Alright, settle in.
Edward, AKA Blackbeard, has a few thoughts he'd like to share with us today.
Before he begins, I will remind everyone it takes guts to own up to one's actions.
So, let's hear him out.
Okay.
Didn't think I'd be standing before you again.
Certainly not under these circumstances.
I just wanted to start off by saying a big,
massive, heartfelt thank you for allowing me back into this community.
I will abide by the guidelines
for staying aboard "The Revenge,"
including wearing this super tight
cat collar with a bell on it, so I can't sneak up on people.
No sneaking. He's gonna wear the bell.
Perhaps some of my actions, maybe all of my actions,
perhaps me, myself, maybe I've made some of you feel
- somewhat-- - Murdered? Shot?
- Tortured? Anxious? On edge? - Okay. Hey, hey.
- Come on. Calm down. - Preach! All of that shit.
And whatever that nasty, dark stuff was that brought us here, it's in the past.
Which is all I want to say, at the end of the day,
is we're trying to move the culture forward.
- Yeah. - And I want you all to see this.
This here is a ship and it's a space ship.
- Safe space. - It's a safe space ship.
There it is.
Yeah.
Good landing.
Deep. Very intense and very brave,
I think you'll find. Any questions?
- Yeah. - Roach.
Did Buttons really turn into a bird
or did you kill him?
He actually turned into a bird.
Okay. Okay, cool.
Still sticking to that one, huh?
Okay! Good.
We'll just leave it at one question, I think, for now.
Oh, no! No! Come on! Help me!
Help! Help!
They're torturing--
Please, I have a family!
So we're laughing.
Blackbeard's back and we're all just back to it.
Hey, bro, that's what happens, ya know?
They just get away with it and we move on.
Yeah, at least he's wearin' the sack.
And the bell. That was my idea.
And he apologized.
I actually thought it was pretty solid, for him.
And yet, the words "I'm sorry" were never mentioned.
Did anyone else clock that?
I've never heard an apology before so, to me, it was amazing.
The bar is on the floor.
And you?
Are you happy with this?
With what?
Pirating?
Well, this is a pirate ship and I'm a pirate, so, yeah.
I'm good with it.
You still mad he pushed you off the ship, twatty?
How long do I have to wear this fucking bell for?
Until the probation ends.
When's that? What, like, a day?
When the crew are comfortable with you again.
And you're not doing insane things, like shooting people's legs off.
So, it's, like, probably more than a day for that.
I know it must be odd.
I'm sure you didn't apologize for anything when you were Captain.
Oh, fuck no.
Apologizing? Nah, didn't apologize for jack shit.
Then, I'm different and I'm not the Captain anymore, am I? You are.
Yes, that's true.
But I haven't really felt it since we got back on the ship.
Well then, say it. You gotta own it. Say it.
- What? "I'm your Captain"? - Give it more than that.
You are the Captain. Now, own it.
Come on, say it properly. Go.
I'm your Captain!
Wait, I can do it better.
I'm your Captain, and I demand respect!
Oh, boy.
- Please? - Be the Captain.
What would you have me do, Captain, to restore my reputation?
Go.
Right. Why don't you-- You can--
We--
Fit in more.
Got it, fit in more. Yes. Okay.
Yes, and be helpful. There's a lotta things that need doing.
- Good goal. Okay. Sure. - So you could fix something
and stop pissing people off!
Right away, sir.
That was better.
Just need to work on your mean voice.
I will.
I'm Captain!
That's my chair! That's the Captain's chair!
- Oy, shut up! - Sorry!
Hello, Mr. Latch.
It's not your fault you're broken. No.
You didn't break you.
Just trying to do your job, weren't ya?
Alright.
Ooh, yes.
Very good. Oh, hey, friend.
Fuck you!
I just fixed the door latch. Do you see that?
Don't fucking look at me.
Yeah, I can tell you've got issues with me.
Issues?
What?
You're a degenerate.
You're sick. You're an actual psycho.
Right, yeah.
Maybe we could get through this
a lot faster if you just let it all out in one go.
There is nothing you can do that would fix this.
I will let you push me off the ship.
Actually, that could be huge.
Yeah.
Lead the way.
So this is where all my candles went.
And you've used the good ones.
Yep.
I'm having to relearn the basics with one leg.
The basics?
I think my basics might be a bit more basic than your basics.
Actually, it recently occurred to me that--
That you know nothing?
That you're a shitty Captain, yeah?
I don't know about that.
But Blackbeard did say he credited you with a lot of his skills.
Yeah, well, Blackbeard says a lot of things.
But what did he say about me specifically?
Well, specifically, he said you taught him everything he knows.
Made him the Captain he is today.
Perhaps I could learn at the feet of one of the greats.
Foot.
Oh, yes, foot. Sorry.
Ya know, maybe I could teach even you a thing or two.
Punch me.
- Come on, punch me. - Yep. Okay.
What hand do you want?
- That hurt. - Rope swinging.
Looks easy, but everyone fucks it up.
Fuck off.
Put your shoulders into it!
Burning!
- Burn, burn, burn, burn! - Gloves were a bit shit,
- weren't they? - It's burning through the gloves!
You're in the field.
Three men run at you from there, there, and there.
Fire!
Ooh, hit something.
- No, no, no! - Oh, God.
Come on!
Okay, so, you say, "We're having a talent show."
It doesn't sound like me.
- Why would I say that? - 'Cause we were having a talent show.
We were? Why were we having a talent--
Shut up! Okay? Shut up and say the line.
What was it again?
Fuckin' eat my shit, Blackbeard!
How does that feel, bitch?
Cold!
How do you feel?
Yeah. No, I feel better.
Lucius!
- I said, "Are you feeling better?" - I feel better.
- Do you have closure?
Lucius!
Why aren't you answering me?
Do you feel better?
- Hey. - Oh, hey, Fang.
- Whatcha doin'? - Oh, not much.
Hangin' out on this ladder. Part of my probation.
How's that going?
Pretty good, I think.
Hey! You wanna come with me?
- Yeah, may as well. - I'm gonna catch some fishes.
- I'll jump from here. - Yup.
Cannonball!
I think you're amazing. Fascinating.
- Go on. - I've never met anyone with such
a total lack of skills.
How you are still alive, I cannot say.
I do ask myself that question every day.
No, I mean, I've met greater men than you.
You know, better fighters, better shooters, better--
Well, just better.
- Alright. - But they were all killed.
And yet, here you stand.
I think being out in the field is my thing.
It's like I blackout and my body just takes over.
I beat you in a duel.
- On a fucking technicality! - Might've been.
I have no memory of it.
Regardless, I think it's time to test my killer skills.
Looks like we've got company.
Oh, no.
- What happened here? - Congrats, Bonnet.
You've picked the only ship where everyone's dead.
We've got a live one.
What are all these weird lines?
They must be really into geometry.
Do you want a glass of water?
Estamos viajando al Vaticano
buscando un exorcismo.
He's saying this place is cursed.
Este barco no debe saquearse--
If we stay, we'll be cursed.
Everything over there is cursed.
Everything over there is also cursed, and if we touch anything, we'll be--
Be what?
Okay, I'm out.
Well, hello there.
I mean, it's an absolute gem.
Bonnet, we've gotta go.
This place reeks of dead priests.
Sure, but watch the flow.
What?
Izzy, did you see that? I did a punch!
- Here's to the perfect raid. - Aye!
- Hey. Love the suit. - That shit is decadent.
- Very Captain-y. - Right? I know!
It's cursed.
What? No, it isn't.
The priest literally said that right before he died.
Keeping that suit is playing las maracas with the Devil.
Jim, I'm sorry there was only one velvety suit.
You're most welcome to borrow it.
Or, well, look at it.
So, I just turned around. I had this--
You know you're gonna have to burn that, right?
What? Why?
Crew thinks it's cursed.
Izzy, you don't believe in curses, do you?
Me? No, of course not. But the crew do.
I've seen an entire command gouge their eyes out on account of one.
Sounds to me like syphilis.
A curse is a curse.
And once it takes hold
well...
well, then it takes hold.
How does this look?
Kinda sultry, yet casual?
Yeah, I love that. Love sultry, love caszh.
Let's do that.
Or do we do something more formal?
You draw me as like a steely lord.
Yeah, let's do that.
Babe?
Oh, yeah. No, I'm kind of--
I'm sort of splitting the difference between the two
and it's nice.
You're not even looking at me.
You're looking through me.
What the hell is this?
Well, it's not what it looks like.
It looks like my body with Blackbeard's face?
Okay. Well, it is what it looks like then.
You said you got all this outta your system
when you pushed him off the ship.
Oh, my God!
A flower?
With Blackbeard's face on it?
And a doggie with Blackbeard's face on it?
You have no fucking idea what I've been through.
What you've been through?
Dude! Blackbeard did this to both of us.
For weeks, I thought you were dead.
I cried every night.
I'd wake up in the morning thinking I heard your voice.
Okay, yeah. Well, obviously, I've underestimated some stuff.
I don't fuckin' know.
Yeah, I guess you did.
Come find me when Blackbeard isn't living rent-free in your head.
And another thing!
You talk all the time about how you almost died.
But I never hear anything about the fact that you lived.
Alright, as long as no one breaks the salt line, we should be safe.
Ah, guys.
- Come on! - Out! Out!
- Come on! - Ridiculous.
- Shut the door! - Shut the door!
- Cierra la puerta! - Come on! We're doing a--
Oh, no. Stop it.
- That is unreal. - Right?
Sweet, salty, sour, crunchy.
I'm going to call it "peanut paste."
Gents, thanks for your support earlier.
It's just really comforting to know that there are men of science aboard
who can disregard such idiotic superstition ideas.
- Oh, yeah. Hate all that nonsense. - Of course. Men of science.
- Us, yeah. - By the way, Roach, don't forget to leave
the leftovers out for the fairies, though.
Alright. They did help the bread rise.
They do deserve their fair cut,
- right, Captain? - You're absolutely right.
- Yeah. - Always thank the fairies.
- Thank you, fairies. - Ah, yes. That's yeast.
I think you're-- Doesn't matter.
Good.
You feel that scratching on your brain?
Scratchin' on--
That's no good.
- Am I okay? - Okay...
Captain's cursed.
Hey, Fang?
Can I ask you something?
Yep.
- You think I'm a dick? - Of course, you're a dick.
Is that not what you're going for?
- No, I'm assertive. - Yeah, right. That's a dick.
Come on, man. No, we--
You and me, we had some good times, didn't we?
- Yeah. - A lotta laughs.
Remember all the games we used to play?
Knife Parade. Aye, remember that?
With the procession of knives. And I remember me running down a hall.
"Come here, you little fucker!" With the knife like that.
And you're like-- You're laughing.
You were like, "No!"
- Running away from me. - No, I wasn't giggling.
- Yeah, you were. - No. I was screaming.
What?
I was screaming 'cause I was scared. I was terrified.
I didn't like that game.
- You were scared? - Hell yeah.
Oh, fuck, Fang. I didn't know that, man. I'm sorry.
- It's alright. - Fuck, how come you're not mad at me?
I kinda got it out of my system when we beat you to death.
I did unthinkable things to your body.
Savaged it with punches, kicks, slams.
- Lots of crotch stuff and-- - Okay. Yep, okay.
- That's enough. - And you were like a rag doll
in these hands as I lifted you up and then I'd smack you again...
Fang, that's quite enough. Okay, thank you.
- Thank you. That's enough. - And again, and again, and again.
So, you and I, we're sweet.
Still mopin'?
Flippin' the tables on Blackbeard didn't quite numb the pain?
No.
Maybe we try what he did to you next.
What who did to me?
Blackbeard.
'Cause he chopped off your leg.
Don't know what you're talkin' about.
A shark did this.
Dangling my legs over the side of the ship.
Served me right, too.
Okay, that seems healthy.
Using a bit of fiction to help cover up your trauma.
Yeah. Well...
Not movin' on is worse.
Twatty.
I actually love this.
What's all this?
A reckoning.
The moment you left, Frenchie got hideous sores
all over his beautiful body!
Yeah, my eyes itch and I wanna rip 'em out and scratch the backs of 'em, but I can't.
They're red like your suit!
He's clearly had an allergic reaction.
Frenchie, have you had peanuts before?
He's lying. He's blamin' the bean.
Olu, it's a legume. They can kill you.
Don't listen to the Devil Suit. It wishes to deceive us.
Look. Wait. Come on.
Let's resolve this like adults
who have a respect for fine tailoring.
Attack! Give us the suit! Give us the suit!
Just let it go, man!
They ripped my pocket. Those fuckin' barbarians.
A curse is a curse, and once it takes hold--
Oh, fuck off!
Rude.
Yeah, maybe I did too much.
I took a man's leg, terrorized you.
I wasn't a good guy.
I'd like to make amends, but I just--
Honestly, I wouldn't even know where to start,
what to say to make things better, how to even say it.
- Ya know, there are certain things... - If...
- ...I know I should be saying, but... - ...if I could...
- ...where do I even be-- - ...just make an observation.
You...
Do you think you talk so much because
you don't wanna know how to sit with yourself?
Ya know, I bet you're-- You can't stay quiet long enough
to catch a fish.
Ya know, just
- a bit-- - A bit? You want a bit?
- Yeah. - Another game. Another one of our games.
Okay. Bring it on.
Time for me to be quiet.
Watch this? I can be quiet and catch a fish.
You don't have to do that, Fang. I know what that means.
I just want to--
Yeah, but no. I'm just saying that I just--
I'm being quiet.
Everybody come out! The suit has gone.
Come on. Out you come.
Here we go.
It's locked away safely where it can't harm anyone.
Clearly, I have been blind to how this perceived curse
has affected you all.
If you believe the curse is real,
even if only through the power of suggestion,
then there is validity to your experiences.
So, you're saying the curse is real?
I'm saying the curse is real to you.
But your point is, it's real.
Yes.
Yes, it is real.
- It is real. Okay? - I knew it! I knew it.
So
how do we destroy the suit?
Or have we moved on from that?
I reckon, you get a fuckin' bunch of knives,
stab the shit out of it and just see what happens.
Imagine if it bleeds.
Let's get some ideas going. What else is there?
When we found that priest,
he said not to take anything before Stede defied him,
actively inviting the Devil into all of our lives.
That's it then. We could just--
We could just fob the suit off to some other dummy.
Oh, yes!
Does that make us horrible people?
- Or does that make us smarter people? - I think the latter.
I think what you said.
Okay. Yeah. We've got some ideas.
That was some swanky swordplay there, Izzy.
That's what I do.
And, Olu, that bit where we fought back-to-back.
I know. It was wicked, innit?
How 'bout Archie swingin' in on that rope, though?
Oh, yeah. I've wrestled pythons. I used to be in a snake cult, so.
Sure.
That is a warning. Do not try this Captain again.
What do you want from us?
What do we want?
Black Pete.
What do you think of this? Go on, touch it.
Get a good hand feel on that fabric.
Seems nice?
Wait, is it cursed?
- That's crazy! - What?
- What the-- - No!
Who would think that?
There ya go.
Good luck! No backsies.
Hope you have garlic!
Where are we going?
You're not gonna throw me off the ship, are you?
Oh, my God, it's me.
I suppose I just wanted you to know that I see you.
It's beautiful.
And you're right. I need to celebrate the fact that I lived.
And to that end.
What are you doing?
I wanna spend the rest of my life with you.
- Oh, my God! - Is it weird?
- I'm being so fucking weird. I'm sorry. - Yes!
Yes to me being weird or yes to the other thing?
The other thing!
Yes, I wanna spend the rest of my life with you!
I'll kill you.
And so, I started pulling this thing in, winding it and reeling.
Man against beast. I'm the man and the beast was beneath the sea.
- Yeah. - So I pulled, and in the end,
I triumphed.
Behold.
- Ed, that's beautiful. - Yeah.
What are your plans for it?
I'll probably just eat it.
Good plan. I like that.
- I like that shirt. - This new thing?
I had a whole suit, but it was cursed.
Long story, but I kept the shirt.
That wasn't a long story at all.
Well, I...
Well, you wear fine things well.
- Can we take it slow? - Yeah. Sorry, I didn't-- I was thinking--
No, it's alright. I just need to...
No, I know.
We're whim-prone, as you said.
And
sometimes, it's nice just to be patient and wait.
You can't catch a fish unless the fish wants to be caught.
And you're the fish?
We're the fish, I guess. Maybe. I think?
Okay.
What about this? Is this alright?
This?
Perfect.
You won.
Hey! Guess what I also found out today.
Fang's real name is Kevin, after his dad.
- Really? - Kevin Senior.
So he's Kevin Junior. And his dad is named after another Kevin.
It actually goes back 400 years.
Been with that man for 20 years.
- Never thought to ask. - Why do they call him Fang?
Shit! Ya know, I should've asked him that, too.
Here I am, being quiet.
Stop humming, be quiet.
I'm being quiet. Look at you being so quiet.
Yes, I am being so quiet.
It's happening. It's all go.
Fishing is happening right now!
Fang! Fang! Fang!