1 00:00:08,968 --> 00:00:11,262 - * El e' el fulanito * 2 00:00:11,304 --> 00:00:13,139 * Que me tiene loca a mí * 3 00:00:13,181 --> 00:00:15,558 * Bailando apretaíto' * 4 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:17,435 * Hoy no vamo' a dormir * 5 00:00:17,477 --> 00:00:19,729 * El e' el fulanito * 6 00:00:19,771 --> 00:00:21,606 * Que me tiene loca a mí * 7 00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:23,816 * Bailando apretaíto' * 8 00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:25,526 * Hasta que no' boten de aquí * 9 00:00:25,568 --> 00:00:27,111 * Muévelo, que te aprieta, neta * 10 00:00:27,153 --> 00:00:28,362 [cars honking] - Stop dancing 11 00:00:28,404 --> 00:00:30,406 and let me drop off my goddamn daughter! 12 00:00:31,074 --> 00:00:33,367 - Come on. Move it. 13 00:00:33,409 --> 00:00:35,578 - Hey, I know women aren't the best drivers, 14 00:00:35,620 --> 00:00:38,164 but once you've parked the car, you can stop steering it. 15 00:00:38,206 --> 00:00:40,833 - [sighs] I just don't wanna go in there. 16 00:00:40,875 --> 00:00:42,502 Everyone knows I'm getting a divorce. 17 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:45,588 And Kathy the librarian is gonna be so smug, 18 00:00:45,630 --> 00:00:47,131 'cause she's married to her cats, 19 00:00:47,173 --> 00:00:48,633 and they can't divorce her. 20 00:00:48,674 --> 00:00:52,011 They can still get run over by a car, Kathy! 21 00:00:52,053 --> 00:00:54,764 - Sounds like you need a break. - I really do. 22 00:00:54,806 --> 00:00:56,808 - It's too bad adults don't get Cut Days. 23 00:00:56,849 --> 00:00:58,935 - I never got one in high school either. 24 00:00:58,976 --> 00:01:01,646 Remember? While you guys were all at the beach, 25 00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:04,774 I stayed at school fighting to get Styrofoam cups banned. 26 00:01:04,816 --> 00:01:06,734 - Then maybe the universe owes you one. 27 00:01:06,776 --> 00:01:07,944 What do you say? 28 00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:09,737 Might help take your mind off things. 29 00:01:09,779 --> 00:01:12,407 - Slater, we can't just blow off work. 30 00:01:12,448 --> 00:01:13,825 - "You need to refill your tank, 31 00:01:13,866 --> 00:01:15,993 or else you'll never get where you're going." 32 00:01:16,035 --> 00:01:18,162 You know who said that? 33 00:01:18,204 --> 00:01:20,665 I'm honestly asking. I'm hoping it was someone smart, 34 00:01:20,706 --> 00:01:22,792 but I'm afraid it was Mater from "Cars 3." 35 00:01:22,834 --> 00:01:24,669 - Are you sure they won't miss us? 36 00:01:24,711 --> 00:01:26,504 - Trust me, they won't even notice we're gone. 37 00:01:26,546 --> 00:01:28,506 [crash] - Ow, my Bentley! 38 00:01:28,548 --> 00:01:30,341 - Ooh. Come on. We gotta get out of here. 39 00:01:30,383 --> 00:01:32,552 [school bell rings] 40 00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:33,678 - * When I wake up in the mornin' * 41 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:35,430 * Alarm gives out a warnin' * 42 00:01:35,471 --> 00:01:37,181 * I don't think I'll ever make it on time * 43 00:01:37,223 --> 00:01:38,349 [school bell ringing] 44 00:01:38,391 --> 00:01:39,642 * By the time I grab my books * 45 00:01:39,684 --> 00:01:40,977 * And I give myself a look * 46 00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:44,689 * I'm at the corner just in time * 47 00:01:44,731 --> 00:01:46,858 * It's all right, it's all right * 48 00:01:46,899 --> 00:01:49,026 * Saved by the bell, it's all right * 49 00:01:49,068 --> 00:01:50,945 * It's all right, saved by the bell * 50 00:01:50,987 --> 00:01:54,115 * It's all right * 51 00:01:54,157 --> 00:01:58,369 * 'Cause I'm saved by the bell * 52 00:01:58,411 --> 00:02:00,413 [school bell ringing] 53 00:02:00,455 --> 00:02:02,957 - So I spoke to Gil yesterday. 54 00:02:02,999 --> 00:02:06,002 - Wait, what? Why didn't you lead with that? 55 00:02:06,044 --> 00:02:07,837 You told me a 30-minute story 56 00:02:07,879 --> 00:02:09,964 about why recycling bins are blue. 57 00:02:10,006 --> 00:02:11,924 How'd it go? - Amazing. 58 00:02:11,966 --> 00:02:14,802 He wanted to hang out Friday night, and I was like, 59 00:02:14,844 --> 00:02:17,597 "Or what if we hang out during school hours 60 00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,766 so my mom can't find out I'm on a date?" 61 00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:22,393 Aren't I so bad? - The baddest. 62 00:02:22,435 --> 00:02:24,312 Hey, while we're living life on the edge, 63 00:02:24,353 --> 00:02:27,273 why don't you let me copy your chemistry homework at lunch? 64 00:02:27,315 --> 00:02:28,775 - Fine. 65 00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:32,070 But like I told you yesterday, this is the last time. 66 00:02:32,111 --> 00:02:33,362 - Yeah, for sure. 67 00:02:33,404 --> 00:02:34,781 - Oh, wait. 68 00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:37,283 I told Lexi I was gonna have lunch with her today. 69 00:02:37,325 --> 00:02:38,659 - So? 70 00:02:38,701 --> 00:02:41,245 - Well, you know, you two don't really hang out. 71 00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:43,206 - Lexi and I are whatever. 72 00:02:43,247 --> 00:02:44,999 We just have an unspoken rule we don't talk about 73 00:02:45,041 --> 00:02:46,626 the unspoken thing we don't talk about. 74 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:49,253 - Mm, like the One-Who-Shall-Not-be-Named 75 00:02:49,295 --> 00:02:51,172 from "Harry Potter." 76 00:02:51,214 --> 00:02:52,757 - Voldemort? 77 00:02:52,799 --> 00:02:55,343 - J.K. Rowling. - Oh. 78 00:02:55,385 --> 00:02:57,553 [school bell rings] 79 00:03:00,390 --> 00:03:02,266 - [sighs] 80 00:03:02,308 --> 00:03:04,685 - Hey, J-Dog. 81 00:03:04,727 --> 00:03:07,688 Hang in there, okay? You're gonna get through this. 82 00:03:07,730 --> 00:03:08,898 But if you don't, can I have your PS5 83 00:03:08,940 --> 00:03:10,483 and all your games and controllers? 84 00:03:10,525 --> 00:03:12,276 - Sorry about your parents, man. 85 00:03:12,318 --> 00:03:14,821 - Thanks. It's been tough. 86 00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:18,658 But I started journaling, and I think it's helping. 87 00:03:22,787 --> 00:03:24,330 - Jesus. 88 00:03:24,372 --> 00:03:25,665 - Whoa, new teacher. 89 00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,458 Or, I don't know, are you? 90 00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:29,168 I don't usually come to class. 91 00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:30,336 - Principal Davis? 92 00:03:30,378 --> 00:03:32,797 - It's actually Mr. Davis now. 93 00:03:32,839 --> 00:03:34,632 Principal Toddman offered me a position here 94 00:03:34,674 --> 00:03:36,968 at Bayside teaching... 95 00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:39,595 "Modern Southern California History." 96 00:03:39,637 --> 00:03:41,681 I don't know why this is a class. 97 00:03:41,723 --> 00:03:44,976 But for financial reasons, I'm not asking any questions. 98 00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:47,645 Your first assignment will be a group presentation. 99 00:03:47,687 --> 00:03:49,814 - Guys, I have to do well on this. 100 00:03:49,856 --> 00:03:51,983 Now that my dad's home, he's actually looking at my grades. 101 00:03:52,024 --> 00:03:54,152 And he said that if I don't get a perfect 2.0 GPA, 102 00:03:54,193 --> 00:03:55,820 he's gonna ground me... 103 00:03:55,862 --> 00:03:59,031 from international travel for a full week. 104 00:03:59,073 --> 00:04:00,992 - Okay. 105 00:04:01,033 --> 00:04:05,496 You guys get "The Emergence of Malibu Surf Culture." 106 00:04:05,538 --> 00:04:08,958 You're doing "Traffic Patterns of the 405." 107 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:12,920 You three will be covering "From J.Lo to Kardashian: 108 00:04:12,962 --> 00:04:15,673 Shifting Butt Shapes of the 21st Century"? 109 00:04:15,715 --> 00:04:18,009 What is this school? 110 00:04:18,051 --> 00:04:21,304 You boys can just do earthquakes or whatever. 111 00:04:21,345 --> 00:04:24,640 - Cool. So we just need to bang out this report 112 00:04:24,682 --> 00:04:26,350 and then practice our parts together. 113 00:04:26,392 --> 00:04:27,727 Can you guys handle that? 114 00:04:27,769 --> 00:04:30,354 - Oh, you had me at, "Can you guys handle that?" 115 00:04:30,396 --> 00:04:32,023 I'm kidding. You had me at "bang out." 116 00:04:32,065 --> 00:04:33,524 What about you, J-Dog? 117 00:04:33,566 --> 00:04:35,693 - What? Sorry, I'm not listening. 118 00:04:35,735 --> 00:04:39,113 I'm watching my dad move out on the Ring cam. 119 00:04:39,155 --> 00:04:41,282 - No. Is he taking the PS5? 120 00:04:41,324 --> 00:04:43,034 [exhales sharply] Okay. 121 00:04:43,076 --> 00:04:45,203 Just a box of your mom's jewelry. Phew! 122 00:04:45,244 --> 00:04:48,164 [upbeat music] 123 00:04:48,206 --> 00:04:51,125 - I mean, I'm such a fraud. I literally wrote books 124 00:04:51,167 --> 00:04:52,835 about how to have the perfect marriage. 125 00:04:52,877 --> 00:04:54,712 What am I supposed to write now? 126 00:04:54,754 --> 00:04:56,714 "Eat, Pray, Love" has been done. 127 00:04:56,756 --> 00:05:00,093 Should I do a "Cry, Sleep, Work"? 128 00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:02,053 Ugh, I'm sorry. 129 00:05:02,095 --> 00:05:03,262 - It's fine. 130 00:05:03,304 --> 00:05:05,306 - No, this is supposed to be a fun Cut Day, 131 00:05:05,348 --> 00:05:07,433 and I just keep complaining. 132 00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:09,185 - There's a lot to complain about. 133 00:05:09,227 --> 00:05:12,188 I mean, five bucks for a bagel? What is this, The Ritz? 134 00:05:12,230 --> 00:05:14,315 - You picked the place. 135 00:05:14,357 --> 00:05:16,776 - Ma'am, your orange juice. 136 00:05:16,818 --> 00:05:19,779 Sir, your quote "free water." - Thank you. 137 00:05:19,821 --> 00:05:22,323 - Excuse me, are these Styrofoam? 138 00:05:22,365 --> 00:05:25,410 - Yeah. Is there a problem? - Big problem, Bub. 139 00:05:25,451 --> 00:05:28,746 Do you know how long it takes for Styrofoam to biodegrade? 140 00:05:28,788 --> 00:05:30,832 - I don't know, a thousand years? 141 00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:32,458 - No, 500. 142 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,544 And it's rude of you to guess so high. 143 00:05:34,585 --> 00:05:38,089 Styrofoam manufacturing leaches chemicals into the ozone layer. 144 00:05:38,131 --> 00:05:39,632 - Oh. 145 00:05:39,674 --> 00:05:41,384 - It's one of the largest creators of toxic waste 146 00:05:41,426 --> 00:05:42,552 in America 147 00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:44,762 outside of "The Bachelor" franchise. 148 00:05:44,804 --> 00:05:46,723 - Oh, my God, I'm gonna go tell the owner 149 00:05:46,764 --> 00:05:48,516 if he doesn't switch to a sustainable alternative, 150 00:05:48,558 --> 00:05:49,767 I quit. 151 00:05:49,809 --> 00:05:51,936 Dad, get your ass over here! - What? 152 00:05:56,190 --> 00:05:59,610 - Wait, what are you smiling about? 153 00:06:01,404 --> 00:06:04,782 You knew this place had Styrofoam cups, didn't you? 154 00:06:04,824 --> 00:06:07,535 That was your plan all along. 155 00:06:07,577 --> 00:06:08,828 Hey, I know I give you a hard time 156 00:06:08,870 --> 00:06:10,496 about not believing in therapy, 157 00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:11,956 but maybe you're on to something. 158 00:06:11,998 --> 00:06:13,458 What you just did 159 00:06:13,499 --> 00:06:17,128 made me feel better than ten therapy sessions would have. 160 00:06:17,170 --> 00:06:19,213 - Oh, my God. Did you just say I'm right? 161 00:06:19,255 --> 00:06:20,840 - Don't get used to it. 162 00:06:20,882 --> 00:06:22,717 You're still the guy who thinks he could survive 163 00:06:22,759 --> 00:06:25,053 an elevator crash by "jumping at the last second." 164 00:06:25,094 --> 00:06:27,930 - Put me in that box. I'll prove it. 165 00:06:27,972 --> 00:06:29,807 [chuckles] 166 00:06:29,849 --> 00:06:32,810 - Hey, I've been worried about you. 167 00:06:32,852 --> 00:06:34,979 How are you feeling? 168 00:06:35,021 --> 00:06:36,272 - Pretty sad. 169 00:06:36,314 --> 00:06:38,900 - Listen, I've been through a ton of divorces. 170 00:06:38,941 --> 00:06:41,819 This season, the cast of "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" 171 00:06:41,861 --> 00:06:43,321 is just my stepmoms. 172 00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:44,822 And trust me, 173 00:06:44,864 --> 00:06:46,908 the first divorce is always the hardest. 174 00:06:46,949 --> 00:06:49,327 By the fifth one, you won't have any feelings at all. 175 00:06:49,368 --> 00:06:50,703 - Fifth one? 176 00:06:50,745 --> 00:06:53,247 - Or, you know, your parents don't remarry 177 00:06:53,289 --> 00:06:56,834 and they get to be alone for the rest of their lives? 178 00:06:56,876 --> 00:06:58,711 - Lexi, I don't know if any of this is helping. 179 00:06:58,753 --> 00:07:00,171 - I'm sorry. 180 00:07:00,213 --> 00:07:02,256 I'm just saying this doesn't have to be all bad. 181 00:07:02,298 --> 00:07:05,551 Remember, 50% of marriages end in divorce, 182 00:07:05,593 --> 00:07:08,346 but 100% of divorces end in presents. 183 00:07:08,388 --> 00:07:12,225 - Look, I appreciate you trying, but I gotta go. 184 00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:13,559 I'll catch you later. 185 00:07:16,562 --> 00:07:18,022 - So I thought of an amazing way 186 00:07:18,064 --> 00:07:19,565 for us to earn volunteer hours 187 00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:21,234 for the School Spirit Competition, 188 00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:23,027 a Bayside Teen Hotline, 189 00:07:23,069 --> 00:07:25,696 which also just happens to be the perfect setting 190 00:07:25,738 --> 00:07:27,824 for a during-school date with Gil. 191 00:07:27,865 --> 00:07:29,909 - I feel like you don't know what a date is. 192 00:07:29,951 --> 00:07:33,246 - Ugh! Boy am I having a day. 193 00:07:33,287 --> 00:07:35,039 First, my hairdresser goes missing, 194 00:07:35,081 --> 00:07:36,999 then the police have the audacity 195 00:07:37,041 --> 00:07:39,335 not to consider me a person-of-interest. 196 00:07:39,377 --> 00:07:42,672 And to top it all off, Jamie... 197 00:07:42,714 --> 00:07:45,216 - What? You can say whatever it is. 198 00:07:45,258 --> 00:07:46,676 - Oh, it's nothing. 199 00:07:46,718 --> 00:07:48,720 I was just gonna talk about Jamie Foxx. 200 00:07:48,761 --> 00:07:52,598 Do you think he still keeps in touch with the Horrible Bosses? 201 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:56,060 - Lexi, seriously. You can talk about Jamie in front of me. 202 00:07:56,102 --> 00:07:57,186 I don't care. 203 00:07:57,228 --> 00:07:58,730 - All right, fine. 204 00:07:58,771 --> 00:08:00,940 So for some reason 205 00:08:00,982 --> 00:08:03,317 Jamie doesn't want my advice about his family stuff 206 00:08:03,359 --> 00:08:04,360 even though I'm in 207 00:08:04,402 --> 00:08:05,778 the "Guinness Book of World Records" 208 00:08:05,820 --> 00:08:07,613 for Most Divorces Caused by a Single Child. 209 00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:10,992 - You know, sometimes people aren't looking for advice. 210 00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:12,952 - Yeah. Okay, well, then what am I supposed to say to him? 211 00:08:12,994 --> 00:08:16,164 - You could try listening. 212 00:08:16,205 --> 00:08:18,458 - What is that supposed to mean? 213 00:08:18,499 --> 00:08:19,542 [record scratch] - Oh, boy. 214 00:08:19,584 --> 00:08:21,252 - Oh, come on. 215 00:08:21,294 --> 00:08:23,337 I'm not saying anything you don't know. 216 00:08:23,379 --> 00:08:25,923 Your podcast is called "Shut Up While I Talk." 217 00:08:25,965 --> 00:08:27,550 - Oh, 'cause you're such an amazing listener? 218 00:08:27,592 --> 00:08:30,094 I'm sorry, but I don't need relationship advice 219 00:08:30,136 --> 00:08:32,388 from someone who uses Gatorade-brand deodorant. 220 00:08:32,430 --> 00:08:34,557 - Well, I must've been doing something right. 221 00:08:34,599 --> 00:08:37,060 Your boyfriend proposed to me. 222 00:08:37,101 --> 00:08:38,436 - Back up, bitch. - Well, okay, 223 00:08:38,478 --> 00:08:40,438 why don't we focus on something a little more fun, 224 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:42,732 like what am I gonna wear for my Teenline date. 225 00:08:42,774 --> 00:08:44,400 I'm thinking this, 'cause it's the only thing 226 00:08:44,442 --> 00:08:45,443 I brought to school today. 227 00:08:45,485 --> 00:08:47,028 - Teenline, huh? 228 00:08:47,070 --> 00:08:48,279 Sounds like the perfect place 229 00:08:48,321 --> 00:08:50,907 to prove how incredible I am at listening. 230 00:08:50,948 --> 00:08:52,658 - Actually, we don't need any more volunteers. 231 00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:55,036 - I'm in. - Well, I'm in even more. 232 00:08:55,078 --> 00:08:56,954 I'm gonna wipe the floor with those kids' problems. 233 00:08:56,996 --> 00:08:59,832 - Great. So glad to have you aboard. 234 00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:03,586 - Good news. I just got off the phone 235 00:09:03,628 --> 00:09:05,254 with a content farm in Bulgaria. 236 00:09:05,296 --> 00:09:08,007 They can do the report for us, but there is a catch. 237 00:09:08,049 --> 00:09:09,884 One of us has to marry a woman named Yorgina 238 00:09:09,926 --> 00:09:11,469 to get her U.S. citizenship. 239 00:09:11,511 --> 00:09:13,179 Should we draw straws? 240 00:09:13,221 --> 00:09:15,515 - Or we could just write the report. 241 00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:17,141 Here, I already got started. 242 00:09:17,183 --> 00:09:18,893 - Okay, well, you're gonna have to figure out 243 00:09:18,935 --> 00:09:21,687 what to do with the cow Yorgina's family sent. 244 00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:23,231 - Right. 245 00:09:23,272 --> 00:09:25,358 Okay, let's practice. I'll go first. 246 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:27,819 "The San Andreas Fault is a major fracture 247 00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:29,487 "of the Earth's crust that is responsible 248 00:09:29,529 --> 00:09:32,698 for some of California's most destructive earthquakes." 249 00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:34,367 Mac? 250 00:09:34,409 --> 00:09:38,121 - [clearing throat] 251 00:09:41,332 --> 00:09:43,543 "It was first identified in 1895 252 00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:45,336 "by Professor Andrew Lawson, 253 00:09:45,378 --> 00:09:47,880 who later consulted on the Golden Gate Bridge"? 254 00:09:47,922 --> 00:09:50,007 Huh, I had no idea. 255 00:09:50,049 --> 00:09:51,634 - "The formation of the fault happened 256 00:09:51,676 --> 00:09:53,177 "during the Cenozoic Era, 257 00:09:53,219 --> 00:09:57,056 "when the Pacific Plate and the North American Plate-- 258 00:09:57,098 --> 00:09:58,766 when they separated." 259 00:09:58,808 --> 00:10:00,017 [sobbing] 260 00:10:00,059 --> 00:10:02,437 - Aww. I'm sorry, buddy. 261 00:10:02,478 --> 00:10:04,939 Look, I guess I shoulda used a different word. 262 00:10:04,981 --> 00:10:06,524 Do you wanna try reading another section? 263 00:10:06,566 --> 00:10:09,736 - Uh-huh. Yeah. Good thinking. Okay. I'm good. All right. 264 00:10:09,777 --> 00:10:11,070 - Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm. 265 00:10:11,112 --> 00:10:12,947 - "Based on its current trajectory, 266 00:10:12,989 --> 00:10:15,450 "the landmass that includes LA will reach Alaska 267 00:10:15,491 --> 00:10:17,785 within 20 million years." 268 00:10:17,827 --> 00:10:19,036 20 million years was how long 269 00:10:19,078 --> 00:10:21,372 my parents were supposed to be together. 270 00:10:21,414 --> 00:10:22,915 - Oh, God. Okay. 271 00:10:22,957 --> 00:10:24,625 How about Mac and I just do all the talking 272 00:10:24,667 --> 00:10:25,835 and you just stand there 273 00:10:25,877 --> 00:10:27,378 and hold the poster board or something? 274 00:10:27,420 --> 00:10:28,796 - No, I'm tired of this. 275 00:10:28,838 --> 00:10:30,048 I can't keep crying all the time. 276 00:10:30,089 --> 00:10:31,257 - Just do what I do. 277 00:10:31,299 --> 00:10:34,052 Whenever I start to "feel something," 278 00:10:34,093 --> 00:10:36,679 I just let my mind drift away to a fantasy island, 279 00:10:36,721 --> 00:10:39,390 a magical place where the piña coladas are virgin, 280 00:10:39,432 --> 00:10:41,934 but the mermaids are not. 281 00:10:41,976 --> 00:10:45,855 - Or instead of completely dissociating from reality 282 00:10:45,897 --> 00:10:47,356 like a lunatic, 283 00:10:47,398 --> 00:10:49,192 maybe you should just toughen up a little bit. 284 00:10:49,233 --> 00:10:50,860 - But how? Can you teach me 285 00:10:50,902 --> 00:10:52,487 how to stop feeling my feelings so hard? 286 00:10:52,528 --> 00:10:54,906 - Oh, nah. See, I already did my third of the project, 287 00:10:54,947 --> 00:10:55,907 so this might be-- 288 00:10:55,948 --> 00:10:57,283 - It would be our honor. - Mm-hmm. 289 00:10:57,325 --> 00:10:59,494 - "Your Honor." 290 00:10:59,535 --> 00:11:03,247 Like the judge who will preside over my parents' divorce. 291 00:11:03,289 --> 00:11:04,957 Oh, God, no! 292 00:11:11,339 --> 00:11:12,882 - Okay. Good afternoon, everyone. 293 00:11:12,924 --> 00:11:15,009 Welcome to Teenline. 294 00:11:15,051 --> 00:11:17,303 I wanna say first that I'm so proud of you all 295 00:11:17,345 --> 00:11:19,138 for giving back to the community, 296 00:11:19,180 --> 00:11:22,600 and more importantly, for helping us to crush 297 00:11:22,642 --> 00:11:26,479 stupid Valley in the School Spirit Competition. 298 00:11:26,521 --> 00:11:30,441 Although if a Valley student does call in, 299 00:11:30,483 --> 00:11:34,195 I would ask you please to treat it like a human being. 300 00:11:34,237 --> 00:11:35,988 - Forgive me for being so forward, 301 00:11:36,030 --> 00:11:38,408 but you look very pre-professional. 302 00:11:38,449 --> 00:11:40,368 - Why, thank you. 303 00:11:40,410 --> 00:11:43,204 And I really like the lumbar support pillow you brought. 304 00:11:43,246 --> 00:11:44,747 - Hey, the more comfortable I am, 305 00:11:44,789 --> 00:11:46,916 the more comfortable I can make them. 306 00:11:46,958 --> 00:11:49,544 - We first did Teenline back in the '90s, 307 00:11:49,585 --> 00:11:53,005 and fortunately my old mentor, Richard Belding, 308 00:11:53,047 --> 00:11:55,675 left me the training manual. 309 00:11:55,717 --> 00:11:57,343 So let's dive in. 310 00:11:57,385 --> 00:12:01,347 "Cowabunga, dudes and dudettes. 311 00:12:01,389 --> 00:12:04,183 "Local teens will be calling in with their problems, 312 00:12:04,225 --> 00:12:07,603 "but don't tell them to 'talk to the hand.' 313 00:12:07,645 --> 00:12:11,023 "With these four steps, you can let them know 314 00:12:11,065 --> 00:12:13,526 "they're all that and a bag of chips. 315 00:12:16,279 --> 00:12:19,365 "Step one, identify the issue. 316 00:12:19,407 --> 00:12:23,035 Step two, listen without judgment." 317 00:12:23,077 --> 00:12:25,079 - Listen without judgment? 318 00:12:25,121 --> 00:12:26,748 Are you sure you're in the right place? 319 00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:28,040 - I would never judge anyone 320 00:12:28,082 --> 00:12:29,208 for their mental health problems, 321 00:12:29,250 --> 00:12:30,752 you psychotic bitch. 322 00:12:30,793 --> 00:12:32,378 - "And finally, step four, 323 00:12:32,420 --> 00:12:35,381 "keep yourself hydrated and alert 324 00:12:35,423 --> 00:12:39,135 with the refreshing taste of Crystal Pepsi"? 325 00:12:39,177 --> 00:12:41,012 All right, why don't we do a little bit of training 326 00:12:41,054 --> 00:12:42,430 before we begin? 327 00:12:42,472 --> 00:12:44,766 Can I have two volunteers, please? 328 00:12:44,807 --> 00:12:46,350 - I'll do it if you do. 329 00:12:46,392 --> 00:12:48,269 - I'll take this one, Ron. 330 00:12:48,311 --> 00:12:50,396 - Not if I take it first. 331 00:12:50,438 --> 00:12:51,355 - [grunts] 332 00:12:54,442 --> 00:12:56,944 - Our society tells young men that if they cry 333 00:12:56,986 --> 00:12:59,906 they will be labeled as weak or soft 334 00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:01,657 or little baby diaper boys. 335 00:13:01,699 --> 00:13:04,077 And that is precisely why America is the coolest, 336 00:13:04,118 --> 00:13:06,954 most hard-core society on this Earth. 337 00:13:06,996 --> 00:13:08,247 - Because you were coddled 338 00:13:08,289 --> 00:13:10,625 by your soft-ass Palisades parents, 339 00:13:10,666 --> 00:13:13,252 you missed out on a very important rite of passage 340 00:13:13,294 --> 00:13:14,837 for all young men... - Mm-hmm. 341 00:13:14,879 --> 00:13:16,506 - Learning to bury your feelings. 342 00:13:16,547 --> 00:13:20,593 - As well as learning to bury other things. 343 00:13:20,635 --> 00:13:23,096 Like pumpkin seeds. 344 00:13:23,137 --> 00:13:24,389 - Here's the deal. 345 00:13:24,430 --> 00:13:26,474 We're gonna show you a bunch of sad stuff, 346 00:13:26,516 --> 00:13:28,893 and if you start to cry, we're gonna bully you. 347 00:13:28,935 --> 00:13:32,271 - Don't take it easy on me. It's the only way I'll learn. 348 00:13:32,313 --> 00:13:34,899 - An old dog who will never be adopted. 349 00:13:34,941 --> 00:13:36,275 - That's horrible. 350 00:13:36,317 --> 00:13:39,070 - Stop being a little bitch, man! 351 00:13:39,112 --> 00:13:42,573 A child who is very lonely. 352 00:13:43,950 --> 00:13:45,993 - Suck it up, loser! - [clears throat] 353 00:13:46,035 --> 00:13:48,037 - A young dog who was adopted, 354 00:13:48,079 --> 00:13:52,458 but the owner was unprepared for how much work a puppy is. 355 00:13:52,500 --> 00:13:53,710 - [sobbing] 356 00:13:53,751 --> 00:13:55,628 - We said we were gonna ditch that one, man. 357 00:13:55,670 --> 00:13:56,671 - My bad. 358 00:13:56,713 --> 00:13:58,506 - Okay. 359 00:13:58,548 --> 00:14:01,467 Now, we're gonna show you the first ten minutes of "Up" 360 00:14:01,509 --> 00:14:04,679 and the last ten minutes of "Coco" at the same time. 361 00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:07,640 - Okay, Pixar. 362 00:14:07,682 --> 00:14:10,309 All the letters look happy next to each other. That's nice. 363 00:14:10,351 --> 00:14:13,646 Oh, why did the lamp just do that to the I? 364 00:14:13,688 --> 00:14:16,315 - I'm sorry to do this, but it's for your own good. 365 00:14:16,357 --> 00:14:19,360 - Oh! The hell is going on? 366 00:14:19,402 --> 00:14:21,779 - Why are you here? We had a sub in gym. 367 00:14:21,821 --> 00:14:23,698 - I don't know. I've been here all day. 368 00:14:23,740 --> 00:14:26,159 Hey, unrelated, do you know if they're still serving lunch? 369 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:29,370 - Wait, did you ditch school, and now you're sneaking back in 370 00:14:29,412 --> 00:14:31,164 to see if you can get free Sloppy Joes? 371 00:14:31,205 --> 00:14:33,499 - [scoffs] No, of course not. 372 00:14:33,541 --> 00:14:34,876 Look, I'm gonna go to the cafeteria 373 00:14:34,917 --> 00:14:37,253 to file some paperwork, 374 00:14:37,295 --> 00:14:39,797 and then we're gonna have a conversation about this. 375 00:14:41,883 --> 00:14:43,384 - Ring-ring. Hello, Teenline. 376 00:14:43,426 --> 00:14:45,678 I'm here to listen, because I'm amazing at that. 377 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:48,014 What's your problem? 378 00:14:48,056 --> 00:14:51,434 - "Hey Teenline, I'm having some trouble with my stepmom. 379 00:14:51,476 --> 00:14:53,811 "She's always doing Jazzercise in the living room 380 00:14:53,853 --> 00:14:56,314 "when I'm trying to watch 'Northern Exposure.' 381 00:14:56,355 --> 00:14:57,690 What should I do?" 382 00:14:57,732 --> 00:15:00,651 - Well, it sounds like you're just jealous of her. 383 00:15:00,693 --> 00:15:03,654 Maybe you wanna be with the guy your stepmom is with. 384 00:15:03,696 --> 00:15:06,199 - You mean my dad? What? - Okay. 385 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,367 Hey, that was pretty good. 386 00:15:08,409 --> 00:15:11,037 Could tone down the hostility a little bit. 387 00:15:11,079 --> 00:15:15,124 Why don't we take five and just cool our jets, okay? 388 00:15:15,166 --> 00:15:17,543 - Hey, are your friends okay? 389 00:15:17,585 --> 00:15:19,879 - They're being really unprofessional. 390 00:15:19,921 --> 00:15:21,381 I'll go talk to them. 391 00:15:21,422 --> 00:15:23,299 - Have you considered plastic surgery on your face?! 392 00:15:23,341 --> 00:15:24,384 - Can you not do this right now? 393 00:15:24,425 --> 00:15:26,135 You're ruining my date with Gil. 394 00:15:26,177 --> 00:15:28,179 - No problem. I can be the bigger person. 395 00:15:28,221 --> 00:15:30,390 - I can be the biggest person you've ever seen. 396 00:15:30,431 --> 00:15:32,141 - Cut it out! - Yeah, Aisha. 397 00:15:32,183 --> 00:15:34,435 Listen to Daisy. - No, you listen to Daisy. 398 00:15:34,477 --> 00:15:35,937 - Both of you, just shut up! 399 00:15:35,978 --> 00:15:38,689 Your constant bickering is a total boner-killer! 400 00:15:38,731 --> 00:15:40,066 - Daisy. - Hmm? 401 00:15:40,108 --> 00:15:42,068 - That is an ableist term 402 00:15:42,110 --> 00:15:45,405 that is offensive to phallo-diverse men. 403 00:15:45,446 --> 00:15:47,740 - Sorry. 404 00:15:51,285 --> 00:15:54,872 - Hey, guys. Sorry I took so long. 405 00:15:54,914 --> 00:15:58,626 All right. So what seems to be the trouble here? 406 00:15:58,668 --> 00:16:01,921 You know, people say I'm more helpful than a therapist. 407 00:16:01,963 --> 00:16:04,465 Tell Dr. Coach Slater what's on your mind. 408 00:16:04,507 --> 00:16:05,925 - So I've been having a hard time, 409 00:16:05,967 --> 00:16:08,511 but the guys have been teaching me to bury my feelings 410 00:16:08,553 --> 00:16:11,055 and let it fester inside me like a real man, so... 411 00:16:11,097 --> 00:16:13,766 - Okay, look, 412 00:16:13,808 --> 00:16:16,936 you can't go through life running from your feelings. 413 00:16:16,978 --> 00:16:18,104 Believe me, I know. 414 00:16:18,146 --> 00:16:19,564 - No, you don't. You're tough. 415 00:16:19,605 --> 00:16:21,232 The only time I've ever seen you upset 416 00:16:21,274 --> 00:16:23,359 was when you saw a woman drinking Dr. Pepper Ten. 417 00:16:23,401 --> 00:16:25,153 - It's not for them! 418 00:16:27,655 --> 00:16:29,615 Listen, I've had my share of hard times. 419 00:16:29,657 --> 00:16:31,117 - Like what? 420 00:16:31,159 --> 00:16:33,244 - Well, I don't know. 421 00:16:33,286 --> 00:16:35,455 Back in high school, my pet chameleon-- 422 00:16:35,496 --> 00:16:36,956 - Coach, this isn't like a dead pet. 423 00:16:36,998 --> 00:16:38,875 My family is splitting up! 424 00:16:40,877 --> 00:16:43,129 - Fine. 425 00:16:43,171 --> 00:16:45,465 There was this one time. 426 00:16:45,506 --> 00:16:47,800 There was this girl I really cared about 427 00:16:47,842 --> 00:16:49,719 and kind of always thought that we'd end up together. 428 00:16:49,761 --> 00:16:53,806 Well, she... she married someone else. 429 00:16:53,848 --> 00:16:57,185 And it hurt...a lot. 430 00:16:57,226 --> 00:16:58,478 I tried to ignore my feelings, 431 00:16:58,519 --> 00:17:00,480 did a bunch of extreme fitness challenges, 432 00:17:00,521 --> 00:17:02,899 the Iron Man, the Spartan Death Race, 433 00:17:02,940 --> 00:17:04,233 this weird marathon 434 00:17:04,275 --> 00:17:06,069 where you run 100 miles with mud in your mouth. 435 00:17:06,110 --> 00:17:07,570 - Sure, the Mud Mouth Derby. 436 00:17:07,612 --> 00:17:10,239 - But you see, the thing is, 437 00:17:10,281 --> 00:17:13,993 running from your problems never works. 438 00:17:14,035 --> 00:17:16,662 Sometimes the toughest thing you can do is say to yourself, 439 00:17:16,704 --> 00:17:19,916 "I'm having a big feeling for a good reason, 440 00:17:19,957 --> 00:17:22,168 and that's okay." 441 00:17:22,210 --> 00:17:23,503 - Damn, Coach. 442 00:17:23,544 --> 00:17:25,546 See, now I'm sorry I signed that petition. 443 00:17:25,588 --> 00:17:27,173 They should let you teach more than gym. 444 00:17:27,215 --> 00:17:28,216 - Petition? 445 00:17:28,257 --> 00:17:30,468 - Yeah. It's okay that I'm sad. 446 00:17:30,510 --> 00:17:32,720 My parents are breaking up. 447 00:17:32,762 --> 00:17:34,097 I'm just gonna have to accept it, 448 00:17:34,138 --> 00:17:35,765 'cause that's what's happening, 449 00:17:35,807 --> 00:17:38,226 and it's never, ever gonna change. 450 00:17:38,267 --> 00:17:39,769 - Exactly. 451 00:17:42,063 --> 00:17:44,148 I mean, 452 00:17:44,190 --> 00:17:46,859 unless it does change. 453 00:17:46,901 --> 00:17:49,028 Like, 20 years later, the thing you thought you lost 454 00:17:49,070 --> 00:17:51,114 could suddenly become a possibility again. 455 00:17:51,155 --> 00:17:52,782 And it freaks you out, because 456 00:17:52,824 --> 00:17:54,242 maybe it was that lack of possibility 457 00:17:54,283 --> 00:17:56,577 that made everything okay. 458 00:17:56,619 --> 00:17:59,163 And even though you thought you were over it, 459 00:17:59,205 --> 00:18:00,790 you're really not. 460 00:18:00,832 --> 00:18:03,668 - Coach, I gotta say, I found the earlier stuff more helpful. 461 00:18:07,088 --> 00:18:09,006 [phone rings] 462 00:18:09,048 --> 00:18:11,551 - I'm sorry your acne is hurting your confidence. 463 00:18:11,592 --> 00:18:13,302 - Oh, it's tough that your parents always compare you 464 00:18:13,344 --> 00:18:14,762 to your older sister. 465 00:18:14,804 --> 00:18:16,848 both: You know, when I'm down, one thing I like to do 466 00:18:16,889 --> 00:18:22,562 is center myself with a nice hot cup of chamomile tea. 467 00:18:22,603 --> 00:18:25,314 - Hmm, something, something runaway cat. 468 00:18:25,356 --> 00:18:27,942 Yeah, that reminds me of episode 307 469 00:18:27,984 --> 00:18:31,863 of "Becoming Lexi: I am Me" when I lost that horse. 470 00:18:31,904 --> 00:18:34,073 But I learned an important lesson that day, 471 00:18:34,115 --> 00:18:36,409 and it's whatever I said in the voiceover at the end. 472 00:18:36,451 --> 00:18:40,079 So watch that, and you should be all set. 473 00:18:40,121 --> 00:18:41,748 - No, what you gotta do 474 00:18:41,789 --> 00:18:43,708 is go up to the boy who made fun of your shoes 475 00:18:43,750 --> 00:18:46,127 and stick one of them right up his a... 476 00:18:46,169 --> 00:18:48,004 oh, they're Crocs? 477 00:18:48,046 --> 00:18:50,590 Hmm. Have you considered getting new shoes? 478 00:18:50,631 --> 00:18:52,925 [dial tone droning] Hello? 479 00:18:52,967 --> 00:18:55,053 Hello? Hello? 480 00:18:55,094 --> 00:18:56,471 Okay. 481 00:18:56,512 --> 00:18:59,724 [phone rings] 482 00:18:59,766 --> 00:19:00,933 Hello, Teenline. 483 00:19:00,975 --> 00:19:03,936 - Greetings. My name is Ruth Perfumey. 484 00:19:03,978 --> 00:19:05,146 You don't know me. 485 00:19:05,188 --> 00:19:07,440 I'm in all different classes than you. 486 00:19:07,482 --> 00:19:10,651 - Sure, it's a big school. - Verily. 487 00:19:10,693 --> 00:19:13,613 Anyhow, I was dating this handsome jock, 488 00:19:13,654 --> 00:19:15,073 but then he started dating someone 489 00:19:15,114 --> 00:19:16,824 much hotter and famous-er. 490 00:19:16,866 --> 00:19:19,702 The only problem is, I'm still madly in love with him. 491 00:19:19,744 --> 00:19:20,828 Do you relate to this at all? 492 00:19:20,870 --> 00:19:23,831 - Lexi, drop the act. I know it's you. 493 00:19:23,873 --> 00:19:27,043 - Whatever do you mean? I'm Ruth Perfumey. 494 00:19:30,296 --> 00:19:33,299 - Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else. 495 00:19:33,341 --> 00:19:35,760 - I get that a lot 'cause of my weird last name. 496 00:19:35,802 --> 00:19:39,472 - Well, to answer your question, 497 00:19:39,514 --> 00:19:42,683 I kinda was in a similar situation, 498 00:19:42,725 --> 00:19:45,353 except I wasn't hung up on the guy. 499 00:19:45,395 --> 00:19:47,105 To be honest, I'm just really upset 500 00:19:47,146 --> 00:19:49,315 with the new girl he's dating-- - You sexist! 501 00:19:49,357 --> 00:19:52,193 Why would you be mad at me? 502 00:19:52,235 --> 00:19:54,946 - Uh, how? You were over-- - There? 503 00:19:56,989 --> 00:20:00,576 Or did you just fall for the newest trick in the book? 504 00:20:00,618 --> 00:20:02,495 - I was really impressed with how you handled that kid 505 00:20:02,537 --> 00:20:03,955 with the hiccups that wouldn't go away. 506 00:20:03,996 --> 00:20:05,665 - Oh, it was nothing compared to how you dealt 507 00:20:05,706 --> 00:20:06,999 with that girl with the webbed feet. 508 00:20:07,041 --> 00:20:08,876 - I can't believe she never considered swimming. 509 00:20:08,918 --> 00:20:12,171 - Right. You're so easy to talk to. 510 00:20:12,213 --> 00:20:13,673 - You're impossible to talk to! 511 00:20:13,715 --> 00:20:15,299 - Tell that to the thousands of fans 512 00:20:15,341 --> 00:20:17,510 my PR firm DMs with every day. 513 00:20:17,552 --> 00:20:19,137 - Are we sure this is the best environment 514 00:20:19,178 --> 00:20:21,180 for helping teens in need? - One moment, please. 515 00:20:21,222 --> 00:20:22,807 - I am a beloved public figure. 516 00:20:22,849 --> 00:20:24,517 - Yeah, by adults over 40. 517 00:20:24,559 --> 00:20:25,977 No one else has cable. - Enough! 518 00:20:26,018 --> 00:20:28,438 Do you have any idea how selfish you're being right now? 519 00:20:28,479 --> 00:20:30,189 - Oh, come on. You're only here 520 00:20:30,231 --> 00:20:32,191 because you're trying to get into Gil's corduroys. 521 00:20:32,233 --> 00:20:34,235 - They are Dockers stain-resistant chinos. 522 00:20:34,277 --> 00:20:35,737 And, so what if I am? 523 00:20:35,778 --> 00:20:37,822 Today was important to me, and what do you do? 524 00:20:37,864 --> 00:20:39,991 You go and turn it into some stupid competition. 525 00:20:40,032 --> 00:20:42,577 - Well, if it was a competition, I won, 526 00:20:42,618 --> 00:20:43,953 because I actually helped people. 527 00:20:43,995 --> 00:20:45,872 Lexi was too busy trying to catfish me. 528 00:20:45,913 --> 00:20:48,124 - First of all, I succeeded in catfishing you. 529 00:20:48,166 --> 00:20:50,668 Second of all, I am the helpingest bitch 530 00:20:50,710 --> 00:20:52,170 up in this bitch. [phone rings] 531 00:20:52,211 --> 00:20:54,297 - What? - Watch this. 532 00:20:54,338 --> 00:20:55,548 Hello, Teenline. 533 00:20:55,590 --> 00:20:56,883 Would it solve your problems 534 00:20:56,924 --> 00:20:59,552 if I let you hang out on my boat, no plus-ones? 535 00:20:59,594 --> 00:21:01,012 - Hello, Teenline. 536 00:21:01,054 --> 00:21:02,764 Don't listen to her because she's just using you 537 00:21:02,805 --> 00:21:03,890 to prove a point, unlike me. 538 00:21:03,931 --> 00:21:05,183 What's wrong? And make it quick. 539 00:21:05,224 --> 00:21:07,393 - Stop it, stop it, stop it! 540 00:21:07,435 --> 00:21:08,728 [all gasp] - Daisy. 541 00:21:08,770 --> 00:21:11,522 Hey, hey, hey. What is going on here? 542 00:21:11,564 --> 00:21:13,274 - Principal Toddman, I am so sorry. 543 00:21:13,316 --> 00:21:15,068 - I don't know what's gotten into you today, 544 00:21:15,109 --> 00:21:18,905 offensive outbursts, destruction of school property, 545 00:21:18,946 --> 00:21:22,158 not to mention you've created more work for the janitor, 546 00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,660 who is not me after hours. 547 00:21:24,702 --> 00:21:27,914 Daisy, I have no choice but to give you detention. 548 00:21:27,955 --> 00:21:31,167 - [gasps] 549 00:21:35,046 --> 00:21:36,339 [phone rings] - Hello, Teenline. 550 00:21:36,381 --> 00:21:37,548 This is Ruth Perfumey. 551 00:21:37,590 --> 00:21:39,467 I mean, this is Lexi. 552 00:21:39,509 --> 00:21:40,593 - Hey, it's me. 553 00:21:40,635 --> 00:21:43,304 - Sigourney? - No, Aisha. 554 00:21:43,346 --> 00:21:46,307 Look, I'm calling you to let you know I'm still mad at you, 555 00:21:46,349 --> 00:21:49,685 but I feel bad about getting Daisy in trouble. 556 00:21:49,727 --> 00:21:51,270 - Me too. But how are we supposed to help her 557 00:21:51,312 --> 00:21:54,649 without me killing you and you only slightly injuring me? 558 00:21:54,690 --> 00:21:57,944 - Well, I can't believe I'm about to say this, 559 00:21:57,985 --> 00:22:00,113 considering this is Teenline, 560 00:22:00,154 --> 00:22:02,657 maybe we should consult the manual. 561 00:22:02,698 --> 00:22:04,951 - Fine. It's worth a try. 562 00:22:04,992 --> 00:22:08,830 Step one, identify the issue. 563 00:22:08,871 --> 00:22:11,249 - I guess my issue is, 564 00:22:11,290 --> 00:22:13,376 you and I were cool last year, 565 00:22:13,418 --> 00:22:15,920 and it even seemed like we were becoming friends. 566 00:22:15,962 --> 00:22:17,672 But then you started dating Jamie, 567 00:22:17,714 --> 00:22:19,507 like, two days after we broke up, 568 00:22:19,549 --> 00:22:23,636 and you never even checked on me to see how I felt about it. 569 00:22:23,678 --> 00:22:26,389 Like, I am truly over Jamie. 570 00:22:26,431 --> 00:22:29,016 And if things aren't weird between him and me, 571 00:22:29,058 --> 00:22:33,104 I don't understand why they need to be weird between us. 572 00:22:33,146 --> 00:22:35,356 - You're right. 573 00:22:35,398 --> 00:22:37,900 I'm sorry. 574 00:22:37,942 --> 00:22:40,361 Do you think you can... 575 00:22:40,403 --> 00:22:43,364 step two, listen without judgment? 576 00:22:43,406 --> 00:22:44,907 - I can. 577 00:22:44,949 --> 00:22:46,117 - I'm still kind of insecure 578 00:22:46,159 --> 00:22:48,035 about the relationship you guys had. 579 00:22:48,077 --> 00:22:50,455 Jamie won't talk to me about his parents' divorce, 580 00:22:50,496 --> 00:22:53,374 because I am bad at listening. 581 00:22:53,416 --> 00:22:54,667 I've never once listened 582 00:22:54,709 --> 00:22:56,502 to the flight attendant before takeoff. 583 00:22:56,544 --> 00:22:58,880 All I know is, you're supposed to smoke your own cigarette 584 00:22:58,921 --> 00:23:01,007 before you give one to a child. 585 00:23:01,049 --> 00:23:04,927 - Well, you did a good job of listening to me just now. 586 00:23:04,969 --> 00:23:07,680 And you're totally capable of doing that with Jamie. 587 00:23:07,722 --> 00:23:09,432 - Thanks. - Okay. 588 00:23:09,474 --> 00:23:12,602 Step three says to focus on moving forward. 589 00:23:14,937 --> 00:23:16,564 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 590 00:23:16,606 --> 00:23:17,899 - Yeah, step four, where the hell 591 00:23:17,940 --> 00:23:19,275 are we gonna find a Crystal Pepsi? 592 00:23:20,818 --> 00:23:23,946 - [snoring] 593 00:23:28,951 --> 00:23:30,995 - Gil? What are you doing here? 594 00:23:31,037 --> 00:23:33,915 - I got detention for setting Lexi's hair on fire. 595 00:23:33,956 --> 00:23:36,334 - You what? - No, she did it to herself. 596 00:23:36,375 --> 00:23:39,212 - You told that really badly. - It was scary. 597 00:23:39,253 --> 00:23:41,297 After she did it, Lexi stared me down 598 00:23:41,339 --> 00:23:43,049 and put the match out on her tongue. 599 00:23:43,091 --> 00:23:45,259 - Look, I'm sorry that happened, 600 00:23:45,301 --> 00:23:46,469 but I'm glad you're here. 601 00:23:46,511 --> 00:23:48,930 It's my first detention, 602 00:23:48,971 --> 00:23:50,890 and I could use someone to show me the ropes. 603 00:23:50,932 --> 00:23:52,433 - Okay, this may come as a shock 604 00:23:52,475 --> 00:23:53,726 because I'm such a bad boy, 605 00:23:53,768 --> 00:23:56,604 but this is my first detention too. 606 00:23:56,646 --> 00:23:59,524 - Stop talking. This is detention. 607 00:23:59,565 --> 00:24:01,943 [laughter] And stop being cute. 608 00:24:01,984 --> 00:24:04,070 That's also not allowed in detention. 609 00:24:07,156 --> 00:24:09,992 [applause] 610 00:24:10,034 --> 00:24:12,870 - Thank you, girls, for that riveting presentation 611 00:24:12,912 --> 00:24:15,415 on "Hollywood Billboard Iconography: 612 00:24:15,456 --> 00:24:18,376 From Angelyne to Chaz Dean." 613 00:24:18,418 --> 00:24:20,712 Devante, Mac, and Jamie? 614 00:24:20,753 --> 00:24:22,422 - You got this. - Okay. 615 00:24:25,007 --> 00:24:26,676 - Thanks, Mr. Davis. 616 00:24:29,512 --> 00:24:32,140 [clears throat] 617 00:24:32,181 --> 00:24:34,434 "The San Andreas Fault is a major fracture 618 00:24:34,475 --> 00:24:36,310 "of the Earth's crust that is responsible 619 00:24:36,352 --> 00:24:38,980 for some of California's most destructive earthquakes." 620 00:24:39,021 --> 00:24:41,065 - "It was first identified in 1895 621 00:24:41,107 --> 00:24:43,025 "by Professor Andrew Lawson, 622 00:24:43,067 --> 00:24:45,945 who later consulted on the Golden Gate Bridge." 623 00:24:46,863 --> 00:24:49,031 [tense music] 624 00:24:49,073 --> 00:24:50,950 - "The formation of the fault happened 625 00:24:50,992 --> 00:24:53,035 "during the Cenozoic Era, 626 00:24:53,077 --> 00:24:57,206 "when the Pacific Plate and the North American Plate... 627 00:24:57,248 --> 00:24:59,250 * * 628 00:24:59,292 --> 00:25:02,837 * * 629 00:25:02,879 --> 00:25:04,422 "When they separated." 630 00:25:04,464 --> 00:25:07,425 [gentle music] 631 00:25:07,467 --> 00:25:08,593 * * 632 00:25:08,634 --> 00:25:11,888 [breezy tropical music] 633 00:25:11,929 --> 00:25:13,473 "Based on its current trajectory, 634 00:25:13,514 --> 00:25:15,641 the landmass that includes LA will reach Alaska..." 635 00:25:15,683 --> 00:25:17,310 - He's reading all your lines. 636 00:25:17,351 --> 00:25:18,936 - [sobbing] Just let that eagle soar. 637 00:25:18,978 --> 00:25:20,730 - "And while geologists estimate 638 00:25:20,772 --> 00:25:23,900 "that within the next 100 years the fault will rupture 639 00:25:23,941 --> 00:25:26,194 "and destroy most of Southern California, 640 00:25:26,235 --> 00:25:29,072 "that doesn't mean that we shouldn't live life 641 00:25:29,113 --> 00:25:31,199 to the fullest." Thank you. 642 00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:34,035 [applause] 643 00:25:34,077 --> 00:25:37,246 [triumphant music] 644 00:25:37,288 --> 00:25:44,045 * * 645 00:25:44,087 --> 00:25:46,714 - Why are people giving this report a standing ovation? 646 00:25:46,756 --> 00:25:48,257 - Proud of you, kid! 647 00:25:48,299 --> 00:25:51,052 - And why is the gym teacher here? 648 00:25:51,094 --> 00:25:54,347 What the hell is wrong with this school? 649 00:25:54,389 --> 00:25:57,308 [funky music] 650 00:25:57,350 --> 00:25:58,559 * * 651 00:25:58,601 --> 00:26:02,313 - Oh. Hey, Slater. Yesterday was so much fun. 652 00:26:02,355 --> 00:26:04,399 And you know what? I know this sounds crazy, 653 00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:07,777 but it kind of awakened something in me. 654 00:26:07,819 --> 00:26:10,613 - Yeah? 655 00:26:10,655 --> 00:26:12,407 Me--me too. 656 00:26:12,448 --> 00:26:14,700 - I printed out this list of other LA restaurants 657 00:26:14,742 --> 00:26:16,327 that still use Styrofoam. 658 00:26:16,369 --> 00:26:20,081 And I'm gonna drive to each one and curse them out. 659 00:26:20,123 --> 00:26:21,874 What did it awaken in you? 660 00:26:21,916 --> 00:26:25,420 - Oh, basically the same thing. Just being near the beach, 661 00:26:25,461 --> 00:26:27,672 it helped me remember how much I hate seagulls. 662 00:26:27,714 --> 00:26:30,800 So I'm gonna do my part to try to lower their numbers. 663 00:26:30,842 --> 00:26:32,051 Yeah. 664 00:26:32,093 --> 00:26:35,763 Anyway, later friend-o. 665 00:26:35,805 --> 00:26:37,223 - "Friend-o"? 666 00:26:40,143 --> 00:26:43,104 - Hey. - Hey. 667 00:26:43,146 --> 00:26:45,273 - How are you feeling? 668 00:26:45,314 --> 00:26:48,609 - Oh. A little better, I guess. 669 00:26:48,651 --> 00:26:50,069 How was your day? 670 00:26:50,111 --> 00:26:52,447 - Not bad. I think I might have learned something? 671 00:26:52,488 --> 00:26:53,489 It was weird. 672 00:26:53,531 --> 00:26:55,366 - That's not that weird. It's school. 673 00:26:55,408 --> 00:26:57,660 [laughter] 674 00:26:57,702 --> 00:26:59,120 Was there more? 675 00:26:59,162 --> 00:27:00,747 You don't wanna, like, tell me a crazy story 676 00:27:00,788 --> 00:27:02,749 or complain about how it's a conflict of interest 677 00:27:02,790 --> 00:27:05,626 for Hollywood agencies to own production companies? 678 00:27:05,668 --> 00:27:08,755 - No, you talk. 679 00:27:08,796 --> 00:27:11,632 I just wanna listen. 680 00:27:11,674 --> 00:27:13,468 - Okay. 681 00:27:13,509 --> 00:27:15,803 Come on. 682 00:27:15,845 --> 00:27:18,765 [breezy upbeat music] 683 00:27:18,806 --> 00:27:24,353 * * 684 00:27:26,355 --> 00:27:28,983 - And the thing I realized is, 685 00:27:29,025 --> 00:27:31,944 I'm still in love with Jessie. 686 00:27:31,986 --> 00:27:32,987 - Who's Jessie? 687 00:27:33,029 --> 00:27:34,447 And who are you? 688 00:27:34,489 --> 00:27:36,282 You just came in here and started talking, baby. 689 00:27:36,324 --> 00:27:38,242 You need to make an appointment.