Narrator: Welcome back to "Ask an Astronaut with Captain Stevens."
-Yay! -Yay!
Hi. Is Pluto not a planet,
'cause it's just a small rock?
No, it's a dwarf planet.
Okay? Okay.
[ Groans ] All right, last question.
Hi. I'm Tommy in Old Town.
And my question is, you missed a belt loop.
Come on, that's not even a question!
Ugh. These kids are so stupid --
Oh. Well, I guess I did miss a belt loop.
[ Laughs ] Oh, no! Whoa!
Aah! Aah! No!
Wha--?
♪ Ride around town
♪ Stealin' and killin' is how I get down ♪
♪ What? Well, you better be aware, son ♪
♪ 'Cause Momma named me Sheriff ♪
♪ Momma
♪ Now you got it
♪ Momma
♪ And don't forget it
♪ Oh, no, I better go
♪ M-O-M-M-A
♪ Momma named me Sheriff, Momma named me Sheriff ♪
And we'll be right back with more coverage of
Captain Stevens: Tragedy in Space.
Ugh. Dying in space. That sucks.
Right, Carl? Yep.
See, that's why you're so cool, Carl.
You always know what's up.
Well, I gotta head home.
What? Why? Come on, man. Let's chill.
Pam wants me to come by for an afternoon snack.
Oh, yeah, I haven't even met your new girlfriend yet.
You think she might be the one?
Too early to tell.
I like her a lot,
but I'm not sure how much she likes me yet.
Did you tell her how cool you are? Uh...
You told her how cool you are, right, Carl?
Uh... You gotta tell her. How's she gonna know?
Okay, bye.
[ Groans ]
He's gonna mess it up.
♪♪
Knock-knock. Oh!
This sure looks like the kind of place
where somebody cool would live.
Hello, anybody cool here?
-Hello? -Oh.
Hey. You must be Pam.
I just wanted you to know that Carl's cool.
Okay, bye-bye now. Ha!
Aah! Freeze!
Who the hell are you?
Carl.
[ Exhales sharply ] My bad, Carl.
I didn't recognize you in that wig.
[ Scoffs ] You look funny, Carl.
Wig?!Yeah, sorry, I...
Uh-oh. [ Vomits ]
I thought you were cool!
But you're bald!
We are over! Get out!
Wow, she really kicked you out of your own house?
Yep.Goodman, back off.
You'll get a new house and a new girl.
'Cause, you know, Carl's really cool.
I'm really not cool, Sheriff.
Well, when we were young,
you were the coolest guy in Old Town.
It's true, I was.
But that was before... the incident.
The incident?
Goodman, seriously, back off.
Carl doesn't like talking about the day he lost his hair.
Oh, sorry.
Life's been pretty downhill since then.
I tried the wig, but that was a lie.
Now I spend most of my time just scrolling through
the message boards at BaldBoyzSadTown.bald
to see if anybody's cured baldness yet.
No, nothing yet.
Hey! I know a guy who's as smart
as you used to be cool, Carl!
He could cure baldness.
No problem.
Hey, Blade? Cure baldness.
The message boards'll be buzzing about this.
Tommy, can you answer some questions
about the space tragedy?No! No! [ Grunts ]
Hey, Tommy, what's going on?
I'm turning myself in!
'Cause people say I murdered the Asker-not!
But he's still alive.
You're not a murderer.
Well, I've just received word
Captain Stevens is running out of oxygen
and will die...
because of this murderer.
Ohh!
Sheriff: Hey, Blade. How's the bald cure coming?
[ Computerized voice ] I synthesized a potential bald cure and tested it
on spider scalps that I bought on the World Wide Web.
Haha, haha.
But it still needs the right ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-catalyst.
I tried frog urine, Egyptian mummy sweat,
pretty much everything.
But this should do the trick.
The juiced beard of a trip hop bassist.
Bald cure.
You're the man, Blade.
All right, ready for some hair, Carl?
Um, actually, I wanna try it first.
Oh, okay. Yeah, I guess the car can go first.Huh?
Here you go.
[ Laughs ]
Peace!
Aw.Damn it, Sheriff.
You are one stupid mother
fu-fu-fu-fu-fu... fish.
[ Cries ]Tommy, wherever Captain Stevens is,
I'm sure he'd forgive you.
He would?
Well, we have him live via satellite.
Huh?
Captain Stevens, can you tell us where you are?
Uh, yes, I'm, uh, heading towards Pluto,
which you can see over my shoulder.
[ Grunts ]
Huh. I guess that kid was right.
Pluto is just a small rock.
Seems like Pluto is stuck in some kind of wormhole.
Uh, hi, Captain Stevens.
Could you please tell my son that this isn't his fault
and that you forgive him?
No. No, I cannot.
-Aw. -You heard it here first.
Pluto, just a small rock stuck in a hole.
And Tommy Goodman, not forgiven.
♪♪
Remote-controlled car, this is the Sheriff.
Stop or I will shoot.
♪♪
[ Laughs ] You'll never catch me!
Uh, Sheriff?
♪♪
[ Both scream ]
[ Both grunt, groan ]
Sheriff: Huh?
Stop right there, Car!
That bald cure is for Carl, not you!
-Um, actually... -Huh?
...it's for me now.
[ Laughs ]
You're Dr. Um, Actually, the rapper/producer.
Um, actually, that's formerrapper/producer
or as you might know me,
BaldBoyzSadTown user DrUmActuallyRulez.
Oh, I thought he was just a big fan.He was.
He was also me. Hmm.
Once I started losing my hair,
I withdrew into my home and never left.
Now with this bald cure, I can finally make my comeback.
Not so fast! Uh!
Hey, give that back!No! It's for Carl!
Carl, catch!
Oh, no! Oh! Ow.
Oh, Carl.
Uh, something's happening.
My scalp is all weird and stuff.
[ Gasps ] Huh?
Uh...
Ooh!
Did it work?
No. No.
[ Voice breaking ] Now, I'll never make music again.
Who would listen to it, bald people?
Sure. Bald people need music, too.
Music... for bald people.Yeah.
I'll be cool again.Yeah.
This'll be the best thing I've done
since inventing the tastiest beverage ever,
mustard and milk.
Ahh.
Ugh. Ugh.
Now, let's make bald rap history.
Dying Astronaut Captain Stevens
has just reached into a wormhole.
Captain, what exactly is a worm hole?
Nobody knows for sure, but most scientists believe
it's a portal through time and space.
Maybe you can go back in time
and not miss your belt loop
so I won't be a murderer.
Even at this desperate time,
Tommy The Murderer taunts his victim.
♪ Now, give me the mic, I got somethin' to say ♪
♪ We a couple Bald Boyz and that's okay ♪
♪ Being bald ain't great, it could be worse ♪
♪ Cross the Bald Boyz and you'll wind up in a hearse ♪
♪ Being bald ain't bad, but we are ♪
♪ Folic-ly, diabolically cursed biologically ♪
♪ Follow chronologically and I lay it out ♪
♪ Lost my hair, my mop, too much off the top ♪
♪ Only curls I'm sportin' now is the ones in my jock ♪
♪ Do I care if you stare at my absence of hair? ♪
♪ Nope
♪ Being bald ain't bad, but we are ♪
♪ Now, listen up, y'all, I got a story to share ♪
♪ It's about some cool guys who ain't got no hair ♪
♪ There's Carl and Dr Um, Actually ♪
♪ And one more bald guy, who's that? Me ♪
♪ Being bald ain't bad, now I are ♪
♪ Being bald ain't bad but we are ♪
♪ Bald Boyz for life
♪ Peace
Yeah!
All right, it's finished uploading and boom!
Okay, we're live, guys.
Hey, Carl? You ready to be cool again?
Oh! Look! Some comments!
"Bald losers, you suck. Kill yourself."
Who wrote that? Carl!
Sorry. Just wasn't for me.
Damn it, Sheriff!
You talked me into this embarrassment!
Now, you gots to die.
[ Stammering ]
Any last requests?
Um, um...
Actually, yeah, can I try some of that mustard milk?
Of course.
Ugh, it's nasty!
Hey, you take that back!
Uh, something's happening to my head.
Ah! Ah!
The mustard and milk.
Maybe it was the catalyst the bald cure needed.
[ Stammering ]
[ All groan ]
Aah! Ohh!
All: Ohh!
I'm running out of oxygen.
Wait, there's something in here.
"Hair Dragon"?
Guitar-shaped pizza?
Pink underwear.
[ Gasps ]
And there you have it,
some underpants and a dead astronaut.
Wait a second. I'm getting something.
Something's coming his way.
It's a...hair?
♪♪
He's headed back to Earth...
on a hair.
The question is, where?
♪♪
[ Groans ] Guess I'm bald again.
Where am I?
Goodman: Sheriff? What's going on here?
Not much. What's going on with you?
We got a report that there was some loud,
kind of crappy music playing.
Sorry. Again, just not for me.
Look! Captain Stevens isn't dead!
Yay! I'm not a murderer!
Captain Stevens, are you okay?
I am now. Who saved my life?
It was a hair from that bald man.
Hi.
Oh. Cool.
Carl! You're cool again!
I am?
Yeah!
♪ Being bald ain't bad, but we are ♪
We are!
Hey, you Carl's new girlfriends?
Did you tell them how cool we are?
Hey, we're pretty cool.
Yes, we certainly are.
And as for Carl's hair,
nobody knows just where that wormhole might have taken it.
Uhh. Oh, I love this song.
Uhh. Uhh.[ Clangs, record needle scratches ]
Hey, what'd you do that for, Carl?
Rap's cool, but it's just a fad.
Glam rock's here to stay.
Oh, that's cool. Don't worry, you're cool.
Hey, Sheriff? Wanna check out my new band?
The record's right over here.
Hey, where'd it go?
Carl, I saved you a slice of pizza.
Pizza's cool.
Huh? That's not cool.
Whoa. My pink underwear.
Carl? Gosh friggit!
This is very stressful.
Don't stress, Carl.
It'll make your hair fall out.
Okay, Theresa. Aw.
You're the coolest girlfriend in the universe.
Oh, no.
Uhh.
Aah! No.
I'm bald.
♪ M-O-A-M-M-A
♪ Momma named me Sheriff, Momma named me Sheriff ♪
♪ M-Momma, Momma, Momma named me Sheriff ♪
♪ M-Momma, Momma, Momma, Momma named me Sheriff ♪
♪ Momma, she named me Sheriff