1
00:00:01,877 --> 00:00:03,497
[crowd booing]

2
00:00:03,586 --> 00:00:05,706
[whistle blows]

3
00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:07,967
[Arlo] You're hearing AFC Richmond

4
00:00:08,050 --> 00:00:10,180
being booed lustily by their home fans,

5
00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:13,470
and you have to say,
not without good reason.

6
00:00:13,972 --> 00:00:15,812
2-0. We're better than that!

7
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:20,193
Jamie. Jamie. Sorry, I didn't put
that cross where you wanted it.

8
00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:22,114
Ah. Forget it, mate.

9
00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:24,689
Hey, would it be too forward
if I gave you some advice

10
00:00:24,775 --> 00:00:26,735
that might help improve your game a bit?

11
00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:27,818
No. Please, anything.

12
00:00:27,903 --> 00:00:31,283
What you need to do is get yourself
a time machine, and go back to the moment

13
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:34,485
when your mom was about to fuck
a sad little man with no athletic talent.

14
00:00:34,576 --> 00:00:39,246
Pull her off him, fly her to Argentina,
and drop her onto Maradona's cock.

15
00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:42,334
Hope that helps, mate.

16
00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:44,502
Right, that's it.

17
00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:47,012
I'm done with you
being a prick to everyone.

18
00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:48,759
Ooh.

19
00:00:48,841 --> 00:00:53,511
So, either I beat up an old man,
or I let an old man beat me up.

20
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,557
Fuck it. Let's go.

21
00:00:58,016 --> 00:01:00,096
[Roy] Fucking-- [indistinct shouting]

22
00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:02,975
-Hey, hey, hey!
-[players shouting]

23
00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:05,267
Easy, easy, easy now!

24
00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:07,357
Coach, tell these boys
what the first rule of my fight club is.

25
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:10,322
-No fight club!
-No fight club. Okay? You understand?

26
00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:14,199
For the love of Pistol Pete, y'all.
We still got a second half to play.

27
00:01:14,283 --> 00:01:16,123
Now, please, sit down. Everybody.

28
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,079
Gaffer saved you, old man.

29
00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:25,589
Call me old...

30
00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:27,879
one more time.

31
00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:29,763
[player takes deep breath]

32
00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:33,050
Sorry...

33
00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:35,888
granddad.

34
00:01:35,971 --> 00:01:38,601
-I'll fucking kill you!
-[all shouting]

35
00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:40,772
[theme music plays]

36
00:02:00,871 --> 00:02:06,341
Table four is done and shall from now on
be known as the boring table.

37
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,790
But that's where I'm sitting.

38
00:02:08,878 --> 00:02:09,878
Oh.

39
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:13,763
Ugh. I haven't placed Elaine Kenner.
Awful woman.

40
00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:17,262
She won't be attending tonight.
She was kicked in the face by her horse.

41
00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:19,426
Oh. That poor thing. Is the horse okay?

42
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,807
-[whistle blows]
-[Ted] Mm-mm-mm.

43
00:02:23,352 --> 00:02:25,852
Looks like we still got ourselves
a team divided here.

44
00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:28,272
Coach, you know what
I'm thinkin' about right now?

45
00:02:28,357 --> 00:02:30,727
-West Side Story?
-You know it. Sharks and Jets.

46
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:31,817
You think these fellas

47
00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:34,702
could solve their problems with
a dance-off at a gymnasium? [chuckles]

48
00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:36,410
Course, if memory serves,

49
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:40,040
Riff and Bernardo ended up getting
knifed to death at that particular event.

50
00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:42,328
No, they didn't die
until the rumble afterwards.

51
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:43,502
Oh, right. Right, right, right.

52
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,580
When I was 15, I was understudy for Anita.

53
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,917
-All-boys school.
-Hmm.

54
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,712
We have peeled yet another
juicy layer of the Nathan onion.

55
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,380
-[Rebecca] Coach Beard!
-Uh-oh.

56
00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:58,796
For dinner tonight,
it's either chicken or steak!

57
00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:00,347
You can't tick both!

58
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:01,968
Okay!

59
00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:03,477
Busted.

60
00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:04,689
And Ted!

61
00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:05,938
Uh-oh.

62
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:09,309
-Yeah!
-I need to know who your plus-one is!

63
00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:12,188
Oh, well, that'd be, uh,
Mr. Two Entrées here.

64
00:03:12,276 --> 00:03:14,946
No, he's already bringing a date!

65
00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:19,323
Hey, you free tonight?

66
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,910
-Oh, I'm free every night, yeah.
-Okay.

67
00:03:21,994 --> 00:03:24,124
-I'm gonna bring Nathan!
-Who?

68
00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:26,616
Nate the Great! He's gonna be my date!

69
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:29,587
And for obvious reasons,
we'd love to be at table eight!

70
00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:31,304
No!

71
00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,459
And Beard, you're having chicken!

72
00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:38,512
-[knocking]
-[Ted] Hey, boss.

73
00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:40,644
Ooh! Pajama Friday? Wish I woulda known.

74
00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,641
Oh, you're gonna get a kick
outta this story.

75
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,933
-When I was 17--
-Ted, let me just stop you there

76
00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:47,387
before you tell me a folksy anecdote
about you and pajamas.

77
00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:49,307
Okay. When you change your mind,
just let me know,

78
00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:51,186
'cause this one is a doozy.

79
00:03:51,773 --> 00:03:53,863
Sorry, was there anything you needed?
'Cause I'm really--

80
00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:56,992
I was wondering if me, Roy and Jamie
could all sit at the same table tonight.

81
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,070
-Is that possible?
-Yes.

82
00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:00,945
Great! 'Cause I got some fences I need to
mend, and I think that might do the trick.

83
00:04:01,033 --> 00:04:02,953
-Ted, I just said yes.
-Right.

84
00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:06,115
Oh, God,
that one's absolutely beautiful, but...

85
00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:09,366
I don't think I can get away
with that anymore.

86
00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:11,378
Sure you could.
Fashion's all about confidence.

87
00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:14,420
If I didn't have any confidence,
I never would've worn pajamas to my prom

88
00:04:14,505 --> 00:04:15,875
and ended up in jail
the rest of that night.

89
00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:17,844
But you don't wanna hear that story,
so I ain't gonna tell it.

90
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:19,175
You know what? I'll get outta your hair.

91
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,799
You're probably all revved up
because of the big shindig, right?

92
00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:23,307
No, no, no. I'm absolutely fine.

93
00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:26,138
I mean, even when Rupert and I
were running the gala together,

94
00:04:26,225 --> 00:04:28,055
I did most of the work myself.

95
00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:29,603
So, uh, I'm not revved up at all.

96
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:32,556
I'm actually, really,
feeling quite mellow.

97
00:04:32,648 --> 00:04:34,858
Good afternoon. We have a huge problem.

98
00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:37,822
Our musical guest, Robbie Williams,
has canceled.

99
00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:38,903
God!

100
00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:40,107
Oh, no. Who is that?

101
00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:44,947
No, no, no. That's absolutely fine.
It's not a problem. Let me just think.

102
00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:47,195
All right, here's what
we're going to do, Higgins.

103
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:50,367
Tonight, when I tell everyone
that Robbie has canceled,

104
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:54,087
by then it won't matter because
you will have found someone better.

105
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,171
-There ya are.
-Right.

106
00:04:56,255 --> 00:05:00,085
I am a world-class problem solver.

107
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:03,545
There it is. Oh. You got it. Oh.
Catch it! Yep! Ho! Look at that!

108
00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:06,135
You got this, Higgins!

109
00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:08,183
And Rebecca's grateful
for all your hard work!

110
00:05:08,267 --> 00:05:09,267
[Higgins] Thank you, Ted!

111
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:15,982
Mm.

112
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:18,494
No. I hate it, babe.

113
00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:21,779
It's just not me.
There's no hood, no zips.

114
00:05:21,864 --> 00:05:23,034
There's no graffiti.

115
00:05:25,409 --> 00:05:26,489
No graffiti.

116
00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:29,037
Mad. I look like a banker.

117
00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:31,581
Not with trousers that tight
around the crotch, you don't.

118
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:34,285
Fine. I look like a banker
with a great cock.

119
00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:36,456
Babe, if those existed,
we wouldn't be together.

120
00:05:37,713 --> 00:05:39,423
[Jamie scoffs] Whatever.

121
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:40,840
[Keeley] Okay.

122
00:05:40,924 --> 00:05:44,724
Look, you're gonna get more endorsements
when you start embracing high fashion.

123
00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:46,563
I'm just trying to help
build up your brand.

124
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,391
Jamie, no. What are you doing?

125
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:50,684
I'm doing...

126
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:52,902
style.

127
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:57,150
Yeah, people don't know it,
but I'm good at this fashion shit.

128
00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:59,612
-Are you?
-Yeah, I'm like a progeny.

129
00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:01,025
Oh, yeah?

130
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:03,320
Oi. Down, boy.

131
00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:05,409
-[panting]
-Mm-hmm.

132
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:07,240
That's a good boy. Find the treat, yeah.

133
00:06:09,828 --> 00:06:11,158
Hey, hon.

134
00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:14,366
Shoot, I was hoping I'd catch ya.
Uh, got your message.

135
00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:17,458
Playing a little phone tag, it appears.
And you are now it.

136
00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:19,711
Um-- Oh, hey. Guess what.

137
00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:21,966
I'm wearing the suit
you told me I should bring.

138
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:24,469
You were right, as always. [chuckles]

139
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:29,521
Uh, yeah. Okay, so, uh, that's it.
I love-- I miss ya.

140
00:06:29,598 --> 00:06:32,138
And, uh, just go ahead
and give the little guy a squeeze for me.

141
00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:33,636
I'll talk to you soon. Bye.

142
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,347
[playing rock music]

143
00:06:35,771 --> 00:06:37,401
Hey. All right, now.

144
00:06:37,481 --> 00:06:39,151
Gotta love a troubadour.

145
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:40,323
Here we go.

146
00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:43,945
Holy moly, look at you. Whoo!

147
00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:45,489
-Hope I'm not too early.
-No.

148
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,372
Or too late. I was trying to go
for somewhere in between.

149
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:49,279
Yeah, no.
You threaded that needle perfectly, Nate.

150
00:06:49,368 --> 00:06:50,538
-Oh, good.
-Yeah, nailed it.

151
00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,789
Hey, let me ask you something.

152
00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:55,211
Are you one of those guys
that likes it if your friends tell you

153
00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:58,210
-you got a piece of food in your teeth?
-Oh, absolutely, yeah.

154
00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:01,053
Okay, good.
'Cause that suit does not fit at all.

155
00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:02,549
-Really?
-Yeah.

156
00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:05,761
[groans] I was gonna buy one,
but, you know, they're so expensive.

157
00:07:05,843 --> 00:07:07,683
-I just thought I'd borrow my dad's.
-Oh, I hear ya.

158
00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:10,432
Hey. We'll make a little pit stop.
Come on, follow me.

159
00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:11,354
Yeah.

160
00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:15,686
[photographers clamoring]

161
00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:18,862
What you lookin' at? Hmm? Hmm?

162
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:22,439
You boys all right? How's my suit?
All good? Yeah?

163
00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:23,736
This is great. [laughs]

164
00:07:23,819 --> 00:07:26,489
Hey, uh, thank you, guys, so much
for taking my picture.

165
00:07:26,572 --> 00:07:28,822
-What are your names?
-[clamoring]

166
00:07:28,907 --> 00:07:31,237
So you're Jerry, and you're Dave.

167
00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:33,196
What you all came for.

168
00:07:33,287 --> 00:07:35,707
Left eyebrow. Right eyebrow.

169
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:37,541
Confused look.

170
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:41,126
Yeah, now for the one
that you'll actually use.

171
00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:43,011
[photographer]
That's it, darling. How about a kiss?

172
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:47,756
[Keeley chuckles]

173
00:07:47,843 --> 00:07:50,053
-Romance is not dead.
-Guys, sorry, sorry. I just--

174
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:51,757
-Gonna let them take a picture.
-Oh, yeah. Yeah.

175
00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:53,267
I just need to get inside. Okay.

176
00:07:53,891 --> 00:07:55,731
[photographer 2] Rebecca, over here!

177
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,849
-[photographer 3] Nice, ladies.
-Rebecca, over here!

178
00:07:57,936 --> 00:07:59,976
-[photographer 3] You look perfect.
-[photographer 2] Now, look to your left.

179
00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:01,063
I hate this part.

180
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,278
-[photographer 3] Miss Welton.
-[photographer 2] Lovely. Nice.

181
00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:04,688
Hey.

182
00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:06,736
Just put one foot
in front of the other, yeah?

183
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,780
And then put your hand on your hip
and make, like, a claw shape.

184
00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:11,534
It's the most flattering.

185
00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:14,451
-Rebecca, give us a smile.
-Rebecca!

186
00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:16,036
[photographers clamoring]

187
00:08:16,121 --> 00:08:17,581
[shutters clicking]

188
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:20,294
Aw, look at her. She's fucking fit!

189
00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:22,285
[laughs]

190
00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:24,957
[jazz music playing]

191
00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:33,046
[music continues]

192
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:36,182
Don't strut. Let the suit do the work.

193
00:08:39,727 --> 00:08:40,897
Yoo-hoo.

194
00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:44,023
Ted Lasso. My God.

195
00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:45,227
Right back at ya, boss.

196
00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:47,317
I had a hunch
you were gonna pick this dress.

197
00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:49,322
And may I say,
you are wearing the heck out of it.

198
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:50,821
Thank you.

199
00:08:50,906 --> 00:08:53,276
Check out Nate.
Looking pretty dapper himself, huh?

200
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:54,487
Great to see you again.

201
00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:56,366
-Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.

202
00:08:57,579 --> 00:08:59,999
-If you'll both excuse me.
-[Ted] Absolutely, yeah. Go do your thing.

203
00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:03,500
Oh. Oh, oh, oh.
Look, there's Beard over there.

204
00:09:03,919 --> 00:09:05,839
-That's his new gal, Jane.
-[Nathan] Oh.

205
00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:08,341
Yeah, they met
at his Friday night chess club.

206
00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:10,223
Apparently, they liked each other's moves.

207
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:11,840
[chuckles]

208
00:09:12,803 --> 00:09:13,973
Oh, that wasn't a joke.

209
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,064
Was it not?

210
00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:16,556
Oh, I guess it kinda was.

211
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:21,560
-[photographers clamoring]
-No. No. Fuck off. Fuck you. No. No.

212
00:09:22,521 --> 00:09:23,521
Yeah, I know.

213
00:09:27,109 --> 00:09:29,439
This is gonna be so uncomfortable.

214
00:09:29,528 --> 00:09:32,658
-I'm switching tables.
-No, no, no. Hey. Come on back here.

215
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:33,779
This is my doing.

216
00:09:33,866 --> 00:09:36,076
I parent trapped y'all. Take a seat.

217
00:09:38,662 --> 00:09:41,832
Now, listen. You two knuckleheads
have split our locker room in half.

218
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,455
And when it comes to locker rooms,

219
00:09:43,542 --> 00:09:45,542
I like 'em just like
my mother's bathing suits.

220
00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:47,417
I only wanna see 'em in one piece,
you hear?

221
00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:48,714
So we're fixing this.

222
00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:50,797
Tell me what's the biggest issue
you got with each other. Go.

223
00:09:50,883 --> 00:09:52,053
He's a piece of shit.

224
00:09:52,134 --> 00:09:54,804
If his brain was on fire,
I wouldn't piss in his ear.

225
00:09:54,887 --> 00:09:57,217
Well, hey. You don't need to be best
friends to be great teammates.

226
00:09:57,306 --> 00:10:00,386
Think about Shaq and Kobe, right?
Lennon and McCartney.

227
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,685
Heck, even Woody and Buzz
got under each other's plastic.

228
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:03,939
Wasn't Woody made out of cloth?

229
00:10:04,021 --> 00:10:06,111
I appreciate you, Nate,
but now's not the time.

230
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,983
You know what all those dynamic duos
had in common?

231
00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:10,147
Mutual respect.

232
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:13,857
Y'all gotta find some common ground.
So who wants to get the ball rollin'?

233
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,197
I do.

234
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:20,204
Nate, that's a very nice suit.
I think you look chic.

235
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:24,457
Oh, thank you. It's actually only
the second suit I've ever owned.

236
00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:27,591
The first one was my suit
when I was a naked baby.

237
00:10:31,215 --> 00:10:33,125
Sorry, it's funny when Ted says it. I--

238
00:10:33,217 --> 00:10:34,547
Well, the term "birthday suit"

239
00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:36,675
-woulda helped you a ton there, yeah.
-Oh, God, yeah.

240
00:10:36,762 --> 00:10:39,352
Come on, let's try this again, all right?
Hey, Jamie. You wanna go?

241
00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:40,971
-Pass.
-[chuckles]

242
00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:43,390
-Roy.
-He's a piece of shit.

243
00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:45,517
You're gonna stick with that, huh? Okay.

244
00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:47,984
Here's an idea that's
gonna help a little or hurt a whole lot.

245
00:10:48,065 --> 00:10:49,185
Who needs a drink?

246
00:10:53,237 --> 00:10:54,567
[Higgins inhales]

247
00:10:54,655 --> 00:10:56,155
Any progress with the musical guest?

248
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:57,780
I've talked to a number of agents

249
00:10:57,866 --> 00:11:01,826
and made a fairly extensive list
of those who cannot make it.

250
00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:03,752
Process of elimination. We're on our way.

251
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,170
Hey, there she is.

252
00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:11,046
Oh, you're working on your speech, huh?

253
00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:15,375
Rupert was always very good
at the public speaking part.

254
00:11:15,467 --> 00:11:16,887
Hey, here's a little trick of the trade.

255
00:11:16,969 --> 00:11:20,429
Just make fun of yourself
right off the bat, a little joke.

256
00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:21,524
Folks will love that.

257
00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:24,388
Okay, so,
what should I make fun of myself about?

258
00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:28,516
[inhales] Right, right, right.
[stammers] Um...

259
00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:35,152
You know-- You know what would be, uh--
No. Okay.

260
00:11:35,237 --> 00:11:37,237
You're not gonna walk
into that one, are you, Ted?

261
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,492
No, ma'am. Nope, nope, nope. Okay.

262
00:11:40,951 --> 00:11:42,161
Good luck though.

263
00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:46,673
Oh, oh, oh. You know what?
I thought of something. No, no, no.

264
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:49,997
-Queen to rook four.
-Ooh.

265
00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:52,335
Wait, are y'all playing a game
without a board?

266
00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:56,007
[whispering] Sorry to interrupt. My fault.
Sorry. Carry on.

267
00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,644
-Knight to king five.
-[chuckles]

268
00:12:00,429 --> 00:12:01,429
[Coach Beard chuckles]

269
00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:03,563
[cheers, applause]

270
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:05,770
Good evening,

271
00:12:05,851 --> 00:12:10,651
and welcome to the Tenth Annual Benefit
for Underprivileged Children.

272
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:15,614
If I could hug each of you as a thank you
for your kind donations, well...

273
00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:19,568
I probably wouldn't because,
as we all know, I'm not much of a hugger.

274
00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:21,576
[guests laughing]

275
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:25,828
Now, I do hope you've all brought your
checkbooks with you for our auction later.

276
00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:31,843
Because you can all bid
on our very own Richmond players.

277
00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:33,839
-[chuckles]
-[guests cheer]

278
00:12:34,296 --> 00:12:39,716
Same rule as always, no hanky-panky
unless the player signs a waiver.

279
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:40,801
[guests laughing]

280
00:12:41,470 --> 00:12:42,470
Rupert?

281
00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:44,887
Hello, darling.

282
00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:47,813
What a... lovely surprise.

283
00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:49,903
Oh. Weren't you expecting me?

284
00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:53,146
Only 'cause you RSVP'd no.

285
00:12:53,232 --> 00:12:56,492
Well, one of the perks
of being a wealthy good-for-nothing.

286
00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:59,778
Sometimes my nights
just magically free up.

287
00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:02,823
-[guests laugh]
-Ooh. May I? Thank you.

288
00:13:03,575 --> 00:13:09,365
Gals and gents, with your help,
we raised £800,000 last year.

289
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,456
[cheers, applause]

290
00:13:11,542 --> 00:13:14,292
And this year, hopefully even more.

291
00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:18,508
Well, I know I'm crashing your party,
but I so badly wanna help.

292
00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:21,300
My fingers and toes are crossed
that you will have me.

293
00:13:21,385 --> 00:13:22,385
Of course.

294
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,886
Uh, let's get him a seat
at the boring table.

295
00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:27,272
-Oh-ho! [chuckles]
-[Rebecca] Only joking.

296
00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:29,599
Table four. Rupert Mannion, everyone.

297
00:13:29,685 --> 00:13:32,435
[cheering]

298
00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:38,147
Thanks, doll.

299
00:13:44,199 --> 00:13:45,529
Oh, my God.

300
00:13:46,535 --> 00:13:48,035
-Thank you.
-Oh, that--

301
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:51,420
-[Isaac laughs]
-Nathe, Nathe, Nathe. Come on.

302
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:53,458
Look, guys, this is a brand-new suit.

303
00:13:53,542 --> 00:13:56,212
Rather than messing with me tonight,
can you just get me two times tomorrow?

304
00:13:56,295 --> 00:13:57,835
Roy said we're not allowed anymore.

305
00:13:57,921 --> 00:14:00,761
He fucking headbutted me.
I'm still dizzy half the time.

306
00:14:00,841 --> 00:14:02,471
The doctors told me not to drink.

307
00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:08,676
[slurps] Ah! Shit.

308
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:10,475
Yet another reason shirts exist.

309
00:14:10,559 --> 00:14:13,479
Shut up, it's not funny. Burned my nipple.

310
00:14:13,562 --> 00:14:16,272
[gasps] I wish I was that ice cube.

311
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:20,154
Mm? I will be bidding for a night
with you.

312
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,357
Oh. Thanks, love. Uh--

313
00:14:22,446 --> 00:14:25,986
Yeah, it's, um, it's just a date though.
It's not a whole night. So...

314
00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:27,914
We'll see. [chuckles]

315
00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:29,747
Mate, I've done these before.

316
00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:32,618
If she bids over 3,000,
you will have to fuck her.

317
00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:34,166
[Keeley chuckles]

318
00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:36,539
-Is that true?
-You don't have to go all the way.

319
00:14:37,336 --> 00:14:38,876
Just, like, some of the way.

320
00:14:39,630 --> 00:14:40,800
Fingering.

321
00:14:42,925 --> 00:14:44,965
[laughs]

322
00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:46,722
Fuck you. Fuck this table.

323
00:14:47,346 --> 00:14:49,056
Jamie, it was a joke.

324
00:14:49,431 --> 00:14:51,771
It was a joke. Jamie.

325
00:14:53,477 --> 00:14:54,597
What happened now?

326
00:14:55,771 --> 00:14:59,111
Just the usual.
Jamie being a little bitch prima donna.

327
00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:02,441
Roy, let me ask you something.

328
00:15:02,528 --> 00:15:04,148
What were you like when you were 23?

329
00:15:04,696 --> 00:15:06,656
Playing in this league,
making all that money.

330
00:15:08,033 --> 00:15:10,293
-Little bitch prima donna.
-Yeah.

331
00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:13,831
You know how they say that
"youth is wasted on the young"?

332
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:18,672
Well, I say don't let the wisdom
of age be wasted on you.

333
00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:21,127
[Rebecca] Ted?

334
00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:26,215
I just came up with that.
I feel pretty good about it.

335
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:35,059
I just wanted to say thanks
for talking to Colin and Isaac.

336
00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:36,773
Why is your face so close to mine?

337
00:15:36,854 --> 00:15:39,944
Well, my initial plan was to hug you,
but I just chickened out just now.

338
00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:41,784
Right.

339
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:47,950
-Okay, we're done.
-Yeah.

340
00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:50,281
[Rupert laughs]

341
00:15:50,367 --> 00:15:52,907
Ted, I'd like to introduce you
to Rupert Mannion.

342
00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:55,535
-Mr. Mannion, how are you?
-Oh. It's Rupert, Ted.

343
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:58,252
Especially for the man
who's managing my club.

344
00:15:59,293 --> 00:16:00,503
Used to be your club.

345
00:16:00,586 --> 00:16:04,086
Oh, of course, of course, but...
it's still my club in here, love.

346
00:16:04,882 --> 00:16:06,802
Love of a sports team
is a lifetime obsession.

347
00:16:06,884 --> 00:16:07,724
-[Rupert] Yeah.
-Yeah.

348
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:09,551
Kinda like your best friend's
older sister, right?

349
00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:10,928
Hey, but do me a favor.

350
00:16:11,013 --> 00:16:13,723
If you're ever in Kansas City
and come across a fella named Tom Dineen,

351
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:15,017
don't tell him I said that.

352
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,940
[Rupert laughs]

353
00:16:17,019 --> 00:16:18,769
I love that.

354
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:22,066
I don't love our last two losses though.

355
00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:23,399
-Horrible showing.
-Yeah.

356
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:24,783
[Rupert] Had to say it, wish I didn't.

357
00:16:24,860 --> 00:16:27,700
It's okay. Who knows?
Maybe we'll turn it around, huh?

358
00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:31,115
Oh, my God. I believe you.

359
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:32,280
Do you believe him?

360
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:38,002
Night's gonna take
a turn for the worse if you say no.

361
00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:40,251
[chuckles] Of course I believe in Ted.

362
00:16:41,210 --> 00:16:42,960
He's exactly what we've needed.

363
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:46,381
Not too much champagne now, dear.

364
00:16:46,465 --> 00:16:48,505
Gotta stay sharp for the auction.

365
00:16:49,635 --> 00:16:50,795
Why don't you do the auction?

366
00:16:51,512 --> 00:16:53,312
No, I couldn't. This is your night.

367
00:16:53,388 --> 00:16:56,268
-We both know they'd rather see you.
-[Rupert chuckles]

368
00:16:56,350 --> 00:16:59,140
And besides, it's... for the children.

369
00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:01,063
For the children.

370
00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:06,607
Right. If you'll excuse me,
I need to speak to the other guests.

371
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:08,687
I must say, I love that dress.

372
00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:10,112
Oh.

373
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:11,316
It's very youthful.

374
00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:14,656
Good for you for getting back out there
looking like that.

375
00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:16,743
Thank you.

376
00:17:19,122 --> 00:17:20,122
Excuse me.

377
00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:21,924
Ted.

378
00:17:22,334 --> 00:17:24,554
It's been a hard year for her.
Is she okay?

379
00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:26,167
-Oh, yeah, she's great.
-Mm.

380
00:17:26,255 --> 00:17:29,585
You know, a lot of moving pieces putting
together a thing like this though.

381
00:17:30,342 --> 00:17:34,012
And then she had this fella...
Robbie Williams cancel on her and--

382
00:17:34,096 --> 00:17:35,096
-Robbie?
-Yeah.

383
00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:36,930
-Well, he's an old pal of mine.
-Mm.

384
00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:39,845
I'm happy to text him.
I bet you I can get his ass over here.

385
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:41,847
I-- I bet she'd love it.

386
00:17:42,437 --> 00:17:45,227
I'll go, uh, track her down
and, uh, run it up the flagpole, huh?

387
00:17:45,983 --> 00:17:47,823
I'm sorry.
That's an expression from back home.

388
00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:50,861
-Just means I'm gonna ask her.
-Fabulous. Showtime.

389
00:17:50,946 --> 00:17:52,156
All right, go get 'em.

390
00:17:52,781 --> 00:17:55,531
Can I get something stronger,
like a Jack on the rocks or something?

391
00:17:55,617 --> 00:17:58,367
A double and a single in one. A triple.

392
00:17:58,453 --> 00:17:59,793
[guests tapping glasses]

393
00:17:59,872 --> 00:18:03,002
Ladies and gentlemen,
slight change in plans.

394
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:07,173
I have been cajoled into being
your auctioneer for this evening.

395
00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:09,384
[cheering]

396
00:18:09,464 --> 00:18:13,434
And our first victim is Jamie Tartt.

397
00:18:17,055 --> 00:18:18,385
Babe, you have to win me.

398
00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:20,523
I can't bid on my own boyfriend.
I'll look pathetic.

399
00:18:20,601 --> 00:18:22,521
Babe, it's 2020. Women can do anything.

400
00:18:22,603 --> 00:18:25,113
No, it's not happening.
Come on, you look hot. Go up there!

401
00:18:25,189 --> 00:18:29,689
Look at him, folks.
Young, gorgeous, charming. The bastard.

402
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:32,646
-[guests laugh]
-So, we'll start with £5,000.

403
00:18:32,738 --> 00:18:34,318
I want him, Rupert.

404
00:18:34,406 --> 00:18:37,616
Ooh. Five thousand from Cheryl Barnaby.

405
00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:40,331
Richmond's premier breeder
of Shetland ponies.

406
00:18:40,412 --> 00:18:42,162
Do we hear six?

407
00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:45,212
Six thousand.

408
00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:46,752
Oh. Six. Thank you.

409
00:18:46,835 --> 00:18:49,835
-Seven thousand.
-Seven thousand.

410
00:18:49,922 --> 00:18:51,262
Ten thousand.

411
00:18:51,340 --> 00:18:53,050
-[guests gasping]
-Oh!

412
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:54,553
Stunning.

413
00:18:54,635 --> 00:18:57,675
Uh, and that applies
to the bid and the bidder.

414
00:18:57,763 --> 00:19:00,023
I don't think so.

415
00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:03,019
-Twelve thousand pounds.
-Fourteen thousand.

416
00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:04,601
[Rupert] Fourteen thousand!

417
00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:05,806
Sixteen thousand.

418
00:19:05,896 --> 00:19:07,016
Eighteen.

419
00:19:07,481 --> 00:19:10,321
[Rupert] Eighteen thousand.
Do I hear any advance?

420
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,280
Yeah. Twenty-five thousand.

421
00:19:12,361 --> 00:19:17,371
-[guests gasping]
-Twenty-five thousand! Going once. Twice.

422
00:19:17,449 --> 00:19:19,199
-Sold to Keeley Jones.
-[cheers, applause]

423
00:19:19,284 --> 00:19:24,214
Why spend the time with your boyfriend for
free when you can have him for 25 grand?

424
00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:25,709
-[laughs]
-[mouthing] You owe me.

425
00:19:29,711 --> 00:19:33,171
Hey. There you are.
Getting a little fresh air, huh?

426
00:19:33,257 --> 00:19:37,507
Yeah. Those rickshaw bike things
are so silly, but they do look like fun.

427
00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:38,434
Yeah.

428
00:19:38,512 --> 00:19:40,222
-You ever been on one?
-No, ma'am.

429
00:19:40,305 --> 00:19:44,805
My wife and I once rented one of those
tandem bikes on vacation a while back.

430
00:19:44,893 --> 00:19:48,193
Not the best experience.
She broke her arm and I actually, uh...

431
00:19:48,272 --> 00:19:51,782
Well, I chipped a tooth,
and I bruised my perineum. Oof.

432
00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:56,454
-Hey, you okay?
-Oh, it's just...

433
00:19:57,906 --> 00:19:59,116
That man, he knows me.

434
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:04,197
I used to think his blunt honesty
was noble rather than what it really is.

435
00:20:04,288 --> 00:20:05,288
Which is just...

436
00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:10,293
the cruelest way
of hiding his own insecurities.

437
00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:13,921
He'd say wear this, eat that.

438
00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:18,298
And I listened.

439
00:20:19,511 --> 00:20:20,891
But now I'm alone.

440
00:20:22,556 --> 00:20:25,926
I'm alone, Ted.
Just like he said I would be if I left.

441
00:20:30,272 --> 00:20:31,692
I don't want to be alone.

442
00:20:36,528 --> 00:20:39,318
Hey. It's okay. Okay.

443
00:20:40,574 --> 00:20:41,834
[sobs]

444
00:20:48,707 --> 00:20:49,707
[horn squeaks]

445
00:20:52,836 --> 00:20:56,716
You wanna hop on this thing
and get the heck outta Dodge? Come on.

446
00:20:56,798 --> 00:20:57,928
I wish.

447
00:20:59,218 --> 00:21:00,838
Not right now. Thank you though.

448
00:21:01,845 --> 00:21:02,845
[horn squeaks]

449
00:21:04,973 --> 00:21:07,183
Has he-- Has he started the auction?

450
00:21:07,643 --> 00:21:08,643
Yeah, yeah.

451
00:21:08,727 --> 00:21:11,647
Good. I'm glad he's done that.
We'll get much more money.

452
00:21:12,940 --> 00:21:15,070
No matter what he does,
they just love him.

453
00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:21,028
-You wanna head back in?
-No, you go ahead.

454
00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:22,698
I need to freshen up.

455
00:21:22,783 --> 00:21:26,753
I probably look like Robert Smith
after he's woken up from a nap.

456
00:21:26,828 --> 00:21:30,118
-[chuckles] Very emotional man. Yeah.
-[chuckles]

457
00:21:30,207 --> 00:21:31,377
Okay, I'll see you inside.

458
00:21:34,670 --> 00:21:36,960
[jazz music playing]

459
00:21:43,303 --> 00:21:44,303
When I was coming up,

460
00:21:44,388 --> 00:21:46,808
there was this old geezer at the club,
Doug Stashwick.

461
00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:48,980
He was always on me. Hated each other.

462
00:21:49,601 --> 00:21:51,731
-You wanna know how we won the league?
-No.

463
00:21:52,396 --> 00:21:54,726
It was the same shit
Yankee Doodle was peddling.

464
00:21:54,815 --> 00:21:57,105
He sat me down and he said,
"Let's get it all out there.

465
00:21:57,192 --> 00:22:00,072
You tell me why I'm a prick,
and I'll tell you why you are."

466
00:22:02,406 --> 00:22:04,316
-You're a nasty bastard--
-No, I'm going first.

467
00:22:05,742 --> 00:22:08,872
Even though I know I should pass to you...

468
00:22:10,038 --> 00:22:11,868
you're so selfish and arrogant.

469
00:22:11,957 --> 00:22:14,077
Every time I do,
it makes me want to fucking puke.

470
00:22:16,587 --> 00:22:20,257
You know, I had a poster of you
on my wall when I was a kid.

471
00:22:21,758 --> 00:22:23,588
Used to love watching you play.

472
00:22:25,721 --> 00:22:28,351
But you're not the player
that you used to be,

473
00:22:28,432 --> 00:22:30,682
and just because you won a few trophies,

474
00:22:30,767 --> 00:22:33,847
you walk around here
expecting everyone to kiss your ring.

475
00:22:36,815 --> 00:22:39,895
-Yeah, I can be like that.
-[chuckles]

476
00:22:45,699 --> 00:22:47,619
Now's the bit
where you admit to what I said.

477
00:22:48,368 --> 00:22:50,118
-I don't wanna.
-[scoffs]

478
00:22:51,997 --> 00:22:53,207
Even if it is just...

479
00:22:54,666 --> 00:22:55,746
a little bit true.

480
00:23:01,215 --> 00:23:03,295
You and that Doug bloke,
you ever become friends?

481
00:23:03,383 --> 00:23:05,433
Fuck no. I hope he's dead.

482
00:23:05,511 --> 00:23:06,891
[chuckles]

483
00:23:07,638 --> 00:23:08,758
To you dying.

484
00:23:09,389 --> 00:23:11,139
[chuckles]

485
00:23:11,225 --> 00:23:12,425
Such a prick.

486
00:23:12,518 --> 00:23:15,558
[men laughing]

487
00:23:15,646 --> 00:23:16,896
Howdy, partner.

488
00:23:16,980 --> 00:23:18,520
[both chuckle]

489
00:23:18,607 --> 00:23:21,777
So, you ask Rebecca
what she thought about texting Robbie?

490
00:23:22,361 --> 00:23:25,781
You know what? I couldn't find her.
I say don't worry about it.

491
00:23:25,864 --> 00:23:28,454
If you change your mind, say the word
and-- [imitates whooshing] sent.

492
00:23:28,534 --> 00:23:30,874
He'll be right over. Top up.

493
00:23:31,578 --> 00:23:33,708
Hey, Rupert,
something just occurred to me.

494
00:23:33,789 --> 00:23:37,249
If you could've texted Robbie Williams
asking him to come tonight...

495
00:23:38,794 --> 00:23:42,174
you could've probably just as easily
asked him not to come.

496
00:23:43,090 --> 00:23:44,420
[chuckles]

497
00:23:44,508 --> 00:23:47,428
Well, now, that would've made me
a real piece of shit, wouldn't it?

498
00:23:53,767 --> 00:23:57,687
Hey, Ted. Uh, do you think Rebecca knows
what the real Adele looks like?

499
00:23:58,897 --> 00:24:01,147
I need to go on a little adventure,
and I need a copilot.

500
00:24:01,233 --> 00:24:03,863
-And you want me?
-Yeah. Forget the rest, I need the best.

501
00:24:03,944 --> 00:24:06,204
-Come on, follow me.
-[gags]

502
00:24:10,826 --> 00:24:13,116
-Thank you, by the way.
-Huh?

503
00:24:13,537 --> 00:24:17,617
The, um, red carpet photos
are already online,

504
00:24:17,708 --> 00:24:21,338
and I actually look all right for once.

505
00:24:21,420 --> 00:24:22,920
Oh. Glad to help.

506
00:24:26,592 --> 00:24:27,632
-Keeley?
-Mm-hmm?

507
00:24:27,718 --> 00:24:28,718
I think you should know

508
00:24:28,802 --> 00:24:32,642
that the young woman that was bidding
on Jamie was actually his other plus-one.

509
00:24:34,850 --> 00:24:36,440
Cheeky little prick.

510
00:24:39,897 --> 00:24:42,397
-Can I have a sip of your drink?
-Oh, yes.

511
00:24:42,482 --> 00:24:43,612
Thanks.

512
00:24:43,692 --> 00:24:46,532
[groans] In anything else, I hate olives.

513
00:24:46,612 --> 00:24:50,822
I think the little, like,
orange clitoris thing is really freaky.

514
00:24:51,533 --> 00:24:52,703
[sips]

515
00:24:53,911 --> 00:24:55,951
-Have you ever dated a footballer?
-[chuckles]

516
00:24:56,371 --> 00:24:58,371
-What?
-Sorry.

517
00:24:58,957 --> 00:25:02,247
I shouldn't laugh. It sounds... judgy.

518
00:25:02,336 --> 00:25:04,456
No, it's okay. You are a bit judgy.

519
00:25:04,546 --> 00:25:07,546
So when I was 18,
I dated a footballer that was 23.

520
00:25:08,717 --> 00:25:13,007
[sighs] Now I'm close to 30, and I am
still dating a 23-year-old footballer.

521
00:25:13,096 --> 00:25:15,966
[chuckles] I'm Leonardo DiCaprio.

522
00:25:17,851 --> 00:25:19,021
They are pretty fun though.

523
00:25:20,103 --> 00:25:22,523
Simple, rich, fit.

524
00:25:22,606 --> 00:25:24,316
What about accountable?

525
00:25:25,025 --> 00:25:26,025
What do you mean?

526
00:25:26,610 --> 00:25:29,780
Well, I mean,
everyone makes mistakes, but...

527
00:25:31,657 --> 00:25:34,277
I was married to a man for 12 years

528
00:25:34,993 --> 00:25:38,543
who never once took responsibility
for any single one of them.

529
00:25:48,006 --> 00:25:49,166
Hi.

530
00:25:49,258 --> 00:25:50,258
-Hi.
-I'm Keeley.

531
00:25:50,342 --> 00:25:51,342
Hi, I'm Bex.

532
00:25:51,426 --> 00:25:53,216
-Really nice to meet you, Bex.
-Nice to meet you.

533
00:25:53,303 --> 00:25:55,393
Do you mind if I just have a minute
on my own with this one?

534
00:25:55,472 --> 00:25:58,232
[Bex] Yeah, sure. Lovely to meet you.

535
00:25:59,768 --> 00:26:01,058
She your new girlfriend?

536
00:26:01,144 --> 00:26:04,774
Relax, babe.
It's all part of the branding plan, innit?

537
00:26:04,857 --> 00:26:07,777
If I've got two women bidding on me,
it makes me look more valuable.

538
00:26:07,860 --> 00:26:08,940
Do you know what I mean?

539
00:26:09,778 --> 00:26:11,608
-It's fucking smart, eh?
-[applause]

540
00:26:11,697 --> 00:26:17,447
And now, the only former Champions League
winner on the menu, say hello to Roy Kent.

541
00:26:17,536 --> 00:26:18,576
Granddad.

542
00:26:21,081 --> 00:26:26,341
And the highest bidder gets to spend
a day at a swanky hotel by the pool

543
00:26:26,420 --> 00:26:29,970
drinking frozen daiquiris
and soaking up the rays--

544
00:26:30,048 --> 00:26:32,258
No, we said
there's no daiquiris and no rays.

545
00:26:32,342 --> 00:26:33,552
-[guests laugh]
-[Rupert] Um...

546
00:26:34,094 --> 00:26:37,314
There's not gonna be a fucking pool
either. We're not leaving SW14.

547
00:26:37,389 --> 00:26:40,059
You looked so jealous. It was so cool.

548
00:26:40,142 --> 00:26:42,022
Oh, you think jealousy is cool, do you?

549
00:26:42,102 --> 00:26:43,602
Don't know, babe. I don't get jealous.

550
00:26:43,687 --> 00:26:47,067
Well, can we have 100 quid for what's
turning out to be a very boring date?

551
00:26:47,524 --> 00:26:49,744
-All right. A thousand pounds.
-Oh.

552
00:26:49,818 --> 00:26:53,738
-Uh, any advances on that?
-Two thousand pounds!

553
00:26:53,822 --> 00:26:57,082
Ooh! Cheryl's got fire inside her.

554
00:26:57,159 --> 00:27:00,079
-Three thousand pounds.
-Babe, you're just embarrassing yourself.

555
00:27:00,704 --> 00:27:02,624
Four thousand pounds!

556
00:27:02,706 --> 00:27:03,786
Five thousand!

557
00:27:04,541 --> 00:27:06,841
Six thousand pounds.

558
00:27:06,919 --> 00:27:08,879
-[Rupert] Any advance on six?
-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

559
00:27:10,088 --> 00:27:12,048
[Rupert] Okay, sold to Cheryl.

560
00:27:12,132 --> 00:27:13,682
Whoo-hoo!

561
00:27:19,723 --> 00:27:24,733
That concludes the auction,
apart from one small surprise.

562
00:27:25,604 --> 00:27:31,534
I am personally donating
£1 million to the cause.

563
00:27:34,154 --> 00:27:35,164
Thank you.

564
00:27:35,656 --> 00:27:37,446
Thank you very much. Thank you.

565
00:27:37,533 --> 00:27:43,713
And that, I believe, gets Rebecca
over her goal of 800,000. Thank you.

566
00:27:47,459 --> 00:27:48,789
For the children, eh?

567
00:27:53,507 --> 00:27:55,507
[cheers, applause]

568
00:28:00,556 --> 00:28:01,636
Rebecca.

569
00:28:01,723 --> 00:28:05,643
This here is Cam Cole.
He's an undiscovered mega-talent.

570
00:28:05,727 --> 00:28:07,187
Go on, Cam. Show 'em what you got.

571
00:28:11,441 --> 00:28:12,441
Are you insane?

572
00:28:12,526 --> 00:28:16,486
Hey, Rebecca. You do not wanna judge
this book by its cover right here, okay?

573
00:28:17,865 --> 00:28:18,865
Oh, the hell with it.

574
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:21,620
-[applause]
-Ooh. Yes.

575
00:28:22,911 --> 00:28:27,921
Hello again. Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
I regret to inform you that, uh...

576
00:28:29,209 --> 00:28:33,299
Robbie Williams is unable to be here
tonight due to an emergency.

577
00:28:33,380 --> 00:28:38,220
But we have a brilliant replacement
for you who you are just going to love.

578
00:28:38,302 --> 00:28:41,182
Or, at least, have lots to talk about
on the way home.

579
00:28:41,263 --> 00:28:47,603
Uh, all the way from outside...
please welcome Cam something.

580
00:28:48,478 --> 00:28:50,608
[scattered applause]

581
00:28:54,818 --> 00:28:56,108
-[microphone squeals]
-Oh, bollocks.

582
00:28:57,696 --> 00:28:58,696
What does that mean?

583
00:28:59,656 --> 00:29:02,366
[playing rock music]

584
00:29:12,961 --> 00:29:18,591
♪ Mama, sweet mama nature
Please forgive us and what we've done ♪

585
00:29:21,553 --> 00:29:23,893
Can we just forget about the game
and go and have a dance?

586
00:29:24,598 --> 00:29:26,678
Queen to king five. Checkmate.

587
00:29:27,684 --> 00:29:28,694
[scoffs]

588
00:29:31,438 --> 00:29:33,728
-[song continues]
-[cheering]

589
00:29:33,815 --> 00:29:36,775
♪ We've gone and hurt our mama ♪

590
00:29:36,860 --> 00:29:40,070
♪ And her wrath has begun ♪

591
00:30:02,970 --> 00:30:06,010
♪ 'Cause I'm a good boy to my mama ♪

592
00:30:09,101 --> 00:30:13,811
♪ But ♪

593
00:30:13,897 --> 00:30:19,027
♪ I've got bad siblings ♪

594
00:30:21,780 --> 00:30:23,780
-[song ends]
-[cheering]

595
00:30:27,536 --> 00:30:29,116
-[woman] Thank you so much.
-[Rebecca] Oh, you're so welcome.

596
00:30:29,204 --> 00:30:31,254
-[woman] We really had a great time.
-Thank you so much.

597
00:30:32,291 --> 00:30:33,421
Good night.

598
00:30:33,959 --> 00:30:36,669
Thank you again
for such an unbelievable donation.

599
00:30:36,753 --> 00:30:38,513
-See you again next year.
-Can't wait.

600
00:30:45,470 --> 00:30:46,680
[Ted] What a charmer, huh?

601
00:30:47,347 --> 00:30:48,387
[Rebecca] Indeed.

602
00:30:48,849 --> 00:30:49,769
[Ted] Hmm.

603
00:30:51,268 --> 00:30:55,188
You may think that you're the only one
that can see who he really is...

604
00:30:56,690 --> 00:30:57,690
but you're not.

605
00:31:04,823 --> 00:31:06,333
Oh, boy. You all right, buddy?

606
00:31:08,410 --> 00:31:10,250
-Quick.
-All right.

607
00:31:10,329 --> 00:31:11,329
Fun night.

608
00:31:12,915 --> 00:31:15,125
Hey, wait, hold on. Slow down, Coach.

609
00:31:15,209 --> 00:31:16,919
[typing]

610
00:31:19,171 --> 00:31:20,961
Will you stop being mad at me now?

611
00:31:22,549 --> 00:31:23,509
Mm?

612
00:31:24,009 --> 00:31:25,219
I'm sorry, babe.

613
00:31:27,638 --> 00:31:29,888
Do you even know
what you're sorry for, Jamie?

614
00:31:29,973 --> 00:31:31,603
[sighs] You always ask me that.

615
00:31:32,392 --> 00:31:34,522
Hey, do me a favor.

616
00:31:34,603 --> 00:31:36,613
Don't use me as a prop
in your little fights.

617
00:31:37,564 --> 00:31:38,734
Made me feel like an idiot.

618
00:31:41,068 --> 00:31:42,898
I'm sorry. I--

619
00:31:43,445 --> 00:31:44,655
I shouldn't have done that.

620
00:31:45,906 --> 00:31:46,906
Thanks.

621
00:31:47,533 --> 00:31:49,873
No one was bidding on you anyway, mate.
Just fuck off.

622
00:31:51,411 --> 00:31:52,411
Go on.

623
00:31:56,667 --> 00:31:58,207
What are you saying sorry to him for?

624
00:31:58,710 --> 00:32:00,710
Being accountable matters, Jamie.

625
00:32:01,547 --> 00:32:02,547
[scoffs]

626
00:32:03,674 --> 00:32:04,684
We're done.

627
00:32:06,093 --> 00:32:07,093
I'll see you around.

628
00:32:10,931 --> 00:32:11,931
Whatever.

629
00:32:18,438 --> 00:32:20,568
Excuse me, can I take these?

630
00:32:20,649 --> 00:32:21,649
Two?

631
00:32:23,318 --> 00:32:24,528
[grunts]

632
00:32:24,611 --> 00:32:27,031
[pop music playing]

633
00:32:31,451 --> 00:32:33,121
Do you wanna go get, like, really drunk?

634
00:32:33,537 --> 00:32:36,247
-Yes, I do.
-Then we can go rob a bank or something.

635
00:32:43,005 --> 00:32:45,045
Michelle and Henry
are coming out next weekend.

636
00:32:45,132 --> 00:32:46,512
-Hey, that's great, Coach.
-Yeah.

637
00:32:47,217 --> 00:32:49,507
So come on, tell me about you and Jane.
What happened?

638
00:32:49,595 --> 00:32:51,215
[sighs] I did it again.

639
00:32:51,305 --> 00:32:54,015
-Put the game before the dame, huh?
-Yup.

640
00:32:54,099 --> 00:32:55,639
When are you gonna learn, Coach?

641
00:32:55,726 --> 00:32:58,186
-[Keeley shouts]
-[horn squeaks]

642
00:32:58,270 --> 00:33:00,860
[both laugh]

643
00:33:01,190 --> 00:33:04,360
[song continues]