1
00:00:09,500 --> 00:00:11,083
‎（上一季）

2
00:00:11,791 --> 00:00:12,791
‎小心！

3
00:00:14,083 --> 00:00:18,125
‎孬種，穩住，別被風吹跑了

4
00:00:18,208 --> 00:00:21,458
‎寧可當活孬種，也不要當死英雄

5
00:00:23,750 --> 00:00:25,083
‎操！

6
00:00:25,833 --> 00:00:28,833
‎火！尿！火跟尿！

7
00:00:28,916 --> 00:00:30,958
‎你要不要把電源插回去？

8
00:00:35,291 --> 00:00:38,666
‎然後是嘉文
‎這個一把鼻涕一把眼淚的孬種

9
00:00:38,750 --> 00:00:40,291
‎開始哭著求我說

10
00:00:40,375 --> 00:00:43,708
‎“拜託把電源插回去”

11
00:00:43,791 --> 00:00:47,916
‎我說：“當然啦，我是最勇敢的巫師”

12
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:52,958
‎然後他說：“我不勇敢
‎我剛剛才把褲褲尿濕了”

13
00:00:53,750 --> 00:00:56,125
‎對，嘉文死得很孬，我早就說了

14
00:00:56,208 --> 00:01:00,375
‎當然啦，那是嘉文
‎生前說的最後一句話

15
00:01:00,458 --> 00:01:03,666
‎然後他被自己的尿滑倒

16
00:01:03,750 --> 00:01:07,500
‎從屋頂摔下去，死得很難看

17
00:01:07,583 --> 00:01:11,125
‎只留下我一個人傳述他可悲的故事

18
00:01:11,208 --> 00:01:13,625
‎願他的小孬孬靈魂安息

19
00:01:15,208 --> 00:01:18,833
‎當然我繼續挺進，把電源插回去

20
00:01:18,916 --> 00:01:21,041
‎拯救整個辦公室

21
00:01:21,125 --> 00:01:23,125
‎好了，快點

22
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:26,208
‎這是你“本月最佳員工”的認證

23
00:01:26,291 --> 00:01:29,625
‎去餐廳時出示這個就有免費優格

24
00:01:29,708 --> 00:01:30,750
‎不是希臘式的

25
00:01:30,833 --> 00:01:31,958
‎-好
‎-苦中帶甜

26
00:01:32,041 --> 00:01:34,583
‎如果大家想仔細看
‎這個就在我辦公室

27
00:01:34,666 --> 00:01:37,666
‎你是我們的英雄
‎英雄先生，在我的小菊花簽名好嗎？

28
00:01:38,250 --> 00:01:39,916
‎我很樂意，年輕人

29
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,125
‎我喜歡你每次說那個故事時

30
00:01:42,208 --> 00:01:45,000
‎都會加油添醋，讓人更想上你

31
00:01:45,083 --> 00:01:47,083
‎對，很有一套，不是嗎？

32
00:01:47,166 --> 00:01:48,583
‎-是誰說的？
‎-是我

33
00:01:49,416 --> 00:01:51,875
‎嘉文？你沒死

34
00:01:51,958 --> 00:01:56,833
‎其實我是嘉文的同卵雙胞胎
‎我叫蓋文，做人好到大家都不太相信

35
00:01:57,583 --> 00:01:59,541
‎-當然啦
‎-嘉文有個雙胞胎兄弟

36
00:01:59,625 --> 00:02:01,666
‎-好，有道理
‎-不，才不是

37
00:02:01,750 --> 00:02:05,083
‎有時候劇中角色
‎有雙胞胎，這樣故事才精彩

38
00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:07,916
‎-沒錯
‎-對，這是我的雙胞胎姊姊，邦妮？

39
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:12,166
‎對，康妮，但我們不是同卵
‎因為我的髮型跟妳的不一樣

40
00:02:12,250 --> 00:02:14,791
‎-還有妳戴眼鏡，邦妮，掰了
‎-康妮，掰了

41
00:02:14,875 --> 00:02:17,708
‎-嘿，巫師
‎-不！嘉文，請不要傷害我

42
00:02:17,791 --> 00:02:20,500
‎首先，我是蓋文

43
00:02:20,583 --> 00:02:23,250
‎其次，我不想傷害你，我想謝謝你

44
00:02:23,333 --> 00:02:25,458
‎並且給你一個溫柔的擁抱

45
00:02:25,541 --> 00:02:26,750
‎謝我？為什麼？

46
00:02:26,833 --> 00:02:29,416
‎因為我哥死前，你陪在他身邊

47
00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:32,458
‎身為他的同卵雙胞胎
‎我切身感受得到他的痛

48
00:02:32,541 --> 00:02:35,583
‎-但我對細節毫無所知
‎-因為細節一直在變

49
00:02:35,666 --> 00:02:37,208
‎所以我想請你喝杯咖啡

50
00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:41,000
‎這樣你就能告訴我
‎他是怎麼死的，讓我有個了結

51
00:02:41,083 --> 00:02:42,125
‎-“了結”？
‎-對

52
00:02:42,208 --> 00:02:46,250
‎不要有人打擾
‎就你跟我，晚上去喝杯咖啡

53
00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:52,125
‎咖啡可能影響我的睡眠
‎但我怎麼能拒絕你，蓋文？

54
00:02:52,833 --> 00:02:56,291
‎他叫蓋文
‎聽起來像嘉文，但他是男的

55
00:02:56,375 --> 00:03:00,083
‎一定是因為這樣我哥的名字
‎才是“雞雞不長不短的老喬”

56
00:03:00,166 --> 00:03:02,625
‎對哦，雞雞不長不短的老喬怎麼樣？

57
00:03:02,708 --> 00:03:04,541
‎他其實病得很重

58
00:03:06,625 --> 00:03:08,958
‎人資部

59
00:03:42,750 --> 00:03:43,916
‎辦公室炸雞

60
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:48,458
‎好，艾咪
‎因為我漸漸越來越尊重妳…

61
00:03:48,541 --> 00:03:51,041
‎什麼？彼特尊重我？

62
00:03:51,125 --> 00:03:55,875
‎不知道能不能
‎請妳給我一點專業的愛情建議？

63
00:03:56,958 --> 00:03:59,083
‎現在他需要老爸幫忙

64
00:03:59,166 --> 00:04:01,166
‎-馬上後悔了
‎-不！

65
00:04:01,250 --> 00:04:03,250
‎不要走，讓我猜

66
00:04:03,333 --> 00:04:05,708
‎現在但丁和蘿榭兒分手了

67
00:04:05,791 --> 00:04:10,500
‎你想知道該等多久再採取進一步行動

68
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:11,666
‎的確是

69
00:04:11,750 --> 00:04:14,166
‎我熬夜寫參數模式程式碼

70
00:04:14,250 --> 00:04:16,583
‎想找出告訴她的最佳時機

71
00:04:16,666 --> 00:04:20,625
‎每段時間都叫“告白點”或“告點”

72
00:04:20,708 --> 00:04:21,875
‎妳可以看得出來

73
00:04:21,958 --> 00:04:24,416
‎如果告點是三個月，表示我很尊重她

74
00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:26,500
‎但風險是
‎她不再眷戀過去，然後找到幸福

75
00:04:27,083 --> 00:04:32,083
‎嘿，老兄
‎如果你想搞她，今天就開口約她

76
00:04:32,166 --> 00:04:35,000
‎什麼？不，24小時的告點是…

77
00:04:35,083 --> 00:04:39,375
‎好，聽著，老謝爾頓
‎《宅男行不行》這一套行不通啦

78
00:04:39,458 --> 00:04:42,125
‎我有一個朋友，我不會說名字

79
00:04:42,208 --> 00:04:45,541
‎是凡嗎？
‎那個妳老是掛在嘴邊的邏輯石像？

80
00:04:45,625 --> 00:04:49,166
‎是啊，凡就是那樣對我

81
00:04:49,250 --> 00:04:51,541
‎她在射射成人禮上把我親得意亂情迷

82
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:54,291
‎現在她要我做什麼我都願意

83
00:04:54,375 --> 00:04:56,541
‎基本上她把我搞定了

84
00:04:56,625 --> 00:04:59,625
‎好，你想搞定蘿榭兒嗎？

85
00:04:59,708 --> 00:05:01,500
‎理想的情況下，我想

86
00:05:01,583 --> 00:05:04,208
‎跟蘿榭兒的屁屁達成合作協議

87
00:05:04,291 --> 00:05:05,833
‎那樣我就有一小部分的股份…

88
00:05:05,916 --> 00:05:10,000
‎彼特，那是屁屁律師的事

89
00:05:10,083 --> 00:05:12,791
‎老爸現在就去找蘿榭兒，替你…

90
00:05:12,875 --> 00:05:13,875
‎-什麼？
‎-美言幾句

91
00:05:13,958 --> 00:05:17,083
‎不，我還沒準備好，老爸，不要啦！

92
00:05:17,166 --> 00:05:20,875
‎看看但丁
‎靠吃、祈禱和胡搞在南半球暢行無阻

93
00:05:20,958 --> 00:05:24,708
‎好像他每搞上一個女的
‎就能賺到8公里的里程數

94
00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:29,416
‎而蘿榭兒卻只有情傷
‎和被艾咪傳染的性病

95
00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:31,250
‎拜託，我在上班

96
00:05:31,333 --> 00:05:33,750
‎我不想看但丁替羊駝口交

97
00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:35,625
‎原來他就是在做那檔事

98
00:05:35,708 --> 00:05:37,291
‎-要我的建議嗎？
‎-不要

99
00:05:37,375 --> 00:05:40,833
‎-他是魯蛇，他離開妳，別再想他了
‎-佩特拉說得對

100
00:05:40,916 --> 00:05:45,458
‎辦公室裡還有很多帥哥

101
00:05:45,541 --> 00:05:49,041
‎等著妳對他們下手

102
00:05:49,125 --> 00:05:51,583
‎妳們別再說了好嗎？我不想對誰下手

103
00:05:51,666 --> 00:05:53,916
‎我現在只想專心服務我的客戶

104
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:57,375
‎但如果妳這個
‎全世界最棒的愛蟲都找不到愛

105
00:05:57,458 --> 00:05:59,166
‎妳的客戶有什麼機會？

106
00:05:59,250 --> 00:06:00,958
‎-沒有機會
‎-沒錯

107
00:06:01,041 --> 00:06:04,333
‎天啊，她們他媽的毫無機會

108
00:06:04,416 --> 00:06:07,541
‎-哇，蘿榭兒，沒關係
‎-不，大有關係

109
00:06:07,625 --> 00:06:10,250
‎蒂托說得對
‎他媽的我的工作就是愛情

110
00:06:10,333 --> 00:06:13,000
‎如果我自己都找不到，我幫得了誰？

111
00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:17,958
‎嘿，妳需要的是一點希望

112
00:06:18,541 --> 00:06:21,666
‎我的天，希望！妳到哪裡去了？

113
00:06:21,750 --> 00:06:23,500
‎親愛的，我什麼地方沒去過？

114
00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:26,250
‎這個快速暖化的地球沒有一個人

115
00:06:26,333 --> 00:06:28,333
‎不想認識我

116
00:06:28,416 --> 00:06:31,041
‎但當我聽說我最在乎的人為情所困

117
00:06:31,125 --> 00:06:33,916
‎妳最好相信我這樣說：“誰管他們啊”

118
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:38,125
‎好，等等，妳的工作
‎是帶來希望，妳的名字也叫希望？

119
00:06:38,208 --> 00:06:43,250
‎對，我就是這樣，我帶來可能與奇蹟

120
00:06:43,333 --> 00:06:45,291
‎還有一大堆鬼扯

121
00:06:45,375 --> 00:06:47,125
‎佩托拉，妳好啊

122
00:06:47,625 --> 00:06:49,833
‎-女士們，拜託別這樣
‎-妳們知道嗎？

123
00:06:49,916 --> 00:06:52,458
‎我的客戶不靠希望才獲得新工作

124
00:06:52,541 --> 00:06:55,291
‎他們很努力才拿到一份新工作

125
00:06:55,375 --> 00:06:58,666
‎妳給我閉嘴
‎妳知道因為有希望，大家才那麼努力

126
00:06:58,750 --> 00:07:00,250
‎對，佩托拉，不要說了

127
00:07:00,333 --> 00:07:01,666
‎妳他媽的跟我說什麼？

128
00:07:01,750 --> 00:07:03,000
‎我說我尊敬妳

129
00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:05,333
‎好，蘿榭兒，我們要這樣做

130
00:07:05,416 --> 00:07:07,583
‎把妳的悶悶不樂變成希望

131
00:07:07,666 --> 00:07:09,583
‎首先，我們要請一天假

132
00:07:10,083 --> 00:07:12,875
‎但願我可以，但我有個客戶叫艾莉絲

133
00:07:12,958 --> 00:07:14,666
‎今晚是她的第一次約會

134
00:07:14,750 --> 00:07:17,500
‎那樣更好，我喜歡第一次約會

135
00:07:17,583 --> 00:07:20,916
‎好多感覺和不確定
‎對方就是終生伴侶嗎？

136
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,375
‎還是只會有一夜情？

137
00:07:23,458 --> 00:07:26,375
‎-第一次約會的性交！
‎-第一次約會的性交！

138
00:07:26,458 --> 00:07:28,166
‎我好喜歡希望來找我們

139
00:07:28,250 --> 00:07:29,333
‎我也要去

140
00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:32,583
‎不害怕出錯就不算第一次約會

141
00:07:32,666 --> 00:07:33,625
‎姊妹淘之夜！

142
00:07:33,708 --> 00:07:36,833
‎希望，我不知道這樣好不好
‎我不想給這次約會太大壓力

143
00:07:36,916 --> 00:07:41,541
‎蘿榭兒，別擔心
‎有希望在，什麼事都有可能

144
00:07:42,291 --> 00:07:45,958
‎好，但迪斯可胸燈別開那麼亮好嗎？

145
00:07:47,291 --> 00:07:48,666
‎胸燈沒有開關啦

146
00:07:48,750 --> 00:07:50,166
‎好假哦

147
00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:52,083
‎要命，佩托拉，妳真的很討厭希望

148
00:07:52,166 --> 00:07:55,041
‎我不討厭她，我只是覺得她不可靠

149
00:07:55,125 --> 00:07:56,916
‎還有我不覺得她的咪咪是真的

150
00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:58,875
‎對，是迪斯可燈

151
00:08:08,458 --> 00:08:09,875
‎尿尿時間到了

152
00:08:09,958 --> 00:08:12,166
‎該尿尿了，因為尿尿時間到了

153
00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:21,125
‎每次都這樣

154
00:08:22,125 --> 00:08:23,166
‎每次都這樣

155
00:08:23,750 --> 00:08:24,791
‎消防水管屌

156
00:08:25,375 --> 00:08:27,000
‎彼特！跟我躲起來

157
00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:28,500
‎幹嘛？為什麼？

158
00:08:28,583 --> 00:08:31,708
‎-我不要蓋文看到我們
‎-為什麼？怎麼啦？

159
00:08:31,791 --> 00:08:34,125
‎你要承諾不會說我瘋了

160
00:08:34,208 --> 00:08:35,750
‎這個承諾我還做得到

161
00:08:35,833 --> 00:08:38,416
‎我相信，毫無理由懷疑

162
00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:41,166
‎蓋文就是嘉文

163
00:08:41,250 --> 00:08:43,750
‎-對，你瘋了
‎-不，我沒有

164
00:08:43,833 --> 00:08:46,500
‎我偷跑進廁所看他的雞雞

165
00:08:46,583 --> 00:08:48,250
‎這樣說幫不了你

166
00:08:48,333 --> 00:08:50,333
‎他的雞雞就跟嘉文的一模一樣

167
00:08:50,416 --> 00:08:51,750
‎他們是雙胞胎

168
00:08:51,833 --> 00:08:55,083
‎聽著，看來嘉文的死
‎對你造成很大的創傷

169
00:08:55,166 --> 00:08:58,166
‎有一部份的你一定希望他還活著

170
00:08:58,250 --> 00:08:59,916
‎不，不是那樣

171
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:03,166
‎你可能有
‎倖存者罪惡感，因為你無法拯救他

172
00:09:03,250 --> 00:09:06,541
‎倖存者罪惡感，像是你跟但丁？

173
00:09:06,625 --> 00:09:08,666
‎不，我救了但丁

174
00:09:08,750 --> 00:09:11,250
‎你切下他最喜歡的一根屌

175
00:09:11,333 --> 00:09:12,458
‎是為了救他一命

176
00:09:12,541 --> 00:09:14,083
‎當然，靠毀了他的人生

177
00:09:14,166 --> 00:09:16,416
‎所以如果我怕蓋文

178
00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:20,916
‎你一定很怕但丁會真的報復你

179
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,375
‎你真的認為但丁會報復我？

180
00:09:23,458 --> 00:09:24,666
‎-對
‎-天啊

181
00:09:24,750 --> 00:09:28,375
‎我蠻肯定嘉文起死回生是為了幹掉我

182
00:09:28,458 --> 00:09:30,833
‎彼特，我們地獄見了

183
00:09:31,416 --> 00:09:34,916
‎好，艾莉絲，今晚是妳的約會之夜

184
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:37,583
‎把八卦都告訴我吧

185
00:09:37,666 --> 00:09:39,541
‎妳跟這個白馬王子夏恩怎麼認識的？

186
00:09:39,625 --> 00:09:43,208
‎-他來聽我演講
‎-艾莉絲為身心障礙者爭取權益

187
00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:46,250
‎-然後他在推特上追蹤我
‎-她有很多粉絲

188
00:09:46,333 --> 00:09:49,416
‎-但這個粉絲私訊我
‎-哈！沒錯！

189
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,625
‎-想看看他嗎？
‎-我的天

190
00:09:51,708 --> 00:09:53,625
‎看他穿緊身小短褲的樣子

191
00:09:53,708 --> 00:09:55,375
‎這個男的像一大塊起司那麼可口

192
00:09:55,458 --> 00:09:57,666
‎是傑克起司

193
00:09:57,750 --> 00:10:00,666
‎妳這塊巧達起司今晚要跟他回家

194
00:10:02,083 --> 00:10:04,333
‎-拜託不要這樣好嗎？
‎-怎樣？

195
00:10:04,416 --> 00:10:08,958
‎-讓艾莉絲覺得跟這個男的有希望
‎-嘿，妳要尊重我的名字

196
00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:12,083
‎我只是說男的都很爛
‎即使他們只有一根屌

197
00:10:12,166 --> 00:10:14,000
‎拜託，蘿榭兒沒說錯

198
00:10:14,083 --> 00:10:18,375
‎對，說到談戀愛
‎艾莉絲跟我不喜歡抱太大期望

199
00:10:18,458 --> 00:10:21,333
‎“不喜歡抱太大期望”？為什麼？

200
00:10:21,416 --> 00:10:24,083
‎因為要是這次約會很糟糕呢？

201
00:10:24,166 --> 00:10:27,208
‎-謝了，我就是那個意思
‎-我聽到了，蒂托

202
00:10:27,291 --> 00:10:30,458
‎但我覺得真正該問的是
‎如果這次約會很順利呢？

203
00:10:30,541 --> 00:10:34,000
‎天啊，我從來沒想過這個可能

204
00:10:34,083 --> 00:10:37,583
‎其實我可以預見
‎這會是一次很棒的約會

205
00:10:37,666 --> 00:10:39,125
‎-我不知道
‎-我也不知道

206
00:10:39,208 --> 00:10:40,500
‎寶貝，我知道

207
00:10:40,583 --> 00:10:44,041
‎妳們最好相信希望要用唱的

208
00:10:46,708 --> 00:10:50,750
‎跟寂寞與心痛永遠說再見

209
00:10:50,833 --> 00:10:52,333
‎也許不是永遠

210
00:10:52,416 --> 00:10:56,208
‎今晚會超越所有期待

211
00:10:56,291 --> 00:10:57,291
‎在合理範圍內

212
00:10:57,375 --> 00:10:59,916
‎這是姻緣天注定

213
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:01,916
‎今晚以後就不用再跟別人約會

214
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:06,375
‎也許只是愉快吃頓飯，聊得很開心

215
00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:07,541
‎哦，拜託

216
00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:09,625
‎抱一點希望

217
00:11:10,208 --> 00:11:11,916
‎讓自己相信

218
00:11:13,166 --> 00:11:16,875
‎每一個妳想得出來的奇妙幻想

219
00:11:16,958 --> 00:11:18,333
‎（真命天子就是他！）

220
00:11:18,416 --> 00:11:20,958
‎妳夢想的人生即將從今晚開始

221
00:11:21,041 --> 00:11:23,541
‎也許不會，因為你們只是做朋友

222
00:11:24,208 --> 00:11:26,000
‎今晚

223
00:11:26,083 --> 00:11:28,458
‎可能就是今晚

224
00:11:28,541 --> 00:11:30,208
‎希望會帶給妳自由

225
00:11:30,291 --> 00:11:34,166
‎-好，被妳說得很好
‎-感覺很好，試試看

226
00:11:34,250 --> 00:11:35,833
‎好

227
00:11:35,916 --> 00:11:39,500
‎他們會一整晚做愛，充滿原始熱情？

228
00:11:39,583 --> 00:11:40,791
‎對，沒錯

229
00:11:40,875 --> 00:11:44,458
‎隔天早上搭乘他的遊艇到人間樂園

230
00:11:44,541 --> 00:11:46,083
‎該死，遊艇？

231
00:11:46,166 --> 00:11:48,458
‎妳會是他的女神和他的皇后

232
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:51,125
‎當他給妳那顆大鑽戒

233
00:11:51,208 --> 00:11:56,291
‎對，你們會邊喝冰鎮香檳邊拯救世界

234
00:11:56,375 --> 00:11:58,333
‎哦，聽起來好棒

235
00:11:59,125 --> 00:12:01,541
‎抱一點希望

236
00:12:01,625 --> 00:12:04,333
‎讓妳的心自由飛翔

237
00:12:04,416 --> 00:12:08,125
‎壓抑妳的懷疑，縱容可能成真的

238
00:12:08,208 --> 00:12:09,875
‎夢想

239
00:12:09,958 --> 00:12:12,416
‎永遠被愛，永遠幸福

240
00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:15,541
‎有一天死在彼此的臂彎

241
00:12:15,625 --> 00:12:16,750
‎哦，耶

242
00:12:16,833 --> 00:12:18,916
‎可能就是今晚

243
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,375
‎將會是今晚

244
00:12:21,458 --> 00:12:24,416
‎希望會帶給妳自由

245
00:12:26,333 --> 00:12:28,166
‎（氧氣量：百分之百可以嘿咻了）

246
00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:31,083
‎-嘿，艾莉絲
‎-嗨，夏恩

247
00:12:31,166 --> 00:12:32,166
‎要走了嗎？

248
00:12:32,875 --> 00:12:36,541
‎真希望他穿緊身小短褲
‎但這樣穿還是好迷人哦

249
00:12:36,625 --> 00:12:40,833
‎哇，聽起來有人抱著一點希望哦

250
00:12:40,916 --> 00:12:44,250
‎對，別讓妳的大光奶太興奮

251
00:12:45,791 --> 00:12:47,625
‎老天，我喜歡加班

252
00:12:47,708 --> 00:12:51,916
‎沒有艾咪和愧感巫師
‎只有我和我的生產力

253
00:12:52,750 --> 00:12:55,250
‎哈囉？是誰？

254
00:12:56,333 --> 00:12:58,500
‎但丁？是你嗎？

255
00:13:01,416 --> 00:13:03,833
‎不，太誇張了，但丁在祕魯，對吧？

256
00:13:06,958 --> 00:13:09,083
‎那個搏動的聲音哪裡來的？

257
00:13:19,791 --> 00:13:21,166
‎天啊

258
00:13:21,250 --> 00:13:24,458
‎為什麼這麼好看的
‎木頭地板要鋪地毯？

259
00:13:25,333 --> 00:13:27,958
‎夠了！

260
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:30,750
‎不！

261
00:13:30,833 --> 00:13:32,208
‎我做我該做的

262
00:13:32,291 --> 00:13:34,375
‎割我該割的

263
00:13:43,750 --> 00:13:45,833
‎謝天謝地，只是一場噩夢

264
00:13:49,541 --> 00:13:52,958
‎一個用過的三屌保險套
‎其中一個屌套被扯破了？

265
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:54,916
‎那個夢是真的！

266
00:13:56,958 --> 00:13:59,583
‎哦，對了，我真的很喜歡妳的運動鞋

267
00:13:59,666 --> 00:14:01,458
‎-謝謝
‎-哪裡買的？

268
00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:04,041
‎Zappos，我不會為了任何事出門

269
00:14:04,125 --> 00:14:06,958
‎妳顯然為了我出門，我真是受寵若驚

270
00:14:07,041 --> 00:14:10,250
‎看看他們多談得來，小蘿，多虧妳

271
00:14:10,333 --> 00:14:12,625
‎希望，妳說得對，我需要姊妹淘之夜

272
00:14:12,708 --> 00:14:15,125
‎我也是，感覺就像《慾望城市》

273
00:14:15,208 --> 00:14:17,791
‎還是《慾望在城市》？我老是記不得

274
00:14:17,875 --> 00:14:20,375
‎妳們知道，我有次跟一個城市嘿咻

275
00:14:20,458 --> 00:14:24,666
‎匹茲堡名聲不好，但知道怎麼搞

276
00:14:24,750 --> 00:14:28,791
‎可惡，我很抱歉
‎我事先打過電話要他們做個斜坡

277
00:14:28,875 --> 00:14:32,541
‎糟了！我們被擋屌了
‎都怪不遵守身心障礙者法案的人

278
00:14:32,625 --> 00:14:35,125
‎所有的屌都該讓
‎坐輪椅的人方便使用才對

279
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:39,250
‎-可惡，老是會出狀況
‎-我們回家好嗎？

280
00:14:39,333 --> 00:14:40,833
‎哇，小姐們

281
00:14:40,916 --> 00:14:44,000
‎妳們也太快喪氣了，看那邊

282
00:14:44,083 --> 00:14:46,333
‎對面有家很棒的餐廳

283
00:14:46,416 --> 00:14:48,708
‎還有超級可愛的水泥斜坡

284
00:14:48,791 --> 00:14:50,375
‎看起來好浪漫哦

285
00:14:51,166 --> 00:14:52,583
‎對，那個餐廳看起來好棒

286
00:14:53,083 --> 00:14:54,541
‎但裡面沒有電視

287
00:14:54,625 --> 00:14:56,416
‎妳可以玩我的iPad，好嗎？

288
00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:58,875
‎妳的iPad有體育跟色情節目嗎？

289
00:14:58,958 --> 00:15:01,541
‎-有，是iPad
‎-好吧

290
00:15:02,625 --> 00:15:07,000
‎我是嘉文的同卵雙胞胎蓋文
‎我做人好到大家都不太相信

291
00:15:07,083 --> 00:15:07,958
‎天啊

292
00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:11,041
‎我想請你喝杯咖啡，讓我有個了結

293
00:15:11,125 --> 00:15:12,625
‎他要殺了我

294
00:15:14,583 --> 00:15:16,333
‎-敲敲門
‎-嘉文！

295
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:17,791
‎甜心，是蓋文啦

296
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:19,958
‎嘉文是我過世的好哥哥，記得嗎？

297
00:15:20,041 --> 00:15:24,041
‎當然記得，要去喝咖啡了嗎？

298
00:15:24,125 --> 00:15:28,166
‎其實我想我們到屋頂，他死的地方

299
00:15:28,250 --> 00:15:31,958
‎你可以告訴我他怎麼死的

300
00:15:32,041 --> 00:15:34,708
‎-到屋頂？
‎-就你跟我

301
00:15:34,791 --> 00:15:36,458
‎好，沒有目擊證人

302
00:15:36,541 --> 00:15:39,583
‎我不知道你的意思
‎但是對，我猜是沒有

303
00:15:39,666 --> 00:15:42,208
‎天啊，他真的要把我幹掉

304
00:15:42,291 --> 00:15:46,208
‎我想既然你那麼喜歡說那件事
‎說不定你可以告訴我事發經過

305
00:15:46,291 --> 00:15:49,083
‎說不定我從此就不會再想我哥的死

306
00:15:49,166 --> 00:15:51,541
‎好啊，聽起來是種宣洩

307
00:15:51,625 --> 00:15:53,708
‎我去拿羊毛披肩

308
00:15:53,791 --> 00:15:55,541
‎屋頂很冷

309
00:15:56,208 --> 00:15:58,083
‎武器，我得找個武器

310
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,958
‎我的納粹假陽具

311
00:16:01,041 --> 00:16:03,333
‎好，Blitzkrieg

312
00:16:03,416 --> 00:16:07,958
‎是我非常正常收藏品中最大又最重的

313
00:16:09,166 --> 00:16:11,833
‎我差點忘了我的羊毛披肩

314
00:16:11,916 --> 00:16:14,166
‎屋頂真的很冷

315
00:16:17,875 --> 00:16:21,458
‎我的書在這裡，我藏藥的地方

316
00:16:22,791 --> 00:16:25,166
‎-書本好蠢
‎-艾咪，跟我躲起來

317
00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:26,750
‎老兄，你有什麼毛病？

318
00:16:26,833 --> 00:16:29,125
‎我相信但丁想把我幹掉

319
00:16:29,208 --> 00:16:31,083
‎不會，不可能

320
00:16:31,166 --> 00:16:34,375
‎但丁正在南美洲獵豔打炮

321
00:16:34,458 --> 00:16:36,541
‎那這個又要怎麼解釋？

322
00:16:36,625 --> 00:16:39,541
‎-好，愛現
‎-不，妳看不出來嗎？

323
00:16:39,625 --> 00:16:41,875
‎那是海神三屌保險套

324
00:16:41,958 --> 00:16:43,625
‎其中第三個屌套被扯破了

325
00:16:43,708 --> 00:16:45,208
‎我在我的喉嚨裡發現的

326
00:16:45,291 --> 00:16:48,541
‎-老兄，我碰過這種事
‎-艾咪，我是說真的

327
00:16:48,625 --> 00:16:51,333
‎好，別緊張，老天

328
00:16:51,416 --> 00:16:53,500
‎但丁真的出遠門了

329
00:16:54,375 --> 00:16:57,541
‎我想他剛跟這頭很美的羊駝訂婚了

330
00:16:57,625 --> 00:17:00,541
‎但保險套的事要怎麼解釋？
‎我醒來時就發現它就在我嘴裡

331
00:17:00,625 --> 00:17:02,833
‎我有次讀到一篇科學報導

332
00:17:02,916 --> 00:17:06,666
‎說我們每年睡覺時都會不知不覺

333
00:17:06,750 --> 00:17:08,000
‎吞下四到五個保險套

334
00:17:08,083 --> 00:17:09,583
‎似乎不太正確

335
00:17:09,666 --> 00:17:13,416
‎又怎麼樣，所以你認為
‎但丁會大老遠從祕魯回來

336
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:17,333
‎中斷他跟羊駝的口交
‎就為了把保險套塞進你喉嚨？

337
00:17:17,416 --> 00:17:18,500
‎拜託

338
00:17:19,458 --> 00:17:23,333
‎被妳這樣一說，聽起來的確不太可能

339
00:17:23,416 --> 00:17:26,375
‎沒錯，我就是理性的聲音

340
00:17:26,458 --> 00:17:29,541
‎好，如果你不用那個保險套，給我吧

341
00:17:29,625 --> 00:17:31,333
‎艾咪，保險套不能重複使用

342
00:17:31,416 --> 00:17:33,541
‎我有次看到一篇科學報導…

343
00:17:33,625 --> 00:17:36,375
‎孩子們，我有義務告訴你們

344
00:17:36,458 --> 00:17:38,583
‎保險套絕對不能重複使用

345
00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:43,708
‎除非是莫里斯醫生可重複使用的屌套

346
00:17:43,791 --> 00:17:47,916
‎這個屌套真好，可以射兩次

347
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,250
‎-什麼？不會吧
‎-我是說真的

348
00:17:50,333 --> 00:17:53,125
‎妳那麼努力
‎就是希望大家了解那件事？

349
00:17:53,208 --> 00:17:55,791
‎對，大家用不著他媽的對我們那麼好

350
00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:56,958
‎好，真想不到

351
00:17:57,041 --> 00:18:01,875
‎身心障礙的人不需要可憐
‎特別是我，我他媽的很完美

352
00:18:01,958 --> 00:18:05,375
‎妳真的是
‎妳點薯條公家吃，我就知道

353
00:18:06,291 --> 00:18:08,458
‎這個傢伙非常適合妳

354
00:18:08,541 --> 00:18:11,041
‎他喜歡妳的運動鞋，喜歡薯條…

355
00:18:11,125 --> 00:18:14,541
‎如果他喜歡口交，我就嫁給他

356
00:18:14,625 --> 00:18:16,375
‎妳該嫁給他

357
00:18:16,458 --> 00:18:18,916
‎口交是美滿婚姻的基石

358
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,958
‎老天，我蠻喜歡看到
‎艾莉絲這麼喜歡一個男的

359
00:18:22,041 --> 00:18:24,708
‎看吧？我跟妳說她只需要一點希望

360
00:18:24,791 --> 00:18:27,625
‎我幾乎不再想但丁怎麼欺騙我的感情

361
00:18:27,708 --> 00:18:28,958
‎那個一無是處的渾蛋

362
00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:32,166
‎不要那樣想，我們偶爾都會上當

363
00:18:32,250 --> 00:18:34,708
‎我有次愛上一個年輕的金髮美女

364
00:18:34,791 --> 00:18:37,625
‎她說要用一滴血治好全世界的疾病

365
00:18:37,708 --> 00:18:41,958
‎結果這個賤女人騙了很多投資人

366
00:18:42,041 --> 00:18:43,125
‎妳是說搞惡血那個？

367
00:18:43,208 --> 00:18:44,416
‎重點是

368
00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:47,958
‎永遠都是等到出事了你才會知道

369
00:18:48,041 --> 00:18:51,083
‎還有絕對不要相信穿高領毛衣的人

370
00:18:51,166 --> 00:18:53,958
‎嗨，不好意思打擾兩位

371
00:18:54,041 --> 00:18:56,166
‎-那就不要打擾？
‎-對，走開啦

372
00:18:56,250 --> 00:18:59,958
‎但我們只想說妳真的是大家的榜樣

373
00:19:00,041 --> 00:19:01,416
‎你們知道我的工作？

374
00:19:01,500 --> 00:19:05,083
‎哦，不，我很高興妳在上班

375
00:19:05,166 --> 00:19:06,833
‎好勇敢，非常激勵人心

376
00:19:06,916 --> 00:19:08,833
‎他們就是我說的那種人

377
00:19:08,916 --> 00:19:11,458
‎看到妳出來走走，真的很棒

378
00:19:11,541 --> 00:19:13,166
‎這是妳的看護？是妳哥？

379
00:19:13,250 --> 00:19:15,125
‎他們用不著他媽的對我那麼好

380
00:19:15,208 --> 00:19:18,041
‎對，他們是用不著
‎他們要做的是滾遠一點

381
00:19:18,125 --> 00:19:20,958
‎不好意思，你們是兩個正常的渾蛋

382
00:19:21,041 --> 00:19:22,125
‎夏恩，告訴他們

383
00:19:22,208 --> 00:19:25,833
‎供你們參考，她鼎鼎大名
‎專為身心障礙者爭取權益

384
00:19:25,916 --> 00:19:28,083
‎我不是她的看護，我是她同事

385
00:19:28,166 --> 00:19:29,416
‎-你剛說什麼？
‎-同事？

386
00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:31,833
‎他說他們是同事？

387
00:19:31,916 --> 00:19:33,166
‎蘿榭兒，搞什麼？

388
00:19:33,250 --> 00:19:36,416
‎-希望，搞什麼？
‎-糟了，情況不妙了

389
00:19:36,500 --> 00:19:41,000
‎其實我跟妳站在同一邊
‎我母親釣魚時斷了一根指頭

390
00:19:41,083 --> 00:19:42,458
‎天啊，不要鞠躬

391
00:19:43,166 --> 00:19:46,708
‎所以你說我哥
‎我心目中最勇敢的男怪

392
00:19:46,791 --> 00:19:50,083
‎嚇到尿失禁，不小心從屋頂失足

393
00:19:50,166 --> 00:19:51,666
‎然後摔死了？

394
00:19:51,750 --> 00:19:54,208
‎對，沒錯

395
00:19:54,291 --> 00:19:56,250
‎老天，聽起來比較像我會做的事

396
00:19:56,333 --> 00:19:58,750
‎我們家的膽小鬼一向是我

397
00:19:58,833 --> 00:20:00,291
‎夠了，嘉文

398
00:20:00,375 --> 00:20:02,416
‎我跟你說我是蓋文

399
00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:06,625
‎不要再整我了，承認吧，你這個渾蛋

400
00:20:06,708 --> 00:20:07,750
‎你在幹嘛？

401
00:20:07,833 --> 00:20:09,458
‎嘉文，我知道是你

402
00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:13,250
‎你回來報復我
‎因為我沒有老實說出你英勇犧牲

403
00:20:13,333 --> 00:20:16,375
‎把榮耀全攬在自己身上

404
00:20:16,458 --> 00:20:18,875
‎-是真的？
‎-我們都知道是真的

405
00:20:18,958 --> 00:20:22,625
‎我是說謊的膽小鬼

406
00:20:22,708 --> 00:20:26,625
‎哦，愧感巫師
‎我看得出來這件事讓你內心很煎熬

407
00:20:26,708 --> 00:20:29,625
‎對，就像Blitzkrieg，等等，什麼？

408
00:20:29,708 --> 00:20:33,541
‎我替你難過
‎把這一切放在心裡一定很不好受

409
00:20:33,625 --> 00:20:35,583
‎所以你不生我的氣？

410
00:20:35,666 --> 00:20:38,000
‎不，反而是讓我卸下負擔

411
00:20:38,083 --> 00:20:41,666
‎這就是我需要的了結
‎聽起來也是你需要的

412
00:20:41,750 --> 00:20:43,958
‎對，也許是

413
00:20:44,041 --> 00:20:46,583
‎哇，你真的是蓋文

414
00:20:46,666 --> 00:20:50,958
‎嘉文的同卵雙胞胎
‎人好到大家都不太相信

415
00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:53,083
‎來個擁抱吧，我的膽小鬼朋友

416
00:20:53,166 --> 00:20:55,000
‎蓋文，我很樂意

417
00:20:55,083 --> 00:20:56,875
‎-哦，我的羊毛披肩
‎-我看不到！

418
00:20:56,958 --> 00:20:58,458
‎我怕黑！

419
00:20:59,041 --> 00:21:01,208
‎-現在我嚇到尿褲子
‎-天啊

420
00:21:01,291 --> 00:21:03,916
‎羊毛披肩！尿！羊毛披肩跟尿！

421
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:05,583
‎蓋文，我知道你看不見

422
00:21:05,666 --> 00:21:08,625
‎但是你一失足就會掉下去

423
00:21:09,208 --> 00:21:11,458
‎他掉下去了

424
00:21:13,541 --> 00:21:17,791
‎那家人沒搞頭了，希望如此

425
00:21:19,041 --> 00:21:20,583
‎搞什麼呀？

426
00:21:20,666 --> 00:21:24,125
‎-他說她是他同事
‎-我以為這是約會

427
00:21:24,208 --> 00:21:27,041
‎我們該怎麼辦？震驚？
‎我覺得我們應該表現震驚

428
00:21:27,125 --> 00:21:28,666
‎數到三表現震驚？一、二…

429
00:21:28,750 --> 00:21:30,375
‎不，我要問他

430
00:21:30,458 --> 00:21:34,125
‎好，夏恩，你幹嘛找我出來吃飯？

431
00:21:34,208 --> 00:21:36,875
‎對，我想聽聽妳的想法

432
00:21:36,958 --> 00:21:38,791
‎-好慘
‎-“聽聽妳的想法”？

433
00:21:38,875 --> 00:21:42,416
‎我穿上胸罩
‎不是為了讓他聽聽我的想法

434
00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:47,208
‎你該對她的小妹妹有興趣
‎你這個不愛小妹妹的爛人

435
00:21:47,291 --> 00:21:50,750
‎當我跟我女朋友說
‎我要跟妳吃飯時，她好震驚

436
00:21:50,833 --> 00:21:51,791
‎她愛妳

437
00:21:51,875 --> 00:21:54,166
‎他有女朋友？妳在幹嘛？

438
00:21:54,250 --> 00:21:56,000
‎他不喜歡她啦

439
00:21:56,083 --> 00:21:58,333
‎-所以妳就要棄我們而去？
‎-妳現在不能走

440
00:21:58,416 --> 00:22:00,041
‎夏恩的事搞砸了

441
00:22:00,125 --> 00:22:03,291
‎小姐們，我有另一個客戶需要我

442
00:22:03,375 --> 00:22:06,791
‎-如果妳們想知道，是美國總統拜登
‎-搞什麼？

443
00:22:06,875 --> 00:22:10,958
‎但是沒關係
‎因為我保證很快就會回來

444
00:22:11,708 --> 00:22:15,000
‎反正啊，我想
‎也許妳能把妳的出版社介紹給我

445
00:22:15,083 --> 00:22:17,541
‎-我該怎麼辦？
‎-好好教訓他

446
00:22:17,625 --> 00:22:19,458
‎夏恩，你不要再說了

447
00:22:19,541 --> 00:22:22,000
‎同事不會私訊給對方

448
00:22:22,083 --> 00:22:24,916
‎這次晚餐靠一封電郵就能搞定

449
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:28,666
‎還有你根本不是同事
‎他有個沒人看的爛部落格

450
00:22:28,750 --> 00:22:31,916
‎-但我可以把我出版社的電郵告訴你
‎-太好了

451
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:33,583
‎-要不要寫下來？
‎-好啊

452
00:22:33,666 --> 00:22:38,625
‎她的電郵是
‎SuckMyButt@LickMyBalls.com

453
00:22:38,708 --> 00:22:40,375
‎對，渾蛋

454
00:22:40,458 --> 00:22:42,500
‎-等等，妳要去哪裡？
‎-我要回家

455
00:22:42,583 --> 00:22:44,625
‎我會把你的名字公開

456
00:22:44,708 --> 00:22:45,833
‎-公開在哪？
‎-在名單上

457
00:22:45,916 --> 00:22:50,625
‎不是分類廣告網站哦
‎是一個你他媽的不想被公開的地方

458
00:22:51,208 --> 00:22:53,958
‎小姐們，我不敢相信我以為這是約會

459
00:22:54,041 --> 00:22:58,041
‎不，不是妳的錯
‎我讓希望把我沖昏頭了

460
00:22:58,125 --> 00:23:00,208
‎我也是，我在想什麼？

461
00:23:00,916 --> 00:23:02,625
‎夠了！

462
00:23:02,708 --> 00:23:04,333
‎蘿榭兒，妳要去哪？

463
00:23:04,416 --> 00:23:07,166
‎我要去痛扁希望

464
00:23:18,041 --> 00:23:21,500
‎但丁的屌？

465
00:23:25,208 --> 00:23:26,958
‎嘿，你沒事吧？

466
00:23:27,041 --> 00:23:28,458
‎-你們看到了嗎？
‎-看到啥？

467
00:23:28,541 --> 00:23:30,916
‎一根雞雞在開那台雞雞

468
00:23:36,125 --> 00:23:37,416
‎好，安全到家了

469
00:23:38,750 --> 00:23:41,708
‎“我知道你上一季幹的好事”？

470
00:23:41,791 --> 00:23:42,791
‎這是…

471
00:23:42,875 --> 00:23:44,958
‎天啊，是屌液！

472
00:23:48,041 --> 00:23:50,375
‎“我有多的”

473
00:23:50,458 --> 00:23:51,958
‎好噁！

474
00:24:23,208 --> 00:24:24,541
‎彼特，它死了

475
00:24:25,458 --> 00:24:28,833
‎但丁的雞雞再也無法傷害你

476
00:24:30,583 --> 00:24:31,500
‎拜託，賀錦麗

477
00:24:31,583 --> 00:24:33,791
‎進去把打瞌睡的喬叫醒

478
00:24:33,875 --> 00:24:35,791
‎但是佩托拉，我不懂

479
00:24:35,875 --> 00:24:38,125
‎為什麼不能用我辦公室的印表機？

480
00:24:38,208 --> 00:24:39,791
‎因為印表機一號

481
00:24:39,875 --> 00:24:42,458
‎是全世界最強的印表機

482
00:24:42,541 --> 00:24:44,125
‎她人呢？

483
00:24:44,208 --> 00:24:46,250
‎老天，太棒了

484
00:24:46,333 --> 00:24:51,125
‎沒關係，喬，明年還會有綠奶昔

485
00:24:51,208 --> 00:24:53,250
‎妳好大膽！

486
00:24:53,333 --> 00:24:55,083
‎哦，不要在這裡

487
00:24:55,166 --> 00:24:57,916
‎艾莉絲約會到一半
‎妳怎麼能掉頭就走？

488
00:24:58,000 --> 00:24:59,125
‎妳只會裝模作樣

489
00:24:59,208 --> 00:25:02,125
‎-蘿榭兒，我不要跟妳吵架
‎-為什麼不要？

490
00:25:02,208 --> 00:25:05,500
‎因為妳的憤怒與絕望

491
00:25:05,583 --> 00:25:07,083
‎與我無關

492
00:25:07,166 --> 00:25:08,083
‎什麼？

493
00:25:08,166 --> 00:25:11,208
‎這是妳自怨自艾

494
00:25:11,291 --> 00:25:13,791
‎我只替艾莉絲難過

495
00:25:13,875 --> 00:25:17,250
‎讓她抱著很大的希望
‎就像妳胸前那兩顆假咪咪那麼大

496
00:25:17,333 --> 00:25:19,500
‎好，首先，這是真的

497
00:25:19,583 --> 00:25:20,791
‎對，真的很假

498
00:25:20,875 --> 00:25:23,875
‎很抱歉那個傢伙是個渾蛋

499
00:25:23,958 --> 00:25:27,250
‎但艾莉絲不需要妳可憐，她自己說的

500
00:25:27,333 --> 00:25:29,708
‎她需要的是一個愛蟲

501
00:25:29,791 --> 00:25:32,750
‎一個感情不順利時不會不知所措的人

502
00:25:32,833 --> 00:25:34,333
‎妳別想再離開

503
00:25:34,416 --> 00:25:36,875
‎我愛妳，妳是我的好姊妹

504
00:25:36,958 --> 00:25:40,958
‎但願我能留下，真的，但我沒辦法

505
00:25:44,750 --> 00:25:46,125
‎嘿，這樣不酷

506
00:25:46,833 --> 00:25:48,583
‎喬拜登，你去死啦

507
00:25:49,333 --> 00:25:50,958
‎小姐，不能失去希望

508
00:25:51,041 --> 00:25:56,708
‎但我可以恨那個賤女人！

509
00:25:56,791 --> 00:25:58,000
‎對！

510
00:26:50,375 --> 00:26:52,375
‎字幕翻譯：韋家瑤