1
00:00:02,752 --> 00:00:05,130
Sorry, I'm late. My eyeliner
took me three tries.
2
00:00:05,630 --> 00:00:08,006
Bela, you're literally glowing.
3
00:00:08,007 --> 00:00:09,590
Does this mean what
I think it does?
4
00:00:09,591 --> 00:00:10,925
You and Arvind finally had sex?
5
00:00:10,926 --> 00:00:11,968
Sadly, no.
6
00:00:11,969 --> 00:00:14,429
{\an8}The orgasmic glow you are noticing
is from a foot-peeling mask,
7
00:00:14,430 --> 00:00:16,349
{\an8}- that I accidentally used on my face.
- Oh.
8
00:00:16,474 --> 00:00:17,724
{\an8}Took off the top
layer of my skin.
9
00:00:17,725 --> 00:00:20,268
{\an8}Am I wrong in assuming this is
the longest stretch you've gone
10
00:00:20,269 --> 00:00:21,477
{\an8}without having sex?
11
00:00:21,478 --> 00:00:24,564
Sure is, but... Whatever, I have
accepted the reality for what it is.
12
00:00:24,565 --> 00:00:26,649
I'll have sex when I'm
supposed to have sex.
13
00:00:26,650 --> 00:00:28,778
I'll survive. I think.
14
00:00:29,654 --> 00:00:31,779
Hello, friends!
15
00:00:31,780 --> 00:00:34,032
I brought you all some
cupcakes with my face on it.
16
00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:35,992
But please, be careful, 'cause
the photo is not edible.
17
00:00:35,993 --> 00:00:37,579
Somebody got real sick.
18
00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,746
Okay, but, um, why?
19
00:00:39,747 --> 00:00:41,581
This is all a part of
my grassroots campaign
20
00:00:41,582 --> 00:00:43,624
to get on "Essex
Fifty Most List."
21
00:00:43,625 --> 00:00:45,835
What's "'Essex's'
Fifty Most List?"
22
00:00:45,836 --> 00:00:48,004
The campus magazine does
this big issue every year,
23
00:00:48,005 --> 00:00:50,173
where they rank the 50
hottest students on campus,
24
00:00:50,174 --> 00:00:51,382
and then, they write about them.
25
00:00:51,383 --> 00:00:55,511
It is major social cred,
so I'm already campaigning.
26
00:00:55,512 --> 00:00:59,559
So, remember, that's Jayla, with a "Y."
Not to be confused with "ugly Jayla."
27
00:01:00,268 --> 00:01:02,894
Essex has a student organization
that ranks people by their looks,
28
00:01:02,895 --> 00:01:04,687
and I'm just finding
out about this now?
29
00:01:04,688 --> 00:01:07,690
Everyone is so thirsty for that
dumb list, this time of year.
30
00:01:07,691 --> 00:01:09,776
Half of my teammates got
blowouts before last week's game.
31
00:01:09,777 --> 00:01:11,235
They're all a week ahead of me?
32
00:01:11,236 --> 00:01:13,446
It's so backwards and archaic.
33
00:01:13,447 --> 00:01:14,614
The world needs to get better
34
00:01:14,615 --> 00:01:16,449
at acknowledging that some
things are subjective.
35
00:01:16,450 --> 00:01:18,242
Not everything
needs to be ranked.
36
00:01:18,243 --> 00:01:21,162
Aren't you obsessed with the US
news and World College Rankings?
37
00:01:21,163 --> 00:01:23,083
Not anymore, since
they totally fucked us.
38
00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:25,375
Big deal, Columbia
has a nursing program.
39
00:01:25,376 --> 00:01:27,627
Our student-to-faculty
ratio crushes theirs.
40
00:01:27,628 --> 00:01:29,921
Okay, well, I am so
getting on this list.
41
00:01:29,922 --> 00:01:32,215
Do you guys know a good place
where you can get a vampire facial?
42
00:01:32,216 --> 00:01:33,841
I don't know what that means.
43
00:01:33,842 --> 00:01:38,721
Ooh, I just got a text from Arvind saying
he hopes I'm free tomorrow. Here we go.
44
00:01:38,722 --> 00:01:40,848
Okay. This might be it.
45
00:01:40,849 --> 00:01:45,144
And, he wants me to volunteer
with him at an old folks home.
46
00:01:45,145 --> 00:01:47,357
It's official, I'm definitely
never having sex again.
47
00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:49,649
Whitney, can I borrow
your Theragun later?
48
00:01:49,650 --> 00:01:51,319
With that segue? No.
49
00:01:51,486 --> 00:01:54,320
Vote for Jayla,
put the A in slay.
50
00:01:54,321 --> 00:01:55,321
Slay.
51
00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:58,368
I need a tagline.
52
00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:07,083
That's crazy.
53
00:02:07,084 --> 00:02:10,169
Dude, I can't believe you
were just at soccer practice.
54
00:02:10,170 --> 00:02:12,422
That fall the other
day was so gnarly.
55
00:02:12,423 --> 00:02:13,881
I thought you were
dead for a second.
56
00:02:13,882 --> 00:02:14,882
It wasn't that bad.
57
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:18,011
Did the team doc give you
anything? Pills? Shot?
58
00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:21,848
No. They just told
me to ice and rest.
59
00:02:21,849 --> 00:02:22,765
Whitney.
60
00:02:22,766 --> 00:02:24,102
Hey, Professor Milton.
61
00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:26,853
Willow. This is my professor
who's running the fish lab.
62
00:02:26,854 --> 00:02:28,563
The one I've been doing
the research with.
63
00:02:28,564 --> 00:02:31,482
So you're the reason Whitney smells
weird on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
64
00:02:31,483 --> 00:02:33,276
I certainly am. And that stink
65
00:02:33,277 --> 00:02:36,154
is the price you have to pay
to find a cure for fin rot.
66
00:02:36,155 --> 00:02:38,072
Now, has Whitney
explained fin rot to you?
67
00:02:38,073 --> 00:02:40,616
No, but you don't have
to either. I'm good.
68
00:02:40,617 --> 00:02:42,827
Whitney, unfortunately,
I've got some bad news.
69
00:02:42,828 --> 00:02:45,079
The university decided
not to fund us.
70
00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:46,164
Seriously?
71
00:02:46,165 --> 00:02:48,374
What the heck? I thought
our prospectus was good.
72
00:02:48,375 --> 00:02:50,378
This is just how it
goes in research.
73
00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:53,463
No matter what good we can do,
we're at the mercy of the dollar.
74
00:02:53,464 --> 00:02:55,882
Right. Thank you for telling me.
75
00:02:55,883 --> 00:02:57,091
Hey, don't let it get you down.
76
00:02:57,092 --> 00:02:59,135
Just keep doing what
you're doing, do your work,
77
00:02:59,136 --> 00:03:00,219
and eventually
something will bite.
78
00:03:00,220 --> 00:03:04,475
And, let's hope that bite doesn't
come from the Amazonian Candiru fish.
79
00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:08,478
- Because... She...
- Because, she keeps...
80
00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:10,021
- Do you know the fish?
- I'll explain it to her.
81
00:03:10,022 --> 00:03:11,230
That was really good.
82
00:03:11,231 --> 00:03:12,690
- Thank you.
- Thank you. I needed that.
83
00:03:12,691 --> 00:03:13,985
- Yeah. Nice to meet you.
- Yeah.
84
00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:23,242
Wow. What's with
the spreadsheet?
85
00:03:23,243 --> 00:03:26,120
You know you don't have to do
your taxes until you're 25, right?
86
00:03:26,121 --> 00:03:27,582
Oh, that's not true.
87
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,500
It's not? Oh, fuck.
88
00:03:30,501 --> 00:03:33,336
This is an intricate grid of all the
in-person and digital connections I have
89
00:03:33,337 --> 00:03:35,797
with students who work
on Essex's 50 Most list.
90
00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:38,426
It shows people
who I've gotten to
91
00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:41,511
and people who I still need
to, you know, hunt down.
92
00:03:41,512 --> 00:03:44,472
Wow, you're really locked in
since learning about the list.
93
00:03:44,473 --> 00:03:45,682
I have to!
94
00:03:45,683 --> 00:03:47,225
So many girls are
angling for this,
95
00:03:47,226 --> 00:03:49,852
and as a new transfer student
I have to work harder.
96
00:03:49,853 --> 00:03:53,564
I will not be snubbed an award by
some rando who didn't know I existed.
97
00:03:53,565 --> 00:03:55,149
This is how I won little
Miss North Dakota,
98
00:03:55,150 --> 00:03:57,110
and I've never even
set foot in Dakota.
99
00:03:57,111 --> 00:03:59,570
I don't I know if this
matters to you or not,
100
00:03:59,571 --> 00:04:02,701
but whether or not you make that
list, we think you're beautiful.
101
00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:05,034
Aw, that's so sweet.
102
00:04:05,035 --> 00:04:07,664
Would you be willing to tweet
that from a few 100 fake accounts?
103
00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:09,580
Okay. I'm off.
104
00:04:09,581 --> 00:04:11,958
I'm officially ahead on all
of my homework and reading,
105
00:04:11,959 --> 00:04:13,334
so I have a free day to myself.
106
00:04:13,335 --> 00:04:14,877
Wow, what are you gonna do?
107
00:04:14,878 --> 00:04:17,005
I'm gonna do the official
Essex campus tour.
108
00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:19,340
Isn't that for high school
students who don't go here yet?
109
00:04:19,341 --> 00:04:22,010
It is. But I couldn't afford
to fly here when I applied.
110
00:04:22,011 --> 00:04:23,052
But it's for the best
111
00:04:23,053 --> 00:04:26,347
because I have so many
questions about the benches.
112
00:04:26,348 --> 00:04:28,349
Okay. Well, have fun.
113
00:04:28,350 --> 00:04:30,852
Ooh, when you walk by
the Essex View office,
114
00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:34,357
will you talk really loudly about
how cute Kacey Lynne Baker is?
115
00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:35,356
Sure.
116
00:04:35,357 --> 00:04:37,235
Yay! Thank you.
117
00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:44,866
Go fish!
118
00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:46,492
Aren't we playing Checkers?
119
00:04:46,493 --> 00:04:48,327
Yeah. We play whatever
they think we're playing.
120
00:04:48,328 --> 00:04:50,329
Estelle, you win again.
121
00:04:50,330 --> 00:04:52,415
Ha! Suck it, Morris.
122
00:04:52,416 --> 00:04:53,916
Thanks for inviting me.
123
00:04:53,917 --> 00:04:56,461
I did think having a date in the
old folks home would be weird,
124
00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:57,545
- and it is.
- Yep.
125
00:04:57,546 --> 00:04:59,172
But I'm loving the
unlimited pudding policy.
126
00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:02,133
Of course. I find helping
the elderly so rewarding.
127
00:05:02,134 --> 00:05:05,511
And only half of them are racist, which
is pretty good for people over 80.
128
00:05:05,512 --> 00:05:06,471
That is good.
129
00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:10,683
This is the girl Arvind's
been dating behind our back.
130
00:05:10,684 --> 00:05:12,060
She's very pretty.
131
00:05:12,061 --> 00:05:15,482
But can she make
Ukrainian stuffed peppers?
132
00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:16,858
You know, Arvind,
133
00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:21,444
women don't hit their sexual
prime until their 60s.
134
00:05:21,445 --> 00:05:24,113
Okay. Sorry about them. They're
a little protective of me.
135
00:05:24,114 --> 00:05:27,116
No, it's okay. I love a
little friendly competition.
136
00:05:27,117 --> 00:05:29,619
But back off, ladies, he's mine.
137
00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:31,373
What did you say about my back?
138
00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:33,792
Nothing. Your back is great.
139
00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:35,919
No, it isn't.
140
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:39,128
Hey, I finally have a night
off from FAF duties tomorrow.
141
00:05:39,129 --> 00:05:40,296
Wait. So do I.
142
00:05:40,297 --> 00:05:42,298
We haven't had a night
off together in so long.
143
00:05:42,299 --> 00:05:43,257
We have to go out.
144
00:05:43,258 --> 00:05:47,011
Out? Like, to a party?
Yeah, that could be fun.
145
00:05:47,012 --> 00:05:49,639
Admittedly, ever since I became
a FAF, I don't really party.
146
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,683
Wait, so you haven't
been to a party all year?
147
00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:53,559
Calendar year or school year?
148
00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:55,436
I don't know why I asked that.
Either way, the answer is no.
149
00:05:55,437 --> 00:05:58,272
Okay, then it's settled.
Tomorrow I'm taking you out.
150
00:05:58,273 --> 00:06:01,442
Get ready to see Bela
Malhotra tear up the campus.
151
00:06:01,443 --> 00:06:03,403
Okay, let's do it.
152
00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:05,863
Let's get turned.
153
00:06:05,864 --> 00:06:07,992
- It's "turnt."
- Turnt, right.
154
00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:13,289
I think it's so sweet, you both
came to this country and found love.
155
00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:15,834
Wow, she's not even
the racist one.
156
00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:18,086
Bingo!
157
00:06:20,422 --> 00:06:22,130
So, what do you think
of Essex so far?
158
00:06:22,131 --> 00:06:23,756
If I were you, I'd apply early.
159
00:06:23,757 --> 00:06:26,217
It's actually my safety school.
I'm hoping to get into Columbia.
160
00:06:26,218 --> 00:06:27,593
Columbia?
161
00:06:27,594 --> 00:06:31,681
Okay, well, have fun at the Ivy with
the lowest student satisfaction rate,
162
00:06:31,682 --> 00:06:33,307
according to multiple
Reddit posts.
163
00:06:33,308 --> 00:06:36,894
Hello, prospective students
and prospective parents...
164
00:06:36,895 --> 00:06:37,937
And Kimberly?
165
00:06:37,938 --> 00:06:39,605
Brian, you're our tour guide?
166
00:06:39,606 --> 00:06:40,608
Yeah.
167
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:44,193
Kimberly is a fellow student
from one of my classes.
168
00:06:44,194 --> 00:06:46,863
- Who I guess is taking the tour.
- Mmm-hmm.
169
00:06:46,864 --> 00:06:48,448
- Weird.
- No, that's not weird.
170
00:06:48,449 --> 00:06:50,950
I guess you could say I'm
not just a student at Essex,
171
00:06:50,951 --> 00:06:52,746
I'm also a student of Essex.
172
00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:55,457
Whoa, that is going into a
brochure if I have any pull.
173
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,291
So do you have any
special requests?
174
00:06:58,292 --> 00:07:01,085
Okay, I would never wanna
backseat tour guide,
175
00:07:01,086 --> 00:07:05,089
but I do have some questions about the
lattice work in the Divinity Solarium.
176
00:07:05,090 --> 00:07:08,176
And also I heard that the
original desk that John Essex used
177
00:07:08,177 --> 00:07:10,972
was converted into a bookcase.
I would love to see that.
178
00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:13,598
I'd like to see the Sbarro
in the student center.
179
00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:16,684
Yeah, okay. Though unfortunately,
we lost our licensing deal,
180
00:07:16,685 --> 00:07:18,897
and it is now called a "Sbumo".
181
00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:22,857
Okay, potential Foxes,
let's get this tour started.
182
00:07:22,858 --> 00:07:27,570
First up our library, which was originally
Vermont's first high security prison.
183
00:07:27,571 --> 00:07:28,988
I fucking knew it!
184
00:07:28,989 --> 00:07:31,868
Keep these details coming,
Brian, I am living!
185
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:37,456
Goodbye, Doug.
186
00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:40,583
I will always remember the
time I accidentally touched you
187
00:07:40,584 --> 00:07:42,253
and got pink eye the next day.
188
00:07:43,338 --> 00:07:45,171
Step away from the tank.
189
00:07:45,172 --> 00:07:46,756
We got the funding!
190
00:07:46,757 --> 00:07:48,633
No way. Really?
That's unbelievable.
191
00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:51,678
It is a miracle. Although, as a
scientist, I do not believe in those.
192
00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:54,055
Now we can finally get that
self-cleaning filtration system,
193
00:07:54,056 --> 00:07:55,932
and nobody has to
be on algae duty.
194
00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:59,352
Exactly. Although I do find
scraping the tank to be calming.
195
00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:01,396
Wait, so, who is this
mysterious donor?
196
00:08:01,397 --> 00:08:05,360
Some telecom billionaire's venture
firm, called Beaconvest Capital.
197
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,943
Really? Oh, God.
198
00:08:06,944 --> 00:08:09,737
What? Did they do something bad?
Is this like dirty opioid money?
199
00:08:09,738 --> 00:08:11,741
Actually, don't tell
me. I really need this.
200
00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:12,908
No.
201
00:08:13,535 --> 00:08:16,119
It's just that's my
boyfriend's dad's company.
202
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:19,580
It is? Finally a student
with connections.
203
00:08:19,581 --> 00:08:21,624
Hey, if you'd be
willing to introduce us,
204
00:08:21,625 --> 00:08:23,584
I have a few proposals
I wanted to run by them.
205
00:08:23,585 --> 00:08:26,421
I have this idea for a
restaurant that is awesome.
206
00:08:26,422 --> 00:08:30,216
All right, boys! Tonight we
celebrate, double flakes for everyone!
207
00:08:30,217 --> 00:08:32,679
Whoop! Sorry, Shelly.
Shouldn't have said "boys."
208
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,517
I think if you went into
that situation and...
209
00:08:39,518 --> 00:08:42,687
- Excuse me.
- Heads up! The frats are doing hell week,
210
00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:44,647
so everybody be on the
lookout for pranks.
211
00:08:44,648 --> 00:08:48,359
And by pranks, I do mean people
pooping in the laundry dryers.
212
00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:49,777
That can't be real.
213
00:08:49,778 --> 00:08:51,990
What the hell is
wrong with people?
214
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:55,742
Taylor, you changed your hair.
Now I know why the shower is pink.
215
00:08:55,743 --> 00:08:57,035
It's great you're
here, actually,
216
00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:59,495
because we were just discussing the
letter you slipped under our door.
217
00:08:59,496 --> 00:09:00,913
My letter? What letter?
218
00:09:00,914 --> 00:09:05,168
The one suggesting that we all attend
the queer rodeo fundraising party tonight
219
00:09:05,169 --> 00:09:10,216
regardless of our sexualities, because,
"Ally ship starts with action."
220
00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:12,634
Yes.
221
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,636
Right! I wrote this.
222
00:09:15,637 --> 00:09:16,765
'Course you did.
223
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,766
It's signed, "from Bela." And you
misspelled the word "environment."
224
00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:21,519
- Classic Bela.
- Classic.
225
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:25,482
Hey, Taylor, can I talk to
you outside for a second?
226
00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:27,440
What the hell is going on?
227
00:09:27,441 --> 00:09:28,816
I figured out how
to get with Chloe.
228
00:09:28,817 --> 00:09:31,069
Chloe, your roommate? Who
you told me, is straight?
229
00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:32,862
She says she's straight.
230
00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:34,072
My gaydar for her is going off
231
00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:36,407
like you at a men's
warehouse clearing sale.
232
00:09:36,408 --> 00:09:38,203
People like my neckties!
233
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,453
I think if I can get Chloe
to a big queer party,
234
00:09:40,454 --> 00:09:42,747
she might feel comfortable
enough coming out to me.
235
00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:45,875
So, you lie to me to sound like
I'm forcing them to attend,
236
00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:48,336
and that I can't spell a
simple three-syllable-word?
237
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:49,422
Four, babe.
238
00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:52,509
En-vi-ro... Damn it!
239
00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:54,717
Fine. I won't blow up your plan.
240
00:09:54,718 --> 00:09:56,010
- Thank you.
- But just know,
241
00:09:56,011 --> 00:09:58,096
that I will be attending
this party as well.
242
00:09:58,097 --> 00:09:59,889
Not because of anything
that happened here,
243
00:09:59,890 --> 00:10:01,891
but because a queer
rodeo sounds really fun.
244
00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:03,643
Please, don't go to it.
245
00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:06,145
It's too late. It's
already happening.
246
00:10:06,146 --> 00:10:07,857
See you there, Taylor!
247
00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:14,487
Mmm! his panini is
literally rocking my world.
248
00:10:14,488 --> 00:10:15,740
You want a bite?
249
00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:19,200
Who invented the panini?
250
00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:21,661
The exact origin of
the panini is unknown.
251
00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:23,164
Well, ain't that some shit!
252
00:10:24,416 --> 00:10:26,374
- What?
- Oh, my God!
253
00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:28,837
That guy's dropping off the
magazines with the 50 Most list.
254
00:10:31,423 --> 00:10:32,630
Oh, my God, I'm coming.
255
00:10:32,631 --> 00:10:34,791
- Excuse me.
- Look out! Tall and tiny, comin' through.
256
00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:38,511
No. Come on.
257
00:10:38,512 --> 00:10:41,472
A 10% off coupon for Sips?
When did I approve that?
258
00:10:41,473 --> 00:10:43,143
Who are these people?
259
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:46,185
Uggo! Legacy!
260
00:10:46,186 --> 00:10:47,395
Nepo!
261
00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:48,813
Damn, you judge fast.
262
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:51,482
Forty seven, forty
eight, forty nine...
263
00:10:51,483 --> 00:10:53,361
There's only one page left.
264
00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:55,028
Oh, fuck.
265
00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:56,698
Well, maybe it's you.
266
00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:01,200
Calvin?
267
00:11:01,201 --> 00:11:03,619
Isn't that the guy
who cheated on you?
268
00:11:03,620 --> 00:11:06,082
Damn, he's got a thicker
neck than I remember.
269
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:11,421
What? I can hate the guy
and not hate his hot neck.
270
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,591
Wow, Brian, you are
such a good tour guide.
271
00:11:16,592 --> 00:11:19,218
I don't care what those
stupid high school kids say.
272
00:11:19,219 --> 00:11:20,889
Wait. What did they say?
273
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,430
Oh, nothing. They loved it.
274
00:11:22,431 --> 00:11:25,018
And they loved the length
of your khaki pants.
275
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:28,646
Well, you were a lot more
fun than my normal audience.
276
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:33,107
But there's one spot I never
get to include in the tour...
277
00:11:33,108 --> 00:11:34,359
and I knew I had to show you.
278
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,946
Oh, my God, What is it? The
anticipation is killing me.
279
00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:39,655
Most people don't
find this interesting,
280
00:11:39,656 --> 00:11:43,953
but this line of stones was the
original property line of Essex College.
281
00:11:44,496 --> 00:11:47,872
Oh, my God. So, are you
saying that if it were 1680,
282
00:11:47,873 --> 00:11:50,208
I wouldn't even be standing
on Essex property right now?
283
00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:51,167
That's right.
284
00:11:51,168 --> 00:11:54,214
You would be standing on
contested Dutch territory.
285
00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:57,006
Brian, I am losing
my shit right now!
286
00:11:57,007 --> 00:11:59,884
It's insane that they make
you take this out of the tour.
287
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:02,637
- Everyone deserves to know this.
- Right?
288
00:12:02,638 --> 00:12:04,933
Some of us like that
it's more of a secret.
289
00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:08,101
Professor Friedman,
what are you doing here?
290
00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:11,773
Well, I was having a quiet
lunch alone with my thoughts.
291
00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:14,982
Wait. You two aren't on some
weird little date, are you?
292
00:12:14,983 --> 00:12:16,567
- Not at all. No.
- No. Of course not.
293
00:12:16,568 --> 00:12:18,361
I don't like when
my students date.
294
00:12:18,362 --> 00:12:22,409
The last two that did became rival
judges and a man was executed.
295
00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:25,910
He did bomb a building.
But that trial was messy.
296
00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:28,287
Oh, no need to worry.
We're just friends.
297
00:12:28,288 --> 00:12:30,581
Yeah, less than friends.
Just acquaintances, even.
298
00:12:30,582 --> 00:12:32,293
- Respectfully.
- Respectfully.
299
00:12:33,628 --> 00:12:36,923
I should go. But I'll see
you guys in the symposium.
300
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:40,427
Oh!
301
00:12:41,136 --> 00:12:42,012
Just...
302
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:44,514
Now I can go.
303
00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:51,769
Hey, can I talk to
you for a second?
304
00:12:51,770 --> 00:12:52,854
Yeah. What's up, Whitney?
305
00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:54,357
Not you, Terry.
306
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:58,194
Okay, I'll step to the
side, but I'll be listening.
307
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:00,611
What's up?
308
00:13:00,612 --> 00:13:02,488
Did you get your
dad to fund my lab?
309
00:13:02,489 --> 00:13:05,575
I did. When you told me about your lab
losing funding, I reached out to him.
310
00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:07,493
He loves funding
science and innovation.
311
00:13:07,494 --> 00:13:11,207
He was an angel investor in the Snuggie,
and that's what got us our Paris home.
312
00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:14,417
Wow. Okay, I know you
were trying to be nice,
313
00:13:14,418 --> 00:13:16,669
but $200,000 is a lot of money.
314
00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:19,549
You gave your
girlfriend $200,000?
315
00:13:20,592 --> 00:13:22,635
What? I said I'd be listening.
316
00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:25,470
What? Did I do something
wrong? You seem mad at me.
317
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:27,430
I just wish you would
have told me first.
318
00:13:27,431 --> 00:13:29,307
Look, I don't want to feel
like I owe you anything.
319
00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:30,725
The whole thing just
makes me feel weird.
320
00:13:30,726 --> 00:13:34,145
You think you feel weird? I just
found out he gave you $200,000,
321
00:13:34,146 --> 00:13:37,106
yet he still owes me ten bucks
for wings. Make it make sense.
322
00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:39,025
Terry, my Venmo
notifications are turned off.
323
00:13:39,026 --> 00:13:40,735
Consider yourself notified.
324
00:13:40,736 --> 00:13:44,113
Oh, my... Look, if I wanna do
something nice for you, that's on me.
325
00:13:44,114 --> 00:13:46,115
Money is money. You
don't owe me anything.
326
00:13:46,116 --> 00:13:47,408
So, it shouldn't matter
where it came from.
327
00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:49,287
Yeah, well, it matters to me.
328
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,290
Same! Same!
329
00:13:58,129 --> 00:13:59,129
Cheers!
330
00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:00,964
Dang!
331
00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:11,059
Guys, I need this party tonight.
332
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:13,976
I'm so annoyed at Isaiah, which
is why I'm excited to drink
333
00:14:13,977 --> 00:14:16,229
until I forget about
why I'm annoyed at him.
334
00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:17,230
Yeah! Who needs men
335
00:14:17,231 --> 00:14:20,191
when you've got good music,
great vibes, and the best gals?
336
00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:21,903
And me, Arvind!
337
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:23,861
Who wants another shot?
338
00:14:23,862 --> 00:14:26,948
It's so fun that you're here, Arvind.
We never have guests at our pregame.
339
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:29,659
That's because we're giving
him the full party experience,
340
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:31,994
keg stands, sweaty dancing
341
00:14:31,995 --> 00:14:35,039
and not realizing how drunk you
are until you sit down to pee!
342
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:36,499
Can I get a yee-haw?
343
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,670
Yee-haw!
344
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:42,340
Yippie-ki-yay-who fucking cares?
345
00:14:44,426 --> 00:14:45,675
Girl. Are you good?
346
00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:47,927
No, I'm hideous.
347
00:14:47,928 --> 00:14:51,014
I'm not one of the top 50 hottest
people on this campus, and Calvin is?
348
00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:53,850
Which basically means
I'm human dumpster water.
349
00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:56,060
And worse, I lost my breakup.
350
00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:58,563
Kacey, please stop.
You're beautiful.
351
00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:01,232
And Calvin being on that list
should confirm how dumb it is.
352
00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:03,484
Yeah, he looks like a thumb
and his mouth is a knuckle.
353
00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:05,445
Yeah, his lips are the
same color as his face.
354
00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:07,864
And worst of all, he's
ugly on the inside.
355
00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:10,408
No, no. Continue making
fun of his outside looks.
356
00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:12,410
I'll say it. He's
got date-rape vibes.
357
00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:13,619
- Oh, my God!
- What?
358
00:15:13,620 --> 00:15:15,079
- Too far!
- What? He does.
359
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:18,583
I hate that this man broke
your heart and you should know,
360
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,543
your scars are what
make you most beautiful.
361
00:15:20,544 --> 00:15:22,962
- Too much, Arvind.
- Sorry, I'm still learning how to pregame.
362
00:15:22,963 --> 00:15:25,675
Kacey, come to the party with
us, it'll make you feel better.
363
00:15:26,676 --> 00:15:30,386
I'm going. I may be ugly, but
that doesn't mean I don't exist.
364
00:15:30,387 --> 00:15:31,596
So again, you are not...
365
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:35,810
And if I don't go out, then they
win. And I refuse to let them win.
366
00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:39,520
Wait for me. I'm gonna
go put my extensions in.
367
00:15:39,521 --> 00:15:40,605
You don't need to
extend anything.
368
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:42,442
Everything about you
is the perfect length.
369
00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:44,942
Do not let her put
Taylor Swift on.
370
00:15:44,943 --> 00:15:47,864
She will get lost in the
song and never come out. Go!
371
00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:00,625
Am I off?
372
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:02,921
This is impossible.
When do we clap?
373
00:16:07,384 --> 00:16:09,384
Wait, how are you
doing this so well?
374
00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:10,679
It's easy. Ready?
375
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:14,055
It's tap, tap, shuffle, and hop.
376
00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:16,307
I get the hop part, but
not the other stuff.
377
00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:17,433
In my town,
378
00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:20,061
you have to take a line-dancing
class to graduate high school.
379
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:21,729
Why don't they just
play one of those songs
380
00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:23,608
where the lyrics
are instructions?
381
00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:24,982
Okay, now cowboy up.
382
00:16:24,983 --> 00:16:27,026
Yeah, but what
does that mean? Oh!
383
00:16:27,027 --> 00:16:29,112
I give up. Let's get
out of the stomp zone.
384
00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:30,573
- Absolutely.
- Please!
385
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,704
You guys looked
like shit out there.
386
00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:38,413
I'm not judging.
I'm also very bad.
387
00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:39,664
I'm Lewis by the way.
Nice to meet you.
388
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,332
Hey, cool party.
389
00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:43,670
Oh, you think just because
I'm gay, it's my party?
390
00:16:44,546 --> 00:16:47,465
Just kidding! It is, I planned the
whole thing. She's cute, right?
391
00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:49,507
Yeah, what's the bucket for?
392
00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:52,427
Oh, we're collecting donations
for our friend's top surgery.
393
00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:54,220
Boob-voyage, baby.
394
00:16:54,221 --> 00:16:55,680
Hell yeah, I'll donate to that.
395
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:58,349
It's an honor to be a part
of someone's gender journey.
396
00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:00,977
- Howdy, my hotties!
- Howdy!
397
00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:02,311
Let me put some in the pot.
398
00:17:02,312 --> 00:17:04,649
Oh, I know you have
more money than that.
399
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:07,902
Let me know if you need any
help searching those pockets.
400
00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:09,569
Canaan, this is Lewis.
401
00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:12,447
He's the one that got fired
from Sips before you got hired.
402
00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:14,490
Lila and I were a
disaster together.
403
00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:17,744
I've missed you,
you little slut.
404
00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:19,706
Lila, where's your
Instacart hottie?
405
00:17:19,831 --> 00:17:22,290
Sadly, Gabe and I
have drifted apart.
406
00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:24,167
But someday, on a
dark and lonely night
407
00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:26,836
when I realize I need
some household products,
408
00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:28,379
perhaps we shall reunite.
409
00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:32,425
Until then, who is
down to hoedown?
410
00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:33,760
I am.
411
00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:35,845
Yas, my long-backed angel!
412
00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:38,014
Let's get that flat ass on
the dance floor, shall we?
413
00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:39,724
She did not say "long-backed."
414
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,019
Come on.
415
00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:51,905
Damn, Lila, those are some
impressive dance moves.
416
00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:55,365
These aren't dance moves.
They're select body movements
417
00:17:55,366 --> 00:17:58,411
meant to catch the eye of the
hot ass cowboy over there.
418
00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:00,914
And it...
419
00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:03,875
worked. Bye, bitches.
420
00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:08,044
This is so much more fun than
Catan Night with the boys.
421
00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:10,256
Bela, thank you so
much for bringing me.
422
00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:13,883
Aw, look at us! No first
years to take care of.
423
00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:17,136
Is a student triggered by
an incident with a roommate?
424
00:18:17,137 --> 00:18:19,138
Bela doesn't care.
She's off tonight.
425
00:18:19,139 --> 00:18:22,310
Yeah. Is a student homesick?
Arvind doesn't care.
426
00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:25,436
He does care. He loves people and
he really wants them to be happy.
427
00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:26,856
But he's off tonight!
428
00:18:27,982 --> 00:18:30,151
I'm gonna get us
another drink. M'lady.
429
00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:33,695
Seems like Arvind's having fun.
430
00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:37,031
Yeah. I feel like I'm getting
to know a whole new side of him.
431
00:18:37,032 --> 00:18:38,827
Look at him swirl in that ice.
432
00:18:40,662 --> 00:18:42,580
And he's totally
been all over me.
433
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:45,709
I think tonight might be the
night we finally have sex.
434
00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:49,379
I doubt it, babe.
That boy is drunk.
435
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:54,298
I think I overestimated
his tolerance.
436
00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:56,134
Whoo!
437
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:58,761
I gotta sober him up. Does
anybody have any rice?
438
00:18:58,762 --> 00:19:02,100
Or pieces of bread, like
you might feed to a duck?
439
00:19:08,023 --> 00:19:09,899
Chloe! You made it.
440
00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:12,608
Of course. Anything
for a good cause.
441
00:19:12,609 --> 00:19:16,988
And isn't it so great we can be in a
place where we can truly be ourselves?
442
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,450
In the dining hall?
443
00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:20,785
- Yeah.
- Sure.
444
00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:22,702
I love your outfit, by the way.
445
00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:24,787
Thank you. It's my
take on Western wear.
446
00:19:24,788 --> 00:19:26,956
Based on one 10-second
Google search.
447
00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:29,208
It's hot. I'm going
to get a drink.
448
00:19:29,209 --> 00:19:30,253
Okay.
449
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:32,503
You're gay for straight.
450
00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:33,421
Excuse me?
451
00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:35,214
You're gaming on
a straight girl.
452
00:19:35,215 --> 00:19:38,968
I've meticulously catalogued
all the gay women on this campus
453
00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:42,180
and that girl is not in
my binder. Who is she?
454
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,057
- My roommate.
- Oh.
455
00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:45,641
And what makes you so
sure she's straight?
456
00:19:45,642 --> 00:19:49,020
Her nails. Girl's got
a stiletto manicure.
457
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:52,023
These are the hands of
a hard-working lesbian.
458
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:54,025
Okay. But when we're alone,
459
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:56,402
she's always playing with my hair
and touching my leg and she...
460
00:19:56,403 --> 00:19:57,987
And that means nothing.
461
00:19:57,988 --> 00:20:00,740
A straight girl will
flirt with you one minute
462
00:20:00,741 --> 00:20:04,452
and make out with your brother at his
laser tag birthday party the next.
463
00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:05,411
Worst day of my life.
464
00:20:05,412 --> 00:20:07,205
I'm pretty sure that
won't happen to me.
465
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,875
And I know I'm
right about Chloe.
466
00:20:12,003 --> 00:20:14,631
You're gonna regret not
listening to your queer elders.
467
00:20:15,090 --> 00:20:16,591
You're two years older than me.
468
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,639
I have to come clean
about something.
469
00:20:22,764 --> 00:20:24,222
I don't know what
cold foam means,
470
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,557
so whenever someone orders it,
I just give them whipped cream.
471
00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:30,228
Kimberly, no Sips talk,
respect my work-life balance.
472
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:31,688
Okay. Brian!
473
00:20:31,689 --> 00:20:33,231
Oh, Kimberly, hi.
474
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,775
Lila, this is Brian, the
guy from my symposium
475
00:20:35,776 --> 00:20:37,110
who I spent the whole day with.
476
00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:38,986
Oh, yes. The Essex tour.
477
00:20:38,987 --> 00:20:41,866
What a cool and normal way for
people our age to spend an afternoon.
478
00:20:42,117 --> 00:20:44,909
Oh, I meant to tell you.
The book on gerrymandering
479
00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:47,620
that Professor Friedman mentioned
is back in circulation tomorrow.
480
00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:49,165
Yeah, I got the
notification too.
481
00:20:49,457 --> 00:20:53,003
Oh! Okay. I guess it's gonna be a race
to the library and we'll see who wins.
482
00:20:54,004 --> 00:20:58,006
Well, this was weird to watch. Like
two prime numbers having a meet cute.
483
00:20:58,007 --> 00:20:59,841
See you later,
Kimberly and Himberly.
484
00:20:59,842 --> 00:21:00,842
Himberly?
485
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:02,885
Wait, is she making fun of us
486
00:21:02,886 --> 00:21:04,846
because we have a lot
in common, or something?
487
00:21:04,847 --> 00:21:06,224
- That's silly.
- That's silly.
488
00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:17,650
You're really holding your
own on the dance floor.
489
00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:20,278
Yeah. Thanks to a
mother-son dance
490
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:23,867
I didn't want to do at my parents'
vow renewal, I can do this.
491
00:21:29,039 --> 00:21:30,665
You dipped and kissed your mom?
492
00:21:31,082 --> 00:21:32,582
What? No. Not the kiss part.
493
00:21:32,583 --> 00:21:34,125
Okay, good.
494
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:36,796
- God, you look so damn beautiful tonight.
- Aw.
495
00:21:41,259 --> 00:21:43,593
Not beautiful enough
to be on that list.
496
00:21:43,594 --> 00:21:45,472
Hey, will you let that go?
497
00:21:46,765 --> 00:21:49,307
When I tell you you're beautiful,
I want you to believe it.
498
00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:53,394
I don't want you to put yourself
down. That list doesn't matter.
499
00:21:53,395 --> 00:21:55,229
You wouldn't understand.
500
00:21:55,230 --> 00:21:59,817
You're a boy who probably got praised
for being tall and athletic and smart.
501
00:21:59,818 --> 00:22:01,652
But you know what
made my parents smile?
502
00:22:01,653 --> 00:22:04,573
When people at the grocery store would
stop to tell them how pretty I was.
503
00:22:05,033 --> 00:22:07,450
Because girls don't get
the same treatment as boys.
504
00:22:07,451 --> 00:22:11,412
The world tells us very loud and
very clear, that our looks do matter.
505
00:22:11,413 --> 00:22:13,915
And, yeah, maybe I don't
want that to be the case
506
00:22:13,916 --> 00:22:16,084
because the amount of effort
that I have to put into it
507
00:22:16,085 --> 00:22:17,418
is absolutely exhausting.
508
00:22:17,419 --> 00:22:19,005
Okay. I'm sorry.
509
00:22:24,719 --> 00:22:26,763
- Can we just go?
- Yeah.
510
00:22:33,687 --> 00:22:36,354
Boys, Girls, Gays,
and Theys. Listen up!
511
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:38,690
Thank you all so much
for coming out tonight
512
00:22:38,691 --> 00:22:42,612
to support queer students at Essex and
the issues that are important to them!
513
00:22:44,447 --> 00:22:47,782
{\an8}Thanks to your donations, we've
been able to gather enough money
514
00:22:47,783 --> 00:22:51,078
{\an8}to help our president,
Sam, get top surgery!
515
00:22:53,707 --> 00:22:55,123
All right, enough talking.
516
00:22:55,124 --> 00:22:58,503
But how 'bout a
little live music?
517
00:23:04,217 --> 00:23:08,511
All I want Is
somebody who wants me
518
00:23:08,512 --> 00:23:11,182
Come on and take me home
519
00:23:13,226 --> 00:23:15,351
If you want me Than
show me you love me
520
00:23:15,352 --> 00:23:16,436
Yes!
521
00:23:16,437 --> 00:23:19,105
Come on and take me home
522
00:23:19,106 --> 00:23:22,650
Tell me you love me
Just tell me you love me
523
00:23:22,651 --> 00:23:24,193
Tell me you love me
524
00:23:24,194 --> 00:23:26,946
Come on and take me home
525
00:23:26,947 --> 00:23:29,701
Tell me you love me
Just tell me you love me
526
00:23:30,744 --> 00:23:32,245
Tell me you love me
527
00:23:33,955 --> 00:23:35,538
This is good. What
do you call this?
528
00:23:35,539 --> 00:23:37,707
It's ice water. Finish it.
529
00:23:37,708 --> 00:23:39,709
This is sick. I love this stuff.
530
00:23:39,710 --> 00:23:43,965
I'm so inspired by all the
queer bravery on display today.
531
00:23:44,090 --> 00:23:47,675
Hey, love is love,
and I love you all!
532
00:23:47,676 --> 00:23:50,845
Maybe we should go outside
and get you some fresh air.
533
00:23:50,846 --> 00:23:53,806
Oh, no. It's a
party. I'm an ally.
534
00:23:53,807 --> 00:23:56,309
As a matter of fact, I think I
should make a speech for everyone.
535
00:23:56,310 --> 00:23:57,643
- No.
- I should give a little speech.
536
00:23:57,644 --> 00:23:59,062
Arvind, I don't think
that's a good idea.
537
00:23:59,063 --> 00:24:00,690
Let them be the judge of that.
538
00:24:05,278 --> 00:24:06,819
You saved me from my fall.
539
00:24:06,820 --> 00:24:08,905
I didn't. At all.
540
00:24:08,906 --> 00:24:10,782
Hey, Bela. I was thinking
541
00:24:10,783 --> 00:24:14,537
we should go back to
your place and sex.
542
00:24:15,413 --> 00:24:17,038
I do want that.
543
00:24:17,039 --> 00:24:19,582
But I think we should wait until
you're a little more present.
544
00:24:19,583 --> 00:24:23,252
I'm all present.
Unwrap me, Santa.
545
00:24:23,253 --> 00:24:24,837
- Okay.
- Okay.
546
00:24:24,838 --> 00:24:26,923
- We're getting up? Okay.
- Yes, we are.
547
00:24:26,924 --> 00:24:30,593
Okay. Maybe instead of sex, we
get you some Gatorade and nachos?
548
00:24:30,594 --> 00:24:33,074
- Okay. That sounds good too.
- It does sound good, doesn't it?
549
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:37,517
Tell me you love me
Just tell me you love me
550
00:24:37,518 --> 00:24:39,270
Tell me you love me
551
00:24:42,524 --> 00:24:44,857
Looking at your phone at a
party because you're stressed
552
00:24:44,858 --> 00:24:46,484
or you're just
trying to act cool?
553
00:24:46,485 --> 00:24:50,905
No, it's not that. Isaiah and
I got into a fight before this.
554
00:24:50,906 --> 00:24:51,864
What happened?
555
00:24:51,865 --> 00:24:54,450
He got his rich dad to
fund my research project.
556
00:24:54,451 --> 00:24:57,412
And I know I should be happy
because it lets me keep going
557
00:24:57,413 --> 00:24:59,163
and I've put so
much work into this,
558
00:24:59,164 --> 00:25:01,290
but I just hate
feeling like I owe him.
559
00:25:01,291 --> 00:25:03,960
I get you. I've felt
that same thing.
560
00:25:03,961 --> 00:25:06,170
Sometimes I'm at these
scholarship dinners,
561
00:25:06,171 --> 00:25:09,090
and I feel like I'm supposed
to be smiling and groveling
562
00:25:09,091 --> 00:25:11,175
and laughing at their weird
jokes about tax evasion.
563
00:25:11,176 --> 00:25:14,679
But I didn't make
them donate anything.
564
00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:16,556
What they do with their
money is on them, not me.
565
00:25:16,557 --> 00:25:19,517
That's sort of exactly
what Isaiah said.
566
00:25:19,518 --> 00:25:22,313
But it makes more
sense coming from you.
567
00:25:22,814 --> 00:25:24,024
Most things do.
568
00:25:26,026 --> 00:25:30,071
My homie just pulled up. But
congratulations on your funding.
569
00:25:30,238 --> 00:25:33,366
- Thank you.
- You take that money and you...
570
00:25:33,950 --> 00:25:36,659
build a rocket, I don't know.
I don't understand what you do.
571
00:25:36,660 --> 00:25:38,079
Wow. Okay.
572
00:25:46,087 --> 00:25:49,255
Just all your love
573
00:25:49,256 --> 00:25:53,926
Go ahead you can give it
to me Hung up on your touch
574
00:25:53,927 --> 00:25:57,182
I want you, girl
575
00:25:57,307 --> 00:26:00,226
Go ahead you can give it to me
576
00:26:01,895 --> 00:26:06,983
All I want is somebody who wants
me Come on and take me home
577
00:26:09,527 --> 00:26:11,986
If you want me then show me...
578
00:26:11,987 --> 00:26:13,198
I'm sorry.
579
00:26:13,448 --> 00:26:15,615
- Oh... No.
- Are you all right?
580
00:26:15,616 --> 00:26:17,408
No. It's...
581
00:26:17,409 --> 00:26:19,996
I'm so sorry if I gave
you the wrong impression.
582
00:26:22,290 --> 00:26:26,584
I hope this doesn't make things
awkward between us as roommates.
583
00:26:26,585 --> 00:26:27,585
Totally.
584
00:26:28,463 --> 00:26:29,462
Of course.
585
00:26:29,463 --> 00:26:30,630
Take me home
586
00:26:30,631 --> 00:26:31,633
Would you excuse me?
587
00:26:37,847 --> 00:26:39,305
Ooh, you okay?
588
00:26:39,306 --> 00:26:40,767
I just need a moment.
589
00:26:45,063 --> 00:26:46,690
Happy Pride, losers!
590
00:26:46,815 --> 00:26:48,856
Gay! Hell week!
591
00:26:48,857 --> 00:26:50,068
Fucking arseholes!
592
00:26:50,193 --> 00:26:51,567
Hey!
593
00:26:51,568 --> 00:26:53,279
Hey, fuck you!
594
00:26:54,447 --> 00:26:55,947
Suck my gay dick.
595
00:26:55,948 --> 00:26:58,076
Did you just throw a muffin?
596
00:26:58,410 --> 00:27:00,036
I did. It was all I had.
597
00:27:00,745 --> 00:27:03,832
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, thanks.
598
00:27:05,417 --> 00:27:06,916
Why do you look so familiar?
599
00:27:06,917 --> 00:27:10,086
We met at speed dating. Yeah.
600
00:27:10,087 --> 00:27:13,423
You gave me your number, and
then never texted me back.
601
00:27:13,424 --> 00:27:14,634
Right.
602
00:27:15,468 --> 00:27:19,055
And you've totally forgiven
me. That's so big of you.
603
00:27:19,180 --> 00:27:20,304
Well, it helps to be hot.
604
00:27:20,305 --> 00:27:24,602
Yeah, that's true. I've never
forgiven an ugly person.
605
00:27:25,895 --> 00:27:26,895
Could I walk you home?
606
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:30,148
I would like that, actually.
607
00:27:30,149 --> 00:27:32,233
And sorry for not
texting you back.
608
00:27:32,234 --> 00:27:35,278
I got distracted by something
that was not worth my time.
609
00:27:35,279 --> 00:27:37,824
Well, let's hope that I am.
610
00:27:39,451 --> 00:27:40,700
Let's actually get going though,
611
00:27:40,701 --> 00:27:44,080
because I worry with the egg on you,
that the raccoons are going to find us.
612
00:27:44,748 --> 00:27:47,375
{\an8}Well, you'll protect me, no?
613
00:27:55,175 --> 00:27:56,549
Cooper, I don't
have any makeup on!
614
00:27:56,550 --> 00:27:59,510
I told you, no unannounced
visits or pre-bed FaceTimes.
615
00:27:59,511 --> 00:28:02,724
You look cute. All right? I
like your crazy morning hair.
616
00:28:03,141 --> 00:28:04,932
Oh. What are you doing here?
617
00:28:04,933 --> 00:28:06,184
I just came by to tell you
618
00:28:06,185 --> 00:28:09,562
that a student got removed
from Essex's 50 Most List
619
00:28:09,563 --> 00:28:13,858
over some questionable tweets
that were deeply misogynistic.
620
00:28:13,859 --> 00:28:16,694
Tweets that somebody
stayed up all night finding
621
00:28:16,695 --> 00:28:19,157
and sending to their friend
that works on the magazine.
622
00:28:19,824 --> 00:28:20,740
You didn't.
623
00:28:20,741 --> 00:28:22,450
I did. I did.
624
00:28:22,451 --> 00:28:24,496
And I got to recommend
a replacement.
625
00:28:24,996 --> 00:28:28,081
Kacey Lynne Baker, in
my mind you always were,
626
00:28:28,082 --> 00:28:32,921
but you are now officially one
of Essex's 50 Hottest Students.
627
00:28:34,214 --> 00:28:36,633
Yeah, and they want a
picture, like now, so...
628
00:28:36,758 --> 00:28:39,425
Oh, no! I'm not camera ready!
629
00:28:39,426 --> 00:28:41,971
I'm joking, okay? Go get ready.
630
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:46,142
Oh, wait! Thank you!
631
00:28:46,726 --> 00:28:47,726
Oh, yeah.
632
00:28:48,978 --> 00:28:50,146
Yes, I'm back!
633
00:29:06,871 --> 00:29:08,246
You doing all right?
634
00:29:08,247 --> 00:29:09,247
Yeah.
635
00:29:10,083 --> 00:29:11,126
I regret nothing.
636
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:13,336
Thanks for an amazing night.
637
00:29:25,348 --> 00:29:27,017
- Find a pic you like?
- Yep.