- Okay.
- This nigga was having her followed.
- What?
- MALE NARRATOR: Previously on "Bruh"--
- But you seem like you had an idea of something
that was going on?
- Listen, I'll talk to him, alright?
- I told you, I think he's mentally ill.
There's something wrong Mike.
Girl, he's having you followed.
- Why in the hell would he even do that?
- How about...
you move in here with me?
- ♪
- I'm missing my period.
I think I'm pregnant.
- ♪
- What the fuck you mean, damn?
- Miss Alice?
- Yes, I'm pregnant.
- Are you sure? - Yes.
- Then you need to make a doctor's appointment to get
yourself checked out, okay?
- Can you give me a pregnancy test?
- Miss Alice? - No, I don't wanna tell John.
- Why not?
- 'Cause he'd have a fit. - Then--
- And I don't know who the daddy is.
- Okay, Miss Alice.
- I'm telling you the truth.
- Then you need to go get tested, okay?
- Don't judge me, nigga.
- Miss Alice, I'm sorry, but I have to go.
- You're gonna leave an old woman in confusion?
- Now you're an old woman?
- Yeah, whatever kind of woman it takes to help me get my way.
- Miss Alice, I'm sorry, I have to leave, okay?
- No, you gonna go get it, that's what you gonna do.
- Okay, I'll go get it. - Good, good.
Get the one that has the letters on it.
- Okay. - Okay?
- Alright, I'll be right back, okay?
- Wait, wait, what if I'm pregnant?
- Well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
- I mean, I don't want another baby.
I mean, I barely raised the one I got.
- I'm gonna go.
- Don't leave yet, I'm talking to ya.
- Miss Alice.
- Well, maybe I can put him up for adoption.
- Well, I'm sure there's a lot of beautiful families out there
looking for kids.
- But what if he grows up to be rich like you?
- Miss Alice--
- I could be giving up my retirement.
- Well, how 'bout we just find out if you're pregnant first?
- I can feel it kicking.
- Uh, okay, I'm gonna go.
- Okay.
- You sure?
- Yeah, I'm sure.
I'll be right here. - Okay, I'll be right back.
- Okay. Go on now.
What am I gonna do with another baby?
Damn.
- SINGER: ♪ Navigating through this dating life ♪
♪ Tryin' to find me a shawty and make her mine ♪
♪ Now I'll find one in no time ♪
♪ With the help of my homies, I'm going up with my bruhs ♪
- CHORUS: ♪ Cause we're goin' up, we're going up ♪
- SINGER: ♪ Me and my bruhs ♪
- CHORUS: ♪ Going up, going up ♪
♪ Going up, we're going up with the bruhs ♪
- SINGER: ♪ Ooh, whoa. Going up and going up with the bruhs ♪♪
- ♪ 'Cause you know that I'mma ride for you ♪
♪ For you, for you ♪
- Here you go, Miss Alice. - Good, good, good.
No, no, hold on, let me take it.
- Miss Alice, I have to go.
- Now, wait, you're a doctor.
- Why do I need to be here?
- Well, look at me.
What would I do if it comes out positive?
- Okay, well--
- Well, let me go ahead on and take it.
- Miss Alice, I have a date.
- Oh, nigga, it's only a flow of piss.
It ain't gonna take that long.
- Okay, go ahead.
- Okay, go make yourself comfortable.
- Okay. - Yeah.
And, uh...
you want a brownie?
- I'm good, Miss Alice.
- No, no, they're good now.
Try that.
- Okay. - Okay.
I'll be right back.
I'm just gonna pee. - Okay.
- I'll be back. - Have a brownie.
- Goodness.
Damn, this is good.
- ALICE: Thank you, have another bite.
- I think I will.
Let me call her.
- [phone ringing]
- Hello?
- I'm sorry, can we push back like an hour?
- Yeah, that's fine. I'm not even home yet.
But, um, you know I'm just down the hall, right?
- Okay, thank you.
- Yeah, you good?
- Yeah, I just had to stop by a friend's place.
His mother's crazy.
- ALICE: I hear you, nigga.
- Is that her? - Yeah.
- You better be quiet.
- Yeah, you're right, she probably has guns in here.
- [laughing] You know, she sounds like this lady
who owns a sandwich in the Milling Building.
- Wait, you know Miss Alice? - Wait, is that her?
- Yeah, that's her. - [laughing]
Everyone at the police station knows Miss Alice.
- Yeah, I bet.
- Alright, well, listen, you take your time.
I'll see you when you get home, okay?
- Okay, thank you.
- Yeah, no worries.
- [sighs]
- ♪
- Well?
- Mm, it says I'm not pregnant.
- Miss Alice, that's good news.
- How is that? Where's my period?
- Well, you may have started menopause.
- No, I didn't.
- How do you know?
- That mean I would be, um--
- What?
- No, I'm not.
That can't be.
- Miss Alice-- - I'm not old.
- Miss Alice, menopause does not mean that you're old, okay?
- Oh lord, what's gonna happen to me?
- You're gonna be fine. - No, I won't.
- I have a colleague.
I'll set up an appointment for you,
and she'll be able to take care of you.
- God be damned. - I'm sorry.
- I thought sure I was.
- Well, luckily you're not.
- What the hell?
- I'm gonna go now, okay?
- Don't leave me, Greg.
- Miss Alice, I'm walking out that door.
- Don't leave me. See?
See, look at ya. See how you acting?
Don't nobody want you when you're old.
- I'll talk to you later, okay? - See? No, come on.
- Miss Alice-- - Don't leave me.
- I'm gonna leave, okay? - No, no, no.
- Sorry, no-- - You never had like this.
- No, thank you. - Greg--
- Have a good night, okay?
- Come on now, I don't know what to do.
- I know, bye. - You can show me.
- Thank you, Miss Alice. - You can show me what to do.
- GREG: No, ma'am.
- ♪
- Hey. - Hey.
- How you doing?
- Good, how are you? - I'm good.
I was looking for you.
- Oh yeah, I just got off.
I wanted to sit down and take a break.
- I got that, I understand that.
I just wanted to see if I could buy you a drink or something.
- Oh, one second. Brian?
Get us some drinks. - Oh, thank you, okay.
I got--I got some money, I can pay for it. Thank you.
- I got it. - --with the drink, I
could pay for the drink. - It's all good.
Hey, can we get two margaritas and a shot of tequila?
- Thank you. You--you know my drink?
- Yeah, I mean, you keep ordering the same thing
every time you come in here. - [laughing]
True, true, I do. - Yeah.
So, why don't you tell me about yourself?
- Oh. [sighs]
What's to tell you that I haven't told you already?
Um...
- There has to be more to you than living with your mama
and owning a sandwich shop.
- Well, just to be clear, my mama live with me.
- I'm just repeating what you said.
- I understand, I just want it to be clear.
She live with me, so I pay the rent, but yeah--
- So, let me set the record straight.
- ♪
- Almost as good as mine.
- Thank you, brother.
- ♪ Available ♪
♪ Are you available ♪
- So let's toast.
- Here's to me not having sex with you.
- Okay.
- Yeah, you gotta look me in my eyes.
- Okay. - Yeah.
Here you go. - Respect.
You just--you go straight in with it, huh, okay.
- Yeah, I'm celibate.
- You sell a bit? You don't--
- Yeah, celibate.
- Oh, like you don't sell all of it,
you only sell a little bit? - What?
- I thought you said you don't have sex,
so if you selling some, like is that just prostitution
or like what's that? - Nigga, what?
No, I'm celibate, meaning you don't have sex.
That's what celibate means.
- Oh, that's a word--celibate.
I thought you like, "Ah, I only sell a bit.
Like I don't sell a lot, I sell a bit."
- I cannot. [laughs] No. - JOHN: My bad.
But you don't have sex? - No.
- Okay. - And I'm gonna stay that way
until I meet a man who's worth it.
- Okay, you just lay it all out there, huh?
Just--respect that.
- I'm straight up.
- I see it, straight up.
- So, if you like me, we can hang out.
Get to know each other better.
And I think we should just start there.
- Okay.
- After we finish the drinks. - Mm-hmm.
- We should go back to your spot.
- Okay, and I told you I live with my--
- Yeah, your mama.
- My mama live with me, but yeah.
- It'll be nice to meet her.
- You wanna meet my mama? - Yes, I do.
- Okay, let's do it. - Alright.
Are you afraid of motorcycles?
- What you mean?
- You don't have a car.
I have a bike, so I was gonna take you home.
- You gonna take me home? - Yeah.
- Give me a ride? - I'm gonna give you a ride.
- Okay. - Just make sure you don't--
- But not like that, I got you, 'cause--
- Wait, what?
- --celibate, no I was saying--I got you.
You're gonna give me a ride home on your motorcycle.
- Yeah. - Give me a ride.
- Yeah, I'm gonna let you ride it.
Like my bike. - I'm gonna ride--
- Just make sure you don't get hard riding behind me.
- BOTH: [laughing]
- No, I ain't get--[clears throat]--
I'm gonna focus on stuff. I got you.
You're straight up for real.
- Yeah, I mean, life is short.
I ain't got time for no bullshit, you feel me?
- I feel you.
I like--I like to get right into it.
Like I feel you.
- I bet you do.
- No, I meant like to the point, like not like--
- Yeah, you gonna get right into everything except for this
ass, 'cause that ain't happening.
- [laughs] "This ass."
Respect, I got you.
[laughs] You make it very clear. - Yeah.
- You celibate, but you don't sell a bit.
And, um, I got you, I respect that.
- But I will be honest.
You almost got it.
- What? For real? - Mm-hmm.
- Like how can I get back to that?
- Well-- - I'm just playing,
like how--at what point did I do that?
- The night when you hit your friend,
that shit turned me the fuck on.
- For real? - Mm-hmm.
- Oh, so you like violence?
- Hell yeah.
- Oh, that's the kicking--okay. - Yeah.
- You and my mama gonna get along really well.
- Really?
- Unfortunately, yes.
- Well, I can't wait to meet her.
- I--I can, but--
- ♪
- [moaning]
[howling]
- BOTH: [moaning]
- Hold up. Don't move, don't move. Hold up.
Sssh. Uh, rub my head, rub my head.
[heavy breathing]
Oh my God, you work--you woke the sleeping
bear, baby.
You woke the sleeping bear.
[laughing]
Okay, alright, okay, you go that way,
I'm gonna go this way.
Put your leg--oh, that's my nuts.
- Oh, sorry.
- [sighs] Ooh.
Damn. Oh.
Come here, girl.
[sighs] Damn.
What's gotten into you?
- Um, I don't know.
You just make me crazy, all that howling and stuff.
- [laughs] Ooooh!
- BOTH: [laughing]
- I knew you missed me.
- Yeah, I did.
- And to think you was about to marry that clown.
- Wha--what? Why would you--
- What? Too soon?
- Yes.
Ugh.
God.
- When can we talk about it?
- Talk about what?
- You and "Peter."
"Peter Pumpernickel."
- Why would you wanna talk about him?
- I just--[laughs]--I knew you didn't love that dude.
- Actually, I did.
- Honestly?
- I still do.
- Really?
I just, uh--
- You just what?
What?
You thought that I would marry somebody I don't love?
- If you say so.
- Okay, and what is that supposed to mean?
- It means I saw the way you looked at him.
And I saw the way you looked at me.
- Mm, okay.
He's not you.
I get that.
- Okay.
So then--[yawns]
- Hmm?
What?
Go ahead and say it.
- Nah, you know what?
Let's just stop talking about.
- Okay.
But you're the one who brought him up, not me.
- Hey, hey, I'm a man of many mistakes.
That was one of them.
Promise you, that will not happen again.
- Yeah, alright.
Look, if it's gonna be a problem, then--
- No, no, no, no, no.
It's not gonna be a problem.
It's not, okay?
- Bill, you really think that moving in right now is the best
thing to do, 'cause--
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is.
It is.
- 'Cause I'm not about to be just dating you.
You know that, right? - Mm-hmm.
- You good with that?
- Are you?
- Of course I am.
- Well, so am I.
- Oh, all of the sudden.
- Mm.
Wha--what?
Hey, watch it, don't move.
Look, look, look, don't move.
Don't--don't move. - What?
What are you--
What is this?
- I want you to marry me.
- Are you serious?
- Super serious.
- And it's just gonna be you and me?
- Just the two of us.
- Just the two of us?
- Just the two of us.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
Woman, is that yes or a no, shit?
- I mean...after you get on one knee.
- BOTH: [laughing]
- Who made up that corny shit?
- Oh, that was corny?
I don't know who made it up, but it's tradition,
and it's what I want. One knee.
- No, no, okay, hold up, hold up.
Did, uh, Peter get down on one knee?
- Here you go, see?
I don't understand.
- Answer the--answer the question.
Did he get on one knee?
- Yeah, he did.
He did, yes, he did.
- Then I ain't doing it.
- Are you kidding?
- No. - Really?
You really jealous of this guy like that?
- Jeal--[laughs]--I'm not jealous of that fool, man.
- That's what it sounds like--
- Nah, 'cause I know he ain't--he ain't packing
like old Bill.
You see it, you felt it. Hey.
- Here we go, back to the light-skin shit.
- Ain't always good.
- It's always about that with you.
It is. - It's not about that.
If that--if that--I don't come back to nothing, look.
I'm holding this damn ring that cost, you don't wanna know,
okay? And this just for you.
I mean it.
So, Regina...
will...you...
marry...me...please?
- Okay.
- Give me--give me that.
Oh, a perfect fit.
Who knew?
You're so good. - [giggles]
- ♪
- Thank you for being so patient.
- Oh, it's fine.
But I need to tell you, um, we have to order takeout.
- Okay.
- Yeah, it's a little late to cook, and honestly,
I'm not that good.
- I'm cool with that.
- Good.
- Sorry, it's a mess.
- You call this a mess?
- Yeah, I mean, I could have picked up a little bit.
- It's fine.
- Uh, do you wanna order something?
- Uh, yeah.
I'll, um--
- What are you thinking?
- Can we do Italian?
- Italian it is.
I'm good with that.
- Thank you.
- I'll let you pick. - Okay.
Um...
- ♪
- I have been thinking about you all day.
- ♪
- No, you haven't.
- Of course I have.
- Well, this sounds interesting.
- And why is that?
- Because I've been thinking about you all day too.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, I guess that puts us both in a good position.
- Looks that way.
- I'm gonna have the chicken parm.
- Okay, well, I think I'm gonna go with the...linguine.
Yes. - Alright, I'll call it in.
- Thank you.
[sighs]
- ♪
- Do you like jazz?
- Stop. - What?
- You walked past my apartment and you heard me playing jazz.
That's why you're asking. You're not slick!
- No, I swear.
Listen, there's a remote right there.
Press play, you'll hear the last thing I was listening to.
- Okay, well, let's see.
- ♪
- I love that.
- See? - [giggles]
- Hey, I'd like to make an order for delivery.
Yeah, yeah, I have.
Yep, that's the right address.
Can I get the chicken parm
and the linguine, please? - Breadsticks. Breadsticks.
- And breadsticks, breadsticks.
Yes.
Okay, how long?
Alright, thank you.
- How long?
- They said like 45 minutes.
- Oh, that's good, I'm starving.
- You want something to drink?
- Uh, yeah, I'll take a drink.
What do you want?
- Well, I wanna make love to you.
- ♪
- Greg, I--
- What? You asked me what I wanted.
- How do I know?
- How do you know what?
- How do I know that once we do,
you wouldn't just up and leave?
- Oh, um...
I guess you don't.
I--I don't know.
- Right, so that's why I don't jump into bed with men.
I have to--I have to get to know them first.
- No, I like that.
That's good, yes.
I understand.
- Do you understand?
- Yeah.
- No, beca---it's not the same for you.
You are--you're a guy, you wouldn't get it.
Like you're single and cute.
You're probably having sex with everybody.
- [laughs] Okay, I'm definitely not that guy.
- Come on. - What?
- A single doctor in Atlanta? They are throwing ass at you.
- No. - Don't play.
- I sw--I swear, like--besides, I just moved here.
So I don't even know anybody.
Plus, I just got out of a marriage,
so I'm not really in that state of mind, you know?
- I'm sorry.
So are you divorced?
- Uh, yes.
- For how long?
- Officially, a week, but--
- A week?
- But I've been checked out for like...two years.
- Why?
- Because like...everything I like, she had a problem with.
- Did you talk to her about that or--
- Yeah, I mean, you try to but that's kinda--that's the
problem, that's the issue.
It's a miscommunication.
We're just not on the same page, you know?
- Yeah, I--I get it.
I'm the rebound.
- Uh, no, listen, no.
You're like a breath of fresh air.
I promise you.
Thank you.
- That sounds sweet.
Or is that just some game?
I--
- I promise, I'm speaking from the heart.
- I don't know, I-- - Honestly.
- Guys like you have so many women, it's just--
- [laughs] You'd be surprised.
- What would surprise me?
- I'm particular.
Like it takes more than just a beautiful body or a face to turn
me on, you know?
I need some personality. - [laughing]
- What?
I mean, you--you honestly turn me on, okay?
It's more than just physicality.
- No, no, you see, more and more of that talk makes me think
you only want to get me into bed.
- I mean, I do, but...you can't blame me.
And besides, don't act like you don't want me either.
- I do, that is clear.
But I want to take thing slow.
- Okay, yeah.
I get that.
I understand.
- Thank you.
- Why don't you come dance with me?
- ♪
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
[laughs] This is, um--this is different.
- Is it?
- Yeah.
Um...
- ♪
- Well, you know they say that chivalry is dead.
- But not romance.
- ♪
- Are you having me followed?
- Damn, she told you?
- Yeah, she told me.
- ♪
- Yeah, I was having you followed for a little bit.
- What the hell is wrong with you?
- When you said you didn't want me, I--I went crazy.
- Well, 'cause you're just, what,
just so used to getting what you want?
- ♪
- Just stop having me followed.
- I don't mean to.
- What?
- I want you to move in here.
- I'm not moving in here.
- Why not? - 'Cause your ass is crazy.
- I'm not crazy. - Yes, you are.
I mean, you change like the wind, Mike.
- MIKE: Pam. - You do.
Like one minute you're cool, the next you're hot.
- Pam...
I have a cocaine problem.
- Mm, what?
- Yeah, I tried to keep it from the guys,
but...I'm addicted to it.
- What?
- I need to get some help.
- ♪