1
00:00:01,439 --> 00:00:03,190
Reheating instructions?
2
00:00:03,190 --> 00:00:05,651
"Please do not microwave
our food."
3
00:00:05,651 --> 00:00:08,487
I paid. I tipped.
I'll nuke it if I want to.
4
00:00:08,487 --> 00:00:10,781
You're not the boss of me,
Sage L. A. Café.
5
00:00:10,781 --> 00:00:13,367
Mm.
6
00:00:13,367 --> 00:00:16,245
Ah, that's such a fun way
to say "shut up."
Mm.
7
00:00:16,245 --> 00:00:18,247
Jean, I want to make sure
I'm reading tonight correctly.
8
00:00:18,247 --> 00:00:21,000
Are we ‐‐
I washed my sheets
and shaved my legs.
9
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:22,209
Oh.
Above the knee.
10
00:00:22,209 --> 00:00:24,086
I'm doing something
to someone tonight.
11
00:00:24,086 --> 00:00:26,714
[ Both chuckle ]
[ Sighs ]
12
00:00:26,714 --> 00:00:28,591
So...
So...
13
00:00:28,591 --> 00:00:30,176
Oh, my God,
I forgot to buy condoms.
14
00:00:30,176 --> 00:00:32,094
I'm such an idiot.
15
00:00:32,094 --> 00:00:33,179
I know you're too old
to get pregnant.
16
00:00:33,179 --> 00:00:35,514
Well,
you say words funny.
17
00:00:35,514 --> 00:00:37,141
No, I didn't mean it
as an insult.
18
00:00:37,141 --> 00:00:38,976
It's just that you're not
only sleeping with me.
19
00:00:38,976 --> 00:00:41,687
You'd be sleeping with all the
men my wife cheated on me with.
Oh.
20
00:00:41,687 --> 00:00:43,439
And I'd be sleeping with all
the men that you've slept with.
21
00:00:43,439 --> 00:00:45,065
Oh, you don't have to worry
about them.
22
00:00:45,065 --> 00:00:47,067
[ Chuckles ]
Either of them.
23
00:00:47,067 --> 00:00:50,237
[ Sighs ] Danny,
you don't have to be nervous.
24
00:00:50,237 --> 00:00:52,865
I think I do.
I‐I met Cheryl when I was 19.
25
00:00:52,865 --> 00:00:55,159
One or two girls before her,
and that's it.
26
00:00:55,159 --> 00:00:57,077
I mean, two‐and‐a‐half
if I'm being generous.
27
00:00:57,077 --> 00:00:58,204
And lying.
It was just two.
28
00:00:58,204 --> 00:00:59,538
Mm.
29
00:00:59,538 --> 00:01:01,040
It's just that
I've been picturing this
30
00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:02,208
for such a long while,
you know?
31
00:01:02,208 --> 00:01:04,251
I just don't want to
disappoint you.
32
00:01:04,251 --> 00:01:05,711
Not possible.
33
00:01:05,711 --> 00:01:08,589
[ Sighs ]
Mm.
34
00:01:08,589 --> 00:01:11,383
So, what exactly
have you been picturing?
35
00:01:11,383 --> 00:01:14,094
Well, I can show you the doodles
in my patient notes,
36
00:01:14,094 --> 00:01:15,513
but I'd have to black out
their names.
37
00:01:15,513 --> 00:01:18,390
I mean, would you describe
yourself as "flexible"?
38
00:01:18,390 --> 00:01:19,808
Uh, look, Danny,
39
00:01:19,808 --> 00:01:22,228
this is gonna be different
for both of us.
Yeah.
40
00:01:22,228 --> 00:01:24,647
We can't expect it
to be like when we were kids.
Mm.
41
00:01:24,647 --> 00:01:26,982
I'm vetoing shower sex
right now.
42
00:01:26,982 --> 00:01:30,319
Also, no kitchen counters
or cars or upside‐down stuff.
43
00:01:30,319 --> 00:01:32,071
I get lightheaded.
44
00:01:32,071 --> 00:01:34,615
Those are some of my best
doodles, but that's okay.
45
00:01:34,615 --> 00:01:36,325
Um, I've just got
one thing.
46
00:01:36,325 --> 00:01:38,118
You can't call me
by another name.
47
00:01:38,118 --> 00:01:39,703
Cheryl used to
call me Pete,
48
00:01:39,703 --> 00:01:41,580
and I didn't hate it
until I met Pete.
49
00:01:41,580 --> 00:01:43,832
Deal. Okay.
Let's do this.
Oh.
50
00:01:43,832 --> 00:01:45,709
I think that counted
as foreplay.
You're the perfect woman.
51
00:01:45,709 --> 00:01:47,962
[ Chuckles ]
Mm.
52
00:01:47,962 --> 00:01:49,505
Freddie.
53
00:01:49,505 --> 00:01:52,508
I just said don't call me
by another...name.
54
00:01:52,508 --> 00:01:53,884
What up?
55
00:01:53,884 --> 00:01:55,135
What are you
doing here?
56
00:01:56,345 --> 00:01:57,221
Weird energy.
57
00:01:59,139 --> 00:02:00,683
Celia's in Arizona
taking a picture
58
00:02:00,683 --> 00:02:02,601
in front of some magic rock
or something, so I need food.
59
00:02:02,601 --> 00:02:05,229
I had to leave my place
because Lane has Victor over.
60
00:02:05,229 --> 00:02:07,564
My noise‐canceling
headphones died
61
00:02:07,564 --> 00:02:10,025
and Lane's door broke ‐‐
as did his headboard.
62
00:02:10,025 --> 00:02:11,652
Go Victor.
63
00:02:11,652 --> 00:02:13,821
You guys want to watch
the new season of
"Murderous Lovers"?
64
00:02:13,821 --> 00:02:15,531
I'd love to ‐‐
tomorrow.
65
00:02:15,531 --> 00:02:17,241
No, no, I'll see spoilers
if we wait.
66
00:02:17,241 --> 00:02:18,701
Can you give me
a scooch here, man?
67
00:02:18,701 --> 00:02:20,119
There's a lot of couch.
68
00:02:20,119 --> 00:02:21,537
Wait, if we're watching this,
I call middle.
69
00:02:21,537 --> 00:02:22,621
I get scared.
70
00:02:22,621 --> 00:02:24,623
[ Grunts ]
I hear this is the episode
71
00:02:24,623 --> 00:02:26,333
where the gardener
kills his wife
72
00:02:26,333 --> 00:02:28,794
and then mulches his garden
with her bones.
73
00:02:28,794 --> 00:02:31,046
[ Gasps ]
I frickin' love this show.
74
00:02:33,591 --> 00:02:38,679
♪♪
75
00:02:38,679 --> 00:02:40,681
♪♪
76
00:02:49,648 --> 00:02:51,400
Morning.
Jean: Hey.
77
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:53,485
[ Door closes ]
Sorry about yesterday.
78
00:02:53,485 --> 00:02:54,737
Oh, it's okay.
79
00:02:54,737 --> 00:02:55,863
Maybe we were ruining it
80
00:02:55,863 --> 00:02:56,739
with all our talking about it,
anyway.
81
00:02:56,739 --> 00:02:57,906
Yeah, that's true.
82
00:02:57,906 --> 00:02:59,491
Those things are best
when they're spontaneous.
83
00:02:59,491 --> 00:03:00,826
Hm.
84
00:03:04,038 --> 00:03:05,623
[ Moaning ]
[ Ripper barks ]
85
00:03:05,623 --> 00:03:07,499
Oh, Ripper, down.
86
00:03:07,499 --> 00:03:09,084
Down, down.
87
00:03:09,084 --> 00:03:10,294
He, uh ‐‐
He gets a little jealous.
88
00:03:10,294 --> 00:03:12,588
Oh, that's so cute.
[ Chuckles ]
89
00:03:12,588 --> 00:03:14,965
Uh...hey.
90
00:03:14,965 --> 00:03:16,550
[ Ripper barks ]
Oh.
91
00:03:16,550 --> 00:03:17,676
‐[ Chuckles ]
‐Yes.
92
00:03:17,676 --> 00:03:19,553
[ Both moaning ]
[ Door opens ]
93
00:03:19,553 --> 00:03:21,096
Jeannie, I need you.
94
00:03:21,096 --> 00:03:24,058
We have got to start
locking that door.
95
00:03:24,058 --> 00:03:25,809
I just got a call
from Ted Jr.
96
00:03:25,809 --> 00:03:27,436
I've got to go back
to Iowa.
97
00:03:27,436 --> 00:03:30,022
What? Why?
Is he okay?
98
00:03:30,022 --> 00:03:31,607
He's fine.
99
00:03:31,607 --> 00:03:33,317
That horrible wife of his
said he can't cat‐sit
100
00:03:33,317 --> 00:03:34,526
for Tuna Fey anymore.
101
00:03:34,526 --> 00:03:37,363
[ Sighs ]
Says she's allergic
to cats.
102
00:03:37,363 --> 00:03:38,655
I hate her, Jean.
103
00:03:38,655 --> 00:03:40,032
I hate her so much.
104
00:03:40,032 --> 00:03:42,159
Oh, I hate her, too.
105
00:03:42,159 --> 00:03:44,495
I booked a flight first thing
in the morning.
106
00:03:44,495 --> 00:03:45,913
I got to go pack.
107
00:03:45,913 --> 00:03:47,998
Oh, and you're out
of conditioner, Danny.
108
00:03:47,998 --> 00:03:49,750
Nice try. There was half
a bottle there this morning.
109
00:03:49,750 --> 00:03:52,086
This isn't like a hotel.
I'll put it back.
110
00:03:52,086 --> 00:03:53,420
I'm not out of bourbon,
either.
111
00:03:53,420 --> 00:03:55,506
I'll put it back.
112
00:03:56,715 --> 00:03:59,426
Oh, God.
So unfair.
113
00:03:59,426 --> 00:04:01,595
We don't get to celebrate
Sharon's birthday,
114
00:04:01,595 --> 00:04:04,515
and now the mood is ruined again
for our...celebration.
115
00:04:04,515 --> 00:04:05,474
Mm.
116
00:04:05,474 --> 00:04:07,684
Hey.
117
00:04:07,684 --> 00:04:09,395
Should we go to Iowa?
118
00:04:09,395 --> 00:04:11,271
What would we do
in Iowa?
119
00:04:11,271 --> 00:04:12,981
Each other.
120
00:04:12,981 --> 00:04:14,858
Then maybe a birthday party
for Sharon.
121
00:04:14,858 --> 00:04:16,318
Then maybe
the tractor museum.
122
00:04:16,318 --> 00:04:18,404
And then maybe
each other again.
123
00:04:18,404 --> 00:04:20,406
Jean, I can't just pack up
and fly to Iowa.
124
00:04:20,406 --> 00:04:22,991
I'm ‐‐ I‐I'm running a
seminar on abandonment
issues on Monday.
125
00:04:22,991 --> 00:04:24,743
I don't think they'll find
the irony funny.
126
00:04:24,743 --> 00:04:27,413
Well, we could just go
for the weekend.
127
00:04:27,413 --> 00:04:30,124
I know it's impulsive, but think
about how great it would be.
128
00:04:30,124 --> 00:04:32,835
You said yourself our first time
should be special.
Mm.
129
00:04:32,835 --> 00:04:35,379
I've got an empty house
where nobody will bother us.
130
00:04:35,379 --> 00:04:36,547
Well, now
if I say yes,
131
00:04:36,547 --> 00:04:38,215
it'll seem like
I'm just in it for the sex.
132
00:04:38,215 --> 00:04:39,383
I'm okay with that.
133
00:04:39,383 --> 00:04:42,636
♪♪
134
00:04:42,636 --> 00:04:43,971
Jackie, sit down.
135
00:04:44,805 --> 00:04:46,223
Good.
136
00:04:46,223 --> 00:04:47,516
Mom called.
137
00:04:47,516 --> 00:04:50,853
She and Danny are going on
a romantic getaway to Iowa.
138
00:04:50,853 --> 00:04:52,938
I know. Danny asked me
to check on the house.
139
00:04:52,938 --> 00:04:53,981
And you're fine
with it?
140
00:04:53,981 --> 00:04:55,107
[ Scoffs ]
I'm just glad
141
00:04:55,107 --> 00:04:56,567
they're going anywhere
to do anything,
142
00:04:56,567 --> 00:04:57,693
because that whole
143
00:04:57,693 --> 00:04:59,027
will‐they, won't‐they
was exhausting.
144
00:04:59,027 --> 00:05:01,238
Well ‐‐ Well,
I think it's way too fast.
145
00:05:01,238 --> 00:05:03,574
It's weird.
Don't you think it's weird?
146
00:05:03,574 --> 00:05:05,033
It's weird.
147
00:05:05,033 --> 00:05:07,161
I'm gonna call Mom
and tell her it's weird.
148
00:05:07,161 --> 00:05:08,912
Something's
definitely weird.
149
00:05:08,912 --> 00:05:10,497
I don't even hear it
anymore.
150
00:05:10,497 --> 00:05:13,876
♪♪
151
00:05:13,876 --> 00:05:18,046
Oh, it smells like home.
152
00:05:18,046 --> 00:05:19,631
Oh, I didn't realize
how good it would feel
153
00:05:19,631 --> 00:05:21,925
to be in my own house
again.
154
00:05:21,925 --> 00:05:23,635
Good God, Jean,
were you burglarized?
155
00:05:23,635 --> 00:05:25,471
What? No.
156
00:05:25,471 --> 00:05:27,181
L.A. was
an impulsive trip.
157
00:05:27,181 --> 00:05:29,433
Half a glass of wine,
couple of bras,
158
00:05:29,433 --> 00:05:31,477
unfinished jigsaw puzzle.
159
00:05:31,477 --> 00:05:33,020
This must be what it felt like
to discover Pompeii.
160
00:05:35,606 --> 00:05:38,817
"Sex For One: Discovering
the 'I' in Widow."
161
00:05:38,817 --> 00:05:40,110
Oh,
that was a gag gift.
162
00:05:40,110 --> 00:05:42,571
There's a bookmark
in it.
[ Both moan ]
163
00:05:44,323 --> 00:05:46,575
That is a fun way
to say "shut up."
164
00:05:46,575 --> 00:05:48,952
You know, there's other fun
we could have.
165
00:05:48,952 --> 00:05:50,120
The kind we haven't had
for months
166
00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:51,330
that we finally
get to have.
167
00:05:51,330 --> 00:05:54,166
Mm.
[ Chuckles ]
168
00:05:54,166 --> 00:05:56,585
[ Sighs ] Oh, that
would have been so sexy
169
00:05:56,585 --> 00:05:58,545
if one of those things
hadn't been yogurt.
170
00:05:58,545 --> 00:06:01,340
[ Chuckles ] Now, take me to bed
or lose me forever!
171
00:06:01,340 --> 00:06:02,549
I love a sexy threat.
172
00:06:02,549 --> 00:06:03,926
[ Giggles ]
173
00:06:03,926 --> 00:06:05,969
[ Both moaning ]
174
00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:10,724
What's wrong?
175
00:06:10,724 --> 00:06:13,977
Is there a wet spot
from the yogurt?
176
00:06:13,977 --> 00:06:17,231
Is this Mike?
177
00:06:17,231 --> 00:06:20,526
Oh, God, Danny.
I'm so sorry.
178
00:06:20,526 --> 00:06:22,903
Obviously,
I wasn't [sighs]
179
00:06:22,903 --> 00:06:25,113
planning on bringing a man back
when I left.
180
00:06:25,113 --> 00:06:27,407
Please, Jean.
I‐I know you were married.
181
00:06:27,407 --> 00:06:28,951
I just, uh ‐‐ It just caught me
off guard, that's all.
182
00:06:28,951 --> 00:06:30,244
I'm good. I'm good.
183
00:06:30,244 --> 00:06:32,079
You want me
to turn it around?
184
00:06:32,079 --> 00:06:33,372
Please.
Okay, yeah.
185
00:06:33,372 --> 00:06:34,623
Yep.
[ Clears throat ]
186
00:06:34,623 --> 00:06:36,083
Oh, you have a dog?
187
00:06:36,083 --> 00:06:38,126
Had.
188
00:06:38,126 --> 00:06:39,962
Lucy.
Hmm.
189
00:06:42,339 --> 00:06:43,632
You okay now?
One more question.
190
00:06:43,632 --> 00:06:45,634
Is that anyone?
191
00:06:45,634 --> 00:06:46,885
Oh, no.
That's just a vase.
192
00:06:46,885 --> 00:06:48,178
Then I'm good.
Okay.
193
00:06:48,178 --> 00:06:49,972
[ Both moan ]
194
00:06:51,807 --> 00:06:53,267
H‐He already shot her.
195
00:06:53,267 --> 00:06:55,227
Why does he need to
run her over with his car?
196
00:06:55,227 --> 00:06:59,022
Mm, he has to break her
bones so she's easier
to stuff in a shed.
197
00:06:59,022 --> 00:07:01,149
It's always a shed.
Always a shed.
198
00:07:04,987 --> 00:07:07,948
What the hell
are we watching?
199
00:07:07,948 --> 00:07:09,658
"Murderous Lovers."
200
00:07:09,658 --> 00:07:11,201
[ Scoffs ]
But why are we watching it?
201
00:07:11,201 --> 00:07:12,661
This show is horrible.
202
00:07:12,661 --> 00:07:14,746
This is not the way
the world should be.
203
00:07:14,746 --> 00:07:16,498
Why would he kill
that poor girl?
204
00:07:16,498 --> 00:07:17,499
They were engaged.
205
00:07:17,499 --> 00:07:19,418
I think
that's why he did it.
206
00:07:19,418 --> 00:07:22,671
Running someone over
four times is easier
than just breaking up.
207
00:07:22,671 --> 00:07:24,798
Chips?
How can you eat?
208
00:07:24,798 --> 00:07:26,550
You people are broken.
209
00:07:26,550 --> 00:07:29,469
You guys, you really
don't think it's weird
210
00:07:29,469 --> 00:07:31,263
that Mom skipped town
with Danny like that?
211
00:07:31,263 --> 00:07:32,973
I mean, I haven't even been
to the Valley with Celia,
212
00:07:32,973 --> 00:07:34,016
and we're getting married.
213
00:07:36,018 --> 00:07:37,102
Do you think
they're gonna get married?
214
00:07:37,102 --> 00:07:40,188
Would ‐‐ Would Danny
a‐adopt us?
215
00:07:40,188 --> 00:07:41,773
What? I'd be ‐‐
216
00:07:41,773 --> 00:07:44,109
I'd be Freddie,
uh...
217
00:07:44,109 --> 00:07:45,861
What ‐‐ Wait,
what's Danny's last name?
218
00:07:45,861 --> 00:07:48,113
[ Scoffs ] How can you
not know Danny's last name?
219
00:07:49,448 --> 00:07:52,075
It's...
220
00:07:52,075 --> 00:07:54,369
Lane, you listen when Mom talks.
What's Danny's last name?
221
00:07:54,369 --> 00:07:56,121
Okay, first of all,
I listen when everybody talks
222
00:07:56,121 --> 00:07:57,456
because
I'm a people‐person.
223
00:07:57,456 --> 00:07:58,874
That's what
people‐people do.
224
00:07:58,874 --> 00:08:01,668
Second of all,
it's, um...
225
00:08:01,668 --> 00:08:03,211
Jackman?
226
00:08:03,211 --> 00:08:04,546
Kidman?
227
00:08:04,546 --> 00:08:05,464
Hemsworth?
228
00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:08,050
So you don't know,
either?
229
00:08:08,050 --> 00:08:11,136
So none of us know anything
about this guy.
230
00:08:11,136 --> 00:08:12,304
I think it's because
231
00:08:12,304 --> 00:08:14,431
he always turns
the conversation back on me.
232
00:08:14,431 --> 00:08:15,766
I really like that
about him.
233
00:08:15,766 --> 00:08:16,975
But why does he do that?
234
00:08:16,975 --> 00:08:18,143
I always thought
that was the therapist in him.
235
00:08:18,143 --> 00:08:20,103
Yeah.
236
00:08:20,103 --> 00:08:21,396
Maybe it's the killer
in him.
237
00:08:21,396 --> 00:08:22,814
So you think
Danny's a killer
238
00:08:22,814 --> 00:08:24,107
because you're
too self‐absorbed
239
00:08:24,107 --> 00:08:25,609
to ask about
his personal life?
240
00:08:25,609 --> 00:08:29,029
I'm just saying, a dude
whose name we don't know
241
00:08:29,029 --> 00:08:30,822
got our mom to skip town
with him
242
00:08:30,822 --> 00:08:32,949
after dating her
for like an hour.
243
00:08:32,949 --> 00:08:35,077
Okay, you're starting
to sound like the
people on this show.
244
00:08:35,077 --> 00:08:37,746
The show where people
get murdered
245
00:08:37,746 --> 00:08:39,164
because they skip town
with guys
246
00:08:39,164 --> 00:08:41,667
they've only dated
for like an hour?
247
00:08:41,667 --> 00:08:42,709
[ Music plays
on television ]
248
00:08:42,709 --> 00:08:44,503
[ Gasps ]
[ Screams ]
249
00:08:45,671 --> 00:08:47,214
Yeah.
Phew.
250
00:08:49,967 --> 00:08:52,844
Hey,
did you miss me?
251
00:08:54,012 --> 00:08:55,764
Hey,
did you miss me?
252
00:08:57,683 --> 00:08:59,935
Hey!
Oh.
253
00:08:59,935 --> 00:09:01,728
Sorry, my ‐‐ my ears haven't
popped since the plane.
254
00:09:01,728 --> 00:09:03,647
Oh, wow.
255
00:09:03,647 --> 00:09:04,731
You look beautiful.
256
00:09:04,731 --> 00:09:06,900
[ Breathes deeply ]
257
00:09:06,900 --> 00:09:07,776
Do you want another glass
of champagne?
258
00:09:07,776 --> 00:09:08,860
Do you want to go
upstairs
259
00:09:08,860 --> 00:09:10,112
and see what's under
this nightgown?
260
00:09:10,112 --> 00:09:11,989
More than anything
in the world.
261
00:09:11,989 --> 00:09:14,324
[ Giggles ]
262
00:09:14,324 --> 00:09:15,701
Ooh.
263
00:09:17,327 --> 00:09:19,079
[ Sighs ]
That was the perfect night.
264
00:09:19,079 --> 00:09:20,998
Uh, can I get you
some breakfast?
265
00:09:20,998 --> 00:09:23,375
Ooh, no time. [ Chuckles ]
It's Sharon's birthday.
266
00:09:23,375 --> 00:09:25,085
I've got a thousand errands
to run.
267
00:09:25,085 --> 00:09:26,378
Oh, you're dressed.
268
00:09:26,378 --> 00:09:28,296
Okay, um, I'll get dressed
and come with you.
269
00:09:28,296 --> 00:09:30,007
Hey, maybe we can swing by
the tractor museum.
270
00:09:30,007 --> 00:09:33,301
Danny, you can't just swing by
the tractor museum.
271
00:09:33,301 --> 00:09:35,262
I mean, the evolution
from horse‐drawn
272
00:09:35,262 --> 00:09:37,180
to horse‐powered
doesn't happen overnight.
273
00:09:37,180 --> 00:09:39,558
[ Chuckles ]
It's better if I go by myself.
274
00:09:40,934 --> 00:09:42,227
Jean, is everything okay?
275
00:09:42,227 --> 00:09:44,646
Yeah, yeah, fine.
Finish the puzzle.
276
00:09:44,646 --> 00:09:47,607
Make yourself at home.
I'll see you later.
277
00:09:47,607 --> 00:09:49,985
♪♪
278
00:09:52,863 --> 00:09:55,615
I‐I did all this.
What is her problem?
279
00:09:55,615 --> 00:09:56,908
Hey‐hey!
280
00:09:56,908 --> 00:10:00,996
The birthday girl is here,
and she is ready to part‐ay!
281
00:10:00,996 --> 00:10:03,331
[ Laughs ]
You guys had sex.
282
00:10:03,331 --> 00:10:05,292
How did you...
283
00:10:05,292 --> 00:10:06,877
I can always tell.
284
00:10:06,877 --> 00:10:08,045
It's my superpower.
285
00:10:09,129 --> 00:10:10,464
So how was it?
286
00:10:10,464 --> 00:10:13,967
Uh, Sharon, a gentleman never,
uh ‐‐ never tells.
287
00:10:13,967 --> 00:10:15,677
Oh, come on.
You can tell me.
288
00:10:15,677 --> 00:10:16,720
I'm your best friend.
289
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:18,138
No, you're not.
290
00:10:18,138 --> 00:10:20,140
It's my birthday.
Okay, fine.
291
00:10:20,140 --> 00:10:21,224
You're my best friend,
but that's your gift.
292
00:10:21,224 --> 00:10:25,020
So, it's just...
Jean and I finally ‐‐
293
00:10:25,020 --> 00:10:26,605
You plowed her
like a corn field.
294
00:10:26,605 --> 00:10:29,441
That's one way
I‐I would never say it.
295
00:10:29,441 --> 00:10:31,068
So we did that.
296
00:10:31,068 --> 00:10:33,403
And then, she couldn't get
out of here fast enough.
297
00:10:34,613 --> 00:10:36,364
Oh.
298
00:10:36,364 --> 00:10:37,991
Well, maybe it was bad.
299
00:10:37,991 --> 00:10:38,950
I don't think it was bad.
300
00:10:38,950 --> 00:10:40,660
The guy never does.
301
00:10:40,660 --> 00:10:42,079
But she would say something
if she thought it was bad.
302
00:10:42,079 --> 00:10:43,246
The girl never does.
303
00:10:44,456 --> 00:10:46,166
Oh, God.
304
00:10:46,166 --> 00:10:48,293
You're right.
It was bad.
305
00:10:48,293 --> 00:10:50,337
Oh, it was such a build‐up,
and now she's disappointed.
306
00:10:50,337 --> 00:10:52,089
I mean, that's why she took off
out of here so fast.
307
00:10:52,089 --> 00:10:53,381
She couldn't bear
to look at me.
308
00:10:53,381 --> 00:10:55,383
Wh‐‐ Why would I try
new moves?
309
00:10:55,383 --> 00:10:56,968
I barely have old moves.
310
00:10:56,968 --> 00:10:58,804
Just tell me
what you did,
311
00:10:58,804 --> 00:11:00,764
and I'll tell you
if you did it right or wrong.
312
00:11:00,764 --> 00:11:02,224
M‐Maybe show me.
313
00:11:02,224 --> 00:11:03,892
Here.
314
00:11:03,892 --> 00:11:05,393
This pillow is her head.
315
00:11:06,937 --> 00:11:09,022
And if you don't know
what this pillow is,
316
00:11:09,022 --> 00:11:10,232
then you definitely
did it wrong.
317
00:11:10,232 --> 00:11:11,775
[ Door opens ]
318
00:11:11,775 --> 00:11:13,485
Sharon.
319
00:11:13,485 --> 00:11:15,112
What are you doing here
early?
320
00:11:15,112 --> 00:11:16,446
I don't have
anything ready.
321
00:11:16,446 --> 00:11:19,449
You're not born for another
2 hours and 27 minutes.
322
00:11:19,449 --> 00:11:21,660
Okay, well,
I'll come back when I'm born
323
00:11:21,660 --> 00:11:22,661
and leave you two alone.
324
00:11:23,745 --> 00:11:24,704
Give it another go.
325
00:11:24,704 --> 00:11:26,123
And remember ‐‐
326
00:11:26,123 --> 00:11:28,166
the top pillow
is just as important
327
00:11:28,166 --> 00:11:29,292
as the bottom pillow.
328
00:11:29,292 --> 00:11:31,837
You got it.
329
00:11:33,171 --> 00:11:35,090
Sorry that took me
so long.
330
00:11:35,090 --> 00:11:36,216
[ Door closes ]
I hit the bakery
331
00:11:36,216 --> 00:11:38,135
and got cornered by
Andrea Decker.
332
00:11:38,135 --> 00:11:39,678
Apparently,
they lost committee members
333
00:11:39,678 --> 00:11:41,680
for the
Annual Spring Fling.
334
00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:44,474
She completely roped me into
hosting the planning meeting.
335
00:11:44,474 --> 00:11:45,851
What do you mean?
When's that happening?
336
00:11:45,851 --> 00:11:48,395
Uh, Thursday.
It's just a coffee/donut social,
337
00:11:48,395 --> 00:11:50,230
but still,
it's like 40 people.
338
00:11:50,230 --> 00:11:51,773
But we're flying back
to L. A. tomorrow.
339
00:11:51,773 --> 00:11:53,692
Oh, well, actually,
340
00:11:53,692 --> 00:11:55,902
I was thinking maybe
I would stay a little longer.
341
00:11:55,902 --> 00:11:58,321
Oh, but, Jean, uh, remember,
I have that seminar Monday.
342
00:11:58,321 --> 00:12:00,073
Oh, I know,
but I don't have anything,
343
00:12:00,073 --> 00:12:03,201
and like I said, it's so nice
to be home, seeing old friends.
344
00:12:03,201 --> 00:12:05,412
So I thought maybe I would,
you know, stay a little longer.
345
00:12:07,747 --> 00:12:08,957
Was the sex bad?
346
00:12:08,957 --> 00:12:10,625
What?
347
00:12:10,625 --> 00:12:13,879
Because I told you I haven't
done the sex since Cheryl.
348
00:12:13,879 --> 00:12:15,964
Did I not do
the sex well?
349
00:12:15,964 --> 00:12:18,008
Okay, first of all,
the sex wasn't bad.
350
00:12:18,008 --> 00:12:20,427
And second of all,
please don't call it "the sex,"
351
00:12:20,427 --> 00:12:23,263
or I don't know if I can have
"the sex" with you again.
352
00:12:23,263 --> 00:12:25,307
Well, if it wasn't bad,
I'm confused.
353
00:12:25,307 --> 00:12:27,559
You ran out of here,
you left me alone all day,
354
00:12:27,559 --> 00:12:29,477
and now you're making plans
to stay longer?
355
00:12:29,477 --> 00:12:30,353
Well, so what?
356
00:12:30,353 --> 00:12:32,189
Like I said,
it's nice to be home.
357
00:12:32,189 --> 00:12:33,315
I thought L. A.
was your home.
358
00:12:33,315 --> 00:12:34,983
Well,
I can have two homes.
359
00:12:34,983 --> 00:12:36,610
Rich people do it
all the time.
360
00:12:36,610 --> 00:12:39,070
Ellen DeGeneres has a house
just for her dogs.
361
00:12:39,070 --> 00:12:40,488
What, do you mean
like a doghouse,
362
00:12:40,488 --> 00:12:42,532
or like a big, people house
that dogs live in ‐‐
363
00:12:42,532 --> 00:12:44,743
No, I'm not getting
sucked in.
364
00:12:44,743 --> 00:12:46,995
I thought sleeping together
meant that we were ready
365
00:12:46,995 --> 00:12:48,663
to commit to something
with each other.
366
00:12:48,663 --> 00:12:50,415
And I didn't think
that sleeping together
367
00:12:50,415 --> 00:12:53,293
meant I had to give up
everything.
368
00:12:53,293 --> 00:12:55,420
My whole life was just decided
in seven minutes?
369
00:12:55,420 --> 00:12:56,755
Oh, well, thank you
for including the time
370
00:12:56,755 --> 00:12:58,006
it took me
to take off your bra.
371
00:12:58,006 --> 00:13:01,468
I‐I don't see what's wrong
with wanting my life here.
372
00:13:01,468 --> 00:13:03,803
This place
is a part of me.
The old part.
373
00:13:03,803 --> 00:13:05,764
I'm not just gonna
give up my old life
374
00:13:05,764 --> 00:13:07,432
to start something new
with you.
375
00:13:07,432 --> 00:13:09,517
Okay, and what am I
supposed to do
376
00:13:09,517 --> 00:13:11,603
while you're in Iowa
planning the Spring Fling?
377
00:13:11,603 --> 00:13:12,771
I don't know, Danny.
378
00:13:12,771 --> 00:13:14,773
I guess you should just do
whatever you want.
379
00:13:14,773 --> 00:13:16,358
Stay, go ‐‐
it's your call.
380
00:13:18,443 --> 00:13:19,736
I guess I'll go.
381
00:13:21,571 --> 00:13:23,490
Tell Sharon
happy birthday.
382
00:13:28,787 --> 00:13:30,747
[ Door handle rattles ]
383
00:13:30,747 --> 00:13:31,873
You have to lift up
and pull.
384
00:13:31,873 --> 00:13:33,083
You know what?
385
00:13:33,083 --> 00:13:34,417
I didn't need your help
with the bra,
386
00:13:34,417 --> 00:13:35,919
and I don't need it
with the door.
387
00:13:39,589 --> 00:13:41,633
[ Door closes ]
388
00:13:43,468 --> 00:13:45,261
[ Sighs ]
389
00:13:46,638 --> 00:13:48,264
[ Sighs ] I can't believe
you broke that.
390
00:13:48,264 --> 00:13:49,975
I was just trying to see
if it was a real diploma
391
00:13:49,975 --> 00:13:51,393
or something he ordered
off the Internet.
392
00:13:51,393 --> 00:13:53,019
At least we know
his last name now.
393
00:13:53,019 --> 00:13:54,396
And for the record,
I was right.
394
00:13:54,396 --> 00:13:55,313
Hemsworth.
395
00:13:55,313 --> 00:13:56,731
Must be like Smith
over there.
396
00:13:56,731 --> 00:13:58,733
You guys, we have to get rid
of the broken glass
397
00:13:58,733 --> 00:13:59,985
and put it back up
on the wall.
398
00:13:59,985 --> 00:14:02,362
Jackie, relax.
399
00:14:02,362 --> 00:14:04,155
I'm just gonna put it in
the bottom of a garbage can.
400
00:14:04,155 --> 00:14:05,907
He'll never know
it was us.
401
00:14:05,907 --> 00:14:08,201
[ Gasps ]
[ Gasps ]
402
00:14:08,201 --> 00:14:10,203
It's always a shed.
403
00:14:10,203 --> 00:14:11,997
[ Eerie music plays ]
404
00:14:13,581 --> 00:14:15,166
So, the birthday bonanza
starts
405
00:14:15,166 --> 00:14:17,460
at Otis and Henry's
for some apps.
406
00:14:17,460 --> 00:14:19,379
Then Hickory House
for dinner.
Mm‐hmm.
407
00:14:19,379 --> 00:14:21,297
And then,
when we're good and drunk,
408
00:14:21,297 --> 00:14:23,133
we're gonna sneak into
Andrea Decker's garden
409
00:14:23,133 --> 00:14:24,467
and steal
heirloom tomatoes.
410
00:14:24,467 --> 00:14:26,928
[ Laughs ]
411
00:14:26,928 --> 00:14:28,888
Jean, are you sure
you're up for this?
412
00:14:28,888 --> 00:14:30,640
Danny just left.
413
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:31,891
You must be ‐‐
414
00:14:31,891 --> 00:14:34,185
What? [ Chuckles ]
I'm what?
415
00:14:34,185 --> 00:14:36,062
Happy to be spending
your birthday with you?
416
00:14:36,062 --> 00:14:37,856
Glad to be back
in Waterloo?
417
00:14:37,856 --> 00:14:40,817
[ Sighs ]
Okay, you're right.
418
00:14:40,817 --> 00:14:43,903
And I only have so
much time with you
before you go back.
419
00:14:43,903 --> 00:14:45,572
Well, actually,
I‐I was thinking
420
00:14:45,572 --> 00:14:47,907
maybe I'd stay around
for a bit.
421
00:14:47,907 --> 00:14:49,451
Really? How long?
422
00:14:49,451 --> 00:14:51,619
I don't know,
maybe open‐ended.
423
00:14:51,619 --> 00:14:54,914
You saw what it was like in
L. A. ‐‐ all fancy and weird.
424
00:14:54,914 --> 00:14:58,043
With their valet parking
and vegan dog food.
425
00:14:58,043 --> 00:14:59,711
[ Chuckles ]
426
00:14:59,711 --> 00:15:01,296
Yeah, but the kids
are back there.
427
00:15:02,505 --> 00:15:03,673
Yeah, I know.
428
00:15:03,673 --> 00:15:06,092
But is it really healthy
for me to live so close?
429
00:15:06,092 --> 00:15:07,802
I'm worried
about stifling them.
430
00:15:07,802 --> 00:15:09,054
They're grown.
431
00:15:09,054 --> 00:15:10,930
Kids need room
to blossom.
432
00:15:10,930 --> 00:15:14,017
"Stifling."
"Blossom."
433
00:15:14,017 --> 00:15:16,352
Jean, you'd wear those kids
as a backpack if you could.
434
00:15:16,352 --> 00:15:17,812
Meh. [ Chuckles ]
435
00:15:17,812 --> 00:15:19,439
Jackie's on the mend,
436
00:15:19,439 --> 00:15:22,484
and Freddie's found a wonderful
girl to spend his life with.
437
00:15:22,484 --> 00:15:24,861
I think it's time I step aside
and let Celia be
438
00:15:24,861 --> 00:15:26,571
the most important woman
in Freddie's life.
439
00:15:26,571 --> 00:15:29,616
Okay, enough.
440
00:15:29,616 --> 00:15:31,785
[ Sighs ]
Jean,
what are you doing?
441
00:15:31,785 --> 00:15:34,079
You've been waiting for months
to get together with Danny.
442
00:15:34,079 --> 00:15:36,539
And I did.
Now, let's call a stripper.
443
00:15:36,539 --> 00:15:37,874
[ Chuckles ]
444
00:15:37,874 --> 00:15:40,168
Okay, stop.
445
00:15:40,168 --> 00:15:43,379
Whatever went wrong,
I'm sure you can get past it.
446
00:15:43,379 --> 00:15:45,423
I don't know if I can.
447
00:15:45,423 --> 00:15:49,636
Honey, you got everything
you want in L. A.
448
00:15:49,636 --> 00:15:50,804
Why are you running away?
449
00:15:50,804 --> 00:15:53,264
I'm not running away.
450
00:15:53,264 --> 00:15:56,226
I just decided
to stay with you.
451
00:15:56,226 --> 00:15:57,060
[ Voice breaking ]
I want you.
452
00:15:58,353 --> 00:16:01,231
Why are you ruining
your birthday for me?
453
00:16:01,231 --> 00:16:02,524
Aww.
454
00:16:02,524 --> 00:16:04,567
[ Crying ]
455
00:16:04,567 --> 00:16:07,612
[ Eerie music playing ]
456
00:16:07,612 --> 00:16:09,572
[ Gasps ]
457
00:16:09,572 --> 00:16:11,699
Oh, thank God!
458
00:16:11,699 --> 00:16:13,868
Danny's a drag queen.
459
00:16:13,868 --> 00:16:16,746
Oh, Lane.
To be that naive.
460
00:16:16,746 --> 00:16:18,164
If only Danny
was a drag queen.
461
00:16:18,164 --> 00:16:20,542
These obviously belong
to the women that he killed.
462
00:16:20,542 --> 00:16:23,503
[ Sighs ]
I like this for you,
Jackie.
463
00:16:23,503 --> 00:16:25,171
You're contaminating
the scene.
464
00:16:25,171 --> 00:16:27,173
Yeah, Lane. We have to
bag‐and‐tag for the cops.
465
00:16:27,173 --> 00:16:28,842
But since
you already touched it,
466
00:16:28,842 --> 00:16:30,635
you may as well touch
those matching shoes.
467
00:16:30,635 --> 00:16:33,304
[ Chuckles ]
Stop victim‐shopping.
468
00:16:33,304 --> 00:16:35,140
[ Gasps ]
469
00:16:35,140 --> 00:16:36,141
What the hell's
going on?
470
00:16:36,141 --> 00:16:38,893
Yeah, that's right, bud.
We found it.
471
00:16:38,893 --> 00:16:40,520
We found all of it.
472
00:16:41,980 --> 00:16:43,648
Where's my mom, Danny?
473
00:16:43,648 --> 00:16:45,733
Our mom.
Where's their mom,
Danny?
474
00:16:45,733 --> 00:16:47,819
She's back in Iowa.
475
00:16:47,819 --> 00:16:49,362
What are you doing
with Cheryl's clothes?
476
00:16:49,362 --> 00:16:53,408
Cheryl's clothes?
As in, Cheryl, your ex‐wife?
477
00:16:53,408 --> 00:16:54,951
Ohhhhhh.
Ohhhhhh.
478
00:16:54,951 --> 00:16:57,245
Yeah.
That makes sense.
479
00:16:57,245 --> 00:16:58,288
Yeah,
after the divorce,
480
00:16:58,288 --> 00:17:00,039
I wanted her clothes
out of the house.
481
00:17:00,039 --> 00:17:02,333
But, uh, she didn't
have room for everything
in her new place,
482
00:17:02,333 --> 00:17:04,002
so I let her store them
here in the shed
483
00:17:04,002 --> 00:17:05,128
while she got
her closets redone.
484
00:17:06,421 --> 00:17:08,506
See? I told you
he was normal, you idiot.
485
00:17:08,506 --> 00:17:09,924
You're the one
who said we had to
486
00:17:09,924 --> 00:17:11,968
"bag‐and‐tag" these
for the cops.
The cops?
487
00:17:11,968 --> 00:17:13,344
‐They thought you murdered Jean.
‐Lane.
488
00:17:13,344 --> 00:17:14,721
‐Okay.
‐And multiple other women.
489
00:17:14,721 --> 00:17:16,347
There's this whole theory
about how you lure them
490
00:17:16,347 --> 00:17:17,515
into your guest house
with your low rates.
491
00:17:17,515 --> 00:17:19,142
I thought
you were a drag queen.
492
00:17:19,142 --> 00:17:20,185
He doesn't need to know
all this.
493
00:17:20,185 --> 00:17:21,186
We're sorry.
494
00:17:21,186 --> 00:17:22,979
We were watching
our murder show,
495
00:17:22,979 --> 00:17:24,939
and we started talking about
you and Mom.
496
00:17:24,939 --> 00:17:26,858
We realized we didn't know
anything about you,
497
00:17:26,858 --> 00:17:29,402
so we started digging,
and it got out of hand.
498
00:17:29,402 --> 00:17:31,988
If you want to know
something about me, just ask.
499
00:17:31,988 --> 00:17:33,531
I'll tell you anything.
500
00:17:33,531 --> 00:17:35,700
I was born in Canberra,
I came to America for school,
501
00:17:35,700 --> 00:17:38,453
and I manage a "Lord of
the Rings" fan‐fiction website.
502
00:17:38,453 --> 00:17:40,121
See?
503
00:17:40,121 --> 00:17:41,664
He's not a killer.
504
00:17:41,664 --> 00:17:44,667
He's just boring.
505
00:17:44,667 --> 00:17:45,668
None of these are yours?
506
00:17:45,668 --> 00:17:47,462
I'm sorry.
507
00:17:47,462 --> 00:17:49,088
Hey, listen, uh,
I've been on a plane all day.
508
00:17:49,088 --> 00:17:50,048
I'm really tired.
509
00:17:50,048 --> 00:17:51,508
Um, let's just go inside,
have a beer.
510
00:17:51,508 --> 00:17:53,134
We can talk about
whatever you want.
511
00:17:53,134 --> 00:17:55,094
Actually,
I am curious.
512
00:17:55,094 --> 00:17:57,305
I found a box in
your hall closet that
had two locks on it.
513
00:17:57,305 --> 00:17:58,556
What's in there?
514
00:17:58,556 --> 00:17:59,641
That's none
of your damn business.
515
00:18:01,142 --> 00:18:05,271
♪♪
516
00:18:09,567 --> 00:18:11,069
It was the sex.
517
00:18:12,737 --> 00:18:14,113
You flew back
to tell me
518
00:18:14,113 --> 00:18:15,990
the sex was so bad
you had to move?
519
00:18:15,990 --> 00:18:17,325
That is a text, Jean.
520
00:18:17,325 --> 00:18:18,868
No.
521
00:18:18,868 --> 00:18:20,870
The sex was incredible.
522
00:18:20,870 --> 00:18:22,580
Go on.
523
00:18:22,580 --> 00:18:26,084
I‐I just assumed
that our first time
524
00:18:26,084 --> 00:18:28,169
would be,
you know, so‐so.
525
00:18:28,169 --> 00:18:30,672
Just like
every other first time.
526
00:18:30,672 --> 00:18:33,633
We'd both be uncomfortable,
out of sync.
527
00:18:33,633 --> 00:18:35,051
I'd accidentally
call you Pete.
528
00:18:35,051 --> 00:18:36,094
Because once you asked me
not to,
529
00:18:36,094 --> 00:18:37,136
it was all
I could think about.
530
00:18:38,888 --> 00:18:41,140
But it wasn't like that.
531
00:18:41,140 --> 00:18:43,601
It was just
instantly right.
532
00:18:43,601 --> 00:18:46,187
Like everything else
about us.
533
00:18:46,187 --> 00:18:49,107
We traveled well together.
534
00:18:49,107 --> 00:18:50,984
You gave me your little
bready‐stick things
535
00:18:50,984 --> 00:18:52,485
from the snack mix
on the plane.
536
00:18:52,485 --> 00:18:54,153
You love
those bready‐stick things.
I know.
537
00:18:55,530 --> 00:19:00,034
And a‐as soon as we had sex
in Iowa
538
00:19:00,034 --> 00:19:01,869
and I was surrounded
by the memories
539
00:19:01,869 --> 00:19:05,039
of everything I lost before,
540
00:19:05,039 --> 00:19:07,959
I realized
I could lose you, too.
541
00:19:07,959 --> 00:19:09,794
And it was too much.
542
00:19:11,963 --> 00:19:13,131
So, to be clear,
you sent me away
543
00:19:13,131 --> 00:19:15,300
because what we have
is too great.
544
00:19:15,300 --> 00:19:16,968
[ Sighs ]
545
00:19:16,968 --> 00:19:19,387
And, just for me,
the topper is,
546
00:19:19,387 --> 00:19:20,763
I was too good in bed.
547
00:19:29,981 --> 00:19:32,900
[ Breathes deeply ]
It's scary for me, too.
548
00:19:45,997 --> 00:19:47,665
Mom!
You're alive!
549
00:19:47,665 --> 00:19:49,250
What?
[ Chuckles ]
550
00:19:49,250 --> 00:19:52,211
Oh, well, it's a long story,
but we missed you.
551
00:19:52,211 --> 00:19:54,339
Aww, you missed me?
552
00:19:54,339 --> 00:19:56,883
Aww, that's such a sweet thing
to come home to.
553
00:19:56,883 --> 00:19:59,344
So, you are home?
554
00:19:59,344 --> 00:20:01,012
Yeah.
555
00:20:01,012 --> 00:20:02,805
I've got everything
I want here.
556
00:20:02,805 --> 00:20:04,307
My kids are here.
My boyfriend's here.
557
00:20:04,307 --> 00:20:05,058
What else do I need?
558
00:20:06,768 --> 00:20:09,020
Uh, I'll see you guys
tomorrow.
559
00:20:09,020 --> 00:20:10,396
Oh, no ‐‐ But ‐‐ No!
What ‐‐ What about ‐‐
560
00:20:10,396 --> 00:20:12,190
Real quick ‐‐
I ‐‐ Ah!
561
00:20:12,190 --> 00:20:15,026
[ Door handle rattles ]
Hey, since when
does this door lock?
562
00:20:15,026 --> 00:20:17,779
Jean: I love you guys,
but if I can hear you,
563
00:20:17,779 --> 00:20:19,238
you'll be able to hear me!
564
00:20:19,238 --> 00:20:20,698
[ Chuckles ]
And Danny!
565
00:20:20,698 --> 00:20:22,367
Ugh, God. Ugh.
Okay, we're going.
566
00:20:26,037 --> 00:20:28,706
[ Sighs ] Why did I talk you
into moving back to L. A.?
567
00:20:28,706 --> 00:20:31,709
Because you're a good friend
who wants me to be happy.
568
00:20:31,709 --> 00:20:33,628
You left a couple things.
569
00:20:33,628 --> 00:20:35,338
Oh, I did it
so I'd have to come back.
570
00:20:35,338 --> 00:20:37,256
And I'm bringing Tuna Fey
next time.
571
00:20:37,256 --> 00:20:39,258
I promised I'd show her
the ocean before she dies.
572
00:20:40,468 --> 00:20:43,763
Just go and enjoy L. A.
573
00:20:43,763 --> 00:20:45,264
I love you, Jeannie.
574
00:20:45,264 --> 00:20:46,891
I love you, too.
575
00:20:48,851 --> 00:20:51,479
[ Smooches ]
[ Tablet bloops ]
576
00:20:51,479 --> 00:20:53,856
[ Sighs ]
577
00:20:53,856 --> 00:21:00,196
♪♪
578
00:21:00,196 --> 00:21:06,452
♪♪
579
00:21:06,452 --> 00:21:08,538
Mm.
580
00:21:08,538 --> 00:21:16,462
♪♪
581
00:21:16,462 --> 00:21:24,637
♪♪