[bright music]
[cheers and applause]
- Welcome to "Nice One,"
the game of competitive kindness,
where we ask comedians to look at the bright side of bad situations
and say something nice for a change.
It's a battle of sweetness.
I'm your host and favorite ex-boyfriend Ron Funches.
Today we have Riki Lindhome,
Chris Hardwick, Jen Kirkman!
Now I'm gonna give the comedians a topic
and they just have to say something nice about it.
And when my friends--hey!
Hear something they like, you'll get some points.
All right, our first topic is...
man buns.
Chris? - I really like man buns, Ron.
I think they're a nice way for a guy to say, "Hey, ladies,
I hope you like HPV."
[laughter]
- Jen?
- Well, when you're out with a guy who has a man bun
and he takes you to, inevitably, a restaurant with a dirty table,
he can put the chopsticks in his hair so that they don't get dirty.
[laughter]
- Riki, what do you like about a good man bun?
- Well, I love man buns because they help you find the nearest guy
who can explain the difference between an IPA and a pilsner.
[laughter]
- Portland, Oregon. [laughs]
Our next topic is...
small little penises.
- Putting "little" in there made it creepier, for some reason.
- Riki?
- Well, I think the best part about having a small penis
is, you never have to ask, "So how was it?"
'Cause you already know.
[laughter]
- It was bad. - It was bad, yeah.
RON: Chris?
- Everything is great about small penises.
They're easy to travel with, they fit anywhere,
and they make your hands look huge!
[laughter]
- Jen, what do you like about small wee-wees?
- Well, I imagine a guy with a small penis,
it probably takes a lot of the pressure off of your balls.
It must be nice.
- Oh, my balls be so tired.
[laughter]
- "So tired."
- Nicely done, players. Let's hear it for them!
[cheers and applause]
Time to kick it up a notch.
Up next, the comedians will see a bunch of categories.
They just have to pick one, say something nice.
Jen, you're up.
- Ron, I would like Bombo Arigato.
- Ooh, Pearl Harbor.
You got the daily double. [laughs]
- Well, my grandfather died in World War II,
and from what my dad tells me, he was a total asshole,
so it kind of worked out.
[laughter]
- Riki, your choice. Pick a category.
- I will take As Seen On TV.
- Commercials.
- Well, the best thing about commercials is, they tell you the exact moment
when a celebrity needs a new summer home.
[laughter]
- Chris, you're up.
- I will take, uh, Mad Money.
- Ooh, Bitcoin.
Now, I never got into Bitcoin because I prefer whole coin--
[laughs]
Oh, that's a stupid joke!
- Can I give you points on your own show?
- Yes!
Why should I invest in e-currency, Chris?
- I think it's great for people who want to be rich
only in places they can get Wi-Fi.
[laughter]
RON: Nice one, players!
[cheers and applause]
Let's see what my friends thought.
Check our scores.
[gasps] Jen in the lead!
1,385 nice points.
And unfortunately, Riki, they just didn't think you were nice enough.
- That's okay.
- Appreciate you being here,
but if you don't mind, get the fuck out.
[laughter]
- Bye.
- I had such good-- I had such good compliments for her.
RON: All right, Chris, Jen, it's time to find out
who is the nicest of all
in a head-to-head contest of sweetness.
It's time for the nice-off
in the Friend Zone.
[cheers and applause] Yeah!
Welcome to the Friend Zone.
You're gonna come at each other with your hardest,
your strongest, your fiercest compliments.
Jen, why don't you start us off?
- Chris, you're so professional and so on-point,
you never stop hustling--
you should change your name to Chris Hard-work.
[laughter]
- I gotta give you props on that one. - Aw, thanks.
- Thank you.
Jen, you are legitimately my spirit animal
and that animal is a unicorn
made out of kittens with a puppy for a horn.
[laughter]
- Aw! CHRIS: Yeah, that's right, guys.
- Chris, I can tell your dad was a professional bowler
because you're so striking.
[laughter]
- I just read your book, entitled "I Can Barely Take Care of Myself:
Tales from a Happy Life Without Kids."
And in case you change your position on that,
will you be my mom?
[laughter] [bell dings]
- All right, let's hear it for our comedians!
- Aw. - So nice. Thank you, Jen.
- Thanks. Thanks for plugging my book. - I appreciate it.
No, thank you, of course.
RON: We have the results.
It was a brutal battle of kindness,
but the nicest person in the world is... - [laughing]
[air horn blares] - Jen Kirkman!
- Jen Kirkman! Jen Kirkman!
RON: Jen! Jen! Jen! Jen!
Jen! Jen! Jen! - Jen! Jen! Jen!
Kirkman! Kirkman! Kirkman! RON: We'll see you next time on...
"Nice One."