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[cheers and applause]

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[bell dings]

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- Oh, welcome to "Nice One,"

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the game of competitive kindness,

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where we ask our comedians

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to look at the bright side
of bad situations

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and say something nice about 'em.

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It's a battle of sweetness,

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and I'm your host,

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and what happens when you dip
a gummy bear in chocolate,

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Ron Funches.

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Today we have Rhea Butcher,

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Fortune Feimster,

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Pete Lee.

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So what's gonna happen is,

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I'm gonna give you a topic,

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and you just have to say something nice
about it.

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And every time my friends...

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[cheers and applause]
Hear something they like,

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they're gonna give you some points.

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Let's get started.
Here's our first topic:

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internet trolls.

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Fortune?

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- Well, I would just like to personally
thank the internet trolls

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for pointing out that I look like
the fat kid from the movie "Bad Santa."

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[bells jingling]

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- I can see it.

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They're right.
- Yeah, I don't know.

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I would've never known without them, so...

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thanks.

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- Pete, what about you?

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- They give the best nicknames.

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Like, my nickname is
Triggered Beta Cuck.

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[laughter]

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I don't even know what it means,
but I love it.

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- [laughs] Don't google it.

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[laughter]

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Rhea?

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- Honestly, I don't care what they say.

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A follower's a follower.

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Thanks for being fan.
WOMAN: Whoo!

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- Let's move on to our next topic:

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gamers.

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Fortune, what about you?

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- I dated a gamer once.

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[man laughing]
And--hey!

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[laughter]

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That wasn't the punchline.

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The punchline is, he was really good
with my knobs and buttons.

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Back when I dated guys.

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[laughter]

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- Rhea, what do you like about gamers?

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- I mean, I love gamers.

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You know, they keep the population
manageable,

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'cause they live in their parents'
basements

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and scream at children on a little
headset.

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- [chuckling]

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I should stop doing that.

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Pete?

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- I love gamers 'cause, like,
they're totally athletes.

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They just don't want to shower
with the team.

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[beeping]

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RON: That is the end of round one.

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It's time to kick it up a notch.

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Up next, you'll see a bunch of categories.

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You just have to pick one--

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say something nice.

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Fortune, you're up.

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- Let's go with Hollywood monsters!

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- Uh-oh!

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[audience oohs]

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- [chuckling] Aw.

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- This is not a mugshot,

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but it absolutely is a mugshot.

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- No, that's the pic he wanted.

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- Oh, Harvey Weinstein...

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what can I say?

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He came, and he went.

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[man chuckling]

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[laughter]

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Guys, it's a come joke.

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In past tense.

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- Oh, Rhea, why don't you pick a category?

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- All right, let's go with, uh,
Hot for Bleacher.

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- Ooh, let's do it.

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Ticketmaster and StubHub.

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[audience groans]
I know.

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- It's easy.
It's called Ticketmaster.

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When has anything being called "master"
ever been bad in history?

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[laughter]

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- I can't think of any.
- See?

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- Pete, you're up.
Pick a category.

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- I'll take Memorable TV Moments.

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- All right.

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[bell chimes]

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[audience groaning]

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- What?
- Oh!

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- The "Challenger" disaster, and that was
one big whoopsie-doodle.

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- Well, I mean, on the bright side,
you know, they were all teachers.

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And technically, space shuttles are still
safer than schools.

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[laughter]

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- Oh!

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I didn't think you were gonna figure out
a way!

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[beeping]

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That's the end of the round.
Nice one, players.

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Let's look and see what our scores are.

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Well, look at that.

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- Whoa!

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- Pete, you stormed out in front
with 2,045 points.

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Rhea, unfortunately, it's time
for you to go home.

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[audience awws]
- Okay.

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- Get the fuck out!

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- Oh! Okay!

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[cheers and applause]

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- All right, Fortune and Pete,

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it's time to find out who is
the nicest of all

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in a head-to-head contest of sweetness.

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That's right, it's time for a nice-off...

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in our Friend Zone!

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[cheers and applause]

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Welcome to the Friend Zone.
[heavy blast]

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You're gonna come at each other
with your hardest, strongest,

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fiercest compliments.

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Let's get it on!
Fortune?

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- Pete Lee.
Aw, this is so awkward.

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I had some really great Asian jokes
prepared.

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But then I got to know Pete,
and they all still apply.

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- That's probably about your penis.

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- Fortune, you're brilliant,
which is even more amazing

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considering that your
North Carolina accent

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makes everything you say sound like,

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"Hey, you smell like my sister!"

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- Pete's from Wisconsin,

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home of the Packers,

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which makes sense because Pete is
definitely packing.

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What I'm trying to say is,
I think he has a big wiener.

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[electronic blaring]

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- Fortune, you are beautiful.

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And I know that you date women,

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but all the women that you've dated

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truly are "Fortune 8."

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[electronic blaring]

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[bell dings]

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- Okay, that is it.
That is it.

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Let's hear it for 'em!

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[cheers and applause]

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You were both on.

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Now, that--that was a battle.

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Now, it was a brutal battle of kindness.

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But the nicest person in the world is...

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[air horn blares]
Fortune Feimster!

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[cheers and applause]

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- What?

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Thank you.

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- Thank you for coming by.

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We'll see you next time on "Nice One."

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[cheers and applause]