1 00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:08,308 I want to fuck you so bad. 2 00:00:08,375 --> 00:00:12,078 - Me too. You make me so hard. 3 00:00:12,178 --> 00:00:14,247 - 'Scuse me! 'Scuse me. 4 00:00:14,347 --> 00:00:15,682 Can you stop? 5 00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:18,651 We're dropping our daughter off at school. 6 00:00:20,253 --> 00:00:22,322 - I can see your erection. - Mom! 7 00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:25,558 - ♪ Sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex ♪ 8 00:00:25,658 --> 00:00:27,694 ♪ Sex sex sex sex sex ♪ 9 00:00:28,995 --> 00:00:29,996 Essex College? 10 00:00:30,063 --> 00:00:31,664 Did you have to pick a school 11 00:00:31,731 --> 00:00:34,100 that was 3,000 miles away from me? 12 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:36,069 - It's almost like I did that on purpose. 13 00:00:36,169 --> 00:00:38,772 - I mean, Vermont? Why's it even a state? 14 00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:41,374 Bunch of potheads making maple syrup. 15 00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:43,877 - I... I don't know, I'm just happy that you made the time 16 00:00:43,943 --> 00:00:45,345 to drop me off at school. 17 00:00:45,412 --> 00:00:47,847 Oh, okay, go on, honey. 18 00:00:47,914 --> 00:00:50,583 - It's just nice to spend time with you. 19 00:00:50,683 --> 00:00:52,452 Goddamm it. 20 00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:57,090 Look, Jackie, I am dropping my daughter off at college today. 21 00:00:57,190 --> 00:00:59,292 That is the only thing that matters. 22 00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:04,130 Oh, CNN? Okay, yes, put them through. 23 00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:06,366 Sorry. 24 00:01:06,433 --> 00:01:09,402 Jake Tapper. How you doin', sweetheart? 25 00:01:09,469 --> 00:01:12,405 What am I commenting on today? 26 00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:15,975 - Look, Beta, I brought a surprise for you 27 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:19,879 to remind you of home. It's Mr. Busby! 28 00:01:19,946 --> 00:01:21,981 - Mom, are you serious? - What? 29 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,716 You love Mr. Busby. 30 00:01:23,783 --> 00:01:26,119 - Mom, I'm not bringing my teddy bear to college with me. 31 00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:28,488 I'm 18 years old, I'm in the middle of my reinvention. 32 00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:30,490 - Not with the reinvention again. 33 00:01:30,590 --> 00:01:32,292 - Dad, remember when Ben Affleck 34 00:01:32,392 --> 00:01:34,494 got that giant back tattoo of a phoenix rising up 35 00:01:34,594 --> 00:01:35,829 from the ashes? 36 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,430 - Is he in "Manchester by the Sea"? 37 00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:40,333 - Oh, very sad film. - That's the other Affleck. 38 00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:42,502 Look, that phoenix made total sense to me. 39 00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:43,603 Ben needed a change. 40 00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:45,405 He needed to transform his life 41 00:01:45,472 --> 00:01:47,307 with a permanent physical metamorphosis. 42 00:01:47,407 --> 00:01:48,842 And so did I. 43 00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:51,578 Four months ago, I was an Indian loser with cystic acne, 44 00:01:51,644 --> 00:01:53,413 sweaty armpits, and glasses. 45 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:56,015 But with Lasik procedure, an Accutane prescription, 46 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,918 and medical-grade Botox injected into my armpits, 47 00:01:58,985 --> 00:02:00,186 I'm normal. 48 00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:02,355 - So should I throw Mr. Busby away? 49 00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:04,023 No, Mom, don't be stupid. 50 00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,359 Just take him home and put him on a shelf in my bedroom. 51 00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:12,298 - Hey, there, kiddo. - Hey, Dad. 52 00:02:12,365 --> 00:02:15,001 - Before we go inside, I just want to say... 53 00:02:15,101 --> 00:02:16,503 Um, Dad. 54 00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:17,804 Don't cry, please. 55 00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:19,205 - You're the first Finkle to go to college. 56 00:02:19,305 --> 00:02:20,940 - Dad, I need you not to cry right now. 57 00:02:21,007 --> 00:02:22,509 - And I'm so proud of you. You're such a special girl. 58 00:02:22,609 --> 00:02:23,877 - Honey, honey... - I haven't told you enough. 59 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,145 Why don't you go inside 60 00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:26,346 and just get yourself together. 61 00:02:26,446 --> 00:02:28,715 Go sit in the car. 62 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,453 ♪ ♪ 63 00:02:36,456 --> 00:02:38,892 Honey, you got to promise me you're gonna be careful 64 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:42,662 because you're gonna meet all kinds of, um, new people. 65 00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:44,731 - Are you saying that because they're Middle Eastern? 66 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:45,999 That's so offensive. 67 00:02:46,065 --> 00:02:47,500 I came here because it's diverse. 68 00:02:47,567 --> 00:02:49,068 We're from the whitest town in the world. 69 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:51,571 - Dad won't even eat tacos. - Someone say tacos? 70 00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:54,574 I can't handle that today, my stomach is already a mess. 71 00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:56,910 - No, honey, no ethnic food. I promise. 72 00:02:57,010 --> 00:03:00,680 No, I meant rich people. They can be a bad influence. 73 00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:02,415 Do you remember that Caleb Vicars boy? 74 00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:04,484 He was two grades above you, he got into Penn, 75 00:03:04,551 --> 00:03:06,920 met some rich friends, he got addicted to cocaine, 76 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,022 and got arrested... 77 00:03:10,089 --> 00:03:11,524 For selling his body. 78 00:03:11,591 --> 00:03:13,326 - Mom! - I don't want that future 79 00:03:13,393 --> 00:03:15,428 - for you. - Yeah, Mom, I don't want to 80 00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:17,664 become a prostitute either. 81 00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:23,369 Something about New England, isn't there? 82 00:03:23,436 --> 00:03:25,738 Maybe it's the trees, or the rivers, the air... 83 00:03:25,838 --> 00:03:27,173 I just feel so alive here. 84 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:28,908 - Dad, you're obsessed with New England. 85 00:03:29,008 --> 00:03:31,044 I mean, it's like you want to have sex with New England. 86 00:03:31,110 --> 00:03:33,112 Ha. That's not possible. 87 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,949 - God, Esme and Francesca haven't texted me back yet. 88 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:39,118 They probably have a ton of new inside jokes by now. 89 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,354 - You know, honey, are you sure it's the best idea 90 00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:44,190 to be roommates in college with your friends from high school? 91 00:03:44,257 --> 00:03:45,692 Shouldn't you branch out? 92 00:03:45,758 --> 00:03:48,061 - Dad, Esme and Francesca are my soulmates. 93 00:03:48,127 --> 00:03:50,797 Okay, they are literally the best people I have ever known. 94 00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:52,432 - Okay, but what about that time 95 00:03:52,532 --> 00:03:54,934 that Francesca totally abandoned you in Cape Cod? 96 00:03:55,034 --> 00:03:56,636 - She was having a really tough time, okay? 97 00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:58,471 Her dad just got audited. 98 00:03:58,571 --> 00:03:59,906 - Honey, I think what I'm trying to say is 99 00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:01,307 I don't think Esme and Francesca 100 00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:03,743 are the best influences on you, you know? 101 00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:05,311 They're kinda... assholes? 102 00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:08,815 - Dad, can you please not call my friends assholes? 103 00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:10,583 All right? And it doesn't even make a difference, okay? 104 00:04:10,650 --> 00:04:12,785 We're already living together. 105 00:04:12,885 --> 00:04:14,420 - Well, if that's what makes you happy. 106 00:04:14,487 --> 00:04:17,156 I mean, I guess what's really important is that 107 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,826 my baby girl is going to my alma mater! 108 00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,995 I'm telling you, after the next four years, 109 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:25,265 you're probably gonna want to have sex with New England too. 110 00:04:25,331 --> 00:04:27,000 ♪ ♪ 111 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,469 - Dale, I hope you're using your legs to push that. 112 00:04:29,569 --> 00:04:31,437 - I can't tell what I'm using, Carol. 113 00:04:31,504 --> 00:04:33,439 ♪ For you ♪ 114 00:04:33,506 --> 00:04:35,074 ♪ Can't wait to push your button ♪ 115 00:04:35,141 --> 00:04:41,581 ♪ ♪ 116 00:04:42,649 --> 00:04:44,350 Earth to Kimberly. 117 00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:46,286 Your father's sciatica's gonna act up at any minute now, here. 118 00:04:46,352 --> 00:04:47,687 - Help him out. - I got it, Carol. 119 00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:49,522 - You know what? I'll do it, I'll do it. 120 00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:51,291 - Mom, could you change your jeans 121 00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:52,959 before anyone gets here? 122 00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:55,662 - Hey! - Hey, you must be Kimberly! 123 00:04:55,762 --> 00:04:58,264 Oh, my Gosh! I'm so excited! 124 00:04:58,331 --> 00:04:59,532 We're your roommates. 125 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:02,368 I'm Bela, that's Whitney, that's Leighton. 126 00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:04,304 Just kidding, they're my Indian parents. 127 00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:06,272 - Oh! - It's nice to meet you. 128 00:05:06,339 --> 00:05:09,008 - Oh it's nice to meet you too. These are my parents. 129 00:05:09,108 --> 00:05:10,209 Carol and Dale. 130 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,178 - Hello. - Great to meet you. 131 00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:14,881 We're Irish. 132 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,483 - Yeah, there's an Indian restaurant in our town. 133 00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:19,552 Never been. 134 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,355 - I love your Seth Meyers poster. 135 00:05:22,455 --> 00:05:25,625 - You can really see his face. - Thanks. 136 00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:27,327 Yeah, he's sort of my dream guy. 137 00:05:27,393 --> 00:05:29,962 Double-threat writer and performer on "SNL," 138 00:05:30,029 --> 00:05:31,331 just like I want to be. 139 00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:33,733 It's like, I want to have sex with him. 140 00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:36,169 But I also want to be him. 141 00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:38,571 Hey, did you Google the other girls? 142 00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:40,073 I obviously did. 143 00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:41,908 Can you believe we're living with Whitney Chase? 144 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,910 - I know, it is so cool that we're living 145 00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:45,244 with a senator's daughter. 146 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,913 I bought a copy of the Constitution 147 00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:48,481 for her mom to sign. 148 00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:49,849 - Wouldn't it be nuts if, like, two years from now, 149 00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:51,217 we were all still rooming together, 150 00:05:51,317 --> 00:05:52,752 but she was like president or something? 151 00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:55,021 - Oh, she's popular, sure, I just don't think 152 00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:57,023 she's respected enough to be president. 153 00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:58,558 Interesting. Ha ha. 154 00:05:58,658 --> 00:06:01,260 I'd like to give a quick rebuttal to that. 155 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:04,163 Senator Evette Chase from the great state of Washington. 156 00:06:04,230 --> 00:06:06,366 It is so lovely to meet all of you. 157 00:06:06,432 --> 00:06:09,502 - Hey, I'm Whitney. - Oh, of course. 158 00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:12,438 There you are, my daughter. 159 00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:15,375 - Oh, it's very exciting to meet you, Your Honor. 160 00:06:15,441 --> 00:06:16,909 You don't have to bow. 161 00:06:17,009 --> 00:06:18,745 - Can I take a photo with you to put on the wall 162 00:06:18,845 --> 00:06:21,280 - of one of my restaurants? - Maybe later. 163 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:22,782 Earl, can you close the door? 164 00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:25,785 I have a few things I want to say in private. 165 00:06:28,454 --> 00:06:31,958 - North Con Hall... buncha great memories here. 166 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:33,726 One time, I drank so many White Russians, 167 00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:35,795 I threw up out of that window right there. 168 00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:39,132 - Ew, Dad. - You're gonna love it here. 169 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,100 Yeah. 170 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,436 I already do. 171 00:06:43,536 --> 00:06:46,639 - It goes without saying, I am a very public figure. 172 00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:48,775 - Oh, we get it, we know all about your divorce. 173 00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:51,210 Your ex sounded like a real deadbeat. 174 00:06:51,277 --> 00:06:53,479 - Thank you, he was. - That's my dad. 175 00:06:53,579 --> 00:06:55,214 Here's what I don't need. 176 00:06:55,281 --> 00:06:57,250 I don't need to get woken up in the middle of the night 177 00:06:57,316 --> 00:06:59,886 by some frantic phone call telling me Whitney 178 00:06:59,952 --> 00:07:02,155 is getting high on opioids with the roommates 179 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,590 and streaking across the quad with their junk hanging out. 180 00:07:04,657 --> 00:07:06,392 - Mom! - Our Kimmy has never 181 00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:08,161 touched drugs or alcohol. 182 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,329 She doesn't go out much. 183 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,998 I believe it. 184 00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:14,000 - And you don't have to worry about me, Senator Chase. 185 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:16,502 I'm a committed student eager to study the sciences. 186 00:07:16,602 --> 00:07:21,174 - Okay, that felt forced. Look, I care about you girls. 187 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:24,343 Just don't embarrass me, because then you're dead to me. 188 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,979 Oh, and if you could not tweet for the next four years, 189 00:07:27,079 --> 00:07:28,347 that'd be great. 190 00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:33,920 - Oh, my gosh, you must be Leighton! 191 00:07:33,986 --> 00:07:35,855 We're so happy to meet you. 192 00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:37,924 - I'm sorry, who the fuck are you? 193 00:07:37,990 --> 00:07:39,492 - Leighton! - What? 194 00:07:39,592 --> 00:07:43,262 - Where are Francesca and Esme? - Who are they? 195 00:07:43,329 --> 00:07:45,798 - Uh, my best friends and my roommates? 196 00:07:45,865 --> 00:07:48,434 - Dude, I think we're your roommates. 197 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:54,707 - No. - No, no, no, no. 198 00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:59,278 Very nice to meet you all. 199 00:07:59,345 --> 00:08:01,047 Have a great time in college. 200 00:08:04,183 --> 00:08:08,387 ♪ ♪ 201 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:09,789 - Hey, Leight! - Hi! 202 00:08:09,856 --> 00:08:12,692 What the fuck is going on? 203 00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:15,027 - This is our roommate, Siddhartha. 204 00:08:16,662 --> 00:08:17,997 We just showed up, 205 00:08:18,064 --> 00:08:19,632 and they assigned us with that random girl. 206 00:08:19,699 --> 00:08:21,033 - Trust me, we were just as upset as you are. 207 00:08:21,133 --> 00:08:22,635 - Okay, but how did this happen? 208 00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:24,036 - I mean, we filled out the rooming questionnaire 209 00:08:24,136 --> 00:08:26,305 - the exact same way. - I know! 210 00:08:26,372 --> 00:08:29,075 - Is it possible that maybe you messed up your answers? 211 00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:32,078 I mean, writing wasn't your strong suit at Spence. 212 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,580 - Excuse me! She's a great writer, okay? 213 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:38,084 She wrote her Nana's eulogy... not a dry eye in the house. 214 00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:39,318 Dad! 215 00:08:39,385 --> 00:08:42,154 - See? Assholes. Not you. 216 00:08:42,221 --> 00:08:44,156 - Look, I don't know how this got so fucked up, 217 00:08:44,223 --> 00:08:46,592 but I am gonna fix this somehow, all right? 218 00:08:46,692 --> 00:08:48,261 Please! 219 00:08:52,932 --> 00:08:54,901 - Love you, baby. - Be good, Beta. 220 00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:57,203 Don't follow me on social. 221 00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:59,605 - I love you. - I love you too. 222 00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:03,042 - All right, girls, take care of each other. 223 00:09:03,109 --> 00:09:05,411 And remember, no single-use plastics. 224 00:09:06,078 --> 00:09:07,613 Hey, are you good? 225 00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:10,216 Your dad was shaking pretty hard when he said goodbye. 226 00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:11,617 Oh, he's fine. 227 00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:13,386 I'm sure he's finished crying by now anyway. 228 00:09:13,452 --> 00:09:16,522 Love you, peanut! 229 00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:21,460 ♪ ♪ 230 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:24,363 - Welcome. Take a comfy seat. 231 00:09:24,430 --> 00:09:26,699 - Does this mean you are our roommate? 232 00:09:26,766 --> 00:09:27,767 Oh, no, no. 233 00:09:27,867 --> 00:09:29,035 But there's been a clerical error 234 00:09:29,101 --> 00:09:30,369 that I need to address tomorrow, 235 00:09:30,436 --> 00:09:31,938 so I'll need to stay for one night. 236 00:09:32,038 --> 00:09:33,205 - Well, we already picked rooms, 237 00:09:33,272 --> 00:09:34,974 so you're with Bela. 238 00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:37,143 - Even though it's one night, we should probably sidebar 239 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,412 about a system in case either of us brings a dude home. 240 00:09:39,478 --> 00:09:42,481 - Okay, everyone, my name is Frude Rasmunssen, 241 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:46,152 and I will be your Freshman Advisor and Friend, 242 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:49,488 aka, your FAF. Welcome to Essex! 243 00:09:53,225 --> 00:09:55,494 We'll start with some icebreakers. 244 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:58,898 Let's go around and share a time when we felt scared. 245 00:09:58,965 --> 00:10:00,499 I'll start. 246 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,436 Avalanche during a family reunion. 247 00:10:03,502 --> 00:10:06,505 I lost several relatives and was, myself, entombed 248 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,608 for many days. 249 00:10:08,674 --> 00:10:10,142 Next? 250 00:10:10,242 --> 00:10:11,844 I'm scared of my stalker. 251 00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:13,846 I'm kind of a big deal on TikTok. 252 00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:15,848 Malia Obama follows me. 253 00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:18,818 - Holy shit, she has 200,000 followers. 254 00:10:18,918 --> 00:10:20,620 - Oh, my God, you do song parodies? 255 00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:22,188 - Ooh! - Whoa! 256 00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:24,790 - ♪ Don't go chasing extra smalls ♪ 257 00:10:24,857 --> 00:10:27,927 That was for a body positivity campaign for Kind Bars, 258 00:10:27,994 --> 00:10:30,162 - which are delicious. - So cool! 259 00:10:30,262 --> 00:10:31,831 Who else? 260 00:10:31,931 --> 00:10:35,034 - Um, I am a little nervous about my work-study interview 261 00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:36,869 - tomorrow. - Wait, you have a job? 262 00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:38,638 Well, I applied for one. 263 00:10:38,704 --> 00:10:40,339 Yes, great, Kimberly. 264 00:10:40,439 --> 00:10:44,343 And don't worry, many students at Essex have student jobs. 265 00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:46,679 Who else has one? 266 00:10:46,779 --> 00:10:48,781 Anyone? 267 00:10:48,848 --> 00:10:51,784 I guess perhaps it is just you here. 268 00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:53,185 Cool. 269 00:10:53,285 --> 00:10:55,054 - Look, Frude, I'm sure you're good at this, 270 00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:57,957 - but sharing our fears isn't... - I'm scared because I'm gay. 271 00:10:58,024 --> 00:10:59,625 I was in the closet all through high school, 272 00:10:59,692 --> 00:11:01,127 and I don't want to do that again, 273 00:11:01,193 --> 00:11:02,628 so I promised myself I would tell everyone 274 00:11:02,695 --> 00:11:06,198 the minute I got here. Guys, I'm gay. 275 00:11:06,298 --> 00:11:08,334 - Oh. - Okay. 276 00:11:09,635 --> 00:11:12,705 - Oh, I'm gay too. I've been out since I was 12. 277 00:11:12,805 --> 00:11:16,075 It wasn't easy in Oklahoma, but I had to be me. 278 00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:19,145 - Aw! - He's so handsome. 279 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:21,914 This is great. 280 00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:24,984 We are learning so much about our new gay friends! 281 00:11:27,553 --> 00:11:29,889 - So, why did you all pick Essex? 282 00:11:29,989 --> 00:11:31,424 - Oh, I'm here for the "Catullan." 283 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,659 The college comedy magazine. 284 00:11:33,726 --> 00:11:35,428 It's a big deal in the comedy world. 285 00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:38,164 A ton of writers on "SNL" got their start on the "Catullan." 286 00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:39,765 - Cool! I came 'cause it's prestigious. 287 00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:42,702 I'm gonna graduate summa, and then I'm gonna go 288 00:11:42,768 --> 00:11:44,070 to a tier one law school, 289 00:11:44,170 --> 00:11:46,105 and then Max and I are gonna move to DC 290 00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:47,440 where we're gonna become a power couple 291 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,041 like Kamala and Doug. 292 00:11:49,108 --> 00:11:50,342 Are any of you in relationships? 293 00:11:50,409 --> 00:11:52,778 Oh, no, thank you. 294 00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:55,047 I didn't come to college to be tethered to some dude 295 00:11:55,114 --> 00:11:56,582 I dated in high school. 296 00:11:56,682 --> 00:11:58,184 Also, I never really dated anyone in high school, 297 00:11:58,250 --> 00:12:00,686 but I'm here, I'm super sex-positive... 298 00:12:00,753 --> 00:12:02,254 in theory more than in experience. 299 00:12:02,354 --> 00:12:04,023 And I am ready to smash some Ds. 300 00:12:05,591 --> 00:12:07,560 - Max and I are waiting. Not for any weird reason. 301 00:12:07,626 --> 00:12:10,296 - He's just not ready. - He's not ready? 302 00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:12,264 - Oh, God. - What? What's wrong with that? 303 00:12:12,364 --> 00:12:14,633 - Oh, boys are born ready, so something's up. 304 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,802 - Yeah, is he, like, waiting but also, like, 305 00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:19,038 really up to date on "Drag Race"? 306 00:12:19,105 --> 00:12:20,473 - Oh, no, it's nothing like that. 307 00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:21,941 It's gonna be worth the wait. 308 00:12:22,041 --> 00:12:23,943 People tell him he looks like Shawn Mendes. 309 00:12:24,043 --> 00:12:25,311 Ooh! 310 00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:26,579 - Hey, have you all seen that video 311 00:12:26,645 --> 00:12:28,314 of Shawn Mendes taking a shower? 312 00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,149 It is very good. 313 00:12:33,385 --> 00:12:36,489 ♪ ♪ 314 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:39,158 - Step, step, step! - Get it, get it! 315 00:12:41,060 --> 00:12:44,163 - ♪ The love in my got got got got got ♪ 316 00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:46,899 ♪ The love in my got got got got got ♪ 317 00:12:46,966 --> 00:12:48,501 ♪ The love in my ♪ 318 00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:52,104 ♪ ♪ 319 00:12:52,171 --> 00:12:54,006 She's good. 320 00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:55,641 All right, ladies, hustle! 321 00:12:55,741 --> 00:12:57,309 Now's when you should be impressing me! 322 00:12:57,409 --> 00:13:04,483 ♪ ♪ 323 00:13:08,821 --> 00:13:11,757 - I see you smiling, feeling all proud of yourself. 324 00:13:11,824 --> 00:13:13,926 Me? No, I wasn't. 325 00:13:13,993 --> 00:13:15,661 - You should smile. You're fast, rookie. 326 00:13:15,761 --> 00:13:17,596 Just don't get too cocky. 327 00:13:18,497 --> 00:13:20,299 - Oh, I really like your sticker. 328 00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:21,967 Oh, thanks. 329 00:13:22,034 --> 00:13:23,869 I don't know what it means, but I saw it at a gas station 330 00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:26,338 and was like, "That would be cool in my locker." 331 00:13:26,438 --> 00:13:29,375 - Oh, well, I think it's meant for people who identify as... 332 00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:31,610 - I'm just playing. I'm super gay. 333 00:13:31,677 --> 00:13:36,115 Like, I'm the LeBron James of being attracted to women. 334 00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:38,317 - I'm Willow. - Whitney. 335 00:13:39,018 --> 00:13:41,887 - If I had a silver spoon like that, I'd run really fast too. 336 00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:43,455 She thinks she's hot shit. 337 00:13:43,522 --> 00:13:45,691 The only reason she gets playing time as a freshman 338 00:13:45,791 --> 00:13:47,326 - is because of who her mom is. - Oh, my God, Jena, 339 00:13:47,393 --> 00:13:48,994 - you're so bad. - I know that I'm a better 340 00:13:49,061 --> 00:13:50,529 forward than she is... 341 00:13:50,629 --> 00:13:53,232 - You good? - Yeah, yeah, I'm good. 342 00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:55,067 Cool. 343 00:13:56,368 --> 00:13:58,070 - Coach? - Yeah. 344 00:13:59,538 --> 00:14:01,073 - Hey, can I talk to you about something? 345 00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:03,175 Course. What's up? 346 00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:05,744 It's kind of serious. 347 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,246 I just... I'm finding it really difficult 348 00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:08,714 to concentrate during practice 349 00:14:08,814 --> 00:14:11,584 because I want to fuck you so bad. 350 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,753 - Whit, what the hell? - I'm so sorry, I had to. 351 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,055 There are people still here. 352 00:14:16,155 --> 00:14:17,857 - Everyone's gone except like one janitor. 353 00:14:17,923 --> 00:14:19,358 - Hold on, is it Joe or Alejandro? 354 00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:20,926 'Cause Alejandro notices everything. 355 00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:25,598 - Chill, no one saw. And no one will see this. 356 00:14:29,268 --> 00:14:31,370 - We still on for tonight? - Yeah. 357 00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:33,839 - Now get out of here. - Okay. 358 00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:36,442 - Oh, my God, really? - Yep. 359 00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:37,743 - I got the job? - Yep. 360 00:14:37,843 --> 00:14:39,111 Oh, cool! 361 00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:41,247 - So, all employees of Essex Sips need 362 00:14:41,347 --> 00:14:42,848 to submit their timesheets online 363 00:14:42,915 --> 00:14:45,050 through the, uh, financial aid work-study portal. 364 00:14:45,117 --> 00:14:47,753 - Okay. - Portal, guh. 365 00:14:47,853 --> 00:14:49,288 What are we on, "Star Trek"? 366 00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:51,457 It's funny, right? 367 00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:54,026 - You like funny things? - Um, yeah. 368 00:14:54,093 --> 00:14:56,128 I know, we both can say what we think is funny 369 00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:57,730 - on the count of three. - Oh, uh, no... 370 00:14:57,796 --> 00:15:00,299 - Yeah! We'll do it together. One, two, three. 371 00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:01,901 - Uh, memes. - Avenue Q. 372 00:15:01,967 --> 00:15:03,802 - Oh, memes, that's good too. - Yeah. 373 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,938 - Wow, I think we're gonna get along. 374 00:15:06,038 --> 00:15:08,741 - You have a good personality. - Oh, thank you. 375 00:15:08,807 --> 00:15:10,409 - Can I tell you something, between us? 376 00:15:10,476 --> 00:15:12,378 I have some issues with the other work-study kids 377 00:15:12,444 --> 00:15:13,746 that I manage. 378 00:15:13,812 --> 00:15:15,381 They just have got a lot of attitude. 379 00:15:15,447 --> 00:15:17,750 - Oh, well, I really need this job to pay for school, 380 00:15:17,816 --> 00:15:20,219 so the only kind of attitude I have is "can do." 381 00:15:20,286 --> 00:15:23,289 That's great, very clever. 382 00:15:23,389 --> 00:15:24,957 Okay, everybody, huddle up. 383 00:15:25,057 --> 00:15:28,327 Before we open, I'd like you to meet our new trainee. 384 00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:30,829 This is Kimberly, and she loves memes. 385 00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:35,467 - In addition to other hobbies and interests, you know? 386 00:15:35,567 --> 00:15:38,570 Which I can't think of right now, but I have them. 387 00:15:38,637 --> 00:15:40,139 - Canaan. - Lila. 388 00:15:40,239 --> 00:15:42,741 - Cool. I'm really excited to be working 389 00:15:42,808 --> 00:15:44,076 at Sips with you guys. 390 00:15:44,143 --> 00:15:46,412 I... I'm sure we'll have a "latte" fun. 391 00:15:48,847 --> 00:15:51,450 I just want to say, you are a wonderful little lady. 392 00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:53,319 - Okay. - Oh, is that the menu? 393 00:15:53,419 --> 00:15:54,687 It is. 394 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,288 - You know what could be so cute is if we did 395 00:15:56,355 --> 00:15:57,923 little chalk drawings that changed every day. 396 00:15:57,990 --> 00:16:00,326 Like, today, we could do leaves. 397 00:16:00,426 --> 00:16:01,927 Because it's September. 398 00:16:01,994 --> 00:16:04,196 I love it, yes. 399 00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:06,031 Lila, you're always doodling. 400 00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:07,533 I want you to come in a few minutes early 401 00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:08,867 and decorate the board. 402 00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,536 - Why me? She suggested it. 403 00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,104 - Well, you're artsy, you know, so just have fun with it 404 00:16:12,171 --> 00:16:13,872 and draw some goddamn leaves. 405 00:16:17,209 --> 00:16:20,346 - So what did you say your last name was again? 406 00:16:20,446 --> 00:16:24,717 - Murray, as in Murray library. The library next door. 407 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:27,686 - I slipped and fell there last winter. 408 00:16:27,786 --> 00:16:30,489 - Broke my tailbone. - I'm very sorry to hear that. 409 00:16:30,556 --> 00:16:32,224 But can we please focus on my problem? 410 00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:34,893 It's extremely distressing to be separated 411 00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,395 from one's best friends. 412 00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:38,664 - Okay, looks like you submitted 413 00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:40,199 a personal habits survey 414 00:16:40,299 --> 00:16:43,402 with Esme Schaffer and Francesca Bromley 415 00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:46,405 and got a 99% match-up with both of them. 416 00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:49,408 - Exactly, but then there was some glitch in the system, 417 00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:51,910 or something, and they got assigned with some random girl 418 00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:54,246 with weird clothes, bless her heart. 419 00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:56,982 - Well, in addition to the survey, they also wrote 420 00:16:57,049 --> 00:16:59,752 specific directions in who they wanted in a roommate. 421 00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:03,889 Specific how, let me see. 422 00:17:03,989 --> 00:17:06,992 - "Do not room us with Leighton Murray"? 423 00:17:07,059 --> 00:17:09,561 Why? Why the hell would they write that? 424 00:17:09,661 --> 00:17:13,699 - I know. You seem like such a joy. 425 00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:16,869 - Welcome to the "Catullan" Perspective Writer's meeting. 426 00:17:16,935 --> 00:17:19,438 We're the co-editors. I'm Ryan, this is Eric. 427 00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:21,073 We want to start by saying thank you. 428 00:17:21,173 --> 00:17:22,941 It's really great to see such a big turnout. 429 00:17:23,041 --> 00:17:25,611 That being said, know this going in. 430 00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:28,113 "The Catullan" is the most selective extra-curricular 431 00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:30,115 - on campus. - What about a cappella? 432 00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:31,717 Hey, fuck a cappella! 433 00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,752 - Look, sure, what Eric's saying is technically correct. 434 00:17:33,852 --> 00:17:35,354 But I think we're getting ahead of things here. 435 00:17:35,421 --> 00:17:37,556 Writing for a comedy magazine is fun, 436 00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:39,792 and we look forward to reading your writing samples. 437 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:43,462 - 3 pieces, 600 words, no puns, I'm serious. 438 00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:45,631 - But rather than me telling you why you should submit, 439 00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:50,235 let's see what some of our recent alums have to say. 440 00:17:50,302 --> 00:17:53,238 - I'm Oliver Roni, I wrote for "The Catullan" last year, 441 00:17:53,305 --> 00:17:55,040 and now I'm a writer's assistant 442 00:17:55,107 --> 00:17:59,078 on a new animated show about a suburban white family. 443 00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:00,712 Holy shit! 444 00:18:02,714 --> 00:18:04,316 - $20. - $20 if I make this? 445 00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:05,951 Straight to you, cash now. 446 00:18:06,051 --> 00:18:07,553 - Okay, ready? - Go ahead. 447 00:18:07,619 --> 00:18:09,154 - Did you see that? - Oh, okay. 448 00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:11,156 I'll give it to you, I'll give it to you. 449 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,595 - Hey, Canaan. - Hey. 450 00:18:17,463 --> 00:18:20,766 - Do you like Jay-Z? - Yeah, I... I guess. 451 00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:23,902 - Yeah, I mean, I think his music is so dope. 452 00:18:23,969 --> 00:18:25,771 And some would say he's more than a musician. 453 00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:28,907 - He's like a prophet too. - Okay. 454 00:18:28,974 --> 00:18:30,342 Look, I just have to say, 455 00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:31,977 I come from a small town in Arizona, 456 00:18:32,077 --> 00:18:34,313 and it's really exciting for me to have a Black friend. 457 00:18:34,413 --> 00:18:37,349 - Oh. - Or, is it African American? 458 00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:39,685 I don't know, 'cause there are two schools of thought on that. 459 00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:41,987 - What... what do you think? - Black is... is fine. 460 00:18:42,087 --> 00:18:43,021 - Okay. - Yes. 461 00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,524 So, Black. Cool. 462 00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:48,594 And what... what's it like being Black at Essex? 463 00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:52,164 Um, you know... 464 00:18:52,264 --> 00:18:53,932 it's hard. Yeah. 465 00:18:53,999 --> 00:18:56,368 You know, not a lot of people here get me. 466 00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:57,636 And how could they? 467 00:18:57,703 --> 00:18:59,438 I mean, we've led such different lives. 468 00:18:59,505 --> 00:19:02,541 You know, I've never touched cashmere before. 469 00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:06,678 I don't really tell a lot of people this, but... 470 00:19:06,778 --> 00:19:08,180 my mom is addicted to crack. 471 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:09,848 You know, that's my story. 472 00:19:09,948 --> 00:19:13,218 And now I have to work three on-campus jobs 473 00:19:13,318 --> 00:19:17,322 just so I can send money back to her and my baby sister. 474 00:19:17,389 --> 00:19:21,026 And I just have to hope she doesn't spend it on crack. 475 00:19:21,126 --> 00:19:23,996 - Oh, my God, that is just so much 476 00:19:24,062 --> 00:19:27,232 - for you to be dealing with. - Yeah, yeah, but... 477 00:19:27,332 --> 00:19:29,001 you know what? 478 00:19:29,067 --> 00:19:32,404 It is nothing compared to what Lila has been through. 479 00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:39,178 I mean, that poor girl has it so much worse than me. 480 00:19:39,244 --> 00:19:41,747 What's Lila's story? 481 00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:44,249 Goddamn it. 482 00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:46,752 What the actual fuck, okay? 483 00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:48,754 Do you guys have any idea how humiliating it is 484 00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:51,356 to be friend-dumped in front of a clerical worker? 485 00:19:51,423 --> 00:19:53,192 - Believe me, Leight, we didn't want it to be this way. 486 00:19:53,258 --> 00:19:55,093 - Well, we did want it to be this way, 487 00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,229 but it hurts to see you so upset. 488 00:19:57,329 --> 00:19:59,598 - I don't understand. I thought we were friends. 489 00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:03,602 Uh, what's with this fucking pause? 490 00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:05,003 Were we not friends? 491 00:20:05,070 --> 00:20:07,005 - I mean, we hung out, obviously, 492 00:20:07,072 --> 00:20:10,442 but the truth is, we never really felt like we knew you. 493 00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:12,844 - Yeah, you were always so secretive or something. 494 00:20:12,911 --> 00:20:14,880 It was like being friends with a stranger. 495 00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:16,215 - What are you guys talking about? 496 00:20:16,281 --> 00:20:18,083 I literally tell you everything. 497 00:20:18,183 --> 00:20:19,418 I don't think that's true. 498 00:20:19,518 --> 00:20:22,554 - It's like there's this wall with you. 499 00:20:22,621 --> 00:20:24,523 No, there's... 500 00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:29,628 God, okay, whatever! Whatever, I don't care. 501 00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:31,630 I'm... I'm sorry that I'm not like an over-sharer 502 00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:34,299 like every other girl in our fucking generation. 503 00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:36,468 - I just think that you could open up more. 504 00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:40,472 - Okay, okay, is this open enough for you? 505 00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:42,808 Fuck you both, you really hurt my feelings, 506 00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:45,143 and I hope an air conditioner falls on you. 507 00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:51,617 ♪ ♪ 508 00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:56,255 - Hey, you haven't been out in a bit, 509 00:20:56,321 --> 00:20:58,490 so I brought you some food from work. 510 00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:00,826 - What is it? - A burrito. 511 00:21:02,661 --> 00:21:06,064 - Ugh, no, I don't want beef. Just throw it in the trash. 512 00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:09,601 Look, I know you wanted 513 00:21:09,668 --> 00:21:11,270 to room with your friends from home. 514 00:21:11,336 --> 00:21:15,073 - They're not my friends, they're mouth breathing cunts. 515 00:21:15,140 --> 00:21:16,742 Right, okay. 516 00:21:16,808 --> 00:21:19,077 Well, I think if you give us a chance, 517 00:21:19,144 --> 00:21:20,579 you'll really like living with us. 518 00:21:20,646 --> 00:21:22,481 We're playing Uno in the other room right now... 519 00:21:22,581 --> 00:21:25,484 - Okay, Kimberly, Kimberly, I'm from New York City, okay? 520 00:21:25,584 --> 00:21:28,020 And I know from your world, that probably sounds 521 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:29,488 like a really fun evening. 522 00:21:29,588 --> 00:21:32,691 But, for me, that's worse than getting a Pap smear. 523 00:21:32,791 --> 00:21:35,327 So can you shut the door when you leave? 524 00:21:42,701 --> 00:21:44,469 You guys can borrow any of my clothes you like... 525 00:21:44,536 --> 00:21:46,838 bras, underwear, nothing's off limits. 526 00:21:46,938 --> 00:21:48,440 I'd like to borrow yours too, if that's cool. 527 00:21:48,507 --> 00:21:50,942 - Uh, I'll think about it. - Yeah. 528 00:21:51,009 --> 00:21:54,046 - Sure. No pressure... I'll follow up about it tomorrow. 529 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,548 - Hey, is this Leighton Murray's room? 530 00:21:59,885 --> 00:22:02,220 ♪ ♪ 531 00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:05,724 - Hello? - Yes, uh, she lives here. 532 00:22:05,824 --> 00:22:09,061 Damn, she's a lucky lady. You guys make a sexy couple. 533 00:22:09,161 --> 00:22:10,896 - Ha ha. She's my sister, actually. 534 00:22:10,996 --> 00:22:13,732 - Yikes. - Your Leighton's brother? 535 00:22:13,832 --> 00:22:15,634 Then you're practically family! 536 00:22:15,701 --> 00:22:18,003 - Come to Mama. - Oh. 537 00:22:18,070 --> 00:22:21,306 - Wow. It's like hugging a statue. 538 00:22:21,373 --> 00:22:23,975 Hi, uh, I'm Whitney. 539 00:22:24,042 --> 00:22:26,078 - Sorry about her. - Oh, Whitney Chase. 540 00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:27,579 Your mom's a senator, right? 541 00:22:27,679 --> 00:22:29,748 That's really dope. 542 00:22:29,848 --> 00:22:33,585 - I'm Kimberly. My parents aren't famous. 543 00:22:33,685 --> 00:22:35,654 My dad's a manager at Walgreen's. 544 00:22:36,588 --> 00:22:39,024 - Cool. Nice to meet you, Kimberly. 545 00:22:41,660 --> 00:22:43,428 - Nico, what are you doing here? 546 00:22:43,528 --> 00:22:47,899 - Ha. Whoa, Leighton, you look like shit. 547 00:22:49,701 --> 00:22:51,837 Leight, this isn't that bad. 548 00:22:51,903 --> 00:22:53,538 I mean, for what it's worth, 549 00:22:53,605 --> 00:22:55,273 I thought all your friends in high school really sucked. 550 00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:57,576 - Thanks, you always know how to cheer me up. 551 00:22:57,676 --> 00:22:59,611 - Look, this could be a blessing in disguise. 552 00:22:59,711 --> 00:23:01,079 I mean, I don't talk to anyone 553 00:23:01,179 --> 00:23:02,280 from high school anymore. 554 00:23:02,381 --> 00:23:04,449 - Yeah, 'cause you don't need to. 555 00:23:04,549 --> 00:23:06,785 Okay, everyone wants to be friends with you. 556 00:23:06,885 --> 00:23:09,855 I'm just some judgmental dickhead with hormonal acne. 557 00:23:09,921 --> 00:23:13,525 - Hey, hey, stop. I think your face looks fine. 558 00:23:13,592 --> 00:23:15,460 - That is because I use a great concealer. 559 00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:21,233 - Look, Leight, you are the strongest person I know. 560 00:23:21,299 --> 00:23:24,536 Okay, I'm your older brother, and I'm even scared of you. 561 00:23:24,603 --> 00:23:28,373 But you... you're going to crush Essex. 562 00:23:29,374 --> 00:23:32,411 - You really think so? - I do. 563 00:23:34,579 --> 00:23:36,381 You're a good person 564 00:23:36,448 --> 00:23:39,618 underneath all your bad qualities. 565 00:23:39,718 --> 00:23:41,953 Hmm, thank you. 566 00:23:44,589 --> 00:23:47,292 - Hey, so, Cory keeps asking about you. 567 00:23:47,392 --> 00:23:49,828 He's excited you're finally on campus. 568 00:23:49,928 --> 00:23:53,832 - Oh, cool. - So what should I tell him? 569 00:23:53,932 --> 00:23:55,400 - You should tell him that I don't want 570 00:23:55,467 --> 00:23:57,669 to discuss my dating life with my older brother. 571 00:23:57,769 --> 00:23:59,938 - Ah, okay, fair enough. - Mm-hmm. 572 00:24:00,005 --> 00:24:02,240 All right. I'm gonna go. 573 00:24:02,307 --> 00:24:04,476 But I think you can handle being civil to those girls 574 00:24:04,576 --> 00:24:07,446 for the next eight months. They seem perfectly nice to me. 575 00:24:07,512 --> 00:24:09,681 - That's 'cause they want to have sex with you. 576 00:24:09,781 --> 00:24:12,484 - I know they do. - Hey. 577 00:24:12,584 --> 00:24:14,252 You're disgusting. 578 00:24:16,788 --> 00:24:18,123 I just... 579 00:24:18,190 --> 00:24:21,159 I've been such a bitch to them, you know? Like... 580 00:24:21,259 --> 00:24:23,595 Well, do something nice then. 581 00:24:23,662 --> 00:24:25,931 Show them you're gonna be a good roommate. 582 00:24:28,099 --> 00:24:30,669 I'll see you around. 583 00:24:39,177 --> 00:24:40,979 - Were you just changing in the closet? 584 00:24:41,046 --> 00:24:42,614 What? No. 585 00:24:42,681 --> 00:24:44,449 I mean, I went from one outfit to another. 586 00:24:44,516 --> 00:24:46,651 So, I mean, I guess you could call that changing. 587 00:24:46,718 --> 00:24:49,154 - Are you, like, religious, or something? 588 00:24:49,221 --> 00:24:50,555 No. 589 00:24:50,655 --> 00:24:51,990 I've just never lived with anyone before, 590 00:24:52,057 --> 00:24:55,227 so I don't really know what to do. 591 00:24:55,327 --> 00:24:58,163 - Hey, so I saw you checking out Leighton's brother tonight. 592 00:24:58,230 --> 00:25:00,565 - Oh, definitely not. No, I have Max. 593 00:25:00,665 --> 00:25:02,901 My boyfriend from home who I'm, like, in love with. 594 00:25:03,001 --> 00:25:04,736 So if you're saying that because you like Nico, 595 00:25:04,836 --> 00:25:06,905 you should definitely go for it. 596 00:25:07,005 --> 00:25:08,340 Nah, that's all right. 597 00:25:08,406 --> 00:25:10,709 I like men, not boys. 598 00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:19,918 ♪ ♪ 599 00:25:20,018 --> 00:25:23,255 - Hey, Lila. - Hey. 600 00:25:23,355 --> 00:25:27,092 - I just want to say I'm so inspired by you. 601 00:25:27,192 --> 00:25:29,094 This morning when my alarm clock went off, 602 00:25:29,194 --> 00:25:30,529 I thought to myself, kill me! 603 00:25:30,595 --> 00:25:32,864 But then I was like, shut up, Kimberly. 604 00:25:32,931 --> 00:25:35,267 If Lila can go through what she's going through 605 00:25:35,367 --> 00:25:38,203 and come to work, you can get out of bed. 606 00:25:38,270 --> 00:25:40,171 - What exactly am I going through? 607 00:25:40,238 --> 00:25:43,608 - I mean, you know, it can't be easy with a baby. 608 00:25:44,709 --> 00:25:47,379 And the baby's dad being incarcerated. 609 00:25:47,445 --> 00:25:49,180 'Cause prison isn't just for the prisoner. 610 00:25:49,247 --> 00:25:51,883 In a way, it's prison for the whole family. 611 00:25:51,950 --> 00:25:55,086 - The fuck are you talking about? 612 00:25:55,186 --> 00:25:57,022 I don't have a kid or a baby daddy, 613 00:25:57,088 --> 00:25:58,723 and definitely not one that's in jail. 614 00:25:58,790 --> 00:26:03,395 Oh, but Canaan said... 615 00:26:03,461 --> 00:26:05,230 Yeah, well, he was messing with you. 616 00:26:05,297 --> 00:26:06,798 And he knew you'd believe it too 617 00:26:06,898 --> 00:26:09,634 because you're some hick from Shit Town, Arizoni. 618 00:26:09,734 --> 00:26:12,137 - Wow, Canaan, you're such an asshole. 619 00:26:12,237 --> 00:26:15,106 - Okay, to be fair, it was pretty funny. 620 00:26:15,206 --> 00:26:16,641 So it was all bullshit? 621 00:26:16,741 --> 00:26:18,944 I bet your mom's not even addicted to crack. 622 00:26:19,044 --> 00:26:21,146 - No, she's a paralegal in Maryland. 623 00:26:21,246 --> 00:26:23,815 Are you mad that my mom's not a crackhead? 624 00:26:23,915 --> 00:26:26,318 - Yeah... I mean, no, I... 625 00:26:26,418 --> 00:26:28,453 I mean, I'm just trying to meet people 626 00:26:28,553 --> 00:26:29,654 at a school where I don't know anyone. 627 00:26:29,754 --> 00:26:30,989 You don't have to be a jerk. 628 00:26:31,089 --> 00:26:33,725 Okay, relax, relax. 629 00:26:33,792 --> 00:26:34,993 He doesn't mean it. 630 00:26:35,093 --> 00:26:37,729 He's going through a lot at home. 631 00:26:37,796 --> 00:26:40,498 His brother just ruined a promising football career 632 00:26:40,599 --> 00:26:45,103 - by joining a gang. - Oh, well, I didn't know... 633 00:26:45,170 --> 00:26:46,504 His name is Rashad, 634 00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:49,474 but now he makes us call him Thug Blood. 635 00:26:49,574 --> 00:26:51,142 - Oh, my God, come on. Shut up. 636 00:26:51,242 --> 00:26:53,912 What is wrong with you two? 637 00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:03,254 Willow! 638 00:27:03,321 --> 00:27:05,023 ♪ And I twist twist twist ♪ 639 00:27:08,259 --> 00:27:09,661 Right here, right here! 640 00:27:09,761 --> 00:27:11,963 ♪ ♪ 641 00:27:12,030 --> 00:27:13,331 What the fuck? 642 00:27:13,431 --> 00:27:15,033 Let's go! 643 00:27:15,133 --> 00:27:16,968 - ♪ Rockin' to that beat and breakin' on the knees ♪ 644 00:27:17,035 --> 00:27:18,603 ♪ Trippin' in the... ♪ 645 00:27:18,670 --> 00:27:20,271 - All right, this is yours, Whitney, this is yours. 646 00:27:20,338 --> 00:27:21,673 - Ah! - Oh. 647 00:27:21,773 --> 00:27:24,376 - Aah! What the fuck is your problem? 648 00:27:24,476 --> 00:27:25,810 - Don't touch me, you entitled bitch. 649 00:27:25,877 --> 00:27:27,178 - Hey, enough, enough, enough, enough! 650 00:27:27,278 --> 00:27:28,813 All right, you're done for the day, go. 651 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:31,149 - Just me? Are you serious? She shoved me first. 652 00:27:31,216 --> 00:27:32,984 - Everyone saw it. - Let's go. 653 00:27:33,051 --> 00:27:34,185 - All right, back to practice everyone. 654 00:27:34,285 --> 00:27:35,787 Come on, what are you looking at? 655 00:27:38,323 --> 00:27:40,859 - What was that? - A Kit Kat? 656 00:27:40,959 --> 00:27:42,560 - Fuck your Kit Kat. I'm talking about Jena. 657 00:27:42,661 --> 00:27:44,062 She already hates me. 658 00:27:44,162 --> 00:27:45,397 The last thing I need is looking like 659 00:27:45,497 --> 00:27:46,898 I'm getting special treatment. 660 00:27:46,998 --> 00:27:49,067 Let me fight my own battles, I can handle myself. 661 00:27:49,167 --> 00:27:51,569 - Yeah, if by handle yourself, you mean get your ass kicked. 662 00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:53,738 Jena was throwing you around the field like a ragdoll. 663 00:27:53,838 --> 00:27:56,341 What was I gonna do? Let her rip your head off? 664 00:27:56,408 --> 00:27:57,809 - Look, this is my problem, not yours. 665 00:27:57,876 --> 00:28:00,078 Really, you're only making things worse. 666 00:28:00,178 --> 00:28:02,213 Whitney. 667 00:28:06,184 --> 00:28:08,219 - Hey! Hey! 668 00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:11,556 Eric, right? I'm Bela Malhotra. 669 00:28:11,656 --> 00:28:13,091 I'm a freshman. 670 00:28:13,191 --> 00:28:16,361 I was at "The Catullan" Orientation the other day. 671 00:28:16,428 --> 00:28:19,264 - Sorry, there's literally hundreds of people there. 672 00:28:19,364 --> 00:28:21,199 I'm still reeling from the emails. 673 00:28:21,266 --> 00:28:23,101 - So, I... I know you said that we should drop off 674 00:28:23,201 --> 00:28:24,502 our submission packets, 675 00:28:24,569 --> 00:28:25,870 but I was wondering if I could film mine 676 00:28:25,937 --> 00:28:27,038 so you could hear it in my voice? 677 00:28:27,105 --> 00:28:28,239 - Uh... 678 00:28:28,339 --> 00:28:29,708 - Or I could read it to you right now. 679 00:28:29,774 --> 00:28:31,876 - Oh, no, I really wouldn't like that. 680 00:28:31,943 --> 00:28:33,712 Look, it's great that you're excited, 681 00:28:33,778 --> 00:28:36,281 but don't be too bummed if you don't make the staff this year. 682 00:28:36,381 --> 00:28:38,249 - What? Why would you say that? 683 00:28:38,349 --> 00:28:39,951 - It's just, with all the freshman 684 00:28:40,051 --> 00:28:41,786 and all the upperclassmen that are reapplying, 685 00:28:41,886 --> 00:28:44,055 uh, I don't know if there are gonna be 686 00:28:44,122 --> 00:28:47,225 - that many female spots. - Female spot...? 687 00:28:47,292 --> 00:28:49,127 You haven't even read all the submissions yet. 688 00:28:49,227 --> 00:28:50,962 - It's just a really competitive year, you know. 689 00:28:51,062 --> 00:28:52,630 A bunch of siblings of staff members are submitting, 690 00:28:52,731 --> 00:28:54,599 and we already have two women on staff, so... 691 00:28:54,699 --> 00:28:57,469 - Of, like, 15 people. - Look, I hate it too. 692 00:28:57,569 --> 00:28:58,703 I would give anything 693 00:28:58,770 --> 00:29:00,238 for Elizabeth Warren to be president, 694 00:29:00,305 --> 00:29:02,240 but... keep your chin up. 695 00:29:02,307 --> 00:29:03,775 You know, if you love comedy, 696 00:29:03,875 --> 00:29:06,111 there's like five other improv troupes on campus. 697 00:29:07,645 --> 00:29:10,815 Oh, and that one group, the Pot Stickers, is all Asian. 698 00:29:10,915 --> 00:29:12,617 So... 699 00:29:16,588 --> 00:29:19,991 So, these are for you all. 700 00:29:21,926 --> 00:29:23,895 Come on, open them. 701 00:29:23,962 --> 00:29:27,932 - Oh, my God, an iPad? - An iPad? 702 00:29:27,999 --> 00:29:29,400 Holy Shit. 703 00:29:29,467 --> 00:29:31,603 - So it looks like I will be staying, 704 00:29:31,669 --> 00:29:33,505 and this was my little way of 705 00:29:33,605 --> 00:29:35,840 apologizing for being such a bitch. 706 00:29:35,940 --> 00:29:39,177 I should have never called you tacky, 707 00:29:39,277 --> 00:29:41,679 Podunk, new-money jock. 708 00:29:41,780 --> 00:29:45,517 - You never said that. - I didn't? Oh. 709 00:29:45,617 --> 00:29:47,252 Anyway, I really feel like we could have 710 00:29:47,318 --> 00:29:49,287 a positive living experience together. 711 00:29:49,354 --> 00:29:52,657 So what do you think? 712 00:29:52,757 --> 00:29:53,825 - Yeah. - Okay. 713 00:29:53,925 --> 00:29:55,326 Okay. 714 00:29:59,164 --> 00:30:00,365 Hi, I um... 715 00:30:00,465 --> 00:30:01,866 - Oh, sorry. We don't want to sign 716 00:30:01,966 --> 00:30:03,034 your environment petition, or whatever. 717 00:30:03,134 --> 00:30:05,703 - Oh, um... - Max! 718 00:30:05,804 --> 00:30:07,272 Hey! 719 00:30:07,338 --> 00:30:10,375 - Oh, my God, this is Max, my boyfriend. 720 00:30:10,475 --> 00:30:12,443 - The one that looks like Shawn Mendes? 721 00:30:12,510 --> 00:30:15,013 - Shawn Mendes, people tell me I look like that all the time. 722 00:30:15,113 --> 00:30:16,648 - What... what are you doing here? 723 00:30:16,714 --> 00:30:18,049 - Well, I wanted to surprise you, 724 00:30:18,149 --> 00:30:19,717 so I took the train up from Princeton, 725 00:30:19,818 --> 00:30:21,486 and thought I could stay with you through the weekend? 726 00:30:21,553 --> 00:30:25,323 - Of course, yes! I'm so happy to see you. 727 00:30:25,390 --> 00:30:26,858 You got some like, food? 728 00:30:26,958 --> 00:30:30,161 I'm starving, and I left my credit card at Princeton. 729 00:30:33,698 --> 00:30:35,700 - Hey, does anyone have plans tonight? 730 00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:36,901 I might. 731 00:30:37,001 --> 00:30:39,304 Do any of you know what 732 00:30:39,370 --> 00:30:42,373 a Drop It Like F. Scott party is? 733 00:30:42,473 --> 00:30:45,076 - F. Scott Fitzgerald. - Huh? 734 00:30:45,176 --> 00:30:46,978 - You basically have to look like a '20s slut. 735 00:30:47,045 --> 00:30:49,247 - Oh, sweet. "The Catullan" is throwing one 736 00:30:49,347 --> 00:30:50,515 for all the people submitting, 737 00:30:50,582 --> 00:30:51,883 but I don't know if I should go. 738 00:30:51,983 --> 00:30:53,518 I ran into the editor this morning, 739 00:30:53,585 --> 00:30:55,253 and he basically told me there's no reason to submit 740 00:30:55,353 --> 00:30:57,856 because there won't be any female spots this year. 741 00:30:57,922 --> 00:31:00,258 - Oh, they have a quota for gender? 742 00:31:00,358 --> 00:31:01,492 That's insane. 743 00:31:01,559 --> 00:31:03,094 And you should definitely report him 744 00:31:03,194 --> 00:31:06,030 to University Affairs. Or, quite frankly, the ACLU. 745 00:31:06,097 --> 00:31:08,399 What? 746 00:31:08,499 --> 00:31:11,069 - I'm sorry, but that's the dumbest shit I've ever heard. 747 00:31:11,169 --> 00:31:12,604 Well, you want them to pick you, right? 748 00:31:12,704 --> 00:31:13,838 Yeah. 749 00:31:13,905 --> 00:31:15,673 - Okay, well, make them like you. 750 00:31:15,740 --> 00:31:18,076 Okay, like, don't be some histrionic feminist, 751 00:31:18,176 --> 00:31:21,546 just show them you're chill and you're fun to have around. 752 00:31:21,613 --> 00:31:24,716 I think Leighton's right. 753 00:31:26,351 --> 00:31:27,886 Girls! 754 00:31:27,952 --> 00:31:29,888 Desserts are out. 755 00:31:34,726 --> 00:31:38,963 - ♪ I can see through you I see ♪ 756 00:31:39,063 --> 00:31:44,135 ♪ You can see through, I see you ♪ 757 00:31:44,235 --> 00:31:48,940 ♪ Seeing through you, I see see ♪ 758 00:31:52,243 --> 00:31:56,080 - ♪ I wanna feel like this all the time ♪ 759 00:31:56,147 --> 00:31:59,884 ♪ Beat you with a little better line ♪ 760 00:31:59,951 --> 00:32:02,387 ♪ Yeah, oh got you messin' with me... ♪ 761 00:32:02,453 --> 00:32:03,788 Ryan! 762 00:32:03,888 --> 00:32:06,591 Hey, Ryan, I just want to say, I love your work. 763 00:32:06,658 --> 00:32:09,594 - You love my work? Let me guess. 764 00:32:09,661 --> 00:32:11,162 - Freshman. - Yeah. 765 00:32:11,262 --> 00:32:13,798 All right, take it easy. 766 00:32:13,898 --> 00:32:16,334 - Uh, uh, uh, uh? R... Ryan? 767 00:32:16,434 --> 00:32:19,237 I... I just want to say... 768 00:32:19,304 --> 00:32:22,974 as a woman of color, and, uh, as a woman in comedy... 769 00:32:23,074 --> 00:32:24,509 - Hey, let me stop you right there. 770 00:32:24,609 --> 00:32:26,744 I'm super high right now, so whatever this is, 771 00:32:26,811 --> 00:32:28,346 it's being wasted on me. 772 00:32:28,446 --> 00:32:30,448 - Hey, I... I just want to be part of "The Catullan." 773 00:32:30,515 --> 00:32:32,817 - That's awesome. But it's not up to me. 774 00:32:32,917 --> 00:32:34,419 We all vote. 775 00:32:34,485 --> 00:32:36,854 So if I were you, I'd try to get those guys on your side. 776 00:32:39,991 --> 00:32:46,698 ♪ ♪ 777 00:32:46,798 --> 00:32:50,368 - You did what? - I gave six hand jobs! 778 00:32:50,468 --> 00:32:51,803 Not at the same time, or anything, 779 00:32:51,869 --> 00:32:53,538 I'm not like a porn star. 780 00:32:53,638 --> 00:32:55,940 I talked to each of them, told them I was a writer, 781 00:32:56,007 --> 00:32:58,710 that I loved their work, and if they voted for me, 782 00:32:58,810 --> 00:33:00,678 I could be into doing some hand stuff. 783 00:33:00,778 --> 00:33:01,813 I told them I'm a girl who's chill, 784 00:33:01,879 --> 00:33:03,548 just like you told me to. 785 00:33:03,648 --> 00:33:06,718 - I... I definitely didn't tell you to jerk a bunch of dicks. 786 00:33:06,818 --> 00:33:08,886 - Okay, first off, why the shade? 787 00:33:08,987 --> 00:33:11,389 I got two things out of this. This is a win-win for me. 788 00:33:11,489 --> 00:33:13,491 I helped my chances of getting on "The Catullan," 789 00:33:13,558 --> 00:33:15,226 and I got to give a bunch of hand jobs. 790 00:33:15,326 --> 00:33:16,861 - No one likes giving hand jobs! 791 00:33:16,961 --> 00:33:19,564 - Maybe I do. Maybe I love it. 792 00:33:19,664 --> 00:33:21,733 I've had, like, zero sexual experiences 793 00:33:21,833 --> 00:33:23,568 for most of my sad-ass life, 794 00:33:23,668 --> 00:33:26,004 so if suddenly I'm hot enough to have a bunch of dicks 795 00:33:26,070 --> 00:33:28,373 thrown my way, sorry, but, I'ma crank them. 796 00:33:28,473 --> 00:33:30,174 - Ugh. - What's going on? 797 00:33:30,241 --> 00:33:32,377 - Bela traded sex for an opportunity. 798 00:33:32,477 --> 00:33:34,012 - Just like men have been doing for centuries, 799 00:33:34,078 --> 00:33:35,913 - I flipped the script. - I'm not sure you did. 800 00:33:36,014 --> 00:33:39,650 - I'm sex positive, y'all! Deal with it. 801 00:33:39,717 --> 00:33:43,654 - As a feminist, I think female sex positivity is great. 802 00:33:48,226 --> 00:33:50,728 ♪ ♪ 803 00:33:50,828 --> 00:33:53,598 - You're so beautiful. - Thank you. 804 00:33:53,698 --> 00:33:57,235 - I like your skin tone. - Uh, my skin tone? 805 00:33:57,335 --> 00:33:58,936 What? What did I say? 806 00:33:59,037 --> 00:34:00,772 - You sound like you have a Black girl fetish. 807 00:34:00,872 --> 00:34:03,574 - No! - You said no really fast. 808 00:34:03,674 --> 00:34:06,577 - I mean, I do tend to find Black women more attractive 809 00:34:06,677 --> 00:34:09,514 than other kinds of women, but that's okay, right? 810 00:34:09,580 --> 00:34:11,416 Yeah, that's okay, 811 00:34:11,516 --> 00:34:13,951 until you're like, "Ooh, I love your chocolatey skin." 812 00:34:14,052 --> 00:34:17,121 - I did not say chocolatey. I know not to say that. 813 00:34:17,221 --> 00:34:21,726 - I really like you. - Okay, good. 814 00:34:21,793 --> 00:34:23,294 I like you too. 815 00:34:23,394 --> 00:34:24,896 - If anything, I have a soccer fetish. 816 00:34:24,962 --> 00:34:27,365 Oh, shit. 817 00:34:30,068 --> 00:34:32,437 We should go. 818 00:34:32,537 --> 00:34:35,139 - Well, Leighton is basically Melania, 819 00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:38,142 but the rest of them seem pretty nice. 820 00:34:38,242 --> 00:34:41,646 Oh, I'm so glad to see you. 821 00:34:41,746 --> 00:34:44,949 The adjustment's been way harder than I expected. 822 00:34:45,049 --> 00:34:46,818 I didn't know how rich everyone would be. 823 00:34:46,918 --> 00:34:48,486 - Oh, it's the same at Princeton. 824 00:34:48,586 --> 00:34:51,489 My roommate's family brought help on moving day. 825 00:34:51,589 --> 00:34:54,392 - Oh, my... 826 00:34:54,459 --> 00:34:57,595 - But I guess you and I can be poor together. 827 00:35:00,898 --> 00:35:03,968 - I love you. - I love you too. 828 00:35:13,911 --> 00:35:19,584 ♪ ♪ 829 00:35:19,650 --> 00:35:21,352 Everybody's asleep. 830 00:35:21,452 --> 00:35:23,421 - Oh yeah? - Yeah. 831 00:35:26,657 --> 00:35:28,860 - ♪ Two hearts and three lost words ♪ 832 00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:31,796 ♪ Fall through the universe ♪ 833 00:35:31,863 --> 00:35:34,599 Should we... 834 00:35:34,665 --> 00:35:39,170 - I mean, only if you're ready. - I'm so ready. 835 00:35:41,272 --> 00:35:42,773 ♪ You are ♪ 836 00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:48,012 ♪ With me from the end to the start ♪ 837 00:35:48,112 --> 00:35:50,882 ♪ When gravity pulls on us ♪ 838 00:35:50,982 --> 00:35:53,551 ♪ You are ♪ 839 00:35:53,651 --> 00:35:58,156 ♪ With me from the end to the start ♪ 840 00:35:58,222 --> 00:36:00,725 - Is that... oh. 841 00:36:04,128 --> 00:36:05,696 Wow. 842 00:36:08,166 --> 00:36:11,035 - ♪ When gravity pulls on us ♪ 843 00:36:14,338 --> 00:36:16,474 Holy shit. 844 00:36:17,175 --> 00:36:18,676 - So, I have to work until 10:00, 845 00:36:18,743 --> 00:36:21,245 but we can meet up for a late breakfast after, 846 00:36:21,345 --> 00:36:22,747 if you want. 847 00:36:22,847 --> 00:36:25,216 Or we could go to the campus store 848 00:36:25,316 --> 00:36:29,353 and get you one of those "Proud Essex Boyfriend" T-shirts. 849 00:36:30,087 --> 00:36:32,323 What's up? What's wrong? 850 00:36:32,390 --> 00:36:37,261 - So, I was thinking, maybe we should both be free. 851 00:36:37,361 --> 00:36:39,897 - I totally agree. Uh, free from what. 852 00:36:39,997 --> 00:36:42,867 Free from each other. 853 00:36:42,934 --> 00:36:46,571 - Uh, like free from each other... 854 00:36:46,671 --> 00:36:49,540 Like, are... are you... are you breaking up with me? 855 00:36:49,607 --> 00:36:51,909 I think of it more as me 856 00:36:52,009 --> 00:36:55,179 initiating a conversation of our mutual independence. 857 00:36:55,246 --> 00:36:57,381 Are you fucking kidding me? 858 00:36:57,448 --> 00:37:00,017 You took my virginity, and now you're dumping me? 859 00:37:00,084 --> 00:37:01,786 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, we took each other's virginity. 860 00:37:01,886 --> 00:37:04,121 Mine was just as fragile as yours. 861 00:37:04,222 --> 00:37:05,623 Dude, that is fucked up. 862 00:37:05,723 --> 00:37:07,758 - Uh, can we have some privacy, please? 863 00:37:07,858 --> 00:37:09,060 Uh, no. 864 00:37:09,126 --> 00:37:10,461 You had the common room all last night 865 00:37:10,561 --> 00:37:12,096 with your grunty, novice boinking 866 00:37:12,196 --> 00:37:13,965 while we were trapped in our rooms. 867 00:37:14,065 --> 00:37:16,801 - And we had to listen to your crappy sex playlist on repeat. 868 00:37:16,901 --> 00:37:18,469 You made me hate Ed Sheeran. 869 00:37:18,569 --> 00:37:21,606 - Is that why you came here? To have sex and then dump me? 870 00:37:21,706 --> 00:37:24,408 - Look, I really care about you, Kimberly. 871 00:37:24,475 --> 00:37:25,643 No, don't say anything. 872 00:37:25,743 --> 00:37:28,479 I never, ever want to see you again. 873 00:37:33,484 --> 00:37:36,387 - Um... I am so sorry about that, 874 00:37:36,454 --> 00:37:39,790 and I'm gonna go, but I did forget my toothbrush. 875 00:37:39,890 --> 00:37:41,659 Put a shirt on! 876 00:37:41,759 --> 00:37:43,060 - Get the fuck out of here, dude! 877 00:37:45,963 --> 00:37:49,166 - Hi, Bela. Hi, Bela, hi, Bela. 878 00:37:49,267 --> 00:37:50,735 Hi, Bela. Hi, Bela. 879 00:37:50,801 --> 00:37:52,970 I wanna... no matter what happens, 880 00:37:53,070 --> 00:37:54,405 I want you to know that... 881 00:37:54,472 --> 00:37:56,007 No matter what, I want you to know 882 00:37:56,107 --> 00:37:57,608 that I am so proud of you. 883 00:37:57,675 --> 00:37:59,443 This is gonna be... Hi, Bela, it's you, Bela. 884 00:37:59,510 --> 00:38:01,279 No matter what happens. Hi, Bela. 885 00:38:01,345 --> 00:38:03,347 Testing, testing? 886 00:38:03,447 --> 00:38:07,918 Hi, Bela, it's you, Bela. 887 00:38:07,985 --> 00:38:11,455 Today you find out if you make "The Catullan" or not. 888 00:38:11,522 --> 00:38:14,592 But I want you to know that no matter what happens today, 889 00:38:14,659 --> 00:38:17,795 I'm proud of you. You're a boss bitch. 890 00:38:17,862 --> 00:38:19,363 And just remember, 891 00:38:19,463 --> 00:38:22,199 Molly Shannon didn't get "SNL" on her first try. 892 00:38:22,300 --> 00:38:24,035 Neither did Rachel Dratch. 893 00:38:24,135 --> 00:38:27,838 But eventually they all did and went on to become icons. 894 00:38:27,938 --> 00:38:30,041 And you know what? You fucking will... 895 00:38:30,141 --> 00:38:32,276 Aah! 896 00:38:32,343 --> 00:38:33,978 Yes! 897 00:38:36,047 --> 00:38:38,282 Dude, can you move? Your reflection's in my selfie. 898 00:38:41,385 --> 00:38:44,722 ♪ ♪ 899 00:38:44,822 --> 00:38:47,892 - Dalton! - Hey. 900 00:38:47,992 --> 00:38:51,529 - Hey! Dude, are you serious? 901 00:38:51,629 --> 00:38:55,900 Are Tapitio Doritos really part of a healthy on-season diet? 902 00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:58,336 Shouldn't you be leading by example? 903 00:38:58,402 --> 00:39:01,072 - Yeah, no, I know, I just... - Babe. 904 00:39:01,172 --> 00:39:03,741 Babe, is this one of your players? 905 00:39:03,841 --> 00:39:06,010 Hi, I'm Michelle. I'm Dalton's wife. 906 00:39:06,077 --> 00:39:08,913 It's so nice to meet you. 907 00:39:09,013 --> 00:39:12,917 - This is Whitney. - Oh, my God, of course. 908 00:39:13,017 --> 00:39:14,652 I'm sorry, not to be a stalker, or anything, 909 00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:16,487 but I'm a big fan of your mom. 910 00:39:16,554 --> 00:39:18,022 The way she gives it to the NRA... 911 00:39:18,089 --> 00:39:22,026 - I just love her. - Thanks, she's great. 912 00:39:22,093 --> 00:39:25,229 Yeah, I gotta go. 913 00:39:25,329 --> 00:39:28,032 But it's really nice to put a face 914 00:39:28,099 --> 00:39:31,035 with the name I've heard so many times. 915 00:39:31,102 --> 00:39:32,536 Bye. 916 00:39:35,673 --> 00:39:42,747 ♪ ♪ 917 00:39:57,862 --> 00:39:59,563 Hey! 918 00:39:59,630 --> 00:40:03,067 Did you just throw your trash on the floor in front of him? 919 00:40:03,134 --> 00:40:04,635 - He was already sweeping there. 920 00:40:04,735 --> 00:40:06,537 - Oh, so you just bounce your little 921 00:40:06,604 --> 00:40:08,806 breakfast wrap wrapper on the ground 922 00:40:08,906 --> 00:40:10,574 instead of carrying it to the trash 923 00:40:10,641 --> 00:40:12,476 like a normal fucking person? 924 00:40:12,576 --> 00:40:13,978 What the fuck is wrong with you? 925 00:40:14,078 --> 00:40:15,446 He's not your Goddamn servant. 926 00:40:15,546 --> 00:40:17,648 - It's not a big deal. - Look, I get it. 927 00:40:17,748 --> 00:40:19,483 You're some asshole from that town 928 00:40:19,583 --> 00:40:21,118 where they shot "Big Little Lies" 929 00:40:21,218 --> 00:40:23,387 or some shit, and you wear 100 fucking dollar jeans. 930 00:40:23,454 --> 00:40:25,756 - That's not a lot of money for jeans. 931 00:40:25,823 --> 00:40:27,057 Shut the fuck up. 932 00:40:27,124 --> 00:40:28,492 Not everyone on this campus has money. 933 00:40:28,592 --> 00:40:30,261 Some of us have to work these jobs 934 00:40:30,327 --> 00:40:32,329 because, even if we didn't know it until we got here, 935 00:40:32,430 --> 00:40:33,798 we're kind of poor. 936 00:40:33,898 --> 00:40:35,800 So, yeah, maybe I don't have the newest iPhone, 937 00:40:35,900 --> 00:40:37,902 and maybe I don't know what couscous is, 938 00:40:37,968 --> 00:40:40,171 but I'm still a fucking person, and so is he, 939 00:40:40,271 --> 00:40:42,773 so treat us like we fucking matter, okay? 940 00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:45,176 Okay, fine. 941 00:40:45,276 --> 00:40:46,677 I'm sorry. 942 00:40:48,746 --> 00:40:51,782 - And no pants should cost more than $40. 943 00:40:51,849 --> 00:40:53,751 I agree with you, bitch. 944 00:40:56,987 --> 00:40:59,690 - Oh, my God. This donut is insane. 945 00:40:59,790 --> 00:41:01,125 Do you want a bite? 946 00:41:01,192 --> 00:41:03,194 - Uh, no thanks. I don't eat for enjoyment. 947 00:41:03,294 --> 00:41:06,197 - Leighton, sup? - Hi. 948 00:41:06,297 --> 00:41:07,531 You remember Cory, right? 949 00:41:07,631 --> 00:41:09,200 From the party at Montauk last summer? 950 00:41:09,300 --> 00:41:12,036 - Uh, we were on the same team for flag football. 951 00:41:12,136 --> 00:41:13,370 Montauk? Flag football? 952 00:41:13,471 --> 00:41:16,040 That's the whitest shit I've ever heard. 953 00:41:16,140 --> 00:41:18,776 - I mean that as a compliment. - Oh. 954 00:41:18,843 --> 00:41:21,045 - Hey, if you need a tour around campus, 955 00:41:21,145 --> 00:41:23,514 or something, let me know. 956 00:41:23,614 --> 00:41:25,216 Okay, thanks. 957 00:41:25,316 --> 00:41:27,485 - Does that offer include me? - No, it definitely does not. 958 00:41:27,551 --> 00:41:29,286 Hey, um, I know we just met, 959 00:41:29,353 --> 00:41:30,788 but would you be willing to lift your shirt up 960 00:41:30,855 --> 00:41:33,224 and show me your torso? 961 00:41:33,324 --> 00:41:35,559 - I don't think anyone's ever asked me that before. 962 00:41:36,827 --> 00:41:38,829 Excuse me. 963 00:41:38,896 --> 00:41:41,732 - Ho-ho! That's great. You're very nice. 964 00:41:41,832 --> 00:41:44,068 - Hey, if you and your roommates are free tonight, 965 00:41:44,168 --> 00:41:46,070 we're throwing a party at Theta Pi Delta. 966 00:41:46,170 --> 00:41:49,807 - You should stop by. - Yeah, stop by. 967 00:41:52,376 --> 00:41:56,213 - Oh, my God, Leighton, you're gonna fuck a ten! 968 00:41:56,313 --> 00:41:57,648 Wow! 969 00:42:02,186 --> 00:42:03,654 Out of these beds, motherfuckers, 970 00:42:03,721 --> 00:42:05,556 because our suite just got invited 971 00:42:05,656 --> 00:42:07,758 to an upperclassmen party. 972 00:42:07,858 --> 00:42:10,694 - I don't know about that. Uh, today was really shitty. 973 00:42:10,761 --> 00:42:12,096 I'm just gonna stay in 974 00:42:12,196 --> 00:42:13,898 and finish this sad Brazilian documentary 975 00:42:13,998 --> 00:42:15,432 about a snake who ate a boy. 976 00:42:15,533 --> 00:42:17,935 Yeah, I'm staying in too. 977 00:42:18,035 --> 00:42:19,570 - No, no, no, no, no. Turn them off. 978 00:42:19,670 --> 00:42:21,205 We're going out. 979 00:42:21,272 --> 00:42:24,008 - How, exactly, did we get invited to this party anyway? 980 00:42:24,074 --> 00:42:26,410 - Oh, Leighton's smoke show brother, Nico. 981 00:42:26,510 --> 00:42:29,446 And his somehow even hotter friend Cory, 982 00:42:29,547 --> 00:42:30,881 who wants to rail Leighton. 983 00:42:30,948 --> 00:42:33,551 - Yeah, I really, really don't want to go. 984 00:42:33,617 --> 00:42:36,253 Kimberly. 985 00:42:36,353 --> 00:42:37,521 Sweetie. 986 00:42:37,588 --> 00:42:39,390 Your boyfriend Max fucking sucked. 987 00:42:39,456 --> 00:42:40,958 He ate all our Nutri-Grain bars, 988 00:42:41,058 --> 00:42:42,860 and I'm pretty sure he used my loofa. 989 00:42:42,927 --> 00:42:46,096 I know he was your first love, and your first, you know, 990 00:42:46,196 --> 00:42:47,698 dick, 991 00:42:47,765 --> 00:42:49,033 but he was a dud. 992 00:42:49,099 --> 00:42:51,035 - Also, he shed on the sofa like a cat. 993 00:42:51,101 --> 00:42:53,470 - The dude was a yeti. - Ugh. 994 00:42:53,571 --> 00:42:56,473 - Look, we don't have power over 995 00:42:56,574 --> 00:42:58,208 when guys treat us like shit. 996 00:42:58,275 --> 00:43:00,811 But what we can control is how much we let it affect us. 997 00:43:00,911 --> 00:43:02,980 I think Hillary Clinton said that. 998 00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:08,085 So, I say the four of us go out, get tanked, 999 00:43:08,152 --> 00:43:09,787 and, who knows, maybe we'll end up meeting 1000 00:43:09,887 --> 00:43:11,755 a guy who doesn't treat us like garbage. 1001 00:43:11,822 --> 00:43:13,424 Or not. It doesn't matter. 1002 00:43:13,490 --> 00:43:15,492 At least we'll be having fun. 1003 00:43:15,593 --> 00:43:17,628 What do you think? 1004 00:43:17,728 --> 00:43:20,831 - Come on, come on, come on, come on! 1005 00:43:20,931 --> 00:43:23,167 Yes! Yes! 1006 00:43:23,267 --> 00:43:26,070 Yeah, she does! 1007 00:43:26,136 --> 00:43:28,439 We're gonna go out! 1008 00:43:31,508 --> 00:43:35,579 ♪ ♪ 1009 00:43:35,646 --> 00:43:39,516 ♪ Tonight, tonight I'm solo dancing in my room ♪ 1010 00:43:39,617 --> 00:43:43,587 ♪ Tonight, tonight, got time for me, no time for you ♪ 1011 00:43:43,654 --> 00:43:47,358 ♪ Tonight I'm trying to stay in on my own again ♪ 1012 00:43:47,458 --> 00:43:54,365 ♪ ♪ 1013 00:43:56,834 --> 00:43:58,335 It's freezing. 1014 00:43:58,435 --> 00:44:00,104 I wish you had let me wear my anorak like I had wanted. 1015 00:44:00,170 --> 00:44:02,039 - No one in the history of the world has gotten laid 1016 00:44:02,139 --> 00:44:03,874 wearing an anorak. 1017 00:44:05,342 --> 00:44:07,444 Nico! 1018 00:44:07,511 --> 00:44:11,015 - Yo, let those girls through. - Yeah, ha-ha! 1019 00:44:11,115 --> 00:44:15,052 - Oh, goddamn it, you know, I left my phone in the room. 1020 00:44:15,152 --> 00:44:16,620 I'm gonna go back and get it. 1021 00:44:16,687 --> 00:44:18,389 - No, no, no, no, no, it's fine, just use mine. 1022 00:44:18,489 --> 00:44:19,556 - No, it's okay, I'll be right back. 1023 00:44:19,657 --> 00:44:20,824 - Do you want us to wait for you? 1024 00:44:20,891 --> 00:44:22,826 - No, it is fine. Go in, go in. 1025 00:44:22,893 --> 00:44:25,162 - Let's go, my tits are freezing off. 1026 00:44:35,539 --> 00:44:39,476 Wow. 1027 00:44:39,543 --> 00:44:43,380 - I can't believe we got in here. - I fucking love college. 1028 00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:45,849 - ♪ There's nothing left to hide and I ♪ 1029 00:44:45,916 --> 00:44:47,484 ♪ Don't wanna think about you ♪ 1030 00:44:47,551 --> 00:44:51,689 ♪ I got you in my head, on my mind ♪ 1031 00:44:51,755 --> 00:44:53,257 ♪ ♪ 1032 00:44:53,357 --> 00:44:54,758 Oh, shit. 1033 00:44:54,858 --> 00:44:57,561 Those two girls from "The Catullan" are over there. 1034 00:44:57,661 --> 00:44:58,996 Oh, go say hi. 1035 00:44:59,063 --> 00:45:00,764 - Not yet, I'm gonna play cool for a little bit. 1036 00:45:00,864 --> 00:45:02,366 Gotta keep it chill. 1037 00:45:02,433 --> 00:45:04,535 - Dude, can you stop looking? - I'm not looking at them. 1038 00:45:04,601 --> 00:45:06,537 - Just keep your head facing forward. 1039 00:45:06,603 --> 00:45:08,505 Okay, fine! 1040 00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:12,109 Next. 1041 00:45:12,209 --> 00:45:14,411 - Oh, no, I'm sorry. These are open containers. 1042 00:45:14,511 --> 00:45:16,213 So? 1043 00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:17,381 - So someone could have put something in it. 1044 00:45:17,448 --> 00:45:18,749 Do you have a bottle or a can? 1045 00:45:18,849 --> 00:45:20,284 Oh, sure. 1046 00:45:20,384 --> 00:45:22,186 This frat party has a wide variety of drink options. 1047 00:45:22,252 --> 00:45:24,088 Do you want to see a wine list? 1048 00:45:24,188 --> 00:45:27,124 - I... I think you're being sarcastic, but I'm not sure. 1049 00:45:27,224 --> 00:45:28,692 - These are great. Thank you so much. 1050 00:45:28,759 --> 00:45:30,427 We're gonna go. Thanks. 1051 00:45:34,131 --> 00:45:35,966 Chug, chug, 1052 00:45:36,066 --> 00:45:43,474 Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! 1053 00:45:43,574 --> 00:45:44,908 Whoa! 1054 00:45:47,044 --> 00:45:48,812 Oh, my God, are you okay? 1055 00:45:48,912 --> 00:45:50,380 - Yeah, uh... - Let me get you some napkins. 1056 00:45:50,447 --> 00:45:51,982 No, no, I just want to leave. 1057 00:45:52,082 --> 00:45:53,317 I shouldn't have even come here. 1058 00:45:53,417 --> 00:45:54,651 - Do you want us to come with you? 1059 00:45:54,752 --> 00:45:58,322 - No, I really want to be alone. 1060 00:46:01,725 --> 00:46:03,160 Hey. 1061 00:46:03,260 --> 00:46:04,762 I know you, right? 1062 00:46:04,828 --> 00:46:06,497 - Yeah, I live with your sister. 1063 00:46:06,597 --> 00:46:09,633 - No, not that. I saw you on move-in day. 1064 00:46:09,733 --> 00:46:11,101 You were checking me out. 1065 00:46:11,168 --> 00:46:13,070 - Me? I was not checking you out. 1066 00:46:13,904 --> 00:46:16,173 I mean, I might have been looking at you, 1067 00:46:16,273 --> 00:46:18,008 and, yes, might eyes might have lingered on your body, 1068 00:46:18,108 --> 00:46:20,744 but that's like a totally normal human reaction 1069 00:46:20,811 --> 00:46:22,112 to a shirtless man running. 1070 00:46:22,179 --> 00:46:23,614 I definitely was not checking you out. 1071 00:46:23,680 --> 00:46:26,416 - Whoa, whoa, I'm just messing with you, relax. 1072 00:46:26,483 --> 00:46:28,919 - Are you leaving? - I am. 1073 00:46:28,986 --> 00:46:30,954 Wow, is our party that bad 1074 00:46:31,021 --> 00:46:32,523 that even freshmen are leaving this early? 1075 00:46:32,623 --> 00:46:35,259 - No, I'm just having a really shitty day. 1076 00:46:35,325 --> 00:46:37,361 Well, what's going on? 1077 00:46:37,461 --> 00:46:40,330 - I wanted to wear my anorak, and no one would let me. 1078 00:46:40,430 --> 00:46:41,865 And now I'm covered in pumpkin ale, 1079 00:46:41,965 --> 00:46:43,667 and my stupid fucking boyfriend dumped me, 1080 00:46:43,767 --> 00:46:47,004 And I'm pretty sure he stole my deodorant before leaving. 1081 00:46:47,104 --> 00:46:51,141 - Jesus Christ. - I know. 1082 00:46:51,208 --> 00:46:52,843 - Have a nice night. - Hey, wait. 1083 00:46:52,943 --> 00:46:54,511 I can help with this. 1084 00:46:54,611 --> 00:46:56,446 Why don't I grab you something dry to wear, 1085 00:46:56,513 --> 00:47:00,017 and you can stay, and Theta can save a little face. 1086 00:47:01,985 --> 00:47:04,788 - Yeah. Yeah, okay, I can do that. 1087 00:47:04,855 --> 00:47:05,956 Deal. 1088 00:47:07,224 --> 00:47:08,959 Wow, I'm really smelling the beer on you now. 1089 00:47:09,026 --> 00:47:10,861 - I think a bunch of it got into my bra. 1090 00:47:10,961 --> 00:47:13,197 Let me grab you that shirt. 1091 00:47:15,299 --> 00:47:19,069 - ♪ Going insane, all the alcohol is to blame ♪ 1092 00:47:19,169 --> 00:47:21,505 ♪ Came down from... ♪ 1093 00:47:21,572 --> 00:47:23,974 Hey, it's me, Bela. 1094 00:47:24,041 --> 00:47:25,909 Made the first cut of "The Catullan." 1095 00:47:26,009 --> 00:47:28,412 I'm really excited to work with you guys. 1096 00:47:28,512 --> 00:47:30,981 Us girls in comedy gotta stick together, right? 1097 00:47:31,048 --> 00:47:33,684 Blow me, freshman slut. 1098 00:47:35,519 --> 00:47:37,254 - Maybe you should have checked first 1099 00:47:37,354 --> 00:47:40,991 to see if any of those guys you jerked off had girlfriends. 1100 00:47:41,058 --> 00:47:44,361 ♪ ♪ 1101 00:47:44,428 --> 00:47:45,896 - You know, my friends and I used 1102 00:47:45,996 --> 00:47:47,397 to steal shit from Walgreen's all the time. 1103 00:47:47,497 --> 00:47:49,333 - My dad would not be happy about that. 1104 00:47:49,399 --> 00:47:50,934 - Hey. - Hey. 1105 00:47:51,034 --> 00:47:54,037 - Sorry, can we go? - Oh, sure, is everything okay? 1106 00:47:54,104 --> 00:47:57,341 - Yeah, totally, party's lame, just want to go. 1107 00:47:57,407 --> 00:48:00,043 - Sorry. - Oh, it's all good. 1108 00:48:00,110 --> 00:48:01,578 Another time. 1109 00:48:01,678 --> 00:48:03,347 - Should we grab Whitney and Leighton? 1110 00:48:03,413 --> 00:48:04,948 - Whitney said she wants to stay, 1111 00:48:05,048 --> 00:48:07,684 and Leighton didn't come back. She totally blew us off. 1112 00:48:07,751 --> 00:48:09,686 - Mm. Let's go. 1113 00:48:09,753 --> 00:48:11,021 Thank you. 1114 00:48:12,256 --> 00:48:14,291 - Hey, I'm Whitney. - Canaan. 1115 00:48:14,391 --> 00:48:16,293 - Canaan? - Yes, Canaan. 1116 00:48:16,393 --> 00:48:17,694 Is your mom religious 1117 00:48:17,761 --> 00:48:19,630 or just super into towns of Connecticut? 1118 00:48:19,730 --> 00:48:22,099 Can't it be both? 1119 00:48:22,199 --> 00:48:23,300 What dorm you in? 1120 00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:25,569 - No. - Excuse me? 1121 00:48:25,636 --> 00:48:27,471 - Neither of us care what dorm I'm in. 1122 00:48:27,571 --> 00:48:30,641 - I want to see your room. - What? 1123 00:48:30,741 --> 00:48:34,645 - Show me what your room looks like. 1124 00:48:34,745 --> 00:48:37,748 - Oh! Oh, you trying to fuck. 1125 00:48:37,814 --> 00:48:40,651 Oh, yeah, yeah, let's show you the room. 1126 00:48:40,751 --> 00:48:43,754 - Damn, I must look good tonight. - You're all right. 1127 00:49:12,449 --> 00:49:15,419 - Another. - Sure. 1128 00:49:18,622 --> 00:49:26,196 ♪ ♪ 1129 00:49:26,296 --> 00:49:30,667 - ♪ My, my, hey, hey ♪ 1130 00:49:30,767 --> 00:49:34,871 ♪ ♪ 1131 00:49:34,972 --> 00:49:39,509 ♪ Rock and roll is here to stay ♪ 1132 00:49:39,609 --> 00:49:42,612 ♪ ♪ 1133 00:49:57,894 --> 00:50:01,898 - You're so hot. - No talking. 1134 00:50:01,999 --> 00:50:03,900 Get on the bed. 1135 00:50:19,182 --> 00:50:23,553 - ♪ King is gone, but he's not forgotten ♪ 1136 00:50:23,653 --> 00:50:27,657 ♪ ♪ 1137 00:50:27,724 --> 00:50:32,329 ♪ This is the story of Johnny Rotten ♪ 1138 00:50:32,396 --> 00:50:36,400 ♪ ♪ 1139 00:50:36,500 --> 00:50:40,370 ♪ It's better to burn out ♪ 1140 00:50:40,437 --> 00:50:44,941 ♪ Than it is to rust ♪ 1141 00:50:45,042 --> 00:50:49,913 ♪ The king is gone, but he's not forgotten ♪ 1142 00:50:50,013 --> 00:50:57,087 ♪ ♪ 1143 00:51:02,926 --> 00:51:06,863 ♪ Hey, hey, my, my ♪ 1144 00:51:06,930 --> 00:51:11,535 ♪ ♪ 1145 00:51:11,601 --> 00:51:15,705 ♪ Rock and roll can never die ♪ 1146 00:51:15,772 --> 00:51:19,976 ♪ ♪ 1147 00:51:20,077 --> 00:51:24,448 ♪ There's more to the picture ♪ 1148 00:51:24,548 --> 00:51:29,319 ♪ Than meets the eye ♪ 1149 00:51:29,419 --> 00:51:33,623 ♪ Hey, hey, my, my ♪ 1150 00:51:33,723 --> 00:51:38,128 ♪ ♪ 1151 00:51:39,096 --> 00:51:40,597 Go to bed.