1
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‪NETFLIX 影集

2
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‪這裡是人資部，請問要轉接哪一位？

3
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‪我完全能體會，我兒子也離家讀大學

4
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‪我幫你轉接到自我認定危機中心

5
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‪請稍候

6
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‪葛蕾絲，我要去休息

7
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‪我不懂，菲爾為什麼不會自己進食？

8
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‪-你好
‪-就是那裡

9
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‪又在廚房做愛了，真好玩

10
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‪那個節目就叫《菲爾餵食秀》，寶貝

11
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‪慘了

12
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‪唉唷，不好意思

13
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‪他每次吃東西，就像才降生地球一樣

14
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‪他看起來像是照大腸鏡的小寶寶

15
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‪要在臉上還奶子上？快選

16
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‪不要，會害我的皮毛結塊

17
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‪你也可以不要在廚房射精

18
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‪-我們一起射在地板上吧
‪-我要去了

19
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‪我就拿走我的雞肉沙拉吧

20
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‪好啦，我會看那個爛節目

21
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‪不用麻煩了，我已經知道妳不會喜歡

22
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‪其實菲爾羅森索製作了
‪《大家都愛雷蒙》…

23
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‪救命啊，我踩到精液滑倒了

24
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‪我好像摔斷六條…

25
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‪是七條腳

26
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‪而且我的沙拉也毀了

27
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‪荷西現在要怎麼接電話？

28
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‪我還是能想辦法

29
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‪別逞強，讓電話轉語音信箱就好

30
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‪這是怎麼回事？

31
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‪莫娜和嘉文又在廚房交媾了

32
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‪還在地上射了一灘精液

33
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‪不好意思，是“一堆”精液

34
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‪看起來像是美乃滋做成的蟻窩

35
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‪荷西差點死在那個蟻窩上

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‪他哪會死，他可是超級蜘蛛耶

37
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‪他屬於索尼，還有漫威…

38
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‪你想的應該是蜘蛛人吧？

39
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‪我只是普通蜘蛛，我叫荷西，你好

40
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‪-你好
‪-閉嘴啦，別對這些畜生那麼親切

41
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‪畜生？我們才不是畜生

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‪我們是怪物

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‪欲求不滿又不懂節制的射精毛怪

44
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‪真希望能剁掉我的老二

45
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‪讓妳能立刻綁在身上幹我

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‪莫娜、嘉文，你們收斂一點吧

47
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‪我們的同事要的只是一句道歉而已

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‪好啦

49
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‪很抱歉我們在辦公室廚房地板
‪射了一大堆精液

50
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‪-還有一點尿液
‪-我為我的精液感到非常抱歉

51
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‪可以嗎？大家滿意了嗎？

52
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‪巴爾的摩教區的道歉都比你有誠意

53
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‪而且要道歉的不只是莫娜和嘉文

54
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‪你們全部都要，放影片

55
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‪你們在我們的郵件推車上幹炮

56
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‪妳最愛的葛蕾絲阿姨跟妳打招呼喔

57
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‪噗噗，性愛列車要通過囉

58
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‪你們在我們的通風管和桌上互相口交

59
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‪你換了新的洗屌精嗎？

60
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‪就連零食販賣機也逃不過魔爪

61
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‪我最愛的零食是機場的Beats耳機

62
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‪和你們共事毀掉了我們的人生

63
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‪等一下，最後那是我家嗎？

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‪對，荷西
‪我們有時會在你家幹炮跟看電視

65
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‪Z級的喔，寶貝

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‪我受夠了，我要打給公司

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‪-什麼？
‪-公司？

68
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‪那些老古板王八蛋

69
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‪根本連硬屌是什麼都不知道

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‪你們麻煩大了

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‪你也是，你正在打手槍耶

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‪我才沒有

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‪-就是有
‪-才沒有

74
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‪-就是有
‪-才沒有

75
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‪才沒有

76
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‪沃特，我在做問卷調查

77
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‪你想要屁股噴火還是尿出冰塊？

78
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‪當然是尿出冰塊，廢話

79
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‪等等，妳為什麼沒有去陪貝卡？

80
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‪她不會想要我去煩她，她才剛生寶寶

81
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‪所以妳是在躲她

82
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‪才不是，我是在給她空間

83
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‪愛是有很多面向沒錯，愛蟲

84
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‪不過“空間”絕對不是其中之一

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‪愛就像暴走的護理師
‪決定用雙手讓人安樂一樣令人窒息

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‪看來我對愛瞭解的還太少？

87
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‪還用妳說

88
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‪我有個超棒的想法

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‪妳要向最懂愛的愛蟲學習愛

90
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‪那隻愛蟲現在正好就抓著妳的領子

91
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‪你是要殺我嗎？

92
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‪比那更好，我要教育妳

93
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‪這是愛蟲貼身見習，賤人

94
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‪走吧

95
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‪我的蜘蛛老二啊

96
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‪蘿榭兒，可以告訴我這是什麼嗎？

97
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‪我們的客戶道格
‪申請鳳凰城太陽隊信用卡的申請書

98
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‪-客觀上確實是如此
‪-那主觀上呢？

99
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‪就是爛主意

100
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‪這是一張笑話卡
‪笑點就在於他會背一輩子的債

101
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‪你這個邏輯石像只會講邏輯

102
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‪康州好市多信用合作社
‪有比較合理的卡，而且不是紫色的

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‪可是道格愛鳳凰城太陽隊

104
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‪他是頭號粉絲

105
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‪而且要是他在前三個月花超過三萬元

106
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‪就能贏得太陽隊皮外套一件，超紫的

107
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‪不對，道格要存錢買唐娜的訂婚戒指

108
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‪那可能是他用太陽城信用卡
‪買的第一個東西

109
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‪我知道妳能在短時間內做好很多事

110
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‪-而且長相又很迷人
‪-我是天生麗質

111
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‪-又討喜
‪-別再褒了啦

112
00:05:45,250 --> 00:05:47,208
‪但妳誤以為這就讓妳是對的

113
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‪妳實際上錯得離譜

114
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‪這張卡不只不負責任，還又蠢又紫

115
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‪你說得完全沒錯

116
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‪辦好市多卡比較有道理

117
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‪我之前怎麼沒發現？我好蠢喔

118
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‪別太自責，畢竟字體非常小

119
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‪你看，所以我們才會合作無間

120
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‪我有想法，你就告訴我哪裡蠢

121
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‪我再去找道格說清楚，謝謝你

122
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‪不用客氣，我才要謝謝妳

123
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‪不對，謝謝你

124
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‪我要直接說“不客氣”來中斷這段跳針

125
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‪真是狗屁不通

126
00:06:19,791 --> 00:06:21,458
‪我們哪需要敏感性訓練

127
00:06:21,541 --> 00:06:23,291
‪對啊，我很敏感

128
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‪我連看禮品廣告都會射在茶几上

129
00:06:27,416 --> 00:06:29,791
‪我們等這個公司白癡進來

130
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‪就把我的屌剁掉，拿來丟他的頭

131
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‪-好
‪-沒問題

132
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‪-你真的很想剁屌，對吧？
‪-大概吧

133
00:06:36,541 --> 00:06:38,375
‪不然你要怎樣？剁我的屌？

134
00:06:38,458 --> 00:06:39,666
‪來，刀給你

135
00:06:39,750 --> 00:06:41,750
‪好了，各位怪物朋友們

136
00:06:41,833 --> 00:06:43,291
‪大家把刀收起來

137
00:06:43,375 --> 00:06:46,250
‪生殖器也別離開身體，好嗎？

138
00:06:46,333 --> 00:06:47,166
‪可以嗎？

139
00:06:47,250 --> 00:06:49,333
‪妳一定就是公司的煞風景大師

140
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‪我大老遠就能聽到
‪妳的緊屁眼在嘎吱作響

141
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‪我是公司派來的沒錯
‪也確實有緊實的屁眼

142
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‪不過我是有名字的

143
00:06:58,750 --> 00:07:00,708
‪我叫彤禮欣穆荷蘭

144
00:07:00,791 --> 00:07:02,916
‪我告訴各位，我能理解

145
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:04,375
‪你們不歡迎我

146
00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:07,375
‪對，我們想殺妳，在妳的屍體拉屎

147
00:07:07,458 --> 00:07:08,291
‪泰勒！

148
00:07:08,375 --> 00:07:11,625
‪不過這白癡一向說的都是我們的心聲

149
00:07:11,708 --> 00:07:12,916
‪不過各位怪物

150
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:16,375
‪我們有麻煩了，你們的同事很火大

151
00:07:16,458 --> 00:07:19,750
‪叫我們的同事去哈嘉文的斷屌啦

152
00:07:19,833 --> 00:07:21,375
‪-對
‪-我懂你們的心聲

153
00:07:21,458 --> 00:07:23,708
‪你們是荷爾蒙怪物

154
00:07:23,791 --> 00:07:26,166
‪你們想要看心情隨地亂交配

155
00:07:26,250 --> 00:07:28,000
‪-沒錯
‪-她很懂

156
00:07:28,083 --> 00:07:31,875
‪你們對交媾很有熱情，那也很美

157
00:07:31,958 --> 00:07:36,041
‪但你們從現在起不能在辦公室做了

158
00:07:36,125 --> 00:07:37,000
‪什麼？

159
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:41,000
‪我好氣，我想在工作場合幹炮

160
00:07:41,083 --> 00:07:41,958
‪我們走人

161
00:07:42,041 --> 00:07:45,416
‪我們去荷西家“交配”跟看電視

162
00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:46,791
‪Z級的喔

163
00:07:47,375 --> 00:07:49,708
‪聽起來是個很不錯的下午

164
00:07:49,791 --> 00:07:53,583
‪可惜要是我沒簽結你們的訓練

165
00:07:53,666 --> 00:07:55,750
‪你們都會被開除，唉唷

166
00:07:55,833 --> 00:07:57,083
‪搞什麼鬼？

167
00:07:57,166 --> 00:08:00,625
‪我沒辦法再回去拖鞋工廠工作

168
00:08:00,708 --> 00:08:02,208
‪太難說了

169
00:08:02,291 --> 00:08:04,416
‪我不能搬回去跟父母住

170
00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:06,208
‪他們不讓我狂歡

171
00:08:06,291 --> 00:08:09,041
‪-莫娜？
‪-好啦，我不走了

172
00:08:09,125 --> 00:08:11,708
‪但我會瘋狂找碴

173
00:08:11,791 --> 00:08:13,000
‪就跟我爸媽一樣

174
00:08:13,083 --> 00:08:17,500
‪因為他們抓到我在和酷朋友抽大麻

175
00:08:21,041 --> 00:08:23,708
‪長島的各位早安啊

176
00:08:23,791 --> 00:08:26,041
‪空氣中散發著愛意，妳聞得到嗎？

177
00:08:26,125 --> 00:08:28,250
‪妳聞得到愛意嗎？

178
00:08:28,333 --> 00:08:29,375
‪那要看情形

179
00:08:29,458 --> 00:08:31,541
‪愛意聞起來跟垃圾一樣嗎？

180
00:08:31,625 --> 00:08:33,375
‪不是，那是長島的日常狀況

181
00:08:33,458 --> 00:08:36,750
‪我第一個客戶的愛很廣大

182
00:08:36,833 --> 00:08:39,875
‪簡直能灌滿朗康科馬湖

183
00:08:39,958 --> 00:08:44,375
‪一路從湖岸路灌到小文森披薩屋

184
00:08:44,458 --> 00:08:46,125
‪如果妳跟長島不熟

185
00:08:46,208 --> 00:08:47,583
‪我告訴妳，那個距離很長

186
00:08:47,666 --> 00:08:51,000
‪你隨時都是全力狀態嗎？

187
00:08:51,083 --> 00:08:52,625
‪愛情第一課

188
00:08:52,708 --> 00:08:56,458
‪不全力以赴還有什麼意義？

189
00:08:56,541 --> 00:08:59,500
‪跟我走，牽住我的手，握緊，壓爛

190
00:08:59,583 --> 00:09:02,041
‪-我不要
‪-再用力，我要聽到骨碎的聲音

191
00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:04,958
‪早安，布蘭

192
00:09:05,458 --> 00:09:07,416
‪早安，沃特，你來得正好

193
00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:11,000
‪有人因為還沒吃早餐餐
‪所以脾氣正暴躁哦

194
00:09:11,083 --> 00:09:12,291
‪蝦子快煎好了

195
00:09:12,375 --> 00:09:14,833
‪好喔，老公很帥

196
00:09:14,916 --> 00:09:18,000
‪而且一大早就煎蝦子，我喜歡

197
00:09:18,083 --> 00:09:18,958
‪傑洛還可以啦

198
00:09:19,041 --> 00:09:25,458
‪我們之所以還跟他在一起
‪是因為無法忍受共同撫養小尾巴

199
00:09:25,541 --> 00:09:28,125
‪好耶，騷寶貝讚喔

200
00:09:28,208 --> 00:09:32,000
‪傲嬌貓就是態度高傲的肥貓

201
00:09:32,083 --> 00:09:35,208
‪-搔首弄姿
‪-你來這裡是因為布蘭愛貓？

202
00:09:35,291 --> 00:09:36,333
‪那當然

203
00:09:36,416 --> 00:09:41,791
‪小尾巴是這座噁心城市
‪有幸擁有的最高貴生物

204
00:09:41,875 --> 00:09:44,250
‪我們最愛的寶貝貓是誰啊？

205
00:09:44,333 --> 00:09:46,500
‪是誰讓我離不開這段死水婚姻？

206
00:09:46,583 --> 00:09:47,458
‪就是你

207
00:09:47,541 --> 00:09:51,458
‪我漏看了什麼嗎？牠只是隻蠢貓吧？

208
00:09:51,541 --> 00:09:53,416
‪愛情第二課

209
00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:55,958
‪世界是由許多種愛情組成

210
00:09:56,041 --> 00:10:00,916
‪每一種都很完美，也都同等重要

211
00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:04,166
‪拜託喔，沃特，那是古柯鹼嗎？

212
00:10:04,250 --> 00:10:05,791
‪這是貓薄荷，寶貝

213
00:10:05,875 --> 00:10:07,541
‪貓界的古柯鹼，給貓一對翅膀

214
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,208
‪你抓傷我了，神經病

215
00:10:12,750 --> 00:10:15,625
‪愛情第三課

216
00:10:15,708 --> 00:10:19,000
‪愛情就是神經病

217
00:10:19,750 --> 00:10:23,083
‪當我和愛相遇，我放棄一切控制

218
00:10:23,166 --> 00:10:26,666
‪我已讀不回朋友，也跟家人不熟

219
00:10:26,750 --> 00:10:29,958
‪忽略一切，沒繳帳單房租

220
00:10:30,041 --> 00:10:33,125
‪愛不會滿足於半吊子，它要全心投入

221
00:10:33,208 --> 00:10:36,750
‪它是完全著迷，只能全輸全贏

222
00:10:36,833 --> 00:10:38,500
‪我寧可毀滅也不願失去

223
00:10:38,583 --> 00:10:40,375
‪愛情也是同感

224
00:10:40,458 --> 00:10:42,708
‪因為愛情是神經病

225
00:10:42,791 --> 00:10:47,375
‪我是愛情的神經病

226
00:10:47,458 --> 00:10:49,583
‪愛情是神經病

227
00:10:49,666 --> 00:10:53,833
‪我是愛情的神經病

228
00:10:53,916 --> 00:10:57,416
‪我和愛情的劑量都是下到最重

229
00:10:57,500 --> 00:11:00,708
‪就像《致命的吸引力》
‪但我們兩個都是瘋狂女主角

230
00:11:00,791 --> 00:11:04,416
‪它耗掉我所有時間
‪糾纏著我每個夢境

231
00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:07,666
‪它跑來我上班場所，把場面搞得尷尬

232
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:10,916
‪我們扭打爭論，還用手抓用嘴咬

233
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:14,416
‪但如果沒有一點嚇人
‪你一定是哪裡沒做好

234
00:11:14,500 --> 00:11:17,166
‪因為愛情是神經病

235
00:11:17,250 --> 00:11:21,708
‪我是愛情的神經病

236
00:11:21,791 --> 00:11:23,833
‪愛情是神經病

237
00:11:23,916 --> 00:11:27,458
‪我是愛情的神經病

238
00:11:28,166 --> 00:11:31,625
‪我知道愛情永遠不會離去

239
00:11:31,708 --> 00:11:35,041
‪因為我捅破它的輪胎，還偷走鑰匙

240
00:11:35,125 --> 00:11:37,625
‪愛情是神經病

241
00:11:37,708 --> 00:11:41,333
‪我是愛情的神經病

242
00:11:41,958 --> 00:11:44,500
‪愛情是神經病

243
00:11:44,583 --> 00:11:49,041
‪我是愛情的神經病

244
00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:53,375
‪你確定那包貓薄荷不是古柯鹼嗎？

245
00:11:53,458 --> 00:11:54,541
‪我不確定

246
00:11:58,000 --> 00:11:58,833
‪他媽的

247
00:11:58,916 --> 00:11:59,958
‪蘿榭兒

248
00:12:00,041 --> 00:12:01,291
‪彼特先生

249
00:12:01,375 --> 00:12:05,375
‪我之前在解釋妳的想法有多蠢時
‪好像有一點冒犯

250
00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:07,500
‪我懂，你是邏輯石像

251
00:12:07,583 --> 00:12:09,500
‪你只是在做你覺得對的事

252
00:12:09,583 --> 00:12:10,666
‪沒錯

253
00:12:10,750 --> 00:12:13,625
‪我也只是在做我覺得道格會喜歡的事

254
00:12:13,708 --> 00:12:14,583
‪沒錯

255
00:12:14,666 --> 00:12:16,125
‪等等，妳做了什麼？

256
00:12:16,916 --> 00:12:18,166
‪你到時候就知道了

257
00:12:18,250 --> 00:12:21,416
‪你做了什麼好事？這台車是租來的耶

258
00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:22,583
‪很屌吧？

259
00:12:22,666 --> 00:12:25,208
‪現在整台車看起來跟那件外套一樣了

260
00:12:25,291 --> 00:12:27,000
‪道格，你喜歡嗎？

261
00:12:27,083 --> 00:12:31,083
‪惡漢巴克利是NBA史上
‪最有宰制力的大前鋒嗎？

262
00:12:31,166 --> 00:12:33,000
‪儘管他只有193公分

263
00:12:33,083 --> 00:12:34,041
‪當然是

264
00:12:34,125 --> 00:12:36,625
‪你們愛蟲的決定都很荒謬

265
00:12:36,708 --> 00:12:38,333
‪根本就沒辦法和你們共事

266
00:12:38,416 --> 00:12:40,791
‪別這樣，石頭腦袋，你明明也很喜歡

267
00:12:40,875 --> 00:12:42,125
‪我絕對喜歡

268
00:12:42,208 --> 00:12:45,833
‪我猜全部費用都是用
‪鳳凰城太陽隊紫色信用卡支付的？

269
00:12:45,916 --> 00:12:47,958
‪沒錯，你終於跟上我們的思維了喔

270
00:12:48,041 --> 00:12:50,041
‪你看，上面有顆籃球

271
00:12:50,125 --> 00:12:52,125
‪而且這顆籃球還在噴火

272
00:12:52,208 --> 00:12:54,458
‪拜託，那是太陽啦，道格

273
00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:56,208
‪體貼，懂嗎？

274
00:12:56,291 --> 00:13:01,583
‪我們透過我最喜歡的公司角色扮演
‪來探索這個字詞

275
00:13:01,666 --> 00:13:04,583
‪就用我的老二扮演香腸的角色

276
00:13:04,666 --> 00:13:08,375
‪妳必須把它剁掉來做一道冷肉拼盤吧

277
00:13:09,458 --> 00:13:11,708
‪康妮，妳到前面來陪我吧

278
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,875
‪好喔，我愛演戲

279
00:13:13,958 --> 00:13:16,500
‪康妮，妳有討厭的東西嗎？

280
00:13:16,583 --> 00:13:18,291
‪天啊，有非常多

281
00:13:18,375 --> 00:13:22,083
‪蘋果電視遙控器、納粹德國的希特勒

282
00:13:22,166 --> 00:13:25,250
‪還有剪腳趾甲的聲音

283
00:13:25,333 --> 00:13:26,625
‪非常好

284
00:13:26,708 --> 00:13:28,333
‪現在假裝妳坐在桌前

285
00:13:28,416 --> 00:13:30,958
‪我會過來三姑六婆

286
00:13:31,041 --> 00:13:33,958
‪好喔，妳可以開始了

287
00:13:34,041 --> 00:13:35,250
‪嘿，康妮

288
00:13:35,333 --> 00:13:38,291
‪抱歉我上班遲到了，我媽又生病了

289
00:13:38,375 --> 00:13:41,708
‪不知我何時才會有自己的人生

290
00:13:41,791 --> 00:13:44,916
‪不被媽媽綁住，不用聽她哀號

291
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:47,416
‪拜託喔，妳可以不要剪嗎？

292
00:13:47,500 --> 00:13:48,875
‪結束

293
00:13:48,958 --> 00:13:51,208
‪康妮，剛才那讓妳有什麼感受？

294
00:13:51,291 --> 00:13:54,375
‪很差，好像我去別人家狂歡卻想拉屎

295
00:13:54,458 --> 00:13:57,708
‪妳覺得我在這次互動中能算體貼嗎？

296
00:13:57,791 --> 00:14:00,291
‪不能，妳明明知道我不喜歡那樣

297
00:14:00,375 --> 00:14:02,458
‪沒錯，但我還是做了

298
00:14:03,166 --> 00:14:06,791
‪我們在辦公室幹炮也是一樣的行徑

299
00:14:06,875 --> 00:14:08,833
‪我們是壞小鳥

300
00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:10,375
‪這真是狗屁不通

301
00:14:10,458 --> 00:14:14,208
‪嘉文，你這份抗拒是打哪來的？

302
00:14:14,291 --> 00:14:16,000
‪不知道，我的老二？

303
00:14:16,083 --> 00:14:18,875
‪不過妳隨時都能把它剁掉

304
00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:20,166
‪-嘉文
‪-什麼事？

305
00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:21,250
‪請你掏出老二

306
00:14:21,333 --> 00:14:22,750
‪為什麼？

307
00:14:22,833 --> 00:14:25,958
‪你說我可以把它剁掉，我想照做

308
00:14:26,041 --> 00:14:28,500
‪就從老二和蛋蛋的交接處下刀

309
00:14:28,583 --> 00:14:30,375
‪拜託不要剁掉我的老二

310
00:14:30,458 --> 00:14:32,375
‪我為什麼不該剁掉你的老二？

311
00:14:32,458 --> 00:14:33,750
‪因為我想要它

312
00:14:33,833 --> 00:14:36,666
‪我只是認為我配不上它

313
00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:38,250
‪你為什麼配不上它？

314
00:14:38,333 --> 00:14:40,708
‪因為它是根好老二

315
00:14:40,791 --> 00:14:44,166
‪我卻是一個爛男怪

316
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:47,083
‪天啊，這是個突破

317
00:14:47,708 --> 00:14:50,208
‪我今晚能獎勵自己喝杯老鼠血了喔

318
00:14:50,708 --> 00:14:51,583
‪換我換我

319
00:14:51,666 --> 00:14:54,291
‪我想知道我為什麼囤那麼多件大衣

320
00:14:54,375 --> 00:14:56,375
‪我想知道我為什麼會怕布偶

321
00:14:56,958 --> 00:15:00,291
‪我想知道我為什麼
‪會跟一堆可悲娘炮共事

322
00:15:00,375 --> 00:15:02,083
‪好喔，她一定會告訴妳

323
00:15:02,166 --> 00:15:04,250
‪妳一定會很愛雅拉

324
00:15:04,333 --> 00:15:06,375
‪每個客戶都是我的最愛

325
00:15:06,458 --> 00:15:09,333
‪但雅拉真的是我的第一人選

326
00:15:09,416 --> 00:15:11,416
‪我是她的生死之交

327
00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:14,791
‪你應該先警告我你的客戶是老人

328
00:15:14,875 --> 00:15:16,625
‪我知道不該說這種話

329
00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:18,708
‪但老人都有股悶臭味

330
00:15:18,791 --> 00:15:22,083
‪不該說的話就別說出來

331
00:15:22,166 --> 00:15:24,083
‪妳好，猜猜是誰來了

332
00:15:24,166 --> 00:15:27,958
‪-薩菲
‪-沒錯，寶貝，薩菲來囉

333
00:15:28,041 --> 00:15:30,708
‪沃特，這是怎麼回事？薩菲是誰？

334
00:15:30,791 --> 00:15:33,083
‪準備來點好玩的喔

335
00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:36,166
‪你是薩菲？天啊，還是我是薩菲？

336
00:15:37,833 --> 00:15:40,375
‪1972年的貝魯特

337
00:15:40,458 --> 00:15:43,750
‪-什麼？我們怎麼會在這裡？
‪-這裡是雅拉的癡呆症世界

338
00:15:43,833 --> 00:15:46,333
‪不會吧，雅拉有癡呆症？

339
00:15:46,416 --> 00:15:50,708
‪雅拉是因為有阿茲海默症才會癡呆

340
00:15:50,791 --> 00:15:54,000
‪那是人類年老時會得的一種疾病

341
00:15:54,083 --> 00:15:56,958
‪那種病會引起這種超狂的時間扭曲

342
00:15:57,458 --> 00:16:02,208
‪親愛的雅拉，我們和命運有場約會

343
00:16:04,541 --> 00:16:07,083
‪我一向都會盛裝打扮迎接…

344
00:16:07,166 --> 00:16:08,625
‪薩菲

345
00:16:10,833 --> 00:16:14,000
‪我要點一杯黎巴嫩雞尾酒

346
00:16:14,083 --> 00:16:17,083
‪幹嘛？在某個癡呆世界裡
‪已經到了可以喝酒的時間啦

347
00:16:17,166 --> 00:16:20,583
‪安靜，命運就要登場了

348
00:16:21,125 --> 00:16:22,041
‪薩菲

349
00:16:23,666 --> 00:16:26,416
‪原來薩菲是那個服務生

350
00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:29,666
‪她每天大學下課後都到這裡看他

351
00:16:29,750 --> 00:16:33,166
‪他會自動端上她最愛的玫瑰花茶

352
00:16:33,250 --> 00:16:36,291
‪還會請她一片杏仁餅乾

353
00:16:36,375 --> 00:16:39,000
‪其實他私下偷了很多東西

354
00:16:39,083 --> 00:16:41,916
‪但因為她的出身

355
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,916
‪他們絕對不能被發現在一起

356
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:45,875
‪好喔，禁忌之愛

357
00:16:45,958 --> 00:16:48,625
‪現在這就符合我的言情小說偏好了

358
00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,500
‪那些書根本是情色書刊

359
00:16:50,583 --> 00:16:53,208
‪雅拉很勇敢吧？

360
00:16:53,291 --> 00:16:56,875
‪跟隨心意，完全不管傳統

361
00:16:56,958 --> 00:16:58,375
‪妳看，好戲上演了

362
00:16:58,458 --> 00:17:00,166
‪天啊，上面寫什麼？

363
00:17:00,791 --> 00:17:03,625
‪“今晚、海灘、見我”

364
00:17:04,375 --> 00:17:06,666
‪簡潔有力的用字遣詞

365
00:17:06,750 --> 00:17:10,083
‪我心裡為這兩人超級勃起了

366
00:17:10,166 --> 00:17:11,750
‪引用言情小說的用語

367
00:17:11,833 --> 00:17:14,166
‪“我的陽剛在顫動”

368
00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:15,458
‪全車貼膜

369
00:17:15,541 --> 00:17:17,458
‪霓虹紫底盤燈工具包？

370
00:17:17,541 --> 00:17:19,375
‪訂做太陽隊安全氣囊？

371
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,375
‪對啊，讓我很想撞車看看

372
00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:25,916
‪你怎麼可能負擔得起這些？
‪你是網路打工族耶

373
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,916
‪-其實我的評價已經掉得太低
‪-天啊

374
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:32,833
‪我安裝電視時出意外的證據持續增加

375
00:17:32,916 --> 00:17:36,000
‪所以我現在只是網路族
‪因為我還是很愛上網

376
00:17:36,083 --> 00:17:38,916
‪-不意外
‪-別對他太兇，他才剛失去工作

377
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:42,291
‪透過剝削程式接當地需求的自由工作

378
00:17:42,375 --> 00:17:44,125
‪嚴格來說不能算工作

379
00:17:44,208 --> 00:17:47,375
‪-我覺得是工作，錢就是錢
‪-那只是打零工

380
00:17:47,458 --> 00:17:50,291
‪天啊，彼特，你說話好像唐娜

381
00:17:50,375 --> 00:17:51,750
‪那唐娜怎麼辦？

382
00:17:51,833 --> 00:17:55,125
‪你應該要存錢買她的訂婚戒指

383
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:57,875
‪-靠，我沒想到那件事
‪-沒錯

384
00:17:57,958 --> 00:17:59,791
‪我被愛的狂喜沖昏頭了

385
00:17:59,875 --> 00:18:04,375
‪-你這回又幹了什麼好事？
‪-來了

386
00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:06,833
‪-我能解釋
‪-也太紫了吧

387
00:18:06,916 --> 00:18:08,916
‪同時也有橘色和黃色

388
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:12,000
‪你太誇張了，竟然又幹這種事

389
00:18:12,083 --> 00:18:14,500
‪天啊，我又幹了什麼，寶貝？

390
00:18:14,583 --> 00:18:16,583
‪害我愛上你

391
00:18:16,666 --> 00:18:19,125
‪我好愛這台車，也好愛你

392
00:18:19,208 --> 00:18:21,625
‪寶貝，我才愛妳

393
00:18:24,250 --> 00:18:26,166
‪這一點道理都沒有

394
00:18:26,250 --> 00:18:27,375
‪那就是愛，寶貝

395
00:18:27,458 --> 00:18:32,125
‪我本來是要等下禮拜
‪太陽隊對籃網隊的比賽才做的

396
00:18:32,208 --> 00:18:35,125
‪但我現在已經太濕了

397
00:18:35,208 --> 00:18:38,416
‪道格拉斯費德里克，你願意娶我嗎？

398
00:18:39,958 --> 00:18:42,958
‪願意，千百萬個願意

399
00:18:43,041 --> 00:18:47,041
‪我們上你的戰車
‪像奈許一樣猛力衝刺吧

400
00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:49,041
‪-太陽隊加油
‪-太陽隊加油

401
00:18:49,125 --> 00:18:50,583
‪太陽隊加油

402
00:18:50,666 --> 00:18:52,000
‪太陽隊加油

403
00:18:52,083 --> 00:18:53,375
‪雅拉在這裡

404
00:18:53,458 --> 00:18:55,208
‪她準備好了，但薩菲會出現嗎？

405
00:18:55,291 --> 00:18:57,791
‪薩菲被祕密警察殺掉了嗎？

406
00:18:57,875 --> 00:18:59,916
‪開玩笑的啦，他沒被殺

407
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:04,083
‪我們重溫好幾次了
‪但這依然是我的最愛，我上癮了

408
00:19:04,166 --> 00:19:06,041
‪你從來沒為此感到苦惱過嗎？

409
00:19:06,125 --> 00:19:06,958
‪哪個部分？

410
00:19:07,041 --> 00:19:11,083
‪她悲慘地困在逝去的無盡回憶裡

411
00:19:11,166 --> 00:19:13,666
‪艾咪，讓雅拉和我好好享受吧

412
00:19:13,750 --> 00:19:15,125
‪他來了

413
00:19:15,708 --> 00:19:17,375
‪真他媽的腓尼基鮮肉

414
00:19:17,458 --> 00:19:18,958
‪靠

415
00:19:19,041 --> 00:19:20,500
‪沒想到你會來

416
00:19:20,583 --> 00:19:23,541
‪我當然會來，我愛妳
‪我願意為妳走五百公里

417
00:19:23,625 --> 00:19:27,125
‪我願意再走五百公里，只為了…

418
00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:28,833
‪閉嘴，快親我

419
00:19:30,125 --> 00:19:33,750
‪看看他們，如此的熱情，如此的夕陽

420
00:19:33,833 --> 00:19:35,916
‪我想永遠留在這裡

421
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,916
‪媽，我是妳兒子阿米爾

422
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,458
‪妳知道他們把我送妳的毯子放哪嗎？

423
00:19:41,541 --> 00:19:42,375
‪阿米爾？

424
00:19:43,333 --> 00:19:46,083
‪就是上面有妳愛的約克夏㹴的那張

425
00:19:46,166 --> 00:19:47,541
‪-薩菲？
‪-不是薩菲

426
00:19:47,625 --> 00:19:48,875
‪-為何不是薩菲？
‪-阿米爾

427
00:19:48,958 --> 00:19:51,208
‪請問一下，我們的毯子在哪？

428
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:52,166
‪這裡冷死人了

429
00:19:52,250 --> 00:19:54,166
‪-我都能看到我媽的乳頭了
‪-薩菲

430
00:19:54,250 --> 00:19:57,541
‪-那個男的為什麼要提妳的乳頭？
‪-這是什麼地方？

431
00:19:57,625 --> 00:20:00,416
‪我們回到美國鬼地方了

432
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:02,750
‪他每次都這樣

433
00:20:02,833 --> 00:20:03,875
‪沃特，你在冒汗

434
00:20:03,958 --> 00:20:06,291
‪讓她壓力破表，把她丟到這裡等死

435
00:20:06,375 --> 00:20:09,375
‪她為何不能回到黎巴嫩陪薩菲？

436
00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:12,041
‪這太他媽不公平了

437
00:20:12,125 --> 00:20:15,125
‪沃特？小心點，你要變成仇恨蟲了

438
00:20:15,208 --> 00:20:18,291
‪愛情第一百萬零一課

439
00:20:18,375 --> 00:20:24,083
‪愛與恨之間的界線細得要死！

440
00:20:24,166 --> 00:20:26,041
‪我還以為只要努力

441
00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:30,625
‪肥臉裡的肥油總有一天會消失

442
00:20:30,708 --> 00:20:33,125
‪但那只是媽媽在哄人的

443
00:20:34,458 --> 00:20:35,958
‪這樣很舒服吧？

444
00:20:36,041 --> 00:20:38,125
‪對，我覺得超瘦的

445
00:20:39,041 --> 00:20:42,333
‪拜託喔，莫里斯
‪你看不出她在打什麼主意嗎？

446
00:20:42,416 --> 00:20:45,041
‪解除我的自尊和肥胖之間的掛勾？

447
00:20:45,125 --> 00:20:46,875
‪不對，她是想要馴服你

448
00:20:46,958 --> 00:20:48,750
‪她想馴服我們所有人

449
00:20:48,833 --> 00:20:52,083
‪我能想像這對妳來說有多可怕

450
00:20:52,166 --> 00:20:54,333
‪我能想像挖出妳的眼球

451
00:20:54,416 --> 00:20:57,250
‪吊在我的胯下像一對睪丸一樣

452
00:20:57,333 --> 00:20:58,208
‪謝謝妳

453
00:20:58,291 --> 00:21:00,875
‪我們可是荷爾蒙怪物，你們別忘了

454
00:21:00,958 --> 00:21:04,375
‪我們是讓搖滾巨星有炮可幹的高手

455
00:21:04,458 --> 00:21:07,583
‪史蒂夫溫伍德能算嗎？
‪因為他是我的客戶

456
00:21:07,666 --> 00:21:11,000
‪他們會寫幹炮的歌
‪讓其他人聽了想幹炮

457
00:21:11,083 --> 00:21:13,500
‪-沒錯
‪-史蒂夫幹的次數絕對超乎你想像

458
00:21:13,583 --> 00:21:18,125
‪馴服我們就是馴服他們
‪要是人類不再幹炮，就不會再有人類

459
00:21:18,208 --> 00:21:21,291
‪-沒錯
‪-沒有人類，就沒有人資部

460
00:21:21,375 --> 00:21:24,625
‪然後你們就只剩那個外星種族

461
00:21:24,708 --> 00:21:27,000
‪到現在還落後到只會幫自己哈屌

462
00:21:27,083 --> 00:21:29,208
‪妳想討論在工作時做愛的議題？

463
00:21:29,291 --> 00:21:32,333
‪親愛的，做愛就是我的工作

464
00:21:32,416 --> 00:21:35,625
‪-對
‪-說得好，莫娜

465
00:21:35,708 --> 00:21:37,250
‪-我們想要什麼？
‪-做愛！

466
00:21:37,333 --> 00:21:39,000
‪什麼時候想做？

467
00:21:39,083 --> 00:21:40,791
‪隨時！

468
00:21:40,875 --> 00:21:42,250
‪做愛…

469
00:21:42,333 --> 00:21:44,458
‪零食…

470
00:21:44,541 --> 00:21:46,708
‪瑞克，我們在喊“做愛”

471
00:21:46,791 --> 00:21:48,958
‪換妳出招了，彤禮欣

472
00:21:49,041 --> 00:21:52,125
‪別叫了，假設要妥協

473
00:21:52,208 --> 00:21:56,166
‪我請公司給你們專屬幹炮空間如何？

474
00:21:56,250 --> 00:21:58,833
‪中間可以有排水孔讓體液流掉嗎？

475
00:21:58,916 --> 00:22:00,916
‪那聽起來比較像殺人密室

476
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,500
‪對啊，用來殘殺我們的私人部位

477
00:22:03,583 --> 00:22:05,000
‪莫娜，妳意下如何？

478
00:22:08,666 --> 00:22:11,083
‪她們陷入愛河了

479
00:22:11,166 --> 00:22:14,041
‪再加碼平面電視跟付費頻道

480
00:22:14,125 --> 00:22:14,958
‪Z級的喔

481
00:22:15,041 --> 00:22:17,250
‪-這樣我們就成交
‪-沒問題

482
00:22:18,166 --> 00:22:20,416
‪-可以給我們假屌小屋嗎？
‪-對

483
00:22:20,500 --> 00:22:21,625
‪我只是未雨綢繆

484
00:22:21,708 --> 00:22:24,291
‪這是什麼地方？我好混亂

485
00:22:24,375 --> 00:22:25,583
‪媽媽，拜託妳

486
00:22:26,083 --> 00:22:29,666
‪你竟敢把母親丟到這座老人動物園

487
00:22:29,750 --> 00:22:30,625
‪別激動

488
00:22:30,708 --> 00:22:32,541
‪-深呼吸
‪-別煩我

489
00:22:32,625 --> 00:22:35,833
‪你知道那對你媽是多大的羞辱嗎？

490
00:22:35,916 --> 00:22:37,833
‪她為你費盡一切苦心

491
00:22:38,750 --> 00:22:39,625
‪沃特！

492
00:22:39,708 --> 00:22:43,125
‪我他媽超恨她變老

493
00:22:43,208 --> 00:22:45,708
‪他只是想給母親一條好毛毯

494
00:22:45,791 --> 00:22:48,458
‪他至少會探望她，他盡力了

495
00:22:48,541 --> 00:22:50,250
‪對了，媽媽，我差點忘了

496
00:22:50,916 --> 00:22:51,833
‪那是什麼？

497
00:22:52,750 --> 00:22:56,125
‪這是那家咖啡館的玫瑰花茶嗎？

498
00:22:56,208 --> 00:23:00,125
‪對啊，我就跟妳說我會從網上訂購

499
00:23:00,208 --> 00:23:01,041
‪不便宜喔

500
00:23:01,125 --> 00:23:03,500
‪沃特，過來聞這杯茶的味道

501
00:23:06,333 --> 00:23:07,541
‪聞起來好像…

502
00:23:08,041 --> 00:23:08,958
‪薩菲

503
00:23:10,833 --> 00:23:11,708
‪終於來了

504
00:23:11,791 --> 00:23:14,916
‪我買這條好毛毯給我媽
‪你們幹嘛收在櫥櫃裡？

505
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:16,416
‪那我付你們錢要幹嘛？

506
00:23:16,500 --> 00:23:18,583
‪這位是我兒子阿米爾

507
00:23:18,666 --> 00:23:23,125
‪他每天都來探望我，照顧我無微不至

508
00:23:23,208 --> 00:23:25,458
‪媽媽，拜託別在狗狗面前講這些

509
00:23:26,958 --> 00:23:29,583
‪我每次都忘記這部分，很溫馨

510
00:23:29,666 --> 00:23:31,916
‪“每次”？這個情節每次都會發生？

511
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,000
‪不會，有時候我會完全失去理智

512
00:23:34,083 --> 00:23:37,125
‪他不停探望她，就算你會對他發飆

513
00:23:37,208 --> 00:23:39,958
‪而且她有一半時間都不知道他是誰？

514
00:23:40,041 --> 00:23:41,500
‪因為他愛她嘛

515
00:23:42,208 --> 00:23:44,708
‪所以愛就是要現身陪伴？

516
00:23:44,791 --> 00:23:46,041
‪不錯喔

517
00:23:46,125 --> 00:23:49,875
‪一路晉級到第一百萬零二課

518
00:23:49,958 --> 00:23:53,750
‪所以我說不定也該現身陪伴貝卡

519
00:23:53,833 --> 00:23:57,916
‪唉唷，妳也沒有自稱的那麼無能嘛

520
00:23:58,000 --> 00:23:59,208
‪我沒那樣自稱過

521
00:23:59,791 --> 00:24:01,541
‪那是誰說的？有人說過

522
00:24:01,625 --> 00:24:03,958
‪是我說的嗎？我大概有說過

523
00:24:06,125 --> 00:24:09,416
‪彼特彼特石頭寶貝，你還在氣我嗎？

524
00:24:09,500 --> 00:24:11,166
‪嘿，蘿榭兒蘿榭兒

525
00:24:11,250 --> 00:24:14,583
‪妳是愛蟲，我們是同事

526
00:24:14,666 --> 00:24:15,541
‪所以是不氣了？

527
00:24:15,625 --> 00:24:20,166
‪結果道格的悲劇紫車
‪得到的成果比妳預想的還要好

528
00:24:20,250 --> 00:24:21,500
‪大家好

529
00:24:21,583 --> 00:24:23,458
‪我今天在康州哈特佛

530
00:24:23,541 --> 00:24:25,416
‪這位兄弟負責載我

531
00:24:25,500 --> 00:24:27,000
‪看看他是怎麼改車的

532
00:24:27,083 --> 00:24:30,875
‪巴克利先生，這顆籃球同時也是太陽

533
00:24:32,083 --> 00:24:35,250
‪拜託，這傢伙有夠蠢，我喜歡

534
00:24:35,333 --> 00:24:37,541
‪-道格得到工作了？
‪-是打零工

535
00:24:37,625 --> 00:24:39,791
‪-而且是幫他的英雄做事
‪-至少是個開始

536
00:24:39,875 --> 00:24:42,333
‪我有東西要送你，是和解禮物

537
00:24:43,083 --> 00:24:46,500
‪妳知道我是石頭吧？我不怕冷

538
00:24:46,583 --> 00:24:49,125
‪你當然不怕，但你穿起來很帥氣

539
00:24:49,208 --> 00:24:50,041
‪真的嗎？

540
00:24:50,125 --> 00:24:51,750
‪-謝謝妳
‪-不客氣

541
00:24:51,833 --> 00:24:53,583
‪-我們現在有交集了
‪-是

542
00:24:53,666 --> 00:24:55,750
‪一個深具意義物品所帶來的同志情誼

543
00:24:55,833 --> 00:24:58,375
‪-你想這樣稱呼也行
‪-我喜歡

544
00:24:58,458 --> 00:24:59,625
‪雖然完全沒有實際用途

545
00:24:59,708 --> 00:25:01,500
‪很好，我先走了，晚安

546
00:25:01,583 --> 00:25:02,500
‪晚安，蘿榭兒

547
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,833
‪我們荷爾蒙怪物想告訴你

548
00:25:05,916 --> 00:25:06,875
‪我們聽到你的心聲

549
00:25:06,958 --> 00:25:08,125
‪我們懂你

550
00:25:08,208 --> 00:25:10,583
‪我們尊重男人，也尊重女人

551
00:25:10,666 --> 00:25:12,958
‪很抱歉我們那麼淘氣

552
00:25:13,041 --> 00:25:14,791
‪但我們已經學到教訓

553
00:25:14,875 --> 00:25:17,208
‪我們配得上自己的好屌

554
00:25:17,291 --> 00:25:19,791
‪我們會盡量體貼一點

555
00:25:19,875 --> 00:25:21,375
‪對，還會有更專業素養

556
00:25:21,458 --> 00:25:25,458
‪同時還是會保有幹炮巨星本色

557
00:25:25,541 --> 00:25:28,250
‪團隊合作就是夢幻工作

558
00:25:28,333 --> 00:25:30,166
‪中間有排水孔喔

559
00:25:30,250 --> 00:25:31,083
‪爽啦

560
00:25:31,791 --> 00:25:32,875
‪天啊

561
00:25:33,958 --> 00:25:34,916
‪（幹炮中）

562
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:36,333
‪荷西，快點接電話啦

563
00:25:36,416 --> 00:25:38,541
‪給我閉嘴啦，佩特拉

564
00:25:38,625 --> 00:25:39,958
‪我現在是午餐休息時間

565
00:26:29,041 --> 00:26:29,958
‪字幕翻譯：韓仁耀