1 00:00:01,034 --> 00:00:02,544 Two straight men 2 00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:05,409 But one will win 3 00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:08,779 The... 4 00:00:08,809 --> 00:00:12,579 "Gayme Show!" 5 00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:14,253 Rita Ora, everyone. 6 00:00:14,281 --> 00:00:15,421 Yes, Rita Ora, 7 00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:17,889 which of course is queer for, "Okay, gorgeous." 8 00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:19,048 Okay! 9 00:00:19,086 --> 00:00:20,316 I'm your host, Dave Mizzoni. 10 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,794 And here's the thing, I'm also your host, Matt Rogers, 11 00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:24,123 and this is "Gayme Show!" 12 00:00:24,157 --> 00:00:26,857 where we take two straight contestants and put them head-to-head 13 00:00:26,894 --> 00:00:29,704 to see which one of them will be named honorarily... 14 00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:31,830 - Gay as fuck! - Gay as fuck! 15 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:34,735 And will reign forevermore as queen of the straights. 16 00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:38,938 Oh, yeah, yeah! 17 00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:41,882 Now, before we meet our straights, let's get to know their lifelines, 18 00:00:41,909 --> 00:00:43,979 or as we call them, life partners. 19 00:00:44,011 --> 00:00:45,951 First up, it's our wise queer, 20 00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,649 please welcome Bowen Yang. 21 00:00:50,817 --> 00:00:53,547 And now the woman who gets it, it's Ilana Glazer! 22 00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:59,033 And with that, we're ready to meet the straights. 23 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,329 - Release them! - Go. 24 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:05,330 Jon Gabrus appears in a mural in his hometown pizzeria Mama Gina's. 25 00:01:05,365 --> 00:01:06,495 That's true. 26 00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:11,473 Moshe Kasher has attended Burning Man 20 times. 27 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:17,380 Celebrity Essences! 28 00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,611 Contestants will now be given three different clues, 29 00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:23,476 which, when combined, will form the essence of a particular celebrity. 30 00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:25,447 Your clues are... 31 00:01:25,485 --> 00:01:27,445 a horny golden retriever. 32 00:01:27,487 --> 00:01:29,887 Hey, let him finish. 33 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,063 Clap pushups. 34 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:33,231 It's like masculinity but louder. 35 00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:36,560 And a really hard handshake that's like, "We get it." 36 00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,267 You're hurting me. 37 00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:41,168 Contestants, please deliberate, and write down your answers. 38 00:01:42,169 --> 00:01:45,109 Talk amongst yourselves. 39 00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:48,483 Contestants, please, lock in your answers. 40 00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:50,579 Jon, who is this? 41 00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,981 Our final answer was Chris Hemsworth. 42 00:01:53,013 --> 00:01:54,953 - Mm-hmm. - But we were on the-- 43 00:01:54,982 --> 00:01:57,482 obviously, I didn't want to get black all over my hands... 44 00:01:57,518 --> 00:02:00,088 - I understand. - But Channing Tatum was our first guess. 45 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,720 I'm gonna take away 11 points 'cause that thing has an eraser on it. 46 00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:05,986 - Ah. - Let's go over to Moshe and Ilana. 47 00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:08,556 Well, Ilana definitely got us in the right zone. 48 00:02:08,595 --> 00:02:11,225 You zeroed us in on what area of person, right? 49 00:02:11,265 --> 00:02:12,465 Which is white male. 50 00:02:12,499 --> 00:02:13,769 - Right. - Yes. 51 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:16,640 We were just talking about how golden retrievers are the Aryan race of dogs. 52 00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:18,370 - Yeah. - Yeah. 53 00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:21,905 So we went with Gerard Butler/Jeremy Renner 54 00:02:21,942 --> 00:02:24,412 because we don't know the difference between those two actors. 55 00:02:24,444 --> 00:02:26,184 These are some pretty strong guesses here, Matt. 56 00:02:26,213 --> 00:02:28,553 They're not bad, but they're also not right, Dave. 57 00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:29,552 Matt, who is this? 58 00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,323 Matthew McConaughey. 59 00:02:31,351 --> 00:02:32,891 Ah. 60 00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:36,561 I said Matthew McConaughey, and she told me don't do it! 61 00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:37,590 - Wait! - See-- 62 00:02:37,624 --> 00:02:39,894 Because I don't think Matthew McConaughey's aggro. 63 00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:42,497 You don't feel that Matthew McConaughey is aggro? 64 00:02:42,529 --> 00:02:44,799 - No, he's like an extreme lover spirit. - I see. 65 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,471 He's not aggro like he wants to dominate you, 66 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:47,400 but you guys are right. 67 00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:48,474 I want to apologize. 68 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,402 Unfortunately, on behalf of Matthew McConaughey, 69 00:02:50,437 --> 00:02:52,537 we were all wrong, all wrong, all wrong. 70 00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:55,414 Oh, yeah 71 00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:57,912 Our straights will now conduct an archeological dig 72 00:02:57,945 --> 00:03:01,345 to unearth queer artifacts buried by the sands of time, 73 00:03:01,381 --> 00:03:04,381 all while dressed in Laura Dern's salmon button-down from "Jurassic Park." 74 00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:08,023 They must then select the single item 75 00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:10,685 they think is the most valuable for appraisal. 76 00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:13,934 Now, it is time for our straights to uncover... 77 00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:17,661 What Lies Beneath 78 00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,068 - Boys? - Boys? 79 00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:21,269 - Dig. - Dig. 80 00:03:21,301 --> 00:03:23,101 Ooh, Avril Lavigne's tie. 81 00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:24,436 I think it's from "The L Word." 82 00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:26,241 - Lesbian culture. - Very valuable. 83 00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:27,273 From Stonewall. 84 00:03:27,307 --> 00:03:29,237 - We probably shouldn't have this. - No, it should be in a museum. 85 00:03:29,276 --> 00:03:30,676 You know, she used this to vote for Trump. 86 00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,551 - Because she sucks. - Because she sucks. 87 00:03:32,579 --> 00:03:34,749 - Oh, have you read this? - No. 88 00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:37,321 Get your hands out that dirt! 89 00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:39,921 Bowen, what is this artifact that you've selected? 90 00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:44,693 These are two pieces of beef jerky that are actually remnants 91 00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:49,095 of Lady Gaga's meat dress at the 2010 VMAs. 92 00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:52,199 Jon Gabrus, what is the cultural significance of Lady Gaga's meat dress? 93 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,672 Well, here's the thing, it's beautiful, it's stunning, 94 00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:57,941 it's a statement piece, and low-carb. 95 00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,841 - Oh! - There we go. 96 00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:01,983 Low-carb, a huge thing for the gay community. 97 00:04:02,009 --> 00:04:03,079 I'm gonna give you about 15 points. 98 00:04:03,110 --> 00:04:04,340 - Okay. - Thank you. 99 00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:05,848 Moshe and Ilana, what is the item 100 00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:08,149 that you have selected as your most valuable? 101 00:04:08,182 --> 00:04:11,252 So this is the world's first vodka soda. 102 00:04:13,287 --> 00:04:15,857 Yeah, this was originally consumed by King Tut... 103 00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:18,059 - Yeah. - Who is the world's first twink. 104 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,091 - First twink, yes. 105 00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:23,056 This was the second drink that Jesus Christ at the Last Supper-- 106 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,696 he not only made wine for the masses, 107 00:04:25,732 --> 00:04:28,142 but he made one vodka soda for-- 108 00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:29,938 Mary Magdalene was not a woman, 109 00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:30,970 it was Mary, you know what I mean, it was... 110 00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:32,214 - Oh, yeah. - Yes! 111 00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:33,639 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yes. 112 00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:34,714 Yes, this is Matthew. 113 00:04:34,741 --> 00:04:36,211 This is one of my favorite verses. 114 00:04:36,243 --> 00:04:37,383 Three thousand points. 115 00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:40,051 - Wow, 3,000! - Yeah, 3,000 points. 116 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:41,580 - So many points. - Thousands of points. 117 00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:42,645 Yeah, yeah 118 00:04:42,683 --> 00:04:46,653 Our straights will now reenter the space with the gravitas of a queer icon 119 00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:48,887 in our grande finale. 120 00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:51,462 Boys, it is now time for you... 121 00:04:51,491 --> 00:04:54,931 - To Make! An! Entrance! - To Make! An! Entrance! 122 00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:00,465 Madame, oh! 123 00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:03,935 Marilyn! Marilyn! 124 00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:06,541 Opulent! 125 00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:14,275 Absolutely slay, Gaga! 126 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,054 Ah. 127 00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:21,293 An angel appears! 128 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,891 Oh! 129 00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:26,764 Oh, my God, Elsa, eat your absolute... 130 00:05:26,793 --> 00:05:28,563 - Heart out! - Heart out! 131 00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:32,133 Oh, shit, drop the beat! 132 00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:36,738 - Bust it open, Elsa! - Bust it open, Elsa! 133 00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:41,807 In an unexpected twist, 134 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:45,052 your lifelines will now become your judges. 135 00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:49,848 Jon was really combining many classic queer narratives in his presentation. 136 00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:54,053 Rodeo Drive, "Pretty Woman." "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes." 137 00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:57,287 I think the true grace note in that was him getting on the floor 138 00:05:57,324 --> 00:06:00,594 and doing one single hump and getting right back up again. 139 00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:02,757 - Yeah. - It's all I need. 140 00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,256 - I would agree. - Agreed. 141 00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:08,743 Ilana, are you glowing over Moshe's presentation? 142 00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:12,209 I mean, I felt at first like I was getting, like, demure snow bunny. 143 00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:15,239 - Yes, it appeared that way at first. - And then, okay, the pop of glitter-- 144 00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:17,105 I was like, this is, it was seasonal. 145 00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:19,014 You know what I mean, it was atmospheric. 146 00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:22,416 What was it that made you want to incorporate twerking 147 00:06:22,449 --> 00:06:24,749 into what was sort of an Elsa homage? 148 00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:29,485 Well, the... the runway, that was the forest. 149 00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:30,523 Yeah. 150 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:32,187 - But over here? - Mm-hmm? 151 00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:33,426 That was the streets. 152 00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:35,430 - Right, ah. - Yes. 153 00:06:35,462 --> 00:06:40,372 The Crowning! 154 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,440 And now the winner of "Gayme Show!" 155 00:06:43,470 --> 00:06:50,140 named honorarily gay as fuck, the queen of the straights, is... 156 00:06:50,177 --> 00:06:54,277 - Moshe Kasher! - Moshe Kasher! 157 00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:57,054 - Yeah, yeah - Elsa! 158 00:06:57,084 --> 00:07:01,394 Queen of the straights! 159 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,861 See you next time, and... 160 00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:05,761 - Rita Ora! - Rita Ora!