1
00:00:03,481 --> 00:00:06,789
Uncle Al, do you know how many
days until my birthday? Eight.

2
00:00:06,832 --> 00:00:08,225
You didn't even let me answer.

3
00:00:08,269 --> 00:00:11,620
Do you know how many hours
until my birthday? 195.

4
00:00:11,663 --> 00:00:14,144
Why are you asking
if you answer so fast?I was born

5
00:00:14,188 --> 00:00:16,364
at 3:00 a.m., so that's
when I wake up and celebrate.

6
00:00:16,407 --> 00:00:18,453
You know the hour
you were born?Of course.

7
00:00:18,496 --> 00:00:21,369
I also know I was 19 inches
and had an enormous head.

8
00:00:21,412 --> 00:00:24,807
Hmm.You looked like a watermelon
with feet.

9
00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:27,244
It's genetic.
Check out this cannonball.

10
00:00:27,288 --> 00:00:28,550
[chuckles]

11
00:00:28,593 --> 00:00:30,160
Did you want a piñata
this year?

12
00:00:30,204 --> 00:00:31,596
Yeah, I want a piñata.

13
00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:34,251
What's a piñata?Uh, it's like
a papier-mâché thing

14
00:00:34,295 --> 00:00:35,905
you hang in a tree,
hit with a bat.

15
00:00:35,948 --> 00:00:39,169
Yes, yes.
And then you set it on fire.

16
00:00:39,213 --> 00:00:40,562
No, that's an effigy.

17
00:00:40,605 --> 00:00:42,216
Huh.A piñata breaks open,
and candy comes out.

18
00:00:42,259 --> 00:00:44,914
Ooh, after the candy comes out,
can we set it on fire?

19
00:00:44,957 --> 00:00:46,002
No.

20
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:48,091
Mm, you don't have
to decide now.

21
00:00:48,135 --> 00:00:49,875
I was thinking

22
00:00:49,919 --> 00:00:51,225
it'd be cool
if we had a magician.

23
00:00:51,268 --> 00:00:53,401
Sure. You got one in mind?

24
00:00:53,444 --> 00:00:55,664
Freddy does tricks.

25
00:00:57,144 --> 00:00:58,536
Your mother's boyfriend?

26
00:00:58,580 --> 00:01:01,235
Yes, he is a trickster
who stole her affection.

27
00:01:01,278 --> 00:01:02,627
[laughs]

28
00:01:04,803 --> 00:01:06,979
I meant magic tricks.RILEY:
Hazel,

29
00:01:07,023 --> 00:01:08,459
are you sure you want him
at your party?

30
00:01:08,503 --> 00:01:11,593
Mm. Never mind.
It was a bad idea.

31
00:01:11,636 --> 00:01:14,335
No. Hey, it's not
a bad idea, baby. Hey.

32
00:01:14,378 --> 00:01:15,727
I'll be your magician.

33
00:01:15,771 --> 00:01:16,946
Really?RILEY:
Mm.

34
00:01:16,989 --> 00:01:18,078
I'm doubtful.

35
00:01:18,991 --> 00:01:20,950
He can make
a six-pack disappear.

36
00:01:20,993 --> 00:01:22,430
One time,
he vanished from school,

37
00:01:22,473 --> 00:01:23,996
then reappeared
in a police station.

38
00:01:25,650 --> 00:01:27,043
I'm looking forward
to attending.

39
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:29,176
I've never been to
a birthday party.

40
00:01:29,219 --> 00:01:31,308
Oh, you were thatkid.

41
00:01:31,352 --> 00:01:33,441
What do you mean, "that kid"?

42
00:01:33,484 --> 00:01:35,617
He was that kid.

43
00:01:35,660 --> 00:01:37,967
In Afghanistan, we didn't
celebrate birthdays.

44
00:01:38,010 --> 00:01:40,622
In fact, I don't even
know when my birthday is.

45
00:01:40,665 --> 00:01:42,798
What?What?!

46
00:01:42,841 --> 00:01:46,062
My mother said I was born at
the beginning of the Civil War.

47
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:49,283
Well, if that were true,
you'd be, like, 150 years old.

48
00:01:49,326 --> 00:01:50,632
Not our Civil War.

49
00:01:50,675 --> 00:01:52,024
Oh. Well, then,

50
00:01:52,068 --> 00:01:54,288
they should call it
something else.

51
00:01:54,331 --> 00:01:56,246
So, how old are you?

52
00:01:56,290 --> 00:01:57,378
I am 28.

53
00:01:57,421 --> 00:01:58,683
Or 29.

54
00:01:58,727 --> 00:02:00,642
Definitely under 30.

55
00:02:00,685 --> 00:02:03,514
No way.
You don't know how old you are?

56
00:02:03,558 --> 00:02:05,908
Yeah. Most Afghans
don't know their exact age.

57
00:02:05,951 --> 00:02:07,518
How do you know
when you can buy booze?

58
00:02:08,432 --> 00:02:09,999
Oh. Right, sorry.

59
00:02:10,042 --> 00:02:10,956
So,

60
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:12,175
it's a whole nation of people

61
00:02:12,219 --> 00:02:14,264
who can't consult
their horoscope?

62
00:02:15,222 --> 00:02:17,572
Yeah, that's definitely
their biggest problem.

63
00:02:18,529 --> 00:02:19,617
♪

64
00:02:19,661 --> 00:02:21,141
♪ Oh!

65
00:02:31,063 --> 00:02:33,022
Okay, we can
figure this out.

66
00:02:33,065 --> 00:02:35,242
Can we call the hospital
you were born in?

67
00:02:35,285 --> 00:02:36,504
I was not born in a hospital.

68
00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:38,201
I was born
in my grandmother's house.

69
00:02:38,245 --> 00:02:40,508
Home birth. Very trendy.

70
00:02:40,551 --> 00:02:42,205
How about this?

71
00:02:42,249 --> 00:02:45,165
I am two years younger
than my brother Wahid.

72
00:02:45,208 --> 00:02:46,296
Oh. Well, how old is he?

73
00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:47,776
I don't know.

74
00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:50,909
You have to know your birthday.

75
00:02:50,953 --> 00:02:51,867
Why?

76
00:02:51,910 --> 00:02:53,651
'Cause it's important.Why?

77
00:02:53,695 --> 00:02:55,044
Stop doing that "why" thing.

78
00:02:55,087 --> 00:02:57,873
You're too old to be doing
that "why" thing.

79
00:02:57,916 --> 00:03:00,223
Hazel Jaan, I don't understand
what the big deal is.

80
00:03:00,267 --> 00:03:02,269
The big deal
is birthdays are great.

81
00:03:02,312 --> 00:03:03,879
They make you feel great.

82
00:03:03,922 --> 00:03:05,533
Then every day's my birthday.

83
00:03:05,576 --> 00:03:08,318
You're impossible.

84
00:03:08,362 --> 00:03:09,667
How about this?

85
00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:11,016
You can share my birthday.

86
00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:12,540
We'll have a party together.

87
00:03:12,583 --> 00:03:14,019
Thank you.

88
00:03:14,063 --> 00:03:16,326
But I am too old
to have a birthday party.

89
00:03:16,370 --> 00:03:18,459
Well, how do you know when you
don't know how old you are?

90
00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:20,287
I don't know when I was born,

91
00:03:20,330 --> 00:03:22,811
but I know it wasn't yesterday.

92
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:26,554
Hi.

93
00:03:26,597 --> 00:03:28,599
Hey, amigo.

94
00:03:30,601 --> 00:03:32,124
[imitates explosion]

95
00:03:33,256 --> 00:03:34,997
Hi, Mom.Hi, baby.

96
00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,608
Sorry to bother you.
She forgot her math book.Ah.

97
00:03:37,652 --> 00:03:40,394
Oh, good.
Now I can do my homework.

98
00:03:40,437 --> 00:03:43,701
I tagged along because I wanted
to meet the Afghan guy.Ah.

99
00:03:43,745 --> 00:03:45,355
Al, come meet Freddy.

100
00:03:45,399 --> 00:03:46,878
Freddy, Al.

101
00:03:47,662 --> 00:03:48,706
Hello, Fred.

102
00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:50,839
Please, Fred is my father.

103
00:03:50,882 --> 00:03:52,144
Call me Freddy.

104
00:03:52,188 --> 00:03:54,582
I prefer to keep it formal.

105
00:03:57,193 --> 00:03:59,326
Can I talk to you
outside for a minute?

106
00:03:59,369 --> 00:04:01,197
Sure.Okay.

107
00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:03,330
So,

108
00:04:03,373 --> 00:04:06,376
I understand you're
something of a trickster.

109
00:04:07,725 --> 00:04:09,249
What's up?

110
00:04:09,292 --> 00:04:12,121
I don't appreciate you
trying to jam your boyfriend

111
00:04:12,164 --> 00:04:13,296
into my daughter's
birthday party.

112
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:14,993
What are you talking about?

113
00:04:15,037 --> 00:04:16,125
The magic thing.

114
00:04:16,168 --> 00:04:18,475
That was Hazel's idea.
She asked him.

115
00:04:18,519 --> 00:04:19,781
Yeah, right.

116
00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:21,348
She hates that guy.

117
00:04:21,391 --> 00:04:23,045
No, she doesn't.

118
00:04:23,088 --> 00:04:25,308
She only acts that way
when you're around.

119
00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:27,658
Excuse me,
but I think I know my own kid.

120
00:04:27,702 --> 00:04:29,312
Excuse me, but I don't think

121
00:04:29,356 --> 00:04:31,140
you know your ass
from your elbow.

122
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,664
Is this your card?

123
00:04:33,708 --> 00:04:35,666
No.It's mine.

124
00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:39,148
Now it's mine. Amazing!

125
00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:40,584
What's going on?

126
00:04:40,628 --> 00:04:42,369
Ah, Freddy is just showing us

127
00:04:42,412 --> 00:04:43,848
his wonderful magic.

128
00:04:43,892 --> 00:04:45,676
Mm.Ah. I know a trick
I'd like him to do.

129
00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,156
Come on, Freddy.
We got to go.

130
00:04:47,199 --> 00:04:48,679
That's the one.

131
00:04:48,723 --> 00:04:50,377
It was really great meeting you.

132
00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:51,769
It was great
meeting you, too.

133
00:04:51,813 --> 00:04:53,423
Riley, did you know

134
00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:54,772
that Freddy is an
immigrant, also?

135
00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:57,079
Guilty. Canada.

136
00:04:57,993 --> 00:05:00,691
Bye, sweetie.Bye, Mom.

137
00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:04,434
Hazel, could you give
Uncle Al and me a minute?

138
00:05:04,478 --> 00:05:06,088
Sure.

139
00:05:08,743 --> 00:05:11,093
Pick a side, dude.

140
00:05:11,136 --> 00:05:13,922
Riley, of course
I'm on your side.

141
00:05:13,965 --> 00:05:16,228
I'm just getting
to know the enemy.

142
00:05:16,272 --> 00:05:18,840
Mm. What is this?

143
00:05:19,623 --> 00:05:21,712
"Nice to meet you, Al.

144
00:05:21,756 --> 00:05:23,366
Your amigo, Freddy."

145
00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:25,716
Oh, my God. Hazel,

146
00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:27,849
check your pockets!

147
00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:34,159
Oh! How about a
mermaid theme?

148
00:05:34,203 --> 00:05:36,553
Don't you think
11's too old for mermaids?

149
00:05:36,597 --> 00:05:39,208
Well, mybirthday's coming up.

150
00:05:39,991 --> 00:05:41,297
Uncle Al?Hmm?

151
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,604
It's your birthday, too.
What theme do you want?

152
00:05:43,647 --> 00:05:45,257
Uh... Ah.

153
00:05:45,301 --> 00:05:47,782
These are on sale.
What about these?

154
00:05:47,825 --> 00:05:49,000
"It's a girl"?

155
00:05:49,044 --> 00:05:51,046
It's a plate.

156
00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:52,743
You don't understand.

157
00:05:52,787 --> 00:05:55,877
The theme has to tell the people
at your party what you're into.

158
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:58,183
I'm frugal.
That's what I'm into.

159
00:05:58,967 --> 00:06:00,751
Frugal? Really?

160
00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:03,319
It's better than mermaids.Well,

161
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:06,191
you just got uninvited
to my party.

162
00:06:07,541 --> 00:06:09,325
What is this?Oh.

163
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:12,328
That's a noisemaker.
You spin it.Hmm.

164
00:06:15,462 --> 00:06:18,421
Hmm. Imagine living
in a country so peaceful,

165
00:06:18,465 --> 00:06:20,728
you purchase a toy
to make noise.

166
00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:23,295
You're what's called
a party pooper.

167
00:06:24,166 --> 00:06:26,560
Sorry, Hazel!
I can't hear you!

168
00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:27,952
I'm at a party!

169
00:06:27,996 --> 00:06:30,346
I'm at a party, too!

170
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,348
Well, I'm having more fun!HAZEL:
No,

171
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:35,438
I'mhaving more fun!Okay, you two,
put those down.

172
00:06:36,961 --> 00:06:38,876
Ah, ah! I mean it.

173
00:06:39,660 --> 00:06:41,226
Can we please go?

174
00:06:41,270 --> 00:06:43,315
Not yet. We have to reserve
a bounce house.

175
00:06:43,359 --> 00:06:44,447
What is that?

176
00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:46,275
You know what?
Instead of explaining,

177
00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:48,495
I'm gonna ask you
to wait in the car.

178
00:06:50,497 --> 00:06:51,889
Behold,

179
00:06:51,933 --> 00:06:54,979
a perfectly normal
handkerchief.

180
00:06:55,023 --> 00:06:56,807
It seems very small.

181
00:06:56,851 --> 00:06:58,330
It isn't.

182
00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:02,465
I put it into my hand,

183
00:07:02,509 --> 00:07:04,467
and...

184
00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:06,338
Ta-da!

185
00:07:06,382 --> 00:07:08,123
It's gone.

186
00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:09,690
It's in that fake thumb, right?

187
00:07:09,733 --> 00:07:11,648
Yeah.

188
00:07:11,692 --> 00:07:13,433
The guy at the store

189
00:07:13,476 --> 00:07:17,132
was so convincing.
I was like, "What?!"

190
00:07:17,175 --> 00:07:18,742
Don't worry, Riley Jaan.

191
00:07:18,786 --> 00:07:22,050
You have skills
Freddy could only dream of.Yeah, like what?

192
00:07:22,093 --> 00:07:24,661
You are brave.
You are a leader of men.[refrigerator opens]

193
00:07:24,705 --> 00:07:26,533
You look good
with and without hair.[bottle clinks]

194
00:07:26,576 --> 00:07:27,969
[refrigerator closes]

195
00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:30,493
Vanessa said that Hazel
invited him to the party.

196
00:07:30,537 --> 00:07:32,408
I don't believe it.

197
00:07:34,932 --> 00:07:36,238
What?

198
00:07:36,281 --> 00:07:38,675
Mm. It is not my place.

199
00:07:38,719 --> 00:07:40,242
Just tell me.

200
00:07:40,285 --> 00:07:42,287
I think she wants him
at the party.

201
00:07:42,331 --> 00:07:44,594
No, she doesn't. She told me.

202
00:07:44,638 --> 00:07:46,030
Riley Jaan,

203
00:07:46,074 --> 00:07:49,033
sometimes we only hear
what we want to hear.

204
00:07:49,077 --> 00:07:50,295
Why would she lie to me?

205
00:07:50,339 --> 00:07:52,036
She doesn't want
to hurt your feelings.

206
00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:53,864
But I've been so nice
to the jerk.

207
00:07:53,908 --> 00:07:55,344
I gave him a fist bump.

208
00:07:55,387 --> 00:07:57,564
I didn't have to, but I did.

209
00:07:58,390 --> 00:08:01,089
And while that was
very charitable of you,

210
00:08:01,132 --> 00:08:02,873
I don't think you
quite sold it.

211
00:08:02,917 --> 00:08:04,179
What am I supposed to do?

212
00:08:04,222 --> 00:08:05,876
I hate the guy.

213
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:08,270
And now Hazel's a fan,
and you're a fan.

214
00:08:08,313 --> 00:08:12,013
In my defense, his magic
is just enchanting.

215
00:08:13,362 --> 00:08:14,798
He's not coming to the party.

216
00:08:14,842 --> 00:08:16,365
All right.

217
00:08:16,408 --> 00:08:18,759
You know best.I do.

218
00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:20,891
You don't.

219
00:08:20,935 --> 00:08:22,414
I'm sorry?

220
00:08:22,458 --> 00:08:24,634
You don't. I should not
have said it quietly.

221
00:08:24,678 --> 00:08:26,331
You need to get it
through your head.

222
00:08:36,124 --> 00:08:37,691
Hazel.

223
00:08:37,734 --> 00:08:39,301
would you like to play
Twelve Goats?

224
00:08:39,344 --> 00:08:41,651
I'm gonna need
a little more information.

225
00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:43,087
It's what you call checkers.

226
00:08:43,131 --> 00:08:45,350
Oh. Then no.

227
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,092
Hey, since you're here,
let's figure out

228
00:08:48,136 --> 00:08:49,703
what kind of cake you guys want
for your birthday.

229
00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:51,487
Uh, you choose.

230
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,576
I don't come from
a pastry culture.

231
00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:55,709
Then how do you deal
with all your feelings?

232
00:08:56,971 --> 00:08:58,886
Well, it's
your first birthday.

233
00:08:58,929 --> 00:09:00,540
You should have
a cake you want.

234
00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:01,845
Hmm. Um...

235
00:09:01,889 --> 00:09:03,412
How about one with raisins?

236
00:09:03,455 --> 00:09:06,458
That's not a cake.
That's a muffin.

237
00:09:06,502 --> 00:09:08,504
Oh, it's the most
wonderful cake.

238
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:11,855
Sometimes they add pine nuts
and cardamom and rosewater.

239
00:09:11,899 --> 00:09:14,597
I'm not hearing
the word "chocolate."

240
00:09:14,641 --> 00:09:17,252
I don't like chocolate.
It is too sweet.

241
00:09:17,295 --> 00:09:19,123
Well, I don't like raisins.
They're too gross.

242
00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:20,385
I thought you
wanted me to pick.

243
00:09:20,429 --> 00:09:21,996
I want you to pick
something I like, too.

244
00:09:22,039 --> 00:09:24,607
That sounds like
you picking.

245
00:09:24,651 --> 00:09:26,087
Do you like vanilla?

246
00:09:26,130 --> 00:09:28,393
I like it more than
this conversation.

247
00:09:29,394 --> 00:09:30,221
Fine.

248
00:09:30,265 --> 00:09:32,310
Vanilla cake.Deal.

249
00:09:32,354 --> 00:09:36,532
But we add cardamom, pine
nuts, rosewater and raisins.

250
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,142
You thinking what I'm thinking?

251
00:09:38,186 --> 00:09:40,188
Yeah, we're gonna
need two cakes.

252
00:09:43,365 --> 00:09:45,585
Hey, don't lift like that.
You'll hurt your back.

253
00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:48,413
Joke's on you.
My back always hurts.

254
00:09:48,457 --> 00:09:50,677
Hey, can I ask you a question?

255
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:52,156
Shoot.

256
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:55,159
You think Hazel likes Freddy?

257
00:09:55,203 --> 00:09:57,988
Let me ask you a question.

258
00:09:58,032 --> 00:09:59,773
Do you think
Freddy's going anywhere?

259
00:09:59,816 --> 00:10:01,339
I don't know.

260
00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:02,645
'Cause if he's not,

261
00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:05,300
you better hope
she likes Freddy.

262
00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:08,608
Well, I don't like him.

263
00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:13,438
All right, well, I know you're
not gonna want to hear this, but

264
00:10:13,482 --> 00:10:15,266
maybe you should try.

265
00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:17,181
[scoffs]
Yeah, give me one reason.

266
00:10:17,225 --> 00:10:19,183
'Cause it'll make
everyone's life a lot easier,

267
00:10:19,227 --> 00:10:20,707
including yours.

268
00:10:20,750 --> 00:10:24,667
Raising a kid
can be like a war.

269
00:10:24,711 --> 00:10:27,365
You need all the
allies you can get.

270
00:10:27,409 --> 00:10:30,412
When the U.S. was ready
to get into World War II,

271
00:10:30,455 --> 00:10:33,850
Great Britain didn't
say "We got this."

272
00:10:33,894 --> 00:10:36,461
United States wasn't sleeping
with Great Britain's wife.

273
00:10:36,505 --> 00:10:39,682
Well, maybe if Great Britain
had a hot sister...

274
00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:42,119
I'm losing the thread here,
but...

275
00:10:43,294 --> 00:10:44,905
...the point is,

276
00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:46,863
none of this is Freddy's fault,

277
00:10:46,907 --> 00:10:49,344
and it's definitely not
Hazel's fault.

278
00:10:49,387 --> 00:10:51,955
Well, it totally blows.

279
00:10:51,999 --> 00:10:53,391
Listen to you.

280
00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:56,481
Sound just like
Winston Churchill.

281
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,619
How many of these do we need?

282
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:06,491
[in high-pitched voice]:
The tank says it can do 200.

283
00:11:06,535 --> 00:11:08,711
Don't do that.
It's not good for you.

284
00:11:08,755 --> 00:11:11,627
Okay, Mom. Geez.

285
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,455
200 balloons?
This birthday will be

286
00:11:13,498 --> 00:11:15,370
like the last scene
in a Bollywood movie.

287
00:11:15,413 --> 00:11:17,024
Uh, it's pronounced "Hollywood."

288
00:11:17,067 --> 00:11:20,462
I know about a billion people
who would disagree with you.

289
00:11:20,505 --> 00:11:23,595
So, have you decided
who to invite to our party?

290
00:11:23,639 --> 00:11:26,468
Hazel, I am a 28
or 29-year-old man.

291
00:11:26,511 --> 00:11:28,165
I would be embarrassed
to invite people

292
00:11:28,209 --> 00:11:29,863
to a party in honor of myself.

293
00:11:29,906 --> 00:11:32,169
He doesn't have any friends.

294
00:11:32,909 --> 00:11:34,563
Hazel Jaan,

295
00:11:34,606 --> 00:11:37,435
I am touched that you want
to do something special for me.

296
00:11:37,479 --> 00:11:40,177
And I am looking forward
to taking part in your big day.

297
00:11:40,221 --> 00:11:42,005
Why can't that be enough?

298
00:11:42,049 --> 00:11:43,441
You know what?

299
00:11:43,485 --> 00:11:46,575
I have some extra friends.
You could borrow a few.

300
00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:50,187
[high-pitched]:
You want to talk about it?

301
00:11:57,064 --> 00:12:01,546
Hey, uh, could we
go talk somewhere?

302
00:12:01,590 --> 00:12:03,070
I'm working.

303
00:12:03,113 --> 00:12:05,681
If you need to say something,
say it in front of Donna.

304
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:09,380
I'm gonna hear about it
when you leave anyway.

305
00:12:09,424 --> 00:12:11,687
[sighs]Fine.

306
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:15,082
It's okay with me if
Freddy comes to the party.

307
00:12:15,125 --> 00:12:16,648
I'm sorry. What?

308
00:12:16,692 --> 00:12:19,651
He said Freddy can
come to the party.

309
00:12:19,695 --> 00:12:21,044
Are you sure?

310
00:12:21,088 --> 00:12:23,046
Yeah. I mean,
he's not going anywhere.

311
00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:24,831
Right?

312
00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:26,963
He's not.

313
00:12:27,007 --> 00:12:30,358
So what I'm hearing is,
nobody knows the future.

314
00:12:30,401 --> 00:12:32,577
Thanks for stopping by.

315
00:12:32,621 --> 00:12:33,927
Sure.

316
00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:35,406
Hey, wait. One
more thing.

317
00:12:35,450 --> 00:12:37,408
I would like him to
not call me "amigo."

318
00:12:37,452 --> 00:12:39,236
I will tell him.Yeah.

319
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,499
And no military jargon,
no fist bumping,

320
00:12:41,543 --> 00:12:43,240
definitely no exploding it.

321
00:12:43,284 --> 00:12:45,547
Okay, what else?

322
00:12:45,590 --> 00:12:48,942
He can ease up on that whole
happy-go-lucky guy routine.

323
00:12:48,985 --> 00:12:50,944
That's who he is, Riley.

324
00:12:50,987 --> 00:12:53,598
He is a happy-go-lucky guy.

325
00:12:53,642 --> 00:12:55,252
Really?

326
00:12:55,296 --> 00:12:57,820
Okay, well, tell him to...
dial it down.

327
00:12:57,864 --> 00:13:00,388
Goodbye, Riley.

328
00:13:01,128 --> 00:13:03,826
Divorce is tough.

329
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,785
[scoffs]
Yeah.

330
00:13:05,828 --> 00:13:08,483
But so worth it.

331
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,748
Wow.

332
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:13,880
What do you think?

333
00:13:13,923 --> 00:13:15,490
Not all the letters
are colored in,

334
00:13:15,533 --> 00:13:16,970
but it looks very nice.

335
00:13:17,013 --> 00:13:19,102
No, it's an "A" and an "L".

336
00:13:19,146 --> 00:13:21,496
Two signs for the price of one.

337
00:13:21,539 --> 00:13:23,846
Well, that's frugal.
I like that.

338
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:26,153
[doorbell rings]

339
00:13:28,633 --> 00:13:30,810
BOTH:
Happy birthday!

340
00:13:30,853 --> 00:13:32,159
Mrs. Foster, Shawn!

341
00:13:32,202 --> 00:13:33,813
Welcome to the
party. Come on in.

342
00:13:33,856 --> 00:13:37,294
Oh, uh, hey, don't tag me
in any pictures.

343
00:13:37,338 --> 00:13:40,384
My boss thinks
I'm at the orthodontist.

344
00:13:40,428 --> 00:13:42,778
I got you a present.

345
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,954
It's socks.

346
00:13:44,998 --> 00:13:46,738
Thank you,
Mrs. Foster.

347
00:13:46,782 --> 00:13:50,307
Okay, where's the punch
for people who aren't driving?

348
00:13:50,351 --> 00:13:52,570
Kitchen.Come on, Skippy.

349
00:13:54,442 --> 00:13:56,444
Did you invite them?

350
00:13:56,487 --> 00:13:59,360
If you're happy,
I invited them to your party.

351
00:13:59,403 --> 00:14:02,319
If you're mad,
I invited them to my party.

352
00:14:02,363 --> 00:14:04,321
Very clever.

353
00:14:04,365 --> 00:14:06,323
Have you ever thought
about becoming a lawyer?

354
00:14:06,367 --> 00:14:08,717
No.Think about it.

355
00:14:12,373 --> 00:14:13,983
ALL:
Wow!

356
00:14:14,027 --> 00:14:16,072
[applause]

357
00:14:16,899 --> 00:14:19,902
For my next trick,
I will need a volunteer.

358
00:14:19,946 --> 00:14:21,512
Ooh, ooh, ooh!

359
00:14:21,556 --> 00:14:24,167
I see a young man
from Afghanistan!

360
00:14:24,211 --> 00:14:26,169
That's me!

361
00:14:26,213 --> 00:14:27,997
What's your name, fella?

362
00:14:28,041 --> 00:14:29,520
Awalmir, but my
friends call me "Al."

363
00:14:29,564 --> 00:14:31,522
All right, Al, I'm gonna
draw you something,

364
00:14:31,566 --> 00:14:33,350
and you have
to guess what it is.

365
00:14:33,394 --> 00:14:34,612
Does that sound like fun?

366
00:14:34,656 --> 00:14:37,485
It could be fun.Great.

367
00:14:40,140 --> 00:14:41,663
Okay, what does this look like?

368
00:14:41,706 --> 00:14:43,621
A circle.Excellent!

369
00:14:43,665 --> 00:14:44,927
But what kind
of circle?

370
00:14:44,971 --> 00:14:47,582
One drawn on a large
piece of paper.

371
00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:49,976
Let me give you
a little hint.

372
00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:53,196
Now do you know?

373
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,546
A circle with three
smaller circles.

374
00:14:55,590 --> 00:14:57,374
Hazel, why don't you
tell him what it is?

375
00:14:57,418 --> 00:14:59,072
It's a bowling ball!

376
00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:00,856
I think she's right!

377
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,250
[gasping]

378
00:15:04,555 --> 00:15:06,775
How the hell did
that just happen?

379
00:15:08,690 --> 00:15:11,519
You are a
national treasure.

380
00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:13,086
[laughs]

381
00:15:13,129 --> 00:15:14,826
The bowling ball is yours
to keep. Happy birthday, amigo.

382
00:15:16,176 --> 00:15:17,307
Let me see it.Hmm?

383
00:15:17,351 --> 00:15:19,309
FREDDY:
For my next trick,

384
00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:21,921
I will need
a beautiful princess.

385
00:15:21,964 --> 00:15:22,834
There's one.

386
00:15:22,878 --> 00:15:24,836
Freddy, we talked about this.

387
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:28,405
For my next trick, I will need
a badass birthday girl.

388
00:15:28,449 --> 00:15:29,929
[laughs]

389
00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:31,669
You doing okay?

390
00:15:31,713 --> 00:15:33,802
It's taking every ounce
of self-control I have

391
00:15:33,845 --> 00:15:36,326
not to stuff him in that hat.

392
00:15:37,849 --> 00:15:41,027
GUESTS:
Wow.[applause]

393
00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:42,289
Everybody gather 'round.

394
00:15:42,332 --> 00:15:43,594
I would like to read a poem

395
00:15:43,638 --> 00:15:45,292
I wrote for
my Uncle Al.Oh. Wait.

396
00:15:45,335 --> 00:15:46,989
Oh.

397
00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:48,512
Okay.

398
00:15:48,556 --> 00:15:51,472
"A man without a birthday
is like a man with no name.

399
00:15:51,515 --> 00:15:53,039
"No friends to
come over and play,

400
00:15:53,082 --> 00:15:55,867
"every day of the
year just the same.

401
00:15:55,911 --> 00:15:59,306
"Never a party, a toy,
not even a cake.

402
00:15:59,349 --> 00:16:02,222
Just a very sad boy
who might be 28."

403
00:16:02,265 --> 00:16:03,179
[laughter]

404
00:16:03,223 --> 00:16:04,398
"But you no longer have to mourn

405
00:16:04,441 --> 00:16:06,269
"Because today you
have come to be.

406
00:16:06,313 --> 00:16:07,967
"It's your birthday,
you've been born!

407
00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:10,099
And your name is
Awalmir Karimi."

408
00:16:10,143 --> 00:16:12,536
[applause]Thank you, Hazel.

409
00:16:12,580 --> 00:16:14,538
Happy birthday, Uncle Al.

410
00:16:14,582 --> 00:16:17,846
♪ Happy birthday to you

411
00:16:17,889 --> 00:16:21,850
♪ Happy birthday
to you ♪

412
00:16:21,893 --> 00:16:25,680
♪ Happy birthday Dear

413
00:16:25,723 --> 00:16:29,945
♪ Hazel and Al

414
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:35,603
♪ Happy birthday to you.

415
00:16:35,646 --> 00:16:36,734
Thank you for doing this.

416
00:16:36,778 --> 00:16:38,736
You're welcome. Make a wish.

417
00:16:38,780 --> 00:16:41,739
No, I don't have to.
It is already...No, no, no, no, no.

418
00:16:41,783 --> 00:16:45,221
Don't say it's already come true
because you didn't want a party.

419
00:16:47,354 --> 00:16:49,399
Okay.

420
00:16:51,836 --> 00:16:53,186
Hurry up! The
candles are melting!

421
00:16:53,229 --> 00:16:54,883
I'm thinking!
I'm thinking!

422
00:16:56,058 --> 00:16:57,320
Okay, got it.

423
00:16:57,364 --> 00:16:59,931
One, two, three.

424
00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:03,239
[applause and cheering]

425
00:17:03,283 --> 00:17:04,719
[whooping]

426
00:17:04,762 --> 00:17:07,417
Did you have that
when you got here?

427
00:17:08,549 --> 00:17:11,508
Hazel, my mother says
when you cut a cake,

428
00:17:11,552 --> 00:17:16,122
you should feed the first bite
to the person you love most.

429
00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:19,081
Oh, it's full of raisins.

430
00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:21,518
Thanks to you.

431
00:17:21,562 --> 00:17:23,912
Come on, let's eat.Who wants cake?

432
00:17:23,955 --> 00:17:25,131
I would.I do.

433
00:17:25,174 --> 00:17:26,306
[overlapping chatter]

434
00:17:33,226 --> 00:17:34,314
[both whooping]

435
00:17:34,357 --> 00:17:36,142
[laughing]This is so much fun!

436
00:17:36,185 --> 00:17:38,013
I know.
[whoops, laughs]

437
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,493
Hazel?Yeah.

438
00:17:39,536 --> 00:17:41,712
Shawn told me there are
bounce houses with slides.

439
00:17:41,756 --> 00:17:43,497
Can we get one of those
next year?

440
00:17:43,540 --> 00:17:46,326
I'll be 12. That's a little old
for a bounce house.

441
00:17:46,369 --> 00:17:48,110
Oh, come on.
I'll be 29 or 30.

442
00:17:48,154 --> 00:17:49,503
One of those is
a milestone.

443
00:17:49,546 --> 00:17:51,809
I'll think about it.

444
00:17:51,853 --> 00:17:54,421
Hey. Oh.

445
00:17:54,464 --> 00:17:55,683
You should have told me
to bounce

446
00:17:55,726 --> 00:17:57,119
before the pizza
and birthday cake.

447
00:17:57,163 --> 00:17:59,208
[groaning]

448
00:18:02,342 --> 00:18:03,517
[Al thuds out, Hazel laughs]