1 00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:08,758 [Japanese Breakfast's "Be Sweet"] 2 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:15,932 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:21,896 --> 00:00:26,276 - ♪ Tell the men I'm coming ♪ 4 00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:30,447 ♪ Tell them count the days ♪ 5 00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:33,616 ♪ I can feel the night passing by ♪ 6 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,660 [phone rings] 7 00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:44,669 ♪ ♪ 8 00:00:53,303 --> 00:00:54,679 - Is that your phone? 9 00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:56,473 - Um, no it's an Amber Alert. It's nothing. 10 00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:57,891 - Oh. 11 00:00:57,974 --> 00:00:59,809 [groans] 12 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:01,352 [yawns] 13 00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:05,273 Morning. - Hello. 14 00:01:05,356 --> 00:01:07,692 - I did not expect last night to happen. 15 00:01:07,776 --> 00:01:09,652 - Me neither. 16 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,864 But, like, you wanted it to happen, right? 17 00:01:12,947 --> 00:01:14,157 I had your consent? 18 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:17,410 - Yes, you had my consent. - Okay. 19 00:01:18,703 --> 00:01:21,164 - That wasn't your first time, was it? 20 00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:24,793 - Me? God, no. No, I've sexed a lot. 21 00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:26,628 Was it yours? 22 00:01:26,711 --> 00:01:28,338 - I hoped you could tell it wasn't. 23 00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:29,839 - Totally, totally. 24 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,716 - Hey, if it's cool, I think we shouldn't 25 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:32,842 tell Leighton about this. 26 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,844 - Oh, definitely not. 27 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,888 One time Bela made a comment on your hot bod 28 00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:39,766 and Leighton got so mad, she snapped a pen in half. 29 00:01:39,849 --> 00:01:44,938 - Well, then, it's settled. We won't mention last night. 30 00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:49,067 Or this morning. - This morning? I don't... 31 00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:52,111 Oh, yes. Yes. I'm a yes for this morning. 32 00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:53,530 Giddy up. - [moans] 33 00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:55,281 - I don't know why I said that. 34 00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,116 - ♪ You know the vibes you know the vibes ♪ 35 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,868 ♪ Switch up the ride switch up the ride ♪ 36 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,370 ♪ Don't take the price don't take ♪ 37 00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:01,996 - Okay, tell us every single detail. 38 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:03,414 Leave out nothing. 39 00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:04,958 - I'm not gonna kiss and tell. That's tacky. 40 00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:06,417 - You're right. Act it out with your food. 41 00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:08,002 He's the sausage, you're the tater tots. 42 00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:09,671 - All I'll share is this, 43 00:02:09,754 --> 00:02:12,715 it is crazy how much better sex is with Nico, 44 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:16,094 a guy I just met, than with a guy I loved like Max. 45 00:02:16,177 --> 00:02:17,720 - That's not crazy. 46 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:19,889 One's hot and one brought a light saber when he visited. 47 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:22,016 - So you're really not gonna tell us anything? 48 00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:26,896 - His sex is amazing and I can't stop thinking about it. 49 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,231 - Boom. - [squeals] 50 00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:29,691 That's my girl. 51 00:02:29,774 --> 00:02:31,025 Now, describe his penis so 52 00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:32,402 I can draw it out like a sketch artist. 53 00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:33,903 - You really like him, don't you? 54 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,239 - Yeah, I mean, he's nice and funny and smart. 55 00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:41,077 And, I don't know, he, like, surprises me. 56 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,412 - Who surprises you? 57 00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:44,747 - No, it's just this cute meteorologist 58 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,833 on my local news channel back home. 59 00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:49,085 - Your meteorologist surprises you? 60 00:02:49,168 --> 00:02:51,254 - Yeah, like, with his tie choices. 61 00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:53,882 - Morning, besties. I need a favor. 62 00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:56,092 So you know how I didn't get into any of the acapella groups 63 00:02:56,175 --> 00:02:57,927 because they're all super jealous of me. 64 00:02:58,011 --> 00:03:01,764 Well, hold on to your labes because I started my own group. 65 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,600 And we're having a concert... 66 00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:06,436 ♪ Tomorrow ♪ 67 00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:08,980 - Travis, I will never go to an acapella show. 68 00:03:09,063 --> 00:03:12,275 - Well, you'll be at this one because you wouldn't want 69 00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:14,777 your intersectionality to be called into question. 70 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,405 Would you? Okay, I'll see you there. 71 00:03:17,488 --> 00:03:22,160 ♪ ♪ 72 00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:23,620 [knock on door] 73 00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:26,289 - Hi, you have some old workout jackets, right? 74 00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:27,832 The women's center is volunteering at 75 00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:29,667 a horse rehab farm and I'm not about to have one 76 00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:31,711 of them nibble on my Gucci quarter zips. 77 00:03:31,794 --> 00:03:33,296 - Oh, so you want to give them one of mine? 78 00:03:33,379 --> 00:03:35,632 Sure. Take the red one. It's in the closet. 79 00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:37,342 - Thank you. 80 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,144 What is this? 81 00:03:48,227 --> 00:03:49,604 Hey, babe-- - Oh! 82 00:03:49,687 --> 00:03:50,980 That's like a team nickname. 83 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,649 They just call me babe sometimes. 84 00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:54,692 - "You looked hot out there today. Love, Dalton." 85 00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:57,320 Isn't Dalton one of your coaches? 86 00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:02,533 - Leighton, I swear to God, you cannot tell anyone. 87 00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:06,454 Okay, but I may have had an affair 88 00:04:06,537 --> 00:04:08,122 with my married assistant coach. 89 00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:10,625 - Okay. - Look, it was a mistake 90 00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:13,294 and it's in the past. Okay, but I need you to give me 91 00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:14,837 your solemn word that you're not 92 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:17,173 gonna say anything to anyone. - My solemn word? 93 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,676 Dude, while I'm sure this is considered some juicy stuff 94 00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:22,303 where you're from, I went to a New York prep school. 95 00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:23,596 I've been making out with bartenders 96 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:24,722 since I was, like, 14. 97 00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:26,975 - That's disturbing, 98 00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:29,936 but it does make me feel a little bit better. 99 00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:32,814 I don't know, I've honestly been low key 100 00:04:32,897 --> 00:04:35,108 depressed about this for the past couple weeks. 101 00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:38,027 - Do you want to hang out and talk about it? 102 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,029 I can bail on this women's center thing right now. 103 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:42,615 - Oh, no, that's nice of you but you don't have to do that. 104 00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:43,866 - Ah, it's too late. 105 00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:45,493 I already used you as an excuse. 106 00:04:45,576 --> 00:04:48,454 I told them my BIPOC roommate was in crisis. 107 00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:50,123 - Okay. [laughter] 108 00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:52,709 - ♪ Time stops, do you feel the rhythm ♪ 109 00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:56,129 ♪ ♪ 110 00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:57,672 - Hey, can you think of something 111 00:04:57,755 --> 00:04:59,549 that rhymes with Ansel Elgort's thick thighs? 112 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,426 - I don't think I can. 113 00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:04,220 - I'm so in my head about this final Catullan submission. 114 00:05:04,303 --> 00:05:06,806 Not to be dramatic, but the six pieces I submit tomorrow 115 00:05:06,889 --> 00:05:09,934 will determine the rest of my entire comedy career. 116 00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:12,854 - Bela, your packet is so funny. 117 00:05:12,937 --> 00:05:14,272 I liked every single piece. 118 00:05:14,355 --> 00:05:16,274 Even the ones I didn't understand. 119 00:05:16,357 --> 00:05:17,442 [phone chimes] 120 00:05:18,484 --> 00:05:21,070 - Damn, you and Nico are texting non-stop. 121 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,740 - Yeah, but I have to put my phone away and focus. 122 00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:25,992 I have a six hour shift at Sips 123 00:05:26,075 --> 00:05:27,994 and so much homework to catch up on. 124 00:05:28,077 --> 00:05:29,495 For the rest of the day, 125 00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:30,913 I'm tuning him out and I'm getting things done. 126 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,540 - I'm sure you will. 127 00:05:32,623 --> 00:05:35,918 ♪ ♪ 128 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,838 [moaning] 129 00:05:38,921 --> 00:05:41,924 ♪ ♪ 130 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:44,343 - I'm sorry I'm late. I got locked out of my room. 131 00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:45,928 [phone chimes] 132 00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,555 - And I forgot to lock it again. 133 00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:49,390 I'll be back in 20 minutes. 134 00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:50,516 ♪ ♪ 135 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,602 - The fuck? 136 00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:53,978 [moaning] 137 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,689 - ♪ So baby ♪ 138 00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:58,608 - I have to help a friend with something. 139 00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:01,277 I'll be back in 14 minutes. 140 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,071 ♪ ♪ 141 00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:06,491 [moaning] 142 00:06:06,574 --> 00:06:07,742 ♪ ♪ 143 00:06:07,825 --> 00:06:09,452 My dorm is having an emergency. 144 00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:12,038 I'll be back in eight in a half minutes. 145 00:06:12,121 --> 00:06:14,874 ♪ ♪ 146 00:06:14,957 --> 00:06:20,713 [moaning] 147 00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:21,714 - Oh, shit. 148 00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,174 ♪ ♪ 149 00:06:23,257 --> 00:06:25,009 - Are you kidding me? When it comes to Chrises, 150 00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:28,930 it goes Pine, Hemsworth, Evans, and hello? 151 00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:33,101 - Oh, sorry. Do you see that guy over there? 152 00:06:34,352 --> 00:06:36,938 His name's Canaan. We kind of hooked up. 153 00:06:38,397 --> 00:06:41,484 - Whitney, that guy is so hot. 154 00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:44,403 Okay, that is the kind of guy that you need to be going for. 155 00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:46,572 Not some townie doofus who peaked in high school. 156 00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:48,950 - He works at Sips with Kimberly. 157 00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:50,284 - Kimberly works at Sips? 158 00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:51,828 I could've sworn she was a janitor. 159 00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:54,247 Okay, look, he's sitting down to eat. 160 00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:57,125 Well, what are you waiting for? Go talk to him. 161 00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:58,751 - I don't know. 162 00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,503 I feel like I might need to take a beat 163 00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:02,088 before jumping into someone new. 164 00:07:02,171 --> 00:07:03,714 - No, no, no, okay rookie mistake. 165 00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:05,341 The best way to get over somebody is 166 00:07:05,424 --> 00:07:08,886 to whore out with someone hotter right away, like him. 167 00:07:10,221 --> 00:07:11,430 - Okay. 168 00:07:13,724 --> 00:07:15,184 - Mm? - Yeah. 169 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,352 [clears throat] 170 00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:21,357 Hey. - Whitney. 171 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:24,485 It's been a minute. Want to sit? 172 00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:26,279 - Yeah. Yeah. 173 00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:27,697 - Okay, but you will have to leave 174 00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:29,115 when my cooler friends get here. 175 00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:30,825 - [laughs] 176 00:07:30,908 --> 00:07:32,910 - I can only submit six pieces, 177 00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:34,537 so I need to pick the absolute best. 178 00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:35,872 - Uh-huh. 179 00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:37,290 - That's why I need your honest opinion. 180 00:07:37,373 --> 00:07:39,709 Don't go easy on me. - Uh-huh. Yup. 181 00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:41,252 - Hey, do you think we should take a break 182 00:07:41,335 --> 00:07:42,670 so you can give my packet your full focus? 183 00:07:42,753 --> 00:07:44,213 - Are you kidding me? 184 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,882 I want to do both at the same time. 185 00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:47,800 You're so funny. It makes me so hard. 186 00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:49,552 - All right, get back down there. 187 00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:50,720 Do your thing. 188 00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:52,722 - ♪ Touch in the moonlight ♪ 189 00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:55,892 ♪ ♪ 190 00:07:55,975 --> 00:08:00,605 ♪ Oh, oh ♪ 191 00:08:00,688 --> 00:08:03,232 - Kimberly Edie Finkel, late again. 192 00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:04,567 - I'm very sorry. 193 00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,235 Wait, how do you know my middle name? 194 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,820 - Payroll purposes, but don't change the subject. 195 00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:09,864 All right, you are on thin ice, young lady. 196 00:08:09,947 --> 00:08:11,741 Now grab that mop, some of the theater kids 197 00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:13,242 have been practicing spit takes. 198 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,911 And you're gonna clean it up. 199 00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,245 - Okay. 200 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:19,248 - So, um, why do you keep on being late? Hmm? 201 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:22,126 - I've kind of been, like, with someone. 202 00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:23,586 - [squeals] 203 00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:26,797 I knew it was because you was fucking somebody. 204 00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:28,591 - Uh, sorry. Can I order? 205 00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:30,593 - Excuse me, we're gabbing here. 206 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,387 Is it who I think it is? 207 00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:36,098 Is his dick made out of gold? 208 00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,476 - Yeah, it's Nico and it's amazing. 209 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:40,144 But it's all I can think about. 210 00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:42,104 And yesterday, I skipped all my classes. 211 00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,440 And I'm barely holding on to a C in Econ. 212 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,192 - Econ with Professor Bennett? - Yeah. 213 00:08:46,275 --> 00:08:47,276 - Just ask him for extra credit. 214 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,945 That's what I did last year. 215 00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:50,655 And my B plus went to an A. And I'm not just saying it 216 00:08:50,738 --> 00:08:53,533 to brag about my grades, although I'm quite bright. 217 00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:55,451 - Really? That would be so huge. 218 00:08:55,534 --> 00:08:57,078 I'll ask him about it today. 219 00:08:57,161 --> 00:09:00,498 - Does anyone have an iPhone 4 charger? 220 00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:03,376 - I'm sorry. - No. 221 00:09:03,459 --> 00:09:04,710 ♪ ♪ 222 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:06,128 - Great job getting your submission in 223 00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:07,797 two minutes before the deadline, Jeff. 224 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,131 I'll be reading it last. 225 00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,383 Hopefully your take on Baby Yoda 226 00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:12,134 is still fresh when I get to it. 227 00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:15,346 - Baby Yoda. That shit is so played out. 228 00:09:15,429 --> 00:09:16,639 - Totally. 229 00:09:16,722 --> 00:09:18,182 I wrote a piece about Baby Shark, though. 230 00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:19,934 And it's pretty biting. 231 00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,436 - All right, everyone. 232 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:23,980 Final submissions are now closed. 233 00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:25,398 If anyone's late, they're out of luck. 234 00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:27,149 - Thank you all for your hard work. 235 00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:28,985 Eric, the board, and I are really looking forward 236 00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:30,444 to reading what you came up with. 237 00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:32,446 - And if we choose any new members, 238 00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:33,739 tonight is gonna be tap night. 239 00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:35,324 We'll come find you in your rooms 240 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,493 and whisk you away for hours of traditions 241 00:09:37,576 --> 00:09:39,912 that you cannot share with anyone, ever. 242 00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:41,497 Including future spouses. 243 00:09:41,580 --> 00:09:43,958 But, again, we probably won't pick anyone. 244 00:09:44,041 --> 00:09:46,586 - We'll probably pick between two and four people. 245 00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:48,838 - Evangeline, could you not-- [sighs] 246 00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:51,173 I will now take the submissions and hold onto them 247 00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,384 until the board can reconvene to review them. 248 00:09:53,467 --> 00:09:56,137 But straight off the bat, I see some insane 249 00:09:56,220 --> 00:09:59,015 and embarrassing font choices. So way to go. 250 00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:04,520 - Hey, um, if we get picked, 251 00:10:04,603 --> 00:10:06,772 can we finally see the upstairs rooms? 252 00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:09,525 - Want me to sneak you up right now? 253 00:10:09,608 --> 00:10:11,068 - Oh, shit yes. Yes. 254 00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:12,611 - Wait, you don't think we'll get in trouble? 255 00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:14,322 - No one's coming back till 8:00. 256 00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:15,740 Come on. Let's go. 257 00:10:15,823 --> 00:10:22,913 ♪ ♪ 258 00:10:31,922 --> 00:10:33,007 [phone chimes] 259 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,261 - I feel like it's a compliment to get catfished. 260 00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,180 It means he must really like you. 261 00:10:39,263 --> 00:10:41,057 - I just don't understand 262 00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:43,142 how you got catfished by your cousin, again. 263 00:10:43,225 --> 00:10:45,436 - He just writes such beautiful sonnets. 264 00:10:45,519 --> 00:10:47,313 - Ginger, we've talked about this. 265 00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:50,858 You need to set boundaries with Randy, your cousin. 266 00:10:51,650 --> 00:10:52,818 - Sorry I'm late. 267 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,571 - You okay, Tova? 268 00:10:55,654 --> 00:10:57,531 - It's over between me and Beth. 269 00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:58,949 - What? What happened? 270 00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:00,743 You two were such a cute couple. 271 00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:02,787 - We were supposed to go over to her house for Thanksgiving, 272 00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:04,955 and while her parents were cool with her being a lesbian, 273 00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:07,124 she thought that I might be too much for them. 274 00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:08,959 - What? What would be too much? 275 00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:11,587 - I guess they've never met someone who's non-binary, 276 00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:15,341 so Beth wanted me to fem it up. - Oh, fuck that. 277 00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:18,094 - Hey, you might quickly want 278 00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:20,096 to let us know what side you're on. 279 00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:22,264 - Tova's obviously. 280 00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,308 Look, when I first had to come here, 281 00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:25,559 I'll be real with you, 282 00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:27,395 I kind of thought you all sucked. 283 00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:30,398 Not for any identity reasons, just personalities, you know? 284 00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:32,608 - Mm-hmm. - But then I got to know you. 285 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,111 And Tova, I think you're pretty great. 286 00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:38,114 You are almost too cool to be here but, yet, 287 00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:40,324 you still come here. Which kind of makes you cooler. 288 00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:42,576 So this is Beth's loss. 289 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:44,453 - Thank you, Leighton. 290 00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:46,914 - Uh, Leighton, quick question. 291 00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:49,834 You pointed at me when you were talking about personalities. 292 00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:52,294 - No, no. No, I didn't. It just looked that way. 293 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,505 - Oh, okay. Great. 294 00:11:54,588 --> 00:11:58,134 ♪ ♪ 295 00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:00,219 - I would be happy to offer extra credit 296 00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:01,804 for helping me with my research. 297 00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:03,639 It's actually pretty exciting stuff. 298 00:12:03,722 --> 00:12:05,724 Here, take a look. 299 00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:09,770 - Oh, I love all this data. 300 00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:12,565 So many columns with information in them. 301 00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:15,568 Yeah, this looks so cool. 302 00:12:15,651 --> 00:12:17,987 - Okay, well basically, I just need help 303 00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:20,948 with data calculations using the blue binder's raw data. 304 00:12:21,031 --> 00:12:22,491 The formula's in the green one. 305 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,702 - The blue one, the green one. Totally get it. 306 00:12:24,785 --> 00:12:26,829 - Well, I have a meeting for the next few hours, 307 00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:29,165 but when I get back I'll tell you how my data forecast 308 00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:31,584 changes in the oat milk industry over the next decade. 309 00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:34,753 If you'd like that. - Sir, I would love that. 310 00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:37,006 - [chuckles] 311 00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:38,549 Have fun with that data. 312 00:12:39,758 --> 00:12:42,887 - What the fuck am I looking at? 313 00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:44,054 [phone chimes] 314 00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:51,228 ♪ ♪ 315 00:12:56,609 --> 00:13:00,196 - Whoa, cool portrait. Is that, uh, Rob Schneider? 316 00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:02,656 - Are you kidding me? That's Sid Caesar. 317 00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:04,867 He basically created TV comedy. 318 00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:06,827 - Nice. I'm surprised you know that. 319 00:13:07,786 --> 00:13:10,664 - Holy shit, is that a real cue card from SNL? 320 00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:12,374 Jude Law hosted that one. 321 00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,043 I can name the host and musical guest pairing 322 00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:16,295 of every episode of SNL since the year 2000. 323 00:13:16,378 --> 00:13:18,464 - Okay, prove it. 324 00:13:18,547 --> 00:13:20,007 Musical guest, Korn. 325 00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:21,550 - Eva Longoria hosted. 326 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,427 - Ludacris. - You trying to trick me? 327 00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:26,055 Ludacris? He hosted and he was the musical guest. 328 00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:28,641 - Okay. Who was the musical guest 329 00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:31,727 when the Rock hosted? - My boy Dwayne, 330 00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:34,313 AKA Maui the demi-god, AKA the tooth fairy 331 00:13:34,396 --> 00:13:36,398 has hosted five times with musical guest, 332 00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:39,235 George Ezra, Ray LaMontagne, Andrew WK, 333 00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,987 AC/DC, and Katy Perry. 334 00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:45,574 - I can do a good Stewie voice. 335 00:13:46,867 --> 00:13:48,994 [as Stewie] If you want to hear it. 336 00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:53,499 [normal voice] I think I'm gonna head out. 337 00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:55,668 Uh, thanks for bringing us up here. 338 00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:57,378 - Yup. 339 00:13:58,671 --> 00:13:59,838 - [laughs] 340 00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:01,632 ♪ ♪ 341 00:14:01,715 --> 00:14:03,384 - ♪ You only live once better turn it, turn it up ♪ 342 00:14:03,467 --> 00:14:05,928 ♪ It's showtime that's all we know ♪ 343 00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:09,265 - Yo, everyone. This is Whitney. 344 00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:12,309 - Baby senator. Welcome back. 345 00:14:12,393 --> 00:14:15,437 The last time she was here, she stood in the corner so long 346 00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:18,023 I thought she was her mother's secret service. 347 00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:19,650 - That's Jayla. 348 00:14:19,733 --> 00:14:22,069 Who apparently woke up this morning and chose violence. 349 00:14:22,152 --> 00:14:24,280 - Can your mom introduce me to Travis Scott? 350 00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:26,949 - Honestly, yeah. She probably could. 351 00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:28,200 - Sick. 352 00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:29,743 - Can I get you a drink? - Yes, please. 353 00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:30,953 - Okay. 354 00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:32,580 Let's see what they left for us. 355 00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:35,457 - Okay. - Oh, this is wild. 356 00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:38,877 Is this Canaan with a girl in broad daylight? 357 00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:42,381 Yeah, you should know, this guy never introduces us to girls. 358 00:14:42,464 --> 00:14:43,966 He just sneaks them into his room at night 359 00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:45,634 like some kind of sex Batman. 360 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:48,137 - Really? You're a sex Batman? 361 00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:51,223 - No, no. That's not true. - It is though. 362 00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:54,143 What the fuck? Who's playing a slow jam? 363 00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:56,520 I thought this was a turn up, not a wind down. 364 00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:58,480 Yo, Nate, what's up with the music? 365 00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:00,649 - Are you staying for dinner? 366 00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:01,984 Because we're doing a nacho bar. 367 00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:03,485 And I don't mean to brag, 368 00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:04,987 but we go pretty hard with the toppings station. 369 00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:06,322 - Mm-hmm. - Oh, no. 370 00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:07,740 I actually have to leave in a bit 371 00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:10,242 to go to an acapella show. - [laughs] 372 00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:11,952 Oh, wait. Are you serious? 373 00:15:12,036 --> 00:15:15,331 - Yeah, no one should ever have to go to an acapella show. 374 00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:17,458 - Unless you, like, love acapella. 375 00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:19,877 - Okay. I can tell I misrepresented 376 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,421 myself this morning, and while I am 377 00:15:22,504 --> 00:15:24,006 somewhat okay with being known as the girl with 378 00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,717 the senator mom, I am not okay as being known 379 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,093 as the girl who likes acapella. 380 00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:31,180 I'm going against my will. - [laughs] 381 00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:32,723 ♪ ♪ 382 00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:35,059 - Holy shit, this autograph wall is insane. 383 00:15:35,142 --> 00:15:37,436 Oh, my God. Julia Louis-Dreyfus. 384 00:15:37,519 --> 00:15:39,021 Are you kidding me? 385 00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:40,648 I love this place so much. 386 00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:42,024 - Well, by midnight tonight 387 00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:43,192 you'll know if you're in or not. 388 00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:44,777 - [sighs] Don't remind me. 389 00:15:44,860 --> 00:15:48,030 - Look, the deliberations can get crazy. 390 00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:50,699 But I'll just tell you, I'm gonna vote for you. 391 00:15:52,951 --> 00:15:54,703 - I'm not sure Eric likes me enough. 392 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:57,164 - Eric doesn't like anyone. 393 00:15:57,247 --> 00:15:58,707 I'm his roommate and best friend 394 00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,876 and he regularly calls me a talentless hack. 395 00:16:00,959 --> 00:16:04,129 - You are though, right? - [chuckles] 396 00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:05,631 Don't worry about Eric. 397 00:16:05,714 --> 00:16:07,675 I'll convince him you're worth a shot. 398 00:16:09,259 --> 00:16:12,262 - Holy shit. Is that Elaine Stritch? 399 00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:13,764 She's the greatest of all time. 400 00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:15,391 When did she come here? Was it during her.. 401 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:23,649 Hey, um, I don't, um... 402 00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:25,109 - It's okay. Everybody's gone. 403 00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:27,403 - No, I don't want to do whatever this is. 404 00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:29,488 - Seriously? 405 00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:31,031 - Yeah, I just... 406 00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:32,366 Are we cool? 407 00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:36,036 - Yeah, yeah, I guess. Yeah. - Okay. 408 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,330 Great. Cool. Well, I'll see ya. 409 00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:40,833 Thanks, thanks for the wall and stuff. 410 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:46,213 [moaning] 411 00:16:46,296 --> 00:16:47,798 - You sure about this? 412 00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:49,133 - Yeah, he said he'd be gone for hours. 413 00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:52,302 - ♪ Show me love ♪ 414 00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:53,512 ♪ Show me love ♪ 415 00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:55,806 - This is hot. 416 00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:57,641 - Oh, my God. 417 00:16:58,517 --> 00:16:59,685 - Kimberly. 418 00:17:02,062 --> 00:17:05,190 - Sir, this is my fault and I take full responsibility. 419 00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:09,403 If you want to report anyone, report me, Chad Mickland. 420 00:17:09,486 --> 00:17:11,113 - Wait, is Nico a nickname? 421 00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:12,990 [gasps] Oh. 422 00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:14,825 Professor Bennett, I realize 423 00:17:14,908 --> 00:17:16,785 this was a horrible lapse in judgement. 424 00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:19,079 But I'm having a really hard time in your class 425 00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:20,748 and I'm so far behind. 426 00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:22,124 So if you please could just give me one more chance. 427 00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:23,834 - You've had plenty of chances. 428 00:17:23,917 --> 00:17:26,378 You've arrived late to class, you've missed assignments. 429 00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:28,964 Now you made love on my desk. - We were only kissing. 430 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,507 He never took it out. Tell him. 431 00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:31,967 - I don't think that's gonna help, 432 00:17:32,050 --> 00:17:33,510 but it's true, it wasn't out yet. 433 00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:34,887 - It does not help. 434 00:17:36,013 --> 00:17:37,389 Get out of here. 435 00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:38,807 - Oh, okay. I'm going. 436 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,769 I would still love to hear your thoughts 437 00:17:41,852 --> 00:17:43,270 on oat milk futures, though. 438 00:17:43,353 --> 00:17:45,230 - Then you can listen to my TED Talk. 439 00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:46,565 - Got it. 440 00:17:46,648 --> 00:17:53,113 ♪ ♪ 441 00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:54,323 Hey. - Hey. 442 00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:56,033 How's it going with you know who? 443 00:17:56,116 --> 00:17:58,160 - Actually, I kind of wanted to talk to you about that. 444 00:17:58,243 --> 00:17:59,995 I think I might be a sex addict. 445 00:18:00,078 --> 00:18:03,332 - I promise you, you are not. - We had sex six times today. 446 00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:06,043 - Okay, that's a lot. - And it was almost seven, 447 00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:07,669 but then a professor walked in on us. 448 00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:09,588 - I'm sorry, what? 449 00:18:09,671 --> 00:18:12,216 - Everything I see makes me think of having sex with him. 450 00:18:12,299 --> 00:18:14,343 Like, have you noticed how phallic 451 00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:16,053 the lampposts on this campus are? 452 00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:17,638 - I have not. 453 00:18:17,721 --> 00:18:19,348 - Okay, I'm here. 454 00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:20,849 Can we take a quick photo for proof and then we can leave? 455 00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,726 - I was thinking we would cheer really loud 456 00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:24,686 in the first song and then just scurry out. 457 00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,939 - I can do that. - Hey, guys. 458 00:18:27,022 --> 00:18:29,191 - Hey, did you turn in your submission? 459 00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:30,651 - Yeah, it's in. 460 00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:32,110 - Is everything okay? You don't seem excited. 461 00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:33,529 - I don't know. 462 00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:35,030 I'm just--I'm pretty sure I'm not getting in. 463 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,698 - You're probably just being tough on yourself. 464 00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:39,243 - No, but it's fine. Maybe it's even for the best. 465 00:18:39,326 --> 00:18:44,623 - Hello, everyone. We are the AcaFellas. 466 00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:47,543 And we are ready to rock you. 467 00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:51,213 Oh, though, to be clear, we only do pop covers. 468 00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:53,173 Three, four. 469 00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:57,135 [all vocalizing] 470 00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:59,388 ♪ Havana, ooh, na na ♪ 471 00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:03,058 ♪ Half of my heart is in Havana, ooh, na na ♪ 472 00:19:03,141 --> 00:19:04,935 - Whoo! - Yes! 473 00:19:05,018 --> 00:19:06,019 [all cheering] 474 00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:07,896 - ♪ Havana, na na na ♪ 475 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,773 - Okay, he saw us. Now we can leave. 476 00:19:09,857 --> 00:19:13,110 - None of you ever let me do anything this embarrassing. 477 00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:14,778 - ♪ Havana ♪ 478 00:19:14,862 --> 00:19:17,155 ♪ He didn't walk up with the how you doin' ♪ 479 00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:20,617 - Okay, Whitney is meeting up with Canaan again tonight. 480 00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:21,952 God, I love this. 481 00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:23,453 - I'm sorry. 482 00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:25,330 Are you invested in the happiness of someone else? 483 00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:27,416 I do not know how to process this information. 484 00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:29,251 - She's kind of cool. 485 00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:30,586 And of the three of my roommates, 486 00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:32,379 she's definitely the most normal. 487 00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:36,091 And it turns out, I am pretty good at giving dating advice. 488 00:19:36,174 --> 00:19:38,927 - You are for someone who introduced me 489 00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:41,430 as a business acquaintance to a cashier. 490 00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:43,557 - Okay, look, I'm not a showy person. 491 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:45,601 I don't need to put on a rainbow bathing suit 492 00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:47,352 and run down the street screaming, 493 00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:49,479 "I have a girlfriend." 494 00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:52,441 - Oh, you have a girlfriend. 495 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:54,484 - Yeah. 496 00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:58,697 No, I mean--I don't know. 497 00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:01,617 [soft acoustic music] 498 00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:02,784 Do I? 499 00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:06,788 - Yeah, you do. 500 00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,832 Come here. 501 00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:11,793 - ♪ Going so fast every thought we had ♪ 502 00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:14,671 ♪ Is coming undone ♪ 503 00:20:14,755 --> 00:20:18,008 ♪ Falling behind with everything we left ♪ 504 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:22,846 - Oh, shit. Baby senator's back, y'all. 505 00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:24,139 - Uh-uh, we're gonna have to 506 00:20:24,222 --> 00:20:25,807 work on that nickname, loud girl. 507 00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:28,977 - Loud girl? Excuse me? 508 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,938 You know, actually, I love that. I am loud. 509 00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:33,982 - You are loud. - Glad you came back. 510 00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:35,567 - Of course I did. 511 00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:37,736 I spent the last two hours thinking about one thing. 512 00:20:37,819 --> 00:20:41,114 - Ditching Canaan for me? - What? No. 513 00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:42,491 Nachos. 514 00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:45,077 - Darius, no one would pick you over Canaan. 515 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:46,286 That's insane. 516 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:51,083 - [sighs] 517 00:20:58,799 --> 00:21:00,634 [knocking on door] 518 00:21:00,717 --> 00:21:02,719 [chanting] Bela! Bela! Bela! 519 00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:06,014 Bela! Bela! Bela! - Bela Malhotra, 520 00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:07,432 you've been tapped by the Catullan. 521 00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:10,060 Do you accept? - Yes. Yes, I do. 522 00:21:10,143 --> 00:21:11,853 - Congratulations. - You so deserve this. 523 00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:15,148 Your packet was amazing. [cheering] 524 00:21:15,232 --> 00:21:17,818 - I was dying reading your stuff. 525 00:21:17,901 --> 00:21:20,529 You are an absolute genius. 526 00:21:20,612 --> 00:21:22,364 - We're so proud of you. 527 00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:24,449 - Yes! 528 00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:27,327 ♪ ♪ 529 00:21:27,411 --> 00:21:30,038 - ♪ Shine ♪ 530 00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:32,040 - Hey, let's not have sex tonight. 531 00:21:32,749 --> 00:21:35,002 - Okay, I was gonna say the same thing. 532 00:21:35,085 --> 00:21:37,004 - Really? - No. 533 00:21:37,087 --> 00:21:39,006 - Oh. - It's all good. 534 00:21:39,089 --> 00:21:42,884 Okay, other options. We can watch TV. 535 00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:45,053 - TV sounds good. - Okay. 536 00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:46,388 - I can't stay late, though. 537 00:21:46,471 --> 00:21:48,473 I have to study since I public sexed 538 00:21:48,557 --> 00:21:50,767 my way out of an Econ credit. - [sighs] 539 00:21:50,851 --> 00:21:53,395 If you need help with that Econ grade, I can help. 540 00:21:54,479 --> 00:21:57,774 Theta keeps copies of midterms and finals 541 00:21:57,858 --> 00:21:59,818 that lazy professors recycle year after year. 542 00:21:59,901 --> 00:22:01,862 So if you want to know what's on Bennett's test, 543 00:22:01,945 --> 00:22:03,238 it's right here. 544 00:22:03,321 --> 00:22:04,823 You could borrow it if you want. 545 00:22:04,906 --> 00:22:06,950 - No, no, I can't do that. 546 00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:08,869 Cheating is, sort of, the antithesis 547 00:22:08,952 --> 00:22:10,454 of everything I believe in. 548 00:22:11,455 --> 00:22:13,915 - All right. Whatever you want. 549 00:22:14,708 --> 00:22:17,961 - What I want is to go back to your room, please. 550 00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:20,756 There's this new documentary on 551 00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:22,299 factory farming I really want to watch. 552 00:22:22,382 --> 00:22:25,927 - Wow. First no sex and now a farming doc. 553 00:22:26,011 --> 00:22:28,055 This night just keeps getting hotter and hotter. 554 00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:32,434 - [groans] 555 00:22:32,517 --> 00:22:34,603 I'm one glass away from getting Asian flush. 556 00:22:34,686 --> 00:22:37,397 - You haven't had any yet. - Exactly. 557 00:22:37,481 --> 00:22:39,691 - [laughs] [phone rings] 558 00:22:42,694 --> 00:22:45,197 - Um, girlfriend, should I ask why 559 00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:47,449 a girl named Maya is calling you at 1:00 a.m.? 560 00:22:47,532 --> 00:22:49,868 - Oh, my God, chill. She's just a friend. 561 00:22:49,951 --> 00:22:52,162 She's actually coming to visit in town this weekend. 562 00:22:52,245 --> 00:22:53,955 - To visit your vagina? 563 00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:57,209 - Maya is not a threat to you. Okay? 564 00:22:57,292 --> 00:22:59,336 She's my brother, Nico's, girlfriend. 565 00:22:59,419 --> 00:23:02,380 [funky upbeat music] 566 00:23:02,464 --> 00:23:09,554 ♪ ♪ 567 00:24:22,127 --> 00:24:23,253 - Go to bed.