1
00:00:05,831 --> 00:00:07,877
Hey, you asleep?

2
00:00:11,968 --> 00:00:13,665
[coughing]

3
00:00:16,277 --> 00:00:17,539
[coughs louder]

4
00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:20,237
What?
Oh.

5
00:00:20,368 --> 00:00:21,891
Good, you're up.

6
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,589
Hey, uh, where should I take
Holly for our date?

7
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,114
You fake bronchitis for this?

8
00:00:28,158 --> 00:00:29,855
Man, you're a romantic guy.

9
00:00:29,986 --> 00:00:31,031
Help me out.

10
00:00:31,161 --> 00:00:33,250
Take her to the beach.

11
00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:35,252
Write her poems in the sand.

12
00:00:35,383 --> 00:00:37,472
Let the waves take the poems.

13
00:00:37,602 --> 00:00:39,256
Good night.

14
00:00:39,387 --> 00:00:41,519
Uh, yeah, I don't know.

15
00:00:41,650 --> 00:00:42,781
What about skydiving?

16
00:00:42,912 --> 00:00:44,392
That is not a date.

17
00:00:44,522 --> 00:00:46,307
That is what you do when
you want to deliver soldiers

18
00:00:46,437 --> 00:00:47,830
inside enemy territory.

19
00:00:48,831 --> 00:00:50,746
Well, then what, man?

20
00:00:50,876 --> 00:00:53,444
I don't want to be like
every other guy she's dated.

21
00:00:53,575 --> 00:00:55,359
[sighs]Okay.

22
00:00:55,490 --> 00:00:57,057
[grunts]

23
00:00:57,187 --> 00:01:00,886
I was saving this one
for myself, but you can have it.

24
00:01:02,845 --> 00:01:07,719
Rent a villa on a cliff
that overlooks a tea field.

25
00:01:07,850 --> 00:01:09,634
There's no cliffs in Ohio.

26
00:01:09,765 --> 00:01:11,593
And there's no magic
in your heart.

27
00:01:14,335 --> 00:01:15,379
What about camping?

28
00:01:15,510 --> 00:01:17,555
Great, perfect. Good night.

29
00:01:17,686 --> 00:01:20,210
Yes, camping seems good.

30
00:01:20,341 --> 00:01:21,385
Just her and me

31
00:01:21,516 --> 00:01:23,257
and the great outdoors.

32
00:01:24,258 --> 00:01:25,520
[exhales]

33
00:01:26,564 --> 00:01:28,218
No, no, I can't live with this.

34
00:01:28,349 --> 00:01:30,699
Why would you sleep on the
ground when you don't have to?

35
00:01:30,829 --> 00:01:32,396
I think she'd like it.

36
00:01:32,527 --> 00:01:33,832
There is nothing to like.

37
00:01:33,963 --> 00:01:35,791
You can get lost.
You can run out of food.

38
00:01:35,921 --> 00:01:37,184
You can be eaten by a bear.

39
00:01:37,314 --> 00:01:39,229
You can get killed
by somebody named Jason.

40
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:40,796
They make those movies
for a reason, Riley,

41
00:01:40,926 --> 00:01:42,928
to warn young lovers.

42
00:01:43,059 --> 00:01:45,192
Yeah, camping.

43
00:01:45,322 --> 00:01:47,411
Definitely camping.

44
00:01:47,542 --> 00:01:49,021
[groans]

45
00:01:50,719 --> 00:01:52,112
Where you going?The bathroom.

46
00:01:52,242 --> 00:01:55,115
Smart people do it indoors.

47
00:01:56,377 --> 00:01:57,378
♪

48
00:01:57,508 --> 00:01:58,857
♪ Oh!

49
00:02:09,868 --> 00:02:11,740
[sighs]

50
00:02:11,870 --> 00:02:14,351
Fire's going.
Want to unpack?

51
00:02:14,482 --> 00:02:16,614
Whiskey.
Ooh.

52
00:02:16,745 --> 00:02:18,268
Hot dogs.

53
00:02:18,399 --> 00:02:20,401
We're unpacked.

54
00:02:20,531 --> 00:02:22,054
I only see one sleeping bag.

55
00:02:22,185 --> 00:02:23,273
Got a problem with that?

56
00:02:23,404 --> 00:02:24,709
No, ma'am.

57
00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:26,450
Let's get these dogs going.

58
00:02:26,581 --> 00:02:27,799
Yeah.

59
00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:29,714
I'll have this ready
for you in a second.

60
00:02:29,845 --> 00:02:31,629
I'm good.

61
00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:34,241
Whoa. Where'd you get that?

62
00:02:34,371 --> 00:02:36,330
Would you believe I took it
off a guy in a fight?

63
00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:37,809
Yeah, I would.

64
00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:40,160
I was in Manila
with some Navy buddies.

65
00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:41,639
We pissed off some pirates.

66
00:02:41,770 --> 00:02:43,728
You're kidding.Of course I'm kidding.

67
00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:45,165
I got it from a buddy at TSA.

68
00:02:45,295 --> 00:02:48,255
They have, like,
thousands of knives.

69
00:02:49,256 --> 00:02:50,692
Did you camp much growing up?

70
00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:53,564
We lived in an apartment.

71
00:02:53,695 --> 00:02:56,741
I used to camp out
on the fire escape.

72
00:02:56,872 --> 00:02:59,004
You know, it's nice
to look up and see stars

73
00:02:59,135 --> 00:03:01,181
instead of wet laundry.

74
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:05,315
[exhales]

75
00:03:07,274 --> 00:03:08,797
You know what I like about you?

76
00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:10,973
Better be a long list.[chuckles]

77
00:03:11,103 --> 00:03:13,715
You haven't once said,
"Where's the bug spray?"

78
00:03:13,845 --> 00:03:16,370
"How can you buy hot dogs
and no buns?"

79
00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:18,502
"You call that a toilet?"

80
00:03:18,633 --> 00:03:20,243
Civilians.

81
00:03:20,374 --> 00:03:22,811
Can't live with them,
sworn to protect their freedom.

82
00:03:22,941 --> 00:03:24,900
[laughs]:Yeah.

83
00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:31,863
[exhales]

84
00:03:31,994 --> 00:03:34,692
You think we have time to have
sex before these hot dogs cook?

85
00:03:36,085 --> 00:03:37,652
God, I hope not.

86
00:03:42,657 --> 00:03:44,702
So, what are we thinking today?

87
00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:48,402
Red? Yellow? Green?
[gasps]

88
00:03:48,532 --> 00:03:50,708
Should we just go
full traffic light?

89
00:03:51,666 --> 00:03:53,798
What about completely gray?

90
00:03:53,929 --> 00:03:56,366
Then I could tell people I'm 60,
and everybody would be like,

91
00:03:56,497 --> 00:03:58,803
"Whoa, you look amazing."

92
00:03:58,934 --> 00:04:00,501
Yeah, I'm just gonna
surprise you.

93
00:04:01,632 --> 00:04:02,938
What about this?

94
00:04:03,068 --> 00:04:04,244
Don't you think
this would look good?

95
00:04:04,374 --> 00:04:06,289
Nah, short hair makes me
look like an elf.

96
00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:08,073
I meant for me.

97
00:04:08,204 --> 00:04:09,553
But, Hazel, you have
such beautiful hair.

98
00:04:09,684 --> 00:04:11,903
I don't want beautiful hair.
I want cool hair.

99
00:04:12,034 --> 00:04:13,731
Well, I think your
hair is very cool.

100
00:04:13,862 --> 00:04:15,255
[groans]

101
00:04:15,385 --> 00:04:16,691
Aunt Lizzie, don't you think

102
00:04:16,821 --> 00:04:18,040
I would look good
with this hair?

103
00:04:18,170 --> 00:04:21,130
I think maybe
this is between you

104
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,350
and the lady behind me
with the scissors.

105
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,700
That cut would be
a big change, baby.

106
00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:27,571
Why don't you think
about it for a while?

107
00:04:27,702 --> 00:04:29,747
I have been.
In fact, I calculated,

108
00:04:29,878 --> 00:04:31,271
and if I have half as much hair,

109
00:04:31,401 --> 00:04:33,708
you'll save $3,000 a year
in shampoo.

110
00:04:33,838 --> 00:04:36,276
Multiply that by six,
and that's college money.

111
00:04:36,406 --> 00:04:37,929
If that's your math,
I don't see you getting

112
00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:39,583
into any colleges.

113
00:04:39,714 --> 00:04:41,759
Mom.Honey.

114
00:04:41,890 --> 00:04:44,588
I give people haircuts every
day they end up regretting.

115
00:04:44,719 --> 00:04:46,286
Doesn't that say
more about you than me?

116
00:04:46,416 --> 00:04:48,157
Danger. Danger.

117
00:04:49,637 --> 00:04:51,421
Trust me, this is
one of the few things

118
00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:53,249
in the world I am
an expert in.

119
00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:55,599
That's not true. You're also
an expert in making me sad.

120
00:04:55,730 --> 00:04:58,036
Wow.

121
00:04:58,167 --> 00:04:59,386
The answer's no.

122
00:04:59,516 --> 00:05:01,083
You're so mean.

123
00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:03,390
[sighs]

124
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,087
Thanks for backing me up.

125
00:05:05,217 --> 00:05:06,871
We all have our roles to play.

126
00:05:07,002 --> 00:05:10,745
I'm the cool aunt,
and you're mean.

127
00:05:10,875 --> 00:05:12,921
Thanks.

128
00:05:15,663 --> 00:05:17,273
[exhales]
Good morning.

129
00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:18,883
Ah, morning.

130
00:05:19,014 --> 00:05:22,452
How was your romantic date
squatting over a hole?

131
00:05:22,583 --> 00:05:24,149
It was incredible.

132
00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:26,978
Did you know Holly's
an all-state softball pitcher?

133
00:05:27,109 --> 00:05:30,286
I don't even know
what softball is.

134
00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:32,810
And get this,
she doesn't like chocolate.

135
00:05:32,941 --> 00:05:34,899
I don't like chocolate.I know, and I always thought
that was weird,

136
00:05:35,030 --> 00:05:36,814
but now I think it's adorable.

137
00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:40,340
Ha. Riley Jaan,

138
00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:41,819
I think you are in love.

139
00:05:41,950 --> 00:05:43,604
You think?

140
00:05:43,734 --> 00:05:45,475
Every time you say her name,

141
00:05:45,606 --> 00:05:49,827
your eyes light up like there is
a cartoon bird on your shoulder.

142
00:05:49,958 --> 00:05:54,484
After Vanessa, I never imagined
a future with anyone,

143
00:05:54,615 --> 00:05:57,835
but man, when Holly says
she wants to buy a food truck,

144
00:05:57,966 --> 00:05:59,968
I see myself driving
that food truck.

145
00:06:00,098 --> 00:06:01,361
Even though
she specifically said

146
00:06:01,491 --> 00:06:02,797
only she gets to drive
the food truck.

147
00:06:02,927 --> 00:06:04,015
[laughs]

148
00:06:04,146 --> 00:06:05,408
This is big.

149
00:06:05,539 --> 00:06:06,757
It is, isn't it?

150
00:06:06,888 --> 00:06:08,019
Ah. Rub your hand on my head.

151
00:06:08,150 --> 00:06:09,673
I could use some
of that good luck.

152
00:06:09,804 --> 00:06:12,546
I want to do something
to show her how I feel.

153
00:06:13,634 --> 00:06:15,070
I think you have two choices.Mm-hmm.

154
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:16,854
Go simple or go big.

155
00:06:16,985 --> 00:06:18,203
Go on.

156
00:06:18,334 --> 00:06:20,031
If you go simple,

157
00:06:20,162 --> 00:06:24,035
give her a perfect dark red
apple and say it's your heart.

158
00:06:24,166 --> 00:06:28,605
If you go big, give her a giant
ruby and say it's your heart.

159
00:06:30,564 --> 00:06:32,696
I should write this down.Mm-hmm.

160
00:06:35,264 --> 00:06:37,701
[sportscast playing
over cell phone]

161
00:06:37,832 --> 00:06:40,225
Do you have anything
I can break or set on fire?

162
00:06:40,356 --> 00:06:42,880
Hell yeah, I do. Why?

163
00:06:43,011 --> 00:06:45,230
Mom won't let me cut my hair.

164
00:06:45,361 --> 00:06:47,798
It's my hair. It's my head.

165
00:06:47,929 --> 00:06:50,801
Yeah, but you're her daughter,
so it's kind of her head, too.

166
00:06:50,932 --> 00:06:52,803
Well, it stinks.

167
00:06:52,934 --> 00:06:56,894
Well, before you know it,
you'll be on your own,

168
00:06:57,025 --> 00:06:59,070
making your own decisions.

169
00:06:59,201 --> 00:07:02,552
And you'll wish you had someone
around to tell you what to do.

170
00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:04,728
I doubt it.
[chuckles]

171
00:07:04,859 --> 00:07:06,426
Here's the thing.

172
00:07:06,556 --> 00:07:10,821
When you start making decisions,
you start having regrets.

173
00:07:10,952 --> 00:07:12,867
Like what?

174
00:07:14,477 --> 00:07:16,871
Yeah, when I was younger,

175
00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:20,352
I had the chance to be
a roadie for Whitesnake.

176
00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:21,441
Really?

177
00:07:21,571 --> 00:07:22,529
Yeah.

178
00:07:22,659 --> 00:07:24,487
What's Whitesnake?

179
00:07:26,054 --> 00:07:28,796
As decent and gifted
a collection of musicians

180
00:07:28,926 --> 00:07:30,841
you'll ever meet.

181
00:07:31,842 --> 00:07:33,931
Point is,

182
00:07:34,062 --> 00:07:37,021
before you know it, you'll have
nothing but decisions.

183
00:07:37,152 --> 00:07:38,588
I can't wait.

184
00:07:38,719 --> 00:07:40,764
[chuckles]
You think that.

185
00:07:40,895 --> 00:07:44,420
Then you get car insurance
without collision.

186
00:07:44,551 --> 00:07:46,944
You pick the cable provider
without baseball.

187
00:07:48,163 --> 00:07:50,600
You go to the grocery store,
but you spend too much time

188
00:07:50,731 --> 00:07:53,647
deciding what you want to cook,
you get hungry,

189
00:07:53,777 --> 00:07:56,476
you end up eating a rotisserie
chicken in the parking lot

190
00:07:56,606 --> 00:07:58,565
on the tailgate of your truck,

191
00:07:58,695 --> 00:08:00,305
and the kid
collecting carts is like,

192
00:08:00,436 --> 00:08:02,003
"That poor bastard
couldn't even make it home

193
00:08:02,133 --> 00:08:04,179
to eat his rotisserie chicken."

194
00:08:07,443 --> 00:08:09,532
All right, nice talking to you.

195
00:08:14,711 --> 00:08:18,628
♪ Here I go again on my own

196
00:08:18,759 --> 00:08:22,763
♪ Going down the only road
I've ever known. ♪

197
00:08:24,765 --> 00:08:26,157
[buzzing]

198
00:08:26,288 --> 00:08:27,724
So, what do you think
I should get?

199
00:08:27,855 --> 00:08:31,032
I just don't know.
They are all very romantic.

200
00:08:31,162 --> 00:08:32,729
Oh, look at this barbed wire.

201
00:08:32,860 --> 00:08:35,558
It says you would climb
over barbed wire for her.

202
00:08:35,689 --> 00:08:38,518
Look at this tiger. It says
you would fight a tiger for her.

203
00:08:38,648 --> 00:08:41,477
How late is this place open?
This could take a while.

204
00:08:42,478 --> 00:08:43,958
Uh, you want me
to fix your eagle?

205
00:08:44,088 --> 00:08:45,350
What's wrong with it?

206
00:08:45,481 --> 00:08:48,136
Nothing. It's perfect.

207
00:08:49,137 --> 00:08:50,791
Maybe I just get her name.

208
00:08:50,921 --> 00:08:52,444
Her name? Riley,

209
00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:54,359
look at this wall of romance.

210
00:08:54,490 --> 00:08:56,840
Y-You should get a beach
at sunset with a palm tree,

211
00:08:56,971 --> 00:08:58,538
and underneath it, two lovers.

212
00:08:58,668 --> 00:08:59,669
That's you and Holly.

213
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,192
I don't know.

214
00:09:01,323 --> 00:09:02,629
Or maybe get these two dragons.

215
00:09:02,759 --> 00:09:04,718
That's also you and Holly.

216
00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:07,111
Yeah, I'm just gonna
go with "Holly."

217
00:09:07,242 --> 00:09:08,852
Maybe here on my ribs.

218
00:09:08,983 --> 00:09:11,376
Or maybe it could
start on your ribs,

219
00:09:11,507 --> 00:09:15,206
wrap around your back
and end at your heart?

220
00:09:15,337 --> 00:09:17,382
It's only five letters.

221
00:09:18,775 --> 00:09:20,647
What's her last name?

222
00:09:25,173 --> 00:09:27,567
Oh, that's not kale
in there, is it?

223
00:09:27,697 --> 00:09:30,874
Can we not have
the kale conversation?

224
00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:32,397
I like iceberg.

225
00:09:32,528 --> 00:09:33,834
I know.
It knows what it is.

226
00:09:33,964 --> 00:09:35,400
It's not trying to be all fancy.

227
00:09:35,531 --> 00:09:37,359
I know.

228
00:09:39,013 --> 00:09:41,885
Check it out.

229
00:09:42,016 --> 00:09:43,060
Boom!

230
00:09:43,191 --> 00:09:44,671
[whoops]

231
00:09:44,801 --> 00:09:46,847
Oh, on the ribs. Did it hurt?

232
00:09:46,977 --> 00:09:48,588
Yeah.

233
00:09:48,718 --> 00:09:50,894
Oh, my God, why did you do that?

234
00:09:51,025 --> 00:09:53,070
Because it's awesome.

235
00:09:53,201 --> 00:09:54,245
Does she know about this?

236
00:09:54,376 --> 00:09:56,030
No, it's a surprise.

237
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:58,249
Big surprise.

238
00:09:58,380 --> 00:10:00,600
Oh, dude, this may be the
dumbest thing you've ever done.

239
00:10:00,730 --> 00:10:02,384
No, it's romantic.

240
00:10:02,514 --> 00:10:05,082
No, it's stupid.
You're gonna freak her out.

241
00:10:05,213 --> 00:10:07,215
Why are you the enemy
of romance?

242
00:10:08,477 --> 00:10:10,740
I want her to know
I'm crazy about her.

243
00:10:10,871 --> 00:10:12,612
Well, she'll definitely
get the crazy part.

244
00:10:13,656 --> 00:10:14,875
You don't know her like I do.

245
00:10:15,005 --> 00:10:17,834
She's cool, laid-back
and independent.

246
00:10:17,965 --> 00:10:19,836
Okay, you know her a little.

247
00:10:19,967 --> 00:10:22,534
And this tattoo
makes you look weird,

248
00:10:22,665 --> 00:10:24,624
desperate and really clingy.

249
00:10:24,754 --> 00:10:26,582
It does?

250
00:10:26,713 --> 00:10:28,976
Oh, yeah, now I see it.
[chuckles]

251
00:10:29,106 --> 00:10:30,847
Too bad. I liked her.

252
00:10:30,978 --> 00:10:32,370
Okay, you guys are crazy.

253
00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:34,459
She's not gonna break up
with me over a tattoo.

254
00:10:34,590 --> 00:10:36,157
Spilt milk, buddy. Let it go.

255
00:10:37,245 --> 00:10:39,813
I tried to talk him out of it.

256
00:10:47,603 --> 00:10:49,736
How do we play this off
so I don't seem clingy?

257
00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:52,260
Ah. Dump her.

258
00:10:53,565 --> 00:10:54,654
I'm trying to stay with her.

259
00:10:54,784 --> 00:10:56,046
Okay. Uh...

260
00:10:56,177 --> 00:10:57,744
Tell her your grandma's
name is Holly.

261
00:10:57,874 --> 00:10:59,702
Isn't that still kind of weird?

262
00:10:59,833 --> 00:11:02,879
It's very weird
but not as weird.

263
00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:05,447
What if she breaks up with me
and I'm stuck with this tattoo?

264
00:11:05,577 --> 00:11:06,927
Date blind women?

265
00:11:07,057 --> 00:11:09,407
And waste a million sit-ups?
No, thank you.

266
00:11:10,452 --> 00:11:11,975
You could cover yourself
with tattoos

267
00:11:12,106 --> 00:11:15,065
so it is just one of many
stupid things on your body.

268
00:11:15,196 --> 00:11:18,286
Okay, that is the best idea yet,
but I'm seeing her tonight.

269
00:11:18,416 --> 00:11:20,854
If you sleep with her,
keep your clothes on.

270
00:11:20,984 --> 00:11:22,899
Yes! That is the kind
of out-of-the-box thinking

271
00:11:23,030 --> 00:11:24,379
I'm looking for.Mm-hmm.

272
00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:30,298
Let's get those clothes off.

273
00:11:30,428 --> 00:11:31,342
[laughs]

274
00:11:31,473 --> 00:11:32,648
Uh, yeah.

275
00:11:32,779 --> 00:11:34,258
Uh, hang on, hang on one sec.

276
00:11:34,389 --> 00:11:35,956
[hums softly]

277
00:11:37,174 --> 00:11:38,698
What are you doing?

278
00:11:38,828 --> 00:11:41,483
Uh, safety.
You've seen Backdraft,right?

279
00:11:43,441 --> 00:11:46,401
It may not have affected me
as, uh, deeply as you.

280
00:11:58,892 --> 00:12:02,678
If there's another shirt under
this, I'm gonna be really upset.

281
00:12:02,809 --> 00:12:06,421
Uh, you know what I always
thought would be sexy?

282
00:12:06,551 --> 00:12:08,031
What?

283
00:12:08,162 --> 00:12:10,599
'Cause I probably have one.

284
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:14,342
Shirt. No pants.

285
00:12:15,299 --> 00:12:17,780
Like...

286
00:12:17,911 --> 00:12:19,782
Donald Duck?

287
00:12:19,913 --> 00:12:23,438
Yeah.

288
00:12:23,568 --> 00:12:26,789
I want to Donald Duck you.

289
00:12:27,834 --> 00:12:29,749
Okay.Okay.

290
00:12:32,839 --> 00:12:34,362
[Hazel crying]

291
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:37,365
Hazel, you okay?

292
00:12:37,495 --> 00:12:38,714
HAZEL:
No.

293
00:12:38,845 --> 00:12:41,151
I hope my stories
didn't make you sad.

294
00:12:41,282 --> 00:12:43,719
It's okay. I-I had a good life.

295
00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:45,547
Go away.

296
00:12:45,677 --> 00:12:47,549
Come on, Hazel, what's going on?

297
00:12:51,335 --> 00:12:52,989
Oh.

298
00:12:54,469 --> 00:12:58,386
Uh, I made one of those regrets
you were talking about.

299
00:12:58,516 --> 00:13:00,127
Lizzie!

300
00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:04,696
What's going-- Oh, wow.

301
00:13:04,827 --> 00:13:06,046
Mom's gonna kill me.

302
00:13:06,176 --> 00:13:08,222
Yeah, she might.

303
00:13:08,352 --> 00:13:10,485
Okay, sounds like you got this.

304
00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:13,575
Oh, come here.

305
00:13:13,705 --> 00:13:15,751
I thought it would be easy
'cause I watch Mom do it,

306
00:13:15,882 --> 00:13:16,970
but it's not easy.

307
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:18,798
It's hard.

308
00:13:21,017 --> 00:13:22,714
Can I tell you a secret?

309
00:13:24,325 --> 00:13:26,196
When I was in eighth grade,

310
00:13:26,327 --> 00:13:28,938
I thought I could
bleach my own hair,

311
00:13:29,069 --> 00:13:31,027
and I thought I could
use real bleach,

312
00:13:31,158 --> 00:13:32,899
and that is not true.

313
00:13:33,029 --> 00:13:34,248
What happened?

314
00:13:34,378 --> 00:13:35,945
It burned out
a giant chunk of my hair

315
00:13:36,076 --> 00:13:37,773
all the way to the scalp.

316
00:13:37,904 --> 00:13:39,906
I had to wear a hat to school
for three months.

317
00:13:40,036 --> 00:13:43,083
They even let me wear it
during the Pledge of Allegiance.

318
00:13:43,213 --> 00:13:45,520
Do you think Mom's gonna be mad?

319
00:13:45,650 --> 00:13:48,784
Has your mom ever been
mad at you before?

320
00:13:48,915 --> 00:13:50,177
Yeah.

321
00:13:50,307 --> 00:13:52,353
And did she stay mad?

322
00:13:52,483 --> 00:13:53,528
No.

323
00:13:53,658 --> 00:13:55,791
Because she loves you.

324
00:13:57,749 --> 00:14:02,015
That's nature's way of making
sure children become adults.

325
00:14:04,234 --> 00:14:06,106
Will you come with me
to tell her?

326
00:14:06,236 --> 00:14:07,847
Sure.

327
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,066
Do you still have that hat?

328
00:14:11,241 --> 00:14:12,286
It's a beret.

329
00:14:12,416 --> 00:14:13,983
Ugh.I know.

330
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:18,335
Yeah.

331
00:14:19,423 --> 00:14:20,816
Hey, Dad, come here.

332
00:14:20,947 --> 00:14:21,948
I want to show you something.

333
00:14:22,078 --> 00:14:23,775
What's up?
Um,

334
00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:26,082
as you may recall,
I got a tattoo.

335
00:14:26,213 --> 00:14:27,475
I do recall.

336
00:14:27,605 --> 00:14:29,303
Uh, and I'm having
second thoughts.

337
00:14:29,433 --> 00:14:31,392
So, uh, looking for a
way to get rid of it

338
00:14:31,522 --> 00:14:32,959
before Holly sees it.

339
00:14:33,089 --> 00:14:35,309
I told him he should burn it
with a little bit of acid

340
00:14:35,439 --> 00:14:37,964
from the battery of my car,
but he's being a baby.

341
00:14:38,094 --> 00:14:39,879
I'm not being a baby.

342
00:14:40,009 --> 00:14:43,752
So, here's my
second-best idea.

343
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:46,668
We turn "Holly"
into "Hazel."

344
00:14:46,798 --> 00:14:49,584
Uh, what?

345
00:14:49,714 --> 00:14:51,151
Keep the "H" the way it is.

346
00:14:51,281 --> 00:14:53,153
The "O" becomes an "A."

347
00:14:53,283 --> 00:14:55,155
First "L" becomes a "Z."

348
00:14:55,285 --> 00:14:58,114
Second "L" becomes an "E."

349
00:14:58,245 --> 00:15:00,508
Now, this is where it gets
a little sticky.

350
00:15:00,638 --> 00:15:05,687
The "Y" becomes an "L"
with a little heart at the top.

351
00:15:05,817 --> 00:15:07,167
Huh.

352
00:15:07,297 --> 00:15:09,517
I mean, it's better, right?

353
00:15:09,647 --> 00:15:11,519
I'd go battery acid.

354
00:15:11,649 --> 00:15:12,520
[groans]

355
00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:13,695
Chicks dig scars.

356
00:15:13,825 --> 00:15:16,350
Mm. Listen to your father.

357
00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:23,270
I don't think I can do this.

358
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:24,836
Yes, you can.

359
00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:26,316
Your only other choice
is to run away from home.

360
00:15:26,447 --> 00:15:28,318
That's on the table?

361
00:15:30,059 --> 00:15:31,626
Not anymore.

362
00:15:33,845 --> 00:15:36,239
Hey, Lizzie.
Hi, Elmer Fudd.

363
00:15:39,025 --> 00:15:42,332
Hazel, is there something
you want to say to your mom?

364
00:15:43,507 --> 00:15:45,640
You're the best,
and you're pretty.

365
00:15:46,641 --> 00:15:47,990
Well, thank you.

366
00:15:48,121 --> 00:15:50,210
I'm gonna go to my room
for six months.

367
00:15:50,340 --> 00:15:51,733
Hazel.

368
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:02,265
I cut my own hair.
I know you told me not to do it.

369
00:16:02,396 --> 00:16:04,224
And I screwed it up,
and it looks dumb,

370
00:16:04,354 --> 00:16:06,226
and you were right,
and I was wrong.

371
00:16:06,356 --> 00:16:08,402
[sighs]
Show me.

372
00:16:09,359 --> 00:16:10,404
I don't want to.

373
00:16:10,534 --> 00:16:12,493
It can't be worse than the hat.

374
00:16:16,888 --> 00:16:19,065
Oh, my God, what did you use,
a steak knife?

375
00:16:19,195 --> 00:16:20,240
Actually, sh...

376
00:16:20,370 --> 00:16:22,372
No one asked you, cool aunt.

377
00:16:24,287 --> 00:16:25,897
Okay.

378
00:16:26,028 --> 00:16:28,248
Damage is done.

379
00:16:28,378 --> 00:16:29,858
And you know what?

380
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,903
This is partly my fault.

381
00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:33,775
It is?

382
00:16:33,905 --> 00:16:35,864
I should've let you do this.

383
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:40,434
I was just scared that short
hair would make you look older,

384
00:16:40,564 --> 00:16:44,394
and that's hard on me 'cause
you're growing up so fast.

385
00:16:44,525 --> 00:16:46,266
Can you fix it?

386
00:16:46,396 --> 00:16:47,876
Yeah.

387
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,660
Go get your hair wet
and grab my kit,

388
00:16:49,791 --> 00:16:51,445
and we'll see
if we can clean this up.

389
00:16:51,575 --> 00:16:53,403
Thanks, Mom.Mm-hmm.

390
00:16:56,667 --> 00:16:57,973
Nicely done.

391
00:16:58,104 --> 00:16:59,844
Thanks for giving me a heads-up.

392
00:16:59,975 --> 00:17:02,891
I would've thrown a chair
through a window.

393
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,807
She's young.
You'll have other chances.

394
00:17:07,983 --> 00:17:09,593
[knock at door]

395
00:17:14,729 --> 00:17:16,644
I did this.

396
00:17:17,601 --> 00:17:19,125
Wow.I, uh,

397
00:17:19,255 --> 00:17:21,605
may have gotten
a little ahead of myself.

398
00:17:21,736 --> 00:17:22,911
You think?

399
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:24,913
Yeah.
[clears throat]

400
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,828
So...

401
00:17:26,958 --> 00:17:28,569
You're such an idiot.

402
00:17:28,699 --> 00:17:31,006
Like an idiot
you never want to see again

403
00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:35,489
or an idiot
you're kind of fond of?

404
00:17:36,751 --> 00:17:38,144
Come here.

405
00:17:38,274 --> 00:17:39,667
[exhales]

406
00:17:41,277 --> 00:17:43,932
Just so you know, I'm gonna
make fun of you forever.

407
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:46,195
Forever?

408
00:17:46,326 --> 00:17:48,067
Little clingy.
[chuckles]

409
00:17:56,553 --> 00:17:58,164
Hey, can you hand me
the crescent wrench?

410
00:17:58,294 --> 00:18:00,862
Holly's middle
name is Charlotte.

411
00:18:00,992 --> 00:18:02,168
Oh, geez.

412
00:18:02,298 --> 00:18:04,213
You're useless
when you're in love.

413
00:18:05,475 --> 00:18:08,522
Oh. Hey, here she comes.

414
00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:12,047
Hey, baby.
Hey, guys.

415
00:18:12,178 --> 00:18:14,093
Hey. What's up?

416
00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:17,661
You tell me.

417
00:18:18,619 --> 00:18:20,055
Hold on a moment.

418
00:18:20,186 --> 00:18:21,535
The pressure
in your tires looks low.

419
00:18:21,665 --> 00:18:23,189
Oh, yeah.

420
00:18:23,319 --> 00:18:25,191
I could see that
from a mile away.
Mm-hmm.

421
00:18:25,321 --> 00:18:27,715
Seriously? That's all
you have to say to me?

422
00:18:27,845 --> 00:18:29,543
I'm sorry, baby, of course.

423
00:18:29,673 --> 00:18:31,458
I love your jeans.

424
00:18:32,633 --> 00:18:34,461
Yeah, they look fly.

425
00:18:34,591 --> 00:18:36,115
That's what the kids say, right?

426
00:18:36,245 --> 00:18:37,986
Yeah, I think so.Yeah.

427
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,858
My hair.
I'm talking about my hair.

428
00:18:40,989 --> 00:18:42,991
Oh, well, y-you had a helmet on.

429
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,819
Don't feel bad.

430
00:18:44,949 --> 00:18:46,125
You guys are jerks.

431
00:18:46,255 --> 00:18:48,562
Oh, come here. You look great.

432
00:18:48,692 --> 00:18:49,911
So grown-up.

433
00:18:50,041 --> 00:18:52,043
Yeah, like a little
weather lady.

434
00:18:53,436 --> 00:18:55,569
Hazel. Are those new shoes?

435
00:18:55,699 --> 00:18:58,702
Too late. We already
did the thing.
Oh, okay.

436
00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:06,101
Captioning sponsored by
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437
00:19:09,235 --> 00:19:12,194
Captioned by
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