1 00:00:04,754 --> 00:00:05,130 . 2 00:00:05,171 --> 00:00:05,588 - Hey, Julia. 3 00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:07,841 I just got a text from the camp. 4 00:00:07,882 --> 00:00:10,343 The bus is gonna drop Grace off at 5:00. 5 00:00:10,385 --> 00:00:13,346 I am at The Nest recording one last goldfish video. 6 00:00:13,388 --> 00:00:14,556 I'm going to screen them for her tonight. 7 00:00:14,597 --> 00:00:17,267 They are hilarious, by the way. 8 00:00:17,308 --> 00:00:19,310 So I will see you at 5:00. 9 00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:21,146 Hey, Jimmy, I'm back. Still alive? 10 00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:22,147 - Still alive, Dad! 11 00:00:22,188 --> 00:00:24,441 - Good job. 12 00:00:24,482 --> 00:00:27,318 OK. 13 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,446 All right, Gracie, it's your dear old dad, 14 00:00:29,487 --> 00:00:32,866 recording the final installment of Diary of a Teenage Goldfish, 15 00:00:32,907 --> 00:00:35,201 or What Googles the Goldfish Did 16 00:00:35,243 --> 00:00:37,203 While Grace Kearney Was at Sleepaway Camp. 17 00:00:37,245 --> 00:00:40,165 Now, as you've seen in my prior compelling installments, 18 00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:41,708 Googles misses you terribly. 19 00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:44,836 But he has also taken advantage of your absence 20 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,756 by staying up way past his bedtime, 21 00:00:47,797 --> 00:00:52,510 gorging himself on junk food, and refusing to do his chores. 22 00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:54,471 Hey, Googles, better clean up that bowl 23 00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:57,390 are you gonna be in big trouble when Gracie gets home. 24 00:00:57,432 --> 00:01:01,186 You and your pal, Mr. Old Timey Diver Guy better snap to it. 25 00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:03,563 Make that bed. Do the dishes. 26 00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:06,316 Fire up that vacuum cleaner. 27 00:01:10,278 --> 00:01:12,238 No, no, no. Googles. 28 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:14,240 Googles. Oh. 29 00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:16,451 Ow. Ooh. 30 00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:18,745 Googles, don't you dare die on me. 31 00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:20,372 Oh. 32 00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:21,915 Oh! 33 00:01:21,956 --> 00:01:24,584 Breathe. Breathe. 34 00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:27,754 Grace is so excited about seeing you. 35 00:01:29,381 --> 00:01:30,423 [inhales] 36 00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:37,222 Ooh. 37 00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:39,474 - * It's genius * 38 00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:42,894 * The marriage that we once had now is through * 39 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:47,607 * And now we're doing all that we can do * 40 00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:51,736 * To keep us all together as a crew * 41 00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:55,740 * Trust, do as we say, not as we do * 42 00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:59,327 * We really thought that we were done * 43 00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:02,247 * But we've just begun * 44 00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:06,209 - Hi. My name is Jim. 45 00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:09,254 I'm a dad who recently killed my daughter's pet goldfish. 46 00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:10,672 - Hi. I'm Julia. 47 00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:12,549 I'm a mom who's sitting next to this dear man 48 00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:14,884 who recently killed our daughter's pet goldfish. 49 00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:16,469 - Not deliberately. - Yet decisively. 50 00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:17,762 - Indisputably conclusively. 51 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:19,848 - [chuckles] Jim and I were married 52 00:02:19,889 --> 00:02:21,641 17 years ago last June. 53 00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:22,934 - Yet, the happiest day of our lives 54 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,519 was when we got divorced last July. 55 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,438 - [laughs] 56 00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:28,314 When I asked Jim for a divorce, he said-- 57 00:02:28,356 --> 00:02:29,983 - Please, pretty please, with sugar on top. 58 00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:31,943 - We had a good run, but it was time to-- 59 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,611 - Run away. 60 00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:35,488 - Some people wonder why. - We don't. 61 00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:37,490 - Let's just say that the physical-intimacy component 62 00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:39,242 of the marriage had-- 63 00:02:39,284 --> 00:02:40,827 - Ground to a halt, which can be an indication 64 00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:42,495 that a relationship is-- - Over. 65 00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:44,247 - But just because that part's over 66 00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:46,666 doesn't mean the affection and appreciation for one another 67 00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,710 had totally vanished. - Far from it. 68 00:02:48,752 --> 00:02:50,670 - We just began to realize that our marriage was 69 00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:52,505 in the way of us getting along. 70 00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:55,592 - Divorce can be a good thing. - A source of ceaseless joy. 71 00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:57,344 - As long as you stay on the same page. 72 00:02:57,385 --> 00:02:58,636 - Which is easy on paper. 73 00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:00,764 - Less easy in real life. 74 00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:03,433 - Jim, what's wrong? 75 00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:05,727 - Dad, Gracie's goldfish just died on my watch. 76 00:03:05,769 --> 00:03:08,855 - Which watch? Don't say the Rolex. 77 00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:10,648 Sorry. You teed that one up. 78 00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:12,525 To carry on without a retort 79 00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:15,320 would have weakened my wisecracking muscles. 80 00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:17,322 - Yeah. I just got to figure out how to tell Gracie. 81 00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:18,698 - It's easy. Lie to her. 82 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,950 - Yes, that was my first thought. 83 00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:22,744 - Let it be your last. 84 00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:24,662 Lying's the proper thing here, Jim. 85 00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:26,289 - Hey, I'm not arguing. 86 00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:27,415 I'm just afraid Grace is going to see right through it. 87 00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:28,625 - No chance. 88 00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,335 - Kids are smart. 89 00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:32,045 - Everyone says that, but it's not true. 90 00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:33,588 Kids are stupid. 91 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,674 - Not in my experience. 92 00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:38,677 - I lied to you when Rusty the cat died. 93 00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:41,012 - Rusty the cat died saving a family from a house fire. 94 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:44,432 - In my lie, yes. In truth, nah. 95 00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:47,268 - Wait. You told me that Rusty the cat meowed really loudly 96 00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:49,062 to rouse the family awake. 97 00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:52,399 - Jim, 40 years later, I'm coming clean. 98 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:55,527 Rusty the cat was run over by a street sweeper. 99 00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:57,445 - Dad, please tell me it was sudden. 100 00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:58,905 - I can't. 101 00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:01,449 Street sweepers aren't known for their horsepower. 102 00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:04,953 - But once he was hit, did Rusty die quickly? 103 00:04:04,994 --> 00:04:06,996 - Sure. 104 00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:10,000 - How did I not notice how bad a liar you were back then? 105 00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:11,710 - You were a stupid kid. 106 00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:13,378 - Ah, poor Rusty. 107 00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:14,796 - See how hurt you are right now? 108 00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:16,423 - Yeah. - We need to protect Grace 109 00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:17,799 from the pain you're feeling. 110 00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:20,468 And, yes, it took a moment or two 111 00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:23,304 to extract Rusty from the rolling bristle things. 112 00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:24,848 - You're a monster. 113 00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:27,350 - Sometimes being a monster is what fatherhood requires. 114 00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:29,686 Now it's your turn, Frankenstein. 115 00:04:29,728 --> 00:04:31,479 - Yeah, I see that. 116 00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:32,856 All right. Thanks, Dad. 117 00:04:32,897 --> 00:04:33,773 I got to find Julia. 118 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:34,858 - Smart. 119 00:04:34,899 --> 00:04:36,443 Julia's a great liar. 120 00:04:36,484 --> 00:04:38,737 She spent 17 years pretending she liked me. 121 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:39,946 Where's Jimmy? 122 00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:41,531 - He's in his room playing video games. 123 00:04:41,573 --> 00:04:42,866 - Nice. 124 00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:46,077 I do my best grandparenting when I'm ignored. 125 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:48,747 Text me on the way back, so I can split 126 00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:52,000 before Julia has to struggle through her obligatory, 127 00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:54,085 "Good to see you, Bobby." 128 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,795 - Before we go further, 129 00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,964 we want to make sure you get how happy we are. 130 00:04:58,006 --> 00:05:00,884 For most people, divorce has a negative connotation. 131 00:05:00,925 --> 00:05:03,470 - We wanted to reframe divorce as an opportunity 132 00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:04,721 for growth, not despair. 133 00:05:04,763 --> 00:05:06,097 - Jubilation, not devastation. 134 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:07,974 - We considered ourselves trailblazers 135 00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:10,685 for transforming a negative thing into a positive thing. 136 00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:12,145 - So, for our divorce, we decided 137 00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:13,855 to go back to the church where we were married. 138 00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:16,066 - To host what we called the very first 139 00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:18,360 reverse wedding ceremony. 140 00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:21,988 - So we gathered friends and family. 141 00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:24,032 - I slipped into my old wedding dress. 142 00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:26,743 - I stepped into a cheap suit and an even cheaper wig, 143 00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:28,828 to resemble how I looked that day. 144 00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:30,663 - We stood at the altar. 145 00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:32,165 - Took rings off of fingers. 146 00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:34,834 [organ music playing] 147 00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:36,753 - I'm gonna pawn these. 148 00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:38,922 [laughter] 149 00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:40,382 - Pawn this, too. 150 00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:45,136 - We lowered veils. 151 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,681 - And ripped up our vows. 152 00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:51,768 If we were Jewish, 153 00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:53,895 we would have glued a glass back together. 154 00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:58,066 - And then I backed out of that marriage 155 00:05:58,108 --> 00:05:59,401 like it never happened. 156 00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:06,408 * * 157 00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:18,128 [Donna Summer's "Last Dance" playing] 158 00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:22,590 - * Last dance, last dance, last dance * 159 00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:24,968 - We showed everyone how to end things on a high note. 160 00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:27,554 - Everyone, that is, but our daughter, Grace. 161 00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:29,723 - * Last dance * 162 00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:33,184 - So we bought her a goldfish to cheer her up. 163 00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:39,899 . 164 00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:40,400 [upbeat music] 165 00:06:41,192 --> 00:06:43,028 - Julia, hey. 166 00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,696 - Jim. 167 00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:45,989 Are you here for Sunday brunch? 168 00:06:46,031 --> 00:06:47,741 - No, I'm here to see you. 169 00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:49,242 - What? How did you know I was here? 170 00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:51,244 - What do you mean, how? Duh. 171 00:06:51,286 --> 00:06:52,704 - Duh, what? What am I looking at? 172 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:53,997 - Oh, family sharing. 173 00:06:54,039 --> 00:06:56,916 That blinking green dot, that's you. 174 00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:58,293 - You're tracking me? 175 00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:00,003 - No. No, I don't have to track you. 176 00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:01,671 You're sharing your location with me. 177 00:07:01,713 --> 00:07:02,672 I just have to look at my phone. 178 00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:03,923 Again, the blinking green dot-- 179 00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:05,633 - I know what the blinking dot is, Jim. 180 00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:06,926 - OK. - But tracking me 181 00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:08,970 is not the intended use of that application. 182 00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:11,222 - It's entirely the intended use of that application. 183 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:12,974 You share your location with your family 184 00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:14,642 so your family knows your location. 185 00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:16,102 - You and I are now ex-family. 186 00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:18,063 - Tell that to your phone. 187 00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:19,856 You're the one who opted into the sharing. 188 00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,816 - When we were married. 189 00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:23,234 - And just like we opted out of that, 190 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,611 you got to opt out of this, but that's not important. 191 00:07:24,652 --> 00:07:26,196 - Yes, it is. 192 00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:28,656 As of this moment, I am opting out of the family tracking. 193 00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:30,700 I am opting. I am scrolling. 194 00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:33,870 I am searching. I am-- 195 00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:35,622 God, where the hell is it? - Go to Settings. 196 00:07:35,663 --> 00:07:37,123 - I'm under Settings. - OK. 197 00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:40,126 Take a deep breath. - Don't tell me how to breathe. 198 00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:42,128 There. [chuckles] 199 00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:43,713 I am no longer sharing my location. 200 00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:45,256 I am no longer a blinking dot. 201 00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:48,301 I am a no dot. I have disappeared. 202 00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:51,346 - I can still see you. 203 00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:53,348 - You can't just track me down in person anymore, Jim. 204 00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:55,684 We got to reboot our boundaries conversation. 205 00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:58,812 - OK. I am sorry that I used the quite common, quite useful 206 00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:00,730 family-sharing feature that was invented 207 00:08:00,772 --> 00:08:01,731 so that when people are kidnapped, 208 00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:03,108 they can be rescued. 209 00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,651 But I guess you would rather don 210 00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:06,111 some magical cloak of invisibility 211 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:07,987 so that you can vanish without a trace 212 00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:09,698 whenever somebody close to you needs you. 213 00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:11,741 Noted. 214 00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:13,410 - Has someone I know been kidnapped? 215 00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:14,911 - No. - Does someone I know 216 00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:16,121 need rescuing? - No. 217 00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:18,289 - Is someone I know unexpectedly dead? 218 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,958 - Go to your meeting. - Oh, my God, Jim. 219 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,793 Is someone dead? - Someone, no. 220 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:24,212 Something, yes. 221 00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:26,089 - You mother effer. 222 00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:27,674 You killed my orchid! 223 00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,676 I told you--I asked you, 224 00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:31,261 please don't kill any more of my plants, Jim. 225 00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,054 - Your orchid is very much alive. 226 00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:34,431 - Hey, hon. - Oh. 227 00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:36,766 Hey, baby. - How's it going? 228 00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:39,644 Hey, Jim. - Trey. 229 00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:43,314 Here for the "Miami Vice" convention? 230 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:46,276 - So, plot twist-- I fell in love with someone 231 00:08:46,317 --> 00:08:47,944 after the divorce. 232 00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:49,904 - Why don't you just say met? You had to meet first. 233 00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:51,823 - And, oh, what a meeting it was. 234 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,658 [both chuckle] 235 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:54,951 How you doing? 236 00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:56,745 I'm Trey Taylor, owner of the Boston Celtics. 237 00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:58,079 - Mm, you don't need to say that. 238 00:08:58,121 --> 00:08:59,789 - What, my name? 239 00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:01,833 - Is your name "Owner of the Boston Celtics"? 240 00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,960 - Julia asked me to introduce myself. 241 00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:07,964 - I didn't say Jim Kearney, owner of a 2004 Honda Accord. 242 00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:10,717 Oh, hey, Trey, why don't you say why you met Julia? 243 00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:12,135 - I don't think that's relevant. 244 00:09:12,177 --> 00:09:13,345 - It's all relevant. 245 00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:15,263 Say how you insulted half your fan base, 246 00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:17,307 so you needed Julia, a professional crisis manager, 247 00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:19,684 to swoop down and save your butt. 248 00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:21,311 - You swooped down, all right. 249 00:09:21,353 --> 00:09:23,730 [laughter] Boy, did you swoop down. 250 00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:25,315 [laughter] - Ew. Ew. 251 00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:27,484 Ew. Ew. - OK. 252 00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:30,278 - OK. All right. Fine. 253 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:33,698 After a night out in Boston, I was ambushed by paparazzi. 254 00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:37,786 And I made a comment that some people took-- 255 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:40,330 - Exactly how you intended. 256 00:09:40,372 --> 00:09:42,248 - The Celtics are playing like crap. 257 00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:43,833 And if we don't fix it, we're gonna be 258 00:09:43,875 --> 00:09:46,002 the redheaded stepchild of the NBA, 259 00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:48,338 but redder and steppier than the reddest, 260 00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:50,382 headiest, steppiest child ever. 261 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,425 You know what I'm saying? 262 00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:56,179 - It was an innocuous comment. 263 00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:59,057 - Oh, no, it wasn't. It was very offensive. 264 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,810 Very, very offensive. Peak offensive. 265 00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:04,354 Trey, uh, tell everyone how you got schooled on exactly 266 00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:08,400 how offensive the term "redheaded stepchild" is. 267 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:11,986 - Celtic means Celt, which means Irish, Ireland, 268 00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:14,447 lot of redheads, lot of Catholics, 269 00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,866 not a lot of birth control, 270 00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:20,495 therefore, a fair amount of stepchildren. 271 00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:23,081 I not only offended half of the Celtic fan base, 272 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:25,542 but I offended an entire country. 273 00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:27,127 - It blew up. 274 00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:28,545 There were threats of protests, boycotts. 275 00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:30,046 People were pissed. 276 00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:32,340 - What does this have to do with the fish? 277 00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:34,300 - Anyway, Kevin Kelly, the GM of the Celtics, 278 00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:36,177 got in touch with me and introduced me to Trey 279 00:10:36,219 --> 00:10:38,763 to help him manage the-- - Public-relations disaster 280 00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,390 that Trey's ignorance had ignited. 281 00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:44,227 - Look, Trey, this is all gonna be fine. 282 00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:45,228 We just have to fix the perception 283 00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:46,521 before we fix the problem. 284 00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:48,064 So your first task is to walk out there, 285 00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:49,232 look 'em in the eye, 286 00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:50,984 and read the statement I wrote for you. 287 00:10:51,026 --> 00:10:53,028 - All right, cool. Cool. What's the goal? 288 00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:55,113 - To say something that means nothing but still 289 00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,823 makes this all go away. - Love that. 290 00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:58,908 - Read this, please. 291 00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:01,286 - "I am committed to a new path of understanding. 292 00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:04,164 "And I ask you to help me usher in a new era of shared 293 00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:07,042 "creative pragmatism that warrants deep introspection 294 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:09,085 from us all." 295 00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:11,254 What does that mean exactly? 296 00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:14,132 - It's subtly reminding people that forgiveness is a virtue. 297 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,301 And shame on them if they haven't cultivated that virtue 298 00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:18,345 in their own lives and find themselves unable 299 00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:20,597 to furnish mercy and compassion for those of us 300 00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:22,807 who are courageous enough to admit our faults. 301 00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:25,310 Shame on them. Shame. It's unforgivable. 302 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:27,145 - You're good. She's good. 303 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,563 - Perfect. 304 00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,565 Bunch of words adding up to nothing, 305 00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:33,443 but sure as hell sounding like they add up to something. 306 00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:35,945 - And despite all of that great advice, 307 00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:37,489 I still had to take responsibility 308 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,240 for my ignorance. 309 00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:41,242 So I apologized sincerely. 310 00:11:41,284 --> 00:11:43,453 - And it worked. - And I fell in love with her. 311 00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:47,040 - And I fell in love with him-- his values, his mind, quickly. 312 00:11:47,082 --> 00:11:48,958 - Quickly. - Quickly. 313 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:49,959 - Very quickly. - Yes. 314 00:11:50,001 --> 00:11:52,295 - [laughs] - Very quickly. 315 00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:54,214 [laughs] 316 00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:56,091 Who would have thought that putting my foot 317 00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:58,009 in my mouth would lead to the hottest woman I know 318 00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,303 putting her foot in my mouth? 319 00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:02,013 - OK. Yabba-dabba-doo. 320 00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,307 Nobody cares about this, especially me. 321 00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:06,309 - You killed Googles? - No. 322 00:12:06,351 --> 00:12:09,854 But having not killed him doesn't mean he's not dead. 323 00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:11,606 - How the hell does a fish just die? 324 00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:13,400 - Well, the toxicology report comes back-- 325 00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:16,027 How the hell should I know? 326 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,154 These things only live, like, six months, anyway. 327 00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:20,573 - Actually, the life expectancy could be up to 15 years 328 00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:22,867 if properly cared for. 329 00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:24,911 - How do you know that? - Class I took at MIT. 330 00:12:24,953 --> 00:12:27,205 - College is such a racket. 331 00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:29,165 - Go buy a lookalike fish, now. 332 00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:30,500 - And do what with it? 333 00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:32,252 - Try to keep it alive till I get there. 334 00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:34,963 [upbeat music] 335 00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:37,007 - [whistling] - Hey, Grandpa. 336 00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:39,384 Can I have a Popsicle? - Sure. 337 00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:44,180 - Is this Grace's goldfish? 338 00:12:44,222 --> 00:12:45,598 - That is he, Jimmy. 339 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:47,267 - Why is he in the freezer? 340 00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:48,560 - I don't know. 341 00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,353 Your father thought it was more dignified 342 00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,188 than flushing him down the toilet. 343 00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,606 - Does Grace know he's dead? 344 00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:55,025 - She does not. 345 00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,192 Can I make you a fluffernutter? 346 00:12:56,234 --> 00:12:57,444 - Can I still have the Popsicle? 347 00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,195 - You can have both. I'm in charge. 348 00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:02,157 I say they go great together. 349 00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:04,034 - So we focused on the crisis at hand 350 00:13:04,075 --> 00:13:06,619 and got a lookalike goldfish. 351 00:13:06,661 --> 00:13:08,955 What? Just say it. 352 00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:10,915 - Babe, I didn't say anything. 353 00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,542 - You dipped your head. 354 00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:16,296 I mean, your head dip said quite a bit. 355 00:13:16,338 --> 00:13:19,299 - I did not share Jim and Julia's bulletproof confidence 356 00:13:19,341 --> 00:13:21,634 in the lookalike-fish strategy. 357 00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:24,554 * * 358 00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:27,432 - Perfect. 359 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,392 - Welcome to The Nest, Googles 2.0. 360 00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:31,353 Now, keep your fish gills glued. 361 00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:33,688 - Boom. Crisis averted, crisis manager. 362 00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:36,399 - Yeah. [chuckles] 363 00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:39,110 [clears throat] Uh, Jim. - Mm-hmm. 364 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,945 - I want you to know that I was at the hotel 365 00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:42,238 to meet with a wedding planner. 366 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,407 - Oh. Who's getting married? - We are. 367 00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:46,117 - Oh. [chuckles] 368 00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,536 Fantastic. Congratulations. 369 00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:50,246 - You're happy for me? 370 00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:53,249 - I'm happy for me. 371 00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:55,168 Finally, some other schmuck is gonna know 372 00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:57,045 what it's like to be married to you. 373 00:13:57,087 --> 00:13:58,713 - Who you calling schmuck? 374 00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:00,298 - You. [chuckles] 375 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,092 Ah, I'm just joking. I'm joking. 376 00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:03,593 I'm happy for you both. - Well, thank you, Jim. 377 00:14:03,635 --> 00:14:05,595 That's magnanimous. - Congrats, Trey. 378 00:14:05,637 --> 00:14:07,472 - Oh, wow. I really appreciate that, Jim. 379 00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:09,307 - Feel free to show your appreciation 380 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,601 with floor tickets to a Celtics game. 381 00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:13,728 - Looks like we both met the man of our dreams. 382 00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:15,480 - [chuckles] 383 00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,107 - And together, we solved the nightmare of the dead fish. 384 00:14:17,148 --> 00:14:20,235 And when Grace arrives, she'll never know the difference. 385 00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:22,237 - Eh... 386 00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:23,738 - What? 387 00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:26,116 - Forgive me. I'm not in favor of lying. 388 00:14:26,157 --> 00:14:28,743 - Why not? - "Why not"? 389 00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:32,706 - Lying is what parents need to do sometimes to build trust. 390 00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:36,292 - I think she can handle the truth. 391 00:14:36,334 --> 00:14:37,460 - Well, she's not your kid. 392 00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:39,004 - I'm about to be her stepfather. 393 00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:40,547 - Good thing she's not a redhead. 394 00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:44,509 - I addressed that issue publicly. 395 00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,469 - And Jim is the only one who still brings it up. 396 00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:48,138 - Funnier every time. 397 00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:49,723 - I respect the way you raised her. 398 00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:51,057 Clearly, it worked. 399 00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:53,393 But the Grace I know is really smart, 400 00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:55,395 and she pays attention to detail. 401 00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:57,731 - Dude, that's why we're lying to her. 402 00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,609 - Look, Trey, you're sweet, OK? 403 00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:03,528 And I agree with everything that you said about Grace. 404 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,363 My philosophy is, you should never lie 405 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:06,823 unless you can get away with it. 406 00:15:06,865 --> 00:15:08,616 And I think we can here. 407 00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:10,493 - That is the Julia I fell in love with-- 408 00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:13,204 shifty, flawed, devious. 409 00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:15,373 We must all swear to bury this secret 410 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:18,376 along with the original fish. 411 00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:19,544 - I don't think we can get away with it, 412 00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,171 and I don't think we should try. 413 00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:23,089 - So what's your solution? - Tell her the truth. 414 00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:26,176 [both laugh] 415 00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:28,345 - Oh, oh, oh, he's serious. - Oh, OK. Yeah. 416 00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:29,804 - She's 13 years old. 417 00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:32,057 Don't insult her intelligence by lying to her. 418 00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:34,059 She'll get it. It's nobody's fault. 419 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,061 - Well, I think we all agree it's Jim's fault. 420 00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:38,229 - Hey, I fed this fish five meals a day, 421 00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,482 and then ten meals on Friday to get through the weekend. 422 00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:42,317 - Oh, God, no. - You are such a jackass! 423 00:15:42,359 --> 00:15:43,860 - You killed that fish. You killed that fish. 424 00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:45,362 [phone chimes] 425 00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:46,863 - [gasps] Grace is in the elevator. 426 00:15:46,905 --> 00:15:49,407 - How do you know? - Duh, I'm tracking her. 427 00:15:51,409 --> 00:15:53,536 - Uh, y'all better hide that body. 428 00:15:53,578 --> 00:15:54,746 [door closes] - Hey, everybody. 429 00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:55,830 - Hi, Gracie. 430 00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:57,165 - Mom. - Welcome home. 431 00:15:57,207 --> 00:15:58,500 - Hi. - Welcome home. 432 00:15:58,541 --> 00:15:59,584 Oh, sweetie. - Oh, there's my girl. 433 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,503 Hey. 434 00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:03,880 - Trey, this is a surprise. What are you doing here? 435 00:16:03,922 --> 00:16:05,840 - I came to welcome you home from camp. 436 00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:07,759 How was it? - It was fine. 437 00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:11,846 I missed my family and my favorite fish, Googles. 438 00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:13,723 How you doing, bud? 439 00:16:13,765 --> 00:16:15,350 - Hey, Grace. Welcome home. 440 00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:16,726 - Hey, Jimmy. 441 00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:18,812 - Oh, I see you got a new goldfish. 442 00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:22,440 - What do you mean new? 443 00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,484 - Isn't this dead one the old one? 444 00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:31,783 - Trey killed Googles. 445 00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:34,494 And then he asked us to lie about it. 446 00:16:34,536 --> 00:16:37,455 - Why would you do that? - Grace, Trey didn't do-- 447 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,124 - Because I was ashamed. 448 00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:40,834 - Trey. - Let him speak. 449 00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:44,754 - Your mom was stuck in a meeting, 450 00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:46,715 and your dad and brother weren't here. 451 00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:49,175 And I was tasked to watch the goldfish, 452 00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:50,635 and I failed miserably. 453 00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:53,638 I am so sorry. 454 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,474 - Trey, who killed Googles? Mom or Dad? 455 00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:04,858 . 456 00:17:04,899 --> 00:17:06,359 - I'm sorry, Grace. I know I was supposed to care of your fish, 457 00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:08,570 and I blew it. 458 00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:10,321 You blew up our family. 459 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,906 - Wait, what? 460 00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:14,492 - Both of you. I don't care about the fish. 461 00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:17,620 I mean, of course I loved Googles, but it was a fish. 462 00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:19,831 You thought I couldn't handle the death of a little fish 463 00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:21,666 when I handled the death of the only family 464 00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,251 that I've ever known? 465 00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:24,836 Don't you realize how grown I am? 466 00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:27,839 I'm 13 1/2. 467 00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:29,466 - Yes. 468 00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:32,427 Mustn't forget about the half. 469 00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:34,846 - What I loved was our family intact-- 470 00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:36,639 the fabulous foursome. 471 00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:39,851 But now I'm just a lost soul from a broken family. 472 00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:41,561 - No, you're not. 473 00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:43,938 - I am. Before you know it, 474 00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:46,358 I'm gonna have a tongue ring, start vaping. 475 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,485 I'm gonna need to talk to a counselor. 476 00:17:48,526 --> 00:17:51,321 Unlock the liquor cabinet and cut up the cocaine. 477 00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:56,034 - Grace, I can see that you're upset. 478 00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:57,535 - Oh, my God. 479 00:17:57,577 --> 00:18:00,497 Mom, you're using mirroring language. 480 00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:03,041 I can see that you're not upset. 481 00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:04,876 Me, I'm jubilant. 482 00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:06,378 Divorce is fun. 483 00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:08,338 I'm a pioneer at reframing 484 00:18:08,380 --> 00:18:10,548 how my parents have destroyed my family. 485 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,550 Bust out the champagne. 486 00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:14,594 - Come on, Grace, that's not fair. 487 00:18:14,636 --> 00:18:16,388 - Fair? 488 00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:18,890 You always tell us that family is the most important thing. 489 00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:20,684 We became a family 490 00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:23,395 because you two decided to make a family. 491 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,939 And then you unmade it without asking us. 492 00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:27,649 That's not fair. 493 00:18:30,485 --> 00:18:32,946 - Jimmy, are you doing OK? 494 00:18:32,987 --> 00:18:35,573 - Yeah. I just scored my high score. 495 00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,659 Is Grace addicted to blow? 496 00:18:39,411 --> 00:18:40,412 - Not yet. 497 00:18:42,414 --> 00:18:43,623 - I'm sorry, Grace. 498 00:18:43,665 --> 00:18:45,417 I shouldn't have lied about Googles. 499 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,585 - I'm sorry, Grace. I shouldn't have let Trey lie. 500 00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:51,006 - I'm sorry Trey lied to you, Grace... 501 00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:53,591 and that your mom didn't stop him. 502 00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,301 I'm joking. I'm joking. 503 00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:56,511 - I'm going to my room. 504 00:18:56,553 --> 00:18:58,430 - Grace. Grace, you're right. 505 00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,306 We've done you a terrible disservice, 506 00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:02,726 unfairly, as you said, 507 00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:04,936 by being so determined to make this divorce non-disruptive 508 00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:06,646 that we bypassed your feelings. 509 00:19:06,688 --> 00:19:08,314 - Mom, I'm your daughter, 510 00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:10,567 not a crisis that you need to manage. 511 00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:12,527 Before I could even be sad about your divorce, 512 00:19:12,569 --> 00:19:13,987 you were so caught up in telling me 513 00:19:14,029 --> 00:19:15,989 and the rest of the world how great it was. 514 00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:20,577 - We didn't mean to rush you through this. 515 00:19:20,618 --> 00:19:22,871 - Or skip past it. But we did. 516 00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:24,789 - And we're ready to talk about it in depth 517 00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:27,042 as much as you want. 518 00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:30,962 - Or if this little chat was sufficient... 519 00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:33,548 uh, we can move on with our lives 520 00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:35,842 and celebrate that your mother and Trey 521 00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:37,719 are engaged to be married. - What? 522 00:19:37,761 --> 00:19:38,887 - [yelps] 523 00:19:40,555 --> 00:19:43,058 - And that's how we got Googles 3.0. 524 00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:44,893 - So we're here, warts and all, 525 00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:47,145 making mistakes in our lives for your benefit. 526 00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:50,065 - So you can see what to do and maybe not to do in a divorce. 527 00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:52,359 - And in a marriage. That's where you come in, Trey. 528 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,903 - I have no clue what I'm getting into. 529 00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:57,489 - A great family, that's what you're getting into. 530 00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,657 Fluffernutters for everybody. 531 00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,701 - Good to see you, Bobby. 532 00:20:01,743 --> 00:20:04,621 - Good to see you, Julia. 533 00:20:04,662 --> 00:20:07,040 * * 534 00:20:07,082 --> 00:20:10,627 - * I'm getting swag in the suite * 535 00:20:10,669 --> 00:20:14,047 * I'm getting swag in the luxury suite * 536 00:20:14,089 --> 00:20:17,759 * I'm getting swag in the suite * 537 00:20:17,801 --> 00:20:21,012 * I'm getting swag in the luxury suite * 538 00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,603 - What are you doing with that lamp? 539 00:20:28,645 --> 00:20:29,896 - I'm taking it to my apartment. 540 00:20:29,938 --> 00:20:31,564 - Why? 541 00:20:31,606 --> 00:20:34,693 - I need a lamp. 542 00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:37,696 - Did you ask Trey if you could take a lamp out of his suite? 543 00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:39,948 - He said, help yourself to anything you want. 544 00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:42,575 So I'm helping myself to something I want. 545 00:20:42,617 --> 00:20:46,830 - He meant food and drinks, not appliances and hardware. 546 00:20:46,871 --> 00:20:48,748 - Hoo-hoo! 547 00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:51,209 How about them Boston Celtics? 548 00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:53,128 You guys are good luck. We're playing well. 549 00:20:53,169 --> 00:20:54,713 Mwah. - [chuckles] 550 00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:56,548 - Thanks for all the cotton candy, Trey. 551 00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:58,550 - How many of those have you had? 552 00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:00,051 - I don't know. 553 00:21:00,093 --> 00:21:02,012 Maybe six. 554 00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:04,097 - Jimmy, quit that. - Yeah, Jimmy. 555 00:21:04,139 --> 00:21:06,057 Quit it like our parents quit their marriage. 556 00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:07,767 both: Whoa! 557 00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:10,729 - Grace, chip off the old block. 558 00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:12,564 - Jim, put the lamp back. 559 00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:16,234 - Trey, did you or did you not say help yourself? 560 00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:18,153 - Enjoy the lamp, Jim. 561 00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:20,572 - Thank you. 562 00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,157 I'm gonna put this in the car. 563 00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:28,621 * *