- I hereby call this emergency Spirit meeting to order.
Thank you all for coming in on a Wednesday.
- You know there's school every Wednesday, right?
- On Hump Day?
We're officially a month away
from the School Spirit Competition,
and we still need 6,000 hours
to even qualify for the final tournament.
So I need all hands on deck.
Clear your schedules.
Except for you, Dana. We're still going out tonight.
But everybody else, 'cause from now on,
we're volunteering our asses off.
[cheers and applause] - I love you, Mac.
- You're so hot!
[upbeat music]
- I'm sorry you lost your home in that fire.
Don't worry, in just three days,
this will be a house.
[marker squeaking]
* *
- Hey, Mac. Do you need to take a break?
- No, we need more hours, and if I pass out,
mouth-to-mouth counts as another kiss.
Next!
* *
all: Move that bus!
[cheers and applause]
- How did you do this?
- Oh, me and the other kids
just kind of stood around drinking soda.
Ty Pennington did most of the work.
- Is he okay? - Uh, who cares?
What do you think of this flattened dirt mound
that I made?
[applause]
15,000 hours of service complete,
which means Bayside is in the Spirit Competition.
[cheers and applause]
Suck on that, Dad!
I mean, benefit from that, community!
- I got to say, I didn't think you could pull this off.
- Oh, I'm not done. Now I got to figure to out
how we're actually gonna win this whole thing.
What?
- No, nothing. I'm just really impressed.
I never thought I'd see
Mac Morris work so hard or do so much good.
- Hey, what are you doing, idiot?
Didn't you hear me?
We already got all of our hours.
These cans are for us now.
[quirky music]
* *
Oh, is that fish milk? It's freaking delicious.
[laughs]
Mmm!
[school bell rings]
- * When I wake up in the mornin' *
* Alarm gives out a warnin' *
* I don't think I'll ever make it on time *
[school bell ringing]
* By the time I grab my books *
* And I give myself a look *
* I'm at the corner just in time *
* It's all right, it's all right *
* Saved by the bell, it's all right *
* It's all right, saved by the bell *
* It's all right *
* 'Cause I'm saved by the bell *
[school bell ringing]
- Any last words, Fingerson?
- * Lady Luck *
* My time is up *
both: Snake eyes!
[cheers and applause]
- You know, Nadia, they call it snake eyes
because when the dice lie next to each other like that,
it's long, like a snake's body.
- Lexi is really good.
I don't mean to be braggy,
especially 'cause last year I won Most Braggy,
but I feel like you and I are kind of dating
the most talented kids in school.
- Ooh, indeed you are.
In fact, Lexi and Devante both scored a 9.8
on the Spirit Czar talent scale.
- What are you talking about?
- I've been observing the student body--
sorry, I've been observing the student's bodies,
and using a special algorithm, I've determined which Baysider
is best suited to compete in which Spirit events.
For example, Devante, singing,
Lexi, dramatic monologue, Nadia, dressage.
- Hey, why does it say "Jamie, nothing"?
- Oh, how do I put this delicately?
The algorithm said that you have no talents or abilities.
- What? - It's not a big deal, bro.
A lot of people with no talents go on
to have tremendous success.
I mean, look at our former president,
Franklin Pierce.
- I will have you know
I am very good at a lot of things.
Watch this. Ready?
Guess a number between one and a million.
- Six. - Damn it! I had five.
[both grunting]
- I almost had you that time. - Yeah, yeah.
You really are improving. - Thanks, The Fish.
- Aisha, can I see you in my office please?
[whistle blows]
[tense music]
- Aisha.
Slater and I have an academic matter
we need to discuss with you.
- Oh. Thank God.
I thought you were gonna kick me off the wrestling team,
but it's just school.
Who cares? - Right.
That's the exact mindset we need to talk to you about.
- Listen, when you were the star quarterback
of the football team, teachers were willing
to let certain academic stuff slide.
It's one of the coolest perks of being a jock--
was one of the coolest perks.
- It's come to my attention that you're currently meeting
your language requirement
with an elective called Nintendo Studies.
- It's kind of like taking Japanese.
And when I'm playing "Mario Kart"...Italian?
- Aisha, you're abusing the system, and you know it.
- It says here the course was approved by Coach Slater.
- Maybe it's a good class.
Aisha, say something in Italian.
- "I'm Wario." - Ey!
- Okay, you need to take a real language class.
- And there's no chance I could just spend
an hour a day listening to music,
the universal language?
- Mm. - Yeah.
- Mm.
- Fine. I'll take Spanish.
- Gracias.
- Do you ever wonder what other restaurants are like?
- No.
Hey, what do you think I'm the best at?
- Mm, lots of things.
Kissing, being tall, holding my earrings
so I could fight Chuck E. Cheese that one time.
- But those aren't, like,
skills you can use in a Spirit Competition.
- Okay, you really want to know what you're the best at?
You are the best boyfriend,
and before that, you are an amazing friend.
- I guess that's something.
- Daisy, I'm sorry. The algorithm doesn't lie.
You have to do the limbo in the Spirit Competition.
- But I don't want to.
The limbo was a Trinidadian funeral dance
that was culturally appropriated
by cruise ship DJs.
- If white people could only do
the dances that we made up,
we'd have the hokeypokey, end of list.
Listen, I didn't want to say this
because I know it's gonna go to your head,
but you have incredibly strong ankles.
I've been trying to knock you down all day.
- No, you haven't. - Yes.
I was the gardener that tried to trip you with the hose.
I was the janitor that spilled his bucket.
I was even Trip "The Pusher" McStumbles,
the WWE wrestler that came to speak to your class
about drugs this morning.
- Oh, that explains why his message was,
"Drugs are fun. Does anyone have some?"
- Can you guys please tell Daisy to stop being weird
and just do the limbo?
- Wait, wait, wait. Maybe I can do it.
- No, you would be horrible at the limbo.
You're too tall and you're accident-prone.
I've seen you sneeze in your own mouth
and choke on it.
- Well, at least let me try.
I want a chance to prove I have a talent.
- Mac, just let him do it.
- Very well, Jamie.
You may challenge Daisy to a limbo battle.
The victor shall represent Bayside
in the Spirit Competition.
That is my decree.
- Yay!
- Hey, Aisha.
- Oh, hey. - Are you a sports girl?
Or are you wearing that ironically?
That's how this fanny pack started.
Now I can't live without it.
Could I interest you in a Jolly Rancher
or some tape?
- I actually was on the football team last year,
but not anymore.
- What happened, did they cut you
because you asked to see the science on concussions?
- I was the starting quarterback,
and it was one of the greatest accomplishments of my life
before they canceled the season.
- Oh, sorry, I don't know what I'm talking about.
The only sports thing I've ever seen is "Air Bud."
- Well, "Air Bud" was produced by Harvey Weinstein.
- All right. Cool.
Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
Awesome.
* *
- [with Castilian accent] Okay, clase.
Ah, a new student. Bienvenidos.
[with American accent] I'm Mr. Johnson,
but you can call me--
[with Castilian accent] Señor Juanson.
Buenos días, clase.
- Buenos días, Señor Juanson.
- Okay, Aisha,
it is time for you to pick your new name en Español.
That's Carlos, Ernesto,
and next to you of course is Margarita.
- I'm Dominican, and I'm good with Aisha.
- Of course no. How about...Juanita?
Now, it's time for-- - Hey, I hate him.
- The daily oral quiz.
Javier, pick your partner, por favor.
- Um, Juanita?
- Excellent.
The subject es música.
- [speaking Spanish]
- Tengo muchas canciónes favorita--
- [emphasizing accent] Muchas canciónes
favoritas.
- Okay.
Mi canción favorita debe ser-- - Ah, ah, ah.
Debiera "ther."
- Debiera ther "thank u, next"
de Ariana Grande.
- That part was correct.
Ariana Grande e mi chica--
- "Eth" mi chica favorita. You're missing a verb.
- But that's not how we say it at home.
- Ah, we're not at home.
We're at la escuela.
Okay, Javier, you receive un A.
Juanita, you get a C.
- Where does a white man with a license plate
on his smart car that says "I love tapas" get off
telling me how to speak my own language?
- I know, but at least you missed the week
where he dressed up as a bullfighter.
- Like, why am I even doing this homework?
He's just gonna tell me that it's wrong.
It isn't fair.
- Look, you're right.
This class should be an easy A for kids like us,
but it wasn't designed for us.
It was designed to teach Spain Spanish
to rich white kids
to improve their chances of hooking up
when they study abroad.
But that doesn't mean that you have to accept a C minus.
This class can be easy if you just do it his way.
- Since when do you take the easy way out?
- Ever since I started getting an A pluth pluth.
[cheers and applause]
[feedback whines]
- In this corner, weighing in at 6'2",
he seems to have filled out the form wrong, Jamie Spano.
[cheers and applause]
And in this corner, weighing undisclosed,
is the Ankles that Stankles, AKA the Big D!
- You should have run these by me--
- Daisy Jiménez!
Round one, begin.
[limbo music]
* *
- Oh, no, my ankles.
crowd: Ooh...
- It's fine. I don't care about this at all.
- Are you sure you want to do this?
That bar is really low.
- I'll see you on the other side, baby.
crowd: [chanting] Jamie, Jamie, Jamie!
- He's doing it! He's the best at something.
[cheers and applause] - Yes!
- Wow! - I proved I'm the best!
I'm the best!
Yes!
- My algorithm must have been wrong.
Congratulations, man.
The prize is that the "Paw Patrol" gang is real,
and they want you to go visit them at Adventure Bay.
- What? Wait.
This is too good to be true.
[dreamy pop music]
No, no. Come on! Not the fantasy border.
Come on! I want this to be real!
[grunts]
What happened? Did I limbo good?
- You totally beefed it.
You said "Watch this, jerks,"
and then immediately slipped and concussed yourself.
- Oh, no, that's so embarrassing.
- Then you got up and said, "Classic mistake.
I get a redo,"
and then you fell even harder, it broke the floor,
and while you were unconscious, you farted for a full minute.
- We timed it.
- Oh. - Yeah.
Oh, well.
As for you, my little limbo queen,
I'll see you Saturday at 5:00am for training.
It's in Palm Springs, there's no meal stipend--
- Mm-mm. - And the stick is on fire.
What?
Get back here, limbo queen. Come here.
- Lexi, this sucks.
I used to think I was amazing at everything.
Football, doing that four leaf clover thing with my tongue.
Am I doing it?
- No, babe. It's just flat.
- And even if I was living a lie,
that was still better than this.
I hate that I'm not good at anything.
- Okay, well, maybe you just haven't figured it out yet.
You know, Helen Mirren was in her 60s
before people even noticed her big old honkers.
I know you'll find your thing.
- Yeah.
- [strong Castilian accent] Vosotros, ustedes, vo--
- Hey, Aisha, cool Mike Tyson impression.
Can I talk to you for a sec?
Why'd I find this in the donation bin?
I was donating something.
I wasn't looking for a cool outfit
for bowling night with the boys.
- I threw it out 'cause I don't need it anymore.
- But you worked so hard for it.
- Yeah, I did.
But look where it got me.
It's not just about football.
Last year, I came into this school
knowing exactly who I was,
and now I have no idea.
- Nobody knows who they are in high school.
Hey, kid, you know who you are?
- Why, certainly.
My name is Philip Tyberius Gorpleman,
I'm a proud dyslexic, a total flirt,
and one day I'm gonna grow up to be an ecoterrorist.
- All right, buddy, scram.
- Last year, I was captain of the football team,
had a popular boyfriend, and everything made sense.
Now it's all gone, and the one thing
that I thought that no one could ever take away from me,
the fact that I'm Latina,
is being challenged by a cosplaying conquistador.
- Hey, look, I'm not exactly an authority on this.
I mean,
I didn't even learn Spanish until "The College Years."
- You mean when you were in college?
- Yeah. "The College Years."
And these are the High School Years.
That's how everyone says it. - No.
- Anyway, growing up, we never talked
about the fact that we're Mexican.
My dad changed our name from Sanchez to Slater
and made my middle name America Rules.
I really wish I had some advice for you, but honestly,
sometimes I still don't feel like I'm Mexican enough.
- But you are Mexican, and I'm Dominican,
and there are, like, 20 countries
that speak Spanish,
and they're all just lumped together
and told that they're the same thing,
but we're not,
and no one gets to tell us
that there's only one way to speak Spanish.
Thanks, Coach.
[soft music]
- You did it again, Slater, you old dog.
Middle-aged dog. You look good.
- Hey, I thought we were supposed to have lunch.
What happened? - Oh, my God, I forgot.
Mac made me do this stupid limbo contest.
- Oh, that's okay. - No, it's not okay.
I'm sick of Mac roping me into his insane schemes.
Like, one time, he made me lie in a box filled with worms
to audition for a reality show,
and when I asked him which one, he said, "I don't remember."
And when I looked at the footage,
he was filming a bird the whole time.
- Well, have you ever considered saying no?
- I do.
But sometimes, it's just easier
to go along with whatever stupid thing he's doing.
- Easier?
You're the girl who rolled up the front steps every morning
until the school built a wheelchair ramp.
Since when do you take the easy way out?
- Never.
[determined music]
* *
Aisha. Hey, wait up.
- Listen, I'm on my way
to burn this Spanish class to the ground.
Don't try to stop me-- - I won't.
I was so focused on acing the class
that I ignored the fact that the class was failing us.
- It's about time, Margarita. - Oh, Margarita is dead.
- [gasps] That's awful.
Do you need someone to perform a song at her fune?
I knew her pretty well. both: No.
- Okay, here's the plan: when the class starts--
- Hey, Aisha,
I feel like I caught you at a bad time earlier.
Are you busy right now?
- We're just trying to figure out
how to decolonize our Spanish class
'cause our teacher made me question my cultural identity.
- Oh. That's cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
- All right, let's go.
- Buenos días, clase.
all: Buenos días, Señor Juanson.
- It's time for the quiz of the day.
Who would like to go first?
Señorita Juanita. Choose your partner.
- My name is Aisha, and I choose you.
class: Ooh!
- Oh, thit.
- Okay, empezamos. The subject is...
[speaking Spanish]
- [speaking Spanish]
- Ah, ah, ah, that is not how you say that. It's--
- I'll take whatever grade you give me.
Let's just keep going.
- Suit yourself.
That is purse.
- Uh...
[students gasp]
- Por qué? Por qué?
- What did I say?
- Well, I'm Dominican, and in my dialect,
you just called me the sluttiest of sluts.
[class gasps]
- Principal's office, now!
[tense music]
* *
- Hey, buddy, wanna skip class and go to the batting cages?
I can sling 90-mile-an-hour fastballs at you
and you can limbo under 'em. - Mac, no.
I told you, I'm not doing the limbo, and I meant it.
- What are you even talking about?
- I'm not letting you talk me into crazy schemes anymore.
- Daisy, where is this even coming from?
Did someone hypnotize you?
You know, it's very dangerous to be double hypnotized.
- Mac, move.
- Fine, I'll just-- I'll just be here.
- Weird interaction, Mac.
- You know what? It's my lunch break,
and if I want to run a metal detector
all over the football field during it,
then that's my choice.
- Principal Toddman,
this student was very disrespectful to me in class.
- Yeah, because this teacher keeps telling me
that I don't know how to speak my own language.
- I'm trying to help you unlearn bad habits
and speak the language properly.
- Hey, Aisha's culture is not a bad habit.
A bad habit is telling everybody
your email password, Sports123.
Damn it! - All right, look.
Everybody, let's just take a breath, okay?
I am sure that Aisha did not mean to be disrespectful.
And, Mr. Johnson, I am sure
that you were just trying to teach the curriculum.
- Exactly, I'm an educator working out of a textbook
from McGraw Hill.
Ever heard of 'em? - [groans]
- And I'm not gonna grade on a curve
just because you grew up speaking street Spanish.
- Oh, easy! Come on. - Oh, whoa! Hello, danger word.
- This is exactly why this class
makes kids like me feel bad.
- This is a school, not an Italian soccer game.
We don't tolerate racism.
- Oh, I can't be racist. I'm gay.
- You're also fired.
Please collect your generous severance package and get out.
- Lárgate, cabrón. - I'm gonna look that up.
- Aisha, I am so sorry.
I promise you, I will find you a replacement
who can teach you Spanish
without disrespecting your culture.
- You know, I could help fill in.
Until you find someone.
- Really? You think? - Mm-hmm.
- Well, let's give it a try.
[whispering] I'm not gonna pay you anything extra.
- Felicidades, Señor Sanchez. - Gracias, señorita.
- Hey, babe, guess what.
I finally found something I'm the best at.
- Oh! - Competitive eating.
- Okay. Here you go.
- Thanks. Ready?
Time me. - Oh, I--
- I'm full. - What?
- I'm already full. Damn it!
- But Jamie-- [sighs]
He thinks he isn't good at anything,
but it's just not true.
- I know one thing he isn't good at.
Tipping.
- Okay, Daisy's lost it. - Oh, no.
Did you not hypnotize her correctly?
Or has she been hypnotized twice?
Mac, that could kill her!
- No, she won't do the limbo. What do I do?
- Maybe don't force her to do the limbo against her will?
- Or make the door to the library
progressively lower each day
until she develops backward-leaning scoliosis.
- Okay, those are both equally bad ideas.
Where's Jamie?
I need to tell him my problems
while he puts Go-Gurt in my mouth.
- Yeah, he's the best at that. He makes everything better.
That's it!
The problem is, Jamie doesn't know what it's like
to have himself as a friend.
Jamie needs to talk to Jamie.
[chuckles]
- Ooh, could I get 100 hamburgers
without ketchup?
- No. - Why?
- Damn it. You know what? This isn't even my locker.
- [with deep voice] Hey.
You look like you could use a friend.
- Lexi?
- There's only one person I know
who's emotionally sensitive enough to cheer up Jamie.
And it's Jamie.
Look, when I said you're the best at being a friend,
I really meant it.
And yeah, maybe it won't win you points
in a Spirit Competition, but who cares?
It makes everyone around you feel so special.
And here's a power bar because Jamie would know
that you forgot to eat lunch.
- Thank you.
Oh, man, I am deeply allergic to this kind of power bar.
- Oh. - Thank you.
[upbeat music]
* *
- Hey, Chloe. - Hey.
I'm just on my way to some burlesque memorial
Spencer's putting on for his best friend, Margarita.
- Sorry I was busy today, but I did want to talk to you.
What's up?
- Oh, nothing's actually up.
That was just my lame attempt to flirt with you.
- Oh. Okay. [laughs nervously]
Cool, cool, cool. Cool. [laughs]
- Oh, you left your locker open.
- Damn, I'm still hungry.
- Hey, Lexi said you needed a Jamie.
- Oh, my God, yes.
Daisy's been acting like a complete lunatic.
I'd have her committed,
but her social security card is in my other jeans.
- Seems like you're taking this pretty hard, huh?
- You would be too if the most annoying girl in school
didn't want to spend every weekend with you
doing the limbo.
- Okay. Let me ask you a question.
- Mm-hmm.
- Why is it so important that Daisy compete
in the limbo contest?
- 'Cause she's the best at limbo.
- Is it that?
Or is it also because you want to spend time with her?
- Ew, what?
Like, Backpack Daisy from school?
- Yeah. - She's basically
the only Daisy I'm not into.
Daisy Ridley, Daisy Duck,
any girl that wears Daisy Dukes,
except Daisy from school.
- Okay, maybe I'm wrong. - Dead wrong.
I'm just annoyed because Daisy's just been acting weird.
She's changed.
- Has she, though?
Because the only thing that's really changed
is, now she's dating Gil.
- Oh, my God. You're right.
How could I not have seen that before?
- Right?
- Gil is the problem.
- No. - I need to destroy Gil.
- I didn't say that.
- Devante, could I just see the dessert menu?