Hello, my favorite freshthems.
Tomorrow is the start of Pre-Frosh Weekend,
where newly accepted students visit to get their first taste
of the Essex experience.
How exciting. I'll never forget
my Pre-Frosh Weekend.
My host was so fun.
But she got really drunk,
and I had to watch them pump her stomach.
Oh! And I tried Thai food
for the first time.
Not for me.
If any of you are hosting
potential new students,
please be responsible with them.
FYI, we are hosting one.
- Wait, we are? - Yeah, it's my friend
from back home. Her name's Priya.
She's a sweet Indian nerd.
I just sent an old pic of us to our thread.
Oh, wow.
Damn, no one zoom in. It made me sad.
Bela, for your well-being,
don't send photos like that.
Okay, fine, but everyone be nice to Priya.
She always looked up to me like I was
her way-cooler big sister.
- Aw. - And you were cooler than her
when this photo was taken?
- Clearly. - Mm.
So nobody make a big thing about this,
but my dad texted me saying that he's bringing up
my cousin to campus for Pre-Frosh Weekend,
and I have decided to come out to him.
You are?
That's awesome.
Yeah, I'm ready. It's time.
Maybe you can do it in a fun way.
My cousin proposed using a nursing home flash mob.
It was slow, but moving.
Yeah, I think I'm just gonna tell him
with words. Mmhmm. Yeah.
I'm just sick of keeping this a secret.
I also have a secret.
Oh, my God! You're gay too!
What? No.
- Oh. - No, I had sex with Andrew.
- What? - You did?
- The bio bro? - Wait, don't you two, like,
hate each other? Yes, he's insufferable.
But also, he has, like, secret surprise arm muscles.
Ooh...
But it was a one-time thing.
Sleeping with my lab partner is way too complicated.
Okay, oh, my God,
that's Priya.
Everyone, stop talking about sex.
Her dorky, little ears cannot handle that.
Talk about Microsoft Excel.
- Bela! - Priya?
It's so good to see you!
Wow! Uh,
I didn't even recognize you.
You got hot and grew boobs.
- Mm. Mm-mm. - Come in!
♪ I run the show, my chest be big, yo ♪
♪ We run the streets from west to east coast ♪
♪ I'm a really big deal ♪
I'm so excited you got into Essex.
Here's the place I knew you'd wanna visit first...
The library. Stop.
Your friends are gonna think I'm an epic loser.
One summer, Priya spent so much time reading
that she got something called juvenile hunchback.
She had to wear a brace. I made it look cool.
You're gonna love Essex.
It's like the best place in the world.
I'm so excited to be here.
This is actually my first night ever away from home.
Aw.
Right, you weren't allowed
to do anything in high school.
We had to have all
our sleepovers at your house.
Remember that time you got your
braces caught in a knit blanket
and you cried so hard
that you barfed? I don't think
we need to tell your friends that story.
I'm gonna go peek inside the building.
Yeah.
- She seems great. - No, agreed.
She's so cool. Wait,
even you think she's cool? Oh, my God, yeah.
I mean, she has great style, gorgeous hair,
a well-curated but effortless social media vibe.
She's cool as hell.
Huh, took you months to call me cool.
I called you "cool"?
I don't think I ever said that.
Weird, I feel like you say it a lot.
Ooh, Kimberly, here comes Jackson.
How do I look?
Who cares? What about me?
Hey, I'd like to order a coffee Kimberly-style.
What's Kimberly style?
- Extra hot. - Oh, wow.
Damn.
We actually do have to serve
all our coffee at a standard temperature,
because of a recent lawsuit though.
That's okay. Just came by
to say a quick hello before class.
I'll see you later.
Bye.
So you still hangin' out
with the action figure, huh? Leave her alone.
I'm proud of our girl. She loves herself a hot boy.
- What does that mean? - First, Nico.
Now, Farmer Long John.
You go for the ripped, big hotties.
- Not just 'cause they're hot. - Oh, please.
You work this whole Ruth Bader Ginsburg angle,
but you like the hot guy.
It's okay to be a little shallow.
- I'm not shallow. - It's fine.
I love it when people only like me for my looks.
It happens very frequently.
Okay, name one thing you have in common with that guy.
Uh, we both...
are born during winter months.
Ah.
That's a bad answer.
Okay, so maybe I don't know what we have in common yet.
But I'll find it, all right?
- Whoa. - Whew.
- Okay. - Okay, it's getting
pretty heated.
I suggest everyone take an unpaid five.
Unpaid five!
I am such a great manager.
God, I love this campus!
It's so nice up here.
I'm really glad we got a chance to catch up.
It's just your mom and I are going through a bit
of a hard time right now,
the whole thing with your brother,
you know? Yeah.
And then her charity is being investigated by the D.A.,
so she could be in a lot of trouble, you know?
And I'm not going down for that, you know?
I won't. And then, also,
please don't tell anybody about this,
but her Japanese hair transplant didn't take,
and so she's got a tiny bald spot.
But act like you don't notice it.
- That's a lot. - It is a lot.
It is a lot. Yeah.
But that's why I'm happy to be here.
So what's going on with you?
Me? Pff.
Nothing.
Really nothing. Nothing?
No, no, nothing. You know,
just the same old stuff.
Hey, Andrew.
I think we need to talk
about the other day.
Yeah, I've been thinking, and we shouldn't hook up again.
It's just not worth it for me.
Wait, you're saying sleeping with me isn't worth it for you?
- Yeah. - Do you not see
how much hotter than you I am?
Listen, I did the math, and I'm 3% more productive
without you as a distraction.
What's so distracting about me?
Well, for one, you're wearing
a skirt to the lab
when all legs should be covered
in case of chemical spillage.
But instead, you're...
A distraction?
Damn it.
I wouldn't say I'm a campus celebrity,
but sure, I guess other people might.
- Hey, you're Priya, right? - Yeah.
I'm Graham.
- Hi, Graham. - Oh, like the cracker...
Motherfucker. Shit, I'm sorry.
I didn't even see you there...
Didn't even register there was another person here.
A bunch of us are planning a party in the woods,
like a fire and stuff, if you wanna come.
Wow, um, yeah, I've never been to a party like that before.
It sounds super fun. Can my friend come?
Oh, is this your friend?
I thought she was
your accountant or something.
But if it means you'll be there,
sure, bring her. Actually,
we already have plans.
Sorry... we do?
Yeah, our dorm is hosting
a big floor party.
It's gonna be huge! You didn't think
I'd invite you to campus and not show you
how hard we kick it, did you? Okay.
I'm sorry. It's all good.
Yeah, boys invite me to parties all the time.
I can barely keep track of all the invites.
We're throwing a party tonight, and it has to be good.
But I already had plans to finish my vision board.
I finally found a picture of AOC playing chess.
Well, you can forget about that,
because we need to show Priya how cool I am
by throwing a rager.
- Wait, where is Priya? - At a Pre-Frosh event,
which gives us time to get this place in order.
Wait, why are you stressed?
Doesn't Priya, like, look up to you or something?
Oh, she used to, before her face cleared up
and she grew perfect tits and amazing peach ass.
Is she old enough for you to be talking about her like that?
A cute guy just hit on her in front of me
and made it clear I gave him absolutely no boner.
It's like the student has become the teacher.
Isn't that a good thing?
Isn't that what the teacher wants?
No. Teachers want their students
to fall in love with them
and worship them forever.
- No... - I don't think so.
Why is Priya's approval so important to you?
Because she used to think I was the best,
and that made me feel good about myself.
I don't want to lose that. Yeah, I get that.
Okay, we need to make sure we have a ton of booze
and a packed house. Leighton,
is your dad still here? Can he buy us a bunch
of top shelf stuff? No, he's taking a walk
in a sculpture garden.
He's not really in a good place.
So I didn't come out to him.
- Aw, I'm sorry. - Yeah.
Does Priya know you're gay? Can I tell her?
I think she might like that.
Mm-mm.
Fine, I'll let you tell her.
That is not what that look meant.
Is that Jackson?
Jackson!
- Oh, hey. - What are you listening to?
Is it the podcast on erosion I told you about?
I hope you're enjoying it as much as I did.
Oh, no. It's my workout mix.
It's a mashup of EDM and country.
Do you listen to either of those?
No, my workout mix is mostly talk radio and think pieces.
Hey, I'm gonna go watch "SmackDown."
You wanna join? Oh, and that is?
- Wrestling. - Right, yeah, I knew that...
Sanctioned violence. Whoo-hoo!
Come on.
♪ Different, mm ♪
♪ It be different, mm ♪
Whitney!
What's up, girl?
Where are you guys coming from?
Ah, you know, just gettin' our steps in.
200? What the hell?
This campus is tiny.
Hold on. Who is that?
Did you two... You hooked up with him again?
You said you can't stand him. Shh.
It just keeps happening.
Interesting trajectory
to go from Canaan to that.
Whoa! Hey, you almost hit me!
Scooters are vehicles,
and they should be in the street!
If you wanna stop hooking up with him,
quit spending time alone with him.
The thing is he's smart. So working with him is helpful.
Well, keep it in public then, not some little lab
where you two keep getting freaky.
Honestly, though, I get it.
Nerds are hot...
Like Albert Einstein.
What? I love a thick 'stache.
It shouldn't be a problem that I parked in the fire lane
just this one time, right? It's always a problem.
Murray, is that you?
- George. - Yes.
What are you doing here?
I'm on the commencement committee.
I'm... I just came up for a meeting.
Come on! Great to see you, buddy.
You too, man.
Leighton, this is my old friend, George.
We were in the same pledge class together.
Both: Alphi Psi until I die!
Oh, by the way, this is my daughter, Tatum.
Actually, Leighton and I know each other.
Yeah, we're friends... Or, um, acquaintances.
Oh, the next generation of the unbreakable Essex bond.
Yeah, well, heads up though, Murray.
They are packed tonight.
We couldn't even get a seat at the bar.
- Oh. - Oh...
Well, we have a reservation. Just sit with us.
Oh, Dad, they don't wanna eat with us.
- We'd love to. - Oh!
- Great. - Great.
- Come on. - Tatum, can I talk to you
for a second?
Hi, I am so sorry.
This is awkward. My dad doesn't know
that I'm gay, and I'm sure you think
that is super closeted of me, and I get it, okay?
My ex-girlfriend, Alicia,
really hated it when it came to that,
because I could never talk... Okay, chill.
It's fine.
There's no timeline on coming out.
Also, we just started dating, so it's cool.
I got you.
Okay, thanks.
One more thing... my dad also orders a dirty martini
in a very uncomfortable way,
so I do just wanna get ahead of that.
- I will prepare myself. - Yeah, you should.
I know I'm constantly complaining,
but it's freezing in here.
You want my hoodie? Uh, no, I'm good.
You have goosebumps.
Here.
Oh, you don't have to take it...
It's fine.
Thank you.
That's very nice.
I love how quiet it is up here.
♪ Who that pressing on me ♪
Hurry up before someone comes.
You're seriously telling me to hurry up right now?
♪ Who your baby mama ♪
Whitney?
- Canaan! - Oh, shit!
I'm s... I'm sorry. I jus... I came...
I came to get a book about...
Ronald Reagan. Yeah.
Yup, and I got it,
so you're good... so... Okay.
I'ma go.
Sounds great.
Fuck.
What are you... Pull your pants up.
- Oh, we're stopping for sure? - Yeah, we're done.
Okay, yeah, got it.
♪ It's okay to let my pain go ♪
♪ I dance for one ♪
Doesn't this party
look so fucking good? I've really outdone myself.
Damn, Bela, where'd you get all of that?
I conned a grad student into buying it for me.
All I had to do was pay him double the cost of the alcohol.
What a deal, right? Uh...
- Oh... - Hey, how do I look?
Priya texted and said that she'll try and be here soon.
Both: Ooh...
She said "try"?
As someone who loves to bail on things,
that's something I would say a lot.
Oh, she might be superhot
and look like a mean girl now,
but trust me, she wouldn't just
blow me off like that.
Come on. We've been friends
for, like, ten years now.
She'll be here.
You guys goin' to this party in the woods?
Priya just texted me it's poppin' off!
What the hell? She's bailing on my party
and texting you? How'd she even get your number?
You won't even give it to me. Uh, we just clicked.
We're both the hottest of our siblings.
You wouldn't understand.
That's it. I'm goin' to the woods.
Okay, well, I guess we're going.
I'm not gonna miss this. She's gonna go slap
a little girl in the woods.
Tatum, your dad in college
was the king of pranks... The king of pranks.
He used to do this thing where he would put shaving cream
in our shoes. Yup, I called it creamy toes.
Right!
You're literally the funniest person I've ever met.
I'm gonna order another drink. Mm.
'Scuse me. Hi, may I have another
dirty martini, please? But this one, I'd like to be
extra dirty.
Like, filthy dirty.
Like, I want this martini
to be ashamed of itself.
- He gets it. - You haven't changed a bit,
Murray. Oh, come on.
Well, this dinner has been great.
Um, but what if we just go ahead and, like, box this up,
and then I can go home and get all my math homework done?
- Oh, honey. - Damn, raised yourself
a real nerd here.
Uh-oh, nerd alert. Okay...
Tatum, you should find a smart girl like her.
- Well, I am trying. - Yeah?
Well, what about that girl, Lydia?
I miss her. Oh, God, no.
Do not miss Lydia.
Her personality was as ugly as her name.
Mean, but fair.
Okay, not a looker, not a looker.
Hey, I gotta say, guys, I think this is so cool
that you guys can just talk about dating like this.
Like, I ask Leighton anything about her dating life,
and she just ices me out. Oh.
- That's not true. - It is true.
I've asked you a million times. You are a closed book.
Okay, well, that is because I c...
'Cause what?
I'm gay.
I'm gay, and, um, I've actually been dating Tatum.
- What? - It's true.
We've been going on dates. We've been on, like,
three dates... Like four, if you include
this insanely weird dinner with our dads.
But yeah, I'm gay. I'm gonna order a drink.
Okay, uh, cool.
Yeah, cool.
Will you excuse me for just a second?
Are you...
It's late to be playing music out here.
I hope it's not disrupting the nocturnal creatures
who call these woods home.
Oh, damn, this party looks great...
Way better than the one you threw, Bela.
- Priya, what the hell? - What are you doing here?
I love this fit. I have to talk to you.
Uh... what?
I can't believe you ditched the very cool party
I threw for you. I invited, like, 200 people,
and I only know, like, 25 of them.
I even got you George Clooney tequila.
- I didn't ask you to do that. - Well, you've changed,
and it's not just 'cause you're hotter with bigger tits
and perfect complexion and lip fillers.
I didn't get lip fillers. Those are just my lips.
- Seriously? - Yeah.
- That's amazing. - Stunning.
- Thank you. - I'd love some beauty tips.
But later. You two keep fighting.
Bela, I'm sorry for ditching you, but I just...
I wanted to be around people
who didn't make me feel like the loser I used to be.
The first thing you did when I got here was
tell your roommates a story that made me sound like
a giant nerd. Oh, I didn't realize...
I'm trying to reinvent myself.
I thought you of all people would understand that.
I wanna feel good about myself and, like, kiss a boy
and post a cute picture of him
to make mean girls back home jealous.
I get that. I guess I was just worried
that you're, like, so cool now
that you'd, like, leave me behind.
Are you kidding?
Bela, I'm coming to Essex for you, okay?
I have always looked up to you.
Fuck. Come here.
Okay.
I love you. I love you too.
Guess I'll just head back to the party then.
Okay. I will be seeing you
back there though, okay?
I'm just gonna make out with Graham first.
- Yeah, you will. - Yeah, girl!
You go get that young tongue.
Come on, let's give her some space.
Do you guys think we should make
an anonymous call to the fire marshal?
- Hell no. - These open flames
are very dangerous.
Hey, Dad, you okay?
Yeah.
Yeah, of course, honey.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to add
any more stress to your life.
I know that there's a lot going on.
No, honey, don't apologize, please.
That's not why I...
Leighton, I love you.
My reaction was about me.
I was just shocked, you know?
And the fact that I didn't see this coming,
I don't know what that says about me as a parent.
It might mean that I'm just really good at being closeted.
Yeah, I don't know. Is that a good thing?
Yeah, no, no, probably not.
Are you happy?
That is a big question.
But in terms of who I am
and my sexuality,
yes.
Yes, I am.
Well, I'm so happy you told me,
and I'm so proud of you.
For what it's worth, I really like Tatum for you.
Oh, you do not have to say that.
No, I really do. When you look at her, you smile
with your teeth and everything.
That's your tell, kiddo. Oh, my...
- You can't ignore that. - Ha!
I will not be discussing gay dating with my dad.
Oh, yes, you will.
I'm gonna be calling you every week.
♪ I like the way you're moving to the rhythm ♪
♪ Like you go on up ♪
Oh, wait, how did ending things with Andrew go?
Was he upset?
Not really...
Mostly because I didn't end things,
then we had sex in the library.
In the library?
Mm-hmm.
And then Canaan walked in.
- Whoa. - Holy shit.
- Hi. - Hey!
Well, I did it.
I finally came out to my dad.
- Wait, how did it go? - Good, and he definitely
likes Tatum, maybe, like, a little too much.
- He invited me golfing. - He just assumed
she golfs because she's gay.
And he was right.
♪ I'm having some trouble believing you ♪
♪ I'm hearing the drums just follow you ♪
Whitney.
Nice to see you... For the second time today, huh?
Mm-hmm, okay, yeah, don't do that.
You, uh, get any good studying in?
Read some new books? Please do not make me
leave my own dorm party. I have nowhere else to go.
So who's the guy?
He's just some guy from class.
It's casual.
Kay.
Well, casual looks good on you.
Thank you.
♪ I know they hatin', I know they talkin' ♪
♪ I call 'em tree bitches, they steady barkin' ♪
There she is! Did you kiss that boy?
I did!
- He was really bad at it. - Most are.
His tongue, like, darted in, and it just stayed there.
Been there.
Let's find you someone else. No, no, no, no, no.
Not tonight. I wanna hang with you.
Aw, that is so sweet.
Well, if that's the case, let's all work on finding
someone for me. I'm not picky as long as
he is perfect looking.
So I wanted to talk to you
about something. Okay, what's up?
I'm starting to think that we don't have a lot in common.
Yeah.
You might be right, but...
I think it's good that we're different.
You don't spend time worrying
about how much you do and don't
have in common with your friends, do you?
- No. - So why would it be
an issue for us? I like learning new things
from you, like that podcast you told me about.
You listened to the series on erosion?
Yeah. It wasn't good to run to,
but it was eye-opening.
I'm just sayin' I don't wanna date someone
who's just like me. You said "date."
Are we dating? I think so.
Is that cool? Yeah.
But I don't wanna watch wrestling with you.
The stories are so lazy. Oh, those aren't stories.
Those are real.
- Oh... - I'm kidding.
I'm not an idiot.
♪ I'm caught up in a loop ♪
♪ That I can't break ♪
♪ But I don't mind you on my mind ♪
♪ I-I-I-I can't slow ♪
♪ Watch you, watch me come undone ♪
♪ Hold on, you've got me ♪
♪ Throwing myself around ♪
♪ You know you've got me won ♪
♪ I'm thinking about thinking about you ♪
♪ I-I-I-I ♪
♪ Can't slow how I'm falling ♪
♪ Watch you watch me come undone ♪
♪ Hold on, you've got me throwing myself around ♪
♪ You know you've got me won ♪
♪ Oh, oh, you've got me throwing myself around ♪
Go to bed.