[narrator] Every 90 seconds, someone is reported missing.
Many return to their families,
but for others, something has gone seriously wrong.
A 31-year-old mother of three has disappeared from home.
[Joanne] She wouldn't have gone without telling anybody
and just left the children.
[narrator] A family is destroyed.
The kids have no idea what was going on.
They literally left their house with a carrier bag each of possessions.
[narrator] What happens in the police investigation that follows?
We had a significant development
where one of the children describes hearing a very loud bang.
[narrator] What happens to the family at its heart?
[Dr. Smith] One of the most common phrases said by killers is,
"If I can't have you, no one can."
[narrator reading]
[Joanne] Natalie was very like me.
She was quite loud, outspoken, quite bossy. [laughs]
But in equal measure, very caring, very kind.
Anything she could do to help you, she would.
When Natalie was born, I was five years old,
so… I kind of told my mum to take her back to the hospital,
that I didn't want her. [laughs]
But as growing up, we argued like sisters do,
over silly little things.
But as we got older, we were really close friends.
[Joanne] And Natalie got away with all sorts
because she was the youngest.
All sorts, things that we didn't get away with.
Yeah, she was, um, she was a monkey. [laughs]
[narrator] 31-year-old Natalie is a mother of one
when she meets Paul Hemming in her local supermarket.
Natalie and Paul's relationship seemed to move very fast.
She was only with him a few months,
and then she was already starting to stay at his house
with her daughter.
Um, within six months, she'd moved in to his property with him.
[Joanne] I first met Paul at the house that he owned in Kings Langley.
It was a really odd encounter.
Normally, you'd kind of greet somebody that you've been, you know,
"Oh, hi, nice to meet you."
But he was very, kind of, standoffish and he just went,
"I just need to go and get changed," and then disappeared up the stairs.
From the outside looking in, he was the full package.
He had the good job, the nice house, the nice car,
you know, good looking guy, personality, charming.
So, he looked like the full deal sort of thing.
[narrator] Natalie and Paul have two children together,
a son and a daughter.
Family life is one of extremes.
The relationship was always, what I would call, turbulent.
[Kerry] Mum and Paul always seemed to…
I think she was civil to him for Natalie's sake.
But I think there was always something niggling
in the back of mum's head when it came to Paul.
[Joanne] He would do odd things, like he would…
He didn't attend the children's, his own children's christening.
They were supposed to be getting married,
and he canceled everything without telling her
and she knew nothing about it.
[narrator] Dr. Jane Monckton Smith is a former police officer and criminologist
specializing in homicide, violence and coercive control.
[Dr. Smith] We all try and control each other a little bit.
But coercive control is different.
It takes things to a whole new level.
And it's one person
controlling nearly all the actions or activities
of the other person in the relationship.
And you find yourself being controlled with your consent.
So, it doesn't feel, in those early stages,
as if there's anything wrong.
Paul kept promising to marry Natalie, but never did.
Dangling that carrot all the time gives him an awful lot of power
because if he ever feels like he's losing control,
he can pull that out the bag.
He can say, "Let's get married, let's get married, let's do it."
But if he gets married, he hasn't got that.
He's hasn't got that power anymore.
[narrator] In 2007,
an argument between Natalie and Paul gets physical.
[Kerry] It was probably only within
the first six months of their relationship.
He threw a mobile phone and it hit Natalie on the head.
He reluctantly took her to a hospital eventually.
But he told her that she wasn't to tell anybody
of how the injuries occurred and stuff.
But eventually, she did report that one to the police.
But she kind of seemed to downplay it so that he wasn't doing anything wrong,
so that I don't think any of us would think that he was doing that.
I knew there had been some reports to the police,
but she was very cagey about what she told me.
We know about some incidents
where she was assaulted by Paul,
so we know that there was violence going on in that relationship.
We don't know how much because so much of it was hidden.
But the control and the violence go hand in hand in this case.
[Kerry] To be fair, I don't think I ever thought
Natalie and Paul were in that kind of relationship.
Don't get me wrong, I did think sometimes he was a bit odd
with the way that he would act.
But I don't think you ever want to think that
a member of your family is in a relationship like…
I don't think I ever really thought there was anything like that going on.
Yes, there was arguments and stuff,
but what relationships don't have arguments?
[Dr. Smith] Paul and Natalie's relationship
would appear to have looked fairly normal on the outside
because a lot of this control was hidden.
And I think Natalie hid very well how unhappy that she was.
It was only up until the last year in their relationship
when I know that he was checking her phone a lot more and stuff.
There was another incident where he'd thrown a bottle.
The police then took Natalie and her two younger children.
And I think they went to mum's as well for a small period of time.
But again, she went back.
[narrator] In 2013, Natalie flees to Yorkshire
with her three children.
Her sister lives in the area.
I started to realize that something was very wrong
when my sister moved up here.
I think that was the first time
that I'd spent a lot of time with her away from him.
And she started to talk about things
that perhaps just didn't make sense.
She decided that she needed to get away from it all.
But he followed her,
turned up on the doorstep.
To start with, it was just like he would turn up
at the weekends and it would be,
"Oh, I've just come to see the kids."
And then it got, like, every weekend that he would turn up.
[Joanne] He followed her up here and sort of fed her
the same stories of, "We'll get married,
we'll move house, I'll change jobs," we'll do this, we'll do that.
And she believed him as she always does, and off she went.
[Kerry] Jo said to her, "I've done all I can do.
I can't help you anymore if you go back."
At the point she went back down to Milton Keynes,
I was absolutely gutted
because everybody had, sort of, moved mountains almost
to get her moved up here, to get her away, to give her a fresh start.
And I told her, I said at the time,
"If you dance with the devil, you're going to get burned."
And she was adamant she was going back.
What can you do?
[Kerry] Natalie would talk to me about some of the stuff that was going on,
but she would never say properly what had gone on.
She was very careful about
who she would talk to about certain things.
I think one of the things that really confuses people
is why don't victims just leave?
Why don't they walk out the door and just leave these people?
The most dangerous time for any victim of control
is when they attempt to leave.
If there has been control,
even just low level pushing, shoving type of violence,
and then there's a separation,
the risk of homicide is raised by 900%.
[narrator] It's 2016, and Natalie Hemming finally decides
to leave her controlling and violent partner, Paul.
She had said to me that she had finally made that decision,
and they were over.
They'd made the decision themselves
'cause he was looking for a flat in Watford.
He was trying to help her find a property for her and the children.
And then the house that they had in Milton Keynes,
they were gonna rent.
She was a completely different person.
It was like this huge weight had just been lifted off of her.
She was smiling, she was happy and she was so positive.
And I genuinely believed
that she was going to leave him this time
because everything was being planned.
She was saying, "It's completely amicable.
We've both decided that we can't go on like this,
and we're going our separate ways."
And she just seemed really focused about where she was going.
I totally believe that she was…
That was it, that they were both moving on.
It really just felt like it was a new chapter.
She was starting afresh, it was a new story, a new start.
And she was "get onwards and upwards".
That was what she said to me, "Onwards and upwards."
[narrator] 31-year-old mother of three, Natalie Hemming,
has decided to leave her controlling and violent partner, Paul.
She's forming a new relationship with a colleague.
Natalie had got very close with someone at work.
She'd said that they were just friends, you know,
and he would bring her a drink or whatever.
And I don't think she wanted any of us to know what was going on
because obviously she didn't want Paul to know.
But as far as she was concerned,
she wasn't in the wrong because their relationship was over.
[narrator] Natalie drops her three children off at her mum's house
before going on their first date.
Natalie's youngest wasn't settling,
so mum rang Paul to collect her.
When he came, he noticed that
Natalie's car was still parked in mum's street
because he'd picked her up,
this guy that she'd gone out with.
But as far as mum was concerned,
that night, Natalie was going out with work friends.
She didn't know either until the next day when she came home.
So, she just said, "Well, her friends have picked her up.
She's left her car here, she's gone out to have a drink."
[narrator] The next day, Natalie returns to her mum's house
to pick up her children,
and then goes back to the family home.
Mum tried to ring that night to make sure she was okay,
but there was no answer.
I got a phone call from my mum on the Tuesday.
She said, "I can't get a hold of Natalie."
And I said, "She's at work, Mum. She'll ring you when she finishes."
She went, "No, you don't understand.
I haven't been able to get a hold of her for two days."
At which point, I just…
My stomach did a somersault.
And I was like, "What do you mean?" Because Natalie always had a phone on her.
And if she couldn't answer it straight away,
she'd ping you a text saying "ring you tonight" or whatever.
But she would always respond.
[narrator] Natalie's mum, Margaret, is growing increasingly concerned.
My cousin, Simon, who'd pop around to see my mum,
he goes, "We'll just go over and just see.
We'll go to the house, we'll just go check. It'll be fine."
So, go over to the house,
and my sister's car was on the driveway, his car was there.
They were knocking,
they could see him in the house, but he wouldn't answer.
He kind of opened the door a little bit and wouldn't let them in.
And Simon just kind of pushed his way in
and said, "I need the toilet," kind of thing,
and had a quick scout around.
He sort of fed my mum this story
that Natalie had gone away for a few days with friends.
And my mum said, "Well, what, without her car?"
Even if she hadn't told my mum or Kerry or me,
she would have told somebody where she was going,
and she would have asked them to keep an eye on the children.
That that was the thing for me.
She just wouldn't have gone away without telling anybody
and just left the children. It just would never have happened.
Every fiber in my body was just telling me something was so wrong with the situation.
I just said, "Mum, you need to ring the police."
-[indistinct radio chatter] -[siren wailing]
The call was quite poignant in terms of the call to the control room.
And one of the questions that was asked of Natalie's mother was,
"Why are you so concerned?"
And, "Is there anybody in particular you're concerned about?"
And she was very much of the opinion that it had something to do with Paul.
So from quite early on, there was concerns
about his involvement in the disappearance of Natalie.
[DCI Simon Steele] One of the inquiries would be to ask family members
when they last saw Natalie, where had they been.
And what we did know is from Margaret Hammond,
is Natalie left around midafternoon on the 1st of May.
Paul Hemming said she arrived home in the afternoon around four o'clock.
He then said she left the house later that night.
[Joanne] The police actually went round to the property
to go and speak to Paul that same evening.
At that point, we were all trying to ring Natalie's phone,
using social media, we were on social media.
"Has anybody seen or heard from her? Please get in touch."
[Steele] Key line of inquiry is a proof of life.
And there is numbers of inquiries from mobile phones,
to financial, to store cards,
which would be carried out
'cause most of us leave a footprint somewhere.
And what happened obviously with Natalie,
there was no footprint of Natalie
since returning home afternoon, evening, on the Sunday, 1st of May.
And for a mum with three children, just to disappear,
and certainly, in the case of Natalie,
a loving mother, was completely out of character.
A day later, the police then all did searches on
mine, Jo's, and my mum's houses,
just to make sure Natalie hadn't gone away to be with any of us.
[narrator] Paul Hemming is questioned by police
and asked to give an account of his movements.
[Steele] Paul Hemming had said that evening,
he went upstairs to bed at around nine o'clock at night.
[Blaik] When he spoke to officers that initially went to the house
to take the the missing person report,
he was quite evasive
and, um, didn't seem to be particularly cooperative with the officers.
[narrator] It quickly becomes clear why he's not being helpful.
Paul Hemming's car had left the home address
on that Sunday evening, about a quarter past 10.
It activated an ANPR camera in Whitchurch.
[narrator] Paul Hemming's car being picked up
by an automatic number plate recognition camera
immediately disproves his alibi that he went to bed at 9:00 p.m.
Police act quickly.
I got a phone call from Simon
and he was just absolutely sobbing,
saying, "They think he's done something to her, Jo.
We've got to go and collect the children."
The kids have no idea what was going on.
They literally left the house because it's a crime scene.
They literally left the house with a carrier bag each of possessions.
That was it.
A number of those pieces were put together.
There was a conference in the middle of the night
and a decision was made to arrest Paul Hemming.
[Kerry] Paul was arrested on suspicion of murder.
And Jo rung me and she said,
"We need to get there 'cause the kids are all with mum."
And I just remember Jo saying to me,
"But drive safely 'cause I can't lose you, too."
Obviously, I set a number of key lines of inquiry.
Firstly, I'm conscious Paul Hemming is in custody.
And we only have so long with him in custody
before we need to A, release him, or B, make a decision to charge him.
[Blaik] The challenges were huge.
So we had to deal and manage the custody process.
And then alongside that, we've obviously got the ongoing search for Natalie,
trying to understand where she could be,
and trying to try to find her at the earliest opportunity.
It was very quick, from the moment that it was reported
to the moment he was arrested.
Obviously, my mum was distraught because she'd just been told that
this guy has been arrested on suspicion of murder.
You just, you can't believe what you're hearing.
For the immediate family, family liaison officers were appointed.
And I appointed them probably within five minutes of getting the phone call
saying that I have this investigation.
And they went round and worked with Margaret and Natalie's other family.
The family was so understanding, so patient,
um, they were just so lovely.
And they did have a little bit of hope,
but they knew, as the days went on and the hours ticked by,
they were like, "Something's definitely happened."
But it was almost like they didn't wanna believe that.
And who does want to believe that?
But for me, I think the challenge, I think for me, was the children.
-Yeah. -That was massive for me.
[Steele] It's a huge inquiry, lots of inquiries going on.
When asked about the vehicle,
he states he had not been out in the vehicle.
That is effectively the key part of his account.
It was quite clear on their relationship, there was a history of domestic abuse.
There was a history of his controlling behavior.
So, I had a number of hypothesis.
One is Natalie's gone of her own free will.
One hypothesis could've been Natalie's gone on her own
and something has happened to her by a third party unknown to her.
But clearly, a hypothesis was
Paul had murdered Natalie and disposed of Natalie.
[narrator] Natalie is missing.
But evidence is needed if Paul Hemming is to be charged with murder.
[Steele] Obviously, one of the lines of inquiry
was to interview some of Natalie's children.
[narrator] All three of Natalie's children were upstairs in bed
the night she disappeared.
[Steele] We had a significant development,
where one of the children describes hearing a very loud bang.
That child goes downstairs
and does look into the living room,
and describes seeing mummy wrapped in a blanket,
and also describes seeing some sort of pan or bowl type object.
None of us know exactly what he saw
because he's still very closed about what happened that night.
He just says that he heard the loud noise,
he went down, and he saw mummy asleep on the sofa.
And to us, obviously, we think Natalie was dead at that point.
But we don't know because he just said that she was covered with a blanket,
and daddy was cleaning up.
To me, that would say that little boy has seen his mummy dead.
And in years to come, he is gonna realize what he's seen.
[Blaik] Forensic evidence was found at the house.
There was blood found in the living room, on the floor and on the coffee table.
[Steele] And we have traces of blood in the boot of the S-MAX.
It was a significant breakthrough,
but sadly, it was a breakthrough that populated the hypotheses that
Natalie could well have been murdered.
[narrator] Mother of three, Natalie Hemming,
has been missing for five days.
Thames Valley Police now feel they've got enough evidence
against her partner, Paul, to present the case to the CPS.
A lot of the work around the proof of life statement
was significant in that, proving those negatives,
that the fact that there has been a huge change in Natalie's life,
which helped her to sway the balance
in terms of convincing the Crown Prosecution Service
that this was a murder investigation.
Um, and then on the 6th of May,
he was charged with murder, with Natalie's murder.
The police were very clear with us
from the day that he was remanded in custody.
Simon Steele, who was chief inspector on the case,
he said, "There's been no activity on her phone
or any of her bank cards, credit cards.
So, she's either hidden somewhere,
you know, he's put her somewhere,
or she is dead."
And he said, "I think we are looking at a bodiless murder."
I said…
He said, "I don't think we will ever find her."
Because it was such a wide area that he traveled that night in that car.
[Blaik] We knew that his car had gone out on the Sunday evening
at about quarter past 10,
when it hits an ANPR camera in Whitchurch, which is on the outskirts of Aylesbury.
We knew that it came back into Aylesbury at six minutes past midnight.
And we knew the direction of travel, that it exited Aylesbury.
We didn't know, in that hour and a half period, where it had been.
He'd dodged ANPR cameras.
So, some of the time, he was picked up by some,
and some he was… on the B-roads where there was no cameras.
So, you didn't know the exact routes he'd taken.
And he was very clever in that he took one route to get there,
but a different route to come home,
so that, obviously, you couldn't pick up
the exact place that he'd been.
In terms of the search,
on working on the basis that Natalie was probably in the car,
in an hour and a half, you can travel some distance.
So, the actual search parameters were huge.
[narrator] 40 square miles are covered in the hunt for Natalie.
The search involves three police forces.
[Blaik] What was unique here was
the fact that we were moving the search locations,
come sometimes daily.
It was mainly down to the updates from CCTV
because the CCTV team were working incredibly hard
trying to not only find the vehicle,
but also, um, eliminate certain routes that the vehicle could have taken,
having not passed a particular camera,
so it kind of pushes us back into a certain direction.
Which is why we focused the searches in those areas.
Part of the search and trying to understand
where Natalie was likely to be was,
we sought the advice of other forensic experts,
archeology being one of them.
One of the considerations was whether
Natalie could have been in a shallow grave.
But certainly, from the expert advice that we got,
around that time in May, that the ground was particularly hard,
and any shallow grave would have taken significant amount of time to dig.
So, the thoughts were that that was unlikely.
We would keep getting potential leads.
And we were all kind of on standby, we're thinking, "Has she been found?"
You're in limbo because even though he's been arrested,
and at this point, he's been charged and remanded,
there's still that part of you that wants to believe
that actually it's a mistake,
and that she's gonna walk through the door,
that it's just a, you know, the whole thing is just a joke.
You know, you're just living in this glimmer that actually it's all…
that this can't be real.
[narrator] Three weeks since Natalie disappeared,
Paul Hemming is still on remand, charged with her murder.
I've got a phone call from a colleague to say that a body had been found,
and it was a strong possibility of being Natalie.
[Steele] He took the initial call and he contacted me,
then I went back into the office.
And the family liaison officers,
I briefed them.
And they went immediately to see Margaret, Natalie's mum.
There was a male that had been mowing his field on a sit-on mower,
and he'd come to the edge line,
which was near to some undergrowth and then the main road.
And he could smell something really bad.
[Blaik] He put his head into the hedge row 'cause the smell that was coming there.
He thought it was likely to have been something run over by a car.
And when he looked, he obviously had the grim discovery.
Once we knew that this was potentially something,
the team discovered that there was a body there,
which had been face down in the undergrowth and was naked.
It was paramount that we got to the family before anything else
because now there was police activity,
it was getting taped off, the roads were shut.
[Blaik] One of the other parts of it
was around the fact that there was no clothes with Natalie.
I think the likelihood is that Paul didn't want her to be identified.
I think the clothing would've given us that forensic opportunity to identify
who those remains belong to.
I just remember, I checked my phone
and I had a missed call from the FLOs.
And Kerry checked hers at the same point.
And we just looked at each other and just went, "They found her."
We just knew, it was just the most odd thing.
Just knew.
[Steele] Natalie had been missing for three weeks.
And what we didn't know was…
It was quite clear that, from our search activity at that point,
that was the initial deposition site.
So, Natalie hadn't been subsequently moved.
It was quite clear that… where Natalie was found
was where he left Natalie.
At that point, they were fairly confident that it was Natalie.
But obviously, they wouldn't be able to confirm 100%
until… the coroner and pathologist
and all those professionals have done their jobs.
[Steele] Her postmortem,
there was injuries on her head and on her arm.
And what I will say, the arm one was a defensive injury,
defending yourself from someone striking you on the head.
When Natalie was found,
we were relieved because…
there's a lot of families out there that this happens to,
and they never get the closure that we've had.
So, for us to have Natalie found, and she is back with us,
we're lucky in that respect.
We were devastated, but equally,
knowing helps you to be able to process what's gone on.
[Blaik] With the way that he left Natalie,
the fact that she was naked,
she was left in a place where, another few weeks,
there might not have been anything left of her,
and we might not have ever found her.
I just struggle with that.
[Nikki Smith] What he'd done to his children and to their mother
and the rest of the family was huge.
The impact on that was huge, and it still will be, I think.
And seeing the little girl crying for her mummy,
that was really distressing.
You never believe anybody is capable of something like that.
Nevermind somebody who's sat at your dinner table,
and you classed as a member of your family.
You would never believe that they were capable
of doing something so hideous.
[Steele] The bottom line was that he knew that their relationship was over.
He knew that she was in another relationship.
He couldn't cope with that.
And the only way for him to cope with that was to
not allow Natalie to have that new life.
And on the basis of that, he took her life.
One of the most common phrases
said by killers who killed their partners is,
"If I can't have you, no one can."
[Steele] Went to trial at Luton Crown Court.
On the day of his trial, he pleaded guilty to killing Natalie,
but he claimed it was manslaughter.
There was no way we were gonna accept that.
This wasn't a manslaughter, this was absolutely a murder.
And that's what the trial was about, it was about the intent.
He claimed he threw a Faberge egg at Natalie,
not intending to cause her serious harm,
and disposed of her body in a panic.
We rejected that plea offer,
continued with the murder trial.
I only attended one day of the trial.
For me, I don't think I really wanted to sit
and listen to the whole thing being drawn out.
For me, the fact is, this man has murdered my sister.
And I don't need to know any more than that.
Paul would come in, all suited, looked really smart, you know.
Sit there, um, all very tearful at the right times,
towards the jury.
And when they'd go out, he didn't care.
Natalie's son was due to give evidence via video link
through the Crown Court up in Yorkshire
to the Crown Court in Luton.
But when Paul then pleaded guilty to manslaughter on the first day of trial,
he then didn't have to do that.
Which to be fair, I was relieved at
because I didn't want this little boy to have to go through… doing that.
Even though, obviously, he wouldn't be able to see
what was going on in the court.
It's just being in that little room,
being asked all these questions, it's not nice,
especially when he was only… six at the time.
Showed no emotion whatsoever
when any victim impact statements were being read
of what effect it had on his own kids,
and the effect it had on Natalie's mum and her brothers and sisters.
Didn't care, no emotion.
[narrator] During the trial,
the court is shown specifically designed imagery.
One of the things we did use was some 3D,
some digital fly throughs,
so we can take the jury back to the home address.
We can physically represent what the house looks like.
We can do a virtual tour of the house. We can show where witnesses were.
So, we used that to good effect in the trial.
One of the specialists that we had,
as part of the forensic strategy, was an entomologist,
who obviously can date and timeline larvae and flies.
And when we got the report back,
the findings were incredible in terms of the timeline
because they're able to say that the incubation period
of those particular flies and maggots was about 19 to 21 days,
which was exactly the amount of time that Natalie had been there.
Our case was that Paul had murdered Natalie on the Sunday night.
And then three weeks later, her body is found,
which would be absolutely in keeping with the report from the entomologist.
Paul Hemming was found guilty at Luton Crown Court,
unanimously, by the jury, of murder and burial offenses.
And he was sentenced to life imprisonment with a minimum term of 20 years.
Once they'd found him guilty,
-he mouthed, didn't he… -Yes, yeah.
…to the sisters in the public gallery and to the mum,
"I loved every minute."
[Joanne] The day of Natalie's funeral was,
I suppose it was really stressful for me
because I took responsibility for everything,
because my mum just couldn't.
She was just…
Bless her, she was just falling apart.
I remember that night, I hardly slept.
It was the most ridiculous thing
'cause I was frightened nobody was gonna turn up,
and it was just gonna be us.
And I know it's utterly ridiculous,
but I just wanted her to have the best… sendoff
that we could give her.
And that's… Oh, my God. [sobs]
Oh, dear.
Yeah. Oh.
But we asked everybody to wear traditional black,
but we asked everybody to just wear their favorite party shoes,
which everybody did.
And I just remember when the car came around the corner,
there were just… people everywhere.
And it was just like a massive relief… [sobs]
…'cause I just thought, "Everybody's here for her." [sobs]
And then when we went inside, it was full inside as well.
[Kerry] Natalie, obviously, was the baby of all of us.
So, to lose her, it's like losing one of your best friends.
You grow up together, you do everything together,
and then one day, she's just gone.
You know, in Natalie's funeral, Jo went,
"This is the last time we'll all be together as the five of us."
I think that for me, it was a bit that I just said to myself, right?
He's not taking anything else now. That's it, done.
[narrator] Paul Hemming has begun his 20 year sentence
for the murder of his partner and mother of three, Natalie.
Despite his conviction,
his actions will have an enduring effect on all those closest to her.
Our family lives have changed dramatically since it's all happened.
All of our lives have just changed beyond recognition.
I mean, for my brothers, it's slightly different obviously,
um, but they're still dealing with a massive loss.
And it's had impact on them in different ways.
The impact to my mum has been horrendous.
She has been… very poorly.
Her health has just gone downhill.
It's just taken a real toll on her.
I think she's aged a lot as well over these last years.
She just…
Seems to have hit her really hard.
We made the decision very quickly about the children
because, obviously, my mum is not in the best of health
or wasn't in the best of health anyway.
So, we, you know, us four,
sat round and decided that actually the best thing to do
would be for the children to come back to Yorkshire with me and Kerry.
So, I care for the two girls and Kerry cares for Natalie's little boy.
That, for us, was the right thing to do.
We've gone from having four children to having six.
And it's just the most basic things, like getting a car for eight people.
[laughs] You can't just walk down to the local car showroom and go,
"I'll have a car for eight, please."
Everything is sort of commercial vehicles.
And just… Yeah.
I mean, God, my washing pile,
it's nearly as big as Mount Everest half the time.
And so, just keeping up to date with day-to-day stuff is exhausting.
My poor husband, I don't know how, bless him, he's coped with it all as well.
Because, obviously, when he met me, it was just me,
me and him and two kids, and it's just kept expanding. [laughs]
So, yeah. No, it's been…
it' been really hard, really hard… for everybody.
Natalie's two girls are thriving.
They're coming along so much.
Natalie's youngest daughter never really used to talk.
Now, she just talks and talks and talks, and she's happy,
which is all we wanted for these kids.
My life has gone from being a single mum of two children
to a single mum of three children.
I've got Natalie's son settled in school,
and making sure that he has everything that he needs,
and that he knows that he's loved and cared for.
This little boy has got so much going on up here
that he just doesn't know how to vent it.
It's good now because he does believe that daddy killed mummy, you know.
To start with, he was always like,
"No, my daddy wouldn't do that to mummy."
And he now says,
"My daddy killed my mummy."
That man has got so much to answer for
'cause that poor little boy is scarred for life.
[narrator] In December 2015,
coercive and controlling behavior in the home became illegal.
[Dr. Smith] It's absolutely crucial
that we raise awareness of coercive control
and understand what it is because it is so very dangerous.
People can find help in many places these days
because we are more aware.
Professionals are much more aware of the dangers of coercive control,
the police, the Social Services, your GP.
There are domestic abuse services
in every town, in every area of the country.
[Joanne] I'm now an ambassador for AFTER,
which is Advocacy After Fatal Domestic Abuse.
They support families through something called a Domestic Homicide Review,
which is something that, obviously, we've had to go through.
And they've also provided support in lots of other areas,
in helping me to make contact with ministers
to raise other issues around the children.
I'm now speaking at conferences up and down the country,
just to try and, I suppose, raise awareness of the fact that,
perhaps the image that people have of domestic abuse
is not necessarily what it is.
If I'm being totally honest,
I don't think I genuinely understood what she was living with.
It's only now,
and having spoken to the professionals
and doing the things that I'm doing now,
that I really understand what domestic abuse is.
I think lots of us have got an image of domestic abuse being,
years ago, you see the pictures of the battered women
on hospital walls and things.
And that is just not what domestic abuse is… at all.
That is only a very small part of it.
I think I would just urge anybody who is…
living in a situation…
where they maybe feel threatened or unsafe,
that they look for support
through the correct agencies, charities.
And if you are wanting to leave,
get advice from those charities and do it safely…
because… as we now know,
the point at which somebody wants to leave or does leave
is the point at which that risk of a homicide increases massively.
We don't ever want Natalie to be forgotten.
We don't want her just to become another statistic.
She… It did happen to her
and we don't want any other children to lose their mum.
[Dr. Smith] So, some research has shown that as many as one in four women
will suffer domestic abuse across their lifetime,
so this is a problem.
And I think it's really interesting that as a culture
we encourage young women to go out and find Mr. Right,
but we never give them any help, support, or information
about how to get rid of Mr. Wrong.
[Steele] This case centered on a vile individual who controlled women.
He knew Natalie was leaving him,
and his control… was coming to an end.
In hindsight, it's a great thing to know,
if we'd known what we know now,
we would have done everything so differently.
She never would have gone home that night.
I present to students on public service courses
and the Action for Youth Program,
is to highlight the fact that coercive control
happens in all sorts of walks of life.
It's not specific to a certain class of people.
Outwardly, you'd look at the Hemming family,
Paul and Natalie, you would think that
this wouldn't happen in those circumstances.
Well, clearly, we know that's not the case.
[Joanne] If we had truly understood what domestic abuse is…
and what my sister was living with,
we would have done things so very differently.
And I'm not saying that it wouldn't have happened
because I think if somebody is determined enough,
then there is always gonna be that risk.
But had we realized, we would have done things very, very differently,
and you just don't know what the outcome would have been.
[theme music playing]