1 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,051 Lisa Cramlin here with Graham Paul, 2 00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:12,137 breaking down this afternoon's Richmond-Arsenal match. 3 00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:14,389 -Welcome, Graham. -Pleasure to be here, Lisa. 4 00:00:14,473 --> 00:00:19,895 So today was another tough day for Roy Kent in a stretch of bad days. 5 00:00:19,978 --> 00:00:22,481 In his last nine games, Kent has had... 6 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,776 ...while his turnovers have nearly doubled. 7 00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:29,696 And today, it was an ignominious own goal... 8 00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:30,781 There you are. 9 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,031 Everyone gone? 10 00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:34,243 Yes, sir. Well, except Rojas. 11 00:00:34,326 --> 00:00:36,870 Darn kid's out on the practice pitch still doing drills. 12 00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:38,497 What a fucking asshole. 13 00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:39,915 -Right? -Yeah. 14 00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:45,045 Somebody order a Roy on the rocks, huh? 15 00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:46,421 How we doing in here? 16 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,632 That is cold, man. 17 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,510 Just looking at you in there is making me all chilly inside. 18 00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:55,597 Can you just tell me I fucked up and then go? 19 00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:57,766 Not gonna do that, bud. 20 00:00:57,850 --> 00:01:00,060 I lost us the game. I'm a piece of shit. 21 00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:03,021 Easy now. You had a bad day. Big whoop. 22 00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:04,355 "Big whoop"? 23 00:01:04,438 --> 00:01:05,774 Yeah, big whoop. 24 00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:09,778 You beating yourself up is like Woody Allen playing the clarinet. 25 00:01:09,862 --> 00:01:11,822 I don't wanna hear it. All right? 26 00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:17,035 So just, you know, knock it off. Go easy on yourself. Okay? 27 00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:21,707 Hey. I got your back. Ain't nothing gonna change that. 28 00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:25,419 Look at you in there, looking like a brunette Oscar the Grouch. 29 00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:28,130 -On or off? -Off. 30 00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:33,302 You gotta stop holding on, Roy, please, for us, for you. 31 00:01:33,385 --> 00:01:34,595 Let it go. 32 00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:36,096 -There you go. -Hola, Roy. 33 00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:38,015 We're taking a break. When we return, 34 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:41,810 we'll take a look at Jamie Tartt's brilliant day for Manchester City. 35 00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:15,636 That's it. Right there. Yep. Beautiful. 36 00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:21,099 Oh, snap. Watch your back, Kate Moss. 37 00:02:21,183 --> 00:02:23,852 There's a new bad girl on the British modeling scene. 38 00:02:23,936 --> 00:02:26,647 -Huh? Yeah? -Okay, I think we've got it. 39 00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:29,358 Brought these in case you need a little biscuit boost. Yeah? 40 00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:35,948 Man, oh, man. You get nervous doing this kind of stuff? 41 00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:38,450 It's a profile on women in football. It's not a big deal. 42 00:02:38,534 --> 00:02:41,787 There's, like, four of us: me, Karen, Delia and Posh Spice. 43 00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:44,206 Come on, now. Being a role model's a huge deal. 44 00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:47,668 Don't you realize that there's probably a little girl out there somewhere 45 00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:51,004 rocking a tiny eggplant-colored power suit, 46 00:02:51,088 --> 00:02:54,049 and she's just dreaming about becoming a sports executive someday. 47 00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:55,926 She's gonna read this article and she's gonna think, 48 00:02:56,009 --> 00:03:00,180 "Holy smokes. My dreams are possible." 49 00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:03,976 In this scenario of yours, little girls read The Football Financial Quarterly? 50 00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:05,769 Well, who knows? Little girls are mysterious. 51 00:03:06,395 --> 00:03:09,565 And silly and powerful. I gave up trying to figure them out years ago. 52 00:03:10,232 --> 00:03:12,025 Tell you what, I wish Higgins was here to see this, 53 00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:13,944 'cause he'd be real happy for you too. 54 00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:16,405 I don't know about that, Ted. 55 00:03:16,488 --> 00:03:18,448 When Higgins decided to quit, he made it quite clear 56 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,367 what he thought about me, and it wasn't supportive. 57 00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:23,954 Nope. I'm filing that under stinkin' thinkin' right there. Okay? 58 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,664 I guarantee you, he'll come around. 59 00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:27,583 -Right. I'm changing the subject. -Go ahead. 60 00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:30,043 How's the team morale going into the final weekend? 61 00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:32,921 I mean, I'm still heartbroken about the last loss. 62 00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:34,506 Are you? 63 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,341 Of course. 64 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,802 -Hey, Keeley. -Hi, Ted. 65 00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:41,722 Hey, did those marketing folks from Tom Ford ever get back to you? 66 00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:43,056 Yeah, they did. 67 00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:45,475 They said they're gonna stick with the models they already have. 68 00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:46,476 Nuts. 69 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:47,936 I know. But they did say 70 00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:50,689 that if they ever do an everyman campaign or something satirical, 71 00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:51,773 your name's on their list. 72 00:03:51,857 --> 00:03:54,234 All right. There you go. That's not bad. 73 00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:55,861 Can I borrow you for a second, Rebecca? 74 00:04:00,032 --> 00:04:01,033 Come on. 75 00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:07,956 My God, it smells of feet in here. 76 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,292 I mean, it just hits you immediately, doesn't it? 77 00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:13,879 It's hot. Like feet funk, right up your nose. Can you smell it? 78 00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:16,173 You're being a right floppy cock, Rebecca. 79 00:04:16,255 --> 00:04:17,632 Why haven't you told Ted yet? 80 00:04:18,132 --> 00:04:19,134 I'm going to. 81 00:04:19,218 --> 00:04:20,135 When? 82 00:04:21,637 --> 00:04:24,139 Imagine doing something unforgivable to someone who doesn't deserve it 83 00:04:24,223 --> 00:04:26,517 and then having to look them in the eye and tell them what you've done. 84 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,310 I don't have to imagine. I've done it. 85 00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:31,188 Year Eight, I took a shit in Joanna Wellington's locker. 86 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,648 I apologized, 87 00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:35,817 I was uninvited to her birthday party, and then we patched it up a week later. 88 00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:37,569 Just fucking tell him. 89 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:39,738 Sorry, why did you do a shit in her locker? 90 00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:41,448 I don't know. I was 13. 91 00:04:42,241 --> 00:04:47,037 What? Teenage girls are, like, mysterious and dark and dangerous. 92 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,539 -All right. -That is not the point! 93 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,457 -Okay. -Oh, God. 94 00:04:50,541 --> 00:04:52,042 Sorry. Wow. 95 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:56,964 I know women like shoes, but, girls, come on, this is silly. 96 00:04:57,047 --> 00:04:58,757 Sorry, that was really sexist. 97 00:04:58,841 --> 00:05:01,176 I just wasn't expecting there to be anyone in here. 98 00:05:01,260 --> 00:05:02,761 But you are in here, and that's great. 99 00:05:02,845 --> 00:05:05,514 Take as long as you need. Yeah. I'll go. Sorry. 100 00:05:07,099 --> 00:05:09,184 I mean, what would be the point of telling Ted now? 101 00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:10,394 It doesn't change anything. 102 00:05:10,769 --> 00:05:12,354 It would change how I feel about you. 103 00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:21,822 You know, David, we got one final game this season against Man City, 104 00:05:21,905 --> 00:05:24,867 and our goal is to go out like Willie Nelson, on a high. 105 00:05:24,950 --> 00:05:26,159 Yeah? 106 00:05:26,243 --> 00:05:28,120 How about Trent Crimm? 107 00:05:28,203 --> 00:05:30,998 And if memory serves, you're from the Daily Planet, yeah? 108 00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:32,791 Trent Crimm, The Independent. 109 00:05:32,875 --> 00:05:35,335 Yes. That's the one. Okay. What's your question, Trent? 110 00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:38,088 Many of your young players have improved during your tenure. 111 00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:40,299 Then there's Roy Kent. 112 00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:43,385 He played dismally last match. Thoughts? 113 00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:47,347 Well, I think you could ask Roy himself. He'd tell you it wasn't his best day. 114 00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:49,183 But I'll let you know right now 115 00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:51,602 that Roy Kent is the backbone of this team. 116 00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,520 All right, let's mix it up in here a little. 117 00:05:53,604 --> 00:05:56,440 If you're an introvert, I want y'all to raise your hand. 118 00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,358 You guys get the next few questions. 119 00:05:58,442 --> 00:05:59,860 That was a trick! 120 00:05:59,943 --> 00:06:02,654 If y'all were really introverts, you would've been quiet as a church mouse. 121 00:06:02,738 --> 00:06:06,241 Unless that church was Westboro Baptist. Those turkeys won't shut up. 122 00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:11,663 Hi, guys. What's up? 123 00:06:11,747 --> 00:06:13,040 Please have a seat. 124 00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:14,583 Okay. 125 00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:20,672 I feel like y'all are about to do some improv comedy 126 00:06:20,756 --> 00:06:22,257 or tell me that you're dating each other. 127 00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:25,928 Either one's cool with me. 'Cause your suggestion is ally. 128 00:06:26,345 --> 00:06:28,138 We have to take Roy out of the starting lineup. 129 00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:30,432 I see. Okay. 130 00:06:30,516 --> 00:06:31,767 It wasn't just one bad game, Coach. 131 00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:32,976 He's showing his age, 132 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:35,479 and he's made significant mistakes in each of the last five matches. 133 00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,314 We just haven't been bitten in the ass by them yet. 134 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,858 But yesterday our butts had teeth marks. 135 00:06:39,942 --> 00:06:42,903 Deep ones. The kind you usually have to pay for. 136 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:57,543 Guys... I'm not benching Roy. 137 00:06:58,293 --> 00:06:59,503 He's our captain. 138 00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:03,715 But I want you to know that I value each of your opinions. 139 00:07:04,967 --> 00:07:06,260 Even when they're wrong. 140 00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:09,763 I was really hoping it was going to be improv. 141 00:07:11,557 --> 00:07:12,891 I'm Audi 5000. 142 00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:22,442 -You paid someone to bite you? -No, of course not. 143 00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:23,652 Sorry. I... 144 00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:24,736 Been paid. 145 00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:31,368 Where? 146 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,163 Hey. What's up? 147 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:38,041 I have something I need to tell you. 148 00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:39,543 I'm all ears. 149 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,882 Right, I'm not gonna beat around the bush. 150 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:48,177 I'm just gonna... get straight to the point. 151 00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:49,845 No faffing around, 'cause that's just annoying, 152 00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:51,638 and definitely no procrastinating. 153 00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:53,807 Procrast-- Procrast-- That's a good word, isn't it? 154 00:07:53,891 --> 00:07:56,226 Procrastinating. Procrastinating. 155 00:07:56,727 --> 00:07:58,478 I wonder what the etymology of that word is. 156 00:07:58,562 --> 00:08:02,441 Obviously, "pro," very good, but "crast"? Crast... 157 00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:05,152 I have no idea. Hey! Why don't we look it up? 158 00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:07,654 -Have you got a dictionary? -Not on me. Are you doing okay? 159 00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:09,406 -Me? -Yeah. 160 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,408 I'm brilliant! 161 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,827 Yeah, I am top of the pops. 162 00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:17,748 Ted, do you think you could do this later? 163 00:08:18,123 --> 00:08:20,375 Yeah, sure. No problem. I'll just hit the rewind button. 164 00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:34,806 Oh, God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 165 00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:36,600 Just do it. Just do it. I'm a big girl. 166 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,727 I can fucking just-- Just tidy up your mess. 167 00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:41,522 Tidy up your mess. Right. Oh, God. 168 00:08:42,898 --> 00:08:44,525 Surprise. 169 00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:47,444 -Rupert. -You seem anxious. 170 00:08:47,528 --> 00:08:48,737 Where's Higgins? 171 00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:50,155 I fired him. 172 00:08:50,239 --> 00:08:52,074 Why? Higgins is first class. 173 00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:54,743 Except the only negative about the man 174 00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:57,162 was that whenever he borrowed a pen from me, 175 00:08:57,246 --> 00:09:00,582 he would nibble the top like some anxious little puppy. 176 00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:02,793 Good boy. 177 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,044 Yeah, well, he's gone. 178 00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:07,130 Shame. Oh, well. Maybe he'll accept my offer now. 179 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:10,425 Look, Rupert, are you here to try and buy back the club or-- 180 00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:14,346 No, I wanted to tell you something before you heard it somewhere else. 181 00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:17,015 Bex and I are having a baby. 182 00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,519 Surprise, again. 183 00:09:21,854 --> 00:09:25,732 -But you always said that-- -I thought we could be mature about this. 184 00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:28,694 You're mature enough, all right. 185 00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:32,281 You're nearly 70, and you're having a baby? 186 00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:35,242 I mean, what are you, a character from the fucking Bible? 187 00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:36,952 When your kid hits puberty, 188 00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:39,705 you'll be nothing but a pile of dust and a black Amex card. 189 00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:40,873 Now, now, darling. 190 00:09:40,956 --> 00:09:42,082 Don't call me that. 191 00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:44,751 People change. I do want a child. 192 00:09:45,419 --> 00:09:48,881 I just suppose I didn't want one with... 193 00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:51,425 Before. 194 00:09:53,177 --> 00:09:57,139 I mean, in the end, it's just about being with the right person, isn't it? 195 00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:01,560 Of course. 196 00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:04,146 I'm so glad I got to tell you this in person. 197 00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:08,108 I would have hated for you to read it in the press. 198 00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:10,611 Good luck against Man City. 199 00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:58,575 I have something I need to tell you. 200 00:11:00,285 --> 00:11:01,453 Déjà vu. 201 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,081 I'm a fucking bitch. 202 00:11:04,957 --> 00:11:06,291 Nope, that's new. 203 00:11:10,212 --> 00:11:11,463 Ted, I lied to you. 204 00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:15,884 I hired you because I wanted this team to lose. 205 00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:18,345 I wanted you to fail, 206 00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:21,014 and I sabotaged you every chance I've had. 207 00:11:22,391 --> 00:11:26,562 It was me who hired that photographer to take the photo of you and Keeley. 208 00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:32,568 I set up the interview with Trent Crimm, hoping that he would humiliate you. 209 00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:37,030 And I instigated the transfer of Jamie Tartt, 210 00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:38,740 even though you'd asked me not to. 211 00:11:40,659 --> 00:11:44,705 This club is all that Rupert has ever cared about, and I wanted to destroy it. 212 00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:50,627 To cause him as much pain and suffering as he has caused me. 213 00:11:51,420 --> 00:11:55,591 And I didn't care who I used or who I hurt. 214 00:11:57,009 --> 00:12:01,221 All you good people just trying to make a difference. 215 00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:04,641 Ted, I'm so sorry. 216 00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:19,531 If you want to quit or call the press, I'll completely understand. 217 00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:23,911 I forgive you. 218 00:12:25,162 --> 00:12:27,122 You-- What? Why? 219 00:12:27,706 --> 00:12:28,957 Divorce is hard. 220 00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:32,544 It doesn't matter if you're the one leaving 221 00:12:32,628 --> 00:12:35,923 or if... you're the one who got left. 222 00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:38,675 It makes folks do crazy things. 223 00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:43,805 Hell, I'm coaching soccer for heaven's sake. In London. 224 00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:45,307 I mean, that's nuts. 225 00:12:48,644 --> 00:12:49,645 Yeah. 226 00:12:50,521 --> 00:12:52,773 But this job you gave me has changed my life. 227 00:12:55,025 --> 00:12:57,861 It gave me the distance I needed to see what was really going on. 228 00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:01,323 Yeah, but you and me... 229 00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:04,284 We're okay. 230 00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:11,750 Ted. 231 00:13:11,834 --> 00:13:13,961 Come on, just shake this hand. My arm's starting to get-- 232 00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:23,345 You know, I think that if you care about someone 233 00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:26,598 and you got a little love in your heart, 234 00:13:26,682 --> 00:13:29,059 there ain't nothing you can't get through together. 235 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,310 You know what I'm saying? 236 00:13:34,815 --> 00:13:36,984 You're not just talking about us now, are you? 237 00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:40,696 Maybe. Maybe not. 238 00:13:42,614 --> 00:13:43,907 Okay. 239 00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:45,701 I'm gonna go change for practice-- training. 240 00:13:45,784 --> 00:13:47,619 Whatever. Who cares? 241 00:13:47,703 --> 00:13:49,621 Nice seeing you down here, boss. 242 00:13:50,581 --> 00:13:51,999 You liven up the place. 243 00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:57,754 All right, let's get it going, huh? 244 00:13:58,297 --> 00:14:00,674 Let's go. Gather up. Come on, now. 245 00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:03,302 All right, fellas, you gotta remember, your body is like day-old rice. 246 00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:05,679 If it ain't warmed up properly, something real bad could happen. 247 00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,431 Food poisoning is no joke. 248 00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:09,308 One time, I was being sick, 249 00:14:09,391 --> 00:14:11,310 and at the same time, I was having diarrhea. 250 00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:13,937 Yep. That'll happen. Anybody else wanna share? 251 00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:16,815 To be able to do both those things at the same time? 252 00:14:16,899 --> 00:14:18,483 The body is a miracle. 253 00:14:18,984 --> 00:14:20,944 Yeah. Good perspective. I appreciate that. 254 00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:23,572 So, fellas, we all know speed is important. 255 00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:26,200 But being able to stop and change directions quickly? 256 00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:29,077 Well, that's like Kanye's 808s & Heartbreak. 257 00:14:29,161 --> 00:14:30,370 It don't get nearly enough credit. 258 00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:33,123 Okay, so let's line up on these cones Nate put out. Let's go. 259 00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:35,501 All right, here's the deal. 260 00:14:35,584 --> 00:14:39,213 Last one to start, stop, then start again is a rotten egg. Let's do it. 261 00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,843 Hey, Coach, I thought of a joke this morning in the shower. 262 00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:48,096 What does a British owl say? 263 00:14:51,642 --> 00:14:52,851 Coach, what does a British owl-- 264 00:14:55,229 --> 00:14:56,313 I was saying earlier that-- 265 00:14:57,981 --> 00:15:00,359 You're acting like I'm chasing you with a booger or something. 266 00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:03,195 Okay. All right. I see what's going on here. 267 00:15:03,278 --> 00:15:04,404 This is about Roy, ain't it? 268 00:15:04,488 --> 00:15:07,908 So you gonna give me the cold shoulder and the silent treatment. That's a combo. 269 00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:09,368 Does it come with a medium drink? 270 00:15:11,328 --> 00:15:12,454 Fine. 271 00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:15,290 Hey, Nate, what does a British owl say? 272 00:15:16,041 --> 00:15:18,377 You gonna do that move where you act like you don't hear me 273 00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:19,837 and then you just walk away, huh? 274 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:20,921 Yeah. 275 00:15:21,964 --> 00:15:23,507 It's like that now, huh? 276 00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:27,636 Heck with both of you guys. I'm just gonna focus up here on practice. 277 00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:30,055 There you go, Dani. Dig in, baby. Come on. 278 00:15:31,348 --> 00:15:32,850 -Fuck. -It's all right, Roy. 279 00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:35,727 -Fuck! -Keep up, Roy! 280 00:15:35,811 --> 00:15:37,479 -You got this, Roy. -Fuck! 281 00:15:37,563 --> 00:15:40,524 That's it. Swear it out, Roy. Swear it out. 282 00:15:45,571 --> 00:15:46,572 Shoot. 283 00:15:47,364 --> 00:15:48,365 Okay. 284 00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:53,996 Okay. 285 00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:27,237 Yeah. 286 00:16:37,456 --> 00:16:38,874 There you are. 287 00:16:45,506 --> 00:16:46,507 Hey. 288 00:16:48,592 --> 00:16:50,969 There's a lot of other seats. 289 00:16:51,053 --> 00:16:52,846 Well, yeah, this is what my ticket says. 290 00:16:56,642 --> 00:16:57,768 How you doing, Roy? 291 00:16:57,851 --> 00:16:58,977 Fine. You? 292 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:00,729 Good, good, yeah. 293 00:17:01,146 --> 00:17:03,023 I saw this video online 294 00:17:03,106 --> 00:17:07,236 of a kitten and a little baby chicken becoming friends 295 00:17:07,319 --> 00:17:08,987 and just hanging out together. 296 00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:11,073 It was-- Well, here, let me show it to you. I got it right here. 297 00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:12,156 What's this about? 298 00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:19,498 It's funny, 'cause whenever my mom has something tough to talk about with me, 299 00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:23,417 she'll... you know, she'll start it off saying something 300 00:17:23,502 --> 00:17:27,506 about, I don't know, something weird, something overtly nice. 301 00:17:27,589 --> 00:17:29,716 And, yeah, I just thought the idea 302 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:33,762 of a cat and a bird being all simpatico was nice. 303 00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:42,855 Look, Roy, we've been talking about the starting lineup against Man City-- 304 00:17:42,938 --> 00:17:44,606 Don't you dare. You're not fucking benching me. 305 00:17:44,690 --> 00:17:47,442 -Well, no. I'm just talking here, Roy. I-- -Yeah, talking. That's all you do is talk. 306 00:17:47,526 --> 00:17:49,570 Talking all that bullshit about how you've got my back. 307 00:17:49,653 --> 00:17:51,822 -No. Hey, I do have your back. -Bullshit! 308 00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:54,366 You pretended to be a man of your word. You're fucking full of shit. 309 00:17:54,449 --> 00:17:57,077 You can go fuck yourself. Fuck you! 310 00:18:12,384 --> 00:18:14,678 There are a lot of surprises happening here. 311 00:18:16,638 --> 00:18:18,348 Like that tiny little beard. 312 00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:23,395 It's called a Van Dyke after the 17th century Flemish painter. 313 00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:26,273 -Right. -And I think it makes me look how I feel. 314 00:18:27,024 --> 00:18:28,275 Chill. 315 00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:30,527 How does Mrs. Higgins feel about it? 316 00:18:30,611 --> 00:18:32,571 She hates it with a white-hot intensity. 317 00:18:35,407 --> 00:18:36,909 Right. Look... 318 00:18:38,202 --> 00:18:40,704 I came clean to Ted. I told him everything. 319 00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:43,790 How did that go? 320 00:18:43,874 --> 00:18:47,085 You know what the little shit did? He forgave me. 321 00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:49,421 -Fucking asshole. -I know. 322 00:18:50,547 --> 00:18:53,717 But that's not actually why I'm here. 323 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,511 I wanted to apologize to you for... 324 00:18:57,304 --> 00:18:58,472 treating you so poorly 325 00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:02,518 and forcing you to be an accomplice in my moronically childish scheme. 326 00:19:02,601 --> 00:19:05,145 I am truly sorry, Higgins. 327 00:19:08,524 --> 00:19:09,650 Wow. 328 00:19:10,943 --> 00:19:13,070 Thank you, Rebecca. 329 00:19:15,239 --> 00:19:16,990 I lost my way for a minute. 330 00:19:17,407 --> 00:19:18,325 Yeah. 331 00:19:19,034 --> 00:19:20,035 But I'm on the road back. 332 00:19:20,786 --> 00:19:22,788 I can tell. You know what, it suits you. 333 00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,331 Unlike that beard. 334 00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:26,834 Sorry. Had to. 335 00:19:31,255 --> 00:19:34,091 I don't think I've ever had a child in my house before. 336 00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:35,300 What about Jamie? 337 00:19:37,094 --> 00:19:39,096 We can't let her go snooping around though. 338 00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:41,223 I don't want her to find my vibrator. 339 00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:44,393 Yeah, that's gonna be a problem. Her mum said no electronics. 340 00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:50,482 So, how are you doing? 341 00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:52,359 Fine. 342 00:19:55,529 --> 00:19:57,990 I do kind of think kids are pretty incredible. 343 00:19:58,073 --> 00:20:00,200 I mean, she's got new teeth that push out her old teeth. 344 00:20:00,284 --> 00:20:01,994 The body is a miracle. 345 00:20:02,077 --> 00:20:03,704 You know, the last time I was on the bench... 346 00:20:03,787 --> 00:20:05,289 You are ready to talk about real stuff. 347 00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:06,582 That's great. 348 00:20:07,416 --> 00:20:09,668 Wait one second. 349 00:20:11,795 --> 00:20:12,796 Come sit here. 350 00:20:17,843 --> 00:20:18,927 Take this. 351 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:22,389 Okay, we're both ready. Lay it on me. 352 00:20:25,309 --> 00:20:27,477 Roy Kent has been the best player on every team he's been on 353 00:20:27,561 --> 00:20:28,896 since he was a kid. 354 00:20:28,979 --> 00:20:31,315 I like being Roy Kent. 355 00:20:31,398 --> 00:20:35,319 I don't know if I can handle just being some loser has-been called Roy. 356 00:20:35,903 --> 00:20:39,489 "All right, Roy?" Yeah. "What you been up to?" Fuck all. 357 00:20:39,573 --> 00:20:44,453 God. I think men who feel sorry for themselves are so sexy. 358 00:20:44,536 --> 00:20:47,080 -Stop it. -No, seriously. I do. 359 00:20:47,164 --> 00:20:50,250 And if you start telling me how hard it is playing a game for a living, 360 00:20:50,334 --> 00:20:51,293 I think I might come. 361 00:20:51,376 --> 00:20:53,045 It's not just a game to me. 362 00:20:54,046 --> 00:20:55,547 It's all I've ever known. 363 00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:57,841 It's who I am. 364 00:20:57,925 --> 00:20:59,426 It's all I am. 365 00:20:59,510 --> 00:21:02,012 Phoebe? Phoebe? 366 00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:03,639 Can you come here for a second? 367 00:21:06,975 --> 00:21:09,228 You were right. Zeppelin is amazing. 368 00:21:09,728 --> 00:21:11,063 Wait till you hear Cream. 369 00:21:11,146 --> 00:21:14,149 But first, I need you to close your eyes for me, yeah? 370 00:21:15,150 --> 00:21:17,653 Okay. Can you describe your Uncle Roy? 371 00:21:17,736 --> 00:21:20,614 Everything that you can think of. Go. 372 00:21:21,198 --> 00:21:24,993 Well, he's my uncle. His beard is scratchy. 373 00:21:25,077 --> 00:21:27,371 He buys me ice cream. 374 00:21:27,454 --> 00:21:28,872 He swears a lot. 375 00:21:29,831 --> 00:21:31,708 He's really funny. 376 00:21:32,209 --> 00:21:34,586 And I love him. 377 00:21:36,755 --> 00:21:38,465 Well done, Phoebe. 378 00:21:39,424 --> 00:21:42,302 See? I didn't hear anything about being a footballer. 379 00:21:43,136 --> 00:21:45,639 Who gives a shit what she has to say? She's six. 380 00:21:46,473 --> 00:21:50,227 The point is, you don't know what people think about Roy Kent. 381 00:21:50,310 --> 00:21:54,398 Secondly, all that matters, Roy Kent, is what you think about Roy. 382 00:22:06,618 --> 00:22:08,829 That your old girl playing chess with some other bloke? 383 00:22:09,329 --> 00:22:11,290 -Yep. -That's fucking brutal. 384 00:22:11,373 --> 00:22:13,041 She's just playing her game. 385 00:22:13,542 --> 00:22:14,626 You stay strong, you hear? 386 00:22:15,127 --> 00:22:16,503 You're a beautiful man. 387 00:22:20,007 --> 00:22:21,091 Hey, fellas. 388 00:22:25,429 --> 00:22:27,848 Well, that's a lot of pints just for us. 389 00:22:27,931 --> 00:22:30,058 I thought you might've had a tough time with Roy. 390 00:22:30,142 --> 00:22:34,188 Coach, you are a natural-born caregiver. Like Chief from Cuckoo's Nest. 391 00:22:35,022 --> 00:22:36,899 I was always more of a Taber guy. 392 00:22:40,903 --> 00:22:44,656 But if I'm being honest, I actually never got around to telling Roy. 393 00:22:45,574 --> 00:22:48,452 Now, don't give me those eyes. He figured it out all on his own. 394 00:22:49,745 --> 00:22:51,914 I can see you're happy now, but don't be. 395 00:22:51,997 --> 00:22:53,665 'Cause I've been thinking about it and... 396 00:22:54,291 --> 00:22:56,460 well, I'm starting Roy against Man City and that's that. 397 00:22:57,044 --> 00:22:59,922 Look, putting him on the bench wouldn't just be humiliating to him, 398 00:23:00,005 --> 00:23:02,341 it could actually affect his livelihood. 399 00:23:03,091 --> 00:23:05,636 And you know better than anyone that all this ain't about winning to me. 400 00:23:05,719 --> 00:23:07,387 'Cause that ain't how we measure success, right? 401 00:23:07,471 --> 00:23:08,847 Damn it, it is! 402 00:23:13,352 --> 00:23:16,855 Hey. Who put a firecracker up your butt and lit it? 403 00:23:16,939 --> 00:23:19,775 You did! And I'm sick of it. 404 00:23:19,858 --> 00:23:22,027 Look, I understood this mission when we were in Kansas. 405 00:23:22,110 --> 00:23:23,862 But those were kids and these are professionals 406 00:23:23,946 --> 00:23:25,447 and winning does matter to them. 407 00:23:25,531 --> 00:23:28,242 And it matters to me. And that's okay. 408 00:23:29,409 --> 00:23:32,120 -Ain't that right, Mae? -A-fucking-men it is. 409 00:23:35,082 --> 00:23:36,959 How do you not get it? Losing has repercussions. 410 00:23:37,042 --> 00:23:38,502 We lose, we get relegated. 411 00:23:38,585 --> 00:23:41,213 We get relegated, this is over and we will have built nothing. 412 00:23:41,797 --> 00:23:45,425 And if you wanna pick a player's feelings over a coach's duty to make a point... 413 00:23:47,010 --> 00:23:48,846 I don't wanna drink with someone that selfish. 414 00:23:54,226 --> 00:23:56,728 That was the sexiest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life. 415 00:23:56,812 --> 00:23:57,938 Get your things. 416 00:23:58,522 --> 00:24:00,023 She's been toying with you. 417 00:24:00,941 --> 00:24:03,110 Checkmate, mate. 418 00:24:44,067 --> 00:24:45,652 -I'm good. -You got a nut allergy? 419 00:24:45,736 --> 00:24:47,279 I got a finger allergy. 420 00:24:47,863 --> 00:24:49,907 What else have I got to offer you here? We got red wine. 421 00:24:50,741 --> 00:24:51,742 We got tea. 422 00:24:53,410 --> 00:24:54,536 Two-day-old pasta water. 423 00:24:54,953 --> 00:24:56,246 Tea's fine. 424 00:24:57,331 --> 00:24:59,249 Look, I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself. 425 00:25:00,292 --> 00:25:02,461 I'm usually better at hiding my anger. 426 00:25:03,837 --> 00:25:04,838 You think so, huh? 427 00:25:06,381 --> 00:25:07,883 Know thyself. 428 00:25:07,966 --> 00:25:09,343 Rest in peace, Socrates. 429 00:25:12,221 --> 00:25:14,056 Told my niece I might not be playing. 430 00:25:14,598 --> 00:25:16,934 She asked if we could go get ice cream. 431 00:25:17,017 --> 00:25:19,645 Well, hey, at least you had someone you could talk to, right? 432 00:25:20,270 --> 00:25:21,271 How was the ice cream? 433 00:25:21,355 --> 00:25:23,065 Good. It's fucking ice cream. 434 00:25:23,148 --> 00:25:24,858 Yeah, right? Ice cream's the best. 435 00:25:25,275 --> 00:25:27,528 It's kinda like seeing Billy Joel perform live, you know? 436 00:25:27,611 --> 00:25:28,612 It never disappoints. 437 00:25:29,988 --> 00:25:31,532 It does give me the toots though. 438 00:25:32,115 --> 00:25:33,450 The ice cream, not Billy Joel. 439 00:25:33,867 --> 00:25:37,329 I asked her if she was still gonna watch the match if I wasn't playing. 440 00:25:37,788 --> 00:25:38,789 Yeah? 441 00:25:38,872 --> 00:25:43,126 Little shit said yes. Didn't even blink. Just straight into my face. 442 00:25:43,210 --> 00:25:45,337 Well, hey. That's showbiz, ain't it? 443 00:25:45,963 --> 00:25:48,298 I promised myself I was never gonna watch Fresh Prince again 444 00:25:48,382 --> 00:25:49,800 when they swapped out Aunt Vivs. 445 00:25:49,883 --> 00:25:52,761 But truth be told, as long as they let Carlton do his thing, 446 00:25:52,845 --> 00:25:54,847 I was always gonna take a minute and just sit right there. 447 00:25:55,222 --> 00:25:57,349 Sidebar: Alfonso Ribeiro, 448 00:25:57,432 --> 00:26:01,103 the greatest physical comedian of the 19th, 20th and 21st century. 449 00:26:01,562 --> 00:26:02,771 Case in point right here. 450 00:26:04,064 --> 00:26:05,607 Iconic, yeah? 451 00:26:05,691 --> 00:26:08,652 I never know how to react when a grown man does the Carlton in front of me. 452 00:26:08,735 --> 00:26:11,154 You could see a silhouette doing this, you know exactly what it is, 453 00:26:11,238 --> 00:26:15,367 you know exactly who's doing it. It is the one, the only, Alfonso-- 454 00:26:15,450 --> 00:26:17,995 -Knock it off! -Sorry, Ms. Shipley! 455 00:26:18,078 --> 00:26:20,080 It has been a whole thing this last week. 456 00:26:20,873 --> 00:26:22,958 Anyway. You know what we could do? 457 00:26:23,041 --> 00:26:24,376 You've been hurt off and on all season. 458 00:26:24,459 --> 00:26:26,879 Why don't we just say you're injured, you can't play? No shame in that. 459 00:26:27,421 --> 00:26:29,923 That would help protect my stock if I wanna move next season. 460 00:26:30,716 --> 00:26:32,718 Maybe to a club that actually wants to start me. 461 00:26:32,801 --> 00:26:33,802 Come on. 462 00:26:33,886 --> 00:26:38,473 What if, God forbid, I end up having to play in fucking America, 463 00:26:38,891 --> 00:26:40,642 where I'd dominate, by the way. 464 00:26:40,726 --> 00:26:43,353 They'd be like, "Oh, is this football then?" 465 00:26:43,437 --> 00:26:45,939 Well, obviously, my preference would be to have you there. 466 00:26:46,023 --> 00:26:48,066 At practice tomorrow and the game. 467 00:26:48,150 --> 00:26:51,528 But hey, you gotta do what's right for you. 468 00:26:58,493 --> 00:26:59,494 Can I think about it? 469 00:27:00,454 --> 00:27:02,789 I'd call you a big dummy, poo-poo face if you didn't. 470 00:27:11,173 --> 00:27:14,259 Be honest with me. It's a prank, right? The tea. 471 00:27:14,343 --> 00:27:17,346 Like, when us tourist folks aren't around, y'all know this tastes like garbage. 472 00:27:17,804 --> 00:27:20,015 No. I love it. 473 00:27:20,098 --> 00:27:21,808 You don't love it. It's pigeon sweat. 474 00:27:26,396 --> 00:27:28,148 Horrible. Horrible. 475 00:27:28,232 --> 00:27:29,233 Yeah. 476 00:27:29,650 --> 00:27:32,486 No, get rid of the small one and bring back the tall one. He's got bigger hands. 477 00:27:33,779 --> 00:27:35,614 It's biscuits o'clock. 478 00:27:36,448 --> 00:27:38,492 -Higgins! You're back! -Yeah! 479 00:27:38,575 --> 00:27:42,496 All right. Well, hey, I know I may be a little too old-school for some folks, 480 00:27:42,579 --> 00:27:44,873 but I'm gonna say it anyway. Hell to the yeah. 481 00:27:44,957 --> 00:27:46,959 -Good to see you. -Nice to see you too. 482 00:27:47,042 --> 00:27:49,628 -Here you go, boss. Those are yours. -Thank you, Ted. 483 00:27:49,711 --> 00:27:51,255 You've got to try one of these. 484 00:27:51,338 --> 00:27:54,842 No, he does not. Caring is sharing, but I brought Higgins his own. 485 00:27:54,925 --> 00:27:55,926 What? 486 00:27:56,343 --> 00:27:57,302 How did you know? 487 00:27:57,386 --> 00:27:59,096 Well, I had a hunch you were gonna be here. 488 00:27:59,179 --> 00:28:00,848 -Yeah. -Wow. 489 00:28:00,931 --> 00:28:03,600 Actually, those were for Trent Crimm's daughter. She turns three today. 490 00:28:03,684 --> 00:28:07,187 -But it means more to me if you had 'em. -What? No. No, no. Come on. 491 00:28:07,271 --> 00:28:08,647 No. It's okay. She won't remember. 492 00:28:08,730 --> 00:28:10,399 Ted, you've already told her? 493 00:28:10,482 --> 00:28:12,109 Yeah, weeks ago. She's been looking forward to it. 494 00:28:12,192 --> 00:28:14,236 But she's three. She'll bounce right back. It'll be fine. 495 00:28:14,319 --> 00:28:15,988 -No way. -No, no. I insist. I insist. 496 00:28:16,071 --> 00:28:17,948 I'm screwing with you. I'm just messing around. 497 00:28:18,031 --> 00:28:20,784 I predicted this whole thing, and I made those myself for you. 498 00:28:21,243 --> 00:28:22,327 Thank you. 499 00:28:24,329 --> 00:28:26,790 Okay, y'all. I'll see you in a little bit, okay? Let's go, Greyhounds. 500 00:28:28,667 --> 00:28:30,711 Yeah, these are definitely for a little girl. 501 00:28:30,794 --> 00:28:33,213 Maybe he thinks you're silly and playful and mysterious. 502 00:28:33,297 --> 00:28:34,381 Oh, sure. 503 00:28:49,021 --> 00:28:51,773 Okay, fellas! Need y'all to listen up. 504 00:28:53,108 --> 00:28:54,276 Coach. 505 00:28:55,569 --> 00:28:56,570 Coach. 506 00:29:00,657 --> 00:29:02,826 -Now-- -I know now's not the best time, Coach, 507 00:29:02,910 --> 00:29:06,163 but I have been feeling physically sick since walking away from you the other day. 508 00:29:06,622 --> 00:29:08,165 Plus last night, I had a horrible nightmare 509 00:29:08,248 --> 00:29:10,292 that I was pecking you to death like a crow. 510 00:29:10,375 --> 00:29:11,460 I'm so sorry. 511 00:29:12,044 --> 00:29:14,713 It's okay, Nate. We're all good in the hood, all right? 512 00:29:15,130 --> 00:29:16,715 -Yeah. -But hey, but do me a favor. 513 00:29:16,798 --> 00:29:19,259 Try to apologize to me in your dream so we're good on that side of things too. 514 00:29:19,343 --> 00:29:20,928 -Yeah. Of course. -Thank you. 515 00:29:21,011 --> 00:29:23,931 Now, fellas, we got ourselves a heck of a match comin' up, yeah? 516 00:29:24,890 --> 00:29:26,517 And what I'm gonna need from all of y'all-- 517 00:29:36,777 --> 00:29:37,778 Sorry, mate. 518 00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:41,573 My six-year-old niece found my girlfriend's vibrator. 519 00:29:43,116 --> 00:29:44,660 So I had to take her to get her ears pierced 520 00:29:44,743 --> 00:29:46,411 in an attempt to erase the memory. 521 00:29:48,580 --> 00:29:49,831 Been there. 522 00:29:50,749 --> 00:29:51,750 Can I say something? 523 00:29:51,834 --> 00:29:53,460 Floor is yours, Captain. 524 00:29:57,339 --> 00:30:00,133 Second team's gonna kick first team's fucking asses today. 525 00:30:09,434 --> 00:30:12,479 All right, fellas! Finish getting ready, and then we'll do what the man says. 526 00:30:12,563 --> 00:30:14,231 We'll settle this out on the pitch. Let's go.