(bright music)
- [Sam] Get ready for a "Game Changer."
Tonight's guests:
Who the fuck is this guy?
It's Jeremy Culhane.
- Jambo.
- [Sam] Business in the front,
Joker in the back,
Lou Wilson.
- Jambo. (laughing)
- You stole mine.
- [Sam] And, the cat in the hat- - Wow.
- Ally Beardsley.
- Jambo! [Cheering]
- And your host, me.
I've been here the whole time.
This is "Game Changer,"
The only game show where the game changes every show.
I am your host, Sam Reich.
I am joined today by these three lovely contestants.
Now, you all understand how the game works.
- No. - No, we don't.
- ♪ Not at all ♪
- I paid someone. I found out everything.
(cast laughing) - Fuck!
That's right, our players have no idea
What game it is they're about to play.
The only way to learn is by playing.
The only way to win is by learning,
And the only way to begin is by beginning.
And what better place to begin
Than the starting square? (Ominous music)
- [Lou] But it has a 'don't step on it.'
(Crew laughing)
We're starting with don't step on it?
- Pay attention to the color rather than the iconography,
And please, all three of you-
- Oh my.
- Make your way- - He didn't say Sam says.
(cast laughing)
- [Jeremy] This is insane. - Who's who? I'm the hat.
- I wanna be the dog, I wanna be the dog!
- That works out great 'cause I'm the cannon.
- But oh, no, players.
Golly gosh, darn, gee whiz.
Now, your podiums are looking a little lonely.
(curtain rustling)
- [Lou] What? - [Jeremy] There I am.
(Ally gasps) - [Lou] Hi.
- Hi. - Hi.
- [Jeremy] Hello.
- Players, I'd like you to meet Alexis, Devin and Iya.
They're going to be judging this competition,
Because I myself am not qualified today.
- What the hell?
- Jeremy. - No.
(Sam laughs)
- [Ally] No.
- If you could please step forward
Into our first square, Wild.
That's the tornado.
- I'm terrified. - This is really scary.
- Your prompt is:
Make me uncomfortable.
- How big is it?
(crew laughing)
Man to man, how big is it?
- [Sam] How big is-
- Tell me how big your penis is.
(levers clicking)
My boss, tell me how big your dick is.
I will show you mine if you show me yours.
- You will show me-
- I will pull out my dick
On all these cameras.
- How the fuck long have we been playing this game?
- [Ally] I know!
- I don't like that. I don't like that.
- We get rated.
- Are we done or am I showing you my penis?
(cast laughing)
- It looks like your scores are four, three and three.
Devin, otherwise known as Legal Eagle, your thoughts?
- We are dangerously close to a hostile work environment.
If not just careening straight into it.
- So showing your dick is hostile?
(cast laughing)
- But, Jeremy, incredible opening move.
That is a median three points for you.
You can go three steps,
Which brings you all the way around, my friend,
To the banana peel, or Liability.
- Oh.
- Lou, why don't you go ahead and step forward into Wild?
- Is it too late to step just out of the studio?
(cast laughing)
(Ally imitates object boinging)
- Lou, your prompt is:
Draw on this cucumber.
(curtain rustling) - Okay.
(whimsical music)
(cast laughing)
- Interesting. Some sculpting going on.
- Oh. Oh, baby, he's perfected it.
- This is an awful sharpie to draw on this cucumber with.
It does not look better on the parts I bit out of,
But I also have no idea what I'm doing.
- (laughing) That wouldn't help.
- [Ally] Oh no!
- [Jeremy] You ate the marker.
- I mean, can I just do...
- [Ally] Oh, no. (crew laughing)
(levers clicking)
- Oh, baby!
- Sam, how big is it?
(cast laughing)
- Touch it, dude.
- Eugh!
- What is this game?
(cast laughing)
What am I doing?
- Let's see. We've got one in the bubble again.
We've got one all the way over. We've got one in the red.
Tell me, Alexis, why do you think red?
- Indecency is only safe during Safe Harbor hours,
Which is 10:00 PM to 6:00 AM, so not now.
- Interesting.
- Safe Harbor?
- Is this a nautical law?
- We were close to a hostile work environment before.
We are way on the other side
Of hostile work environment now.
- But I feel like if you're just like that
And just don't do anything, don't touch,
I feel like that's like teetering on the side of like-
- You thought about it.
- So the cucumber went in the pants,
But there was no follow up.
- There's no like sexual or gyration.
- Lou, I am going to say that is also three points for you,
Which brings you all the way around.
- You can take it outta your pants, man.
- [Sam] To Jeremy's square.
- I think you can take out your pants.
- Oh, look at that.
- Just kinda like a DIY circumcision.
(cast laughing)
- Don't jump with it. - I gotta jump with it.
- Don't jump with it.
(Lou grunts)
(rewinding screech)
- Oh. (Lou screaming)
(Lou laughing)
- I didn't even have one and I felt that.
- And now go ahead and hand that back to Ash.
Thank you so much. - Whoo.
- Ash, do me a favor and just show off
The nub there for a moment.
Jeremy, that size.
(cast laughing)
- Oh, buddy.
- Ally? - Yes.
- Would you please do us a favor
And step one square forward into Wild.
- Come on.
- Come on, you sick freak.
(cast laughing)
- Your prompt, Ally, is:
Propose a visual effect to go here.
A classic prompt, often from the world of Sam Says.
Let's see how Ally chooses to interpret this.
- Okay, I'm gonna keep this kinda simple.
- Love that for the sake of budget.
- We open on a blood diamond.
- Oh. - It cracks open
And Mickey Mouse comes out, titties pierced,
And he says, Nike, Just Do It.
But as he's saying that, behind him,
You see the completely accurate Death Star flies forward.
That cracks open.
♪ Ba da ba ba ba ♪
The Arches, I'm loving it.
(lever clicking)
(suspenseful music)
- Oh, Ally! It looks like you've woken
Standards and Practices.
(fearful laughter)
If you've ever heard of Don't Wake Daddy.
- Oh my God! - Right.
- Well, we're all grown up
And we're not afraid of Daddy anymore.
We're afraid of the legal consequences of our actions.
Two out of three of our legal specialists say
That you've gone overboard.
Iya, tell us more.
- I don't think the Mouse would be happy
To be surrounded by all of that.
(cast laughing)
There was the Star Wars and you said the exact replica,
And so, there's no way around that.
- Devin, agreed?
- Best not to go after the entire universe
Of Disney properties at once. - Yep.
- Ally, you've busted out, I'm afraid.
Please return to start
And issue an apology to our cancel cam.
- Wow. - Whoa.
- Oh, oh shit. - Oh my God.
- Damn, bro.
- Look at it. - Damn, bro. Damn!
- Wow.
I just wanted to say I'm really sorry
To De Beers Diamond Co.
(cast laughing)
I am also sorry to Disney
For saying that Mickey Mouse has pierced nipples,
And I'm mostly sorry to this massive
Girlboss. (cast laughing)
She doesn't look happy with me, and I will try better.
It's time for me to stop talking and to listen.
(cast laughing)
- Don't forget McDonald's.
♪ Ba da ba ba ba ♪
(cast laughing)
- Great. Art team,
Let's put our lawyer back to sleep please.
- If you win, do you get to kill it?
(cast laughing)
- Jeremy, you are smack in the middle of Liability
And your prompt is:
Hit on "Game Changer" producers.
- Ooh.
(cast laughing)
Hey, watch and learn.
Hey, these are your friends?
They're pretty cute, but not as cute as you.
- Whoa.
- So how big is it?
(cast laughing)
Come on, tough guy, show me.
Oh, little neg, huh? Idiot, stupid.
You want this, you want this ass, don't you?
So how big is it?
(cast laughing)
Mr. Refereeno.
Why you come blow your whistle in my bed?
- I don't like that.
- You don't gotta like it
(starting to question choices) for us to have a good time?
(cast laughing)
I should have stopped earlier.
(cast laughing)
- What? What? - Interesting.
That looks like just about consensus here.
Devin, tell us more.
- Points added for making us all uncomfortable
And points deducted for lack of game.
- Mm-hmm, yeah, fair enough.
(Ally guffaws) - Alexis, agree?
- You know, you can flirt with the camera,
But not your colleagues.
Think about employment law here.
- But still, only the yellow really for all of you
And not the red.
- It wasn't too bad. As he said, the game was no good.
- Mm. - Okay.
- [Iya] Yeah.
- Are you saying better game is more problematic?
(cast laughing)
- Dude, if you were hotter.
- Jeremy, let's put you two spots forward into Chance.
(shoes thumping) - Boing.
- [Ally] You're closer to Mommy. - Lou.
- Yes, Sam?
- From your spot on Liability,
Would you please:
Threaten Bluey.
- Hey, what's up?
My name is Lou Wilson,
Comedian and actor from Los Angeles, California.
I have a message for Bluey.
I'm coming for you.
I'm going to find you and your yellow wife
And your blue son.
When I find you, I'm gonna do something to you
And I'm gonna do it big and I'm gonna do it fast
And you're not gonna be able to stop me,
You or your yellow wife or your orange neighbor.
I swear to God, Bluey. Is your wife named Yellow?
(Lou mock-laughing)
(Lou screaming)
- So Bluey's a girl and doesn't have a wife.
- Is Bluey a girl? Bluey is the little one.
- Oh.
- The Bluey fans are gonna have a problem
With the inaccuracy of it.
- Legally, that probably helped me out.
(cast laughing)
- Not so much of a problem with this, Iya? - Nope.
- Is that right?
- He didn't really specify what he was gonna do
Other than he was gonna do it.
- That he was gonna do it big and he was gonna do it fast.
- Yeah, that could be anything.
- Devin a little hotter as far as you're concerned.
- I don't love that he was threatening a child.
- [Sam] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- But yeah, I think first amendment protected
For the most part. - Mm.
- I think a median of one point for you.
That brings you one square forward into-
- Uh-oh.
- Indecency.
- Ooh. - Wow.
- Ally? - New Beginnings.
- Almost sing me a licensed song.
And for this, we have a little guitar for you.
- Oh. - Oh wow.
- [Lou] Ally told me backstage the one thing
they didn't wanna do was sing.
(cast laughing)
- Hold on, sorry, sorry. I wrote the lyrics down.
(Lou laughing)
- Okay, all right, all right, all right.
(guitar strumming)
♪ Closing time ♪
(cast laughing)
(expectant silence)
(cast laughing again)
- Now, was that your official entry, Ally?
- That was my whole shot, dude.
(cast laughing)
- What do we think of that?
- I'm okay with that.
- Yeah. - Okay.
Ally, that's one step forward for you into Copyrights.
- [Ally] Ooh. - [Lou] Comedy Central?
- Comedy Central! - Comedy Central.
- Thank you so much. - [Lou] Hey, good luck out there.
- Jeremy? (footsteps pattering)
- Fast feet, baby.
- You have landed on Chance
And that means a Chance card for you.
Let's see which card.
Cancel another player. (Ally gasps)
Jeremy, who is it gonna be?
- So this is awful,
Because that was one of the saddest things I've ever seen.
- Hey, listen. (Sam laughing)
(tense music)
Look, he's right on your tail, dude.
- Brother. (cast laughing)
- Somebody say the nicest thing about me.
- Nah, kinda hard, dude.
(cast laughing)
- You've got a beautiful hog.
- He ain't wrong. (Ally laughing)
- Look at me, I'm so many steps away.
- That's true. Lou, I gotta shoot you in the face.
- Oh. - Oh.
- Oh no, he's doing the cry baby.
- [Sam] Lou, please roll all the way back
To the starting position.
- Hate me. Come for me online.
- I'll come with you in a Comedy Central.
- No, I have to keep going. Get outta the way.
(cast laughing)
- Oh, it's like Chutes and Ladders!
- Ahhh! I'm really making a meal of this, aren't I?
- Please do me a favor and apologize to the cancel cam.
- What's up, chat? (cast laughing)
I'm sorry, I'm a little dizzy right now,
But I just wanted to make this video
While I was out at my lake house to say I'm sorry, Bluey.
I'm sorry, Jeremy.
I just wanted to win
Because when I was young,
(choked up) I didn't win
And so this was my chance
(sad mumbling) (cast and crew laughing)
To win.
I've realized that this moment is not one for me to speak,
But one with which I will use my ears to listen.
(blows kiss)
- That was really heartfelt, Lou. (applause)
Bravo.
- [Ally] Wow. - Sorry, man.
- It's okay, dude.
- A setback for you, but it is your turn up next.
- Fantastic.
- Please step forward into Wild.
Lou, would you please:
Share a conspiracy theory?
- My name's Lou Wilson, I'm an actor
And comedian from Los Angeles, California.
It's recently come to my attention
That the McDonald's corporation is using blood diamonds
(intense music) (cast laughing)
To infect our children with rabies.
Now, I know what you're gonna say. That sounds insane, Lou.
You have to believe me. I've done the research.
I have talked to several doctors.
They have told me that they have looked into the fries.
They're not even really potatoes. Think about it.
The potatoes that are used to make the french fries,
The little crystals? That is blood diamond
Meant to give our children rabies.
- With a staggering median of three out of four.
The absolute sweet spot for you.
Now, Iya, this was a bust for you.
- Yeah. - Why do you think bust?
- Because you're painting McDonald's in a negative light.
You said research and doctors,
And I feel like there's gonna be more than enough people
That could believe that.
If you brought in that, so that can lead into problems.
- Your believability was the problem there, Lou.
- Devin, Alexis, still bad, but not that bad.
- Yeah, highly fact-specific,
Implying that he knows unrevealed facts.
Very defamatory, but just ridiculous enough
To bring me back.
- They wouldn't feel threatened by it
Because it was so ridiculous.
- I don't think they're gonna take Lou seriously.
- Huh. Lou, let's bring you all the way back
To Liability. - [Ally] Goddammit.
(cast laughing)
- Wow. - Right.
- Which brings us back to Ally.
- Yes.
- Now, so far the Mouse has been bad luck for you.
- It's true.
- Luckily, this is the royalty-free version.
Would you:
Dub Steamboat Willie?
- Ooh. - Now,
Steamboat Willie just entered the public domain.
- Got it.
- Would you please stand by the monitor
And provide voices for the cartoon you're about to see.
Ready, Ally? - Okay.
- Three, two, one.
(squeaky mouse voice) - Oh, wow.
(deeper) - Hey, I've been doing a lot of research.
- Oh no, let me put myself back together.
- I looked at Facebook, lots of cool moms on there.
- What? (blowing raspberries)
- Yeah, we're talking about vaccines. Get back here.
Ow - Ow.
- Oh no, my tits!
You didn't get a vaccine, did you?
(raspy) - Of course, I did. The Fauci Ouchie. (laughing)
(Ally speaking normally) - Did I win?
(cast laughing)
- I think you took the role
Of dubbing that pretty seriously.
- Thanks, it matched up kind of seamlessly.
(cast laughing)
- [Sam] Seemed pretty innocent as far as you're concerned.
- Ally is my favorite contestant
Because there's no legal liability whatsoever.
- I'm squeaky clean.
(cast laughing)
- All right, Ally,
Let's bring you one spot forward into Defamation.
- Oh, my favorite. (cast laughing)
- Jeremy, I'm gonna have you
Take one step forward into Wild.
Something in three or less words.
Tough to make a legal stink in three words or less.
- I believe.
- Fuckin'
RFK.
(apprehensive giggles)
Raw.
(cast and crew laughing)
It's how he likes it, probably.
(Ally laughing)
- You've got two in the yellow, one in the brown.
- That's how Sam likes it.
- Now, Devin, is RFK known to be litigious?
- RFK makes a lot of money by taking lawsuits
That people have and referring them to another law firm.
- Like tries to cash in on those lawsuits.
- Wow.
- Iya, a bust, as far as you're concerned.
- It's a sexual innuendo.
- What innuendo am I doing? - Alexis?
- It's only three words. - Yeah.
- So it's not too big of a deal.
- Saved by the prompt itself.
- You can go ahead and take two more-
- Wow, running away. - [Sam] Steps forward into Copyright.
- Mommy, wake up.
- Lou?
- Sam Reich.
- With your spot on Liability, would you please:
Violate SAG by replacing yourself
With a bystander from the street?
If you go out this curtain, we have a PA standing by
Just to show you the exit door.
- Uh-huh.
- Whoever you find, if you can convince them,
Bring them back to replace you for a prompt.
- Boing! (laughing)
- There is a camera following you.
Boy, am I looking forward to seeing how this goes.
- Mommy, isn't this fun?
- Mommy, wake up, Mommy.
- Mommy, wake up.
- [Lou] Excuse me, sir. Can I help you with that?
- Oh my God. - Are you sure? Okay, cool.
Would you be willing to come and participate
In a game show with me?
- Ally? - Yes.
- This is Defamation.
(Ally whistles)
Name who you think is on Epstein's list.
(crew member laughing)
(cast and crew laughing)
[Crew Member] Yes!
- Okay, cool. This is who is definitely on Epstein's list.
Bill Gates, both Clintons, Donald Trump.
Jeremy Culhane,
(crew laughing)
And Don't Wake Mommy.
- (laughing) Wow, something of a range here.
First, Alexis, why do you think?
- Well, I always say if you're talking mess,
You need to put it in a dress.
So dress it up in some comedy.
That was serious and you said definite.
As far as I'm concerned, you're making accusations.
- So red and not yellow.
Now, you weren't as concerned, Devin.
- Ally, for some reason, chose people
Who have well-documented ties to Jeffrey Epstein
Except for Jeremy.
- And that's my lawyer actually, and that's my lawyer.
And that's my fucking lawyer.
- And Iya?
- You did say like these are the people on the list.
- I almost said allegedly,
But I need to catch up to Jeremy.
- Well, I believe that the median here is in fact three.
- Whoo!
- So Ally, that brings you all the way to Chance.
- I'm rooting for Ally.
- Yeah, we're all rooting for Ally.
- We're rooting for you.
- We're not supposed to take sides, but we're taking sides.
- Hell yeah. - What the hell?
- Get fucked, pervert.
- Mommy, wake up and get them.
- I'm hearing that Lou has found someone.
- [Ally] No way.
- [Sam] That was faster than I thought.
- [Ally] You went to the gas station.
- Come on Phil. What's up, fuckers?
You guys kept playing the game without me.
This is Phil by the way. - Yeah.
- Hello. - Hey, Phil.
(crowd cheering)
- Oh yeah. - We're good.
- Phil, what could you tell us about yourself?
- Um... I'm here.
- You sure are. You sure are.
Do you have somewhere to be
Or are you comfy being here for a few minutes?
- Well, I was going somewhere
That's why I was packing my car, but I can take a few.
- Here, I'll take your stuff. - Oh yeah.
- Okay, cool. - Hell yeah.
(Lou yelling demandingly) - Producers?! Thank you!
(grunts) Phil, it's not normally like this.
(cast laughing)
- Did anyone have you sign a release
Before you came out here?
- Nobody had me sign anything.
- That's interesting. (laughing)
In that case, we're legally in the yellow.
And so, I'm going to say, Lou, two spots-
- Goddammit. - To you and Phil.
- Oh yeah.
- You can join Ally in chance.
And with that Chance spot, it's time for a minigame.
This is a little minigame that we like to call
Like My Starbucks.
Now, we played this game once before as Like My Coffee
On "Game Changer."
How it works is I'm gonna tee up for you
A "I like my lovers like I like my blank."
You are then gonna raise your hand
If you have a one line joke to pitch me,
And the person to give me the spiciest joke
Without going over moves two steps forward.
But you can bust here if you're not careful.
- I can bust here. Okay.
(crew laughing)
- Oh Lou, because Phil has joined you,
You are gonna have to whisper your answers into Phil's ear
And Phil will say them for us.
- My guy. (cast laughing)
- Make it good.
- All right, I like my lovers like I like my Starbucks.
- Unionized.
- (laughing) You like your lovers unionized.
- I do.
- Hot, disgusting, and filled with 19 year olds
On the inside.
- That is dark.
- I'm not proud of it. Jesus.
- You wanna just read it?
- Yeah. - Set 'em up.
- I like my lovers like I like my Starbucks coffee.
- Black as the hands of the little underpaid
African children that picked it.
(crew cringe-laughing)
(Sam laughs)
(Lou acting affronted) - Phil!
- Phil. - Phil!
- I'm sorry. - Phil.
- Wow. Okay, we've got red, yellow, and yellow.
That is gonna be tough to beat, my guy. - Wow.
- I like my lovers like I like my Chick-fil-A.
- Just do the same thing, dude.
- Yeah, Phil, run it back.
(Sam laughing)
- Hot, disgusting and filled with conservative virgin nerds.
(Ally laughing)
- Pretty innocent according to our legal team.
- Anti-gay and full of blood diamonds in the fryer.
- [Sam] All right-
- I talked to multiple doctors
From multiple universities.
- [Sam] All right, we have a little bit of concern.
- [Ally] I worry about Phil. - Get 'em, Phil.
Set him up, set him up.
- I like my lovers like I like my Chick-fil-A.
- Closed on Sunday because of their Christian values,
So we've got to use the back door
Also known as anal sex.
(cast and crew laughing)
- God damn, I found the right guy!
(cast laughing)
- Fucking hell.
One more.
I like my lovers like I like my
Live Nation Ticketmaster.
And be warned, we work with them.
- Probably around for five more minutes
Before getting disbanded by the US government.
(cast laughing)
- All right, all right. In the yellow.
- At this point, I'm just making Phil say
The nastiest shit I can. (cast laughing)
- Fucking young artists for money.
- Oh. - Whoa.
Okay, all right. - Okay.
- Some really genuine concern there.
- Phil, work your magic.
- I like my lovers like I like my Live Nation Ticketmaster.
- Preying on me like
It's Jerry Seinfeld in Central Park.
- And our lawyers? More or less fine.
- Two out of three, I'll take it.
(cast laughing)
- Lou, you are the winner of our minigame.
Phil, thank you so, so much.
(applause for Phil)
Can we get Phil back his groceries?
- See you, man. - We fisted.
(laughing) - Wild.
Lou, you can move two squares forward into defamation.
And Ally, please step one square forward into wild.
Beardsley. - Yes?
- Tell fans why they should unsubscribe.
(Jeremy laughing)
- Hey, what's up, fans. It's me, Ally Beardsley.
I've been working for "Dropout" for a long time,
But it's recently come to my knowledge
That we have been bought by Palantir.
(dramatic music)
(lever clicking)
It pains me to say so,
But I've talked to five real doctors
And they've all told me that you should unsubscribe
Or you will get a brain worm.
- Wow. This is jazz, we're bringing in RFK.
We're bringing in the doctors.
- I've been saying that for a long time,
Comedy is like jazz.
- It looks like we're bringing up Palantir.
- Honestly, I'm just happy to talk about a company
Other than Disney at this point.
(cast laughing)
- Or McDonald's.
- Well, Ally, it looks like you're traveling two spaces up
To join Jeremy- - Whoo, to Comedy Central.
- At Copyright, which brings us back to Jer-jer.
Would you draw us a new logo
For Coca-Cola?
Show us what this might look like.
- That's so fun. A whole little bag of really good markers.
- Oh my God.
- And from our vantage point, we aren't gonna know-
- [Jeremy] Yeah.
- [Sam] What this is or isn't until Jeremy's done.
(gentle music)
You think anyone's gonna believe Phil?
Is he gonna go home and tell his wife about this experience?
- [Lou] I don't know if Phil has kids,
But I hope he tells his kids about me.
That's how you build a legacy is by touching strangers,
People, making meaningful impacts in their lives.
- [Sam] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [Lou] Asking 'em to say strange things on camera.
(cast laughing) - Okay, I'm ready.
- And Jeremy, go ahead and share that with us.
- The new logo is a little bit of a story.
- (laughing) Sure is.
- Coca-Cola, I'm on Coke. - Yeah.
- Oh wait, are you on Coke?
- Yeah. - I'm on Coke.
- That's the new tagline. - Yeah.
- That you've taken it upon yourself to create.
- What was I supposed to do?
- Yeah, the logo. Tagline can be part of a logo.
- And then this guy snorting Coca-Cola.
"Fuck, that's so good."
This guy, "Make sure there's shit for me,
I need to hit that."
- So there's two guys. - Men.
(Sam laughing)
Two men. - Cool.
So I said guys, but you wanna gender it more.
- I wanna gender it more.
- Ooh, pretty spicy.
Let me just make sure that you all get a good look at this.
- Well, there is that innuendo there,
But I mean, it's also a little bit of a parody, but also-
- Oh, it's not a parody.
(Sam laughing).
You wrote at the bottom, trademark.
- Yeah, they're snorting the Coca-Cola, which is brown.
So that's why I'm a little bit more like safe
And not fully there. - Sure, sure, sure.
- Yeah, just not that spicy, you know, again,
Lack of game from Jeremy.
- [Sam] Uh-huh, sure.
- [Devin] And-
- Where'd you fucking find this guy?
- I think 'I'm on Coke' is a great tagline for Coca-Cola
And only has a slight amount of innuendo.
- [Sam] Oh.
- I just can't agree with them, you know?
I'll say this, copyright doesn't like copies.
It's the same Coca-Cola logo,
The cursive that they always do.
Coke, I think it's more of a negative slur.
If anything, this would get us in trouble.
We'd have to pay for this.
- Hmm. - And I have game.
(Ally and crew laughing)
That's not a thing that a lawyer needs
To concern himself with. - Damn, dude.
- That is nonetheless two spots for you, Jeremy.
- Whoo. - Bringing you to Indecency.
- Ooh. - A two.
- That brings us back to Lou.
- I'm ready.
- This guy wants to bust so bad.
- I keep saying Mommy, I wanna bust.
- Lou, simmering there on Defamation.
I want for you to:
Describe something we had to cut
From earlier in the episode.
- Hi, it's Lou Wilson,
Actor and comedian from Los Angeles, California.
An interesting moment that I feel personally
Like I would like to share with you
That was cut from this episode that you will not see
And that I believe is an injustice.
Is that the man we found on the street, Phil.
- Oh no.
- At one point called me, my nigga.
(cast and crew laughing)
He pointed at me and he said,
"That Lou Wilson, he's my nigga."
I was shocked and confused but felt the need to play along
And I brought him into this space.
And so, I think I felt some onus to make it okay.
And I said, everyone in here is allowed to call me my nigga,
At which point each of the three lawyers up here
Pointed at me and said, "Okay, my nigga."
(lever clicking)
(cast laughing)
(Standards & Practices making uncomfortable noises)
(wall thudding)
(cast laughing)
- Let's bring out the cancel cam.
- Okay.
- Man, that's crazy, they're making you apologize.
(cast laughing)
- Welcome to America. (Devin laughing)
- Oh, hey. (Sam laughing)
It's me, actor and comedian Lou Wilson
From Los Angeles, California.
While on the set of "Game Changer,"
I was called 'my nigga' by a number of lawyers
And a strange man named Phil.
And when I spoke out about it,
They attempted to silence me.
So I'm sorry for speaking truth to power.
RFK 2028.
- Is there a place that we can send him
That's before the start line.
- Before the starting spot.
I happen to notice lawyers
That it's when he brought you into the mix
That we really went overboard.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- We all know there's one group of people
That you cannot insult and it's the lawyers.
It's the lawyers.
- Oh, hey, it was so worth it
To tell the audience what Phil actually is like.
(cast laughing)
- Ally, would you:
Puppet a fanfic scene?
I'm gonna have art sent out to you
Action figures from the real world of third party IP
For you to puppet.
- Oh shit. - Wow.
- You can narrate them however you see fit.
- Tell us a story, Ally.
- ['Shrek'] Wow. So this is the capital, huh?
(cast laughing)
Stick with me.
We're really gonna show them how pissed off we are.
- [Raspy 'Minion'] Hey, did you guys hear that
Nancy Pelosi's desk is open?
(cast laughing).
- ['Chester Cheetah'] That's perfect
'Cause I have to take a huge shit.
- ['Princess Leia'] Oh no, I'm the only security guard
That was hired for this entire event.
- Everybody get back!
- ['Gumby'] It's me, George Santos.
I'm gonna get locked up one day,
But then I'm gonna be free, death drop.
- And this is one of the three doctors I consulted
(cast laughing)
That told me this whole story was true.
(cast laughing)
- I see two out of four. That's not terrible.
Iya, you're a little bit more on the edge.
- Yeah.
- Is it the action figures themselves
And the IP they represent?
Is it the topic that Ally chose?
- I think it's a mix of both.
You know, once you bring up politics,
It's a little bit testy.
- And Devin?
- Yeah, I would've liked to have seen more use
Of the characters as the characters themselves rather than-
- Sure.
- I almost got to the part where Trump ordered
A cheeseburger and just watched the news while eating it.
(cast laughing)
- That is gonna be two steps forward for you-
- Ooh.
- [Sam] Into Indecency, bringing you
Neck and neck with Jeremy. - Welcome, the water's great.
- Y'all having fun? - Besties forever.
- Jeremy, would you:
Improvise a porn intro.
And for this, I'd like to introduce you to Phoenix.
Friend of the show, is in the
Grant O'Brien bachelor episode of "Game Changer."
- I'm a former nanny. - Mm-hmm.
- I write poetry and sometimes I make anal porn.
- What kind of a nanny? (Sam laughs)
- Phoenix is an adult performer,
Smutty writer and a wonderful human being.
Phoenix, would you like to join Jeremy?
- I will.
- Can I stay? (cast laughing)
- Hi. - Hi, Jeremy.
- Nice meeting you. - Nice to meet you.
- Phoenix is going to be your scene partner.
And in order to do this scene responsibly,
We're also going to require the help
Of an intimacy coordinator.
- Hell yeah.
- And so, I'd like to introduce Two-Straps.
- Oh shit. - Ah.
- [Jeremy] Wow.
- Oh fuck, it's Two-Straps. What's up, dude?
- Hey. - Whoo.
- All right. Hello.
The last time I was here on "Game Changer,
I was Sam's therapist.
Sometimes you push people away and-
- Push them away with
Rigorously difficult game shows, for instance.
- Exactly. - And I am changed.
- Clearly. - Clearly.
- But now I am on set as an intimacy coordinator
And we wanna get the creative vision across
But within your boundaries.
Typically, there's a power dynamic on set.
- You're taller than me.
- We could get an apple box, dude.
- Shut up. (cast laughing)
- And I wore my shorter heels.
- Okay, Phoenix. (cast laughing)
- For today's scenes, there will be no penetration.
- I don't think we had to worry about that.
(cast laughing)
Got it.
- And there will be no fluid exchange.
- You hear that Jeremy?
(cast laughing)
- Oh, darn it.
- How nervous are you from a scale 1 to 10 right now?
Be honest. - Eleven.
(cast laughing)
My lawyer was right. I got no game.
(cast laughing)
- What about for you? Do you have any no-go zones,
Zones that you don't wanna be touched?
- No. (cast laughing)
- You say you're all go?
- Can I tell you what I'm thinking?
- Yes. - Okay, yeah.
- Phoenix, come. No, not you guys.
- Yo. - Phoenix.
- Okay. - Oh.
- See, this is what consent is all about.
- Honestly, I'm jealous.
- I mean, this has to be one of the craziest things
I've ever been in the presence of.
- Yeah. (cast laughing)
- [Lou] Three lawyers, one adult actress-
- Adult performer. - And smut writer.
- And your childhood friend, Jeremy Culhane.
- And my childhood friend about to do an earnest rendition.
- Yeah. - [Ally] Of the intro to a porno.
I better get turned on, Jeremy.
- Okay, okay. - Okay.
- Two-Straps, thank you so, so much. Excellent.
- [Ally] Ah, it's good to see you again.
- We'll see you, I guess.
And take it away players whenever you're ready.
- Ding dong.
(badly dramatic) - Oh my God, the pool girl.
But I'm all home alone.
- Oh my goodness, I think I'm gonna have to clean your butt.
- Oh my God.
(hand slapping) (Sam laughing)
- One more, harder. - Okay.
(hand smacks) (Ally laughing)
- Wow, shit.
(Phoenix grunts) (cast and crew laughing)
- Jeremy. - Do you feel clean now?
- I know by fact, 9/11 was an inside job.
(cast laughing)
- Now, that was a buzz as far as you're concerned, Devin,
And tell me why.
- Mainly, I don't think the camera picked up on this,
But I had to see Jeremy's sweaty boxers-
- And he says I ain't got game.
(cast laughing)
- [Sam] Wow.
- Sounds like that lawyer was about to bust.
(cast laughing)
- [Devin] Sorry.
- Jeremy, I've got great news.
You can shuffle with your pants down two steps forward.
- Thank you, Phoenix.
- Into Wild. Phoenix.
- Next time, I'll bring a paddle.
- Bye. - Good to see you again, Ally.
- Good to see you too. - You tell Grant I said hi.
- I will.
- You're an absolute dream. Thank you so much.
- [Phoenix] Thank you, guys.
- Is this just what we give for the rest of the game?
- If Two-Straps is cool with it, I am.
- Lou, would you please step one square
Forward into wild, this one's for you.
Write some erotica about the lawyers.
(creative instrumental)
- [Ally] Oh.
- [Sam] Gonna bring out a little writing set up
Here for you. - All right.
Sorry, remind me of your names one more time.
- Iya. - Iya.
- Alexis. - Alexis.
- And Robert Shapiro. (cast laughing)
- Oh, you've made a huge mistake.
(cast and crew laughing)
(jaunty music)
- [Sam] I've honestly never seen Lou focused.
- Well, 'cause I need to make sure I use the word Devin
And throbbing in the same sentence multiple times.
- Around here, I'm not Legal Eagle, I'm Throbbin' Robin.
(cast laughing) - Throbbin' Robin.
♪ Tweet. ♪
(group vocalizing)
(bright music)
- [Sam] Jeremy, how's the butt?
- I'll show everybody the top of my ass
If they wanna see it. - I'm very curious.
(Devin gasps) (Ally laughing)
- She's got an arm. (cast laughing)
- Okay.
- Lou, if you would please go back to your Wild square.
- I'm a little embarrassed. I went maybe too hard.
(cast laughing)
- Lawyers, I guess judge this honestly.
- This is called "A Hung Jury"
(cast laughing)
By Lou Wilson, actor and comedian from Los Angeles.
And feel free to like underscore this with like sultry,
kinda like 'wow' kinda music.
It was late August night and the lawyers Iya, Alexis,
And Devin were hard at work on their latest case.
The people versus a Big-Titted Mickey Mouse.
(cast laughing)
As the lawyers did their dirty work,
There was a knock at the door.
Devin stood up to answer it,
And opening the door, immediately felt his breath
Catch in his chest, his toes tense,
Staring directly at the heaving breasts
Of Big-Titted Mickey Mouse.
(cast laughing)
"This is unethical," screamed Devin.
"I'll show you unethical," said Big-Titted Mickey Mouse.
As she grabbed Devin's throbbing member
And locked lips with Alexis.
She immediately felt herself faint
As the Big-Titted Mickey Mouse forced Alexis's face
Into her decolletage.
"And you eat me out," she screamed at Iya,
Tapping into her submissive nature.
The three fucked all night in a series
Of increasingly erotic positions.
And the next morning, Big-Titted Mickey Mouse
Walked into the court, showing the judge she'd filmed it all
And the judge said, "Now, that's a hung jury."
(crowd cheering)
- [Lou] Come on, Big Mommy. - Dude, you're busted.
- Oh my God, she's busting right now.
- She's busting.
- Now, I'm not surprised to see the ratings here.
Iya, thoughts?
- No words. - No words.
- I have some words. How dare you.
(cast laughing)
- And Alexis?
- I'll say, I started the show
Talking about the Safe Harbor period.
This is still not safe for the Safe Harbor period.
- Can you actually describe that? I thought
It was really interesting.
- Explicit content can be shared on network television
Between 10:00 PM and 6:00 AM.
- When you said Safe Harbor earlier,
We all thought you worked on boats.
- Yeah. We thought you were a maritime lawyer.
- A maritime law?
- I'm not a maritime lawyer.
- Oh, a boat lawyer. - No, I'm not.
(cast laughing)
- Lou, could you please apologize to the cancel cam.
- Fighting my demons? (cast laughing)
Hey, what's up, YouTube? We're back here again.
It's recently come to my attention
That the things I've said about lawyers.
Hey, what the fuck are you guys doing here?
Hey, what's up? (cast laughing)
- Continue.
- The lawyers haven't liked what I've been doing
And it is the advisement of my own personal legal counsel,
Jeremy Culhane, that I shouldn't say anything more
At this time.
But please like and subscribe for more updates.
We'll see you soon. (kiss)
- You did good, kid.
- I won't lie, having three people in suits
Stand behind you is genuinely intimidating.
(cast laughing)
- Ally, on Indecency with you:
Give us a substance abuse PSA.
- Wow. - Damn, bro. I'm jealous.
- [Ally] Okay.
- Hi, I'm Ally Beardsley.
(cast laughing)
Being under the influence is not cool.
Mm, it is real.
(cast and crew laughing)
Drinking, smoking--oh my god!
Ugh, dangerous.
(cast laughing)
Here on "Dropout TV," we make a lot of jokes about drugs,
Alcohol, but I just wanna say
It's actually pretty dangerous to do something like
Be at work and have a bunch of lawyers
Kinda looking at you while you pack a fat bowl.
(crew laughing)
There are things that you might think
You wanna do for attention.
Oh, sorry. But they're never really worth it.
(cast laughing)
- [Devin] Oh no, no. - [Sam] Jesus Christ.
- [Devin] No.
- I'm here really just to be a cautionary tale
To tell you that it doesn't pay to do stuff
Just 'cause you think it's kinda funny.
- Are you covered to have an open flame in the studio?
- [Producer] We're not.
- It is alcohol there, right? - We're not.
- [Sam] Oh yeah. Alcohol, combustible.
- This is getting the lawyers scared.
- [Devin] I just wanna see what happens.
- [Jeremy] Uh-oh.
(Ally coughing) - Oh no. (moans)
- That stings.
(cast laughing)
- No. Oh my God.
(cast laughing)
- I'm just gonna take these.
(cast laughing)
No, Mommy!
(cast laughing)
We'll move this whole operation back to the start.
(crew cheering)
(Sam losing it)
If you could do me a favor
And please apologize to the cancel cam.
(Sam laughing)
- Oh my God. - Oh no.
- I'm getting the smell. - No.
(Ally coughing) (cast laughing)
- I'm sowwee. (cast laughing)
- So Alexis, beginning with you.
- When you encourage kids to do it at home,
It was like automatically off limits for me.
- Oh, damn. - You can't have that, right?
This is our liability.
- Immature. (cast laughing)
- [Alexis] Thank you.
- Devin concurs. - I do.
That was some crazy stuff. - Yes.
- But they did say not to do it-
- That's true. - at least for the first half.
- But at the same time,
You were also introducing a new variable
By putting alcohol in the, you know,
And also genuinely concerned-
- Yeah.
- I was like, "Yeah, let's not," so-
- I did hear multiple people say, "Hey, please don't."
(crew laughing)
- Jeremy, anything you wanna add
From one of these podiums?
- Can you bust me so I can smoke some weed with my friends?
(Ally laughing)
- You're missing out, dude.
- [Sam] Jeremy.
- I'm not liking my chances here.
(Sam laughing)
- Come home, baby. Come home.
- Come home.
- I wanna go back to where the weed is.
- We miss you.
- Two players on start
and one player on the last of square our board.
- We've got Bud. - Jeremy
- Uh-huh. (Sam laughing)
Got one in, motherfucker.
(audio beeps) - Start beef.
- "Dropout TV," you're fucking raising your price too much.
Oh, another tier? Suck my fucking dick.
That was today.
(cast laughing)
- Ooh, "Game Changer." Ooh, look at me.
I'm on a fucking S- no, I can't even say that.
(cast laughing)
Come for me. You can find me
In New York fucking City! (screaming)
- Oh, interesting. Really?
- He's biting the hand that feeds him.
Whether it violates any laws or not, probably not too smart.
- Jeremy, with scores of three, three, and three.
You are our winner tonight!
Congratulations, Jeremy, you win
Edit approval over this episode.
- Oh my god, y'all are fucked.
(words choppily edited together) - Jeremy, showed me his and
It's so much bigger than mine.
- Points added from Jeremy's well-documented,
Very extraordinary game.
(upbeat music)
- That does it for us here at "Game Changer."
I am Sam Reich, reminding you that "Dropout"
Is actually owned by an assetless shell corporation,
So there's no point.
Good night.
(triumphant music)
(triumphant music continues)