- Okay, guys. We have a lot to get through
and not a lot of time.
So please, no interruptions.
- You should all be ashamed of yourselves.
- I am!
- We are months into the Spirit competition
and we are losing.
- Um, Mac, Daisy was just in the middle of talking.
- Who are you? Have we met? - I'm Gil.
Yesterday, you handed me a very full aquarium and said,
"Whatever you do, don't put this down,"
and then never came back.
- Yet I see you don't have it now.
Anyway, I went undercover at Valley to do some digging.
[mysterious music]
* *
- Cool walk, new kid.
- Should I go here?
I infiltrated some of Valley's Spirit events
to see what those evil bastards have been up to.
* *
[excited chatter]
* *
[laughs]
* *
[tattoo needle buzzing]
[indistinct chatter]
[music intensifies]
[gasps]
They're already at 15,000 Spirit hours.
We're not even halfway there.
- So you went to Valley
and helped them with their Spirit hours?
- That's not the point, Gil.
Bayside is losing.
I mean, we can't even pull off the simplest prank,
like stealing their mascot
or trapping their school in a giant hourglass.
Nobody is driving this train, folks.
That's why I'm appointing myself the Spirit Czar.
- No.
Look, whether I like it or not,
I'm in charge of the Spirit competition;
and it's on my to-do list,
along with a million other things
like organizing the pep rally
and investigating whether the Founders dance is racist.
Oh, actually, I can check that one off--it is.
- Fine. You can be Spirit Czar.
I just hope you don't live to regret it.
- Did someone order 10,000 pounds of hourglass sand?
I need a signature from a Spirit Czar.
- Oh, yeah. She's right there.
- Unfortunately, I'm gonna need separate signatures
for every pound of sand.
I don't make the rules.
- Okay.
[school bell rings]
- * When I wake up in the mornin' *
* Alarm gives out a warnin' *
* I don't think I'll ever make it on time *
[school bell ringing]
* By the time I grab my books *
* And I give myself a look *
* I'm at the corner just in time *
* It's all right, it's all right *
* Saved by the bell, it's all right *
* It's all right, saved by the bell *
* It's all right *
* 'Cause I'm saved by the bell *
[school bell ringing]
[upbeat music]
- So in the musical,
I play a cruise ship singer named Penny LaPoix
and DeVante plays a no-good dice-thrower
named Benny "The Finger" Fingerson.
[hushed indistinct chatter]
Um, why is everyone staring at me?
[gasps] Oh, no, did my sex tape leak?
How will I handle all the publicity?
- Have you guys seen this?
Some parents at West Beverly High
are suing the school to get a trans girl
kicked off the soccer team.
- Oh.
Oh, guys, I'm fine.
When stuff like this happens,
everyone's instinct is to be annoying and check in.
Please, just be normal.
all: Okay, yes, let's all be normal.
- Be normal or else
I'll photoshop a tweet where you insult BTS
and their fan Army will make your life a living hell.
- Oh, nah, I'm good on that. - Okay.
- Yeah. - Oh, Daisy,
I know you said I couldn't be Spirit Czar
but I found a good way to rack up hours.
My godfather, Daniel Tosh,
said that he would consider it community service
if we go to his shows and laugh at all of his jokes.
- No, Mac. I don't want your ideas.
And why did you put a sack of hair labeled
"For Charity" in my locker?
- 'Cause my locker's already full of hair, dum-dum.
- [sighs] That's better.
Normal.
- Hey.
I benched the striker on my soccer team so you can play.
You're starting the big game on Friday, champ.
- What?
- Uh, what Coach Slater means to say
is that we support you, Lexi, and we're here for you.
- Yeah.
And if I ever run into those parents from West Beverly High,
I'm gonna give them a piece of my mind.
With my legs!
I've been practicing Brazilian jiu-jitsu,
and I can cut a man in half just using my thighs.
Just, uh, like that.
- All righty, okay. See you, Lex.
- Today, instead of English class,
Lexi, why don't you educate us
about the history of trans rights?
No need to cite your sources.
You can just give us a reading list after.
* *
- Um.
- Lexi, me and Joey Soloway go to the same Gelson's.
They buy a lot of fennel.
Do you buy fennel?
- So I guess I'll never know who my real mother is
or why they decided to do IVF in a lab
where they breed animals at the San Diego Zoo.
- Hi, Lexi?
- Are you my Uber Eats?
Uh, you've taken forever.
- No, this is Chloe.
She's the head of Prism, the LGBTQ club.
- Oh.
- Yeah, we're planning a protest at West Beverly High.
If you wanna come, it's a sit-in
on the soccer field, so just maybe don't wear heels.
- Oh, I have Barbie foot. If I wear flats, I'll tip over.
- I've invited Lexi to our events
like a million times, but she never wants to come.
- Yeah, I'm good. But it's so nice to meet a fan.
Here, take a Lexi magnet for your fridge.
- Okay, uh--
Well, just so you know, we have meetings every week
if you ever need help dealing with all of this.
But I'm gonna go
'cause I did just see you text security, "Remove her".
- All right, listen. Between my show
and being the face of a diet baby food in Finland,
I don't have time to drop everything
and hold some poster at another high school every week.
- Yeah, I totally get that.
But if we don't stand up to hate now,
it's just gonna keep happening.
* *
- Slater says you're the new team captain
and we have to carry you to your next class.
- Sure. Why not?
[sighs]
* *
- Hey, would you ever maybe wanna
go on a real date with me?
Just to The Max. I'm not rich.
But if you order a cup of soup, then they legally
have to give you all the oyster crackers you want.
It's in their by-laws.
- I love that you know their by-laws.
And I would love to,
but I haven't exactly told my mom about you yet.
- Oh.
I told my mom about you
'cause I kinda thought that you were,
well, my girl--
- Hey, buddy. So I got another idea.
A blood drive could get us a lot of hours,
but the manual doesn't specify human blood.
- No. - You're being impossible.
It's like you don't even care about the coveted Spirit Stick.
- Because I don't.
- All right, well,
I'll have to figure out where to store 200 gallons
of pigs' blood.
Hey, Jim.
* *
- [sighs] Sorry about that.
Um, you were saying you considered me your--
- Oh, uh--
It was nothing. Never mind.
- Well, I'm gonna tell my mom about us.
- Thanks for coming in.
I know you don't usually come to my office hours.
- Yeah, I prefer to get advice from my psychic,
but he won the lottery again so he's in the Maldives.
- Are you okay?
- I'm fine. - Are you sure?
'Cause I've known you a long time
and sometimes you say it's fine but it's not.
Like, when your dad forgot your birthday
and he woke up with it tattooed on his forehead.
- It's also Meredith Vieira's birthday.
Maybe she did it.
Okay. Look, I was fine,
until that judgy girl from the Prism Club
made me feel guilty that I wasn't going to her protest.
- Lexi, no one should tell you how and when to take a stand.
You'll find your own way to fight back.
Even the smallest act of protest
can make a difference.
- Right.
Which means the hugest act of protest
might just solve this whole thing.
- Wait, what whole thing? Transphobia?
- Thanks, Dr. Spano.
You've really lit a fire under my perfect ass.
[laughs]
- * There's only two things a man really needs in life *
* A well-placed bet *
* And a sexy broad for a wife *
* But when that big old wave hit our humble boat *
* My heart went a-sinkin' *
* But my dice went afloat *
- Stop!
- Oh, Lexi. There you are.
You weren't here, so I was forced to step into your role.
- I told him we could wait.
- The musical is canceled.
Instead, I'm gonna write a show so powerful
that it solves transphobia.
Nay, all prejudice.
- Lexi, are you sure this is a good idea?
We've been practicing this musical for over a month,
and now you're just gonna scrap it for a whole new play
you haven't even written yet? - Uh, yeah.
That's exactly what we're going to do.
And it opens this weekend.
- I'm so excited.
A play that changes the world.
[sobs]
- Dude, are you crying at just the idea of a play?
* *
- Oh, come on.
- Hector, cÃ¡lmate. Abuelita's sleeping.
It was impossible to put her down for her nap
because she ate too many Skittles.
- Hey, Mom. I have to tell you something.
I've been dating a boy.
- No, you're not allowed to date
until you get on the Supreme Court
and then if you want to date another justice, you may.
Chaperoned. - Mom, come on.
- You are too smart to let some boy
distract you from your schoolwork.
There will be plenty of time to meet guys.
- But I really like him, and I think you would too.
- [sighs]
What's his name?
- Gil Vatooley.
- Mm. Found him.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. He's cute.
Maybe too cute.
Honor roll. Chess club.
He was in prison because he held up a saloon?
Oh, that's just a novelty picture he took.
With his mother. On her birthday.
He seems like a nice nerd.
I can't believe I'm going to say this,
but I'll allow it.
- Really?
- You think she's safe 'cause she's dating a nerd?
Ever heard of Joss Whedon?
- Just as long as it doesn't affect your schoolwork.
Your grades start slipping, this is over.
- Yes, of course.
Thank you, Mom.
Wow, I had scheduled a full hour of getting screamed at.
Guess I'll go do my homework.
- Ay, Dios mio.
I just had a terrible dream.
The boy that you love is cursed.
Listen to me=--in my dream, a serpent visited you.
I heard the howl of a two-headed dog,
and then you were stung in the heart.
By a bee.
That's because of one cursed boy.
One cursed boy. [speaking Spanish]
- So I told my mom about Gil.
- Is she sending you away to a remote convent
where all the nuns are in love with each other?
I got bored and read my mom's beach book.
- It actually went pretty great.
Well, until my abuela said she had a dream Gil is cursed.
- Ay! No empieces con eso.
If everything my abuela said was true,
El Cuco would have eaten me ten times by now.
Bet you didn't count on me keeping a nightlight
into my teens, did you, you little bitch?
- Yeah, there's nothing to worry about.
Curses aren't real.
[gasps]
- Okay, that was a coincidence.
Let's not freak out over one bird.
- [gasps] - All right.
Ay, Dios Mio.
- You!
This is your fault. - Why do you always say that?
Last week, you blamed me when you fell down the stairs.
- Someone should've told me
that I don't know how to skateboard.
- I did. - This is not about that.
Valley kidnapped our mascot.
I warned you if we didn't strike first,
this would happen.
- So a stuffed animal is gone. Buy a new one.
- [grunts] Trevor the Tiger has been cubnapped!
Why don't you care?
Are you a mole for Valley or something, huh?
- Mac. - Huh?
- Mac! Let go of her.
Both of you, my office right now.
[suspenseful music]
- I'm fine, Principal Toddman. Mac was just being crazy.
- Whoa! Ableist language.
My mother identifies as crazy.
No, I called you both in here
because of your behavior, Daisy.
- [scoffs] My behavior?
- It's your lack of school spirit.
- That's what I keep saying.
I pitched her pranks that we could pull on Valley
and she's always like,
"Where will we get that many lobsters, Mac?"
or "The UN defines that as a war crime, Mac."
- The school Spirit competition is very important to Bayside,
and we're not gonna win that stick
if the person in charge doesn't care about it.
- I know, but I also have a million other things to do,
and study, and somehow keep up with new fashion trends.
Is this anything?
- Look, I know you're new here
so you don't get how deep this rivalry goes.
This goes back to the times
when cars were horses and Netflix still mailed DVDs.
- Back in the 1800s, Bayside was a mission
with a reputation for having the coolest monks.
They would compete with Valley and the other missions
to see who could do the most good deeds.
And the winner of the very first Spirit competition
was to receive a special divining stick
which could point the way to fresh water.
And guess what, Daisy. Bayside won.
- And they found fresh water?
- No, the water was contaminated
and they all died of diarrhea, cursing Valley's name.
- I don't find this compelling.
- The point is, Daisy, you may not care about this
but you are the president of Bayside,
and the kids who voted for you do.
- Okay. Well, if it's that important,
I guess I can somehow find some more time to devote to this.
- Ooh, I got a ton of great ideas for retaliation.
The first one, we have to invent a type of cement
that tastes delicious.
* *
- Well, I did it!
I wrote a whole play in one night.
- Oh! - [giggles]
- Why is there a disclaimer for epileptics
and non-pregnant women?
- Okay, people, we're losing daylight.
Let's get this thing on its feet.
- If I learned anything from Dua Lipa's dancing,
it's the power of lowering expectations.
So remember, this is just a first draft.
"The place: Stonewall.
"The year: 1969...million.
"DeVante: an alien.
Sexy but doesn't know it."
- I don't know I'm sexy or I don't know I'm an alien?
both: Both! - Okay, I need to figure out
how we're gonna stage the kickline at the end,
so please arrange yourselves in order from best to worst legs.
- Hey, can we talk?
- Of course. - Okay.
Are you sure this whole play thing is a good idea?
- Yes, you're just afraid. Don't you want to solve
transphobia the way "Hamilton" solved racism?
- Look, I get it.
During the protests of 2020, random kids from Bayside
kept texting me just to check in.
I got so many white-guilt Venmos, I bought an air fryer.
Look, what I'm saying is, having a spotlight on you
that you didn't ask for sucks.
- Yeah, I hear you.
And you're right, it is about the spotlight,
and we need one that's even bigger.
[upbeat music]
- And that morning, I woke and there was a bunch of nurses
and everything,
and my hands were completely black.
- A serpent visited you.
I heard the howl of a two-headed dog,
and then you were stung in the heart by a bee.
- And that's how I found out
that I'm allergic to my own fingernails.
- Hey, guys. Welcome to The Max After Dark,
a romantic date venue for teen couples.
Can I get you started with some bread?
- Yes.
[screams] Oh, no.
I've been visited by the serpent.
- Okay, you don't like the trick.
You know, I didn't want to be in food service.
It's the only way I can get people to watch my magic.
- Are you okay? You seem a little on edge.
- This is gonna sound crazy,
but my abuela had a dream that you were cursed.
- Jeez. Really?
I mean, I don't think I'm cursed.
I have been struck by lightning twice,
but that's because I like playing golf in the rain.
- No, of course you're not cursed.
But it did freak me out.
- Well, she's probably just trying to scare you.
My mom told me that she knows someone
that got a girl pregnant
just by sharing popcorn at the movies.
I know it's not true,
but I still get two individual popcorns
even though it doesn't make sense economically.
- Exactly.
Like, it sounds so stupid when I say it now,
but I swear last night,
I couldn't fall asleep because I was scared I would
"hear the howl of a two-headed dog."
- [howls] [dog whines]
Hey, buddy.
- Mac, why is there a dog in your shirt?
- 'Cause she was cold, Michael Vick.
You weren't gonna do anything, so I went back undercover
and stole Valley's mascot.
Meet Bullinda the Bulldog.
- You stole a living dog?
- Mm. - Too far!
Haven't you ever heard of "an eye for an eye"?
- Yeah, it leaves the whole world
looking like cool pirates.
Anyways, this is the last favor
that I'm gonna do for you, Daisy.
* *
- What am I supposed to do with her?
- Figure it out, Spirit Czar.
[dog barks]
* *
- Oh, look! The Prism Club is here.
Lexi, maybe they can help you clarify your message.
- Um, what exactly about my message needs to be clarified?
- Uh, DeVante showed us the script,
and some of this stuff could be offensive.
Like, why does the Pope get trampled by a cow in Act Two?
- Um, the cow represents Harvey Milk,
and the Pope represents Olivia Pope,
played by Kerry Washington who shares a last name
with notorious slaveholder, George Washington?
Read a book!
- Right. I'm just worried that
if this is the audience's first exposure to trans lives,
it could do more harm than good.
- Oh. - What's happening
at West Beverly is scary and I wish that solving it
was as easy as putting on a play at Bayside,
but it's not. - You're right.
My play must be seen by more than just Bayside.
- Not what I was saying. - It should be broadcast on E!
Yeah. I'll call them,
say I want them to film it as a special episode of my show.
Then millions will see it and be forever changed.
- Oh, I have to quit.
I cannot have America seeing my nude butt.
- What? DeVante, this is your fault.
No one would be quitting if you hadn't
brought these haters in here.
I'm giving your parts to Spencer.
- Uh, I'm not comfortable playing Martin Luther King, Jr.
I'm out.
- Hey, Lexi.
Just let us help you. - You wanna help?
You can do lights. I will perform all the roles.
Like I told the other triplets
before absorbing them in the womb,
"This is a one-woman show!"
* *
- So how was your date? Is he the one?
Is your wedding registry gonna be at Texas Instruments?
- It was pretty sexy.
I played footsie with him for, like, an hour.
Until I realized his foot was actually a burrito
someone dropped under the table.
- Okay, one more question.
Is there a reason that there's a dog under your desk?
- Mac stole Valley's mascot and now it's my responsibility.
I just have to care for it
until the Grand Spirit Hostage Exchange,
which I guess can only happen under a full moon?
- Well, I'm glad that your date went well
and you didn't let your abuela get into your head.
- Right? I'm a woman of science.
- Yeah. - Obviously, a curse isn't--
[gasps] Oh, my God, a "B"?
Abuela was right.
[ominous music]
I've been stung in the heart... by a "B."
[plucky music]
- Hey, Mom, I have some news that's gonna upset you.
- Ay, honey, if you lost your retainer again,
I am not paying for a new one.
This is the universe telling you
to accept dental imperfection.
- I got a "B."
Like Abuela said, I was stung by a "B."
And I know you said I can only date
if I keep up my grades, so...
I'm prepared to break up with Gil.
- Abuela has lots of dreams, mijita.
When I was a teenager,
she had a dream that if I wore a crop-top,
Satan would steal my belly button
and put it on his "altar of skanks."
- [sighs]
But cursed or not,
I feel like I have too much on my plate.
Maybe there's no room for a boy.
- Daisy, the real curse in life is
it's really hard to balance everything you care about.
Sometimes you do have to give things up.
You'll figure it out.
- I just had the most vivid dream.
The earth is gonna swallow us up
if we don't have candy for dinner.
- Okay.
* *
- Top o' the mornin', Miss.
I shall allow you to enter,
but none of those trans people can.
Oh, yeah? Well, I am trans.
Blimey. I didn't know a trans woman
could be a rich style icon.
DeVante, can I get a source four
with a chartreuse gel? - I don't know how to do that.
- And now I shall fly away from prejudice,
and into the moon.
* *
Um, excuse me.
Did I say, "gently hover above prejudice"?
- Hey, can we talk for a sec?
Look, I think it's super cool
that you're doing this play on your own.
And I love the script.
It's, like, L-O-L funny.
- Not my intent. - Not even the stand-up set?
- That's the most serious part.
- Look, Lexi, it seems really hard
doing all this by yourself.
- Yeah, it is hard.
It's hard doing it by myself
and hearing about this terrible stuff all day, every day.
- I get that.
One alert on your phone can ruin your entire week.
- Is this play a dumb idea?
- No, babe.
It's just ahead of its time.
By, like, 3,000 years.
- Look, I just thought maybe I could stop
these exhausting cycles from happening over and over again.
The bad news and the check-ins and the pity.
Sometimes I feel so alone.
- Well, maybe it'd be easier if you had someone
to help, you know, lift you up.
- But I have you to lift me up.
- But maybe this is a job I'm not the best fit for.
- He's right.
Sometimes you just wanna talk to someone who gets it.
Like when there's a new "Verzuz" battle.
- You see Stevie Wonder versus Lil' Kim?
- Oh, yeah, man.
Weird pairing, but I was here for it though.
Hey, what about the Prism Club?
- Yeah, but that club is just gonna be another bummer
where everyone unloads their trauma.
- Well, if you ever want to go, I could go with you.
- Yeah, me too.
- Thanks, guys.
- Can I let go of this now? My hands are getting rope burn.
- No, I need to call E! to cancel the show.
Lift me higher so I can get better reception.
* *
Hey, Jeff. Can you hear me?
Yeah, we're not doing the special anymore.
Well, I don't care. Just put on
another "Botched" marathon like you always do.
* *
- Hey, Gil.
We need to talk.
- Oh, that doesn't sound good.
[dog whines] Hey.
Ah, you can't break up with me.
Look how great I am with your dog.
- So yesterday, I got my first "B" on a test,
and I know one "B" is not a big deal but--
- What? That's gonna torpedo your GPA.
I mean, you used to have a perfect 4.0.
One "B", that's a--
both: 3.98888!
- Yeah. - I totally understand.
I mean, if you need more time to spend on school,
then I'm okay with that,
even if it means that we can't be together.
- No. You know what?
I may have a lot of stuff on my plate,
but I'll find something else to give up.
- You mean it?
- I'd actually like to be your official girlfriend.
I think they call it "going steady"
at this school for some reason.
- I'd love that.
[sentimental music]
* *
But what are you gonna do?
I mean, you can't let your grades suffer.
You can't drop Student Council.
What else is there to give up?
- Quiet, Bullinda.
[suspenseful music]
* *
Hey, Mac.
I've been thinking.
You should be the Spirit Czar.
- Oh, my God.
You finally see the talent in me.
I proved myself to you.
- No, you didn't.
I know you're gonna do a bad job with this,
but it really doesn't matter to me.
So take this dog. Take all the work off my plate.
And guess what?
If you mess up, the consequences are yours too.
- I won't let you down, Daisy.
- Again, you're definitely going to.
[upbeat music]
* *
- Well, you guys win. I'm not doing my play.
And I guess in a way, it'll be nice for us to wallow
in our sorrows together,
so let us begin by singing
that old queer spiritual, "Same Love" by Macklemore.
- Uh, Lexi, what exactly do you think we do here?
- Oh, I assumed it's sort of like AA.
You say your name,
how long you've been a member of the community,
and then tell your most horrific sob story
while drinking gray coffee.
- Yeah, okay. We've done a really bad job
explaining what this club is about.
Why do I let Spencer handle our PR?
- [scoffs]
- Wait, You guys drag Spencer too?
Maybe I do belong here.
- Chloe, should we get started?
- Yeah. It has been a really hard week,
but we're not gonna let that interrupt our lip sync battle.
- All right! Let's get into this.
- But how can we waste time on a lip sync battle
when there are so many more important things
we could be doing?
- Uh, if we stopped the party every time
something bad happened, we would never have fun.
And in its own way,
queer and trans joy is a form of resistance.
- It's kind of nice to be a part of a community
where we have each other's backs.
Spencer, give me the stage or I'll convince your parents
to give you up for adoption again.
[Kim Petra's "I Don't Want It at All" playing]
- * Oh *
* I want all my clothes designer *
* Ooh *
* I want someone else to buy 'em *
* Yeah *
* If I cannot get it right now *
* Now *
* I don't want it, I don't want it *
* I don't want it at all *
* I don't want it, I don't want it *
* I don't want it at all *
* *
* Give me all of your attention *
* Ooh, give me summer in the Hamptons *
* Yeah *
* If I cannot get it right now *
* No, I don't want it, I don't want it *
* I don't want it at all *
* I don't want it, I don't want it *
* I don't want it at all *
* *
* Whoo, ah! *
* Give me summer in the Hamptons *
* *
* Give me summer in the Hamptons *
* *
* I don't want it at all *
* Give me summer in the Hamptons *
* *
* In the Hamptons *
* In the Hamptons! *
* I don't want it *
* I want all my clothes designer *
* Uh-huh, ooh *
* I want someone else to buy 'em *
* Yeah *
* If I cannot get it right now *
* Right now, right now *
* I don't want it, I don't want it *
* I don't want it at all *
* I don't want it, I don't want it *
* I don't want it at all *