1
00:00:14,980 --> 00:00:16,980
Sorry to be a Cecil Spoilsport,

2
00:00:16,980 --> 00:00:19,980
but we can't ignore this
bullying report any longer.

3
00:00:19,980 --> 00:00:22,980
Apparently it's a bit malum prohibitum.

4
00:00:22,980 --> 00:00:24,980
I got that Latin from Legally Blonde.

5
00:00:24,980 --> 00:00:26,980
I really like that film.

6
00:00:26,980 --> 00:00:28,980
Shut up, you worthless
tae-kwon-dickhead.

7
00:00:30,660 --> 00:00:33,980
Who are they calling a bully?
I'm afraid it's you, Pritster.

8
00:00:33,980 --> 00:00:36,980
That's ridiculous. Does anyone here
think I'm a bully?

9
00:00:39,980 --> 00:00:42,340
Hey, this is my safe space.

10
00:00:42,340 --> 00:00:44,980
Get out from behind there,
you snivelling worms.

11
00:00:44,980 --> 00:00:48,980
And as for you, you foreign
succulent, you're deported.

12
00:00:48,980 --> 00:00:52,180
My best friend! Barnaby!

13
00:00:54,980 --> 00:00:56,980
Barnaby's fucked.

14
00:00:56,980 --> 00:01:00,660
I'm not reading any signs of proper
bullying like we had at Eton.

15
00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:03,980
Pritster, did you use your
private secretary's naked buttocks

16
00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:05,820
as a toast rack?
No.

17
00:01:05,820 --> 00:01:07,980
Did you whack anyone's willy
with a whiff-whaff wacquet?

18
00:01:07,980 --> 00:01:09,980
I didn't understand one word of that.

19
00:01:09,980 --> 00:01:11,980
Then we've got nothing to worry about.

20
00:01:11,980 --> 00:01:15,020
Unless... Good Lord, you didn't make
Sir Philip eat the soggy biscuit?

21
00:01:15,020 --> 00:01:17,980
No.
Well, then, case closed.

22
00:01:17,980 --> 00:01:19,980
Still, you should probably
say something

23
00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:21,980
that sounds like an apology.

24
00:01:21,980 --> 00:01:24,980
I regret it if you weaklings
found my directness

25
00:01:24,980 --> 00:01:27,660
and dedication difficult to handle.

26
00:01:27,660 --> 00:01:29,980
You ripped my heart out of my body.

27
00:01:29,980 --> 00:01:31,340
It was unintentional.

28
00:01:31,340 --> 00:01:33,980
There we are, harmless banter.

29
00:01:33,980 --> 00:01:36,980
Hey, everyone,
let's all banter Hancock.

30
00:01:40,980 --> 00:01:42,980
I'm part of the gang.

31
00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:48,980
Mr President, it's time
for the pardoning ceremony.

32
00:01:48,980 --> 00:01:52,980
Good idea. I made a short list
of things to pardon myself for.

33
00:01:54,980 --> 00:01:57,980
No, I meant the Thanksgiving turkey.

34
00:01:57,980 --> 00:02:01,020
Gotcha. I'm gonna pardon it so good,
it's gonna be beautiful.

35
00:02:02,980 --> 00:02:04,980
Howdy doody, Mr President.

36
00:02:05,980 --> 00:02:08,980
A talking turkey, huh?
College educated.

37
00:02:08,980 --> 00:02:09,980
Let's cut to the chase.

38
00:02:09,980 --> 00:02:12,980
If I pardon you,
what do I get in return?

39
00:02:12,980 --> 00:02:14,980
Well, how about we pardon each other?

40
00:02:14,980 --> 00:02:17,660
You stay out of jail at Mar-a-Lago,

41
00:02:17,660 --> 00:02:19,980
I get a new identity as a Canada goose.

42
00:02:19,980 --> 00:02:22,980
Pardoned by a turkey, sounds legit.

43
00:02:22,980 --> 00:02:24,980
But I should check
with my favourite mayor.

44
00:02:24,980 --> 00:02:26,980
Rudy Giuliani?

45
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,980
I may be negotiating with a turkey,
but I'm not crazy.

46
00:02:29,980 --> 00:02:31,980
I meant Mayor Cheeseburger.

47
00:02:31,980 --> 00:02:34,340
Last time I gave you advice,
you ate me.

48
00:02:34,340 --> 00:02:36,660
It's your fault for being delicious.

49
00:02:36,660 --> 00:02:38,980
You want a deal? How about this,

50
00:02:38,980 --> 00:02:44,980
the turkey and me team up
as the Republican ticket in 2024?

51
00:02:44,980 --> 00:02:46,980
A burger and a turkey?

52
00:02:46,980 --> 00:02:48,980
I'd never beat that, I won't allow it.

53
00:02:48,980 --> 00:02:51,980
In that case, we're eating you!

54
00:02:53,980 --> 00:02:56,020
Cut it out! You win!

55
00:02:56,020 --> 00:03:00,980
As long as I'm not hallucinating
all of this, we've just conceded.

56
00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:02,980
Turkey, Mr Mayor, happy Thanksgiving.

57
00:03:05,980 --> 00:03:06,980
Huh.

58
00:03:06,980 --> 00:03:09,980
Once again, press gets it right.

59
00:03:10,980 --> 00:03:14,980
Brad Pitt! O-M-fuzzypants-G!

60
00:03:14,980 --> 00:03:17,980
Harry Styles, I like your... dress?

61
00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:20,980
Hey, I'm a badass mother rock star, OK?

62
00:03:20,980 --> 00:03:24,980
This isn't a dress, it's a muumuu.
It's Hawaiian.

63
00:03:24,980 --> 00:03:27,020
So's my pizza, but I wouldn't
wear it with pearls.

64
00:03:27,020 --> 00:03:30,980
Oh, who am I kidding?
I'm not a badass at all.

65
00:03:30,980 --> 00:03:32,980
David Attenborough said
he'd kick me head in last week

66
00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:34,820
and it got a million likes.

67
00:03:34,820 --> 00:03:35,980
Jesus Christ.

68
00:03:35,980 --> 00:03:37,980
That's why I came to see you.

69
00:03:37,980 --> 00:03:39,980
I want everyone to know I'm hard.

70
00:03:39,980 --> 00:03:42,980
You're the most macho guy in the world.

71
00:03:42,980 --> 00:03:44,980
Please produce my next music video.

72
00:03:44,980 --> 00:03:47,980
You're on.
I'll put some hair on your chest.

73
00:03:47,980 --> 00:03:49,980
Chest hair, what's that?

74
00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:52,980
Huh! You're like
a gorilla's grandpa.

75
00:03:52,980 --> 00:03:54,980
I trim it for my topless shots.

76
00:03:54,980 --> 00:03:59,980
Now, let's make a video
Guns N' Roses would be proud of.

77
00:03:59,980 --> 00:04:04,980
♪ Watermelon sauce is fine
Yummy like a glass of wine

78
00:04:04,980 --> 00:04:07,980
♪ Yummy yummy yummy yum

79
00:04:07,980 --> 00:04:09,980
♪ Tummy tummy tummy tum. ♪

80
00:04:09,980 --> 00:04:13,980
Oh! I look like Jason Statham!

81
00:04:13,980 --> 00:04:14,980
What happened?

82
00:04:14,980 --> 00:04:17,980
I gave you a guitar to smash and
you swapped it for shooting bubbles.

83
00:04:17,980 --> 00:04:19,980
I popped one, that's macho.

84
00:04:19,980 --> 00:04:21,980
Let's try again.

85
00:04:23,980 --> 00:04:25,980
♪ Watermelon sauce is great

86
00:04:25,980 --> 00:04:28,980
♪ Spit the seeds on your plate... ♪

87
00:04:28,980 --> 00:04:32,500
Huh, putting in some Brad action
usually does the trick.

88
00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:33,980
You broke my twirly.

89
00:04:33,980 --> 00:04:36,180
Maybe you're not the right man
for the job.

90
00:04:36,180 --> 00:04:37,980
Wait, wait, wait, I got it.

91
00:04:37,980 --> 00:04:39,980
Let's go up against the elements.

92
00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:41,980
You alone...

93
00:04:41,980 --> 00:04:45,020
the raging sea... a mythical beast.

94
00:04:45,020 --> 00:04:46,980
♪ Watermelon sauce so yum

95
00:04:46,980 --> 00:04:50,980
♪ Makes me tingly in my tum. ♪

96
00:04:51,980 --> 00:04:54,980
You nailed it, Brad.
I did?

97
00:04:54,980 --> 00:04:57,340
You can see my ink, my tats.

98
00:04:57,340 --> 00:05:00,980
Nothing says macho like
a tummy tattoo of a butterfly.

99
00:05:00,980 --> 00:05:02,660
Oh!

100
00:05:02,660 --> 00:05:04,020
♪ Watermelon sauce is fine. ♪

101
00:05:04,020 --> 00:05:06,980
Hi, it's everyone's favourite Rishi,

102
00:05:06,980 --> 00:05:08,980
Rishi with the budget announcement.

103
00:05:08,980 --> 00:05:12,340
In a UK government first,
I'm accompanied by an interpreter

104
00:05:12,340 --> 00:05:13,980
for the politically deaf.

105
00:05:15,980 --> 00:05:18,180
We have been borrowing,
but there's no need for concern.

106
00:05:19,980 --> 00:05:21,980
The outlook for growth is positive.

107
00:05:21,980 --> 00:05:24,980
Your jobs are safe, your homes
are safe, your savings are safe.

108
00:05:27,340 --> 00:05:28,980
And you will have food on your table.

109
00:05:31,980 --> 00:05:35,980
We're turning the corner
and the future looks bright.

110
00:05:45,980 --> 00:05:47,980
Dad, it's me, Taylor.

111
00:05:47,980 --> 00:05:48,980
I'm home for the holidays

112
00:05:48,980 --> 00:05:51,980
on our family Christmas tree farm
that I grew up on.

113
00:05:51,980 --> 00:05:54,980
True thing. Check Wikipedia.

114
00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:58,980
I just love the snow and the trees
and our little tree elves.

115
00:05:58,980 --> 00:06:00,980
They're called migrant workers, Taylor.

116
00:06:00,980 --> 00:06:03,980
Shoo! Shoo!
Come on, come on.

117
00:06:03,980 --> 00:06:05,180
People say I'm a fake

118
00:06:05,180 --> 00:06:07,980
because I'm always late
jumping on social bandwagons,

119
00:06:07,980 --> 00:06:10,980
but here, I'm as real
as my unicorn frappuccino.

120
00:06:12,660 --> 00:06:15,980
Well, enjoy the farm while you can
cos it's going out of business.

121
00:06:15,980 --> 00:06:17,980
What?!

122
00:06:17,980 --> 00:06:20,980
Damn it, Bubba Scott, never tell her
bad news when she's frappin'!

123
00:06:20,980 --> 00:06:22,980
No-one's buying trees.

124
00:06:22,980 --> 00:06:27,980
Thanks to the damn elitist liberati
that declared war on Christmas.

125
00:06:27,980 --> 00:06:30,820
Careful, Dad, I'm an inclusive liberal

126
00:06:30,820 --> 00:06:32,980
since it tested well
in my demographics.

127
00:06:32,980 --> 00:06:35,980
Look!
'My fellow Americans,

128
00:06:35,980 --> 00:06:37,980
'everyone knows I'm the greatest man
that ever walked the Earth.

129
00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:41,980
'Now it's time to put up a monument
to number two, little baby Jesus.

130
00:06:41,980 --> 00:06:43,980
'I will pay $10 million

131
00:06:43,980 --> 00:06:46,660
'for the biggest White House
Christmas tree ever

132
00:06:46,660 --> 00:06:48,980
'but it has to be huge, really huge,
huger than my...'

133
00:06:48,980 --> 00:06:51,980
OK, we know.
That's it.

134
00:06:51,980 --> 00:06:53,980
Dad, what's our tallest tree?

135
00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:56,980
An Ol' General Hancock,
cranky Scotch pine.

136
00:06:56,980 --> 00:06:59,180
But he's not "huge".

137
00:06:59,180 --> 00:07:00,980
We have four weeks,

138
00:07:00,980 --> 00:07:04,980
enough time to grow General Hancock
tall enough and save the farm.

139
00:07:04,980 --> 00:07:06,980
It'll be a Christmas miracle.

140
00:07:10,980 --> 00:07:14,500
Shoo! Come on, get out of here.

141
00:07:15,980 --> 00:07:17,980
Well, that steak was delicious.

142
00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:20,980
Now, what to have for dessert.

143
00:07:20,980 --> 00:07:22,980
You should have the steak.
I just got a steak.

144
00:07:22,980 --> 00:07:24,980
So, clearly, you like it.

145
00:07:24,980 --> 00:07:26,980
So I recommend you reorder it.

146
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,980
People who buy steak also buy bacon,

147
00:07:28,980 --> 00:07:30,980
phone chargers and lawn fertiliser.

148
00:07:30,980 --> 00:07:32,980
This is weird.
I'm sorry.

149
00:07:32,980 --> 00:07:34,980
I'm tense because...

150
00:07:35,980 --> 00:07:37,980
OK, will you marry me?

151
00:07:48,980 --> 00:07:49,980
Oh!

152
00:07:49,980 --> 00:07:51,980
It's a sapphire! My favourite.

153
00:07:51,980 --> 00:07:54,340
And it fits perfectly.

154
00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:56,180
I had Alexa scan your body

155
00:07:56,180 --> 00:07:59,980
then cross-reference our database
of four billion customers

156
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,980
to match size, weight
and stone preference.

157
00:08:01,980 --> 00:08:05,980
You had Alexa scan my body?
Breasts first.

158
00:08:05,980 --> 00:08:07,980
That is creepy and invasive.

159
00:08:07,980 --> 00:08:10,980
Creepy and invasive
is how I make people happy.

160
00:08:10,980 --> 00:08:12,980
Well... it is a nice ring

161
00:08:12,980 --> 00:08:16,340
and you are the richest man on Earth.

162
00:08:16,340 --> 00:08:17,980
OK, back to dessert.

163
00:08:17,980 --> 00:08:20,660
You should get the bran muffin.
You're constipated.

164
00:08:20,660 --> 00:08:21,980
How do you know that?

165
00:08:21,980 --> 00:08:23,980
Alexa smells your farts.

166
00:08:25,980 --> 00:08:28,980
Folks, the presidential transition
is finally underway.

167
00:08:28,980 --> 00:08:33,980
I picked my Secretary of State,
my Secretary of the Treasury...

168
00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:35,980
Adele, are you singing
at the inauguration?

169
00:08:35,980 --> 00:08:39,340
Ha! No, mate.
I'm the Secretary of Defence.

170
00:08:39,340 --> 00:08:42,980
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa! ♪

171
00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:44,660
That's gonna shake 'em up in Iran.

172
00:08:44,660 --> 00:08:47,980
It's great to have a responsible,
law-abiding President in office.

173
00:08:47,980 --> 00:08:50,980
Can I give you a tip? You can't
go wrong with drone strikes.

174
00:08:50,980 --> 00:08:52,980
Zip, boom, bang, no questions asked.

175
00:08:52,980 --> 00:08:54,980
Could you write that down for me?

176
00:08:54,980 --> 00:08:56,340
I already did...

177
00:08:56,340 --> 00:08:59,980
in A Promised Land,
about an administration

178
00:08:59,980 --> 00:09:02,020
where character and integrity
really counted.

179
00:09:02,020 --> 00:09:04,980
$45 in finer book stores.
Who wants an autographed copy?

180
00:09:04,980 --> 00:09:08,980
I'm cool. I said, who wants
my support in the next election?

181
00:09:08,980 --> 00:09:10,340
I'll take a copy.

182
00:09:10,340 --> 00:09:12,980
50 bucks, $5 shipping.

183
00:09:12,980 --> 00:09:14,980
♪ Whoa, whoa! ♪

184
00:09:14,980 --> 00:09:16,980
Save it for the Taliban, Adele.

185
00:09:16,980 --> 00:09:19,180
Now to make the toughest choice of all,

186
00:09:19,180 --> 00:09:22,980
one that will impact all Americans
every single day.

187
00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:24,820
Attorney General?

188
00:09:24,820 --> 00:09:26,180
The new host of Jeopardy.

189
00:09:26,180 --> 00:09:28,820
Ooh, yikes.
Whoa!

190
00:09:28,820 --> 00:09:30,980
What is "glad I'm not president"?

191
00:09:30,980 --> 00:09:33,500
Now, who's ready to pre-order
Volume Two?

192
00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:35,980
Er... OK.
Yeah.

193
00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:41,980
Good Old General Hancock.

194
00:09:41,980 --> 00:09:44,020
I grew up playing on your branches.

195
00:09:44,020 --> 00:09:46,020
Here's something to help you grow,

196
00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:49,660
hush puppies and magnolia tea.

197
00:09:49,660 --> 00:09:53,980
Very Nashville considering you
actually grew up in Philadelphia.

198
00:09:53,980 --> 00:09:55,340
Yes, but market research shows

199
00:09:55,340 --> 00:09:57,980
that people prefer
my fake Southern roots.

200
00:09:57,980 --> 00:09:59,660
Taylor, this tree already growed a foot

201
00:09:59,660 --> 00:10:00,980
or I'm in short skirts.

202
00:10:00,980 --> 00:10:01,980
But you can't stop now.

203
00:10:01,980 --> 00:10:03,980
I hear even foreigners are trying

204
00:10:03,980 --> 00:10:06,980
to win this Christmas tree contest.

205
00:10:08,980 --> 00:10:10,980
Once I produce the world's
biggest Christmas tree,

206
00:10:10,980 --> 00:10:14,980
the world will finally stop saying
I look like Pooh Bear.

207
00:10:16,660 --> 00:10:18,660
Oh, bother.

208
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:21,020
How is our giant Christmas tree coming?

209
00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:23,980
Did you inject it
with tree growth hormone?

210
00:10:23,980 --> 00:10:26,980
We got mixed up and injected it
with human growth hormone.

211
00:10:26,980 --> 00:10:30,340
What did you do with
the tree growth hormone?

212
00:10:30,340 --> 00:10:32,980
We gave it to our
Olympic swimming team.

213
00:10:36,980 --> 00:10:39,340
Goodbye, Lee,
off to my college courses.

214
00:10:39,340 --> 00:10:41,980
Oh, right, er... see you later.

215
00:10:41,980 --> 00:10:44,980
Lee, when will you be
going back to work?

216
00:10:44,980 --> 00:10:46,180
I don't know if I will.

217
00:10:46,180 --> 00:10:49,820
I mean, obviously I want to,

218
00:10:49,820 --> 00:10:50,980
but I'll probably just work from home.

219
00:10:50,980 --> 00:10:52,020
You're a roofer.

220
00:10:52,020 --> 00:10:55,980
Yeah, but it's amazing what
you can do on all these video calls.

221
00:10:55,980 --> 00:10:58,660
I mean, it's not like I'm planning
to lie on the sofa

222
00:10:58,660 --> 00:11:00,980
watching The Dam Busters
on Channel 5 at five past two.

223
00:11:00,980 --> 00:11:02,980
That's very reassuring.

224
00:11:02,980 --> 00:11:05,980
Yeah, and being at home's better
for the environment.

225
00:11:05,980 --> 00:11:07,980
Think of all the emissions from my van.

226
00:11:07,980 --> 00:11:09,980
If I'm here watching The Dam Busters,

227
00:11:09,980 --> 00:11:13,820
I mean, working from home,
there's none of that.

228
00:11:13,820 --> 00:11:15,980
Oh, that's a very good point.

229
00:11:15,980 --> 00:11:17,980
I will stay home too.
What?

230
00:11:17,980 --> 00:11:21,980
Instead of taking a bus,
I can do my lessons on Zoom.

231
00:11:21,980 --> 00:11:23,980
Then we can both help the environment

232
00:11:23,980 --> 00:11:25,980
and we can have lunch together

233
00:11:25,980 --> 00:11:27,980
and worry about the melting ice caps.

234
00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:29,180
Lovely.

235
00:11:30,980 --> 00:11:33,500
Your tea, sir. Extra weak.

236
00:11:33,500 --> 00:11:34,980
A quiet night?

237
00:11:34,980 --> 00:11:36,980
No, Aneurin.

238
00:11:36,980 --> 00:11:39,980
With the heightened senses
of the Fox, I smell trouble.

239
00:11:39,980 --> 00:11:41,980
Or possibly some spoilt cat food.

240
00:11:41,980 --> 00:11:45,500
Either way, Foxman is on the prowl.

241
00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:46,980
I'll brush up the fox tail.

242
00:11:46,980 --> 00:11:50,180
Batman watches over Gotham
from the bat's high perch,

243
00:11:50,180 --> 00:11:53,980
I shall guard London
from the Fox's lair.

244
00:12:04,980 --> 00:12:07,980
This robbery is over.

245
00:12:08,980 --> 00:12:12,980
Oh, my God, it's my fiscally
irresponsible nemesis, The Borrower.

246
00:12:12,980 --> 00:12:13,980
Foxman!

247
00:12:13,980 --> 00:12:17,980
You have contravened Section 81
of the 1968 Theft Act.

248
00:12:17,980 --> 00:12:19,980
Hand over the money, Borrower.

249
00:12:19,980 --> 00:12:22,980
That's exactly what I'm gonna do,
hand it out...

250
00:12:22,980 --> 00:12:23,980
for the next furlough.

251
00:12:23,980 --> 00:12:26,980
You see, we're very alike, you and I.

252
00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:28,980
You mean, we both have nice,
thick heads of hair?

253
00:12:28,980 --> 00:12:31,980
And we both want to help
the common man.

254
00:12:31,980 --> 00:12:32,980
I see.

255
00:12:32,980 --> 00:12:35,820
Are you sure this money isn't
going on a crowd-pleasing boost

256
00:12:35,820 --> 00:12:36,980
to defence spending?

257
00:12:36,980 --> 00:12:39,980
Well, obviously we have
to take national security

258
00:12:39,980 --> 00:12:40,980
into consideration.

259
00:12:40,980 --> 00:12:42,340
I knew it!

260
00:12:42,340 --> 00:12:45,500
Your days of running up
an eye-watering deficit are over.

261
00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:46,980
With these handcuffs,

262
00:12:46,980 --> 00:12:48,980
which I use under
the reasonable force guidelines,

263
00:12:48,980 --> 00:12:51,980
as set out in the Police Act of 1972,

264
00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:53,820
I will see that you...

265
00:12:53,820 --> 00:12:55,020
Oh.

266
00:12:55,980 --> 00:12:58,980
Oh. You are a cunning foe, Borrower.

267
00:12:58,980 --> 00:13:00,500
But I will track you down.

268
00:13:00,500 --> 00:13:04,020
If not tonight, then during
regular Parliamentary Question Time.

269
00:13:05,980 --> 00:13:10,980
Foxman is bold, but he reckons
without his true enemy...

270
00:13:10,980 --> 00:13:12,980
The Joke.

271
00:13:12,980 --> 00:13:14,820
Ha-ha-ha-ha!

272
00:13:17,980 --> 00:13:19,980
You know you've got stuff
all over your face, right?

273
00:13:19,980 --> 00:13:21,980
Yes, I fell into my pudding.

274
00:13:21,980 --> 00:13:23,980
Yumminess maximus.

275
00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:29,980
I hate this film, The Dam Busters.

276
00:13:29,980 --> 00:13:32,980
They are destroying
hydroelectric facilities

277
00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:34,980
that produce clean,
emission-free power.

278
00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:36,980
Yeah, you said.
Shall we just watch it?

279
00:13:36,980 --> 00:13:39,500
And there is exactly one woman.

280
00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:41,820
Actually, I think I will
go back to work.

281
00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:45,980
Oh, no, you will stay here
and take notes

282
00:13:45,980 --> 00:13:48,980
and then we will go picket
the producer's house.

283
00:13:48,980 --> 00:13:50,980
You know what, Greta?
What?

284
00:13:50,980 --> 00:13:52,980
You're amazing.

285
00:14:03,980 --> 00:14:07,980
Why, if it isn't some practically
perfect billionaires.

286
00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:09,980
And Richard Branson.

287
00:14:09,980 --> 00:14:13,340
We realised that New Zealand
is the safest place on Earth.

288
00:14:13,340 --> 00:14:15,980
And it's easier to get to than Mars.

289
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:16,980
Just.

290
00:14:16,980 --> 00:14:18,980
I'll buy the North Island.

291
00:14:18,980 --> 00:14:19,980
I'll buy the South Island.

292
00:14:19,980 --> 00:14:21,980
I'll buy whatever is in between.

293
00:14:21,980 --> 00:14:24,980
Well, we're happy to have you
for the holidays

294
00:14:24,980 --> 00:14:27,980
as long as you sing.

295
00:14:28,980 --> 00:14:32,980
♪ It's a jolly Christmas with Jacinda

296
00:14:32,980 --> 00:14:36,980
♪ New Zealand is so very far away

297
00:14:36,980 --> 00:14:40,980
♪ We aren't very fond of immigration

298
00:14:40,980 --> 00:14:44,980
♪ But if you've got a billion
You can stay

299
00:14:44,980 --> 00:14:48,980
♪ Everybody here is really happy

300
00:14:48,980 --> 00:14:52,980
♪ Everybody does as they are told

301
00:14:52,980 --> 00:14:56,980
♪ It's a jolly Christmas With Jacinda

302
00:14:56,980 --> 00:15:00,980
♪ It's summer
But it's really fucking cold. ♪

303
00:15:00,980 --> 00:15:04,980
But, Jacinda, Elon Musk tested
positive for coronavirus.

304
00:15:04,980 --> 00:15:08,020
We can't have anyone
complaining about that.

305
00:15:14,820 --> 00:15:15,980
Once upon a time,

306
00:15:15,980 --> 00:15:19,980
a mother and her son lived
on a farm in the country.

307
00:15:19,980 --> 00:15:22,980
Jack, what happened to our cow?

308
00:15:22,980 --> 00:15:25,980
I set her free, Mother.
I've decided I'm vegan.

309
00:15:25,980 --> 00:15:27,980
Oh, but what will I eat?

310
00:15:27,980 --> 00:15:30,980
I need healthy red meat for my anaemia.

311
00:15:30,980 --> 00:15:32,180
I've got soy beans.

312
00:15:32,180 --> 00:15:34,980
They'll supply all the protein
and nutrients you need.

313
00:15:34,980 --> 00:15:36,340
It's practically magic.

314
00:15:36,340 --> 00:15:39,180
Oh! Oh, no!

315
00:15:39,180 --> 00:15:42,660
Jack was right, those beans were magic

316
00:15:42,660 --> 00:15:45,180
and they grew a giant beanstalk

317
00:15:45,180 --> 00:15:47,980
right to a foreign country
full of giants.

318
00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:51,820
Fee-fi-fo funtry,

319
00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:55,980
I'm going to live in your country.

320
00:15:55,980 --> 00:15:57,980
Jack, get my shotgun!

321
00:15:57,980 --> 00:16:01,820
I gave that away too.
I'm opposed to self-protection.

322
00:16:06,980 --> 00:16:10,980
Don't let anyone take away
your beef and guns!

323
00:16:14,340 --> 00:16:17,180
Movie celebrities, we need your help.

324
00:16:17,180 --> 00:16:19,980
This year, the Oscars have a problem.

325
00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:21,980
No Black film makers?

326
00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:23,980
No vagina film makers. Vagina.

327
00:16:23,980 --> 00:16:25,980
Worse, no movies.

328
00:16:25,980 --> 00:16:27,980
Well, there was one movie - Tenet.

329
00:16:27,980 --> 00:16:29,980
Yeah, but nobody made it to the end.

330
00:16:29,980 --> 00:16:32,180
Hey, this is an opportunity.

331
00:16:32,180 --> 00:16:34,980
Why not throw the Oscars open
to anything.

332
00:16:34,980 --> 00:16:36,660
Any video shot by a celebrity.

333
00:16:36,660 --> 00:16:37,980
I like it.
Genius.

334
00:16:37,980 --> 00:16:39,980
Or you could just admit

335
00:16:39,980 --> 00:16:43,980
that the Oscars are a giant hypefest
that nobody cares about

336
00:16:43,980 --> 00:16:44,980
and cancel them.

337
00:16:44,980 --> 00:16:47,980
Kevin, what did I say
about being negative?

338
00:16:47,980 --> 00:16:48,980
Don't you put me in a cooler!

339
00:16:48,980 --> 00:16:50,660
No!

340
00:16:55,980 --> 00:16:58,980
I don't know how, Taylor,
but you did it.

341
00:16:58,980 --> 00:17:02,980
General Hancock is big enough
to win the Christmas tree contest.

342
00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:06,980
You ready to murder a tree,
Dick Chainy?!

343
00:17:06,980 --> 00:17:08,820
Ha-ha!

344
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:10,020
It's time to cut him down?

345
00:17:10,020 --> 00:17:13,980
Oh! I never thought this day
would come.

346
00:17:13,980 --> 00:17:16,980
I kind of fell in love with him.

347
00:17:16,980 --> 00:17:20,020
Oh, sweetie, you got a tender heart.

348
00:17:20,020 --> 00:17:23,980
Grab some goggles,
it's gonna be flying tree guts!

349
00:17:23,980 --> 00:17:26,980
Can I have a moment to say goodbye?

350
00:17:26,980 --> 00:17:29,980
Well, sure, but tick-tock.

351
00:17:29,980 --> 00:17:32,980
♪ Lost little girl Taking her chances

352
00:17:32,980 --> 00:17:35,980
♪ Searching for roots
Got caught in your branches

353
00:17:35,980 --> 00:17:38,980
♪ I packed my trunk Went out on a limb

354
00:17:38,980 --> 00:17:42,340
♪ Now I must give you The ultimate trim

355
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:45,980
♪ Christmas trim

356
00:17:45,980 --> 00:17:49,660
♪ I wanna be strong
Don't wanna be sappy

357
00:17:49,660 --> 00:17:52,980
♪ But your car freshener smell
Makes me so happy

358
00:17:52,980 --> 00:17:55,980
♪ When you needle me
You're all bark and no bite

359
00:17:55,980 --> 00:17:58,980
♪ And now I must say Woo-oo-oo

360
00:17:58,980 --> 00:18:02,820
♪ The final good...
Woo-oo-oo ♪

361
00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:04,980
Oh, God, just fucking kill me already.

362
00:18:04,980 --> 00:18:07,980
What?
I hate your terrible music.

363
00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:11,980
Oh, hell no!

364
00:18:13,980 --> 00:18:17,980
Hurry, I can still hear it in my brain.

365
00:18:18,980 --> 00:18:22,340
The prize for biggest tree goes
to Taylor Swift

366
00:18:22,340 --> 00:18:25,340
who, by the way,
is a big loser who hates me.

367
00:18:25,340 --> 00:18:28,980
I saved the farm and learned
a wonderful Christmas lesson.

368
00:18:28,980 --> 00:18:31,980
If someone disses you,
slice him through the brain

369
00:18:31,980 --> 00:18:33,660
and write a hella good song.

370
00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:37,980
♪ If the tree is gonna throw
Shade, shade, shade, shade

371
00:18:37,980 --> 00:18:40,980
♪ I'm just gonna
Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut

372
00:18:40,980 --> 00:18:44,340
♪ Cut it down
Cut it down. ♪

373
00:18:44,340 --> 00:18:46,980
I'm dead and it still hurts!

374
00:18:52,980 --> 00:18:55,020
Ha-ha! That'll be my new wig.

375
00:18:55,020 --> 00:18:57,980
Fantastic.
Leave it there and fuck off.

376
00:18:57,980 --> 00:18:59,980
Elton.
Shut up, David!

377
00:19:03,340 --> 00:19:06,980
You can put the VAT return forward
into the next quarter...

378
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,980
Colin?

379
00:19:08,980 --> 00:19:10,980
Colin? You've frozen, mate.

380
00:19:10,980 --> 00:19:12,980
Double-O sod it!

381
00:19:15,980 --> 00:19:18,980
And so the dark night continues

382
00:19:18,980 --> 00:19:20,980
with no sign of activity

383
00:19:20,980 --> 00:19:23,980
on the security camera
in my back garden.

384
00:19:23,980 --> 00:19:27,020
Wait, it looks like possibly
a cat or fox.

385
00:19:29,340 --> 00:19:30,980
No, it's nothing.

386
00:19:30,980 --> 00:19:32,980
Will something fucking happen!

387
00:19:37,980 --> 00:19:41,660
Kim, I dropped my damn phone
down the toilet.

388
00:19:41,660 --> 00:19:43,980
And the Oscar goes to...

389
00:19:43,980 --> 00:19:45,660
Oh, vagina.

390
00:19:45,660 --> 00:19:46,980
..Tenet.

391
00:19:47,980 --> 00:19:50,980
And now, a moment of silence
for James Corden.

392
00:19:59,820 --> 00:20:00,980
Oh, amazing.

393
00:20:00,980 --> 00:20:03,980
What an honour!

394
00:20:03,980 --> 00:20:06,660
So touching. Amazing!

395
00:20:10,980 --> 00:20:13,980
All right, we got 15 minutes
to clear out the White House

396
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:14,980
before Biden moves in.

397
00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:17,980
Take anything that's not nailed down.

398
00:20:18,980 --> 00:20:21,980
This copper will fetch a pretty
penny at the Chinese market.

399
00:20:21,980 --> 00:20:26,980
Mr President, the used car dealer,
you have a car for sale?

400
00:20:27,980 --> 00:20:29,980
Right, the presidential limo.

401
00:20:29,980 --> 00:20:31,500
She's a sweet ride.

402
00:20:31,500 --> 00:20:32,980
$1,500?

403
00:20:32,980 --> 00:20:36,980
Make it $1,200.
That's called "the art of the deal".

404
00:20:36,980 --> 00:20:38,980
Biden's on his way.

405
00:20:38,980 --> 00:20:39,980
All right, everybody out.

406
00:20:39,980 --> 00:20:43,820
Hee-hee! I've left a surprise
for little old Joe,

407
00:20:43,820 --> 00:20:45,980
some smart, very smart,
stable genius booby traps.

408
00:20:45,980 --> 00:20:48,980
It's been an honour serving you, sir.

409
00:20:50,980 --> 00:20:53,660
I'm the best thing that
ever happened to you, baby.

410
00:20:57,980 --> 00:21:01,980
Crap, I still need to leave
my presidential goodbye letter.

411
00:21:01,980 --> 00:21:03,980
I wrote it in stink ink.

412
00:21:05,500 --> 00:21:07,980
Ooh! My booby trap!

413
00:21:12,180 --> 00:21:13,980
Hey, I paid for four!

414
00:21:14,980 --> 00:21:16,980
I gotta get out of here.

415
00:21:27,180 --> 00:21:29,980
I hope you like purple nurples, Biden.

416
00:21:29,980 --> 00:21:31,980
Ow! Ow!

417
00:21:31,980 --> 00:21:33,980
Ow! It's me, you idiot!

418
00:21:34,980 --> 00:21:36,980
Well, at least that was the last one.

419
00:21:36,980 --> 00:21:39,980
Hello. Anyone home?

420
00:21:39,980 --> 00:21:41,980
Help, I'm trapped in a bucket!

421
00:21:41,980 --> 00:21:43,980
I've been there.
Help!

422
00:21:44,980 --> 00:21:46,980
Good day, I'm Prince Andrew.

423
00:21:46,980 --> 00:21:49,980
The producers of Spitting Image
have asked me down to the studios

424
00:21:49,980 --> 00:21:51,980
so they can personally apologise

425
00:21:51,980 --> 00:21:54,980
for any mistreatment I received
at the hands of the show.

426
00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:56,980
And they jolly well should.

427
00:21:56,980 --> 00:21:57,980
"Sorry..." they said

428
00:21:57,980 --> 00:22:01,980
"..for what happened in episodes
one, five, seven and, of course,"

429
00:22:01,980 --> 00:22:03,980
"for the very last moment
of the series."

430
00:22:04,980 --> 00:22:07,980
Last moment of the series?
What can that mean?

431
00:22:07,980 --> 00:22:09,980
Ooh!

432
00:22:12,980 --> 00:22:16,980
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