Fellow telemarketers, our profits have been down.
But fear not, for I have a plan to suck money
from every customer we have --
a plan so evil it will rip the souls
from even the strongest man.
You're not proposing...
That's right -- a subscription service.
[ Laughs maniacally ]
Man: ♪ Run around town
♪ Stealin' and killin' is how I get down ♪Sheriff: What?
♪ Well, you better be aware of somethin' ♪
♪ 'Cause Momma named me Sheriff ♪
♪ Momma ♪ Now you got it
♪ Momma ♪ And don't forget it
Oh, no. I'd better go. [ Laughs ]
♪ M-O-M-M-A named me
♪ Momma named me Sheriff
♪ My momma named me Sheriff ♪
Good morning, everyo-- aah!
Damn, yo. Watch where you steppin'!
What is all this?
We signed up for a new subscription service.
It's called "StuffClub."
It sends you all this really useful stuff.
Like coffee shorts...
Yo, and this tomato hammer.
Did someone order a toaster watch?
-What? -Yeah-heah!
Tiny toast, yo!
Why would you ever need tiny toast?
To go with tiny brunch, yo!
Yeah-heah!
Yep, this platinum membership card is pretty sweet.
Why is my name on that card?
Am I paying for this?
Oh, no, it's got a seven-day free trial.
Then, it's only $5.99 a month.
That's an absurd amount of money!
I'm gonna cancel this right away.
Man: StuffClub cancellation.
Your wait time is four years.
Please hold. -Ugh!
I'll just cancel in person.
He seemed pretty p'd-off.
We should order as much stuff as we can before he cancels.
Both: Yeah-heah!
Hi, there, Dan.
Uh, I want to cancel my subscription
before the free trial ends
and I have to pay $5.99.
N-n-n-n-no problem.
W-w-we have a c-c-
cancellation p-p-plan t-t-t-that's
o-only $7.99.
What?! That's more than the subscription price!
O-o-or I-I-I can offer one o-o-o-ption
I'm sure you'll like.
Okay. What is it?
You just accept that you're screwed, and you g-g-go away.
Stop making me jump through hoops!
Just tell me how to cancel.
F-F-Fine. Rude.
Just go to the Cancellation Department.
It's on the first floor --
in the Sahara Desert.
The Sahara Desert?!
♪♪
Heeyyyy! Hurry. Come inside.
Drink, my friend.
Thank you!
What brings you to the Sea of Sand?
I'm looking for a building to cancel a subscription service
that sends me stuff.
My friend, you will find nothing out here but death and despair.
Are you sure you wish to cancel?
$5.99 Sounds like a great deal to me.
I didn't tell you it was $5.99.
StuffClub?
You'll never cancel!
Hey! Wait!
No one does!
No!
Did someone order a blender hammock?
Aw, yeah!
Did someone order a bike stove?
We don't really have much room left, Floyd.
Did someone order a-- Did someone order a--
[ Indistinct talking ]
[ Laughs ]
We're buried, yo.
Oh, no. Dispatch, I got bad news.
What? You stuck, too?
No. I got the board game "Bad News."
[ Laughs ] -Aw!
Computerized Voice: Your call is important to us.
Please hold for the next available representative.
[ Echoing ]
I can't go on.
Huh?
Water!
Sir.
You can't drink that sand.
Sand?!
That sand is property of Telemarketer Corp.
Telemarketer Corp?
I'm looking for their cancellation department.
You mean that building over there?
Yes!
I can cancel here?
That's right, Mr. Goodman --
just as soon as you pay for all the sand you drank.
What?
Which comes out to...
...$17 million.
That's ridiculous!
The sand clause is in the contract.
What? I can't pay that!
Bye-Bye!
You drank the sand, too, huh?
Floyd, stop! We can barely breath!
He can't hear us!
Alright. Let me try to figure something out.
I got it! I got it.
-You do? -Yeah.
The game -- "I Got It." Yeah, I got it!
Oh, man. We gonna die in here together.
-Yeah. -You know what I'll miss the most?
What? You, Sheriff.
You've been my rock, my guiding light, the love of my --
You know what I'll probably miss the most?
Those flare gun sunglasses.
I never had an emergency to wear/fire them.
This is that time, yo!
You're right!
I can't reach it.
I got you, baby. Here. Let me help.
I can almost reach it.
[ Both straining ]
I just wanted to cancel.
There, there. We all fall victim to a subscription service
sooner or later.
[ Crowd chanting "Unsubscribe!" ]
What's he doing?
The only way out is to climb.
For up there is the real cancellation department.
If anybody can do it, it's Luther.
He has been training day and night for --
[ Luther yells ]
Well, he's in a better place,
for you can escape the subscription in death.
Hoops.What?
Look.
They don't want us to climb.
They want us to jump through their hoops.
No. Don't kill yourself.
That's crazy.
The only thing that's crazy...
is paying $5.99.
[ Crowd cheering ]
He's almost got it.
[ Yells ]
Oh.
He's gone.
[ Crowd "aw"s ]
[ Crowd cheers ]
Goodman: What's going on, here?
Hello, Goodman.
Boss.
If you want to cancel your membership,
you'll have to defeat my girlfriend,
Sherry, before she cancels you.
[ Laughs ]
Time to die!
[ Both straining ]
-Got them. -Ha ha! Yeah!
Now, I can use these flare gun sunglasses to signal for help.
Yeah, Sheriff!
You gonna save our lives, yo!
Spow!
Woops.
Oh, no! We're gonna drown, yo!
[ Sherry yells ]
No, no, no, no, no. Wait.
Make a wish, Goodman!
Oh no, please, please.
Man: Cancellation department.
Huh? He got through.
Nobody's every gotten through.
I-I'd like to cancel my subscription.
No problem at all.
We'll just need the account number on your membership card.
Of course! I have it right...
I'm gonna cancel this right away.
...on my desk...
in Old Town.
Can you hold? -Yeah. Sure.
Don't let him get that card!
My friend, good news.
You have qualified for a --
Come on, come on, come on.
No one unsubscribes, Goodman!
Please, I beg you...
I-I've almost found that account number.
Please keep holding!
You'll never make it in time!
Sorry, I'm just looking through
my kitchen drawers right now, and --
Oh, I think I found it...
Oh. No, no, that's just a really old library card.
We're getting closer.
I promise, I'm almost there.
Pilot: This is your captain speaking.
Forget landing, let's just hang up here
a while, and enjoy the view.
Hopefully, no one needs to be anywhere
in the next 8 minutes, or so.
♪♪
[ Growls ]
[ Roars ]
We're gonna drown!
There is one thing we can do to survive, yo!
Yeah?We got to to share our air, yo.
♪♪
[ Muffled ] Where's my membership card?
[ Muffled ] I don't know.
Hey, there it is.
♪♪
Huh?
No!
♪♪
Time of death: 6:29.
I never even got to make him tiny toast, yo.
Goodman!
I'm alive! Did I...
did I unsubscribe?
You died before the deadline.
So, it's time to pay up, Goodman.
[ Laughs ]
Wait.
You can escape the subscription in death.
I escaped the subscription in death!
-What? -He's right.
The death clause says it right here.
Huh. That gives me an idea.
A subscription service that rips people off in the afterlife.
Come on, Sherry, we've got lots of work to do.
Okay!
Hey, Goodman, this might be a bad time to bring it up,
but, uh, in the 30 seconds we thought you were dead,
I kind of used your credit card to sign up for
another subscription called Junk'N'Stuff.
But, I mean, I'm sure it's not that hard to cancel.
♪♪
Sheriff: ♪ M-O-M-M-A named me
♪ Momma named me Sheriff
♪ My m-m-m-momma, momma, momma named m-me Sheriff ♪
♪ Momma, Momma, Momma, Momma named me Sheriff ♪
♪ Momma
She named me Sheriff.