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Welcome to Spitting Image.

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I'm David Attenborough.
At this time of year,

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many programmes present
Halloween episodes,

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full of frights and horrors.

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But, in the past few years,
we've seen such genuine horror

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that we've decided to do
an episode called "Mellow-een".

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No tricks, all treats.

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Just relaxing vistas
of our animal friends,

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like these gentle mole rats.

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LION ROARS,
MOLE RATS LAUGH

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DAVID CRIES IN PAIN
To hell with your "Mellow-een"!

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# Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh

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# Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah

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# Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh

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# Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah

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# Oh-ah ah-ah-ah-ah! #

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SIRENS WAIL

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DOOR BELL RINGS
Trick or treat!

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All right, kids?
I've got a right treat for you.

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Track off me new album!

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SOMBRE PIANO TUNE
# I'm 30 now

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# Whoa-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh, ooh... #

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VOCALISING INTENSIFIES

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Fuck off, Adele!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

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Stop it! I'm 30 now!

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BIG BEN CHIMES
'WESTMINSTER QUARTERS'

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MR SPEAKER: And now
the Chancellor Rishi Sunak

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will deliver his Autumn Budget.

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Ha! Massive debt, prices soaring.

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I'd like to see
how he gets out of this one.

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Thank you, Mr Speaker.

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TO TUNE OF 'I'M TOO SEXY':
# I'm too dishy for this case

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# Just check my dishy face

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# They call me Dishy Rishi

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# I'm so dishy
I can say what I like

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# Unfreeze your wages
But at a tax hike

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# Here's lots of money
For the North East

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# Check out my tushie
I'm a sexy beast

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# I'm too dishy for this job

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# Much better than this slob

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# Don't you want me as your leader?

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# My face is so ethereal

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# Prime-ministerial

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# So vote for Dishy Rishi! #

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WHOOPING,
SHOUTS OF APPROVAL

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I commend this budget to this house
and thank you for the knickers.

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Those were mine!

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Dammit. He is dishy.

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I need something
to make me look good.

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MR SPEAKER: And now the response
from Keir Starmer.

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Bingo.

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Don't worry, Jess.
I can do sexy too.

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That's right. I've loosened my tie.

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Ah! What have I done?
I'm practically naked!

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Is anyone throwing anything?
Yeah. Huh!

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Oh! I think that's cured my COVID.
THUNK

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Jurgen Klopp, a 5-0 win for your
Liverpool side here at Old Trafford.

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You must be delighted.
Yes. Fantastic.

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Amazing! Ha-ha!

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Still, tough
for the Manchester United fans.

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But I am thinking
it is also positive for them.

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No-one has a sore throat
from cheering, and many left early,

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meaning more quality time
with their families.

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Fantastic! Amazing!

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MAN: Fuck off, Klopp!

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CROWD ROARS,
CLATTERING

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And now the fans are getting
exercise throwing things! Wow!

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Oh!

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Oh, my God.
That was a bottle of piss!

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And it's so clear. Ha!

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Congratulations
on being so hydrated!

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Fantastic!
HE GROANS

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MENACING ORGAN MUSIC,
THUNDER CRACKS

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EVIL LAUGHTER

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Welcome, everyone, to Halloween!

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The spooky night where horrible,
dead-eyed monsters walk amongst us.

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Hi, everyone! I'm here. Amazing!

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Oh, that's original (!)
He came in his Cats costume!

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I can't get it off.
Can someone help me?

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SHE SCREAMS
What's so terrifying?

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No coverage! My Insta-live is...

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SHE GASPS
..buffering!

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HE MOCK-GASPS
That's right!

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No Wi-Fi. No phones!
You're here to enjoy ME.

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Now, who wants to hear a song...

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ALL CLAMOUR EXCITEDLY

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..from my new album?

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THEY GROAN
Don't you groan at me!

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THUNDER RUMBLES

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KNIFE WHOOSHES,
SOMEONE YELPS

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Someone has killed James Corden!

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Is he definitely dead?
Let's make sure.

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ADELE GRUNTS,
JAMES YELPS

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Ugh!
Meow!

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Now he's definitely dead.

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Dear God. He's been murdered!

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We should call the police.
Or a vet?

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We can't. No phone!

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RATTLING,
SHE SCREAMS

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I've just tried the door -
we've been locked in!

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I-It won't open,
no matter how hard I dance.

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Ooh! Ooh, yeah! I'm dancin'!
Ooh, yeah! Huh, huh!

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So we're trapped in this fuckin'
party with a serial killer?!

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What makes you say "serial killer"?

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Cos some knob
has parked his hatchet in my back.

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STRAINED: Oh! I'll say...
hello... from the other... side!

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LOW: # Whoa, whoa. #
SHE GRUNTS

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EXAGGERATED SOUTHERN ACCENT:
Looks like we, uh...

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have us a mystery.
AMERICAN ACCENT: Yes.

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NORMAL VOICE:
What the hell is that accent?!

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THUNDER CRACKS

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Welcome to
the CNN Presidential Town Hall.

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Faced with
plummeting approval ratings,

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tonight, President Biden takes
questions from you, the people.

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Look, folks, here's the deal.

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We're gonna build back better.
It's no joke.

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President Biden,
COVID is still a terrible problem.

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What are you doing about it?

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Here's the deal.
We're gonna build back better.

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Look, folks, it's no joke.

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I-I lost my job in the pandemic,
my house burned down in a wildfire,

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and I'm concerned about inflation!

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Look, it's no joke.
Here's the deal, folks.

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We're gonna build back better.

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Now there's a lion.

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LION ROARS
As Americans, what do we do?

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We're gonna build back better.
Look, here's the deal.

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It's no joke, folks.

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LION SNARLS,
BIDEN GROANS

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Tough questioning from the lion,

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but that's what's great about
America's face-to-face democracy.

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Finally, a chance to address

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the most pressing question
facing the planet...

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can I score some Hamilton tickets
from Joe Biden?

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Ha! Typical Tory.

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This conference is about
something far bigger...

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showcasing my leadership
of Scotland!

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Don't you try to steal
the limelight!

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Glasgow kiss!
SHE GRUNTS

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Hey, Macron!

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If you let independent Scotland
into the European Union,

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you can enjoy
our tasty Caledonian cuisine.

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Like this!
'Aggis?

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I am not interested in a bag of guts
stuffed with offal and oats.

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Wha'?! Bloody frog.
Shove a scallop in it!

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Well said, Haggis.
Standing up for Scotland.

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Get tae Falkirk, Alex Salmond!
I'm the voice of Scotland.

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Mm!
Oh! Ma nut!

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Shame on you all.
Apologies, Your Highness.

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This is a climate change conference.

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We're here to teach
the world one thing...

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what a jolly good king I'll be!

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Caring, informed and, yes, hands-on.

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Christ, man! What's up
with those giant tatty shovels?!

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It's an affliction I have.
They swell up whenever I travel

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to climate conferences
by private plane.

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You came here by plane?

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For shame! All of you,
with your own selfish agendas.

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You've forgotten the one reason
we are here. Hit it!

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# Never going to let you go

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# Never going to tell you no

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# Never going to be a clown
And hurt you! #

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She Rick-rolled us!

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What a great, self-empowered
young woman. Heh, ho, heh...

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Mr Javid, with COVID cases rising,

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there's been talk
of Plan A and Plan B.

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As Health Secretary, do you
even know what these plans are?

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I assure you,
the data is being closely monitored

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and analysed
by a hand-picked government team

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in whom I have
the highest confidence.

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MONKEYS CHATTERING

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THEY SCREAM

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BUTTONS BUZZ

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But is there any kind
of independent oversight?

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Oh, yes. We found someone
from the private sector.

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SCREAMING

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THUNDER CRACKS

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Oh, this is a nightmare!

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In the last 15 minutes,

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the killer has decapitated
Macaulay Culkin,

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disembowelled Russell Brand

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and run Gordon Ramsay
through a blender!

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Oh! I thought
it was a strawberry daiquiri.

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Bleurgh!
WAILING: Oh, God!

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Stop barfing, David!
DAVID WHELPS

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Oh!

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THUNDER RUMBLES,
ELECTRICITY CRACKLES

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Oh, no. Someone's killed Beyonce!

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STRAINED: # Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh
Oh, no, no... #

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THUD
To solve this, we must thee-ink!

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LION ROARS
Now, a murder is like a doughnut.

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ELLEN GROANS
The sugar is like a knife,

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and the sprinkles are the evidence.

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But what is the jelly?

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Answer that, and the truth,
like the knives, will out.

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While you were blathering on,
we lost Ellen AND Taylor!

197
00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:03,880
And Ed Sheeran has had a fiddle
shoved up his Galway girl.

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00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:05,560
DOOR CREAKS

199
00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:07,680
Oh, fuck a duck!

200
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:10,480
Oh, it's a nightmare, Vanessa!

201
00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,160
Thanks to COVID, teenagers have got

202
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:14,320
an eight-month wait
for their driving tests.

203
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,920
If only we had
more trained examiners...

204
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:20,440
UGH! I'll give your kids
their goddamn driving tests.

205
00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:24,480
Tom Cruise?!
But you're a huge movie star!

206
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:26,320
Why would you want to do this?

207
00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:28,320
Because I had
an autistic brother, Raymond,

208
00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:30,160
who thought
he was an excellent driver.

209
00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:33,560
We went on a road trip,
but I took advantage of him.

210
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Now I need to show Raymond
I'm sorry.

211
00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:37,920
Wait, isn't that
the plot of Rain Man?

212
00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:39,960
I'm a Scientologist.

213
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:42,840
I have an E-meter
to prove what's real!

214
00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:49,000
Check your mirror. Stay right.

215
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:50,280
Right. Right!

216
00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:53,200
No, I mean left! Left!

217
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:55,640
Watch that truck. Hit the brakes!
HORN BLARES

218
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Whaaaa!

219
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ECHOING: I'm sorry, Raymond!

220
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:03,600
DUCKS QUACKING

221
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:04,720
Did I pass?

222
00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:08,440
HAUNTING ORGAN MUSIC

223
00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:15,120
I haven't been this scared
since Tim Rice

224
00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,160
showed me the lyrics
to The Lion King!

225
00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:20,360
It's down to us,
the last three celebrities.

226
00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:22,160
Well, two celebrities. Mwa-ha!

227
00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:25,160
I'm well known as a film producer
in my own right!

228
00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:26,520
Uh-huuuuh?

229
00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:30,120
Two frogs and a toad,
alone in a bayou.

230
00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:33,000
That means somethin'
where I come from.

231
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,960
Where? Where do you come from?!

232
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:38,200
Well, don't you see?
The murderer is...

233
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:39,640
DAVID SNARLS
..David!

234
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,760
Let him finish.
Kindness of strangers...

235
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:45,640
Okra... Gumbo...
Them Dukes... Argh!

236
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,560
THUNK
You killed him!

237
00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:50,760
I'm sorry, Elton.
I killed all your friends.

238
00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:52,080
But why?

239
00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:55,120
I'm so tired of sharing you
with celebrities!

240
00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:59,160
I just want you all to myself.
Is that such a crime?

241
00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:02,000
DRAMATIC MUSIC

242
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:05,080
No, not really. Meet me upstairs.

243
00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:08,960
Mu-ha-ha-ha!

244
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,160
DOOR CREAKS

245
00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:15,280
This year, our nation has faced
shortages in many vital commodities,

246
00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:17,520
even though
we have one of the largest

247
00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:20,160
and most advanced economies
in the world.

248
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:24,320
There are many causes,
but one thing is certain.

249
00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:28,160
ALL: # It's not because of Brexit
It's not because of Brexit

250
00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:30,840
# This is not our fault!

251
00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,200
# There were queues
At petrol stations

252
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:34,920
# And nothing on the shelves

253
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:36,200
# Fruit just left to rot

254
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,560
# And the trucks
Won't drive themselves

255
00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:41,880
# We'll call in the army
Or, if not, a band of elves

256
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:45,040
# But you can't blame Brexit
And our polls reflect it

257
00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:48,040
# Not our fault! Not our fault!

258
00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:50,960
# Can't sell clams?

259
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,160
# Not Brexit!

260
00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:54,360
# Or butcher hams?

261
00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:55,600
# Not Brexit!

262
00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:57,320
# No microchips?
# Not Brexit!

263
00:11:57,320 --> 00:12:01,160
# No planks or bricks?
# Not Brexit! #

264
00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:03,400
Although I did find a plank.

265
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,560
GROGGILY: Building back better...

266
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:09,600
# We can pass our own laws
Cos we've taken back control

267
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:13,280
# Make a trade deal with America
If they'd return our calls

268
00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:16,680
# Just don't say we did this
To get rid of the Poles

269
00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:20,320
# It's not because of Brexit
Perhaps because of Megxit!

270
00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:23,840
# Please show me the exit!

271
00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:26,720
# Not our fault! Not our fault!

272
00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:31,320
# Not our faul-l-l-lt. #

273
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,240
Well, that's the manifesto written.

274
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:35,080
How about lunch?

275
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:37,600
PIG GRUNTS AND SQUEALS
On it.

276
00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:39,120
DOOR BELL RINGS

277
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,640
Trick or treat!

278
00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:44,760
Oh. It's Joe Wicks!
My mum loves you.

279
00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:47,200
All right, kids?
I've got some sweets for you.

280
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:50,280
Awesome!
Some sweet burpees!

281
00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:52,680
And jumping jacks. Reverse lunges!

282
00:12:52,680 --> 00:12:55,680
Positive, positive, positive.
Energy, energy, energy!

283
00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:57,680
BANG
Agh!

284
00:12:57,680 --> 00:12:59,560
BIG BEN CHIMES
'WESTMINSTER QUARTERS'

285
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:05,680
Dominic, I'm thinking of making
a move, and I want you on my side.

286
00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:07,520
Boris has never been
more vulnerable.

287
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:10,760
Prices are up,
and so is his weight.

288
00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:12,720
You know I love a back-stab
as much as any Tory,

289
00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:15,280
but Boris is protected
by powerful forces -

290
00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:17,520
dark forces that no-one understands.

291
00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:23,120
That is why I am about to summon
a diabolical creature from the past.

292
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:29,400
Barnard Castle... Barnard Castle...

293
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:33,040
Barnard Castle!

294
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:34,640
Mummy!

295
00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:40,600
What mighty and powerful creature
has summoned me?

296
00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:41,920
Oh, it's you, Gove.

297
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:45,080
So, you've decided to let SOMETHING
out of the closet.

298
00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:49,360
Ahem, yes, well, anyway,
it's time to rekindle our alliance

299
00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:51,560
and finish the job we started.

300
00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:54,760
Excellent.
The country is ripe for conquest.

301
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:56,560
The power of your royal family
is broken.

302
00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:59,840
The ginger one is in exile,
the Ancient Watcher has perished.

303
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:01,960
And your woke god, Gareth Southgate,

304
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,320
has been reduced
to a confusing sex symbol.

305
00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:06,400
Did someone say "confusing sex"?

306
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:07,880
GASPS

307
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,200
Cummings! Traitorious Maximus!

308
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,680
You sly, smirking,
snitching snot-woggle!

309
00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:14,360
So you HAVE missed me.

310
00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:18,000
Well, yes, a little. Since you've
been gone, I've had to do... work.

311
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,400
It didn't have to be this way.

312
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:22,040
One more mind-meld
for old time's sake?

313
00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:24,360
Dammit, Dom, why can't I quit you?

314
00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:27,000
SPOOKY MUSIC

315
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:30,640
Yes, Cummings, clever Cummings,
melt his brains, Cummings!

316
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,840
Step away from my husband!

317
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:35,840
Urgh! Princess Nut-Nut!

318
00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:38,440
How dare you insult
my current wife?!

319
00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:42,480
It's not an insult! "Nut-Nut"
is Epsilonian for "Super Girl-Boss".

320
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,160
He's right, Boris.

321
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:47,160
I am your protector,
guardian and shield.

322
00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:50,040
I'm right behind you, Dom!
THUNDER RUMBLES

323
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:54,520
Threaten my wallpaper no longer,
alien intruder!

324
00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:56,600
Your sexual powers
will not work on me!

325
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:59,240
Zow! Zow! Zow!

326
00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:03,200
Can't... stop you. I must
know the secret of your strength.

327
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,280
My secret?

328
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,200
I have not one, but two vaginas.

329
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:09,800
Behold!

330
00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:15,760
Argh! Powerful vaginas!

331
00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,320
This is the future
the liberals want!

332
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:20,760
I banish you to the blogosphere,

333
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:24,480
where no-one will read you,
except for other bloggers.

334
00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:27,000
No-o-o-o-o-o!

335
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:30,560
Fine. But I warn you,
I'm putting up a paywall.

336
00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:32,520
Now, shall we look
at some tile samples?

337
00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:35,680
Ah, well, I was going to doddle off
and talk to the Chancellor about...

338
00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:36,880
Yah!

339
00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:38,440
Ah! I'd love to.

340
00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:42,000
I want to publicly apologise
for some flirtatious emails

341
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,400
I sent in 2008.

342
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,280
I now realise that saying

343
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:49,720
"I'd like to install my fire-stick
into your VGA port"

344
00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:51,240
COULD be misinterpreted.

345
00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:56,280
Also, the words "I'm ready to
core-dump onto your user interface"

346
00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:58,800
sound more ambiguous
than I intended.

347
00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:01,680
I am sorry. In the future,

348
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:05,640
I will choose my words carefully
to avoid any possible confusion.

349
00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:08,960
With that in mind, ladies,
I am fully erect

350
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:12,040
and have been since
the beginning of this apology.

351
00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:16,800
This is the life.

352
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:19,040
Bow hunting on my Hawaiian compound

353
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:21,320
with two guys
I paid to be my friends.

354
00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:23,760
You said it, Z-man.
You're the alpha dog.

355
00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:25,400
I am, aren't I?

356
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:27,880
A man's man,
and everyone should know it.

357
00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:29,880
Can someone put
some more insect spray on me?

358
00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:31,840
CAN HISSES

359
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:34,120
Shall we corner you
another out-of-shape pig to shoot?

360
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:37,480
It's good, but would that impress
Hemingway or Liam Neeson?

361
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:39,840
We could ship in something harder
to catch, maybe?

362
00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:42,440
You mean like...
an elite human athlete?

363
00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:44,320
That's not exactly
where I was going...

364
00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:47,400
No, no, it's a great idea.
Hmm, let's see...

365
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:53,640
Gentlemen.
Your quite mysterious owner

366
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:56,720
bought me with
the highest transfer fee ever paid,

367
00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:59,880
but how can I lead you to victory
if I am in a bamboo cage?

368
00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:02,160
All will be explained in good time.

369
00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:04,240
Now back away from the door.

370
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:05,800
Ow! Ow! Ow!

371
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:07,880
'What makes a man?

372
00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:10,280
'The gravel in his voice?

373
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,440
'The stubble on his chin?

374
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,000
'No.

375
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,600
'What makes a man
is the way he smells.'

376
00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:19,960
SNIFFS

377
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:21,920
MOANS DREAMILY

378
00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:23,840
THUD
'Pitt smells.

379
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:26,920
'The smell of Pitt. From Chanel.'

380
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:30,280
PANTS

381
00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:32,800
Hunted for days
without food or water...

382
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:35,480
and I still look fantastic!

383
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:39,840
Now, if only there were some
tiny clean pants I could pose in.

384
00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:42,000
ZUCKERBERG: Cristiano!

385
00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:48,560
Stop running away so fast.
This isn't how hunting works.

386
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:50,240
Should I release
the hunting monkeys?

387
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:53,680
No. I just need a way
to distract him for a moment.

388
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:56,720
Hmm... Got it!

389
00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:58,760
The face... so perfect!

390
00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:00,640
The chin... so strong!

391
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:02,920
The cheekbones... so high!

392
00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:05,760
Your plan worked, Z-meister.

393
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:08,280
Now take the shot.
I know I should.

394
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:11,160
But, somehow, when you get the
world's most renowned soccer player

395
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,480
in your cross hairs,
you start to think...

396
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:16,360
how graceful, how swift,
how beautiful.

397
00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:19,760
Have I come to respect my prey
too much to kill it?

398
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:25,560
On the other hand,
his head does look good on my wall.

399
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:27,840
On the plus side,
now I will be young forever!

400
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:35,280
DOOR BELL RINGS
Good evening, Mr President.

401
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,960
I know what you are!

402
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:38,880
# Heroes in a half-shell! #

403
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:41,480
One of those Ninja Turtles.
I'm Mitch. McConnell!

404
00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:45,080
Not now, man. I'm handing out candy.
A free government hand-out?

405
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,880
Socialism in the White House?!

406
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:49,800
Hop On Pop by Dr Seuss.

407
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:53,200
What are you doing, man?
I'm filibustering this doorway.

408
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,880
By reading a book
that got cancelled.

409
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:59,120
"Pop, pop, pop, hop. Hop, hop on..."

410
00:18:59,120 --> 00:19:02,960
Hey! They called a recess,
and the cameras are off! Really?

411
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:07,160
Then I'm off to my terrarium
for some lettuce and bugs.

412
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,960
I knew he was a turtle.

413
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:14,040
CROAKS

414
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:24,600
Ah. Acting is all about
showing emotion.

415
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:32,520
The shared power of symbiosis
is unstoppable.

416
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,880
I am Tom Hardy!

417
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:40,160
I will break you!

418
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,880
Now, that's a core principle.

419
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,040
GASPS
By Jove!

420
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:55,800
Who are you creepy chappies?

421
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:59,240
ALL: Hello, Papa.
We are your unacknowledged children.

422
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:02,720
Argh! The ghosts of my sex life!
Bonkergeists!

423
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:04,840
What do you want? I'll do anything!

424
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:07,160
You must learn
to be a proper father to us.

425
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:09,040
Well, not anything.

426
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:10,600
You leave us no choice.

427
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,680
We shall use our powers
to control your mind.

428
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:15,840
SPOOKY MUSIC

429
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:23,640
I must block them out.
I will think of a plate of sausages.

430
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:26,200
I MUST think of a plate of sausages.

431
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,160
Or boobs! Sausages.

432
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:29,680
Boobs.

433
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:31,960
Sausages!

434
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,240
Boobs!

435
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:37,280
Oh, it's no good. I'm defenceless.

436
00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:39,040
I AM your father.

437
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:41,280
So... that's our dad's brain.

438
00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:44,440
It's barely a brain at all.
We could put ourselves in care?

439
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:46,840
Sausages! Boobs!

440
00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:49,400
Sausages, boobs, bums!

441
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:53,320
BOTH: Sausages, boobs, bums!
Sausages, boobs, bums!

442
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,160
Being a parent's rather fun.

443
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:56,960
BOTH: Sausages, boobs, bums!

444
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:04,160
COUGHING AND SNEEZING

445
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:06,920
Son! You've got COVID!
You should be in bed.

446
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:08,800
I've gotta get this new song out.

447
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:13,160
I need to pay for underfloor heating
in the new orangery.

448
00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:14,880
Not the orangery again!

449
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:17,360
You've already
got 15 conservatories.

450
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:19,800
Orangeries are different!
SNEEZES

451
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,880
How are you gonna do a song
when you're coughing and sneezing?

452
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:23,960
Easy.

453
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:27,200
COUGHS AND SNEEZES

454
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:30,720
Now, bit of auto-tune,
slap on some Irish fiddle...

455
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:34,360
SAMPLED COUGHS AND SNEEZES

456
00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:37,600
FIDDLE KICKS IN

457
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:45,680
Ah! The floor of this orangery
is so warm!

458
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:50,080
The Emperor demands to know,

459
00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:53,840
why are we not meeting our quotas
of spice deliveries from Dune?

460
00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:56,320
I don't know, Duke Paul.
The spice harvest is low,

461
00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:59,000
and there may be treachery
in the Guild of Spacers.

462
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:00,880
Well, one thing is certain.

463
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:02,600
# It's not because of Brexit! #

464
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:04,920
Oh, sod off!
BORIS GRUNTS

465
00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:07,720
# Oh-oh-oh-oh

466
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:10,920
# Oh-oh-oh-oh

467
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:14,000
# Oh-oh-oh Oh-oh

468
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:17,080
# Oh-oh-oh-oh

469
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:20,040
# Ah-ah-ah-ah

470
00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:23,000
# Ah-ah-ah-ah

471
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,400
# Oh-ah oh-ah oh-ah

472
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:26,800
# Oh-ah! #

473
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:30,960
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