- ♪ Two straight men ♪
♪ But only one will win ♪
[vocalizing]
♪ Gayme Show ♪
- Dua Lipa, everyone.
- Yes, Dua Lipa.
Of course, "Dua Lipa" is queer for, "How is your family?"
- I'm your host, Dave Mizzoni.
- And I too am your host, Matt Rogers,
and this is "Gayme Show," where we take two straight contestants
and put them head-to-head to see which one of them
will be named honorarily...
all: Gay as fuck!
- And will reign forevermore as queen of the straights.
- ♪ Oh yeah, yeah ♪
- Holy shit.
Before we meet our straights, let's get to know their lifelines,
or as we call them, life partners. - Mm-hmm.
- First up is our wise queer, please welcome Brendan Scannel.
- Brendan Scannel. [cheers and applause]
- And now, everyone, please welcome the woman who gets it.
It's Patti Harrison. [cheers and applause]
Hey!
And with that, we're ready to meet the straights.
- Release them!
- Demi Adejuyigbe's girlfriend taught him how to moisturize two months ago.
- John Gemberling used to be the lead singer
of a ska band called The Loose Nuts.
[cheers and applause]
- ♪ Celebrity essences ♪
- Contestants will now be given three different clues,
which when combined will form the essence of a particular celebrity.
Your clues are...
A union-made pink pussy hat.
Your next clue is a closing argument.
- I object! - Good, Dave.
And the last clue is a colonial times re-enactress.
Contestants, it is now time for you to deliberate with your life partners.
[indistinct chatter]
Got a pink pussy hat,
a closing argument, and a colonial re-enactress.
[bell dings] Demi and Brendan,
who is this?
- Elizabeth. - Elizabeth.
[laughter]
- It's a woman named Elizabeth.
both: Elizabeth Warren.
- I guessed Kate Walsh, and I was wrong.
- Wait, hold on. You guessed Kate Walsh?
- You guessed-- - Yes.
- Kate Walsh from "Grey's Anatomy?"
- Correct. - It's not it.
- I mean, you still get 100 points for saying Kate Walsh.
But let's go over here to Patti and Gemberling
and see what they said.
- Well, it's funny that Demi was thinking Kate Walsh,
'cause I actually said Ellen Pompeo.
- Wow. - Okay.
- Her "Grey's Anatomy" cast mate. [laughter]
I do love hearing Ellen Pompeo's name,
and you do get 100 points for saying it.
- 100 points. - Yeah!
- Patti, I just wanna ask, are you behind this?
- Not at all.
I did like that it was, on paper, the gayer answer
than what I was gonna suggest.
- What were you gonna suggest?
- Maybe Meryl Streep in that movie where she's the nun
that rats on the horny priest.
both: "Doubt." - Incredible, you're both wrong.
[laughter]
- Ooh, of course.
Why?
- Don't question me.
I'm taking away all your points.
- No!
- I am a dead ringer for her wife, I'll tell you that.
- You don't not resemble her.
[laughter] - Yeah.
- ♪ Yeah-ah ♪
- Demi, John, all your life your father has discouraged you
from becoming the dancer you know you are inside.
He now is finally here at your recital.
You must dance until you move your father in a game we call...
- ♪ Notice me father ♪
- So dance, Demi. Dance.
[light orchestral music]
♪ ♪
- Ohh.
Ouch.
[cheers and applause]
Congratulations, Demi, your disapproving father
turned an emotional corner and noticed you
after just eight seconds.
John, your father is waiting. So show him your light.
[cheers and applause]
[light orchestral music]
♪ ♪
[laughter]
Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no.
It seems your father has gotten up and left
to go watch the game with his friends from work.
Unfortunately, you were unable to move your father's hard exterior and--
Oh, no, John. - I just--that's what they do in--
- Yes, you were completing the trope, and I love that.
A thousand points. - Wow!
A thousand points?
- ♪ Oh yeah-ah ♪
- Boys, it is now time for you...
all: To make an entrance!
- Okay, we're getting a "Le Jazz Hot" moment.
- Oh. - Is that Liza or--
- Oh, oh! - Ohh!
- Okay, ba-ba-ba. - Oh, oh, man.
Where's the father now? I'm sure he would notice him now.
- Go off and slay.
Oh, I love a hip pop.
[cheers and applause]
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Oh, my goodness. - Ohh.
- Whoa, not getting a drink with this guy.
- Absolutely not the person you want to talk to at a nightclub.
Oh, no.
- Havana, ooh-na-na.
♪ ♪
both: Ohh!
[cheers and applause]
- Dirty dancing? More like filthy dancing.
Okay, come on. - Okay.
- We all saw that.
Your life partners have now become your judges.
So wise queer, I'm gonna ask you to judge and be critical as best you can
of that incredible performance by Demi.
- Oh, I mean, when that cane came out,
my cane came out.
- Wow! - Okay!
- Yeah. [cheering]
- Now, Patti, I am gonna go over to you.
Are you proud, are you moved? What's going through your mind?
- I'm incredibly proud of him because a cup is a lot less
of an active prop than a cane is,
but I do have to say, when that cup came out,
my came came out.
[laughter]
- Okay.
Her came came out. - Yes.
- ♪ The crowning ♪
- Boys, in one word, why do you think you deserve
the title of honorarily gay as fuck?
- Pizzazz.
[laughter]
- Tolerance.
[laughter]
- Okay.
I think we can all agree that you have undergone
what Hilary Duff would call a metamorphosis.
- Yes.
And now, the winner of "Gayme Show,"
named honorarily gay as fuck,
the queen of the straights is...
both: Demi Adejuyigbe!
[cheers and applause]
- Demi!
- ♪ Oh yeah-ah ♪
- Demi Adejuyigbe...
both: Have your moment
- ♪ Yeah ♪
- See you next time and...
both: Dua Lipa!
- ♪ Yeah ♪ - Congratulations.