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00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:18,160
Hi, guys. Joe Wicks back
for lockdown number two.

2
00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:20,960
Now, just because we've been
through all this before,

3
00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:22,320
doesn't mean we have to slack off.

4
00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:24,960
Staying positive and exercising
for mental health

5
00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:26,960
is even more important.

6
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,960
So, let's stay positive,
positive, positive.

7
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:31,960
Star jumps, press-ups...

8
00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:37,000
CORONA SIGHS

9
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,960
Mind if I join you, kid?

10
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:41,960
Hey, didn't you use to be the flu?

11
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I am still am, baby.

12
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Boy, hasn't been the same
since my press agent died on me.

13
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:49,960
You look down in the dumps.

14
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They've got a vaccine against me.

15
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90% effective.

16
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That's the business, kid.

17
00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:57,960
One minute you're grabbing
the headlines

18
00:00:57,960 --> 00:00:59,960
hosted by presidents
and prime ministers,

19
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next thing,
you're a seasonal infection

20
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:02,960
people treat with nasal spray.

21
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Oh, wow! Hey, that hurts!

22
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:08,960
Anyway, I heard you killed
with the mink.

23
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Mink? It's a Beverly Hills rat!

24
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Still, it beats bats and pangolins.

25
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God, I hate the taste of pangolins.
Eurgh!

26
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Hey, respect your roots.

27
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You don't hear me dumping on ducks.

28
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Well, what am I supposed to do now?

29
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Relax.
You think Chickenpox is worried?

30
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He's throwing kids' parties.

31
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And his Uncle Shingles is huge
with the cruise ship crowd.

32
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Yeah. Maybe I just gotta
mutate with the times.

33
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That's the spirit.

34
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Shots?
Shots?

35
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I'm joking, kid. Loosen up.

36
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A toast to the anti-vaxxers,
cos there ain't no cure for stupid.

37
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THEY LAUGH

38
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Do you mind if I get the barman?
Go for it.

39
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SQUELCHING

40
00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:05,960
This could take a while.

41
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,960
New James Bond auditions,
Black Baby Yoda, take one.

42
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HE GROWLS
Bond, my name is.

43
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You've got the part.

44
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# California dreaming... #

45
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Harry, it came, it finally came.

46
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It's an invy
to a fancy formal event.

47
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The Obama Foundation Awards Gala.

48
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Oh, is this one of them
socks and shoes things?

49
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The important thing is,
Michelle will be there.

50
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She's turning her book Becoming
into a big-budget movie.

51
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This is my chance to convince her
I'd be perfect to play the lead.

52
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When they go low, we go high!

53
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Fantastic.

54
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I will be-coming
to watch that movie!

55
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HE CHUCKLES
Hang on.

56
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:53,960
This invitation is for LeBron James.

57
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Dur! I've been rifling through
his mailbox every day

58
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:59,960
so I could grab it before he does.
Brilliant.

59
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,960
I'd do anything to land a role
in that movie.

60
00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:02,960
Even read the book?

61
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,800
Not anything anything.

62
00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:05,960
BABY BURPS

63
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Oh!

64
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God I miss home.
Any word from sweet lady Earth,

65
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the World Wide Wench?

66
00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:21,960
With the votes finally tallied
and the lawsuits just beginning,

67
00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:22,960
we can confirm that

68
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:25,960
the next President
of the United States is

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Joe Biden!

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Piece of shit.
EXPLOSION

71
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Joe Biden won.

72
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So what's the big catastrophe that
sent us scurrying across space

73
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like schoolboys
scared of a firecracker?

74
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I really don't get it.

75
00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:42,960
Why did my future self warn me
to leave Earth?

76
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:45,960
So after I shot him head first
into the wall and knocked him out,

77
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I whispered into his ear,
"Mars needs your genius."

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His colossal ego did the rest.

79
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OK, OK, so let me understand.

80
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Elon Musk, our greatest entrepreneur
is trapped on Mars forever.

81
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Not just Elon.

82
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Also Jeff Bezos and Richard Branson.

83
00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:06,160
THEY CHEER
CELEBRATORY MUSIC

84
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:09,960
I am bloody well miffed.

85
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:13,320
One of you wibbling weasels
leaked my lockdown plan.

86
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I tell you something in secret,
a second later it's on the news.

87
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PHONE CHIMES

88
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"Breaking news - Boris annoyed
at wibbling weasels."

89
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Right, that settles it.

90
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:25,960
Dom, find out
who is our leakius maximus.

91
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It'll be my pleasure.

92
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:29,000
Let's start with you, Sunak.

93
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Wait!
Here's ten million quid

94
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:35,480
for one of your mates in the form
of a public sector contract.

95
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I have no mates...
until the time of the swarming.

96
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I will see what is in your brain
with my mind scan

97
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,960
I learned in the torture domes
of Epsilon Five.

98
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I mean Russia. I mean Durham!

99
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:48,960
Hey! Watch the hair.

100
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:49,960
EXTRATERRESTRIAL MUSIC

101
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,960
Rishi, Rishi, Rishi.
Rishi, Rishi, Rishi.

102
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Unbridled ego.

103
00:04:58,960 --> 00:04:59,960
Definite leaker.

104
00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:09,960
I'm sorry about the R number,
Mr Cuddles.

105
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:18,640
Weakness equals leakness.

106
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:25,960
Hm, my mind meld fuse blew.

107
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,960
There must be something
really horrible inside this one.

108
00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:30,960
It's not illegal
if you just think it.

109
00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:33,960
Well, Domo, who's our rat?

110
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All of them, obviously.

111
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Hand over your phones and
everything else in your pockets.

112
00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:44,960
PHONE BEEPS

113
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,640
"That freak Cummings
has to go by Christmas."

114
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Who leaked that?

115
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:51,960
Oh, come on,
it could have been anyone.

116
00:05:54,160 --> 00:05:57,960
My elusive cellphone has found
its way off the dinner table

117
00:05:57,960 --> 00:05:59,960
and is lost somewhere on the floor.

118
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,960
Still, if we take care,

119
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,960
there is still time to recover
the phone without damage.

120
00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:07,640
CRACKING
Oh, fucking shit!

121
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:12,640
LeBron, I can't believe
you never got your invitation.

122
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:15,960
I personally licked the stamp.
Double licked it.

123
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Dropped through the slot,
the whole shebang.

124
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:18,960
Never got it.

125
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:22,160
I'm only here because I was walking
by and saw my name on the marquee.

126
00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:23,960
Damn Post Office.

127
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:26,960
I should have shut that whole
operation down when I was in charge.

128
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,800
He still angry your book
sold better than his?

129
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,960
Trust me, that's a whole chapter
for my next book.

130
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:36,960
Blimey, Megs, you're a dead ringer
for Michelle Obama.

131
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:39,160
When everyone sees
how perfectly I channel her,

132
00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,960
they'll totally give me the role.
Hang on.

133
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I have to direct your movie.

134
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:45,960
No-one understands
the Black experience like me.

135
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:46,960
HE SPLUTTERS

136
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:50,960
I got it all mapped out, an homage
to '70s Indonesian kick-boxing.

137
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,640
Two guys talk about Count Chocula
for 20 minutes.

138
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:54,960
Mitch McConnell gets ice-picked.

139
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:57,960
Do you know who'd be great
to play Michelle?

140
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:58,960
Meghan Markle.

141
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,960
I do love resuscitating
has-beens' careers,

142
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,320
but I'm not a fucking magician.

143
00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:05,960
Boris Johnson,
talk us through that performance.

144
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:08,960
I think we were always
going to concede.

145
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:11,960
Rashford was devastating on the left
and in the centre and on the right.

146
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:13,160
I told the boys they should be proud

147
00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:15,800
of holding the line
as long as they did

148
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:17,960
and on another day,
we'd have got something,

149
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,320
especially against your Labours,
SNPs and Lib Dems.

150
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:21,960
What about the own goal?
Which one?

151
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:25,960
Good point. What was the mood like
on the back benches?

152
00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:27,960
Foaming with right-wing populism.

153
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:31,640
What about funding extra sports
facilities for disadvantaged kids?

154
00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:33,960
Absolutely not.
Out of the question.

155
00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:35,960
I didn't quite catch that.

156
00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:37,960
Ah, Rashford. Yo, my man.

157
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:40,960
I said how does
two billion quid sound?

158
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:44,960
EERIE MUSIC

159
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:48,960
Er, hello. Joe Biden here
for my teeth clean.

160
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:49,960
Step forward.

161
00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:57,960
Welcome to
the Chamber of the Chosen.

162
00:07:57,960 --> 00:08:00,960
Hey, thanks.
Where do I rinse and spit?

163
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:03,960
That appointment was merely a ruse
to lure you here.

164
00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:05,960
We are the Illuminati.

165
00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:07,960
You have achieved great power,
Joseph Biden.

166
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:11,960
Now, you are eligible to join
our elite order.

167
00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:13,960
I'm already in a lot of clubs,

168
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,960
the Automobile Club,
the Haircut Club at Scissors.

169
00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:19,960
We control currencies,
manipulate markets,

170
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:21,960
communicate with the dead.

171
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:23,960
Yeah, but I'm one punch hole away

172
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:25,160
from a free haircut.

173
00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:26,960
Oh, goodbye yellow brick road.

174
00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:28,960
Membership in our sacred order

175
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,960
does not preclude
your quaint haircut arrangement.

176
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:35,960
Just saying I'm hearing
a lot of sizzle but no steak.

177
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,960
I see we must give you
a demonstration of our power.

178
00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:40,960
Behold.

179
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:48,960
A free breakfast buffet?
I'm in.

180
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:50,160
Great, great.

181
00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:52,960
Technically it's free...
with the entrance fee.

182
00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:55,000
Here it comes, the catch.

183
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,960
The good news is that
if you recruit two members,

184
00:08:57,960 --> 00:08:59,960
you get a share
of their entrance fees.

185
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:03,960
And if they recruit two members,
you get a quarter of that.

186
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:07,960
So this thing's not so much
a conspiracy as a pyramid scheme.

187
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:09,960
Well, it is the logo,
it's not like we're hiding it.

188
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:11,960
Why do you rich, famous people

189
00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:14,960
need all these robes and skulls
and sex rituals?

190
00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:16,960
We didn't say anything
about sex rituals.

191
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:19,640
Fresh ideas, let him speak.

192
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:21,000
What's the point
of a secret organisation

193
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:22,960
that everybody knows about

194
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,960
and you can't get anything
you don't already have?

195
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:27,480
And no sex rituals.

196
00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:28,960
I'm not saying no.

197
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,960
I'm just saying
I've got dirty teeth.

198
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:34,960
Fine! Take a seat, love.

199
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,960
GONG SOUNDS
Ah-ha!

200
00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,960
Well, this is very exciting.

201
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:42,960
But why do you want to be
our new housekeeper, Idris?

202
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,160
The government said
I had to retrain, so I did.

203
00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:47,960
Basic level domestic management.

204
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:49,960
So, any specialist skills?

205
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:51,960
I can smoulder.

206
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,480
Jolly good, then.

207
00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:57,000
THEY SIGH

208
00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:01,320
What's wrong with this patient?

209
00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:03,960
Healer Gwyneth, he has shock,
inflammation,

210
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:05,960
and extreme pain
where his appendix is.

211
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:06,960
Ow!

212
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:09,960
The problem is obvious,
he's stressed out by modern living.

213
00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:13,640
Two jars of manuka honey vinegar
and a cork yoga mat stat!

214
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:14,960
I feel more relaxed already.

215
00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:19,960
Healer Gwyneth, please help.

216
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:22,960
Let me guess,
you have a disquieted aura?

217
00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:24,960
No, I've cut off my hand.

218
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:26,960
And you need to remember
where you put it.

219
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,320
I've got it,
CBD-infused cucumber water.

220
00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:30,960
GLASS SMASHES

221
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:32,480
About our therapies,

222
00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:35,480
$200 for a pelvic exercise pillow?

223
00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:37,960
If they're not overpriced,
people won't believe in them.

224
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:39,960
Do you understand nothing
about medicine?

225
00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:46,320
You're killing yourself
for this hospital, Gwyneth. Brad!

226
00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:50,000
Your eucalyptus infusium saved me
from career-destroying self-doubt.

227
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:53,960
Now I want to save you. Run away
with me before it's too late.

228
00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:56,160
I... I...

229
00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:57,960
Healer Gwyneth!

230
00:10:57,960 --> 00:10:58,960
Gunshot wound.

231
00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:01,960
I'm sorry, it's too late.

232
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:04,960
You'll have to use
traditional Western medicine.

233
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,960
Please no, anything but that.

234
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,960
Well, there is
an experimental treatment.

235
00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:14,000
You did it. You're incredible.

236
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:18,960
..commitment to the young people of
our communities...

237
00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:20,320
Hey, girl!

238
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:22,960
Bet you think
you're looking in a mirror.

239
00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:23,960
Hello, Meghan.

240
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:25,960
Aren't you kind of old for cosplay?

241
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:27,960
Oh, no, this is serious business.

242
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:31,800
When I heard about your movie,
I had this brilliant idea,

243
00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:32,960
I should play you!

244
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,960
And what's the brilliant part?

245
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:37,960
If you're worried
about the age difference, don't,

246
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:41,800
they can age me up
with tons of rubber and glue.

247
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,480
I'll sit in that makeup chair
all day.

248
00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:45,960
Look, I'm about to give an award
to LeBron James,

249
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:48,160
We can talk about this later.

250
00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:49,960
Absolutely, absolutely.

251
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,960
When and where can we
talk about this later?

252
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:53,960
How about when pigs fly

253
00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:56,960
and where, out of my ass.

254
00:11:56,960 --> 00:12:00,960
Location of my ass.

255
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:01,960
Ready to start, Billie?

256
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:03,960
No, I hate this. Life sucks.

257
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:06,960
Everyone's an asshole.
Why are men such dicks?

258
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,960
I'm bored, I wanna die.

259
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:09,960
And we're done, another hit.

260
00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:12,960
# No, I hate this

261
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:14,320
# Life sucks

262
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:16,960
# Everyone's an asshole

263
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:18,000
# Why are men such dicks

264
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,960
# I wanna die. #

265
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:24,640
Tiger Woods, yes, woo-hoo!

266
00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,480
Come on, I'm playing golf
with Tiger Woods.

267
00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:27,960
Tiger Woods, everyone.

268
00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:30,960
I'm so excited. Unbelievable. Yes!

269
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:32,960
Thanks, James.

270
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:34,960
Three years ago,
I thought my career was over.

271
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,960
Look at me now.
It's really exciting.

272
00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:39,960
Oh, it's been amazing, mate.

273
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:40,960
Amazing!

274
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,960
Yeah, conquered my addictions,
and more importantly,

275
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:45,960
my anger management issues.

276
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:46,960
'Tiger Woods to tee off.'

277
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:50,960
Yes, Tiger!

278
00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:52,960
This man beat
his anger management issues.

279
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:55,960
'And that's going left.
Uh-oh, Tiger's in the water hazard.'

280
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:57,960
Oh, shoot.

281
00:12:57,960 --> 00:12:58,960
Tiger, it's gone in the pool.

282
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:02,960
So we could play golf pool karaoke!

283
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:04,960
# Look at the stars

284
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:07,960
# Look how they shine... #
It's Coldplay, Tiger, join in.

285
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:10,960
I have to take my tee shot again.
What an absolute ledge!

286
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,960
Only you can do that.

287
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,960
Look at that swing. Incredible!

288
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:17,960
Four!

289
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:19,960
'And Tiger's hit a goose
in the water.

290
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:22,960
'He's killed
a protected Canada goose.'

291
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:28,960
Please don't talk when I'm swinging.
Whoops-a-daisy!

292
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:31,960
You're not angry or anything?
No. I'm calm.

293
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,960
Anger is the demon.
Anger is the demon.

294
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:38,960
Tiger Woods, everybody!

295
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:39,960
'He missed the ball completely.'

296
00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:40,960
Ah!

297
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:42,960
Shut up!

298
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:44,960
Ow!
Shut up,

299
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:48,000
you goddamn loud-mouthed,
limey asshole!

300
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,960
Tiger is beating me up.

301
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:51,960
What an honour.

302
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:54,960
Officer, that black man
attacked that white man.

303
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,800
Hm, that's a tricky one.

304
00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:57,960
The white man is James Corden.

305
00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,960
Oh, now it's easy.
Excuse me, Mr Woods.

306
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:02,960
Agh!

307
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:04,960
American cops, best in the world!

308
00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:06,960
Argh! Am I right?

309
00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:11,960
# C'est Govey en Paris
C'est Govey en Paris. #

310
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:13,960
I'm back in gay Paris,

311
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,960
city of romance
and unrequited Brexit deals.

312
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,000
Emmanuel! Emmanuel!

313
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,960
Oh, Govey, I didn't expect you.

314
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,960
I've thought it over and

315
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:31,640
I'm finally ready for you tonight.

316
00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:33,960
Let's shaft the fishing community.

317
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,960
And each other.

318
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,960
Actually, Govey, things have become,

319
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,160
as you would say,
"hashtag complicated."

320
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:44,960
Joe Biden.
Are you from the BBC?

321
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:45,960
I'm Irish.

322
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,960
I want a relationship
with no boundaries

323
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:52,960
and so does Joe, and I would
do anything to keep Joe happy.

324
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,960
Er, no, no.
Mon ami.

325
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:57,960
Whoa, Mr Licky.

326
00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:01,000
Your crepes suzettes.

327
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,960
Oh, pancakes a horse sat on.

328
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:06,640
So, is this the end
of Govey in Paris?

329
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:07,960
Again?

330
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:08,960
I'm riding with Biden.

331
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:10,960
There's no drama with him.

332
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:12,960
He's setting fire to the pancakes.

333
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:14,960
Old Joe's got this.

334
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,960
What can I say, Govey?

335
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:23,000
He makes me laugh.

336
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:25,960
# C'est Govey en Paris... #

337
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,960
What's good, cow?
Universe treating you OK?

338
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:38,960
You didn't touch your tofu.

339
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:40,960
COW MOOS

340
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:45,960
Well, howdy! You must be the Mr West
that done bought this ranch.

341
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:48,960
What is she? 6,000 acres? Hooey!

342
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,960
Yeah, but I don't think
in terms of size, you know?

343
00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:56,320
It's about ideas,
ideas per square inch.

344
00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:58,480
There's one, there's another one.

345
00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:00,960
You had one on your neck.
Thank you.

346
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:04,960
So, what are you breeding here?
Angus? Hereford? Longhorn?

347
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,480
Shoehorn.
COW MOOS

348
00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:11,640
Oh, I get it. You're gonna turn
their hides into shoe leather

349
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:13,960
for some fancy ten-dollar sneakers.

350
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:14,960
Na, too slow.

351
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:17,960
I got my scientists
to just breed livestock

352
00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:19,960
to grow sneakers instead of feet.

353
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:21,960
That's my new Yeezy Boost 875.

354
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:25,960
Size ten-and-a-half, almost done.

355
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,960
Clip those off and boom,
ready to go.

356
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:30,800
Holy crickets!

357
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,000
You got giraffes too?

358
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,320
Yeah, that's high-tops.

359
00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:36,800
GIRAFFE SQUEALS

360
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:38,960
I didn't know giraffes could scream.

361
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:40,960
I like you.
When I'm next president,

362
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:43,800
you can be secretary of pants
and accessories.

363
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:44,960
I appreciate it.

364
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,960
I just got one question now,

365
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:50,960
them steers mind terribly
when you cut off their feet?

366
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:52,000
Na, they love it.

367
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,960
We stick 'em on skateboards.

368
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:56,960
WHEELS RATTLE
COW MOOS

369
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:01,960
David, I've had a brilliant idea.

370
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,640
A new musical
of the live-action Lion King.

371
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:06,960
But there's already
a stage production.

372
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,320
That was of the cartoon.

373
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,800
This would be of
the live-action film.

374
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:11,960
Right, how would it be different?

375
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:15,480
Well, the main difference is
there would be real lions on stage.

376
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:18,960
But how would you stop them going
into the audience and eating them?

377
00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:20,800
Why can't you ever
bring me solutions?

378
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:21,960
All you ever bring me is problems.

379
00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:26,800
Elton, I'm sorry.
I'll make it happen.

380
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:28,960
Hmph!

381
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,480
LIONS ROAR
SCREAMING

382
00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:32,960
That's the first opening night

383
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,960
the critics have been savaged
by the cast.

384
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:37,960
Shut up, David!
You've ruined my dream...

385
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:38,960
again.

386
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:48,960
Once upon a time,
there was a town called Hamelin.

387
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,960
People, we all know
we have a rodent problem,

388
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:53,960
but I propose
we deal with it humanely.

389
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:57,640
After all, rats have rights too.

390
00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:00,960
MURMURS OF AGREEMENT

391
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:02,960
I'd like to introduce you
to the Pied Piper.

392
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:05,640
He's going to lure the rats away
without harm

393
00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:06,960
using a penny whistle.

394
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,960
Hi, guys. Loving the vibe.

395
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:13,960
This is crazy. There's only
one sure way to deal with rats -

396
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,960
get some shotguns and shoot them.

397
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:18,960
No, we're going with Rupert
and his penny whistle.

398
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:22,160
CRYING

399
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:24,160
Our children!

400
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:26,960
The Pied Piper took our children!

401
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:31,640
If you got a rat problem,
go for the guy with the gun.

402
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:35,960
The National Rifle Association -
the voice of reason!

403
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:44,960
Now, over here I'm excavating

404
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:48,960
my thousand-foot wide
meditation crater.

405
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,960
Gonna have aromatherapy,
sonic waves,

406
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:53,320
and most important,
the parabolic surface

407
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:56,960
will project my thoughts and ideas
into the universe.

408
00:18:56,960 --> 00:19:00,960
Well, saddle my chicken,
you're an independent thinker.

409
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:04,960
That's Wyoming speak for
rich folks what's gone ding-dong.

410
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:06,480
Not so fast, partner.

411
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:10,640
You the sheriff round these parts?

412
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,480
No, I'm from
the Environmental Protection Agency

413
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,960
in Washington DC.
A Federale!

414
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:20,960
Mr West, you haven't filed
the requisite paperwork

415
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,960
to commence construction
on this so-called

416
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,960
"cosmic thought
vibration projector."

417
00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:28,960
I didn't come to Wyoming to listen
to some jackbooted federal agent.

418
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:32,960
Nice jackboots, by the way.

419
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:34,960
Thanks, that means something
coming from you.

420
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:37,960
Look, it's purely a formality.

421
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,320
Just sign this form saying you
won't harm any bison or antelope.

422
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:42,800
I'm gonna cut their feet off.
Is that OK?

423
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:43,960
That's fine.

424
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:45,960
One small signature
and I'm on my way.

425
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,960
Sorry, can't do it.

426
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:48,960
# Can't see my way through it

427
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:51,960
# Now that I'm a westerner
living on a... a... #

428
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:52,960
What do you call it?

429
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:54,000
A ranch.

430
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,960
Damn! I was hoping it would rhyme
with westerner.

431
00:19:56,960 --> 00:20:00,000
Anyway, I gotta stand up
for my conservative principles,

432
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:03,960
building a solar-powered, nudist,
vegan meditation crater.

433
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:06,960
No liberal Washington EPA's
gonna shut me down.

434
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:08,960
Get the fuck off my land!

435
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:10,960
Namaste.

436
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,000
You're asking for big trouble,
hombre.

437
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:15,960
If it's a showdown you want,

438
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,960
it's a throw-down you got.
Bessie!

439
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:18,960
Roll him off the ranch.

440
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:20,960
Er...

441
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:22,960
Wait, wait!

442
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:27,960
Well, Michelle Obama blew you off

443
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,960
and I had to listen to
Quentin Tarantino.

444
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:31,960
It's been a shit night!

445
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:32,960
I'm not giving up.

446
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:34,960
I want you to distract
Michelle Obama

447
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:36,960
so I can present that award
to LeBron.

448
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:40,960
Then, when everyone's fooled,
I reveal it's me,

449
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:42,960
they'll hand me that role
on a plate!

450
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:43,960
Brilliant!

451
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:45,960
But how do I distract Michelle?

452
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:49,480
I don't know, with witty
conversation... or something.

453
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:50,960
Or something.

454
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:53,960
Hm.

455
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:01,960
SHE SCREAMS

456
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:04,960
Don't worry, Michelle,
we're trying to save your movie.

457
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:07,800
Hi, everyone, what a great day.

458
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,480
Joe Biden won
thanks to my endorsement,

459
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:13,480
I've got a glass of my delicious
Whatamana tequila

460
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,960
and I'm gonna show you a really fun
pandemic activity

461
00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:17,960
everyone is doing.

462
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:19,960
T-shirt tie-dying.

463
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:21,960
Let me guess.

464
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:24,960
You thought of a new way to push
your lame-ass clothing line.

465
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:28,160
Kevin, please. I'm just trying
to share something fun.

466
00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:30,960
Now, start by
scrunching up a T-shirt.

467
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:34,320
You're gonna want to use
a new The Rock brand tee.

468
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:35,800
I knew it!

469
00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:39,160
Kevin, let me show you
just how fun tie-dying is.

470
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:41,960
Don't you scrunch me!

471
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:45,800
Well, I am pretty.

472
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:46,960
And so, LeBron,

473
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,960
please accept
this plaque of gratitude.

474
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:50,960
APPLAUSE

475
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:52,960
Stop applauding this man.

476
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:56,960
Harry? Oh, I have got to move.

477
00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:58,640
This woman is not Michelle Obama.

478
00:21:58,640 --> 00:21:59,960
You have just witnessed

479
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:02,960
the acting performance
of a lifetime

480
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:05,480
by my wife, Meghan Markle!

481
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,160
GASPS
Even I was fooled!

482
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:08,960
Give us a kiss, love.

483
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:11,960
You were fantastic.
Get off me!

484
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:14,960
Wait, you're not Megs. Who are you?
Security.

485
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:15,960
Open fire.

486
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:18,960
GUNSHOTS

487
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:21,000
I have my ending.

488
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:22,960
Harry, you bagged me!

489
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:24,960
Bloody hell, that was you!

490
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:28,960
Either I'm an idiot or you're
the greatest actress of all time.

491
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:31,640
Oh, Hairbrains, that is
the sweetest thing you've ever said.

492
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:33,960
I honestly mean it, Meghan...

493
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:35,320
Sorry to interrupt,

494
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:38,960
could I possibly have
my humanitarian award?

495
00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:45,960
Argh!

496
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:51,960
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