- Previously on "Becoming Lexi: I am Me"...
I thought me single-handedly saving the Douglas kids
was gonna be the craziest thing to happen in 2020.
Little did I know, it wasn't.
[dramatic music]
* *
- So we gotta shut everything down.
Schools, stadiums, the secret rich person sex submarine
in the Hollywood Reservoir.
And, out of an abundance of caution,
I told Linda to stay home
'cause I'm gonna do my own sign language.
- But that didn't stop me from finding love
with the boy next door.
- That filter makes you look really pretty.
- Oh, it's not a filter. It's just me.
- Stop flirting. This is geometry class.
- And getting into a little drama.
No, you're gaslighting me, Dana.
- Ahh! - Yeah, suck on that.
But now, life is finally getting back to normal.
I can't believe schools are reopening in a few weeks...
is a line my producers told me to say.
- Mac, are you at Kim Kardashian's birthday party?
Aren't you scared? - Jamie, don't be ridiculous.
Yes, 40 is very old for a woman,
but I do not fear her.
- No, the virus.
- Oh, I got vaccinated a long time ago.
Yeah, my dad golfs with either Johnson or Johnson.
I forget which.
- And what about you, Daisy? Are you excited for school?
- I am.
Of course, quarantine has put into stark relief
the inequities built into our--
- Me too. - Yo, you're famous.
- I know.
Oh, I thought Jamie looked really bad, by the way.
- You don't have to do that. I'm over it.
It was a year ago.
And not just a year, a quarantine year.
I'm just happy to be back at school.
- Me, too.
I can't wait to start Junior year in a real classroom
at a desk that isn't an ironing board.
- Girl, same.
- I'm gonna pick up right where I left off.
And that starts with becoming class president again.
I got cheated out of 50% of my term last year.
But check this out, bam!
- [clears throat]
"The hard work we do now will pay dividends
"in the future for years to come.
Daisy for President."
- Is it bad? - Very, but it doesn't matter.
Before the lockdown, you united the entire school.
Pandemic or not, nobody's gonna forget that.
- Yeah, that's true.
I got people to care about important stuff,
not just Bayside nonsense.
- Exactly, you changed this place--
- Mac!
Mac Morris, get me down from here!
- Well, even Martin Luther King couldn't get everybody.
- Yeah.
- Ladies, help me out please.
My doctor said if I get one more wedgie, I'll die!
[school bell rings]
- * When I wake up in the mornin' *
* Alarm gives out a warnin' *
* I don't think I'll ever make it on time *
[school bell ringing]
* By the time I grab my books *
* And I give myself a look *
* I'm at the corner just in time *
* It's all right, it's all right *
* Saved by the bell, it's all right *
* It's all right, saved by the bell *
* It's all right *
* 'Cause I'm saved by the bell *
[school bell ringing]
- All right, keep it moving. Come on.
This isn't cocktail hour. You drop and then you drive.
Very good, there we go.
- Have a good one, son.
Whoa, whoa, what are you doing?
- Sorry, Dad. I wasn't thinking.
- That's my boy.
Morris men never use car doors.
You rule!
Hey, Preppy, how you been?
- Hey, oh, you know, okay, I guess, considering.
- Yeah. - It's been a rough year.
[car honks]
- Hey, what happened to "keep it moving"?
- I ran into my best friend is what happened!
Shut your trap.
Yeah, sorry about the election, man.
You know, I would've voted for you,
but I had to write in Chester Cheetah
for this contest I was trying to win.
- It's fine, but I'll tell you, I don't regret
keeping the Douglas kids here at the school.
But boy, did it make rich, white parents mad.
They didn't just vote me out,
they got me banned from the NextDoor app.
- Well, you did the right thing.
I mean, it's not your fault Californians vote
for whoever's the most famous.
- Yeah.
But Governor Prince Harry's doing a pretty good job.
- Yeah. - Anyway, it doesn't matter.
Worse things happened this year.
- Yeah.
- Are you going to the thing at the Max?
- I don't know. I'll have to see.
- Okay. Well, better get going.
Don't want to miss "The View."
That's what I call watching Kelly in the shower.
- Ahh! All right.
- See ya.
- Finally. - Hey, Slater!
- God damn it! - Oh, you just missed Zack.
- Oh, yeah? How's he doing?
- He seemed a little down, actually.
- I mean, who isn't?
I just spent the past year trapped in a house
with a guy I'm divorcing.
- I'm sorry. I didn't know.
- It's fine.
We haven't told Jamie yet,
but we're working with a therapist
who specializes in conscious uncoupling.
He also does unconscious recoupling,
which I don't totally get,
but I think it's just having sex on Ambien.
- I could never do therapy. Don't believe in it.
- Everybody could benefit from therapy, Slater.
- Not me.
Whenever I have a problem, I just get my body moving.
Go for a little run, lift some weights,
put on a ski mask and challenge a stranger
to a wrestling match.
Yeah, that's my therapy.
- Just as long as you're not using exercise
as a substitute for feeling your feelings.
- That's what I was gonna say!
- Hey, pal, you wanna put on a ski mask and go?
'Cause I'm feeling real sad right now!
[upbeat music]
* *
- Could you take a half step to the left?
You're in Lexi's light.
- I'm waiting for Jamie.
Today's the first day in, like, a year we can be
within six feet of each other, and I want it to be perfect.
- It's a very sexy situation.
Even though they've been dating all quarantine,
they haven't had their second kiss yet.
- Hey, can you stop being excited about this?
It's making me not excited about it.
- Silly String attack!
- What the hell, Mac?
- Okay, I know it might seem like I just pranked you
for no reason, but this is actually a prank
I've had in my prank bank since last year
and was saving it for April Fools' Day 2020.
- Oh, that makes total sense. I need no further explanation.
- Wait, I do.
- I'm trying to make up for everything
that I didn't get to do during the pandemic.
Pranks I didn't pull,
parties I didn't throw, girls I didn't kiss.
Oh, speaking of that, question for you two.
If you could guess, what month would we have hooked up?
- Never. - June, maybe?
Oh.
- In June? - Hey, Lexi.
- Oh, hey, Jamie. Are you eating a hot dog?
- Mm-hmm, how are you? - Not like this!
Sorry, I just don't want to kiss in front of people
because I'm really religious now.
In the name of the Father, and the Son,
and holy moly, a-mentos.
* *
- Hey, Nadia!
- Ixnay on the adianay.
It's Pig Latin.
Like "The Three Stooges."
- How old are you? - I was raised by a grandma.
Just stop waving at Nadia.
- All right, settle down, everybody.
Everybody take a seat.
Hey, welcome back, Bayside!
[cheers and applause]
All right, listen,
I know this last year wasn't easy,
but together, we made distance learning work.
And not to toot my own horn,
but I got a little write up in the "LA Times."
"Local Principal Does Passable Job at Distance Learning.
"You have zero free articles left for this month.
Please click here to subscribe." So...
- Obviously, there will still be some challenges,
so if anyone's feeling overwhelmed,
that's totally normal.
- That's right.
Dr. Spano will be extending her office hours
for any students who need to talk.
- And conversely...
- Oh, announcements are only for long sleeve teachers.
- I will be doing
an alternative therapeutic solution called
Pump the Pain Away with Coach Slater.
Show of hands, how many dozens of you guys are interested?
I'll just be over here. Right, yeah.
- Moving on, as many of you know,
Bayside has a bitter rivalry with Valley.
[all yelling] Hey!
All right, hold on. I know!
- Why would you mention them? - I'm gonna puke!
- Just let me finish.
Bayside has been chosen
to host the Southern California School Spirit Competition.
It's an event designed to gauge a school's pep and enthusiasm,
and the winner takes home the ultimate prize,
a tiny spirit stick, which, as of 1996,
has a little tassel on it.
[crowd murmurs in awe] - I want that.
- I don't like the sound of this.
- What?
- Every time Bayside nonsense comes up,
it always gets foisted on Student Council.
- Naturally, the Student Council
will be taking the lead on this.
- What a stupid waste of time.
This isn't what people need right now.
- Yes, this is exactly what people need right now,
a return to fun!
A return to everything that makes Bayside, Bayside.
And that is why I am running for President.
[cheers and applause]
Well, that and because Rick Singer said that I had to
or I else I wouldn't get into Stanford.
But yeah! All right!
- Time out. No one's gonna buy this.
She didn't even mention hard work
or the dividends that hard work could hypothetically produce.
- Who likes T-shirts?
all: We do!
- Whoo!
- Do you have any women's extra-large?
That's what I wear.
- Thank you, yes! - I would love a T-shirt.
- What's up with you and Nadia?
- Nothing, things just kind of fizzled out over quarantine.
- But I thought you guys were serious.
You unfollowed all of those butt models on Instagram.
- Okay, those are fitness influencers.
And if a fitness influencer happens to have a wagon
like a Pixar mom, that ain't on me.
- So what happened?
- I don't know, Aisha. She ghosted me.
- What? You know what?
I think that somebody's gotta go tell her about herself.
- Under no circumstances
are you to tell her about herself.
- Fine, I will keep my opinions to myself.
I'm good at that.
- Deal. - Hey, Aisha.
* *
- Colt looks like a stretched-out Bruno Mars!
[timer rings]
- Okay, Amber, that's gonna be the end of our relationship.
That was an amazing "two weeks" together.
You can send over my next girlfriend.
- Hey, I have a big problem.
- Me too. There's not enough time
to cram a year's worth of social events into one week.
- I have a real problem. Do you think I can beat Yasmin?
- In Scottish Highland dancing?
Hell no. She's nationally ranked.
- In the student council election.
- Oh, also no. - Why?
Before the pandemic, I was doing a great job, okay?
I got people to care about big important issues.
- Yeah, and then everybody got stuck
in their houses for a year.
Now they just wanna have fun.
You're a lot of things, Daisy--
smart, hardworking, imaginary-- but you're not fun.
- It's not fair.
The stupid pandemic messed up my presidency last year.
I'm not gonna let it mess up this year, too.
- I get it.
Why do you think I wanna throw all of last year's parties?
'Cause the pandemic can only take our prom,
our luau, our guys-only Wet-Tighty-Whitey contest
if we let it.
- Hey, what if, instead of scheduling
a million parties you missed, you just throw one big one
that was every party rolled into one?
- That's a fantastic idea, but where?
Toddman won't let me throw anything at the school.
Last year, I tried to rent out the football field
for this thing called Sex Fest Five,
and he was like, "No."
- Okay, well, I can get Toddman to sign off.
- Why would you do that?
- Because I'm gonna throw the party with you.
* *
[upbeat music]
- You know, I feel like everyone's still getting used
to being back in the real world.
Like, did we always wear these hard pants?
- At least you don't have to wear a bra.
Just kidding, what am I, some 30-year-old loser?
- [sniffs] Is that you?
You smell amazing.
- Thanks, it's Pheromone by Tom Ford.
Just don't wear it hiking, or a coyote will mate with you.
- Cool. - I need lip balm!
Oh, God, are you okay?
- Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
There was probably too much blood in my nose anyway,
so good thing we got it out.
- Sorry, just don't go to the nurse's office.
She's too sexy.
Damn it.
- Why can't you just kiss him?
- Because after a year of buildup,
I'm not gonna have some B-plus second kiss
in front of a locker.
We've been through a war, Daisy.
I need my Times Square kiss.
- You know, that picture isn't actually romantic.
That sailor assaulted that woman.
- Wow, the world used to be so sexist.
Anyways, toots, I got a question for you.
I need it to be snowing at the Snowflake Ball,
but for the Bikini Car Wash--never mind.
Fur bikinis.
- Wait, so you're doing every event?
Like, even the Sweethearts Dance?
- Yeah, except the Date Auction because Daisy said that
too many people would bid on me
and it would cause a traffic jam.
- No, I said it was human trafficking.
- The Sweethearts Dance is the most romantic event
of the Bayside social calendar.
It's the perfect venue for our second kiss.
- And what a delicious sight it will be!
- You're not a part of this.
[soft music]
* *
- Hey, did you tell kids not to go to Pitta-pawcs?
- What?
- Pump the Pain Away with Coach Slater.
Nobody showed up.
- I'm sorry, Slater.
- Meanwhile, there's a line of kids a mile long
waiting to talk to you.
What are you giving away in here, free pog slammers?
- Look, this generation is
just more emotionally mature than we were.
They get that there's value in processing difficult things
with other people.
It doesn't have to be a therapist.
It can be a friend.
- Right, therapist, a friend,
thousand push-ups. It can be any of those.
- Look, I just think when we're all together tomorrow--
- Yeah, look, I'm not going to the Max tomorrow.
- Slater, come on.
- You have your way of dealing with things, and I have mine.
* *
- Do you have a problem?
- Nope. - You sure?
'Cause you keep looking at me
and muttering under your breath like Yosemite Sam.
- No, I don't.
That fricking, fracking, no-good,
rooting-tooting screwy rabbit.
Fine, I do have a problem. You ghosted my friend.
- What? No, I didn't.
DeVante cheated on me.
- No way, D wouldn't do that.
He won't even cheat when we play Scrabble,
and I cheat the whole time.
- I really liked DeVante,
but the couple times we hung out,
he was real shady with his phone.
He kept getting texts from some girl
whose number wasn't saved in his contacts.
- You don't know it was a girl.
It could've been someone else he's ashamed of.
Like, maybe he's one of those guys
that's really into tickling, and it was his tickle master.
- Oh, it was a girl.
You should have seen the emojis she was sending.
It was disgusting.
Eggplant, droplets, tongue, droplets.
- Droplets twice? That girl's a freak.
- And then after that, I never heard from him again.
- Oh, I didn't know.
I'm sorry that I came at you like that.
- It's okay.
I'm happy we could clear the air.
Black female surf enthusiasts need to stick together.
- Oh, this isn't a surfboard.
I was trying to make a coaster and just got carried away.
[upbeat music]
* *
- Enjoy this party I threw. Take a pin.
* *
- "The fun parties we have now
"will pay dividends in our memories forever.
Vote for Daisy for president."
This is good.
Hey, cover your ears for a second.
- What?
[airhorn blasts]
- Okay, everybody, it's luau time!
[ukulele strums]
[yelling and drums]
- This isn't gonna be, like, overwhelming for people, is it?
- No, I'm actually concerned it's gonna be underwhelming.
Do you wanna learn how to swallow swords real quick?
- No! - No?
[airhorn blasts]
[electronic music playing]
- You cheated on Nadia?
- So we just don't say hi to each other anymore, huh?
- I can't believe that you would throw a good thing away
with Nadia for some side chick.
What's that unsaved number? Is that her?
- Hey, you know what I think?
I think somebody's unhappy with their own love life
and wants to mess around with somebody else's.
- Tell me who 818-109-4142 is. - No!
And how did you memorize that number so fast?
You looked at the phone for like, a second.
- What are you doing?
What are you doing? Please stop.
- It's fine. - Stop!
[phone ringing]
- Hello!
- Wait.
You cheated with Toddman? - No, God, no.
I told him I was worried about getting my grandma sick,
so he said I can come stay with him, and I did.
Okay? Are you happy now?
- But why was he sending you all those sexy emojis?
- He doesn't know they're sexy.
He made eggplant parm and peach cobbler for dessert.
And you know what? It was mouthwatering.
- Oh, and you didn't want to tell Nadia any of that?
- No, Aisha.
And I didn't want to tell you either.
* *
- Is this my alma mater? Hey, you know what?
You didn't invite me to the reunion,
and I don't have any money!
- * Blow it up ay ay blow it up *
* Blow it up ay ay blow it up *
- Okay, I really think this is too much.
People are just getting used to being around each other.
So maybe no more jarring theme changes?
- Hey, I've been waiting all night
for the Sweethearts Dance.
Can you switch to it with no advance warning?
- Ooh, that's gonna be tough.
We still have the Costume Ball, then the Murder Mystery Party,
then it's Daylight Savings,
so we start at the beginning of the party--
- Just do it now. - Okay, okay.
- * Drop the bomb blow it up *
[airhorn blasts]
Okay, everybody.
Although it's out of order and seems counter
to the organic flow of the party,
it's time for the Sweethearts Dance.
[slow music]
- Come on, let's dance.
- * We don't have to call it love *
* It's just us *
* *
- Hey, I've been getting weird vibes from you, like, all week.
- What? No, you haven't.
- Yeah, yeah, I have.
You keep running away every time I try to touch you.
Nurse Scarlett said you almost broke my nose.
- I told you not to go to her.
- I feel like you don't want to kiss me.
- I am literally trying to kiss you right now
if you'd just stop talking.
- Lexi, I'm allowed to talk.
- No, I know, and look, I wanna have this conversation.
We just don't have a lot of time right now.
[airhorn blasts]
- And now the moment you've all been waiting for!
It's Mac's birthday party!
[accordion music]
- What the hell is that?
- Oh, you see, the theme for my birthday
was gonna be Escape from the Haunted Carnival.
- Just kiss me, and everything will stop being weird!
[screaming]
- Hey, I'm leaving.
both: Why? The fun's just getting started!
- Could you not?
[airhorn blasts]
[all screaming]
- And now it's time for the lock in!
- Hey, I know I got in your business--
- You don't have to apologize. - Good, 'cause I'm not.
I know I got in your business, but you're my friend, bro.
And friends don't let people
that they care about make stupid mistakes.
If I did, Daisy would have a tattoo that says "books."
- Okay, friend. Let's talk about your business.
Part of the reason you're so worked up about me and Nadia
is because you're upset
about how things went down with you and Jamie.
- Fine, maybe you're right. Okay?
He really liked me, and it was scary,
so I ended it
instead of being vulnerable for even one second.
- I get it. - I know you get it, dumbass,
because you're doing the same thing.
- Hey, is it too late to change friend groups?
'Cause on the first day of school,
Mason asked me if I liked trains,
and I'm starting to wish I said yes.
- You let Nadia think that you were cheating
because it was easier than showing her your house,
or letting her meet your grandma,
or letting her find out
that you have problems that maybe she doesn't.
Don't make the same mistake that I did.
[soft music]
* *
- Hey. - Hey.
- You look rough.
- Yeah, you were smart to climb out the window when you did.
The clown won prom king and then puked on everybody.
Hey, can we talk?
- Yeah, sure.
- I'm so sorry. The situation's just weird.
Like, it's kind of romantic
we've been long-distance dating all year,
but it's also a lot of buildup.
Like those Christians who don't kiss
until they're married, which if you think about it,
is a lot more perverted than just having sex.
- Lexi.
- Okay, I just put too much pressure on our second kiss.
And honestly, it wasn't just the last year.
This relationship is something I've thought about for, like,
my whole life,
and I really don't want to screw it up.
And I'm sorry for making you think I didn't want to kiss you
because I do.
- It's okay.
I do, too.
* *
- Sometimes the imperfect
is even more beautiful than the perfect.
both: Get out of here!
* *
- Hey, thought you might need some help.
- Yeah, thanks.
It was gonna take forever with just me and Coach Slater.
- How you do even make this many scuff marks?
Did a Roomba run over a sack of dog crap?
- Do you not know how to clean? - No, I do.
Do you have one of those wet, colorful rectangles?
- Yeah.
- Hey, you still might win.
- But even if I do win,
what I really wanted was everything
to go back to normal.
I wanted to pick up right where I left off
and pretend like last year didn't happen.
- Yeah, me too.
- But now I realize I can't, because last year did happen,
and we lost a bunch of stuff we're never gonna get back.
We're never gonna have another sophomore year.
And there are people we're never gonna see again.
And everybody can't just instantly be okay.
- Yeah, so what do we do?
- I don't know.
- Hey, you guys want some help?
- Yeah, how'd you know?
- We just followed the trail of Mardi Gras beads
from what I personally believe
to be the most offensive portion of last night.
- Yeah, I've never cleaned before,
but I do know a tap routine that involves a mop.
- Should we get to it, guys? - Yeah.
- Let's do it. - Let's go over here.
* *
- I can't believe everybody came to help.
- See, you did change this place.
They didn't forget.
* *
- Hey.
So I'm ready if you still wanna go to the Max.
- Really? - Yeah.
I mean, you were right.
The only way through hard things is together.
- Would it help if we did ten push-ups before we go?
- [sighs] It would help a lot.
[upbeat music]
[laughing] Oh, my God.
- Hope you're hungry.
You guys are the first
to try the newest addition to the Max menu,
Screech's spaghetti burger.
- Oh! - Kevin.
- Hey! - Kevin!
You look amazing!
- Thank you. I've had some work done.
- Well... - Haven't we all?
- You know, it's a little weird, but great.
- Kind of like Screech. - Yeah.
- Do you guys remember the time that he got struck by lightning
and was psychic for a week?
- And then you used his powers to cheat on a midterm?
- Yeah, but why didn't we go to, like, Vegas
or stop the Gulf War?
Huh. - I don't know.
- Hey, you know, I'm still mad
that little dweeb beat me at becoming Miss Bayside.
- Yeah, me too.
- He was so funny.
- Yeah.
- To Screech. - Aw.
all: To Screech.
* *
- * Say, isn't she--he charming? *
* Isn't he a pearl? *
[soft piano music]
* *
* And now it's my duty *
* To present to you with pride *
* The very first Mr. Miss Bayside *
* *