1 00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:21,821 - Uh, did you just get a mysterious envelope 2 00:00:21,888 --> 00:00:23,890 and casually toss it aside without even opening it? 3 00:00:23,990 --> 00:00:26,159 - Mm-hmm. - Fuck, you're cool. 4 00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:27,594 - Okay, I already know what's inside. 5 00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:29,262 It's my invite to Kappa's pre-rush brunch 6 00:00:29,362 --> 00:00:31,531 - later this afternoon. - How can you be sure? 7 00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:35,035 - Because as a future Kappa, I know how Kappas think. 8 00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:36,703 And I also might've heard two girls 9 00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:39,039 in my Lit seminar talking about the envelope color. 10 00:00:39,105 --> 00:00:40,507 "Mykonos sky blue." 11 00:00:40,573 --> 00:00:43,276 - Interesting. I think of it as more of 12 00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:45,378 a "Sonic the Hedgehog" blue. 13 00:00:45,445 --> 00:00:48,281 - Wait, Kappa invited you, too? - Sure did. 14 00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,784 Got it last night. What? Are you surprised? 15 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:53,753 - Of course I'm surprised. You wear sneakers with dresses. 16 00:00:53,853 --> 00:00:55,789 - Leighton, I'm gonna tell you what I told Whitney. 17 00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,957 That sororities have a long history 18 00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,360 of exclusionary behavior that promote 19 00:01:00,427 --> 00:01:02,262 this kind of woman-on-woman warfare. 20 00:01:02,362 --> 00:01:04,764 And that's why I will be abstaining from Greek life. 21 00:01:04,864 --> 00:01:07,200 - Yeah, absolutely. Preach. I'm totally on the same page. 22 00:01:07,267 --> 00:01:09,035 - Did you get an envelope? - No, I did not. 23 00:01:09,102 --> 00:01:09,969 Me neither. 24 00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:19,712 - Hey, can I give you some unsolicited feedback 25 00:01:19,779 --> 00:01:21,247 on what you're wearing? 26 00:01:21,314 --> 00:01:23,116 - Oh, my God, of course. I love when people do that. 27 00:01:23,216 --> 00:01:26,619 - It's just Kappa is the most exclusive sorority on campus. 28 00:01:26,719 --> 00:01:29,155 And this rush brunch is your first opportunity 29 00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:30,723 to show them that you fit in. 30 00:01:30,790 --> 00:01:32,492 - Okay, so what's wrong with what I'm wearing? 31 00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:33,726 It's jeans and sneakers. 32 00:01:33,793 --> 00:01:35,161 - And that is such a cute outfit 33 00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:36,930 for, like, grocery shopping. 34 00:01:36,996 --> 00:01:39,132 I'm just saying there's still time to run home and change. 35 00:01:39,232 --> 00:01:40,900 - Oh, my God. Maybe you should change. 36 00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:42,335 I look good. 37 00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:44,003 You look like the perfume lady at Bloomingdale's. 38 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,972 - That is the meanest thing you could've said to me. 39 00:01:46,072 --> 00:01:48,308 - I just--I think you're overthinking it. 40 00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:50,343 The invite said to dress casual. 41 00:01:53,813 --> 00:01:56,516 - This is what Kappa means by casual. 42 00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:04,491 - Yeah, this is some "Get Out" shit right here. 43 00:02:12,432 --> 00:02:14,701 - Hey, Mr. G, I think you need to 44 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:18,705 chugga chugga, chugga chugga chill out. 45 00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:25,311 - That's so funny, right? - I love that catchphrase. 46 00:02:25,378 --> 00:02:27,680 Chugga chugga chill out. 47 00:02:27,780 --> 00:02:30,517 - No, the sketch is about how catchphrases are lame. 48 00:02:30,617 --> 00:02:32,152 No one would actually laugh at someone saying 49 00:02:32,218 --> 00:02:35,555 - chugga chugga chill out. 50 00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:39,392 - Forget it. Look, this guy, Danny Marawitz, 51 00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:42,195 he's a comedy legend. He's also a "Catullan" alum, 52 00:02:42,295 --> 00:02:44,063 and he's going to be at this big alumni dinner 53 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,064 they're throwing tonight. 54 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,633 I want to chat him up 55 00:02:46,699 --> 00:02:48,401 and convince him to be my mentor. 56 00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:50,970 - Oh, Bela, I'm sure he'd love to be your mentor. 57 00:02:51,037 --> 00:02:52,372 You're the funniest person I know. 58 00:02:52,472 --> 00:02:54,040 It's like I live with Bugs Bunny. 59 00:02:54,140 --> 00:02:56,309 - I know you mean that as a compliment, so thank you. 60 00:02:56,376 --> 00:02:57,911 Hey, wait, actually, do you want to 61 00:02:58,011 --> 00:03:00,880 - come with me as my plus one? - Uh, yeah. I'd love to. 62 00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:02,248 Okay, cool. 63 00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:03,816 - So if people like this Danny guy are going, 64 00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:05,485 it's probably going to be pretty fancy, right? 65 00:03:05,552 --> 00:03:09,389 - Fancy as shit. - Oh, so like pantyhose fancy. 66 00:03:09,489 --> 00:03:11,991 - Kimberly, nothing is ever pantyhose fancy. 67 00:03:12,058 --> 00:03:14,894 - Okay, well, I only brought one dress with me to college. 68 00:03:14,994 --> 00:03:17,030 - I'm sure it's fine. Is it black? 69 00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:19,933 It's mustard. 70 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:22,602 Maybe we just go shopping. 71 00:03:25,371 --> 00:03:28,041 - Okay, fresh rosemary sprig in my drink. 72 00:03:28,107 --> 00:03:29,442 I can get on board with this. 73 00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:30,777 - See? Kappa's living up to the hype. 74 00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,745 Oh, do you see that blonde girl? 75 00:03:32,845 --> 00:03:34,614 - That's super creative. 76 00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:36,416 - There's like 15 blonde girls over there. 77 00:03:36,516 --> 00:03:38,218 - Okay, first off, half of them are bronde. 78 00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:40,753 No, I am talking about that one right there, Quinn Cannon. 79 00:03:40,853 --> 00:03:42,355 She went to Spence. She was like three years 80 00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:44,857 above me, and now she's president of Kappa 81 00:03:44,924 --> 00:03:47,260 and queen of the entire Essex social scene. 82 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:50,296 Quinn Cannon is exactly who I want to be in three years. 83 00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:53,032 Okay, I am going to go mingle. Are you good on your own? 84 00:03:53,099 --> 00:03:55,301 - I most definitely am not. - You'll be fine. 85 00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:56,970 All right, I can text you details 86 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,705 about who you're talking to, if you need. 87 00:03:58,771 --> 00:04:00,540 I've done extensive research on every single girl here. 88 00:04:00,607 --> 00:04:01,941 And if you need any help, 89 00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:03,876 just start talking about celery juice. 90 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:10,917 - Hey, you're Maura, right? 91 00:04:11,451 --> 00:04:15,288 - Yeah. You must be Nico's sister, Leighton. 92 00:04:15,388 --> 00:04:16,556 How you liking Essex? 93 00:04:16,623 --> 00:04:18,391 - I've been busy balancing schoolwork 94 00:04:18,458 --> 00:04:20,226 and extracurriculars and finding ways 95 00:04:20,293 --> 00:04:22,095 to apply the knowledge I gained last summer 96 00:04:22,161 --> 00:04:24,897 while interning for Dahlia Lithwick at Slate. 97 00:04:24,964 --> 00:04:26,599 - Wow. 98 00:04:26,666 --> 00:04:28,835 I feel like I'm interviewing you for a job. 99 00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:32,238 - Did you rehearse this? - No. 100 00:04:33,339 --> 00:04:35,174 - Wait, your name is Ashley, too? 101 00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:36,476 I just met an Ashley. 102 00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:39,345 - Yeah, but I spell it A-S-H-L-E-E. 103 00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:42,649 I know. What were my parents smoking? 104 00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,319 Allie VanLandingham. 105 00:04:46,419 --> 00:04:48,855 You were the senior social chair at Choate, right? 106 00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:51,090 - Um, yeah. How did you know that? 107 00:04:51,157 --> 00:04:52,959 - I mean there's only three Choate Kappas. 108 00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:55,695 You, Madison, and Sheridan. It's all on the website. 109 00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:57,430 Stalker much? 110 00:04:57,497 --> 00:05:00,300 - It--it's public information. 111 00:05:00,366 --> 00:05:04,203 - Yeah, but I spell it A-S-H-L-E-I-G-H. 112 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,639 - A-S-H-L-E-Y-E. 113 00:05:06,706 --> 00:05:10,943 - I spell it A-S-H-L-I-E. 114 00:05:11,010 --> 00:05:12,679 Do you like celery juice? 115 00:05:12,779 --> 00:05:14,213 - I have it every single morning. 116 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,182 Oh, my God. 117 00:05:16,282 --> 00:05:19,118 - Kappa girls are we and everywhere we are. 118 00:05:19,185 --> 00:05:22,121 We wear the sacred letters, K-B-R. 119 00:05:22,188 --> 00:05:24,557 - Go, Kappa Beta Rho! 120 00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:27,060 Oh, my God, there's such good stuff in the Kappa hashtag. 121 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,494 - Mm. - Would it be crazy 122 00:05:28,561 --> 00:05:31,397 - if we made one together? - Uh-- 123 00:05:31,497 --> 00:05:32,965 Hey, sorry. I got to go. 124 00:05:33,032 --> 00:05:34,967 - Yeah, no, of course. I'll see--I'll see you later. 125 00:05:37,970 --> 00:05:39,906 Your sneakers are so cool. 126 00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:42,041 - And you actually play a varsity sport? 127 00:05:42,141 --> 00:05:43,309 That's so impressive. 128 00:05:43,376 --> 00:05:44,744 - Whitney, what's your phone number? 129 00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,879 We want to add you to our Kappa memes chain. 130 00:05:46,979 --> 00:05:50,249 - This has been so great, but I have a team bus to catch. 131 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:53,019 It was nice meeting you, and I look forward to 132 00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:55,488 seeing you all on "Selling Sunset" one day. 133 00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:57,023 - She's so fun. 134 00:05:58,491 --> 00:05:59,892 Oh, this one's so pretty. 135 00:05:59,992 --> 00:06:02,729 This looks like something Shania Twain would wear. 136 00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:04,764 - Kimberly, no. Please let me fix you. 137 00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:06,499 - I'm trying so hard. - Okay. 138 00:06:06,566 --> 00:06:08,935 - So, have you met up with hot-ass Nico 139 00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:10,536 for any more French lessons yet? 140 00:06:10,603 --> 00:06:12,839 - No. Not since he bailed on me last time. 141 00:06:12,905 --> 00:06:14,207 I'm not sure it'll be an ongoing thing. 142 00:06:14,273 --> 00:06:15,608 But did you text him? 143 00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:17,343 - It's fine. I don't want to bother him. 144 00:06:18,411 --> 00:06:21,080 - Wait, wait, wait, wait. This is the dress. 145 00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:22,548 - Fire emoji. 146 00:06:22,615 --> 00:06:24,617 Head exploding emoji. Tongue hanging out emoji. 147 00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:27,019 - You got to try this one out. - This is beautiful. 148 00:06:27,086 --> 00:06:29,922 Oh, it's way too expensive. 149 00:06:30,022 --> 00:06:31,557 - Kimberly, if you don't wrap your beautiful body 150 00:06:31,624 --> 00:06:33,192 in this dress, it will be a slap in the face 151 00:06:33,259 --> 00:06:35,294 - of hot feminists everywhere. - I can't afford this. 152 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:36,796 This will use up way too much 153 00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:38,531 of my "for emergencies only" credit card. 154 00:06:38,598 --> 00:06:41,868 - So, just leave the tags on and return it tomorrow. 155 00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:53,946 Look at my big tits. 156 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,118 - Hey, over here. 157 00:06:59,218 --> 00:07:00,119 Hey. 158 00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:04,824 Hey, my God. 159 00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:06,659 - I am so excited to get out of town with you. 160 00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:08,761 - Me too. I kind of love hotels. 161 00:07:08,828 --> 00:07:10,430 - Aw, that's so cute but you're not going to 162 00:07:10,496 --> 00:07:11,764 like this one. It's pretty gross. 163 00:07:11,831 --> 00:07:13,332 - Well, I'm sure you'll like it more than 164 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,101 crashing on your couch for another night. 165 00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:17,170 It's got to be so weird for you being around Michelle 166 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:18,638 since you told her you're leaving her. 167 00:07:18,738 --> 00:07:20,173 - Let's not think about that right now. 168 00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:21,941 Let's just think about all the hot hotel sex 169 00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:24,310 - we'll be having tonight. - Mm. 170 00:07:26,012 --> 00:07:28,514 Okay, okay. Bus is ready. We got to go. 171 00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:30,450 And hide your boner. Damn, bro. 172 00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:32,485 - Wait, let me carry your bag in front of it. 173 00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:34,253 - Just tuck it up behind your belt. 174 00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,490 Come on. 175 00:07:37,590 --> 00:07:41,260 - All right, everybody. Let's get on the bus. 176 00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:49,035 Leighton Murray. 177 00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:51,370 We're you leaving without even saying hi to me? 178 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,805 - Oh, yeah, sorry. I just-- 179 00:07:52,872 --> 00:07:55,007 Well, I knew you were really busy and I-- 180 00:07:55,107 --> 00:07:56,976 I was really vibing with the other girls. So-- 181 00:07:57,043 --> 00:07:58,544 Yeah, I saw. 182 00:07:58,644 --> 00:08:01,047 Look, everyone here is equally obsessed with Kappa. 183 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,348 They're just better at hiding it. 184 00:08:02,448 --> 00:08:04,550 Let's go inside and get a drink. 185 00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:07,887 So, you might major in math? Wow. 186 00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:10,490 - I know it's lame. - No, it's refreshing. 187 00:08:10,556 --> 00:08:12,792 If I had to talk to another fucking marketing major, 188 00:08:12,859 --> 00:08:14,894 - I was going to rip my ears off. 189 00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,629 Hey, do you Cory in Theta? 190 00:08:16,696 --> 00:08:19,999 - Uh, yeah. Nico got Covid from him. Why? 191 00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:21,801 - Well, according to my boyfriend, 192 00:08:21,868 --> 00:08:23,903 he has a huge crush on you. 193 00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:27,473 - Yes, I have heard that. - Would you be into him? 194 00:08:27,540 --> 00:08:29,809 - Yeah, no, 100%. He's--he's so cute. 195 00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:31,143 I knew it. 196 00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:33,379 I'm texting him right now that you like him. 197 00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:45,658 - What's up? 198 00:08:45,725 --> 00:08:47,260 - Once we get to the hotel you're gonna want to eat 199 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,694 some crackers or something, 200 00:08:48,761 --> 00:08:50,096 'cause the team's going out hard tonight. 201 00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:51,697 - But don't we have a game tomorrow? 202 00:08:51,764 --> 00:08:54,767 - It's fine. The team we're playing is awful. 203 00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:56,335 I'm telling you, 204 00:08:56,402 --> 00:08:59,005 tonight's the best team bonding night of the year. 205 00:08:59,071 --> 00:09:00,606 You're gonna love it. 206 00:09:01,407 --> 00:09:03,075 - All right, ladies. I need to speak with you. 207 00:09:03,175 --> 00:09:05,444 - So, all eyes on me. - Way ahead of you, handsome. 208 00:09:07,346 --> 00:09:08,781 - Coach Woods and I know that there was a lot 209 00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:10,750 of sneaking out last year after curfew. 210 00:09:10,850 --> 00:09:12,118 And I just want to make it clear that 211 00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:13,586 that's not gonna happen again, okay? 212 00:09:13,686 --> 00:09:15,454 - I have a question. - Okay, what is it? 213 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:18,457 - How'd you get so fine? 214 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:19,759 Okay, I get it. 215 00:09:19,859 --> 00:09:21,294 There's some weird jokes among you girls 216 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,629 that I'm, like, attractive or whatever, 217 00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:28,100 but I am your coach, and I deserve respect. Okay? 218 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,468 All right, so when we get to the hotel-- 219 00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:30,970 - Take your shirt off! 220 00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:32,638 - No, I'm not going to take my shirt off. 221 00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:34,807 And you can't talk to me like that, okay? 222 00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:37,810 - Okay, Daddy. - No, do not call me Daddy. 223 00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:40,146 I'm not your sexy Daddy. 224 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,882 - Put me to bed, Daddy. - Oh, come on. 225 00:09:50,623 --> 00:09:52,158 - Oh, man. So many "Catullan" alums showed up. 226 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:54,093 - Oh, my gosh there's a helium balloon arch. 227 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:55,394 I've always wanted to walk under one. 228 00:09:55,461 --> 00:09:57,129 - Me too. - Can you take a picture 229 00:09:57,229 --> 00:09:58,831 - of me with it? - Yeah, sure. 230 00:10:02,101 --> 00:10:04,170 Yes, girl. Yes. 231 00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:07,173 So hot. Oh, my God, you look so fucking hot. 232 00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:23,356 Hey, uh, so that's Ryan, the nice editor. 233 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,358 And that's Eric, the mean editor. 234 00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:27,293 Oh, and that's Peter Cook, class of '84. 235 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:28,928 He wrote like all of Greg's funny lines 236 00:10:28,995 --> 00:10:30,596 on "Dharma and Greg," just in case you talk to him 237 00:10:30,663 --> 00:10:33,032 - and that comes up. - He's good at Greg, got it. 238 00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:35,334 Oh, hey, isn't that the chugga chugga guy? 239 00:10:35,434 --> 00:10:36,669 Yeah. 240 00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:39,872 Hey, do you mind mingling with the other plus ones for a bit? 241 00:10:39,972 --> 00:10:41,607 I'm going to go talk to him 242 00:10:41,674 --> 00:10:43,275 and I don't want you watching as I make love to his ego. 243 00:10:43,342 --> 00:10:44,677 - Of course, don't worry about me. 244 00:10:44,777 --> 00:10:46,946 I'm gonna hobnob like it's my hob job. 245 00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:49,849 - Yeah, please don't. - I won't try to be funny. 246 00:10:49,949 --> 00:10:51,150 I'll just, like, talk to old ladies 247 00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:52,718 about recent "Jeopardy!" episodes. 248 00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:54,220 Perfect. Okay. 249 00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:00,526 Oh, thank you. 250 00:11:05,898 --> 00:11:09,135 Lila, Canaan. Hey, how are you guys? 251 00:11:09,201 --> 00:11:11,971 - Uh, Kimberly? - How cool is this? 252 00:11:12,038 --> 00:11:13,639 Have you guys seen the seafood tower? 253 00:11:13,706 --> 00:11:18,411 - It has three tiers. - Wait, so you're a guest here? 254 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:21,080 - And we're, like, serving you? - Yeah, that's weird. 255 00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:23,582 - Oh, no, no. I'm barely a guest. 256 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,017 I'm my roommate's plus one, 257 00:11:25,084 --> 00:11:26,652 and I'm just here on a technicality. 258 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,021 Those look good. 259 00:11:29,088 --> 00:11:32,224 - Would you like one of my coconut shrimp? 260 00:11:33,926 --> 00:11:36,162 - I'm good. I just had something. 261 00:11:36,228 --> 00:11:40,866 - And do you want to put your little stick on my trash tray? 262 00:11:42,168 --> 00:11:45,271 - No. I'm going to hold on to it for a bit. 263 00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,606 I'm gonna take a lap. 264 00:11:59,585 --> 00:12:02,421 - Excuse me, you're Danny Marawitz, right? 265 00:12:02,521 --> 00:12:04,290 - Mm-hmm. - I'm Bela Malhotra. 266 00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:06,058 I'm a "Catullan" hopeful. 267 00:12:06,125 --> 00:12:07,460 I'm jealous. 268 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:08,928 I'm just here admiring pictures of myself 269 00:12:09,028 --> 00:12:11,297 - without a receding hairline. 270 00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:12,631 Well, if it's more hair you want, 271 00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,300 I waxed my arms this morning. 272 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,102 So there's basically an Elvis wig in my garbage can. 273 00:12:16,202 --> 00:12:17,403 I'm sorry, that was gross. 274 00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:18,571 I'm just nervous to talk to you. 275 00:12:18,637 --> 00:12:20,606 That's really funny. 276 00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:24,577 - What's your name again? - Uh, Bela Malhotra. 277 00:12:24,643 --> 00:12:26,112 Well, good luck, Bela. 278 00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:30,149 Gentlemen, don't hit me up for money please. 279 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:41,927 Leighton? 280 00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:45,464 Did you buy a chair? 281 00:12:45,564 --> 00:12:48,134 - Yes. If I'm going to be here for 100 hours, 282 00:12:48,234 --> 00:12:51,003 I'm not spending them on a couch that's older than I am. 283 00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:53,739 - Oh, my God, you know, you can't-- 284 00:12:53,806 --> 00:12:55,574 - And before you jump on my dick, 285 00:12:55,641 --> 00:12:58,277 my shift is over in ten minutes and I've done a bunch of work. 286 00:12:58,344 --> 00:13:00,513 I restocked the tampons in the bathroom. 287 00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,348 I restocked the tampons in the couch room. 288 00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,350 And I even gave a girl a pamphlet 289 00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,652 on the prison industrial complex. 290 00:13:06,752 --> 00:13:08,921 - Okay, um, if you want to shave off some hours, 291 00:13:08,988 --> 00:13:10,356 I could really use your help tonight. 292 00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:13,325 It's a panel on the ABCs of the LGBTs. 293 00:13:13,425 --> 00:13:16,195 - You'll hate it. - Yeah, I can't. 294 00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:18,597 I have a--I have a thing. 295 00:13:18,664 --> 00:13:21,433 - A date? - Yes. 296 00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:24,537 - Ooh, this'll be so much fun. Okay, let me guess your type. 297 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:27,540 His name, Gareth. His dad, the "Monopoly" man. 298 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,708 And his hobbies, they include sailing 299 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,544 and benefiting from generational wealth? 300 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,546 - You forgot belittling waiters, but yes. 301 00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:34,980 Otherwise, that's about right. 302 00:13:35,047 --> 00:13:36,715 - Well, that sounds like my personal nightmare. 303 00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,617 - Mm. - Condoms on your way out 304 00:13:38,684 --> 00:13:40,619 - if you want them. - Yeah, no thank you. 305 00:13:40,686 --> 00:13:42,288 I do not hook up on the first date. 306 00:13:42,354 --> 00:13:44,456 Whatever you say. 307 00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,364 - Hey. - Hey. 308 00:13:52,464 --> 00:13:54,333 - I know I was being weird before, 309 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:57,203 but that was because of something else. 310 00:13:57,303 --> 00:14:00,139 - And I'd love a Sprite, please. - Okay, sure. 311 00:14:00,206 --> 00:14:01,907 One Sprite. 312 00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:05,911 What are you doing? 313 00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:07,246 - Oh, sorry. Is that not enough? 314 00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:08,514 Fine, here. 315 00:14:08,581 --> 00:14:09,982 - What the hell is wrong with you? 316 00:14:10,049 --> 00:14:11,183 It's a Sprite. 317 00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:13,018 - I'm sorry. I don't know what to do. 318 00:14:13,085 --> 00:14:15,020 - Don't worry about it. Keep your money. 319 00:14:15,087 --> 00:14:18,090 No one else here is tipping anyway, so... 320 00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:19,859 Hold on, I have an idea. 321 00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:23,929 Wow, a bartender on full scholarship, 322 00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:26,599 and he makes a mean martini! 323 00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:29,168 Here is a 20. 324 00:14:30,069 --> 00:14:31,770 - What the hell? - When people know 325 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,106 we're on financial aid, they tip more. 326 00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:35,941 - Okay, I get that you're trying to help, 327 00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:37,576 but there's no way that's going to work, so-- 328 00:14:37,676 --> 00:14:39,712 - I'll take a martini. - Hmm. 329 00:14:42,014 --> 00:14:43,883 Coming right up. 330 00:14:43,949 --> 00:14:47,786 - And Kappa's basically Theta's sister sorority, so-- 331 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,622 You know, it would be great if Nico and me-- 332 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:50,723 Yeah. 333 00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:53,859 I'm sorry, am I boring you? 334 00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:59,365 - Hey, I got to ask you, what is this? 335 00:14:59,431 --> 00:15:01,033 What do you mean? 336 00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:03,302 - When I saw you this summer, and then with your brother 337 00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:06,305 a couple weeks ago, you know, you kind of seemed into me. 338 00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:08,107 And then, I don't know, whenever 339 00:15:08,207 --> 00:15:09,808 I'd try to hit you up, you ghost me. 340 00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:12,211 And then all of a sudden you want to go to dinner? 341 00:15:12,278 --> 00:15:14,280 Something just kind of seems off with you. 342 00:15:14,380 --> 00:15:16,715 - I--I just got to school like a month ago. 343 00:15:16,782 --> 00:15:18,817 I'm sorry I don't hit you up to dry hump me every night. 344 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,487 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, that's not what I meant at all. 345 00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:24,623 - No, I know. I'm sorry. I just--I'm sorry. 346 00:15:27,826 --> 00:15:30,663 Look, Cory, I really like you. 347 00:15:31,797 --> 00:15:34,566 - Do you, Leighton? 'Cause sometimes I think-- 348 00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:45,477 - Should we go back to your place? 349 00:15:45,577 --> 00:15:46,979 I could talk about Kappa some more. 350 00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:51,183 I would love that. 351 00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:52,451 - It was great chatting with you, too. 352 00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:53,519 - You as well. - Thank you. 353 00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:55,020 My pleasure. 354 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,690 - Dude, I am networking my hot little ass off. 355 00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:01,694 - Excuse me? Can I have your attention please? 356 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,295 Oh, that's Danny. 357 00:16:03,362 --> 00:16:05,798 I am gonna get in his eyeline and laugh really hard. 358 00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:11,036 - Uh, my time at "The Catullan" changed my life. 359 00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:13,706 And I've spent the last 20 years trying to change it back. 360 00:16:15,174 --> 00:16:17,142 - But seriously, there is no better place 361 00:16:17,209 --> 00:16:18,377 to launch a comedy career. 362 00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:19,979 With the skills you'll learn here 363 00:16:20,045 --> 00:16:21,513 and the connections you'll make, 364 00:16:21,613 --> 00:16:23,716 soon you'll be working in writer's rooms with 365 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,485 other funny guys and their marginally funny girlfriends 366 00:16:26,552 --> 00:16:29,021 they've hired through nepotism. 367 00:16:29,121 --> 00:16:31,056 But jokes aside, 368 00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:34,693 I think it's great that there are some female writers now. 369 00:16:34,793 --> 00:16:36,562 Like this girl right here. 370 00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:38,230 I had the chance to chat with her earlier, 371 00:16:38,330 --> 00:16:40,399 and I honestly think that people like her 372 00:16:40,499 --> 00:16:43,235 are the future of comedy. 373 00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:45,404 A young Indian woman? 374 00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:46,739 Soon she'll be the only one of us 375 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,240 who can sell a television show. 376 00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:50,709 Let me guess, about a quirky ethnic woman 377 00:16:50,809 --> 00:16:53,045 trying to balance her love life and her career. 378 00:16:53,145 --> 00:16:54,747 Yeah, that's compelling. 379 00:17:00,486 --> 00:17:02,488 - Hey, hey. - You want? Oh, shoot. 380 00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:06,091 - Wait, wait you need one. You need one. 381 00:17:06,191 --> 00:17:07,026 Go, go. 382 00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:11,930 - Okay, okay, where are we going? 383 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,265 - A mini-golf course that shares 384 00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:15,100 a parking lot with a McDonald's. 385 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,736 - God damn, that sounds amazing. 386 00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:25,277 Okay. Thank you. 387 00:17:33,085 --> 00:17:35,054 - Hump that dino. - Yo, babe. 388 00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:36,588 - Yeah, baby. - Yeah, I got it. 389 00:17:36,688 --> 00:17:40,125 - This is 1000% going on my Tinder profile. 390 00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:41,460 Okay, look. 391 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:42,694 - Okay, it's lit. - Uh-huh. 392 00:17:42,761 --> 00:17:44,296 - Okay, all right. - Thank you. 393 00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:47,132 - What was that? - What? Nothing. 394 00:17:48,534 --> 00:17:49,868 Oh, shit. 395 00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:53,539 You're hooking up with Coach Dalton. 396 00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:00,979 - He may have hilarious catchphrases, 397 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,548 but that guy was such a jerk. 398 00:18:02,614 --> 00:18:04,883 I really hated everything he said. 399 00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:07,719 - Hey, thanks for being a good sport. 400 00:18:07,786 --> 00:18:09,321 Anything for the laugh, right? 401 00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:12,324 You're an asshole. 402 00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:15,594 Easy, honey. Don't get upset. 403 00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:17,129 I promise you, it's not a good look. 404 00:18:17,229 --> 00:18:18,430 I used to look up to you, 405 00:18:18,497 --> 00:18:19,932 but now I don't even remember why. 406 00:18:19,998 --> 00:18:21,834 You haven't worked in, like, ten years 407 00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:23,335 and you know why? 408 00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:24,837 Because you're not funny anymore. 409 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:27,406 You're like toxic podcast funny, at best. 410 00:18:27,473 --> 00:18:30,576 So, chugga chugga, chugga chugga eat shit. 411 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,746 - You can forget about my donation check. 412 00:18:34,813 --> 00:18:38,016 - Wait, w--what are you--wait. Hey, Danny, wait. 413 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,519 I think it's crazy you haven't worked in ten years. 414 00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:43,655 - You don't need his money anyway, right? 415 00:18:48,327 --> 00:18:50,262 - I have so many questions. 416 00:18:50,329 --> 00:18:51,530 When did this start? 417 00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:53,031 Is he as good at sex as he looks? 418 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,766 And bitch are you crazy? Answer the sex one first. 419 00:18:54,833 --> 00:18:56,502 - I know. I know it's insane. Okay? 420 00:18:56,602 --> 00:19:00,038 But I can't help myself. I--I think I, like, love him. 421 00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,807 - You love him? - Willow. 422 00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:03,876 Please keep your voice down. Okay, no one can find out. 423 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,777 - This whole team is full of secrets, 424 00:19:05,844 --> 00:19:07,045 and I never share them. 425 00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:08,847 Last spring, Jena ran over a dog. 426 00:19:08,947 --> 00:19:11,150 - You just shared one. Willow, please. 427 00:19:11,216 --> 00:19:12,818 Okay, this could ruin Dalton's career. 428 00:19:12,885 --> 00:19:14,153 And with my mom being a senator, 429 00:19:14,219 --> 00:19:15,487 it would be this whole big thing. 430 00:19:15,554 --> 00:19:16,889 Okay, you really can't say anything. 431 00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:19,224 - Say anything about what? - Hey, Jena. 432 00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:21,493 Uh, Willow and I are actually in the middle 433 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,362 of an important, private conversation. 434 00:19:23,462 --> 00:19:25,164 - About what? - News and current events. 435 00:19:25,230 --> 00:19:26,832 What the fuck do you care? Go ahead, go. 436 00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:28,333 Okay, chill. Geez. 437 00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:31,336 Can we just get out of here? 438 00:19:31,403 --> 00:19:33,005 - Can we stop at the McDonalds on the way home? 439 00:19:33,071 --> 00:19:34,206 - Yes. - All right. 440 00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:38,744 - Well, they're definitely fucking. 441 00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:53,425 You down? 442 00:19:53,525 --> 00:19:54,893 Yeah, I'm fine. 443 00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:25,457 - Bela, I--I really think you overreacted. 444 00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:26,792 Danny can't be sexist. 445 00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:28,727 He only hires female assistants. 446 00:20:28,794 --> 00:20:30,696 - She's right. I told him my name, 447 00:20:30,762 --> 00:20:32,564 and he said he'd just call me Ali Wong. 448 00:20:32,631 --> 00:20:33,966 - He's rude, 449 00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:36,401 and I'm glad Bela said something. 450 00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:39,905 It'll be okay. 451 00:20:41,707 --> 00:20:44,109 - Maybe we should just go. - I'll go get our coats. 452 00:20:46,044 --> 00:20:48,747 - Bela, right? The roast master herself. 453 00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:51,149 - Yeah, now might not be the time. 454 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,318 - I overheard what you said to Danny. 455 00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:55,954 And I want to thank you. 456 00:20:56,955 --> 00:20:59,725 Danny Marawitz is and always has been a total shit. 457 00:20:59,791 --> 00:21:01,793 He and I were tapped in the same year, 458 00:21:01,893 --> 00:21:03,996 and his favorite "joke" was to call me gay. 459 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:07,165 And I am gay, so--that sucked. 460 00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:08,667 He made "The Catullan" a living hell 461 00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:10,469 for everyone on staff for four years. 462 00:21:10,569 --> 00:21:13,171 But until tonight, I've never seen anyone go back at him. 463 00:21:14,172 --> 00:21:17,342 I'd be happy to write a check to replace his donation. 464 00:21:17,442 --> 00:21:19,177 - He said he was donating 20 grand. 465 00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:22,180 - I'd be happy to write a check to replace half his donation. 466 00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:24,349 Thank you so much. 467 00:21:27,686 --> 00:21:28,854 Thanks. 468 00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:31,823 Hey, Kimberly. 469 00:21:31,923 --> 00:21:35,193 We wanted to give this to you. It's all of your fake tips 470 00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:36,695 and then a cut of everything else that we made. 471 00:21:36,795 --> 00:21:38,430 What? No. I can't take that. 472 00:21:38,497 --> 00:21:41,600 - We thought it was only fair and he was reluctant at first, 473 00:21:41,667 --> 00:21:43,268 but I convinced him. 474 00:21:43,335 --> 00:21:44,836 - It was definitely the other way around. 475 00:21:44,936 --> 00:21:47,339 - That's a lie. An impossible to prove lie. 476 00:21:47,439 --> 00:21:49,708 - It's really nice of you guys but-- 477 00:21:49,808 --> 00:21:51,276 Oh, my God, just take it. 478 00:21:51,343 --> 00:21:53,178 It's like a real small percentage of what we made. 479 00:21:53,278 --> 00:21:54,713 - Very small. - We wouldn't have made 480 00:21:54,813 --> 00:21:56,682 - anything without your help. - Thanks. 481 00:21:56,782 --> 00:21:58,183 You're welcome. 482 00:21:58,283 --> 00:21:59,718 - Oh, yes. Of course. 483 00:21:59,818 --> 00:22:02,621 - Oh, no, no. That's not how this works. 484 00:22:02,688 --> 00:22:04,122 Help does not tip help. 485 00:22:07,025 --> 00:22:09,561 - Willow, you swear you won't tell anyone? 486 00:22:09,661 --> 00:22:12,297 - Whitney, I know this may be tough for you to believe, 487 00:22:12,364 --> 00:22:14,066 given all the men's hoodies I wear, 488 00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:15,901 but I was closeted once. I can keep a secret. 489 00:22:16,001 --> 00:22:17,402 Okay. 490 00:22:17,502 --> 00:22:20,539 - Now, go have gross, straight sex with our coach. 491 00:22:20,639 --> 00:22:23,842 And do not wake me up when you get back. 492 00:22:25,177 --> 00:22:27,145 - Okay. Hey. - Hmm? 493 00:22:27,212 --> 00:22:28,914 - You're a good friend. 494 00:22:30,716 --> 00:22:32,351 Drink water. 495 00:23:00,178 --> 00:23:01,513 Hey. 496 00:23:01,580 --> 00:23:04,082 - I'm so sorry I'm late. I feel terrible. 497 00:23:04,182 --> 00:23:06,551 We had plans and I just lost track of time. 498 00:23:06,618 --> 00:23:08,253 It's all good. 499 00:23:08,353 --> 00:23:10,622 Tonight I get to fall asleep next to you for the first time. 500 00:23:14,559 --> 00:23:16,294 Well don't fall asleep, yet. 501 00:25:38,537 --> 00:25:39,604 Go to bed.