Two straight men
But only one will win
The...
"Gayme Show!"
Shania Twain, everyone.
Yes, Shania Twain, which in the gay community means
it's fucking showtime, baby.
I'm your host Dave Mizzoni.
And I'm your host Matt Rogers.
I think we messed that up.
- Yeah, we did. - Okay.
Well, anyway, this is "Gayme Show,"
where we take two straight contestants and put them head-to-head
to see which one of them will be named honorarily...
Gay as fuck!
And will reign forevermore as queen of the straights.
Yeah, yeah!
Before we meet our straights, let's get to know their lifelines,
or as we call them, life partners.
First up, it's our wise queer.
Please welcome Sydnee Washington.
Sydnee!
And now the woman who gets it.
It's Rachel Bloom!
And with that, we're ready to meet the straights.
- Release them! - Go.
George Basil recently said, "That's so badass"
on a call with our producers.
Yoni Lotan made chili on Monday.
Celebrity Essences!
Contestants will now be given three different clues,
which, when combined, will form the essence of a particular celebrity.
Your clues are...
reclaimed oak.
Chopped it myself.
The ability to whistle with two fingers like this.
And a marine mammal trainer named Susan with a deep connection to the animals.
Contestants,
deliberate and write down your answers.
Contestants, please lock in your answers.
Who is this?
Okay, we're ready.
Jodie-ay Fost-ay.
Oh, Jodie-ay Fost-ay.
Someone's been to France.
This is a great guess. How did you arrive here?
We kind of feel like she has the class of reclaimed oak.
Absolutely.
The whistling is because she also reminds you of an uncle.
You guys know you can say "lesbian," right?
All right, let's head over here to Yoni and Rachel.
We were actually pretty unanimous about this one.
Yeah, for sure.
We think this person has Sea World vibes for sure.
Absolute Sea World vibes.
A huge compliment.
So we said Jane Lynch.
- Oh! - Oh!
Go ahead, elaborate.
- Well... - She's a lesbian.
Thank you for saying it.
Yeah, I mean, that-- she's definitely someone
who knows how to whistle between her teeth.
The reclaimed wood, that's her whole house, I'm willing to bet.
And she was an animal trainer in "Best in Show."
Matt, I think it's now time for you to reveal the answer.
Oh, my god.
It's Frances McDormand.
We were close.
Guys, this answer's in books.
I encourage you to read.
But Dave, I think we have a little bit of a caveat here.
We also would have accepted Holly Hunter or Jodi Foster!
Because come on.
It's time. I mean, come on.
Oh, yeah
Our straights will now perform an iconic scene from the film "Notes on a Scandal,"
starring Cate Blanchett and Dame Judy Dench
in a game called...
Acting Battle
Yeah-yeah-yeah!
The following scene was selected because it contains
two Academy-award winning actresses
displaying bloodthirsty thespianism.
It also illustrates the fundamentally queer experience
of wanting to be topped by Cate Blanchett.
Ready. Set. Act!
What you say about me...
About my husband?
You're no fit to shine his shoes.
You want to roll around the floor like lovers?
You want to fuck me, Barbara?
You don't belong in the world.
You don't belong here!
You big baby!
And literally scene.
And now Golden-Globe winner Rachel Bloom will be critiquing the acting of the scene
and lesbian Sydnee Washington will critique the lesbianism.
Yoni, you sounded like Roger Rabbit.
George, I just wrote down-- I wrote down Merida from "Brave."
I have to commend you on the choice to play Cate Blanchett
and Dame Judy Dench as 400-year-old women.
Sydnee, can you now speak to the lesbianism?
George, from the back, you were giving me, you know, butch queen vibes.
Yoni, the overacting made me feel like I was in a fight with my girlfriend.
So that was lesbianism.
That's quite relatable.
I was actually triggered.
Yeah.
Unfortunately, triggering a lesbian is an automatic deduction of 12 points.
Yeah.
The winner of Acting Battle is Yoni Lotan.
Yeah, yeah
Boys, it is now time for you...
To make an entrance!
- Oh, my god. - Okay.
All right.
Welcome to Tampa, Florida, honey.
911, honey.
'Cause let me tell you something... He has got to be a stripper.
Pet that dog and throw it away.
[cheers and applause]
- Hello, body! - Okay.
Channing Tatum herself.
[cheers and applause]
- Wow. - Thank you, Yoni.
- George of the jungle. - Oh!
Is that Britney's snake?
- Oh, my god. - Oh, my god.
Britney Spears vibe here.
This is an iconic moment for animal abuse.
- This snake is long. - Uh-oh.
- Oh, I see this. - Uh-huh.
Oh, who knew he was feral himself?
- Wow. - There we go, George.
Much like Judas, the famed character in Lady Gaga's song "Judas,"
your lifelines have now turned against you.
Rachel, how are we feeling about Yoni's performance?
Well, first of all, he looks incredibly Jewish right now.
So as a Jewish woman, yes.
Okay.
My ovaries are just like--
if I weren't already pregnant, I'd be pregnant from that.
Oh, good. Perfect.
Sydnee Washington, what do we think of George's performance?
George gave me, like, a Britney Spears on Xanax.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You, like, stay true to yourself. You didn't do too much.
Just like Britney Spears.
The crowning!
And now the winner of "Gayme Show,"
named honorarily gay as fuck,
the queen of the straights is...
Yoni Lotan!
Yeah, yeah, yeah
The "Gayme Show!"
See you next time, and...
Shania Twain!
The "Gayme Show!"