- ♪ Two straight men ♪
♪ But only one will win ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ "Gayme Show!" ♪
- Demi Lovato, everyone.
- Yes, Demi Lovato.
Of course, "Demi Lovato" is the gay "aloha."
- It means both hello and good-bye.
[laughter]
- I'm your host, Matt Rogers.
- And I'm also your host, Dave Mizzoni,
and this is "Gayme Show!"
where we take two straight contestants and put them head-to-head
to see which one of them will be named honorarily...
ALL: Gay as fuck!
- And will reign forevermore as queen of the straights.
- ♪ Yeah ♪
- Before we meet our straights,
let's get to know their lifelines or, as we call them, life partners.
- First up, it's our wise queer.
Please welcome Joel Kim Booster.
MATT: Joely!
DAVE: Incredible.
- And now the woman who gets it.
It's Nicole Byer.
[cheers and applause]
And with that, we're ready to meet the straights.
- Release them!
Despite Moses Storm's name, he has not competed in the X Games.
He has, however, referred to inanimate objects as "bad boys."
- Josh Gondelman, a self-proclaimed "Dog Dad,"
owns special-edition Dunkin' Donuts sneakers.
That's real.
[applause]
- ♪ Celebrity essences ♪
- Contestants will now be given three different clues
which, when combined, will form the essence of a particular celebrity.
Your clues are: bell-bottom jeans.
- You'll notice the shape of the jeans.
[laughter]
- Our second clue: Madame Tussauds wax museum.
- You could see Ricky Martin.
[laughter]
- And calling this woman "Arne Jonavan."
- Ugh, I loved her in "The Dervin Wears Perdle."
[laughter]
- Contestants, deliberate and write down your answers.
[indistinct whispering]
[timer ticking]
Bell-bottom jeans,
Madame Tussauds,
and "Arne Jonavan."
[ding]
Moses, who is this?
- I guessed the world's oldest doll, AKA John Travolta.
MATT AND DAVE: Hmm.
- Just for some bonus points, can you name his costar in "Grease"?
She has three names.
- Moses was homeschooled on Venice Beach, okay?
He doesn't know--
- Can we steal? - Yes, steal.
BOTH: Olivia Newton-John.
- Olivia Newton-John. - Who is that?
- So now, Josh, talk to us about your answer.
- We saw the bell-bottoms.
We thought kind of a classic '70s iconic look.
DAVE: Okay. - Madame Tussauds, someone who's timeless.
- Yes, someone who maybe, like, tweets poorly
and, like, non sequiturs, like, "What?"
- 'Cause they don't have to know things because they are themselves an icon.
Nicole led me to Cher.
MATT: Okay, Cher. DAVE: I see.
Nicole, why do you feel so strong?
- Cher wore bell-bottoms.
Cher is in Madame Tussauds.
Cher doesn't know what's going on in the world.
- As somebody who has no idea what's going on in the world at all times,
I agree; it's a very gay thing.
- It's true. Dave thought those were boot cut.
[laughter]
Even the mention of Cher's name earns you 50 points.
- Oh! - Yes.
MATT: Very good, very good. - But it's not Cher?
- Matt, please reveal the answer.
[shimmering tone]
John Travolta.
[cheers and applause]
- That's my boy!
VONZELL: ♪ Yeah ♪
- Politics.
- You can say that again. - No.
Our straights will now debate real issues facing the queer community.
- Have you heard?
- ♪ Ooh, she's running ♪
♪ She's running ♪
[whispering] She's running.
- Moses Storm, you'll go first.
Josh, you must disagree with him because we're messy.
Moses, should gay people have to wait in lines?
- Ugh, simply put,
ain't nobody got time for that.
How long are we gonna make gay people wait?
They have to wait till everyone in their family is cool with them coming out.
They had to wait till Timothée Chalamet turned 18 to properly perv-troll him.
I say no more.
I say I'm out of line.
MATT: Okay, Senator Storm, we have to move on.
I do just want to comment on your use of "Ain't nobody got time for that,"
a decades-old meme.
I'm gonna take away 25 points for that.
Josh, it's time for your rebuttal.
- So apparently I believe that gay people should have to wait in line.
But here's the twist.
They should have to wait right at the front of the line,
and then all the straight people have to wait behind them
so they have the experience of getting something second
the way gay people got to have marriage equality
and a second "Mamma Mia!" film.
- I love that. - I love that.
DAVE: Thank you, candidates.
- The ballots have been counted, and our winner tonight,
a recipient of 38 points,
one for each state that we like in this country, is...
MATT AND DAVE: Josh Gondelman.
[cheers and applause] - Thank you. Thank you.
VONZELL: ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
- Boys, it is now time for you...
ALL: To make an entrance!
MATT AND DAVE: Whoa!
Santa!
- Uh-oh, Dave, I think it's a "Love, Actually," moment.
Heaux, heaux.
Both: Santa!
[festive music playing]
MATT: Everyone's getting presents!
[cheers and applause]
DAVE: Oh!
MATT AND DAVE: Whoa!
- Amazing! - Oh!
MATT: Amazing! JOSH: Ho, ho, ho!
- The magic of Christmas.
[bell dings]
MATT AND DAVE: Whoa!
MATT: Here we go! Round one!
Yes!
- Absolutely! - Oh my God!
[energetic music playing]
MATT: Xtina, more like XtiNO!
- Okay, whoa. - Absolutely!
DAVE: Oh my God.
MATT: Filth! Filth!
Oh!
DAVE: Oh!
- Your modesty. Your modesty.
Wow, wow, wow.
- Because betrayal is an inherent part of the queer experience,
we now go to your life partners, who have become your judges.
- I thought it was adorable.
- Thank you.
- And then we had a Sasha Velour reveal.
Instead of flowers, it was snow.
So you paid attention to "RuPaul's Drag Race" for at least one season.
- Yes. - Yes, Josh, you truly captured
the magic of Christmas for us.
- Yes. - Thank you. It was my first time.
- Oh, yes, 'cause you're a Jewish.
- Oh, yes. - Ah.
- How did you feel about your teammate, Joel Kim Booster, the wise queer?
- Moses, you gave me all the desperation of someone who's unemployed...
[laughter]
And who needed the work.
And that is queer.
[laughter and applause]
- I thought it was absolutely incredible. - And you engaged with the audience.
You immediately got into a woman's face.
- And she did not want it. DAVE: No, she didn't want it.
- She did not want it. JOSH: Mm-hmm. She didn't.
- No, I watched her say, "Absolutely no."
- ♪ The crowning ♪
- I think we can all agree you have both grown tonight
from small, frail boys to large, huge allies.
[tender piano music playing]
- And now, the winner of "Gayme Show!" named honorarily gay as fuck
and queen of the straights, is...
BOTH: Moses Storm!
[cheers and applause] JOSH: Moses Storm! Oh, my God!
- Moses!
VONZELL: ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ The "Gayme Show!" ♪
- See you next time, and...
BOTH: Demi Lovato!
[cheers and applause]