1
00:00:06,458 --> 00:00:10,416
[ecstatic moaning, groaning]
2
00:00:10,500 --> 00:00:13,416
This is so great!
The Fuck Room is at capacity.
3
00:00:13,500 --> 00:00:17,708
Oh! Hey! Is one of you in my ass
and, like, snapping your fingers?
4
00:00:17,791 --> 00:00:20,166
Oh, that was me, love. Should I stop?
5
00:00:20,250 --> 00:00:22,791
Not unless
you wanna lose the fingers, baby.
6
00:00:22,875 --> 00:00:24,041
- [growls]
- [phone rings]
7
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:27,833
Hi, Aunt Joanne. No, no, I'm not working.
No, now's a great time.
8
00:00:27,916 --> 00:00:29,875
How's your foot?
Is it... Is it still infected?
9
00:00:29,958 --> 00:00:33,208
Ooh! Some of these new comic strips
they got are too sexy.
10
00:00:33,291 --> 00:00:36,250
Tell me about it. I don't care
if that's how cavemen really dressed.
11
00:00:36,333 --> 00:00:38,291
I don't need to see it
while drinking my coffee.
12
00:00:38,375 --> 00:00:40,541
What the fuck are you lazy zeroes doing?
13
00:00:40,625 --> 00:00:43,208
Pumping and dumping
all our icky sticky, baby.
14
00:00:43,291 --> 00:00:46,791
Oh, how nice.
But that's not your fucking job!
15
00:00:46,875 --> 00:00:50,958
Your job is to make sure
your clients dump their icky sticky!
16
00:00:51,041 --> 00:00:53,291
Jeez, Gavin, what's up your ass?
17
00:00:53,375 --> 00:00:55,625
Our division's orgasm numbers
just came in,
18
00:00:55,708 --> 00:00:58,125
and Corporate is fucking pissed.
19
00:00:58,208 --> 00:00:59,041
[monsters groan]
20
00:00:59,125 --> 00:01:01,708
Our humans should live
by three little letters,
21
00:01:01,791 --> 00:01:06,250
A, B, C.
A, "Always." B, "Be." C, "Creaming."
22
00:01:06,333 --> 00:01:07,476
- [Mona] Mm-hmm.
- [Joe] Okay.
23
00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:09,333
These are the current jizz standings.
24
00:01:09,416 --> 00:01:12,166
- Some of you are doing the work.
- Fuck yeah! Number one!
25
00:01:12,250 --> 00:01:16,583
- And some of you are dead fucking weight!
- Hey! It's not our fault we're last place!
26
00:01:16,666 --> 00:01:20,625
- Steve Winwood had another prostate scare.
- You see? We're stuck with dud clients.
27
00:01:20,708 --> 00:01:23,500
Corporate doesn't want excuses,
just results.
28
00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:26,333
So they're adding a twist
to this month's Cream-A-Thon.
29
00:01:26,416 --> 00:01:28,666
Oh! Does pee-pee finally count?
30
00:01:28,750 --> 00:01:30,416
Pee-pee never counts!
31
00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:33,541
You all have one month
to get your clients' numbers up.
32
00:01:33,625 --> 00:01:36,541
First prize is a trip to Anal Island.
33
00:01:36,625 --> 00:01:38,166
[monsters] Anal Island!
34
00:01:38,250 --> 00:01:43,166
Second place gets to have sex
with my motorcycle while I watch.
35
00:01:43,250 --> 00:01:46,250
- Oh! That's a good prize.
- And last place, you're fired.
36
00:01:46,333 --> 00:01:50,541
I can't get fired! I've been pouring
money into Sharon's singing career.
37
00:01:50,625 --> 00:01:54,666
- What? Why?
- Because, Joe, she needs a demo.
38
00:01:54,750 --> 00:01:59,166
How's she supposed to get a manager
without a demo? Think with your brain.
39
00:01:59,250 --> 00:02:03,041
- ["Make Me Feel" by Janelle Monáe plays]
- ♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪
40
00:02:03,125 --> 00:02:07,166
♪ That's just the way you make me feel
That's just the way you make me feel ♪
41
00:02:07,250 --> 00:02:11,500
♪ So real, so good, so fuckin' real
So real, so good, so fuckin' real ♪
42
00:02:11,583 --> 00:02:15,625
♪ That's just the way you make me feel
That's just the way you make me feel ♪
43
00:02:15,708 --> 00:02:19,958
♪ It's like I'm powerful
With a little bit of tender ♪
44
00:02:20,041 --> 00:02:24,375
♪ An emotional, sexual bender ♪
45
00:02:24,875 --> 00:02:29,000
♪ Mess me up, yeah
But no one does it better ♪
46
00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:31,041
♪ There's nothin' better ♪
47
00:02:31,125 --> 00:02:33,375
♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪
48
00:02:34,625 --> 00:02:35,833
[birds chirping]
49
00:02:35,916 --> 00:02:37,125
[yawns]
50
00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:41,791
"Trident Condoms, for triple dicks."
[giggles]
51
00:02:41,875 --> 00:02:43,750
Yeah, baby.
52
00:02:43,833 --> 00:02:45,583
Hey, Dante?
53
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:48,083
Were you, uh, trying to sneak out?
[giggles]
54
00:02:48,166 --> 00:02:50,750
[chuckles] Oh, no, no, no.
I just didn't want to disturb you.
55
00:02:50,833 --> 00:02:53,958
- You just looked so peaceful.
- Aww, that's so sweet.
56
00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:55,291
Because, you know, sometimes,
57
00:02:55,375 --> 00:02:58,666
I hiccup-burp in my sleep,
and it used to be so bad
58
00:02:58,750 --> 00:03:02,250
my retainer would shoot out of my mouth
like a champagne cork. [laughs]
59
00:03:02,333 --> 00:03:04,333
- There is no one like you, Emmy.
- Really?
60
00:03:04,416 --> 00:03:06,041
This is such a fucking turn-on.
61
00:03:06,125 --> 00:03:07,125
[gasps]
62
00:03:07,208 --> 00:03:09,833
Which is why it fucking sucks
that we can't do this anymore.
63
00:03:09,916 --> 00:03:12,625
What? Are you breaking up with me?
64
00:03:12,708 --> 00:03:14,375
- No.
- [sighs] Phew. Okay.
65
00:03:14,458 --> 00:03:16,708
Yeah, because we were
never technically together, right?
66
00:03:16,791 --> 00:03:19,125
- What?
- You deserve so much more
67
00:03:19,208 --> 00:03:20,408
than I can give you right now.
68
00:03:20,458 --> 00:03:22,000
Can you be more specific?
69
00:03:22,083 --> 00:03:24,041
- Well, no, actually.
- Oh.
70
00:03:24,125 --> 00:03:26,791
- It... It's personal.
- Sorry, my bad. [moans]
71
00:03:26,875 --> 00:03:28,041
[uplifting music plays]
72
00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:30,375
Oh, that tasty dust.
73
00:03:30,458 --> 00:03:31,875
- See you around, Em.
- Huh? What?
74
00:03:31,958 --> 00:03:33,583
Oh, by the way, you're out of eggs.
75
00:03:33,666 --> 00:03:35,291
- And O.J. And bacon.
- Oh.
76
00:03:35,375 --> 00:03:37,250
I made myself
this beautiful little breakfast.
77
00:03:37,333 --> 00:03:39,625
- It was just... Mmm, mwah. Kisses.
- [door slams]
78
00:03:39,708 --> 00:03:40,708
[groans]
79
00:03:40,791 --> 00:03:42,791
- [whimsical music plays]
- Aren't you sweet,
80
00:03:42,875 --> 00:03:44,083
taking this all serious.
81
00:03:44,166 --> 00:03:45,916
Well, Doug asked us not to peek.
82
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:48,208
Okay, you can look now.
83
00:03:48,291 --> 00:03:52,750
[grunts] Welcome to the ultimate
fucking wedding suit.
84
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:55,166
It's, um, a little snug, Doug.
85
00:03:55,250 --> 00:03:58,875
Yeah, my body has for sure changed
since I got this puppy.
86
00:03:58,958 --> 00:04:00,958
It's okay. It's just a few pounds.
87
00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:02,875
Yeah. With a couple healthy choices,
88
00:04:02,958 --> 00:04:05,166
that suit'll fit
in plenty of time for the wedding.
89
00:04:05,250 --> 00:04:08,625
Okay! I am psyched for healthy choices!
90
00:04:08,708 --> 00:04:11,166
Banana. Right? [laughs]
91
00:04:11,250 --> 00:04:13,916
Let me put my suit
back in its special trash bag.
92
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,416
Look at us. On the same page for once.
93
00:04:16,500 --> 00:04:20,958
It is indeed very fun to be on the same
page as you because your page is fun...
94
00:04:21,041 --> 00:04:23,833
- [chuckles] ...what's on it.
- Oh, baby, my whole book is fun.
95
00:04:23,916 --> 00:04:24,833
[chuckles] Yeah.
96
00:04:24,916 --> 00:04:26,875
[Doug] You guys
are being all cute and shit.
97
00:04:26,958 --> 00:04:27,958
Doug, is that candy?
98
00:04:28,041 --> 00:04:30,375
- [Doug munches, sighs]
- It's 8:45 in the morning.
99
00:04:30,458 --> 00:04:33,750
Oh, yeah, sometimes
picking a T-shirt stresses me out.
100
00:04:33,833 --> 00:04:35,750
Because you have so many funny ones.
101
00:04:35,833 --> 00:04:37,208
- [laughs] Yeah.
- I get it.
102
00:04:37,291 --> 00:04:40,250
I keep a tub of Twizzlers
in here as a little reward.
103
00:04:40,333 --> 00:04:44,083
If you want that suit to fit,
maybe let's cut out the closet candy?
104
00:04:44,166 --> 00:04:48,083
- Oh, shit! Yeah, that's a good idea.
- Mm-hm.
105
00:04:48,166 --> 00:04:49,958
What about bathroom bonbons?
106
00:04:50,041 --> 00:04:51,083
Are those allowed?
107
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:55,416
To celebrate a toilet win,
you know, after a good make? Swish!
108
00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:59,333
Oh, Doug. It should never
not be a swish on the toilet.
109
00:04:59,416 --> 00:05:03,291
I know, Mom. I told Aunt Joanne
she needs to ice the foot,
110
00:05:03,375 --> 00:05:04,916
- but the new guy, Richie...
- Come on.
111
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,875
...likes it piping hot,
and she doesn't want to lose another guy.
112
00:05:07,958 --> 00:05:11,125
Gil, are you sure this is a good idea?
If Maury catches us...
113
00:05:11,208 --> 00:05:14,208
What? So he'll be mad. Big whoop.
That's better than being fired, Joe.
114
00:05:14,291 --> 00:05:18,791
Why don't I just ask Steve Winwood
to reactivate his Maxim subscription?
115
00:05:18,875 --> 00:05:21,726
[with accent] He loves lad mags.
[normal] That's not what he sounds like.
116
00:05:21,750 --> 00:05:23,226
- I can't do his accent.
- Get serious!
117
00:05:23,250 --> 00:05:25,916
[gasps] Gil, Gil! Gil, Gil, Gil!
Maury's client binder!
118
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:28,375
Oh my God. My cock is quivering. [laughs]
119
00:05:28,458 --> 00:05:31,791
[Maury] Mom, I know Richie's a deadbeat,
but he seems to make Aunt Joanne happy.
120
00:05:31,875 --> 00:05:35,250
- He's coming back! Just grab one!
- ...eat her out breakfast, lunch and dinner?
121
00:05:35,333 --> 00:05:36,166
- Okay, this one!
- Ooh!
122
00:05:36,250 --> 00:05:38,541
Maury's not gonna miss one random cum cow.
123
00:05:38,625 --> 00:05:41,041
[chuckles] "Cum cow."
That's good. I like that.
124
00:05:41,125 --> 00:05:43,416
If Dante would just tell me
what's wrong with me,
125
00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:46,000
I would change it
and then we could keep fucking.
126
00:05:46,083 --> 00:05:49,666
- What do you think is wrong with me?
- You're obsessed with an asshole.
127
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:53,416
That Addiction Angel, he sucks you in
and then he completely destroys you.
128
00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:55,541
- Mmm... Yeah, he does. [laughs]
- Ugh.
129
00:05:55,625 --> 00:05:57,875
Destroy me, I mean. You know, with sex?
130
00:05:57,958 --> 00:06:01,250
Stop it! This is your chance
to get yourself clean of this scumbag.
131
00:06:01,333 --> 00:06:03,416
- And you can do it.
- You're right. [sighs]
132
00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:06,458
You're right. I can do this.
I'll just quit him cold turkey.
133
00:06:07,041 --> 00:06:09,375
- What the hell are you doing here?
- Hello, ladies.
134
00:06:09,458 --> 00:06:12,125
- [gasps] Mama want Dante dust...
- Emmy!
135
00:06:12,208 --> 00:06:17,083
Whoa! Right. Yes, yes. Peace out.
Psyche. L-O-L. And good... goodbye.
136
00:06:17,625 --> 00:06:20,833
Excuse me, we're having
a Doug meeting. So how about you leave?
137
00:06:20,916 --> 00:06:22,916
Apparently Dante is on the team now?
138
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,375
What? [laughs] No, no, no, no, no.
Doug's not an addict.
139
00:06:25,458 --> 00:06:27,458
Hey. I just go where The Tube tells me,
140
00:06:27,541 --> 00:06:31,083
and The Tube says that Doug
is addicted to something.
141
00:06:31,166 --> 00:06:33,000
- [intriguing music plays]
- Quickly now!
142
00:06:33,083 --> 00:06:37,583
Sneaky piggies don't deserve
to chew their wicked goodies.
143
00:06:37,666 --> 00:06:43,250
- [Donna] Where's that water I asked for?
- Uh... Sorry, babe. Sink's being so weird.
144
00:06:43,333 --> 00:06:44,708
- Really, Doug?
- Pop Tarts?
145
00:06:44,791 --> 00:06:46,041
They're for children!
146
00:06:46,125 --> 00:06:47,708
Oh! Hide the wrappers in your pockets
147
00:06:47,791 --> 00:06:51,708
so no one discovers what a deceitful
little sugar bitch you are.
148
00:06:51,791 --> 00:06:55,916
- Oh, God. I am a little sugar bitch.
- Lionel, get out of here!
149
00:06:56,000 --> 00:07:00,875
Fine, fine. But it's not me
you should be worried about...
150
00:07:00,958 --> 00:07:03,708
You know, I like to stick my Pop-Tarts
in the microwave.
151
00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:06,291
- Whoa! You don't toast them?
- [magical music plays]
152
00:07:06,375 --> 00:07:10,083
Nope. Because I like the frosting
cool to the touch,
153
00:07:10,166 --> 00:07:12,375
but the filling all gooey and warm.
154
00:07:12,458 --> 00:07:14,500
You've got good ideas.
155
00:07:14,583 --> 00:07:17,375
Hey, Doug! Don't listen
to Kangaroo Jack over here.
156
00:07:17,458 --> 00:07:20,750
Yeah. What happened to our plan?
Just four weeks of no sugar, remember?
157
00:07:20,833 --> 00:07:24,791
I tried. But that, like,
made me want sweets even more.
158
00:07:24,875 --> 00:07:27,416
Well, guess this sweetheart
is addicted to sweets.
159
00:07:27,500 --> 00:07:30,184
- It's harmless enough, isn't it?
- Not if it fucks with his wedding.
160
00:07:30,208 --> 00:07:31,583
Hey! We won't let that happen.
161
00:07:31,666 --> 00:07:35,083
[Donna] Doug! Where's the water?
Now the curtains are on fire too!
162
00:07:35,166 --> 00:07:36,916
- [alarm beeping]
- Oh, shit! Coming!
163
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,041
First off,
thanks for sitting down with us.
164
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:40,500
We know you're very busy.
165
00:07:40,583 --> 00:07:42,125
Let's cut to the chase, my friend.
166
00:07:42,208 --> 00:07:44,833
We think you could do better
than Maurice Beverley.
167
00:07:44,916 --> 00:07:47,833
He's a great Hormone Monster,
one of the best. But he's spread too thin.
168
00:07:47,916 --> 00:07:49,833
With us, you'd be the star.
169
00:07:49,916 --> 00:07:53,583
I'm intrigued by having
both of you watch me, yes,
170
00:07:53,666 --> 00:07:55,541
but I've been with Maury a long time.
171
00:07:55,625 --> 00:07:59,125
And he takes you for granted!
He wrote in your file... Look right here.
172
00:07:59,208 --> 00:08:03,750
"Andrew's like AstroTurf, low maintenance,
but unappealing up close."
173
00:08:03,833 --> 00:08:05,291
Huh. Don't love that.
174
00:08:05,375 --> 00:08:08,041
Your file also shows
a lot of Diane Lane movies,
175
00:08:08,125 --> 00:08:10,583
but has Maury never shown you Laura Dern?
176
00:08:10,666 --> 00:08:12,583
- Laura Dern...
- The Dernster.
177
00:08:12,666 --> 00:08:17,250
- Is she elegant and over 45?
- Oh, Andrew. We could have so much fun.
178
00:08:17,333 --> 00:08:20,166
- I don't know, guys.
- Here's a little gift from us, okay?
179
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:22,000
I'm sure Maury
gives you gifts all the time.
180
00:08:22,083 --> 00:08:23,375
Not ever. No, not one time.
181
00:08:23,458 --> 00:08:26,583
But, look, whatever you decide,
this is yours to keep, Andrew.
182
00:08:26,666 --> 00:08:28,958
Or should we say, "King Cum"?
183
00:08:29,041 --> 00:08:34,916
Wow. So, you're saying if I work
with you guys, I'd be the King of Cum?
184
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,500
Oh, Andrew, we think you already are.
185
00:08:37,583 --> 00:08:39,083
Long may you reign.
186
00:08:39,666 --> 00:08:41,333
Gentlemen? Let's do this.
187
00:08:41,416 --> 00:08:43,250
Oh my God. Wonderful news.
188
00:08:43,333 --> 00:08:45,791
- You're making the right decision!
- I feel good about this.
189
00:08:45,875 --> 00:08:49,708
- You should feel great.
- Now, this Laura Dern. Describe her to me.
190
00:08:49,791 --> 00:08:52,583
Oh, yeah, sure. And hey, and we're off.
[chuckles]
191
00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:56,166
She's tall, rangy...
Uh, you might say flaxen-haired?
192
00:08:56,250 --> 00:08:57,875
- Laura Dern! I'm done.
- [chiming]
193
00:08:57,958 --> 00:09:00,833
- Holy moly.
- Joseph, we're on the board.
194
00:09:00,916 --> 00:09:02,083
- Wow.
- Damn, Andrew,
195
00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:03,416
you're making this job easy.
196
00:09:03,500 --> 00:09:06,041
- Do you want me to go again?
- Again?
197
00:09:06,125 --> 00:09:08,791
- You can do that?
- Sure. I can always go again.
198
00:09:08,875 --> 00:09:10,666
Oh, my God! We've hit the jerkpot!
199
00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:13,958
This human soft serve machine is gonna
win us that free trip to Anal Island.
200
00:09:14,041 --> 00:09:17,875
Oh, my God. I've always wanted to go
swimming with the sharts.
201
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:19,958
- [ringing]
- Human Resources, please hold.
202
00:09:20,041 --> 00:09:22,083
Human Resources, I'll connect you.
203
00:09:22,666 --> 00:09:24,708
Hey, Pete. How about, uh, a wet wipe?
204
00:09:24,791 --> 00:09:28,666
Um... Thanks. This actually works very well.
205
00:09:28,750 --> 00:09:30,291
Yep. I always keep some on me
206
00:09:30,375 --> 00:09:31,250
for the bathroom.
207
00:09:31,333 --> 00:09:33,583
[chuckles] Things get pretty crazy
in there on my end.
208
00:09:33,666 --> 00:09:35,833
Uh-huh. Because of what you put
in your body?
209
00:09:35,916 --> 00:09:38,250
Ah, you get it. Oh, by the way,
speaking of you getting it,
210
00:09:38,333 --> 00:09:39,733
I had this idea for Doug's wedding.
211
00:09:39,791 --> 00:09:42,208
Oh, I don't think
you should get involved with the wedding.
212
00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:45,458
It's just a little exercise plan.
Probably stuff you already thought of.
213
00:09:45,541 --> 00:09:46,750
A calorie-counting app?
214
00:09:46,833 --> 00:09:48,291
Interval training? [chuckles]
215
00:09:48,375 --> 00:09:50,708
Wow, these pie charts are beautiful.
216
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,434
- Thanks, man.
- What template did you use?
217
00:09:52,458 --> 00:09:54,833
- Uh, I just made my own.
- Homemade pie charts?
218
00:09:54,916 --> 00:09:56,583
Yeah, I just thought a solid plan
219
00:09:56,666 --> 00:09:59,625
could let our boy Doug
eat sweets and look great.
220
00:09:59,708 --> 00:10:01,625
I mean, the numbers look good here,
221
00:10:01,708 --> 00:10:03,875
but we should
probably run this by Rochelle.
222
00:10:03,958 --> 00:10:06,875
- Totally, totally. Yeah. Uh, unless...
- "Unless" what?
223
00:10:06,958 --> 00:10:09,333
Look, look, look.
You're cool so I can trust you, right?
224
00:10:09,416 --> 00:10:11,291
And... And obviously Rochelle's the best.
225
00:10:11,375 --> 00:10:14,708
But you ever feel like
she maybe doesn't "get logic"?
226
00:10:14,791 --> 00:10:16,625
- She is very emotional.
- [dust jingles]
227
00:10:16,708 --> 00:10:19,375
And dudes like us,
we... we know that deep down,
228
00:10:19,458 --> 00:10:21,541
this world runs on logic.
229
00:10:21,625 --> 00:10:25,166
- Maybe Doug can try intermittent fasting.
- Great idea, buddy.
230
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:26,958
Aw, thanks, buddy.
231
00:10:27,041 --> 00:10:28,791
[chuckling] You're my buddy.
232
00:10:28,875 --> 00:10:31,309
What do you think, Pete?
Should we go see that little sweetie?
233
00:10:31,333 --> 00:10:33,875
Yeah. I'll go wherever you want, sweetie.
234
00:10:33,958 --> 00:10:35,083
[phones ringing]
235
00:10:35,166 --> 00:10:36,000
Oof!
236
00:10:36,083 --> 00:10:37,833
- [dust jingling]
- [grunting hungrily]
237
00:10:37,916 --> 00:10:38,750
Oh-ho!
238
00:10:38,833 --> 00:10:42,541
[chuckles] Emmy, look at you.
You're delightfully pathetic.
239
00:10:42,625 --> 00:10:45,625
[quavering] I know, I need help.
I need to get clean.
240
00:10:45,708 --> 00:10:49,000
Yes, well, I'll help you,
but only if you follow me on TikTok.
241
00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:50,291
You are on TikTok?
242
00:10:50,375 --> 00:10:54,958
Yeah, I invented a dance called
"The Leaky Diaper." I have two likes.
243
00:10:55,541 --> 00:10:58,125
Richie, slow down. I can't understand you.
244
00:10:58,208 --> 00:11:00,125
Your mouth is full of popcorn.
245
00:11:00,208 --> 00:11:01,888
Oh, it's not popcorn, it's my Aunt Joanne?
246
00:11:01,958 --> 00:11:02,958
Oh. Hi, Maury.
247
00:11:03,041 --> 00:11:05,166
Uh, Richie, hold on a sec.
Kid, you... you good?
248
00:11:05,250 --> 00:11:07,000
Just checking.
You're busting tons of nuts?
249
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:09,875
Wait, where did you get
that magnificent basketball jersey?
250
00:11:09,958 --> 00:11:14,041
Wow. Awkward. I'm sorry.
I thought they would have told you.
251
00:11:14,125 --> 00:11:17,208
This was a gift
from my new Hormone Monsters.
252
00:11:17,291 --> 00:11:18,583
"New Hormone Monsters"?
253
00:11:18,666 --> 00:11:20,541
What the fuck are you talking about?
254
00:11:20,625 --> 00:11:24,083
[dramatic entrance music plays]
255
00:11:24,166 --> 00:11:26,166
Ooh... Wow.
256
00:11:30,291 --> 00:11:34,416
Damn. Looks like Gil and Joe
got a bit of a glow-up.
257
00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:35,625
[meows]
258
00:11:35,708 --> 00:11:38,750
I'll say. Wait. Who are Gil and Joe?
259
00:11:40,125 --> 00:11:42,416
- Hey! You rat finks stole my client.
- [music stops]
260
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:45,708
"Stole"? Andrew Glouberman
picked us fair and square.
261
00:11:45,791 --> 00:11:48,500
We got him a present.
When's the last time you got him presents?
262
00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:50,166
My presence is my present.
263
00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:53,375
I've been there for that little fucking
hairy freak for five seasons.
264
00:11:53,458 --> 00:11:54,833
That's the game, Maury.
265
00:11:54,916 --> 00:11:58,041
As long as the kid's power-washing
the inside of his Calvins,
266
00:11:58,125 --> 00:12:00,666
corporate don't give a rat's ass
who's helping him aim the hose.
267
00:12:00,750 --> 00:12:03,375
- Hear that, Maury?
- We keep his Calvins soaked now.
268
00:12:03,458 --> 00:12:04,291
Yeah, that's right.
269
00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:06,166
But Andrew doesn't even wear Calvins.
270
00:12:06,250 --> 00:12:10,208
His Hormone Monster should know
that his mom buys his panties
271
00:12:10,291 --> 00:12:11,666
by the bushel at Costco.
272
00:12:11,750 --> 00:12:13,142
- [pager hums]
- Well, look at that.
273
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:15,416
I guess we'll have to finish
our victory lap later.
274
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:17,291
Andrew's ready to go, go, go.
275
00:12:17,375 --> 00:12:21,166
Again? We just got back.
I mean, his crotch is still pulsing.
276
00:12:21,250 --> 00:12:22,666
- Duty calls, Joe.
- [Maury growls]
277
00:12:22,750 --> 00:12:25,833
[sighs] I'm gonna grab us
a couple of string cheeses for the road.
278
00:12:25,916 --> 00:12:27,666
[Doug grunts]
279
00:12:27,750 --> 00:12:30,333
Yo. Your plan
makes exercise feel like a game.
280
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,125
[laughs] I told you we'd have some fun.
281
00:12:32,208 --> 00:12:35,666
Hey! You think this is what it's like
to have a 30-pound dong?
282
00:12:35,750 --> 00:12:39,375
That weight is actually 14 kilos,
but, yes, if you had a big, heavy penis
283
00:12:39,458 --> 00:12:42,041
and used the power of your legs and glutes
to swing it around,
284
00:12:42,125 --> 00:12:43,916
it would feel just like this. And time!
285
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:47,166
[pants] Follow-up question.
Would my balls be heavier,
286
00:12:47,250 --> 00:12:49,708
and would that mean
I could hold more pee in there?
287
00:12:49,791 --> 00:12:51,708
Uh... Okay, a couple of things...
288
00:12:51,791 --> 00:12:53,791
Doug, what are you doing?
289
00:12:53,875 --> 00:12:55,291
Oh, hey, Rochelle.
290
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:56,750
I'm getting ripped!
291
00:12:56,833 --> 00:12:58,541
[chuckles] Yeah, and it is working, innit?
292
00:12:58,625 --> 00:13:00,125
Yeah. "In-nit"?
293
00:13:00,208 --> 00:13:03,083
Doug, honey, we're supposed to be
writing your vows right now.
294
00:13:03,166 --> 00:13:06,583
Right. I forgot. I just really needed
to bang out this workout.
295
00:13:06,666 --> 00:13:08,416
Yeah. We gotta get him in that suit.
296
00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:10,708
Yeah, and that's what you wanted.
Right, sweetheart?
297
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:14,125
- Don't fucking call me sweetheart.
- Okay. Doug, how about a weigh-in?
298
00:13:14,208 --> 00:13:17,791
- Should I B.M. first?
- I absolutely leave that up to you.
299
00:13:17,875 --> 00:13:21,083
Pete, why are you listening to this creep?
He's gonna ruin everything.
300
00:13:21,166 --> 00:13:23,250
He's not a creep. He's my buddy.
301
00:13:23,333 --> 00:13:27,708
- Oh no! I gained 25 pounds.
- You're still holding the kettlebell.
302
00:13:27,791 --> 00:13:30,541
- Oh, yeah.
- You've actually lost six pounds.
303
00:13:30,625 --> 00:13:32,583
- Yes!
- Wow. So healthy.
304
00:13:32,666 --> 00:13:35,166
See, Rochelle?
Doug's bros have it handled.
305
00:13:35,250 --> 00:13:37,041
- Ugh.
- Hey, give me a bigger weight.
306
00:13:37,125 --> 00:13:38,791
Maybe I'll lose more.
307
00:13:38,875 --> 00:13:39,791
[whimsical music plays]
308
00:13:39,875 --> 00:13:41,083
On the house, Dante.
309
00:13:41,166 --> 00:13:42,666
- Thanks, love.
- These are free?
310
00:13:42,750 --> 00:13:45,291
- Yeah.
- I've never gotten a free drink before.
311
00:13:45,375 --> 00:13:46,208
[both chuckle]
312
00:13:46,291 --> 00:13:47,208
This is so fun.
313
00:13:47,291 --> 00:13:49,375
You know what could
make this night even more fun?
314
00:13:49,458 --> 00:13:50,625
- [rattles]
- If we talk shop.
315
00:13:50,708 --> 00:13:54,500
Yes, please. I love when work
bleeds over into non-work hours.
316
00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:56,958
You know, I was thinking
that this supplement
317
00:13:57,041 --> 00:14:00,083
could really supercharge Doug's workouts.
318
00:14:00,166 --> 00:14:04,125
"Zoom-Zoom Gut Shredder"?
Um... Aren't these basically speed?
319
00:14:04,208 --> 00:14:05,208
No. They're harmless.
320
00:14:05,250 --> 00:14:08,125
It's just like putting
a Ferrari engine in your chest.
321
00:14:08,208 --> 00:14:11,083
Oh. Heh. I don't know.
I'm more of a Volvo kind of guy.
322
00:14:11,166 --> 00:14:14,583
Now, see, I don't think that's true.
I think there's a Ferrari in there
323
00:14:14,666 --> 00:14:17,250
- and a Lamborghini in your weenie.
- Really?
324
00:14:17,333 --> 00:14:21,208
Five hundred horsepower of cool dude
just waiting to be let out of the garage.
325
00:14:21,291 --> 00:14:22,583
All you need are the keys.
326
00:14:22,666 --> 00:14:24,625
And, looky, looky.
[clicks tongue] I got 'em.
327
00:14:24,708 --> 00:14:26,375
Alright. Give me the keys.
328
00:14:26,458 --> 00:14:28,333
I want to swallow the keys.
329
00:14:28,416 --> 00:14:30,500
- [gulps]
- Yeah, there you go. Down the hatch.
330
00:14:30,583 --> 00:14:32,708
- Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
- [Dante laughs]
331
00:14:32,791 --> 00:14:35,511
- Okay, what do we do now?
- You ever thought about getting a tattoo?
332
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:38,125
Oh, it's all I've been thinking about
since I took that pill.
333
00:14:38,208 --> 00:14:39,875
- Where should we put it?
- [laughs]
334
00:14:39,958 --> 00:14:41,958
[groans] Pete is acting crazy.
335
00:14:42,041 --> 00:14:43,291
We had a real thing going,
336
00:14:43,375 --> 00:14:45,500
but now this asshole's
got him under his spell.
337
00:14:45,583 --> 00:14:47,291
Addiction Angels do that.
338
00:14:47,375 --> 00:14:50,333
They make you feel like
you're the only person in the world.
339
00:14:50,416 --> 00:14:53,000
That's how Dante got Emmy
wrapped around his finger too.
340
00:14:53,083 --> 00:14:56,500
Well, it might not be his finger
she's wrapped around. [chuckles]
341
00:14:56,583 --> 00:14:58,791
I hear he's got a triple dick.
342
00:14:58,875 --> 00:15:00,958
A triple dick? Is it like a cactus?
343
00:15:01,041 --> 00:15:03,250
Wait. All three don't work at once, right?
They can't.
344
00:15:03,333 --> 00:15:05,833
Oh, they can and they do.
345
00:15:05,916 --> 00:15:09,583
I can draw you a picture if you've got
a full set of colored pencils.
346
00:15:09,666 --> 00:15:11,041
Ugh. You disgust me.
347
00:15:11,125 --> 00:15:13,083
Ooh, I really get under your shell,
don't I?
348
00:15:13,166 --> 00:15:14,583
Boy, don't flatter yourself.
349
00:15:14,666 --> 00:15:17,875
Your little mind games
may work on Pete, but not on me.
350
00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:21,750
Sonya, Rochelle.
Look at the awesome tattoo Dante gave me.
351
00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:24,833
- It's right on the crest of my pubis.
- [Sonya] "Live más"?
352
00:15:24,916 --> 00:15:26,458
[Pete] Yup, it means "Live more."
353
00:15:26,541 --> 00:15:29,166
Jesus, Pete. That's the Taco Bell slogan.
354
00:15:29,250 --> 00:15:34,041
Even better. They are the third most
popular dining brand in America.
355
00:15:34,125 --> 00:15:36,250
Watch your back, Chick-fil-A.
356
00:15:36,333 --> 00:15:39,291
[ecstatic moaning, groaning]
357
00:15:39,375 --> 00:15:40,208
[chiming]
358
00:15:40,291 --> 00:15:42,625
Jesus. Three in a row. [exhales sharply]
359
00:15:42,708 --> 00:15:45,166
Great work, Andrew.
That... That it for tonight, then?
360
00:15:45,250 --> 00:15:46,291
'Cause we might head out.
361
00:15:46,375 --> 00:15:48,708
Actually, I just got a few flashes
362
00:15:48,791 --> 00:15:51,208
- from an old Toyotathon commercial.
- Sure.
363
00:15:51,291 --> 00:15:54,208
I think the Toyota lady
is in a red sweater
364
00:15:54,291 --> 00:15:56,041
and she's playing a trombone off-key
365
00:15:56,125 --> 00:15:59,416
right in some new mom's face.
You guys remember anything like that?
366
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:03,625
No. You... You got it. Is our focus
the Toyota lady or the new mom?
367
00:16:03,708 --> 00:16:05,583
Must it be one or the other?
368
00:16:05,666 --> 00:16:08,541
Oh, God. I... I'm sorry,
but I cannot handle this, Gil.
369
00:16:08,625 --> 00:16:10,708
Fine! Let's just focus...
[hesitates] ...on the mom!
370
00:16:10,791 --> 00:16:12,833
[wailing] No, I can't handle Andrew.
371
00:16:12,916 --> 00:16:15,375
I haven't gotten a good night's sleep
in a week.
372
00:16:15,458 --> 00:16:19,958
This kid's mind is a dumpster of slime,
and we're his fucking garbage men, Gil.
373
00:16:20,041 --> 00:16:22,750
- What are you talking about?
- Garbage men!
374
00:16:22,833 --> 00:16:25,333
We haul away the sex trash
every single day,
375
00:16:25,416 --> 00:16:27,250
but the pile just keeps getting bigger.
376
00:16:27,333 --> 00:16:29,500
Don't you see?
There's nowhere else to put it!
377
00:16:29,583 --> 00:16:32,333
Snap out of it! Don't you wanna win
that trip to Anal Island?
378
00:16:32,416 --> 00:16:33,791
What about the sharts, Joe?
379
00:16:33,875 --> 00:16:34,958
Think of the sharts!
380
00:16:35,041 --> 00:16:39,041
Fuck the sharts! I'll see the sharts
at the Shit Aquarium like I normally do.
381
00:16:39,125 --> 00:16:42,875
I... I'd rather get fired than spend
another second with this filthy lunatic.
382
00:16:42,958 --> 00:16:44,458
- [door slams]
- Well, any luck?
383
00:16:44,541 --> 00:16:47,875
[sighs] Uh, the... the... the mom
was wearing tan slacks.
384
00:16:47,958 --> 00:16:49,916
- Tan! [groans] I'm done.
- [bell chimes]
385
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,333
- Let's do Toyota lady.
- [sighs]
386
00:16:52,416 --> 00:16:53,500
[muffled vacuuming]
387
00:16:53,583 --> 00:16:56,000
Oh, look at all this angel dust.
388
00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:59,541
Dante really got into every nook
and cranny of this place, didn't he?
389
00:16:59,625 --> 00:17:02,000
Yeah. Yeah, thanks for helping me detox.
390
00:17:02,083 --> 00:17:05,541
Yes, well, I know how that is. Firsthand.
391
00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:08,500
Been there. Eh, wanna ask me about it?
392
00:17:08,583 --> 00:17:10,583
Did you and Dante fuck too?
393
00:17:10,666 --> 00:17:13,583
No. He and I frequented casinos together.
394
00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:14,750
Ooh-la-la!
395
00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:18,250
Were you guys like James Bond,
playing blackjack in tuxedos?
396
00:17:18,333 --> 00:17:19,166
Um...
397
00:17:19,250 --> 00:17:21,291
Well, we... we took a bus three hours
398
00:17:21,375 --> 00:17:23,625
to sit at a My Cousin Vinny slot machine.
399
00:17:23,708 --> 00:17:26,541
He swore it was lucky,
but I lost everything.
400
00:17:26,625 --> 00:17:28,833
It's why I have to roller-skate to work.
401
00:17:28,916 --> 00:17:31,125
- That sucks.
- It really does.
402
00:17:31,208 --> 00:17:32,416
- [dust jingles]
- [gasps]
403
00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:34,583
Oh, shit. These are his.
404
00:17:34,666 --> 00:17:38,333
Emmy, no, no, don't do it!
The prick dust is the most potent.
405
00:17:38,416 --> 00:17:39,458
[inhales deeply]
406
00:17:39,541 --> 00:17:41,541
He left these for me on purpose.
407
00:17:41,625 --> 00:17:43,041
He wants me back.
408
00:17:43,125 --> 00:17:44,958
[Lionel] Ah! No! Get... Get off!
409
00:17:45,041 --> 00:17:48,500
- No! No! Stop it!
- No! I need him! [snorts deeply]
410
00:17:48,583 --> 00:17:52,083
Oh, Jesus, Emmy. Even I have me limits.
411
00:17:52,166 --> 00:17:55,541
Well, how could he say no to this, right?
[chuckles]
412
00:17:55,625 --> 00:17:56,833
Oh, blimey.
413
00:17:56,916 --> 00:17:59,875
Oh, shit! Shitty shit! Shit!
They're still too tight!
414
00:17:59,958 --> 00:18:02,583
- The pills aren't working!
- We've got plenty of time, man.
415
00:18:02,666 --> 00:18:04,750
The wedding's in 12 hours!
416
00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:07,059
But you bought that other stuff
from the pharmacy, right?
417
00:18:07,083 --> 00:18:09,125
Caffeine pills, workout powder...
418
00:18:09,208 --> 00:18:10,375
Horse laxatives?
419
00:18:10,458 --> 00:18:12,708
You sure it's okay
to take these things with Zoom-Zooms?
420
00:18:12,791 --> 00:18:15,250
You totally can!
I mean, we got it at a drugstore,
421
00:18:15,333 --> 00:18:17,500
and drugs at stores
make you healthier. It's the law.
422
00:18:17,583 --> 00:18:20,791
Right. But there's warnings and stuff.
I mean... [mutters indistinctly]
423
00:18:20,875 --> 00:18:22,916
Dr. Blueberry's Ultimate Yogurt Cleanse
424
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,625
says it should
only be taken alone in a field.
425
00:18:25,708 --> 00:18:28,250
Hey, hey, hey. Dante told me
the government is just afraid
426
00:18:28,333 --> 00:18:30,250
of regular people knowing these shortcuts.
427
00:18:30,333 --> 00:18:32,416
This is all laid out
on YouTube very logically.
428
00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:34,833
Oh, I mean, if it's on YouTube...
429
00:18:34,916 --> 00:18:36,583
[gulps noisily]
430
00:18:36,666 --> 00:18:37,916
[gentle music plays]
431
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,750
"Donna, our love is like the partnership
432
00:18:40,833 --> 00:18:44,500
between a point guard
and a power forward."
433
00:18:44,583 --> 00:18:47,083
"Founded on a mutual respect."
434
00:18:47,625 --> 00:18:48,500
Damn, this sucks.
435
00:18:48,583 --> 00:18:50,833
No offense,
but you look like you might need this.
436
00:18:50,916 --> 00:18:52,916
Oh, I look tired? Eat my ass.
437
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,541
- Oh, Rochelle, language!
- Hey!
438
00:18:55,625 --> 00:18:57,625
Come on, come on, I'm on Doug's team too.
439
00:18:57,708 --> 00:19:00,375
- Give me that!
- Mm... "Mutual respect"? Really, Rochelle?
440
00:19:00,458 --> 00:19:02,250
It's a first draft. Okay?
441
00:19:02,333 --> 00:19:05,000
And what exactly does an Addiction Angel
know about love?
442
00:19:05,083 --> 00:19:07,708
Uh, a lot. Because addiction and love
aren't that different.
443
00:19:07,791 --> 00:19:10,125
Alright. Prove it. You write the vows.
444
00:19:10,208 --> 00:19:11,250
Mm... Okay.
445
00:19:11,333 --> 00:19:13,500
Uh, how about something like, uh,
446
00:19:13,583 --> 00:19:17,000
"Donna, for 23 years, I wasn't awake,
447
00:19:17,083 --> 00:19:20,958
but I was dreaming of you
before I even knew you existed."
448
00:19:21,041 --> 00:19:25,291
"And then, the second I saw you, it's like
you just punched a hole in my chest
449
00:19:25,375 --> 00:19:27,625
and grabbed my heart with your fist."
450
00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:30,791
"Every word, every glance from you,
451
00:19:30,875 --> 00:19:36,958
squeezed my heart and pumped blood
through my veins and gave me life."
452
00:19:37,041 --> 00:19:41,000
"I mean, sometimes, it actually hurts
to look at you because I just get all sad
453
00:19:41,083 --> 00:19:43,750
about the moments I was alive
before we met."
454
00:19:43,833 --> 00:19:45,750
"Was there a time before we met?"
455
00:19:45,833 --> 00:19:47,333
- Mm...
- [magical music plays]
456
00:19:47,416 --> 00:19:48,791
Maybe something like that?
457
00:19:48,875 --> 00:19:50,708
Yeah, that works.
458
00:19:50,791 --> 00:19:52,791
- [Dante grunts]
- [music swells]
459
00:19:56,500 --> 00:19:57,500
No. Nope.
460
00:19:57,541 --> 00:20:01,083
Nice try, but I am not
falling for your bullshit magic.
461
00:20:01,166 --> 00:20:02,625
I am not like the others.
462
00:20:02,708 --> 00:20:04,416
Yeah. I know.
463
00:20:04,500 --> 00:20:08,000
- ["All I Want" by The Offspring plays]
- Could you push it harder? Yes or yes?
464
00:20:08,083 --> 00:20:09,166
I'm pushing!
465
00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:11,416
- I want to fuck your muscles right now.
- [gulping]
466
00:20:11,500 --> 00:20:13,583
- Higher. Higher, Doug.
- Freakin' A!
467
00:20:13,666 --> 00:20:14,750
Even higher.
468
00:20:14,833 --> 00:20:17,916
Uh-hoh! I feel like the guys
I was scared of in high school!
469
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:20,166
Your thighs are the perfect shape.
470
00:20:20,250 --> 00:20:21,875
- [music stops]
- Oh, my God. Doug?
471
00:20:21,958 --> 00:20:25,000
Babe! It's bad luck to see the bride
the night before the wedd...
472
00:20:25,083 --> 00:20:26,291
[grunts, groans]
473
00:20:26,375 --> 00:20:28,500
- Doug!
- My left arm!
474
00:20:28,583 --> 00:20:30,875
- [high-pitched ringing]
- [gasps]
475
00:20:30,958 --> 00:20:32,041
Am I in heaven?
476
00:20:32,125 --> 00:20:37,125
No, you're at St. Francis Hospital,
you fucking idiot. You had a heart attack.
477
00:20:37,208 --> 00:20:39,791
Oh, shit. Thank God you found me.
478
00:20:39,875 --> 00:20:42,083
Dougie, what were all those pills you had?
479
00:20:42,166 --> 00:20:46,791
[wailing] I'm sorry. I just wanted to wear
my special suit to our wedding
480
00:20:46,875 --> 00:20:49,000
because I love you so fricking much.
481
00:20:49,083 --> 00:20:51,708
[wails] I don't care
if that stupid suit doesn't fit.
482
00:20:51,791 --> 00:20:54,708
I love that you have
a teeny tiny little waist,
483
00:20:54,791 --> 00:20:57,291
but gain it all
in the thighs and the face.
484
00:20:57,375 --> 00:20:59,791
- But not my arms and butt.
- That's right.
485
00:20:59,875 --> 00:21:02,625
I just wanted to look beautiful
for you, babe.
486
00:21:02,708 --> 00:21:06,041
And I just want you not dead, dumbass.
487
00:21:06,125 --> 00:21:10,083
Now, if the nurse calls you Bobby,
just nod. I put down a fake name.
488
00:21:10,166 --> 00:21:11,708
No way we're paying for this.
489
00:21:11,791 --> 00:21:14,958
I can't believe I let Dante
talk me into those pills.
490
00:21:15,041 --> 00:21:17,541
How could I let him
into my head like that?
491
00:21:17,625 --> 00:21:19,750
Oh, darling, it happens to the best of us.
492
00:21:19,833 --> 00:21:22,875
Look at the tattoo I got
upon the crest of me pubis.
493
00:21:22,958 --> 00:21:24,916
- [high-pitched whoosh]
- [screams] My eyes!
494
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,541
- Apparently, it's the Taco Bell slogan.
- [Taco Bell dong]
495
00:21:27,625 --> 00:21:28,500
[Pete] No!
496
00:21:28,583 --> 00:21:30,666
- [grunting, groaning]
- [bell dings]
497
00:21:30,750 --> 00:21:32,590
- Come on, Gil, look alive.
- [inhales sharply]
498
00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:34,666
Let's jerk it again, from the top!
499
00:21:34,750 --> 00:21:36,125
Sure! Uh, sorry, Andrew.
500
00:21:36,208 --> 00:21:40,666
Uh, right, um, so,
imagine you're, uh, in an elevator.
501
00:21:40,750 --> 00:21:43,041
Uh-oh. Sounds like a pretty tight space.
502
00:21:43,125 --> 00:21:46,083
- Yeah, it is, and then you see...
- [gentle music plays]
503
00:21:46,166 --> 00:21:47,208
...your friend Joe.
504
00:21:47,291 --> 00:21:48,958
"Joe"? Okay...
505
00:21:49,041 --> 00:21:52,291
And you can tell from the smell
he's got a banana muffin.
506
00:21:52,375 --> 00:21:54,958
Joe always gets
one of those big banana muffins.
507
00:21:55,041 --> 00:21:59,333
Banana, yellow, blond, Laura Dern hair.
Yeah, I guess I can get there.
508
00:21:59,416 --> 00:22:02,375
And this just makes your day
because you forgot to grab breakfast
509
00:22:02,458 --> 00:22:04,916
and Joe always shares his muffins
with his friend.
510
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:06,500
Uh, hey, hey, hey, Gil, Gil.
511
00:22:06,583 --> 00:22:08,583
What's going on with you?
You're not yourself.
512
00:22:08,666 --> 00:22:13,208
You're right.
I'm no hotshot monster. I'm sorry, Andrew.
513
00:22:13,291 --> 00:22:17,333
You deserve someone who can handle
how truly disgusting you are.
514
00:22:17,416 --> 00:22:20,333
Hey, I get it. I'm a pretty gross kid.
515
00:22:20,416 --> 00:22:21,500
I belong with Joe.
516
00:22:21,583 --> 00:22:24,583
When you find the one you belong with,
you go after him, pal.
517
00:22:24,666 --> 00:22:26,583
Now, don't worry about me.
I'll be just fine.
518
00:22:26,666 --> 00:22:29,500
Thanks, Andrew!
You really are the King of Cum.
519
00:22:29,583 --> 00:22:30,708
Okay.
520
00:22:30,791 --> 00:22:34,375
- The majesty must return to his duties.
- [window opens]
521
00:22:34,458 --> 00:22:35,291
- Maury?
- Hmm?
522
00:22:35,375 --> 00:22:36,875
- You came back.
- Andrew!
523
00:22:36,958 --> 00:22:40,041
- [sputters] You're awake.
- Aw, you missed me, didn't ya?
524
00:22:40,125 --> 00:22:43,250
Oh, yeah, definitely.
That's... That's the reason I came back.
525
00:22:43,333 --> 00:22:46,041
Not to make sure that,
if I can't have you, no one can.
526
00:22:46,125 --> 00:22:48,750
Hey. I'm sorry I went with Gil and Joe.
527
00:22:48,833 --> 00:22:50,916
For a minute there,
they made me feel special,
528
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:53,166
but, honey, I need the best.
529
00:22:53,250 --> 00:22:55,541
Yeah, well,
you're my number one client, kid.
530
00:22:55,625 --> 00:22:58,333
- Number one? Really? [groans]
- Really.
531
00:22:58,416 --> 00:23:00,291
- Done!
- Well, after Matthew, that is.
532
00:23:00,375 --> 00:23:01,375
Maury!
533
00:23:01,458 --> 00:23:02,750
[uplifting music plays]
534
00:23:02,833 --> 00:23:05,041
[Gil panting]
535
00:23:05,125 --> 00:23:07,291
- Wait, wait! Hold the elevator!
- [exclaims]
536
00:23:07,375 --> 00:23:09,625
Sorry, Jose. Sorry! Wait, wait!
Hold the elevator!
537
00:23:10,708 --> 00:23:13,125
- [sighs] Thanks.
- Hey. No problem.
538
00:23:14,833 --> 00:23:16,541
- Another day, right?
- Another.
539
00:23:16,625 --> 00:23:17,708
[chuckles]
540
00:23:17,791 --> 00:23:21,791
Hey, uh, you want half my muffin?
I mean, these things are too big.
541
00:23:21,875 --> 00:23:24,125
- Hey, that's what she said, right?
- [both laugh]
542
00:23:24,208 --> 00:23:26,048
What the fuck
are you two losers smiling about?
543
00:23:26,083 --> 00:23:27,625
Didn't you hear? You didn't win.
544
00:23:27,708 --> 00:23:31,375
Mona got the trip, and I get to watch
Maury fuck my motorcycle.
545
00:23:31,458 --> 00:23:34,291
Hey, that's fine with us.
We like being on the bottom.
546
00:23:34,375 --> 00:23:36,041
Yeah, it feels like home.
547
00:23:36,125 --> 00:23:39,250
Yeah, well, actually,
you two weren't dead last. Rick was.
548
00:23:39,333 --> 00:23:41,041
For real? So Rick's fired?
549
00:23:41,125 --> 00:23:43,833
Eh. Corporate tried.
But it turns out he owns the building.
550
00:23:43,916 --> 00:23:45,500
Inherited wealth, baby.
551
00:23:45,583 --> 00:23:49,000
My grandparents did some stuff
I am not proud of.
552
00:23:49,583 --> 00:23:51,083
[organ music plays]
553
00:23:51,166 --> 00:23:56,166
Donna, you're like medicine
and oxygen in one.
554
00:23:56,250 --> 00:24:01,000
If I don't get you every day,
my heart will explode in my chest,
555
00:24:01,083 --> 00:24:04,166
which now I know freaking sucks ass.
556
00:24:04,250 --> 00:24:06,083
Oh my God, that was a nightmare.
557
00:24:06,166 --> 00:24:09,750
I swear to God,
I dreamt about you before we even met.
558
00:24:09,833 --> 00:24:11,101
- Oh, baby.
- [guests applaud] Aw.
559
00:24:11,125 --> 00:24:14,500
So, I guess our little brainstorm
last night wasn't a total waste.
560
00:24:14,583 --> 00:24:15,916
Shh! I'm trying to listen.
561
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:19,166
- Hey. Really super job with the vows.
- Thank you, Pete.
562
00:24:19,250 --> 00:24:22,250
I'm sorry, you were right.
Dante's a bad dude.
563
00:24:22,333 --> 00:24:24,708
- It's fine. Really.
- Looking sharp, mate.
564
00:24:24,791 --> 00:24:27,083
With all due respect, Dante, fuck off.
565
00:24:27,166 --> 00:24:28,916
There's the Ferrari. Good for you, Pete.
566
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:30,000
Guys, be quiet.
567
00:24:30,041 --> 00:24:33,625
And now Donna will share her vows.
568
00:24:33,708 --> 00:24:38,333
This solo's for you, baby.
And one, two, three, hit it!
569
00:24:38,416 --> 00:24:40,125
- [guests cheer, applaud]
- Oh-ho!
570
00:24:40,208 --> 00:24:42,166
Yeah! [whoops excitedly]
571
00:24:42,250 --> 00:24:45,125
Yes! Wail those skins, Donna.
572
00:24:45,208 --> 00:24:47,041
That's my wife!
573
00:24:47,125 --> 00:24:49,500
- [cork pops]
- [crowd cheers]
574
00:24:49,583 --> 00:24:50,958
Dante? Dante!
575
00:24:51,041 --> 00:24:53,666
Now less desperate, Emmy. Dante?!
576
00:24:53,750 --> 00:24:56,166
Emmy, what are you doing here... Wait.
577
00:24:56,250 --> 00:24:58,601
Actually, crashing a wedding
is completely on-brand for you.
578
00:24:58,625 --> 00:25:00,041
Where's Dante? I need him real bad.
579
00:25:00,125 --> 00:25:02,791
Whatever you're thinking,
I'd strongly advise against it.
580
00:25:02,875 --> 00:25:05,958
- He's not good for you or anyone.
- Oh, you think I don't know that!
581
00:25:06,041 --> 00:25:10,166
Things that are good for you suck.
"Flossing is important." Blow me, bitch.
582
00:25:10,250 --> 00:25:11,458
Emmy! [sighs]
583
00:25:11,541 --> 00:25:12,791
[muffled music plays]
584
00:25:13,583 --> 00:25:14,583
Hiding from me, huh?
585
00:25:14,666 --> 00:25:17,166
Well, I try to avoid
stuff that's bad for me.
586
00:25:17,250 --> 00:25:20,041
Hm... But what if it's only bad
if you can't handle it?
587
00:25:20,125 --> 00:25:23,458
- I'm pretty good at handling shit.
- Yeah. So I've noticed.
588
00:25:23,541 --> 00:25:24,625
Let me guess,
589
00:25:24,708 --> 00:25:28,666
now's the part you go sprinkle-sprinkle
with your magic dandruff.
590
00:25:28,750 --> 00:25:29,583
[chuckles]
591
00:25:29,666 --> 00:25:33,166
[inhales] No. Because with what we've got,
I don't need it.
592
00:25:33,250 --> 00:25:34,375
[groans]
593
00:25:34,458 --> 00:25:35,583
God damn it.
594
00:25:36,291 --> 00:25:37,500
[moaning]
595
00:25:39,583 --> 00:25:43,291
[gasps] What the fuck?
596
00:25:43,375 --> 00:25:46,458
- ["Number One Fan" by Muna plays]
- ♪ So I heard the bad news ♪
597
00:25:47,458 --> 00:25:49,041
♪ Nobody likes me ♪
598
00:25:49,125 --> 00:25:51,583
♪ And I'm gonna die alone ♪
599
00:25:51,666 --> 00:25:53,666
♪ In my bedroom ♪
600
00:25:55,166 --> 00:25:59,541
♪ Looking at strangers on my telephone ♪
601
00:25:59,625 --> 00:26:01,625
♪ Well, wouldn't you? ♪
602
00:26:02,875 --> 00:26:07,250
♪ Wouldn't you like
If I believed those words? ♪
603
00:26:07,333 --> 00:26:09,500
♪ If I'm born to lose ♪
604
00:26:10,708 --> 00:26:14,958
♪ I'll never try and I will never learn ♪
605
00:26:15,041 --> 00:26:19,500
♪ But I've been looking at myself
In the mirror saying ♪
606
00:26:19,583 --> 00:26:23,458
♪ Don't leave me now, don't leave me now ♪
607
00:26:23,541 --> 00:26:25,083
♪ Don't leave me now ♪