[dramatic music]
It's just five years.
Let's talk about something else.
[percussive music]
[Miles] So my girl and my son
moved into my mom's house until further notice.
My sister and her are already at each other's throats,
probably because my sister's
trying to start her own strip club,
and so far, it's operating out of the living room.
Meanwhile, Sean is running wild
and asking where I am.
Is Dad gonna come to grandma's?
[Miles] But for now, Ashley got to raise
our little karate kid all on her own.
[groaning and grunting on TV]
Baba Yaga!
[intense music playing on TV]
♪ ♪
[exhales deeply]
[dramatic music]
[man chuckles]
[man] Hello, little boy.
Hiyah!
♪ ♪
[Sean] Baba Yaga!
[chuckles]
It comes with a blazer too, girl, okay?
-It's not just this. -Where are you going today?
I have a meeting at the bank about getting a loan.
Hiyah!
[grunting]
♪ ♪
Hiyah!
I've got you now, you little crazy kid.
I look cute, I look professional,
and, girl, I smell delicious.
-All of that is true. -Mm-hmm.
But are you tryna fuck the bank?
[chuckles]
"Oh, are you tryna fuck the bank?"
-[yelling] -Stop swing--oh! Kid!
-Hiyah! -No, not the face.
[yelling]
[blows]
♪ ♪
Hiyah!
♪ ♪
You can wear anything of mine if you want.
Mm-mm, I like my clothes, nigga.
Plus, I make more money than you,
so I don't want to wear none of your little flannels.
You gonna take them grills out though?
-Mm-mm. -Hiyah!
Oh! [gasps]
Motherfucker! Oh, hell no.
You do not kick your tía.
-Whoa, what happened? -I didn't see it.
Little Sean Wick over here kicked a hole through my thigh.
-Ashley, he not in trouble? -Oof.
-Time for the rule of three. -Uh, rule of what now?
If you plan it out right,
you only have to physically discipline your kid
three times in his life,
and some healthy fear should do the rest.
You do it once when they're little,
once at the tweens,
and once when they're 17 for the finale.
-Like, beat him? -I don't like that word.
Uh, yeah, like, beat him.
You need to beat that ass, Ashley.
This is how you mom-in' now, huh?
Fuck! These are a fuckin' grip.
Damn.
-Good luck on your interview! -Shut the fuck up!
Buy me some new shit.
Did she get all three of hers?
I never mustered up the courage to do the last one.
-She's terrifying. -Yeah, no shit.
So you beat Miles and Trish?
-Not "beat." -I don't think I could ever--
-Hiyah! -Oh, my God!
Sean!
Ow.
♪ ♪
Then he came in the kitchen like a John Wickninja,
kicked Trish, and then he kicked me.
Well, I hope you kicked his little baby dragon ass back.
I hope you just judo chopped him to the neck,
swept out a leg, hit him with a lil' viper fang,
a lil'--lil' panther knuckle or something,
a lil' come from behind and--sc--scorpion...tail,
lil'--lil falcon talon, wrestle him to the ground.
I did not viper fang our child. [chuckles]
[laughter]
No, I sent him to Nancy's.
Oh, good. She'll do it.
Wap-wap.
No, he's on timeout until I get home.
Rainey thinks I should beat him.
Oh, well, the rule of three.
What is with y'all? You know I hate violence.
Since when?
Since when do you hate violence?
I do with rare exception.
This the same Ashley who broke Rachel Brooks' nose at prom
over a dress?
Over a dress.
I showed that bitch what dress I was finna get,
and then she bought the same fuckin' dress!
-No cursing. -No cursing.
Come on, I'm just saying
you have your own relationship with violence.
As do I, as do I. Guilty, guilty.
You and I grew up way rougher than Sean.
He's a sweet boy who needs discipline.
That's what martial arts is for.
Yeah, but he's still growing up in West Oakland.
Name one motherfucker that didn't grow up fighting
or getting fought.
-It's not that different now. -Hmm.
Does he know where I am yet?
[sighs] No.
I gotta figure out the best way to--
I get it.
I miss him...but I get it.
Janelle says you won't do all the time.
It could be less.
It was less for Collin.
I really don't wanna talk about this, babe.
Um, your job called.
[Miles] Hm.
I gotta clear out your locker and pick up your last check.
-Hmm. -What?
Trying to remember if I have anything embarrassing in there.
-Oh. -No, I'm good.
Oh, I can't wait now. [chuckles]
[Kamaiyah's "Dope Bitch"]
♪ ♪
♪ Dope bitch, dope bitch ♪
♪ Dope bitch straight up outta Oakland ♪
♪ Dope bitch, dope bitch, dope bitch, dope bitch ♪
♪ Dope bitch all she do is dope shit ♪
♪ Coldest chick on two feet that you probably ever saw ♪
♪ Illest chick alive in some panties and a bra ♪
♪ Fuck with big dog ♪
♪ I don't fuck with broads ♪
♪ Never trust a bitch 'cause these hoes all frauds ♪
♪ Cold-mack a nigga, got a cold-mackin' Nina ♪
♪ This lavender Glock will make you do the macarena ♪
♪ Bitch, please bitch, please ♪
♪ My K-Swiss cost more than your weave with ease ♪
♪ Hey, ho, you's a broke bitch ♪
♪ I'm a dope bitch straight up outta Oakland ♪
-You must be Trish. -Mm-hmm.
[sighs] I'm here for a business loan.
Great. Please, have a seat.
[clears throat]
So tell me a little about yourself.
[chuckles] Oh, me?
I'm just a soil-savvy-ass chica from the West
trying to come up on some chalupa
so me and my whole squad can eat.
You feel what I'm talking about?
By far. Okay, so what that loan do?
[chuckles] Right.
Let me direct traffic for a hot second.
Speak on it.
So me and my young gazelles are the baddest,
flyest, most exclusivest private dancers in the Bay.
You underdig what I'm talking about?
I smell you, and it's delicious, girl.
Oh, boy, you don't even know, okay?
And I'ma keep it a buck with you.
We been dipping and dabbling in all aspects of the freak scene,
but, see, the problem is we don't hold nothin'.
So I done look at the field and said
we gotta call a new play.
Right?
So we stacked up the audience, built up the socials,
and now we in a position to level up.
Ooh, flippin' on it. That's big time.
And trust, pockets is chubby.
-They thick. -That thing swole?
-Pregnant. -Ooh.
Straight cash, no paper trail,
no receipts, and no cut for the feds.
Uncle Sam don't even know the due date.
So I'm like, "Fuck, we all popping
"this pussy at Premium Women in the City,
giving them a cut? Hell no."
What we need to be doing is keeping our bread
in the same pocket for the same squad
and never leave the town.
That sound like a community investment to me.
All we need is four walls and a floor.
And that, sir, is on mamas.
-[Cuddie] Whoo! -Okay?
Girl buy her chicken. That's big time.
-I fucks with that. -[Trish] Mm.
So look, what can Bank of Ohlone do for you?
[sighs] King, all I need
is a down payment for this spot.
-For that business? -Yes, sir.
-The one you just pitched? -That way.
We for sure can't do that.
[chuckles] Wait, ain't this a bank?
Ain't that what y'all do? Why not?
For literally all the reasons you just listed.
[Trish] Hmm.
You just told me it's an all-cash business
that don't pay taxes,
your employees might commit misdemeanors,
potentially felonies,
and you keep no records of your income.
Girl, you got all that dirty laundry and no bleach.
And strip clubs ain't even legal like that in this county.
Okay, shit, we'll call it something else.
Burlesque, white bitches like burlesque, right?
[sighs] Queen, I'm sorry.
I fucks with you, but I can't fuckswith you.
This a bankbank.
[Cuddie] They only give out loans to white collar ideas,
kombucha bars, oxygen bars, ghost tours,
pickleball courts, shit like that.
Why don't you try something like Karma Glute-ra?
We just lent them a fat-ass loan the other day.
Karma--Karma-who?
Wh--Okay, what is that?
It's a hot stone pole dancing class.
Stones at the bottom of the pole, the steam come up.
Hell of a workout. I put my mama on it.
I could put you on. They franchising.
[laughs]
Oh, you could put me on?
See, no. Let me tell you something.
That is the most colonialist-ass bullshit plan
-that I ever heard. -Colonialist?
-I'm trying to put you on. -Nigga, that shit sound stupid.
You sound stupid. Fuck you.
-And fuck all that shit. -Yo, I'm trying to put you on.
Hey, you at a 10, you need to bring it to a 2.
You know what? Fuck all this shit.
Security, we have an angry BIPOC in my building.
With your pens, nigga. Fuck this, fuck all your shit.
Fuck all that. Fuck you. Fuck your pens.
She's spilling all my pens, and she's--
[dial tone]
[Cuddie] Security!
Security, nigga, security. Fuck you.
Sean.
[Earl] Shmoptart for an answer.
[Nancy] Oh, good. You made me my Shmoptarts.
I'll be back after the losing team
buys us mimosas.
[Janelle] Mama, you know what's wrong with Sean?
-He won't say nothing. -Well, he did something.
He's supposed to be on a timeout.
Oh.
I ain't got time for that shit.
I just "wap, wap, wap," reclaim my time.
-Yeah, I remember. -Mmm, bye.
-Bye. -Bye, Mama.
Come on, lil' man. Maybe I can help you out.
I was on punishment too. I just got off it actually.
How long was your punishment?
[gasps] He speaks.
[Earl] My punishment was a year.
But I'm sure what you did isn't that bad, so...
I kicked my momma.
-Oh. -Ooh, sh--
[Earl] Well, I can cook you your last meal
-'cause you about to die. -Okay.
What would you like? SpaghettiOs--
Would you stop it? Stop it.
Listen, Sean, you can get ahead of this, a'ight?
[Janelle] You just need to apologize.
Pleading guilty is terrible legal advice.
[Janelle] You gotta say you're sorry.
Don't admit to shit, kid.
Could have been any six-year-old.
[Earl] Was it a fast kick? Did anybody see you?
You should make her something.
Everybody wants something made of love, okay?
Now go over there to the shelf and get the markers, baby.
No, no, no, don't put it in writing.
Ask for your lawyer.
Have you never seen Scared Straight!?
Have you never seen Menace II Society?
Have you never seen nothin' about nothin'?
[dramatic jazz music]
♪ ♪
I don't much like the rough I hide.
Pops would slide a knuckle across my eyes and chin
and again against my mother's grin,
till we grim, till her light dimmed.
Cover the bruises, long sleeves and low brims
till Miles came for him.
Can't lie, I liked the violence then.
♪ ♪
But boys turn into men, and men hunt each other.
Sweet boys go cold on their mothers and friends,
and my sweet one needs some cover
from how the corners bend.
Kids round here need thicker skin to win.
♪ ♪
But when the good kids go bad, how do you get them good again?
[Yorkie] Slap him.
Whoa, not in 2018, sir.
You can't beat your kids like that, bruh.
[Yorkie] You can't beat kids,
but you can technically spank kids,
which is just a slap.
And when does a spank become a slap, you know?
It's like a spanking of the face.
[Rob] You know what worked for me and my brother?
My moms used to put us in one oversized shirt,
like a big white tee, and she wouldn't take it off us
till we figured that shit out ourselves.
Nonviolent, definitely non-fun. A mental beating, so to speak.
Okay, so who is he's going in the shirt with?
'Cause he kicked me.
There's a lot of gray area in a slap, Ash.
I'm telling you.
[Yorkie] You ever slap somebody in a fight?
Nobody really knows how much it escalated,
but that shit hurts like a motherfucker.
Yo, what if you put him in, like, one hella small shirt
and it just squeezes his little ass
till he realizes the errors of his ways?
Okay, this sounds like a child torture idea
that's not better than hitting.
Not hitting. Nobody said hitting.
No one said hitting. Squeezing.
-This is it right here. -[Rob coughing]
Thanks, man.
-[Rob coughing] -My man, are you good?
Oh, I forgot we got these matching grills.
Oh, yeah, we picked those up before--you know,
before it happened.
-How do I look? -[Yorkie laughs]
-Dope as fuck. -Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Let me take a lil' flick. Do your best Miles pose.
[camera shutter clicks]
Oh, shit.
-Yo, that's mad sexy, right? -Okay, no.
Yo, what if you sewed his shirt sleeve closed,
and it just became like a little straitjacket?
Trust me, yo, you think about some shit
when you in a straitjacket for real, bro.
[Yorkie] No, man, I'm telling you, word is bond.
God as my witness, give him the knuckles.
It's a wrap.
And you got to come from up top.
"Brrrra."
-[Yorkie] Nah, bruh, bruh. -[Rob] That's her kid.
[Yorkie] What you mean-- [Rob] That's her son!
Ooh, y'all should have heard
the way that nigga was talking to me.
Fucking crazy. Yeah.
And then they threw me out like I'm a vondruke.
Like, how you gonna tell me
to teach hot stone pole dancing classes to some housewives?
I ain't no acrobat enthusiast, right?
This ain't Circ Du Ho-ley. [chuckles]
Did you say it just like that?
Babe, maybe the bank isn't the problem.
You get kind of excitable--
No, no, no, no, no. I do not get excitable, okay?
I am just naturally a passionate person, shit.
Well, I feel your passion leans ratchet.
-[Trish gasps] -Mm-hmm.
[woman] Mm-hmm, yes.
Oh, y'all bitches agree? Okay.
So I'm trash because I believe in what we building?
How did you present your proposal?
I'm an entrepreneur, and I--
No, nigga, you deal bitches drugs.
Ooh, ha, yes, among other things.
I also have standards of operation,
a loyal client base,
discounts at peak times of the year,
and a number of fantastic employees.
You know, if we go Amsterdam, we'll probably get dental.
So...
What did you present to the bank?
[sighs] Okay.
I told them I could run it better than Carl would, period.
-Any day, any time. -Okay.
So was your proposal a picture of Carl with an X on it,
and you pop out a cake with a bad attitude or--
-Oh, shit. -Security!
Come get this fake-ass, weird-ass dude
-from back out of here. -Yo, come--
He's selling bitches drugs, nigga.
-Get the fuck out of here. -All right.
All right, all right.
[Trish] Yeah, please get the fuck out.
Is he even supposed to be back here?
See, I see why your ass didn't get the loan.
Yo, T, the fish is missing from the buffet again.
It's a fish and chips buffet with no fish, so--
Okay, so where the fuck did the fish go?
They ain't swim away. Where the fuck is Carl?
[Earl] How's that sign coming?
Why do you have that?
Oh, you know how you're waiting to find out your punishment?
This is my punishment.
I'm not supposed to leave the house,
and this thing tells my PO if I do.
I thought you were off punishment.
This is probation, which is, like,
after they give you punishment, they give you punishment lite,
to see if you need more punishment.
Double punishment?
Do you think Tía Trish will punish me too?
-Why would she do that? -I kicked her too!
You gonna need more glitter for this sign.
Glitter, now.
[dolls clattering]
[hip-hop music]
♪ ♪
[sighs]
Fuck!
What the fuck is you doing, Carl?
What do you need, Trish? I'm swamped right now.
Jesus fucking Christ.
I cannot believe they let you own a business.
-You are a fuckin' idiot. -Hey, hey.
-Do you know that? -Hey, hey, Trish.
Look at what the fuck you're doing.
Trish, Trish, get to the point and help me please.
Okay.
Carl, there is no fish at the buffet.
It is fish day. Where is the fuckin' fish?
Well, it was either the fish or the dolls.
Why does it have to be fish or the dolls?
Okay, out of my business please, all right?
Did you handle the two girls
who called out for the next shift?
Oh, whoa, no, no, no, no, no. Hang on a second.
Hold up. Ain't nobody called me.
Okay, they called me, all right?
They left messages. So what?
Lizzy never waited for me to pass a message.
She was on top of it.
Carl, do I fuckin' look like Liz to you?
No.
I told your ass
that the OG girls be going around me,
-so did Beth or Janette call? -I don't fuckin' know.
I don't fuckin' know any of their names, all right?
All I know is we're down two girls.
We got no fish today.
I got to go through these motherfuckin' dolls.
Don't you worry about the "boofet".
Fuck! That's business stuff.
You're not a business person. You just handle the girls.
You got replacements that can be here by 5:00?
[Trish] What the fuck is a "boofet"?
And no, no, I don't. I don't have no replacements.
Okay.
-[Trish] Okay? -Okay.
-Okay, what? -Okay, okay.
So get changed, okay? Yeah.
I need you up there then. Right--am I right?
Better down one than two? Mmm?
No, I--Carl, I--Carl,
we agreed that I only dance when I want to because
-I am the new house mom. -No, you want to know what?
Technically, you're not house mom.
You're actually temp house mom, all right?
-Excuse me? -All right.
I'm--I'm-- I'm really fuckin' busy.
I don't even know how many more fucking dolls
I got to go-- listen, just to be clear,
we said that you would dance only when you want to, right?
[Trish] Mm-hmm.
Or if there were some extreme circumstances.
Like we're short two fucking girls
on a fucking Friday, right?
So sometimes house mom has to step the fuck up, all right?
What, you forgot how? You fucking forget how?
-I just--I don't-- -You don't fuckin' what?
Let's go!
Clock's tickin'! It's showtime, honey!
Let's go. Come on, Trish.
Out of my fuckin' office.
So I told him that I was gonna tell his dad,
and, like, the mention of Miles
and all of a sudden he has this--
-Fear, concern, respect? -[Ashley] Yes!
And I'm like, "I want that. I need that."
But it's just way easier with Miles.
We have good cop and bad cop,
and he knows that I'm the good cop,
which is not a cop. I'm like a mall cop.
I--I just need to find my bad cop.
-Find the two-spirit? -What?
Two-spirit, it's this, like, Native American idea
that one body can have two spirits.
What I need right now is the two-parent.
[chuckles] I was raised by a single mom,
and she was two-spirit than a motherfucker.
Little boys are just monsters sometimes.
Mmm, no, monsters are made, not born.
That's those lax-ass parents that never had the balls
to check their badass kids,
kept putting them in timeout so much,
they had time to start killing cats and shit.
If somebody would have just pow, pow
their little psychopaths,
we'd have one less Jeffrey Dahmer.
So you think I should hit him?
No, look, I'll tell you what you do.
Give me a hand. Come on.
-Ow, ow! -That.
That's how you do it, mm-kay?
Look, my mom beat my ass more than a few good times,
and I am the manager of an upscale hotel, okay?
[Ashley] Okay.
-I am fun as shit. -Yes.
I, uh, also have crippling anxiety and commitment issues,
-but who is to say. -Mm.
Mmm, bold move with the Chucks by the way.
-Fuck the patriarchy? -No, fuck my memory.
I just couldn't find my shoes, okay?
Good. So you know they don't match?
Oh.
I mean, damn, did you get dressed in the dark?
♪ Took lumps, take lumps 'cause it ain't shit ♪
♪ ♪
[soft dramatic music]
What's wrong, babe?
Trish is joining us on stage tonight.
It's all fucked.
-Good job. -Thank you, thank you.
♪ ♪
[tires screeching]
♪ ♪
[laughter]
[Jacque and Trish laughing]
-[Jacque] Salud. -[Trish] Salud.
♪ ♪
How'd the loan meeting go?
Fuckin' trash.
Bruh hates strippers and hated me
and what I was about, so, shit,
I was sunk before I could float.
I'm sorry to hear that.
[Trish coughs]
Why you sorry? You feel the same way.
Ay, ay, ladies, let's just keep it chill.
-It's all chill. -No, no, no, no, no.
No, Jacque, you should have heard her this morning,
the way she was comin' at me about my outfit
like she ain't never wore a skirt before.
I shouldn't have done that. It was not my place.
Oh, well, since when do you have a problem staying
at other people's places? [laughs]
[Rainey] Trish, that's enough!
Okay, be a fuckin' child.
Fuck you.
Yeah, I'm more of an adult than you.
It's called staying solid.
Some of us don't disguise and switch up
who we are to get places.
Remember what we talked about earlier--
Unlike you, who act like a white girl and then suddenly
you put your grill in, you back in the West.
Oh, hey, hood Ashley, I didn't even see you there.
[Rainey] Trish, that's enough!
Shut up, Mom!
Well, I can see why it didn't go well today.
Fuck that mean?
"See, I'm a boss. Just give me money
'cause I get shit done. I got this.
I don't need to actually know shit.
I just get it from my hustler spirit."
Oh, my gosh, thank you so much
for your San Francisco State dropout advice, okay?
It has worked out so well for your uneventful-ass life
following my fuckin' brother around.
You're up here, babe. You're up here.
Are those my shoes?
We are at a bit of a crossroads here
because, on the one hand,
you did tell her she could borrow your shit.
Yeah, I'm wearing your ugly-ass shoes.
You know what?
I cannot believe I let you make me doubt myself.
[Trish] Okay, I was doing fuckin' great
until you came around with that basic boring bitch energy
this morning, damn.
Did you steal my shoes from my room?
Take them off!
If everything could just stop escalating,
and we can just bring it all the way down--okay.
See, that's why you got everything fucked up, Ashley.
That's Miles' room.
You don't even fuckin' live here.
-Off, take them the fuck off! -You know what?
Fine, take your fuckin' basic ass shoes!
[Miles] Oh.
This bitch. Fuckin' beat your...
Okay, what's up, Ashley?
Beat that ass a long time ago.
Ashley, what you really--
[dramatic jazz music]
♪ ♪
Mommy, I'm drunk!
Damn--ah!
[Janelle clears throats]
Uh, we was just dropping off Sean.
Grandma hit Auntie Trish?
No, no, no. She spanked her in the face.
It is a spanking of the face.
You get spanked if you don't act right.
Oh, baby. You're sorry?
Did Dad say I'm getting spanked in the face?
Don't worry about him. Worry about me, okay?
Now ask Tía Trish if that hurt. Did it hurt?
Tía, are you hurt?
Hell yeah, lil' man. It hurt.
My whole face hurt. I lost, like, eight teeth.
[Ashley] Okay, and she didn't even kick anyone.
You just used up your last warning.
Got it? No kicking Mom or Trish ever.
[Rainey] Or grandma.
Mom, you have fangs like Dad now!
Yes, I do.
Ooh, little man, you better thank the stars, okay?
You just got off easy. Now you see that?
[whispers] She keeping her eye on you.
Am I on probation?
Yep, join the club. I'll trade you.
♪ ♪
[birds chirping, dog barks distantly]
[somber jazz music]
♪ ♪
[intense music]
♪ ♪