1
00:00:04,221 --> 00:00:05,918
COMMENTATOR: So far,
it's been a very tight game.

2
00:00:05,962 --> 00:00:07,442
You'll never believe
what Dad did.

3
00:00:07,485 --> 00:00:10,184
Do we have
to establish an alibi?

4
00:00:10,227 --> 00:00:11,359
So, we were out
riding bikes,

5
00:00:11,402 --> 00:00:12,838
and this dog runs out
into the middle

6
00:00:12,882 --> 00:00:14,275
of the street, and all
these cars were gonna hit it,

7
00:00:14,318 --> 00:00:15,319
and it was so scared,
and then Dad runs out there

8
00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:16,407
and scoops him up
in his jacket.

9
00:00:16,451 --> 00:00:18,105
They almost got hit by a truck.

10
00:00:18,148 --> 00:00:21,369
Brave and stupid.
Sounds like my brother.

11
00:00:21,412 --> 00:00:22,500
Look what we found.

12
00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:25,721
Get that out of here!

13
00:00:25,764 --> 00:00:27,070
Are you scared?

14
00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:29,072
Are you dumb?

15
00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:32,858
I forgot to tell you, Afghans
don't really keep dogs as pets.

16
00:00:32,902 --> 00:00:35,035
Okay, but Uncle Al,
this is a nice dog.

17
00:00:35,078 --> 00:00:37,863
Mm-mmm. Mm, dogs
are not nice.

18
00:00:37,907 --> 00:00:39,517
They are wild animals
who travel in packs

19
00:00:39,561 --> 00:00:41,563
and terrorize the streets
at night.

20
00:00:43,608 --> 00:00:45,262
Come on.
Just give him a little pet.

21
00:00:45,306 --> 00:00:48,744
No, thank you.
I like having hands.

22
00:00:48,787 --> 00:00:52,226
Al, relax.
This is a sweet little dog.

23
00:00:53,923 --> 00:00:55,925
Fine. I will pet it outside.

24
00:00:55,968 --> 00:00:58,841
All right. Come on.

25
00:01:01,235 --> 00:01:03,237
That was close.

26
00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:04,455
[sighs]

27
00:01:04,499 --> 00:01:05,543
♪

28
00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:07,067
♪ Oh!

29
00:01:20,819 --> 00:01:21,907
What happened to you?

30
00:01:21,951 --> 00:01:24,084
Hazel and I were
giving the dog a bath.

31
00:01:24,127 --> 00:01:25,128
In the house?

32
00:01:25,172 --> 00:01:26,651
Yeah, in the kitchen sink.

33
00:01:26,695 --> 00:01:28,436
In the sink?!

34
00:01:29,437 --> 00:01:30,438
We wash our dishes

35
00:01:30,481 --> 00:01:31,700
in that sink.

36
00:01:31,743 --> 00:01:33,919
From now on,
each bite of food you take, dog.

37
00:01:33,963 --> 00:01:36,966
Each sip of water you take, dog.

38
00:01:37,009 --> 00:01:38,837
Calm down. It's not
a permanent thing.

39
00:01:38,881 --> 00:01:41,144
All right, Lizzie's making
some signs for us to put up.

40
00:01:41,188 --> 00:01:42,363
We'll find his owner.

41
00:01:42,406 --> 00:01:44,408
Or we can take him out
to the woods

42
00:01:44,452 --> 00:01:46,802
and let him be the master
of his own destiny.

43
00:01:46,845 --> 00:01:48,934
Isn't that the American way?

44
00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:51,415
I can't do that.
Hazel loves him.

45
00:01:51,459 --> 00:01:52,721
I understand,

46
00:01:52,764 --> 00:01:54,810
but I'm sure she could
love a different animal.

47
00:01:54,853 --> 00:01:56,028
How about a bird?

48
00:01:56,072 --> 00:01:58,118
A bird?Birds are great.

49
00:01:58,161 --> 00:01:59,554
They fly, they sing,

50
00:01:59,597 --> 00:02:02,731
and if you get tired of them,
you can eat them.

51
00:02:02,774 --> 00:02:05,125
We're not getting a bird.

52
00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:06,996
Okay, how about a rabbit?

53
00:02:07,039 --> 00:02:09,738
They're cute and furry,
and if it doesn't work out,

54
00:02:09,781 --> 00:02:11,870
also very tasty.

55
00:02:14,395 --> 00:02:16,440
[muffled groan]

56
00:02:18,181 --> 00:02:20,531
Target, one o'clock.On it.

57
00:02:22,316 --> 00:02:24,361
I think we should name
the dog Chesty

58
00:02:24,405 --> 00:02:26,581
after Lieutenant General
Chesty Puller.

59
00:02:26,624 --> 00:02:29,801
Chesty. That used to be
my nickname for your mom.

60
00:02:29,845 --> 00:02:31,194
[laughs] Really?

61
00:02:31,238 --> 00:02:33,457
Uh, probably shouldn't
have told you that.

62
00:02:33,501 --> 00:02:35,459
What if we call him Sergeant?

63
00:02:35,503 --> 00:02:37,548
I like that. Then he
wouldn't outrank me.

64
00:02:37,592 --> 00:02:39,071
Do you think we could
teach him to salute?

65
00:02:39,115 --> 00:02:40,595
Oh, don't get
ahead of yourself.

66
00:02:40,638 --> 00:02:42,510
There's probably a family
out there looking for Sarge.

67
00:02:42,553 --> 00:02:43,772
You called him Sarge.

68
00:02:43,815 --> 00:02:45,861
Probably shouldn't have
done that, either.

69
00:02:45,904 --> 00:02:47,297
Oh.

70
00:02:49,256 --> 00:02:52,346
Am I a bad person because
I don't want them to find him?

71
00:02:52,389 --> 00:02:54,565
No, but we still
have to try.

72
00:02:54,609 --> 00:02:57,046
Do you remember a
Marine's first core value?

73
00:02:57,089 --> 00:02:59,614
Ugh. Honor.That's right.

74
00:02:59,657 --> 00:03:01,093
Honor guides...

75
00:03:01,137 --> 00:03:02,182
BOTH:
Marines to exemplify
the ultimate

76
00:03:02,225 --> 00:03:03,661
in ethical and moral behavior.

77
00:03:03,705 --> 00:03:06,011
Exactly. So we're gonna
hang up all these signs

78
00:03:06,055 --> 00:03:07,839
and whatever
happens, happens.

79
00:03:07,883 --> 00:03:09,319
Okay.Okay.

80
00:03:09,363 --> 00:03:11,756
11 o'clock, fence.

81
00:03:15,064 --> 00:03:16,500
We're out of staples.

82
00:03:16,544 --> 00:03:19,373
Okay, well, that happens.
Let's go home. [clears throat]

83
00:03:26,380 --> 00:03:29,252
Come on. Get it,
Sarge. Get it, Sarge.

84
00:03:29,296 --> 00:03:30,862
Hey. [laughs]

85
00:03:30,906 --> 00:03:33,604
Your mom just pulled up
with the homework you forgot.

86
00:03:33,648 --> 00:03:34,910
Aw, nuts.

87
00:03:34,953 --> 00:03:36,825
Hey, could we
build a house for him?

88
00:03:36,868 --> 00:03:39,349
Well, he's a sergeant.
Shouldn't he live in barracks?

89
00:03:39,393 --> 00:03:41,003
Oh, perfect!

90
00:03:41,046 --> 00:03:43,310
Nice try.

91
00:03:43,353 --> 00:03:45,050
Whose dog is that?

92
00:03:45,094 --> 00:03:46,617
It's our dog.
We found him.

93
00:03:46,661 --> 00:03:48,924
His name is Sarge, and
we're gonna build him barracks.

94
00:03:48,967 --> 00:03:51,274
Oh.
Well, that's just great.

95
00:03:51,318 --> 00:03:53,972
Um, can I talk to you
for a minute?

96
00:03:54,016 --> 00:03:55,583
You can.

97
00:03:55,626 --> 00:03:57,585
Do you have to?

98
00:03:59,935 --> 00:04:01,545
What are you doing?

99
00:04:01,589 --> 00:04:04,156
Same thing I always do with
you-- waiting to be yelled at.

100
00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:06,463
That dog has to belong
to somebody,

101
00:04:06,507 --> 00:04:09,118
and when they show up for him,
she's gonna be devastated.

102
00:04:09,161 --> 00:04:11,338
Nobody wants this dog.
All right? He's got no tags,

103
00:04:11,381 --> 00:04:13,296
and we put up signs so if
they were looking for him,

104
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:14,558
they'd have called by now.Okay.

105
00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:15,994
I just wish you wouldn't
jump into stuff

106
00:04:16,038 --> 00:04:17,126
without thinking it through.

107
00:04:17,169 --> 00:04:19,041
Hey, I saved that dog's life.

108
00:04:19,084 --> 00:04:20,172
You're yelling at a hero.

109
00:04:20,216 --> 00:04:23,263
I'm yelling at an idiot.

110
00:04:23,306 --> 00:04:25,308
Oh, yeah?
Go in there and ask Hazel

111
00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:27,310
which one of us
she likes best right now.

112
00:04:27,354 --> 00:04:30,444
The dad who got her a dog
or the mom who got her homework?

113
00:04:30,487 --> 00:04:33,664
Go on, Chesty.
I'll wait here.

114
00:04:37,668 --> 00:04:38,974
Can we add one more
thing to the doghouse?

115
00:04:39,017 --> 00:04:40,584
Got to stop you
right there.

116
00:04:40,628 --> 00:04:43,935
First rule of contracting:
once construction has begun,

117
00:04:43,979 --> 00:04:45,981
no additional changes
can be made.

118
00:04:46,024 --> 00:04:48,810
That's the source
of all your cost overruns.

119
00:04:50,115 --> 00:04:52,117
So what's your idea?

120
00:04:52,161 --> 00:04:54,032
A webcam so I can
watch him sleep.

121
00:04:54,076 --> 00:04:56,296
Oh, great. Now I got
to run power to this thing?

122
00:04:56,339 --> 00:04:58,385
You weren't planning to?

123
00:04:59,211 --> 00:05:00,648
All right, I'm checking out.

124
00:05:00,691 --> 00:05:01,953
I got to take a shower
for my date.

125
00:05:01,997 --> 00:05:03,781
Ooh, that's setting
a dangerous precedent.

126
00:05:03,825 --> 00:05:06,654
I like this woman.
I want to smell good.

127
00:05:11,006 --> 00:05:12,399
[sighs]
I don't want this.

128
00:05:12,442 --> 00:05:14,401
Stop bringing it to me.

129
00:05:14,444 --> 00:05:16,794
[scoffs]

130
00:05:22,757 --> 00:05:23,888
Playing fetch?

131
00:05:23,932 --> 00:05:25,629
No. I am trying to get rid

132
00:05:25,673 --> 00:05:28,415
of this disgusting wet ball,
and he keeps bringing it back.

133
00:05:28,458 --> 00:05:30,417
That's fetch.

134
00:05:30,460 --> 00:05:32,375
Okay. What is it called
when you throw the ball

135
00:05:32,419 --> 00:05:35,030
and he doesn't come back?
I'd like to play that game.

136
00:05:35,944 --> 00:05:37,380
You're trying so
hard to be grumpy,

137
00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:40,035
but how can you resist
his cute little face?

138
00:05:40,078 --> 00:05:42,429
Oh! I hope you're happy.

139
00:05:42,472 --> 00:05:43,865
No one will marry you now.

140
00:05:43,908 --> 00:05:46,607
You promise?

141
00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:48,870
It starts with licks,

142
00:05:48,913 --> 00:05:51,394
but once it gets a taste,
it will bite your face off.

143
00:05:51,438 --> 00:05:54,789
Then you'll be the girl
at school with no face.

144
00:05:54,832 --> 00:05:57,357
Only 20 people a year die
from dog bites.

145
00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:59,968
A hundred die from coconuts
falling out of trees.

146
00:06:00,011 --> 00:06:02,449
How do you know this?Google, dude.

147
00:06:02,492 --> 00:06:04,320
Well, I think it's repulsive

148
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:06,801
you let a filthy animal
lick your face.

149
00:06:06,844 --> 00:06:08,890
A dog's tongue is cleaner
than a human's.

150
00:06:08,933 --> 00:06:10,239
Oh, yeah?Mm-hmm.

151
00:06:10,282 --> 00:06:12,023
Look where
its clean tongue is now.

152
00:06:14,678 --> 00:06:16,680
I'm gonna go wash my face.

153
00:06:18,203 --> 00:06:20,684
You're not making it
any cleaner.

154
00:06:20,728 --> 00:06:22,991
Ooh!

155
00:06:25,559 --> 00:06:27,430
I hope you like brie.

156
00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:30,172
Mm, it's hot cheese.
What's not to like?

157
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:33,436
[couch squeaks]

158
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:36,918
That wasn't me.

159
00:06:36,961 --> 00:06:39,007
I know. It's the leather.

160
00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:41,052
Oh.
It's a real nice couch.

161
00:06:41,096 --> 00:06:42,358
It's awful. I hate it.

162
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:43,925
And I hate it, too.

163
00:06:43,968 --> 00:06:45,492
My ex picked it out.

164
00:06:45,535 --> 00:06:47,624
He thought it was funny
that it made fart noises.

165
00:06:47,668 --> 00:06:52,020
Well, not to brag,
but none of my furniture farts.

166
00:06:52,063 --> 00:06:54,283
[laughs softly]

167
00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:57,242
Was that his, too?

168
00:06:57,286 --> 00:06:58,896
Nope, that's my grandma's.

169
00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:00,289
You're kidding.Mm-mmm.

170
00:07:00,332 --> 00:07:02,030
One shot, 150 yards.

171
00:07:02,073 --> 00:07:04,772
We had venison hamburgers
for, like, two years.

172
00:07:04,815 --> 00:07:07,035
[chuckles]
How about that.

173
00:07:07,078 --> 00:07:09,037
Any left?

174
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:11,300
[laughs softly]

175
00:07:12,083 --> 00:07:14,477
Man, that is one happy kid.

176
00:07:14,521 --> 00:07:15,870
Of course she's happy.

177
00:07:15,913 --> 00:07:17,741
She's a child.
She doesn't know anything.

178
00:07:17,785 --> 00:07:20,265
Hey, do me a favor. Will you
stick your lower lip out?

179
00:07:20,309 --> 00:07:23,181
Why?That's how we pout in America.

180
00:07:23,225 --> 00:07:25,401
I'm not pouting.

181
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,708
I'm just concerned about
everyone's health and safety.

182
00:07:27,751 --> 00:07:29,579
Well, there's nothing
to be concerned about.

183
00:07:29,623 --> 00:07:32,147
How do you know the dog is not
carrying some kind of disease?

184
00:07:32,190 --> 00:07:33,757
We gave it a bath.
[clears throat]

185
00:07:33,801 --> 00:07:35,498
Okay, so if I brought
home a raccoon,

186
00:07:35,542 --> 00:07:37,631
I could keep it as
long as it had a bath?

187
00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:39,633
[sighs]
Yeah, I'd consider it.

188
00:07:40,764 --> 00:07:42,723
Look, I wish
you'd just take a moment

189
00:07:42,766 --> 00:07:45,116
to appreciate
how great this is for Hazel.

190
00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:46,944
Don't pretend this
is about Hazel.

191
00:07:46,988 --> 00:07:49,338
This is about you trying
to make her mother look bad.

192
00:07:49,381 --> 00:07:52,210
Yeah, and it's working.
Like, surprisingly well.

193
00:07:53,298 --> 00:07:56,476
I'm glad you're so pleased with
yourself, but you know me.

194
00:07:56,519 --> 00:07:58,695
This creature and I cannot live
under the same roof.

195
00:07:58,739 --> 00:08:00,523
So, you are going
to have to choose.

196
00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:03,395
It's either him or me.

197
00:08:07,574 --> 00:08:10,577
Why aren't you saying anything?

198
00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:14,276
I'm just trying to figure out
where else you could live.

199
00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:20,761
Thank you so much.

200
00:08:20,804 --> 00:08:22,980
Come on in.
I'll open a bottle of wine.

201
00:08:23,024 --> 00:08:23,764
I don't drink.

202
00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:25,243
I know.

203
00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:33,904
I am also very concerned
that if it bites Hazel

204
00:08:33,948 --> 00:08:35,819
and she doesn't
get the shots,

205
00:08:35,863 --> 00:08:39,257
a small dog the size of an ant
will grow inside her stomach.

206
00:08:39,301 --> 00:08:40,563
Right behind her belly button.

207
00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:43,000
How am I just learning
about this?

208
00:08:43,044 --> 00:08:44,611
He's not serious.

209
00:08:44,654 --> 00:08:46,874
I am very serious. My mother
told me this when I was child.

210
00:08:46,917 --> 00:08:49,354
His mother told him this
when he was a child.

211
00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:51,835
[scoffs]Look,

212
00:08:51,879 --> 00:08:53,402
this is just typical Riley.

213
00:08:53,445 --> 00:08:54,708
He thinks
he can do what he wants

214
00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:56,492
and saying sorry
will fix everything.

215
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,798
That's what he tried
to do with me.

216
00:08:57,841 --> 00:08:59,626
I think saying sorry
shows great strength

217
00:08:59,669 --> 00:09:01,366
'cause you're not afraid
to be vulnerable.

218
00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:03,804
Not now.Sorry.

219
00:09:05,719 --> 00:09:07,372
It's 'cause Riley thinks
he's always right.

220
00:09:07,416 --> 00:09:09,636
Boy, does he. Did you ever
try to fold his T-shirts?

221
00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:11,594
Yeah, once. I folded them
right side to left side,

222
00:09:11,638 --> 00:09:13,640
which, apparently,
is against regulations.

223
00:09:13,683 --> 00:09:15,250
He had me taken off
laundry detail.

224
00:09:15,293 --> 00:09:17,513
I said, "Excuse me.
I am trying to do you a favor."

225
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,167
Yeah, and then he'll say,
"It's not a favor

226
00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:20,821
if you do it wrong."If you do it wrong.

227
00:09:20,864 --> 00:09:21,996
[scoffs]

228
00:09:22,039 --> 00:09:24,520
I just got chills.

229
00:09:27,784 --> 00:09:29,786
And you know,
there's an even bigger pothole

230
00:09:29,830 --> 00:09:31,614
on the corner
where the IHOP is.

231
00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:33,094
Every time I drive
over it, I'm like,

232
00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:35,270
"when the hell are they gonna
fix this thing?" [laughs]

233
00:09:35,313 --> 00:09:37,011
Got half a mind
to show up there

234
00:09:37,054 --> 00:09:39,361
with a truck full of sand
and fill it myself.

235
00:09:39,404 --> 00:09:40,884
That'd show 'em.

236
00:09:40,928 --> 00:09:42,973
Well, it's a temporary solution.

237
00:09:43,017 --> 00:09:44,975
Ultimately, there was probably
an underlying drainage issue

238
00:09:45,019 --> 00:09:47,064
and, oh, my God,
why am I talking about potholes?

239
00:09:47,108 --> 00:09:48,631
[laughs]

240
00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:50,459
I didn't want to ask.

241
00:09:50,502 --> 00:09:51,765
S... I'm so sorry.

242
00:09:51,808 --> 00:09:55,464
I haven't been on a date
in probably 30 years.

243
00:09:55,507 --> 00:09:57,466
You're doing great.

244
00:09:57,509 --> 00:09:59,729
Thanks.Mm.

245
00:09:59,773 --> 00:10:01,383
[couch squeaks]Not me.

246
00:10:01,426 --> 00:10:03,211
No, it's the damn couch.

247
00:10:03,254 --> 00:10:04,734
[couch squeaks]Oh.

248
00:10:04,778 --> 00:10:08,085
I wish I could just dump
it on my ex's front lawn.

249
00:10:08,129 --> 00:10:10,131
Well, I got a truck out front.
We can do that.

250
00:10:10,174 --> 00:10:11,393
Could you imagine?

251
00:10:11,436 --> 00:10:14,004
Hang on.
Oh, yeah.

252
00:10:15,005 --> 00:10:16,920
Let's do it.

253
00:10:16,964 --> 00:10:19,488
Why did I think
dating is hard?

254
00:10:19,531 --> 00:10:21,011
This is terrific!

255
00:10:29,716 --> 00:10:31,326
How's it going?

256
00:10:31,369 --> 00:10:35,286
Awesome. Even though everybody's
mad at me for being a great dad.

257
00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:38,333
It must be so
hard to be you.

258
00:10:39,116 --> 00:10:41,162
Hey, Vanessa just
doesn't get it.

259
00:10:41,205 --> 00:10:44,861
I basically missed out on
six years of Hazel growing up.

260
00:10:44,905 --> 00:10:47,168
I'm just making up
for lost time.

261
00:10:50,867 --> 00:10:53,740
This is where you're supposed
to agree with me.

262
00:10:53,783 --> 00:10:56,264
I really want to.

263
00:10:57,874 --> 00:10:59,049
But?

264
00:10:59,093 --> 00:11:03,053
Those six years were
not easy for Vanessa.

265
00:11:03,097 --> 00:11:06,230
Being a single mom
was really tough.Oh, come on.

266
00:11:06,274 --> 00:11:09,581
Hazel was the cutest,
happiest baby ever.

267
00:11:09,625 --> 00:11:11,583
I mean, all the videos I got,

268
00:11:11,627 --> 00:11:14,064
she was always
laughing and cooing.

269
00:11:14,108 --> 00:11:17,589
Those were curated,
you ding-dong.

270
00:11:17,633 --> 00:11:19,548
What?

271
00:11:19,591 --> 00:11:21,898
They were baby
recruitment videos.

272
00:11:21,942 --> 00:11:24,031
Nobody sends
screaming baby videos

273
00:11:24,074 --> 00:11:27,077
to their husbands overseas,
because they'd never come home.

274
00:11:27,121 --> 00:11:28,600
[sighs]

275
00:11:29,906 --> 00:11:31,734
I never really thought about it.

276
00:11:31,778 --> 00:11:34,737
Well, start thinking.

277
00:11:34,781 --> 00:11:38,262
Vanessa worked
12 hours a day,

278
00:11:38,306 --> 00:11:42,092
picked the baby up from
her mom's, got her to bed,

279
00:11:42,136 --> 00:11:44,268
then put makeup on
before she went to sleep

280
00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:47,228
just in case you Skyped her
in the middle of the night.

281
00:11:47,271 --> 00:11:48,751
Well, she didn't
have to do that.

282
00:11:48,795 --> 00:11:52,059
Of course she didn't.
She wanted to.

283
00:11:55,932 --> 00:11:58,718
Look, she'll never know
what you went through,

284
00:11:58,761 --> 00:12:00,197
and you'll never know
what she went through.

285
00:12:00,241 --> 00:12:02,591
But when it comes to Hazel,
you should listen to her.

286
00:12:02,634 --> 00:12:05,463
She put in the time.

287
00:12:07,074 --> 00:12:09,250
I am right about the dog,
though.

288
00:12:09,293 --> 00:12:11,905
Sure.

289
00:12:11,948 --> 00:12:14,298
That's all I wanted to hear.Yeah.

290
00:12:16,474 --> 00:12:18,041
I can't believe
we're doing this.

291
00:12:18,085 --> 00:12:20,043
I know. It's awesome.This is good, right here.

292
00:12:20,087 --> 00:12:22,263
Yeah, ease it down.Yeah, I'll put it down.

293
00:12:22,306 --> 00:12:24,526
[laughs]

294
00:12:24,569 --> 00:12:26,746
[couch squeaks]Ah!

295
00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:27,877
[couch squeaks]

296
00:12:27,921 --> 00:12:29,923
[couch squeaking]

297
00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:31,533
[laughs quietly]Ah.

298
00:12:31,576 --> 00:12:34,318
[laughs]

299
00:12:34,362 --> 00:12:35,885
Thank you, Art.

300
00:12:35,929 --> 00:12:37,887
This is really fun.

301
00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:39,889
Yeah, it's been fun.

302
00:12:39,933 --> 00:12:42,674
Ah. I'm kicking myself
we didn't stop

303
00:12:42,718 --> 00:12:44,285
for eggs and toilet paper.

304
00:12:44,328 --> 00:12:46,461
[both laugh]

305
00:12:46,504 --> 00:12:48,550
[sighs]

306
00:12:57,689 --> 00:12:59,343
He's home. Run!

307
00:12:59,387 --> 00:13:01,432
Aah! [mutters]

308
00:13:08,091 --> 00:13:09,005
Morning.

309
00:13:09,049 --> 00:13:10,180
Good morning.

310
00:13:10,224 --> 00:13:11,355
Something smells good.

311
00:13:11,399 --> 00:13:13,488
Yes, it is
my heartfelt gratitude

312
00:13:13,531 --> 00:13:15,229
in the form of coffee
and breakfast. Please.

313
00:13:15,272 --> 00:13:17,840
You didn't have
to do that.Oh, yes, I did.

314
00:13:17,884 --> 00:13:19,886
I believe it's important
to contribute in the home

315
00:13:19,929 --> 00:13:21,975
whether I stay one night
or seven nights

316
00:13:22,018 --> 00:13:24,368
or however long dogs live.[laughs]

317
00:13:24,412 --> 00:13:27,719
Al, I think you might be
overreacting about that dog.

318
00:13:27,763 --> 00:13:30,026
Whoa. He can tell us
we're overreacting,

319
00:13:30,070 --> 00:13:32,463
but I don't think it's cool
for us to say that to him.

320
00:13:32,507 --> 00:13:35,815
New world, Babe.
#MeToo.

321
00:13:36,903 --> 00:13:38,382
I don't think
I'm overreacting at all.

322
00:13:38,426 --> 00:13:41,516
That dog has his own home.
I live in a garage.

323
00:13:41,559 --> 00:13:44,911
Awalmir.
Did I say that right?

324
00:13:44,954 --> 00:13:47,130
Yes.Good, I practiced.

325
00:13:47,174 --> 00:13:48,958
Awalmir,

326
00:13:49,002 --> 00:13:50,873
you're our honored guest.Hmm.

327
00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:53,963
And I respect
your point of view, but

328
00:13:54,007 --> 00:13:58,533
maybe in this matter
you're... not right.

329
00:13:58,576 --> 00:14:00,535
Are you saying I'm wrong?

330
00:14:00,578 --> 00:14:01,971
Those are your words.

331
00:14:02,015 --> 00:14:04,017
Uh, what I'm trying to say is

332
00:14:04,060 --> 00:14:06,193
that dog might be
really good for Hazel.

333
00:14:06,236 --> 00:14:08,804
Why?Well,

334
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,545
to answer that,
I have to tell a story.

335
00:14:10,588 --> 00:14:12,025
Ugh.

336
00:14:12,068 --> 00:14:15,898
When I was a little boy,
I didn't have many friends.

337
00:14:15,942 --> 00:14:20,250
If it wasn't for my dog,
I would have been very lonely.

338
00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:21,904
Uh, Hazel's not lonely.

339
00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:24,776
At one time or another,
all kids are lonely.

340
00:14:24,820 --> 00:14:26,866
I wasn't.
But, then again,

341
00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:29,912
I did share a bedroom
with four cousins.

342
00:14:29,956 --> 00:14:31,174
Hazel doesn't show it,

343
00:14:31,218 --> 00:14:34,569
but our breakup
was really tough on her.

344
00:14:34,612 --> 00:14:37,833
It's one of the reasons
she's hard on Riley.

345
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,879
Why are you saying that?

346
00:14:39,922 --> 00:14:41,315
That's a great question.

347
00:14:41,358 --> 00:14:43,621
I'm gonna do some thinking.

348
00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:46,407
Look, just 'cause I tell
you something about Riley

349
00:14:46,450 --> 00:14:49,062
doesn't mean you can just go
blab it to his best friend.

350
00:14:49,105 --> 00:14:51,455
Well, I was trying
to build bridges, babe.

351
00:14:51,499 --> 00:14:54,023
Hey, don't call me babe.
It's so condescending.

352
00:14:54,067 --> 00:14:56,069
Sorry.[scoffs]

353
00:14:56,112 --> 00:14:57,940
Low blood sugar.[fork clinks loudly on plate]

354
00:14:57,984 --> 00:15:01,248
You know what? I think
it's time for you to go home.

355
00:15:05,817 --> 00:15:07,819
It feels like
you're looking at me.

356
00:15:10,822 --> 00:15:12,999
Sit.

357
00:15:13,042 --> 00:15:14,957
Good boy.[door opens]

358
00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:17,742
Good boy. Good
Sarge. Good Sarge.

359
00:15:17,786 --> 00:15:19,440
I'm back.

360
00:15:19,483 --> 00:15:21,094
You left?

361
00:15:22,747 --> 00:15:26,273
So, Hazel, how is it going
with your Sergeant?

362
00:15:26,316 --> 00:15:28,797
Great.
He slept in my bed last night.

363
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,017
Well, isn't that revolting.

364
00:15:32,714 --> 00:15:35,456
Maybe you'd like him more
if you gave him a little pet.

365
00:15:36,457 --> 00:15:38,502
Fine.

366
00:15:45,770 --> 00:15:47,990
Hold him in case he goes crazy.

367
00:15:53,039 --> 00:15:55,563
That's good. Now say
something to him.

368
00:15:55,606 --> 00:15:57,652
I would rather not.

369
00:15:57,695 --> 00:15:59,915
Come on.
You can do it.

370
00:16:01,047 --> 00:16:03,092
[speaking Pashto]

371
00:16:06,356 --> 00:16:07,444
He doesn't speak Pashto.

372
00:16:07,488 --> 00:16:09,185
He doesn't speak English.

373
00:16:10,708 --> 00:16:12,275
What's happening here?

374
00:16:12,319 --> 00:16:16,105
I'm touching a dog on purpose.
How's your day going?

375
00:16:16,149 --> 00:16:18,281
Can you give me
and Hazel a minute?

376
00:16:18,325 --> 00:16:21,719
Of course.

377
00:16:21,763 --> 00:16:24,070
Oh, that is not good.

378
00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:26,246
What's up?

379
00:16:29,118 --> 00:16:31,599
We just got a call about Sarge.

380
00:16:35,037 --> 00:16:37,344
Yeah.

381
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,089
Are you sure it's their dog?

382
00:16:43,132 --> 00:16:45,961
Yeah, I'm sure.

383
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,398
And they got a
little boy your age

384
00:16:48,442 --> 00:16:50,748
who's been crying
for two days.

385
00:16:52,576 --> 00:16:55,188
That sucks.

386
00:16:55,231 --> 00:16:56,450
Yeah.

387
00:16:56,493 --> 00:16:58,017
I'm sorry.

388
00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:02,325
Mom told me this might happen.

389
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:07,765
Maybe we should have
listened to her.

390
00:17:07,809 --> 00:17:10,203
[sniffles]

391
00:17:10,725 --> 00:17:12,683
It's not fair.

392
00:17:12,727 --> 00:17:15,382
Oh, I know.

393
00:17:15,425 --> 00:17:17,819
I'll make it up to you,
okay? I promise.

394
00:17:17,862 --> 00:17:19,473
[sniffles]

395
00:17:19,516 --> 00:17:22,302
How?

396
00:17:22,345 --> 00:17:24,304
[sighs heavily]

397
00:17:24,347 --> 00:17:26,567
You like birds?

398
00:17:27,350 --> 00:17:29,744
Not really.

399
00:17:32,181 --> 00:17:35,097
Do you think we could
still finish the doghouse?

400
00:17:35,141 --> 00:17:37,447
Maybe Sarge's family
will take it.

401
00:17:38,405 --> 00:17:40,624
That's a great idea.

402
00:17:43,366 --> 00:17:46,108
He's a good boy.

403
00:17:46,152 --> 00:17:48,328
Yeah, also, he's a she.

404
00:17:48,371 --> 00:17:50,808
Don't know how we
missed that one.

405
00:17:57,337 --> 00:17:58,860
Okay... go.

406
00:17:58,903 --> 00:18:01,036
Hi, Riley. [laughs]

407
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,125
Hazel and I miss you.

408
00:18:03,169 --> 00:18:05,127
We're so proud of you.

409
00:18:05,171 --> 00:18:10,001
Oh, okay. She's definitely
peeing on me right now.

410
00:18:11,002 --> 00:18:12,134
Hey, Riley. [laughs]

411
00:18:12,178 --> 00:18:12,874
[Hazel cries]

412
00:18:12,917 --> 00:18:13,744
Everything's great here.

413
00:18:13,788 --> 00:18:16,399
Your girls really miss you.

414
00:18:16,443 --> 00:18:18,793
Okay, that sucks.
Can you stop the camera?

415
00:18:18,836 --> 00:18:21,230
[Hazel cries]You stop, too, please.

416
00:18:21,274 --> 00:18:22,710
Now say, "hi" to Daddy.

417
00:18:22,753 --> 00:18:24,581
[Vanessa laughs][Hazel coos]

418
00:18:24,625 --> 00:18:27,106
LIZZIE:
Oh, she spit up
all down your back.

419
00:18:27,149 --> 00:18:28,585
Will you take her?No way.

420
00:18:28,629 --> 00:18:29,760
Lizzie!

421
00:18:29,804 --> 00:18:31,414
LIZZIE:
Aw.

422
00:18:31,458 --> 00:18:34,243
Look at your two
sleeping beauties.

423
00:18:34,287 --> 00:18:37,290
They're resting up
until you come home.

424
00:18:38,421 --> 00:18:39,988
Did you get it?

425
00:18:40,031 --> 00:18:41,250
Yeah.

426
00:18:41,294 --> 00:18:43,557
Okay, just send that one.
Delete the others.

427
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:45,602
[laughs]Never.

428
00:18:53,393 --> 00:18:55,830
Captioned by
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