1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:16,392 ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage 4 00:00:16,475 --> 00:00:19,186 -Jimmy O. Yang! -[CHEERING] 5 00:00:19,270 --> 00:00:30,114 [MUSIC - METER MOBB FT TOO $HORT, "YOU CAME TO PARTY"] 6 00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:33,576 How's everybody doing? 7 00:00:33,659 --> 00:00:37,538 Yes, yes. 8 00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:40,040 Thank you. 9 00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:48,674 Thank you guys very much for coming out. 10 00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:55,264 What's up, y'all beautiful people? 11 00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:56,474 This is great, man. 12 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,683 You guys can have a seat now. 13 00:00:57,767 --> 00:00:59,018 You guys can have a seat. 14 00:00:59,101 --> 00:01:02,021 Thank you, thank you so much. 15 00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:04,732 Where my Asian people at, Asian people? 16 00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:06,025 [CHEERING] 17 00:01:06,108 --> 00:01:07,026 Hey! 18 00:01:07,109 --> 00:01:09,236 You came out! 19 00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:12,198 We're out here representing, man. 20 00:01:12,281 --> 00:01:14,575 I got to say, it's been a couple of good years for us 21 00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:18,370 Asians, right? 22 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:21,040 We had "Crazy Rich Asians" last year. 23 00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:23,209 That was a huge moment for us, yeah. 24 00:01:25,836 --> 00:01:30,633 Jeremy Lin won a championship... 25 00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:33,719 for doing nothing. 26 00:01:33,803 --> 00:01:37,264 He's the first Asian kid to receive a participation trophy. 27 00:01:37,348 --> 00:01:41,560 We got to be proud of him, finally. 28 00:01:41,644 --> 00:01:43,479 It's great, great couple of years, man. 29 00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:45,105 But this is recent history. 30 00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:46,607 I don't know if you guys remember this. 31 00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:49,151 Just three years ago, there was a movie 32 00:01:49,235 --> 00:01:52,404 called "The Great Wall"-- 33 00:01:52,488 --> 00:01:56,700 starring Matt Damon. It was a real movie. 34 00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:58,577 It was Matt Damon in ancient China 35 00:01:58,661 --> 00:02:02,164 fighting dragons and shit, and everybody spoke English? 36 00:02:02,248 --> 00:02:04,834 I said, what the fuck is this? 37 00:02:04,917 --> 00:02:07,628 But you got to understand. I'm not mad at Matt Damon, OK? 38 00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:09,588 He's an actor. That's what he does for a living. 39 00:02:09,672 --> 00:02:12,424 That's how he gets a check. I get it. 40 00:02:12,508 --> 00:02:15,386 If somebody were to offer me a lead role in a movie called 41 00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:19,098 "Mount Rushmore,"... 42 00:02:19,181 --> 00:02:21,100 I would play the shit out of George Washington, 43 00:02:21,183 --> 00:02:22,560 you know what I mean? 44 00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:23,811 [CHEERING] 45 00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:29,316 No shame in my game. 46 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:33,028 I'll play George Washington Carver if they let me. 47 00:02:33,112 --> 00:02:37,449 That's a black guy, by the way. I don't know if you know. 48 00:02:37,533 --> 00:02:39,243 Gotta represent, man. 49 00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:41,161 I see a lot of people out here in the streets, 50 00:02:41,245 --> 00:02:43,789 they want to come up to me, but they're not really sure. 51 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,627 There's a lot of debate amongst their friends. 52 00:02:48,711 --> 00:02:51,964 They're like, hey, man, are you sure that's him? 53 00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:54,842 If we go up there, we got to be sure. 54 00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:56,886 Because if we go up there and it's not him, 55 00:02:56,969 --> 00:02:58,137 we're gonna look super racist. 56 00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:05,477 Are you sure that's not Ken Jeong? 57 00:03:05,561 --> 00:03:07,479 I don't know. It looks kind of like Ali Wong. 58 00:03:07,563 --> 00:03:09,189 I don't know. 59 00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,444 And they come up to me, it's always like, the first thing 60 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:15,195 they say, like, hey, hey, man, aren't you 61 00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:18,115 that dude Jian-Yang from that show "Silicon Valley"? 62 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,200 And I'm like, oh, thanks. 63 00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:22,077 Thank you. 64 00:03:22,161 --> 00:03:23,704 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you. 65 00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:25,706 Thank you, I appreciate that. Yeah, I am. 66 00:03:25,789 --> 00:03:27,541 And then they're like, oh, shit, I didn't even know 67 00:03:27,625 --> 00:03:30,377 you speak English in real life! 68 00:03:30,461 --> 00:03:33,631 I'm like, it's called acting, motherfucker. 69 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,841 Like, did you really think Matt Damon was Chinese? 70 00:03:35,925 --> 00:03:38,218 Like, what's wrong with you? 71 00:03:38,302 --> 00:03:39,887 I don't know what the disconnect is. 72 00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:42,056 Like, if a white actor does a British accent, 73 00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:43,974 he's a thespian. 74 00:03:44,058 --> 00:03:45,643 He wins an Oscar. 75 00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:47,686 If I do a Chinese accent, I'm automatically 76 00:03:47,770 --> 00:03:49,229 from the old country. 77 00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:52,983 Representation matters, man. 78 00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:55,694 A lot of Asian people come up to me, very proud, very nice. 79 00:03:55,778 --> 00:03:59,114 They're like, Jimmy, thank you for represent the Asians, man. 80 00:03:59,198 --> 00:04:04,370 I'm like, eh, you're welcome. 81 00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:06,789 But you do understand, it's not really a choice, right? 82 00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:14,296 Like, when you wake up Asian, you can only represent Asians. 83 00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:18,467 I couldn't just wake up one day and be like, fuck it, 84 00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:20,552 I'm representing Nigerians today. 85 00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:24,306 I'm very proud to represent Asians. 86 00:04:24,390 --> 00:04:26,392 But at the same time, there's so much pressure. 87 00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:28,352 Like, nobody ever went up to Matt Damon 88 00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,771 and be like, hey, Matt, thanks for representing the whites. 89 00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:33,315 It sounds weird. 90 00:04:33,399 --> 00:04:36,068 That's like a different conversation for some reason, you know? 91 00:04:36,151 --> 00:04:38,112 If somebody came up to me being like, hey, Jimmy, 92 00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:40,280 I'm representing for the whites, 93 00:04:40,364 --> 00:04:43,283 I would leave that town immediately 94 00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,452 and never come back. 95 00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:48,330 So much pressure to represent. 96 00:04:48,414 --> 00:04:51,041 I got to be a good Asian everywhere now. 97 00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:53,085 I got to tip everywhere I go. 98 00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:58,340 That was one of the major advantages 99 00:04:58,424 --> 00:05:00,050 of being Asian, is I could just pretend 100 00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:02,928 I don't know how to tip. 101 00:05:03,012 --> 00:05:05,681 Y'all know what a Chinese tip is? 102 00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:07,850 Chinese tip, it doesn't matter how big your bill is, 103 00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:11,353 you tip $2. That's a Chi-- 104 00:05:11,437 --> 00:05:14,857 That's a Chinese tip, man. 105 00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:17,234 Now I got to tip 20% everywhere. 106 00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:19,445 I got to give every Uber driver five-star ratings 107 00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:21,572 just so I can be a good representative. 108 00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:23,824 Everywhere I go, I got to represent. 109 00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:28,454 Even day to day shit, even the bedroom I got to represent. 110 00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:30,247 After I hooked up with this one girl, 111 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,750 this is what she said to me. She was like, Jimmy, 112 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,460 I don't know how to tell you this, 113 00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:37,087 but you're the first Asian guy I've ever been with. 114 00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:38,464 I'm like, OK. 115 00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:42,426 What do you want, a fortune cookie? 116 00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:45,846 Like, wha--? 117 00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:48,182 Like, what do you want? 118 00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:50,476 She acted like she just unlocked a new character 119 00:05:50,559 --> 00:05:52,603 on Street Fighter or some shit. 120 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:57,775 Why do you feel the need to say that? 121 00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:00,319 This one girl said this shit that was so disrespectful. 122 00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:02,029 This is what she said to me after we hooked up. 123 00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:04,031 She was like, Jimmy, um, I'm just 124 00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:05,866 glad the stereotype's not true. 125 00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:12,081 You don't have a small penis. 126 00:06:12,164 --> 00:06:14,124 I'm like, bitch, you understand you just insulted 127 00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:16,376 my entire race of people? 128 00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:18,170 But thank you. 129 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:22,800 First of all, thank you for thinking 130 00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:26,178 that I did have a small penis, and we still had sex. 131 00:06:26,261 --> 00:06:28,388 You're the real MVP. 132 00:06:28,472 --> 00:06:31,600 You get two fortune cookies tonight, miss. 133 00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:34,520 Thank you. 134 00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:36,563 But that's a fucked up stereotype, right? 135 00:06:36,647 --> 00:06:38,941 That's not even true. That's a fucked up stereotype. 136 00:06:39,024 --> 00:06:43,904 Everybody should have average dick until proven guilty. 137 00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:46,406 I don't care how tall you are, what ethnicity you are, 138 00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:48,117 how big your hands are. 139 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:53,664 Everybody should start at average dick, 8 inches. 140 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,290 And we go from there. 141 00:06:57,251 --> 00:06:58,794 There's so much pressure, man. 142 00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:00,712 I feel like every time I have sex, 143 00:07:00,796 --> 00:07:05,634 there's a billion Chinese people on my back just judging me. 144 00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:08,387 I gotta make sure I perform and represent, you know? 145 00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:10,472 I got to get them an extra pump for my uncle 146 00:07:10,556 --> 00:07:13,600 in Shanghai, an extra pump for my nephew 147 00:07:13,684 --> 00:07:16,937 in Hong Kong and shit. It's like, oh, my god. 148 00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,522 That's why you see old Asian people, 149 00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:20,107 they be walking like this, just like-- 150 00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:24,736 (CHINESE ACCENT) It's so much pressure. 151 00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:33,662 I love old Asian people, man. 152 00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:36,915 Yeah, yeah, old Asian people are the best. 153 00:07:36,999 --> 00:07:39,334 But why are all old Asian people 154 00:07:39,418 --> 00:07:43,130 always stretching in the park? 155 00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:45,007 Like, it doesn't matter which city you're in, 156 00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:48,051 which park you go to, you wake up, 6:30 in the morning, 157 00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,888 you see about 250 old Asian people 158 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:56,351 all doing this shit at the same time, 159 00:07:56,435 --> 00:07:59,980 for like three hours. 160 00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:02,649 What the fuck are they doing? 161 00:08:02,733 --> 00:08:04,359 And my dad was trying to explain to me. 162 00:08:04,443 --> 00:08:06,653 He's like, oh, they're warming up to do Tai Chi. 163 00:08:06,737 --> 00:08:09,114 I'm like, for how long? 164 00:08:09,198 --> 00:08:13,243 And ironically, Tai Chi is a warm-up in itself. 165 00:08:13,327 --> 00:08:17,206 So they're warming up to warm up for nothing. 166 00:08:17,289 --> 00:08:19,625 And I think to a lot of Americans, like, people think 167 00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:23,128 that Tai Chi to some, like, exotic Chinese secret, 168 00:08:23,212 --> 00:08:25,255 some oriental art. 169 00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:28,342 No. Tai Chi is just exercise for people 170 00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:31,136 who are too old to exercise. 171 00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:33,055 Let's not exoticize these things, you know? 172 00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:35,515 It's actually super simple to do Tai Chi. 173 00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:38,644 I went to a park, watched those old people for like an hour, 174 00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,854 and I learned how to do Tai Chi. 175 00:08:40,938 --> 00:08:43,649 Very simple, all you gotta do is two things. 176 00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:45,442 All you gotta do to do to Tai Chi 177 00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:48,946 is pretend you're wiping down a window 178 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:51,156 and getting a blow job at the same time. 179 00:08:54,243 --> 00:08:56,828 You guys seem skeptical. 180 00:08:56,912 --> 00:08:59,039 Allow me to demonstrate. 181 00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:00,791 [CHEERING] 182 00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:04,169 It's very simple. 183 00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:07,756 All you gotta do, you get it your little stance, right, OK? 184 00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:10,425 And then you wipe down a window. 185 00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:12,177 And now you get a blow job. 186 00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:19,142 Then you lift her head up, because you're a gentleman, 187 00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:20,811 you know? 188 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:25,983 That's Tai Chi. 189 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,735 [APPLAUSE] 190 00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:32,948 Thank you, thank you. 191 00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:35,993 Let's not exoticize these Asian things. 192 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,120 They're just old people reminiscing about the days 193 00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:40,706 when they got sucked off. That's it. 194 00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:44,543 You got to take advantages of all 195 00:09:44,626 --> 00:09:46,420 these, like, Asian stereotypes, you know? 196 00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:48,588 If people are just going to exoticize us, that's fine. 197 00:09:48,672 --> 00:09:51,091 Whenever somebody asks me to do something I don't want to do, 198 00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:54,803 I just make up a fake Chinese holiday now. 199 00:09:54,886 --> 00:09:57,389 It's like, hey, Jimmy can you help me move next Monday? 200 00:09:57,472 --> 00:09:59,516 I'm like, Monday? 201 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:04,104 That's the Dragon Boat Lychee Boba Festiva, dog. 202 00:10:04,187 --> 00:10:07,190 I can't-- I can't just help you move. 203 00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:09,735 My grandfather died for that shit, you understand? 204 00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:13,905 And if people are just gonna assume that I don't 205 00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:15,907 speak English, that's fine. 206 00:10:15,991 --> 00:10:18,368 That's what I do now when I get pulled over by the cops. 207 00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:20,579 I just pretend I don't speak English. 208 00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:23,623 I haven't gotten a ticket in five years. 209 00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:25,125 Last time I got pulled over, 210 00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:26,668 the cop was knocking on my window. 211 00:10:26,752 --> 00:10:28,337 He was like, sir, you do understand you 212 00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:29,921 can't make a right turn here? 213 00:10:30,005 --> 00:10:31,256 It says right there on the sign. 214 00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:33,091 You can't make a right turn. 215 00:10:33,175 --> 00:10:35,052 So I just looked up at him. I was like, 216 00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:38,138 (CHINESE ACCENT) Oh, I don't know. 217 00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:43,393 I'm sorry, but-ah English not very good. 218 00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:45,729 So I cannot read-ah the sign. 219 00:10:49,358 --> 00:10:51,610 And he was really confused. He just looked back down at me. 220 00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:56,698 He was like, sir, the sign is not in English. 221 00:10:56,782 --> 00:11:00,202 It's a diagram, so I don't understand 222 00:11:00,285 --> 00:11:03,914 how that's a language barrier? 223 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,624 So I just looked up at him. I was like, 224 00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:10,837 (CHINESE ACCENT) Oh... I don't know. 225 00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:14,549 But do you know today is the Dragon Boat Lychee Boba-- 226 00:11:14,633 --> 00:11:16,301 [APPLAUSE] 227 00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:20,389 You got to use it to your advantage, people. 228 00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:24,684 I'm very happy to be here, man. 229 00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:26,353 -[CHEERING] -Thank you. 230 00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:27,896 Oh, you guys don't have to-- thank you. 231 00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:30,482 Thank you for all your support. 232 00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:32,234 It's been great. It's been really great. 233 00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:35,195 Like, I'm finally-- I'm like quasi-famous now. 234 00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:36,988 Nothing's really changed. 235 00:11:37,072 --> 00:11:39,324 I might get a free appetizer at select PF Chang's. 236 00:11:39,408 --> 00:11:42,244 That's about it. Nothing's really changed. 237 00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:44,496 I was still using Tinder up until like a year ago. 238 00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:46,540 This is a true story. 239 00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:49,334 But now I realize I got a whole new set of issues on Tinder. 240 00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:50,961 Like now, when I do match with a girl, 241 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,130 she doesn't believe that it's me. 242 00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,006 Like, ew, that's not you. 243 00:11:55,090 --> 00:11:57,175 You're not that guy from this thing and that thing. 244 00:11:57,259 --> 00:12:00,554 I'm like, who the fuck is using me as a fake profile? 245 00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:07,310 You gotta dig real deep to use me, man. 246 00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:11,481 I feel like there's so many better choices out there. 247 00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:15,944 One time-- one time, my agent told me that I had a good look. 248 00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:18,113 And I'm like, thanks, dude, I appreciate that. 249 00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:20,866 But then it took me years to realize that having a good look 250 00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:24,870 is totally different than being good-looking. 251 00:12:24,953 --> 00:12:27,539 I still don't know what the fuck it means. 252 00:12:27,622 --> 00:12:30,000 And look, I'm not being self-deprecating, OK? 253 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,627 That's Hollywood talk. I don't listen to that shit. 254 00:12:32,711 --> 00:12:34,796 I understand that, in real life, 255 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:37,799 I'm like super good-looking-- 256 00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:39,801 if you're into anime. 257 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:45,390 You gotta get in where you fit in, people. 258 00:12:45,474 --> 00:12:47,976 One time, I went over to the girl's house, 259 00:12:48,059 --> 00:12:52,522 she has this, like, Naruto anime poster in her bedroom. 260 00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:54,900 I knew I was fucking that night. 261 00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:59,613 You got to know your demo, people. 262 00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:01,406 Asian people, we don't need Tinder anymore. 263 00:13:01,490 --> 00:13:04,576 We just go to BTS concerts. 264 00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:06,870 That's how we do that parking lot pimping. 265 00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:13,210 I've been dating a lot of tall girls lately, 266 00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:16,505 because it makes me look successful. 267 00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:19,674 No, no. I think tall women are beautiful. 268 00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:22,511 But some of them like to wear heels. 269 00:13:22,594 --> 00:13:24,221 That's just disrespect. 270 00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:28,350 Like, you're already five inches taller than me. 271 00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:29,935 Why the fuck are you wearing heels? 272 00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:31,728 She's like, it makes my ass look better. 273 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:35,023 I'm like, your ass is at my eye level right now. 274 00:13:35,106 --> 00:13:37,192 Neither of us look good, OK? 275 00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:40,529 I look like a child, and you look like a child molester. 276 00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:48,370 Last time-- the last time I took a tall girl to this concert-- 277 00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:50,163 I don't know if you guys know this, 278 00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:54,167 but apparently, tall people have fun at concerts. 279 00:13:54,251 --> 00:13:57,379 Are you guys aware of that? I'm 5' 5". 280 00:13:57,462 --> 00:14:00,549 I just go to concerts to smell other people's armpits. 281 00:14:00,632 --> 00:14:03,218 I'm like what the fuck's the point of this? 282 00:14:03,301 --> 00:14:04,970 She was having the time of her life, 283 00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:07,264 doing whatever tall people do at concerts, you know, 284 00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:10,934 jumping around, obstructing other people's views, 285 00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:13,979 seeing everything. 286 00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:16,022 I was frustrated. I had enough. 287 00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:19,276 So I just looked up at her, I was like, hey! 288 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,069 Pick me up. 289 00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:26,616 This is bullshit. I paid for these tickets, OK? 290 00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:28,076 I want to see Billy Eilish, too. 291 00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:29,578 Come on. 292 00:14:38,003 --> 00:14:40,922 I know I'm becoming an adult finally, 293 00:14:41,006 --> 00:14:45,010 because now my favorite TV show is "Fixer Upper" on HGTV. 294 00:14:46,595 --> 00:14:48,471 That's the greatest show of all time. 295 00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:51,808 You guys watch it, Chip and Joanna Gaines, "Fixer Upper"? 296 00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:54,311 It's a great show, right? It's a great show. 297 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,479 Like, it's really a beautiful relationship. 298 00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,815 Joanna does all the interior decorating, 299 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,275 and she brings in all the furniture 300 00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:02,068 and makes the house look amazing. 301 00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:05,280 And Chip just hires Mexicans to do everything for him. 302 00:15:05,363 --> 00:15:09,326 It's the most symbiotic American relationship ever. 303 00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:10,577 And it's a really nice show. 304 00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:12,245 It's a feel-good show. 305 00:15:12,329 --> 00:15:14,164 It's an aspiring show. 306 00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:17,125 You watch the show and you're like, man, one day, maybe 307 00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:19,502 my house could look that nice-- 308 00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:20,962 if I moved to Waco, Texas. 309 00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:29,346 If I just give up on my life and move to Waco, Texas, 310 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,431 maybe I can have a new open concept kitchen. 311 00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:36,227 I don't know about you guys. 312 00:15:36,311 --> 00:15:38,897 Shit is expensive where I live in LA. 313 00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:41,232 And I watch this show and I just get frustrated. 314 00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:42,692 Because you get, like, these like, 315 00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:45,070 entry-level-job-having people in Texas. 316 00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:50,909 And they're like, Joanna, we're looking for a six bedroom house 317 00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:57,916 on three acres of land and our budget's $50,000. 318 00:15:57,999 --> 00:16:04,756 Bitch, I can't even buy a crack house in Compton for $50,000. 319 00:16:04,839 --> 00:16:10,261 HGTV is just basically "MTV Cribs" for adults. 320 00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:13,056 Because when you were 15, you had crazier dreams, you know? 321 00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:14,724 You watch "MTV Cribs," and you're like, 322 00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:19,562 oh, man, one day, I hope I can have a Lamborghini. 323 00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:22,857 One day, I hope I can have a fridge with only Gatorades. 324 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,239 And now, you're like 35, your dreams just 325 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,324 get a little more realistic. 326 00:16:31,408 --> 00:16:35,453 You're watching HGTV, and you're just, like, oh, man, one day, 327 00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:38,081 I wish I could just fix this roof. 328 00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:49,259 Look, I'm doing, like, fine by any measure, you know? 329 00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:51,761 But I still live in a one-bedroom apartment 330 00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:54,681 because that shit is rent-controlled. 331 00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:57,058 And when the Asian people, when we find a good deal, 332 00:16:57,142 --> 00:16:59,310 we're never letting that shit go. 333 00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:01,896 -Yeah. -[APPLAUSE] 334 00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:05,108 That apartment is about to be generational. 335 00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:08,319 It's gonna get passed to my nephew, his kids, and all that. 336 00:17:08,403 --> 00:17:10,822 It's mine now, basically. 337 00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:13,324 I don't want to buy a house. I live by myself, 338 00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:14,701 and I'm scared of ghosts. 339 00:17:17,579 --> 00:17:23,877 I've seen enough movies to know that ghosts only haunt houses, 340 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:26,129 not one bedroom apartments. 341 00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:28,006 [APPLAUSE] 342 00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:30,341 Yeah. 343 00:17:30,425 --> 00:17:32,135 I've seen enough Hollywood movies 344 00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,262 to know that ghost only haunt rich people's houses 345 00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:38,266 in the suburbs, preferably with a newborn baby, because they 346 00:17:38,349 --> 00:17:40,685 got way too much to lose. Shit is high stakes. 347 00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:43,480 I live by myself. I ain't got nothing to lose. 348 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:47,192 A ghost come haunt me, I just move. 349 00:17:47,275 --> 00:17:49,444 Worse comes to worse, I lose my security deposit. 350 00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:52,447 Fuck it, you know? What's a ghost gonna do? 351 00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:55,742 He's gonna follow me from unit to unit, 352 00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:57,786 start knocking on my light fixtures and shit. 353 00:17:57,869 --> 00:18:01,372 I'm like, hey, dog, go ahead. It's not even mine. 354 00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:03,249 You fuck around, we both get evicted, OK? 355 00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:05,919 Like, you don't want to be a homeless ghost. 356 00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:12,217 And if you really think about it, what kind of loser ghost 357 00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:14,677 haunts an apartment? 358 00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:17,847 That means that ghost probably died in an apartment. 359 00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:21,309 He didn't even die a homeowner. 360 00:18:21,392 --> 00:18:24,062 I ain't got no respect for that shit. 361 00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:26,231 He comes haunt me, I just start talking shit to him. 362 00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:28,358 Like, hey, dog, what was your credit score when you 363 00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:29,776 died, though, like, for real? 364 00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:31,569 For real. 365 00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:39,369 I was born in Hong Kong. 366 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:40,870 Any Hong Kong people? 367 00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:42,580 A couple of us-- 368 00:18:42,664 --> 00:18:44,457 awesome, man. 369 00:18:44,541 --> 00:18:46,376 For you guys that haven't been following the news, 370 00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,711 Hong Kong is a part of Japan. 371 00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,050 I'm joking, obviously. 372 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,052 But I said the same shit in Kansas City, 373 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:58,972 and people were like, really? 374 00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:01,558 Wow, we learned something new today, Bill. 375 00:19:06,688 --> 00:19:11,150 I did a show in Kansas City. I don't know why either. 376 00:19:11,234 --> 00:19:13,820 People are very nice in Kansas City. 377 00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:16,072 I'm not gonna say, like, they're racist or anything like that, 378 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:18,616 but they're just, like, curious. 379 00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:20,994 Like they're watching me like they're watching an episode 380 00:19:21,077 --> 00:19:23,913 of National Geographic. 381 00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:27,041 And a pack of giraffes just ran by, and they're like, 382 00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:29,377 oh, I've never seen one of those in real life. 383 00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:32,422 It looks majestic. 384 00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,132 This one kid in Kansas City came up to me 385 00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:35,842 after the show, very nice kid. 386 00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:37,802 This is what he said. He was like, 387 00:19:37,886 --> 00:19:39,721 ah, Jimmy, thought you were really funny, man. 388 00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:41,764 I don't mean to offend you-- that's when you know 389 00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:43,975 you're about to get offended. 390 00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:45,810 He was like, I don't mean to offend you, 391 00:19:45,894 --> 00:19:47,645 but when I first saw your poster, 392 00:19:47,729 --> 00:19:50,189 I thought you were gonna play the violin. 393 00:19:52,275 --> 00:19:55,403 I was like, I do, motherfucker, just not right now. 394 00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:57,280 Shit. 395 00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:58,740 [APPLAUSE] 396 00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:02,493 I keep it a secret. 397 00:20:02,577 --> 00:20:04,537 See, I gotta say, I got some of the nicest crowds 398 00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:07,749 in the business. I rarely ever get heckled. 399 00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:10,376 And one time I was talking about how I used to play the violin. 400 00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:12,795 An old Chinese lady sitting in the front, just 401 00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:17,342 stood up and screamed out, first chair or second chair? 402 00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:19,260 [APPLAUSE] 403 00:20:22,764 --> 00:20:25,099 And I was like, thanks, ma'am, fifth chair, actually, 404 00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:27,143 fifth chair. I wasn't-- I wasn't very good. 405 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,354 I wasn't good. 406 00:20:33,650 --> 00:20:38,988 I grew up very stereotypically in Hong Kong. 407 00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:40,615 Like my real name is not even Jimmy. 408 00:20:40,698 --> 00:20:42,700 That's my English name. 409 00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:44,202 My real name is Man-Sing. 410 00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:45,620 In Cantonese, [SPEAKING CANTONESE]. 411 00:20:45,703 --> 00:20:48,289 It stands for 10,000 success. 412 00:20:48,373 --> 00:20:51,793 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah. 413 00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:54,545 I had very ambitious parents. 414 00:20:54,629 --> 00:20:57,298 And now I'm telling dick jokes and doing Tai Chi on stage, 415 00:20:57,382 --> 00:20:59,467 so-- 416 00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:01,970 Jimmy was just kind of like an arbitrary English 417 00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:03,846 name that just sounded easy. 418 00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:07,100 And my dad, he named himself Richard. 419 00:21:07,183 --> 00:21:09,227 I was like, Dad, why'd you name yourself Richard? 420 00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:11,354 He was like, because I want to be rich. 421 00:21:13,815 --> 00:21:15,650 It makes so much sense. 422 00:21:17,902 --> 00:21:20,029 And then they named my older brother Roger 423 00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:23,783 after the James Bond actor Roger Moore. 424 00:21:23,866 --> 00:21:25,785 Yeah, but my brother hated that name. 425 00:21:25,868 --> 00:21:28,579 He was like, man, it makes me sound like an old white guy. 426 00:21:28,663 --> 00:21:32,583 So eventually he changed his own name to Roy. 427 00:21:32,667 --> 00:21:36,337 So now he sounds like an older white guy. 428 00:21:36,421 --> 00:21:40,550 And now his full name is Roy Roger, which is the oldest 429 00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:43,052 white guy to ever white. 430 00:21:45,138 --> 00:21:46,973 I grew up very stereotypically, man. 431 00:21:47,056 --> 00:21:48,641 I didn't play basketball or football. 432 00:21:48,725 --> 00:21:50,893 I grew up playing ping pong-- 433 00:21:50,977 --> 00:21:52,895 competitively! 434 00:21:52,979 --> 00:21:56,065 That was a serious national sport back home, man. 435 00:21:56,149 --> 00:21:57,316 You know, I didn't go to any, like, 436 00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,402 fun summer camp, space camp. 437 00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:01,779 My dad sent me to a ping pong training camp 438 00:22:01,863 --> 00:22:03,614 in Gwangju, China. 439 00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:08,536 I almost died. 440 00:22:08,619 --> 00:22:12,123 It was 100 kids competing for one spot on the national team. 441 00:22:12,206 --> 00:22:14,917 It was basically Fortnite with ping pong paddles. 442 00:22:16,961 --> 00:22:19,464 We took that shit seriously, though. 443 00:22:19,547 --> 00:22:22,467 My dad would take me to every practice, every tournament game. 444 00:22:22,550 --> 00:22:25,178 And he always tried to give me a pep talk before every game. 445 00:22:25,261 --> 00:22:27,680 But you know, Asian parents, they're way too honest. 446 00:22:27,764 --> 00:22:31,309 So every pep talk just turned into an insult. 447 00:22:31,392 --> 00:22:33,352 Like, he would come up to me, be like, 448 00:22:33,436 --> 00:22:37,774 (CHINESE ACCENT) Jimmy. Jimmy. 449 00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:40,777 You're going to play well, OK? 450 00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:48,284 Even though you slow, even though you weak, and you suck. 451 00:22:48,367 --> 00:22:50,536 And then he would just walk away. 452 00:22:57,835 --> 00:22:59,295 I was very good at math. 453 00:22:59,378 --> 00:23:01,214 That's a big Asian stereotype. 454 00:23:01,297 --> 00:23:02,799 I think there's some truth to that. 455 00:23:02,882 --> 00:23:04,801 Not because of some weird genetic thing, 456 00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:07,637 just because our parents cared so much more about mathematics 457 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:09,347 and academics. 458 00:23:09,430 --> 00:23:11,307 You guys seen it. You guys seen those, like, 459 00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:14,519 Kumon Learning Centers in those strip malls, right, right? 460 00:23:14,602 --> 00:23:16,729 Kumon Learning Centers, for you guys that don't know, 461 00:23:16,813 --> 00:23:19,982 are basically detention camps for young Asian children. 462 00:23:21,984 --> 00:23:23,653 You can tell that place is kind of fucked 463 00:23:23,736 --> 00:23:26,322 up by the look of its logo. 464 00:23:26,405 --> 00:23:27,824 Because it's supposed to be a smiley 465 00:23:27,907 --> 00:23:31,953 face, but it's not really smiling. 466 00:23:32,036 --> 00:23:33,663 It's just like, meh. 467 00:23:38,918 --> 00:23:41,129 My parents were way too cheap to send me to Kumon. 468 00:23:41,212 --> 00:23:43,089 They got a different strategy. 469 00:23:43,172 --> 00:23:46,384 They never let me use a calculator until I turned 15, 470 00:23:46,467 --> 00:23:47,844 so I can work on my brain function. 471 00:23:47,927 --> 00:23:50,429 That's an old school Chinese strategy. 472 00:23:50,513 --> 00:23:53,432 So when I turned 15, it was a very special occasion. 473 00:23:53,516 --> 00:23:55,476 It was basically my Quinceañera. 474 00:23:57,562 --> 00:23:59,772 My dad just gave me a TI-83 Plus. 475 00:23:59,856 --> 00:24:02,150 [CHEERING] 476 00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:06,487 And he looked me in the eyes, and he was 477 00:24:06,571 --> 00:24:08,072 like, you're a woman now, OK? 478 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:13,161 But when you're a kid, when your parents tell you 479 00:24:13,244 --> 00:24:14,787 you can't do something, what do you do? 480 00:24:14,871 --> 00:24:17,165 You rebel, right? So when I was 14 years old, 481 00:24:17,248 --> 00:24:19,208 I stole my brother's calculator. 482 00:24:19,292 --> 00:24:23,254 I stole Roy Rogers calculator, and I locked myself in my room. 483 00:24:23,337 --> 00:24:24,672 And I started rebelling. 484 00:24:24,755 --> 00:24:27,508 I started doing math homework. 485 00:24:27,592 --> 00:24:29,051 Other kids were, like, fucking around 486 00:24:29,135 --> 00:24:30,678 with, like, alcohol and drugs. 487 00:24:30,761 --> 00:24:32,889 I was fucking up some parabolas, you know? 488 00:24:32,972 --> 00:24:35,224 Locked myself in a room, I was just punching in numbers. 489 00:24:35,308 --> 00:24:37,018 I was like, oh, man, this feels great, you know? 490 00:24:37,101 --> 00:24:40,897 It's so wrong. It's awesome. 491 00:24:40,980 --> 00:24:42,607 My dad was pissed. 492 00:24:42,690 --> 00:24:44,233 He was knocking on the outside of the door. 493 00:24:44,317 --> 00:24:45,693 He doesn't like locked doors in the house. 494 00:24:45,776 --> 00:24:46,986 And he was screaming. He was like, 495 00:24:47,069 --> 00:24:48,696 (CHINESE ACCENT) Jimmy! Jimmy! 496 00:24:48,779 --> 00:24:50,907 What are you doing inside? Come out right now. 497 00:24:50,990 --> 00:24:52,658 I know you're in there using a calculator. 498 00:24:52,742 --> 00:24:54,827 Come out right now. 499 00:24:54,911 --> 00:24:57,163 I was so scared I didn't know what to do. 500 00:24:57,246 --> 00:24:58,915 And he unlocked the door, and he came in. 501 00:24:58,998 --> 00:25:00,458 I went into full panic mode. 502 00:25:00,541 --> 00:25:01,959 So I just threw away the calculator, 503 00:25:02,043 --> 00:25:03,419 and I pulled down my pants. 504 00:25:07,423 --> 00:25:11,469 I was like, Dad, I was just jerking off. 505 00:25:11,552 --> 00:25:13,930 And he came in, and he looked at me. 506 00:25:14,013 --> 00:25:16,307 And then he looked at the math homework. 507 00:25:23,231 --> 00:25:26,275 And he was like good, good, very good. 508 00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:30,279 Very good, very good, you must really like math. 509 00:25:30,363 --> 00:25:34,075 That's good. Keep it up. 510 00:25:36,744 --> 00:25:38,913 Because there is nothing, there is nothing 511 00:25:38,996 --> 00:25:41,958 that will make an Asian father more proud than to see his son 512 00:25:42,041 --> 00:25:43,334 jerk off to his math homework. 513 00:25:48,798 --> 00:25:51,175 I grew up very stereotypically, man. 514 00:25:51,259 --> 00:25:53,552 But all these things-- playing the violin, 515 00:25:53,636 --> 00:25:55,596 being good at math, my names-- 516 00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:57,598 those things weren't stereotypes when 517 00:25:57,682 --> 00:26:01,519 I was growing up in Hong Kong, because everybody was Asian. 518 00:26:01,602 --> 00:26:03,771 Everyone was good at math. 519 00:26:03,854 --> 00:26:06,232 It didn't become a stereotype until I came to this country 520 00:26:06,315 --> 00:26:08,025 when I was 13 years old. 521 00:26:08,109 --> 00:26:10,861 And I automatically became the weird foreign kid. 522 00:26:10,945 --> 00:26:13,197 Like, I didn't really even know how to speak English. 523 00:26:13,281 --> 00:26:14,657 I learned English how you guys will 524 00:26:14,740 --> 00:26:16,659 learn Spanish, just on paper. 525 00:26:16,742 --> 00:26:18,536 But if I would have dropped you off in Mexico 526 00:26:18,619 --> 00:26:22,415 when you're 13 years old, you would've died. 527 00:26:25,459 --> 00:26:28,004 I was a very confused kid, man. The first day of school, 528 00:26:28,087 --> 00:26:30,089 everybody was standing up, putting their right hand 529 00:26:30,172 --> 00:26:31,882 on their chest, doing the Pledge of Allegiance. 530 00:26:31,966 --> 00:26:33,342 I didn't know what was going on. 531 00:26:33,426 --> 00:26:36,929 I was like, did, I just join a cult? 532 00:26:37,013 --> 00:26:38,806 First day of school, this girl came up to me. 533 00:26:38,889 --> 00:26:41,183 She was like, hey, what's up? 534 00:26:41,267 --> 00:26:44,979 I didn't know what that meant, so I just looked up. 535 00:26:45,062 --> 00:26:47,189 I was a very confused kid. 536 00:26:47,273 --> 00:26:49,734 All these little customs, I wasn't used to. 537 00:26:49,817 --> 00:26:52,778 Like the first day of PE class, first day of PE class, 538 00:26:52,862 --> 00:26:54,572 we had to change into our gym clothes. 539 00:26:54,655 --> 00:26:57,033 I'd never done that. Everybody was wearing boxers, 540 00:26:57,116 --> 00:27:00,369 and I was still wearing tighty-whiteys. 541 00:27:00,453 --> 00:27:03,331 And this kid, this bully next to me, he was being real mean. 542 00:27:03,414 --> 00:27:05,124 He was like, hey, look, the Asian kid's 543 00:27:05,207 --> 00:27:07,960 wearing tighty-whiteys. That's gay. 544 00:27:08,044 --> 00:27:09,920 And I was like, oh, really, is I what it means? 545 00:27:10,004 --> 00:27:11,589 I had no idea. 546 00:27:13,341 --> 00:27:15,801 And then I put on my gym shorts, but my mom 547 00:27:15,885 --> 00:27:17,178 had bought me gym shorts that was 548 00:27:17,261 --> 00:27:20,431 my exact size, an extra small. 549 00:27:20,514 --> 00:27:24,685 So that wasn't very cool, because it came down mid-thigh. 550 00:27:24,769 --> 00:27:26,228 And apparently back in the day, that 551 00:27:26,312 --> 00:27:28,314 was called a John Stockton. 552 00:27:30,191 --> 00:27:32,485 And the same kid next to me, that bully next to me, 553 00:27:32,568 --> 00:27:35,529 he was like, hey, hey, look at-- don't wear your pants like that. 554 00:27:35,613 --> 00:27:38,908 Pull your pants down, man. Pull your pants down. 555 00:27:38,991 --> 00:27:40,868 And I was like, who's the gay one now? 556 00:27:44,747 --> 00:27:46,374 But I didn't know what to do. 557 00:27:46,457 --> 00:27:48,292 Everybody was looking at me, and this kid kept 558 00:27:48,376 --> 00:27:52,129 saying pull your pants down. So I was like, oh, shit. 559 00:27:52,213 --> 00:27:55,841 I've seen "Shawshank Redemption." 560 00:27:55,925 --> 00:27:58,511 Maybe this is just how it works in America. 561 00:27:58,594 --> 00:28:00,513 So I start pulling down my shorts 562 00:28:00,596 --> 00:28:03,015 all the way down to my knees, all the way down to my ankle. 563 00:28:03,099 --> 00:28:05,017 And that same kid, the bully next to me, is like, 564 00:28:05,101 --> 00:28:06,602 hey, what are you doing? 565 00:28:06,685 --> 00:28:08,104 Don't pull them down all the way. 566 00:28:08,187 --> 00:28:09,939 That's gay. 567 00:28:10,022 --> 00:28:11,774 And I'm like, what is not gay in this country? 568 00:28:13,984 --> 00:28:15,694 And apparently this other kid next me, he's like, hey, 569 00:28:15,778 --> 00:28:17,113 don't pull them down all the way. 570 00:28:17,196 --> 00:28:18,489 Just sag them a little bit. 571 00:28:18,572 --> 00:28:20,491 Just sag your pants. 572 00:28:20,574 --> 00:28:22,785 And I didn't know what sagging your pants meant. 573 00:28:22,868 --> 00:28:24,870 Apparently, that's a cool, hip hop thing, 574 00:28:24,954 --> 00:28:28,082 to pull your pants down halfway down your butt 575 00:28:28,165 --> 00:28:31,710 so you show everybody you asshole. 576 00:28:31,794 --> 00:28:34,171 And apparently, that's the only not gay way 577 00:28:34,255 --> 00:28:36,424 to wear your pants in America. 578 00:28:36,507 --> 00:28:38,217 [APPLAUSE] 579 00:28:38,300 --> 00:28:39,969 I had no idea. 580 00:28:43,681 --> 00:28:47,351 All these weird American things I wasn't used to. 581 00:28:47,435 --> 00:28:50,229 Eventually, I learned how to speak English by watching a lot 582 00:28:50,312 --> 00:28:54,859 of TV, mainly BET "Rap City." 583 00:28:54,942 --> 00:28:56,735 Because that was my shit. I want to be cool, 584 00:28:56,819 --> 00:28:59,572 and nothing cooler than BET "Rap City," right? 585 00:28:59,655 --> 00:29:03,826 Every music video was a slice of somebody's American dream. 586 00:29:03,909 --> 00:29:07,455 The first music video I saw was Jay-Z's "Big Pimpin'". 587 00:29:07,538 --> 00:29:09,248 You guys remember that shit? 588 00:29:09,331 --> 00:29:11,459 Jay-Z's "Big Pimpin'" was the greatest 589 00:29:11,542 --> 00:29:13,502 music video of all time. 590 00:29:13,586 --> 00:29:15,754 It was Jay-z and his boys on a yacht pouring 591 00:29:15,838 --> 00:29:17,256 champagne on this beautiful woman's 592 00:29:17,339 --> 00:29:20,468 face for, like, four minutes. 593 00:29:20,551 --> 00:29:23,220 I was like, this is America? 594 00:29:23,304 --> 00:29:26,515 It's amazing. That's all I wanted to do. 595 00:29:26,599 --> 00:29:28,559 Like before I even wanted to get into stand-up, 596 00:29:28,642 --> 00:29:31,187 that's all I want to do. I want to be a rapper. 597 00:29:31,270 --> 00:29:33,522 I want to be like Jay-z in "Big Pimpin'". 598 00:29:33,606 --> 00:29:36,275 So I started my own rap group in high school. 599 00:29:36,358 --> 00:29:37,735 This is a true story. 600 00:29:37,818 --> 00:29:39,945 It was me, my black friend Julian, 601 00:29:40,029 --> 00:29:41,447 and my other friend Yugi, who was 602 00:29:41,530 --> 00:29:43,574 half black and half Japanese. 603 00:29:43,657 --> 00:29:48,204 So we are perfectly 1 and 1/2 black dudes 604 00:29:48,287 --> 00:29:51,540 and 1 and 1/2 Asian dudes. 605 00:29:51,624 --> 00:29:53,959 And we called ourselves The Yellow Panthers. 606 00:29:57,171 --> 00:29:58,756 I know. 607 00:29:58,839 --> 00:30:01,967 I wish I was making this shit up, but I'm not. 608 00:30:02,051 --> 00:30:04,887 The Yellow Panthers was a real rap group. 609 00:30:04,970 --> 00:30:06,805 And we had a real rap song. 610 00:30:06,889 --> 00:30:09,934 It was called, "Underground Railroad Builder." 611 00:30:12,853 --> 00:30:15,689 [APPLAUSE] 612 00:30:18,484 --> 00:30:20,027 I was confused. 613 00:30:22,696 --> 00:30:25,741 Eventually, I became a good Asian-American, 614 00:30:25,824 --> 00:30:29,203 and I went to school to get an Economics degree. 615 00:30:29,286 --> 00:30:30,746 Because that was the easiest degree 616 00:30:30,829 --> 00:30:34,291 that can still appease my Asian parents. 617 00:30:34,375 --> 00:30:36,168 But then after I graduated, I didn't want 618 00:30:36,252 --> 00:30:38,379 to do, like, econ or finance. 619 00:30:38,462 --> 00:30:40,089 So I went up to my dad, I was like, dad, 620 00:30:40,172 --> 00:30:41,382 I don't want to do any of this. 621 00:30:41,465 --> 00:30:43,676 I want to go try and do stand-up. 622 00:30:43,759 --> 00:30:46,887 He was like, what's a-- what's a stand-up? 623 00:30:46,971 --> 00:30:48,973 You mean like a talk show? 624 00:30:49,056 --> 00:30:50,391 I was like, yeah, sure, talk show, 625 00:30:50,474 --> 00:30:51,892 whatever you want to call it. 626 00:30:51,976 --> 00:30:53,978 But I want to go pursue my dreams. 627 00:30:54,061 --> 00:30:57,106 And he was like, no. 628 00:30:57,189 --> 00:31:00,401 Pursue your dreams how you become homeless. 629 00:31:00,484 --> 00:31:02,194 I was like, no, no, Dad, Dad, it's-- 630 00:31:02,278 --> 00:31:04,530 things are different now. We're in America, OK? 631 00:31:04,613 --> 00:31:07,116 In America, we're supposed to do what we love. 632 00:31:07,199 --> 00:31:09,743 He was like, no. 633 00:31:09,827 --> 00:31:12,705 Everyone does what they hate for money and use 634 00:31:12,788 --> 00:31:15,374 the money to do what they love. 635 00:31:15,457 --> 00:31:18,002 [APPLAUSE] 636 00:31:20,588 --> 00:31:23,757 That's that old school Chinese mentality, right? 637 00:31:23,841 --> 00:31:25,843 See, I'm like first generation. 638 00:31:25,926 --> 00:31:29,388 But my parents, they're like negative 9 generation, 639 00:31:29,471 --> 00:31:31,807 because they're so frickin' Chinese. 640 00:31:31,890 --> 00:31:34,059 Like, it's really hard for me to watch TV with my dad, 641 00:31:34,143 --> 00:31:37,021 because he's trying to make me explain everything to him. 642 00:31:37,104 --> 00:31:39,982 First of all, old Asian people, they don't watch TV. 643 00:31:40,065 --> 00:31:42,192 They judge the TV. 644 00:31:42,276 --> 00:31:45,613 This is like, I'm just sitting next to my dad on the couch, 645 00:31:45,696 --> 00:31:47,531 and he's wearing his, like, old Asian man 646 00:31:47,615 --> 00:31:52,077 costume, which is just a wife beater and tighty-whiteys. 647 00:31:52,161 --> 00:31:55,831 He's just sitting there, arms folded, judging the TV like-- 648 00:31:58,834 --> 00:32:01,170 [APPLAUSE] 649 00:32:01,253 --> 00:32:03,589 [GRUNTS] 650 00:32:03,672 --> 00:32:05,507 [COUGHS] 651 00:32:08,260 --> 00:32:11,347 He's made some random noises around the house. 652 00:32:11,430 --> 00:32:14,058 Now whenever he sneezes, it's never just a sneeze. 653 00:32:14,141 --> 00:32:17,728 It's like a whole tsunami of sound waves that comes after. 654 00:32:17,811 --> 00:32:19,688 It's just like, achoo! 655 00:32:19,772 --> 00:32:21,982 Oh! 656 00:32:22,066 --> 00:32:24,526 Ay, shit. 657 00:32:24,610 --> 00:32:27,029 [APPLAUSE] Oh! 658 00:32:29,865 --> 00:32:31,950 I'm like, what the fuck, Dad, just have an orgasm? 659 00:32:32,034 --> 00:32:34,244 What was that? 660 00:32:34,328 --> 00:32:36,580 And he doesn't understand what I'm saying half the time. 661 00:32:36,664 --> 00:32:38,165 He's like, oh, there's an orgasm. 662 00:32:38,248 --> 00:32:40,376 OK, the orga-- orgasm. 663 00:32:45,297 --> 00:32:48,342 And he's trying to make me explain everything to him on TV. 664 00:32:48,425 --> 00:32:50,928 Do you understand how difficult it is to explain a rap music 665 00:32:51,011 --> 00:32:53,430 video to an old Chinese man? 666 00:32:53,514 --> 00:32:54,723 We're just sitting there. 667 00:32:54,807 --> 00:32:58,769 My dad was like, uh, Jimmy, Jimmy, 668 00:32:58,852 --> 00:33:03,065 what it mean when he say Lamborghini Mercier? 669 00:33:03,148 --> 00:33:05,192 What's that? 670 00:33:05,275 --> 00:33:07,569 And I'm like, Dad, he's bragging about his car. 671 00:33:07,653 --> 00:33:11,031 It's a Lamborghini Mercier Largo, a very expensive car. 672 00:33:11,115 --> 00:33:12,741 You know what that is, right? 673 00:33:12,825 --> 00:33:15,911 And he was like, oh, OK, OK, yes, yes. 674 00:33:15,994 --> 00:33:17,496 That's when you know they have no idea 675 00:33:17,579 --> 00:33:19,581 what the fuck you just said. 676 00:33:19,665 --> 00:33:22,418 He was like, OK, OK, yes, yes, a Lamborghini, OK. 677 00:33:25,379 --> 00:33:30,008 Jimmy, what he mean when he say, 678 00:33:30,092 --> 00:33:35,222 your chick, she so thirsty. What's that? 679 00:33:35,305 --> 00:33:38,016 And I was like, shit, um-- 680 00:33:38,100 --> 00:33:40,602 Dad, he's making fun of somebody's girlfriend, OK? 681 00:33:40,686 --> 00:33:43,522 It's saying, like, she likes attention from other guys, 682 00:33:43,605 --> 00:33:46,358 and she likes to do sex stuff with them, 683 00:33:46,442 --> 00:33:48,527 you know, like, blow jobs and such. 684 00:33:48,610 --> 00:33:51,822 And he was like, oh, OK, OK, yes, yes. 685 00:33:51,905 --> 00:33:54,950 Yes, blow jobs, OK. Mm. 686 00:33:55,033 --> 00:33:57,286 [CLEARS THROAT] 687 00:33:58,495 --> 00:34:00,539 Jimmy, Jimmy. 688 00:34:00,622 --> 00:34:02,374 I'm thirsty, too, OK? 689 00:34:02,458 --> 00:34:05,461 So-- I was like, oh, god, no. 690 00:34:05,544 --> 00:34:08,589 No, it got lost in translation. 691 00:34:08,672 --> 00:34:10,299 It's disgusting. 692 00:34:16,221 --> 00:34:18,056 I don't know if you guys know this, 693 00:34:18,140 --> 00:34:20,684 but I came from an acting family. 694 00:34:20,768 --> 00:34:23,395 But it's not really like Angelina Jolie and Jon Voight. 695 00:34:23,479 --> 00:34:26,732 I guess I would be Angelina Jolie in that equation. 696 00:34:26,815 --> 00:34:32,321 My dad is also an actor, but he started acting after I did. 697 00:34:32,404 --> 00:34:34,782 Because he was like, it's so easy, you can do it, I can. 698 00:34:38,327 --> 00:34:40,454 I'm like, Dad, fine, if you think my life's so easy, 699 00:34:40,537 --> 00:34:43,207 why don't you go to some open call auditions and you'll understand how 700 00:34:43,290 --> 00:34:46,376 hard it is, how much rejection I face every day at my job. 701 00:34:46,460 --> 00:34:49,296 He was like, OK. 702 00:34:49,379 --> 00:34:50,923 And he went to all these auditions, 703 00:34:51,006 --> 00:34:54,176 and he started booking everything. 704 00:34:54,259 --> 00:34:56,220 It's a true story. 705 00:34:56,303 --> 00:34:59,890 He got on this show in China, in mainland China, called 706 00:34:59,973 --> 00:35:01,517 "Little Daddy," "Xiao Baba." 707 00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:04,728 Half a billion people watch that show. 708 00:35:04,812 --> 00:35:07,856 It's like the "Big Bang Theory" of China, and Richard blew up. 709 00:35:07,940 --> 00:35:09,149 And he was like, this is easy. 710 00:35:09,233 --> 00:35:10,984 I don't know. 711 00:35:11,068 --> 00:35:13,320 [APPLAUSE] 712 00:35:15,781 --> 00:35:17,533 My plan completely backfired. 713 00:35:17,616 --> 00:35:19,910 And my aunt in Shanghai, she watched the show, 714 00:35:19,993 --> 00:35:22,037 and she will call the house in LA. 715 00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:23,789 And she's like, congratulations, Richard, 716 00:35:23,872 --> 00:35:25,666 you're such a good actor. 717 00:35:25,749 --> 00:35:28,001 Did your son teach you how to act? 718 00:35:28,085 --> 00:35:29,837 And he's like, no, no, I'm a natural. 719 00:35:31,922 --> 00:35:33,340 Oh, that's very good, you and your son, 720 00:35:33,423 --> 00:35:34,967 same busyness, you know? 721 00:35:35,050 --> 00:35:36,677 You two are very funny. 722 00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:40,639 He's like, no, no, Jimmy is not funny. 723 00:35:40,722 --> 00:35:42,683 I'm like, Dad that's bullshit, OK? 724 00:35:42,766 --> 00:35:44,768 You got one good role, good for you. 725 00:35:44,852 --> 00:35:47,104 I'm happy for you. But you're not a real actor yet. 726 00:35:47,187 --> 00:35:49,857 Real actors, we got to cry, we got to laugh. 727 00:35:49,940 --> 00:35:52,234 Do you even know how to cry in front of a camera? 728 00:35:52,317 --> 00:35:53,902 He was like, yes, I just think about how 729 00:35:53,986 --> 00:35:55,153 much you suck at ping pong. 730 00:36:04,621 --> 00:36:09,126 Needless to say, I grew up with low self-esteem, 731 00:36:09,209 --> 00:36:11,670 because I was raised by Asian parents. 732 00:36:11,753 --> 00:36:12,838 My dad's not even the worse. 733 00:36:12,921 --> 00:36:14,882 My mom's much worse. 734 00:36:14,965 --> 00:36:18,427 Have you guys ever hung out with old Asian ladies? 735 00:36:18,510 --> 00:36:20,804 Old Asian ladies will tell you exactly what the fuck 736 00:36:20,888 --> 00:36:24,099 is wrong with your face, as if they're 737 00:36:24,182 --> 00:36:26,727 trying to do you a favor. 738 00:36:26,810 --> 00:36:28,937 I go to my mom's house, the first thing she says, 739 00:36:29,021 --> 00:36:34,359 she's like, Jimmy, [MANDARIN] 740 00:36:34,443 --> 00:36:37,195 [APPLAUSE] 741 00:36:38,363 --> 00:36:44,077 Ai-yah. Why is your face so fat? 742 00:36:44,161 --> 00:36:47,039 Your clothes look homeless. 743 00:36:47,122 --> 00:36:50,959 And your hair, ai-yah, it's gay. 744 00:36:57,758 --> 00:36:59,718 Sometimes it's like embarrassing for me 745 00:36:59,801 --> 00:37:02,137 to hang out with my mom, you know? 746 00:37:02,220 --> 00:37:05,265 Because Asian people, we just got a different custom, you know? 747 00:37:05,349 --> 00:37:07,100 Like my mom, when she goes shopping, 748 00:37:07,184 --> 00:37:08,685 she doesn't buy shit she needs. 749 00:37:08,769 --> 00:37:12,397 She just buys shit because it's a good deal. 750 00:37:12,481 --> 00:37:16,568 I brought-- one time, I brought a full price shirt home, $20. 751 00:37:16,652 --> 00:37:19,029 And she was like, was it full price? 752 00:37:19,112 --> 00:37:20,906 No, it's a bad deal. 753 00:37:20,989 --> 00:37:22,532 I was like, Mom, it's only 20 bucks. 754 00:37:22,616 --> 00:37:24,952 She's like, yes, $20, if you're stupid. 755 00:37:27,454 --> 00:37:28,956 She goes to Ross and she freaks out, 756 00:37:29,039 --> 00:37:30,582 because everything's a great deal. 757 00:37:30,666 --> 00:37:32,000 She's like, Jimmy, you should buy this. 758 00:37:32,084 --> 00:37:33,710 You should buy-- this is a good deal. 759 00:37:33,794 --> 00:37:35,379 This is a good deal. 760 00:37:35,462 --> 00:37:38,382 I'm like Mom, that's a double XL shirt, OK? 761 00:37:38,465 --> 00:37:39,800 And it says Obey on it. 762 00:37:39,883 --> 00:37:42,636 I'm not gonna fucking wear that. 763 00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:44,262 And she's like, it's OK, 50% off. 764 00:37:44,346 --> 00:37:46,056 Some day it'll fit, OK? 765 00:37:50,727 --> 00:37:52,437 If you want a good deal, you follow 766 00:37:52,521 --> 00:37:54,940 the old Asian people, right? 767 00:37:55,023 --> 00:37:58,819 You go to Costco, you see a sea of old Asian people, 768 00:37:58,902 --> 00:38:01,363 because you know everyone's getting a great deal. 769 00:38:01,446 --> 00:38:03,407 Nobody's getting ripped off. 770 00:38:03,490 --> 00:38:06,743 You go to Whole Foods, never seen one old Asian motherfucker 771 00:38:06,827 --> 00:38:08,412 in my life. 772 00:38:08,495 --> 00:38:10,539 [APPLAUSE] 773 00:38:10,622 --> 00:38:12,666 We don't believe in that shit. 774 00:38:16,461 --> 00:38:18,922 Look, there's nothing wrong with Whole Foods. 775 00:38:19,006 --> 00:38:21,216 Matter of fact, it's too nice. 776 00:38:21,299 --> 00:38:26,430 And Asian people, we don't like to pay for atmosphere. 777 00:38:26,513 --> 00:38:30,308 Have you guys been to a Chinese grocery store? 778 00:38:30,392 --> 00:38:32,894 It's a fucking zoo. 779 00:38:32,978 --> 00:38:36,189 You walk in there, there's just a frog jumping from one aisle 780 00:38:36,273 --> 00:38:38,191 to the other. 781 00:38:38,275 --> 00:38:40,694 There's a piece of fish still flopping around on the floor. 782 00:38:40,777 --> 00:38:43,989 Half the place place is an aquarium. 783 00:38:44,072 --> 00:38:45,907 I don't know why you ever pay for kids 784 00:38:45,991 --> 00:38:47,409 to go to SeaWorld when you just take 785 00:38:47,492 --> 00:38:50,120 them to the Ranch 99 for free. 786 00:38:50,203 --> 00:38:52,205 [APPLAUSE] 787 00:38:53,290 --> 00:38:56,334 That's a good deal. 788 00:38:56,418 --> 00:38:58,420 That's a great deal. 789 00:38:58,503 --> 00:39:01,173 Asian people, we don't buy organic shit. 790 00:39:01,256 --> 00:39:02,924 We don't believe in organic labeling. 791 00:39:03,008 --> 00:39:05,594 We better still see it swimming or still walking. 792 00:39:05,677 --> 00:39:07,971 That's organic to us. 793 00:39:08,055 --> 00:39:10,557 That's the only way we know. 794 00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:12,559 All my friends in LA, all my hipster friends, 795 00:39:12,642 --> 00:39:15,353 they're like, Jimmy, you gotta eat organic, man. 796 00:39:15,437 --> 00:39:17,939 This regular stuff you eat, they have growth hormones in them. 797 00:39:18,023 --> 00:39:19,816 It's gonna fucking kill you. 798 00:39:19,900 --> 00:39:22,694 I'm like, really, growth hormones? 799 00:39:24,571 --> 00:39:26,198 Wait a minute. 800 00:39:26,281 --> 00:39:28,200 You're trying to tell me I've been eating growth 801 00:39:28,283 --> 00:39:29,743 hormones all my life, and I'm still 802 00:39:29,826 --> 00:39:33,497 5' 5" and I shop at Gap Kids? 803 00:39:33,580 --> 00:39:35,957 Get the fuck out of here. 804 00:39:36,041 --> 00:39:38,919 I'll pay extra for growth hormones. 805 00:39:39,002 --> 00:39:41,505 Get me to the GMO only section, you know? 806 00:39:43,799 --> 00:39:46,051 All this organic stuff in America 807 00:39:46,134 --> 00:39:49,137 is getting out of control. It's not just organic food. 808 00:39:49,221 --> 00:39:53,266 You got like organic bed sheets, organic hand soap. 809 00:39:53,350 --> 00:39:55,352 I don't know about you guys, but growing 810 00:39:55,435 --> 00:39:59,022 up in my very Chinese family, hand soap wasn't even a thing. 811 00:39:59,106 --> 00:40:01,775 Hand soap used to be that piece of crap leftover soap 812 00:40:01,858 --> 00:40:05,695 that my dad's been washing his balls with for two months. 813 00:40:05,779 --> 00:40:07,906 And he just puts it on the soap counter. 814 00:40:07,989 --> 00:40:09,783 You walk by, you rub your two fingers on it for good luck. 815 00:40:09,866 --> 00:40:13,662 That was-- that was hand soap. 816 00:40:13,745 --> 00:40:15,705 Nobody got sick. It was fine. 817 00:40:15,789 --> 00:40:17,457 Once in a while, you got a piece of pubes. 818 00:40:17,541 --> 00:40:19,167 So what? 819 00:40:19,251 --> 00:40:22,420 You deal with it. 820 00:40:22,504 --> 00:40:25,048 Now hand soap is so fancy, it's got its own aisle 821 00:40:25,132 --> 00:40:26,842 at the grocery stores. 822 00:40:26,925 --> 00:40:28,635 Because it's not about washing your hands anymore. 823 00:40:28,718 --> 00:40:30,846 It's a status symbol. 824 00:40:30,929 --> 00:40:33,557 We go to our friends' house and judge how well they're doing 825 00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:36,143 but what kind of hand soap you got. 826 00:40:36,226 --> 00:40:37,060 We've all done this. You go to your friend's house, 827 00:40:38,353 --> 00:40:42,566 he's got that green bar soap that says Zest on it. 828 00:40:42,649 --> 00:40:44,442 That guy's a fucking peasant. 829 00:40:46,987 --> 00:40:49,156 Don't associate yourself with that kind of animal. 830 00:40:49,239 --> 00:40:52,951 He's gonna ask you for money, you know what I mean? 831 00:40:53,034 --> 00:40:56,621 And then next level up, you got like the $2 bottle of Softsoap 832 00:40:56,705 --> 00:41:00,083 with the fish or the watermelon on it, you know? 833 00:41:00,167 --> 00:41:03,461 I like that family. That's the backbone of America. 834 00:41:03,545 --> 00:41:06,464 It's the middle class Honda Civics of soaps. 835 00:41:06,548 --> 00:41:08,633 [APPLAUSE] 836 00:41:08,717 --> 00:41:13,805 Hardworking, American family, man, I appreciate that. 837 00:41:13,889 --> 00:41:17,475 And then next level up, you got a soap that's so fancy 838 00:41:17,559 --> 00:41:19,394 it doesn't even dispense soap. 839 00:41:19,477 --> 00:41:23,023 It dispenses foam, which is just soap 840 00:41:23,106 --> 00:41:27,194 filled with air for an extra $6 a fucking bottle. 841 00:41:27,277 --> 00:41:29,321 Because as an American society, we 842 00:41:29,404 --> 00:41:32,574 decided we're way too good to rub our own two hands together 843 00:41:32,657 --> 00:41:35,535 to create our own foam, and rather outsource that foaming 844 00:41:35,619 --> 00:41:38,997 action to some poor Chinese kid in Gwangju, China 845 00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:42,417 to pre-foam it for us. 846 00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:45,503 Make America foam again, people, OK. 847 00:41:45,587 --> 00:41:46,880 [APPLAUSE] 848 00:41:46,963 --> 00:41:50,884 Thank you. 849 00:41:50,967 --> 00:41:52,928 My mom eventually caved in and she 850 00:41:53,011 --> 00:41:56,389 bought the $2 bottle of Softsoap with the fish on it. 851 00:41:56,473 --> 00:41:58,767 But she's so Chinese, she's been watering 852 00:41:58,850 --> 00:42:01,728 it down for six years now. 853 00:42:01,811 --> 00:42:04,940 And now it's just a bottle water with a fish on it. 854 00:42:05,023 --> 00:42:07,776 It doesn't do shit. 855 00:42:07,859 --> 00:42:09,319 Because it's a good deal. 856 00:42:11,488 --> 00:42:14,324 I know I make fun of my parents, but at the end of they day, 857 00:42:14,407 --> 00:42:17,202 I love them very much. I think we all do, right? 858 00:42:17,285 --> 00:42:20,956 But Asian people, we don't ever say I love you to each other. 859 00:42:21,039 --> 00:42:22,749 That's just not our thing. 860 00:42:22,832 --> 00:42:24,918 One time, I got high and I called my mom. 861 00:42:28,296 --> 00:42:29,839 I was like, Mom, I just-- 862 00:42:29,923 --> 00:42:33,385 I just want to tell you, Mom, I love you. 863 00:42:33,468 --> 00:42:35,053 And you can hear her start, like, crying 864 00:42:35,136 --> 00:42:36,680 on the other side of the line. 865 00:42:36,763 --> 00:42:39,474 She was like, oh, Jimmy, do you have cancer? 866 00:42:45,647 --> 00:42:48,024 We just got different ways of showing love. 867 00:42:48,108 --> 00:42:50,318 Like when I see my grandmother, I don't give her a hug. 868 00:42:50,402 --> 00:42:52,821 I just give her a solid handshake. 869 00:42:52,904 --> 00:42:54,281 We're not about that hugging. 870 00:42:54,364 --> 00:42:56,116 And Asian grandmas, they're the best. 871 00:42:56,199 --> 00:42:57,826 You give her a handshake, she's like a vending machine. 872 00:42:57,909 --> 00:43:00,578 You give her a handshake, out comes a red envelope. 873 00:43:00,662 --> 00:43:02,664 [APPLAUSE] 874 00:43:03,581 --> 00:43:05,166 And you gotta pretend you don't want that shit. 875 00:43:05,250 --> 00:43:06,668 You're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 876 00:43:06,751 --> 00:43:08,211 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 877 00:43:08,295 --> 00:43:10,922 No, no, please, please. OK, thank you. 878 00:43:11,006 --> 00:43:12,799 [APPLAUSE] 879 00:43:16,136 --> 00:43:18,680 That's just how we show love. 880 00:43:18,763 --> 00:43:20,598 My dad still calls me like 20 times a day 881 00:43:20,682 --> 00:43:22,475 just to check up on me. 882 00:43:22,559 --> 00:43:24,561 It's annoying, but I understand that's how he shows love. 883 00:43:24,644 --> 00:43:26,730 I was talking to my friend here, and he 884 00:43:26,813 --> 00:43:29,441 was like, oh, I haven't talked to my dad in three weeks. 885 00:43:29,524 --> 00:43:31,776 I'm like, what, is he in jail? 886 00:43:31,860 --> 00:43:33,570 He was like, no, I live with him. 887 00:43:33,653 --> 00:43:35,488 I just haven't talked to him in three weeks. 888 00:43:35,572 --> 00:43:37,824 I'm like, you do understand, if I don't call my dad back 889 00:43:37,907 --> 00:43:41,619 in three hours, he's going to call 911. 890 00:43:41,703 --> 00:43:43,079 911, what's your emergency? 891 00:43:43,163 --> 00:43:44,914 My son is dead! 892 00:43:44,998 --> 00:43:46,958 It's like, sir, is everything OK? Is your son dead? 893 00:43:47,042 --> 00:43:48,418 He's like, no, but he's dead to me. 894 00:43:48,501 --> 00:43:49,627 OK, bye. 895 00:43:49,711 --> 00:43:52,380 [APPLAUSE] 896 00:43:54,299 --> 00:43:57,177 That's just how we love. 897 00:43:57,260 --> 00:44:00,430 My parents, they've been married for 38 years. 898 00:44:00,513 --> 00:44:01,806 Yeah, 38 years. 899 00:44:01,890 --> 00:44:03,808 It's beautiful, man. 900 00:44:03,892 --> 00:44:06,144 It's beautiful, 38 years. 901 00:44:06,227 --> 00:44:10,190 One time I asked my dad, I was like, Dad, after 38 years, 902 00:44:10,273 --> 00:44:11,733 do you still love Mom? 903 00:44:11,816 --> 00:44:13,735 And he was like, (LAUGHING) love? 904 00:44:16,279 --> 00:44:20,825 Your mom married me to escape communist China. 905 00:44:20,909 --> 00:44:23,912 It's not love. It's a good deal. 906 00:44:23,995 --> 00:44:25,747 [APPLAUSE] 907 00:44:26,956 --> 00:44:29,376 That's how we show love, people. 908 00:44:35,090 --> 00:44:37,467 [SIGHS] 909 00:44:39,052 --> 00:44:42,263 I've been in this country for almost 20 years now. 910 00:44:42,347 --> 00:44:44,849 I think I feel every bit American. 911 00:44:44,933 --> 00:44:47,644 But I think other people still don't see that. 912 00:44:47,727 --> 00:44:50,105 As an Asian-American, a lot of times, people see you 913 00:44:50,188 --> 00:44:53,066 as Asian before they ever see you as American. 914 00:44:53,149 --> 00:44:54,984 Even still till today, whenever I tell people 915 00:44:55,068 --> 00:44:57,529 I'm from Hong Kong, this is always the first thing they say. 916 00:44:57,612 --> 00:44:59,531 They're like, oh, yeah, you from Hong Kong? 917 00:44:59,614 --> 00:45:01,950 Yeah, yeah, dude, from Hong Kong, yeah? 918 00:45:02,033 --> 00:45:03,952 Ni Hao. I'm always like-- 919 00:45:07,330 --> 00:45:08,998 Like, do think that's impressive or something? 920 00:45:09,082 --> 00:45:11,543 I don't understand the mindset behind that. 921 00:45:11,626 --> 00:45:14,170 You coming up to me to say, ni hao, 922 00:45:14,254 --> 00:45:16,047 it's like me coming to you guys after the show, 923 00:45:16,131 --> 00:45:17,424 I'm like, oh, you guys from here? 924 00:45:17,507 --> 00:45:19,717 Yeah, y'all from here? Hi. 925 00:45:22,595 --> 00:45:24,389 It's not impressive. It's annoying. 926 00:45:24,472 --> 00:45:25,932 It's stupid. 927 00:45:26,850 --> 00:45:28,726 I don't even like going to Chinese restaurants 928 00:45:28,810 --> 00:45:30,353 with some of my friends anymore. 929 00:45:30,437 --> 00:45:31,980 Because this is what they do to me every time. 930 00:45:32,063 --> 00:45:34,441 They're like, Jimmy, do you speak Chinese? 931 00:45:34,524 --> 00:45:36,943 Do you speak Chinese? Yeah, yeah, order Chinese, bro. 932 00:45:37,026 --> 00:45:38,820 They're gonna hook it up. Order in Chinese. 933 00:45:38,903 --> 00:45:42,824 Bro, bro, order in Chinese, bro. 934 00:45:42,907 --> 00:45:45,743 I'm like, bro, we're at Panda Express. 935 00:45:45,827 --> 00:45:48,079 [APPLAUSE] 936 00:45:50,498 --> 00:45:53,793 She's Mexican. Like, what--? 937 00:45:53,877 --> 00:45:57,130 Her name tag says Consuela. 938 00:45:57,213 --> 00:45:59,424 That's not Mandarin or Cantonese. 939 00:46:02,177 --> 00:46:06,055 Nothing has really changed, you know? 940 00:46:06,139 --> 00:46:08,808 Like about 10 years ago, I went on a college trip 941 00:46:08,892 --> 00:46:10,894 to Tijuana, Mexico. 942 00:46:10,977 --> 00:46:13,229 Because that's just what a good American college student 943 00:46:13,313 --> 00:46:15,398 would do. 944 00:46:15,482 --> 00:46:18,109 And the thing is, walking into Mexico from the US, 945 00:46:18,193 --> 00:46:21,112 they don't check anything. They're just a big revolving door. 946 00:46:21,196 --> 00:46:23,781 You walk right in. They don't even check your ID. 947 00:46:23,865 --> 00:46:26,034 It's easier to get into Mexico than a Costco. 948 00:46:26,117 --> 00:46:31,581 You just walk in. And that's it. 949 00:46:31,664 --> 00:46:34,209 But coming back was a totally different story. 950 00:46:34,292 --> 00:46:36,377 Coming back from Mexico to the US, 951 00:46:36,461 --> 00:46:38,171 there's no more revolving doors. 952 00:46:38,254 --> 00:46:41,007 Now it's a concrete windowless tunnel with guards 953 00:46:41,090 --> 00:46:43,176 with M-16 machine guns. 954 00:46:43,259 --> 00:46:45,887 And I was super nervous, being an immigrant and all. 955 00:46:45,970 --> 00:46:47,722 And my college buddy, Ian, next to me, 956 00:46:47,805 --> 00:46:49,474 he was like, Jimmy, don't worry, man. 957 00:46:49,557 --> 00:46:50,934 Just tell him that you're American. 958 00:46:51,017 --> 00:46:52,393 They let you right through. 959 00:46:52,477 --> 00:46:55,563 I'm like, easy for you to say, Ian. 960 00:46:59,234 --> 00:47:01,319 Ian walks up, he gets through, no problem. 961 00:47:01,402 --> 00:47:04,197 I walk up, the first thing they ask me, they're like, sir, 962 00:47:04,280 --> 00:47:06,074 are you an American citizen? 963 00:47:06,157 --> 00:47:07,492 I was like, yes. 964 00:47:07,575 --> 00:47:09,661 But I forgot one very minor detail-- 965 00:47:09,744 --> 00:47:11,120 that I wasn't. 966 00:47:14,457 --> 00:47:17,210 I was still an immigrant on a green card, 967 00:47:17,293 --> 00:47:19,212 and I wasn't a full-on citizen yet. 968 00:47:19,295 --> 00:47:22,173 Next thing you know, I was detained in this 10 by 10 box, 969 00:47:22,257 --> 00:47:24,509 and they started interrogating me. They're like, sir, 970 00:47:24,592 --> 00:47:26,553 why did you lie about your American citizenship? 971 00:47:26,636 --> 00:47:28,263 I was like, I'm so sorry. I'm drunk 972 00:47:28,346 --> 00:47:30,265 and I really wasn't trying to lie. 973 00:47:30,348 --> 00:47:32,433 My friend in front of me told me to tell you I was American, 974 00:47:32,517 --> 00:47:34,852 so that's just what I did. It was a knee-jerk reaction. 975 00:47:34,936 --> 00:47:38,064 He was like, well, was he American? 976 00:47:38,147 --> 00:47:42,860 I was like, well, his name is Ian, so probably. 977 00:47:42,944 --> 00:47:44,821 And then the officer was like, sir, 978 00:47:44,904 --> 00:47:47,407 you do understand this is a very serious offense. 979 00:47:47,490 --> 00:47:50,910 We could deport you for this. I was like, deport me? 980 00:47:50,994 --> 00:47:53,204 I didn't even know that was an option. 981 00:47:53,288 --> 00:47:55,999 What was I going to do back in Hong Kong, 982 00:47:56,082 --> 00:47:58,960 restart my ping pong career? 983 00:47:59,043 --> 00:48:00,962 That ship has sailed, man. 984 00:48:01,045 --> 00:48:03,131 So I was like, sir, please, please, don't deport me. 985 00:48:03,214 --> 00:48:04,591 I'm just a drunk, stupid college. 986 00:48:04,674 --> 00:48:06,634 I'm every bit American. 987 00:48:06,718 --> 00:48:09,721 I can recite you every single Jay-Z lyric if you want me to. 988 00:48:09,804 --> 00:48:11,431 I'm in three fantasy football leagues. 989 00:48:11,514 --> 00:48:13,182 If that's not American, I don't know what is. 990 00:48:16,144 --> 00:48:17,937 And I got very lucky. This is what he said. 991 00:48:18,021 --> 00:48:20,023 He was like, look, kid, you got lucky. 992 00:48:20,106 --> 00:48:22,108 We're not gonna deport you today, OK? 993 00:48:22,191 --> 00:48:24,068 But just don't ever do that again, 994 00:48:24,152 --> 00:48:27,196 or we'll send you back to where you came from. 995 00:48:27,280 --> 00:48:30,325 And this motherfucker was Asian. 996 00:48:30,408 --> 00:48:31,618 I was like, where I came from? 997 00:48:31,701 --> 00:48:33,828 We came from the same place, dog? 998 00:48:33,911 --> 00:48:37,040 I think I saw you at my uncle's wedding two years ago. 999 00:48:37,123 --> 00:48:39,459 Why you gonna throw me under the bus? 1000 00:48:39,542 --> 00:48:41,794 That guy definitely watched "The Great Wall" many times. 1001 00:48:46,382 --> 00:48:48,259 But that was a very sobering experience. 1002 00:48:48,343 --> 00:48:50,470 I had been in the country for 10 years at that point, 1003 00:48:50,553 --> 00:48:52,055 but I still wasn't American. 1004 00:48:52,138 --> 00:48:54,724 Nothing has changed. 1005 00:48:54,807 --> 00:48:57,602 I finally got my citizenship three years ago. 1006 00:48:57,685 --> 00:48:59,479 And it's-- 1007 00:48:59,562 --> 00:49:01,230 [CHEERING] 1008 00:49:01,314 --> 00:49:04,067 You don't have to clap. My point is, nothing has changed. 1009 00:49:04,150 --> 00:49:06,319 Still Asian. 1010 00:49:06,402 --> 00:49:08,321 Just because I got a new passport, nobody 1011 00:49:08,404 --> 00:49:10,281 in any part of the world is gonna come up to me 1012 00:49:10,365 --> 00:49:13,159 and be like, hey, look, there's an American! 1013 00:49:13,242 --> 00:49:15,578 Holy shit, look at him. He looks just like Rocky Balboa. 1014 00:49:15,662 --> 00:49:18,289 Oh, my god. No, no, no. 1015 00:49:18,373 --> 00:49:21,459 The first day I got my passport, I was feeling real patriotic. 1016 00:49:21,542 --> 00:49:24,587 So I went to my local Hooters. 1017 00:49:24,671 --> 00:49:27,382 Yeah, I was drinking a Coors Light. 1018 00:49:27,465 --> 00:49:28,800 I was watching a World Cup. 1019 00:49:28,883 --> 00:49:30,593 It was USA versus Mexico. 1020 00:49:30,677 --> 00:49:32,553 And I was like, man, I'm cheering for Team USA. 1021 00:49:32,637 --> 00:49:34,305 I'm American, finally! 1022 00:49:34,389 --> 00:49:36,182 And this old Mexican dude came up to me. 1023 00:49:36,265 --> 00:49:37,642 He couldn't really speak English, 1024 00:49:37,725 --> 00:49:38,685 and this is what he said. 1025 00:49:38,768 --> 00:49:40,812 He was like, amigo! 1026 00:49:40,895 --> 00:49:46,859 Amigo, Mexico, Korea, tomorrow, huh? 1027 00:49:50,613 --> 00:49:52,532 And I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? 1028 00:49:52,615 --> 00:49:55,702 What, are you trying to start World War 3 or something? 1029 00:49:55,785 --> 00:49:58,204 I'm not a Korean. He managed to insult me 1030 00:49:58,287 --> 00:50:00,581 with the only three English words he knew. 1031 00:50:03,710 --> 00:50:05,962 So I really felt the need to explain myself. 1032 00:50:06,045 --> 00:50:08,047 I was like, sir, I'm not-- 1033 00:50:08,131 --> 00:50:09,799 I'm not Korean. I'm Chinese. 1034 00:50:09,882 --> 00:50:11,300 And he looked back to his friends, 1035 00:50:11,384 --> 00:50:14,679 he was like, oh, [SPEAKING SPANISH], huh? 1036 00:50:14,762 --> 00:50:17,014 And I'm like, sir, you do know that I can 1037 00:50:17,098 --> 00:50:18,641 understand what that means, OK? 1038 00:50:18,725 --> 00:50:21,060 I have Mexican friends back home just like you. 1039 00:50:21,144 --> 00:50:23,312 He was like, no, I'm not Mexican. 1040 00:50:23,396 --> 00:50:25,231 I'm El Salvador. 1041 00:50:25,314 --> 00:50:27,567 And I'm like, oh, great, now I'm the fucking racist! 1042 00:50:27,650 --> 00:50:30,445 [APPLAUSE] 1043 00:50:34,365 --> 00:50:36,284 Nothing has changed. 1044 00:50:38,828 --> 00:50:42,707 The first time I used my American passport, I was feeling real good. 1045 00:50:42,790 --> 00:50:45,251 I was going to Winnipeg, Canada to do some shows. 1046 00:50:45,334 --> 00:50:46,753 Have you guys even been to Winnipeg? 1047 00:50:46,836 --> 00:50:47,628 [CHEERING] 1048 00:50:47,712 --> 00:50:50,298 Oh, you, really? 1049 00:50:50,381 --> 00:50:52,216 Are you guys from Winnipeg? 1050 00:50:52,300 --> 00:50:57,889 No, just general Canadian pride, I appreciate that. 1051 00:50:57,972 --> 00:51:00,391 I don't think anybody in their right mind would go to Winnipeg. 1052 00:51:00,475 --> 00:51:02,810 Not that-- there's nothing wrong with that city. 1053 00:51:02,894 --> 00:51:04,979 It's way too cold and it's just not that fun. 1054 00:51:05,062 --> 00:51:06,814 I had to go there for some work, so whatever. 1055 00:51:06,898 --> 00:51:08,941 But I felt good. I walked through the border. 1056 00:51:09,025 --> 00:51:10,902 I was holding my blue passport, and I slammed it down 1057 00:51:10,985 --> 00:51:12,612 in front of the Canadian border patrol. 1058 00:51:12,695 --> 00:51:15,156 I'm like, I'm American, sir. 1059 00:51:15,239 --> 00:51:18,117 And he's like, OK. 1060 00:51:18,201 --> 00:51:21,204 I didn't ask you that, but OK. 1061 00:51:21,287 --> 00:51:23,664 Are you here for business or pleasure? 1062 00:51:23,748 --> 00:51:26,959 And I was like, shit, I didn't think that far. 1063 00:51:27,043 --> 00:51:28,544 I was obviously there for business, 1064 00:51:28,628 --> 00:51:30,171 but I didn't get a business visa. 1065 00:51:30,254 --> 00:51:32,173 So I looked him in the eyes. I was like, 1066 00:51:32,256 --> 00:51:34,717 sir, I'm here for pleasure. 1067 00:51:34,801 --> 00:51:38,763 And he looked right back at me. He was like, are you sure? 1068 00:51:38,846 --> 00:51:40,973 Because nobody comes to Winnipeg for pleasure. 1069 00:51:43,267 --> 00:51:47,438 The next thing you know, I was detained in this 10 by 10 box. 1070 00:51:47,522 --> 00:51:49,607 Nothing has changed. 1071 00:51:49,690 --> 00:51:52,985 [APPLAUSE] 1072 00:51:59,450 --> 00:52:02,286 I was hanging out with Julian not too long ago, 1073 00:52:02,370 --> 00:52:05,706 1/3 of The Yellow Panthers. 1074 00:52:05,790 --> 00:52:08,793 We were just in LA on Melrose getting some brunch. 1075 00:52:08,876 --> 00:52:12,505 And that's how you know two minorities had made it-- 1076 00:52:12,588 --> 00:52:15,383 avocado toasts. 1077 00:52:15,466 --> 00:52:18,261 We're just chilling, minding our own business, right? 1078 00:52:18,344 --> 00:52:20,388 And this old man came up to us, old guy. 1079 00:52:20,471 --> 00:52:25,017 He's wearing a hat that said, Vietnam and Korea War vet. 1080 00:52:25,101 --> 00:52:28,354 I was like, damn, this guy really hates Asian people. 1081 00:52:28,437 --> 00:52:33,568 Like, he survived us twice. 1082 00:52:33,651 --> 00:52:35,111 I better be careful. 1083 00:52:35,194 --> 00:52:36,779 But he was actually a really nice guy. 1084 00:52:36,863 --> 00:52:38,739 He was a really nice guy, complete stranger. 1085 00:52:38,823 --> 00:52:40,533 And he came up to me and Julian. 1086 00:52:40,616 --> 00:52:43,578 He was like, guys, what you guys are doing right now, 1087 00:52:43,661 --> 00:52:47,290 it's exactly the Civil Rights that I fought for in the '60s. 1088 00:52:47,373 --> 00:52:50,042 Keep it up. And he just walked away. 1089 00:52:50,126 --> 00:52:52,295 I was like, what the fuck? 1090 00:52:52,378 --> 00:52:54,881 I didn't know there was a Civil Rights march for avocado toast. 1091 00:52:54,964 --> 00:52:56,966 I was unaware. 1092 00:52:57,049 --> 00:52:58,801 And Julian was like, no, no, no, no, no, he's 1093 00:52:58,885 --> 00:53:00,636 trying to say that he fought for the right 1094 00:53:00,720 --> 00:53:02,805 for an Asian man and a black man to hang 1095 00:53:02,889 --> 00:53:05,558 out in public with no judgment. 1096 00:53:05,641 --> 00:53:07,351 That's beautiful, right? 1097 00:53:07,435 --> 00:53:09,478 I was like, no, he didn't. 1098 00:53:09,562 --> 00:53:14,025 Jackie Chan fought for that shit in "Rush Hour" 1, 2, and 3, OK? 1099 00:53:14,108 --> 00:53:17,695 [APPLAUSE] 1100 00:53:17,778 --> 00:53:20,281 Because representation matters. 1101 00:53:20,364 --> 00:53:22,658 That's how we do change. 1102 00:53:22,742 --> 00:53:25,369 I just want to see more Asian people out there doing their thing. 1103 00:53:25,453 --> 00:53:27,038 Don't listen to your Asian parents. 1104 00:53:27,121 --> 00:53:29,123 Go pursue your dreams, you know what I mean? 1105 00:53:29,206 --> 00:53:31,250 Go do your thing, man. I just want to see 1106 00:53:31,334 --> 00:53:34,045 more Asian brothers and sisters on TV. 1107 00:53:34,128 --> 00:53:37,965 Like look, there's nothing more American than NFL Sunday, 1108 00:53:38,049 --> 00:53:39,717 than football Sunday. 1109 00:53:39,800 --> 00:53:41,969 But you don't ever see one Asian person. 1110 00:53:42,053 --> 00:53:43,804 You don't see one Asian person in the NFL. 1111 00:53:43,888 --> 00:53:46,849 I mean, we got that kicker, Younghoe Koo, you know? 1112 00:53:46,933 --> 00:53:50,102 But he gets cut every two weeks. So that doesn't-- 1113 00:53:50,186 --> 00:53:52,855 I can't go buy a new Younghoe Koo jersey every two weeks, 1114 00:53:52,939 --> 00:53:54,815 you know what I mean? 1115 00:53:54,899 --> 00:53:57,234 But what frustrates me, it's even in the commercials. 1116 00:53:57,318 --> 00:53:58,778 Even in all the football commercials, 1117 00:53:58,861 --> 00:54:01,364 you never see one Asian person. 1118 00:54:01,447 --> 00:54:03,824 Like all these great beer commercials, you got everyone. 1119 00:54:03,908 --> 00:54:05,493 You got like, even like dumb commercials 1120 00:54:05,576 --> 00:54:07,495 with, like, a white guy climbing a Rocky 1121 00:54:07,578 --> 00:54:10,790 Mountain for Coors Light. It's not even a good commercial. 1122 00:54:10,873 --> 00:54:12,833 They don't even sell you on how good the beer is. 1123 00:54:12,917 --> 00:54:15,670 They sell you on how cold it is. 1124 00:54:15,753 --> 00:54:19,382 It's like brewed cold, packaged cold, shipped cold. 1125 00:54:19,465 --> 00:54:22,009 I'm like, isn't it ultimately up to my own refrigeration, sir? 1126 00:54:27,306 --> 00:54:29,684 Latinos got great representation, 1127 00:54:29,767 --> 00:54:32,311 the Dos Equis Most Interesting Man in the World. 1128 00:54:32,395 --> 00:54:34,230 That lasted like 15 years, one of the greatest 1129 00:54:34,313 --> 00:54:36,732 commercials of all time. 1130 00:54:36,816 --> 00:54:39,318 So I wrote own version of it. 1131 00:54:39,402 --> 00:54:42,363 It's called The Most Asian Man in the World. 1132 00:54:42,446 --> 00:54:44,865 You got an Asian actor on screen, an announcer 1133 00:54:44,949 --> 00:54:47,326 in the back, and the music starts playing. 1134 00:54:47,410 --> 00:54:50,079 [MUSIC PLAYING] 1135 00:54:52,164 --> 00:54:57,169 He graduated with a law degree, but now he's a neurosurgeon. 1136 00:54:59,755 --> 00:55:04,010 He's 52 years old, but everyone still checks his ID. 1137 00:55:06,512 --> 00:55:10,433 Whenever he takes a picture, he throws up the victory sign. 1138 00:55:14,645 --> 00:55:16,564 You guys every realize, the closer 1139 00:55:16,647 --> 00:55:19,650 the victory sign is to you face, the more Asian you look? 1140 00:55:19,734 --> 00:55:21,402 Like, this is normal. 1141 00:55:21,485 --> 00:55:25,156 This is some Mainland China WeChat shit, 1142 00:55:25,239 --> 00:55:26,907 -you know what I mean? -[APPLAUSE] 1143 00:55:26,991 --> 00:55:30,870 That is some-- 1144 00:55:30,953 --> 00:55:33,581 [MUSIC PLAYING] 1145 00:55:34,790 --> 00:55:38,669 He is the most Asian man in the world. 1146 00:55:38,753 --> 00:55:40,629 And the Asian brother comes out. 1147 00:55:40,713 --> 00:55:42,214 (CHINESE ACCENT) I don't always drink beer. 1148 00:55:44,967 --> 00:55:49,138 But when I do, my face turn red. 1149 00:55:49,221 --> 00:55:50,389 Stay thirsty, my friends. 1150 00:55:50,473 --> 00:55:52,099 Thank you guys very much. 1151 00:55:52,183 --> 00:55:54,185 -[CHEERING] -You guys are amazing. 1152 00:55:54,268 --> 00:55:56,103 Thank you. 1153 00:55:56,187 --> 00:55:59,106 [MUSIC - METER MOBB FT TOO $HORT, "YOU CAME TO PARTY"] 1154 00:56:11,452 --> 00:56:13,329 (SINGING) Let's get wild tonight. 1155 00:56:13,412 --> 00:56:16,082 ♪ Turn the fuck up We're going out tonight ♪ 1156 00:56:16,165 --> 00:56:17,875 ♪ I've been waiting all my life ♪ 1157 00:56:17,958 --> 00:56:19,627 ♪ Every time I go out, I think I found my wife ♪ 1158 00:56:19,710 --> 00:56:21,337 ♪ I can't help but turn down the lights ♪ 1159 00:56:21,420 --> 00:56:23,130 ♪ I'm gonna take some down tonight ♪ 1160 00:56:23,214 --> 00:56:25,049 ♪ This shit is so hot ♪ 1161 00:56:25,132 --> 00:56:26,467 ♪ That's what it's sounding like, like you want ♪ 1162 00:56:26,550 --> 00:56:28,761 ♪ to fuck around tonight, bitch ♪ 1163 00:56:28,844 --> 00:56:32,723 ♪ I want you in every way ♪ 1164 00:56:32,807 --> 00:56:36,769 ♪ The passion burns and it goes both ways ♪ 1165 00:56:36,852 --> 00:56:40,481 ♪ When we're not together, I'm in pain ♪ 1166 00:56:40,564 --> 00:56:44,944 ♪ The mightiest ocean couldn't put out this flame ♪ 1167 00:56:45,027 --> 00:56:49,281 ♪ I think she's coming with me ♪ 1168 00:56:49,365 --> 00:56:51,575 ♪ You wanna say bye but she leaves ♪ 1169 00:56:51,659 --> 00:56:53,494 ♪ Wanna say bye but she leaves ♪ 1170 00:56:53,577 --> 00:56:57,289 ♪ Tears drop like autumn leaves, tear drops, tear drops ♪ 1171 00:56:57,373 --> 00:57:00,918 ♪ You better make time to breathe, yeah ♪