1
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:23,959
Argh!
That's for ruining Cats.

2
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:27,960
♪ All alone in the moonlight. ♪

3
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:30,479
Hello, I'm Prince William.

4
00:00:30,480 --> 00:00:33,799
Last week,
I created the Earthshot Prize,

5
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:36,639
a way of really trying
to sort out the environment,

6
00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:38,479
which I own so much of.

7
00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:42,159
If we don't act now to preserve
our ancient countryside heritage,

8
00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:43,959
how will our children be able

9
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,960
to enjoy the environment
the way we did?

10
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:50,959
Like shooting grouse.

11
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:53,959
That's it, kids, fire at will!

12
00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:59,959
If we all work together,
we can make a difference.

13
00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:05,959
Stupid Twitter Corporation.

14
00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:08,959
They've got a problem
with my Tweets.

15
00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:10,799
"Stick to the truth," they say.

16
00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:12,959
I thought I made
sticking to the truth illegal.

17
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:14,959
Big deal. What are they going to do?

18
00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:17,959
Now the Twitter app
fact-checks me instantaneously

19
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:19,959
and zaps me if I lie.

20
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:21,959
I never lie.

21
00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:23,959
The economy is working great
for everybody. Send.

22
00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:27,799
My re-election odds are excellent.

23
00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:29,959
Trump Tower does not have
a 'roach problem. Send!

24
00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:31,959
Argh!

25
00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:34,479
Darling, your heart has stopped.

26
00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:35,959
You're dying.

27
00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:39,639
Got... to send...
most important Tweet... ever.

28
00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:41,319
Melania...

29
00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:43,959
I love you.

30
00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:47,639
There we go, heart restarted,
I'm in perfect physical shape.

31
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,959
I-I should Tweet that.

32
00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:52,159
Argh!

33
00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:55,479
The Prime Minister
will see you shortly.

34
00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:59,959
All right, the plan is
to meet the coronavirus,

35
00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:01,319
tackle the problem head-on.

36
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:04,959
It's the worst thing for
the Tory Party since Tony Blair.

37
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:06,959
Yes, it's killed
almost as many people.

38
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,959
Besides, life's no fun any more.

39
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:11,959
All the zip-line parks are closed.

40
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:13,959
The answer is simple - deport it.

41
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:16,959
Karate chop it. Hi-yah!

42
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:17,960
Stab it in the back.

43
00:02:17,961 --> 00:02:20,959
No, I'm going to face the virus down

44
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:23,959
like Churchill versus the Nazis.

45
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:26,959
I'm going to buy it off
with a seat in the House Of Lords.

46
00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:28,319
Oh, the virus will love that.

47
00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:29,959
It's warm, damp
and full of old people.

48
00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:34,159
One note of caution - make sure
the virus is pro fox-hunting,

49
00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:36,959
or the party will go mad.

50
00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:39,959
The fans are livid we've fired
our mascot, Gunnersaurus.

51
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,959
We need a replacement fast.

52
00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:43,959
What is it that people like
about Gunnersaurus?

53
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:45,959
I don't know. He's a lumbering,
tiny-brained monster

54
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:48,959
that winds up the crowd
and will do anything for attention.

55
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,959
I've got the replacement right here.

56
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:54,960
Hello, snowflakes. Roar!

57
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:57,959
Right, let's talk turkey.

58
00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:01,959
But I must remind you,
I'm not led, I lead.

59
00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:03,999
Non ducor duck.

60
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:07,479
I think you mean "non ducor duco".

61
00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:10,959
Unless you wanted to say,
"I'm not led, I'm a duck."

62
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:15,639
What? I had no idea you were
so smart and sophisticated.

63
00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:17,959
And you're female?

64
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:22,959
I reproduce through asexual
parasitic DNA replication.

65
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:23,960
VIRUS SLURPS Close enough.

66
00:03:23,961 --> 00:03:27,959
I'm feeling a real connection
between us.

67
00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:29,959
Look, it's been a long day,

68
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:33,959
maybe we should go somewhere
more... comfortable.

69
00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:36,959
Ooh, maybe we should.

70
00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:45,799
So, uh...
tell me all about yourself.

71
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:48,799
Well, I've got
a phospholipid envelope

72
00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:50,959
which encloses protein binders.

73
00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:52,959
God, you're sexy.

74
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:55,959
Let's hear something
to get us in the mood.

75
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,959
'You turn if you want to.

76
00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:01,959
'The lady's not for turning.'
Maybe just quiet time.

77
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:02,999
Whatever, darling.

78
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:06,959
It doesn't bother you
that you're not my first?

79
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,959
Well, I find it
an oddly weird turn-on

80
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,959
that you've already been inside
several million men.

81
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:15,959
Ooh, that's good, baby.

82
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:18,959
Oh! Not that one.

83
00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:21,959
Right, avoid spike 17.

84
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:23,959
I'm going to remember that.

85
00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:25,959
So you're sure you wanna do this?

86
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:27,960
I don't see any downside.

87
00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:38,959
Not my child, looks nothing like me.

88
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:47,479
And you are?

89
00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:48,959
Idris Elba.

90
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:51,959
I've been told by the fucking
government I have to retrain.

91
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:54,959
Rethink, reskill, reboot, Rishi.

92
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,959
Rishi came up with that.

93
00:04:56,960 --> 00:05:00,959
No problem. I can do anything -
act, produce, write, direct,

94
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:02,959
smoulder.

95
00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:05,159
Oh, Idris!

96
00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:15,959
Yah, listen to me. After COVID,
all of those skills are useless.

97
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:19,959
I can kickbox, rap, DJ,
advertise Sky TV...

98
00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:20,960
Er, thing is, all of those skills

99
00:05:20,961 --> 00:05:23,959
were useless before COVID,
my friend.

100
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:27,959
I've got to check this.
Could be about James Bond.

101
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:28,960
Ah-ha.

102
00:05:28,961 --> 00:05:30,319
Yeah.

103
00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:31,959
Ah-ha.

104
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:32,999
Course I want it.

105
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,959
But extra pepperoni
and no garlic bread.

106
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:37,959
That was the missus calling
about dinner.

107
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:40,959
Oh, yeah,
Pizza Hole's Monday Madness.

108
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:42,959
Rishi came up with that too.

109
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:45,959
Are you gonna retrain me
for a new job or what?

110
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:47,959
Hm, I'll just enter your job history
into the computer here.

111
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:52,959
So we've got detective, cat,
guardian of the bridge of time,

112
00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:55,959
and the answer is... care worker.

113
00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:59,959
Hang on, bruv,
the computer ain't even turned on.

114
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,960
Rishi knows.

115
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:05,960
'Ere, you, this tea's cold.

116
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:10,799
SHE SIMPERS Oh, it's lovely.

117
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:18,959
Took us a while,
but we're finally moved in.

118
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:20,479
Won't need these any more.

119
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,959
Can crowns go in the recycling bin?

120
00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:25,959
Toss them on the Goodwill pile.
Out with the old.

121
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:28,959
In California,
we're just a regular couple

122
00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:31,959
living close to Oprah
and far from the paparazzi.

123
00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:34,959
Ooh. But not too far.

124
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:38,959
The best thing is,
no more following Granny's rules.

125
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,959
"Don't wear your pants on your head,
Harry."

126
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:42,959
"Don't barf on the butler, Harry."

127
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:45,959
If I want to play polo
in my living room,

128
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:47,960
who's gonna stop me?

129
00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:50,959
Stop that!
Right away, Megs.

130
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,959
Guys, we're calling for
a total national lockdown,

131
00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:55,959
a clear difference
between us and the Tories,

132
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,999
but you're my Shadow Cabinet,
I need you to help me sell it.

133
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,959
Keir?
Yes, Anneliese?

134
00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:03,319
I need to go to the toilet.

135
00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:06,959
Well, can't you go on your own?
You're the Shadow Chancellor.

136
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,959
I'm frightened.
I can't take you now.

137
00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:11,959
I've got Prime Minister's Questions
in a minute.

138
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:15,959
Um, Keir, one of the big boys
stole my sandwiches.

139
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:18,159
John, you're Shadow Secretary
for Defence,

140
00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:19,959
this shouldn't keep happening.

141
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,159
My mummy made them.

142
00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:23,959
And you should be making
your own sandwiches now.

143
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:25,959
Erm...
Yes, Nick?

144
00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:27,959
This better be something
to do with the Home Office.

145
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:30,959
I've drawn a picture of my doggy.
And it's very good.

146
00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:33,959
But I need some quotes from SAGE
about the circuit-breaker.

147
00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:34,960
Can't you do it?

148
00:07:34,961 --> 00:07:36,959
No, I always do it.

149
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:39,319
Look, you guys
are gonna have to step up

150
00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:41,959
and start taking
some responsibility.

151
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:44,479
NICK CRIES Don't cry.

152
00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:45,959
What is it now, Anneliese?

153
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:47,959
I've wet my pants.

154
00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:56,959
Knock, knock, anybody home?

155
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,959
I'm your next-door neighbour,
LeBron.

156
00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:00,960
Welcome to the cul-de-sac.

157
00:08:00,961 --> 00:08:02,959
Baked you a cake.
Thanks, mate.

158
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,959
Can I offer you something?

159
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:06,479
Garbage crown?
I'm good.

160
00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:09,959
I just wanna say,
in the cul-de-sac, we're like a team

161
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:11,959
and any good team follows the rules.

162
00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:13,479
Rules?
Yeah.

163
00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:17,639
Like the TEAM keeps the noise down
after 7.30 when I go to bed.

164
00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:19,799
The TEAM keep their hedges trimmed

165
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,959
and the TEAM doesn't park
their big-ass Land Rover

166
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:23,159
in front of my driveway.

167
00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:25,959
Sounds like the team
is all about you.

168
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:26,960
That is not true.

169
00:08:26,961 --> 00:08:29,639
Just read the book,

170
00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,959
then take the quiz,
then move your car

171
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:33,959
and put your trash cans away.

172
00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:35,959
You're worse than my grandmum
with your rules.

173
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:37,479
Well, I'm done following orders.

174
00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:40,959
If you've got a problem,
let's settle this the American way

175
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:41,960
on the polo field.

176
00:08:41,961 --> 00:08:43,959
I'm not riding a fucking pony.

177
00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:45,159
My feet drag on the ground.

178
00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:47,959
Fine, you name the game.

179
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,799
Basketball.
Never heard of it.

180
00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:51,639
Bucket soccer?
Oh!

181
00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:53,959
You're on.
Best two chuckers out of three.

182
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:56,959
Whatever.
Just tidy up your hydrangeas.

183
00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:57,999
Oh, by the way,
have you seen my polo ball?

184
00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:59,960
No, I have not.

185
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:06,960
Table for one, please.

186
00:09:06,961 --> 00:09:09,959
But room for more. I'm sure
people will want to join me.

187
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:11,959
Oh, Ivanka Trump.

188
00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:13,959
I'm sorry, we're all full up.

189
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:15,959
There's a table right by the window.

190
00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:17,960
No, there isn't.

191
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:25,959
I get it. This is New York
where everyone hates my father,

192
00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,959
and sure, like any good daughter,
I enable him,

193
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:31,959
but deep down inside,
I'm just a liberal New Yorker.

194
00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:33,319
Just ask Spike Lee.

195
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,959
Oh, food poisoning.
Get better, Spike.

196
00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:40,959
Oh, my gosh, there's Beyonce.

197
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:42,959
I know her from, like,
a million Kennedy Center Honors.

198
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,959
Is this seat taken?

199
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:46,960
Yes, there's hot soup on it.

200
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:49,999
Oh, people don't know
how funny you are,

201
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,959
but I do, because we're friends.

202
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,959
Squad goals!

203
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,959
Ms Trump, if you don't mind.

204
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:57,959
Look, I'll sit anywhere.

205
00:09:57,960 --> 00:09:59,959
My father won't be President
much longer,

206
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:01,959
I've got to re-establish myself

207
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:03,959
among the New York
movers and shakers.

208
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:06,959
Well... we do have a small booth.

209
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:14,959
How are you enjoying your booth?
I like the drawings.

210
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:17,960
Glass of champagne?
Yummers.

211
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:24,959
Leave through the kitchen
when you're done.

212
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,959
I can't believe you got into a fight
with LeBron James.

213
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:33,959
He's a basketball superstar.

214
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:37,959
Have you tasted his ball cake?
It's good, I know.

215
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:39,959
But no-one bosses me around.

216
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:41,959
Getting tight with LeBron
would be huge for us.

217
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:44,799
He does movies, runs charities.

218
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,959
He could star in our first
big Netflix documentary.

219
00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:50,959
I thought that was about how my mum
was exploited by the media.

220
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:52,959
Yes, the terrible, terrible media.

221
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:57,959
You have to call off
this dumb challenge.

222
00:10:57,960 --> 00:10:59,319
Megs, I can't back down.

223
00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:01,959
I need to feel proud of myself
for once

224
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:05,799
by crushing my neighbour
at bucket soccer.

225
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:07,959
Oh, you're so sweet
when you're an idiot.

226
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,160
Besides, I've been practising.

227
00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:14,959
Megs, what's
the basketball equivalent

228
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:16,960
of poisoning someone's pony?

229
00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:21,959
Hi, everyone.
I hope you love TikTok like I do.

230
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:23,959
I especially love how
it has new links

231
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:25,959
to the Chinese Communist Party.

232
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:28,479
Sir, the Central Committee
is delighted

233
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:29,959
with the latest TikTok numbers.

234
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:31,479
Not now, Qian.

235
00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:35,959
Some people say that TikTok is
a conspiracy to steal private data.

236
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:38,319
That's silly. TikTok is for fun.

237
00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:40,959
So I am going to show you
a fun, new dance

238
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,959
called the Jinping Shuffle.

239
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:44,959
It's easy and everyone must do it.

240
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:46,959
I mean "should".

241
00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:47,960
Hit the music, Qian.

242
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,959
♪ Put your hand on your head
Just like that

243
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:55,159
♪ Then lean to the side
And lean to the back

244
00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:57,959
♪ Get your face in tight
On your camera

245
00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:00,959
♪ And give us a close-up
Of each retina

246
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:02,959
♪ Hit the floor with your pangolin

247
00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:04,959
♪ Then type in
All your bank card PINs

248
00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:07,959
♪ The Jinping Shuffle
Is all the rage

249
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:10,159
♪ Shout out your name
Address and age

250
00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:13,319
♪ Xi Xi Jinping

251
00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:15,799
♪ The People's Republic Of China

252
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:18,800
♪ 67 and hot

253
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,959
♪ The Jinping Shuffle
Should not be missed

254
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:25,640
♪ So we'll send this link out
To your contact list. ♪

255
00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:30,159
And that's the Jinping Shuffle.

256
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:32,959
Make sure to like and follow

257
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,160
and don't worry,
I already follow you.

258
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:41,959
Pence, I'm gonna lose this election
unless I remind people

259
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:44,799
how great, really great, I am.

260
00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:48,959
I need a big foreign policy win,
like when I took down Bin Laden.

261
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:49,960
That wasn't you, that was Obama.

262
00:12:49,961 --> 00:12:51,999
I told you never
to say that name here.

263
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,319
Sic him. Take his eyes.

264
00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:55,799
Argh!

265
00:12:56,960 --> 00:12:59,799
Actually,
there's a dangerous situation

266
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,959
between India and China
here in the Himalayas.

267
00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:05,959
It's a long-running border dispute
dating back to 1842

268
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:07,959
when the Indians held off
a Chinese invasion.

269
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:10,959
Boring! Show me the fun way.

270
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,959
We're China, we claim this land
as part of our empire.

271
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:20,959
No way, it's part of the Sikh empire
which will one day be part of India.

272
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:23,959
What do I look like,
a Wheel Of Fortune egg head?

273
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,959
Dumb it down.

274
00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:28,959
Once upon a time,
high on a mountain,

275
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:30,959
there was a big hamburger.
How big?

276
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:33,959
50 square miles.
Jesus Christ!

277
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:35,959
I want the hamburger.
I want the hamburger.

278
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:37,959
I want the hamburger!

279
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:40,959
Exactly, sir, the problem is
there's only one hamburger.

280
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:42,959
That is a tough, tough situation.

281
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:45,959
Mike, this problem has touched me
deeply, very deeply.

282
00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:47,959
In the spirit of friendship
and respect,

283
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:51,639
I vow to bring peace to these
two craptastic countries.

284
00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:53,959
Excellent, sir, you're so decisive.

285
00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:54,960
Now, get back to the briefing

286
00:13:54,961 --> 00:13:57,959
and put some lady puppets in there,
hot ones.

287
00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,959
Ha-ha! Ha, ha.

288
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,959
Hmm. Hmm.
Mm.

289
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,959
The bloody northerners
are whinging about lockdown again.

290
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:10,959
I thought that's why we built a
giant ice wall between us and them.

291
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:12,319
That's Game Of Thrones, sir.

292
00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:14,959
Some of them are complaining
they're lockdowned too strictly

293
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:16,639
and the others are complaining

294
00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:18,319
they're not lockdowned
strictly enough.

295
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:22,960
What if we treat each city
according to its individual needs?

296
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:26,159
I'll go and stand behind the plant.

297
00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:28,959
You're from the north,
aren't you, Dom? Durham.

298
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:30,959
Yes, that's where my pod
was stranded...

299
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:32,959
I mean, where my parents are from.

300
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:35,479
And it's where you went
for your eye test that time.

301
00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:36,959
Eye test, yes.

302
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,959
I certainly wasn't
moulting my exoskeleton.

303
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,959
Exoskeleton, eh?
Obviously you speak their language.

304
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:45,959
Why don't you take a trip up there,
see if you can sort them out.

305
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:49,959
Of course. But just in case
I don't speak their language,

306
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:51,959
or indeed know anything
about them at all,

307
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:55,799
allow me to learn what you know
with a quick mind-meld.

308
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:58,959
I mean, there's something
in your ear. Ah.

309
00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:00,479
Zow, zow, zow.

310
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:03,479
I know the north.

311
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:05,959
Mayors of the great
northern dominions,

312
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,319
I am here to listen to your demands.

313
00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:10,959
Why are you holding this meeting
in a pub?

314
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,959
According to my information,
this is your natural habitat.

315
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:17,959
Look, I bring your favourite
northern snacks,

316
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,959
tripe, black pudding
and knock-off cigarettes.

317
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,959
Mm, delicious.

318
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:23,959
Nom, nom, nom.

319
00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:28,959
You haven't got a clue about us.
I mean, what planet are you from?

320
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:30,959
The planet Durham.

321
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,959
Look, we just want to be treated
with a bit of respect.

322
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:35,959
To make decisions
that make sense for us.

323
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:36,960
I see.

324
00:15:36,961 --> 00:15:39,319
And to get drunk in massive crowds!

325
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:44,959
I have heard you. Fear not,
you have a voice in government.

326
00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:48,959
Wow, I am feeling so much gratitude.

327
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,959
A few weeks ago, I took a big risk
and endorsed Joe Biden,

328
00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:54,959
a candidate that most people
in America like,

329
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,959
and people liked me for it.

330
00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:59,959
I set a record
for Instagram followers.

331
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:02,999
Life lesson -
always speak your truth.

332
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,959
You set a record
for an American man.

333
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,959
Ariana Grande and Cristiano Ronaldo
kick your butt.

334
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:11,959
Not now, Kevin.
I'm just speaking my truth.

335
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:13,959
The point of this video is
I'm grateful.

336
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:17,639
No, the point is,
buy my terrible tequila.

337
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:19,799
I'll be back in a second.

338
00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:20,959
Nothing goes better with gratitude

339
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:23,959
than a glass
of my Whatamana tequila,

340
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:25,959
the tequila with the worm.

341
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:31,959
OK, Dom,
how do we handle the northerners?

342
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,959
Annihilate them
and build the giant ice wall.

343
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:40,959
Infrastructure project, wonderful.

344
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:42,960
We'll put a garden on top of it.

345
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:48,960
Can't stop eating these.

346
00:16:55,960 --> 00:17:00,959
LeBron, I'm so happy
we're neighbours. I suppose.

347
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,959
Listen, Harry said he challenged you
to a friendly game of b-ball.

348
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:05,159
Don't call it that.

349
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:08,959
But the thing is, he's in
a real fragile space right now

350
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:11,799
so you think you could
go easy on him?

351
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:12,959
Like, let him win?

352
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:16,959
You want me to deliberately lose
a game of basketball?

353
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:21,799
Just hoping you could help me out,
be a team player.

354
00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:22,959
Who said I'm not a team player?

355
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:24,959
Are you saying
I'm not a team player?

356
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:25,960
I'll lose this game if I want to.

357
00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:27,960
I can miss a shot. Check this out.

358
00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:33,959
I'll work on it.

359
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:37,959
Ah, another rainy October day
in old Brexity Britain.

360
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:41,960
Oh, I could really use
an island getaway. Me too.

361
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:50,000
Another Blonde Bombshell for you,
Prime Minister. Ooh.

362
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:56,960
Even for a fantasy,
seems a bit much.

363
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:05,959
Ah.
Miss Patel?

364
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,959
We refugees have been waiting
so long.

365
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:10,959
When do we go to Great Britain?

366
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:12,959
When you can name
every English monarch,

367
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:14,959
earn £30 million a year

368
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,959
and drink 15 pints of Stella
and still drive.

369
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,959
He dodges, he weaves, he deceives.

370
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:30,959
Yeah, you've got mad skills.
OK, I concede the game. We done?

371
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:34,639
Oh, not until you've been schooled
right proper, you giant piss pot.

372
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:36,959
Now we're done.

373
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:41,959
I'm in the net. Ten points for me!

374
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:48,959
Hey, Grimes.
Been working on your latest megahit?

375
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,959
No, I had our baby.

376
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:52,959
Oh, right, congratulations.

377
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:54,959
Are you going somewhere, honey?

378
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:57,959
I'm not sure how to break it to you,
Grimey,

379
00:18:57,960 --> 00:18:58,999
but I'll put it as gently as I can.

380
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,479
I'm going to Mars forever, see ya!

381
00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:03,959
Wait, Mars? Like, over by Jupiter?

382
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,959
I've always wanted to see that area.
It's more of a business trip.

383
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:08,959
I'm starting
a whole new civilisation.

384
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:11,959
And I'll be the songwriter
for that civilisation.

385
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:13,959
Just think, a whole planet

386
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:17,959
with nothing but my music
playing on and on and on...

387
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:19,959
Oh, Jesus.

388
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:20,960
Oh, I totally got an idea.

389
00:19:20,961 --> 00:19:24,959
♪ Mars, Grimes on Mars

390
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:26,960
♪ Red planet. ♪

391
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,799
♪ Mars, Grimes on Mars

392
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,959
♪ Red Planet. ♪

393
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:38,959
No, no, you need to stay here
to look after little XA12.

394
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,959
You mean our baby?

395
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:42,959
No, my prototype
self-driving submarine.

396
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,959
OK, darling, at least leave me
something to remember you by.

397
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,959
Like your money.
It's all yours, Grimey.

398
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:51,959
I've got five billion in Bitcoin.
The password is "one".

399
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:54,960
♪ Red planet. ♪

400
00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:01,959
Sir, about the China-India
border crisis in the Himalayas.

401
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:04,959
We need to send a top negotiator
with impeccable qualifications.

402
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:06,959
I've got just the family member.

403
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,639
Oh, no, not Jared. Anyone but Jared.

404
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:10,959
Send in Jared.

405
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:15,959
Ivanka, sweetie, how are you doing?

406
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,960
J-Man! Put it there.

407
00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:24,959
Kushy, I got a mission
only you can handle.

408
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:27,959
I'm sending you to the Himaloomoo
Mountains in Southeast Crapistan.

409
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,959
Himalayas, Indian subcontinent.

410
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:33,959
That's right, Jared, get in there.
Use your charm and personality,

411
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:37,959
that electricity we all feel
when you explode into the room.

412
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:39,959
Whoa, calm down!

413
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:42,799
Save that bashing
for the Himaloomoo hillbillies.

414
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,959
Jare Bear,
this could be great for our image.

415
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:47,799
Bringing peace to the world
would really impress

416
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:49,959
my liberal New York friends.

417
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:51,959
Please? Oh, thanks, Boo Boo.

418
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,959
We're in, Daddy.
Great.

419
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:57,159
You leave tomorrow
and learn the Chinese language,

420
00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:58,959
whatever it's called.

421
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:00,960
Good boy. That's my whiz kid.

422
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:08,959
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa. ♪
All right, sweethearts!

423
00:21:09,961 --> 00:21:12,959
That mug Rishi Sunak said musicians
should retrain for other jobs,

424
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:13,960
so I did.

425
00:21:13,961 --> 00:21:15,960
I'm a car alarm.

426
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:23,159
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa. ♪
Ha-ha-ha!

427
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:27,959
Well, I played a great game
and LeBron did his best,

428
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:29,959
but I'm willing to call it a draw.

429
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:32,959
You can call it that
if I can call myself a movie star.

430
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,959
The main thing is
I stood up for myself

431
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:37,959
and earned the respect
of our new neighbour.

432
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:41,799
And new friend?
Get out of my hot tub.

433
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:48,319
I'm David Attenborough,
sitting in my own garden.

434
00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:52,959
By pure chance, a miracle of nature
is happening right in front of me.

435
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:56,959
A butterfly about to emerge
from chrysalis.

436
00:21:56,960 --> 00:22:00,959
And thanks to Instagram,
I can share it with the...

437
00:22:01,961 --> 00:22:02,999
Why is this thing buzzing
and flashing?

438
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:04,959
Did you remember
to charge your phone?

439
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:06,959
No, I fucking didn't remember to...

440
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:09,480
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