1 00:00:01,314 --> 00:00:03,358 Come on. Turn around. 2 00:00:03,358 --> 00:00:04,484 You were one minute away. 3 00:00:04,484 --> 00:00:06,194 How are you six minutes away now? 4 00:00:06,194 --> 00:00:07,528 Morning. Who are you yelling at? 5 00:00:07,528 --> 00:00:09,781 I ordered a ride‐share 30 minutes ago, 6 00:00:09,781 --> 00:00:11,741 but Christine S. keeps turning left. 7 00:00:11,741 --> 00:00:13,576 I don't know what's happening. 8 00:00:13,576 --> 00:00:15,620 You have a very low passenger rating. 9 00:00:15,620 --> 00:00:17,455 Two out of five stars?! 10 00:00:17,455 --> 00:00:19,249 What'd you do, Jean? 11 00:00:19,249 --> 00:00:22,377 I don't know. I'm a very good passenger. 12 00:00:22,377 --> 00:00:24,045 I make conversation, I help with directions, 13 00:00:24,045 --> 00:00:25,380 and I always sit in front 14 00:00:25,380 --> 00:00:26,923 so we can have a face‐to‐face conversation 15 00:00:26,923 --> 00:00:28,299 when I talk politics. 16 00:00:28,299 --> 00:00:29,759 Run, Christine S., run! 17 00:00:29,759 --> 00:00:32,053 Oh! I think she heard you. She dropped me. 18 00:00:32,053 --> 00:00:32,804 Where are you trying to go? 19 00:00:32,804 --> 00:00:34,347 The grocery store. 20 00:00:34,347 --> 00:00:35,932 I asked Freddie to take me, but he said he had 21 00:00:35,932 --> 00:00:37,934 such a good parking spot, he didn't want to give it up. 22 00:00:37,934 --> 00:00:39,811 And then I called Jackie to drive me, 23 00:00:39,811 --> 00:00:41,854 but she said she drove me three times last week 24 00:00:41,854 --> 00:00:43,648 and her carbon footprint was getting too big. 25 00:00:43,648 --> 00:00:47,026 Hmm. Look, you've been here a few weeks now, 26 00:00:47,026 --> 00:00:50,572 and Los Angeles is really not a town you can be without a car. 27 00:00:50,572 --> 00:00:52,573 I mean, people become afraid to answer your calls. 28 00:00:52,573 --> 00:00:54,325 I mean, I'm sexually attracted to you, 29 00:00:54,325 --> 00:00:56,286 and even I don't pick up sometimes. 30 00:00:56,286 --> 00:00:58,288 Yeah, I live across the courtyard. 31 00:00:58,288 --> 00:00:59,372 I can hear your phone ring. Ah. 32 00:00:59,372 --> 00:01:00,873 And see you turn your lights off. 33 00:01:00,873 --> 00:01:03,459 Hmm. Look, don't you have a job starting soon? 34 00:01:03,459 --> 00:01:04,544 I mean, what's your plan now? 35 00:01:04,544 --> 00:01:05,962 Oh, I thought you and I could carpool. 36 00:01:05,962 --> 00:01:07,005 I work from home, Jean. 37 00:01:07,005 --> 00:01:08,256 So we'll drop you off first. 38 00:01:08,256 --> 00:01:10,133 Jean... 39 00:01:10,133 --> 00:01:12,552 it's time. 40 00:01:12,552 --> 00:01:15,638 I remember when you guys first got your licenses, 41 00:01:15,638 --> 00:01:17,765 and I didn't get to drive you to school anymore. 42 00:01:17,765 --> 00:01:19,809 I missed our time together in the car. 43 00:01:19,809 --> 00:01:21,477 Now when I get my own car, 44 00:01:21,477 --> 00:01:24,856 you're gonna miss your time with me. 45 00:01:24,856 --> 00:01:25,732 The blue one's nice. 46 00:01:25,732 --> 00:01:26,858 Hey, where does she sign?! 47 00:01:26,858 --> 00:01:28,943 Okay, everybody calm down. 48 00:01:28,943 --> 00:01:31,821 We are not making any emotional purchases today. 49 00:01:31,821 --> 00:01:33,281 Which is why I'm doing the talking 50 00:01:33,281 --> 00:01:34,365 when the salesman gets here. 51 00:01:34,365 --> 00:01:35,700 I worked on a car lot when I was 18. 52 00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:37,035 I speak their language. 53 00:01:37,035 --> 00:01:38,328 Also, let's not dance around it, 54 00:01:38,328 --> 00:01:40,413 I'm the best‐looking of the bunch. 55 00:01:40,413 --> 00:01:42,707 Okay, Cookie, we'll take our cues from you, 56 00:01:42,707 --> 00:01:44,083 but I'm gonna do my part. 57 00:01:44,083 --> 00:01:46,544 These babies still have a little gas in the tank. 58 00:01:46,544 --> 00:01:51,257 Ugh. 59 00:01:51,257 --> 00:02:02,701 ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ 60 00:02:04,809 --> 00:02:07,186 It means a lot to me that you guys are here. 61 00:02:07,186 --> 00:02:09,396 You could've been anywhere, but you're here with me. 62 00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:11,941 Well, actually, Celia's in Chicago for two days 63 00:02:11,941 --> 00:02:13,984 at an influencer convention, so I have nothing else to do. 64 00:02:13,984 --> 00:02:15,486 Hmm, actually, I had three vacation days 65 00:02:15,486 --> 00:02:16,570 that were about to expire, 66 00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:17,905 and Lane told me we were going to lunch. 67 00:02:17,905 --> 00:02:20,533 Still, you're here with me. [ Chuckles ] 68 00:02:20,533 --> 00:02:22,576 Hey, wait. If you guys are alone tonight, 69 00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:24,078 you have to come over for dinner. 70 00:02:24,078 --> 00:02:26,539 It hasn't been just the three of us since I came out here. 71 00:02:26,539 --> 00:02:28,165 In fact, it hasn't been just the three of us 72 00:02:28,165 --> 00:02:29,708 since you guys were in high school. 73 00:02:29,708 --> 00:02:31,627 Jackie always had a boyfriend. 74 00:02:31,627 --> 00:02:34,046 And Freddie always had to bring a friend along 75 00:02:34,046 --> 00:02:36,132 when we went to the lake for the summer. 76 00:02:36,132 --> 00:02:39,468 Who eventually became one of Jackie's boyfriends. 77 00:02:39,468 --> 00:02:42,638 I was not prepared to relive this today. 78 00:02:42,638 --> 00:02:44,974 Okay, Bryce, this is our customer. 79 00:02:44,974 --> 00:02:47,226 I hope I can trust you to take care of my girl. 80 00:02:47,226 --> 00:02:49,728 Go ahead Bryce, you got this. 81 00:02:49,728 --> 00:02:51,856 Well, may I suggest this model? 82 00:02:51,856 --> 00:02:53,774 It gets excellent gas mileage 83 00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:56,110 and has the highest safety rating in its class. 84 00:02:56,110 --> 00:02:57,361 Ooh. 85 00:02:57,361 --> 00:03:00,447 [ Chuckles ] 86 00:03:00,447 --> 00:03:02,116 What's that? 87 00:03:02,116 --> 00:03:04,410 Oh, that's your multimedia infotainment touchscreen. 88 00:03:04,410 --> 00:03:06,745 Oh, so high‐tech. 89 00:03:06,745 --> 00:03:10,040 Play Celine Dion! 90 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:11,750 That's not how it works. [ Chuckles ] 91 00:03:11,750 --> 00:03:12,918 Oh. 92 00:03:12,918 --> 00:03:14,879 But you can also get it with an optional sunroof. 93 00:03:14,879 --> 00:03:17,089 [ Gasps ] Does that cost extra? 94 00:03:17,089 --> 00:03:19,300 Eh...a little. 95 00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:21,719 Translation ‐‐ a lot. 96 00:03:21,719 --> 00:03:25,347 That's right, I speak your language. 97 00:03:25,347 --> 00:03:27,099 I'll just take the base model. 98 00:03:27,099 --> 00:03:29,685 But not in white because people can't see you when it snows. 99 00:03:29,685 --> 00:03:32,062 Mom, this is Los Angeles. It never snows. 100 00:03:32,062 --> 00:03:34,231 Yeah, and white's nice 'cause it hides the ash from the fires. 101 00:03:34,231 --> 00:03:35,608 Oh, I'll take the white. 102 00:03:35,608 --> 00:03:36,984 I'll track one down for you 103 00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:38,068 and give you a call when I have it. 104 00:03:38,068 --> 00:03:39,695 Oh, I‐I can't get it today? 105 00:03:39,695 --> 00:03:42,197 But I start a new job today. How am I gonna get to work? 106 00:03:42,197 --> 00:03:44,533 I call dibs on taking Mother Raines to work! 107 00:03:44,533 --> 00:03:46,619 Oh, shoot, I was gonna offer. 108 00:03:46,619 --> 00:03:49,288 Snooze, you lose, guys. 109 00:03:49,288 --> 00:03:50,706 Good morning, Amy. 110 00:03:50,706 --> 00:03:52,166 I brought you some first‐day donuts. 111 00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:54,001 Oh, thank God. I almost had a yogurt. 112 00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:56,170 [ Chuckles ] You're an hour early. 113 00:03:56,170 --> 00:03:59,381 Oh, I went over all my orientation materials. 114 00:03:59,381 --> 00:04:00,549 I got new binders. 115 00:04:00,549 --> 00:04:02,635 And I'm wearing a lipstick called "Success." 116 00:04:02,635 --> 00:04:04,970 [ Chuckles ] Are you ready for your first client? 117 00:04:04,970 --> 00:04:07,890 I've got a client. I've never had a client. 118 00:04:07,890 --> 00:04:09,808 I'm like a lawyer or a prostitute. 119 00:04:09,808 --> 00:04:12,728 I've got a Julia Roberts movie job! 120 00:04:12,728 --> 00:04:15,105 Don't call yourself a prostitute. 121 00:04:15,105 --> 00:04:17,608 College counseling cannot take another controversy. 122 00:04:17,608 --> 00:04:19,818 Oh, okay. Business Amy. 123 00:04:19,818 --> 00:04:21,236 No. Boss Amy. 124 00:04:21,236 --> 00:04:22,863 Got it. Boss Amy. 125 00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:24,698 Your job is to figure out a kid's strength 126 00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:25,783 and get them into college. 127 00:04:25,783 --> 00:04:27,868 But sometimes kids have no strengths. 128 00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:29,328 Oh, as a teacher, 129 00:04:29,328 --> 00:04:30,454 I like to think that all students 130 00:04:30,454 --> 00:04:31,830 have something to offer. 131 00:04:31,830 --> 00:04:35,292 [ Chuckles ] Counterpoint ‐‐ meet Connor. 132 00:04:35,292 --> 00:04:37,336 That's my first client? 133 00:04:37,336 --> 00:04:40,381 I can smell the weed through the computer. 134 00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:41,924 May‐Maybe I should start with an easy one. 135 00:04:41,924 --> 00:04:43,968 This is an easy one. 136 00:04:43,968 --> 00:04:45,594 You think parents bring their kids to us 137 00:04:45,594 --> 00:04:46,762 when they're Harvard material? 138 00:04:46,762 --> 00:04:48,931 You're lucky this isn't a mug shot. 139 00:04:48,931 --> 00:04:51,350 I believe in you. You can do this. 140 00:04:51,350 --> 00:04:53,477 Unless you can't do it, then I'll fire you. 141 00:04:53,477 --> 00:04:56,063 And don't put up any personal pictures 142 00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:57,523 'cause I don't like looking at people's children 143 00:04:57,523 --> 00:04:58,941 when I'm canning their asses. 144 00:04:58,941 --> 00:05:01,652 ♪♪ 145 00:05:01,652 --> 00:05:03,779 ‐Hi, Mom. ‐Hi, guys. 146 00:05:03,779 --> 00:05:04,571 What are you doing here? 147 00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:06,240 You invited us to dinner. 148 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,409 Oh, dinner, right. 149 00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:10,452 Oh, I haven't even gone to the market yet. 150 00:05:10,452 --> 00:05:12,705 My first day turned out to be so much more intense 151 00:05:12,705 --> 00:05:13,998 than I thought it was gonna be. 152 00:05:13,998 --> 00:05:15,958 There are two sides to Amy. 153 00:05:15,958 --> 00:05:18,419 And today I met Boss Amy. She doesn't play. 154 00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:20,754 Or give bathroom breaks. 155 00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,006 If you have a lot of work to do, 156 00:05:22,006 --> 00:05:23,257 we don't have to do this tonight. 157 00:05:23,257 --> 00:05:25,134 Yeah, we could totally do it next weekend 158 00:05:25,134 --> 00:05:26,260 when Celia's back in town. 159 00:05:26,260 --> 00:05:29,638 Oh, God, no! [ Chuckles ] 160 00:05:29,638 --> 00:05:31,807 I do have a lot of work, but I can multitask. 161 00:05:31,807 --> 00:05:32,683 I'll be fine. 162 00:05:32,683 --> 00:05:34,184 Okay. Should we just order in? 163 00:05:34,184 --> 00:05:35,728 Order in for Family Dinner? 164 00:05:35,728 --> 00:05:37,563 [ Scoffs ] Who am I, Aunt Kim? 165 00:05:37,563 --> 00:05:40,316 Why don't we just go to Hometown Buffet for Thanksgiving 166 00:05:40,316 --> 00:05:42,776 and get a plastic Christmas tree while we're at it? 167 00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:45,863 Are we a family or are we from New York? 168 00:05:45,863 --> 00:05:48,365 Okay, Mom. We know. We'll let you cook. 169 00:05:48,365 --> 00:05:50,159 Oh, good. How about my curried chicken? 170 00:05:50,159 --> 00:05:51,618 I do love your curried chicken. 171 00:05:51,618 --> 00:05:53,996 I‐I just need to borrow a few ingredients from Danny. 172 00:05:53,996 --> 00:05:56,498 How about I make my brownies for dessert? 173 00:05:56,498 --> 00:05:58,792 Freddie, it's your turn to be my taste tester. 174 00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:00,127 [ Gasps ] Ooh, taste tester? 175 00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:01,837 I don't think I've been taste tester since high school. 176 00:06:01,837 --> 00:06:03,255 If you don't want to do it, I ‐‐ 177 00:06:03,255 --> 00:06:04,548 She just said it was my turn. 178 00:06:04,548 --> 00:06:06,425 Okay, well, if he gets the bowl, I get the spoon. 179 00:06:06,425 --> 00:06:07,801 Oh, yeah, you get the spoon. 180 00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:09,219 How else am I supposed to get the batter out of the bowl, 181 00:06:09,219 --> 00:06:10,429 you idiot?! 182 00:06:10,429 --> 00:06:12,306 Uh, I don't know, use your fingers, turd. 183 00:06:12,306 --> 00:06:15,851 Oh, my babies are home. 184 00:06:15,851 --> 00:06:19,271 ♪♪ 185 00:06:19,271 --> 00:06:22,191 [ Knocks on door ] 186 00:06:22,191 --> 00:06:23,984 I don't need a ride. 187 00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:27,112 Oh. 188 00:06:27,112 --> 00:06:29,490 Hey, how's the career woman? 189 00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:31,492 Oh, spread a little thin. Ah. 190 00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:33,911 I've got about six hours of research to do tonight, 191 00:06:33,911 --> 00:06:36,080 but right now, I've got my babies all to myself, 192 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:37,289 and I'm gonna make them dinner. 193 00:06:37,289 --> 00:06:38,707 Can I borrow a few odds and ends? 194 00:06:38,707 --> 00:06:39,583 Yeah, sure. 195 00:06:39,583 --> 00:06:40,918 Okay, I need three chicken breasts, 196 00:06:40,918 --> 00:06:42,669 an onion, a bag of frozen peas, 197 00:06:42,669 --> 00:06:44,254 anything that might go into a salad, 198 00:06:44,254 --> 00:06:46,215 and a can of coconut milk. 199 00:06:46,215 --> 00:06:48,300 So all you have is a flame and a pan? 200 00:06:48,300 --> 00:06:50,260 Oh, I also need a pan. 201 00:06:50,260 --> 00:06:51,095 Why don't you just order in? 202 00:06:51,095 --> 00:06:52,888 Because I'm not Aunt Kim. 203 00:06:52,888 --> 00:06:56,266 I cook for Family Dinners, and I know my drink limit. 204 00:06:56,266 --> 00:06:57,851 And it's never just the three of us. 205 00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:59,728 And who knows when it's gonna be just the three of us again. 206 00:06:59,728 --> 00:07:00,729 Hmm. 207 00:07:00,729 --> 00:07:02,106 There are boyfriends and girlfriends, 208 00:07:02,106 --> 00:07:04,775 and pretty soon there's gonna be families and in‐laws. 209 00:07:04,775 --> 00:07:07,027 And this gives me a chance to get a taste 210 00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:07,778 of what it used to be... 211 00:07:07,778 --> 00:07:09,113 Hmm. 212 00:07:09,113 --> 00:07:10,781 ...when they'd come home for winter break 213 00:07:10,781 --> 00:07:12,658 and I'd buy all their favorite snacks 214 00:07:12,658 --> 00:07:14,576 and put their towels in the dryer 215 00:07:14,576 --> 00:07:16,745 so they'd be toasty when they got out of the shower. 216 00:07:16,745 --> 00:07:18,497 Oh, wow. I wish you were my mom. 217 00:07:18,497 --> 00:07:19,706 Our thing is complicated enough. 218 00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:22,292 Yeah, I heard it. 219 00:07:22,292 --> 00:07:24,670 Besides, this is what I came to L. A. for ‐‐ 220 00:07:24,670 --> 00:07:26,672 to have quality time with my kids. 221 00:07:26,672 --> 00:07:28,215 Look, I know what you mean. 222 00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:29,967 I mean, when my daughter was little, 223 00:07:29,967 --> 00:07:31,885 I used to take her to ride the ponies at Griffith Park. 224 00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:34,263 I used to have to hold the reins for her. 225 00:07:34,263 --> 00:07:36,390 Then she made me let go of the reins. 226 00:07:36,390 --> 00:07:37,641 Then she made a go at the Jet Ski, 227 00:07:37,641 --> 00:07:39,893 and the pony and I were both out. 228 00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:42,521 Jean, every parent wishes they could go backwards. 229 00:07:42,521 --> 00:07:44,481 Just ‐‐ Just don't be surprised 230 00:07:44,481 --> 00:07:47,651 if you find you can't recapture the magic of your memories. 231 00:07:47,651 --> 00:07:48,944 Your kids are grown‐ups. 232 00:07:48,944 --> 00:07:50,195 ♪♪ 233 00:07:50,195 --> 00:07:53,740 Mom, Freddie's brownie's bigger than mine! 234 00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:54,950 Cow bite! 235 00:07:54,950 --> 00:07:56,118 Ow! 236 00:07:56,118 --> 00:07:56,994 [ Buzzer sounds ] 237 00:07:56,994 --> 00:07:58,954 Oh, Freddie, that's your last load. 238 00:07:58,954 --> 00:08:01,623 I can't believe you made Mom do your laundry. 239 00:08:01,623 --> 00:08:02,916 I didn't make her. 240 00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:04,918 I just mentioned that it was in my car 241 00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:06,003 and that I don't have any more clean clothes 242 00:08:06,003 --> 00:08:07,421 and that my laundromat's in a bad neighborhood. 243 00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:08,881 I can't help that she wanted to do it. 244 00:08:08,881 --> 00:08:11,508 Oh, I love hanging with you guys. 245 00:08:11,508 --> 00:08:13,218 This has been the best night. 246 00:08:13,218 --> 00:08:16,722 I mean, I love Lane, and Celia's... 247 00:08:16,722 --> 00:08:19,516 in your life, but I miss just us. 248 00:08:19,516 --> 00:08:21,226 Okay, well, then let's keep it going! 249 00:08:21,226 --> 00:08:22,603 [ Singsong voice ] Movie night. 250 00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:24,104 Ooh, yeah! 251 00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:25,772 But I get to pick 'cause Freddie licked the bowl. 252 00:08:25,772 --> 00:08:27,441 He licks, I pick ‐‐ That's the rules. 253 00:08:27,441 --> 00:08:30,277 And I pick "The Sandlot." Yes! 254 00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:31,987 ‐"You're killing me, Smalls!" ‐"You're killing me, Smalls!" 255 00:08:31,987 --> 00:08:34,239 Oh...okay... 256 00:08:34,239 --> 00:08:35,657 It's still early. 257 00:08:35,657 --> 00:08:37,284 I guess I can get my work done later. 258 00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:38,827 I'm kind of a night owl anyway. 259 00:08:38,827 --> 00:08:40,454 I stayed up until the double‐digits 260 00:08:40,454 --> 00:08:42,247 three times last week. 261 00:08:42,247 --> 00:08:46,710 ♪♪ 262 00:08:46,710 --> 00:08:51,173 ♪♪ 263 00:08:51,173 --> 00:08:55,344 ♪♪ 264 00:08:55,344 --> 00:08:57,554 Please don't be dead. 265 00:09:02,059 --> 00:09:03,810 Oh, thank God. [ Chuckles ] 266 00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:04,895 What are you doing here? 267 00:09:04,895 --> 00:09:06,063 I'm here to take you to work. 268 00:09:06,063 --> 00:09:08,524 [ Gasps ] Oh, my God. Work. 269 00:09:08,524 --> 00:09:10,150 [ Gasps ] I didn't do anything! 270 00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:12,444 [ Gasps ] That damn "Sandlot!" 271 00:09:12,444 --> 00:09:13,987 It always puts me to sleep. 272 00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:15,697 I've never made it to the end of it. 273 00:09:15,697 --> 00:09:17,449 Just tell me, do they ever get the ball back? 274 00:09:17,449 --> 00:09:18,825 No, no, no, don't tell me. 275 00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:20,494 I can't tell you. I've never seen it. 276 00:09:20,494 --> 00:09:22,538 What? It's a classic. 277 00:09:22,538 --> 00:09:24,039 How have you never seen it? 278 00:09:24,039 --> 00:09:26,875 You've never seen it. 279 00:09:26,875 --> 00:09:28,710 Mother Raines, what are we doing? 280 00:09:28,710 --> 00:09:29,503 Don't you have to get to work? 281 00:09:29,503 --> 00:09:30,837 I do. 282 00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:32,464 Oh, gosh, I don't know what's happening. 283 00:09:32,464 --> 00:09:34,216 This is so unlike me. 284 00:09:34,216 --> 00:09:36,385 Oversleeping, late for work, 285 00:09:36,385 --> 00:09:37,761 I didn't do my homework. 286 00:09:37,761 --> 00:09:39,513 Who am I kidding? I'm not Julia Roberts. 287 00:09:39,513 --> 00:09:41,181 I'm Eric Roberts. 288 00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:42,724 I can't go to work like this. 289 00:09:42,724 --> 00:09:45,435 You'll be fine. We just have to, um, smooth out your dress... 290 00:09:45,435 --> 00:09:46,812 Yeah. ...and, um, 291 00:09:46,812 --> 00:09:48,105 fluff up your hair... 292 00:09:48,105 --> 00:09:50,315 and, uh, get you some shoes. 293 00:09:50,315 --> 00:09:51,275 ‐Okay. ‐You need some shoes. 294 00:09:51,275 --> 00:09:53,318 Okay. Okay, oh, gosh. 295 00:09:53,318 --> 00:09:55,404 [ Grunts ] 296 00:09:55,404 --> 00:09:58,532 ♪♪ 297 00:09:58,532 --> 00:10:01,451 So, Connor, obviously I've been going over 298 00:10:01,451 --> 00:10:04,746 your transcript and test scores 299 00:10:04,746 --> 00:10:08,417 and...court‐ordered community service? 300 00:10:08,417 --> 00:10:11,837 And they are all here. 301 00:10:11,837 --> 00:10:13,755 But let's look past the folder. 302 00:10:13,755 --> 00:10:17,718 Why don't you tell me, in your own words, 303 00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:19,553 what you think you have to offer? 304 00:10:19,553 --> 00:10:21,680 Isn't that your job? 305 00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:23,974 That's right, Jean. That is your job. 306 00:10:23,974 --> 00:10:25,809 Why don't you tell Connor a little bit about 307 00:10:25,809 --> 00:10:28,103 the college application process? 308 00:10:28,103 --> 00:10:31,857 Well, based on my extensive reading, 309 00:10:31,857 --> 00:10:36,570 the college application process is a lot like the... 310 00:10:36,570 --> 00:10:38,155 the... 311 00:10:38,155 --> 00:10:40,490 the movie "The Sandlot." 312 00:10:40,490 --> 00:10:44,369 And, um, college is a lot like an... 313 00:10:44,369 --> 00:10:45,996 autographed baseball. 314 00:10:45,996 --> 00:10:48,206 It's more valuable to some people than to others. 315 00:10:48,206 --> 00:10:49,291 And then... 316 00:10:49,291 --> 00:10:51,251 A giant dog destroys it? 317 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:52,586 He does?! 318 00:10:52,586 --> 00:10:56,173 The stepfather's gonna be furious. 319 00:10:56,173 --> 00:11:00,010 Tell you what, Connor, how about you take this money 320 00:11:00,010 --> 00:11:01,678 and get some Doritos out the vending machine 321 00:11:01,678 --> 00:11:02,888 and we're gonna reschedule, okay? 322 00:11:02,888 --> 00:11:04,514 Chips. 323 00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:09,936 I'm sorry. This is so not like me. 324 00:11:09,936 --> 00:11:12,314 I meant to get up early and study Connor's file. 325 00:11:12,314 --> 00:11:14,608 I got carried away with my kids last night. 326 00:11:14,608 --> 00:11:17,277 I‐I have never slept through an alarm in my life. 327 00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:20,614 I've never had a boss look at me the way you're looking at me. 328 00:11:20,614 --> 00:11:22,449 Don't look at me. 329 00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:24,785 Look, maybe I made a mistake hiring you. 330 00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:28,121 You didn't! I swear. It's just a lot to balance. 331 00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:29,873 Work and children. 332 00:11:29,873 --> 00:11:31,833 But I believe women can have it all. 333 00:11:31,833 --> 00:11:34,378 Look, Jean, I know I'm a good time, 334 00:11:34,378 --> 00:11:35,629 which may give you the impression 335 00:11:35,629 --> 00:11:37,255 that I don't care, 336 00:11:37,255 --> 00:11:39,299 but I'm trying to make something of this place. 337 00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:40,467 It's important to me. 338 00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:42,260 It's important to me, too. 339 00:11:42,260 --> 00:11:45,305 I've just put a non‐refundable down payment a brand‐new car. 340 00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:47,140 Boss Amy doesn't care. 341 00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:49,601 Oh, of course not. I'm sorry I let you down. 342 00:11:49,601 --> 00:11:51,603 I won't do it again. 343 00:11:51,603 --> 00:11:54,606 Okay, I'm ready. You can look at me. 344 00:11:54,606 --> 00:11:56,566 Nope, I was wrong. I'm not ready. 345 00:11:56,566 --> 00:11:58,360 I'm gonna look away from you now. 346 00:12:02,447 --> 00:12:03,740 Yay, Mom's home! 347 00:12:03,740 --> 00:12:06,118 Ooh, outfit so nice, you wore it twice. 348 00:12:06,118 --> 00:12:08,954 [ Sighs ] What are you guys doing here? 349 00:12:08,954 --> 00:12:10,330 We felt bad you did all the work last night, 350 00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:12,624 so we brought ingredients so you can make us lasagna. 351 00:12:12,624 --> 00:12:15,001 I left the receipt on the table. 352 00:12:15,001 --> 00:12:17,963 Oh, guys, I really don't think I can do dinner tonight. 353 00:12:17,963 --> 00:12:20,924 I've got to get to my work. Boss Amy was super mad. 354 00:12:20,924 --> 00:12:24,177 And I don't think Friend Amy works there anymore. 355 00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:27,723 Oh, so you don't want to play Monopoly with us? 356 00:12:27,723 --> 00:12:31,435 Aunt Kim always plays Monopoly with us. 357 00:12:31,435 --> 00:12:33,145 Set it up. 358 00:12:33,145 --> 00:12:38,608 ♪♪ 359 00:12:38,608 --> 00:12:44,114 ♪♪ 360 00:12:44,114 --> 00:12:46,116 [ Insects chirping ] 361 00:12:52,831 --> 00:12:55,876 Hey! 362 00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:57,419 What are you doing? It's 2:00 a. m. 363 00:12:57,419 --> 00:12:59,880 I thought you were a burglar or a blond raccoon. 364 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:03,800 No. I'm a night owl. 365 00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:05,677 What? 366 00:13:05,677 --> 00:13:07,888 [ Quietly ] I almost got fired. 367 00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:09,598 I didn't get my work done last night. 368 00:13:09,598 --> 00:13:11,767 And then the kids came over again tonight 369 00:13:11,767 --> 00:13:15,187 and tricked me into playing board games. 370 00:13:15,187 --> 00:13:17,689 Now they're asleep inside, and I didn't want to wake them up. 371 00:13:17,689 --> 00:13:21,109 Want to go look at them? They're ridiculously cute. 372 00:13:21,109 --> 00:13:23,069 I'm good. 373 00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:26,490 Jean, you almost got fired? 374 00:13:26,490 --> 00:13:29,326 Yeah, it's okay. I'm doing my reading now. 375 00:13:31,453 --> 00:13:33,038 Hey, I think it might be time 376 00:13:33,038 --> 00:13:34,915 to set up some boundaries with your kids. 377 00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:36,666 But I don't want boundaries with my babies. 378 00:13:36,666 --> 00:13:38,919 Your babies have jobs and lovers 379 00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:40,712 and pay quarterly estimated taxes. 380 00:13:40,712 --> 00:13:42,631 You're all seriously regressing. 381 00:13:42,631 --> 00:13:44,966 It's not healthy for any of you. 382 00:13:44,966 --> 00:13:47,969 I don't care. I want to regress all the way back 383 00:13:47,969 --> 00:13:50,388 to when they were inside of me. 384 00:13:50,388 --> 00:13:55,769 Oh, sorry. I said I want to regress all the way back 385 00:13:55,769 --> 00:13:57,604 to when they were inside of me. 386 00:13:57,604 --> 00:13:59,940 I can still hear you in the dark. 387 00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:01,775 Jean, it ‐‐ it feels like 388 00:14:01,775 --> 00:14:03,443 you might be part of the problem. 389 00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:05,028 And they're taking advantage of you. 390 00:14:05,028 --> 00:14:06,988 Have you never read "The Giving Tree?" 391 00:14:06,988 --> 00:14:08,949 All that's gonna be left of you is a stump. 392 00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:12,786 And they'll come by and sit on me every day. 393 00:14:12,786 --> 00:14:16,289 That was its life's purpose. It's a happy book. 394 00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,291 Doesn't that bother you that, after such a terrible day, 395 00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:20,752 your kids still expect you to play games? 396 00:14:20,752 --> 00:14:22,629 No. It's fine. 397 00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:24,798 I don't matter. I'm just the mom. 398 00:14:24,798 --> 00:14:27,092 I have to take what they give me. 399 00:14:27,092 --> 00:14:29,719 Aw, stumpy... 400 00:14:29,719 --> 00:14:33,431 ♪♪ 401 00:14:33,431 --> 00:14:35,433 Hey, good for you! You're awake. 402 00:14:35,433 --> 00:14:37,561 Oh...same outfit. 403 00:14:37,561 --> 00:14:39,729 Uh, twice was a cry for help, 404 00:14:39,729 --> 00:14:41,565 but three times might be a statement. 405 00:14:41,565 --> 00:14:44,401 I've been up all night doing my homework. 406 00:14:44,401 --> 00:14:46,361 But I got it all done. 407 00:14:46,361 --> 00:14:48,280 I had a great Family Game Night. 408 00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:50,699 I got Park Place. 409 00:14:50,699 --> 00:14:53,785 A woman really can have it all. 410 00:14:53,785 --> 00:14:56,121 Are we in the car yet? 411 00:14:56,121 --> 00:14:58,582 No, not yet, Mother Raines. 412 00:14:58,582 --> 00:15:00,750 But, uh, let's get you to work. 413 00:15:00,750 --> 00:15:04,296 Maybe ‐‐ Maybe run my fingers through your... 414 00:15:06,464 --> 00:15:08,592 Not gonna happen. Never mind. 415 00:15:08,592 --> 00:15:10,468 I'll let you stick your head out of the window on the way in. 416 00:15:10,468 --> 00:15:13,888 It'll be nature's blowout. 417 00:15:13,888 --> 00:15:15,724 Want to hear my plan for Connor? 418 00:15:15,724 --> 00:15:17,726 I want to hear your plan for you. 419 00:15:17,726 --> 00:15:22,355 ♪♪ 420 00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:23,982 Are you about finished there, Connor? 421 00:15:23,982 --> 00:15:25,483 That form is just for me, 422 00:15:25,483 --> 00:15:28,862 a way of getting a sense of where you'd like to apply. 423 00:15:28,862 --> 00:15:30,739 You didn't fill anything out. 424 00:15:30,739 --> 00:15:33,867 This is just a bunch of doodles. 425 00:15:33,867 --> 00:15:35,368 What's that supposed to be, a tree? 426 00:15:35,368 --> 00:15:38,496 Turn it over. 427 00:15:38,496 --> 00:15:42,751 Oh, Connor. 428 00:15:42,751 --> 00:15:44,544 You've been sitting there for 30 minutes. 429 00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:46,338 Well, yeah, that's why it's so detailed. 430 00:15:46,338 --> 00:15:47,422 Are we done? 431 00:15:47,422 --> 00:15:50,258 No, we're not done. 432 00:15:50,258 --> 00:15:51,926 Not even close. 433 00:15:51,926 --> 00:15:53,762 Why aren't you taking this seriously? 434 00:15:53,762 --> 00:15:55,680 Everyone is here for you. 435 00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:57,307 Your parents are spending thousands of dollars 436 00:15:57,307 --> 00:15:58,975 on a college counselor. 437 00:15:58,975 --> 00:16:01,269 I was up all night, and you're contributing nothing. 438 00:16:01,269 --> 00:16:03,146 Can you just take care of this? 439 00:16:03,146 --> 00:16:06,775 No, Connor, I will not "just take care of this." 440 00:16:06,775 --> 00:16:09,653 I asked you to do one thing, and you act like it's too much. 441 00:16:09,653 --> 00:16:11,363 All you had to do was circle the schools 442 00:16:11,363 --> 00:16:12,906 that you were interested in applying to. 443 00:16:12,906 --> 00:16:14,949 I'm sick of you expecting me to do everything. 444 00:16:14,949 --> 00:16:15,867 So? 445 00:16:15,867 --> 00:16:17,243 So, you're not a child! 446 00:16:17,243 --> 00:16:18,703 You can contribute. 447 00:16:18,703 --> 00:16:20,830 I just asked you to fill out some forms, 448 00:16:20,830 --> 00:16:21,998 but you don't fill out forms, 449 00:16:21,998 --> 00:16:23,500 you don't ask questions about schools, 450 00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:24,793 you don't inquire about scholarships. 451 00:16:24,793 --> 00:16:27,462 I did not move here from Iowa for this! 452 00:16:31,549 --> 00:16:33,301 But you know what? 453 00:16:33,301 --> 00:16:35,220 It's my fault. 454 00:16:35,220 --> 00:16:37,722 I created this. 455 00:16:37,722 --> 00:16:39,849 I give and I give and I give. 456 00:16:39,849 --> 00:16:41,518 Does anybody care? 457 00:16:41,518 --> 00:16:42,977 Does anybody ask about my day? 458 00:16:42,977 --> 00:16:45,355 Of course not. Because I don't matter. 459 00:16:45,355 --> 00:16:49,150 Because I'm just a stump. 460 00:16:49,150 --> 00:16:52,862 [ Sighs ] 461 00:16:52,862 --> 00:16:56,032 H‐How was your day? 462 00:16:56,032 --> 00:16:58,159 Oh, God. 463 00:16:58,159 --> 00:17:00,620 I'm sorry, Connor. 464 00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:03,081 I‐I‐I kind of thought the University of Oregon 465 00:17:03,081 --> 00:17:04,582 looked cool. Really? 466 00:17:04,582 --> 00:17:07,377 We could get you into Oregon. 467 00:17:07,377 --> 00:17:10,630 Yeah. And, if you have another one of these forms, 468 00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:12,632 I can fill it out without the... 469 00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:14,092 tree‐nis. 470 00:17:14,092 --> 00:17:16,344 ♪♪ 471 00:17:16,344 --> 00:17:20,390 ‐Hey, Mom. ‐Hi, Mom. 472 00:17:20,390 --> 00:17:21,891 Don't you "Hey, Mom" me. 473 00:17:21,891 --> 00:17:23,643 Oh. Hey, Lane. 474 00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,019 Are you cooking us dinner tonight? 475 00:17:25,019 --> 00:17:26,354 Where's Mom? 476 00:17:26,354 --> 00:17:27,439 [ Gasps ] Is she going to the store? 477 00:17:27,439 --> 00:17:29,149 I need Q‐tips. 478 00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:31,443 You didn't see her sleeping in my car in the driveway? 479 00:17:31,443 --> 00:17:32,944 Don't worry, I cracked a window. 480 00:17:32,944 --> 00:17:35,572 Because I care. Unlike you two ingrates. 481 00:17:35,572 --> 00:17:37,115 [ Scoffs ] What's your problem? 482 00:17:37,115 --> 00:17:38,992 We just came over to let Mom make us dinner. 483 00:17:38,992 --> 00:17:40,952 And I found more laundry for her to do. 484 00:17:40,952 --> 00:17:43,955 [ Scoffs ] You guys are amazing. 485 00:17:43,955 --> 00:17:45,206 And of course, she'd just 486 00:17:45,206 --> 00:17:46,499 cook your dinner and do your laundry. 487 00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:48,918 Because she'd do anything for you. 488 00:17:48,918 --> 00:17:50,795 And you'd let her without even noticing 489 00:17:50,795 --> 00:17:52,881 she's falling apart. 490 00:17:52,881 --> 00:17:54,716 Like, look at this place! 491 00:17:54,716 --> 00:17:57,343 You should see her. You should smell her. 492 00:17:57,343 --> 00:18:00,305 I had to tuck my hanging pine tree in her armpit. 493 00:18:00,305 --> 00:18:02,057 And I didn't crack the window for her safety. 494 00:18:02,057 --> 00:18:05,935 I cracked it for the resale value of my Prius. 495 00:18:05,935 --> 00:18:06,853 What is this about? 496 00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:08,730 You! 497 00:18:08,730 --> 00:18:11,357 All you do is take and take. 498 00:18:11,357 --> 00:18:12,776 You need to be nicer to your mom. 499 00:18:12,776 --> 00:18:15,111 I‐I don't know where you're getting that. 500 00:18:15,111 --> 00:18:16,696 From her. 501 00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:18,782 When I talk to her and I ask her, 502 00:18:18,782 --> 00:18:21,493 "How are you? How was work today?" 503 00:18:21,493 --> 00:18:23,703 You know, when I'm driving her to work and back, 504 00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:26,664 which is the least I can do after all she's done for me. 505 00:18:26,664 --> 00:18:29,125 I mean, after all, she did raise me. 506 00:18:29,125 --> 00:18:31,836 Oh, wait. No, she didn't. 507 00:18:31,836 --> 00:18:34,380 That's you. 508 00:18:34,380 --> 00:18:37,842 So, why am I the one driving her to work? 509 00:18:37,842 --> 00:18:40,386 Okay, I feel like you're trying to make us feel bad. 510 00:18:40,386 --> 00:18:42,722 I'm definitely trying to make you feel bad. 511 00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:44,307 Why? 512 00:18:44,307 --> 00:18:45,934 We're just doing what we've always done. 513 00:18:45,934 --> 00:18:47,310 My mom lives for this stuff. 514 00:18:47,310 --> 00:18:48,770 She toasts Freddie's underwear. 515 00:18:48,770 --> 00:18:51,272 Like "Here's to Freddie's underwear?" 516 00:18:51,272 --> 00:18:53,233 No, she puts it on air fluff for 10 minutes 517 00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:54,275 so it's nice and warm. 518 00:18:54,275 --> 00:18:57,278 Why don't you do something for your mom? 519 00:18:57,278 --> 00:18:59,322 Clean this place up. 520 00:18:59,322 --> 00:19:01,574 I'm going to run her through the car wash before she wakes up. 521 00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:06,287 [ Door closes ] 522 00:19:06,287 --> 00:19:08,623 Is Lane our new dad? 523 00:19:08,623 --> 00:19:11,835 ♪♪ 524 00:19:11,835 --> 00:19:13,837 Thanks for coming with me, you guys. 525 00:19:13,837 --> 00:19:16,714 I invited the kids, but Freddie's busy with Celia 526 00:19:16,714 --> 00:19:18,258 and Jackie's back at work. 527 00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:19,926 [ Voice breaking ] They're done with me. 528 00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:22,428 You're gonna be okay. Boundaries are good for you. 529 00:19:22,428 --> 00:19:23,680 Your new ride's gonna cheer you up. 530 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:25,723 ‐Ta‐da! ‐Ta‐da! [ Laughs ] 531 00:19:25,723 --> 00:19:27,809 What?! What are you guys doing here? 532 00:19:27,809 --> 00:19:29,227 We wanted to surprise you. 533 00:19:29,227 --> 00:19:30,979 I hope you like your gift, Mom. 534 00:19:30,979 --> 00:19:32,230 It's from us. 535 00:19:32,230 --> 00:19:34,691 What? No. 536 00:19:34,691 --> 00:19:36,526 You bought me the car? It's too much! 537 00:19:36,526 --> 00:19:38,695 My babies bought me a car! 538 00:19:38,695 --> 00:19:40,572 Your babies bought you a car! 539 00:19:40,572 --> 00:19:42,031 No, no, no, no. We didn't! 540 00:19:42,031 --> 00:19:45,076 We didn't buy the car. We paid for the sunrooooof! 541 00:19:45,076 --> 00:19:48,204 Yeah, Mom, look. 'Cause if you notice, 542 00:19:48,204 --> 00:19:51,457 the bow's on the car, but it's mostly on the sunroof. 543 00:19:51,457 --> 00:19:52,250 The sunroof, yeah. 544 00:19:52,250 --> 00:19:53,918 ‐Oh. ‐Oh. 545 00:19:53,918 --> 00:19:55,253 Oh. 546 00:19:55,253 --> 00:19:56,629 Well, it's still very nice. 547 00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:58,298 I mean, a huge letdown after you think 548 00:19:58,298 --> 00:20:00,466 you got a whole car from them, but, uh, still. 549 00:20:00,466 --> 00:20:03,261 It's ‐‐ It's ‐‐ It's ‐‐ It's ‐‐ It's nice. 550 00:20:03,261 --> 00:20:04,721 ‐I love it. ‐[ Chuckles ] 551 00:20:04,721 --> 00:20:08,641 It's my own sunroof. So glamorous. 552 00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:10,852 Yeah, it's been brought to our attention 553 00:20:10,852 --> 00:20:12,770 that we've sort of been acting like infants. 554 00:20:12,770 --> 00:20:14,939 Yeah, and we wanted to do something nice for you 555 00:20:14,939 --> 00:20:18,735 for a change to say thank you for, you know, everything. 556 00:20:18,735 --> 00:20:21,070 Aww... It's perfect. 557 00:20:21,070 --> 00:20:22,989 I love you guys. 558 00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:24,574 Let's see. 559 00:20:24,574 --> 00:20:27,118 Door open! 560 00:20:27,118 --> 00:20:28,119 Unlock? 561 00:20:28,119 --> 00:20:30,455 [ Chuckles ] Mom... 562 00:20:30,455 --> 00:20:33,875 Oh, thank you. Tired. 563 00:20:33,875 --> 00:20:35,001 Door open! 564 00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:36,127 [ Alarm honking ] Oh! 565 00:20:36,127 --> 00:20:37,921 Gosh. 566 00:20:37,921 --> 00:20:39,756 Shh! Quiet! 567 00:20:39,756 --> 00:20:41,591 Quiet! Shh! 568 00:20:45,428 --> 00:20:47,430 Hey, Connor's parents called. 569 00:20:47,430 --> 00:20:50,266 Oh, no. I just bought a new car. 570 00:20:50,266 --> 00:20:52,644 No, they're happy with his progress. 571 00:20:52,644 --> 00:20:55,104 And I'm not sure why this is a compliment 572 00:20:55,104 --> 00:20:56,773 that needs to be said, but good job 573 00:20:56,773 --> 00:20:58,399 on changing your clothes today, mm. 574 00:20:58,399 --> 00:21:00,401 If you let me come back tomorrow, I'll do it again. 575 00:21:00,401 --> 00:21:02,278 I'm looking forward to working with you. 576 00:21:02,278 --> 00:21:04,697 And you can put a picture up at your desk, but just one. 577 00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:06,658 And no babies. Babies creep me out. 578 00:21:06,658 --> 00:21:09,202 Got it. I'll bring one from home. 579 00:21:09,202 --> 00:21:12,330 Ohh. 580 00:21:15,333 --> 00:21:16,501 [ Sighs ] 581 00:21:16,501 --> 00:21:17,961 [ Alarm sounding ] Oh, God! 582 00:21:17,961 --> 00:21:19,629 Oh, God! Ohh... 583 00:21:19,629 --> 00:21:21,673 Stop! Shh! 584 00:21:21,673 --> 00:21:23,591 [ Alarm continues ] 585 00:21:25,218 --> 00:21:28,388 ♪♪ 586 00:21:28,388 --> 00:21:31,224 ♪♪