1 00:00:00,334 --> 00:00:03,304 [upbeat music] 2 00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:05,567 [cheers and applause] 3 00:00:05,606 --> 00:00:06,906 - Welcome to "Nice One," 4 00:00:06,940 --> 00:00:08,380 the game of competitive kindness 5 00:00:08,408 --> 00:00:10,478 where we ask comedians to look at the bright side 6 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,081 of bad situations 7 00:00:12,112 --> 00:00:13,652 and say something nice about 'em. 8 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:14,980 It's a battle of sweetness. 9 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:17,775 I'm your host and competitive hugger of the year, 10 00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:19,618 Ron Funches. 11 00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:21,023 [cheers and applause] 12 00:00:21,054 --> 00:00:23,164 Well, thank you so much. 13 00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:25,160 RON: Today we have Michael Yo, 14 00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:27,692 Guy Branum, Taylor Tomlinson! 15 00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:29,558 MICHAEL: Yeah! 16 00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:33,266 - I'm gonna give you a topic, and you just have to say something nice about it. 17 00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:35,600 Every time my friends over here [cheering] 18 00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:37,906 hear something that they like, they're gonna give you points. 19 00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:40,508 Our first topic is blind dates. 20 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,681 RON: Taylor. - I like blind dates 'cause it gives 21 00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:46,709 your friends an opportunity to pick out your potential murderer. 22 00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:50,422 RON: Guy. - Blind dates are really fun. 23 00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:54,420 They're a good way of meeting my friends' one other fat gay friend. 24 00:00:55,622 --> 00:00:58,292 - Michael. - I love blind dates, Ron. 25 00:00:58,325 --> 00:01:00,685 Especially when you show up, and they're ugly. 26 00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:04,627 'Cause that just lets you know that your friends think you're ugly too. 27 00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:06,995 Yeah, yeah. Sad. 28 00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:09,944 - Now, let's travel to Destination Weddings. 29 00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:13,340 RON: Say something nice, Guy. - These days, gay weddings are passé, 30 00:01:13,373 --> 00:01:15,813 They're done. If I'm gonna get gay married, 31 00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:20,513 I wanna do it in, like, Jamaica or Dubai where you might get beheaded for it. 32 00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:24,375 - Taylor, what can you say about these horrible things? 33 00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,818 - I like a destination wedding. The only thing I like better 34 00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:29,624 than a destination wedding is a destination divorce. 35 00:01:29,656 --> 00:01:31,826 That's when you get all your friends to meet you at a Bennigan's 36 00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:34,229 to watch you burn his underwear. 37 00:01:35,162 --> 00:01:36,832 RON: Michael, what about you? 38 00:01:36,864 --> 00:01:38,834 - Oh, my mom had the best destination wedding. 39 00:01:38,866 --> 00:01:43,036 My dad was stationed in Korea in the army, and he snuck her out. 40 00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:45,510 Her destination was freedom, I guess you could say. 41 00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:47,469 Yeah, that's right. 42 00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:51,252 - Your dad was like a little Harriet Tubman. 43 00:01:52,579 --> 00:01:55,119 He's like, "Your freedom train starts on this dick." 44 00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:57,677 [tone] 45 00:01:57,718 --> 00:01:59,618 RON: Oh, nicely done, players. Great round. 46 00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:01,763 Let's kick it up a notch! 47 00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:04,258 Up next, you'll see a bunch of categories, 48 00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,531 and you just have to pick one, say something nice. 49 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:09,900 RON: Michael, pick a category. - I will take drug peddler. 50 00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:11,500 - Lance Armstrong. 51 00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:15,102 He's been stripped of his titles, endorsements, and a testicle. 52 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,935 [laughter] 53 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,840 - This man is a survivor. 54 00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:24,282 He ruined his reputation so bad, cancer was even like, "Naw, I'm out." 55 00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:25,281 - Taylor, you're up. 56 00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:27,852 - Okay, let's do nothin' but nets. 57 00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:29,081 - Uh-oh. 58 00:02:29,116 --> 00:02:30,776 Suicide nets. 59 00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,887 [laughter] 60 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,190 Taylor, tell me something about Chinese iPhone factories 61 00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:37,892 that will make me feel okay about my new phone. 62 00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:41,395 - Well, you know, at least these kids are learning the value of a hard day's work 63 00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:44,828 early on, right? That's why in China, there's no 16 and pregnant. 64 00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:46,765 It's 16 and Productive. 65 00:02:48,468 --> 00:02:50,698 - Guy, you're up. - Monster Island, please. 66 00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:52,437 - Absolutely. 67 00:02:52,472 --> 00:02:55,912 Australia is very, very, very far away. 68 00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:59,383 And that's good, because everything there is poisonous! 69 00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:02,123 What are some non-poisonous things about Australia? 70 00:03:02,149 --> 00:03:05,749 - Australia has the dumbest hot people and the hottest dumb people. 71 00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:09,256 It is like if a soap opera were a continent. 72 00:03:11,258 --> 00:03:12,328 - Nice one, players! 73 00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:14,699 [cheers and applause] 74 00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:18,698 Let's find out what my friends thought and see what our scores are. 75 00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:20,302 [cheering] 76 00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:22,944 RON: Wow! A crazy game! 77 00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:27,170 Guy in the lead-- 1,865 niceness points. 78 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:30,837 And unfortunately, Michael, you have the low on the totem pole. 79 00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:32,148 You're just not nice enough. AUDIENCE: Aw... 80 00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:34,619 - We're so glad that you came, but now please... 81 00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:36,318 GET THE FUCK OUT! 82 00:03:38,685 --> 00:03:40,645 Guy, Taylor, it's time to find out 83 00:03:40,687 --> 00:03:42,887 which one of you is the nicest of all 84 00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:45,393 in a head-to-head contest of sweetness. 85 00:03:45,425 --> 00:03:47,485 It's time for the Nice Off 86 00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:48,928 in the Friend Zone. 87 00:03:53,333 --> 00:03:56,043 Ha ha! Welcome to the Friend Zone. 88 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,599 [boom] You're gonna come at each other 89 00:03:57,638 --> 00:03:59,708 with your hardest, strongest 90 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,680 fiercest compliments. 91 00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:04,408 [audience cheering] 92 00:04:04,444 --> 00:04:05,954 Guy, you're up first. 93 00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:09,519 - Taylor has been on "The Tonight Show," Comedy Central, and "Conan." 94 00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:13,220 The only way most girls her age can get on that many TV shows 95 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,363 is by being abducted in Aruba. 96 00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:20,192 - I tried that too. 97 00:04:20,227 --> 00:04:22,027 - You've got a face for abduction. 98 00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:24,902 - Thank you. Thank you so much. 99 00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,932 Wow, Guy, you are so big in person. 100 00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:28,567 You're like a fuckable kingpin. 101 00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:34,675 - Taylor, you are such an amazing comedian, 102 00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:36,838 but you've done it at such a young age. 103 00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:39,377 Because the hardest thing about working with Taylor 104 00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:42,323 are the little chunks of placenta that keep falling off of her. 105 00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:45,924 - You are a baby. 106 00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:49,763 - You all may think that Guy is too heavy to be a top, 107 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,030 but let me tell you, he is worth the weight. 108 00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:54,930 [bell rings] 109 00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,662 - That's it! 110 00:04:56,697 --> 00:04:58,097 Let's hear it for 'em! 111 00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,071 - Whoo hoo! 112 00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:03,040 - What a round! Taylor, great work. 113 00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:04,940 Guy, I just wanna hug you. 114 00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:08,282 Oh, I wanna live in there. - You're the huggablest, Funches. 115 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,278 - I have the results. 116 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,210 It was a brutal battle of kindness, 117 00:05:12,246 --> 00:05:16,276 but the nicest person in the world is... 118 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,216 [air horn blows] Taylor Tomlinson! 119 00:05:18,252 --> 00:05:22,162 [cheers and applause] 120 00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:23,419 Thank you all for comin' by. 121 00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:26,187 We'll see you next time on "Nice One." 122 00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:27,626 - Whoo-hoo!