She did what?
You will not believe what's going on
with my crazy-ass family.
Okay, so our house got raided, and I got locked up.
My girl, Ashley, and my son, Sean,
had to move in with my mom and my crazy-ass sister
over on 14th, right?
Problem is, my little sister and Ashley
haven't exactly been getting along lately,
and apparently, they got into it
over some shit she won't tell me about.
Then the whole night ends with Moms catching Ash
masturbating on the couch
with her Chekhov's Fun vibrator. [laughs]
So for now, we're deciding not to tell Sean where I am.
I'll be out in a month anyway, and we can get back to normal.
[indistinct rapid speech]
Welcome back to the ordeal.
In a house of the legally ordained
to deal us our dissent under the Oakland seal.
I know something I'm not allowed to feel.
I hold on to him like it ain't real.
I'm out on a whim with these two.
We're like three blind mice hoping for appeal.
And there ain't no plea deal, he already pled guilty,
so we're here to learn the time until free.
-And me? -[gavel bangs]
Okay, this is docket number 45084.
Miles Turner, you have been charged with possession
of MDMA with intent to distribute over county lines
and resisting arrest as per California penal code
section 148a.
A plea of "no contest" has been entered.
Everyone is about to go into shock,
and I have to try to not.
Bracing against the clock, knowing full well
this crooked system is still crooked to the poor
and brown, and he got half that down
being from our block!
-This is on for sentencing. -[sighs]
Now we wait for the number.
His number, the countdown,
the time I am bound around, the hope we hound,
the sliver of the light in the tunnel of the town,
and repeat and repeatedly asked until found,
"When will he be out? Be out?
Will he be out? Be out, be out?"
You will serve a period of 58 months
in San Quentin State Penitentiary
followed by one year of house arrest probation.
-Wait, what? -Five years?
-Hold on, what?
What?
[indistinct shouting]
[Rory] Yeah, well, I hope not too soon!
Hey!
What'd I tell ya? What'd I tell ya?
Not to worry.
[wom So I guess those letters of rec really helped.
[Rory] Oh, you think?
So we had his UC Berkeley professors
and a Judge family friend send letters of recommendation.
Slam dunk! I told you.
He's got nothing to worry about.
No time, no permanent record.
Slap on the wrist.
Thanks again, Rory.
-No worries. -Really.
Why don't you go check into the hotel
and we'll grab dinner later in celebration?
I can't wait! [chuckles]
See you. See you there.
-[laughing] All right. -Bye.
-That was too easy. -[laughs]
Mommy, I have to go to work.
I'll see you tonight.
[breathing heavily]
I can call, um--
I can call--there are people I can call
-for better options. -Rainey--
There are hundreds of better ways to handle this.
It's drugs!
I mean, it's MDMA pills, for God's sake.
For opioids, he'd be in rehab.
Fuck! Oh, fuck.
I should've tried to refinance the house
-for a lawyer. -Okay, let's just try--
That way, we could've had a fighting chance in there.
We've gotta set up your room upstairs.
I don't know, the mattress, it might be a little tight.
-Okay, Rainey, breathe. -But maybe we get a newer
-bendier one? -Rainey, breathe.
-You're spinning. -I don't know.
Oh, God, stop. One second.
[breathing heavily]
[moans]
[vocalizing]
-What's happening? -[sighs]
It's mind-body vocalizations.
Breath comes in, voice comes out.
It helps calm the nervous system.
You should be doing it.
[inhales]
Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay,
ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.
Okay. Can-can we stop?
What do you care? Nobody's looking at us.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
-Aah! -[dogs barking]
Ah, ah. [coughs]
[groans]
Oh, God. How are we gonna tell Sean?
[sighs]
We are not telling Sean.
-What? -Miles told Sean
that prison was hell to scare him.
We cannot tell him that his dad got sent to hell
for five years. He's six!
No, he's not a particularly religious little kid.
He may not know how bad "hell" is supposed to be.
Maybe we can rebrand hell a little bit.
-What? -Tell him that that one friend,
that kid, um--with the green--
-Uh, Ricky? -Give me a second.
-Uh, Daniel? -No, you know who I mean.
-Serg? -Give me a second!
Yes, Ricky. Sherita's kid.
Okay, yeah.
"Sean, um, by the way, you'll be happy to know
"that on the first day of prison hell school...
-No. -"Your dad will have friends
to sit and have lunch with!" [chuckles]
Fuck!
No, no, no. We will tell our son
on our own time.
When?
Look, just tell her we will tell Sean
when we have a plan.
What the fuck?
When?
Um...
-When? -Uh, I--
I don't know. I have to go to work.
Ashley!
My son just got sentenced to five years in prison.
[sighs]
Your fiancé was just sentenced
to five years in prison!
Take a fucking day off or something!
It's okay to let it out.
I have nothing to let out!
Are-are you okay getting home by yourself?
I can get home. I want us to figure out
what we're gonna do about Sean.
I will talk to Sean!
[soft piano music]
♪ ♪
[elevator bell dings]
[sniffs]
[sighs]
[phone ringing]
[British accent] Alcatraz Hotel concierge desk,
how may I be of assistance?
Oh, sorry. I was trying to reach Ashley.
I thought she was working this shift.
Janelle? It's me, I'm sorry.
-Is everything okay? -Bitch, no.
Five years?
Sean. Eat those carrots.
Shh! You didn't tell him, did you?
Oh, girl, no, no, no, no. Of course not.
Ash, I am shocked. Like, what the fuck?
Like, I know he be getting into some shit, but five years?
He didn't-- uh--
I can't do this right now, Janelle.
I'm at work. I need to not be doing this.
Okay.
Um...
well, uh--
I was trying to do Sean's charts and his house,
but I don't know--you know,
I don't have all the necessary info.
I need to know exactly--
-Hey. -[gasps]
Je-jeez! What the fuck, bruh!
Wha-what?
If I give the kid five dollars, can he go
across the street for me and grab my burrito?
-What? -I got my parole officer
to agree to let my house arrest go
from corner to corner because of the liquor store
and the church.
I think he just felt bad for me
'cause I went up for a weed charge in a world
where, you know, niggas is makin' millions.
I mean, not literal niggas.
-[sighs] -From 6:00 a.m. to 11:00 p.m.,
I can go as far as the corner without calling.
-Mm-hmm. -You feel me?
But I can't cross the street.
Okay?
So can he go?
No. No, he cannot.
No. No, he cannot!
-Is that, like, a-- -Bye, nigga.
Girl, I swear,
this living arrangement is gonna have to be finessed.
-Shoot, I can't-- -All right.
So look, you're a big dog.
What was I talking about?
Oh, yes, yes.
I need to know the exact moment
Sean was born, okay?
Like, I know that he was born around 7:00 a.m.
because I was there, but I need to know, like,
when he crowned.
[sighs]
He was born 7:17.
And would you say that Sean leads with bravery,
curiosity, love--
What do I get if I go?
I'ma give you ten, okay?
The burrito is five, and you get to keep the other five.
-You know math, right? -Nah.
Doesn't really matter if you, like, knowknow.
Just when he give you that--
Are you fucking kidding me?
-He knows karate! -Shh!
He's like the Avatar. Like the little Black Avatar.
[Janelle] Um, anyway, I used to laugh at this shit.
But when I was in Bangkok, I met this Turkish woman, right?
And she read my palm.
And when I tell you, Ash,
that shit was so spot-on, so--
[bell dings]
[British accent] Oh, um, thank you so much, ma'am,
and please don't hesitate to call with any queries.
Hello?
Hi.
Uh--
[chuckles]
Uh, good afternoon, sir.
Welcome to the historic Alcatraz Hotel.
How can I assist you?
I love your accent.
Do you have the right time?
I forgot to reset my watch when I got off the plane and--
oh! [laughs]
Look at those! [chuckles]
I didn't even see those up there.
I guess I just needed an excuse to come talk to you.
So now can I ask you a personal question?
"Rose"?
[British accent] Of course.
My beautiful wife, back there, and I have been married
for nine years.
She sent me up here to talk to you.
She really likes it when--well...
she gets off when I'm with other people.
Anyway, she's going drinking tonight with some friends.
She's gonna be out pretty late.
I was wondering if you might wanna come up to my room,
have some fun?
Maybe 8:30?
What is happening right now?
This the kind of shit you gotta deal with at work, babe?
Now, I'd be happy to follow your lead
on, you know, whatever you're into.
We order up some champagne,
anything you want on the menu,
and then, maybe...
get a little rough.
-[laughs] -"Get rough"?
You know what would be really great, too?
Is if you could leave your...
"something" for her to find.
Panties, maybe--oh, my God.
Panties would be amazing! [chuckles]
Actually, anything really with your scent on it would work.
She would love it.
Oh, this motherfucker's a pervert.
Uh-uh. Nah.
I'm not giving you my scent.
You can't have her scent, bruh!
-No? -No!
-No? -Mm-mm.
No!
Okay.
-[Miles] What's happening now? -If you change your mind--
Oh, don't--don't do that.
-Don't put that down. -1206.
Oh, he did it. He put it down.
8:30-ish.
[Miles] Bye!
God. What the fuck was that?
What the fuck?
[distorted slow-motion]
That was fu-- that was fucking weird.
I mean--
[funky music playing]
♪ Feel like it's over ♪
[music continues over stereo]
♪ ♪
Anything I can help you with, ma'am?
Oh.
Hi.
Yes, actually.
I'm looking for a children's book.
Oh, we have a great children's section.
Do you have a specific book in mind,
or a particular age group?
He's six.
Um...
you don't have a book to explain to children
what it's like in jail, do you?
Oh, yeah. Absolutely.
Not all in stock.
But there's Visiting Daddy, that's a classic.
The Night Dad Went To Jail,
When Dad Was Away,
What's Jail Mommy?,
Prison Alphabet, that one's a coloring book.
And then Missing Daddy.
That's just what we have in the store.
But I could order Let's Talk About Your Dad In Jail,
Far Apart, Close In Heart,
Waiting For Daddy, and Another New Dadless Year.
I wouldn't recommend the last one.
Okay.
Do you have any specifically for white dads
with Black sons? I have a Black grandson.
Oh, huh.
The Night Dad Went To Jail is drawn with rabbits, so--
Ooh, are the rabbits black?
Can I see that coloring book?
I think I might be able to do something with that.
It's really mostly letters.
Honestly, go with the rabbits.
Okay. I'm getting the rabbits.
Okay.
You guys do balloons?
Mm-hmm.
I'm just going through it today, y'all.
Yeah.
And...
...the way this world treats people
and discards people...
like we're nothing,
tearing families apa--
Top of the evenin', govna'!
-Top of the evenin', darlin'! -[chuckles]
[chuckles] Got a fag?
Anything for you, my sweet crumpet.
-[chuckles] -Mm.
Your accent's shit, by the way.
You seem stressed today.
Mm.
A lot is happening.
[chuckles]
Oh, just so I, uh, mention it to a manager,
the couple that checked in when I first got here?
The husband asked me to fuck him in their suite
so his wife could smell me when she got back.
[laughs] Hmm.
I don't seem to have that on my "rich asshole" bingo board.
So who is he?
Anyone interesting?
An expensive lawyer.
Gets rich people off for the shit
the rest of us go to jail for.
[chuckles] That's how it works.
Rich people get away with crime,
poor people go away for crime,
and the lawyers get rich.
And they use the money that they make
protecting the real criminals
to stay in this fucking giant new
plantation-looking-ass hotel
that reminds them of good old America.
Mm.
And then he wants to literally fuck me too!
Like I'm an amenity!
And then, he wanna fuck you too.
Like, you know what? Men make me sick.
-Mm-hmm. -He think just 'cause he got
a little bit of coin, he can come up here
slinging pipe for a dollar.
This is a hotel, sir.
Pussy don't come with your room, okay?
I don't know who he think he is.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
-Hey. -♪ They take the money ♪
[British accent] Mrs. McElveen,
I feel like you should know that
-your husband just-- -Hey.
You seem cool. Um, do you know
where I could get some party favors?
Uh--
what now?
Oh, um--
cocaine?
Um, I don't know,
you look like you might know a guy.
Or girl.
Mm, so what do you mean, "I look like"?
Aw, calm down.
It's just a question.
Just say no. [giggles]
Okay, so I'm not going to find drugs
for a woman who thinks that the Black girl at the desk
must know where they are.
Okay.
Um, don't go there. [laughs]
I'm not fucking racist.
Okay, Jackie Brown?
-[laughs] -Scotty?
Yes?
Why is he--
Oh, you're snitching!
-[chuckles] -You're snitching!
Oh, I thought snitches got stitches.
Oh, oh, ma'am?
You know, your car is here, actually.
So I'm gonna go ahead and escort you out.
Oh! [laughs]
-No! -Oh?
-Don't touch me. -Oh?
You just assaulted me,
and she is assaulting me with words.
You know what? I need to speak
to a manager right now.
I am the manager.
Then, I need to see whosever above you, okay?
That position does not exist, ma'am.
-It's just me here. -Oh, it does not?
Let me tell you, I'm staying in the Presidential Suite, okay?
And I poured enough money into this dump.
So I don't need to be condescended to
by a nobody whose whole job is to just pop up
and answer when I ding the bell.
-Right? -[bell dings]
-Whoa! -You'll just pop up
and do your fucking job when I ding the bell.
Ma'am, we do not need you to be dinging the bell in the lobby--
-See? -Miss--ma'am, miss ma'am?
[bell dinging]
[Sarah] That's you!
[bell dinging]
Know your fucking place.
[Scotty] Please, have a little decorum.
You are disturbing the other guests, Mrs. McElveen.
[Sarah] Oh, am I? Am I disturbing you?
No the-the other guests.
She does not get to talk to you like that.
[tense music]
♪ ♪
Watch the desk.
-[button chimes] -[elevator dings]
[button chiming]
[elevator dings]
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
♪ This place is crowded ♪
♪ Don't know 'bout you ♪
♪ I need some sex ♪
♪ Some sex with you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're on my mind ♪
♪ I can feel your sweat ♪
♪ Your body's wet ♪
♪ And I need some help ♪
♪ Girl, you know What we need to do ♪
♪ Girl, let's take a walk Outside ♪
♪ Walk outside ♪
♪ Let's take a walk outside ♪
♪ Walk outside ♪
♪ Let's take a walk outside ♪
♪ Walk outside ♪
♪ I'm ready to go... ♪
[music continues quietly]
♪ ♪
[door lock beeps]
[zipper buzzes]
[dial tone drones]
I hate the rich.
[grunts]
Paid up, hacked the system like a data glitch,
razor slit on the layman's wrist!
And here come the high end legal defense,
while we sit and rot, they rest and reset,
recoup whatever they invest, and debt proof
bag the loot and live recess!
And I'm on the stoop splittin' thin checks,
house a big mess, payin' thick rent
and breakin' my neck to appease some trust fund princess?
Why y'all get to live so free?
Why shit only happen to me?
No! No!
You pay checks to a rental!
You fix some shit you didn't break!
You pay for other niggas mistakes!
You tell your son why his daddy went upstate!
[automated voice] Sorry. We're sorry...
You have money disappear from the bank!
And you explain to your family why your shit stank!
Why the shit breaks!
Why some shit breaks!
[sobs]
[sobbing]
[gasping]
[phone disconnect beeping]
[phone ringing]
Hello, thank you for calling the historic Alcatraz Hotel.
This is Scotty speaking. How may I assist you?
Hey, Scotty. I went to check
on the noise complaint in 1206.
Looks like they got drunk and caused some property damage.
Ah, the McElveens.
[chuckles nervously]
Oh, that is terrible.
Well, that will not be comped.
Yeah. Tragic.
Can you send someone up to make a report?
I'll notify housekeeping.
[Scotty] You got it, babe.
Thanks.
Demarius?
[soft music]
♪ ♪
[Janelle] Shoot, this little man is so special.
And y'all just a whole family of Fire signs.
Which actually tracks, because he got an impassioned way
about him for sure. [chuckles]
Oh, girl, and his chart?
Ash, it is wild.
It's, like, his house is in Gryffindor,
but his moon is Slytherin.
Ooh. Slytherindor?
[Janelle] Yeah. It's like nothing I ever seen.
-Thanks for watching him. -Mm-hmm.
Sorry, I thought your mom was gonna do it.
Ash, are you serious? I don't mind.
I know I haven't really been around that much,
but Smash, I want you to know, I love this little boy.
And I will do anything I can to protect his little spirit
in this house.
[Nancy] I beat the pussy up.
-Up, up. -Oh, my God.
Up, up. Up, up.
-I beat the pu--up! -No, Mom.
-Up, up. -Mom, Mom.
-Up, up. -Can you not, okay?
No, y'all, Luka's was lit tonight.
Marty couldn't hang. I sent his ass on home.
[both chuckling]
Hey, Nancy.
Ashley.
Come on. You had a messed-up-ass day.
There's several pints of Haagen-Dazs
in my secret fridge in the garage.
Let's go get into it.
Mommy, can I have pints of Haagen-Dazs with Mama Nancy?
Yeah, come on.
Uh, it's a little late. You know?
It's sorbet.
Don't tell him he just eatin' fruit.
Uh, I mean, it's not fruit--
you know what? Go ahead.
-Yeah. -Yes!
[chuckles]
Oh. [chuckles]
Listen, I know we really haven't had a chance
to catch up, and you-
you haven't even told me why you came back here!
Like, why now?
Ooh, girl, no. [laughs]
There's no short answer for that, trust.
Besides, today's really about what you need.
I mean, how do you f--
do you want to talk about it now, or--
No, I don't.
I mean, he's spending five years in fucking Quentin?
-I-I know. -Shit.
-Oh! -I just did a year in Quentin.
-What the fu-- -Who got that time?
This nigga. Listen.
Listen to me, Earl.
When you enter a room, just common courtesy,
I need you to, like, make some fucking noise, okay?
You can stomp your feet, you can clap your hands,
you can do the hokey-pokey, I don't give a fuck.
But I need you to say something!
Okay, all right!
I keep forgetting you here!
-Shit! -[Earl] My bad.
It's just very specific and relatable
as an experience.
Mm-hmm.
I'm Earl, by the way.
We didn't get a chance for a formal introduction yet,
but I'm renting the spare room from Nancy.
And I'm not a creep.
-Okay. -You are.
-[Ashley] Oh. -It's okay.
I'm from here. I mean, I'm not, like--
like, I'm not from the west, but I'm from the east,
but, like, I'm from the town.
You feel me?
Anyway.
Hello.
[chuckles]
Uh, are you a lassoing cowboy?
-[laughs] -Or a tied up horse?
Oh. [chuckles]
I'm a-I'm a tied up horse, for sure.
[chuckles] I be plugging in
my ankle monitor,
so that I can get from corner to corner
without worrying about the battery.
Okay, well, don't use my son as your burrito mule, okay?
Oh, okay. Noted.
Cool.
Well, nice-nice to meet you.
I'ma just--
Bye.
-Wow. -Bitch.
He's cute, though.
But look, Ash. On the real, though.
You already know how fucked up this system is, okay?
Now, they always say the max in court,
but there's no fucking way he does five whole years.
Right. [laughs]
Right. Shit.
Um...
can you help me with the groceries?
-Oh, yeah. -I just gotta get
-this boy to bed. -Okay, I got you.
Sean! Let's go!
-Thank you, girl. -Yeah.
Oh, well, bitch, you ain't gonna grab--okay.
I'm the slave tonight, huh?
-All right, well. -No.
-It's okay. -Okay.
-There we go. -Great.
Okay.
Every time I go on Pottermore,
they sort me into Ravenclaw,
but I know deep down inside, I'm a Gryffindor.
-How you know that? -'Cause I'm loyal.
[laughter]
"I'm loyal." Okay.
Hey, 'Nelle.
Hey, baby girl.
You okay?
Ha! No, but...
you clearly are, though.
You look great, Ash.
Gotta admire how she take no days off.
[door slams]
-[scoffs] -Fucking ice queen, yo.
Man.
Were we that mean?
Yeah, bitch. We was.
Here you go.
Good luck to ya. Bye, baby boy.
-Bye. -Love you.
-Good night. -Night.
Yo, I'm gonna need all the luck I can get.
Hey, tough guy. Welcome home.
Is that book for me?
It is. You know what?
We're gonna make a special time--
What's it called?
Okay.
Let's jump in.
It's called The Night Dad Went to Ja--
To Montana!
Told him all about it.
Wait, Dad's in the book?
Uh, no, no, no, no.
This one is about someone else's dad.
Isn't it, Rainey?
About someone else's dad?
Sure.
Hey.
[laughs]
Thought maybe something from your old place
would make this feel more like home.
The girls brought it up the stairs for me.
It turns out, pole dancers have really impressive
upper body strength.
Fort time!
[laughs]
No, no, no, buddy.
You go upstairs. You gotta brush your teeth.
[Sean groans]
-[sighs] -[Rainey] So I made some calls.
Looks like we can't do any kind of appeal
because he pled guilty.
I'm gonna keep trying.
So let's move your bed up to the room?
Are you staying?
Oh, uh, we're not--
I'm gonna figure it out.
Um...
thank you for doing this, though.
We fucking love this couch.
You guys picked out a great couch.
I mean, you have a six-year-old, and it's yellow.
So you definitely chose the wrong color.
It's a cool color.
Very cool.
What's with the balloons?
Aren't they festive?
You got balloons shaped like Africa for us?
Is that weird?
[chuckles]
Honestly, I-I'm not sure.
[soft music]
♪ ♪
It's been a rough day.
[whispering] Yeah.
[soft music]
♪ ♪