her bed ♪
♪ This best-selling author laid down her sweet head ♪
It was like a big reset for us
'cause there's been so much conflict with Jack--
Drama going on. Yeah. - Yeah, and Jack going
on a mission, and I was so, like, worked up about it
and triggered by it.
And, like, it was a really cool thing for her
to, like, show up for me,
just to have that type of support just felt, like,
really fun to have everyone together.
I'm really, like, grateful,
and I wanna throw, like, a luncheon for everybody,
but I want it to be, like a spinoff of the Mormon thing,
but, like, something super fun.
You have to keep it on theme for the girls.
Right? Like a homemaking night, but not homemaking.
Since it's the month of April and April 6, 1830--
that's the founding of the Church, you know?
That's a fact that you should have memorized in Young Women.
And, like, we can kind of...
Well, I thought we could do, like, pioneer crafts,
have, like, pioneer comfort foods.
Do you think that's stupid?
I wanna thank everyone for coming to the book party,
and I wanna do it in a way that celebrates kind of the fun,
kitschy aspects of our culture, what Lisa would call
"embarrassing" aspects of growing up Mormon.
Nothing gives me more pleasure than forcing Lisa
to face traditional Mormonism
and participate in Mormon handicraft.
I mean, don't you want to see Lisa Barlow in a pioneer bonnet?
I think that's genius.
Hey.
- Hey. - What are you doing?
- Texting Anthony. - Texting Anthony?
Yeah. We're just talking about prom and the plan.
- You stole my blanket, I see. - It was out here for the taking.
It was.
Did you show him your dress, by the way? The color for his tie?
- Yeah, I told him. - Okay.
Weren't you prom queen your senior year?
Yes, I was.
Did I ever show you the pictures?
No.
Oh, my gosh. It's my time to shine.
I'm gonna get 'em, and you're gonna see.
Oh, Lord.
You're gonna die. I don't even--
Why do you have so many photo albums?
Because once upon a time, we had these things called cameras.
And it wasn't your phone,
and you had to, like, buy film and then go and develop it,
leading to photo albums.
- Just show me the pictures. - Okay.
Okay. Seriously, oh, my gosh.
Look at my boyfriend-- Actually, let's not look at him.
Oh, let's not look at that, either.
Oh, my gosh. Okay, look.
This one right here--this was my senior prom. Look it.
Aw.
And Vovó has my crown. Of course.
- Look at Vovó. - That's Vovó?
- Yes. - No, it's not.
- You're lying. - Look at me pulling her hair.
The aggression started from such a young age.
I already knew who she was out the womb.
But this was my first flight ever to Bermuda,
which was where Nana was born.
And we all went-- the whole family.
It was Christmas. Look how beautiful Bermuda is.
Oh, my gosh.
I, like, miss this.
I wanna take you guys to Bermuda.
Well, let's just go. Let's just get on a plane and go.
Okay. I actually have something really special
that I wanted to show you.
This photo album...
Not gonna get emotional.
You say that now.
Okay.
So, when my dad left when I was 4...
my mom, like, destroyed everything.
So, I don't even know what my dad looks like.
- There's no pictures of him? - No.
Vovó like, ripped 'em all up, threw everything away.
So, it was important to me
for you to never feel that.
So...
These are all pictures-- this photo album is yours now--
of me when I was pregnant with you.
But...
it's also of your dad.
Your biological dad.
I got pregnant very young.
I married her father at the time.
He left for work one day,
and my daughter was crawling on the floor.
And I could hear her playing with something,
and it was a clear plastic bag full of OxyContin.
In that moment, I grabbed my daughter,
and I never looked back.
I started dating Mike when Bri was 1.
So, that has always been Dad.
This is not the first time that Bri has seen these photos.
So, Bri is very well aware that Mike adopted her.
Because when I was going through all of this, I went to therapy.
And the number one thing that the therapist told me was
always be honest.
I don't want you to ever feel like how I felt,
which was like a whole part of me is missing.
Vovó's dressed up for my birth.
Of course, Vovó was dressed up for your birth
because it was her day.
All right, watch your step.
Thanks.
Love your outfit.
- Hi. - Hey.
- Hey, Shawn and Angie. - All right.
- We'll be right this way. - Thank you.
Thank you.
Feels kinda good to be out, huh?
- Kind of. - Yeah.
- Hi. How are you? - Good to see you again.
- Good to see you. Thank you. - Sparkling?
- Of course. - Yes, please.
Are you interested in cocktails tonight? Glass of wine?
You know, you guys get Angie a great cabernet
every time we get in here.
Yes, we will do that. And for you, Shawn?
I'll have a, uh, cup of coffee.
When you go out with younger women like me,
you gotta drink coffee.
Yeah.
Right.
Thank you.
I wanted to check and see if you guys
have made a selection this evening.
I'm gonna do your-- your special chicken.
- Okay. - And then I'm gonna have
the steak, medium rare, please. Thank you.
So, what do we talk about?
We haven't been out, the two of us, for years.
It's like a first date. Like, what do we say to each other?
- Do you like that? - It's so good.
Mm-hmm.
Mmm.
You know, just something that I've been wanting to share.
And I know it's hard with Elektra around,
but obviously at home, it's like rainbows and unicorns,
and you always want to keep it positive and--
Right.
It's like we're passing, right? Like, we're picking her up.
We're going to lessons. You're on the phone.
I'm on the phone. You're returning emails.
It's like we're together,
but it's like we're not really together.
When I'm alone with you,
sometimes I feel, like, lost for words.
This sounds so dumb, but I don't even know
what music you like anymore.
All the country music you play in your car--
I'm just cringing the whole ride.
When I first met you, you didn't listen to country.
I--I've always listened to country.
Not with me in your car.
Then you didn't care what I did
because you were so smitten and in love.
It didn't matter what I was doing.
I still love it, and I should be allowed to love it.
But it's--it's annoying.
- It's annoying. - Like I said,
when I get in yours,
and you're listening to "The Humpty Dance"--
I am listening to "The Humpty Dance."
- But that's annoying. - Why is that annoying?
So, what if "The Humpty Dance"
makes me feel like I'm 30 years old again?
- And I don't say anything. - You know what I mean?
I just let you play "The Humpty Dance."
- No, you hate it. - I hate it,
but I let you play it. - You complain.
No, I don't. I don't anymore.
It's not even about the music.
That's part of why I haven't loved being alone with you.
Like, I don't wanna feel like I'm annoying to my own husband.
You know...
it's been two years since you and I have been alone.
You know, we kind of lose the relationship stuff.
We're--We're worried about everything else.
We're worried about Elektra, the business,
starting something new, the house, building this.
And then all of a sudden you're looking around,
and it's like, okay, do we still have stuff in common?
We're not connecting on a relationship kind of a level.
How do you see us reprioritizing our relationship?
- More time together. - Yeah.
Alone, you know?
And I think Elektra's totally cool with that.
I know she is. It's just, I felt like
I need more of your attention, too.
I tend to hold things in,
and I don't wanna be a complainer.
And it felt good to let this out. I feel lighter.
And I can see that some of the challenges
that Shawn and I have between us
are things that we can actually work on.
It's time that we worry about us.
It's time that we worry about our relationship.
It's time that we have a no-compromise attitude
in terms of having this time together.
Coming up...
We are going to churn butter by hand.
Just shake it, shake it. Takes six minutes.
You know what, Heather? This is dirty.
You guys have done this for longer than six minutes,
so just get to it.
I didn't see anything.
Is it bad? Did I ruin my car?
Aah!
Oh, my gosh.
- Hey. - Hi!
- How are you? - Hi!
I just hit your rock on my car.
The plastic part hit that rock.
That giant boulder? Yes.
- I wanna have that removed. - You need to.
This is not how I wanted to start this new chapter
in my relationship with Lisa,
having her slam into the boulder.
I don't even know if my homeowner's insurance
is activated yet.
I'm gonna have to, like, start a GoFundMe
for taking out her Porsche.
I got some fast food burgers and chicken nuggets.
Okay, all my favorite things. And thanks for coming.
Yeah, thanks for having me. Do you have a scooper?
Do you wanna use this--
No, this is just two best friends hanging out.
- Oh, I love that. - Having a good time.
- We're in the bestie phase. - Two, uh...
Me and Heather are in a new phase in our relationship.
Like, she's doing everything right.
She's got all my favorite treats here.
I've got Wendy's with extra barbecue sauce,
shortbread cookies from my favorite bakery.
Literally, I hope we can stay in this space,
because it's the first time in, like, five years.
Do you have a paper towel or napkin? That's like...
- Yeah, I need one. - I cannot believe
you just opened a barbecue sauce, like,
with a white shirt on a white couch.
Girl, I'm a pro. This is-- this is easy for me.
With heart-shaped nails.
That was for Jack's mission call.
- I think he's ready to go. - I'm sure.
I mean, just to get away from us.
Like, I think he just wants to do his own thing.
It's exciting. You know, he's going to Colombia.
He's, like, irritated that I keep saying
his mission's bougie, 'cause I--
Yeah, that's irritating. Why do you do that?
And then he's like, "Mom, it's not a vacation.
It's not a shopping trip." Yeah, but in my head, it's like--
It's literally not.
Listen, this is my first kid going on a mission.
You're only allowed to shop on one day, and it's groceries.
Anyhow, how your event was so good, though, Heather.
I was, like, thrilled to have everyone there.
I'm mostly excited about, like, the place we're in right now.
- Mm-hmm. - And I feel like
I'm in a good place with everyone,
and we really haven't rewarded ourselves
for everything we've been through,
and I wanna plan a trip.
Oh, good. Where are we gonna go?
- Where do you wanna go? - Well, tropical for sure.
Ooh. Ooh, I like that.
I went out with Monica last night.
Oh, you did?
We went to this new little tiki parlor lounge.
Cheers!
She was telling me that she used to, like,
spend her summers in Bermuda.
So, I still have, like, family in Bermuda.
In Bermuda? The Bermuda Triangle?
- Bitch, the Devil's Triangle. - Oh, that's so crazy.
And I was like, "So, you're telling me
that we have people in Bermuda?"
What if we got everybody together and went to Bermuda,
like, for your birthday?
Wait, I would die! I would seriously die.
But I said, "I wanna go on this trip, but, like,
I, uh, wanna go with Lisa, and you have to apologize."
You have to make up with Lisa if we do it,
because she's gotta be invited.
- Okay, fine! - Thank you.
Let's announce the trip to everyone at the pioneer lunch.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
After all the progress we've made,
I do not want you to think that this is, like...
- Yeah, no, I get it. - ...a bitch move,
that I'm trying to, like, cause problems.
Like, I really think that she's gonna make things right,
and I think we can have a good time in Bermuda.
I-I don't care if she's there, but she's not my problem.
I don't even need an apology from her.
Like, I'm just not interested.
Yeah.
- Hello. - Hi.
- How's it going? - Good. How about yourself?
Really good. I have a friend joining me.
Rawr! Look at you.
- Hey. - You look beautiful.
- So do you. - Pretty in pink, girl.
- I ordered some oysters. - Ooh, I'm ready for anything.
And then the Egg N' Chips, some rosé.
Why don't I just do, like, a pinot noir and steak tartare?
- I'll do that. - Okay.
Okay. Thank you.
- Hi. - I don't mean to cut you off.
- Thank you. These look amazing. - They're so good.
I have so much I wanna talk to you about.
Do you know I haven't been having any girl time?
And I feel like I've been spending
more girl time with you and getting out more.
And I have loved it and needed it so much.
We're always taking care of everyone else,
and I think it's really important for us
to get together and take care of ourselves.
It is. Like you, I have kids. I have my businesses.
I don't even have time for my husband.
I talk to Lisa more than I talk to my husband, right?
How are you and Shawn?
We hadn't had a date night in two years,
and we finally went out to dinner the other night.
Two years.
For about 15 minutes, it was like--
The awkward silence?
- It's awkward silence... - I know.
...because Elektra is always with us.
I experienced that lately, too, where I'm like,
I actually don't know what to say to you.
Like, when we were first married,
Justin came home to a home-cooked meal,
wife and lingerie under the clothes.
- Like, I was like... - Every guy's dream.
...the 1950s, like...
- Yeah. - And I loved it, though.
But then I wanted more, and I wanted to develop myself.
And I have noticed,
especially with Justin going back to work,
like, now we're both just doing our own thing,
and there's, like, a void.
Yeah. Yeah.
As a couple, I just... I want him to hear me, right?
- Yeah. - Like, I...I need to be heard
because we're business partners.
Are you feeling like... you have a better work life
than you do marriage?
We haven't made time, which is, like, embarrassing to say.
We have not made time to be husband and wife, right?
So, it's like, we're never alone.
When do you have sex?
We're, like, fighting, like, even to get together
with each other, like, once a week.
I feel like I need to go home and organize more date nights
and, like, organize, like, more alone time.
- Don't organize it. Just do it. - Do it, do it, do it, do it.
What I'm missing right now is, like, having my husband back
the way that I had him.
I know.
Justin and I got to a point, though, Ange,
where it was just, like, the work is so hard,
where literally, like, last November,
it was our anniversary, and we went up to Stillwell Spa,
and we literally asked each other.
I just asked him, like, "Do you still wanna do this?"
And he's like, "Do you?" And I was like, "I don't know."
Every marriage has its ups and downs,
but Justin and I's current issue
is that we are not the same people that we were
when we got married 14 years ago.
We are now trying to navigate how to run our household 50/50.
I'm no longer a stay-at-home mom.
I have two businesses. I'm very busy.
And the way that we communicate
as a married couple is different than it used to be.
I'm more outspoken than I have been in the past.
So, it's just all of those things combined.
You guys seem so together. Looking at you from the outside,
you guys seem together. - Well....yeah.
Justin hates when I say this,
but I don't think it's natural to be married and monogamous.
Well, we're--we're like, we are animals.
And if you read about animals, they don't stay--
I'm doing a damn good job at it...
- We are. - ...but it's hard.
Animals don't stay with the same mate
their whole life unless they're a duck.
- Did you know that? - What?
See, I thought ducks would be sluts.
Look. My little Oreo "M" cookies.
Look how cute they are.
Where do you want Justin and Whitney to sit?
Um, I don't know. Wherever you think.
Seth and I have wanted to get Whitney and Justin
on the podcast for a little while now.
And, you know, with the way things have been
with me and Whitney, that was not an easy ask.
One thing you are, amongst many positive things,
is you are emotionally aware.
Thank you.
They would be amazing on our podcast.
But after a couple cocktails, we knew we'd get a yes.
They're here, honey!
Oh, fab. Let them in.
- Hey! - Hey!
Group hug, group hug, group hug.
Look at this podcaster with headphones.
Thank you guys so much for coming.
- Thanks for having us. - Yes. Look at this view.
We're excited to see your place.
Yes. Hi!
That's actually a great look.
This is actually, I think,
my favorite photo of the two of you.
Seth, your setup is really not pretty.
I'm not done.
'Cause you're a dirty, stinky boy.
I am. I'm always a dirty, stinky boy.
- So is Justin. - I actually bathe regularly.
Can I publicly apologize for commenting on your bathtub?
- Can I see your bathtub? - Oh, my God.
Can we all go get in the bathtub?
- The bathtub is ready. - We're so good on the bathtub.
Question 19--would you like to take a bath with us?
Okay. Anyway, well, welcome back
to "Hanging by a Thread" with Meredith and Seth Marks.
Joining us, Whitney and Justin Rose.
I'm just curious with the theme, "Hanging by a Thread,"
why were we your first couple invited?
The whole concept is to talk about relationships
and interesting relationships.
It doesn't mean that your relationship
is currently hanging by a thread,
but there is something of interest in your relationship
that we thought would make you
an excellent couple to come on...
- Oh, that's an honor. - ...and be a guest.
- We're happy to be here. - Yeah.
And I think people are delusional if they don't think
marriage is hanging by a thread every second.
It's always hanging by a threat.
I'm gonna go to question 18 right away.
Oh.
Craziest place you guys ever had whoopee.
That one time I hid under your desk and got caught.
- No. No. - I walked in,
and I hid under the desk. - Excuse me.
Like, dear Jesus, please don't...
- I'm gonna ask that. - So, question 19?
Under the desk with a woman standing in the room.
- HR. The head of HR. - Stop. No.
- Mm-hmm. - We're gonna leave it there.
You guys are authentic AF.
What's the hardest thing you guys ever went through?
Take us through it.
Hardest thing we ever went through?
Yeah.
Um... I would say when his dad died.
I was physically holding him when he passed.
Justin couldn't physically be there,
so I...just stepped up, and I did it,
and I held his dad's hand.
We put his mom and dad's hands together.
It was like the real-life "Notebook,"
because... that's what you do for your partner.
That's amazing.
Meredith, you look a little emotional right now.
- Yeah. - I know, 'cause...
- And that's really beautiful. - Beautiful.
- That's really beautiful. - Mm-hmm.
- You're so lucky, man. - I know.
So, to Justin's credit, that's easy for me to step up
in that moment 'cause he steps up for me every day.
Justin, you know, when he married me,
he's not only signing up for me,
he's supported my dad through his sobriety.
When we've had bad news about my siblings,
Justin has stepped in and helped.
He's helped my mother.
That's marriage, and that's being with your partner.
The sh-- that I've put that man through,
just me working my own stuff out,
most people would have left.
Like, technically, I should be on husband seven.
Everything you said, I think is probably both cathartic for you,
but also very good for all of our listeners to hear,
and hopefully we, you know, help some people
with whatever they're struggling with,
so thank you so much.
I love you guys, and I'm so happy we did this today.
- Is that a wrap? - That's a wrap.
That's a wrap!
Whoo-hoo!
Coming up...
Okay. There's a game that we're gonna play.
Our wagon has too much weight. Who do you throw off your wagon?
Wow.
Hi.
- Oh, hi, Heather. - Are you Emily?
Yes. So good to see you.
Oh, it's so nice to meet you in person. Hi.
- How are you doing? Good? - Everything looks awesome.
- Thank you. - I was just worried
about the weather, but it seems like it might hold.
It's gonna be beautiful. Yes, and this is pretty here.
- This looks spectacular. - Yes.
- Show me everything. - Okay.
- This is so wonderful. - So... we have your caterer.
- He is back in the cooking-- - Oh, Chef Ortega?
- Yeah, Chef. He's in the-- - Has he been great?
Yes, and a bartender. He's all set up there.
Okay. Wonderful. We've got their bonnets and aprons.
This is gonna be the hard sell.
If they knew this was happening, they wouldn't come.
I got the message in Palm Springs
that these ladies do not like to dress up.
But the bonnets and aprons-- they're a must.
I wanna pick mine right now based on my outfit,
what color I want to do.
I want these prima donnas
to feel a little bit of the grit that created the state of Utah.
These bonnets are brimmed to keep the sun from our face,
to keep the dust out of our mouths,
to keep us safe as we trudged across the plains.
- Well, hello! - Oh, hi!
- How are you? - Good.
Meredith Marks with her Styrofoam cup.
Let me introduce you to our barkeep.
This is a jalapeño blackberry margarita.
It's not sweet at all.
Want to try one of those? All right.
Hey!
- Hi. Mwah. - Okay. I dressed for spring.
- I know. - Thank you.
- It's Utah weather. - Oh, no.
Why are there bonnets and dresses here?
- Because I know--Listen. - Oh, my gosh, Heather Gay.
I can't tell you. It's a surprise.
- Oh, my gosh. - But you're--
- It's gonna be worth it. - Um...
- No more costumes. - We do not do costumes anymore.
- No. - Oh, good.
I would never make you guys do a costume.
I would, however, ask you to partake in honoring
our shared heritage, which is not a costume.
Um, what shared heritage?
You can pick the color that complements your outfit.
Those aren't my roots. Are we really putting these on?
Okay, let me see. Actually, you look really cute in this.
It doesn't look bad.
- You look almost virginal. - Why don't we take a picture?
Are you not gonna tie your bow?
- What the hell? - That's what I said!
- What are you wearing? - Oh, my God.
What do you mean? You don't recognize our native attire?
What the [bleep] is happening?
You wrote a book about leaving the Mormon Church.
Why are we going right back to where it started?
- Are you being serious? - Yes.
- This is for you. - As long as
we are not making vows, I can go along with it, I think.
Wow, you... [laughs] Hi!
How are you?
Pick your bonnet and apron.
That goes with the cream.
Look at you!
- Okay. How are you? - Pioneer Marks over here.
Oh, my gosh. She looks so good. Hi, Lisa.
Oh.
I woke up today and decided to choose peace.
So, yay. Happy to be here.
How dare you? - It's pioneer...
- I am not wearing a bonnet. - Oh, my God.
How dare you? Look at my hair.
I know.
Oh, my God.
- Wait. - Little Bo Peep and her sheep.
- That's your sheep. - Hello, my little sheep.
Baa.
- Baa-d girl. - I don't know.
- We just go, "b-i-itch." - Baa-itch.
Okay, I...I would like to make a toast
to all of my sister wives.
I wanted to say thank you to you guys
for showing up for the book event,
for my reading of "Bad Mormon."
And it reminded me April is the month
that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
was founded--April 6, 1830.
And so I wanted to have some fun today
and focus on the fun aspects of that--of our heritage.
We're gonna do some fun pioneer crafts,
so I hope you know how to churn butter by hand.
So, in honor of our differences,
but also the things that bring us together, cheers.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
Wait, what did they say in Pioneer times?
They said, "Get your ass over to that barrel
and keep your mouth shut. You're a woman."
So, we are going to churn butter by hand,
and all you need is heavy cream
and some salt if you like salted butter.
You take your jar, and you're gonna fill the cream up halfway.
These types of crafts are deeply embedded in our culture.
There are stores everywhere where you can buy jars
to churn butter and yarn for handkerchief dolls.
This is not something that I've had to seek out.
How do you think I found pioneer bonnets and aprons
on a moment's notice?
Just shake it. Shake it.
It's gotta hit the top of the lid and the bottom.
- Takes six minutes. - Shake.
All you have to do is shake it.
You're churning the butter, but you're churning it by hand.
Okay. What is this? The maraca churn?
That is not gonna churn your butter.
It has to hit the top of the jar.
It has to, like, be vigorous.
- You gotta, like... - I was gonna say...
It only takes six minutes.
You guys have done this for longer than six minutes,
so just get to it.
- Angie! - You guys!
- I need you to really dig deep. - Two hands! Here we go!
See, Monica got it.
Ahh!
Okay, so let's all let our butter sit,
and we'll assess it in a minute.
I'm gonna take you on to our next wonderful craft.
I raised my children that once you start something,
you have to finish it.
I don't see any butter on the table.
- Okay, so, um... - What are we doing, Heather?
When resources were small,
the pioneer children, or parents, probably the moms,
would have to go find, like, a pine cone or a rock,
and they would take one of their handkerchiefs,
draw a face, and tie a little knot
in all four corners of the handkerchief,
and that makes, like, little hands and feet.
- Oh. - So, it's a doll.
Whitney, yours looks like a giant, old-fashioned lollipop.
Sister Gay is not - ing around.
Okay, pencils down.
Meredith, present your doll to the group.
This is my Pink Pioneer.
Oh.
She's definitely wearing the icy bling.
- I love that. - She has jewels.
They'll cut her hands off for that on the trail.
I have Trina, the Trekker.
Say hello to Margaret.
- This is Celestial. - Oh.
Okay. This is Eunice.
She's a good-time girl. Watch her churn better.
Can you see your little hand?
Watch her sweep.
This is Molly to represent Molly Mormon,
which at one point I was.
And now she bears a scarlet letter
to remind all the good other pioneers on the trail,
since all of you are goody-goodies,
that this is really what the Church is about,
which is forgiveness...
and welcoming the black sheep into the fold.
Coming up...
- No! Come for her! - Monica, bring it down a level!
She's the one that sits down and starts with me.
Monica. I wanna say something.
- You're being crazy. - Monica.
- Aah! - ...anything too...
I'm over here.
So, are the bonnets staying on during the meal?
I think it's appropriate.
I'm keeping the bonnet on 'cause it's keeping the heat in.
Are we allowed to take a break from churning to eat,
or do we just keep churning? - Yes!
No, you definitely wanna take a break.
Here, you guys, the menu is, like,
created around pioneer comfort foods.
We've got, like, ribs...
some cornbread with Utah honey.
This is mac and cheese, which is a pioneer comfort food
that our ancestors would have wanted us to enjoy.
Okay. - You know, I'm only a quarter
of the way through the Book of Mormon,
but I'm pretty sure in the sacred text,
there's no talking about cornbread,
mac and cheese, and ribs.
These are funeral potatoes.
Even though you're an East Coast Mormon,
you've had funeral potatoes. - Yeah, sharing them with you.
Yeah.
- You've never had--okay. - Never in my life.
I love them. That's my favorite.
I can't even Mormon with you, Lisa.
Can we Mormon over, like, Jell-O?
These are a staple at missionary farewells.
Like, Whitney, have you ever been to a missionary farewell
without funeral potatoes?
I make funeral potatoes all the time.
I make the best. You do?
I love Mormon food. I thought Greek food was good.
This is actually really good, though.
- It's really flavorful. - Right?
Yes.
I think this is the modern take.
They probably just killed the deer and ate it.
Okay, there's another game that we're gonna play.
- Oh, my gosh. - It's a pioneer favorite.
It's called who's on your wagon?
Ooh.
Imagine you're on a wagon train.
You're crossing the plains.
The oxen are worn. You're at Winters Quarters.
The snow and early winter storm has come in,
and our wagon has too much weight,
so one person has to go.
Who do you throw off your wagon?
Wow.
Okay, Lisa, who are you kicking off your wagon train?
Um... well, I'm a big supporter of women,
so I would keep everyone
but the one that's the nastiest to women,
so, Monica, you would have to go
just 'cause you're mouthy and mean to women.
Oh, my God, you're so nasty.
- No, I'm not. - You really are nasty.
I'm honest. There's a difference.
That's not...[mockingly] honest. There's not a difference.
You're just nasty.
You like my voice so much.
You like to use it all the time. I love that.
I hate your voice so much.
Actually, it's really annoying.
I don't think that's your real voice,
to be honest, but...
You wouldn't know 'cause we're not friends.
- No, we're not. - We're not.
I mean, one of the main goals of this brunch
is for Monica and Lisa to make amends
so that we can go on this trip without all of this tension,
and Lisa opens up with "nasty to women"?
Couldn't you have said something a little softer like,
"We're scared you'll sleep with our brother-in-laws"
or... [laughs] something that we could have come back from?
You know what's nasty is comments
about someone's parent not wanting them.
- You're not my mother. - Okay, Monica.
So, I don't need to listen to you.
Loving the moments.
So, the real nasty bitch here is you.
You called your mom Ted Bundy.
My mom was very, very charming
and very charismatic and very nice,
and so was Ted Bundy.
The real nasty bitch here is you.
No, you called your mom Ted Bundy.
That's it. Period. End of story.
And anyone that could talk about their mother like that...
- Period. End of story. - ...will never be your friend.
Oh, my God, Lisa. Give me a break.
Used to kill people, have sex with them,
decapitate 'em, and eat 'em. - I would say--Oh.
That's nasty.
I'm not up to date on all my serial killer facts,
but I'm pretty sure it was Jeffrey Dahmer that ate people,
not Ted Bundy.
It makes sense that you liked the fakest one,
'cause fake likes fake.
Like, just be quiet.
No, because we weren't done. We weren't done.
- No, I was done. I was done. - We were not done with that.
Hey, remember the Greek wedding? Remember the Greek wedding?
No, you don't get to tell me when--when we're done.
And you don't get to tell me. You don't get to tell me.
Wait, this is not--Okay. Okay, okay, okay.
- You are so nasty on the inside. - Monica, the day you treated
your mother-- - You are so ugly.
I hate liars. There's nothing uglier than a liar.
- You don't know sh--. - Monica, Monica, Monica.
- No! Come for her! - Monica, bring it down a level!
She's the one that sits down and starts with me.
Monica. I wanna say something.
- You're being crazy. - Monica. Opa!
I have never done anything to her!
Be quiet for a minute!
The hypocrisy is, like, next level.
The fact that I'm being made to feel like
I'm in the wrong when I'm just defending myself
is very triggering for me.
I think this is very similar to situations
with my mom where it's like you can say
disgusting, awful, hurtful, mean things,
but you're never in the wrong.
Come on, Monica. Come on, get up. Bring your butter.
Your butter?
What, are you crying? What's going on?
I'm just being quiet.
Are you crying? What ha--
Why are you, like, a different person right now?
- What's going on? - I'm just being quiet.
You're not going?
Why? What did she say that hurt you to this point?
What?!
I'm--I'm being sincere. I don't understand.
- Were you not at that table? - Yeah, but it was tit for tat.
It was both of you guys, equal.
- No, it was all of you... - Lisa's fine. She's smiling.
...against me.
You know what?
She----ing sat down and came right for me.
- No, she didn't. It was a game. - That was not a game.
- It was a game. It was a game. - No, it was not a game.
Hey, hey, listen, if you need for me to acknowledge
that your mom's not nice to you, I'm sorry.
And by me saying I saw her being nice
does not mean I...negate any of your feelings.
The bottom line is, Heather put a lot of effort
into this lunch and this trip she planned for all of us,
and if it means, like, talking to Monica
and, like, working this out, I'm willing to do it.
Is that where I missed?
I...don't... know.
I'm just going to apologize for saying you were ugly.
- I didn't mean that. - Thanks.
It shouldn't be this way. We didn't start off this way.
Do you know what I mean? Like, let's just...
take a deep breath, move forward.
- Mm-hmm. - Come on.
Okay. Are we peaceful?
Don't have to be besties, but peaceful?
Monica apologized. We're gonna move forward.
Okay, ladies, these are not just place settings, you guys.
These are actually invitations
from Monica and me...
...to go on a spectacular girls trip
to a foreign passport-required location...
- Whoo! - Whoo!
...that we wanna share with you!
- Oh, my God! Whoo! - But I need Monica
to find her energy... - Whoo!
...and help me announce it.
Come on, Monica.
Okay, so these are the clues.
The first clue is where we're going is easy.
So, why would a seashell be important?
'Cause we're going to the ocean.
We're going somewhere near the ocean!
In fact, where we're going is an island.
- There's an island?! - Aah!
It's somewhere with what? Monica, tell them.
You're the only person here that's seen it.
Pink sand in an ocean.
Pink sand. Get your pink sand out.
- Pink sand? - Pink sand beaches.
Does anyone know where pink sand beaches exist?
Bermuda!
Oh, my gosh.
You're the smartest one here!
We're going to Bermuda.
Monica used to go there for the summers with her grandmother.
It's part of the New York mission.
It has a huge Portuguese community,
and, Monica, tell them why there's a tiny, little skull.
Because we're all going home to hell,
to Devil's Triangle, where we all belong.
Okay.
Are you okay?
I feel done. I'm done. I'm spent.
Okay, so, we're not going on the trip?
I really don't think it's a good idea for me to go.
That's how I feel right now.
Well, we planned it around you and Bermuda and your grandma...
I don't know what to-- I don't know--
...and the summers you spent there.
Yeah, that was a very different--
This is totally different energy.
Like, you were attacking her full force,
and now you're crying and acting like we all came at you?
I always really wondered why Jen
never had anything nice to say about Heather and Lisa,
and now I know exactly why.
Well, Bermuda is gonna be great fun.
- Where is that Monica? - Y'all killed her real quick.
She's dead, like Taylor Swift said.
What?
She's dead.
Next time on "The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City"...
What is your perfect man?
He's faceless. He has a ski mask on.
Is there a therapist in the house?!
I don't want Pioneer Day part two to happen in Bermuda.
I'm starting to realize that you can never
really count on what you're gonna get with Monica.
The trip is hanging in the balance.
I just got a really bad message.
What?
I feel like Lisa-- she gets nasty, that one.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
The whole thing with Angie felt icky,
and I don't wanna be around this anymore.
I am not the one bringing the tornado.
Karma comes back.
- Everything is about you. - No, it's not.
- I am always there for you! - No, I'm so sorry.
- Always there for you. - No, no, no. listen.
- Always there for you. - this. [bleep] this.